(CNN) -- In the history of organized athletics, there has never been a person who needs to come back again less than Michael Phelps. 

Yes, you have read that correctly. I am urging the greatest swimmer in all of sports to keep his word, forget about Rio in 2016 and retire. To go away. To vanish. To ignore his mother and his sisters and Matt Lauer and Mark Spitz and Rowdy Gaines and to once and for all hang up his goggles and Speedos. 

Go. Scram. Buzz off. 

Because athletics enthusiasts are a peculiar people (aka: crazy), we always beg our heroes to stick around longer than they should. It's the reason a portly, 40-year-old Ken Griffey Jr. hit .184 in Seattle in 2010 and the reason Bjorn Borg stepped back onto the tennis court in 1991 (wood racket in hand) -- only to win nary a single match. It's the reason our final snapshot of Sugar Ray Leonard is an embarrassing stoppage against Hector Camacho and the reason Jim Palmer arrived at spring training with Baltimore in 1991 throwing big, fat, Little League meatballs. 

Why, it's even the reason a 41-year-old Spitz, Phelps' predecessor as our own personal Aquaman, jumped back into the pool to qualify for the 1992 Games in Barcelona. He, of course, failed -- by a whopping two seconds. 

News: Olympic legend Phelps: 'I'm done with swimming' 

We convince these men and women that they can still do it, that it's worth one more shot, that age is just a number, that legend is a gift of the gods, and to not use it is shameful. (Gaines, the former Olympic swimmer who now works as an NBC commentator, recently said he believes Phelps will likely come back because "he'll be able to walk through airports in a couple years and not be mobbed. He'll miss that." There is a word for this line of thinking: sad.)  QUESTIONS:

Q1:
1. Who is throwing in the towel?
2. Who is giving up a practice?
3. 
Q2:
1. Who is done?
2. Who isn't going to do something anymore?
3. 
Q3:
1. What is Michael Phelps done with?
2. What isn't Michael Phelps going to do anymore?
3. 
Q4:
1. Is Michael Phelps a legend?
2. Has Michael Phelps reached legendary status?
3. 
Q5:
1. What is Michael Phelps a legend in?
2. In what domain is Michael Phelps like a god?
3. 
Q6:
1. Who was a swimming legend before Michael Phelps?
2. Who did Michael Phelps succeed as god of swimming?
3. 
Q7:
1. How old is Spitz?
2. What is Spitz' age?
3. 
Q8:
1. When did Spitz try to return?
2. When did Spitz attempt to come back to swimming?
3. 
Q9:
1. Where did Spitz try to return to swimming?
2. What was the location of Spitz' attempted comeback?
3. 
Q10:
1. Was Spitz successful?
2. Did Spitz successfully return to swimming?
3. 
Q11:
1. How far off was Spitz from qualifying for the Olympics?
2. How many seconds behind was Spitz' swimming time?
3. 
Q12:
1. Did a baseball player try to make a come back?
2. Was there a baseball player who tried to return to the sport?
3. 
Q13:
1. Which baseball player tried to make a comeback?
2. Who was the baseball player who tried to return to the sport?
3. 
Q14:
1. How old was Ken Griffey Jr.?
2. What was Ken Griffey Jr.'s age?'
3. 
Q15:
1. When did Ken Griffey Jr. try and make a comeback?
2. When did Ken Griffey Jr. attempt to return to baseball?
3. 
