Tips for helping children behave
(especially in public)
I thought it was time to write down some of the tips I’ve acquired that concern children and behavior, as I’ve learned what I have about the brain and how it works. What I learned is that while you are thinking about something, you feel as you do about it. If you want to change how you feel, changing your thoughts helps us do that immediately. Just as I say, “ Imagine the tip of your left pinky finger… where the nail meets the skin…” Do you think of it? Did you think of your pinky because I mentioned it? You did that because that is how quickly our brain responds.
Tip 1. Keep a picture or small item (from a special time or event) that represents something special to the child with you.
Yes. Helping a child regain composure during a meltdown may be painful and embarrassing, not to mention the discomfort your child perceives at that time. There seems to be great debate over how to handle a situation like a meltdown like let them ride it out or leave immediately or yell or whatever… if you have tried these techniques I’d like you to pause and ask yourself how helpful your response was in the moment.
Keeping a picture of a grandparent or a party or a vacation or an item or toy that they really want for their birthday or special holiday… (Big breath…) you get the picture… it helps take your child’s thoughts to a more pleasant place. You can make this even more effective by asking them questions about it, even if you know the answers ; )
Ask questions like, “Hey remember this? Where/who is this again? Do you remember that thing in the picture…? What do you think happened right before this? What is your favorite thing about this? Can you make up a sentence/song/rhyme/or draw a picture about the picture? Can you spell something in the picture?
These questions will take their focus to something better. Once they’ve calmed down and appear to be past the issue, ask them what happened and explain why that behavior isn’t helpful or necessary.
Tip 2. A simple game of ‘I spy’ with extra OMG
This tip is great if you find yourself out and are caught empty handed without anything handy to keep your kids busy. Look around you and spot something ANYTHING that either you don’t see often or haven’t seen in awhile (not a person) and get excited while smiling and saying, “OMG you are never going to find what I am looking at! It is soooo _____________” This usually leads to a game of I spy which can be changed as your child develops I spy colors… I spy words that start with ___... I spy numbers …
Tip 3. Text Message back and forth
I noticed a long time ago how technology has changed the interpersonal dynamic. Being more of a “find the solution girl”, I established some rules like no cell phone at the table for meals. Please know my daughter was 4 when I did this knowing that when she is grown she will have a phone and I probably will want to use our dining times to connect. I figured our meals are relatively short and whatever needed me could wait the 30 minutes. Also, it was a perfect opportunity to demonstrate the behavior I hope to create.
This is what led me to texting with my child. I remember when she was beginning to read that I looked for every practical experience for her to do so… signs, menus, airport terminals… everything. But sometimes there is nothing to read and nowhere to go as you get stuck waiting in line or for an appointment or for whatever presents a time where you can text and you need to keep kids busy and have fun… text them. Hand them your phone and say here… and let them read your message for them. Then let them respond to you via text. Hand the phone back and forth…after a few texts you may be happy to learn what you do… and you will both have fun while doing it.
Tip 4. Start them on a story.
This is one I use all the time and changes just as much as I use it. I simply start a story using something that I see for example… “Once there was this really cool girl who sat down to write some really helpful stuff for parents…” then they have to look around and continue the story using something they see. Example “But that girl decided to step away from her desk and go play with the fairies living in her backyard…”
Start stories about the cars you see driving or the foods you see in the market or the stars in the sky… about the waves in the ocean and the mermaids that live deep below.
When you run out of time for your part and you’ve got them interested, tell them to draw a picture of it or write a story about it.
How smart and well behaved your children are now. Thanks for reading. You do make a difference in your child’s life. Much Love.