Cremation to a Child
When a deceased family member or friend is cremated or already
has been cremated, your child may want to know what cremation is.
In answering your child's questions about cremation, keep your
explanation of what cremation involves simple and easy to
In explaining cremation to your child, avoid using words that
may have a frightening connotation such as "fire" and "burn."
Instead, in a straightforward manner, tell your child that the
deceased body, enclosed in a casket or container, is taken to a
place called a crematory where it goes through a special process
that reduces it to small particles resembling fine gray or white
sand. Be sure to point out that a dead body feels no pain.
Let your child know that these cremated remains are placed in a
container called an urn and returned to the family. If cremation
has already taken place and the container picked up, you may want
to show it to the child. Because children are curious, your child
may want to look at the contents.
If your child makes such a request, look at them yourself first
so that you can describe what they look like. Share this with your
child. Then let the child decide whether to proceed further.
If possible, arrange for a time when you and your child can be
with the body before cremation is carried out. If handled
correctly, this time can be a positive experience for the child. It
can provide an opportunity for the child to say "good-bye" and
accept the reality of death. However, the viewing of the body
should not be forced. Use your best judgment on whether or not this
should be done.
Depending on the age of your child, you may wish to include him
or her in the planning of what will be done with the cremated
remains. Before you do this, familiarize yourself with the many
types of cremation memorials available. Some of the many options to
consider include burying the remains in a family burial plot,
interring them in an urn garden that many cemeteries have, or
placing the urn in a columbarium niche.
Defined as a recessed compartment, the niche may be an open
front protected by glass or a closed front faced with bronze,
marble, or granite. (An arrangement of niches is called a
columbarium, which may be an entire building, a room, a bank along
a corridor, or a series of special indoor alcoves. It also may be
part of an outdoor setting such as a garden wall.)
Although your child may not completely understand these or other
options for memorialization, being involved in the planning helps
establish a sense of comfort and understanding that life goes on
even though someone loved has died.
If you incur any difficulties in explaining death or cremation
to your child, you may wish to consult a child guidance counselor
who specializes in these areas.