no dae that?" phrase being spoken as the unfortunate lighthouse keeper watches Malcolm sail away before the lighthouse explodes. The Lonely Shopkeeper (Karen Dunbar) A bored, friendless woman working in a corner shop who is "stuck in this shop, day after day after day...", and therefore constantly trying to be over-friendly with her customers, and invariably frightening them off. She often attempts to pry into customers' personal lives, and comments on their (occasionally embarrassing) purchases. In the final sketch, she had seemingly faked her death to get sympathy of those that attended her wake within the shop. The Depressed Taxi Caller (Karen Dunbar) These sketches feature an extremely unlucky woman named Fiona working as a taxi controller, who is always shown crying down her headset to the drivers about her terrible life and how her new boyfriends keep dying in bizarre circumstances. She generally smokes many cigarettes and drinks large volumes of whisky throughout the sketch, in order to "dull the pain." Jack (Kiernan) and Victor (Hemphill) Two OAPs who get up to mischief, featuring the characters that were famously later to appear in the series Still Game. The Janny (Kiernan) A school janitor who pops up to try and fix everything from broken ankles to broken hearts with a liberal application of sawdust from his bucket. His catchphrase is "Gie that ten minutes an' it'll be as right as rain." The Boy Who Has Just Started MasturbatingA 14-year-old boy called Stephen (played by Gordon McCorkell) who is constantly embarrassed by his parents as they announce proudly to anyone they meet that he has just started masturbating. While other young people around him find this hilarious, most of the adults react by smiling and congratulating Stephen. Betty the Auld Slapper (Karen Dunbar) A female OAP, usually seen giving interviews to a "teatime [radio] show" about her memories from during the Second World War. These always end up with Betty describing her (numerous) sexual experiences in detail before being cut off by the show's exasperated host (Hemphill). She always sits with her legs spread wide apart, exposing her underwear. The Community Mobile Van A van that brings various cultural amenities to the car park of a council estate, ranging from things like swimming pools to an art gallery to a theatre. The staff of the van are often harassed by a ned or two walking past. In reality, such vans would