give him whatever he asks for. Bish & Bosh Two very dodgy painter & decorators who usually steal things from the houses they are working at. Their real names are Tony (Kiernan) and Wullie (Hemphill). In the sketches, they are normally seen having a tea break talking about something inconsequential that Wullie drags into depravity, only to be told by Tony, "You've taken that too far". The Banter Boys Two camp men who are regularly found nearby places where Glaswegian banter is common, taking great relish (and apparently even sexual arousal) experiencing the Glaswegian accent and patter in a variety of situations. This includes hiding out in a football team's changing room to hear the coach shouting at the players and taking a taxi ride in a complete circle back to where they got on, paying out with a £100 note for "the banter" they received from the driver. The two characters appear in the form of the stereotypical Kelvinside housewife, with the same pretensions and turns of phrase. Their catchphrase is "we're just paying for the banter". Their real names are James (Hemphill) and Gary (Kiernan). In earlier sketches, they were seen in a tearoom where they discuss various subjects often relating to Glaswegian banter and culture. Big Jock (Kiernan) An overbearing, narcissistic golfer who enjoys humiliating his fellow golf club members by making them do such things as retrieving a £50 note from a dustbin, or leaving another £50 note on the bar to see who would be desperate enough to pick it up for themselves. He is typically very loud and likes to make bombastic speeches and has a habit of calling everyone "Percy", even if it isn't their name. He also wins many trophies, and makes sure everyone knows about it. The Lighthouse Keepers Duncan (Hemphill) and Malcolm (Kiernan) are two Highlanders who work in a lighthouse on the fictional west coast island of Aonoch Mor. Their sketches usually featured at the start of the programme. Duncan endures pranks from Malcolm while pleading "Gonnae no dae that?" Malcolm's pranks gradually escalated in severity as the series went on, going from simple jokes to excruciating torture of the psyche, including drawing bras and undergarments over the unfortunate man's pornography (seemingly his only form of sexual gratification available) and pretending that he has hanged himself. The final sketch ends with the lighthouse being blown up, Duncan's trademark "Gonnae