sammeln) all the jokes about me." Mielke: "Well we have almost the same hobby. I collect (German einsammeln, used figuratively like to garner) all those who tell jokes about you." (Compare with a similar Russian political joke.) Why do Stasi officers make such good taxi drivers? – You get in the car and they already know your name and where you live. Honecker Early in the morning, Honecker arrives at his office and opens his window. He greets the Sun, saying: "Good morning, dear Sun!" – "Good morning, dear Erich!" Honecker works, and then at noon he heads to the window and says: "Good day, dear Sun!" – "Good day, dear Erich!" In the evening, Erich calls it a day, and heads once more to the window, and says: "Good evening, dear Sun!" Hearing nothing, Honecker says again: "Good evening, dear Sun! What's the matter?" The sun retorts: "Kiss my arse. I'm in the West now!" (from the 2006 Oscar-winning movie The Lives of Others) What do you do when you get Honecker on the phone? Hang up and try again. (This is a pun with the German words aufhängen und neuwählen, meaning both "hang up the phone and dial again" and "hang him and vote again".) Leonid Brezhnev is asked what his opinion of Honecker is: "Well, politically – I don't have much esteem for him. But – he definitely knows how to kiss!" A plane with Brezhnev, Carter and Honecker comes down to hell. The devil welcomes them and asks them which country they're from. Brezhnev: 'Soviet Union. We are the biggest country of the world.' Devil: 'I don't know. Off to the cauldron.' Carter: 'United States. We are the mightiest country of the world.' Devil: 'I don't know. Off to the cauldron.' Honecker: 'My country is very small. You won't know it: GDR.' Devil: 'Sure. Peace, Friendship, Solidarity. That's where our kettle is from.' Economy When an East German retiree returns from his first trip to West Germany, his children ask him what it was like. He replies: 'Well, it's basically the same as here: you can get anything for West German marks.' What are the four deadly enemies of socialism? Spring, summer, autumn, winter. Two snowflakes in the sky: 'I'm heading to Sweden, to bring joy to the children.' – 'I'm going to the GDR, to bring down the economy.' How can you use a banana