you choose to make it so: by expressing it, or by trying to reconcile) The timeliness of forgiveness The psychologist Wanda Malcolm writes a chapter in Women's Reflections on the Complexities of Forgiveness titled "the Timeliness of Forgiveness Interventions" where she outlines reasons why forgiveness takes time: when work on self (care/healing) takes priority (i.e. therapy, medical injuries, etc.), when issues of relational safety need to be addressed, and where facilitating forgiveness may be premature immediately after an interpersonal offense. Malcolm explains that "premature efforts to facilitate forgiveness may be a sign of our reluctance to witness our client’s pain and suffering and may unwittingly reinforce the client’s belief that the pain and suffering is too much to bear and must be suppressed or avoided." Worthington (et al.) observed that “anything done to promote forgiveness has little impact unless substantial time is spent at helping participants think through and emotionally experience their forgiveness”. Efforts to facilitate forgiveness may be premature immediately after an interpersonal injury, if not harmful. Indeed, if you make forgiveness a goal, it remains elusive, like a carrot on a stick; just when you think you've got it, it's out of reach again. But when you focus on self-compassion and develop your core-values, forgiveness sneaks up on you. If you realize that you've forgiven your betrayer, it will be after the fact (of detachment or full emotional reinvestment), not before. Religious views Religion can have an impact on how someone chooses to forgive and the process they go through. Most have conceptualized religion's effect in three ways—through religious activity, religious affiliation and teachings, and imitation. There are several thousand religions in the world and each one can look at forgiveness a different way. Abrahamic Judaism In Judaism, if a person causes harm, but then sincerely and honestly apologizes to the wronged individual and tries to rectify the wrong, the wronged individual is encouraged, but not required, to grant forgiveness: "It is forbidden to be obdurate and not allow yourself to be appeased. On the contrary, one should be easily pacified and find it difficult to become angry. When asked by an offender for forgiveness, one should forgive with a sincere mind and a willing spirit ... forgiveness is natural to the seed of Israel." (Mishneh Torah, Teshuvah 2:10) In Judaism, one must go "to those he has harmed" in order to be entitled to forgiveness. [One who