tells it), worked as a welder at the Gdańsk Shipyard, was smuggled out of Poland by her brother by "hiding in the bottom of a Polish Army mobile field kitchen" and deserted Ralph on their wedding day. He develops a genuine friendship with Kirk, even though Kirk holds his boring demeanour in some disdain. He often gives Kirk a lift home on his motorcycle combination due to Kirk's 'Porsche' always "being in dock". In series two, Ralphy (as Kirk calls him) makes a "shrewd investment" by buying a mobile discotheque from a friend and adopts the persona of disc jockey Dazzling Darren Dring; a name conjured up by Kirk. Unfortunately, he only has two records in his 'collection'; Green Door by Shakin' Stevens, and another unnamed track which is scratched, so is never played. His microphone patter and act are not nearly as glitzy as his name - unanimated and interjecting his performance with such comments as "Get down", "Do that funky thing" and "Don't give me that jive, Clive" in his normal monotone voice. Kirk St Moritz / Eric Morris (Peter Blake) — a crass, tactless chauvinist, who claims to drive a Porsche (although the audience never sees it) and dresses in the style of John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Kirk (who claims to be a spy) is shown at the end of series one to be nothing more than an alter ego created by Eric Morris who, though he is in his mid-thirties, lives in shabby circumstances with an overbearing mother who calls him "Big Ears". His room contains a number of toy guns and models, whilst the walls are covered with action movie posters. In reality, he still has the mindset of a teenager who longs for a more exciting life. His long, rambling and often preposterous anecdotes about his "experiences" cruising the California highways on his Harley Davidson, seducing nuns, military service with the Royal Marines and clandestine missions during the Vietnam War with his "buddy" Wang, contrast in the second season with the audience's newly gained knowledge that Eric is really a sad, shy man who has made little impact in wider life. In the series' final episode, however, we see that perhaps there are aspects of Kirk that are more real than perhaps even Eric realises when he displays courage and honour to protect his friends in a perilous situation. Eric claims to