Mad Pierre The fort's resident bully, Pierre is a towering hulk of a man, completely unhinged, and whom nobody will dare call "mad" to his face. Not a man to mess with, he uses violence as a first resort. He once beat up Beau Peep for "using a sentence which contained an uneven number of vowels." Pierre's interests include smacking Beau in the mouth, and cracking his knuckles. Seems to leave Dennis alone, because hitting Beau is too much fun. Beau has come to a compromise with Pierre at times, and has also tried flattery, but this doesn't last long before Beau's face comes back into contact with Pierre's fist. Colonel Escargot The highly eccentric fort commander. His bizarre grip on the real world can be summed up by his belief that "those warmongers of Switzerland" have declared war on him. He is totally unsuitable for the job as he is completely and totally insane, often ordering Beau to perform ridiculously stupid tasks. Is receiving psychiatric help, but as he is oblivious to his insanity (and because he is the CO) he chooses to ignore it. He shot his shrink and falls in love with his tablets, believing them to be small women. The only person the colonel goes easy on is his son, who occasionally visits the fort and gets an easy ride whilst there. Vera of the Seven Veils An exotic belly dancer and stripper at the local saloon, the men at the fort go crazy for her, especially Dennis, who is madly in love with her. Dennis' advances usually end up with him receiving a punch in the mouth, yet still Dennis fantasizes about Vera every day and counts down the days until he can see her again. Hamish A Scottish soldier at the fort, whose accent is so thick nobody can understand him except when they are themselves drunk. Hamish joined the Foreign Legion when his beloved Dundee United F.C. lost a cup-tie to Arbroath F.C. and he could take it no more, and had to get out of Scotland. He often talks of "the wild and rugged Glens" of his homeland – the Glens being the family who lived in the opposite tenement. He has adapted his favourite song, "The Campbells Are Coming", to suit his new environment. Expect to hear "The Camels Are Coming" in a future Eurovision Song Contest where Hamish intends to