Policeman – Percy Brough Barns, a Family Retainer – Fred Bond Jackson, a Valet – W. R. Shirley The Marchioness of Market Harborough, an Emotional Peeress – Ellis Jeffreys Maria Maguire, a Bride – Marie Studholme Leonora – Day Ford Bella Crackenthorpe, a Milliner – Sybil Carlisle Patty Parker, a Lady's Maid – Haidee Crofton Chorus of Wedding Guests and Members of the Upper Aristocracy Note: Captain Bapp and Leonora are omitted in the dramatis personæ of the published libretto, although they appear in the text itself. Synopsis Act I Scene 1: A room in Woodpecker Tapping's house. It is Woodpecker Tapping's wedding day. Jackson, the valet, explains to Patty that the bride, Miss Maria Maguire, lives in a remote corner of Wales, and as Woodpecker cannot get leave to travel that far, Maria and her family must come to him. Woodpecker's Uncle Bopaddy arrives with a wedding gift, which he gives to Patty for safekeeping. Woodpecker comes in to tell his uncle about a strange incident that had happened in Hyde Park. His horse bolted, and when he caught up with the animal, it was chewing on a lady's straw hat. Woodpecker paid the lady a shilling for her damaged hat. Uncle Bopaddy remarks that the hat is curiously similar to his wedding gift. Left alone, Woodpecker remarks that he is delighted with his bride-to-be, but that her father is a "human porcupine." He is also exasperated with her foppish cousin Foodle, who is allowed to kiss her, even though Woodpecker may not. Leonora, the lady whose hat Woodpecker's horse had chewed up, arrives with Captain Bapp, her cousin. Woodpecker apologises to them, and offers more money, but they insist he must replace the hat, as Leonora's husband is insanely jealous and won't forgive her if she returns without it. Woodpecker promises to find a replacement from a local milliner. In the meantime, he insists they hide, as it would be awkward if his bride and father-in-law discover another woman in the house. The rest of the wedding party arrive. Maguire says that the wedding is off, because Woodpecker has kept them waiting outside, and he declares that Maria will marry Foodle. After Woodpecker apologises, Maguire says that he can marry Maria after all. Woodpecker needs an excuse to stop at a milliner's shop on the way to the registrar, so he tells them that he's lost the marriage