"Boots, Boots, Boots" is the third episode of the fourth series of the British comedy series Dad's Army. It was originally transmitted on Friday 9 October 1970. Synopsis Captain Mainwaring implements an unpopular series of lengthy marches to achieve the three Fs – fast feet, functional feet and fit feet. Plot Mainwaring is giving a lecture on transportation, and tells the men that whatever mode of transport they use, it all comes down to the same thing: the three Fs – fast feet, functional feet, and fit feet. Producing two diagrams, he gives one to Wilson. Mainwaring unrolls his diagram, which displays a human foot in perfect working order, which is what everyone's foot should look like in a nicely fitting shoe. Wilson unrolls his diagram to show a ravaged foot, covered in bruises, corns and bunions, which has been in an ill-fitting shoe. Mainwaring proceeds to inspect everyone's feet, despite having a slight problem in his back that eventually results in him using a chair to inspect the platoon's feet. After he has finished, he concludes that everyone's feet are fine, but he decides to impose some long route marches to get their feet up to scratch. After a fifteen-mile march, Mainwaring asks the men to have their feet ready for inspection in five minutes, while he and Wilson have a chat in the office. Mainwaring confides in Wilson that he knows that he is a shy and sensitive man who handles the men quietly and subtly. So he offers to inspect Wilson's feet in private. Wilson protests by asking Mainwaring who will inspect his feet. Mainwaring agrees, and proposes that he'll show Wilson his if he shows Mainwaring his. Meanwhile, Walker proposes some foot salve for Pike and Frazer. Frazer is none too keen on the idea, but when Walker announces that they do not have to pay for it if they do not like it, he assents. Mainwaring and Wilson reappear and inspect the men's feet, and it is revealed that the foot salve is in fact a felt tip pen. Mainwaring isn't impressed with the men's feet and proposes route marches and games of football in bare feet. After a few days, it is beginning to take its toll on the platoon, especially Pike, who has a nightmare about marching in bare feet, which were all swollen and blistered. The next morning, Mrs Pike confronts Wilson