windmill, he will climb out of the log and plant the 'bomb'. As they are practicing, ARP Warden Hodges arrives and finds the platoon's plan ridiculous (especially Jones' imitations of the gurgling water), and fetches the 2nd ARP Warden, who asks, "Are they on our side?". On the day of the exercise, the Verger is still snooping from the church graveyard, using a hidden telephone to contact Square. Frazer and Jones proceed to move down the river, and Mainwaring launches the first diversion: Wilson and Walker have fifteen rifles attached to poles and are marching up and down behind a wall. The Verger reports this to Square, who does not believe him and thinks the platoon are drilling. Frazer pushes Jones' dummy log onto the bank, but he cannot get the flap open, and falls back in the river. Although he manages to get out again, and head for the windmill, he is waylaid by a playful sheepdog. However, the Eastgate platoon are distracted by Mainwaring's second diversion: Walker and Godfrey have put tin helmets on a flock of sheep and have taken them up to the mill. The Verger and Square are fooled into believing that the platoon are dressed up as sheep with tin helmets on! Jones eventually reaches the windmill and proceeds to plant the 'bomb'. However, it is still attached to him, so when Square throws the bomb back, Jones gets caught up in the sails. Mainwaring proceeds to accept their surrender, but Square refuses. They argue over who the victor is and notice that the sails are moving, with Jones on them – eventually, after Mainwaring fails to stop the windmill, Jones jumps off and lands in the river. Cast Arthur Lowe as Captain Mainwaring John Le Mesurier as Sergeant Wilson Clive Dunn as Lance Corporal Jones John Laurie as Private Frazer James Beck as Private Walker Arnold Ridley as Private Godfrey Ian Lavender as Private Pike Bill Pertwee as ARP Warden Hodges Edward Sinclair as The Verger Frank Williams as The Vicar Geoffrey Lumsden as Captain Square Robert Raglan as HG Sergeant Colin Bean as Private Sponge Don Estelle as Gerald, the 2nd ARP Warden Verne Morgan as Landlord Notes The windmill sails sequence, filmed at Drinkstone, Suffolk, pays tribute to the Will Hay film Oh, Mr Porter! (1937). The episode title pays homage to the wartime catchphrase of Tommy Handley in the ITMA