When he finally opens the door himself, he's greeted by "a big, fat hermaphrodite with a Flock of Seagulls haircut and only one nostril", who rushes in and grabs his lucky snorkel. The two engage in a fight, only for the "one-nostriled" man to escape with his snorkel. He vows to stop at nothing until the mysterious man "was brought to justice", but first decides to buy some donuts. Upon driving to the local donut shop, he asks for many types of donuts and pastries, one at a time, only to be told each one is sold out. Finally the shopkeeper admits that all they have is a box of crazed weasels. Al purchases the box, but the weasels inside bite his face and latch on. As he runs around town screaming for help, he runs into a woman named Zelda, who points out the weasels on his face. The two fall in love, marry, buy a house, and have children named Nathaniel and Superfly. One night, after Zelda asks him about joining the Columbia Record Club, he freaks out due to his fear of commitment and they break up, never to see each other again. Shortly afterwards he "achieved his lifelong dream": getting a part-time job at the Sizzler, where he makes employee of the month for extinguishing the grease fire using his own face. He then tells an anecdote about the time he spotted his Sizzler co-worker Marty trying to carry "a big ol' sofa" up a flight of stairs. He asks Marty if he needs help, to which Marty replies sarcastically, "Nooo, I want you to cut off my arms and legs with a chainsaw!" Taking Marty literally, Al complies. Marty then points out that his remark was not serious, but Al questions how he was supposed to know. Later, Marty earns the nickname "Torso Boy". This reminds him of yet another incident in which a man tells him he "hasn't had a bite in 3 days". He responds by biting the man's jugular vein, thinking it would be funny, causing the man to start screaming and bleeding everywhere. Al believes some people "just can't take a joke" when they don't laugh. At this point, Al loses his train of thought, and reveals that the point he was attempting to make was his hatred for sauerkraut. He ends the song by giving advice to the listener, claiming