mathematics at Cambridge though he never graduated. He was physically and sexually abused by his tutor, the head of the mathematics department, the rest of the mathematics department, the rowing club, the varsity football and rugby teams and the Christian society. He spent three years as a research project for the School of Medicine—his blood pressure was found to be high enough to clean car wheels. He did not die, he only whined continuously. Research on Martin led to the development of Prozac. Despite the fact that he was, and still is, the only mathematics teacher in the school, it took Martin five years to gain promotion to Head of Mathematics Department. His teaching has been described by Ofsted as 'cocking shite'. Martin must always be watched. He has the kind of nervous disposition exhibited by people who take high-velocity rifles up clock towers to pick off passers-by. He is a spineless, ineffectual teacher who hates children, his job, and himself. In his late thirties, he is cripplingly middle-class and hides it by living in a Victorian terraced house in the shadow of a council estate in southeast London. He is the bane of Carol's life. When he teaches he does not discipline his students when they act contemptuously. He is also extremely neurotic, and panics at the thought of anything going wrong for him. He does not have a proper teaching qualification; only a certificate in plumbing technology. He often cheats on his wife, Carol Jackson, although he claims that "using a prostitute is not cheating." When Martin messes up or does something wrong he often hits himself on the head and says "fuck" even when students are present. Iqbal's nickname for him is "Mongo" (a variant of "mong", an offensive term implying mental retardation, derived from the original name given to Down's syndrome). He was born Martin Shitely but took his wife's surname after marriage. Martin's Bromwell High file number is 657. He is also voiced by Simon Greenall. Carol Jackson Carol graduated from Hedgehog College, University of the Lake District, then attended teacher-training college at the Above Burger King School of Teaching, Oxford Street, London. She then spent five years at the Amnesty International London office, waiting outside the main entrance. Nobody let her in but she did receive free psychiatric help and eventually accepted that she didn't work for Amnesty International and was in fact a