never thought I could swing so far in the other. You're losing weight and getting smaller, and I'd still say to myself I could afford to lose a little more". However, she refused professional guidance, reluctant to examination. She briefly saw a psychologist before an encounter with a spiritual guru, who aided her emotional recovery. Jackson recounted, "we went to this very spiritual place in the desert... That's where I met him, this cowboy. He's in his fifties, and he's full of wisdom. He's an older man who has experienced a great deal, and he used to be in the music industry, on a smaller scale. He even understood that side of my life". She also began using coffee enemas to remove "sad cells", leading to media scrutiny. The trauma lead to a brief duration of sexual questioning, saying "Am I curious? I think every girl has wondered". Jackson culminated the experiences into the album's subject matter, recording over two years. Recording The album was produced by Jackson with Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, as well as René Elizondo Jr. Its initial stages began following her Janet World Tour, recording intermittently over two years. The process stalled due to various issues facing Jackson, including depression, body dysmorphia, anorexia, and self-hatred. As a result, Jackson spontaneously canceled sessions, appearing constantly troubled, as Jam commented, "That was a tough album to make for her. There were times when she would not show up at the studio for five or six days in a row". She returned to the studio in January 1997, embarking on a six-and-a-half month recording process. Its production was adjusted towards Jackson's lyrics and vocal suggestions, using an altered technique from prior sessions. Attempting to push pop music in an alternate direction, the record was described as "a triumph of the spirit, a declaration of joy and healing that comes from examining the past while energizing the present, [...] exploring the mysteries of sexuality even as it addresses the problems of prejudice". Explaining the concept and the writing of The Velvet Rope, she stated: Singing these songs has meant digging up pain that I buried a long time ago. It's been hard and sometimes confusing, but I've had to do it. I've been burying pain my whole life. It's like kicking dirt under the carpet. At some point there's so much dirt you start to choke. Well, I've been