an excellent place to store Christmas decorations Why waste money on expensive binoculars? Simply stand closer to the object you wish to observe To stop blue tits pecking at your milk bottles, don't buy any Dead moths make ideal hang-gliders for woodlice Don't invite drug addicts to your house on Boxing Day. They may find the offer of cold turkey embarrassing or offensive Some tips are for ludicrous motives, such as "how to convince neighbours that your house has dry rot", while others are for ostensibly sensible motives but with ridiculous and impractical suggestions for their application: Convince friends that you have a high powered job in the City by leaving for work at 6 am every morning, arriving home at 10 at night, never keeping social appointments and dropping down dead at the age of 36 Save money on sex-lines by phoning up the Samaritans and threatening to kill yourself unless they talk dirty Some are just inexplicable: To make your husband's trousers heavier, hang onions from the belt loops. Others inspire running jokes: Fun-sized Mars Bars make ideal normal-sized Mars Bars for dwarves Normal-sized Mars bars make ideal fun-sized Mars Bars for giants King-size Mars Bars make ideal normal-sized Mars Bars for giants Normal-sized Mars Bars make ideal king-sized Mars Bars for dwarves A more recent trend is for sarcastic tips to be offered that are observations by the readers regarding other people's behaviour, such as a barmaid who suggests male public house customers who are "trying to get into a barmaid's knickers" should "pull back your tenner just as she reaches to take it when paying for a round. It really turns us on". In a similar vein, one reader suggested "Old people – are you worried that people in a hurry might be able to get past you on the pavement? Why not try stumbling aimlessly from side to side? That should stop them". McDonald's McDonald's was accused of plagiarising a number of Viz Top Tips in an advertising campaign they ran in 1996. Some of the similarities are almost word-for-word: Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They will wash and iron them, and then you can buy them back for 50p. – Viz Top Tip (published May 1989) Save a fortune on laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to a second-hand shop. They will wash and iron them, and