grant him research funds for further attempts) or various observations, such as the "children say the funniest things" type (one issue featured numerous variations of a reader's young son making a reference to masturbation during bathtime, such as "playing with [his] pork sword"; in this case, when the reader entered the bathroom, she discovered her son had indeed fashioned a sword out of pork sausages). Since Viz claims to offer £5 for the best letter published in a particular issue, many letters end with the inquiry, "Do I win £5?" Many make observations about celebrities (especially those who have recently died; one letter printed after the deaths of Gianni Versace and Princess Diana remarked on both their violent deaths and friendship with Elton John, stating "I tell you what. If I was George Michael right about now, I'd be shitting myself") or current events (a 2000 issue remarked "The Government spent £850 million on the Millennium Bug, and the only thing that crashes is Q [Desmond Llewelyn] out of the Bond films"). Most employ deliberate misunderstandings for comic effect (e.g. "These so-called speed bumps are a joke. If anything they slow you down" or "I went to one of these so called Gentlemen's clubs and was shocked to see it was full of Women. To make matters worse many of them were wearing very little clothing", or the letter whose writer mentioned seeing a TV listing for the film The Greatest Story Ever Told and stating their doubt that it would top the story told by their friend about a night spent "with a couple of strippers, a bottle of tequila, and some cocaine"). Often letters feature simple yet absurd statements ("I'm heading off to the pub in a few minutes and wondered if any of your readers fancied joining me for a pint" or "They say size doesn't matter – if that's true, why can't I get these shoes on?"), or improbable situations such as a letter writer responding directly to the letter that preceded theirs in the very same column and issue. A bizarre series of letters from a J Cursiter of Bristol recounted his hobby of watching passers-by from "a series of cunningly-disguised hides". It is unclear whether Cursiter is a reader of the comic or a creation of the editors. Often letters are printed that criticise Viz, accusing it of "not being as funny as it