made in the United States) The reply is: "Because they are a probable war trophy!" There are jokes about Russian nuclear missile forces and worldwide disasters because of lack of basic army discipline: A missile silo officer falls asleep during his watch, with his face on the control board, and accidentally hits the "big red button". / An angry colonel bursts in, the junior officer snaps awake and proudly announces: "Nothing to report during my watch, Comrade Colonel" / "Nothing to report, you say?! Nothing to report?!! So where the hell is Belgium?!!!" Somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, two submarines, Soviet and American, come to the surface. The Soviet one is old and rusty; the American one is new and sleek matte black. On the Soviet one, the crew lounges about lazily, and a drunken captain yells at them: "Who threw a valenok (traditional Russian winter footwear made of felt) on the control board? I'm asking you, who threw a valenok on the control board?!" / From the American submarine, a clean-shaven, sober, and smartly-dressed captain yells scornfully: "You know, folks, in America..." / The Russian captain dismissively interrupts him: "America??! Ain't no fucking America no more!!" [He turns back to his crew] "Who threw a valenok on the control board?!" There is also eternal mutual disdain between servicemen and civilians: Civilian: "You servicemen are dumb. We civilians are smart!" / Serviceman: "If you are so smart, then why don’t you march in single file?" Jokes along this tendency are also re-worded to exploit interservice rivalries. For instance: Army man: "You Navy folks are dumb. We soldiers are smart!" / Sailor: "If you are so smart, then why don’t you wear telnyashkas?" The response, from Army men, is the civilian joke above. Black humor Gulag A new prisoner is asked, "So how long are you in for?". He replies, "Twenty years." The veteran prisoner is surprised: "Twenty?? What on earth could you have done?" The new man replies indignantly, "I did nothing, comrade! Honest!" The veteran says, "But the sentence for doing nothing is only ten years." Chernobyl An old woman stands in the market with a “Chernobyl mushrooms for sale" sign. A man goes up to her and demands: "Hey, what are you doing? Who's going to buy Chernobyl mushrooms?” / “Well, lots of people. Some for their boss, others for their mother-in-law...” A grandson asks his grandfather: "Grandpa,