/ Finally, she's dancing with Rzhevsky: "Poruchik, your boots are all covered in mud!" / "It's not mud, it's shit. Don't worry, mademoiselle, it'll fall off once it dries up." Poruchik Rzhevsky is dancing at a ball with a lady. He asks to be excused "to go out to check on the horse". When he returns his clothes are all wet. "Poruchik, is it rainy outside?" Asks the lady. "No, m'd'mselle", Rzhevsky responds, "it's windy outside." Natasha tries to talk to Rzhevskiy: "Poruchik, don't you find the songbirds most charming?" / "Speaking of birds, my friend, a cornet, has a dick so large seven sparrows can sit on it!" / "Ew, poruchik, you are so straightforward!" / "Speaking of straightforwardness, when my friend fucks a cow, its horns straighten!" / "Poruchik, you have nothing but vacuum in your head!" / "Speaking of vacuum, when my friend pulls his dick out, ladies suck in the pillows into their mouths!" (speaking of birds... (кстати о птицах) has again become a catchphrase). Many jokes are related to Rzhevsky's ability to turn the ordinary situations or a moderate bedlam into a complete mess: Hussar regiment took the village. Day 1: Hussars drank all beer and slept with every woman. Day 2: Hussars drank all vodka and slept with every girl. Day 3: Hussars drank everything that burns and slept with everything that moves. Day 4: Rzhevsky arrived, and then the real depravity began. Hussars are on a holiday: having rented a lady of the night, they put her on a pool table, insert cucumbers in her, and hit her backside with pool cues to make the cucumbers fly out. Whoever hits the portrait of the Grand Empress with a cucumber wins the money. Rzhevsky enters, looks at this and exclaims: "What are you doing, gentlemen, we could be sleeping with her instead!" Hussars, irritated: "And so Rzhevsky came and vulgarized everything!" (Пришел поручик и все опошлил! has become a catchphrase in itself). Variant: an officer retells the aforementioned events to the colonel: "...And then Rzhevsky came and vulgarized everything! / How exactly? Did he take the lady away? / No, he ate the cucumbers!" While successful narration of quite a few Russian jokes heavily depends on using sexual vulgarities ("Russian mat"), Rzhevsky, with all his vulgarity, does not use heavy mat in traditional versions of his tales. One of his favorite words is "arse"