mother. She lives in an attic above the café, lying in bed wearing white nighties and a goffered cap. This is also where the British airmen and the radio (complete with "Ze flashing knobs!") are hidden. When she wants attention she bangs her walking stick on the floor, and cries out "Will nobody 'ear the cries of a poor old woman?" She is partial to a glass of gin, and occasionally fills in for her daughter as part of the café cabaret, although her singing is just as bad (if not worse). She also hates the Germans, as evidenced by saying "The Germans, I spit on zem", after which she actually spits, usually to the side of the bed. Her attitude towards M. Alfonse varies from one episode to the next, she often says that he would make a better husband for Edith than Rene, but she will also hurl pottery at him from her bedroom window because she does not like undertakers. Yvette Carte-Blanche Yvette Carte-Blanche (Vicki Michelle) – Head waitress/mistress at the café. She is passionately in love with René, and wants to elope with him to Geneva in Switzerland, but cannot do so because René has to stay with his wife. She is also responsible for 'entertaining' the German officers, upstairs at the café with wet celery and a flying helmet; and sometimes with an egg whisk (exactly how these accessories are used remains unclear). In her intimate moments with René, she throws her arms around him and rumbles an elongated, deep growl of "Ooooooh, René." Often clinched in the kitchen, "I was just 'anging up ze knockwurst when I remembered all ze 'appy times we 'ad in 'ere." Maria Recamier Maria Recamier (Francesca Gonshaw) (series 1 to 3) – Another waitress, who is also in love with René. She has no idea that René loves Yvette, and also believes that René should run away with her. She is short statured and many of the jokes play on her small size. "May I get you something...that is not on a high shelf?" When she speaks she has the tendency to spit when she rolls her "r"s. She disguises herself as a Red Cross parcel after sneaking into the British POW camp's mail room in the episode 'Camp Dance', but unfortunately gets sent back to Switzerland after failing to put enough stamps on. Michelle Dubois Michelle "of the