
Table of Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Trademarks Acknowledgement
Tangled in Light
First Impressions
Second Impression
Rainy Day Opportunity
Boundaries
Like a Rock
Decision
Introspection
Wisdom
The Inevitable
On a Jet Plane
Visitor
Snail Mail
Letters and Lessons
New Rules
Shadowed in Love
About the Author
Other Titles by Diane Adams
Our December
The Making of a Man, Book 1
Diane Adams
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WARNING: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000."
Cover Artist: Reese Dante
Editor: Trena Hayes
Our December © 2010 Diane Adams
ISBN # 978-1-920484-01-9
All rights reserved.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED: This literary work may not be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, including electronic or photographic reproduction, in whole or in part, without express written permission. All characters and events in this book are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead is strictly coincidental. The Licensed Art Material is being used for illustrative purposes only; any person depicted in the Licensed Art Material, is a model.
PUBLISHER
http://www.silverpublishing.info
For RJ,
dear friend, without you this book wouldn't exist,
For Adam,
forever my muse, without you I might not exist
For my dear friends Kes and Sara,
who believed in me when I didn't believe in myself.
I love you all.
Merry Christmas
Trademarks Acknowledgement
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following wordmarks mentioned in this work of fiction:
Coke: The Coca-Cola Company
Frisbee: Wham-O Toy Corporation
iPod: Apple, Inc.
Levi's: Levi Strauss & Co.
Nikes: NIKE, Inc.
Toyota: Toyota Motor Corporation
Volkswagen: Volkswagen AG
Swiss Miss: ConAgra Foods RDM, Inc.
Google: Google
howstuffworks.com: HowStuffWorks, Inc.
Joe's Crab Shack: Ignite Restaurant Group, Inc.
Dollar K: Dollar K Variety Store
Queer as Folk
Tangled in Light
Jared slowed to look at the house; along the edge of the roof, lights glowed in bright Christmas colors, curling colorful paths down the porch posts and along the railings. Candy canes lit in red and white marked the path to the front steps. The couple spent every Thanksgiving, and the day after, decorating. Worse than a kid, Alex wanted the maximum amount of time to enjoy the Christmas season. Pulling the truck into the driveway, Jared headed inside to find Alex.
Unlike the brightly lit exterior, the inside of the house was dark. Flipping on the kitchen light, Jared frowned. Alex usually didn't go off somewhere without letting Jared know where he'd be. They normally left work at the same time and came home to fix dinner together. If one of them left early he got elected to cook. No enticing smells came from the kitchen and the stove was cold.
Jared grinned. If Alex cooked the smells were more likely to be interesting than enticing. Not much of a chef, Jared tried to make sure Alex rarely left the office early alone. Despite his inept cooking ability, Alex always stuck to their agreement, but there no evidence showed he'd even been in the kitchen.
The only illumination in the living room came from the light of the Christmas tree. The huge tree spoke of Alex's influence as much as their light-trimmed roofline did. Most of their friends had pre-lit trees with beautiful coordinated decorations of silver and blue or red and gold, accentuating their professionally decorated homes. Jared wondered at their circle of friends sometimes; how they ended up there at all. No part of Alex and Jared's house had been professionally decorated. It was just home. They had a real tree, and not even a perfect example of a real tree; the branches weren't straight and it had a couple holes. Alex called it... personality.
"What's the point of having a real tree if people have to touch it to know it's real?" he always asked. It amused Jared and he became as fond of their eclectic tree as Alex. While other, normal people snoozed off Thanksgiving dinner, Alex and Jared searched for the tree with the right personality. They didn't come home until they had one in the back of the truck, all wrapped up in one of those green and red nets, looking like an alien fish they'd gone out and landed. They rearranged the living room to showcase it. It glittered with colored lights and tinsel and from its branches hung all the memorabilia from their childhoods as well as the ornaments they'd picked up over the last fourteen years of their relationship.
Fourteen years. Hard to believe this Christmas his boy turned thirty. Jared's memory of Alex, just turned sixteen, with snow in his hair, was as fresh as yesterday. Realizing he knew where Alex must be, Jared's grin turned fond. He looked out the sliding glass doors that led to the back yard and found Alex, up in the branches of the huge old oak that dominated the yard, twining white lights around the lower limbs. Jared watched for a few minutes, his eyes soft with love, before he went to start dinner.
Alex struggled down the ladder, the leftover lights slung over his shoulder. He could have used them higher in the tree, but tradition demanded lighting only the bottom branches. He never knew why Jared used to hang lights on the tree behind his old house, tucked away in the back yard where not even the neighbors could see, but he always had and those lights had become a part of the magic of Christmas for Alex. On his way to the shed he glanced back at the house. Their first Christmas hadn't been here. Jared's cozy little bachelor home had become a thing of their past. This house, the one he designed, and Jared built, was theirs. Born in their hearts as a dream, and made real by the sweat of hard work. He'd been so young when they met, their first year filled with moments he never forgot, but one stood out from the rest. There had been a tree, and snow, and glittering lights, but most of all there had been Jared.
First Impressions
It was lunchtime, and the guys working for Jared perched on sawhorses, eating sandwiches out of their lunch buckets. They compared what they brought, trading back and forth. Jared's stomach rumbled, but he didn't have time to eat. The job was supposed to be straight forward, but the measurements were bad and had turned it into a nightmare. Instead of having lunch, Jared stood over the blueprints, working out how to fix the problem while sticking as close to the original designs as possible. Building cubbies for the college library was his biggest contract since taking over the company. After his father's unexpected death, Jared had no choice but to drop out of college and take the reins of his father's construction business.
JD Construction had a solid reputation in the community, one built on his father's strong work ethic and honest nature, but Jared struggled to establish a reputation of his own. He was young, barely twenty, and it didn't make any practical difference that his dad apprenticed him when he first showed interest at the age of eight. There were certificates he didn't have, and couldn't earn because of his age, that limited the jobs he could get. The past year had been hard, and he was frustrated that his first bid job turned out so complicated.
He blamed his inexperience for not recognizing the problems before he bid. It hadn't cost more money, yet, but he went home every night with a headache. The stress caused by working on campus didn't help. He didn't think it'd be so hard, but his father's dream had been for him to finish college and return home to work as his partner. Unlike some parent-child dreams, Jared was completely onboard. The fact things hadn't worked out that way was just a part of life. Still, it was difficult to face his loss every day when he came to the job. Jared was determined to one day go back to college and fulfill both their dreams. However, finishing this job came first and that meant figuring out how to make everything fit...
"That's just cool."
Jared looked up at what had become a familiar sight. A couple of teenage boys stared at the framework. They weren't old enough to be college students, but they had a habit of stopping by to see how things were going. Their interest didn't surprise Jared. He remembered how he felt as a kid watching construction work. It was such a mystery how things went together. He grinned, waving them over.
"I'm Jared," Jared offered his hand and the taller boy shook it confidently, introducing himself as Clark, the dean's son. The smaller, dark haired teenager was Alex, with no apparent affiliation. "It's lunch time, so it's okay if you want to look around. Just don't touch anything." Clark grinned and went to explore the skeleton maze. Alex hung back, his expression serious as he studied Jared silently. Jared gave a half smile and returned to work. Undisturbed by his lack of response, Alex stepped beside him. He stared at the papers then looked at the unfinished project.
"It doesn't make much sense," he said quietly, looking back down at the plans, "How can you tell what you are doing?" Jared flipped to a picture of the completed project.
"It's not hard once you get used to it," he said. "Look, this is what we are doing now... umm... that section there," he pointed to a section of unfinished wall, "is this," he indicated a place on the plans. "And it's going to be this." He flipped back to the finished picture. Alex chewed his lip while staring at the pictures.
"Are you gay?" he asked without warning. He kept his gaze fixed on the plans. "What are those numbers?" Startled, Jared glanced sideways at the boy. Alex avoided his gaze. Jared refocused on the papers, but his mouth curved up in a slight smile.
"I am, are you?" he asked bemused.
Alex glanced sideways at him. "Yeah," Alex admitted, voice pitched so low Jared almost didn't hear him.
"Figured. You ask everyone you meet that question? Or did I win the lottery and no one told me," Jared teased.
Alex blushed."It's Clark, he's nosy, and he's trying to figure out how being gay works. We Googled some gay facial recognition stuff after we left the other day. I said you were gay, and he didn't think so." Clearly uncomfortable, Alex's shoulders tensed and he shifted his feet.
"Pretty brave to just ask." Jared was amused.
"He dared me." The confession made Jared laugh and they relaxed.
"So, are those the measurements?" Alex asked.
"Yeah, they're supposed to tell us what we're doing." Jared frowned at the once precise drawings now covered with his notations and corrections. Alex nodded but it was obvious that wasn't what held his interest. He gave Jared another sideways look. He couldn't be more than fifteen; dangerous territory for the direction the conversation seemed headed. Nevertheless, acting as if talking about being gay was wrong didn't sit well with Jared.
"It's... scary," Alex muttered in a dead on analysis of his situation. It wasn't an easy confession, and none of it seemed like the kind of conversation someone would have with a stranger, but Jared thought it might be easier for Alex that way.
"Yeah, it is. Very scary."
Alex met his eyes. "You know what I mean?"
He seemed surprised. His gaze locked with Jared's holding a desperation that gave Jared a vivid flashback to his own burgeoning sexuality. Realizing how different you are from everyone you know was terrifying, and at fifteen, even worse.
"I know exactly what you mean. It'll be okay." Jared glanced at his watch before calling over his shoulder, "Back to work." His two-man crew put up their lunch boxes and headed back to their jobs.
"You don't seem scared." The boy observed.
Jared shrugged. "I'm not, anymore."
Alex glanced back at the plans. "I didn't know construction workers had to be so smart. That's a lot of math."
"You aren't kidding. It gives me a headache."
"I like math. I'm really good at it." Alex looked back to where they were building. "That's wrong over there, isn't it? It won't fit that way."
Jared felt surprised by the boy's swift analysis of the problem. "Yeah, that's right, any idea what we should do?" he asked with a wiry grin.
Alex barked out a laugh. "No clue, dude, but I could learn to do that, except mine would work."
Jared enjoyed Alex's enthusiasm, but they noticed Clark headed back in their direction and Alex stepped away.
"Really, okay?" he asked with a sudden return to their previous topic, his eyes searching Jared's face for reassurance.
Jared grinned with a confidence he didn't always feel. "Really," he promised.
Alex didn't look convinced, but Clark was ready to go. He slapped at the back of Alex's head on his way by. Alex swatted back, moving with him towards the door. He paused there, glancing back at Jared with a grin before hurrying after his friend. Jared's heart stuttered and his mouth went dry.
My God, a man could lose his mind to a smile like that. For half a second, he allowed himself the hopeless wish to be fifteen again. The boy's smile haunted him. It turned Alex's pleasant but average face into something of remarkable beauty. Jared knew it was ridiculous. The smile of a boy he didn't know shouldn't affect him so much.
He'd never thought of twenty as being old before. Sighing, his practical nature regained control and Jared put Alex out of his mind and went back to work.
Second Impression
Alex was on his way home from school when he noticed the house across the street was being worked on, it looked like they were adding on. He stopped to watch wondering how hard it was to do the plans for something like that. Seeing the cubbies built and meeting Jared had aroused his interest in building; the amount of math involved intrigued him. Math was his passion, but equally as interesting, at that moment, was the sign on the side of the pick-up sitting at the curb, JD Construction. He'd seen the same truck parked outside the college library when he met Jared. Jared dominated Alex's thoughts, and he wanted to see him again. Alex thought about crossing the street to look for him, but without Clark there to egg him on, Alex didn't have the nerve. Instead, Alex ran inside his house, taking the stairs two at a time, oblivious to his mother's shout to slow down. He dropped his book bag on his desk and looked out the window facing the street. It gave him a clear view of the new construction site.
They were digging. Alex guessed they might add on a room, but he didn't have a real clue. He retrieved his laptop from the nightstand and returned to the window. He held it with one hand, manipulating the keyboard and touch pad with the other. Google could help. In the search bar, Alex typed how to build a house. He wanted to know what they were doing, didn't want to come off as a complete idiot the next time he talked to Jared. Alex perused the results of his search. He opened one titled "how stuff works" and several more on individual tabs. He skimmed the web pages before closing the laptop in disgust. He set it on the desk. Too much to remember. He wasn't any closer to understanding than before he read it. Well, maybe a little. It looked like they were digging the footing... whatever that meant. Alex sighed in disgust. He wasn't used to not knowing things. He'd look up it up again when he had more time.
Four guys worked outside, but no Jared. Alex watched for a while, but the sun shining in the window made it hard to see. About ready to give up, Alex noticed the front door of the house open and someone walk out onto the porch; Mr. Neely, the owner of the house, followed by Jared. Alex's breath caught and he thought his heart would stop. Jared talked to Mr. Neely for a few minutes, nodding at whatever the older man said. After what seemed like an hour, Mr. Neely went back inside and Jared headed down the porch steps. He called one of the men over to him, and while they talked Alex studied Jared in a way he never allowed himself to look at another man. Jared's shoulders challenged the containment of the white t-shirt he wore tucked into a pair of loose-fit Levi's, his slim waist and hips emphasized by his loaded tool belt. To Alex's young eyes, he was perfect. Jared's lean jaw, strong hands, and the quiet confidence in his movements awed the fifteen year old. Alex couldn't imagine ever being that sure of himself.
Finished giving instructions, Jared headed for his truck. He fished a two-way radio off the seat and stuck it in his back pocket. Tucking his hard hat under one arm, he wiped the sweat off his forehead on the sleeve of his shirt, oblivious to the hair falling in his face. It made him look years younger and the color, caught in the light of the setting sun, blazed like an autumn maple. The sight stole Alex's breath and his fingers itched to touch it.
Unable to believe what he was seeing, Alex closed his eyes, but when he opened them Jared was still there. He was real and not the figment of an overactive, hormone driven imagination. Jared ran a hand through his gorgeous hair, brushing it away from his face, and tied a bandana around his forehead. He replaced his hard hat and the approachable boy was gone, transformed back into a man. Alex couldn't tear himself away. The revelation that Jared might not be as unattainable as Alex first believed transfixed him.
Rainy Day Opportunity
Jared watched the men pack up the job site, hurrying to finish for the day. He didn't like exterior jobs. He preferred inside work because the weather didn't interfere. He glanced up, noting the blacker than ever sky and the wind was kicked up. It tugged his clothes and sent debris skidding across the ground, giving every indication a huge storm brewed. Normally he didn't stop work unless rain actually fell, but all signs pointed to the bottom falling out. He had no desire for it to land on him and, apparently, no one else wanted to be outside for the action either. Tools were stored in record time. Jared watched carefully, he didn't know all the men working for him on this job and equipment didn't come cheap. Another problem with bigger jobs. When forced to hire more men, or contract work out, he didn't always know what he was getting. He waved to the men as they piled into Jimmy's truck. They carpooled from the office every day. Jared would've enjoyed the camaraderie of the ride, but he drove alone. A twenty-year-old boss couldn't afford fraternization.
Fat raindrops started falling as the taillights disappeared around the corner and Jared headed for his truck. He turned up his shirt collar and bowed his head against the wind as he ran. The rain thumped steadily on his hard hat when he reached the truck and Jared nearly ran head first into a kid blocking the door. He stopped just short of plowing the boy over, the rain falling harder, and Jared felt a drop run down the back of his shirt. Annoyance flared.
"Can I talk to you?" The boy's voice was so quiet Jared almost didn't hear him over the beginnings of the storm. A gust of wind lifted the tail of the shirt he'd put on over his tee that morning, a blue plaid he wore unbuttoned and rolled up to just below his elbows. He tried to see the boy, but the kid ducked his head and Jared got an impression of dark eyes and curls. What the hell?
"Get in," he yelled, and the boy took off around the front of the truck; the backpack over his shoulder bouncing against his back. High school kid, Jared noted, before ducking into the truck. He pulled off his hard hat and tossed it, along with his bandanna, on the back bench seat. He had barely settled behind the wheel when the passenger door opened and the slim form of a teenage boy slipped into the seat beside him. Jared took a quick inventory of the invader, Nikes, blue jeans, a striped rugby shirt, and shaggy dark hair that needed a cut and waved a bit unruly over his ears and collar. He didn't see anything familiar about the boy and wondered what he wanted, but then he met the kid's eyes.
Dark eyes, deep enough to drown in, looked back at him. Jared's mouth went dry. The boy from the library, Jared didn't want to remember how many hours he spent not thinking about this kid. He raked a callused hand through his hair, trying to decide what to do. Sitting in his truck, in the rain, with an underage boy was not a good idea. Sitting here with this boy was insane. Alex attracted Jared in a way the young man rarely found himself tempted, and there was something disturbingly intimate about sharing the inside of a vehicle during a storm. Rain pounded the metal, falling in sheets down the windows, concealing them from the outside world. Alex shook some of the rain out of his hair. Jared watched the puppyish action through cautious eyes, waiting to find out what the boy wanted.
"Hi," Alex said. That was all, just hi. Jared glanced at the windshield, watching the water cascade down. The windows began to fog. The temperature hadn't gone down much with the rain and it was muggy in the cab of the truck. Jared considered starting it so he could turn on the air, but decided comfort might encourage his visitor to stay. So, he let his hand fall away from the key after sticking it into the ignition. Several uncomfortable minutes passed before Jared relented.
"Hi," he said back, regretting it instantly when the boy turned his smile on him. Jared thought he was ready for that smile and the way it transformed Alex's face from average to incredible, but he was wrong. His stomach turned a slow flip and he forced himself to look away, once again staring at the water pouring down the windshield, listening to it pound the roof of his truck. He contemplated what to say, unsure he trusted himself to open his mouth.
"You don't remember me," Alex said, sounding disappointed. Jared knew the smartest thing to do would be to pretend it was true and behave as if he'd never seen this kid in his life, but the sheer desperation in Alex's voice made such an act impossible. Jared was practical, not a liar. He turned to face the younger man.
"I remember," His quiet words filled the cab with more meaning than he intended. He wished he could call them back but it was too late. Alex met his eyes with a look of such naked need that Jared's body reacted immediately, even though he knew Alex's real needs were more emotional than physical. I'm only human. Jared reminded himself, wrestling his lust under control. Alex was only a few years his junior. He was beautiful, brave, and sincere. Jared ached to pull the younger man's slight body into his arms, to bury his face in that dark mass of hair, and just breathe him in.
It would be easy to reach out and cup that smooth cheeked face in his hand, to capture those willing lips with his, and taste the flavor of newly born passion. Images of everything he could teach the boy filled his mind despite his efforts to reject them. It would be easy to give in, so easy to give this man-child what he thought he was ready to experience. Easy and wrong. Slowly, Jared forced the fists his hands had curled into to relax. There was only one thing he had any right to teach a boy this young and that was self-respect.
"You had a lot of questions," he teased, proving he remembered their first encounter, allowing his generous mouth to curl into a smile.
"Yeah," Alex blushed hotly at the thought of how forward he'd been with this man, someone he didn't even know. Clark had been behind that outrageous behavior, and yet, here he was again, facing Jared and saying the most unbelievable things with no Clark in sight. "I live across the street and I saw you out here the other day. I thought maybe we could hang out, or something." He shrugged weakly.
Jared studied him in silence, attempting to discern if Alex was attracted to him or desperate for someone who could relate to what was happening to him. Hanging out with him would be about as safe as navigating a field of land mines. Jared had no idea how he would maneuver without losing a piece of himself, but he couldn't refuse the hope burning in the depths of Alex's expressive eyes. Deep hazel. Tinged with green and gold. Where the hell did someone get eyes like that?
"Well, I don't know. You're sorta young. What did you have in mind?" He noticed the rain finally starting to ease and watched over Alex's shoulder as the flood of water turned into a steady drizzle. Jared had no idea how young he looked; his jaw clean shaven, his overgrown hair insistent on hanging over one eye. He made it his business to project an aura of maturity and assumed that was how Alex saw him. He thought he could handle that, if he proceeded with care and kept an eye out for those mines. He brushed his hair away from his face, waiting for Alex to answer. The boy shrugged.
"What do you like to do? Bowl?" Alex asked, his eyes lighting with mischief. He startled a snort from Jared who met the youngster's eyes again; he would have to come to grips with this whole stomach thing if he was going to do this. He wondered how long it would take to get used to Alex's smile, things should get easier after that.
"You bowl?" Jared sounded surprised, and Alex laughed.
"No, but it seemed like something an old guy would like to do." This time Jared laughed too. He supposed he asked for that.
"Bowling's okay, we can do that. If you don't know how, I'll teach you. Now, the rain's stopped, and I think you should go home before someone comes looking for you." Alex glanced with surprise at the windows of the truck. He hesitated, and Jared gave in to the urge to muss his hair. It slid like satin through his fingers and he jerked his hand away. Rules, he needed a few. Rule #1: No Touching.
Aloud, he said, "There's a bowling alley down the street from the Dollar K. I'll see you there tomorrow about one. Is that good for you?"
Alex froze under Jared's touch then grinned from ear to ear. "Yes," he said, "I mean, yeah that's good." He blushed again, opening the pickup door, sliding out quickly. "See ya then." It was still drizzling and he didn't wait for an answer. Jared watched him go.
"You are going to regret this." He told himself, but the knowledge didn't stop the grin spreading across his face.
Boundaries
Jared stood in the parking lot staring at the bowling alley sign, wondering what he'd been thinking. Alex was probably already in there, renting shoes. The idea made him shudder. What kind of sport demanded a person wear used shoes? He'd never been bowling in his life. Alex's taunting made it seem like a good idea, now he wasn't so sure. Gathering the rags of his courage, he breathed deeply to calm his nerves and went into the building.
The noise level was explosive, balls rolling on wooden floors and clobbering wooden pins, people talking and laughing, and music playing loud enough to hear over all of it. Jared looked around trying to get his bearings, straight ahead was a big round kiosk. There was a register and a gum-popping girl talking to a boy. The pink bubbles were the brightest thing about her. Everything else Jared could see was black, from her badly dyed hair to the jeans hugging her hips. Earrings climbed both ears and studs decorated her brows, nose, and lips. A tattoo of barbed wire wrapped around one wrist.
Jared studied her black lips and fingernails, wondering if it was safe to approach. He walked forward slowly, and she noticed him about the time he reached the counter. She waved the boy away and turned her attention to Jared, her dark eyes speculative. Jared decided he was going to buy a t-shirt that said, "too vanilla for you," and wear it all the time. The thought made him laugh and a pierced brow hiked up her forehead.
"Are you laughing at me?" she demanded, her expression suddenly stormy. Jared swallowed. He was bad at talking to girls; he always screwed it up. He shook his head.
"Not at all, I was laughing at myself." Her expression remained suspicious. Jared sighed. "Honestly, I accepted an invitation to come bowling and I've never done it before. I was wondering why I did."
She cracked a smile. "Bowling is great, you'll love it." Her enthusiasm made Jared smile. He hadn't thought of bowling as a Goth activity, but he supposed they had to do something besides sit around and brood. She appeared to be running out of piercing room. "Come on, we'll get your shoes and have you settled before your girl gets here, she'll never know."
By the time Jared had shoes, a ball, and a crash course in bowling, he decided that his shirt would have to say, "I'm too vanilla for you, I'm gay, and I don't bowl." He might have to gain some weight to get it all on there but it was important stuff. He watched the other bowlers, trying to memorize their movements when someone plopped into the chair beside him. Startled, he turned to face Alex, who had an odd expression on his face.
"Dirty shoes, and why are they so ugly?" Alex demanded looking down at the green and red shoes on his feet with something close to amazement on his face. Jared followed Alex's gaze, they were ugly alright.
"Probably so no one steals them," It was the only reason he could think of. Alex looked dubious.
"Steal dirty shoes?" He grimaced and Jared guessed that the fact he had them on at all was a revelation of how much Alex wanted to spend time with him or maybe it was the other way around. He flexed his toes in the shoes and suppressed a shudder.
"Maybe if we play we'll forget about it?" he suggested impulsively. Alex looked up and grinned.
"Sure, what do we do first?" His question reminded Jared he had no idea at all. The Goth girl had put a score sheet on the table in the middle of a horseshoe of chairs. The section serviced two lanes; thankfully, the one adjacent to theirs was empty.
"Just roll the ball," he said.
Alex looked at him expectantly, so he stood up, slowly. Confession was good for the soul; he should admit that he'd never set foot in a bowling alley before this. He walked over and picked up the ball he decided was about right for him. The lane was long and shiny. He stared at the ball then looked down to where the pins stood, daring him to try. How hard could it be? He tried to copy the other bowlers. Unfortunately, he underestimated his own strength, and the ball soared almost halfway down the lane before hitting the floor. It hit hard, turning heads. It rolled slowly and nudged over one pin before falling into the gutter. He stood staring, unwilling to turn around and face Alex, who sounded like he might be choking to death. His face flamed. The ball return coughed up the ball, but he didn't move to pick it up.
Then he remembered he had another chance. Well, if they gave two chances for each turn maybe it was harder than it looked. He would be careful not to throw the ball this time to avoid the whole flying missile thing.
Reluctantly, he picked up the ball; aware more pairs of eyes were on him than just Alex's. He paused to collect his composure; he hated being the center of attention. The only way out was to do it. He managed to keep from throwing the ball, but instead of rolling down the lane, it immediately turned right and straight into the gutter, rattling its way past the pins without so much as a "how are you?" At least it was over. Alex gave up trying not to laugh and howled. Jared turned to glare at him.
"That was interesting." Alex gasped, undaunted by Jared's glower.
Jared sat down in the chair behind the scoring table. He wrote a "1" in the first empty place next to his name and a "0" in the next little box. He looked over at Alex.
"Your turn," he said, cheering considerably when Alex stopped laughing. Alex stared at him.
"Do you have something to tell me?" he asked.
Jared tried to suppress a smile but failed. "I can't imagine what, since it's so freaking obvious that I've never done this before in my life." They laughed together and Alex retrieved his ball. He hit the gutter twice, though both his attempts were more elegantly executed than either of Jared's. He threw himself down into his seat in disgust as Jared recorded his zeros.
"Let's play low score wins," Alex suggested hopefully.
Jared stood for his next round of humiliation. He glanced at the score sheet, it seemed like his one might be the only point scored in the game. He picked up his ball.
"No way," he said, taking his turn with grim determination. It turned out that grim determination was not the answer. He recorded another pair of zeros while Alex warily picked up his ball.
"You can do it." Jared tried to encourage him, but Alex cut him a look that said clearly what the boy thought of the attempt. The man suppressed a laugh. Alex did a little better that time, catching the edge of the pins on his second try and knocking down three of them. He gloated while Jared grudgingly wrote down his score.
Jared got to his feet and headed for his ball. He couldn't remember ever thinking about a ball as his enemy before, but this one lay there smug and gleaming, eager to humiliate him again.
"I'll help!" Alex announced, bouncing to his feet. Jared turned to look at him. Help?
Well, there was no arguing with the fact that three equaled more than one. He supposed he should take what he could get. He shrugged and turned to face the lane. Alex came up behind him, too close. Jared felt Alex's breath on the back of his neck just as the boy took hold of his wrist to pull his hand back. Jared gasped every nerve ending in his body came alive, panicked he jerked away.
"Rules. You're only fifteen, no touching." Jared snapped, heart pounding he worried Alex would read his arousal for what it was. Alex frowned. Jared waited him out; if Alex pushed a friendship between them was impossible. Five years wasn't a lot, but Alex was a minor. Jared shifted anxiously waiting for Alex's reaction to what was sure to be just the first of many rules it was going to work between them.
"Whatever, but that means you have to do it yourself again." Alex smirked and sat back down.
Jared relaxed. He hadn't meant to present the no contact rule that way, it just happened, but he couldn't think when Alex was so close. Alex took it well; Jared hoped he was okay with just being friends.
Jared chose to ignore how much he wanted more. He wasn't stupid. He understood his standards wouldn't stop Alex from being touched, just that it would be someone else kissing him, holding him, and loving him. Something inside Jared tore at the thought of anyone else having Alex. Jared turned, took the required steps, and threw the ball as if the pins were the men in Alex's future. His strike stunned both of them. Alex whooped and Jared grinned from ear to ear. The boy threw himself into his arms in a hug of celebration, his delight overcoming the new boundary.
"You did it!" Alex grinned, his face shining with pride. Jared forced a grin and stepped away from Alex, his eyes shadowed.
"Oh, I did it all right," he agreed. His jaw clenched and he went to write down his score. "Your turn."
Like a Rock
"He's solid."
"Solid?"
"Yeah, like a rock or something."
Jared leaned against a tree, staring out over the lake. On the other side of the foliage, Alex chatted with Clark. They didn't see him and it seemed like the smart thing would be to stay quiet and let them move on when they were ready. By the time Jared realized they were talking about him, it was too late to reveal himself. He shifted position so he could see them through the leaves. Alex sat on a bench, facing the water. He leaned forward, his forearms braced on his thighs with his dark head bent over his hands. He turned something over in his fingers, but Jared couldn't see what it was.
"A rock?" Clark sat beside him, arms stretched along the back of the bench, watching the ducks and the scantily clad girls go by. "I didn't think he looked all that strong... not that I was looking or anything." Alex cut a look at him then returned his attention to whatever he had in his hands. Jared bit back a laugh.
"I didn't mean that, but I saw him without his shirt when we went to the gym." Alex said, "He's built, not like a rock... more like... I don't know. He's perfect. He's got freckles on his shoulders, not a lot, just scattered across. Cause he's a redhead, I guess."
Jared's face burned as he listened to the boy struggle to describe his body. Clark frowned, looking away from a particularly bouncy blonde to look at Alex.
"He doesn't have red hair."
It was a statement, not a question, but the protest didn't surprise Jared. His hair was so dark that unless the light was exactly right almost no one noticed the auburn. Alex turned to look at Clark; his curls caressed his collar, making Jared's fingers itch.
"It doesn't look red because it's so dark, but in the sun... oh my God." Alex paused before he spoke again. "He's got freckles on his nose too. And he's young, a lot younger than I thought." He turned his attention back to his fingers and Clark went back to duck watching.
"Oh, I thought it was brown," he said, and then with more interest, "How young?" Alex's fingers stopped moving.
"Not young enough, he won't touch me." His voice became pained, but colored with understanding. "We're friends though, I think."
There was silence between them for a while then Clark picked up the thread of conversation once more.
"I still don't get why he's a rock."
"His nature," Alex told him quietly. "He means what he says, you know? And he's got... I don't know what to call it... but if he thinks something is wrong, he won't do it. Sucks sometimes, but hardly anyone is like that. I can believe what he says."
He grinned, and even in profile, he took Jared's breath away.
"Bet I could make him like a rock somewhere else if he gave me half a chance." Alex laughed and tossed his hair out of his face.
"That's way too much information." Clark said. They stood to leave, "I really don't want to know the details." Alex dropped whatever was in his hand and slung his arm around his friend's shoulders. Jared was surprised when Clark didn't shrug him away.
"I'll remember that the next time you want me to look at some chick's fake tits," Alex said.
"That's the weirdest part of this whole gay thing," Clark said. "You really don't like tits?" They were far enough away Jared couldn't hear Alex's reply, but the boys' laughter carried back to him.
Jared walked over to where they had been sitting. There, on the ground, was a smooth, dark stone. He picked it up, turning it over in his fingers; it was still warm from Alex's hand. Alex liked Jared's freckles and his hair. Jared stared at the rock, remembering what Alex said about him. Probably the first time anyone ever said he had a perfect body, and the idea made him laugh. Alex needed to get out more. But Jared would never forget that what Alex liked most about him was something he didn't even have a word for. Integrity. Without a doubt the best compliment Jared had ever received. He dropped the rock into his pocket and continued his run.
Decision
A co-worker stopped by the office to tell Alex's dad that he saw Alex out a couple times with a guy he didn't recognize. Once at the bowling alley, when he was practicing for his league, and a second time in line at the theater, when he dropped his son off with some friends.
"They weren't doing anything wrong," Bill assured him, "at least, nothing I saw. You know there weren't any signs of drinking or drugs, nothing like that, but..." he hesitated, at a loss for words, and his silence stirred a fear in Frank's heart, a fear he'd been struggling with for a couple years. He was sure Alex identified as gay. Frank understood Bill's carefully worded warning, but also resented it. He struggled with his emotions in an effort to maintain control. Bill shrugged in the midst of the silence, looking uncomfortable.
"I thought you should know," he said, and after a few polite exchanges about work and the well-being of their families, he made an excuse to escape. Frank had a difficult time finishing the day. Bill's assurances that he didn't notice anything wrong rang false. The previous summer Frank tried talking to Alex about his orientation, but Alex closed up tighter than a clam, shrugging him off. His grades were down, and now Frank thought he knew why. The only question that remained was what he was going to do about it.
Alex wasn't old enough to drive, walking almost everywhere he went. He called out where he was going then headed out the door and down the road to town. That weekend, when Alex headed for the bowling alley, Frank waited a few minutes then followed him. He parked in the bowling alley lot where he could see the door but Alex wouldn't likely spot the car. It wasn't long before Alex appeared. He walked up singing and reached in his pocket to turn off his iPod as he glanced around. He grinned and tossed his apple core into the trash before heading into the building. Frank wondered which car Alex had searched for but none of them volunteered any information; nothing beyond a "trust Jesus now" bumper sticker on the trunk of a yellow Toyota and a rainbow peace sign in the side window of a Volkswagen Bug.
Frank hesitated before going inside; he disliked spying on his son. Alex had never given him reason to distrust him, but Frank was determined to keep him safe. His mind made up, he went in. It was busy and loud, with a snack bar at one end and full service, café style restaurant at the other. Rows of video games lined the walls, college students gathered around each one. Standing between the other activities and the bowling lanes were rows of wooden stands filled with balls. Frank remembered bowling balls being black, and a lot of them were, but the entire spectrum of the rainbow was evident as well. Frank frowned; he really didn't want to think about rainbows at that moment.
Frank kept a sharp look out as he wound through the crowd, finally spotting Alex at a set of lanes on the end near the snack bar. He and Clark were putting on their shoes. Frank smiled at the sight of his son wearing borrowed shoes. He wasn't sure he'd believe it if he hadn't seen it. Alex was weird about other people's sweat.
Frank found a seat at the snack bar and ordered a soda. The boys were more interested in scanning the crowd than getting ready to bowl. Then Clark elbowed Alex, nodding towards the front. Frank turned on his stool, following their line of sight. He expected to see a young lady with nice... assets. Clark had a reputation, around their house, for his great appreciation for a girl with curves. What Frank saw was a young man with longish brown hair. He looked just a few years older than the boys were, but it was enough. He was a man, while they still clung to the edges of childhood, and Frank's guard went up. Every instinct demanded that he get Alex out of there, but it was an unreasonable impulse, and he squelched it.
Frank remembered what it was like to be young, and how he and his friends liked hanging out with the older boys in an effort to meet girls. He relaxed a little, imagining a new motivation behind Alex's friendship with the young man. Clark being there helped put things in better perspective. Frank considered leaving but didn't, enjoying this peek into his very private son's social life. The young man sat next to Alex and changed his shoes. He made a face, and they shared a joke, clearly at the expense of the horrendous shoes. The newcomer was attractive and seemed friendly, and the boys were comfortable with him. The three had a good-natured argument over who would bowl first, looking like none of them wanted to do it. Finally, the oldest shrugged and got to his feet. Once he started, it was obvious he didn't know how to bowl. In fact, by the time they all took a turn, it looked like none of them had a clue what they were doing, but they were having fun, and Frank supposed that was the point.
They were into the second game before it sank in for Frank that for Alex, fun wasn't the only point. For Clark, it was about the girls and he scanned for them continually. When he saw one worthy of notice, he'd drag Alex's attention to her. Alex looked and made some remark that satisfied Clark, but his eyes always returned to the young man with them. He watched the other man constantly. Once, when the guy took his turn, Alex leaned and whispered something to Clark. Clark turned to look then made a face. He knocked his shoulder against Alex's, affectionately, but didn't agree with what Alex said. He shrugged and went back to watching.
Bill was right, the boys did nothing wrong, not a single touch passed between Alex and the other man, and yet, it was impossible to deny what was there. The attraction between them reflected in their body language, in their expressions, but was revealed most clearly by the way they never touched. Dead giveaway. Alex and Clark touched constantly; they roughhoused, gave noogies, touched fists, and knocked shoulders. Touching was natural and right between them. They'd been best friends almost since diapers, but this new friend, the one Frank's son couldn't keep his eyes off, never made contact, not even a high five when he finally knocked over a few pins.
The younger boys approached the snack bar to get a drink and Frank hunched over his soda, feeling like a traitor. Before this, he thought if he ever found out what he suspected about Alex was true, it'd make him angry. Instead, his heart ached. His son was a stranger, and he didn't know what to do about it. Frank could easily see the hardship ahead for Alex if he continued in the direction he was going. Frank didn't want that for him. Not exactly the life he imagined for his brilliant boy.
Frank didn't know anything about being gay. He wanted to help Alex. Not anything like sending him off to some psycho place to de-gay him, but get him away, make sure he understood his options. Clark's voice pulled Frank from the dismal pit of his thoughts.
"I thought he liked you," Clark complained, waiting for their fries too cook. Alex glanced around furtively.
"Shhh, what if someone hears?" he muttered, turning slightly towards Clark muffling his next words, but Frank could make them out, "I told you, he won't touch me. The first rule, because he says I'm too young." Alex's irritation was obvious, but so was his admiration. "He promised himself. Jared always keeps his promises. Because he's got integrity." Alex thanked the girl behind the counter for his food and drink, oblivious when she tried to flirt with him.
They gathered their food and headed back to the lanes.
Frank bit back a smile. He didn't have to see the eye roll accompanying Alex's tone. He'd been on the receiving end often enough.
"He says I have to have it too. It's especially important for gay men to mean what they say." Alex drank some of his soda; they were almost out of earshot. "We have a lot of fun, but sometimes, I think he's teaching me everything I didn't want to know about being gay. I mean, geez, how 'bout some sex, you know?"
Clark nodded with abject sympathy. Frank stared thoughtfully into his soda. He didn't want to hear his son talking about sex, but obviously every boy wanted it, regardless of orientation. Frank took a long drink of his Coke, wishing there was some rum in it, maybe a lot of rum. He turned back to watch his son.
When the boys got back to the lanes they settled the food, and Alex handed the guy, Jared, his name was Jared, the cup he'd been drinking from. Still no touching, but Jared's gaze held Alex's when he took the cup and drank from the same straw. Frank left. The only other option was to make a scene and that would get him nowhere.
Jared seemed like a good guy. He was being careful of Frank's boy. Things could be much worse, but Frank still worried. Alex was too young to make the kind of life altering decision Frank saw in Alex's expression when he looked at Jared. If Alex was really gay, Frank knew he couldn't change that, but he could give Alex something the boy didn't know he needed.
Time.
Frank intended to give Alex that time, even if his son hated him for it.
Introspection
Jared dropped into the booth across from Alex. The small restaurant attached to the bowling alley was busy. The confusion made the table where they sat an oasis of calm. The shouts, laughter, and chatter assured their privacy. Alex pushed his basket of fries toward the center of the table in silent invitation. Jared grabbed a handful and settled back.
"So what's going on with you?" He asked with a grin before starting on the fries. Alex shrugged, eating another fry, one elbow on the table, chin propped in the heel of his hand. He didn't meet Jared's eyes, a sure sign something was wrong.
"I don't know, it's stupid. I'm stupid, life's stupid." He looked up. "Everything's stupid but you,"
Jared struggled to hold back a laugh. He picked up his Coke, taking a drink.
"Dude, I just meant, how are you," Jared said, and Alex blushed. He remained slumped over his snack, shaking his head.
"Sorry," he muttered. Jared turned to lean against the wall, stretching his long legs along the bench. He ate a fry while studying Alex's unusually downcast appearance.
"Why are you stupid?" Jared asked.
If anything, the question made the boy worse, hunching his shoulders, and staring miserably into his chocolate shake.
"It's just, IkeephavingdreamsaboutClark," he said in such a rush that Jared had to take a second to sort out the words. Upon figuring it out, it was another struggle to keep his amusement contained.
"Maybe you are secretly in love with him," Jared suggested. The look on Alex's face was priceless.
"If you can't say something useful then shut up," he muttered, "we all know I'm in love with..."
"...the idea of getting laid." Interrupting Alex before any harm was done; Jared sat up, his feet hitting the floor. He leaned forward, resting his forearms on the table. Alex snorted his disgust at Jared's obvious diversionary tactic but let it go.
"Yeah, that's it, because Clark's so hot he's irresistible to all humankind," Alex said. Clark chose that minute to plop down beside Alex.
"Well that's not news," Clark said, grabbing a handful of fries, uninvited, from the quickly diminishing supply. He shoved them into his mouth and reached for Alex's shake. "Do you think I should be nervous? What with my fag friends talking about how hot I am and all." Alex shoved Clark so hard he almost fell off the end of the booth. Clark burst out laughing, raising his hands in surrender.
"Kidding man, kidding!" He choked on his fries, and Alex pounded his back in an effort to keep him from dying. Eyes watering, Clark gulped down half of Alex's milkshake.
When he could breathe again, he settled back in the booth. "What are we talking about?"
Alex shot a pleading look in Jared's direction. Jared gave up his efforts at restraint and laughed at them.
"We were trying to decide who the hottest straight guy we know is, and your name may have come up." Jared winked at him and Clark blushed.
"Cut it out," he muttered, ducking his head, "so did Al tell you the news?" Clark changed the subject and Alex looked horrified.
"Clark, shut up!" he exclaimed, shoving the fry basket in front of him, "eat or something." Clark looked between Jared and Alex, his expression smug.
"You haven't told him!" exclaimed Clark, with nothing short of glee. "OW!" He almost hit his head on the table grabbing his leg. "You don't have to kick me."
"Punching isn't polite," Alex glared.
Clark chuckled into his pilfered food, not looking at all sorry.
"Told me what?" Jared asked. Every so often, it was obvious his new friends were fifteen, or less, like maybe two. Alex stared at the stained laminate tabletop.
Clark glanced at him and shrugged. "Not that big a deal," he said. His shoulder bumped Alex's. "Dude says he's not sure if he's gay. Crazy talk, he's the biggest faggot I know. Almost." His eyes met Jared's eyes, sparkling with mischief and waiting to see if Jared would take the bait. Jared ignored him. Alex shook his head, hunching his shoulders in a failed effort at hiding.
"Let's go," Jared said. The boys stared at him.
"Where?" Clark asked around the fries he was stuffing in his mouth, alarmed he might not get to finish.
"For a walk," Jared said, reaching to rough Alex's hair, "no big deal."
Clark scooped the remaining fries in one hand, grabbing the shake with his other. He followed Jared. Alex joined them, lagging behind and looking unhappy. Once out of the noisy chaos of the bowling alley, Jared led them to his truck.
"That'll be riding." Clark pointed out, washing the final fries down with the last slurp of the shake.
"Clark, just shut up," Alex begged, looking less upset than before, aiming a kick at Clark's ankle. Ready for the much-played game, Clark sidestepped, while pretending not to notice Alex's attempt at violence. Jared retrieved a Frisbee from under the seat.
"Walking," he assured Clark, leading them towards the park. It was a fifteen-minute walk, and the younger guys cut up all the way, bouncing off each other and tormenting Jared. The park spread out in front of them with jogging trails cut through the lush green grass and strategically placed groups of trees. The centerpiece of the park was the small lake inhabited by ducks, frogs, and fish. Toddlers fished for minnows. Joggers ignored the world, and small clusters of people walked and talked together. The young outnumbered the old, two to one. The population of the college kept the town alive; the young people its lifeblood. Clark took off, cutting across grass and jogging paths.
"Hit me!" he yelled, turning to run backwards, hands up for the Frisbee.
"I wish," muttered Alex.
Jared laughed, throwing the blue disk in Clark's direction. The teen jumped as it passed just over his fingers.
"That sucked," he called over his shoulder, running after the disk. Jared shrugged.
"Never said I was good," he yelled back. Alex fell into step beside Jared. Their shoulders brushed and Alex tensed but Jared didn't move away. The Frisbee sailed back at them, and Jared let Alex chase it. He wondered what Clark meant by his little comment about Alex. He hadn't sensed any hesitation in Alex over his sexual identity. Jared thought the boy had more confidence than Jared had at that age. Jared was thankful for the supportive parents who'd seen him through crisis after crisis as he tried to figure out who he was. He didn't think Alex was struggling that way, but maybe he was wrong. They had almost closed the distance to Clark; Jared snagged the Frisbee out of the air, and sent it flying. Clark took off after it, throwing a glance back at Jared that said he knew what was up; his full out run slowing to a trot and then a walk.
Jared led Alex to a nearby bench. The same one Clark and Alex sat on the morning he accidently eavesdropped on them. Jared put a hand in his pocket, separating the smooth stone from his change and rubbing it. He didn't want to disappoint Alex. Somehow, he let the boy set him on a pedestal so high he had trouble keeping his balance.
"Want to talk about it?" he asked. Alex leaned forward, staring at the ground. He gave a half shrug.
"Not really, stupid dreams about Clark. And..." Alex shifted uncomfortably and Jared waited patiently beside him. Clark ran up with the Frisbee, dropping it at Jared's feet.
"I'm gonna get some duck food, I'll be back," Clark announced to the air in general and disappeared. Jared shook his head; for an oblivious buffoon, Clark could pick up on a clue when he felt like it.
"He's a good friend," Alex muttered, staring after Clark, watching him run towards the vendor's cart where a guy sold everything from peanuts to duck chow.
"He is, so why don't you take this chance to tell me what else you've been dreaming about," Jared encouraged. Alex sank back onto the bench with a sigh.
"Girls," he confessed. "I keep dreaming about Clark and girls. I'm afraid to go to sleep. Clark's bad enough, but girls? That part happens when I'm awake too. It's just, I don't get it. Maybe I'm not gay."
Jared ran a hand through his hair. It was the stereotypical pitfall of boys, both gay and straight. See a guy, get turned on, and it's "Oh my God, I'm gay." See a girl, get turned on, and it's "Oh my God, I'm straight."
"It's not that easy, you know," Jared said, settling back on the bench, "You can't really determine your sexuality by who you have sex with."
Alex looked at him, mouth opening in protest.
Jared held up a hand, forestalling what he was going to say. "Yeah, yeah, or who you think you want to do it with. Truth is, if a guy lets his little head take charge, he'll screw anything, especially when he's fifteen."
Alex rubbed his palms along his thighs. "I don't get it, I thought guy on guy sex was being gay," he said.
Jared thought for a minute. "Ok, take those idiots online, posting videos. Not that you've ever seen them, being so innocent and all. But there are guys screwing watermelons, to name a tame item. So what does that say about their sexual orientation?"
"That they are some kinda losers," Clark dropped beside Jared on the bench, edging him closer to Alex. Clark sprawled beside them, digging into his bag of duck chow. "I told him he's still gay, but he's confused. Don't know why. The only person he really wants to fuck is..."
Alex leaned past Jared and punched Clark hard in the leg.
"How many times do I have to tell you to shut it?" Alex flopped back against the bench, and Clark shut it, tossing a handful of feed to the ducks.
"Well, Clark's right, they probably are losers, but useful at the moment because they prove my point. Little head is so eager to do his thing that he messes with big head. Guys do stupid stuff, like drill holes in watermelons, or screw the stuffing in a turkey." He had more to say, but Clark stared at him in horror.
"Dude, did he eat it?" Clark sounded so aghast that Jared had to laugh.
"Served it to guests, I believe." Jared teased. Clark gagged, and Alex looked a bit pale around the gills.
"That is sort of nasty," Alex said. "Why would a guy wake up and say, "I think I'll screw the turkey today?"
"Ah, yeah, that's my point, I doubt he got up and said that. I think it's more like, 'Dude, that turkey is warm and that stuffing is soft. I wonder how it'd feel if I... ahhhhh'." Jared tried to say it with a straight face, but with teenage boys groaning, howling, and falling off the edge of the bench, it proved impossible. The ducks were very interested in Clark rolling around, losing duck chow everywhere, and when he finally came to a stop one perched on his butt. He lay on his stomach staring up at Jared.
"We did not need a blow by blow description," he said.
"Blow!" Alex yelled, and they both lost it again.
Jared sat on the bench, looking over the pond while they rolled around his feet.
"So what's wrong with me?" Alex sat up, crossing his legs Indian style.
"Where to start," Jared muttered, and Alex glared.
Clark barked another laugh.
"Alex, you have to stop judging yourself by the standards of society. Try pretending being gay is the same as being straight. Because it is, you know. Only society makes a difference between them, but you have to learn to accept yourself. Stop worrying about 'what' you are. Straight guys never think about it. You have to believe that being gay is normal. Really believe it, and you'll be fine." Jared met Alex's eyes, trying not to get lost in the incredible rich color. He couldn't afford that. "Society says if you have intercourse with men, and you are a man, then you're gay. That's flawed logic. If guys can screw watermelons and turkeys, then gay guys can do girls and straight ones can make it with guys. It's what's going on in your head that defines your orientation." Jared leaned forward. "Where do you see yourself in ten years, Alex? When you fantasize about your future, who are you with? Those things, more than anything else, reveal your orientation."
Alex looked at Jared, his eyes thoughtful. Clark grabbed for the Frisbee and jumped up, shedding duck chow and ducks. Alex got to his feet, dusting off his jeans.
"In ten years, I'll be a graduate of MIT. I'll have my degree in architecture, and I'll be partners with the best contractor in the business." His eyes glinted with mischief, and something more, something a little darker and a whole lot more dangerous. He held Jared's gaze. "And I'll wake up every morning next to you."
Clark winked. "Told you he was still gay." They took off across the grass.
Clark wouldn't throw the Frisbee, so Alex tackled him. Jared stared after them, but his attention fixed on Alex. Jared indulged himself, watching Alex play, the movement of his body, the flash of the sun on his dark curls, and his smile that lit the world. After a few minutes, Jared laughed, bringing his flighty thoughts back to reality. Alex was fifteen; his dreams would change a hundred times before realizing one. When he was grown and ready for a lover, Jared would be a thing of his past.
"Jared, come on!" Alex yelled, and even though the books needed balancing before Monday, Jared played Frisbee with the boys.
Wisdom
"I saw you at the ice cream shop the other day."
Jared met his mother's eyes across the table. They ate lunch together several times a week, a habit Jared enjoyed.
"And you didn't offer to buy me a cone?" he teased, flashing his smile.
They were at her favorite restaurant, a small English pub that served wonderful food in an intimate atmosphere. Even at midday, the lighting subdued, a single lamp cast an island of light around their table.
"You weren't alone," she said, concern evident in her eyes and her tone. But she didn't pry. His mother never did.
"Alex," Jared said, wondering exactly what he revealed in how he said the name. It was too familiar on his tongue. He tried to keep a grip on his feelings for Alex but was sinking a little deeper every day. His heart more entangled with each meeting. "It's nothing mom, just a kid I met a few weeks ago. I hang out with him and a friend sometimes. I wouldn't let it be anything else."
She didn't comment. Her eyes, the same blue as his, said it all. Jared took a bite of his baked potato, but it tasted like sawdust in his mouth. He didn't want to lie to his mother, silence was safer. She reached across the table to lay her hand on his arm. Her touch as gentle and reassuring as when he was a boy.
"I know that, Jared. You are too good a man to do..." She stopped short, but it hung unspoken between them, 'to do what David did to you.'
It was something Jared tried to erase from his memory. The older man had taken him under his wing when Jared was sixteen, and under the guise of mentoring him, David encouraged Jared's budding sexuality. He said everything Alex wanted to hear from Jared. Words of love and promises he didn't mean. After the sacrificing of Jared's innocence, David disappeared.
"It's okay Mom, I've dealt with it." Jared covered her hand with his, aware how rough his touch must feel on her soft skin. Construction wasn't a gentle way to earn a living. She smiled, staring at his hand.
"You have your father's hands," she said, "and his heart. Jared, I'm not worried that you'll do anything inappropriate or hurt that boy. I'm worried that you don't guard yourself as carefully as you do others. You are in love with him. Maybe no one else sees it, but I do. What will you do when he grows up?"
Holding her gaze, Jared gave her the only answer he could. The truth.
"I'll let him go."
The Inevitable
"Jared!"
The door to Jared's office flew open, banging against the wall behind it. Jared's head jerked up. His office was in his garage, open to the public, but it was rare for anyone to show up there. He did the lion's share of his business over the phone. Alex burst into the room, his eyes wide with panic. Alarmed, Jared rushed to meet him. The distressed teenager threw himself into Jared's arms, clinging to him.
"Don't let him, Jared. You have to tell him he can't do it. You have to help me!" Alex, crying and out of breath, made it impossible for Jared to make heads or tails of what he was trying to say.
"Here, Alex, sit down and calm down. No one is going to hurt you. I'll get you some water." When Jared returned with the bottle of water, Alex was calmer. He took a long drink and dashed the tears from his eyes.
"I knew you'd help me," he said with a little hiccup. His eyes were red rimmed from crying, but Jared couldn't see any sign of an injury.
He leaned back on the edge of his desk, close to Alex. "Help you? What's wrong?" Jared asked. "Did someone hurt you?"
"It's my Dad." Tears threatened again, and Alex scrubbed at his eyes furiously.
"Your Dad hurt you?" Jared leaned over Alex and cupped his chin, lifting the boy's face to look again for signs of abuse.
"No," Alex pulled away, shifting in his chair. "Yes. I mean, he didn't hit me, or anything. It's just, he's sending me away. He can't do it! I won't go! I won't. You have to stop him, Jared. I can't leave. I can't."
Jared stared at Alex, overwhelmed by the flood of mixed emotions brought on by his words. Sharp tearing pain at the thought of Alex leaving warred with the relief that he wouldn't have to keep fighting his baser instincts. Jared didn't have time to indulge his inner turmoil, Alex needed him. He grabbed his desk chair and pulled it around to sit in front of Alex.
"Alex, you have to calm down. Tell me what happened." Jared's calm had the desired effect on the boy. Alex took another drink of water and a deep breath.
"I want to go to MIT," Alex said, "Dad says that my school here isn't preparing me for the demands of a college like that. He found some high school he wants me to go to, to get me ready for it."
"A prep school," Jared said, and Alex nodded.
"Yeah, that's what he called it. A prep school. He said if I go, college won't be such a struggle for me. He tried to make it sound all about school, but I think he knows about us." Alex's breathing quickened; he looked close to another panic attack. Jared wasn't about to let him run.
"We're just friends, Alex, it's not a secret," Jared reminded him.
It was a partial truth. They didn't hide their meetings. Jared made sure when he was with the boys, they weren't alone. However, he'd never tried to meet Alex's parents. He thought Alex would introduce them when he was ready. He never had.
"It doesn't matter, he knows. He said I need time away to get my head straight and figure out my life." Alex's hands fisted. "I know what I want. I don't need time."
Agitated, Jared ran a hand through his hair. "Of course you need time, you're fifteen. You aren't living your adult life; you're just on the edge of it."
Anger darkened Alex's eyes. "You sound like him."
Jared didn't back down. "That's because he makes sense, and if his motives aren't pure, well, whose are?" Jared was harsher than he meant to be, his love for Alex a guilty weight in his heart. He wanted to be there for him, to help him find his place in life, but it wasn't selfless motivation. He loved Alex, wanted him. Those things made him an undue influence in the boy's life. Getting him away was the best thing, and doing it without mention of the Alex's sexuality was compassionate and brilliant. Jared was impressed.
Alex was not. "You want me to leave! You're tired of me, and you want me to go away!" He jumped up, but Jared pushed him back into the chair with a firm hand on his shoulder.
"Listen to yourself, Alex. You sound like a ten year old. I don't want you to leave, and if I live to be a hundred and twenty, I couldn't get tired of you. The thing is, we can rant and rail all we want, but it comes down to one thing. You can't stop it, and neither can I. He's your father. He can send you to prep school if that's his decision. You do have a choice. You can't choose to go or stay, that's out of your hands. You can choose how you'll go. Are you going to leave screaming, yelling, and throwing tantrums like a two year old, or are you going to accept your fate with quiet dignity like a man? This is a huge opportunity, you can waste it with childishness, or you can make the most of it."
"You make it sound easy," Alex grumbled, sinking into his chair. The tantrum was over and he was listening.
"It's not easy. Stuff like this never is. A year and a half ago, I was in college. One day, they came, got me out of class, and took me to a counselor's office. My mom was on the phone when I got there. My father had a heart attack and he died. It was hard. I lost my best friend that day. It took a little longer for me to realize the rest." He gave Alex a steady look. "I lost my life. College was over. I had to come home and take over the business. The contracting company was my mother's sole support, and it was putting me through college. Dad wanted me to graduate and come back as a full partner. Instead, my father was gone, and I was the sole owner at nineteen. I had to make a choice and I did. I accepted the change in my plans and I've made the most of it. It's not easy, but it was the right thing to do." Silence fell between them.
"Telling me about your dad dying isn't playing fair," Alex muttered. "And you always do the right thing, it's pretty annoying really."
Jared huffed out a laugh. "I'm evil that way. Look, Alex, I'm not suggesting that what's happening to you is the same as me losing my dad, but leaving is going to affect your life just as drastically. I don't always do the right thing, but I try. I know you've heard that saying about how women have to be twice as good as a man before they are accepted as an equal. That's true about us too. People have odd ideas about gay men. We're the only ones that can teach them better. I told you before; we have to be twice as strong, twice as brave, just to get half the credit. It's even worse for you because you're still so young. Your parents see a boy, show them the man."
Jared watched the boy square his shoulders. A light came into his eyes.
"I really can't stop this, can I?" His tone pleaded for Jared to take it back, but it was beyond Jared's ability to fix and he shook his head.
"I can't help, Alex, I wish I could." Despite his initial relief that Alex wouldn't be there for him to mess up, Jared's heart ached with the knowledge the end came much sooner than anticipated. His life would be a darker place without Alex and his thousand-watt smile.
"I have to just accept it?"
"Not at all, you can argue your side. If your Dad doesn't come around to your way of thinking, and he probably won't, then find a way to show you are cooperating under protest."
"Dignity and self-respect," Alex mumbled. "It's all you talk about sometimes, even when you don't say it. Is that really all that matters?"
They were on their feet, and Jared led Alex to the door. He looked at the boy's earnest face, the stain of his tears still on his cheeks. Jared wanted to touch him, to offer physical comfort, not just rationale, but he didn't dare. He couldn't trust himself.
"What else is there?" he asked.
Alex's eyes narrowed, and without warning, he crowded Jared against the door.
"This." Alex reached out grabbing Jared's hair, pulling him down into a kiss. Their breath mingled and their lips met. With a low moan of desperation, Jared pulled Alex hard against him. He needed this so much. Alex surged forward and when Jared lifted him off the floor, Alex's legs wrapped around his waist. Jared turned, pinning Alex against the wall with his body. His big hands cupped Alex's face, his thumbs caressing smooth cheeks. His mouth slanted, demanding and hungry, over Alex's. Their tongues tangled and Alex pulled hard on Jared's hair, rutting against him.
The sounds he made, agonizing whimpers of need, brought Jared back to his senses. He jerked away so fast he dropped Alex. Stumbling, Alex regained his balance, unable to tear his eyes away from Jared's.
"Holy crap. Is it always like that?"
Jared struggled to regain control. Alex's eyes, dark with need, wide with surprise, were a magnet to Jared's raging lust.
"No, no, it's not. It's never like that. You have to go."
Wide eyed at Jared's reaction and stunned by the demands of his own body, Alex fled.
On a Jet Plane
8 fri nite gate c
Jared stared at the text from Alex. They hadn't seen one another since the afternoon Alex burst into Jared's office. His dad had him on the fast track to leave town and there wasn't time for more than a few hurried texts. Jared already missed Alex, and knowing he was soon going to be gone for good made him want to throw the fit he talked Alex out of... to hell with dignity.
Sometimes he thought it was unfortunate that self-control was such an ingrained part of his nature. It wasn't very satisfying. Letting Alex go was the right thing to do, but it hurt like hell. Alex wanted him to come to the airport, but Jared couldn't say good-bye to the boy in person and stay calm. Jared worried what his decision to stay away would cost. He didn't know if Alex would understand.
Jared couldn't face Alex in person, but Friday found him at the airport, looking at the passengers from what was once a railed overlook. Airport security had it walled with glass, and Jared stood behind the double thick layer of safety glass, looking for Alex among the passengers waiting to board. He didn't see the boy and scanned the crowd again, his eyes returning to a young man sitting with his back towards Jared. He was bald with oriental tattoo at the nape of his neck, the letters stark black lines, but Jared couldn't make out the details. Something about him seemed familiar but he never turned so Jared could catch a glimpse of his face.
He still couldn't find Alex. Speakers buzzed and blared the boarding at Gate C. The waiting crowd shifted from lethargy to action. People put away laptops and gathered bags, getting ready for the last stage of boarding. The bald guy captured Jared's attention again as he slung his back pack over one shoulder, the same type as Alex's, but it wasn't until Jared caught a glimpse of his profile that he realized why the guy was so familiar.
It was Alex. His dark curls were a thing of the past, and his new tattoo screamed rebellion, but he picked up his bag and walked over to stand with his dad without a sign of the turmoil Jared knew it took to get him to that point. Jared ran a hand through his own hair and shook his head. He didn't think he had the courage to shave it off, or maybe he was just too vain. He liked his hair. Jared wondered about the tattoo, maybe it said 'screw you', though that seemed more Clark's style than Alex's. Jared's amusement faded as the line of people boarding filed past the flight attendant taking tickets before disappearing into the boarding tunnel.
"He'll be back, you know."
Startled, Jared jumped. He tore his eyes away from Alex to meet Clark's gaze for a second. Clark's grin was half-mast but he made the effort. Jared tried to give him as much back, but his lips trembled. He turned away before embarrassing himself. Clark was oblivious and pulled out his phone and typed in a text. Alex's dad handed the attractive, blonde flight attendant his ticket and stepped past her. Instead of following immediately, Alex pulled out his phone and glanced at the screen. He turned and looked directly at Jared. Alex's grin split his face. His hair was gone but his smile was exactly the same. Despite the ache in his chest, Jared smiled back. Alex's dad tugged at his backpack, they were holding up the line. Alex handed over his ticket and waved to Jared and Clark. Jared lifted his hand in automatic response. He laid it on the glass as if that were the only thing separating him from Alex. The leaving was over; Alex was gone. The pain was excruciating. Jared leaned his forehead against the glass, staring at the empty space that, a moment before, held Alex. Tears threatened and he fought them back.
"Dude, he's not gone forever," Clark said, patting his shoulder. His discomfort over offering support distracted Jared, making it easier to breathe. He turned to face Clark, though all he had to offer was a watery smile.
"No, not forever," he agreed, but he knew it was a lie. Growing up was subtle when someone was there every day, sometimes it was hard to realize it was happening at all. Within their minds, over the next few months, Alex wouldn't age at all. When he came back, it would be in an avalanche of change. It was in the midst of that change Jared was sure Alex would outgrow his puppy love and move on to better and more exciting things. He said he'd let Alex go, it was time to follow through, but his heart rebelled, and Jared knew he was in for a battle. He wasn't sure he could win. Clark's stomach growled.
"I'm hungry," he declared.
Jared raised a brow at him. "Really? I'd have never guessed."
Clark blushed and shoved Jared's shoulder.
"Let's go eat. Your choice, I'm buying." Clark lit up at Jared's offer, heading for the nearest exit.
"Greasy Dog, here we come!" he exclaimed.
Jared's phone beeped and he pulled it out. A text from Alex. Jared hesitated, before touching the screen to open the text.
thanx dude c u soon
Alex had only wanted to see him after all, just to know he was there.
np
Visitor
Frank battled a moment of indecision before forcing himself out of the car and up the steps to the front door of the small house. The postage stamp yard was neat, the grass mowed, and the leaves raked. Bright orange chrysanthemums hung in pots over the porch railings on either side of the door, and a white wooden glider sat to the left. Jared was a puzzle Frank hadn't worked out yet. Jared's reputation preceded him in the community. He was a hard worker, the youngest contractor in town, but no one had qualms about hiring him. Jared never took jobs he didn't have licenses to do and never padded bids or cut corners. He had the yard of a spinster grandma. Frank pushed the doorbell and waited. He'd just decided Jared wasn't going to answer when the door opened. When Jared's startled eyes met his, Frank fought another round with his nerves. He shoved them down and offered his hand.
"Hello, Jared. I'm Frank, Alex's father." Jared shook his hand.
"Couldn't be anyone else with that face, he looks just like you."
Frank grinned. "I get that every so often," he said, "I won't take much of your time, but I wanted to stop and thank you."
Jared rubbed a hand through his hair, and Frank noted how tired Jared looked and wondered how much worrying about Alex kept him up at night.
"Thank me?" Jared asked, puzzled. "Do you want to come in?"
Frank shook his head. "We can sit here," he said, settling onto the top stair.
There was a moment's hesitation before Jared joined him. Frank tried to decide where to start. He couldn't pretend he was pleased with Alex's decisions, but he wasn't upset either. He didn't want to get off to a bad start with Jared.
"Is there something I can help you with?" Jared asked; his tone cautious.
"You already did. I sent my boy away last week. It's the best thing for him right now, but it wasn't easy. It could have been bad, really bad. Instead, he left with his dignity and our family intact. Someone was responsible for that," Frank met Jared's surprised look with level honesty.
Frank's talk with Alex about leaving began as he expected it to, with his emotional son indulging in tears, screaming, and threats. Frank hadn't expected the boy to run. Frank was sure when Alex left, he'd gone to Jared. Instead of following, Frank decided to trust Alex and wait him out.
"He's a good boy." Jared said.
"Yes, he is, but he's also impulsive and emotional. We had a huge fight that afternoon, and then when he came home, he wouldn't talk; he locked himself in his room. My wife was hysterical. She thought he was going to kill himself and it would be my fault. Thankfully, Alex was still alive when he came downstairs the next morning. He ate breakfast with me and gave me a well thought out, point-by-point argument for why I should let him stay. He gave me a run for my money, but the fact is that getting him away right now is the right thing for him."
Jared stared at the wooden step under his feet and didn't respond.
"You think it's because of you." He reached out a gentle hand and clasped Jared's shoulder. The young man, barely out of childhood himself, looked up to meet Frank's eyes. Regret pricked Frank's heart at the raw pain reflected there.
"It was the only thing to do, he's too young. I tried to be a good influence for him."
Frank squeezed Jared's shoulder. "Son, you were one of the strongest arguments to keep him here. Thank God he didn't use that one against me." Frank laughed at the stunned surprise on Jared's face. "Alex needs what that school has academically. He needs the challenge, something he's never had in school here. However, that's not the only reason I sent him. My son is gay." It was Frank's turn to stare at the step. "Alex doesn't know that I know, but it can't stay a secret much longer, especially now." Frank let his hand fall away from Jared. "I raised my boy to be his own man. I expect him to make his own choices, but I didn't anticipate this one. I hope sending him away will change things, but I don't believe it will. I'm not stupid or blind. I know he didn't choose to be gay, he just is. I don't like it, but I'm okay with it. His mother will never accept it."
"You sent him away because of his mother?" Jared's voice was incredulous.
Frank gave a short, bitter laugh. "I know it's hard to believe that the gay boyfriend who's too old for my son isn't my issue, but Jared, I've seen you with Alex. I've seen the influence you have on him and the care you take with him. My boy could do much worse. I don't know how this happened, how you happened, but I'm grateful." Frank paused.
Jared didn't say anything, just stared out at the street with his strong forearms resting on his thighs, his profile hidden from Frank by the fall of his fine auburn hair. He sat in self-possessed calm, waiting for Frank to continue. Frank admired Jared's self-control, but he wished Jared would look at him and give him an idea what he thought.
"My wife thinks Alex set the sun and the moon. She talks endlessly about a daughter-in-law and babies. She should have had a dozen kids, but we only had one. When she finds out he's gay, Alex is going to pay. There will be no daughter-wife, no grandchildren. Just her son and his partner, an embarrassment with no benefits. If you could get pregnant, all would be well." He surprised a laugh out of Jared.
"Alex knows, or at least, he suspects how she'll feel. That's why he's so afraid to come out, even though he's more comfortable in his own skin than anyone I ever met. I wondered. I thought... well, never mind what I thought. I was wrong."
Jared shrugged and finally met Frank's eyes.
"You thought it was me." Frank shook his head, "Well, for a while, I thought it might be me too. It was a nightmare when I suspected Alex was gay. Imagine my surprise when I found out for sure, and if it's not exactly okay, it's not the end of the world either. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get into all of that. You're an easy man to talk to." Frank got to his feet, ready to go. He wasn't sure what possessed him to open up to Jared that way, but it made Alex's attraction to the young man easier to understand. Jared blushed and took refuge behind his hair once more as he got up. Despite his embarrassment he met Frank's eyes again unwilling to let the chance to find out about Alex pass him by.
"He's okay?"
"Alex is fine. They don't have cell phones or free computer access, but letter writing is encouraged. I'm sure you'll hear from him as soon as he has time. Tell me; was it your idea for him to shave his head?" Frank was amused and Jared's face heated again.
"Well, yes and no, I did suggest that he should find a way to show he was cooperating under duress. I didn't have anything specific in mind when I said it. I wanted to give him something else to think about. I'm sorry about that."
Frank roared with laughter. "It was an excellent protest. His mother is still in bed with vapors. I tried to tell her that hair grows back. It may have helped, but then the tattoo sent her over the edge. It's why I'm here."
Jared frowned. "Because I sent your wife over the edge?"
"No, that's not very difficult, to be honest. I came because of Kanji, that's what Alex told me his tattoo is. He said that it means dignity, pride, and self respect." Frank watched Jared closely and didn't miss the flash of pride that lit the young man's blue eyes. "Alex chose to have that permanently inked into his skin, but before he did, someone took time to etch it into his heart. Thank you for being that person, Jared."
Snail Mail
Alex shuffled through the envelopes, dropping the one for his mom and then Clark into the mail box. He studied the one to his dad for a long moment before sucking in a breath and sending it down the chute after the others. The sight of Jared's name on the last one held a wealth of sensory memories. Alex remembered the way Jared smelled, the sound of his voice, and his most treasured memory, that single searing kiss. It didn't count, not really. Alex wanted a real kiss from Jared, one he knew the other man wanted too, but the brief, heated moment was all he had and Alex held it close to his heart. Alex dropped the letter into the box and headed for class.
Alex's mom stopped at the mailbox before she turned into the driveway. She flipped through the bills and fliers half-heartedly, facing another long afternoon alone. Even before Frank had sent Alex away, her son hadn't been home a lot. He was usually off with Clark hanging out at the college and getting into heaven knew what, but there was a big difference between not a lot and never. If it wasn't for her mule-headed husband, Alex would still be home with a head full of curls and that horrid tattoo wouldn't exist. She didn't ask for a lot, but she wanted her baby to come home.
At the bottom of the stack of junk mail was a plain white envelope that she almost tossed aside with the rest, but the handwriting caught her attention. It was addressed to her, Janet Ross, and in the corner, was Alex's name. Clapping her hands like a teenager, Janet squealed, opening the letter while still sitting in the car beside the open mailbox.
Dear Mom,
I know you are worried, please try to stop. It's not bad here. I like my classes. Dad was right. They are a lot harder, no more skating through for me. I have to pay attention and do my homework. I feel like I'm learning stuff, and I guess that's good, right? I have a roommate and I think you'd like him. His name is Mike. He wants to be a lawyer. It kind of sucks for me though, because he wins all the arguments.
My hair is growing back. I know you'll be glad to know that. If I wear a collared shirt after my hair's grown out no one will ever guess I have a tattoo. That will make you happiest of all. I don't like upsetting you, mom, and I'm sorry I did. I'm going to do well at school and make you proud of me again. I can't wait to come back and eat some home cooking. The dining hall is okay but it's not home. I love you, mom, and I'll get to call next week.
Your son,
Alex
Tears in her eyes, Janet clutched the brief letter to her heart. It was a balm to her spirit knowing Alex was okay and he didn't completely hate it there. It sounded like a nice school; maybe he'd meet a girl. Smiling at the thought she parked in the driveway and left her bags in the car heading inside to read the letter again.
Frank stared at the stark white envelope lying on his black desk blotter. Though he knew Alex would write, he didn't expect to get a letter from him at work. Anticipating a chatty 'Dear Mom and Dad' letter that reflected the surface of his life and revealed nothing of substance, he didn't know what to expect from the missive on his desk. Picking the letter up, Frank slit the top with his opener. Inside was a single crisp page covered with Alex's familiar left-handed scrawl.
Dear Dad,
I called Jared on Saturday. Don't worry, he gave me the whole 'you need to call your parents' speech and I promised mom in her letter that I'll call next Saturday. I needed some advice, that's why I called him. I asked about telling you some stuff about myself, but Jared said you already know. It's not his fault that he told me. He doesn't lie and when I asked if it would be okay to write and tell you, he told me you stopped to see him. So I guess it's okay to say it?
I'm gay.
That's the closest I've come to saying it out loud. It doesn't come up in conversation. Everyone assumes I'm straight, especially now, with the shaved head and all. I have a weird reputation for being tough and rebellious. This girl attached herself to me and is showing me the ropes. I think she wants to show me some other stuff, but so far I've managed to put her off. There's a club for gay students here, and one for straight and gay kids; they even call it The Straight Gay Alliance. I think someone watched too much Queer as Folk. They offer counseling too. I was surprised at first, but when Jared told me what was up, I realized something. You did it on purpose. You didn't just send me here for academics. You chose this school for everything it can offer me.
Jared was right again, he always is. He believed you were doing what you thought was best for me. I'm glad you met Jared. I hope you like him. I do. He makes me want to be better than I am. I want to annoy people by being right all the time, too. Ha, ha, Dad that was a joke. I'm plenty annoying without ever being right! You know, Jared is a lot like you. One day I will be too.
I love you Dad.
Alex
PS there's school stuff in Mom's letter at home.
Satisfaction and pride swelling his heart, Frank returned the letter back to its envelope and tucked it into the interior pocket of his sport coat. His boy was growing into a man, a damn fine one. A weight of worry evaporating from his shoulders, Frank smiled.
A letter from Alex. Grinning, Clark shoved it into his pocket. He'd read it later. It was probably filled with Alex whining about missing Jared and how much his life sucked. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out. All the guy talked about before he left was how miserable life would be without being able to see Jared. Clark was on his way to visit Jared. The idiot was convinced Alex would find his true love at his new school and moped around like someone had killed his best friend. He was Jared's self appointed cheerer-upper, determined to help Jared through Alex's absence.
"Honey, I'm home!" Clark yelled waltzing uninvited into Jared's front door.
Looking up from the letter in his hands Jared glared. "That was not a knock. Didn't we talk about this?"
"Yup, I listened and everything. That makes you special, 'cause mostly when grownups talk I hear 'blahblahblahblah'." Clark sprawled on the couch. "You got a letter too, what's it say?"
Putting the letter aside, Jared shrugged. "He misses me." The muscles in Jared's jaw bunched and he took a deep breath. "I'll get you a drink."
Frowning, Clark watched Jared enter the kitchen. He was grouchier than ever. Deciding a good TV show was in order as a distraction, Clark searched for the remote, digging deep in the sides of the recliner. Sitting silent on the table beside the chair, the letter tempted Clark to take a peek. Feeling his pocket Clark noted his own letter was fat, quite a bit more than a single page. He didn't get it; figuring Alex would blab at least as much to Jared, what with the lovey-dovey stuff and all. Unable to resist, he unfolded Jared's letter. It was a mess; the paper fibers rough and broken from an eraser, smudged with suspicious water marks, a silent testimony to Alex's insecurity.
Dear Jared,
I miss you.
Alex
Frowning, Clark refolded the letter, putting it back where he got it. The physical evidence of his friend's pain was disturbing. Clark doubted the letter in his pocket bore marks of either water or eraser. He didn't really get what was going on with Alex, not the love or the gay. Looking was one thing, he loved how girls looked, but getting all tangled up with one was something else. Clark wasn't ready for it, covering up his insecurity with loud talk and involving himself in Alex's life. Losing Alex was like losing an arm and Clark was glad Jared was there. Missing Alex was easier shared, but for the first time Clark wondered what the separation was like for them. Understanding they missed each other was different than... he touched the letter and glanced towards the kitchen door. Jared was taking a long time. Stuffing his hands into his pockets Clark went to see what he was doing.
Standing at the counter, Jared's back was to the door, his white knuckled grip on the edge seeming the only thing holding him up. The sight stopped Clark in his tracks. Not realizing he'd made any noise he was surprised when Jared turned to face him. Written in Jared's eyes was the naked truth of what it cost him to let Alex go. A tear escaped his tight control, tracking his cheek. Crossing the room Clark wrapped him in a tight hug before he realized what his own intentions were.
"He's coming back," Clark's voice broke. Jared hugged Clark tight before ruffling his hair and stepping away. Jared's returning smile was a shadow of its normal self, but comforting for Clark to see.
"Of course he is. He'll be back before we know it. Let's go get something to eat and catch a movie."
Clark hesitated, wanting to go home to read his letter but suspecting Jared's composure was a thin façade, he grinned. "Sounds great, but we better not eat at the Greasy Dog again, my mom has been bitching about how I eat."
"No problem. We'll hit Joe's Crab Shack. Sound good to you?" Jared asked, grabbing his keys and his jacket.
"You buy dinner and I'll get the movie. Do you think I can have lobster at Joe's?" He ducked the predictable swat Jared took at the back of his head.
"You can have whatever you want, I'll eat my weight in movie popcorn and you'll be in debt for a year."
Groaning in faked dismay, Clark pretended he didn't notice the forced sound of Jared's laugh. Whistling, Clark followed Jared out the door. The two didn't have much in common. Clark didn't really like seafood and Jared's favorite kind of movies weren't the stupid comedies Clark loved, but sharing Alex was enough to forge a friendship.
"Just for that I'm gonna get the twenty pounder and drown it in butter." Clark threatened.
This time Jared's laugh was real.
Dude,
You'd love this school. There are some really hot girls here. One even adopted me; she's showing me the ropes. She's got tits to make you drool. I swear, man, none of the girls at home have boobs like her. She keeps leaning them on me. I wonder if it's a test. I think I failed. You can ask Jared for me, is it bad if boobs on my arm make my dick hard? I don't know man, sometimes I think I'll screw a girl just so I can get laid. I know gay, right? But the guys are just not happening. I went out a couple times. I know Jared wants me to, but I give up. They all act like you, haha.
Do good boobs make up for hard work? If not, maybe you wouldn't like it so much. They work our butts off. I've never had to think so hard in my life. Even the math is hard. I dream about it. Numbers dance around in my dreams doing obscene things to each other. They expect numbers to fit together in ways I've never thought about. I'd explain but I can see your eyes glazing from here.
It's really not bad here, Clark. If you were here it'd even be fun. We could go to the gay support group together and I'd introduce you to Boobs. Did you get laid yet? If you did, or do, you better write me right away. I can't believe we're both still virgins. It's not right.
The letter went on for two more pages and it wasn't until the end that Alex broke down and asked about Jared.
I miss him, Clark. Every single second. I knew it was going to be bad, I told you so. I didn't know it would be this bad. I didn't know, and I'm scared when I write to him. I don't know what to say. If I say too much he'll just do that Jared thing. You know the one, where he's so old and I'm so young and we can't be like that together. I'm afraid if I don't say enough that he'll think I forgot about him. That I moved on or some stupid crap. It's horrible. Then I have time alone to think about him and remember and it's wonderful again. I'm so confused and it hurts so much, but there's Jared and it's worth it.
God, Clark, get laid, but whatever you do, don't fall in love.
Later dude,
Alex
Letters and Lessons
"Oooooh, Clark's got a leeettter!" A voice taunted and a hand jerked the notebook paper from Clark's grasp. Clark's face flushed red and he jumped up.
"Give it back! Give it back now!" Clark was desperate to get Alex's letter back, because Alex was in the habit of spilling his guts to Clark in those letters. The strapping jock turned to waggle his bottom at Clark.
"What's the matter, Clarkie, miss your fuck buddy? You need a new faggot to play with?"
Clark lunged after the letter but the boy held it high, out of reach. Clark guessed that was better than reading it but not as good as getting it back.
"You offering?" He smart-mouthed, but couldn't suppress a shudder at the idea of being intimate with Kasey.
"Ha ha, you wish, pansy boy," Kasey moved back a couple steps, trying to get enough space between him and Clark to read the letter.
"Sure, I wish, if I had a couple bags, one for your head and one for my barf." Clark shot back, and Kasey turned an impressive shade of purple.
His temper was legendary. Clark wasn't a little guy, but he was smaller than the school's star linebacker. His teasing Clark and Alex dated back to grade school. Clark wasn't intimidated. He didn't play organized sports, but he liked to play rough, and when he unexpectedly hit Kasey with a full body tackle, the other boy went down hard. Clark got the letter, cramming it into his pocket. When the staff pulled them apart, he didn't explain why he was fighting, because someone would want to see the letter. Clark didn't protest when Kasey said Clark started it. The assistant principal sent him home with two days suspension for unprovoked fighting in school. It was the third time since Alex left that he'd been in a fight. Alex being gay was an open secret among the kids. Everyone knew it, but no one talked about it. It just was. Clark didn't know why everyone accepted Alex just fine when he'd been there, but Kasey seemed intent on busting Clark's balls now that Alex was gone. Fielding so much gay bashing without anyone at his back wasn't much fun.
Clark sat at the bar separating Jared's kitchen from his dining room, looking glum. Jared was fixing dinner for them, something he did most weekends and some nights. Clark was around a lot since making it his personal duty to keep Jared cheered up. Something he was failing miserably at that night.
"Talk about it?" Jared asked, stirring the spaghetti sauce. It was one meal Clark and he agreed on, so long as Jared left out the onions and mushrooms.
"God, no." Clark munched on celery he stole from the fridge, despite claiming eating celery had to be the gayest thing ever. "All mom did was talk, and then Dad, and then mom some more. They blame Alex's dad." Clark grinned around his celery.
Jared chuckled and shook his head. "What were you fighting about?" he asked, reaching for the garlic Clark had chopped for him and tossed it into the sauce.
"I don't even know. Kasey has some fixation on Alex being gay. Maybe it's suppressed attraction; I think Kasey wants me to fuck him."
Jared frowned. "Language, gutter-boy," he cautioned.
Clark rolled his eyes. "Yeah, fine, whatever. You sound more like a mom than my mom does."
He patted the pocket where Alex's letter rested, smoothed and folded, safe and sound. Alex was homesick, and he missed Clark, but missing Jared was about to undo him. Alex was coming home for Christmas and Clark was helping plan a surprise. He figured with him and Alex teamed up, Jared didn't have a chance. They had everything figured out. Jared thought Alex wouldn't be home for Christmas, the only thing left was for Clark to get Jared to throw a party Christmas day.
"What?" Lost in thought, Clark wasn't sure he heard Jared's last statement correctly.
"I said you have too much time on your hands. You need a job."
Clark made a face. "I don't need a job, pops has plenty." Clark pulled his wallet out, flashing some cash at Jared. He pulled out a card, "Plastic too."
Jared studied the full wallet. "Put that up, no one here is impressed. You need a job. It'll keep you out of trouble." Jared stirred the pasta and tested it, not quite finished. "We're working outside of town on some storage units. I'll pick you up after school tomorrow. Pay's ten bucks an hour and all the dirt you can carry."
Clark stared at him in disbelief. "Dirt?" he muttered.
"Plenty of it," Jared assured him "Wear jeans, boots, and bring some gloves. But for now, grab a couple plates out of the dishwasher and set the table.
Clark shuffled over to the dishwasher. "You used to be nice, and fun. Are you going to be nice again when Alex comes back to you?"
Jared strained the spaghetti. "Alex isn't 'coming back to me'. I'm sure he's got better fish to fry by now," Jared muttered.
Clark turned a level look on him. "If you believe that, you don't know Alex." He went to set the table.
New Rules
It was Clark's idea. Jared hadn't decided if he would congratulate him or choke him. Christmas hadn't been the best day for Jared. His visit with his mom was the highlight of his day and that had been hours ago. Now he was in the midst of the party Clark insisted was a good idea. Jared's work crew, grown to four full-time guys and Clark, were all single. When he took over the business, Jared had no choice but to downsize. His lack of experience and lack of credentials kept him from being able to fill his father's shoes. The experienced men had no trouble finding other work, the reputation of JD Construction created a high demand for those who previously worked there. Jared hired young men who could afford to live on what he could pay and dug in to rebuild.
"Dude, you're obligated to have a party," Clark told Jared, "You have to give one."
"They get a bonus, that's enough." He didn't add what was in his heart. No Alex, no party. He planned a nice Christmas night alone, curling up with some bad Sci-Fi movie and a lot of popcorn.
"Come on, it doesn't have to cost a lot. Have it at your house Christmas night. Everyone knows that Christmas day is okay, but Christmas night is boring. They can bring their girls, or their beer, or whatever."
Jared raised a brow, shoving Clark into a chair as he passed. "No beer for you, junior," he said.
Clark sprawled, pouting. "All the other dudes with old man friends get beer and all kinds of stuff," he grumbled.
Jared laughed. "Get a new old man friend," he suggested. "Want some hot chocolate?"
Clark perked up. "Yup. Do you have those little marshmallows? I like chocolate sprinkles." He followed Jared to the kitchen, taking his now familiar spot on one of the bar stools. He leaned on his elbows, watching Jared. Jared opened a box, pulled out an envelope, and tossed it at Clark. Clark snatched it out of the air.
"Have at it, teeny marshmallows included."
Clark made a face at the blue Swiss Miss package but got up to fetch his own cup for the microwave.
To Jared's surprise, all the guys showed up for the party. Two brought girl friends, and two were dating each other, which was news to Jared.
"I think there's a company policy against that," he muttered to Clark, watching them slow dance, nuzzling and kissing.
"Against being gay?" Clark gasped.
Jared slapped him on the back of his head. "Against employees hooking up," he said.
Clark glanced at the dancers. "What's that called? 'The anti-employee hook up clause'? Dude, that's just stupid, look at them. I think you're jealous."
Jared shook his head and went to check snack bowls. Clark was playing, but sometimes his teasing hit too close to home. Jared was leaning on the doorjamb leading into the hallway, watching the party, when a body pressed against his from behind, arms wrapping around his waist.
"Did you miss me?"
The breath was warm against his ear, a sensation that filled his dreams, but he'd never experienced. Alex slipped around in front of him and met Jared's look of shocked surprise with a grin that made Jared's knees weak.
"Alex!" Even in his moment of surprise he remembered his restraint. Jared reached out to tousle curls that had grown back into their full glory, instead of pulling Alex into the full body hug he really wanted. Jared cupped Alex's smooth cheek. He couldn't tear his eyes away. "I didn't know you were coming home."
Alex gave a half smile. "I wanted to surprise you," he said.
Clark was there, coming between them, wrapping his arms around their shoulders. "It's a surprise birthday party," he informed Jared, guiding them to stand in the middle of the room. "Alex is sixteen today, Jared, surprise! Oh! Look! Mistletoe!" His mission complete Clark went to flop back down into a chair.
Jared's gaze still fixed on Alex. "Sixteen, huh?" he said with a small smile, studying Alex, noting the many changes. The young man was taller and filling out. He looked more like the man he was close to becoming than the boy he had been. It was hard for Jared to keep his hands to himself. Alex took a step closer into Jared's personal space. Knowing he should take a step back, Jared stood frozen, unable to halt the erosion of his 'no touch' rule. He wanted Alex in his arms so much it was a physical ache.
"Sweet sixteen and never been kissed," Alex mourned, looking up at Jared with his best puppy eyes.
Jared snorted. "I remember a kiss," he whispered.
Alex blushed but didn't back away. "That one totally didn't count," he muttered. His eyes met Jared's, "It's legal to kiss me now."
Jared winced, legal according to the law. He wasn't sure if it was legal from the Jared Douglas point of view.
"Jared." Alex's voice was raw with need.
Closing the distance between them with a single step Jared pressed a kiss to Alex's cheek.
"Real kiss, real kiss," Clarke began to chant, and the others joined in, laughing.
Jared tangled his fingers with Alex's. "Shut up, jerks," he laughed, pulling Alex behind him, toward the backdoor. The backyard was a little bigger than the front and dominated by a huge old elm tree. Black skeletal limbs were stark against the moonlit sky. There were a few strands of twinkling white lights in the lower branches. The snow filtering through the branches decorated their hair and shoulders. Stopping under the tree they huddled together, using the trunk to block the wind. Jared cupped Alex's face, caressing his cheek with a rough thumb. The skin baby smooth under his touch.
"Your hands are cold," Alex complained.
"You don't care," Jared murmured. Leaning forward their lips brushed briefly. Stilling under his touch, Alex stared up at Jared, wide eyed. Jared trembled under Alex's intense regard.
"You're right." Reaching up Alex covered Jared's hand with his own.
"Do you know what's in this tree?" Jared asked.
"Snow? Lights?' Alex guessed with a laugh.
"Mistletoe. Lots of mistletoe."
Alex stared up into the shadowy branches. His earlier bravado deserting him, but when Jared leaned in to kiss him, Alex didn't pull away. Jared's mouth was gentle on Alex's, tasting and teasing his cold lips. Alex sighed, taking a tiny step closer. Giving in at last to his need to feel Alex in his arms, Jared drew Alex into a hug holding him close for the first time. His heart thundering in his chest, Jared buried his face in Alex's soft curls breathing his scent, something more precious to him than air. Alex nuzzled Jared's neck, threading his fingers through the silk of his hair. Making a soft sound of pleasure, Jared lifted Alex's face to his, their lips meeting in a heated kiss. After a long time, Jared pulled back to look at him.
"Happy birthday," he whispered, staring at Alex, his heart pounding hard against his ribs.
Jared's birthday wasn't until March. At twenty the difference between them was only four years. He couldn't keep rejecting Alex; he didn't have the heart for it. His love for the young man swelled his heart. Sixteen, the age of consent in their state, Alex was legally old enough to make his own decisions about sex. He was still so very young and Jared didn't trust himself to know where the line should be, what compromises to make.
"New rules?" Alex suggested.
Jared's heart melted, Alex knew him too well. "New rules. Sixteen year old rules, touching allowed above the waist with cuddling and kissing permissible upon occasion."
"Dude, guys don't cuddle," Alex protested laughing.
Raising a brow, Jared gave a one sided smile. "You don't think so?" he asked, bringing Alex closer.
Alex laughed, his eyes dancing. There were snowflakes caught in his lashes. Jared kissed them away. He'd never forget that moment, freshly kissed Alex with snow in his dark hair. Jared cuddled Alex against him; they kissed again slow and hot, tongues tangling. They broke apart breathless. Jared nuzzled Alex's cheek.
"No cuddling?" he asked his words whispered against Alex's skin.
"Maybe, just a little, if you don't tell Clark," Alex conceded. His hands fisting in Jared's shirt, he braved pressing a kiss to the corner of Jared's mouth.
Jared chuckled. "Okay,"
"Promise?"
"Cross my heart."
Shadowed in Love
The night of his thirtieth birthday found Alex leaning against the trunk of the oak tree watching the house. The lights he'd hung earlier in the month twinkled along the branches and snow fell in huge soft flakes. He wasn't there long before a curtain was pushed aside and the glass door slid open, letting light and the sounds of the party spill out into the night. Darkness fell once more and the sounds of merriment muffled when Jared closed the door. Alex watched his partner walking through the snow towards him; little more than a shadowy silhouette until he was close enough for the small twinkling lights to illuminate his face. Alex drank in the sight of him. Jared's expression was serious, this meeting under the tree in the snow as much a part of their Christmas tradition as the party inside. Alex didn't move, even when Jared stopped in front of him just out of reach.
"Happy Birthday, Alex," he said, a small smile quirking his lips.
Alex's lips curled into an answering smile. "Merry Christmas, Jared," he chuckled.
They met under this tree every year as the party was winding down. Clark would herd the guests out the front door and make sure the food was put away. That was part of the tradition as well, thankfully his wife didn't mind. Jared moved closer until their bodies almost touched. Alex watched him with large dark eyes.
"You've got snow in your hair," Jared said, moving raising his hand to brush the white flakes from the dark curls. Cupping Alex's cheek, he ran a thumb over Alex's full bottom lip.
"Your hands are cold," Alex whispered and turned his face into Jared's touch, savoring the rough feel of his fingers.
"You don't care," Jared's breath whispered against his cheek, a much softer caress than that of his fingers.
Alex's eyes fluttered closed, Jared was right, he didn't care. Jared's lips, when they brushed his, were also cold. Shuddering, Alex pressed against him and Jared backed him up against the tree. He clasped the trunk over Alex's head holding him pinned to the rough bark with his body. Jared's lips pressed Alex's more firmly and Alex sighed, parting his in a silent invitation. Jared obliged without hesitation, licking his way inside. There was nothing cold about the way their tongues tangled in the moist heat of Alex's mouth or the way Alex arched under Jared, eager for the feel of his lover's body against his.
"Jared," he panted into the kiss, his hands fisted in Jared's coat. He'd been thinking about this moment for days. The tree, the lights, the snow, and Jared. He was on edge and hungry for everything Jared's hard body promised. It was always like this for him. It was supposed to be a tender moment, a special time for them to remember how far they'd come from that night so long ago under a tree so much like this one. For Alex it just reminded him of everything he had, and how he never got tired of Jared's mouth on his, Jared's hands on his body. Fourteen years and Jared could still make him tremble with a glance.
"Please."
Jared's fingers pressed hard against the tree, if he had the strength they would have sunk deep into its bark. He promised himself that this year Alex would get the tender words and soft kisses he liked so well, but as usual, Alex pushed him to the brink of his control and beyond. Jared pulled back looking down on him. The lights illuminated Alex's upturned face. The boy he had been could be seen in the lines of his face, but Jared didn't miss the boy. He adored the man Alex had grown into far too much for nonsense like that. A small smile tilted his lips.
"Thirty," he whispered, laughing when Alex grimaced.
"Death for a gay man," he muttered, burying his face in Jared's neck, licking and biting in an attempt to distract him from the teasing.
"I need a new twink. Mine's all worn out."
Jared's teasing laugh forced a grin from Alex his eyes narrowing. "Oh, you think I'm worn out?" he demanded as his hands gripped Jared's hips and he rubbed against him.
"I know it," he breathed into Alex's ear and then traced it with his tongue before he nipped the lobe with sharp teeth.
He felt Alex's answering bite on his jaw and a hard suction told him there'd be a small love bite to entertain Clark the next day. He grabbed a handful of Alex's curls jerking his head back. "Boy!" His mouth closed on Alex's pulse, it fluttered under his tongue. Moving his free hand between them Jared squeezed Alex's erection through his jeans. Alex moaned, pushing against his hand.
"Jared." Alex panted.
Jared couldn't resist the plea. His numb fingers fumbled with Alex's snap. "Hands are cold." he muttered.
Alex arched his throat under Jared's seeking mouth. "Don't care." When Jared's fingers brushed his bare stomach, Alex sucked in a shocked breath.
"Told you," Jared grumbled, not stopping until Alex's jeans were open and his strong hand was buried inside, wrapped around Alex's dick. The hard flesh was hot under his chilly touch.
Alex cried out. Jared didn't let him go, they'd come this far, he wasn't about to back out now. The snow fall was heavier. The flakes on Jared's neck melted and slid down his back. His feet were numb from the cold, but neither thing stopped him from stealing a final heated kiss from Alex's swollen lips before sinking to his knees and nuzzling his belly. Jared felt the hitch of Alex's breath in the flutter of his stomach. Alex let go of Jared's coat to tangle his fingers in his damp hair. Snow melted under Jared's body heat, soaking the knees of his jeans, but the only thing he was aware of was Alex's ragged breathing and the scent of his arousal.
Jared freed Alex from his boxers, briefly exposing the heated flesh to the freezing air before encasing it in his hot mouth. Alex's cry of pleasure was Jared's name. Jared swallowed Alex's cock, pulling another cry from him.
"Ah fuck, Jared" Alex howled into the night.
Jared intended to ignore the demands of his own cock until they were somewhere more hospitable, but Alex writhing and begging against the tree had Jared's hand moving to open his jeans before he even realized he was doing it. The ice cold of his hand wrapping round the engorged length of his cock stole his breath. Jared thought the cold might cost him his erection but lifting his eyes to watch Alex, the sight of his lover's head thrown against the wet bark, his beautiful throat arched and exposed combined with the friction of Jared's hand on his dick warmed things up before the ice could win. Still it was freezing. Jared didn't waste time with subtleties.
He sucked Alex hard, working him in all the ways he knew Alex liked best. Jared's efforts were well rewarded when Alex gasped and thrust forward, his cock swelling harder in Jared's mouth. Well versed in the signs of Alex's impending orgasm Jared breathed in deeply through his nose and was ready for the hot cum that shot from Alex's cock, filling his mouth and throat. Swallowing as well as he could around Alex's length, cum still leaked down his chin. Alex's orgasm had barely ended before he his hands fisted in Jared's coat, hauling him to his feet, switching their positions against the tree so swiftly it made Jared's head spin.
Alex didn't give Jared a breath to recover. His mouth chased Jared's, biting and licking his lips. He knocked Jared's hand away from his cock, wrapping it in his own. Alex stripped control from him, but Jared didn't care as long as Alex was stroking his dick with such brisk efficiency. Jared's hand cupped Alex's head, fingers buried in the snow-damp curls, bringing their mouths together. Alex jerked his head back, denying Jared. He bit Jared's bottom lip and sucked it hard, timing the flick of his wrist just right. Jared howled and thrust his hips, urging a faster pace.
Jared's breath quickened as Alex gave him exactly what he wanted. Sleet mixed with the snow and Jared pulled Alex close, encouraging him to burrow his face into the warmth of his neck. The wind picked up, but despite the freezing temperature heat remained trapped between them. Alex worked Jared's dick without pause, driving him closer to the edge. Jared pressed his face into Alex's hair, breathing his crisp, cold scent. Alex's thumb swept the head of Jared's cock at just the right moment. He stiffened, his back arching off the tree, and came with a shout. Hot cum coated Alex's hand but it cooled quickly, making them aware of the weather and how soaked they were with melting snow and ice.
"Geez, come on." Jared laughed, grabbing Alex by the hand. They ran through the snow toward their house and the warmth that waited just inside the door. Jared let them in, sliding the door closed behind them. Clark had turned off the lights when he left and only the subdued lighting of the tree broke the darkness. Music played softly in the background. They stared at one another in silence. Jared was so cold he ached and he couldn't feel his feet but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Alex's.
"Fourteen years," Alex said, awe coloring his voice. Jared pulled him into a hard hug and they turned together to stare out at the snowy night. Alex leaned into Jared, sung under his arm, as they stood in silence captured in the wonder of the moment. Outside the tree was a stark shadow relieved only by the twinkle of lights in the lowest branches. Somehow the tangle of shadow and light had come to represent the magic of their memories, the miracle of their present and their hopes for the future. Jared's hand cupped Alex's face. He leaned in to kiss him.
"Your hands are cold," Alex complained just before Jared's lips touched his.
"You don't care," Jared whispered.
And he was right.
THE END
About the Author
Diane lives in the Southeastern United States with her three children. She has two passions, her children and her writing and finds that her time is usually filled by one or the other.
You can also read her free stories Never, a short anguished look at a love that will never be, and The Color of Pain, the story of Jared and Alec on her blog.
Email:
Diane.adams@virtualdelusions.com
Webpage:
http://dianeadams.virtualdelusions.com/
Blog:
http://dianeadams.livejournal.com/
Facebook:
Diane Adams
Twitter:
d\_adams
Other Titles by Diane Adams
Available at Dreamspinner Press:
Blue Skies
What's a Boy to Do
Iced
A Measure of Discipline

