
For my husband,
who supports me in
everything that I do.
Patient Eyes
Andy Eisenberg
JADEN pulled the cup of Ramen noodles from the microwave and blew gently over the top before sucking the first bite into his mouth. He wandered around the kitchen looking for any food that one of his house mates might have been foolish enough to leave unlabeled but didn't find anything more appetizing than a dried pizza crust.
He was just about to finish his first semester of college and had discovered that the part time job at Starbucks didn't go far enough to pay for all of his meals. His parents were already stretched to the limit just to pay his tuition, and he ended up scrounging from friends more often than he was really comfortable with. The course load he was taking was heavy on math and science and took too much time studying and in labs to afford working more than he already did. Jaden sighed, thinking that it would be a long, hungry four years if he didn't find a way to earn more money.
Noodles finished, he took a large glass of water to the tiny room he rented in the converted house. The house looked as if it had once been elegant; wide crown molding and careful architectural details remained in some of the rooms. There was a shared kitchen and a decent-sized common room, but beyond that, the house was a maze of small rooms.
Jaden opened his laptop and books to work on his chemistry homework but found himself looking at pictures of his petite, dark-haired girlfriend, Nickie. She had stayed home to work, and he missed seeing her, missed being with her. Jaden wrote her a long e-mail, pouring out his feelings, telling her how hard it was to juggle school, work, and his meager income, but then erased it all and just told her that he missed her and that he was sorry he probably couldn't make it home for Thanksgiving.
Curling up on the small bed, Jaden pulled the covers over his head, feeling sorry for himself. He tossed and turned throughout the night and woke up hungry with his feet hanging off of the end of the bed. The single bed didn't really fit his six-foot, four-inch frame any better than college life seemed to fit him.
Pulling yesterday's sweat pants on over his slim hips, Jaden padded to the kitchen. One of his house mates was sitting at the table drinking coffee and eating the most beautiful sticky bun Jaden had ever seen. Sprinkled with pecans, dripping with caramel, and absolutely huge, it all but called to him. He opened his cupboard and found a single box of cereal. Pouring it into a bowl, he was disappointed when it didn't even reach half way. He had finished his milk the previous day, so he sat across from Kevin, spooning dry cereal into his mouth.
"Not hungry?" Kevin asked around a bite of sticky bun. Jaden knew that he was only making conversation; Kevin was older and they didn't have any classes in common.
"No money." Jaden shrugged. He only had to make it a few more hours until his shift at Starbucks when he'd be able to snag something.
"Goin' home for Thanksgiving break?"
"Nah, staying here. You?" Jaden mumbled around a spoonful of Lucky Charms.
"Not home, but going to San Diego." Kevin broke off half his roll and pushed it over to Jaden.
"Nice vacation. Thanks." Jaden, too hungry to think about refusing, took a huge bite and moaned in pleasure.
Kevin hesitated, looking between his coffee and Jaden several times. "Not a vacation. Work. Um, you know they might have something for you. They pay pretty well."
Jaden looked up at his house mate, eyebrows raised. Fly three thousand miles for a job? Over break? "What kind of job?" Jaden had noticed that Kevin always seemed to have money but didn't appear to work. He had always assumed that Kevin's family was rich.
Kevin looked like he was sorry he had ever said anything but pulled a notebook toward him and wrote briefly. "Check this out. Do me a favor, though. Keep it to yourself, okay? Seriously."
Jaden stared at the notebook paper. The only thing Kevin had written was a web address; one he didn't recognize: www.VictorHunter.com
Curious, Jaden ran up the stairs to log onto his computer. He opened his laptop and waited for it to connect to the college WiFi network. Before it connected, his cell phone rang, and he put the laptop aside to answer.
"Nickie!" Computer forgotten, he lay back on the bed to talk to his girlfriend. Listening to her, he slid his hand over his bare chest, down over his flat belly, and under the waistband of his sweats. Just the sound of Nickie's voice was enough to make him hard.
He listened to her chatter about their friends from high school and her job, her voice becoming a pleasant drone as he brought himself closer to orgasm. "Jade? Jaden? Are you listening?" Her voice had grown sharp and demanding. Desperately, he searched for the last thing that he could remember her saying.
"Yeah, I'm listening! You were talking about the football game?" Not a statement so much as it was a question.
"That was ten minutes ago, Jaden. Ten minutes! I was asking when you are coming home." Nickie was definitely angry and seemed to be launching into a tirade about his inattention, his thoughtlessness, and every fault that she had ever seen in him. Hard-on completely gone, he sat up and braced himself for her reaction when he told her that he wouldn't be home until the semester ended.
"Sorry, Nickie. I just zoned out." Jaden looked up at the ceiling, hopeful that she would understand. "Umm, I don't have the money to come home over break. It won't be until December."
"Jaden! You promised!" He heard her take a breath, ready to start in again, and he knew that he couldn't listen to her any more of her complaints.
"Nickie, if you want to see me, you'll have to come here. I just can't afford to come home now." She had visited once and had sworn never to stay there again. Jaden, on the other hand, had loved fitting the two of them into his small bed, the closeness, and the adventure of being completely on their own for the first time in their relationship. Nickie had been less than impressed and just hated the whole weekend.
"Jaden, you know I can't stay in that awful house."
He interrupted her. "Nickie, I have to get ready for work. I'll call you later." Closing the phone, he looked at the familiar patterns in the plaster on the ceiling and thought about finishing what he had started earlier, but his dick just wasn't interested anymore. Instead, Jaden headed for the shower.
GETTING ready for his break, he wiped down the counters before going to the back and logging onto his laptop. Jaden was gregarious and loved meeting people at his job, but he was desperate to find one that would pay enough to afford enough food. Entering the web address Kevin had given him earlier, he was surprised to find that the site was blocked due to adult content. What the hell? He spent the rest of his shift wondering about the web site but was finally able to put it out of his mind by the time he said good-bye to his co-workers.
Biking home from Starbucks, Jaden was happy and comfortable. He had downed enough coffee and assorted pastries at work that his belly wasn't grumbling at him. He let his mind wander, thinking about school, his job, and Nickie. There were a lot of questions but few answers. Being away from home wasn't turning out to be the grand adventure that he had expected it to be.
He chained his bike to the rack in front of the house and ran up the stairs of the wide porch, thinking that he really should sweep the fallen leaves off. He filed that away for later. Passing by the kitchen and the common room on his way to his room, he heard the noise of his house mates watching college football.
"Jaden! Come on; Kevin bought a coupla cases of beer."
There were half a dozen guys sprawled on the sagging couches and chairs, and beer, bags of chips, and boxes of pizza were spread out over the coffee table. Jaden grinned, revealing his deep dimples, and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before joining them. He settled on one end of the sofa with his long legs spread out in front of him, avoiding the end of the coffee table.
A few beers and pieces of pizza later, Jaden was feeling even better than he had on the ride home from work. Jaden thought vaguely that he really should be working on his chem homework but knew that he'd have time to finish it tomorrow. It was half-time and everyone was up getting more beer, taking a piss, and generally rearranging themselves when Kevin leaned over to ask Jaden if he had checked out the web site.
"Not yet, man. Too busy this morning and it was blocked at work. What the fuck?" Jaden turned toward him.
Kevin flushed. "Quiet! I told you to keep it to yourself. Just check it out." He left the room abruptly and didn't return.
Jaden tried to get back into the game but only made it a few minutes into the third quarter before his curiosity got the better of him and he went to his room to log on. Once connected, he entered the web address and found a picture of two guys tossing a football and the standard adult content warning. He clicked on the appropriate button indicating that he was over eighteen. The page loaded and he was greeted by a bright blue and yellow page, split down the middle with "College Boys" on the left and "College Sex" on the right. Both sides had pictures of guys, some by themselves and others in pairs---all shirtless, young, and athletic. His eyes moved to the banner at the top of the page.
The banner showed a close-up picture of two clean-cut men, foreheads together. The blond was pulling the brunette's lower lip down with his thumb as they looked intently into each other's eyes.
What the fuck? He clicked on the thumbnail labeled "Fucking Noah." Instead of taking him to something involving Noah getting fucked, it took him to another page with more thumbnails. Scanning the faces, he acknowledged that they all looked like they could be models in the latest Abercrombie and Fitch catalog, and again, all were shirtless.
"What the fuck?" This time he said it out loud when he saw that Kevin was in one of the pictures. He was standing slightly in front of a taller man who had his arms draped around Kevin's bare shoulders. With morbid fascination, Jaden clicked on the thumbnail and the page opened to show a dozen pictures of Kevin and a second man with a bunch of tattoos in various suggestive poses on a red bedspread.
It was all too much for Jaden. He closed the browser and with it the images of Kevin kissing the tattooed dude. Jaden alternately stared at the ceiling and shook his head in a vain attempt to erase the pictures from his mind: Kevin, who had a really hot girlfriend that he fucked regularly and loudly, licking another guy's abs.
Jaden finally fell asleep still dressed and still on the top of the comforter. He woke early and didn't remember dreaming, but he didn't feel rested. Stumbling into the kitchen, he snagged a piece of leftover pizza from the refrigerator. When he closed the door, Kevin was standing next to the table. Jaden could feel his face turn red as he remembered the pictures he had seen the night before.
"So, looks like you checked it out." Kevin looked uncertain.
"Yeah, um, yeah. What about...?" Jaden couldn't even figure out which question he wanted to ask first.
"My girlfriend? The sex?" Kevin sat down at the table and looked around to make sure that nobody else had walked in. Jaden nodded and sat down across from Kevin.
"Just money, nothin' else. I get paid to roll around on a bed with another guy while they film it. Doesn't mean anything." He paused and looked around again. "Seriously, dude, you can't tell anyone. If Rachel found out, I'd be dead."
"Why? Why do you do that? Are you gay? Bi?"
"No, the money's just too good to pass up. I couldn't work a shitty part-time job and still have time for classes. So I have to fuck another guy a few times a year, no big deal."
Jaden coughed when a piece of pizza went down the wrong way. "Fuck?" He had seen intimate poses but hadn't seen noticed anything like that.
"Look, Jaden. Go to the members' area and check it out again. It's not that bad and it pays really well. If you're interested, let me know and I'll call them for you." He wrote down a username and password and pushed it across the table to Jaden before leaving.
Jaden grabbed the paper and went to his room to get ready for work.
Jaden turned on the charm, hustled for tips, and finished his chem homework during his break. As he biked home, he felt pretty good about everything except Nickie. She still hadn't returned his phone calls, but maybe he'd have better luck later in the evening.
When he passed the common room, Jaden saw the same guys and the same beer but NFL instead of college ball. None of it was enough to hold his attention. The web site and his conversation with Kevin had been hovering just at the edge of his thoughts all day. He couldn't ignore it any longer, so Jaden waved to the guys watching the game and went up to his room.
Logging on, he checked his e-mail, looked over his chem homework one more time, checked a few MySpace pages, and finally couldn't avoid going back to VictorHunter.com. This time he found the member's area and entered Kevin's username and password. He found the same men, the same couples, but now the pictures weren't just suggestive, they were explicit. Very explicit. Guys sucking on big cocks, big cocks sliding into stretched assholes. All in high definition color on his laptop.
Jaden had never thought of himself as anything but open minded and had known a few gay men in his life but never thought too much about what that meant, never thought beyond the dropped-soap jokes in the showers after baseball practice in high school. "Fuck!" he whispered as he clicked on the thumbnail with Kevin's picture. Jaden hadn't noticed before, but he was "Jon" on the web site, not Kevin.
"Fuck!" Jaden repeated out loud to his empty room upon realizing that the pictures weren't just photographs but were stills from a video. There was a glowing description of the action in the video and he was given the choice of streaming, downloading, or downloading it straight to his iPod. "My iPod?" Why in the hell would I want a video like that on my iPod?
He moved the cursor so that he could stream the video, and in a few seconds, he was watching Kevin kissing the guy with the tattoos, Derek. Jaden watched for a few minutes and, holy shit, they weren't just kissing; they were kissing. Full on, open-mouthed kisses. With tongue. Lots of tongue.
Both guys were dressed in jeans and Tshirts and after a few minutes of heavy-duty making out, Kevin pulled Derek's shirt off and licked his way over his chest to pull a small nipple into his mouth. When he snaked a hand under the waistband of Derek's jeans, Jaden couldn't watch anymore and quickly closed the browser.
Opening his cell, he called Nickie, offering up a silent prayer that she would answer. She refused to have phone sex with him, but he hoped to jerk off to the lingering sound of her voice in his ears, not the sound of his housemate's heavy breathing into another dude's mouth.
JADEN made it through the next week, scraping by on tips and his meager salary along with what he could scrounge. He hadn't logged back onto the web site and hadn't run into Kevin again. The disturbing images had all but been forgotten, and Jaden never stopped to wonder why they were so disconcerting.
Saturday morning found him back in the kitchen, a fresh box of Lucky Charms in front of him and a newly opened gallon of milk next to his bowl.
Jaden looked up as Kevin walked into the kitchen. "Must have been pay day."
Jaden grinned at him. "You know it! Got the big box this time."
"You still stayin' here over the break?" Kevin asked, sitting down with his coffee.
"Yeah, it'll give me a chance to study." He shoved another massive spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Jaden hoped that Kevin wouldn't bring up the web site or the video because he didn't want to admit that he hadn't watched the whole thing. If he admitted that, he'd have to acknowledge why he hadn't watched it, and he hadn't even been able to figure that out yet.
Kevin picked up a book someone had left on the table and allowed Jaden to eat in silence while he sipped his coffee. Jaden thought that Kevin had given up on asking him about the site when he spoke again.
"You ever check out that site?"
All the images Jaden thought he had erased from his mind abruptly flooded back. "Dude! Do you know what you were doing on there?"
Kevin grinned at him. "Yeah, I was there. Did you watch the whole thing?"
Jaden felt his fact grow hot. "No, just a few minutes. Seriously, how could you do that? Grab another guy's---" Jaden stopped talking when he heard footsteps in the hall.
Kevin leaned closer and whispered, "What time do you get done with your shift today? Let me buy you dinner, and I'll tell you about it."
Jaden reluctantly agreed, figuring that he could listen to just about anything if he got dinner out of it, but Kevin made him promise to watch the rest of the video before dinner. They arranged to meet at Starbucks, and Jaden ran up the stairs to watch the video before his shower.
The shock of the first viewing had abated somewhat, and he was able to watch it more objectively this time. There wasn't any of the cheesy music and bad lighting he associated with the porn that he had seen before. It seemed to be filmed pretty well: a couple of different camera angles, and the camera operators seemed to be staying out of each other's light. Overall, not too bad, if you could forget that it was two dudes on the bed.
Jaden got to the point in the movie where he had stopped last time and watched as Kevin reached into Derek's jeans. His eyes flicked to the counter on Windows Media Player and saw that there was almost eighteen minutes left. Groaning, he dropped his head in his hands. When he looked up, Kevin had Derek's jeans open and was mouthing his cock through his briefs. Just how hardcore was this? Jaden sincerely hoped that there was no fucking involved.
He watched as Kevin licked up Derek's body and nuzzled his neck before moving in for another deep kiss. He straddled Derek's hips, and the two of them thrust against each other through their clothes. Derek's hands moved down to cup Kevin's ass as they ground together, lips still joined. Jaden watched as they removed each other's clothes and lay tangled together on the bed, naked except for their socks. Why didn't they take their socks off?
He was surprised; so far it looked more like watching lovers in an intimate moment than the hardcore porn that he expected. For the first time, he wondered if he could do that and was immediately horrified as an image of his mother finding out that he had done porn came to mind.
The action on his screen had gotten more intense. Kevin was now lying on his back in the middle of the bed while Derek swallowed his cock. His house mate reached over to stroke Derek's long dick and Jaden watched his face intently, looking for signs of disgust or anything else to indicate that he didn't like what was happening. So far, he only saw pleasure.
Jaden watched as Derek moved to kneel between Kevin's knees, pushing his legs up so that his ass was in the air. He was expecting Derek to move into position to fuck Kevin, but instead Derek buried his face in Kevin's ass. The camera moved in for a close-up of Derek's tongue licking Kevin's ass. Jaden exclaimed, "Goddamn. Do people really do that?"
He paused the player and got up to pace as much as his small room would allow. How had he gotten here? Was it just the need for money or was it something else that had him watching hardcore gay porn? Jaden was sure now that it was hardcore; any hope of it being just an exchange of blow jobs was long gone. Did it make it better or worse that he knew one of the men in the video? He ran his fingers through his longish brown hair and took a deep breath before returning to the laptop and clicking "play."
KEVIN picked Jaden up after his afternoon shift at Starbucks and drove to the edge of town, making small talk on the way.
"You finish watching?" Kevin asked as soon as they were seated. They were at a country restaurant filled mostly with people his parent's and grandparent's ages. The few people they saw close to their age looked like they were only there under duress.
Jaden glanced around. Taking in the over-done folksy theme, he asked, "Why here? This place looks dead!"
Kevin smiled and picked up his menu. "We go to the rib place, what's gonna happen? We'll be surrounded by people and noise, and I want you to hear what I have to say. If you're not interested, I'll shut up and won't mention it again."
"Yeah, I watched it all. Man, how can you say you're straight after you did that? You came while you had another guy's cock up your ass!" he whispered loudly, snapping his mouth shut as he saw their waitress approach.
Their waitress took their drink orders and left them to look at the menus. When she was gone, Kevin picked up the conversation as if they hadn't been interrupted. "Feels good." He shrugged. "Doesn't mean that I'm giving up women!"
Jaden leaned closer, "You swallowed another guy's come!"
"I let him come in my mouth; I spit it out." He leaned forward and continued earnestly, "Look, Jaden. Seriously. I know you need the money. You can make a lot of money---a lot of money---by having sex on camera. Doesn't mean anything. Doesn't mean you're gay. It's just a job. They even have a 401k for the guys that are regulars."
"How much?" Jaden felt like he had taken a step off of a cliff with his question.
"You watched the latest one? With Derek? That one paid ten grand."
The waitress returned with their drinks, and Jaden drank half of the sweet tea the in one gulp. He couldn't imagine making that much money in a single day. It was unreal. They gave their orders to the waitress, Jaden suddenly feeling better about letting Kevin pay for dinner.
When Jaden only sat wordlessly, Kevin continued, "Depends on how much you're willing to do. If you're that squicked about the gay thing, the other part of the site has chicks, but it doesn't pay that much. Did you look through the site?"
"Just your video." Jaden knew that he was blushing again.
"Okay, the owner takes guys eighteen and older, but almost all are under twenty-two or three. Some are straight, some gay, some bi. You can do solo vids, screw a chick, have a threesome with a chick and another guy, get a BJ, give a BJ, fuck, or get fucked. You get paid by what you do and how popular you are. Solos and chicks not so much. Get fucked or get well known enough to be asked for and make a lot more." He sipped his own sweet tea, acting as if he were talking about baseball and not a buffet of sexual acts.
Jaden finished his tea in a second large gulp. "How long have you been doing it? Porn?" He whispered the last word.
"About a year. I'll do a few more, and then I'll graduate and start my job almost debt free. Interested? Think you could get it up in front of a camera? Knowing that other dudes are going to be jerking off watching you later?"
The waitress put their meals in front of them and looked quickly between the two. Jaden knew that she had heard Kevin and felt his cheeks grow warm in embarrassment.
Jaden scrubbed at his face before digging into fried chicken. He remembered his earlier thought about his mother. "What if someone finds out? If my mother saw that she'd fuckin' kill me."
"How would she find out? You think she seriously looks on the web for gay porn?"
He threw his head back and laughed, feeling somehow lighter than he had for most of the semester. The thought of his mother looking for, much less watching, gay porn was too much to think about.
"If she did, I think I'd die." He answered Kevin's earlier question. "I don't know if I could get it up with someone taping me or not. Are there a lot of people around?"
"Two camera men and usually a tech guy. You forget about the cameras after a while."
They finished their dinner, including a huge piece of homemade chocolate cake each, while Kevin talked about doing the movies. Jaden thought that it had to be the strangest dinner that he'd ever had.
As they were driving back to the house, Kevin asked, "Do you have any nude pictures of yourself?"
"You're kidding, right?"
"Think about it tonight and if you're interested, I'll take some pics for you and send them in. Go to the clinic and get yourself tested first thing tomorrow. If everything works out right, you could go out with me next weekend. Get a few grand at least."
Jaden slept fitfully that night, dreams of Kevin, hard cocks, and his mother all mixing together in a way that left him slightly nauseated. He wasn't even fully awake the next morning when Jaden heard a knock on his door and knew who it was before he opened it. Kevin was standing in the doorway with a digital camera in one hand and a large coffee in the other. Pushing past Jaden, he handed him the coffee and looked around the room.
"Shit, you got one of the smaller rooms. Maybe we should do the pics in mine."
Jaden sipped the coffee gratefully. "You know I haven't said I'd do it yet, right?" He wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or amused.
"No, but you are, right?"
"Yeah, just let me hit the shower," Jaden said, raising his eyebrows when Kevin broke into a huge grin.
"Perfect! We'll take the pics in the shower."
Jaden followed Kevin to the second floor bathroom. "What do you want me to do?"
"Let me get a couple of you in your sleep pants first. Reach in to turn the water on, let me get one of your back." He held the camera to his eye as Jaden followed his instructions.
After a few seconds, the water was hot and the steam started to fill the bathroom. "Jesus, you're skinny, Jaden. You need to bulk up some." He snapped pictures of Jaden looking in the mirror, running his hands through his hair, and reaching in to adjust the water.
"Okay, drop the sleep pants."
Jaden paused with his hands on the waistband of the soft flannel pants. "But I'm not wearing boxers!"
"That's kinda the whole idea!" Kevin watched as Jaden turned around, pushed his pants down, and kicked them away. Jaden heard his house mate mumbling something about shoulders, his tight ass, and someone creaming their pants as he adjusted the camera. "Stretch your arms up over your head." He snapped some pictures that showed the play of muscle under golden skin.
"Okay, time to get the whole thing. Turn around."
Jaden turned around awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands. He put them on his hips, dropped them to his sides, and moved them back to his hips.
"Jaden, this is an application for porn. Run your hands over your body, play with yourself." Kevin took a few more pictures before asking Jaden to get into the shower.
"What do you want me to do?" Jaden felt the presence of another man taking pictures of him and couldn't help wonder what he was thinking. Couldn't stop thinking about what he had seen Kevin do on the video.
"Just take your shower, forget that I'm here, and jerk off. Just make sure that I can see you when you come." Kevin was matter-of-fact, and Jaden couldn't help a quick look to see if he was getting off on this. No sign of it yet.
After shampooing his hair, he ran his soapy hands over his chest and down over his belly to his cock. He closed his eyes and let the hot water flow over his shoulders, relaxing him. Letting his mind float, he thought of Nickie and their last time together on his tiny bed, remembering the way that her small body felt beneath his, the way that he easily lifted her later when she was riding him. She had been so tight and wet as he slid into her, breasts perfect as he palmed them and felt the hard nipples. He was fully hard, sliding his hand over his dick.
"You're fucking huge!" he heard Kevin exclaim, and then heard the click of the camera.
"Shut up!" Jaden had found it easier to forget someone was there taking pictures of him jerking off than he thought that it would be, but hearing Kevin didn't help.
Closing his eyes again, he tried to get back to his fantasy of Nickie.
Jaden stroked himself with his wet, soapy hand and, now unable to forget the camera, ran his other hand over his chest, aware of the way it would appear in the photos. He stroked himself faster, cupping his balls with his other hand, and thrusting into his closed fist. Head thrown back, he came, semen mixing with the water that flowed over his body and down the drain.
"Shit, if you can do that in front of a video camera, you'll make a fortune. Rinse off and meet me in my room."
Jaden had pulled the shower curtain closed after he came but opened it slightly again, looking at Kevin and wondering what it was he was after now.
"We've got to upload and send the pics. I'm not after your skinny ass." Kevin rolled his eyes, turned, and left.
Jaden finished his shower quickly and was knocking on Kevin's door a few minutes later. Kevin had already uploaded the pictures and was scrolling through them when Jaden walked in.
"Pull up a chair," Kevin said and waved to the chair next to the desk. Jaden sat down next to Kevin and tried not to think about how strange it was to be looking at pictures of himself jerking off in the shower while he was sitting next to another dude.
"Okay, I think I've found the best ones. What do you think?" Kevin scrolled through the pictures, the first showing him from behind, back stretched, and the final showing him just as he came, head thrown back, hand a blur over his cock.
"I guess they're okay." He firmly pushed thoughts of his mother aside as he looked at the almost overwhelmingly erotic photos. "What next?"
"There's a place on the web site to apply, but I'll e-mail the owner, and maybe we can speed things up. How tall are you?" He turned to look at Jaden.
"Why does that matter? Won't they be looking at my dick?"
"They need to know all of that shit. They put your height, waist size, shoe size, and dick size on the site. They can get the rest, but I need to at least tell them how tall you are."
Jaden sighed and answered, "Six-four. This is unreal, man. I've never even jerked off in front of my girlfriend."
Kevin didn't answer and typed quickly for a few minutes. "What's your e-mail and phone number?"
Jaden couldn't sit still, so he paced around the room as he answered Kevin's questions. He was finding himself doing that all too frequently over the past week, but if he had to pace, at least Kevin's room was large enough to do it properly. A few minutes later, the e-mail was on its way.
"The clinic's open this morning. Go tell them you need to be tested for HIV, STDs, the works. I e-mailed Victor last night and told him that I'd be sending your pics, so you should be hearing something soon." Kevin turned to watch Jaden pace. "Calm down; you can still say no. But it's no big deal. Seriously."
"Jerking off is one thing, but touching another dude? I still don't know about that...."
EXACTLY one week later, Jaden found himself sitting on the end of the same bed he had seen in the video. There was porn---straight porn---playing behind two guys with cameras, and there were stroke mags lying all over the place. They had encouraged Jaden to use them to get him started before they began taping.
"Ready, Jaden?" Victor, the owner of the site, asked. Jaden nodded nervously, his hands moving restlessly between his thighs and the bed beside him. "Relax, it'll be okay. We can edit anything that doesn't work out. I'm going to start by asking you a few questions."
Jaden nodded decisively. "Ready."
"How old are you?"
"Eighteen." His voice cracked a little and he cleared his throat, determined to sound older and more confident on the next question.
"Gay? Straight?"
"Straight, definitely straight."
"When did you start jerking off?"
The questions continued about his sex life, and as Jaden answered them, he grew more at ease and almost forgot that the cameras were even there.
Jaden was almost surprised when the questions stopped and Victor asked him to stand and take off his clothes. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his shirt off over his head and kicked his shoes off before unbuttoning his jeans. When Victor asked him to turn around and flex, he remembered Kevin telling him that he should bulk up and wished that he wasn't as skinny, but Victor said, "Very nice."
"Okay, turn around and take your jeans off," Victor directed and Jaden complied until he was left standing in the room wearing only his black boxer-briefs. He fidgeted for a minute, and then cupped himself through his underwear while he ran his hand over his chest and abs.
"Get rid of the boxers."
Jaden hesitated briefly before pushing them down over his slim hips and standing up completely nude on tape for the first time. Both cameras moved in closer, focused on his dick. Jaden bit his tongue to keep from rambling, his first reaction when he was nervous.
They stopped taping and asked him if he was okay.
"Yeah, so far. All I've done is answer questions and stand around naked." Jaden laughed nervously, feeling almost as if he was outside of himself, not quite able to believe that he was going to be jerking off on camera in a minute.
"Ready for some more? There's lube on the table if you need it. Just sit against the head of the bed and do your thing."
Jaden nodded. "Think I'm ready."
He lay back against the pillows and closed his eyes.
JADEN stepped out of the large shower to find Kevin waiting for him.
"So? How'd it go?"
"Managed to come on camera." He dried off as he spoke to Kevin.
"You do your stills yet?"
"Yeah, we did those before we taped. Didn't know we were gonna do that." He pulled his briefs over still-damp legs.
Kevin threw him his jeans. "You gonna do more? Guys? Girls?"
Jaden winced slightly. "Yeah, I told them that I'd do one scene with a guy. Just a blow job. I'm supposed to do that tomorrow."
"Sweet. Meet me outside when you're done. Some of us are shooting hoops."
He ran his fingers through his damp, shaggy hair before finding his way outside. There were half a dozen guys playing basketball, a few more sitting by themselves with their iPods, and one sitting on a picnic table with a guitar.
All of the guys were good looking and incredibly fit. Jaden recognized a few of them from the thumbnails on the web site and couldn't help wonder which one was going to be giving him a blow job the next morning. He shook his head at the question; that was something he had never imagined asking himself.
Kevin noticed him as he walked out of the door and motioned for him to join the game. Jaden played until they all decided to cool off and dropped onto the grass next to the picnic table. It was just like school: a bunch of guys hanging around. The only difference was that every now and then they'd be called to go have sex with each other. Once again, Jaden shook his head at the strangeness of it all.
They were talking about school, work, and girlfriends back home, and while Jaden joined in occasionally, for once he was content to listen. When he heard a familiar Texas twang, he felt a wave of homesickness so strong that it made his chest hurt. Pressing his fist against the pain, he looked around to see who had spoken. It was the guy sitting on the picnic table strumming the guitar.
He looked at the guy closely and noticed short-cropped hair a little lighter than his own, golden skin with freckles scattered over his cheekbones and nose, and green eyes that looked like home. Jaden stood and walked to the picnic table, dimples showing and hazel eyes sparkling.
"Hey, Texas!" Jaden had to restrain himself from pulling his fellow Texan into a hug. Nickie always told him that he scared people because he was too affectionate too soon. He thought that hugging a perfect stranger would probably fall into that category.
"Hey, yourself." He smiled, fingers still moving over the guitar strings. "Sounds like we have another Texas boy."
Jaden's smile grew wider, his dimples deeper. "San Antonio. Haven't been back since August, though. Man, I miss it." His voice grew wistful.
"Brendan. I'm from outside of Dallas. You run away from home?"
Jaden laughed. "Just to college. I wanted to get away from home so I decided to go to Virginia. No money to go home, though."
"Homesick?"
"Miss my girlfriend, I guess. Oh! Hey, I'm Jaden."
Jaden sat down on the picnic table just as someone called for Brendan. "Looks like my turn. Catch you later, Jaden."
Jaden watched Brendan walk across the grass: wide shoulders, narrow waist, legs slightly bowed. He walked easily, calling to some of the other guys as he passed them. Jaden sighed, thinking about home as he joined the basketball game again.
He watched for Brendan the rest of the afternoon, but the other man hadn't reappeared by the time everyone decided to go back to the hotel for showers before going out to dinner. Jaden was disappointed but hoped that he'd get a chance to talk to Brendan again.
Lying back on his bed, he opened his laptop and had just logged into Skype when his cell phone rang.
"Jaden, where are you?" No hello; Nickie just immediately started interrogating him. She sounded pissed.
"Nickie! How are you? God, I miss you." He kept his voice light, hoping to talk her out of whatever mood she was in.
"Jaden, I asked you where you were."
He sighed, knowing that this wasn't going to be a good conversation. "Just sitting in my room, doing some homework."
"I don't think so, Jaden. Do you want to know why I know you're not in your room?" Her voice was tight, words clipped.
"Umm, no?" He knew that anything he said would be wrong.
There was a pause on the other end of the phone and he could hear her breathing. "Because I'm sitting in your room right now, Jaden. It's not big enough that I could miss you if you were here."
"Shit." He hadn't told her anything about coming to San Diego or the job---especially not the job---because he was a terrible liar. She always knew that he was lying and she would eventually figure out what he was really doing. He couldn't let her find out.
"Yeah, Jaden. Are you going to tell me where you really are?"
"I, uh, had a chance to make some money and since I couldn't come home and you wouldn't come up, I took it. I wanted to make sure that I could come home for Christmas." It was the truth, just not the whole truth. "Nickie, if you had told me that you were coming up, I wouldn't have taken it. You know that!"
"What kind of job is in San Diego and how could you afford to go there and not home to Texas?"
"Shit." One of his house mates must have told her.
"Jaden, stop saying that. You know I don't like it when you swear. Answer me."
He was quiet while he looked around the room for inspiration and noticed a magazine open on the bedside table. "I had a chance to do some modeling. Kevin hooked me up with a guy that he works for sometimes." Jaden tried to change the subject. "Nickie, I'm really sorry you flew up to be with me and I'm not there. Really sorry."
"When's your flight back? Don't think that this is over. We'll talk about it when you get here." Her voice hadn't softened at all, and Jaden knew that this was going to be a long one.
"I'm booked to come back next Saturday." Jaden braced himself for the storm that he knew was coming.
He almost sighed in relief when there was total silence on the other end of the phone. His relief was short-lived when heard a large intake of breath and then she started in on him, listing all of his faults, everything that he had ever done to make her angry, everything that he had ever done wrong. Nickie ended with the information that she would be flying home Friday and how until then she was stuck in his awful excuse for a room by herself.
"Nickie, I'm sorry. Really sorry, but I had to do it. I'll talk to you later." He closed the phone without waiting for a response and turned it off. Sighing, he knew that she would still be worked up by the time he went home for Christmas.
No longer in the mood to see if any of his friends were on Skype, he turned on the TV. Nothing caught his attention. He wandered down to the lobby and the weight room to see if any of the guys that he had met were around, but both were deserted. Back in the room he surfed the Net, clicking on anything that caught his eye, until he found himself typing in the address of the web site for which he now worked. Finding Brendan, listed as Ross, he noticed that he had done at least a dozen videos.
Looking at them in chronological order, he watched a few minutes of each, smiling whenever he heard Brendan speak, listening to the sound of home. His first, like Jaden's, was a solo video, just Brendan lying on the bed jerking off. Jaden was most interested in the second, where Brendan was with another guy for the first time. He watched the interview, watched Brendan sitting on the end of the bed with a guy that looked like a Marine, complete with the high and tight haircut and bulky, cut muscles. Brendan appeared to be serene, composed, as he answered the questions that Victor asked. No, he had never had sex with another guy; no, he had never thought about it until they asked him; no, he wasn't nervous.
Jaden heard Victor's now-familiar voice saying, "Just lay back, close your eyes, and go to your happy place. Brent will do all of the work. Keep it neck down."
He watched his laptop as Brent kissed and licked Brendan's body, touched him passionately and looked like he was making love, not performing in porn. Brendan never looked frightened or uncomfortable, but looked distant, almost disconnected. He kept his hands down at his sides, never touching Brent's body, receiving pleasure from Brent's touch, but never giving it. Jaden wondered if he was simply nervous or if the idea of touching another man was completely repugnant to him.
He skipped to the last video that was listed for "Ross." This time it was Brendan breaking in a new guy, and he was every bit as passionate as Brent had been with Brendan.
Finally sleepy, Jaden pushed the laptop aside and sank into the luxurious bed, enjoying the fact that he had he had a huge bed to stretch out on. None of his overly long limbs hung over the edge.
JADEN found himself back in the same room he had jerked off in yesterday, only the bedspread had been changed. He looked around and noticed that some of the accessories had been changed too, but it would be obvious that it was the same room on the video.
He sat on the bed, nervously flipping through one of the many stroke mags, trying to clear his mind and forget that he was about ready to let another guy blow him. Thinking of Nickie only brought back the memory of last night's argument. He stood and paced, wondering how he was going to be able to get it up.
"Okay, Jaden, we're all set. Are you ready to go?" Jaden turned to go back to the bed and stopped when he saw Brendan standing next to it. He suddenly wished that he hadn't watched any of Brendan's videos the previous evening, wished that the other man's voice wasn't so deep and didn't sound so much like home.
"Ready as I'll ever be. I think." He grinned nervously as he walked toward the bed and, following Brendan's lead, sat on the edge. He felt Brendan's heat through their clothing as their thighs brushed and wiped his sweaty palms against his jeans.
Victor spoke while he picked up his camera. "Jaden, we'll do the same as yesterday, ask a few questions, and then get down to business. Brendan's a pro, he'll take the lead so all you have to do is lay back and let it happen. If you touch him, make sure you don't block the camera. Are you comfortable with kissing?"
Feeling his cheeks get warm, Jaden shook his head.
"Okay, Brendan will keep it neck down. If you can't get hard, we'll stop and let you work on yourself. If it gets to be too much for you, we'll stop, okay? Action."
Victor asked a few questions and before Jaden realized what happened, he felt the heat of Brendan's hand on his thigh and his soft lips on his neck. He closed his eyes and concentrated on the sensation of hands and a warm mouth on his body.
Brendan kissed his neck, nuzzled the soft skin just below his ear and ran the tip of his tongue along the shell of Jaden's ear. His breath quickened as he felt Brendan's calloused hand move under his shirt and over his abs to pinch a nipple.
Brendan's deep voice was soft against his ear. "Let's get you out of this shirt." Brendan pulled Jaden's shirt over his head and threw it on the floor before removing his own then licking his way over Jaden's collar bone to dip his wet tongue into the hollow below his Adam's apple. Jaden heard a low moan when Brendan sucked gently on his neck. He heard the same moan again as he felt Brendan pull his earlobe with soft lips and barely registered that it came from his own mouth.
His eyes remained closed as he felt Brendan push him until he was lying on his back. Jaden felt Brendan hook a leg over his and was surprised to feel Brendan's hard cock press against his hip. He hadn't let himself think beyond getting a blowjob to wonder how---or if---Brendan would be getting off too. Jaden opened his eyes for the first time to look down at Brendan, who was pulling a nipple into his mouth. Nickie had never done that and he was discovering how much he liked it.
His body was enjoying what his mind was telling him he shouldn't as Brendan kissed over his upper body and licked at sensitive skin. Without realizing that he was doing it, he raised his arms to touch Brendan's body. Brendan pushed one arm down, whispered in his ear, "Camera," and kissed down his outstretched arm, making his move look like part of the action.
Jaden hadn't been aware of it when it happened, but he realized that Brendan was now straddling his hips and that he could feel Brendan's hard dick against his. He groaned and thrust up against Brendan, hating the denim that separated their hard flesh. Jaden would have been happy to keep going, feeling Brendan's smooth skin under his fingers, lips on his neck, and dick against his own. Brendan pulled away though, leaving Jaden feeling cold and empty.
The guys with the cameras were moving around, but Jaden was barely aware of them as he felt Brendan's heat against his thighs and groin. He looked down his body and saw Brendan's arms resting on his thighs, warm mouth against his denim-covered erection. Jaden was getting desperate for contact and thought that if he didn't get it soon he would come in his pants, ruining the morning's taping. He put a hand on Brendan's soft hair and thrust slightly against his open mouth.
Brendan looked up at Jaden, seemed to read his need, and finally, finally unzipped Jaden's jeans, pulling them over his long legs. He closed his mouth over the fabric of Jaden's boxer briefs. Feeling the moist heat, Jaden moaned again. He sat up abruptly.
"Wait! I've gotta stop." His voice was breathless, panicked.
He sat on the edge of the bed, eyes closed and breathing deeply, trying to get his body under control. Victor asked, "You okay?"
Jaden opened his eyes and looked at Brendan, who was smirking slightly. The other man knew why he had to stop and Jaden felt himself blush.
He smiled slightly. "I was worried about getting it up, now I'm worried about coming in my pants." Jaden adjusted himself.
Victor laughed and Jaden added hastily, "Please don't put that in the description of the vid!" He paced for a few minutes before joining Brendan on the bed again. "Okay, I think I'm ready again."
A few minutes later, Brendan had pulled Jaden's underwear off and asked him to scoot up on the bed. He was lying against the pillows, long legs splayed, with Brendan kneeling between his thighs. Brendan kept his movements slow and deliberate as he closed his hand over Jaden's dick and licked his balls. Jaden stopped thinking about the cameras, the other guys in the room, and the fact that it was another guy making him feel like this and thought only of the sensations of the hands and tongue on his body. His hips were rolling, thrusting in time with the slow stroking of Brendan's calloused hand on his dick.
Again, Brendan pulled away, and Jaden made a small sound in the back of his throat at the loss of contact. He was too far gone to be embarrassed by the raw need in his voice. Opening his eyes, he saw Brendan standing on the bed, pushing his jeans over lean hips and muscular thighs. Jaden expected him to kneel between his legs again and finish the blow job that he had signed up for, but Brendan lay next to him and started kissing and licking his neck again.
Jaden felt Brendan throw a leg over his, and if feeling Brendan hard against him through the layers of denim felt surprisingly good, feeling skin against skin was entirely sublime. Brendan moved so that their dicks were aligned and gripped them both in one large hand.
This was so much more than a blow job and Jaden thought that it was quite possibly the best sex he had ever had. The sensitive head of his dick rubbed against Brendan's while they were both squeezed tightly together in Brendan's fist. He managed to remember about the camera angles through the fog of passion and was careful to keep one arm against the bed, but had to touch Brendan. He touched tentatively, softly, as he skimmed over the soft skin of Brendan's shoulder. His touch grew bolder as he traced a line down the center of Brendan's back, paused at the little dimples at the base of his spine, and finally moved down to cup one firm cheek.
Jaden could hear Brendan moan against his neck, could feel the vibrations, and it all went straight to his dick. He moved his hand against Brendan's hip, trying to find the spot that would wring that deep moan from his throat again. Feeling smooth-as-silk skin over hard muscle and bone, he didn't think that he could ever get enough. The cameras disappeared and there was only Brendan's body against his, warm breath, and soft moans.
Opening his eyes, he found Brendan looking down at him, eyes dark with desire and focused on his own. He leaned toward Jaden as if to kiss him but stopped just short of contact. They remained frozen, sharing breath, looking unabashedly into each other's eyes. Jaden wanted, needed to feel those soft lips but couldn't move the fraction of an inch through the charged air that separated them. Brendan slowly closed the distance and touched his bottom lip to Jaden's top lip---not a kiss, merely contact. It was the first step of an exploration that would lead Jaden into another world.
Jaden wanted to close the distance between their lips, to explore the warm mouth with his tongue, but Brendan was suddenly gone. With little time to mourn the loss of those full lips, he felt them close over the head of his cock. Brendan's touch was no longer slow and deliberate, but strong and sure. Jaden bucked when he felt Brendan suck harder and palm his balls. The first tendrils of his orgasm snaked from his balls as they drew up to his body. He bucked harder, wanting nothing more than to come deep inside Brendan's mouth.
He cried out as Brendan pulled away, letting him shoot against Brendan's lips rather than in his mouth. Brendan stroked him through his orgasm, stopping only when Jaden became too sensitive for contact. Jaden opened heavy-lidded eyes and watched Brendan lick come off of his lips. Kneeling over Jaden, Brendan fisted his own dick, coming after only a few strokes. Jaden felt the splashes of Brendan's orgasm hot against his groin. Brendan collapsed on the bed, head on Jaden's shoulder.
"Okay, guys, that was great! Outstanding. Hit the showers." Excitement touched Victor's usually business-like tone.
Brendan was the first to move, untangling himself from Jaden's long limbs. Standing, he reached a hand toward Jaden and pulled him to his feet. He walked to a table that had been out of camera range and grabbed two towels. The first he used to wipe his face, and he threw the other to Jaden as he walked down the hall to a large bathroom. Jaden followed him, uncharacteristically quiet. His response to Brendan had taken him by surprise; not only had he not minded sexual contact with another guy, he'd reveled in it.
They stood side-by-side in the large communal shower, washing the evidence of the scene from their bodies. "Sorry about the lip, man. Got carried away and forgot that it was supposed to be neck down."
"S'okay. Got carried away myself." Jaden flushed as he soaped himself slowly. "Is it always like that? That intense?"
"This morning was... unusual. I thought Victor said you'd never done anything with a guy." Brendan opened one eye through the suds of shampoo streaming down his face.
"It was!" Jaden squeaked, cleared his throat, and continued. "It was. Not sure what happened."
"You doing any more?"
"I don't know."
THE following weekend found Jaden back at school, back in his tiny room but with his bank account far enough above its former pitiful state that he was feeling comfortable enough to buy a few real groceries. Since Kevin had called him skinny, Jaden had started using the weight room at the studio and continued working out when he returned to Virginia. Between eating better and the exercise, he could already see the change in his body. If he ended up doing more videos over winter break, he didn't want to look scrawny. Neither of the videos had been posted, but Victor said that the first would be soon and that he wanted to see the reaction from the members before booking him to come out again.
Jaden had already booked his flight home for Christmas and he was looking forward to seeing his family and Nickie. While she still hadn't returned his calls or e-mails, she also hadn't broken up with him, so he was patiently waiting for the storm to blow over.
Chem and calculus homework done, he sank back against his pillows for a well-deserved nap. Just as he started drifting off, his cell phone rang. Groping on the nightstand, he finally found the phone. "Hello."
"Hey, Texas."
His heart raced at the sound of the warm, deep voice on the other end of the line.
He grinned widely, sitting up. "Brendan! What are ya doin', man?" He and Brendan had exchanged phone numbers and e-mail addresses before they left, but this was the first that he had heard from the other man.
"Nothin' much. Just school and shit. You hear from Victor?"
"Not since I got back." The week that he had spent in San Diego still seemed utterly surreal. If it weren't for the money in his bank account, he'd think that it had all just been a bizarre dream.
"Your solo vid is going to be up tomorrow, and unless the response is shit, our scene will be up next week on Thursday."
Jaden felt nervous, more nervous than he had while contemplating doing the scenes or actually taping them in the first place. It would be posted for hundreds---thousands---of people to see. "How many subscribers does the site have?"
He heard a reassuring, deep chuckle and he shivered as he remembered hearing that voice against his ear. "Relax, Jaden. It's all good. I'll talk to you again; I just wanted to let you know."
Jaden heard only silence on the other end of the phone, smiling as he held the phone against his chest. Abandoning the hope of a nap, Jaden called Nickie. He expected to get her voice mail and was surprised when she answered.
"Hello, Jaden." He winced as he realized that he was getting used to her icy tone.
"Nickie, I've been calling you. I missed you." His voice was soft, almost wistful.
She was quiet for a moment before speaking again. "I was so mad at you, Jaden. You should have told me that you weren't going to be there."
"Nickie, I said that I was sorry. There's nothing else that I can do."
"Are you coming home for Christmas?"
"Yeah, I booked a flight on the twelfth. I should be in around three. I can't wait to see you."
He heard a mirthless laugh and dreaded what he would hear next. "You could have seen me last weekend if you had been there."
Rolling his eyes, he answered, "I said that I was sorry. This way I'll get to see you for almost a month. It'll be like it was before I left for school."
"I'll talk to you later, Jaden." She hung up on him and once again he was left in the quiet of his room. He rolled his eyes, his patience with Nickie wearing thin.
JADEN biked home from Starbucks as quickly as he could after work Sunday evening; he knew the video should be posted on the site. After locking his bike in the rack, he ran into Kevin on the stairs.
"Hey Kev, do you know if it's there?"
"Yeah, I checked a few minutes ago. You're a star, Jaden." He leered at Jaden and thrust his tongue into his cheek, mimicking a blow job.
Logging on, he clicked on the members' section of the web site, this time with his own username and password. There he was, on screen, answering Victor's questions, undressing, and jerking off. He didn't look as scared as some of the other guys on their first vids but didn't look completely comfortable either.
His phone rang and Jaden quickly flipped it open.
"Hey, Texas. Did you watch your vid yet?"
"Brendan! I just started. It's weird, man."
"It gets easier. You tell your girlfriend yet?"
"No way! I wasn't even going to tell her that I went out there, but she came here while I was there and I was busted." He winced again, thinking about the conversation with Nickie.
"You're fuckin' kidding."
"No! She called me while I was out there and I told her that I was in my room. Guess where she was?"
"No way!"
"She's still not really talking to me. Just bustin' my balls."
"What'd you tell her?" Jaden could hear the smile in his voice.
"Modeling. That's what they call us on the site, right?" Jaden was grinning in response and they were quiet while Jaden jerked off on the screen
Brendan finally broke the silence. "Coming back to Texas for Christmas?"
"Yeah, for almost a month. Man, I can't wait. Three more weeks and I'm done."
Brendan's voice was quiet, more tentative than Jaden had ever heard him. "You want to get together while you're here? Maybe catch a basketball game?"
"Um, yeah. You know we're like four hours away, right?"
"Hey, what else do you have to do with four hours? Your girlfriend isn't talking to you, right? What are you gonna do, log onto the site and jerk off?"
Jaden laughed, deep and rich. "Call you later, 'kay?
He finished watching his video, fifteen minutes and thirty-four seconds of his face and naked body in living color. When the video was over, he read the glowing description of his body, his personality, and the size of his cock. Victor always said nice things about whoever was in the videos, but this time he spent more time writing about his video with Brendan than he did the solo. Jaden guessed that he was trying to build anticipation for the next scene.
Afterwards, Jaden went downstairs to watch the Sunday evening football game in the common room. Kevin was there and he raised his eyebrows in question as Jaden walked in. Jaden shrugged in acknowledgement as he sat down next to Kevin on the couch. There wasn't much room, and as his thigh pressed against Kevin's, he wondered briefly what he would have done if it had been Kevin who had given him his first blow job. Jaden shuddered, glad that it had been Brendan and not Kevin. It would be too strange casually watching the game with a guy who had given him a blow job.
Jaden watched the game more out of habit than genuine interest, his mind on his video and the strange new direction that his life was taking. He stumbled up to his room, almost asleep once the game was over, and fell into bed. He was just drifting off when his phone chirped. "Nickie?"
"Brendan. You need to go? Expecting someone else?"
"Nah, wishful thinking, I guess. What's up?" Jaden lay back on his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin.
Brendan's voice was quiet in Jaden's ear. "Found a basketball game. I'll e-mail you the details. Night, Jaden."
"Night, Bren." He fell asleep with the phone still in his hand.
He woke early Monday, morning wood pressing against his flannel sleep pants. Jaden slid his hand beneath the waistband and thought about making love with Nickie over winter break, sinking into her petite body. When he finally came, the body in his fantasy wasn't the tiny body of his girlfriend but was large and muscular. He pushed the fantasy away, not ready to think about what it meant.
MONDAY seemed interminably long with classes in the morning, a long chem lab in the afternoon, a late afternoon shift at Starbucks, and then finally home to crash.
He was standing in the kitchen, chopping a leftover chicken breast to put into a salad, when Kevin walked into the kitchen.
"Hey, Jaden! I watched your vid this afternoon. Not bad for your first time." Kevin picked up a piece of chicken and popped it into his mouth. "You never told me how the blow job went."
"It was... easier than I thought that it would be." Jaden saw Brendan's green eyes, dark with passion, staring at him as they almost kissed. He shook his head and focused on Kevin. "Have you ever done a scene where it's just really fucking intense? Like, so intense that it doesn't feel like you're... pretending?"
Kevin frowned, cocking his head to the side. "No. I don't think so. I mean, even if I was into guys, there are always the cameras around, right?"
"Yeah, right. I was just surprised. It was a lot easier than I thought that it would be." Jaden put the diced chicken into the salad and covered it liberally with avocado lime dressing.
"Hey, that's great! If it's that easy, you can make a fortune. Fly out over every break."
Jaden frowned, unable to see himself with anyone except Brendan. Maybe it was because Brendan was the only one that he had done anything with so far. "Yeah, maybe." He pushed the thought of coming while thinking about Brendan this morning out of his mind.
Jaden's phone chirped just as he stuffed the first enormous bite of his salad into his mouth. Looking at the screen, he almost didn't answer when he saw it was Nickie calling. He finally flipped the phone open and spoke around a mouthful of chicken and lettuce. "Nickie!" He rolled his eyes at Kevin as Kevin made a rude gesture before leaving the kitchen.
"Hi, Jaden." Her voice was soft, the hard, bitter edge he had grown used to completely gone. She sounded like the girl that he had fallen in love with three years ago.
"Hi, baby," he murmured, smiling into the empty kitchen.
"Jaden, I miss you. I can't wait to see you over Christmas."
"Me too. Just a few weeks, baby, and I'll be there. What do you want to do? Maybe we could go away for a weekend." He thought about sleeping in his old room, Nickie still living at home, and the two of them trying to find time to be together. It would be like being back in high school.
He could hear the smile in her voice. "Jaden! I'd love it!" He listened to her plan their trip and mumbled around bites of salad and smiled at her enthusiasm.
"Can you afford it, Jaden? You'll be flying home and I know you're not making much at Starbucks."
"What'll it cost? A few hundred? If we split it, it won't be bad." He swallowed the last bite of his dinner and put his bowl in the sink. Nickie was in such a good mood, maybe he could talk her into some phone sex. He hurried up the stairs to his room.
"Split it?"
"Well, yeah. You're working full time; we'll both be going, right?
"I have to save! I can't spend money on a hotel."
Jaden sighed and pushed his hair off of his forehead. "Nickie, I have to eat! I just want to spend time with you. If we split the cost, it won't be too much for either of us. You can save; I can eat. We can just stay home if you can't afford it. We'll be together; that's what's important, right?" He waited for her to answer as he lay down on his bed and opened his laptop. "Nickie? You still there?"
"I have to go, Jaden. This whole thing is harder than I thought it would be before you left."
Unsure what Nickie meant, he spent some time on her MySpace page, looking at the latest pictures that she had uploaded. In most, she was at a party with some of the people that they had known in high school and a few people that he had never met. She was smiling and happy, her long, dark hair spilling over one shoulder. Jaden missed her but wasn't sure that he liked the Nickie that seemed to be on the other end of his phone every time they talked. It was as if she wasn't the same girl who he'd gone to high school with.
Navigating away from her page, he opened his e-mail. There was a message from Victor telling him that the response to his solo vid had been good and that the second would be up Thursday through Monday as the featured update and would get a lot of exposure. He wanted to know if Jaden would be able to fly back out during his next break. Jaden read through a few of the e-mails from viewers that Victor had attached, but most of them only described what people wanted to do with him so he closed his e-mail and started his homework. Four years of this. He wasn't even sure that he'd make it through four years of school at this point and couldn't even think of grad school.
ALMOST finished with his homework, he looked at the clock and thought that it was early enough to watch some Monday Night Football and grab a beer with the guys downstairs. A few minutes later, he closed his calculus text and stretched to get rid of the kinks in his neck. Picking up his phone, Jaden started to put in his pocket but instead flipped it open and scrolled through his contacts until he found Brendan's number.
Jaden smiled when Brendan's voice came over the line. "Hey, Texas. What's up?"
Jaden was quiet, listening to Brendan breathe and feeling the tension draining from his body. "Just missin' home, wanted to hear your accent." Jaden thought that it sounded better, somehow, than telling Brendan that he just wanted to hear his voice.
"You'll be home soon enough. Hey, did you get my e-mail about the game?" Brendan asked and Jaden could hear the soft strum of a guitar in the background.
"Yeah, I got it. Sounds really good. You sure you want to come the whole way to San Antonio to watch a Spurs game? I could go there for the Mavs."
"It'll be a sacrifice, but I'll do it. Besides, the Mavs aren't in town at the right time. It'll be cool; I'll come down, spend the weekend, and you can show me San Antonio." Jaden heard the guitar again, the melody soft but the notes intricate.
He recognized Brendan's playing from San Diego and listened to the guitar for a few minutes before he answered. "That'll work. What are you playing?"
"Nothing, really. Just some random shit." He sounded embarrassed. "I'll make reservations at a hotel for the weekend and get the tickets. We can figure out the rest when I get there."
Getting sleepy, Jaden let out a jaw-cracking yawn. "Bring your guitar, okay? Night, Bren."
JADEN spent the next few days going to classes, labs, and working at Starbucks, but couldn't stop looking at everyone suspiciously. Every time that someone smiled at him or hell, even looked at him, Jaden wondered if they had seen him jerk off, wondered if they looked at him in his jeans and saw what he looked like hard. He wondered what it would be like on Thursday when the video of him getting a blow job went up. Would his paranoia be even worse?
Thursday morning, Jaden woke up and thought of the video before he was even out of bed. Picking up his phone, he called Brendan. He heard a mumbled, "H'llo," when Brendan finally answered.
"You awake, Bren?" Jaden grinned, not minding that he had woken Brendan.
"Am now," he grumbled, yawning. "What's up?"
"D'you ever wonder who's seen you on the site?"
A moment passed before Brendan answered, "No. Don't care who sees it, long as I get paid." His voice was thick with sleep.
"Can't stop wondering who's seen me. Feels strange. You've done a lot of them. Don't you ever wonder?"
Brendan cleared his throat. "Nobody ever told me they recognized me. Haven't ever really thought about it, though. You freakin' out, dude?"
"No! Yes! Maybe a little. Our vid's supposed to be up tonight."
Jaden heard the blankets rustle before Brendan answered, "Don't worry about it, Jay. Even if they've seen it, what does it matter? I'm gonna go back to sleep. Later."
Sighing, he climbed out of bed to hit the shower, Brendan's words echoing in his head.
JADEN settled back against the headboard of his bed and turned his laptop on, equal parts anticipation and apprehension increasing his heart rate. He opened the site to find that it had been updated and Brendan and he were now the featured couple for the weekend.
He looked at the stills that they had taken outside after the video was shot. They had both been dressed in low-slung jeans, barefooted and shirtless. There were a dozen poses: lying in the grass, standing under a tree, hands on chests, Brendan pressing his lips against Jaden's neck, and several with their lips a fraction of an inch apart as if they had been photographed just before a kiss. Jaden barely remembered the photo shoot; he had still been blown away by his reaction to the blow job.
After looking at the photos and trying unsuccessfully to find at least one that he could show to Nickie as proof that he'd had a legitimate modeling job, he clicked on the first thumbnail. It was a picture of Jaden, head thrown back while Brendan licked a trail over his Adam's apple.
Victor's descriptions of the action in the videos were always glowing, but Jaden found himself blushing at the things that Victor had to say.
"One of my favorite things about having the straight guys out here is watching their progression from their solos to finding out just how good sex with another guy can feel. You can see their nerves in their earlier videos and it's endearing seeing them like that.
"Michael is the exception, and I could hardly believe that I was lucky enough to be in the room filming him having sex with a guy for the first time. You saw his amazing body, tight ass, and huge cock in his solo video, but here you get to see him cut loose as he gets that beautiful cock sucked by Ross. You know that Ross is always passionate and there's nobody better at breaking in the new guys, but he really outdoes himself with Michael. I was almost embarrassed a few times because it felt like I was intruding on lovers.
"Now that Michael has seen how truly hot it can be to get off with another guy, I hope that he'll be up for some more hot action here at Victor Hunter."
He chose the option to stream the video, and the title sequence opened in Windows Media Player. Before the title sequence had finished, his phone rang. He was tempted to let it ring but answered when he saw that it was Brendan.
"Hey, Bren." He cleared his throat. Why did he always sound like he was fourteen when he talked to Brendan? He clicked pause to stop the movie and found himself reading the declaration that "all models were eighteen years of age or older at the time of filming."
"Hey, Bren," he repeated, his smile wide enough to be heard in his voice. "What's up?"
"Just thought I'd check to see if you'd seen it yet."
"I just opened it up but haven't seen any of it yet. Why, does it suck?" He groaned realizing his choice of words.
Brendan groaned with him. "That was really bad, Jay. No, it doesn't suck. Just the opposite. Victor's creaming his pants wanting us back out there. He wants us to do another scene together."
"I thought he didn't usually do repeats." Jaden wasn't sure how to feel about doing another scene with Brendan. A surge of heat in his groin told him that while he might not know, his dick had a pretty good idea.
"He's only done a couple series before, usually no repeats. He liked the way we worked together; thought we had chemistry or shit. Hasn't he e-mailed?"
Jaden paused. "Um, I just came home from work and opened the vid. Didn't check e-mail yet."
He heard Brendan's deep chuckle. "Eager, Jay?"
"Fuck off, dude!" He laughed. "Just wanted to see how good I looked."
"You looked okay, but I looked fuckin' awesome," Brendan continued, his voice now hushed, almost breathless. "Click play, Jaden."
Jaden shivered and tapped the touch pad. "You watchin' too?"
"I've already seen it. Just wanted to see what you thought. Call me back after, 'kay?"
Jaden closed the phone without saying good-bye, mesmerized by what he was seeing on the screen. He watched Brendan start kissing his neck and remembered how soft his lips felt, remembered the warm dampness when Brendan had licked over his ear. His hands moved over his body, touching where Brendan was touching on the screen.
Jaden pulled his shirt over his head and tweaked his nipples, just like Brendan was doing on the screen. It was a surreal experience, watching himself have sex, his body remembering everything he had been feeling, his hands trying---and failing---to give himself the same pleasure that Brendan had. He was hard and wanting, surprised to find that he missed the feeling of giving up control, of letting someone else take responsibility for his pleasure. Watching the entire video, he remembered how much he had wanted to touch Brendan and finally to kiss him. Either Victor or the other camera man had caught their faces in close-up when they were looking into each other's eyes just as Brendan had leaned in and brushed Jaden's lip with his. Jaden was surprised by the raw emotion on his own face.
Jaden came only moments after watching the two of them come on screen. He cleaned himself up with his discarded shirt and, still slightly breathless, called Brendan.
"Hey, Texas! You come watchin' yourself?"
"Dude!"
"Hey, it was hot! You can see why Victor wants us out there again. There's something about it that made it look real, man."
Jaden wasn't sure if he wanted to admit that it had felt real too. "Yeah, well...."
"So, you gonna tell him that you'll do it? We have to get our schedules straight if he wants us to do another one together." Brendan sounded hopeful.
Jaden stared at the picture of the two of them frozen at the end of their video, saw his flushed cheeks, felt his body stirring again, and said, "Yeah, I'll do another one."
"I'll call Victor and let you know. You e-mailed me your schedule, right?"
"Yeah, just not over Christmas, okay? Mama'll kill me if I miss it."
"Yeah, like my own would let me get away with missing Christmas at home!" The two laughed and then Brendan continued, voice softer, "You came watching us, didn't you, Jay?"
Jaden whispered, "Yeah. Night, Bren."
JADEN stumbled into the kitchen to grab another round of beers from the refrigerator. They were celebrating the end of the semester and he was flying out the following morning to go home. Jaden, for the first time, had paid for his share of the pizza and beer. He was just closing the refrigerator door when Kevin walked into the kitchen.
"Hey Jaden. Goin' home tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Fly home tomorrow." He twisted the top off of a fresh beer. "You?
"San Diego first, then home. Hey, you said that your vid wasn't hard; you weren't shittin' me." Kevin pulled a piece of pizza from the box
"What d'you mean?" Jaden asked tipping the bottle up.
Kevin leered at him. "Watched your vid with Brendan. For a nervous straight boy, you were really getting into it."
Jaden felt himself turn pink, but shrugged and echoed Kevin's earlier words. "Felt good. Doesn't mean I'm givin' up girls. Doesn't mean I'm gonna let you blow me."
"Yeah, you wish, Stretch. Come on, let's get back in there." Kevin turned to go, laughing softly.
Jaden leaned against the counter and pulled out his phone. "Hey, Texas!" He settled in to talk to Brendan and never made it back to the party.
JADEN looked around the crowded airport trying to find Nickie; she was so small it was always hard to find her in a crowd. He started running when he finally spotted her coming around the corner, wrapped her in an exuberant hug, and swung her around.
"Jaden, put me down!" She pushed against his shoulders until her feet were firmly planted on the ground.
He leaned over to kiss her and wondered why she pulled away just as his lips touched hers. "God, I missed you, Nickie." Wrapping her in another tight hug he enjoyed fitting her small body against his.
"Come on, Jaden. Your mama's anxious to see you." She turned to go and he wrapped her small, soft hand in his as they walked. Jaden talked the whole way to baggage claim, while they were waiting for his luggage, and through the parking lot to the car. Nickie barely answered.
He turned to look at her as she drove silently. "Nickie, you're awfully quiet. What's up?"
"You said that you missed me." Her voice had a quality that he couldn't place.
He turned as much as the seat belt would allow. "I did. You're all I think about up there!"
"Jaden, you've hardly called me in the last three weeks. How would I know that you missed me?"
"Nickie, I called you every night...." He trailed off. Jaden's response had been automatic, but as he said it he realized that it had been Brendan that he had talked to every night. "You're right. I guess I got busy with finals." He wasn't sure what it meant that it was Brendan he called to say goodnight, completely forgetting about Nickie.
"I'm going to drop you off at home. Call me tonight and we'll talk." Her voice was flat, emotionless.
They were silent the rest of the way to Jaden's family's house.
Jaden's spent the next few hours catching up with his parents, older brother, and younger sister. He ate an enormous amount of his mother's home cooking and teased his little sister Emily mercilessly.
He kissed his family goodnight and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. Jaden had dropped his bags on the bed earlier; now he took the time to look around. The room was filled with the remnants of his life in high school: baseball trophies, awards, pictures pinned to his bulletin board, and his graduation tassel hanging on the edge of the mirror. His mother had kept the room clean but unchanged, and the blue-plaid bedspread and curtains that had replaced the cartoon characters of his childhood remained. It was entirely familiar but felt completely alien.
Pushing his bags to the floor, Jaden flopped back onto the bed, looking for the familiar cracks and stains on the ceiling, but they were in his tiny room back in Virginia. He pulled his phone from his pocket and pressed a speed dial number. "Hey, Texas. You get home okay?"
"Yeah, no problems. Feels weird to be back, though. Kinda like it's not my house anymore. Mama made all of my favorites for dinner, though. It was awesome." He settled more deeply into his mattress.
"Yeah, kinda feels like that when I go home too." Jaden could hear the leer in his voice when Brendan continued, "Have a good time with Nickie?"
Jaden knew that Brendan was waiting for a play-by-play of hot reunion sex. "Not really. She picked me up at the airport and dropped me off at home. Haven't seen her since."
"That's harsh! What's up?"
"I don't know. She said that I never call any more. When I do call, she doesn't want to talk to me. I'm supposed to call her tonight so that we can talk," Jaden said matter-of-factly. He wondered vaguely why he wasn't more upset.
Brendan laughed softly. "You know, it's never good when they want to talk."
"No shit."
"You seein' anyone else?" Brendan's voice was soft, rich, and comfortable against the sound of his guitar in the background.
Jaden listened for a moment before responding. "Nah. Hasn't ever been anyone except Nickie. Well, except for... well... you know. You have a girlfriend, Brendan?" It had never occurred to him to ask before.
"No, no girlfriend. Maybe the long-distance thing's too much for you and Nickie."
Jaden swallowed audibly. "Boyfriend?" He had always assumed Brendan was straight but had never asked. Jaden wondered if Nickie was right when she said he talked too much; he had obviously never given Brendan a chance to talk about himself.
Brendan laughed again. "No boyfriend either." Jaden was more relieved than he was willing to admit. He was quiet, content to think and listen to Brendan play.
"Still there, Jay?" Brendan finally asked softly.
"Do I talk too much? Nickie always tells me I talk too much and I just realized that I always call you to talk and I never let you say anything. I never asked you if you had a girlfriend before or what your major is or anything. So, do I?"
"Jaden, you talk more than anyone I know, but too much? No. I like listening to you. I call you half the time, remember?"
"Yeah, it's kinda nice." Jaden yawned. "Did you talk to Victor? Do you know if we're going out? Hold on for a second." He yawned again, his long day catching up with him. Throwing the phone on the bed, he pulled his clothes off and slid into freshly laundered sheets. "Okay, I'm back." When he had picked up the phone, he thought that he heard Brendan singing.
Brendan answered, "I'll e-mail you the details, but we're supposed to fly out on the twenty-seventh and spend the week. We'll be there over New Year's, will your family mind?"
"No, as long as I'm here for Christmas, the rest is golden. I'm getting sleepy. Night Bren."
A few chords of one of Brendan's songs reached Jaden's ears before he heard a soft, "Night, Jay."
JADEN woke the next morning with the phone still on his pillow. He thought about calling Brendan but remembered that he was supposed to have called Nickie the night before. "Shit!" He jumped out of bed, tripped over the clothes that he had thrown on the floor last night, and then fell over the suitcase as he tried to right himself. He was still lying on the floor in his underwear when Emily opened the door.
"Mama wants to know how one person could make so much noise."
Jaden pulled his jeans on over his long legs and finally managed to get to his feet. "Undressed here, Emily! I just fell over my suitcase. I'll be down in a minute."
Emily turned to leave, rolling her eyes. "Get a life, Jaden. Like anyone would want to see you naked anyway." She closed the door and yelled as she ran down the stairs, "Nickie's here!"
Turning to grab his discarded tee shirt from last night, he fell over the suitcase again, this time landing on the bed. "Shit!" He thought that maybe his mother was right when she always told him that he needed to keep his stuff picked up and put away. Jaden untangled himself from the blankets, yanked the tee shirt on over his head, and ran his hands through his shaggy hair before giving up and walking down the stairs. After last night, he knew that anything that he did would be wrong, and he realized that it really didn't matter anymore.
Nickie was sitting on the couch, elbows cupped in her small hands as she seemed to curl in on herself, when he walked into the living room. "Hi, Nickie." He leaned down to kiss her cheek, but she turned away again and his lips brushed awkwardly over her ear and hair.
"Jaden, we need to talk." Her voice was small and he thought that it sounded transparent, somehow.
Glancing toward the kitchen where his mother was making pancakes, he led Nickie out to the porch where they had a little more privacy. She sat on one of the wicker chairs while he leaned against the railing, long legs in front of him crossed at the ankles.
"Nickie, I don't think that we're working anymore."
She looked at him with less pain than he had braced himself for. "You think?" Her voice lacked the biting sarcasm and bitterness that he had grown used to over the past few months. She continued, "That's what I came to tell you. Jaden, you didn't call last night."
"You were going to break up with me over the phone?" He thought that even this new Nickie wouldn't have been that cruel.
She stood, smiling sadly as she laid a hand on his arm. "No, Jaden. I just thought that we could talk. When you didn't call, it was kind of a sign that we weren't that important to you anymore. Did... did you meet someone else?"
"No. There hasn't been anyone except you." He pictured not the video that he had done with Brendan but the many late night phone calls, and felt as if he wasn't telling her the truth. "I'm sorry, Nickie."
"Me too, Jade. Take care of yourself, okay?" She stood on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek.
He waited for her to leave before walking back into the house. As he sat down at the table in the kitchen, his mother asked, "Is Nickie staying for breakfast?" She slid another pancake onto his plate.
"Nickie and I just broke up."
His mother pulled his head into her bosom and cooed over him.
"Mama! Stop it!" Jaden pulled his head away from her grasp. "It wasn't that bad. It was just time. If it wasn't, we'd both have been more upset about it." He poured syrup onto fluffy pancakes from the same pitcher that he remembered using as a little boy.
She looked over her shoulder as she poured more batter onto the hot griddle. "You know I'm here if you want to talk, Jaden."
"Yeah, sure. Good pancakes, Mama."
She sighed and Jaden recognized the entry into long-suffering mother mode. "What are you going to do over break?"
"I dunno, hang with friends mostly, I guess. Oh! I met this guy at work who's from Dallas. He's gonna come down next weekend and we're going to a Spurs game. Then after Christmas, we've got to go do another job in San Diego for a week." Stopping abruptly, he chewed carefully, stalling for time. His tendency to speak before thinking was going to get him into trouble again. He had no idea what he was going to tell his parents, but he definitely couldn't tell them that he was doing porn.
His mother turned to him, spatula held in front of her, frowning, "San Diego? California?"
He took his time chewing his bacon, trying to figure out what to tell her. "Yeah, a friend of mine who lives in the house at school hooked me up with some guy who hires models for a... a... catalog. He hired me and I met Brendan---he's the one from Dallas---when I went out over Thanksgiving."
"You went to San Diego over Thanksgiving? You couldn't afford to come home, but you went to California?" She was now wielding her spatula like a weapon. He wondered why he couldn't learn to keep his mouth closed; everything that he said only made it worse.
"Mama, I couldn't afford to come home, but they flew me out and then paid me for modeling. That's why I'm here now. I don't make enough at Starbucks to afford to come home at all."
She flipped the pancakes with more force than necessary. "Jaden, you should have asked us. I don't want you flying all over the country for God knows what! What kind of catalog is it anyway?"
"Just jeans and stuff, I don't even know which catalog they'll be in." He made a mental note to look again for pictures from the shoot that could pass for those from a catalog. "I'm eighteen, Mama. I don't need your permission anymore. I didn't have enough to eat, couldn't come home, and I couldn't drop out of school. I want to finish. I found a job that paid enough to let me do all of that. They liked my pictures enough to ask me to do some more."
Jaden stood up and hugged his mother from behind. "Mama, I love you and Daddy, but I've got to grow up. You know school's important to me. I just needed to make more money so that I can keep going."
She turned in his long arms. "I still don't like you flying across the country willy-nilly like that. We didn't even know!"
He smiled and kissed her cheek. "I promise that I'll tell you when I'm going, okay?"
"Okay, Jaden. Finish your breakfast." She didn't look entirely convinced.
Breakfast finished, he went upstairs to check his e-mail before unpacking. Settling back against the headboard of his bed, he remembered that his parents still didn't have wireless access. He grumbled, tripped over his suitcase again on the way to the desk, and plugged his computer into the phone line. There was a message from Brendan, but he waited, answering e-mails from friends and deleting some of the SPAM that made it through the filter before finally opening Brendan's e-mail. Jaden would be flying to Dallas, meeting Brendan, and then they would fly to San Diego together. "Sweet."
Jaden woke early on Friday morning, excited because Brendan was supposed to arrive that afternoon. He called Brendan before he was even out of bed and Brendan answered, voice thick with sleep, "Still sleepin' here, Texas."
"How'd you know it was me if you're still sleeping?"
"'Cause you're the only one that calls early enough to wake me up."
"What time are you leaving?"
"Mid-morning." Jaden heard a long yawn. "I'll meet you at the hotel around three. Goin' back to sleep, Jay. Bye."
Jaden gave up on going back to sleep himself and went for a run. When he got back, his mother was just getting up to get ready to go to the school, where she was a science teacher. Jaden kissed her cheek and pulled her into a sweaty embrace, receiving a sleepy sound of disgust, before he ran up the stairs to the shower. He called to her from the landing at the top of the stairs. "Remember I won't be here for dinner! Brendan's coming today."
"How could I forget? It's all you've talked about this week. What are you two going to do? The game's not until tomorrow night, right?"
"I don't know. He's never been to San Antonio, so we're just gonna see what we feel like. See ya, Mama."
Jaden took his shower and then watched his mother and sister leave for school and his father for work, leaving him to wander around the house. Nothing held his attention; he drifted from the computer to the television to calling his friends. He finally gave up and, out of habit, drove to the mall where Nickie worked in a small boutique. Parking, he realized that he had no reason to see Nickie anymore and stayed in the car.
Unable to wait any longer, he drove to Brendan's hotel with more than an hour to go before Brendan was supposed to get there. He checked with the front desk, and then wandered through the lobby, finally sitting on one of the deep chairs with a view of the door
He was leafing blindly through an abandoned magazine when Brendan walked through the door, duffel slung across one shoulder. Jaden's heart beat faster as he walked toward Brendan; he'd been looking forward to this since they'd planned the weekend. Brendan saw him and smiled, his green eyes bright, face open and friendly. Jaden went to him and pulled him into a hug because that's just how Jaden was. He didn't let himself notice that this hug went on for much longer than usual or that he was thinking about what Brendan's chest felt like against his or how good Brendan's neck smelled. When he finally pulled back from the hug, Brendan was still holding on.
"Hey, Texas." Brendan smiled and settled a warm hand on the back of Jaden's neck. "Come on, I've gotta get checked in."
Jaden followed Brendan and waited while he checked in and got his key card.
Although Jaden had been talking to Brendan every day, sometimes more, he felt self-conscious now that he was standing beside him. Suddenly aware of their growing friendship and unable to forget that they had been intimate, he wasn't sure what to say.
"Come on, I've got a few more things in the car. Help me?"
"Sure." Jaden followed Brendan out to the parking lot and was excited to see a guitar case when Brendan opened the trunk. "You brought it! I want to hear you play."
"Well, grab it and we'll take it in. I think I've got everything else." Brendan locked the car after Jaden pulled the guitar case out.
When they opened the door to Brendan's room, they found a typical hotel room dominated by a king-sized bed. Jaden couldn't help but remember what they had been doing the last time that they had been together in a room with a bed.
Jaden sat on the single chair, watching Brendan move around the room, unpacking and putting his toiletries in the bathroom. Brendan moved with grace and confidence, and Jaden stared, fascinated with the play of muscles under the tight tee-shirt. He remembered the way that Brendan's skin felt under his hand, soft over hard muscle, the tight swell of the cheek that he had gripped. He felt his body reacting to the memory just as he heard Brendan talking.
"Jay? Jaden? You with me here?" Brendan was standing in the middle of the room, folded tee-shirts in his hand, looking at Jaden with an eyebrow raised.
"Yeah, sorry. What did you say?" Jaden waited until Brendan had turned back to the dresser and adjusted himself.
"You okay? I was just wondering what you had planned for this weekend." His unpacking finished, Brendan sat on the edge of the bed in front of Jaden.
"Yeah, sure! Just thinking, I guess. I didn't really have anything planned. I just thought we'd see what we feel like doing."
Brendan's voice was warm, low. "And what did you feel like doing?"
"Maybe the River Walk? There's all kind of restaurants, bands, pretty much anything. We can walk and stop when we find something we want to do." Jaden felt warm inside from the affectionate tone in Brendan's voice. He looked at his friend and wondered what was behind the slow smile.
Looking into Brendan's green eyes, he remembered the passion that he had seen in them during their scene together. It surprised Jaden to find out how much that simple look affected him as much as anything that Brendan had done to his body.
He was watching Jaden now, gaze open and appraising, a smile on his full lips. Brendan leaned forward, not pushing but inviting. Jaden realized that he was leaning toward Brendan in response and stood abruptly, rubbing suddenly sweaty palms on his thighs.
"So, you wanna do the River Walk? Or we could do something else if you want."
Brendan stood and pushed his shoulder gently into Jaden's. "Sure, Jay. The River Walk sounds great. Let's go."
"Do you have a sweatshirt? It'll get cold later."
"Yes, Mom." Brendan smiled at Jaden but pulled a sweatshirt from the drawer where he had just put it away.
THEY walked through the crowds along the River Walk, shoulders brushing as they looked in the shops that were decorated for Christmas. The trees and shrubbery were sprinkled with tiny white lights that made the River Walk, close to the water and below street level, a world apart. Brendan put a hand on Jaden's shoulder, leaning in so that he could be heard over the band that they were passing. "You gettin' hungry?"
Jaden felt the warmth of Brendan's hand on his shoulder and suppressed a shiver when it remained as they moved past the band and into a quiet area between shops. He put his hands in his pockets, took them out again, and finally draped one long arm over Brendan's shoulders. Jaden's world contracted until it consisted only of the two of them, Brendan warm and solid against his side.
"Yeah, I'm starved. There's a great rib place a little way up. Great food, live music most of the time. It's a lot of fun." Jaden leaned close to Brendan, catching the scent of his shampoo. He led Brendan toward Dick's Last Resort, where there were people seated outside the restaurant at small tables and the party atmosphere spilled out of the door.
They were seated away from the restaurant's busy center at a table small enough that their knees touched. Far enough away from the music that they could hear both the music and each other, Jaden watched Brendan as he looked around the busy restaurant. Even though they talked almost every day, Jaden enjoyed being face-to-face and seeing Brendan's eyes light up when he talked about something that he enjoyed and the genuine joy as he laughed. Their conversation slowed only slightly as they were served and they began to eat.
Attacking his dinner, Jaden said around a mouth full of the spicy ribs, "Hm, nothing like Texas barbecue."
Brendan laughed. "Looks like you haven't eaten in a week!"
"Feels like it."
Jaden finished the last of his ribs and wiped his hands before attacking his potato salad. Freezing, his fork an inch away from his mouth, he watched as Brendan began to lick his fingers. Brendan's tongue licked over each finger before sucking it into his mouth and Jaden had to force his gaze away from Brendan's full lips to look at his eyes.
Brendan's eyes were large and dark, inviting... what? Jaden licked his lips and finally lowered the fork to his plate. The older man's eyes had tracked the movement of his tongue and Jaden shifted in his chair as he felt the pressure of his jeans against his groin.
The spell was broken as two girls came up to the table, smiling brightly. They matched everyone's stereotype of women from Texas: short, tight skirts, a lot of bleached hair, and too much makeup. They giggled as they asked Jaden and Brendan to dance. Jaden glanced at Brendan with his eyebrows raised in question. Brendan shrugged then stood. The girls giggled again as they led the way to the crowded dance floor and started to dance in a loose group to the loud music. Jaden watched the way that Brendan moved, graceful and easy. When he pulled his sweatshirt off, exposing a strip of skin at his waist, he started Jaden's mind wandering and blood pooling in his groin again.
The music slowed, and the girls started to move in, each expecting to dance close to one of the boys. Jaden and Brendan each bent to kiss a pink cheek and whisper their thanks and apologies to the girls before returning to their table.
Jaden drank the rest of his sweet tea in one long swallow. "You ready to get out of here?"
"Sure, let's go." Brendan finished the rest of his own tea, grinning.
"You could have gotten beer, you know. You didn't have to get tea just 'cause I'm not old enough."
Brendan put his hand back on Jaden's shoulder as they left the light and noise of the restaurant. "Don't need beer to have a good time."
Jaden returned the gesture without the fumbling awkwardness that he had felt earlier. He only gave a passing thought to what it meant to be walking arm-in-arm with another guy in a romantic setting on a Friday night before realizing how good Brendan's shoulder felt under his hand.
"The little blonde wanted to give you her number, Jay." Brendan hip-checked Jaden as they walked.
"Umm, Bren? They were both little blondes. Not quite ready for that again. Hasn't even been a week since Nickie and I broke up."
Brendan slowed slightly. "You doin' okay with that, Jay?"
"Yeah. It was time. We hardly even talked anymore." Jaden was quiet as they walked, then brightened. "Hey, you brought your guitar, will you play for me?"
"Why?"
"Because I hear you play when we talk on the phone, and I like it. I want to hear more."
BRENDAN sat on the bed in his hotel room, guitar resting on his lap, strumming softly as Jaden sat facing him. Jaden watched Brendan's fingers move over the strings, playing a few songs that he knew and more that he didn't. The style wasn't something that Jaden could define, but he could hear some rock, a little country, and maybe a little folk all thrown together.
Jaden leaned back on the bed and closed his eyes, just listening to Brendan play. "Did I hear you singing one time?"
"Yeah, probably," he said, continuing to play.
"Sing something?" Jaden asked shyly. He smiled when Brendan started to sing softly. His voice was rich, a little twangy, a little rough around the edges, and Jaden thought that he could listen to him sing forever. "That's nice, Bren."
Jaden reached across the quilted bedspread until his fingers just brushed Brendan's thigh. Breathing deeply, he felt himself begin to drift off as Brendan continued to play. He felt a warm hand on his chest as he woke up.
"Jay? Jaden? You fell asleep. Are your parents expecting you back?"
"Yeah. Shit, how long have I been asleep?"
"Not long. It's only ten-thirty." Brendan's hand was still resting on Jaden's chest.
Jaden sat up, rubbing his eyes. "I've gotta go. Mama'll kill me; I promised that I'd be back early."
"Give me a call in the morning, okay? We'll set up everything for the game tomorrow." Brendan offered a hand to Jaden and pulled him to his feet.
Jaden stretched and yawned. "Oh! Mama wants you to come over for brunch. She still wants to approve my friends, I think."
"Sure. I can charm the pants off of mothers everywhere." He grinned.
"Dude! So not a picture I want in my head! I'll call you in the morning and give you directions." Jaden stuffed his hands in his deep in his pockets. "I guess I've got to go. Night, Bren."
ONCE again, Jaden woke early, this time remembering the night before with a smile. He couldn't define what was happening with Brendan and wasn't going to spend too much time analyzing it. For now, he was content to spend time with him, whether on the phone or, when they could manage it, in person. Brendan was the last thing that Jaden thought about at night and the first thing in the morning. Last night, walking with Brendan tucked into his side, was a pleasant memory. The time in November, feeling Brendan's mouth on his body, made him hunger for more.
Jaden closed his eyes and brought his hands up to his body. Brendan had taught him how sensitive his own nipples could be, so he brought a finger to his mouth to moisten it, and then teased the hard nub. He wanted to let his arousal build, feel it wash over his body until he had to come or die.
Jaden had just closed his hand over his hard shaft and started moving it in long, slow strokes when his phone rang. He knew who it would be.
"Hey, Texas! Did I wake you up?" Brendan sounded like he hadn't been up long himself.
"No, I'm awake," he murmured, still stroking long and slow, twisting just a little as he closed over the head.
Brendan's voice was soft. "Your voice sounds funny. What are you doing?"
"Um, nothing. Just waking up." Jaden knew that he should stop, told himself to stop, but he couldn't do it. Gripping more tightly, he thrust his hips up into his fist. He felt his legs start to tingle, his balls draw closer to his body.
"What are you doing to wake up, Jay?" His voice was soft, seductive. "Having a cup of coffee?"
Gasping. "No." He was close, so close. He heard Brendan speaking, but his mind was beyond understanding what he was saying. His hand flew over his dick and he saw Brendan's lips close over the head, felt his body against his, looked into his green eyes. "Bren!" He came, gasping Brendan's name. Still breathing heavily, he realized the phone, still open, had slipped from his hand to the pillow.
Jaden picked up the phone, "Bren?" He hoped that Brendan had given up on him and hung up. If not, what would he say? How would he explain what he had just done?
"Hey, Jay." Amusement laced Brendan's words.
"You're still here. I was just... uhh... just...."
"Yeah, Jay. Still here." Jaden held his breath, but Brendan continued as if Jaden hadn't just come calling his name. "So, I need directions to your house."
Jaden wiped his hand on his shirt, sitting up as he gave Brendan the directions. "See you in an hour, Bren." Tossing the phone on the bed, he headed for the shower. He hurried through his shower and pulled his jeans and shirt over slightly damp skin before running down the stairs.
"Morning, Mama." Jaden smiled and hugged his mother from behind as she worked at the stove. "Want me to set the table?"
"Sure, sweetie. Did you have a good time last night?" She turned to look at him as he pulled the plates from the cupboard.
"Yeah, we had a really good time." He felt himself blush and turned away from his mother. "I really like it when you cook breakfast on weekends. I missed that at school."
Jaden saw the look on his mother's face and knew that he was skating on thin ice. His mother could always tell when he was lying or trying to hide something. "What did you do last night? Was it just you and Brendan, or was it a date? Did you meet someone new?"
"Nah, it was just Brendan and I. We walked along the River Walk, ate some ribs, played some music." Jaden told the truth but left out a world of detail. "I invited him for brunch, so you'll be able to meet him. He should be here in a minute."
He heard Brendan's car pull up to the house and ran out onto the porch. Smiling as he watched Brendan walk up the stairs to the porch, he pulled Brendan into a warm hug. He thought that he felt Brendan's lips on his neck before they stepped back. "Dude, you brought your computer?" Jaden motioned to the laptop case hanging from Brendan's shoulder.
He spoke softly. "Yeah, you said that you told your mother that we met while modeling and didn't have any pictures. I e-mailed Victor, and he sent me some of the Mom-safe pictures. You said that you needed evidence, right?"
Jaden hugged him again, "Thanks, Bren!" This time it was Jaden's lips that brushed Brendan's neck.
"Come on, ready for this?" Jaden started to open the door. "Mama? This is Brendan. Bren, my mother, Sharon."
Brendan shook her hand and said, "Nice to meet you, ma'am. Thanks for inviting me for brunch."
"Well, your mama raised you to be polite! I'm glad that you could come. We'll be ready to eat in a minute." She turned to go back to the kitchen as Jaden and Brendan went into the living room, sat on the sofa, and opened the lap top on the coffee table.
They were sitting hip-to-hip, Jaden's arm thrown over Brendan's shoulder as they looked at the pictures that Victor sent. Brendan pointed to one, and whispered in Jaden's ear, "This isn't mother-safe, but I wanted you to see it. Looks really, really hot." Jaden shivered as he felt Brendan's lips move over his ear.
Jaden looked at the picture of them, taken outside: they were facing each other, chests touching. Jaden's hand was on the side of Brendan's neck, thumb tracing over a prominent cheekbone. Brendan's head was tipped up, lips parted slightly, eyes closed. Jaden's head was bent, lips a fraction of an inch from Brendan's. They looked as if they were alone in their world, nothing more important than the fact that their lips would touch. He turned to look at Brendan and was captivated by his green eyes and full lips. Jaden licked his lips and leaned slightly closer to Brendan, sitting back quickly when he heard his mother clear her throat.
"Brunch is ready, boys. Jaden, would you call your sister?"
Emily ran down the stairs only seconds after Jaden called her but stopped suddenly when she saw Brendan and smiled shyly. She was uncharacteristically quiet as they sat down at the table, sneaking looks at her brother's friend.
Brendan poured warm syrup over the stack of fluffy pancakes that Sharon had just slid onto his plate. "Brendan, what are you studying in school?"
"Physical therapy and sports medicine. I'd like to work with high school or college sports teams."
"How many years do you have until you graduate?" Sharon asked, and Jaden rolled his eyes, recognizing that she was settling in for a long interrogation.
Brendan saw the eye roll but was willing to go along; family was important and he wanted Jaden's family to like him. "I only have one more semester left. I'll graduate in May."
"Mama, these pancakes are really great. Can you pass me the orange juice?" Jaden tried to steer the conversation away from Brendan.
"Jaden, stop interrupting! Do you have a job lined up yet? "
"No, ma'am. I've put a lot of applications in and gone on a few interviews, but I don't have anything sure yet."
Sharon's questions continued through breakfast, and Jaden was relieved when Brendan handled everything that Sharon threw at him without falling into any of her traps. He knew that she wanted to protect her kids but always hated it when she interrogated his friends.
They helped her clear the table and do the dishes before showing her the carefully chosen photos on Brendan's computer.
THERE was less than two minutes left in the game and the Spurs were winning---barely. Jaden was standing up, cheering his team on, while Brendan cheered less enthusiastically. He would cheer for the Spurs for Jaden, but they weren't his Mavs. The final buzzer sounded with the Spurs still ahead by four. Jaden jumped up, grabbed Brendan around the waist, and picked him up off of the floor. He was laughing, head thrown back, completely happy.
"Bren, this was the best ever! Thanks for bringing me."
Brendan rested his hands on Jaden's shoulders. "No problem. You gonna put me down or are you gonna carry me back to the hotel?"
The crowd pushed around them as they tried to get from their seats to the aisle, but Jaden ignored them as he relaxed his hold and let Brendan slide down his body. Brendan's hands still rested on Jaden's shoulders while Jaden's hands rested on Brendan's hips, chests touching lightly. They stood looking at each other until someone bumped hard against them.
"Umm, yeah. Let's get out of here." Brendan guided Jaden through the crowd with a hand on his back.
When they reached the silence of the car, Jaden asked, "You hungry? Wanna grab a burger?"
"Yeah, sure. Tell me where."
Jaden directed Brendan to the diner he and his friends used to go to after high school games and dances, and they found a booth in the back. As they were finishing their burgers and fries, Jaden said, "It's been a good weekend. Glad you came down. You still have to go back early tomorrow?"
"Yeah, Mama's expecting me." Brendan slid his foot over to tap Jaden's and then left it there, pressing gently. Jaden pressed back.
Jaden took a deep breath. "Bren, remember when I asked you if you had a girlfriend or boyfriend?"
Brendan leaned forward. "Yeah. I remember."
"Well, you said---"
They looked up as someone appeared at the end of their booth. Jaden looked up in irritation; he had finally started to talk to Brendan about what was going on, only to be interrupted. It was Nickie, and she was standing with the man that he had seen on her MySpace page and a couple that they had known in high school.
"Jaden! I didn't know that you were home!"
Jaden looked at Brendan and then back at Nickie. "Funny, I remember you picking me up...."
"Jaden, this is Don. We work together." Don placed a possessive hand on Nickie's shoulder. She held a small hand out to Brendan, her smile not touching her eyes. "I'm Nickie, and you are?"
Brendan shook her hand. "Brendan. Good to meet you." He smiled sweetly.
Nickie's smile faltered, and she let her hand fall back to her side. She tucked herself in against Don. Her stare was icy. "Jaden. Nice to see you." She turned and walked away.
"Something tells me she and Don have been together a little longer than a week." Jaden traced a finger through salt grains on the table.
"Sorry, man."
"You know what? It's not bothering me all that much," Jaden said with a shrug. He threw some bills on the table. "You ready to go?" The only thing that was bothering him was that Nickie had interrupted him when he was finally ready to talk to Brendan.
Jaden directed Brendan back to his house, where he parked next to Jaden's car. They stood between the two cars, hands in pockets. "So, I'll see you next week, right?"
"Yeah. Thanks again for the game." Jaden took a step toward Brendan, not sure exactly what he was doing, what he wanted.
"It was fun. Call me, ok?" Brendan pulled him into a loose hug, releasing him almost before it started.
Brendan opened the door to his car and pulled out of the parking space, leaving Jaden to stare after him.
SHARON was waiting in the living room when Jaden walked into the house. "Did you have a good time?"
Jaden walked into the kitchen and pulled a soda from the refrigerator before answering his mother. "Yeah, we had a good time. The game was great. Close the whole way, and the Spurs won. Brendan cheered even though he likes the Mavs."
"You and Brendan seem to be getting pretty close." Her voice was carefully neutral and she didn't put down the scarf that she was knitting.
Jaden looked questioningly at her. "Yeah. I guess."
"Is there anything that you want to talk to me about?"
"Don't think so, Mama. Thanks, though." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Night, Mama. I'm going to bed."
Running up the stairs, he fell onto his bed, again looking for the familiar stains of his room at college and not finding them. He hadn't let himself think too much about what was going on with Brendan yet; he just enjoyed spending time with him. After today, Jaden knew that he needed to figure it out. He had almost kissed him this morning; would have if his mother hadn't interrupted. Nothing would have been more awkward to share his first kiss with Brendan---with another guy---and have his mother witness it.
He remembered the look in Brendan's eye, the fullness of his lips as he leaned in to kiss him. Whatever was going on, he knew that he wanted to kiss Brendan. That realization raised more questions, though. Did Brendan want to kiss him? Would he have felt like this if Brendan hadn't given him a blow job? Did this mean that he was gay? Would it matter? Jaden had loved Nickie and loved making love with her, but now he was thinking about sex with Brendan. He shook his head, trying to clear it of all of the questions floating around inside. It was no wonder that he had been avoiding thinking about everything; it was all too complicated.
Without thinking about it, he reached for the phone and heard a mumbled, "Hello." It sounded as if Brendan had been asleep, or nearly so.
Jaden started speaking with no greeting or preamble. He had to know the answer. He had to. "Remember when I asked you if you had a girlfriend or boyfriend?"
"Yeah, Jay. Told you that I remembered."
"Well, the question that I really wanted to ask, what I wanted to know... I mean, which do you want?" He breathed a sigh of relief. No matter what the answer was, he'd know. He'd finally know.
"Jay, what do you want the answer to be?" Brendan asked gently.
Jaden let out a growl of frustration. "God, Bren just tell me, please. I have to know."
"You. I want you, Jaden." His voice was like honey, smooth and sweet. It ignited little sparks over Jaden's body.
"Brendan, why didn't you tell me? God, I wanted to kiss you all day!"
"Had to be your decision, Jay. You'd just broken up with Nickie, and you said that you were straight."
Jaden responded instinctively, "I am str---" He stopped himself. "God, Bren, I don't know what I am! I liked having sex with Nickie but now all that I can think of is you---kissing you, the way your body feels."
Brendan was quiet, breath soft and slow. Finally breaking his silence, he said, "Gay, straight, bi. They're all just labels. Give it time; you'll figure it out."
JADEN was still sleeping on Christmas morning when his phone rang. He picked it up, knowing who it was. "Merry Christmas, Bren."
"Merry Christmas. Wish I was there with you."
"Me too. You're up early."
"Caroline wanted to open presents and got everyone up early. You still sleeping?"
"Yeah, I don't hear anyone else up yet," Jaden said through a yawn. "Emily usually gets everyone up too, but she must still be sleeping."
The door to Jaden's bedroom opened and Emily ran in and bounced on the bottom of the bed. "C'mon, get up! Mama said we can open presents when everyone gets up."
"Em, nobody would believe that you're fourteen the way you're acting. Give me a minute, I'll be down." She jumped off of the bed and ran to the door. He yelled after her, "Knock next time!"
She called back over her shoulder, "Yeah, like anyone would want to see you naked!" and slammed the door.
Jaden rolled his eyes at her repeated taunt and mumbled, "If you only knew. I'd better go, Bren. Call me later when things settle down, okay? I can't wait until the twenty-seventh."
"Merry Christmas, Jay."
JADEN looked around the crowded airport and finally saw Brendan coming toward him. His eyes locked with Brendan's across the heads of the crowd, and his world shrank until it contained only the two of them. Jaden pulled him into a hug, burying his face in Brendan's neck, and smelled Brendan's soap as he felt Brendan's body, solid and strong, against his. He pressed a kiss to Brendan's neck and felt a soft kiss under his jaw before they pulled apart.
"Hey." Jaden's voice was soft, barely heard over the crowd and the PA system overhead.
"Hey," Brendan responded, smiling softly.
Jaden examined Brendan's green eyes, the spray of small freckles over his cheekbones, and finally his full lips before closing the distance between them. He felt Brendan's lips under his and sighed into them as Brendan opened to his probing tongue. The older man's body fit perfectly against his.
"Hm, I've been waiting to do that." Jaden rested his forehead against Brendan's, eyes blown, lips parted.
"Me too. Can't wait to do it again." Brendan touched his lips lightly against Jaden's.
"That's all I get?" Jaden tried to chase Brendan's lips with his, but Brendan put a finger against them.
Brendan answered with a smile, "Did you forget where we are? We're standing in a busy airport, making out. We also have a flight to catch."
While Brendan spoke, Jaden pulled his index finger into his mouth. He released it with an audible pop and grinned wickedly at Brendan.
Brendan groaned and turned to go. "Come on, we still have to catch the Skylink to the other side of the airport to get to our gate."
Jaden walked with his arm over Brendan's shoulder like he had during the time on the River Walk. It had felt good to have Brendan tucked against his side then when all he knew was that they were friends; now, it felt even better. Brendan looked up at him as they got into the Skylink.
"Does it bother you, being open with another guy in public?"
"Bren, I jerked off on camera." He lowered his voice when he noticed people turning to look at him. "That felt strange at first, now not so much. Walking with my arm on your shoulder or kissing you in public doesn't bother me. Did I make you uncomfortable? Nickie always told me that I was too affectionate and squicked people." Jaden dropped his arm from Brendan's shoulder.
They stood at one end of the car, bracing themselves against the movement of the high speed train. Brendan slid his hand down Jaden's arm and laced their fingers together. "No, it doesn't bother me."
As they were pressed together by the crush of people on the train, Jaden was hit by a wave of need that traced down his spine and settled in his groin. Jaden whispered into Brendan's ear and felt him shiver when his lips brushed against it. "Can't wait until we get there."
Brendan leaned in to whisper his response. "You know what we'll be doing when we get there, right?" He kissed the curve of Jaden's jaw before he drew back. Green eyes twinkling, he waited for Jaden's answer. "You didn't read your e-mail, did you?"
"No, dial-up at home sucks. I was going to wait until we got to the hotel and use their wireless."
"We're going straight to film from the airport. Victor e-mailed this morning."
Jaden raised his eyebrows. "You mean, we... we... tonight? The first time? Camera?"
"Well, not really our first time." Brendan leered at Jaden.
The train stopped at the terminal and they joined the crowd leaving the train with their carry-ons, bags, and packages. They walked, hands still joined, as Jaden processed what Brendan had just told him. Their first time---the first time since he admitted to Brendan how he felt---would be on camera and available for downloading or streaming to gay men everywhere.
They got to the gate just as the attendant announced boarding for their flight. Jaden was uncharacteristically quiet as they boarded, found their seats, and stowed their bags. Folding his long legs as he squeezed into the narrow seat, his knees pressed tightly against the seat in front of him. Brendan was only slightly better off. "I'm not going to be able to walk after a few hours of this."
"Maybe they won't be full and we can move to an emergency row after take-off." Brendan pulled Jaden's hand onto his lap and traced patterns on his palm with his index finger. "You're quiet."
"Just thinking. Kind of funny, I guess. You sucked my dick on camera right after we met and it was strange and shit, first time and all of that."
Brendan tightened his grip on Jaden's hand and whispered, "You having second thoughts?"
"No! No. It's just kind of strange thinking that our first time---the first time since we... we... you know---will be with two other guys there taping us."
"Did the cameras bother you last time?"
Jaden smiled at him. "No, not that much. Actually I almost forgot that they were there after a while." His cheeks turned pink.
Brendan leaned closer to Jaden, voice low and sensuous. "We'll do our scene and it'll be the hottest scene ever shown on VH.com because it'll be real, so fuckin' real, Jay. After that, we'll go to the hotel and I'll make you fly."
"Shit, Bren!" Jaden had been half-hard since he first saw Brendan this morning, and Brendan's words, the timbre of his voice, and the feel of his breath against Jaden's cheek, made him fully hard. He pulled his sweatshirt down in front and adjusted himself. "You're gonna get us thrown off of the plane." Jaden looked around to see if anyone was watching them.
Listening intently to the safety warnings, Jaden was finally able to get his body under control as the plane moved away from the gate.
Once they were in the air, Jaden asked, "What else did Victor say in his e-mail? Did he mention what we'd be doing?"
Brendan kept his voice low. "Yeah. He wants to do a series with us. Same progression as usual---solo, blow job, screwing another guy, getting screwed---but with us instead of different guys like he usually does. He said that the reaction and the comments about us together were so good that he wants to capitalize on it. It'll only be the second series that he's done."
"Sweet!" Jaden was more relieved than he was willing to admit. He knew Victor rarely repeated pairings between guys and, although he needed the money, Jaden really didn't want to do a scene with anyone other than Brendan. "You know that he's started a retail site too?"
"No, what's he selling?"
"Calendars with pics of the guys, lube, shit with the name of the web site on it, and he's starting with DVDs. He's only got one so far, but if our other scenes do as well as the first he wants to release a DVD of our scenes with some of the behind-the-scenes footage, interviews and shit. Stuff that isn't on the site so that the guys get something that they don't with their subscriptions."
"You're kidding, right? We'd be on a DVD?"
"Yeah. Jay, you've gotta start reading your e-mail! He sent it to both of us!"
"I live on the computer at school; I just can't deal with dial-up at home." He paused, frowning. "Does he know about us? Do we need to keep it quiet?"
"I haven't said anything, but I don't think that it matters. Do you want to hide it?"
Jaden thought for a minute, "No, I don't. Not from Victor, anyway. Not so sure about my family yet. Won't Victor mind though? Most of the guys on the site are straight."
"Most, not all. He won't care. Hell, he'll probably use it for publicity or at least mention it in his intro to the vids."
"Sweet," Jaden repeated, yawning. He reclined his seat the two inches the mechanics of airline seats allowed, tried in vain to find a position that didn't involve his knees being crushed into the seat in front of him, and put his head back. "Think I'm gonna take a nap, Bren."
Jaden woke when the plane touched down in San Diego and found that Brendan was asleep with his head resting on Jaden's shoulder. Jaden kissed Brendan's forehead. "Bren, wake up. We're here."
THE car service took them to the studio where Victor and another cameraman were waiting for them. They were the only "models" there that night; the others wouldn't be taping until the following day.
Victor didn't waste time with preliminaries. "Jaden, we're going to get some stills of you while Brendan gets ready. Brendan, everything is ready for you in the bathroom."
"What do you have to get ready?" Jaden whispered as they walked deeper into the studio.
Brendan smirked. "Jay, you're gonna be screwing me. I have to be clean for you. For the camera. Think about it."
"Oh. Right." Jaden felt his cheeks grow warm.
Brendan laughed. "Get used to it. It'll be your turn soon enough."
Jaden's heart beat faster, knowing that he would be with Brendan soon. Following Victor to the locker room set, he was barely able to think about anything except what would happen the when he saw Brendan again. He followed Victor's directions, posing on the wooden bench and leaning against the bright blue lockers.
When they were finished, Jaden got dressed and walked across the studio to the bedroom set, smiling when he saw Brendan lying back on the bed waiting for him. He sat down next to Brendan, thighs touching. Brendan sat up, smiled at Jaden, and brushed his hair off of his forehead.
Brendan leaned closer and whispered, "You ready, Jay?"
"Oh, yeah."
Victor watched the two of them as he got his camera ready. "You two need the stroke mags or a video?"
They shook their heads, and Brendan answered for both of them, looking not at Victor but at Jaden. "No, I think we're ready."
"You boys have something you want to tell me?"
Brendan laughed. "You'll figure it out."
Victor shrugged and then started his instructions for the video. "Okay, Jaden. You're going to be fucking Brendan, but let him lead. He knows the drill. You've agreed to do a full hardcore vid, so no limits to neck down; you'll be sucking Brendan's dick. You ready for all of that?"
"Yeah, I'm all set. No problems."
"Okay. Just remember the cameras. It's good to touch Brendan, but remember not to block the camera from the action. Ready?" They both nodded. "Action."
"Michael, you're back here at VH. What did you think of your last visit?
"It was better than I thought that it would be." He laughed and rested an ankle on his knee. "I came back, didn't I?"
Victor chuckled at his answer. "What have you been doing since you were here last?"
"Just finishing the semester at school and spending the holidays with my family." Jaden had watched enough of the videos on the site to know that Victor always did these interviews at the beginning but he was anxious to get to the next step. He jiggled his foot and thought that the interview would never end.
"What have you agreed to do today?"
"I'm going to fuck Ross." He looked over at Brendan and smiled.
"Okay, well let's get to it, then. Ross is going to take care of you. Let him lead and just go with it."
Like the last time, Jaden felt Brendan's lips against his neck, but unlike the last time, he knew that he wanted this. He wanted to feel Brendan's lips over his body, wanted---needed---to feel his lips against his own. Moaning, he felt those full lips kissing his neck, along the curve of his jaw, and finally closer to his lips.
Brendan pulled back slightly, looking into Jaden's eyes before slowly lowering his lips to Jaden's. He rested a hand on Brendan's thigh and melted into the kiss. Jaden felt Brendan's lips move against his, full and soft, surrounded by sharp stubble. It was a delicious contrast, and Jaden opened his lips for more, finally kissing Brendan like he had been dreaming about. Brendan's hand slid into his hair as he deepened the kiss, tongues sliding together, tangling and exploring. Jaden pushed under Brendan's shirt, feeling silky smooth skin over hard muscle.
Brendan pushed him back against the bed and straddled his hips. He felt Brendan's solid weight press him into the bed and couldn't help comparing it to making love with Nickie. She had been so tiny, so light that he always felt that he had to be so careful not to hurt her. He could never let go, always had to hold back. An electric thrill shot through his body when he realized that all of that would be different with Brendan. He ran his hands over Brendan's strong back and rolled his hips to bring their already hard dicks together.
A groan of frustration left his throat; Victor always had them start out in their clothes, removing them during the video, but he wanted to feel Brendan's skin. "Wanna feel you." Pulling Brendan's shirt over his head, he threw it onto the floor and was finally able to touch Brendan's skin unimpeded.
Jaden lost himself in the sensation of being with Brendan, of touching and being touched, of the firm weight against him. He sat up, Brendan still straddling his hips, and pulled his own shirt off. Resting his hands on Brendan's hips, fingers tracing over smooth skin, he closed the short distance to the copper-colored nipples. They hardened as Jaden licked over one small nub, and he increased the pressure until it was just shy of painful and finally drew it into his mouth. Brendan groaned as Jaden moved to the other nipple and bit down. Jaden was only vaguely aware that Brendan was touching him, tracing the line of his spine to cup the back of his neck and hold his head more firmly against his chest.
Their dicks were pressed together through layers of denim, slowly grinding their groins together as Jaden discovered the delight of another man's chest. He felt warm palms cup his face and saw Brendan lowering full lips to his again. The touch of lips was light, teasing, and the tip of his tongue flicked lightly against Jaden's lower lip. Jaden was aroused beyond anything he had ever felt before, so hard that he ached with the need for release, but thought that he might be happy to stay like this forever.
"God, Bren, want you so bad." Jaden opened his lips in invitation, tilting his head to allow Brendan deeper access.
Like their first time, Jaden forgot about the cameras, forgot that there were other people in the room, and knew only Brendan's body, warm in his arms. He felt Brendan pull away from his lips, moving to nuzzle under Jaden's jaw and take his earlobe between his teeth. Jaden shivered when he heard Brendan's deep voice against his ear.
"Tell me what you want."
In one smooth move, Brendan lifted Jaden and moved him until he was lying on the middle of the bed, arms above his head, wrists held firmly in Brendan's hands.
"Tell me," Brendan repeated, eyes intense.
Jaden thrust his hips up against Brendan, desperate for contact, for friction against his aching hard-on.
"Skin. Wanna feel you." He tried to pull his arms down to touch Brendan, but his wrists were held tight against the mattress. Jaden bucked his hips again, loving having Brendan in control of his body, his pleasure.
Brendan touched Jaden's lips lightly with his own, pulling back before the kiss could deepen. He teased, licking, nipping, almost kissing but never quite. When Jaden moaned, Brendan finally kissed him fast and hard before speaking against his lips, "Don't move your arms."
Jaden nodded wordlessly and Brendan sat up and unzipped his jeans. In another second, Brendan had stripped Jaden of both jeans and briefs, revealing his long limbs and golden skin gleaming against the bedspread. Jaden watched as Brendan stripped his own jeans off and lowered once again to his body.
"Is that what you wanted?" He aligned their hard shafts and started rocking his hips. Jaden felt the incredible heat, the hard flesh sliding, pressing. He needed, wanted... more.
With a deep moan he ignored Brendan's order and flipped Brendan onto his back. "This is what I wanted."
He watched green eyes flare in surprise before turning dark with desire as Jaden straddled Brendan's hips. Looking down at lightly freckled skin, he reached out with gentle hands to trace the contours of this new body under his, learning and mapping the unfamiliar hard planes of muscle.
Lowering his lips to follow the path his hands had taken, Jaden tasted Brendan's warm skin and smelled the spicy scent of his soap. He looked up at Brendan and saw an encouraging nod and lowered his mouth to his lover's body. He pulled at the light trail of hair under Brendan's navel with his lips as he moved closer to the blood-dark cock lying heavily over Brendan's belly.
Settling between Brendan's thighs, he traced the hard line of Brendan's dick with his closed lips. He wanted this, wanted to taste Brendan, to feel him in his mouth, but hesitated. This was more; this was more than lying back and getting a blow job. This was seeking out another man, the taste and feel of him, the need to give him pleasure. Jaden opened his mouth against Brendan's shaft and breathed against the hard flesh, sharing his heat as he looked into emerald eyes.
"It's okay. Whatever you want." Brendan nodded and laced his fingers through Jaden's soft hair.
Jaden traced his tongue over Brendan's balls, experimentally drawing each into his mouth, rolling them over his tongue. Brendan spread his legs further, inviting Jaden in, inviting him to do whatever he wanted. Tracing his tongue along the crease of Brendan's groin, he breathed deeply and enjoyed the musky scent before moving back to Brendan's hard shaft and licking along the underside from base to tip.
He felt Brendan twitch as his tongue flicked over the tender spot at the base of the head, and an electric thrill moved through his body from knowing that he was giving Brendan such intense pleasure.
Grasping the base of Brendan's dick in his fist, he licked once more along the swollen head before drawing it into his mouth for the first time. He felt the silky smooth skin slide over his tongue as he sucked it deeper, moving closer to his throat. Choking a little, he pulled back and held the shaft tightly as he worked the head with his lips and tongue.
Brendan stopped thrusting into Jaden's mouth, pulling slowly away and pushing Jaden over onto his back. Jaden watched as he pulled a condom and a bottle of lube from the drawer of the nightstand and whispered, his voice soft and husky, "Need you."
A minute later Brendan lowered himself slowly onto Jaden, encasing him in his body. He moved slowly, steadily until his hips rested against Jaden's. The heat and tightness were more than he had ever felt, ever imagined. Brendan began to move, fast enough to bring him closer to release but slow enough to deny him the friction he needed. He tried to set the pace, to guide Brendan's hips in the rhythm that would send him over the edge, but Brendan continued moving at his own pace.
Jaden felt fingers trail over his body, the touch light and warm. His body was on fire, arousal growing stronger with every beat of his heart. He was tortured with touches that were too late, thrusts that were too slow. Jaden let the sweet torment build, his mind focused only on Brendan's touch, his warm breath as he whispered into his ear.
"Can't...." Jaden didn't know that he had spoken, knew only his body's need. He couldn't hold on, couldn't make Brendan move faster, couldn't bear the waves of impending orgasm any longer. Frantically, he pushed Brendan off his body, flipped him over onto his belly, and slid into him again. Now he was in control and could set the pace that his body needed so desperately.
He pulled Brendan up off the bed until he was on his knees, chest still pressed to the mattress. Jaden held Brendan's hips tightly and thrust hard into his tight channel, uncaring about his partner's comfort, the men still taping them, or coming on camera. Brendan curled his fists in the bedspread, holding himself against the force of Jaden's passion.
Brendan knew that Jaden was close, knew what they were supposed to do for the cameras, but was concerned only about Jaden's pleasure, moving and encouraging his partner.
At the last minute, Jaden remembered to pull out and remove the condom, painting Brendan's back with his release. He screamed as his body stiffened before collapsing over Brendan's back. His golden skin glistened and he caught his breath while brushing soft kisses over a freckled shoulder.
When he regained his breath, Brendan turned them gently and drew him into his mouth, licking and tasting. Jaden lay, spent, on his back as Brendan licked him clean before bringing their lips together once more.
Tasting himself in their warm tangle of tongues awakened his earlier need. "Wanna taste you, Bren."
Brendan moaned and deepened their kiss before breaking away to move his body over Jaden's, settling himself on Jaden's chest. He grasped his dick, hard and wanting, to bring it to Jaden's lips, teasing his partner, rubbing the leaking tip over rough cheeks and chin before finally bringing it to Jaden's waiting lips.
Jaden allowed Brendan to set the pace, using his tongue and lips on the head, tasting the sweet drops that formed as Brendan's orgasm grew closer. He rested a palm on Brendan's balls and felt them draw up closer to his body, knowing that he was close. Pushing Brendan's hand away, he grasped the steel-hard shaft and pumped as he held the swollen head on his tongue.
He felt the first jet hit his throat and barely managed to swallow before choking, then jet after jet hit his tongue, lips, and chin. It was Brendan's turn to collapse over Jaden and rain kisses over Jaden's wet face before sighing and nuzzling into his neck. He heard a whispered, "Love you," before Brendan sighed one more time, "Need a nap," and let his body go limp over Jaden's.
There was silence as the two men lay tangled on the bed. Victor motioned for the second camera man to leave the room and followed him, leaving Jaden and Brendan alone.
Jaden nuzzled into his lover's neck and whispered, "That was amazing," before kissing Brendan.
"I think we'd better go find Victor," Brendan said, looking around at the empty room. He had gotten as lost in the moment as Jaden had and didn't know when Victor had left. They pulled their jeans over damp skin before walking off the set and into Victor's office. By the time they got there Victor already had the footage uploaded to the computer and was scanning it on fast forward.
"Well." He looked over his glasses at them. "What was that?"
Brendan laughed. "Reality TV."
"No shit! We've never shot anything like that before."
"When did you leave? Did you get it all?" Brendan asked.
Victor looked back at the computer, switching between two windows that showed the footage from both of the cameras, muttering occasionally to himself as he watched. "Hm, almost missed the money shot."
Jaden and Brendan looked at each other and smiled. Victor may have sounded disappointed, but he was so excited that he was sitting on the edge of his chair, almost bouncing. When he finished, he sat back and looked at the bare-chested men in front of him. "It's not what we usually do, but it works. It works. Hot, real, emotional. Think you can do that a few more times?"
They looked at each other again, wondering if he was serious. Jaden answered this time. "Don't think it would be a problem."
"You know about the DVDs, right?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I think we can do a series, show all but one online and put all of them of them on DVD. Hot sex with romance. Let me edit and see what it looks like. You've got to remember to use your site names or don't use names at all. I can edit that out, though."
"When do you need us back?" Brendan stood up and laced his fingers with Jaden's, pulling him to his feet.
"Stills tomorrow, taping again the day after. Jaden, are you up for your first bottom scene?"
"I think so." He tightened his hand around Brendan's.
Victor turned back to his computer. "Hit the showers and get out of here. It's getting late. See you tomorrow."
IT WAS after ten when they checked into the hotel. When the desk clerk started to give them two rooms, Brendan looked at Jaden, eyebrows raised in question. Jaden nodded and told the clerk that they only needed one.
After they threw their bags in the room, Jaden said, "Bren, I'm starved. Lunch was like a million hours ago."
Brendan pulled him tight, chest-to-chest, bodies aligned. "You can't tell me you're really hungry, right?"
A loud gurgle from Jaden's middle answered for him. He kissed Brendan quickly on the lips. "Come on, let's go find something to eat."
They walked down the street away from the hotel, the crowds and the festive atmosphere reminding them of the River Walk. Brendan let his hand brush Jaden's as they walked, still unsure how comfortable Jaden would be in public. He grinned when Jaden's hand took his.
They turned into a small pizza place, relieved that it wasn't too loud or too crowded.
"Sounds like Victor wasn't too upset that we didn't quite stick with the program." It was the first time that either of them had mentioned their scene since they left the studio.
"Are you kidding? He saw how hot it was, script or not," Brendan answered, grinning.
Jaden couldn't suppress his smile. "It was pretty hot---really hot." He took a bite of pizza and chewed slowly. "Is it always like that?"
Brendan reached across the table and touched Jaden's hand. "No. Might have been in front of the cameras, but this was real, Jay. I never felt anything for any of the guys before."
"You have, before, though. Right? I mean for a guy?"
"Yeah. None of the guys on the site, but I've had boyfriends before."
"Ever any girlfriends?"
Brendan shook his head. "No. Never."
"Didn't you say on your first vid that you were straight?" Jaden asked, frowning.
Brendan shrugged. "I was nervous and told 'em what I thought that they wanted to hear."
"How did you? When? I mean, I don't get it. Why?"
Brendan smiled indulgently. "Jaden, you're gonna have to finish an entire question."
"Guess that would help, huh?" Jaden laughed. "How did you know? That you were... gay? I don't get how I was always into girls and then I meet you and all I can think about is kissing you."
Brendan slid his leg to press against Jaden's. "Remember what I said about labels? We'd all be happier if we didn't have to worry about them. Maybe you'll end up being gay, maybe bi. Pretty sure you're not straight, man." His eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled.
"Yeah, I think you're right about that." He was suddenly serious. "You know who likes labels, though?"
"I give up. Who?"
"Parents. Do your parents know?"
"Not about the vids, but about being gay, yeah. They were great. They're pretty old-fashioned, but they've never given me any shit about it."
Jaden chewed slowly. "I'm not sure what my parents will say."
"You know, you don't have to tell them. You kissed me for the first time today. Take time to figure yourself out before you worry about telling them."
"Yeah, I guess you're right."
"I am right, trust me. You ready to go?"
BRENDAN unlocked the door to their room and turned to Jaden once the door was closed. "Doin' okay?"
"Yeah, great." Jaden pressed up against Brendan, body reacting instantly to their closeness. He unbuttoned Brendan's shirt, leaning in to lick along Brendan's full lower lip before opening to draw Brendan's tongue in. He kissed hungrily as he pushed Brendan's shirt off his shoulders and moved to the waistband of his jeans.
"Shh, slow down, Jay." Brendan rested his hands on Jaden's shoulders and pushed gently. His words were swallowed in another kiss.
"Bren, want you." Jaden kissed along Brendan's jaw, feeling the rough stubble under his lips and moving to find the tender skin below his ear.
Brendan tilted his head, enjoying his lover's soft lips and warm tongue. "Jay, you've got to call your mother."
With a groan, Jaden leaned against Brendan. "Don't really want to think about my mother right now, Bren."
"You promised her that you'd call, remember?"
Another groan. "Okay, okay."
They moved further into the room, opened their bags, and started unpacking, Brendan putting his things neatly into drawers, and Jaden scattering his things haphazardly. Jaden watched his new lover move around the room, aching to touch his lightly freckled skin and explore his strong body. He pulled his shirt over his head and kicked his shoes off before sitting on the edge of the bed and opening his cell phone.
"Hi Mama. Just wanted to let you know that we got here okay." He smiled as he heard Brendan start playing his guitar. Jaden had begged him to bring it again and had been excited when he saw the case on the luggage carousel at the airport. "We? Um, Brendan and I were on the same flight from Dallas. Thought I told you."
Jaden felt Brendan settle on the other side of the bed and, even with his mother's voice in his ear, felt himself grow hard thinking about what they would be doing later. "No, we went right to the studio and then had dinner. We've got another shoot tomorrow morning. Don't know, after that."
Brendan played softly, humming along, and Jaden closed his eyes, listening to the soothing notes and his lover's deep voice. "Huh? Sorry, Mama, just tired, I guess. It's the TV. No, they booked us two rooms." He looked to the ceiling, knowing that his mother could always tell when he was lying and tired of trying to skirt around the truth. "Mama, I'm going to lie down. I'm really beat. See you next week."
Jaden lay back and turned to watch Brendan play, watching his long fingers move over the strings of the guitar, remembering how they felt as they had moved over his body. Brendan's eyes were closed as he sang softly, and Jaden closed his eyes, letting that beautiful voice wash over him.
JADEN woke feeling Brendan pressed tightly against his back, leg thrown over his. He felt warm breath and soft lips on his neck as Brendan tightened his arm around his waist.
"Fell asleep on me, Jay." Jaden shivered when he heard the sleep-deepened voice against his ear and pressed himself back against Brendan's body.
"Think I could get used to this." He pushed his ass into Brendan's morning wood, frustrated at the barrier of his cotton briefs. Brendan moved his hand to cup Jaden's own morning wood and Jaden closed his eyes, alternating between pushing himself into Brendan's hand and grinding back against his groin.
Brendan asked teasingly, "Get used to what?" He pushed Jaden's briefs over his hips and pressed against his warm skin. Jaden felt an electric thrill when Brendan's dick pressed against his ass and his body went from enjoying the lazy morning playing to intense need.
The bedside phone rang and both men ignored it as they touched and explored, but the phone kept ringing. "Shit! Who the hell?" Brendan reached behind him to grab the phone.
"Yeah, what?" Brendan listened for a few seconds and asked, "What time is it?" He hung up without saying anything and jumped out of bed.
"Jaden, the car's waiting for us downstairs, we've gotta get moving." He was already walking into the bathroom. Jaden heard the shower and closed his fist around his aching dick. Just a minute, he needed just a minute.
"Hey!" He heard Brendan's voice and looked up to see him standing at the edge of the bed. "No time. We've got to hit the shower." Leaning down to Jaden, his lips were firm, his kiss needy. He grabbed Jaden's hand and pulled him off of the bed and into the shower.
The warm water ran over Jaden's body, doing nothing to quell his hard-on. Watching it sluice in rivulets over Brendan's golden skin helped even less. Jaden took the washcloth that Brendan pressed into his hand and turned around so he wasn't tempted by his lover's body.
Fifteen minutes later, they were running through the lobby toward the door. While they waited under the portico for the car to come around, Jaden whispered, "Maybe we can fool around in the car. Think the driver will notice?"
"Driver might not, but I think the other guys might." Brendan nodded toward a few of the other guys from the site coming through the door. He grinned when he saw the disappointment on Jaden's face and bumped his shoulder against his lover's. "A couple more hours and we'll be done. It'll be better than any quickie in the backseat."
The four other men walked over and there were general greetings and introductions. Jaden had met a few of them during his last trip and seen the others on the web site. One dark-haired man shook Brendan's hand and pulled him close enough to kiss him briefly on the lips. Jaden's eyes flashed and he moved closer to Brendan's side.
Brendan pulled Jaden closer with an arm around his waist and said, "Jaden, this is Kit. Kit, Jaden."
Kit shook Jaden's hand and kissed him lightly on the lips. Jaden smiled, relieved. He had finally met someone who was more openly affectionate than he was. It didn't occur to him that he had just kissed another guy without even thinking about it.
When they got into the car, there was already one guy sitting in the far back. He waved shyly when everyone piled in and found seats. There was another round of introductions and Jaden guessed that this guy, Alex, was new, out for the first time. He had a startled, deer-in-the-headlights look that Jaden imagined he himself had the previous month.
He turned in the seat to shake Alex's hand. "Hey! Jaden. First time?"
Alex smiled. "It shows, huh?"
"Just a little, dude. Relax, it's not so bad." Jaden laughed. Brendan was talking to the other guys, so Jaden settled himself more comfortably to talk to Alex.
"How did you start? Doing this I mean. Porn." Alex wiped damp palms over his thighs.
"A friend at school. How 'bout you?"
"Customer at the restaurant where I work told me about it. I finally checked it out and sent in a tape."
Alex was quiet, looking down at his hands clasped in his lap long enough that Jaden thought that he was being dismissed, when Alex looked up and asked, "Are you... I mean, I don't know if it's okay to ask or not, but are you?"
"Am I what?"
"Um, gay? Straight?
Jaden looked tenderly at Brendan, who was leaning forward talking to Kit. "Jury's still out on that one. This has sort of opened up something new for me."
Alex followed the direction of Jaden's gaze. "Is that the friend who got you into this?"
"No, that's the, um, friend that I got from getting into this. What about you?"
Alex raised his hands in front of him, palms toward Jaden. "Straight, definitely straight."
Jaden smiled. "What did you sign up to do?"
"I guess the usual to start. A solo, then they want me to either get a BJ from another guy or be in a threesome with another guy and a girl. Is that what you did?"
"Yeah, pretty much." Jaden turned around as they pulled into the studio. "I'll catch you later."
Everyone walked into the studio, where Victor was waiting. He told them to relax for a few minutes and motioned Jaden and Brendan to follow him into his office. They all settled into the seats that they had taken the previous evening.
"I edited the tape last night, and I think that it'll be a hit. We'll do a few more this week and I'll post them to the site over the next few months---draw it out, make them wait. I'd like to try something different too, take you guys out of the studio and standard shots that we've always done. Maybe to a club, tour of the city, stuff like that. I'll add that to the scenes for the DVD. If this works out like I think it will, there might even be a whole new market for it."
Brendan asked, "New market? What else can you do other than sell it on your site?"
Victor grinned at them. "Women! I have to figure out where else they might go for their gay porn, but we already have a lot of women who subscribe."
"Women watch this? You're kidding, right?" Jaden couldn't figure out why women would want to watch two guys having sex.
"Not kidding. It's a big market---more in written erotica, I think, but maybe there's room for the visual part too. Especially with the romance angle thrown in there. I'll put a few clips on YouTube and see how it goes. Anyway, the plan's the same for today; stills for yesterday's scene, but some at different locations. I'll get the lawyers to draw up the contract for the DVD and fax them to yours to look over before you sign.
"With stills, scenes, and extra footage for the DVD, that'll take all week. No scenes with anyone else this time." He stopped and looked from one to the other. "We've never had two guys get together before. You sure you're ready for all of that?"
Jaden answered with a wide grin, "Guess we'll see."
THEY were in another car going to their first location, the photographer and his assistant, Wade, in the front, with Jaden and Brendan in the back seat. Brendan reached over and pulled Jaden's hand onto his lap, leaning over to whisper. "Thought you were going to jump my bones, Texas."
Jaden smiled weakly and said, "Just thinking, I guess."
Brendan placed a hand on Jaden's cheek, turning his face so that he could see his hazel eyes. "You okay? Having second thoughts?"
"About what?"
"Being here, taping more scenes, the DVD... us."
Jaden's eyes widened. This was the first time that he had seen vulnerability in Brendan.
"About us? No! About the rest of it, maybe. Two months ago I hadn't really thought about being with another guy---definitely hadn't thought about doing porn. A month ago I'm getting sucked off by another guy---and loving it. Yesterday I'm fucking another guy---and loving it." He kissed Brendan softly. "When Victor mentioned the DVD and putting something on YouTube, it scared the shit out of me. All of a sudden, it made Mama finding out seem real. She loves YouTube and what if she's one of those women who like to watch gay porn? What's up with that, anyway?"
Brendan didn't have a ready answer for that and while he was trying to come up with one, Jaden turned in the seat to face him. "Then Victor said something about scenes with other guys, and I hadn't even thought about that! I don't think I want to! I don't think that I want you to!" He had gotten louder and more agitated, but quieted once he realized that the photographer was looking at them in the rear-view mirror and following their conversation. "I know that I don't want you to. Did you mean it?"
Jaden's hand was still on Brendan's thigh, and with his last question, he turned it over and gripped the hard muscle. "Mean what, Jay?" Brendan asked quietly. He'd been expecting this; Jaden had to have his big gay freak-out at some point.
"That you love me?" Jaden's voice was quiet, tentative. Brendan was surprised at his question. When he hadn't said anything about it yesterday, Brendan had thought that the younger man hadn't heard his whispered declaration.
"Yeah, I meant it."
The same butterflies Jaden had felt deep in the pit of his stomach the first time he tried to kiss Nickie when he was fifteen were back, rushing through his body. There was nothing to quell them except Brendan. He surged forward, pushing Brendan into the door panel, sealing their lips together. Brendan's hands flailed for a brief moment before resting against Jaden's back as he returned Jaden's kiss.
It was over before Brendan regained his balance and Jaden was sitting back against his own door and grinning widely at Brendan.
"If the blinding smile is any clue, I guess that's good?" Brendan looked slightly dizzy. Jaden had gone from morose to ecstatic in about two seconds flat---and then had kissed him hard enough to knock the breath out of him.
Jaden leaned in again, and Brendan braced himself for another affectionate tackle, but it never came. Instead, Jaden braced his hands on Brendan's thighs and pressed his lips lightly against his lover's. He whispered against Brendan's lips, "Love you too, Bren."
It was Brendan's turn to push Jaden back against his door, kissing him hungrily, nearly climbing into his lap.
"Hey! Cut it out! You're shaking the car so bad it's like driving in a high wind. You can fool around later," the photographer, Cliff, yelled from the front seat. Jaden and Brendan complied and sat facing forward, ridiculous grins on their faces, hands clasped tightly together.
His cheeks started to hurt from smiling, so Brendan forced himself to be serious. "You know we don't have to agree to the DVD or any of the other stuff. It's no good if it makes you nervous."
"It's okay. Everything just kind of hit me, I guess. I can't imagine Mama looking at that kind of vid on YouTube anyway." He looked out the window. "Looks like we're here. The beach! I've never seen the Pacific!"
Before either Brendan or Cliff could react, Jaden was out of the car and running over the deserted beach toward the ocean, pulling his shoes off as he went. Brendan followed at a slower pace, wincing as Jaden's bare feet touched the water. It was a warm day for December, but the water would still be cold.
"Jaden, stop!" Cliff shouted from the back of the car where he was pulling his equipment from the trunk. "Don't get wet!"
Jaden complied but stood at the water's edge, looking out over the ocean.
Brendan turned to Cliff and asked, "Could you take a few Mom pics? His mama thinks he's modeling for a catalog."
"Sure, no problem. Let's get it done."
They walked over to join Jaden at the water's edge and Wade unfolded a flexible reflector and held it to reflect the winter sun. The pair did their best to imitate the poses seen in catalogs for a few shots before Cliff started directing them into the poses he wanted. They started with typical boys playing on the beach poses with a football and a Frisbee for props.
Cliff directed Wade to pack up the props and then said, "Okay boys. Get close and get sexy. Start with walking toward each other and end with your shirts off and jeans unzipped. No further. Keep your movements slow and deliberate. Kissing and feeling each other up are great."
Jaden did as he was told and walked slowly toward Brendan, stopping when they were inches from each other. Jaden traced his fingertips over Brendan's cheekbone as he felt warm hands rest lightly on his hips. He slid his hand around to cup the back of Brendan's head and brought his lips to touch his forehead.
The brush of Brendan's fingers as he unbuttoned Jaden's shirt sent a jolt through his body straight to his groin. He inhaled sharply and caught the scent of the hotel shampoo in Brendan's short hair. Bending slightly, he ran his tongue along the tender skin under Brendan's ear before closing his lips over the juncture of neck and shoulder.
Their movements were unhurried, long caresses over golden skin, lips and tongues exploring. Both men knew that the touching couldn't go further in public, but their bodies weren't listening. They were both shirtless, kneeling facing each other, lips sealed in a passionate kiss. Jaden pressed until Brendan was lying back in the sand, green eyes wide, full lips red and wet from their kisses.
He lowered his body slowly over Brendan's, sliding a thigh between his lover's, allowing them the friction they both needed. Jaden spoke against Brendan's ear, "So close, Bren."
Brendan bucked hard against Jaden. "God, me too."
Cliff's voice broke through the fog of their passion. "Okay boys, that's it. Get all of that sand off before you get into my car."
Jaden moaned and said, "Damn, this sucks. This really sucks."
"I know. It's gotta end some time."
Standing reluctantly, Jaden extended a hand to pull Brendan to his feet. They brushed the sand off each other, giving themselves some time to recover before zipping their almost-painful dicks back into their jeans.
They were sitting uncomfortably in the back seat of the car, both wishing for nothing more than a chance to get back to the hotel---to anywhere private---for a few minutes. Brendan asked, "Cliff, where to next? Think we could stop at the hotel for a minute? I need to pick up my iPod."
"The marina next. You know the great thing about my car? It has a radio. It has a CD player. Built-in music." Wade snorted and laughed.
Brendan stage-whispered, "We're being cock-blocked by the photographer. We fly the whole way to California to have sex and they don't let us do anything."
Cliff laughed and turned the music up without commenting. It was only a few minutes before they turned into the marina and pulled up in front of a large cabin cruiser. Wade pulled two towels and bathing suits from a bag in the trunk and threw them to the boys.
They all went below deck to the luxurious cabin, looking at the plush upholstery, warm wood, and gleaming fixtures.
"Change up, boys." Cliff was pulling his equipment from his bag and Wade was setting up the lights. They undressed before pulling the bathing suits on as Cliff continued to talk. "Same drill: no staged poses, just move naturally. Get naked this time."
Ten minutes later, they were once again face to face, bodies pressed tightly together. Brendan pushed the back of Jaden's bathing suit over his rounded ass and squeezed a firm cheek in each hand. Knowing where the camera was focused, Brendan whispered in Jaden's ear, "I can't wait to get back to the hotel."
"No photographers," Jaden said as he pushed Brendan's suit down.
"No calls to Mama," Brendan added.
"No dinner," Jaden whispered against Brendan's neck.
"And no falling asleep." Brendan slid down Jaden's body, hands still on Jaden's ass, tongue poised at the tip of Jaden's dick.
Cliff interrupted, "Hold that. Brendan, don't move." Brendan held completely still, tongue a fraction of an inch from his target with Jaden's musky scent filling his nose, making his own dick jump. "Okay, got it. That's it boys. Get dressed."
Brendan couldn't resist, had to taste. He flicked his tongue lightly over the smooth skin of the crown and was rewarded by seeing Jaden's cock jump.
"I'm dyin' here, man." Jaden fell onto the upholstered bench at the side of the cabin. "Back to the hotel? Give us a minute here? Please?"
Cliff packed his equipment, meticulously placing it into the padded camera cases. "Sorry, time is money. One more. The gym at the studio, and then you're done."
Jaden clenched his jaw; if he tried to say any more, he knew that he would sound like a whiny six-year old. Resolutely, he stuffed himself back into his jeans as Brendan did the same.
They sat, tense and unspeaking, in the back seat of the car on the way back to the studio. Jaden spent the trip plotting Cliff's demise, trying to find ways in which to get rid of Cliff without getting caught. He was fairly certain that he wasn't actually going to go through with anything, but it kept his mind off of his aching groin. Looking over at Brendan as they pulled into the parking lot, he saw him staring at Cliff with his jaw clenched.
"How many ways did you come up with?" Jaden whispered.
Brendan looked at him, smirking. "You were figuring out ways to get rid of him too?"
"Yeah, I've never met anyone so cruel in my life. I think my dick is gonna fall off."
They walked into the studio to the deserted gym and went through the now-familiar routine of changing clothes and listening to Cliff give them their instructions. This time they were supposed to start by lifting weights, spotting each other, and end up simulating sex on the weight bench. Jaden snorted when he heard the last instruction; much longer and there would be nothing simulated about it.
After a few minutes of real lifting, Cliff had Wade spray them with water to make them look even sweatier. The cold water made Jaden shiver and he instinctively moved closer to Brendan, feeling the warmth radiating off his body.
"Okay. Jaden, stand next to the weight bench. Brendan, stand in front of him. Closer." Cliff motioned to their spots then raised his camera.
Jaden stood with the weight bench pressing against the backs of his knees and Brendan only inches from his chest. His body burned with the need to reach out and touch, but he gritted his teeth and clenched his fists at his sides waiting for Cliff's next direction.
"Jaden, look up. Brendan, lean in and lick his neck."
Brendan closed his eyes and kissed the hollow at the base of Jaden's neck before licking over his Adam's apple and on until he reached his chin. When there was no further instruction from Cliff, he slid a hand around to the back of Jaden's neck and pulled his head down.
He whispered, "Jay, open your eyes." Brendan looked into Jaden's eyes, seeing desire and desperation in equal parts. "You doing okay?" Jaden nodded. "Just a little longer," he murmured and tried to believe it.
Brendan closed the remaining few inches between them and traced the curve of Jaden's lower lip with the tip of his tongue, feeling his lover's mouth fall open to allow him access. They were past the point of slow licks and sensual kisses. The desperation that Brendan had seen in Jaden's eyes flared between them as they crashed together fast and hard. Their tongues slid together warmly as they shared breath, and their bodies strained against each other.
They drew back enough to pull their shirts off and allow another spritz of cold water from the bottle in Wade's hand. Cliff was changing lenses on the camera and said, "Sit on the bench, facing each other. I'll get a few more shots and we'll be done."
Frustrated, wishing to be anywhere but in the cold gym with Cliff and Wade, they followed instructions; anything to get away quickly. Brendan put his hands on Jaden's knees, feeling the fine hair rasp against his palms as he slid them around to the soft skin underneath. He pulled and lifted until Jaden's body was almost flush against his, long legs draped over his own thighs, tented gym shorts almost touching, wet chests covered with goose bumps.
Brendan traced his fingers up Jaden's thighs and felt the fine tremor under his skin as he slid his hands into Jaden's gym shorts.
Jaden wrapped his legs around Brendan, leaning back while Brendan licked and sucked his nipples. The feeling of Brendan's hands and mouth on his body were slowly driving him mad. He needed Brendan, wanted to lose himself in learning Brendan's body and the things that drove him wild, needed to get off. A low groan escaped his lips as Brendan's lips moved over the sensitive skin of his neck. Cliff's instructions forgotten, Jaden surged forward to meet Brendan's body in a crushing embrace and warm, open kiss.
"Bren, I can't... can't keep... can't keep doing this." Frustrated beyond reason, he whimpered into Brendan's neck. Jaden pulled him even tighter against his body, grinding together as much as their positions on the weight bench would allow.
Running his fingers through Jaden's shaggy hair, Brendan whispered into his ear, "Okay, Jay. We're done. No more." Brendan looked pointedly at Cliff and jerked his head toward the door. He repeated loudly enough for Cliff and Wade to hear, "We're done. If Victor wants more, he can get them another time."
Cliff said, not unkindly, "Sure, kid. Whatever you say." They picked up the equipment and walked out the door, Wade trying to look back to see what the two were doing.
As they heard the door snick closed, they looked at each other, disbelieving. They were finally alone. Brendan moved to untangle their legs but Jaden pulled them back together. He ran a hand over Jaden's cheek. "Just going to lock the door, Jay. Be right back. Get naked." Jaden had his gym shorts and jock off before Brendan reached the door.
Sitting back down on the bench , he couldn't keep another groan from escaping as he gripped the base of his shaft and watched as Brendan stood at the door, stripped his own shorts and jock off, and then walked toward Jaden, hard and wanting. Jaden stood and met him as he approached the bench, and they were finally together, skin-to-skin, hard flesh sliding together as they kissed and explored each other's bodies.
Once that he knew that they wouldn't be interrupted again, Jaden felt some of the desperation drain from him, and he reveled in Brendan's body. He marveled at the soft, golden skin covered with a fine sprinkling of freckles, the baby-soft hair that looked so spiky until he touched it, the slim hips and broad shoulders. Each touch led to another, not enough, never enough. Nothing that he had felt with Nickie had prepared him for the intensity of what he was feeling for Brendan.
Jaden drew his hands down Brendan's sides as he dropped to his knees in front of his new lover. He felt Brendan's fingers tangle in his hair, holding gently and not forcing. Kissing the skin stretched tightly over hipbones and the softer skin between, Jaden finally reached the blood-dark erection twitching in anticipation. Running his tongue from base to tip, he captured the moisture at the tip and swallowed the now-familiar taste of another man.
Wanting to make it perfect for Brendan, he tried to pull him into his throat. He made it further than last time but still couldn't take it as deeply as Brendan had taken him. He looked up, meeting Brendan's eyes in apology, but Brendan only nodded.
"It's great, Jay. Feels great."
Only moments later he felt Brendan tighten and come in thick spurts, the musky taste making his own cock jump in anticipation. He sucked Brendan dry, only stopping when his lover pushed him away gently. Brendan dropped to his knees, pushed Jaden onto the floor, and covered him with his body. Their kiss was deep, passionate. Over too soon and not soon enough as Brendan slid down Jaden's body to take him deep into his throat. Jaden tried to avoid thrusting into Brendan's mouth, fighting the desire to drive toward orgasm as quickly as possible. He'd been waiting too long for this to have it be over so soon.
Jaden dug his fingers into Brendan's shoulders, feeling his orgasm build. He moaned incoherently as he felt it begin to rush through his body. Legs stiff and muscles tight, Jaden poured the day's arousal and teasing into Brendan's waiting mouth. Slowly recovering, he became aware of the cold floor under his back and Brendan's warm body against his side.
"Don't think I've ever waited so long to come." Jaden was still breathless when Brendan leaned over to kiss him. Tasting himself on Brendan's lips would never get old. "I was ready to kill Cliff, but I've never come that hard."
"Just wait, baby," Brendan whispered. Standing, he pulled Jaden to his feet.
"We've got to talk about something, Bren." Jaden held his hand, fingers entwined.
Brendan frowned. "What's wrong, Jay?"
"Dude, seriously. Baby? Gotta come up with something else."
Laughing, Brendan pulled Jaden toward the door. "Sweetheart? Sweetie? Darling?" With each offering, Jaden shook his head and laughed.
"Come on, I'm almost six-feet-five, do I look like a 'Sweetie'?" He unlocked the door, laughing and looking back at Brendan for an answer. Before his lover could answer, there was a chorus of catcalls and whistles. The eight or nine other guys that were at the studio to film that day were standing around waiting for them as they came out of the weight room. They had planned on going quietly to the next room to shower, but Cliff or Wade must have clued the other guys in, and they were waiting for them.
Jaden's cheeks turned pink at being caught running around the halls in the nude, but Brendan took it in stride.
"Come on, guys. Show's over," he said amiably and pulled Jaden into the shower.
The other guys went back to what they were doing, but not before they heard a few cries of "sweetie" thrown over their shoulders.
Brendan wasn't finished with his litany of endearments, still trying to find one that fit his tall lover. "Honey, pumpkin, kitten, muffin?" He couldn't hide the grin as the names got sillier.
They stood under the hot water, soaping each other lazily. "Doesn't Jaden or Jay work?" Jaden kissed his lover lightly on his lips.
"If that's what you want. But sometimes it just sort of slips out. Just wanna call you something special, I guess."
"You'll come up with something. Please, no kitten or muffin, though. Seriously."
Finished with their showers, they wrapped towels around their hips and walked next door to find their clothes. While they were pulling their jeans on, Victor came into the weight room and watched them with an appraising eye.
"You boys tried to dump Cliff." It was a statement, but his tone was soft and there was a smile in his voice.
Brendan laughed, "Man, did you tell him to do that to us?"
Victor smiled. "He just did what he always does. Stuff like that doesn't usually get to the most of the guys." He changed the subject with no preamble, "Might be a change of plans for tomorrow. We'll film your scene the day after since we've got a few new guys that can only film tomorrow. If Cliff's available, I'll send you out with him again."
Both men groaned, thinking of another day like today.
"Tomorrow will be the romantic bullshit. Clubbing, dinner, that kind of shit." He turned to go back to his office, leaving Jaden and Brendan to finish getting dressed.
They walked outside and found a few of the guys milling around, between or after their scenes. Jaden saw Alex sitting at the picnic table, watching a game of one-on-one. Jaden nodded toward him and pulled Brendan in the direction of the picnic table.
"Hey, man! How's it going?" Jaden asked Alex before introducing him to Brendan. "You do your scene yet?"
"Yeah, it was kinda weird doing it in front of the camera, but I kinda got off on it too. Now I'm supposed to decide if I'm going to do more."
"So what are you gonna do?" Brendan asked, sitting down next to Alex on the picnic table.
"I don't know. I'm supposed to let him know before we leave. Hey, what was it like? Your first time?" He addressed his question to Jaden.
Brendan looked from one to the other, kissed Jaden lightly, and wandered off to talk to the other guys.
Jaden watched Brendan move, admiring the grace with which he walked. "It was weird thinking about it, but once we were doing it, it wasn't bad. No, not true, it was great---best sex I ever had up until then."
"So you'd been with guys before?" Alex looked confused.
"No, I had a girlfriend before. I did the same thing that you're doing. Did a solo, then agreed to get a blow job. Figured that I could just close my eyes and pretend that it was my girlfriend, but it wasn't like that. Had to stop during filming."
Alex nodded in apparent understanding. "Couldn't get it up?"
Jaden laughed. "That's what I was afraid of, but I had to stop because I thought that was going to come before he ever got my pants off."
"Okay, I don't get it. You had a girlfriend, but now you're with Brendan? You are with Brendan, right?"
Jaden couldn't keep the grin off of his face. "Yeah. Nickie and I broke up and Bren and I kinda got together here first and then over the phone, I guess." Alex still looked confused, so Jaden went on, "I don't think that I've figured it all out yet. Just do what makes you comfortable. If you say yes and can't do it, it's no big deal."
"Hey, thanks, man." Alex bumped Jaden's fist with his.
"Let me know what you decide, okay?" Jaden put a hand on Alex's shoulder and turned to go join his boyfriend.
Jaden found Brendan talking to a few of the guys about plans for the evening. Most of them had planned on going to a sports bar to watch the basketball game and a few others had planned on going clubbing. The car that would take them back to the hotel pulled up before Jaden and Brendan could decide what they were going to do.
They took the far back seat of the car and sat pressed together, fingers intertwined.
"What do you want to do, Jay?"
"Don't know, I'm only thinking about getting you alone in the hotel, remember?"
Brendan's low rumble in Jaden's ear sent a shiver down his spine. "Oh, I remember, Texas. Think you're up for it?"
"Yeah, I'm ready, Bren. Damn, can't wait." He put a finger on Brendan's chin and turned him so that he could look into those brilliant green eyes. "Really, can't wait." They met in a hungry, open-mouthed kiss that only ended when they heard the whistles and calls from the front of the car.
THEY were in their room getting changed to go out for dinner when Jaden's cell phone rang. He answered it and sat down on the edge of the bed while he watched Brendan walk around the room wearing only his boxer briefs. When Brendan caught him looking, Jaden waggled his eyebrows at him and grinned.
"Hello!" He spoke into the phone, too distracted to look at the display to see who it was. He was confused when he heard Nickie's voice on the other end of the phone. "What's up, Nickie?"
Brendan turned to look at him, eyebrows raised in question. Jaden shrugged his shoulders while his eyes continued to roam over Brendan's body. "I'm sorry, Nickie. What did you say?"
"Are you at home, Jaden? I was kind of hoping that maybe we could talk." Her voice sounded small, tentative.
"No, I'm in San Diego. What did you want to talk about?" He stood up and started pacing around the room. He wasn't interested in talking to Nickie and didn't want her to intrude on his time with Brendan. "We're getting ready to go out to dinner."
He could hear her taking a deep breath before she spoke again. "Jade, I miss you. Maybe we made a mistake." After seeing the pictures of Nickie with Don, that was the last thing that Jaden expected to hear. She continued in his silence. "We? Jaden are you with someone already? You took someone else to San Diego and you wouldn't take me?"
"Nickie, we broke up. What I do or who I'm doing it with shouldn't matter to you anymore." His tone wasn't unkind; his mother had raised him to be polite, but he was interested only in getting her off of the phone. He lowered the phone and whispered, "Bren, could you grab my white shirt while you're there?"
Her voice was growing shrill. "She's there with you now? Jaden, how could you?"
Jaden kept his voice carefully neutral. "He's here with me, Nickie, and we're going to go out and have a good time, and I'm not going to get into this. There's nothing to talk about anymore." He listened for a moment as she sputtered and then said, "Bye, Nickie."
Brendan carefully examined Jaden's face, trying to judge his mood. "You okay?"
Jaden pulled his shirt over his head and grinned at Brendan. "Yeah, I'm all right. I think maybe things didn't work out with Don."
"You realize that you basically just came out to her, right?"
Stepping into Brendan's arms, Jaden rested his hands on his lover's hips. "I may not have figured out whether I'm gay or bi, but I'm not going to hide you, Bren." He leaned down to press his lips against Brendan's.
"You ready to tell your family? Nickie might be pissed enough to call your mother."
Smiling slightly, Jaden answered, "I think that she might have an idea already."
"Maybe, but you should really tell her yourself. Jaden, you've moved pretty fast; she might not take it very well. You've gone from dating your high school sweetheart to being in a relationship with another man in less than two months. They're probably going to have a lot of questions, think it's just a phase, who knows. It might be better to wait to tell them. Your family's important, and you don't want to do anything that will ruin your relationship with them."
Jaden rested his forehead on Brendan's. "Maybe. You might be right, I don't know. I meant what I said, though. I'm not going to hide you." Jaden kissed Brendan quickly and pulled away to finish dressing. "Come on, I'm starved. Dinner, then I think that we have a date back here."
They returned to the hotel after dinner, avoiding the group of other models sitting at the lobby bar and going straight to their room. As the elevator door closed, Jaden saw Alex turn to watch them. He wondered briefly about the intense look on Alex's face but forgot about it as Brendan pushed him against the wall of the elevator.
"I've been waiting for this all day," Brendan said, pressing himself along Jaden's body.
Jaden rested his head against the dark paneling of the elevator, giving Brendan access to his neck. "Man, I thought that I was going to die. Cliff is a seriously evil man."
Brendan's lips moved against the base of Jaden's throat as he spoke. "Yeah, and we have another day with him tomorrow."
"Think we could take some rope? Tie him up if he tortures us again?"
Brendan drew back as they heard the soft bell announcing that the elevator had stopped at their floor. He pulled Jaden by the hand, intertwining their fingers as they walked down the hall toward their room. "Let's forget about Cliff. I have plans for you, remember?"
Jaden pressed against Brendan's back as he slid the key-card into the slot in the door. "You still haven't told me what those plans are."
"No. Not gonna tell you; gonna show you." Brendan traced his hands over Jaden's body, settling at his waist before one hand dipped into a pocket. "Ah-hah! Got it!" Brendan ducked away from Jaden, holding his cell phone up in triumph. He flipped it open, switched it off and tossed it on the desk.
"You took my phone!" Jaden was still standing in the small foyer, but started advancing toward Brendan, attempting to look menacing and failing spectacularly.
"Yup, I did. Told you. No phone calls from Mama---or ex-girlfriends. We've had dinner, it's too early to fall asleep, Cliff's off torturing someone else. You're mine for the rest of the night." Jaden stopped a few inches in front of him, smile quirking one corner of his mouth. "Have a problem with that?"
Jaden answered by closing the short distance between them. "What do you think?" He was suddenly serious, marveling at the man standing in front of him. His hazel eyes traced over Brendan's beautiful face, high cheekbones, strong jaw, and wonderfully full lips. "You're beautiful, Bren." His voice was low, barely above a whisper.
"Tell you what; I won't call you 'Sweetie' if you don't call me 'beautiful'." He closed his full lips over his lover's.
Jaden allowed Brendan to take control of the kiss and his body, feeling his lover lead him toward the bed. Brendan's hard body strained against his and he pressed impossibly closer. Wrapping long arms around Brendan's back, he opened his mouth to Brendan's exploration. Jaden shivered as he felt Brendan's calloused hands move under his clothes to skim over his back before moving down beneath the waistband at the back of his jeans.
Frustrated with the layers separating them, Jaden pulled at their clothes until they all lay in a heap on the floor. He pulled Brendan to him, sliding their hard dicks together, snug between their slim hips. Deepening the kiss, Jaden started grinding against Brendan, his orgasm in the gym already a distant memory.
Brendan lightened the kiss and stilled Jaden's hips with firm hands. "Slow down. We've got all night. Trust me?"
Nodding, Jaden leaned in slowly, touching his tongue to Brendan's lower lip before closing swollen lips over his lover's. He whispered against Brendan's mouth, "Yeah, just want you, Bren." His voice was low and he felt a flash of pride that he was able to keep the desperate pleading from shining through.
"Want you too." Brendan pushed him away gently. "Lay down, Jay."
Jaden climbed onto the middle of the large bed and felt the mattress dip as Brendan joined him. He watched his lover kneel beside him, unable to tear his gaze from the golden skin covered with tiny freckles. Resting a hand on one lightly furred thigh, Brendan ran his fingertips over Jaden's chest.
Brendan covered his body with light strokes, soft kisses, and teasing licks, beginning a fine trembling under Jaden's skin. Jaden could feel a drop of pre-come hitting his belly just before he felt warm breath on his aching dick as Brendan moved to lick the pearly smear away. His hips bucked and Jaden was unable to keep the desperate pleading from his voice any longer. "Bren, please... Need to...."
"'S'ok, Jay. Trust me." He pushed Jaden's thighs apart and moved between his knees, caresses growing stronger as he kissed and licked the soft skin of Jaden's inner thighs. Jaden moaned and let his legs fall even further apart.
He thought that he had been frustrated today with Cliff, but this was worse... or maybe better... no, definitely worse because Brendan's mouth was there. Right there. "Bren, touch me. You've got to touch me."
Brendan responded by licking from the base of Jaden's dick to the tip before drawing it into his mouth, taking it deep into his throat in one smooth move. Warm hands pressed Jaden's hips into the bed as he tried to buck into his lover's mouth and slid softly over Jaden's body when he got the hint and stopped bucking.
Jaden gave himself over to the warmth of Brendan's mouth and tightness of his throat, only slightly aware as Brendan's hands moved over his body and coming to rest under his thighs, slowly pushing upward until Jaden's knees were bent. One of Brendan's hands gripped the base of his cock as he worked the head, bringing Jaden close before he felt the cool air on his wet shaft. Raising his head, he saw why Brendan had stopped when he saw his flushed face and spit-slick lips poised over his balls. He watched as Brendan first licked, then pulled them into his mouth, gently rolling him over his tongue as his hand moved over Jaden's dick.
Letting his head fall back onto the pillows, Jaden waited for Brendan to move back to his dick, sure that Brendan would let him come soon. When Brendan released his balls, Jaden tensed, anticipating the hot mouth around him again. Instead, he felt his legs pushed up higher as he felt Brendan move lower, behind his balls, and---ohmygod---this is what he had seen in the video. He remembered wondering if people really did that, and now with Brendan's tongue flicking around his puckered skin he thought that he was going to lose it. Jaden never thought that anything could feel so good.
"Hold your legs up, Jay," Brendan said and, when Jaden obeyed, moved his own hands down to cup the rounded cheeks of Jaden's ass. "You doin' okay?"
"Think I'm gonna fuckin' die!"
Brendan smiled and licked firmly, sliding the flat of his tongue firmly over Jaden's heated flesh, and was rewarded with a low groan.
Jaden felt his lover's tongue move over him, teasing little flicks, long licks that didn't end until they reached his tight balls, a firm press right against his hole, until he thought that he would come apart. "Bren, need... need you... fuck me."
He moved one hand from the back of his own knee to tighten around his shaft, unable to wait any longer, needing release, needing this feeling to last forever, needing it to stop before he broke apart. Jaden almost sobbed when Brendan pulled his hand away but groaned in relief when Brendan licked over the wet head of his dick and sucked him deep again. He groaned incoherently, wanting to feel Brendan on his dick, on his ass; he was so close, so turned on that he didn't know what he wanted any more.
Brendan moved over his dick in a steady rhythm, just slow enough that it wasn't enough to get him off, and he groaned again in frustration. Just when he thought that he was going to have to flip Brendan over and pound him into the mattress, he felt Brendan's finger on his ass, rubbing circles around his hole, pressing and teasing. It felt almost as good as his tongue had and he gasped when he felt Brendan enter him. It was foreign and he tried to push Brendan's finger from his body with an involuntary spasm.
"Sshhh, relax, Jay," Brendan's slick finger moved farther into his body, then withdrew before pushing back, going deeper. "Feel so good. So hot. So smooth." Brendan's mouth closed around him again and he gave himself over to the feel of Brendan's hot mouth moving in time with his finger as he moved in and out of Jaden's body. Jaden relaxed and he felt Brendan's finger move deeper until it hit something inside of him and he felt a flash of blinding pleasure.
"More! Again!" he called as he felt Brendan around him and inside of him, sucking hard and hitting that spot deep inside with each stroke of his finger. His orgasm rushed through him so fast, so hard, that he didn't have time to warn Brendan, just shot over and over into his mouth as he fisted his hands in the sheets.
Brendan ran his hands softly over Jaden's overly sensitive skin, soothing and waiting for him to recover. His skin was flushed and damp, slick with sweat. Jaden was breathing heavily.
"Bren, so good. Holy shit, why didn't I know how great that felt?" Jaden turned to face Brendan, sliding one long leg between Brendan's thighs. "What do you want to do, Bren?"
"Want you to fuck me." Brendan reached for Jaden's half-hard dick as he leaned over Jaden and handed him a condom.
"Thought that you were going to fuck me." Jaden couldn't keep the disappointment out of his voice. He had been nervous, anxious about the pain that he expected, but was surprised to realize how disappointed he was that Brendan hadn't taken him to that last step.
Nuzzling the soft spot under Jaden's ear, Brendan spoke into his heated skin. "Gotta do that on camera soon. You're gonna be sore after. We'll get there, baby, be patient." Jaden felt Brendan's smile as he uttered the forbidden endearment.
Flipping Brendan over onto his back, Jaden straddled his hips as he pinned Brendan's hands to the mattress above his head. "Thought you weren't gonna call me that anymore." He growled as he thrust hard against Brendan.
Unable to control his body's reaction, Brendan met Jaden's thrust with one of his own and then said, "You know, you'd be more menacing if you could keep the smile off of your face." He tried to bring his hands down to touch his lover, but Jaden held them tight. "You really like it, admit it."
Jaden ignored him and moved his hips with purpose, sliding their dicks together and, loving the feel of Brendan's body, groaned in pleasure. He kissed Brendan's red, swollen lips and groaned again when he was still able to taste his own release as he deepened the kiss, dipping his tongue deep into the heat of Brendan's mouth.
The passion that he felt for Brendan threatened to overwhelm him; nothing in his three years with Nickie had prepared him for this. Sliding into Brendan's body, he looked into green eyes and felt a shift. No longer concerned only about his own orgasm and using his partner to reach his goal, he needed to make it good for Brendan. No trade-off just so that he could bust a nut---just Brendan and what he was feeling.
Watching Brendan's face change as he hit his prostate, Jaden concentrated on getting the right angle on each maddeningly slow stroke. Jaden's eyes moved between Brendan's moist lips and his green eyes, and he needed more. More contact, more sweat-damp skin, more of Brendan's sweet mouth. He unhooked Brendan's legs from his shoulders to bring their bodies into closer contact and continued to flex his hips as he closed his lips over Brendan's.
"Jaden... harder, faster." Brendan's demand was a gasp between their joined mouths as his heels pressed into Jaden's back, trying to get him to move as he needed. Jaden drove himself into his lover, reached between them to close his hand over Brendan, and felt his release after only a few strokes. Pumping through Brendan's orgasm, Jaden felt himself on the edge and started to pull out, but Brendan used his heels to pull him in deeper.
A high keening escaped Jaden's throat as he reached the brink and fell over the edge, emptying deep into his lover's body. He collapsed over Brendan, breathing hard, slowly becoming aware of Brendan's hands tracing over his back and stickiness between them. He kissed Brendan before rolling onto his back.
"Bren, I never... never inside. Always pulled out before."
Brendan rolled over, draping himself over Jaden's wide chest. "So? What do you think?"
"I think that it's something that I could get used to, and I feel kind of like I've slid sideways into one of Mama's romances." He smiled and pulled at the spiky hair over Brendan's forehead. "You know what else I could get used to?
Brendan kissed him again before answering. "What's that, Texas?"
"Room service. I'm starving."
Brendan jumped up to grab the menu from the desk. "What do you want? I'll order while you hit the shower and join you in a minute."
"Burger and fries. Sweet tea. Could you pick something chocolate for dessert?" He talked as he walked into the bathroom and turned around to find Brendan staring at his ass.
Waiting with his hand on the desk phone, Brendan finished listening to Jaden's order. "That's a snack?"
Jaden ignored him and wiggled his ass to give Brendan a show as he turned into the bathroom, and he felt a thrill of anticipation as he heard Brendan call, "That ass is gonna be mine, Texas."
FOR the third morning in a row, Jaden woke with his ass pressed against Brendan's groin. He could definitely get used to this. He looked at the clock, making sure that they hadn't overslept again, and settled back against Brendan as he thought about the last two days. The hours of teasing had almost been worth the incredible orgasm in the locker room at the studio. The day before hadn't been as bad as the first day spent with Cliff and Wade, and sight-seeing and clubbing while having their pictures taken had actually been fun. "Still wanna kill Cliff, though." He didn't realize that he had spoken out loud until he heard Brendan answer.
"Forget about Cliff. No more stills for this trip." He nuzzled into the back of Jaden's neck and moved a warm hand over Jaden's hip. "You know, it's early, baby. Know what we have time for?"
Feeling Brendan's body moving gently against his, Jaden grew harder and answered as he pressed back against his lover. "Yeah, Bren. Touch me."
Brendan moved from Jaden's neck to nibble an earlobe before whispering, "Not what you think, baby. No foolin' around until our scene today. Come on, let's go get some breakfast. I'm starving."
Groaning in frustration, Jaden watched Brendan walk to the bathroom and heard the shower start. He sighed, wondering how a week of filming porn could be so sexually frustrating. He gave his dick a squeeze, heart beating faster in a mixture of anticipation and anxiety about the scene that they would be taping in a few hours. Throwing the covers off, he climbed out of bed and made his way to the bathroom.
Jaden eyed himself in the mirror as he rubbed a hand over the stubble on his cheeks. "Hey, Bren, you think I look older when I don't shave?" He heard an indistinct reply from the shower and, choosing to take it as assent, decided to skip shaving and join his lover under the warm water.
A half an hour later, Jaden was filling his second plate from the buffet when he noticed Alex behind him. "Hey, man. How's it going?"
"Hangin' in. Another day at the studio today. I think they're doing my stills."
"D'you do your first scene with someone else?" Jaden said absently while trying to decide between bacon and sausage.
"Yeah, yesterday." Alex moved closer to Jaden and lowered his voice. "You were right; it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."
With a shrug, Jaden decided on both bacon and sausage and moved on to the selection of pastries. "Great! Hey, we're sitting over there. Come join us."
When Jaden returned to the table, he found that a few of the other guys had already joined Brendan and were ordering their coffee and juice. Alex crowded in against Jaden, putting his plate in the small space next to Jaden's plate and pulling up a chair from the neighboring table. His shoulder brushed Jaden's as he started eating.
While the group was talking loudly about the club and the girls that they picked up the previous evening, Alex whispered to Jaden, "Victor wanted me to do another scene before I go home."
"What are you going to do?" Jaden ate half of his muffin in one bite.
"Don't know. The BJ wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but maybe it would help if it was with someone I felt comfortable with." He leaned closer to Jaden and lowered his voice further. "What about you, Jaden? Think maybe we could do a scene? Maybe with Brendan?"
Jaden turned to look at Alex, paying more attention to Alex than his own breakfast for the first time since sitting down. "You want to do a scene with Brendan and I?"
"Just thinkin' out loud." Alex shrugged.
VICTOR led them onto the bedroom set where Pete, the second camera man, was already setting up. "You boys know the drill by now. I'm just going to let you on your own and I'll only stop if something's wrong. I won't direct positions or anything. Just remember to let the cameras in and don't block the action. Any questions?"
"Don't think so." Jaden shook his head and Brendan echoed his answer.
Victor continued to instruct while getting his equipment ready. "Talking is good, but try to remember not to use your real names. You've done it a few times, and I've been able to edit it out, but it won't work if you do it during the money shot. Jaden, you still haven't given it up yet, right?" He quirked an eyebrow at Jaden.
"No, not yet." He grinned at Brendan, remembering his shameless begging the first time that his lover had used his fingers on him.
"Okay, no interview this time. We're going to get right to the action. Whenever you're ready, boys."
As in their other scenes, they started off sitting on the edge of the bed in their jeans and Tshirts. Jaden was already hard in anticipation as Brendan cupped his cheek and kissed him slowly. He explored Brendan's body, gently removing his clothes to expose exquisitely soft skin as Brendan slid his calloused fingers under Jaden's clothes.
All clothing discarded, Jaden pushed Brendan back onto the bed and shivered as he felt Brendan's skin against his. He pulled Brendan's arms above his head as his lips moved from one swollen nipple to the other, hips moving lazily against his lover's body. Teasing Brendan, he explored the soft skin of his neck, raspy stubble of his jaw, and finally his swollen lips, keeping him on edge but never enough to satisfy.
Hearing Brendan's soft whimper and feeling his hard thrusts, Jaden moved until he was just out of reach. Jaden loved being able to dominate his muscular lover and tease until he heard the note of desperation in his voice. Jaden continued to torment Brendan until his whimpers strengthened into groans of frustration and he felt Brendan's hands push against his shoulders.
Jaden's back hit the soft mattress, and Brendan's legs straddled Jaden's hips, bringing their dicks together between their flat bellies. Brendan's tongue entered his mouth, exploring, tasting, and finally tangling with his own tongue. He pulled Brendan close against him, feeling the warm body cover his, the delicious pull of skin against skin, the damp tip of Brendan's dick sliding against his belly.
Holding his lover more tightly, Jaden returned Brendan's kiss with passion. He needed this man, needed to be closer, to possess him, to be possessed. His body burned with need as Brendan trailed kisses down his body and pulled an achingly hard nipple into his mouth to suck and bite before moving lower to lap at the pool of pre-come on his belly.
Fingers buried in Brendan's short, soft hair, he tried to guide him to his aching dick. Their scene was forgotten, the cameras a dim memory, and he had only one thought. He needed Brendan; he needed release. "Please. Need... need you."
"Sshh, hold on, baby."
Jaden watched as Brendan looked up at him, didn't break eye contact as he licked slowly from the base of his dick to swirl his tongue around the head, dip into the slit, and finally---finally---take it deep into his mouth in one move. Feeling the back of Brendan's throat and wet, swollen lips against his trimmed pubic hair, his balls drew up, and he felt the first tingle of orgasm move through his body.
He waited for his body to respond, to explode deep into his lover's mouth, could already imagine what it would feel like, but instead of the sublime feeling of orgasm, he felt Brendan pinch the base of his dick hard and pull his mouth off. The cool air hit his wet dick as he felt Brendan's lips soft against his inner thighs, his hand gently pushing Jaden's legs apart.
Not sure that Brendan had caught him in time, Jaden stilled, breathed deeply, and tried to concentrate on anything other than his lover kneeling between his knees. He sighed as he recovered, still feeling as if he was on the edge, wishing that they hadn't waited until they got to the studio this morning, and sure that he wouldn't be able to hold on until Brendan entered him. He shivered, thinking about taking his lover inside.
When Jaden regained control, Brendan released him to crawl up his body, licking and kissing skin stretched tight over hipbones, the hard muscles of his chest, and small nipples. Jaden moaned when their lips met again, and he licked the taste of his own body from Brendan's mouth. Unable to stop his thrusts against Brendan's hard dick as they kissed, Jaden felt Brendan pull back and gently turn him until he lay face down on the bed.
Jaden rested his head on his folded arms as he felt Brendan settle against his thighs, dick rubbing into the cleft of his ass and hands massaging his shoulders.
Relaxing into the mattress, Jaden felt Brendan's hands trace softly over his shoulders, his arms, and his back before moving to his sides to slide under him, a warm palm on each pec. Brendan's weight slowly came to rest on Jaden's back as his tongue traced the strong column of Jaden's neck and around the shell of his ear. Too softly for the microphones to pick up, Brendan whispered, "Love you, baby," against Jaden's ear and Jaden only smiled, too comfortable and too turned on to fight the endearment.
Jaden let himself float, feeling the sensations of Brendan's body on his back, the hard dick riding against his ass, and warm lips against his neck and shoulders. He responded by pressing his ass up against Brendan, needing, inviting, begging for more. Brendan slowly worked his way down Jaden's back, licking and kissing every inch of skin that he could reach, tongue finally finding the dimples just above Jaden's ass. Moving to flick and tease the top of Jaden's trench, Brendan settled between long thighs and pushed the rounded globes of the firm ass apart to allow him access.
Primed for seduction, for driving Jaden wild, Brendan licked the pale skin of Jaden's cheeks, biting gently, moving ever closer to his goal. Jaden groaned when he felt Brendan's tongue flick lightly over his entrance and groaned more loudly when Brendan moved away again to tease. More kisses, more licks, warm breath against his flesh, until his lover settled down to lick him, swirling his tongue around the small pucker and sucking gently.
Feeling himself open to Brendan's tongue, Jaden fought the urge to push back, feeling his arousal ratchet up with each lick, then, oh God, each thrust of Brendan's tongue. Just when he thought that he would come only from Brendan's tongue and the pressure of his dick against the bedspread, Brendan sat up and reached for the lube.
Jaden felt the slick coolness of the lube and then the head of Brendan's dick press against him and slide up his crack, slowly teasing him and drawing a line from his balls over his entrance and along his trench. Blunt fingers pressed slowly, finally breaching him and glancing over his prostate, causing him to buck back against Brendan, reaching for more. Desperate for more.
Wide fingers opened him, readied him, until his breath came in short gasps and his mind was filled only with raw need. He didn't register the sound of the small packet opening, the momentary stillness of Brendan's fingers inside his body as he rolled the condom over his hard dick with one hand. Jaden was only aware when Brendan pulled his fingers from his body and replaced them with his hard dick.
Slight pressure, delicious pressure and anticipation, as the blunt head pressed against him. Harder, harder until he felt his muscles give and Brendan slide inside. Momentary pain was forgotten as Brendan glanced against his prostate, and he thought that he'd come with the slightest touch.
Slowly, so slowly, Brendan moved in and out of his body, making it good, making it right. Brendan stretched out so that he was lying over Jaden's body once again and rolling his hips to thrust slowly, deeply, as he kissed Jaden's neck and pulled an earlobe into his mouth.
Crying out as Brendan pulled away, Jaden looked back to see Brendan's flushed face, his emerald eyes nearly black with desire. A few moves and warm kisses later, Jaden was on his back, Brendan once again buried in his tight hole and holding Jaden's legs against his chest.
The angle didn't allow quite as much pressure against his prostate, but he loved watching Brendan's face, seeing his own passion echoed in Brendan's eyes. Needing more, ever more, Jaden pulled Brendan down to claim those full lips in a hungry kiss. Groaning, he pushed Brendan over, straddling his lean hips, and lowering himself back onto his lover's hard dick.
He moved over Brendan's body, angling his hips to feel the swollen head glance over his prostate with each stroke. Kissing Brendan, he moaned into his mouth before sitting up and watching his lover's face. Jaden could feel his own dick glance against Brendan's belly as he moved, wanted Brendan to take him in hand and ease the almost unbearable ache, but he could wait. He was enjoying the feel of those strong hands running up his thighs and gripping his hips.
Jaden looked into Brendan's eyes, looked at the impossibly long lashes. Tracing the strong cheekbones with his gaze, he lost himself in the freckles scattered across Brendan's nose and felt his heart swell with love for the man below him, the man filling him so sweetly. With a gasp, he felt his balls draw up and his orgasm rush through his body, his dick untouched. Long spurts of semen painted Brendan's belly and chest as he looked at Jaden in surprise.
Seeing Jaden coming without a hand on his cock sent Brendan over the edge and he barely pulled out of Jaden's tight ass and stripped the condom off before adding his own semen to Jaden's. Remembering the cameras, Jaden licked a pool of Brendan's semen from his chest and swallowed before collapsing onto his chest and licking into his lover's mouth.
"MAMA! Daddy! I'm home!" Jaden walked into his family home after a week in San Diego. "Looks like nobody's here. Come on, we can take your stuff upstairs."
Brendan followed, heavy duffel slung over his shoulder. "You sure that your parents won't mind?"
"They won't mind, but I still wish that you'd stay with me in my room."
"Jaden, when was the last time that you had a sleep over with a friend? Junior high? If I stayed in your room with you, your parents would know what's going on. That's probably not the best way to tell them." Brendan dropped his duffel on the bed in the guest room. "Doesn't mean we can't have midnight visits, though." He pulled Jaden's hips into his and closed his lips over his younger lover's.
Before Jaden could respond, they heard the door open downstairs and Jaden's family talking. "C'mon, Bren." Walking down the stairs, they saw Jaden's family unloading shopping bags.
"Hi Mama. You hit the after-Christmas sales?"
"Jaden! When did you get back?" His mother dropped the sweater that she was holding to hug him and kiss him on the cheek. "Brendan, how are you?"
"Just a minute ago. Mama, is it okay if Brendan stays for a few days?" Jaden grinned when his mother nodded. "Thanks. We already put his bags upstairs."
Sharon frowned slightly before asking, "The guest room?"
"Yeah, did we have anyone else staying? I could put him in with me if you want." Jaden leered at Brendan and quickly forced his face into a mask of perfect innocence as she looked up from the spoils of her shopping trip.
"The guest room will be just fine, Jaden." She gathered up the bags and looked over her shoulder as she left to take them to their bedroom. "We're going out for dinner tonight; do you kids want to order pizza? Maybe get a movie? I need you to keep an eye on Emily."
His initial excitement over an evening alone with Brendan tempered by his mother's last statement, Jaden rolled his eyes. "Aww, come on, Mama!"
Emily, silent during the exchange between Jaden and her mother, added her voice to the protest. "Mama! I'm fourteen! I can stay by myself; I don't need a babysitter."
"Mrs. Koneman, would it be okay if we took Emily out with us? Maybe get a burger and catch a movie?"
"I think that would be all right. Nothing R-rated, though." She walked out of the room smiling.
Looking at his boyfriend, Jaden wondered what he had been thinking. Brendan confused him further when he asked Emily if she wanted to invite a friend. When she ran to get her phone, Brendan whispered, "Remember, I have a little sister too. It's a lot easier if you get them on your side. Who knows, you might find out that she's not that bad after all."
With Emily sneaking looks in Brendan's direction and squealing into the phone, Brendan whispered again, "Think you could come home with me for a few days before you go back? We won't have to hide there."
"I'm there!" He pulled Brendan into the hall for a quick kiss before calling for Emily to hurry up.
Emily and her friend Whitney giggled through dinner and pulled Jaden and Brendan through the mall while waiting for the movie to start. Lagging a few yards behind, Jaden longed to hold Brendan's hand. "Remind me why I let you talk me into this."
"C'mon, it's not that bad. Relax and let yourself have some fun." He bumped Jaden's shoulder with his before walking over to the girls, who were looking at jewelry at a kiosk in the center of the mall.
Standing a few feet away, Jaden watched Brendan talk with the girls, seriously considering their choices and finally buying them each a pair of earrings. They both gave Brendan a shy hug and Emily stage-whispered to her brother, "He's officially your best friend ever. Do you remember when Nickie bought me a Barbie doll last year? A Barbie!" Her voice dripped with disdain as she rolled her eyes, a perfect echo of her older brother's patented move.
Brendan spent a small fortune buying the girls vast buckets of popcorn, oversized boxes of candy, and vats of soda before they all walked into the dimly lit theater. Ignoring their benefactor for the evening, the girls joined their friends in the front of the theater while Brendan led Jaden to the back of the theater.
As they settled into the plush seats, Brendan took Jaden's hand and brought it onto his lap. "See? An evening alone in the dark. Perfect."
Jaden pushed his thigh tightly against his lover's and wondered how much they could get away with in the cool dark of the theater.
JADEN dropped his bags inside the door and flopped back on his single bed, looking around his small room. Familiar stains on the ceiling, same pile of laundry that he left in the corner before leaving for Winter Break, same pile of books on his desk. There was a new Brendan-shaped hole in the room that made his breath catch in his throat and his heart ache.
Between San Diego and visits back and forth between San Antonio and Dallas, they had spent the majority of their break together, and he had grown used to having Brendan close to him. Jaden wasn't sure if he would be able to wait until spring break when they would be able to see each other again.
He flipped his phone open, punched speed dial number one and waited for Brendan. "Hey, Texas. Good flight?" Brendan's voice was flat and raspy.
"Yeah. Not too bad. Cold as shit up here, though. I got spoiled in more ways than one. Damn, I miss you already!"
"Jay... Jaden. We'll get back into classes and I'll be there before you know it. You never know, maybe Victor'll fly us out for a weekend before then."
Jaden asked, "Have you heard from him yet?" They had been waiting to hear from Victor about the release of the DVD and the date for their next video.
"No, not yet. You nervous?"
"Not any more. Just hoping that the DVD makes a fortune so I don't have to work at Starbucks anymore." He held the bone pendant that Brendan had given him for Christmas tightly in his fist. "Miss you, Bren. Call me before bed, okay?"
"'Kay. Love you, Texas."
Jaden closed his phone and swallowed around the lump in his throat. He allowed himself a few minutes of self-pity before reminding himself that it was his own fault that he was here. With a heavy sigh, he got up to unpack and settle in for the semester, wondering why he had ever decided to move to Virginia.
He carried the laundry downstairs, put it into the washing machine, and went to look for a box for his texts from last semester. He found one in the corner of the storage area off of the kitchen behind a pile of brooms, mops, snow shovels, and rakes. Bending to reach the box, he heard someone call his name and jumped, hitting the shelf above his head.
"Shit! Goddamn, that hurt." He held his hand against the knot on his head and turned, catching one foot against a snow shovel and falling to the floor in a tangle of arms, legs, and tools.
Kevin was standing over him, hands resting on his thighs, laughing. "You're so fuckin' graceful." He held a hand out and pulled Jaden to his feet. "What the fuck are you doin'?"
"Trying to get a box, until you scared the shit out of me." Jaden rubbed the tender spot on his head. "I didn't think that anyone else was back yet."
"I just got back this morning." He handed the box to Jaden and piled the tools back in the corner. "I'm surprised to see you here. I thought that you'd be off with your new boyfriend. I heard that you two are getting intense."
"Still have school, man." Jaden watched Kevin to see his reaction. Screwing another guy for money was one thing, but a relationship was something else. Kevin's face showed open interest but no contempt or animosity. "It was really tempting to stay in Texas," Jaden admitted.
Kevin followed Jaden to the laundry room, hopped up to sit on the folding table, and watched Jaden pull wet clothes from the washing machine. "So, you left here in December to go visit your family and your girlfriend and came back in January missing your boyfriend."
"Yeah, that's about it, I guess." Jaden scanned his student card to start the dryer and sat on the empty washing machine.
"You do any scenes with anyone other than Brendan?"
Jaden shook his head. "There was one guy, Alex, who asked me if I'd do a scene with him, but...."
"Give it some time. You'll wanna screw anyone for enough cash."
Jaden mumbled an answer but admitted to himself that he didn't think that he'd ever get to that point.
"So, you tell your parents anything?"
Jaden considered, trying to decide if he really wanted to talk about it or not. He'd thought about telling them, had actually planned to at one point, but had chickened out in the end. He felt like he was betraying Brendan by not telling his family about him.
Kevin's question only required a simple answer, but Jaden couldn't fight the memories of their last morning together and how they unintentionally outed themselves to his sister.
Not wanting to miss their last chance to be together before school started, Brendan had spent the last week of their break with Jaden and his family. They spent most of their time away from the house so they could be together without having to hide the true nature of their relationship from his family.
Sharon had given Brendan the guest room again, but Brendan sneaked into Jaden's room after everyone was asleep. Happy to spend time with Brendan, he was still frustrated and feeling like he was back in high school, hiding and keeping his sex life secret.
Their last morning together, Brendan came into his room, droplets of water still clinging to freckled shoulders, jeans zipped but not buttoned. Jaden smiled sleepily as his lover joined him in bed. The warmth of his blankets was replaced by Brendan's body as jeans met sleep pants and bare chests touched.
"I'm gonna miss this. Miss you, Bren," Jaden murmured into Brendan's neck.
"Me too, baby." His warm lips on Jaden's prevented any protest over the pet name.
Kissing languidly, Jaden's hands traced patterns over his lover's muscled back and he reveled in the solid weight on his body. Trying to store up enough memories of Brendan to last him until Spring break, he didn't hear the door open.
He looked toward the door when he heard Emily, "Jaden, Mom said... Ja-Jaden?" She turned and slammed the door as she left. Jumping out of bed, Jaden heard her bedroom door slam.
"Shit! I should have told them, Bren." He pulled a sweatshirt over his head and hurried toward the door.
Opening the door to Emily's room, Jaden saw her sitting on the edge of her bed, holding a stuffed orange unicorn on her lap. He remembered her carrying it around when she was little. She looked up at him. "I guess that someone does want to see you naked." Her lips quirked up in a little smile. "Sorry, Jaden. I should have knocked."
Jaden sat down on the bed next to her and took the unicorn from her, examining its dirty plush fur carefully. "Guess it was a surprise, huh?"
"Ya think?" She looked hurt. "You could have told me, Jade. I can see why you wouldn't tell Mama and Daddy. Who knows what they'll do? But you coulda told me. I am fourteen, you know."
He had been thinking about her as a little girl, playing and following him around, and he was shocked to realize that she was only a year younger than Nickie had been when they had gotten together. He wondered if that was why parents seem to have such a hard time thinking of their kids as adults.
"Sorry, Em. I should have. You'll have to give me some time to get used to how grown up you're getting."
She bumped her shoulder against his. "S'okay. So, you're gay now? What about Nickie?"
"Yeah, I'm gay. You know Nickie and I broke up. Both of us moved on to other people. I guess I just didn't know what I really wanted until I met Brendan."
Her face fell, the open interest replaced by disappointment. "Guess that means that I'll never get to kiss Brendan. I mean, c'mon! Have you noticed how pretty his mouth is?"
Laughing, Jaden answered, "Yeah, baby girl, I've noticed." He pulled her close against his side and kissed the top of her head.
"You gonna tell Mama and Daddy?"
"Sometime. Probably not for a while. It's all kinda new to me. Can you keep it quiet?" He paused, remembering why she had barged into his room. "What did Mama want earlier?"
"Oh! Just to make sure that you were awake. She's making a big breakfast since you're going back to school today." She smirked up at him. "You'll owe me big time."
Coming back to the present, he saw Kevin looking at him questioningly. "Didn't quite get up the nerve to tell the folks, but my little sister walked in on us while we were in bed."
"Dude!"
"No, not that bad. We were just making out with our clothes on. She was cool, though." Jaden settled down to wait for his clothes to dry.
LOOKING around his room, he thought that his mama would be proud. His laundry was clean, folded, and put away, and there wasn't a thing out of place in his room. He was tired from the long day, but he was filled with a nervous energy that he couldn't describe. Hoping for a message from either Victor or Brendan, he opened his computer.
Boys,
The DVD will be available for sale on March 1st. I've got a teaser on the retail site and have put two clips on YouTube. There should be a lot of buzz by the time that it's released.
I'm putting Jaden's first bottom scene up the week before the DVD launch. It was the hottest scene I've ever filmed, if that doesn't sell the DVD, nothing will. Five stars all the way.
We need to get some other scenes filmed---other guys, maybe a tag team. Let me know your schedules and we'll get something set up. Jaden, Alex's still asking to do a scene with you. Call me.
Later,
Victor
His heart beat faster, thinking about the last paragraph of Victor's e-mail. It was the one thing that he hadn't let himself think too much about. Scenes with other guys. Brendan with another guy. Could he see himself with Alex, even for a scene? He didn't want to deal with that yet. Mentally calculating how much money he'd made so far and how much he'd need over the next three and a half years, he knew that he was going to have to do more or get another job. Shrugging, he pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind to worry about later.
Clicking on the first link at the bottom of the e-mail, he watched YouTube open and waited for the clip to load. Three and a half minutes of heavy-duty kissing and petting, edited perfectly and artfully. It was all footage from his first bottom scene and he felt himself getting hard remembering how Brendan had felt in his body. Pressing a fist to his chest, he realized that he ached with need for Brendan---for his touch, his kiss, his body against his when he woke up.
Missing Nickie during his first semester had never been this bad. Maybe it had all been mixed up with being away from home for the first time, but looking back, it was just missing everything that had been familiar in his life. He wondered how long it would have taken him to figure out that Nickie wasn't what he needed if he hadn't left home.
Shaking his head and turning back to his computer, he clicked on the second link. It looked like Victor had geared the second clip to what he thought that women wanted. It was set to soft music and featured gentle kissing, caresses, and intense looks between them. He mentally counted the days until Spring break when he could see Brendan again and didn't know if he could wait.
He was reading a message from Emily and smiling, thinking about how grown up she was getting, when his phone rang. He recognized Brendan's ring-tone. "Hey, Bren."
"Hey, Texas. I can hear you smiling."
"Yeah, message from Emily. I was just sitting here missing you. It's good to hear your voice." He set the computer aside and settled back against the pillows. "Wish you were here."
"Miss you too, Texas. I just watched the YouTube clips. I'm not sure if it makes it better or worse to see us together."
Jaden smiled. "Yeah, I know. Same here. Damn, we look hot together, though."
"Yeah, we do. Touch yourself, baby, let me hear you."
"Don't call me 'baby'," Jaden said gently as he obeyed his lover's command and slid his hand down his lean body.
Late February
BIKING back from his last class on Friday, Jaden turned his face to the sun and enjoyed the spring-like weather. He had settled back into the routine of classes and work but hadn't gotten used to the constant pain of missing Brendan. Phone calls, Skype, and endlessly watching their videos did little to ease the ache.
Locking his bike, he shivered in delight, thinking about meeting Brendan in a few weeks during Spring break. Jaden ran up the stairs to the porch, unlocked the door, and was part way up the stairs to his room before he heard the deep, "Hey, Texas," from the common room.
He turned to see Brendan standing next to one of the worn sofas, his smile warm and genuine. "Oh, my God, Brendan!" It only took him two large steps to cross the room and throw himself into Brendan's arms hard enough to knock him to the sofa. "What are you doing here?" Covering Brendan's lips in a hungry kiss, Jaden didn't give him a chance to answer.
Jaden licked at Brendan's lips and explored Brendan's sweet mouth with his tongue, reacquainting himself with his taste as he felt his body respond. He slid a leg between Brendan's thighs to feel his reaction to the kiss and to press his own erection against his lover's hip.
Whispering against Jaden's swollen lips, Brendan finally answered, "Missed you. Couldn't stay away." Brendan traced the long line of Jaden's back to cup the firm cheeks of his ass and pull him impossibly closer. "Why don't you show me your room, Jay? This is a little too public for what I want to do with you."
Realizing he had been seconds away from ripping Brendan's clothes off in the common room, he pulled Brendan to his feet and dragged him by the hand as they walked up the stairs. "That would be one way to come out to my house mates," Jaden laughed, delighted at having his boyfriend visit. "So Bren, why are you here? How did you get in? How long can you stay? Please tell me that you can stay." Jaden turned to kiss his lover again as he stopped in front of his door but found it hard to kiss Brendan with his mouth wide, laughing.
"Jaden, I can't answer your questions if you keep kissing me right after you ask them." Brendan rested his hands on Jaden's hips and felt the wall against his back as Jaden rutted against him, lips once again claiming his.
Soft lips moving over the stubble of Brendan's jaw to the soft skin under his lover's ear, Jaden mumbled into the juncture between his lover's neck and shoulder. "Answer later. Just tell me that you can stay."
"Yeah, for a few days. I want you, Jay, c'mon."
Jaden felt his body respond to his lover's touch and pressed him against the wall, already feeling the tingle of approaching orgasm. Reluctantly, he pulled away to unlock his door and push Brendan into the room.
Breathing heavily and temporarily sated, they lay pressed together in the small bed. "Sorry the bed's so small."
"Hey, it'll be an adventure. Don't think that we took up much more room when we were in the king-size at the hotel anyway." He kissed Jaden on the temple.
Turning so that he could rest on Brendan's chest and look into his green eyes, Jaden asked, "How long can you stay?"
"I have to fly back on Wednesday. Think you can stand me that long?"
Jaden leaned down to kiss him. "I won't want to let you go. How'd you get away? What about your classes?"
Suddenly serious, Brendan sat up and took Jaden's hands. "I wanted to talk to you and didn't want to do it over the phone."
"I'm not sure that I like the sound of that." Jaden frowned.
Pulling Jaden in for a kiss, Brendan smiled. "I think you'll like it. Hope you like it. We haven't talked about where we're going, but I don't like being in Texas when you're in Virginia."
"Bren, I really like it here. Like the school and the people. It's been good for me to get away from my family." Jaden frowned again, not sure if he was ready to move back home, even for Brendan.
"I know, but I graduate in a few months and I don't want to stay in Texas if you're here. I have a job interview set up at Rockingham Memorial on Monday."
Jaden tackled Brendan and pressed him into the mattress. "That's right across the street!"
"Yeah. I thought, I mean if you want to, that... that maybe we could... could share a place next year." He looked around the room, freckled cheeks pink. "Um, maybe someplace a little bigger than this?"
"Bren, that would be the best ever." Jaden thought about all that moving in together would mean. He would have to decide whether to come out or hide and when to tell his family. Everything else faded away at the thought of being with Brendan. Coming home to him, waking up with him. Being with Brendan would be worth anything that he had to go through.
Brendan frowned as he watched the emotions pass across Jaden's face. "Jaden, are you sure? Is something wrong? We don't have to...."
"I was just thinking about coming out, my family, all of that. I'm sure, though. Whatever we have to do, I'm ready." Jaden lowered his head to claim his lover's lips.
"HEY, Jaden!" Brendan called from the common room as Jaden reached into the refrigerator to grab two beers. It was Tuesday, Brendan's last day before going back to Texas, and Jaden had blown off his last class to spend the afternoon with Brendan. The house was empty, and Brendan was sprawled on one of the sofas in the common room, laptop on his belly.
"Yeah, what's up?"
"I got an e-mail from Victor. He wants us to come back out over Spring break and do another scene. With Alex. Isn't he the one that asked you while we were out there over Christmas?"
"Yeah, it was kind of weird. He said that he was straight but then it was like he was coming on to me. Think we could go out and do another scene with just the two of us?"
"Don't think so. Victor said that he has enough of just the two of us. If we want to do more it'll have to be with other guys. Either by ourselves or as a threesome." Brendan sat up, making room for Jaden to sit next to him and look at the screen.
"You've done a few threesomes, right?"
"Yeah. They can be pretty hot. All of those hands on your body, two mouths, two dicks." Brendan waggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"A threesome with you and someone else might be hot. I don't want to do any scenes if you're not there, though.
"We've got a few weeks to decide. We could do one threesome and then tell Victor that we're done. Between the vids and the DVD, you've got enough to make it through to graduation, right?"
"Yeah, with Mama and Daddy paying tuition."
Brendan leered at him and changed the subject. "Your first bottom scene is up on VH. We can watch it together."
Jaden felt his body respond at the memory of filming the scene and the deepening of his relationship with Brendan. Running up the stairs, he tore his shirt off and was half-way out of his jeans by the time he got to his room. He was just climbing onto the bed when Brendan came through the door.
"A little anxious?" Brendan grinned at Jaden as he handed the laptop to his lover and started pulling his own clothes off.
"Yeah, after the vid's over, I want a replay." Jaden grinned back.
They sat against the headboard and started streaming the video of their scene. It was surreal as Jaden sat on the bed with Brendan as they watched themselves make love on the computer.
"Holy shit, Jay. I still can't believe that you came without touching yourself." Brendan was warm against Jaden's side, his hand teasing his lover's dick, ready to play.
Jaden chuckled softly as he set the laptop aside and turned to nuzzle Brendan's neck. "I thought that Victor was going to cream his pants when he saw that."
"Let's forget about all of that for now. Come on, baby." He pulled Jaden over him on the narrow bed.
June, San Antonio
JADEN woke slowly, stretching luxuriously, before picking up his phone and calling Brendan.
"Mornin', Texas." Brendan's voice was warm, sleep-filled, and Jaden thrilled, thinking about waking up with him every day.
"Mornin', Bren. Can't wait to see you." Jaden's hand skated over his abs, down to his morning wood.
Brendan chuckled quietly. "Few more hours, Jay. You told your Mama, right?"
"Yeah, she knows that you're coming. She's doing a big barbecue tonight. Ribs, potato salad, all of that. She keeps hinting about wanting to talk to me. I don't think that she's going to be surprised when we tell her."
Brendan paused. They had talked about this since finding out that Brendan had gotten the job in Virginia. Jaden was sure that his parents were going to embrace their gay son and his boyfriend with no drama. Brendan had seen enough families take the news badly that he was worried for Jaden. "You gonna be okay? No matter what, right?"
"Yeah. I've got you, right?"
"Always. I'll see you this afternoon, Jay."
Jaden closed his phone and tried to figure out what he wanted to do first---morning wood, shower, go back to sleep---when there was a soft knock on his door. "Jade? You awake?"
Rolling onto his side, he answered, "Yeah, Emily, I'm awake." He smiled, remembering how she had walked in on him and Brendan over Christmas break. She had learned her lesson and had started knocking.
"Sorry, Jaden. Mama said that she needs help setting up for tonight and she wanted me to wake you up."
He scrubbed his hands over his face. "Yeah, tell her that I'll be there in a minute. How big is this thing tonight, anyway?" He had asked her if they could have a family dinner with Brendan there to talk with them and now it had morphed into a huge Texas barbecue.
"Pretty much everybody that we know, I think. You know how Mama is."
"Shit, I just wanted family. Brendan's gonna be here and I was going to tell them about him. About me." Jaden liked this new, almost grown Emily. A year ago she had been a pesky kid, following him and Nickie around and getting in the way. He would have never been able to have a real conversation with her.
"You're gonna tell them this weekend?"
"Yeah. It's time." He sat up and pulled her into a hug. "Thanks for bein' on my side, baby girl. Hey, how much would I have to pay you to go get me a cup of coffee?"
"Forget it. You couldn't afford it." She stuck her tongue out at him as she stood to leave. Suddenly serious, she said, "Hey, Jaden. You should know that Mama invited Nickie and her new boyfriend, Alex, tonight."
"Shit!" Jaden sat on the edge of the bed, resting his head in his hands. This night was not turning out like he had wanted it to. He wondered if it was the right night to tell them or not.
"Sorry, Jade."
When he walked back into his room after his shower, towel slung around slim hips, there was a steaming cup of coffee on his dresser. He smiled as he took the first sip. Brendan was right: his sister wasn't that bad after all.
Jaden spent the day moving chairs, hauling massive piles of plates and plastic flatware out to the back yard, making a couple of trips to the supermarket, and following every one of his mother's orders. He carried a huge tub onto the back patio that would eventually hold ice and drinks. His mother was sitting in the shade, fanning herself.
"You okay, Mama?"
"Yeah, sweetie. Just hot and tired. I'll need another shower before everyone gets here."
"Mama, I have something that I want to talk to you about." The words were out of his mouth before he even thought about saying them. Now that he had started, he had to finish. If he backed out now, it would only get harder later. It wouldn't be the grand announcement at a small family dinner, but it would be over.
"Is it about Brendan?" Her expression was soft, welcoming.
"Yeah. Mama, I'm in love with him. We've been together since Christmas and he's moving to Virginia next month." He watched her face carefully, not sure of her reaction.
She looked at him, smiling. "I'm glad that you told me. I have to say that it wasn't a surprise, though. You still can't hide what you're feeling, and the way that you look at him...."
"Does Daddy know?"
"We've talked about it. He's noticed it too." She pulled Jaden into a fierce hug, "Were you worried about telling us?"
He smiled as he pulled out of her embrace. "Yeah, a little. I mean I was with Nickie all of those years and now Brendan. I didn't know what you'd think."
"Well, I have to admit that I was surprised when I realized what was going on. I found enough condoms in your laundry when you were with Nickie; then I saw you making puppy-dog eyes at Brendan. Jaden, what's important is that you're happy and it's easy to see how happy you are when you're with Brendan."
"You found condoms in my laundry?" He could feel the heat in his cheeks and knew that he was turning red. Dropping his face into his hands, he felt his mother's hand between his shoulder blades and fought the urge to cling to her as he had when he was a little boy.
"Why do you think that I taught you to do laundry? If you're old enough to use condoms, you're old enough to wash your own clothes." She watched as Jaden stood. "Jaden, your father might have figured it out, but it would be good to talk to him too."
Leaving his father's study an hour later, he breathed a sigh of relief. His father had taken his coming out as well as his mother had. Trying to avoid his mother and more chores, Jaden tried to sneak up the stairs to hide out in his room until Brendan arrived. As his foot hit the first stair, he heard his name called from the kitchen.
He sighed and called, "Coming!" before turning to find out what his mother needed. Half an hour later, he was carrying a load of towels through the living room when he saw Brendan walking up the front walk. Dropping the towels onto the coffee table, Jaden ran out to throw himself at Brendan.
"Bren!" He pulled his lover into a warm hug and deep kiss before Brendan could speak.
"I guess this means there's no big announcement at dinner tonight?"
Jaden turned and pulled Brendan up the walk to the porch. "Mama turned our family dinner into the barbecue of the century. I ended up telling them this afternoon. Turns out that both of them had already figured it out." He couldn't resist another kiss. "Come on, everyone'll be here in a few minutes and I just dumped a load of towels in the living room."
JADEN had only been joking when he called it the barbecue of the century but, looking around the crowded back yard, he thought that it might not be too far off. His mother had invited everyone from her friends to his friends from high school. Hours after the party started, there was still a mountain of food on the tables on the deck and the beer had loosened everyone up until there were groups dancing in their bare feet on the grass.
Swaying with Brendan in a quiet corner of the back yard, Jaden watched the other couples. He chuckled softly into his boyfriend's shoulder when he saw one of his friends from the baseball team dancing with their diminutive elderly neighbor. One couple separated from the rest and walked toward their corner.
"Nickie, hi." He bent to kiss her cheek before turning to her date. Experiencing a moment of disorientation, he realized that his two worlds were about to collide. He felt Brendan's hand tighten on his waist. Brendan had recognized Alex too. Jaden struggled to remember where Alex had said that he lived, but he knew that it wasn't San Antonio. He couldn't figure out why one of the guys from VH.com was dating his ex-girlfriend.
"Jaden, this is my boyfriend, Alex. Alex, this is Jaden. I've told you about him." Nickie held onto Alex's arm possessively as she introduced them. "This is Bensen. Jaden's... friend."
Confused but unfailingly polite, Jaden shook Alex's hand. "Good to meet you, Alex." His grip was stronger than necessary, trying to communicate all of his unasked questions through the brief contact.
Brendan shook Alex's hand and corrected Nickie's mispronunciation of his name, wondering if it had been intentional.
"Alex, how did you meet Nickie?" Jaden forced himself to keep his tone light as his heart beat rapidly in growing panic.
Alex pulled Nickie into his side. "I just moved to the area from California and ran into her at the mall."
"Nice to see you again Jaden, Bensen. Alex, I'm thirsty." She turned and pulled him along behind her not noticing that he was watching Jaden over his shoulder.
When the unlikely couple was out of earshot, Jaden and Brendan moved deeper into the shadows.
"Bren, what the fuck? Alex? With Nickie? What if he tells her?" His tone was nearly hysterical.
"Jaden, calm down. I don't know. Can't be a coincidence! He can't say anything without her finding out about his movies, though."
His grip was strong on Brendan's upper arms. "What if he does tell her? She'll tell my parents." Flashing back to the scene that they filmed over Spring break, Jaden said, "Brendan, we had sex with him! Together! We had a threesome with him, and now he's dating my ex-girlfriend?"
Extricating himself from Jaden's grip, Brendan took Jaden's hands in his and gently pushed him onto a bench, kneeling in front of him. Cupping his face, Brendan traced a cheekbone with his thumb. "Jay, it'll be ok. He can't tell Nickie or your parents. He's on the site with us. If he tells them about us, they'll know about him."
"Huh?" Jaden tried to make sense of Brendan's last statement. "But how? I mean he's from California! How did he get here and why is he dating my ex?"
"Jay, do you think you can calm down and get Nickie alone for a while? Let me talk to Alex?" Brendan's voice was calm, soothing. He stood, pulling Jaden up with him. "You okay now? Think you can talk to Nickie for a while? Meet me back in your room."
JADEN sat on his bed waiting for Brendan to come up the stairs. Unable to sit still, his stomach threatening to reject his Mama's home cooking and beer, he paced. Brendan burst through the door. "He's not talking! Didn't say anything."
"You're shittin' me."
"Only that he's new to the area and just happened to run into Nickie. Thinks it's great that he's dating your ex."
Knees shaking, Jaden fell to the bed. "Bren, my parents just cannot find out about me doing porn. They just can't."
"I know, Jay, I know. Look, we've only got a month before your birthday, then we'll be moving to Virginia. We'll just stay away from them until then. We've already told Victor that we're done, so we never need to see Alex again."
"You think?" Jaden sounded hopeful for the first time since Alex's appearance.
Brendan placed a warm hand on the back of Jaden's neck. "I know." He kissed Jaden, long and warm. "Go lock the door. We haven't seen each other in weeks."
Comforted by Brendan's solid body, Jaden felt his body respond. "Missed you, Bren." He whispered against Brendan's full lips before pulling away to lock the door.
July 19th, Jaden's birthday
JADEN had gradually stopped worrying about Alex as there were no surprise revelations, and from everything that he heard, his story was true and he and Nickie were a happy couple. Sitting down at the table, he sipped his coffee while waiting for everyone else to wake up.
"Happy birthday, honey." His mother kissed him on the top of his head as she passed by the table to pour a cup of coffee.
"Thanks, Mama."
"Breakfast?"
"No, I'll catch something later. I've still got a lot of stuff to pack. Didn't want to wake everyone up banging boxes around." He stretched his long legs out and leaned back in the chair, watching his mother fix her coffee and start pulling pans from the cupboard.
She turned to look at her oldest child. "Jaden, are you sure about all of this? It's awfully soon, and you're so young."
"Mama, I love him. We're really good together. The whole thing is perfect---I won't be paying any more rent than I am now, we'll share food, I won't have to work as much. We'll be together, Mama. I want that more than I've ever wanted anything."
"Brendan's good for you, I think, but do you have to move in together so soon? Can't you just date for a while?" She held up a hand when she saw him start to protest. "It's not because you're gay, Jaden. It's because you're eighteen. Nineteen, now. Marriages at that age almost always fail. I just want to see you happy."
Jaden stood and pulled his mother into a warm embrace and whispered, "I am happy, Mama."
"Okay. Just be careful." Abandoning the subject, she asked, "Are you sure that you just want family for your birthday dinner? No party?"
"Yeah, just family." He smiled, thinking that Brendan would be here, and he had already become part of his family.
Jaden spent the rest of the day packing. He packed more than he had the past summer, truly moving out this time. He wasn't going away to school this summer; he was leaving his parent's house to live with his lover.
Jaden heard a knock on the front door and ran to answer it, expecting Brendan, but it was UPS with a delivery for his mother. He dropped the package on the kitchen table and poured a glass of his Mama's sweet tea. "Package, Mama."
She finished chopping the vegetables for the grill, tossed them with Italian salad dressing and washed her hands before opening the package. "Jaden, would you drive down...." Her face blanched and she fell into the chair, trembling hands holding the package out to Jaden. "Wh... what is this, Jaden? Is this some kind of sick joke?"
He recognized the DVD cover, the lurid picture of him and Brendan, the title, "Ross and Michael" emblazoned over the top of the case and the web address across the bottom. "Oh, my God." He snatched the DVD from her and looked at the cover. "It has to be a joke! Someone Photoshopped our heads on or something."
"Jaden, give that back."
"No! Mama, it's got to be one of my friends playing some sick joke. I'll just get rid of it. Forget it, please. Please." He took both the package and the DVD and ran up the stairs to call Brendan.
"Bren! Where are you?" He was pacing, his voice frantic.
"I'm about a half an hour out, what's wrong?"
Jaden told him about the DVD that had been delivered to his mother. "Did she believe you? Does she think that it's a joke?"
Jaden almost screamed, "I don't know! I ran out of there so fast that I don't know!"
"Jaden, do you have the box that it came in? Look to see who sent it."
Jaden held the box with shaking fingers and finally found the sender's address. "Harrisonburg! Fuck, Bren. It came from Harrisonburg. The only person that knows about us there is Kevin!"
"That doesn't make sense! Kevin's the one that got you into it and he's already graduated and is out of it himself. Is there anything else in the box?"
"I don't know, I haven't looked. Just a minute." He turned the box upside down, and a folded piece of printer paper fell onto the floor. Jaden read the single line printed in the middle of the page. "Mrs. Koneman, I thought that you should know what your little boy has been doing when he goes to San Diego."
"No signature? Nothing else?"
"No. That's it." Jaden heard a car pull into the driveway and looked out his window to see his father walking up to the porch. "Daddy's home early. Bren, can you call Kevin? I don't think that he'd do anything, but just ask him, okay?"
He tried to act as if there was nothing wrong, running down the stairs to say hello to his father. He pulled up short when he walked into the kitchen and saw that his father was holding another copy of the DVD.
"Jaden, what is this?" There was anger hidden underneath the steely calm of his voice.
"A joke. A bad joke. Someone must have Photoshopped us."
"Do you want to try again? I watched it, Jaden. I went to the web site." He threw the DVD down on the table.
All strength gone, Jaden fell into a chair. He sat silently, not knowing what to say, how to make this better. He wondered why this was so bad, so hard. His mother knew that he had had sex with Nickie, and he was pretty sure that she knew that he and Brendan were having sex, so what if they did it on camera and got paid for it?
"Jaden, I want an answer. What is this?" The anger was closer to the surface and he looked to his mother for support, but she was staring silently at the DVD.
"It was just a way to earn some money. It's no big deal."
His father exploded. "Just a way to earn money? Jaden, this will affect the rest of your life. It's limited the kinds of jobs that you can get. It's out there and will never go away. You can never be a teacher, go into politics. You've limited your life for a few dollars!"
"I don't want to be a teacher."
His mother spoke for the first time since his father came home. "What if someone finds out? The people at church? The school?" She looked up as Emily bounced into the kitchen. "Emily, go to your room."
Emily looked from her parents to her older brother and, uncharacteristically, obeyed without protest.
Jaden said, "That's the whole point, isn't it. It doesn't matter that I didn't have enough to eat at school, all that matters is what other people will think and that someone might find out that we aren't the perfect family 'cause I did porn."
"Jaden, that's enough." His father was red-faced, angrier than Jaden had ever seen him.
"No! I let someone film me while I had sex. Big deal! I didn't kill anyone, didn't commit a crime. I just did something that millions of people do every night. A few hundred dollars? Do you know that I've made more in the last six months than both of you make in a year?"
"If you're making that much, you can pay your own tuition, then." His father turned and started to leave the kitchen, but turned back, brandishing the DVD as if it were a weapon. "As long as we're talking about this, I don't want you seeing that boy again. I know that it's his fault that you got into this, and I don't want to see his ass in my house."
Even through his anger, Jaden let out a snort, thinking that if his father had watched the DVD, he had seen a whole lot more than Brendan's ass.
"You can't mean that! He didn't get me into this. I met him there, but I went there on my own! Brendan had nothing to do with it."
"He is not welcome here. Where you stay is up to you, but I won't have him in my house."
Fighting tears of anger, Jaden looked at his mother for help. When she continued to stare down at the table, Jaden turned and walked out of the kitchen. He started up the stairs to go to his room but turned and walked through the front door instead. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he called Brendan as he walked aimlessly down the street.
"Hey, Bren. Where are you?" His voice was flat, emotionless.
"Few blocks away. You okay, Jay?"
"Yeah. No. Don't know, really. Could you pick me up at the corner?" He paused, remembering their earlier conversation. "What'd you find out?"
"Talked to Kevin. He looked up the return address and it's a re-mailing service. I called them, and all they could tell me was that the original package came from California. They don't remember the city. Just that there were two smaller packages inside with instructions that they had to be delivered today."
"Alex! It has to be!" Jaden stopped short, trying to process the information. Alex, Nickie, his parents. Nothing made any sense.
"Is he still here? Still seeing Nickie?"
"I don't know. I haven't seen them."
A few minutes later, Brendan pulled up to the curb and pushed the door open for Jaden. "Jaden, what happened?"
"Can you drive to the mall? Nickie should be working, I think. We've got to find out what's going on." He told Brendan what had happened with the second package and his father's reaction.
Brendan drove to the mall, listening to Jaden's story and looking sick, and said, "I'm so sorry, Jaden." He found a parking place in the vast parking lot of the mall and sat with his hands on the steering wheel, not reaching to turn the key.
"Bren, it's not your fault. You coming?"
"Maybe it would be best if I didn't. If it wasn't for me, you'd still be with Nickie and none of this would be happening."
Jaden turned Brendan's face to him and looked into his eyes. "Bren, I told my father that it wasn't your fault, and it was the truth. You didn't pull me into doing porn and you didn't make me break up with Nickie." Jaden gave him a gentle shake when he tried to look down. "You also didn't make me gay. You just made me see who I already was. Will always be."
Pulling Brendan by the hand, Jaden led the way to the boutique where Nickie worked. They stood quietly outside of the store, waiting for Nickie to finish with a customer. She looked up and noticed them when the customer walked out the door.
"Nickie, we need to talk to you." Jaden still held Brendan's hand.
"I'm working, Jaden. You know I'm not supposed to have personal visits at work."
Jaden tried to read her face, but the face that he had known for so many years was a mystery, closed to his vision. "Nickie, I know you're pissed at me, but this is big. Please, just listen to us, okay?"
She looked from one to the other and sighed. "Okay, Jaden, Brendan. What's going on?"
Both were silent for a few minutes, trying to decide where to start without destroying whatever fragile truce they had forged. Jaden spoke softly. "Nickie, someone sent something to both of my parents this afternoon. Something that really pissed them off. Caused a really big fight."
She looked blankly from one to the other. "You think that I sent something?"
"No, Nickie, I think that maybe Alex did it. Has he said anything to you? About me? About Brendan?"
Small patches of red appeared on Nickie's cheeks. "No! Jaden, he's only ever met you once, what could he have against you?"
Jaden looked at Brendan, eyebrows raised. Decision made, he lowered his voice. "Nickie, can you get away for a few minutes? This is really important."
She sighed again. "Okay. Can you give me a minute? Meet me at the food court?"
They bought three coffees, sipping at the caffeine that their bodies didn't need until Nickie sat down at the small table.
Jaden pulled his iPod from his pocket, queued up a video, but held it against his chest. "We didn't meet Alex for the first time at Mama's barbecue. We both met him in San Diego when we went out over Christmas. We saw him again when we went out over spring break."
"That's ridiculous! He moved here from Sacramento. What are you trying to do, Jaden?" Her voice grew more strident. "It's not enough that you have to leave me for a guy? Now you're trying to say that Alex has done something to you?"
Jaden handed the iPod across the table to Nickie. "We have met Alex before, and I don't know what he's trying to do, but he just sent a DVD of this to my parents."
The scene opened with Jaden, Brendan, and Alex sitting on the foot of the bed in Victor's studio. As Nickie watched the screen, Jaden thought that it was the first and only time that he had been truly uncomfortable in front of the cameras.
Alex sat between the two lovers, his pale blond hair shining almost white under the studio lights.
Victor, deciding that this scene would begin with an interview, started asking the questions that would introduce today's action. "Adam, you're here with the hottest couple that we have here on VH.com. What have you done with a guy so far?"
"Just a BJ."
"Have you ever thought about doing anything more with another guy?"
"Not outside of VH."
Jaden looked over at Brendan, eyebrows raised. Alex had been asking to do a scene with him since the day that they met. Had Victor told him what to say? He reached behind Alex's back to reach for Brendan's hand.
Blocking out Victor's questions, Jaden thought about the few conversations that he had had with Alex. He had said that he was straight, but for some reason seemed anxious to film a scene with Jaden. Jaden tuned back in just as Victor told them to get started.
Jaden and Brendan each slid a hand up one of Alex's thighs as they kissed and nuzzled his neck before he turned his head to kiss Jaden. Surprised at the intensity of the kiss, Jaden participated, but pulled away to kiss Brendan as their hands met over Alex's denim-covered erection.
It was the first scene that Jaden had been in that Victor stopped filming to direct, having to tell Jaden and Brendan to include Alex, telling Alex to work on Brendan as well as Jaden, directing positions. The scene ended with Jaden and Brendan kneeling on the bed, Alex between them, as they shared hungry kisses while coming on Alex's chest.
As the three shared the requisite kisses at the end of the scene, Alex whispered to Jaden, "Maybe next time we could do a scene with just the two of us." Jaden had never answered, and they had declined Alex's invitation to go out for drinks that evening and hadn't seen him again before flying home.
Shaking his head to clear the memory, Jaden held Brendan's hand as he watched confusion, revulsion, and anger pass across his ex-girlfriend's face. She watched for a few minutes before dropping the iPod on the table as if she had been burned.
Her voice was weak, shaken. "Jaden, tell me what's going on. Why are they calling him Adam? Using your middle name? Please. Tell me."
They told Nickie everything, from Jaden first signing up to do a video with Victor, to meeting Brendan, to Jaden's parents receiving the DVDs that afternoon. Jaden finished, "He's the only person that could be doing this! He's from California, the DVDs were sent from California, nobody else would know that I had done the vids, know Kevin, and know how to get the DVDs to my parents."
Nickie looked between the two men. "I don't know. I don't understand any of this."
"I don't either, Nickie. It has to be him. What I don't understand is why he moved here, how he knew that you were my girlfriend. If he wants me, why is he dating you?"
Snapping, suddenly angry, Nickie said, "Oh, I don't know, Jaden. Why would anyone want to date me? The only two boys I've ever had sex with are sleeping with each other!"
"I'm sorry, Nickie. I know it's hard, but there's something wrong with him. Has he been asking for information about me? My parents?" He covered her hand with his and was encouraged when she didn't pull away.
"No, he hasn't been asking me, but he doesn't need to, you know? Is he on your MySpace?" She continued when Jaden nodded. "He could find me through your page and then find out where I work on my page. Everything's on there."
"Does he have a job? Where would he be now?" Brendan asked.
"He works at John's Computers. He should be at work." She stood up. "I have to get back to work. Could you let me know what happens?"
"Sure, Nickie. I'm sorry about all of this."
She hugged Jaden and then Brendan. "I'm sorry, Jaden. I wasn't very nice there for a while. Brendan, keep him happy, okay? Can you tell Alex to forget about calling me?"
WALKING into the small computer repair shop, they saw a middle-aged man at the counter but no sign of Alex.
"Hi, what can I do for you boys?
"Is Alex working? I was hoping that he could help us with a problem," Brendan asked.
A few minutes later, they were shown to a small room, the counters cluttered with circuit boards and computers. "Alex, you have someone here to see you."
The blond turned around and quickly hid a look of shock before smiling and standing. "What can I do for you?"
"Cut the shit, Alex. What the fuck is your problem?" Jaden asked, barely contained anger making his voice shake.
His boyish face a mask of perfect innocence, Alex asked, "What do you mean?"
The man who had been at the counter was looking on, concerned and confused. Remembering the Bible verses and religious pictures posted in the showroom, Jaden hoped that this was the owner and tossed him the iPod, still queued to the video. "This is Alex's other job." Turning to Alex, Jaden said, "You sent our DVD to my parents. What kind of sick game are you playing?" Jaden moved closer, using his size as a threat as he backed Alex against a counter. "I don't know what you're talking about." He tried to look past Jaden's wide shoulders. "John, call the police. These guys are threatening me."
Grabbing the front of Alex's shirt, Jaden ground out through clenched teeth, "Cut the shit, Alex. You've been lying since the day that I met you. You moved here to date my ex-girlfriend, sent our DVD to my parents. Tell me why."
Jaden felt Brendan move in beside him and saw Alex's eyes flick toward Brendan before looking back at Jaden, defiant and angry. "I saw you on VH.com and I wanted you. Wanted to be with you. Even when Victor finally talked you into doing the threesome, all your attention was on him." He seemed to deflate in front of Jaden. "I could have been an object, a toy, for all of the attention that you paid me. I just wanted you to see me. Notice me. Me."
"And you thought that sending a porn DVD to my parents would help? Do you have any idea what you've done? Did you think that we wouldn't figure it out?"
"I don't know. Just let me go."
Jaden let his shirt go. "You're not worth it. I don't ever want to see you again."
Hearing the bell above the door followed by footsteps in the short hall, Jaden saw four uniformed men. Jaden looked at the shop's owner. "You called the police? I wasn't going to hurt him!"
The first officer broke in, "What's going on here?"
John pointed to Alex. "I think that he's been threatening these two."
It was hours before statements had been taken and Alex was charged with stalking. John shook their hands as they left. "I don't agree with pornography, but what he did wasn't right. Good luck, boys."
They sat in the truck and the emotions of the day threatened to overwhelm Jaden. He had been concentrating on finding out who had sent his parents the DVD and had pushed their reaction aside. Turning toward Brendan, he buried his face against his lover's neck and breathed deeply, sighing as strong arms moved around his back.
"I don't know what to do now, Bren. Can't go home."
Brendan was quiet, kissing Jaden's temple and combing his fingers through soft hair. Whispering, Brendan said, "Have to go home, Jay. Your family's important."
Pressing his face hard into Brendan's solid chest, Jaden answered slowly. "They said that I can't bring you home anymore and have to pay my own tuition now."
"'S'okay, Jay."
"No! It's not okay. If you can't come home with me, I don't want to go back."
"Jaden, you need to go back. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to talk with them. They were angry when they found out, but they'll settle down. You need your family. I'll get a hotel room for tonight and call you in the morning."
Jaden walked into his family home to find his parents waiting for him and Emily banished to a friend's house for the evening. Sighing, he joined his parents at the kitchen table, wishing that he had gone to the hotel with Brendan. He ached for Brendan, needed to feel his arms around him, his body tight against his own. Instead, though, he was facing an evening of recrimination from his parents.
They were just looking at him, not speaking. His mother's eyes were red and swollen, her face puffy. Looking at her, he felt guilt mixed with defiance as he waited to see what they would say.
"Jaden, your mother and I want to know how this started. What were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that I was hungry."
His father's voice grew louder. "Jaden, this is not a joke. It's not funny and I want a serious answer."
"Daddy, I was being serious. I was working my ass off at school. Classes, labs, working part time at Starbucks. I couldn't make enough there to buy enough food and you were already paying for tuition and housing. I couldn't ask for more."
"You should have told us, Jaden." His mother sounded defeated and his guilt grew. "How did you get into this... this...?"
"One of my house mates, Kevin, told me about it." Jaden told them everything that had happened over the past six months, from flying out the first time to the DVD release to Alex's arrest earlier that afternoon.
Sighing, his father continued, "Jaden, you're too young to realize how this will affect the rest of your life. It will come up time after time, limiting your job choices, affecting your personal relationships. What will you do when you want to get married and your future wife finds out?"
"Wife? Daddy, I'll never have a wife. I'm gay! The only person that I want to be with already knows what I've done 'cause he was there with me! You both told me that Brendan was good for me. Now you find out about the vids and you've banned him from the house! It doesn't make sense!"
"Jaden, you're too young to understand. All of this pornography has twisted your thinking. If it wasn't for Brendan, you might have made one and then realized it wasn't right for you. Now he's influenced you into thinking that you're something you're not. As you get older, you'll see that we're right and thank us for getting you out of this."
Angry, Jaden pushed back from the table hard enough to knock the chair over. "No! You don't understand. I love Brendan and what we did to make money doesn't change that. Would you be saying this shit if it had been Nickie on the DVD? No! You wouldn't. You'd be complaining about me doing porn, but because I filmed the scenes with another guy, it's a hundred times worse, and you're telling me that I don't know who I am! "
There were pink patches on his cheeks and he was breathing deeply as he stood waiting to see what his parents would do or say next. His desire to leave to be with Brendan warred with his desire to please his parents and make them happy. If this is what growing up was all about, he wasn't sure if he wanted any part of it.
"That's enough. You will watch your language and your attitude. If you want to be part of this family you will not see that boy again. Since you're so proud of the money that you've made with that filth, you can pay your own tuition if you want to continue with school."
Jaden interrupted, "But, Daddy, the only way that I can do that is to keep on doing it. It doesn't make sense!"
"Don't interrupt me again. You've destroyed our trust in you, and your actions will have a lasting effect on this family. We will not pay for your tuition in the future. You will keep this filth away from your sister. She's not to know anything about it." He paused and looked down at his hands as he continued. "I know that you're packed to move in with that boy. If you do that, don't expect to come back home." As his father finished speaking, his mother started sobbing quietly.
Too angry to speak, to stay still, Jaden ran through the house and out the front door. His long legs moved swiftly over the pavement and he ran blindly, trying unsuccessfully to run away from the pain. He ran at full speed until his legs burned and his breath tore from his throat. Bent over, hands on his knees, great sobs tore from his chest as he caught his breath.
He pulled his phone from his pocket. Brendan had said that he'd call him in the morning, but he had to talk to him now, needed him as much as the air that burned in his raw throat. "Brendan, could you come pick me up? I need you. God, I need you."
Later, Brendan listened silently to Jaden as he recounted the argument with his parents and responded gently when Jaden pressed against him and began to move large hands over his body. They came together in quiet desperation, Jaden growing sleepy almost immediately afterward, pressed close to the man he loved. Feeling Brendan's warm tears on his shoulder, he fell asleep, afraid for the first time that they wouldn't survive this.
Three years later
JADEN stood in front of the mirror in his small room and pulled his graduation cap down over his shaggy hair. He looked around the room that had been his home for the past four years and wondered if he'd miss it when he moved out.
He had invited his parents and the rest of his family to his graduation but had thrown Brendan's invitation in the trash before sending it. He knew Brendan wouldn't want to come to his graduation almost three years after the last time that they had seen each other.
After the fight with his parents on his nineteenth birthday and the night spent with Brendan, his nightmare continued with Brendan taking his parents' side. Brendan had told him that he was too young to sever ties with his parents and that it would be best for him to spend more time growing up before they could really be together. He left to drive back to Dallas as Jaden unpacked his things and stayed with his parents over the summer, leaving Brendan to find a sublet for the lease on the apartment and find a new job closer to home.
What was supposed to have been his first carefree summer living with Brendan morphed to a summer filled with more arguments with his parents, Alex's trial and conviction, unwanted publicity over the more sensational aspect of the trial, and Brendan pulling away to "protect" Jaden. He had never been able to understand how Brendan could both love him and push him away at the same time. Brendan had tried to stay in touch from a distance, but by the time school had started, Jaden had stopped returning his e-mails, too hurt to respond.
Whatever the ultimate cause of their break-up, Jaden started his sophomore year of college back in the same familiar room---alone. The first few months were the hardest, filled not with sleepy phone calls from his boyfriend, but with hours of punishing studying, weight lifting and running---anything to exhaust him enough to be able to sleep.
He turned when he heard the knock on his door. "Come in." He ran to pull Emily into a hug. "I missed you, baby girl. Mama and Daddy downstairs?"
"Yeah, they said that they'd wait in the common room for you."
"I don't know why I invited them anyway. I know that they don't really want to be here."
Emily sat on the edge of the bed. "Yeah, you're the black sheep of the family, you know. Hey, you know they wouldn't let me come by myself---you're a bad influence. You might talk me into doing gay porn or something."
"I wouldn't want to graduate without you here." Jaden smiled softly at his sister. She had been the only one in his family who hadn't let their relationship change after finding out that he had been doing porn.
"What about Brendan? Did you invite him?"
It still hurt to hear his name. He had done a lot of scenes with guys for Victor over the past three years and had dated a few of his classmates briefly, but nobody touched him like Brendan had. He knew that Brendan would have found somebody else by now, but he didn't think that he could bear seeing them together, to know for sure. "No, Almost did, but I couldn't do it."
"You should call him. Stop torturing yourself." She stood up to give him another hug. "Come on, Mama and Daddy are waiting."
The ceremony was held outdoors in the stadium and took forever. Jaden spent hours sitting in the hot Virginia sun, regretting his decision to participate in his graduation. He breathed a sigh of relief when it was over, turning to walk away while his class mates threw their caps into the air in celebration.
Seeing his family standing in the shade of a tree, he started to walk over to join them when he heard a familiar voice behind him.
"Hey, Texas." Disbelieving, he turned, sure that he must be hallucinating from the heat.
Brendan was leaning against the corner of the building, hands in his pockets, full lips parted in a beautiful, genuine smile. He had to be hallucinating. Had to be. If he was, though, wouldn't Brendan look like he had three years ago? This new Brendan had lost his soft, almost pretty look and was harder, chiseled, his hair a little darker. "Brendan?"
His smile widened and Jaden could see fine crow's feet at the corners of Brendan's green eyes. This new Brendan was no longer pretty; he was breathtaking. Without conscious thought, Jaden found himself throwing himself into Brendan's arms.
"How did you know? I threw your invitation away. Didn't think you'd want to see me."
Brendan tightened his arms around Jaden's back. "Emily called me. We stayed in touch after you stopped answering my e-mails."
Turning his head into Brendan's neck, he breathed deeply, inhaling Brendan's familiar scent. "I missed you."
"Me too, Jay. Me too."
"Can you stay? Meet me back at the house in a few?" At Brendan's nod, Jaden turned to talk to his parents. Halfway to his parents, he turned and ran back to Brendan, kissing him hard before meeting his parents for the obligatory pictures.
After arranging to meet his parents for dinner, Jaden ran back to the house, thinking about all of the things that he wanted to say to Brendan.
Walking into his room, everything that he planned to say to Brendan was forgotten as he ripped his graduation gown off and threw himself into Brendan's arms again. He whispered against Brendan's lips, "Tell me that you're not with anyone. Tell me that you want this."
"S'all I've wanted for three years. Nobody else. Love you, Jay."
"Love you, Bren."
About the Author
ANDY EISENBERG, a life-long avid reader, writes as an escape from her career as a microbiologist. She has more interests than time, enjoying everything from building furniture to needlework. A cancer survivor, she has spent the time since her recovery in more quiet pursuits and has concentrated on writing--one of those things that she always wanted to do but put off until there was more time.
Her husband, her own personal happy-ever-after, provides the background music to her writing in the form of his PS3 and XBox360. Andy and her husband are both transplanted Yankees who now make their home in Virginia at the foot of the Blue Ridge Mountains. They live with two large dogs, three cats, and assorted fish and houseplants and enjoy watching baseball and football together.
Visit Andy's blog at http://andy-eisenberg.livejournal.com/. You can contact her at andy.l.eisenberg@gmail.com.
Copyright
Patient Eyes ©Copyright Andy Eisenberg, 2009
Published by
Dreamspinner Press
4760 Preston Road
Suite 244-149
Frisco, TX 75034
http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the
authors' imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover Design by Paul Richmond http://paulrichmondstudio.com
This book is licensed to the original purchaser only. Duplication or distribution via any means is
illegal and a violation of International Copyright Law, subject to criminal prosecution and upon
conviction, fines and/or imprisonment. This eBook cannot be legally loaned or given to others. No
part of this eBook can be shared or reproduced without the express permission of the publisher. To
request permission and all other inquiries, contact Dreamspinner Press at: 4760 Preston Road, Suite
244-149, Frisco, TX 75034 http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/
Released in the United States of America
September 2009
eBook Edition
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23

