
The Coven-Cate Tiernan
Morgan's powers are stronger than she ever imagined. She has
visions, she lights fires with her mind, and her spells work
miracles. When her boyfriend Cal, a member of the same coven,
insists that witchcraft is in her blood, Morgan is confused. Her
parents definitely aren't witches. They do seem to be keeping
something secret, though-something about Morgan's past.
Sweep: The Coven
Cate Tiernan
EBook by: TheLiz
Prologue
I was dancing In the atmosphere, surrounded by stars, seeing motes of energy whizzing past me like microscopiccomets. I could see the entire universe, all at once; everyparticle, every smile, every fly, every grain of sand wasrevealed to me and was infinitely beautiful.When I breathed in, I breathed in the very essence offife\* and I breathed out white light It was beautiful, more thanbeautiful, but I didn't have the words to express ft even tomyself. I understood everything; I understood my place in theuniverse; I understood the path I had to follow.Then I smiled and blinked and breathed out again, and Iwas standing in a darkened graveyard with nine high schoolfriends, and tears were running down my face."Are you okay?" Robbie asked in concern, coming over tome.At first ft seemed he was speaking gibberish, but then Iunderstood what he had said, and I nodded."It was so beautiful," I said lamely, my voice breaking, Ifelt unbearably diminished after my vision. I reached my fingerout to touch Robbie's cheek. My finger left a warm pink linewhere it touched, and Robbie rubbed his cheek, lookingconfused.The vases of flowers were on the altar, and I walkedtoward them, mesmerized by their beauty and also theoverwhelming sadness of the flowers\* deaths. I touched onebud, and it opened beneath my hand, blooming In death as Ithadn't been allowed to in life. I heard Raven gasp and knewthat Bree and Beth and Matt backed away from me then.Then Cal was next to me. "Quit touching things," he saidquietly, smiling. "Lie down and ground yourself."He guided me to an open spot within our circle, and I bydown on my back, feeling the pulsing life of the earth centeringme, easing the energy from me. making me feel more normal.My perceptions focused, and I saw the coven clearly, saw thecandles, the stars, the fruit as themselves again and not ispulsing blobs of energy."What's happening to me?" I whispered. Cal sat crosslegged and lifted my head onto his lap, stroking my hair strewnacross his legs. Robbie knelt next to him. Etan, Beth andSharon circled closer, peering over his sholder at me as if Iwere a museum display. Jenna was holding Matt around hiswaist, as if she were afraid. Raven and Bree were the farthestback, and Bree looked wide-eyed and solemn.
"You made magick,"Cal said, gazing at me with those endless golden eyes. "You're a blood witch."My eyes opened wider as his face slowly blotted out themoon above me. With his eyes deeply into mine, he touched mymouth with his, and with a sense of shock I realized he waskissing me. My arms felt heavy as I moved them up to encirclehis neck, and then I was kissing him back, and we were joined,and the magick crackled all around us.In that moment of sheer happiness I didn't question whatbeing a blood witch meant to me or my family or what Cal and Ibeing together meant to Bree or Raven or Robbie or anyoneelse. It would be my first lesson in magick, and it would behard learned: seeing the big picture, not just a part of it1. After SamhainThis book is given to my incandescent one, my fire fairy,Bradhadair, on her fourteenth birthday. Welcome to Belwicket.With love from Mathair.><This book is private. Keep out.Imbolc, 1976Here's an easy spell to start my Book of Shadows. I got it fromBetts Jowson, except I use black candles and she uses blue.To Get Rid of a Bad Habit1.Light alter candles.2.Light black candle. Say: "This holds me back. No more will Ido it. No more is it part of me."3.Light white candle, Say" "This is my might and my courageand my victory. This battle is already won."4. Picture in your mind the bad habit you want to break. Pictureyourself free from it. After a few minutes of imagining victory,put out the black candle, then the white candle.5.Repeat a week later if necessary. Best done during a waningmoon.I did this last Thursday as part of my initiation. I haven'tbitten my nails since. --BradhadairI woke slowly on the day after Samhain. I tried to resistthe light behind my eyes, but soon I was awake, and there wasnothing I could do about it.My room was barely light It was the first day ofNovember, and the warmth of autumn had leached away. Istretched, then was flooded with memories and sensations sostrong that I sat straight up in bed.
Shivering, I saw again Cal leaning over me, kissing me. Me, kissing Cal back, my arms around his neck, his hair softbeneath my fingers. The connection we made, our magick, theelectricity, the sparks, the way the universe swirled around us,,. I am a blood witch, i thought I am a blood witch, and Calloves me, and I love Cal. And that's the way it is.The night before, I'd had my first kiss, found my first love.I had also betrayed my best friend, created a rift in my newcoven, and realized my parents had lied to me my whole life.All of this happened on Samhain, October 31, the witches'New Year. My new year, my new life.I lay back down in bed, the coziness of my flannel sheets andcomforter reassuring. Last night I had seen my dreams cometrue. Now I knew, with a coldness in my stomach, I would paythe price for them. I felt much older than sixteen.Blood witch, I thought Cal says that's what I am, andafter last night, after what I did, how can I doubt it? It must betrue. I am a blood witch. In my veins flows blood that has beenInherited from thousands of years of magick making,thousands of years of witches intermarrying. I'm one of them,from one of the Seven Great Clans: Rowanwand, Wyndenkell,Leapvaughn, Vikroth, Brightendale, Burnhide,and Woodbane.But which one? Rowanwand, both teachers and hoardersof knowledge? Wyndenkeil, the expert spell writers? Vikroth?The Vikroths were magickal warriors, later related to Vikings. Ismiled I didn't feel very warriorlike.The Leapvaughns were mischief makers, joke players. TheBurnhide clan focused on doing magick with gems, crystals,and metals, and the Brightandales were the medical clan, usingthe magick of plants to heal. Or ... there was Woodbane. Ishivered There was no way I was of the dark clan, the oneswho wanted power at any cost, the ones who battled andbetrayed their fellow clans for control of land, of magickalpower, of knowledge.I considered it. Of the seven great clans, if I was in factfrom one of them, I felt most like the Brightendales, thehealers. I had discovered that I loved plants, that they spoke tome, that using their magickal powers came naturally to me. Ihugged myself, smiling. A Brightendale. A real blood witch.Which means my parents must also be blood witches, Ithought It was a stunning notion. It made me wonder whywe'd been going to church every Sunday for as long as I couldremember. I mean, I liked my church. I liked going to services.
They seemed beautiful and traditional and comforting. But Wicca felt more natural.I sat up in bed again. Two images kept coming at me: Calleaning over me, his golden eyes locked on mine. And Bree, mybest friend: the shock and pain on her face as she saw Cal andme together. The accusation, hurt, desire. Rage.What have I done? I wondered.I heard my parents downstairs in the kitchen, startingcoffee, unloading the dishwasher. Flopping back down in bed, Ilistened to the familiar sounds: Not every single thing in my lifehad changed last night.Someone opened the front door to get the paper. Todaywas Sunday, which meant church, followed by brunch at theWidow's Diner. Seeing Cal later? Would I talk to him? Were wegoing out now, a couple? He had kissed me in front ofeveryone---what had it meant? Was Cal Blaire, beautiful CalBlaire, really attracted to me, Morgan Rowlands? Me, with myflat chest and my assertive nose? Me, who guys never looked attwice?I stared up at my ceiling as if the answers were writtenon the cracked plaster. When the door to my room burst open,I jumped."Can you explain this?" my mom asked. Her brown eyeswere wide, her mouth tight, with deeply carved lines around itShe held up a small stack of books, tied with string. They werethe books I had left at Bree's house because I knew my parentsdidn't want me to have them, my books on Wicca, the SevenGreat Clans, the history of witchcraft A note attached to thebooks said in big letters: Morgan---You left these at my house.Thought you might need them. Sitting up, I realized this wasBree's revenge."I thought we had an understanding," Mom said, hervoice rising. She leaned out my bedroom door and yelled,"Sean!"I swung my legs out of bed. The floor was cold, and Ipushed my feet into my slippers."Well?" Mom's voice was a decibel louder, and my dadcame into my room, looking alarmed."Mary Grace?" he said. "What's going on?"Mom held up the books as if they were a dead rat "Thesewere on the front porch!" she said. "Look at the note!"She turned back to me. "What do you think you're doing?"she demanded, incredulous. "When I said I didn't want thesebooks in my house, that didn't mean I wanted you reading
them in someone else's house! You knew what I meant Morgan!""Mary Grace," my dad soothed, taking the books from her.He read their titles silently.My younger sister, Mary K., padded into the room, still inher plaid patchwork pajamas. "What's going on?" she said,pushing her hair out of her eyes. No one answered.I tried to think fast "Those books aren't dangerous orillegal. And I wanted to read them. I'm not a child---I'm sixteen.Anyway, I was respecting your wishes not to have them in thehouse.""Morgan," my dad said, sounding uncharacteristicallystern. "It's not just having the books In the house, and youknow it We explained that as Catholics, we feel that witchcraftis wrong. It may not be illegal, but it's blasphemous.""You are sixteen," Mom put in. "Not eighteen. That meansyou are still a child." Her face was flushed, her hair unbrushed .I could see silver strands among the red. It hit me that in fouryears she would be fifty. That suddenly seemed old."You live under our roof," Mom continued tightly. "Wesupport you. When you're eighteen and you move out and get ajob, you can have whatever books you want, read whateveryou want But while you're in this house, what we say goes."I started to get angry. Why were they acting this way?But before I said anything, a verse came into my head.Leash my anger, calm my words. Speak in love and do no hurt.Where did that come from? I wondered vaguely. Butwhatever its origin, it felt right I said it to myself three timesand felt my emotions ratchet down."I understand," I said. Suddenly I felt powerful andconfident I looked at my parents and my sister. "But Mom, Itisn't that easy," I explained gently. "And you know why, Iknow you do. I'm a witch. I was born a witch. And if I was,then you were, too."2. DifferentDecember 14, 1976Circle last night at the currachdag on the west cliffs.Fifteen of us in all, including me, Angus, Mannannan, the rest ofBelwicket, and two students, Tara and Cliff. It was cold, and afine rain fell. Standing around the great heap of pat, we didsome healing for old Mrs. Paxham, down to the village, who'sbeen ailing. I felt the cumhachd, the power, in my fingers, inmy arms, and I was happy and danced for hours.--Bradhadair
My mother looked like she was about to have a stroke. Dads mouth dropped open. Mary K. stared at me, her browneyes wide.Mom's mouth worked as If she was trying to speak butcouldn't form the words. Her face was pale, and I wanted totell her to sit down, to take it easy. But I kept silent I knew thiswas a turning point for us, and I couldn't back down."What did you say?" Her voice was a raw whisper."I said I'm a witch," I repeated calmly, though inside, mynerves were stretched and taut. "I'm a blood witch, a geneticwitch. And if I am, you two must be also.""What are you talking about?" Mary K. said. "There's nosuch thing as a genetic witch! God, next you'll be telling usthere are vampires and werewolves." She looked at me indisbelief, her plaid pajamas seeming young and innocentSuddenly I felt guilty, as if I had brought evil into the house.But that wasn't true, was it? All I had brought into the housewas me, a part of me.I raised my hand, then let it fall, not knowing what to say."I can't believe you," Mary K. said. "What are you tryingto do?" She gestured toward our parents.Ignoring her, Mom said faintly,"You're not a witch."I almost snorted. "Mom, please. That's like saying I'm nota girl or I'm not human. Of course I'm a witch, and you know itYou've always known it""Morgan, just stop it!" Mary K. pleaded. "You're freakingme out You want to read witch books? Fine. Read witch books,light candles, whatever. But quit saying you're really a witch.That's bullshit!"Mom snapped her gaze to Mary K., startled. "Scuse me,"Mary K. muttered. I'm sorry, Mary K.," I said. "It's notsomething I wanted to happen. But it's true." A thoughtoccurred to me. "You must be one, too," I said, finding thatidea fascinating. I looked up at her, excited. "Mary K., you mustbe a witch, too!""She is not a witch!"my mom shrieked, and I stopped,frozen by the sound of her voice. She looked enraged, the veinsin her neck standing out, her face flushed. "You leave her outof it!""But---," I began."Mary K. is not a witch, Morgan," my dad said harshly.I shook my head. "But she has to be," I said. "I mean, it'sgenetic. And if / am, and you are, then..."
"Nobody is a witch," my mom said shortly, not meeting my eyes. "Certainly not Mary Kathleen."They were in denial. But why?"Mom, it's okay. Really. More than okay. Being a witch is twonderful thing," I said, thinking back to the feelings I'd hidlast night "It's like being---""Will you stop?" Mom burst out "Why are you doing this?Why can't you just listen to us?" She sounded on the verge oftears, and I was getting angry again."I can't listen to you because you're wrong!" I said loudly,"Why are you denying all of this?""We're not witches!" my mom screeched, practically rattlingmy windows.She glared at me. My dad's mouth was open, and Mary K.looked miserable. I felt the first hint of fear."Oh," I snapped. "I guess I'm a witch, but you're not,right?" I snorted, furious at their stubbornness, their lies."Then what?"I crossed my arms and looked at them. "Was Iadopted?"Silence. Long moments of the clock ticking, the thin,scratchy sound of elm twigs brushing my windowpanes. Myheartbeat seemed to go into slow motion. Mom groped for mydesk chair, then sank into it heavily. My dad shifted from footto foot, looking over my left shoulder at nothing. Mary K. staredat all of us."What?" I tried to smile. "What? What are you saying?I'm adopted?""Of course you're not adopted!" said Mary K., looking atMom and Dad for their agreement.Silence.Inside me, a wall came crashing down, and I saw what laybehind it: a whole world I had never dreamed of, a world inwhich I was adopted, not biologically related to my ramify. Mythroat closed and my stomach clenched, and I was afraid I wasgoing to throw up. But I had to know.I pushed past Mary K. into the hallway, then thundereddown the steps two at a time. I tore around the corner, hearingmy parents on the steps behind me. In the family office Iyanked open my dad's files, where he keeps things likeinsurance papers, our passports, their marriage license ... birthcertificates.Breathing hard, I flipped through files on car insurance,the house's AC system, our new water heater. My file readMorgan. I pulled it out just as my parents came into the office."Morgan! Stop it!" said Dad.
Ignoring him, I rifled through immunization records, school reports, my social security card.There it was. My birth certificate. I picked it up andscanned it Birthday, November 23. Correct Weight, eightpounds, ten ounces.My mom reached around me and snatched the birthcertificate out of my hand. As if in a slapstick movie, I snatchedit back. She held tight with both hands, and the paper ripped.Dropping to my knees, I hunched over my half on thefloor, protecting it till I could read it. Age of mother: 23. No.That was wrong because Mom had been thirty before the hadme. Then the edges of the paper grew cloudy as my eyeslocked onto four words: Mother's name: Maeve Riordan.I blinked, reading it again and again at the speed of lightMaeve Riordan. Mother's name:Maeve Riordan.Mechanically I read down to the bottom of my torn page,expecting to see my mom's real name, Mary Grace Rowlands,somewhere. Anywhere.Shocked, I looked up at my mother. She seemed to haveaged ten years in the last half hour. My dad, behind her, wastight-lipped and silent.I held up the paper, my brain misfiring. "What does thismean?" I asked stupidly.My parents didn't answer, and I stared at them. My fearscame crashing down on me in hard waves. Suddenly I couldn'tbear to be with them. I had to get away. Scrambling to my feetI rushed from the room, colliding with Mary k., almost knockingher down. The torn scrap of paper fluttered from my fingers asI pushed through the kitchen door and grabbed the keys to mycar. I raced outside as if the devil were chasing me.3. Find MeMay 14, 1977Going to school is more a bother these days than anythingelse. It's spring, everything's blooming. I'm out gatheringluibh---plants--for my spells, and then I have to get to schooland learn English. What for? I live in Ireland. Anyway, I'mfifteen now, old enough to quit. Tonight's a full moon, so I'll doa scrying spell to see the future. I hope it will tell me whether Ishould stay in school or no. Scrying is hard to control, though.There's something else I want to scry for: Angus. Is hemy muirn beatha dan? On Beltane he pulled me behind thestraw man and kissed me and said he loves me. I thought Iliked David O'Hearn. But he's not one of us---not a blood witch---
and Angus is. For each of us there's only one other they should be with: their muirn beatha dan. For Ma, it was Da. Who ismine? Angus says it's him. If it's him, I have no choice, do I?To scry: I don't use water overmuch---water is the easiestbut also the least reliable. You know, a shallow bowl of clearwater, gaze at it under the open sky or near a window. You'llsee things easily enough, but it's wrong so ofter, I think it'sjust asking for trouble.The best way to scry is with an enchanted leug, likebloodstone or hematite, or a crystal, buy these are hard to layyour hands on. They give the most truth, but these are hard tolay your hands on. They give the most truth, but brace yourselffor things you might not want to see or know. Stone scrying isgood for seeing things you might not want to see or know.Stone scrying is good for seeing things as they are happeningsomeplace else, like checking on a loved one or an enemy inbattle.I scry with fire, usually. Fire is unpredictable. But I'mmade of fire, we are one, and so she speaks to me. With firescrying. If I see something in can be past, present, or future. Ofcourse the future stuff is only one possible future. But what Isee in fire is true, as true as can be.I love the fire.--BradhadairI ran across the frost-stiffened grass, which crunchedlightly under my slippers. The front door opened behind me,but I was already sliding onto the freezing vinyl front seat ofmy white 71 Valiant, Das Boot, and cranking the engine."Morgan!" my dad yelled as I squealed out of ourdriveway, the car lurching like a boat on rough waters. Then Iroared forward, watching my parents on our front lawn in myrearview mirror. Mom was sinking to the ground; Dad wastrying to hold her up. I burst into tears as I wheeled too fastonto Riverdale.Sobbing, I dashed my tears away with one hand, thenwiped my nose on my sleeve. I turned on Das Boots heater, butof course it took forever for the engine to warm up.I was turning onto Bree's street before I rememberedthat we were no longer friends. If she hadn't left those bookson my porch, I wouldn't know I was adopted. If Cal hadn'tcome between us, she would never have left the books on myporch.
I cried harder, shaking with sobs, and spun into a sloppy U-turn right before I reached her driveway. Then I hit the gasand drove, my only destination to be away, away,The next time my vision cleared, I had managed to fish abattered box of tissues from beneath the front seat. Damp,crumpled ones littered the passenger side and covered thefloor. I had ended up heading north, out of town. The roadfollowed a low valley, and early fog clung heavily to the asphaltDas Boot plowed through it like a brick thrown through clouds.In the distance I saw a large, dark shadow of to the side of theroad. It was the willow oak that we had parked under just lastnight, for Samhain. Where I had parked the first time I did acircle with Cal, weeks before. When magick had come into mylife. Without thinking, I swung my car off the road andbumped across the field, rolling to a stop beneath the oak'slow-hanging branches. Here I was hidden by fog; by the tree. Iturned off my engine, leaned against the steering wheel, andtried to stop crying.Adopted. Every instance, every example of my beingdifferent from my family reared up In my face and mocked me.Yesterday they had been only family jokes-how the three ofthem are larks and I'm a night owl, how they're unnaturallycheerful and I'm grumpy. How Mom and Mary K. are curvy andcute and I'm thin and Intense. Today those jokes caused wavesof pain as I remembered them one by one."Damn it! Damn It! Damn it!" I shouted, banging my fistsagainst the hard metal steering wheel. "Damn It! I whackedthe wheel until my hands were numb, until I had gone throughevery curse I knew, until my throat was raw.Then I wept again, lying down in the front seat I don'tknow how long I was there, cocooned in my car in the mist.From time to time I turned on the heater to stay warm. Thewindows fogged and steamed with my tears.Gradually my sobs degenerated into shaky hiccups andthe occasional shudder. Oh, Cal, I thought. I need Cat As soonas I thought that, a rhyme came into my head: In my mind Isee you here. In my pain I need you near, find me, tract me,where I be. Come here, come here, now to me.I didn't know where it came from, but by now I wasgetting used to the arrival of strange thoughts. I felt calmerhearing it, so I said It over and over again. I draped my armover my eyes, praying desperately I would wake up In bed athome to find it had all been a nightmare.
Minutes later I jumped when someone tapped on the passenger-side window. My eyes snapped open, and I sat up,then cleared a space on the glass to see Cal, looking sleepy andrumpled and amazingly beautiful."You called?" he said, and my heart filled with sunlight"Let me in---it's freezing out here."It worked. I thought in awe. I called him with mythoughts. Magick.I opened the door and moved over. He slid onto the frontseat next to me. and it was amazingly natural to reach out, tofeel his arms come around me."What's the matter?" he said, his voice muffled againstmy hair. "What's going on?"He held me away from him andsearched my tear-blotched face with his eyes."I'm adopted!" I blurted out "This morning I told my momthat I'm a blood witch, so she must be. and my dad. and mysister. They said no, It wasn't true. So I ran downstairs to seemy birth certificate, and it had another women's name--not mymother's."I started crying spin, even though I was embarrassed tohave him see me like this. Ha pulled me closer and held myhead to his shoulder. It was so comforting that I stoppedcrying again almost Immediately."Thats a hard way to find out." He kissed my temple, anda tiny shiver of pleasure raced up my spine. It's a miracle Ithought: He still loves me, even today. It wasn't a dream.He pulled back, and we looked at each other In the hazylight I couldn't get over how beautiful ha was. His skin wassmooth and tan. even in November. His hair was thick beneathmy fingers, dark and streaked with warm shades the color ofwalnuts. His eyes ware surrounded by blunt, black lashes, withirises of a gold so fiery, they almost seamed to radiate heat.I felt self-conscious as I realized ha was examining methe same way I examined him. A tiny smile quirked the cornerof his lips. "Left in a hurry, did your?"That was when I realized I was still in my oversizefootball jersey and an ancient pair of my dad's long johns,complete with flap in front. A large pair of brown, furry bear-feet slippers were on my feet. Cal reached down and tickledtheir claws. I thought about the silky matching outfits thatBree wears to sleep in, and with a pang and an indrawn breathI remembered she'd told me that she and Cat had gone to bed.I searched his eyes, wondering if it was true, wondering if Icould bear knowing for sure.
But he was here now. With me."You're the best thing I've seen all morning"Cal saidsoftly, stroking my arm. "I'm glad you called me. I missed youlast night, after I went home."I looked down, thinking of him lying in his big, romanticbed, with curtains fluttering and candles flickering all around.He had been thinking of me as he lay there."Listen---how did you know how to call me? Did you readabout it in a book?""No," I said, thinking back. "I don't think so. I was justsitting here, miserable, and I thought if you were here, I'd feelbetter, and then this little rhyme came into my head, so I saidit""Huh," Cal said thoughtfully "Was I not supposed to"Iasked, confused "Sometimes things just come into my head likethat" "No, its okay," said Cal. "It just means you're strong Youhave ancestral memories of spells. Not every witch dose."Henodded, thinking."So tell me more," he said. "Your parents never told youabout this before, your being adopted?" He kept his arm on theback of the seat, smoothing my heir and rubbing my neck."No." I shook my head. "Never. And you'd think theywould have---I'm so different from them."Cal cocked his head, looking at me. "I've never met yourfolks" he said. "But you don't look much like your sister, that'strue. Mary K. looks sweet" He smiled. "She's pretty."A hot jealousy started to burn in my chest."You don't look sweet," Cal went on. "You look serious.Deep. Like you're thinking. And you're more striking thanpretty. You're the kind of girl that you don't notice is beautifuluntil you get real close" His voice trailed off, and he brought hishead closer to mine. "And then all of a sudden it hits you" hewhispered "And you think. Goddess, make her mine ."His lips touched mine again, and my thoughts whirled Iwrapped my arms around Cat's shoulders and kissed him asdeeply as I knew how, pulling him closer. All I wanted was tobe with him, to never be apart.Minutes passed in which I heard only our breathing ourlips coming together and parting, the crinkle of the vinyl seatas we moved to be closer. Soon Cal was tying on top of me, hisweight pressing me into the seat. His hand was stroking up anddown my side, along my ribs and curving around my hip. ThenIt was under the hem of my jersey, warm against my breast
and shock waves went through me. "Stop!" I said, almost afraid "Wait" My voice seemed to echo In the quiet car.Instantly Cal pulled his hand away. He held himself up, lookingInto my eyes, then leaned back against the drivers door. Hewas breathing fast.I was mortified. You idiot, I thought He's almost eighteen!He's definitely had sex. Maybe even with Bree, a tiny voiceadded.I shook my head. "Sorry," I said, trying to sound casual."It was just a surprise.""No, no, I'm sorry," he said. He reached out and took myhand, and I was mesmerized by its warmth, its strength. "Youcall me here, and I jump on you. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry.''He raised my fingers to his mouth and kissed them. "The thingis, I've been wanting to kiss you ever since I met you." Hesmiled slightly.I calmed down. "I've wanted to kiss you, too," I admitted.He smiled. "My witch," he said, running a finger down mycheek, leaving a thin trail of heat "Now, how did you tell yourmother that you're a blood witch?"I sighed. 'This morning she found a pile of my Wiccabooks, magick books, on the front porch. She stormed into myroom, yelling at me, saying they were blasphemous." I soundedmore together than I felt remembering that awful scene. "Ithought she was being so hypocritical---I mean, if I'm a bloodwitch, then she and my dad would have to be, too. Right?""Pretty much," said Cal. "Definitely, with someone whohas powers as strong as yours, both your parents would haveto be."I frowned. ''What about only one parent?""An ordinary man and a female witch can't conceive ababy," Cal explained "A male witch can get an ordinary womanpregnant, but it's a conscious thing. And their baby would havevery weak powers at best, or possibly none at all. Not like you."I felt like I had accomplished something: I was a powerfulwitch."Okay,"Cal said "Now, why were your books on the frontporch? Were you hiding them?""Yes," I said bitterly. "At Bree's house. This morning sheleft them on my porch. Because you and I kissed last night.""What?" Cal asked, a dark expression crossing his face.I shrugged. "Bree really . . . wanted you. Wants you. Andwhen you kissed me last night, I know she felt that I had
betrayed her." I swallowed and looked out the window."l did betray her," I said quietly." I knew how she felt about you."Cal s eyes dropped. He picked up a long strand of my hairand twined it around his hand, ewer and over. "How do you feelabout me?"he asked after a moment.Last night he had told me he loved me. I looked at him,seeing past him to the thin November sunlight that wasburning away the fog. I breathed deeply, trying to slow thesudden, rapid patter of my pulse. "I love you,"I said. My voicecame out a husky whisper.Cal glanced up and caught my gaze. His eyes were verybright. "I love you, too. I'm sorry that Bree's hurt. but justbecause she has feelings for me doesn't mean we're going tobe together."Did that stop you from sleeping with her? I almost askedhim, but I couldn't quite bring myself to. I wasn't sure I realtywanted to know."And I'm sorry Bree is taking it out on you," he said. Hapaused. "So your mom found the books and yelled. You thoughtshe was hiding being a witch herself, right?""Yes. Not just her but my father and my sister."I said "Butmy parents went crazy when I said that. I've never seen themso upset. And I said, so, what? I'm adopted? And they justthese horrible expressions on their faces. They wouldn'tanswer me. And suddenly I had to know. So I ran downstairsand looked at my birth certificate""And there was a different name.""Yeah, Maeve Riordan."Cal sat up straighten alert "Really?"I stared at him. "What? Do you recognize that name?\*"It sounds familiar." He looked out the window, thinkingfrowning, then shook his head. "No, maybe not I can't place It""Oh." I swallowed my disappointment."What are you going to do now? Do you want to come tomy house?" He smiled. "We could go swimming.""No, thank you," I said, remembering when the circle hadall gone skinny dipping in his pool. I was the only one who hadkept her clothes on.Cal laughed. "I was disappointed that night, you know,"hesaid, looking at me."No, you weren't," I replied, crossing my arms over mychest. He chuckled softly."Seriously, do you want to come over? Or do you want meto come to your house, help you talk to your parents?"
"Thanks," I said, touched by his offer. "But I think I should just go home by myself. With any luck, they all went tochurch, anyway. It's All Saints' Day." "What's that?" Cal asked.I remembered he wasn't Catholic---wasn't even Christian."All Saints\* Day," I said "It's the day after Halloween. It's aspecial day of observance tor Catholics. That's when we gotend our family graves in cemeteries. Trim the grass, put outfresh flowers.""Cool," said Cal. "That's a nice tradition. It's funny thatit's the day after Samhain. But then, it seems like a lot ofChristian holidays came out of Wiccan ones, way back when."I nodded. "I know. But do me a favor and don't mentionthat to my parents," I said. "Anyway, I'd better get home.""Okay. Can I call you later?""Yes," I said. I couldn't stop myself from smiling."I think I'll use the telephone," he said, grinning.I thought of how he had come when I had said my rhyme.I was still amazed that it had worked.He let himself out of Das Boot into the chilly, crispNovember air. He walked to his car and took off as I waved.My world was flooded with sunlight Cal loved me.4. MaeveFebruary 7, 1978Two nights ago someone sprayed "Bloody Witch" on theside of Morag Sheehan's shop. We've moved our circle tomeeting out by the cliffs, down the coast a ways.Last night, late, Mathair and I went out to Morag's. Luckyit was a new moon---no light and a good time for spells.Rite of Healing, Protection from Evil, Cleansing1.Cast a circle completely around what you want to protect. (Ihad to include old Burdock's sweetshop since the two buildingsare joined."2.Purify the circle with salt. We used no lights or incense butsalt, water, and earth.3.Call on the Goddess. I wore my copper bracelets and held achunk of sulfur, a chunk of marble from the garden, a chunk ofpetrified wood, and a bit of shell.Then Ma and I said (quietly): "Goddess, hear us where westand, with your protection bless this land, Morag is a servanttrue, protect her from those who mischief do." Then weinvoked the Goddess and the God and walked around the shopthree times.No one saw us, that I could tell. Ma and I went home,felling strong. That should help protect Morag. --Bradhadair
I drove slowly up my street, looking ahead anxiously as if my parents might still be standing on the front lawn of ourhouse. When I was close enough, I saw that Dad's car wasgone. I figured that they must have gone to church.Inside, the house was quiet and still, though I felt theshocked vibrations of this morning's events lingering In the airlike a scent."Mom? Dad? Mary K.?"I called. No answer. I wanderedslowly through the house, seeing breakfast untouched on thekitchen table. I turned off the coffeemaker. The newspaper wasfolded neatly, obviously unread. Not at all a normal Sundaymorning.Realizing this was my chance, I hurried to the office. Butthe torn birth certificate was gone, and my dad's files werelocked for the first time that I could remember.Moving quickly, listening for sounds of their return, Isearched the rest of the office. I found nothing and sat beck onmy heels for a moment, thinking.My parents' room. I ran upstairs to their cluttered room.Feeling like a thief, I opened the top drawer of their dresser.Jewelry, cuff links, pens, bookmarks, old birthday cards---nothing incriminating, nothing that told me anything I neededto know.Tapping my lip with my finger, I looked around, framedbaby pictures of me and Mary K. stood on top of their dresser,and I examined them. In one, my parents held me proudly, fat,nine-month-old Morgan, while I smiled and clapped. Inanother, Mom, in a hospital bed, held newborn Mary K., wholooked like a hairless monkey. It occurred to me that I hadnever seen a newborn picture of me. Not a single one in thehospital, or looking tiny, or learning to sit up. My picturesstarted when I was about, what, eight months old? Ninemonths? Was that how old I was when I had been adopted?Adopted. It was still such a bizarre thought, yet I wasalready eerily used to it. It explained everything, in a way. Butin another way, it didn't It only raised more questions.I looked through my baby book, compared it to Mary K.'s.Mine listed my birth weight correctly and my birth date. UnderFirst Impressions, Mom had written: "She's so incrediblybeautiful. Everything I ever hoped for and dreamed about forso long."I closed the book. How could they have lied to me all thistime? How could they have let me believe I was really their
daughter? I felt unstable now, without a base. Everything I had believed now seemed like a lie. How could I ever forgive them?They had to give me some answers. I had the right toknow. I dropped my head into my hands, feeling tired, old, andemotionally empty.It was noon. Would they all have lunch at the Widow'sDiner after church? Would they go on to the cemeteryafterward to put flowers around the Rowlandses' graves endthe Donovans', my mom's family?Maybe they would. They probably would. I heeded beckinto the kitchen, thinking that I should have some lunchmyself. I hadn't eaten anything. But I was too upset to facefood yet Instead I took a Diet Coke out of the fridge. Then Ifound myself wandering into the study, where the computerwas.I decided to run a search. I frowned at the screen. Howhad her name been spelled, exactly? Maive? Mave? Maeve? Thelast name was Riordan, I remembered that.I typed in Maeve Riordan. Twenty-seven listings poppedup. Sighing, I started to scroll through them. A horse farm inwestern Massachusetts. A doctor in Dublin, specializing in earproblems. One by one I flipped through them, reading a fewlines and closing their windows. I didn't know when my familywould be home or what I would face when they arrived. Myemotions felt flayed and yet distant, as (f this were ailhappening to someone else.Click. Maeve Riordan. Best-selling romance author presentMy Highland Love.Click "Maeve Riordan" as part of an html. Frowning, Iclicked on the link This was a genealogy site, with Inks to othergenealogy sites. Cool. It looked like the name Maeve Riordanappeared on three sites. I clicked on the first one. A scantyfamily tree popped up, and after a few minutes I found thename Maeve Riordan. Unfortunately, this Maeve Riordan haddied in 1874.I backtracked, and the next Maeve link took me to a sitewhere there were no dates anywhere, as if they were stillfilling it in. I gritted my teeth in frustration.Third time lucky. I thought, and clicked on the last site.The words Belwicket and Ballynigel appeared at the top of thescreen in fancy Irish-style lettering. This was another familytree but with many separate branches, as if it was more of afamily forest or the people hadn't found the common linkbetween these families.
Quickly I scanned for Maeve Riordan. There were lots of Riordans. Then I saw It. Maeve Riordan. Born Imbolc, 1962,Ballynigel, Ireland. Died Litha, 1986, Meshomah Falls, NewYork, United States.My jaw dropped open as I stared at the screen, Imbolc.Lithe. Those were Wiccan sabbats. This Maeve Riordan hadbeen a witch.A sudden wave of heat pulsed through my head, makingmy cheeks prickle. I shook my head and tried to think. 1986.She died the year after I was born. And she was born in 1962,Which would have made her the same age as the woman listedon my birth certificate.It's her, I thought It has to be.I clicked all over the screen, trying to find links. I feltalmost frantic. I needed more information. More. But instead amessage popped up: Connection timed out URL not responding.Frustrated, I shut down the computer. Then I sat tappingmy lower lip with a pen. Thoughts raced through my headMeshomah Falls, New York. I knew that name. It was a littletown not too far away from here, maybe two hours. I needed tosee their town records. I needed to see their... newspapers. "Two minutes later I had grabbed my jacket and was inDas Boot heading for the library. Of Widow's Vale's threelibrary branches, only the biggest one, downtown, was open onSundays. I pushed through the glass door and immediatelyheaded downstairs to the basement.No one else was down there. The basement was emptyexcept for rows and rows of books, out-of-date periodicals,stacks of books to be mended, and four ugly black-and-wood-grain microfiche machines.Come on, come on, I thought, pawing through themicrofiche files. It took twenty minutes to find the drawercontaining past issues of the Meshomah Folk Herald. Anothertedious fifteen minutes trying to figure dates, counting forwardfrom my birthday to about eight months after it. Finally I pulledout an envelope, turned on a microfiche machine, and satdown.I slid the tiny film card under the light and began to turnthe knob.Forty-five minutes later I rubbed the back of my neck. Inow knew more about Meshomah Fails, New York, than anyonecould possibly want to know. It was a farming community,smaller and even more boring than Widow's Vale.
I hadn't found anything about Maeve Riordan. Noobituary, nothing. Well, that wasn't really surprising. I shouldprobably get used to the idea that I would never know aboutmy pastThere were two more film cards to look at. With a sigh Isat down again, hating the machine.This time I found the article almost immediately. The littlehairs on the back of my neck prickled, and there it was: MaeveRiordan. Stiffening In my chair, I scrolled back to center thepage and peered into the viewer. A body burned almost beyondrecognition has been identified as that of Maeve Riordan,formerly of Ballynigel, Ireland....My breath caught in my throat, and I stared at the screen.Was this her? I wondered again. My birth mother? I'd neverbeen to Meshomah Falls. I'd never heard my parents talk aboutit But Maeve Riordan had lived there. And somehow, inMeshomah Falls, Maeve Riordan had died in a fire.I surprised myself by shaking uncontrollably as I gazedblankly at the screen. Quickly I scanned the short newsdipping.On June 21, 1986, the body of an unidentified youngwoman had been found in the ruins of a charred andsmoldering barn on an abandoned farm in Meshomah Falls.After an examination of dental x rays, the body had beenidentified as belonging to one Maeve Riordan, who had beenrenting a small house in Meshomah Falls and working at thelocal cafe downtown. Mave Riordan, twenty-three years old,formerly of Ballynigel, Ireland, was not well known in the town.Another body found in the fire had been identified as AngusBramson, twenty-fire years old, also of Ballynigel. It wasunknown why they were in the barn. The cause of the fireseemed unclear.June 21 might have been Litha in that year---it variedaccording to exactly when the equinox was. But what about ababy? It didn't say anything about a baby.My heart was thudding painfully inside my chest Imagesof a recent dream I'd had, of being in a rough sort of roomwhile a woman held me and called me her baby, flashedthrough my head. What did this all mean?Abruptly I shut off the machine. I stood up so fast I feltdizzy and had to clutch the back of my chair.I was almost certain that this Maeve Riordan had givenbirth to me. Why had she given me up for adoption? Or was I
only adopted after she died? Was Angus Bramson my father? How had that barn caught on fire?Moving slowly, I put all the microfiche files where I hadfound them. Then, my hands to my temples, I went upstairsand walked out of the library. Outside it was gray and overcast,and the library's lawn was covered with bright yellow mapleleaves. It was autumn, and winter was on the way.The seasons changed with such a gradual grace, easingyou gently from one to the next But my life, my whole life, hadchanged in a bare moment.5. ReasonsSamhain, October 31, 1978Ma and Da just went over this Book of Shadows and saidit was poor indeed. I need to write more often; I need toexplain spells more; I need to explain the workings of themoon, the sun, the tides, the stars. I said, Why? Everybodyknows that stuff. Ma said it's for my children, the witches whocome after me. Like how she and Da show me their books---they're got five of them now, those big think black books by thefireplace. When I was little, I thought they were photo albums.It makes me laugh now---photos of witches.But you know, my spells and stuff are in my head. There'stime to put them down later. Plenty of time. Mostly I want towrite about my feelings and thoughts. But then, I don't wantmy folks to read that---when they got to the parts when I waskissing Angus, they blew up! But they know Angus, and theylike him. They see him often enough, know that I've settled onhim. Angus is good, and who else is there for me here? It's notlike I can be with just anyone, not if I want to live my life andhave kids and all. Lucky for me Angus is as sweet as he is.Here's a good spell for making love fade: During a waningmoon, gather four hairs from a black cat, a cat that has nowhite anywhere on her. Take a white candle, the dried petals ofthree red roses, and a piece of string. Write your name and thename of the person you want to push away on two pieces ofpaper, and tie one to each end of the string.Go outside. (This works best under a new moon or a moonthe day before the new moon.) Set up your alter; purify yourcircle; invoke the Goddess. Set up your white candle. Sprinklethe rose petals around the candle. Take each of the cat's hairsand set them at four points of the compass: N,S,E and W. (Holdthem down with rocks if the night's windy." Light the candleand hold the middle of the string taut over the candle, aboutfive inches up. Then say:
As the moon wanes, so wanes your love;I an an eagle, no more your dove.Another face, more fair than mine,Will surly win your love in time.Say that over and over until the string burns through andthe two names are separated forever. Don't do this in angerbecause your love will no more be yours. You have to want totruly get rid of someone forever.P.S. The cat hairs don't do anything. I just put them in tosound mysterious.--BradhadairI was in the kitchen, eating some warmed-up lasagna,when my parents and Mary K. came home late that afternoon.They all stared at me as if they had come home to find astranger in their kitchen."Morgan," said my dad, clearing his throat His eyes lookedred rimmed, his face drawn and older than this morning. Histhinning black hair was brushed tightly against his scalp, toolong on the ends. His thick, wire-rimmed glasses gave him anowlish look."Yes?" I said, marveling at the cold steadiness of my ofmy dad to ask.It was such a ludicrous question, but it was so like my dadto ask."Well, let's see,"I said coolly, not looking at him. "I justfound out I was adopted. I've been sitting here realizing you'veboth been lying to me my whole life."I shrugged. "Other thanthat, I'm fine."Mary K. looked like she was about to burst into tears. Infact, she looked like she had been crying all morning."Morgan," said my mom. "Maybe we made the wrongdecision in not telling you. But we had our reasons. We loveyou, and we're still your parents."I couldn't stay cool any longer. "Your reasons?" Iexclaimed. "You had good reasons for not telling me the mostimportant to of my life? There are no good reasons for that!""Morgan, stop," Mary K. said, her voice wobbling. "We'rea family. I just want you to be my sister." She started crying,and I felt my own throat tighten."I want you to be my sister, too," I said, standing up. "ButI don't know what's going on anymore---what's real and what'snot." Mary K. burst into real sobs and threw herself on Dad'sshoulder.
Mom tried to come over to me, to take me in her arms, but I backed away. I couldn't stand her touch right at that second.She looked stricken."Look, let's not say anything right now," Dad said. "Weneed some time. We've all had a shock. Please, Morgan, justhear me on one thing: Your mother and I have two daughterswho we love more than anything in the world. Two daughters.""Mary K. Is your daughter," I said, hating hearing myvoice crack. "Biologically. But I'm nobody!""Don't say that!" Mom said, looking devastated. "You'reboth our daughters," said my dad. "And you always will be."It was about the most comforting thing he could havesaid, and it made me burst into tears. I was so exhausted,physically and emotionally, that I stumbled upstairs to myroom, lay on my bed, and began to drift toward sleep.While I was half dreaming, half awake, my mom cameinto my room and sat on the bed next to me. She stroked myhair, her fingers gently working through the tangles. Itreminded me of my dream, my other mother. Maybe it wasn't adream, I thought. Maybe it was a memory."Mom,"I said."Shhh, sweetie, sleep," she whispered. "l just wanted tosay I love you, and I'm your mother, and you've been mydaughter since the first second I laid eyes on you."I shook my head, wanting to protest that it wasn't true,but I was already too close to sleep. As I drifted off Into adeep, blessed numbness I was aware of warm tears soakingmy pillow. I don't know If they were hers or mine.The next morning was bizarre in how ordinary it seemed.As usual, Mom and Dad got up and went to work early, before Iwas even awake. As usual, Mary K. yelled for me to hurry as Idrifted through my shower, trying to brace myself for the day.Mary K. looked pale and pinch faced and was unusuallyquite as I gulped down a Diet Coke and threw books into mybackpack."I want you to stop what you're doing," she said so softly,I could barely hear her. "I want us to go back to being how wewere."I sighed. I had never felt jealous or competitive when itcame to Mary K. I'd always wanted to take care of her. Iwondered if it would be different now. I had no idea. But Iknew that I still hated seeing her hurt.
"Its too late for that" I said quietly. "And I need to know the truth. There have been too many secrets for too long."Mary K. raised her hands, and they fluttered for a momentin midair as she tried to think of something to say. But therewasn't anything to say, and in the end we just got ourbackpacks and headed outside to Das Boot.Cal was waiting for me at school. He walked over to mycar as I parked and met me as I opened the door. Mary K.looked at him, as if to measure his involvement in all of this. Hemet her gaze calmly, sympathetically."I'm Cal," he said, holding out his hand. "Cal Blaire. Idon't think we've really met."Mary K. looked at him. "I know who you are," she said,not taking his hand. "Are you doing witchcraft with Morgan?""Mary K.!" I started, but Cal held up his hand"It's okay," he said. "Yes, I'm doing witchcraft withMorgan. But we're not doing anything wrong.""Wrong for who?"Mary K. sounded older than fourteen.She slid past Cal an d got out of the car. She wasimmediately surrounded by her friends, but she lookedunhappy and withdrawn. I wondered what she would tell them.Then Bakker Blackburn, her boyfriend, came up. They walked oftogether."How are you?" Cat asked, and kissed my forehead. "I'vebeen thinking about you. I called last night, but your mom saidyou were asleep."I saw people looking at us, Alessandra Spotford. NettNorton, Justin Bartlett. Of course they were surprised to seeCal Blaine, human god, with Morgan Rowlands, Girl Most Likelyto Remain Dateless Forever."Yeah---I think my brain just shut down. Thanks forcalling. I'll tell you about everything later." He squeezed myshoulder, and together we walked up to where the to wherethe coven---we were a coven now and not just a group offriends---hung out, on the cement benches by the east side ofthe school. The redbrick building looked reassuringly familiarand unchanged, but that was about the inly thing my life thatwas the same today.Seven pairs of eyes were on us as we came up thecrumbling brick walkway. I sought out Bree's face. She wasstudiously examining her brown suede boots. She lookedbeautiful and remote, cool and aloof. Two weeks ago she hadbeen my best friend in the world, the person f loved mostbesides my family, the person who knew me the best
Something in me still cared about her, still wanted to confide in her, as impossible as that was. I thought abouttelling my problems to one of my other friends, like TamaraPritchett or Janice Yutoh, but I knew I couldn't."Hi, Morgan, Cal," said Jenna Ruiz, her face as open andfriendly as ever. She gave me a sincere smile, and I smiledback Matt Adler was sitting next to her, his arm around hershoulders. Jenna coughed, covering her mouth, and for amoment Matt looked at her in concern. She shook her head andsmiled at him.Hi, Jenna. Everyone,'' I said.Raven Meltzer was looking at me with open dislike. Herdark eyes, heavily rimmed with kohl and sprinkled with glitter,glowed with an inner anger. She had wanted Cal for herself,like Bree. Like me."Samhain was amazing," said Sharon Goodfine, crossingher arms over her ample chest as if she were cold. She gavethe word its proper pronunciation: Sowen. "I feel so different Ifelt different all weekend." Her carefully made up face lookedthoughtful rather than snobbish.Without thinking about what I was doing, I cast mysenses out, gently, carefully, feeling for the emotions of thepeople surrounding me. It was like what I'd experienced duringthe circle in the cemetery, but this time I directed it. This time Idid it on purpose.It occurred to me only in passing that perhaps my friends'emotions should be private, belonging only to them.Jenna was just as she appeared; open, good-natured.Matt seemed the same, but deep within him I sensed a darkspace he kept to himself. Cal... Cal glanced at me In quicksurprise as my sense net touched his mind. As I scanned him Ifelt a sudden, hot rush of desire from him, and I blushed andpulled back quickly. He gave me a look, as if to say, Well, youasked..Ethan Sharp was interesting---a colorful mosaic ofthoughts and feelings, tightly held distrust, poetry anddisappointment Sharon had a stillness to her, a calm centerthat seemed new. There was also a hesitant half-embarrassedtenderness---for who? Ethan?Beth Nielson, Raven's best friend, mainly seemed boredand wanted to be somewhere else. My best friend after Bree,Robbie Gurevitch, was startling: a mixture of anger, desire, andrepressed emotion that didn't show at all on his face. Who wasit directed at? I couldn't tell.
But it was Bree and Raven who almost blew me off the bench. Deep, intense waves of fury and jealousy came fromboth of them, aimed at me and, to a lesser extent, Cal. WithRaven it was all jagged, snaggletoothed edges of anger andfrustration and hunger. For all her reputation of being easy, shehadn't actually ever been linked seriously to anyone. Maybeshe had wanted Cat to be the one.If Raven's feelings were barbed wire, Bree's weresmoldering coals. Instantly I knew that as much as she hadloved me two weeks ago, she now hated me to the sameextent. She had been desperate for Cal. Maybe it wasn't reallove, but it was a powerful desire, that was certain. And shehad never before wanted a guy without him wanting her back.Cal had deeply wounded her when he had chosen me over her.All these impressions had taken only a moment Aheartbeat and the knowledge was within me.It struck me that none of these people, the people in mycoven, knew about my adoption, except Cal. It was such ahuge, momentous thing, so life changing, so frightening, yet ithad all happened in one day, yesterday. And yesterday hadbeen just another Sunday for them. It made me feel disorientedand strange."So," Bree said, breaking the silence. She didn't look atme. "Did your parents enjoy their new reading material?"I blinked, if only she knew what her revenge had begun.All I could do was shake my head and sit down. I didn't trustmyself to talk.Bree smirked, still gazing at her boots. Cal took my handin his, and I held it tightly. "What are you talking about, Bree?"Robbie asked. He took off his thick glasses and rubbed hiseyes. Without his glasses he looked like a different person. Thespell I had performed two weeks before had worked betterthan I could have possibly imagined. His skin, once pitted withacne scars, now was smooth and fine textured, showing a dimoutline of dark beard. His nose was straight and classical,where it had been swollen and red. Even his lips seemedfirmer, more attractive, though I couldn't remember how theyhad been before."Nothing," Bree said lightly. "It's not important."No, it was just the destruction of my life, I thought"Whatever," Robbie muttered, rubbing his eyes. "Damn.Anyone have some Tylenol? I have an incredible headache.""I've got some"said Sharon, reaching for her purse."Always prepared," said Ethan with a smile, like a Girl Scout''
Sharon shot him a look, then gave Robbie two pills, which he took dry.Our coven had united cool kids with losers, brains andgeeks and stoners and princesses. It was interesting to watchpeople who were so different from each other Interact"I had a good time on Saturday night," Cal said after apause. "I'm glad you all came. It was a good way to celebratethe most important Wiccan holiday.""It was so cool,"said Jenna. "And Morgan was amazing!"I felt self-conscious and gave my knees a tiny smile."It was really awesome,"said Matt. "I spent most of theday yesterday on the Web, looking up Wiccan sites. There's amillion of them, and some of them are pretty intense."Jenna laughed. "and some of them are so lame! Some ofthose people are so weird! And they have the cheesiest music.""I like the ones with chat rooms," said Ethan. "If you getone where people know what they're talking about, it's reallyinteresting. Sometimes they have spells and stuff todownload.""There's a lot about Yule coming up in a couple ofmonths," said Sharon."Maybe we could have a Yule party," I said, caught up intheir talk. Then I saw the looks that Raven and Bree weregiving me: superior, snide looks as if I were an annoying littlesister instead of the most talented student in our coven. My jawset, and at that instant I saw a large, curled maple leaf thatwas drifting lazily earthward. Without thinking, I caught it withmy mind and sent it floating over Raven's head.I kept my gaze on it, holding it in place while it hoveredover her shiny black hair. Then it rested, ever so lightly, on herhead, and it became a ludicrous, laughable hat.I laughed openly, pleased with myself, and Raven's eyesnarrowed, not understanding. She couldn't feel the large leafperching there like a flat brown pancake, but it looked absurd.Jenna saw it next then our whole coven was looking atRaven and grinning, except Cal."What?" Raven snapped. "What are you looking at?"Even Bree had to bite back a smile as she swept the leafoff Ravens head. "It was just a leaf," she said.Flustered, Raven picked up her black bag just as thehomeroom bell rang.We all got up to go to class. I was still smiling when Catleaned over me and whispered, "Remember the threefold law."
He touched my cheek softly and then left, heading toward the other school entrance for his first class.I swallowed. The Wiccan threefold law was one of themost important tenets of the craft. Basically it stated thatanything you sowed, good or evil, would come back to youthreefold, so always put good out there. Don't put bad. Cal wastelling me (I) he knew I had controlled the leaf, and (2) heknew I was being mean when I did it. And it wasn't cool.Taking a deep breath, I pulled my backpack strap over myshoulder.As soon as Cal was out of earshot, Raven said nastily,"Okay, so he's yours---for now. But how long do you think that'sgoing to last?""Yeah," Bree murmured. "Wait till he finds out you're avirgin. He'll find that pretty amusing."My cheeks flamed. I had a sudden image of his handunder my shirt yesterday morning and how I had Jumped.Raven raised her eyebrows. "Don't tell me she's a virgin?""Oh, Raven, leave it," Beth said, brushing past her. Ravenwatched her for a second in surprise, then turned her attentionback to me.Bree and Raven laughed together, and I stared at Bree.How could she reveal such a personal thing about me? I keptmy mouth stonily shut and kept walking to homeroom----whichI shared with Bree, of course."Come on, Raven," said Bree, behind me. "Anyone lookingat her can tell that isn't why he wants her."I couldn't believe it. Bree, who had always told me I wastoo negative about my looks, who insisted my flat chest didn'tmatter, who had worked for years to get me to see myself asattractive. She was turning on me so completely."You know what it is, don't you?" Raven sniped on. Dideither of them have any clue that I was ready to kill them both?I wondered. "Cal saw her, and it was witch at first sight"I ran to class, hearing the echoes of their laughterfloating behind me. Those bitches, I snarled to myself, u class Isat for ten minutes, trying to calm my breathing, trying torelease my anger.For just a moment I was glad I had been mean to Raven. Ishould have been ten times as mean. I couldn't help it I wantedto wipe Bree and Raven out I wanted to see them miserable.6. SearchingJanuary 9, 1980
They found Morag Sheehan's body last evening. Down at the bottom of the cliffs, by old Jowson's farm. The tide wouldhave taken her away and none of us the wiser, but it was a lowtide because of the moon. And so she was found by young BillyMartin and Hugh Beecham. At first they thought she was thecharred, rotted mast of a ship. But she wasn't. She was only aburned witch.Of course Belwicket met before dawn. We hung blanketsover the shutters inside and gathered around my folks' kitchentable. The thing is, Ma and I had out that powerful protectionon Morag last year, and since then nothing had gone amiss withher. All was right as rain."You know what this means,"said Paddy McTauish. "Nohuman could have got close to her, not with that spell on herand all the ward---evil spells she was doing herself.""What are you saying?"Ma asked."I'm saying she was killed by a witch,"Paddy answered.When he said that, of course it seemed obvious. Moragwas killed by a witch. One of us? Surly not. Then is theresomeone in the neighborhood, someone we don't know about?Someone from a different coven?It makes me cold to think of such evil.Next circle we're going to scry. Until then I'm keeping aweather eye on everybody and everything.--Bradhadair.The first chance I had to tell Cal about my research wasafter school. He walked with me to Das Boot, and we stood bymy car and talked. "I found out about Maeve Riordan," I saidbluntly. "A little bit, anyway.""Tell me about it," he said, but I saw him glance at hiswatch."Do you need to go?" I asked."In a minute," he said apologetically. "My mom needs meto help her this afternoon. One of her coven members is sick,and we're going to do some healing.""You can do that?" It seemed every day I learned of newmagickal possibilities."Sure," Cal said. "I'm not saying we'll definitely cure him,but he'll do a lot better than if we weren't working for him. Buttell me what you found out.""I ran a search on the computer," I said. "I hit a lot ofdead ends. But I found her name on a genealogy site, which ledme to a small article from the Meshomah Falls Herald. So Ilooked it up at the library."
"Where's Meshomah Falls?" asked Cal."Just a few hours from here. Anyway, the article said thata burned body had been identified as Maeve Riordan, formerlyof Ballynigel, Ireland. She was twenty-three."Cal wrinkled his brow. "Do you think that's her?" he asked.I nodded. "I think it must be. I mean, there were otherMaeve Riordans. But this one was close to here, and thetiming's right . . . When she died, I would have been aboutseven months old.""Did the article mention a baby?" asked Cal.I shook my head."Huh." He stroked my hair. I wonder if there's somewhereelse we could get more information. Let me think about it. Willyou be okay? I don't want to leave, but I kind of have to.""I'm okay," I said, looking up into his face, relishing thefact that he cared about me. And it wasn't just because I was ablood witch like him. Raven and Bree were just jealous--theydidn't know what they were talking about.We kissed gently, then Cal headed toward his car. Iwatched him drive off.Motion caught my eye, and I glanced over to see Tamaraand Janice about to get into Tamara's car. They grinned at meand raised their eyebrows suggestively. Tamara gave me athumbs-up. I grinned back, embarrassed but pleased. As theydrove off, it occurred to me that the three of us should try tosee a movie soon."Skipping chess club?" came Robbie's voice.I blinked and looked around to see Robbie loping towardme, sunlight flashing from his glasses. His choppy brown hairthat only last month had looked so awful now seemed to I havea rakish trendiness.I considered for a moment "Yeah. I am," I said. "I don'tknow---chess seems kind of pointless now.""Not chess itself," Robbie said, his blue-gray eyes seriousI behind his ugly glasses. "Chess itself is still really awesome.It's beautiful, like a crystal."I braced myself for one of Robbie's chess rants. He'salmost in love with the game. But he just said, "It's just theclub thing that's pointless now. The school thing." He looked atme. "After you've seen a friend of yours make a flower bloom,school and clubs and all of that seem kind of silly."I felt proud and self-conscious at the same time. I lovedthe Idea that I was gifted, that my heritage was showing inmy ability. But I was also so used to blending in with the
woodwork, not making waves, standing happily in Bree's shadow, it was hard to get used to being noticed so much."Are you going home?" Robbie asked. "I don't know. Idon't really feel like it," I said. In fact, the thought of facing myparents made my stomach knot up. Then I had a better idea."Hey, do you want to go to Practical Magick?" I felt a mixtureof guilt and pleasure as I suggested it. My mom definitelywouldn't approve of my going to a Wicca store. But so what? Itwasn't my problem."Cool," said Robbie. "Then we'll hit Baskin-Robbins. Leaveyour car here, and I'll bring you back to it""Let's do it" As I was walking up the street to Robbie'scar, I caught a flash of Mary K.'s straight auburn hair.Glancing over, my eyes locked on Mary K. and Bakkerplastered together against the side of the life sciences building.My eyes narrowed. It was the most bizarre feeling, seeing myfourteen-year-old sister making out with someone."Go, Bakker," Robbie murmured, and I punched his arm.I couldn't help looking at them as we approachedRobbie's dark red VW Beetle. I saw Mary K., laughing,squirming out of Bakker's arms. He followed her and caughther again."Bakker!" Mary K. squealed, her hair flying."Mary K.!" I called suddenly, without knowing why.She looked up, still caught in his arms. "Hey""I'm getting a ride with Robbie," I said, gesturing to him.Nodding, she motioned toward Bakker. "Bakker will takeme home. Right?" she asked him.He nuzzled her neck. "Whatever you say."Suppressing a feeling of unease, I got into Robbie's car.The drive north to Red Kill took only about twenty-fiveminutes. After Das Boot, Robbie's car felt small and intimate. Inoticed Robbie squinting and rubbing his eyes. "You've beendoing that a lot lately," I said. "My eyes are killing me. I neednew glasses," he said. "My mom made an appointment fortomorrow.""Good.""What was Bree talking about this morning?" he asked."About your parents' new reading material?"I wrinkled my nose and sighed. "Well, Bree is really angryat me," I said, stating the obvious. "It's all about Cal---shewanted to go out with him, and he wanted to go out with me.So now she hates me, I guess. Anyway---you know I waskeeping my Wicca books at her house?"Robbie nodded, his eyes on the road.
"She dumped them all on my porch yesterday morning," I explained. "My mom went ballistic, it's all a big mess," Isummed up inadequately. "Oh," said Robbie. "Yeah.""I knew Bree liked Cal," said Robbie. "I didn't think theywould be a good couple."I smiled at him, amused. "Bree would make anyone into agood couple. Anyway, let's not talk about it. Things have beenkind of... awful. The only good thing is that Cal and I gottogether, and it's really great"Robbie glanced over at me and nodded. "Hmmm," he said"Hmmm, what?" I asked. "Do you mean, hmmm, that's Igreat? Or hmmm, I'm not so sure?""More like---hmmm, it's complicated, I guess," Robbie 1told me. "You know, because of Bree and everything."I stared at him, but he was watching the road again, and Icouldn't read his profile.I looked out the window. I wanted to talk aboutsomething that we hadn't really hashed out. "Robbie, I reallyam sorry about that spell. You know. The one about your skin."He shifted gears without saying anything. "I won't everdo it again," I promised once more."Don't say that. Just promise you won't do it withouttelling me," he said as he parked his Beetle in a tiny space. Heturned to me. "I was mad that you did it without telling me,"he said. "But I mean,Jesus, look at me" He gestured to hisnewly smooth face. "I never thought I'd look like this. ThoughtI'd be a pizza face forever. Then have awful scars my wholefife." He glanced out over the steering wheel. "Now I look inthe mirror and I'm happy. Girls look at me---girls who used toignore me or feel sorry for me." He shrugged. "How could I beupset about that?"I reached out and touched his arm. "Thanks."He grinned at me and swung open his door. "Let's go getin touch with our inner witches."As usual, Practical Magick was dim and scented withherbs, oils, and incense. After the chilly November sunshine,the store felt warm and welcoming. Inside, it was divided intwo, one half floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and the other halfshelves covered with candles, herbs, essential oils, altar itemsand magical symbols, ritual daggers called athames, robes,posters, even Wiccan fridge magnets.I left Robbie looking at books and went over to the herbsection. Learning about working with them could take mywhole life and then some, I thought The idea was daunting but
also thrilling. I had used herbs in the spell that had cured Robbie's acne, and I had felt almost transported in the herbgarden of the Killburn Abbey, when I'd gone there on a churchtrip. I was looking through a guide to magickal plants of thenortheast when I felt a tingling sensation. Glancing up, I sawDavid, one of the store's clerks. I tensed. He always put me onedge, and I could never pinpoint why.I remembered how he had asked me what clan I was inand how he had told Alyce, the other clerk, that I was a witchwho pretended not to be a witch.Now I watched him warily as he walked toward me, hitshort, gray hair looking silver in the store's fluorescent light.""Something about you has changed" he said in his softvoice, his brown eyes on me.I thought about Samhain, when the night had explodedaround me, and about Sunday, when my family had blownapart I didn't say anything."You're a blood witch,"he stated, nodding as if he weresimply confirming something I'd said. "And now you know it"How can he tell? I wondered with a tinge of fear."Were you really surprised?" he asked me. I lookedaround for Robbie. He was still over by the books."Yes, I was kind of surprised," I admitted. "Do you haveyour BOS?" he asked. "Book of Shadows?""I've started one," I said, thinking of the beautiful blankbook with marbled paper that I had bought a couple of weeksbefore. In it I had written down the spell I had done for Robbieand also about my experiences on Samhain. But why did Davidwant to know?"Do you have your clan's, your coven's?" he asked. "Yourmother's?""No," I said shortly. "No chance of that""I'm sorry," he said, after a pause. Then a bell tinkled,and he moved off to help another customer choose somejewelry.Glancing down the aisle, I saw that the other clerk, Alyce,was on the floor way at the end, arranging some candleholderson a low shelf. She was older than David, a round, motherlywoman with beautiful gray hair in a loose bun on top of herhead. I had liked her the first moment I had seen her. Stillholding my herb book, I wandered down the aisle closer to her.She looked up and smiled briefly, as if she had beenwaiting for me. "How are you, dear?" There was a world of
meaning in her words, and for a moment I felt like she knew about everything that had happened since she had helped mepick out a candle, a week before Samhain.I didn't know what to say. "Awful," I blurted out "I justfound out I'm a blood witch. My parents have lied to me all mylife." Alyce nodded knowingly. "So David was right" she said,her voice reaching me alone. "I thought you were, too.""How did you know?""We can recognize them," she said matter-of-factly."We're blood witches ourselves, though we don't know ourclans." I stared at her."David in particular is quite powerful," Alyce went on. Herplump hands made neat rows of candleholders shaped likestars, like moons, like pentacles."Do you have a coven?" I whispered."Starlocket," said Alyce. "With Selene Belltower."Cal's mother.Robbie appeared at the end of the aisle, thirty feet away.He was talking to a young woman, who was smiling at himflirtatiously. Robbie pushed his glasses aside, rubbed his eyes,then answered her. She laughed, and they drifted back over tothe book aisle. I heard the murmur of their voices. For amoment curiosity made me want to concentrate on hearingtheir words, but then I realized that just because I could didn'tmean I should.A sudden idea sparked in my head. "Alyce, do you knowanything about Meshomah Falls?" I asked.It was as if a snake had bitten her. She literally drew back,anguish crossing her round face. Frowning, she got slowly toher feet, as if troubled by a great weightShe looked into my eyes. "Why do you ask?" she said."I wanted to know more about ... a woman named MaeveRiordan," I said. "I need to know more." For long momentsAlyce's gaze held mine."I know that name," she said.7. BurnedMay 8, 1980Angus asked me to marry him at Beltane. I told him no.I'm only eighteen and have hardly ever bee out of Ballynigel. Iwas thinking of doing one of those tours, you know, with a busand going through Europe for a month. I do love Angus. And Iknow he's good. He might even be my muirn beatha dan, mysoul mate, but who knows? He might not! Sometimes I feel
like he is, sometimes I don't. The thing is: How would I know? I've met precious few witches in my life that I'm not related to.I need to be sure. I need to know more before I can decide tostay with him forever."Where will you go?"he asks me. "Who will you be with?Someone not your kind, like David O'Hearn? A human?Of course not. If I want children, I can't be with a human.But maybe I don't want children. I don't know. There aren'tthat many of our clan. To go outside our clan to another wouldbe disloyal. But to seal my fate at eighteen seems disloyal too---disloyal to me.And after all that's been happening---Morag's murder, thebad luck spells, the bespelled runes (Mathair calls them sigils)we've found---I just don't know. I want to get away. Only threemore weeks and I'll take my A levels and be done with school. Ican't wait.Now it's late, and I have to do a warding spell before Isleep, to keep away evil. We all do, nowadays.--BradhadairI waited while Alyce cast back her mind. There was a tallstool nearby, battered and blotched with multicolored paintspills. I perched on it, my eyes on Alyce's face."I never knew Maeve Riordan," Alyce said at last "I nevermet her. I was living in Manhattan at the time all of thishappened. I really only learned of it years later, when I movedhere. But it was big news in the Wiccan community, and mostwitches around here know about it."It was shocking to me that many people knew the story ofwhat had happened to my mother while I knew virtuallynothing. I waited, not wanting to disturb Alyce's thoughts."The way I heard the story is this," Alyce said, and it wasas if her voice were coming to me from a distance. "MaeveRiordan was a blood witch, from one of the Seven Great Clans,but we aren't sure which one. Her local coven was calledBelwicket, and she was from Ballynigel, Ireland."I nodded. I had seen the words Belwicket and Ballynigelon Maeve's genealogy site, the one that had shut down."Belwicket was very insular and didn't interact with otherclans or covens much," Alyce continued. They were quitesecretive, and maybe they had cause to be. Anyway, back inthe late seventies, early eighties, as I understand it, Belwicketwas persecuted. The members were taunted in the streets bythe townspeople; their children were ostracized at school.Ballynigel was a small town, mind you, small and close to the
coast of western Ireland. The people there were mainly farmers or fishermen. Not worldly, not overly educated. Veryconservative," Alyce explained. She paused, thinking.In my mind I saw rolling hills as deep a green as aperidot. Salt air seemed to kiss my skin. I smelted tangy,brackish seaweed, fish, and an almost unpleasant yetcomfortable odor my brain identified as peat, whatever thatwas. "The villagers had probably always lived among witchesin peace, but for some reason, every so often, a town getsstirred up; people get scared. After months of persecution alocal witch was murdered, burned to death and thrown from acliff."I swallowed hard. I knew from my reading that burningwas the traditional method of killing witches."There was some talk that it had been another witch, nota human, who had done it," continued Alyce."What about Maeve Riordan?" I asked."She was the daughter of the local high priestess, awoman named Mackenna Riordan. At fourteen Maeve joinedBelwicket under the name Bradhadair: fire starter. Apparentlyshe was very powerful, very, very powerful."My mother."Anyway, things in Ballynigel grew more and moreintolerable for the witches. They had to shop in other towns,leases expired and weren't renewed, but they could deal withall that somehow.""Why didn't they leave?" I asked."Ballynigel was a place of power," Alyce explained. "Atleast it was for that coven. There was something about thatarea, perhaps just because magick had been worked there forcenturies---but it was a very good place to be for a witch. Mostof Belwicket had roots in the land going back more generationsthan they could count. Their people had always lived there. Iimagine it was hard to fathom living anywhere else."It was hard for an American, with family roots going backonly a hundred years or so, to comprehend. Taking a deepbreath, I looked around for Robbie. I could hear him stilltalking to the girl on the other side of the store. I glanced atmy watch. Five-thirty. I had to get home soon. But I was finallylearning about my past, my history, and I couldn't pull myselfaway."How do you know all this?" I asked.
"People have talked of it over the years," Alyce said. "You see, it could so easily happen to any of us."A chill went through me, and I stared at her. To me,magick was beautiful and joyful. She was reminding me thatcountless women and men had died because of it."Maeve Riordan finally did leave," Alyce went on, her facesad. "One night there was a huge . . . decimation, for want of abetter word."I shivered, feeling an icy breeze float over me, settling atmy feet."The Belwicket coven was virtually destroyed," Alycecontinued, sounding like the words were hard to say. "It'sunclear whether it was the townspeople or a dark, powerful,magickal source that swept through the coven, but that nighthomes were burned to the ground, cars were set on fire, fieldsof crops were laid to waste, boats were sunk...and twenty-three men, women, and children were killed."I realized I was panting, my stomach in knots. I felt illand dizzy and panicky. I couldn't bear hearing about this."But not Maeve," Alyce whispered, looking off at somefaraway sight "Maeve escaped that night, and so did youngAngus Bramson, her lover. Maeve was twenty, Angus twenty-two, and together they fled, caught a bus to Dublin and a planeto England. From there they landed in New York, and from NewYork City they made their way to Meshomah Falls.""Did they get married?" I said hoarsely."There's no record of it," Alyce replied. "They settled inMeshomah Falls, got jobs, and renounced witchcraft entirely.Apparently for two years they practiced no Wicca, called uponno power, created no magick." She shook her head sadly. "Itmust have been like living in a straitjacket. Like smotheringinside a box. And then they had a baby in the local hospital. Wethink the persecution began right after that"My throat felt like it was closing. I pulled my sweatersway from my neck because it was choking me."It was little things at first---finding runes of danger andthreat painted on the side of their little house. Evil sigils, runesbespelled for some magickal purpose, scratched into their cardoors. One day a dead cat hanging from their porch. If they hadcome to the local coven, they could have been helped. But theywanted nothing to do with witchcraft. After Belwicket had beendestroyed, Maeve wanted nothing more to do with it. Though,of course, it was in her blood. There's no point in denying whatyou are."
Terror threatened to overwhelm me. I wanted to run screaming from the store.Alyce looked at me. "Maeve's Book of Shadows was foundafter the fire. People read it and passed on the stories of whatwas written there.""Where is it now?" I demanded, and Alyce shook herhead."I don't know," she said gently. "Maeve's story ends withher and Angus burned in a barn."Tears ran slowly down my cheeks."What happened to the baby?" I choked out.Alyce gazed at me sympathetically, years of wisdomwritten on her face. She reached up one soft, flower-scentedhand and touched my cheek. "I don't know that, either, mydear," she said so quietly, I could barely hear her. "What didhappen to the baby?"A mist swam over my eyes, and I needed to lie down orfall over or run screaming down the street"Hey, Morgan!" Robbie's voice broke in. "Are you ready? Ishould get home.""Good-bye," I whispered. I turned and raced out the door,with Robbie following me, concern radiating from him inwaves.Behind me I felt rather than heard Alyce's words: "Notgood-bye, my dear. You'll be back."8. AngerNovember 1, 1980what a glorious Samhain we had last night! After apowerful circle that Ma let me lead, we danced, played music,watched the stars, and hoped for better times ahead. It was anight full of cider, laughter, and hope. Things have been soquite lately---has the evil moved on? Has it found anotherhome? Goddess, I pray not, for I don't wish others to suffer aswe have. But I'm thankful that we no longer have to jump atevery noise.Angus gave me a darling kitten---a tiny white tom I'venamed Dagda. He has a lot to live up to with that name! He's awee thing and sweet. I love him, and it was just like Angus tocome up with the idea. Today my world is blessed and full ofpeace.Praise be to the Goddess for keeping us safe another year.Praise be to Mother Earth for sharing her bounty far andnear.Praise be to magick, from which all blessings flow.
Praise be to my heart' I follow where it goes.Blessed be.--BradhadairNow Dagda is meowing to go out!"What's wrong?" Robbie demanded in the car.I sniffled and wiped my hand over my face. "Oh, Alycewas telling me a sad story about some witches who died."His eyes narrowed. "And you're crying because ..." heprompted."It just got to me," I said, trying to sound light "I'm sotenderhearted.""Okay, don't tell me," he said, sounding irritated. Hestarted the car and began the drive back to Widow's Vale."It's just... I can't talk about it yet, okay, Robbie?" Ialmost whispered.He was quiet for a few moments, then nodded. "Okay. Butif you ever need a shoulder, I'm here."It was so sweet of him that a wave of warmth rushed overme. I reached out to pat his shoulder. 'Thanks. That helps.Really."Darkness fell as we drove, and by the time we got back toschool, streetlights were on. My thoughts had been churningaround my birth mother's fate, and I was surprised torecognize the school building when Robbie stopped and I sawmy car sitting by itself on the street."Thanks for the ride," I said. It was dark, and leaves wereblowing off trees, flitting through the air. One brushed againstme, and I flinched. "You okay?" he asked."I think so. Thanks again. I'll see you tomorrow," I said, [and got in Das BootI felt like I had lived through my birth mother's story. Shehad to be the same Maeve Riordan on my birth certificate. Shehad to be. I tried to remember if I had seen the place of birth---if it had been Meshomah Falls or Widow's Vale. I couldn'tremember. Did my parents know any of this story? How hadthey found me? How had I been adopted? The same oldquestions.I started my car, feeling anger come over me again. Theyhad the answers, and they were going to tell me. Tonight Icouldn't go through another day without knowing.At home I parked and stormed up the front walk, alreadyforming the words I was going to say, the questions I wouldask I pushed through the front door---
And found Aunt Eileen and her girlfriend, Paula Steen, sitting on the couch."Morgan!" said Aunt Eileen, holding out her arms. "How'smy favorite niece?"I hugged her as Mary K. said, "She said the exact samething to me."Aunt Eileen laughed. "You're both my favorite nieces."I smiled, trying to mentally switch gears. A confrontationwith my parents was out for now. And then---it was only thenthat I realized that Aunt Eileen knew I was adopted. Of courseshe did. She's my mom's sister. In fact, all of my parents'friends must know. They had always lived here in Widow'sVale, and unless my mom had faked a pregnancy, which Icouldn't see her doing, they would all know that I had justturned up out of nowhere. And then two years later she reallyhad had a baby: Mary K. Oh myGod, I thought, appalled. I was utterly, utterly humiliatedand embarrassed."Listen, we brought Chinese food," said Aunt Eileen,standing up."It's ready!" Mom called from the dining room. I wouldhave given anything not to have to go in, but there was no wayto get out of it We all swarmed in. White cartons and plasticfoam containers filled the center of the table."Hi," Mom said to me, scanning my face. "You got back intime.""Uh-huh," I said, not meeting her gaze. "I was withRobbie.""Robbie looks amazing lately," said Mary K., helpingherself to some orange beef. "Has he been seeing a newdermatologist?""Um, I don't know," I said vaguely. "His skin has gotten alot better.""Maybe he's just grown out of it," suggested my mom. Icouldn't believe she was making polite chitchat. Frustrationstarted to boil in me as I tried to choke down my dinner."Can you pass the pork?" my dad asked.For a while we all ate. If Aunt Eileen and Paula noticedthat things were a bit weird, if we were stilted and lesstalkative, they didn't show it. But even Mary K., as naturallyperky as she is, was holding back."Oh, Morgan, Janice called," said my dad. I could tell hewas striving for a normal tone. "She wants you to call her back.I said you would, after dinner."
"Okay, thanks," I said. I stuffed a big bite of scallion pancake in my mouth so it wouldn't seem weird that I wasbeing so quiet.After dinner Aunt Eileen stood up and went into thekitchen, returning with a bottle of sparkling cider and a tray ofglasses."What's ail this?" my mom asked with a surprised smile."Well," Aunt Eileen said shyly as Paula got up to stand next toher. "We have some very exciting news." Mary K. and Iexchanged glances. "We're moving in together," Eileenannounced, her face lull of happiness. She smiled at Paula, andPaula gave her a hug."I've already put my apartment on the market, and we're[poking for a house," said Paula."Oh, awesome," said Mary K., getting up to hug AuntEileen and Paula. They beamed. I stood up and hugged them,too, and so did Mom. Dad hugged Eileen and shook Paula'shand."Well, this is lovely news," said Mom, although somethingin her face said that she thought it would be better if they hadknown each other longer.Eileen popped the cork on the sparkling cider and pouredit Paula handed glasses around, and Mary K. and I immediatelygulped down sips."Are you going to buy a house together or rent?" Momasked."We're looking to buy," said Eileen. "We both haveapartments now, but I want to get a dog, so we need a yard.""And I need room for a garden," said Paula."A dog and a garden might be mutually exclusive," saidmy dad, and they laughed. I smiled, too, but it all felt so unreal:as if I were watching someone else's family on television."I was hoping you could help us with the house hunting,"Eileen said to my mom.Mom smiled, for the first time since yesterday, I realized."I was already running through possibilities in my head," sheadmitted. "Can you come by the office soon, and we can set upsome appointments?""That would be great," said Eileen. Paula reached overand squeezed her shoulder. They looked at each other as if noone else was in the room."Moving is going to be insane," said Paula. "I have stuffscattered everywhere: my mom's, my dad's, my sister's. Myapartment was just too small to hold everything."
"Fortunately, I have a niece who's not only strong but has a huge car," Aunt Eileen offered brightly, looking over at me.I stared at her. I wasn't really her niece, though, was I?Even Eileen had been playing into this whole fantasy that wasmy lite. Even she, my favorite aunt, had been lying and keepingsecrets from me for sixteen years."Aunt Eileen, do you know why Mom and Dad never toldme I was adopted?" I just put it out there, and it was as if Ihad mentioned I had the bubonic plague.Everyone stared at me, except Mary K., who was staringat her plate miserably; and Paula, who was watching AuntEileen with a concerned expression.Aunt Eileen looked like she had swallowed a frog. Hereyes wide, she said, "What?" and shot quick glances at mymom and dad."I mean, don't you think somebody should have told me?Maybe just mentioned it? You could have said something. Ormaybe you just didn't think it was that important," I pressedon. Part of me knew I wasn't being fair. But somehow Icouldn't stop myself. "No one else seems to. After all, it's justmy life we're talking about"Mom said,"Morgan," in a defeated tone of voice."Uh...," said Aunt Eileen, for once at a loss for words.Everyone was as embarrassed as I was, and the festiveair had gone out of dinner."Never mind," I said abruptly, standing up. "We can talkabout it later. Why not? After sixteen years what's a few I daysmore?""Morgan, I always felt your parents should be the ones totell you---," Aunt Eileen said, sounding distressed."Yeah, right," I said rudely. "When was that going tohappen?"Mary K. gasped, and I pushed my chair back roughly. Icouldn't stand being here one more second. I couldn't taketheir hypocrisy anymore. I would explode.This time I remembered to grab my jacket before I ranout to my car and peeled off into the darkness.9. Healing LightSt. Patrick's Day, 1981Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, I'm so drunk, I can hardlywrite. Ballynigel just put on a St Paddy's party to end allparties. All the townspeople, everyone, gathered together tohave a good time in the village. Human or witch, we all agreeon St. Paddy's Day, the wearing of the green.
Pat O'Hearn dyed all his beer green, and it was sloshing into mugs, into pails, into shoes, anything. Old Jowson gavesome to his donkey, and that donkey has never been so tame ofgood-natured! I laughed until I had to hold my sides in.The Irish Cowboys played their music all afternoon rightin the town green, and we danced and pinched each other, andthe kids were throwing cabbages and potatoes. We had a goodday, and our dark time seems to be well and truly over.Now I'm home, and I lit three green candles to theGoddess for prosperity and happiness. There's a full moontonight, so I have to sober up, dress warm, and go gather myluibh. The dock root down at the pond is ready for taking in,and there's early violets, dandelions, and cattails, too, ready. Ican't drink any more beer until then, or they'll find mefacedown in the marsh, too drunk to pick myself up! What aday!--BradhadairAs I drove it occurred to me that there was nowhere to goat eight o'clock on a Monday night in Widow's Vale, New York. Ipictured myself showing up at Schweikhardt's soda shop, onMain Street, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I picturedmyself showing up at Janice's the same way. No-Janice had noidea how complicated my life had gotten. Robbie? I consideredfor a second but shook my head. I hated going to his house,with his dad drinking beer in front of the TV and his mom ailtight-lipped and angry. And of course Bree didn't even enterInto it---God, what a bitch she'd been today.Cal? I turned and headed toward his neighborhood,feeling desperate and daring, brave and terrified. Was I beingpresumptuous by going to his house uninvited? There was somuch going on in my mind: my birth parents' story, my otherparents' refusal to tell me the truth about my past, Bree---it wasall too much to think about I felt like I couldn't make any kindof decision about anything---even about whether it was okay forme to show up at Cal's house unannounced.By the time I pulled into the long, cobblestone drivewayof Cal's big stone house, I felt completer/ incoherent. Whatwas I doing? I just wanted to drive off into the night forever,far away from everyone I knew. Be a different person. Icouldn't believe this was my life.I cut the lights and the engine and hunched over mysteering wheel, literally, frozen with uncertainty. I couldn'teven start the car again to get out of there.
Who knows how long I huddled in the darkness outsideCal's home. I finally looked up when strong headlights floodedthe interior of my car, reflecting off my rearview mirror andshining into my eyes. An expensive-looking SUV pulled aroundmy car and parked neatly, close to the house. Its door opened,and a tall, slender woman stepped out her hair barely visible inthe darkness. The house's outdoor floodlights came on, bathingthe driveway in warm yellow light. The woman walked to mycar.Feeling like an idiot, I rolled down my window as SeleneBelltower approached. For long moments she gazed at my face,as if evaluating me. We neither smiled nor spoke to each other.Finally she said, "Why don't you come inside, Morgan?You must be chilled through. I'll make some cocoa." As if Itwas normal to find a girl in a car sitting in the dark outside herhouse.I got out of Das Boot and slammed the door. We walkedup the broad stone steps together, Cal's mom and I, andthrough the massive wooden front door. She led me across thefoyer, down a hall, into a huge French country-style kitchen Ihadn't seen on my other visit here."Sit down, Morgan,"she said, gesturing to a ail stool bythe kitchen island.I sat, hoping Cal was here. I hadn't seen his car outside,but maybe it was in the garage.I cast my senses out, but I couldn't feel his presence closeby. Selene Belltower's head snapped up as she poured milk intoa pan. Her brows came together, and she looked at meassessingly."You're very strong," she commented. "I didn't learn howto cast my senses until I was in my twenties. Cal isn't here, bythe way.""I'm sorry;'\* I said awkwardly. I should go. I don't wantto bother you....""Your not bothering me,"she said. She spooned somecocoa powder into the milk and whisked it smooth on thecooktop across from me. "I've been curious. Cal has told mesome very interesting things about you."Cal talked to his mother about me?She laughed, a warm, earthy laugh, when she saw theexpression on my face. "Cal and I are pretty close," she said"For a long time it's been just the two of us. His father left uswhen Cal was about four."
I'm sorry," I said again\* She was speaking to me as If I were an adult, and for some reason this made me feel youngerthan sixteen.Selene Belltower shrugged "I was sorry, too. Cal missedhis father very much, but he lives in Europe now, and theydon't see each other often. At any rate---you shouldn't bestartled that my son confides in me. It would be silly for him totry to hide anything, after all."I breathed in, trying to relax. So this was life in a blood-witch household. No secrets.Cal's mother poured the cocoa into two brightly coloredhand-painted mugs and handed one to me. It was too hot todrink, so I set it down and waited. Selene waved her hand overher mug twice, then took a sip.'Try this," she suggested, looking up at me. "Take yourleft hand and circle it widdershins over your mug. Say "Cool thefire.'" I did, wondering. I felt warmth go into my left hand. "Trythe cocoa now," she said, watching me. I took a sip. It wasnoticeably cooler, perfect to drink. I grinned, delighted."Left hand takes away," she explained. "Right hand gives.Deasil for increasing, widdershins for decreasing. And simplewords are best"I nodded and drank my cocoa. This one small thing was sofascinating to me. The idea that I could speak words, makemovements that cooled a hot drink to the right temperature!Selene smiled, and then her eyes focused on minesympathetically. "You look like you've had a rough time."This was an understatement, but I nodded. "Has Cal toldyou about... anything?"She put her mug down. "He's told me you recently foundout you were adopted," she said. "That your biological parentsmust be blood witches. And this afternoon he told me youthought you were probably the daughter of two Irish witcheswho died here sixteen years ago."I nodded again. "Not exactly here---Meshomah Falls.About two hours away. I think my mothers name was MaeveRiordan."Selene's race became grave. "I've heard that story," the Isaid. "I remember when it happened. I was forty years old; ICal wasn't quite two. I remember thinking that such a I thingcould never happen to me, my husband, our child." I Her longfingers played with the rim of her mug. "I know better now."She looked up at me again. "I'm very sorry this has happenedto you. It's always somewhat difficult to be different, even if
you have a lot of support. One is still set apart. But I know you must be having an especially hard time."My throat felt like it was closing again, and I drank mycocoa. I didn't trust myself to agree. I distracted myself withpointless details: If she had been forty sixteen years ago, shewould be about fifty-six now. She looked like she was aboutthirty-five."If you want," said Selene, sounding hesitant, "I can helpyou feel better.""What do you mean?" I asked. For a wild moment Iwondered, Is she offering me drugs?"Well, I'm picking up waves of upset, discord,unhappiness, anger," she said. "We could make a small, two-person circle and try to get you to a better place."I caught my breath. I had only ever made a circle with Caland our coven. What would it be like with someone who waseven more powerful than he was? I found myself saying, "Yes,please, if you don't mind."Selene smiled, looking very much like Cal. "Come on,then."The house was shaped like a U, with a middle part andtwo wings. She led me to the back of the left wing, through avery large room that I figured she must use for her coven'scircles. She opened a door that set into the wall paneling, soyou could barely see it I felt a thrill of pure, childlike delightSecret doors!We stepped into a much smaller, cozier room furnishedonly with a narrow table, some bookshelves, and candelabrason the walls. Selene lit the candles."This is my private sanctuary," she said, brushing herfingers over the doorjamb. For a fleeting moment I saw sigilsglimmering there. They must be for privacy or protection. But Ihad no idea how to read them. There was so much I needed tolearn. I was a complete novice.Selene had already drawn a small circle on the woodenfloor, using a reddish powder that gave off a strong, spicy scentShe motioned me into the circle with her and then closed itbehind us."Let's sit down," she said. With us facing each other, sittingcross-legged on the floor, there was very little room inside thecircle.We each sprinkled salt around our half of the circle,saying,"With this salt, I purify my circle."
Then Selene closed her eyes and let her head droop, her hands on her knees as if doing yoga. "With every breath out,release a negative emotion. With every breath in, take in whitelight, healing light, soothing and calming light. Feel it enteryour fingers, your toes, settle in your stomach, reach upthrough the crown of your head."As she spoke her voice became slower, deeper, moremesmerizing. My eyes were closed, my chin practically restingon my chest I breathed out forcing air completely out of mylungs. Then I breathed in, listening to her soothing words."I release tension," she murmured, and I repeated it afterher without hesitation."I release fear and anger,"she said, her words floating tome on a sea of calm. I repeated it and literally felt the knots inmy stomach begin to uncoil, the tightness in my arms andcalves unravel."I release uncertainty,"she said, and I followed her.We breathed deeply, silently for several minutes. Myheadache dissolved, my temples ceased throbbing, my chestexpanded, and I could breath more easily."I feel calm,"Selene said."Me too,"I agreed dreamily. I sensed rather than saw hersmile."No, say it,"she prompted, humor in her voice/"Oh. I feel calm,"I said."Open your eyes. Make this symbol with your righthand,"she prompted, drawing in the air with two fingers.I watched her, then carefully drew in the air one straightline down, then a small triangle attached to the top, like a littleflag,"I feel at peace," she said, drawing the same rune on myforehead."I feel at peace," I said, feeling her finger trace heat onmy skin. The memory of what had happened to my birthBarents receded into the distance. I was aware of it, but it hadless power to hurt me."I am love. I am peace. I am strength."I said the words, feeling a delicious warmth flow over me."I call on the strength of the Goddess and the God. I callon the power of the Earth Mother" said Selene, tracing anotherrune onto my forehead. This one felt like half of a lopsidedrectangle, and as it sank into my skin I thought, Strength.Selene and I were joined. I could feel her strength insidemy head, feel her smoothing every wrinkle in my emotions,
searching out every knot of fear, every snarl of anger. She probed deeper and deeper, and languidly I let her. She soothedaway the pain until I was almost in a trance.Ages later, I seemed to come awake again. Unbidden, Iopened my eyes in time to see her raising her head andopening hers. I felt a little groggy and so much better, Icouldn't help smiling. She smiled back."All right now?" she said softly."Oh, yes," I said, unable to put my feelings into words."Here's one more for you," she said, and she traced twotriangles, touching, onto the backs of my hands. "That's fornew beginnings.""Thank you," I said, awed by her power. "I feel muchbetter.""Good." We stood, and she dissolved the circle and blewout the candles mounted around the small room. As we passedthrough the larger coven's room I saw a reflection of Selene'sface in a huge, gilt-frame wall mirror. She was smiling. Her facewas bright, almost triumphant as she led the way back to thefoyer. Then the image was gone, and I thought I must haveimagined it.At the front door she patted my arm, and I thanked heragain. Then I practically floated to my car, not feeling theslightest bit of November wind, November chill. I feltabsolutely perfect all the way home. I didn't even wonderwhere Cal had been.10. SplitAugust 14, 1981The coven over at Much Bencham has three new students,they tell us. We have none. Tara and Cliff were the last to joinBelwicket as students, and that was three years ago. UntilLizzie Sims turns fourteen in four years, we have no one. Ofcourse, at Much Bencham they take almost anyone who wantsto study.I say we should do the same---if we could even convinceanyone to join us. Belwicket chose its own path a long timeago, and it is not for everyone. But we must expand. If we stickto only blood-born, clan-born witches, we will surly die out. Wemust seem out others of our kind, mingle clans. But Ma and theelders have shot me down time and again. They want us toremain pure. They refuse to let outsiders in.Maybe some in Belwicket would rather die.--Bradhadair
When I got home that night, my parents' light was already out, and if my car's rumbling engine woke them up,they didn't show it Mary K. had waited up for me, listening tomusic in her room. She looked up and took off her headphoneswhen I poked my head in."Hi," I said, feeling a deep love for her. After all, she'dalways been my sister, if not by blood, then by circumstance. Iregretted hurting her."Where did you go?" she asked."To Cal's. He wasn't there, but I talked to his mom."Mary K. paused. "It was awful after you left, I thoughtMom was going to burst into tears. Everyone was reallyembarrassed.""I'm sorry," I said sincerely. "It's just that I can't believeMom and Dad kept this to themselves my whole life. They liedto me." I shook my head. "Tonight I realized that Aunt Eileen,and our other relatives, and Mom and Dad's friends all knowI'm adopted. I just felt so stupid for not knowing myself. I wasjust... furious that they never told me when all these otherpeople know.""Yeah, I hadn't thought of that," said Mary K., frowningslightly. "But you're right. They would all know." She looked atme." I didn't know. You believe that, don't you?"I nodded. "There's no way you'd be able to keep a secretlike that" I smiled as Mary K. aimed her pillow at me.The blanket of peace, forgiveness, and love that SeleneBelltower had wrapped around over me was still cocooning mein its comfortable embrace. "Look, it's going to be pretty awfulfor a while. Mom and Dad have to tell me about my past andhow I was adopted. I can't stop till I know. But it doesn't meanI don't love you or them. We'll get through it somehow," I said.Uncertainty played across Mary K.'s pretty face. "Okay,"she said, accepting my word."I'm happy about Aunt Eileen and Paula." I said, changingthe subject."Me too. I didn't want Aunt Eileen to be alone anymore,"said Mary K. "Do you think they'll have kids?"I laughed. "First things first. They need to live togetherfor a while.""Yeah. Oh, well. I'm tired." Mary K. took off herheadphones and dropped them on the floor."Here, let me do this." Reaching over, I gentry traced therune for comfort on her forehead, the way Selene had showed
me. I felt the warmth leave my fingertips and stood back to see Mary K. looking at me unhappily."Please don't do that to me,"she whispered. "I don't wantto be part of it."Stung, I blinked, then nodded. "Yeah, sure," I mumbled Iturned and fled to my own room, feeling dismayed. Somethingthat had given me joy was only upsetting to my sister. It was apear sign of the differences between us, the growing space patpushed her in one direction and me in another.That night I slept deeply, without dreams, and woke upfeeling wonderful I put my hands together as if I could still seethe sigil traced there: daeg. A new dawn. An awakening."Morgan?" Mary K. called from the hallway. "Come on.School."I was already shoving my feet into my slippers. No doubtI was running late, as usual. I rushed through my shower,threw on some clothes, and pounded downstairs, my wet hairpractically strangling me. In the kitchen I grabbed a breakfastbar, ready to dash out the door. Mary K. looked up calmly fromher orange juice."No hurry," she said. "I got you up early for once. I'vebeen late twice in the last month."Mouth open, I looked at the clock. School didn't start foralmost forty-five minutes! I sank into a chair and wavedincoherently at the fridge.Taking pity on me, my sister reached in and handed me aDiet Coke, i gulped it down, then stomped back upstairs tountangle my hair.Somehow, we were late anyway. At school I parallelparked my car with practiced efficiency. Then I spotted Bakkercoming toward the car to meet Mary K. My mood soured."Look, there he is," I said. "Lying in wait like a spider."Mary K. punched my leg. "Stop it," she said. "I thoughtyou liked him.""He's okay," I said. I've got to chill, I thought. I'd be sopeeved if anyone tried to pull the big-sister routine on me. ButI couldn't help asking, "Does he know you're only fourteen?"Mary K. rolled her eyes. "No, he thinks I'm a junior," shesaid sarcastically. "Don't let the cat out of the bag." She got outof the car. As she and Bakker kissed, I slammed my car doorshut and hitched my backpack onto my shoulder. Then Iheaded toward the east door."Oh, Morgan, wait!" someone called. I turned and spottedJanice Yutoh, her hair bouncing as she hurried toward me.
Whoops---I'd totally forgotten to return her call the night before."Sorry I spaced on calling you," I said as she caught up tome. She waved a hand in the air. "No biggie. I just wanted tosay hi," she said, panting slightly. "I haven't seen you at alllately, except in class.""I know," I said apologetically. "A lot of stuff's been goingon." This was such a lame representation of the truth that Ialmost laughed. "My aunt Eileen is moving in with hergirlfriend," I said, thinking of one bright spot."That's great! Tell her I'm happy for her," said Janice."Will do," I said. "What'd you get on Fishman's essaytest?""I somehow pulled an A out of my hat," she said as wewalked toward the main building."Cool. I got a B-plus. I hate essay tests. Too manywords," I complained. Janice laughed. Then we saw Tamaraand Ben Reggio heading into the main door just as the bellrang."Gotta catch Ben," said Janice, moving off. "He's got myLatin notes.""See you in class." I went in through the east door, wherethe coven had started to meet in the mornings, but the cementbenches were empty. Cal must have gone inside already. Mydisappointment at not seeing him was almost equaled by myrelief at not having to face Bree.By lunchtime it was drizzling outside, with sullen rivuletstracing lines on the windows. I filed into the lunchroom, foronce grateful for its warm, steamy atmosphere. By the time Icollected a tray and looked around, most of the coven wassitting at a table closest to the windows. Raven and Breeweren't there, I saw with a lift of relief. Neither was BethNielson, I made my way over and sat down next to Cal. Whenhe smiled, it was like the sun coming out"Hi," he said, making space for me on the table. "Did you gethere late this morning?"I nodded, opening my soda. "Just as the bell rang.""Can I have a fry?" he asked, taking one without waitingfor my answer. I felt a warm glow at his easy familiarity."Mom told me you dropped by last night," he said. "I'msorry I missed you." He squeezed my knee under the table."You okay?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, your mom was really nice. She showed me some rune magick," I said, dropping my voice."Cool," Jenna said, leaning over the table. "Like what?""A few different runes for different things," I said. "Likerunes for happiness, starting over, peace and carton.""Did they work?" asked Ethan."Yes!" I said, laughing. As if a spell by Selene Belltowerwouldn't work. "It would be great if we could start learningabout runes, everything about them."Cal nodded. "Runes are really powerful," he said. "They'vebeen used for thousands of years. I have some books on themif you want to borrow them.""I'd like to read them, too," said Sharon, stirring herstraw around in her milk carton."Here's a rune for you guys," said Cal. He cleared a spacein the center of the table and traced an image with his finger. Itlooked like two parallel lines with two other lines crossedbetween them, joining them. He drew it several times until wecould all picture it."What does that mean?" asked Matt "Basically it meansinterdependence," Cal explained. "Community. Feeling goodwilltoward your kinsmen and kinswomen. It's how we all feelabout each other, our circle. Cirrus."We all looked at each other for a minute, letting this sinkin. "God, there's so much to learn," said Sharon. "I feel like I'llnever be able to put it all together---herbs, spells, runes,potions.""Can I talk to you?" Beth Nielson had walked up and nowstood in front of Cal, a multicolored crocheted cap covering hershort hair."Sure," said Cal. He looked more closely at her. She wasfrowning. "Do you want to go somewhere private?""No." Beth shook her head, not looking at him. "It doesn'tmatter. They can hear it""What's wrong, Beth?" Cal asked quietly. Somehow we allheard him, even over the din of the lunchroom.Beth shrugged and looked away. Glittery aqua eyeshadow glowed above her eyes and contrasted sharply with hercoffee-colored skin. She sniffed, as if she had a cold,Across the table I looked at Jenna. She raised hereyebrows at me."It's just---the whole thing doesn't feel right to me," Bethsaid. "I thought it would be cool, you know? But its all tooweird. Doing circles. Morgan making flowers bloom," she said,
gesturing to me. "It's too strange." She raised her shoulders beneath her brown leather jacket and let them tall "I don'twant anything more to do with it. I don't like it. It feelswrong." Her nose ring twinkled under the fluorescent lights."That's too bad," said Cal. "Wicca isn't Intended to makeanyone uncomfortable. It's meant to make you celebrate thebeauty and power of the earth."Beth gave him a blank look, as if to say, Come on."So you want to quit the coven. Are you sure about this?"Cal asked. "Maybe you just need more time to get used to it"Beth shook her head. "No. I don't want to do it anymore.""Well, if Wicca isn't for you, then that's your choice.Thanks for being honest," Cal said."Uh-huh," said Beth, shifting her weight from one DocMarten to the other."Beth, one thing," Cal said. "Please respect our privacy."There was a serious note in his voice that made Beth look up."You've come to our circles; you've felt magick's power,"Cal went on. "Keep those experiences to yourself,okay?"They're no one's business but ours.""Yeah, okay," Beth said, looking at Cal."Well," Cal said. "It's your decision to go. But justremember that the circle won't be open to you again if youchange your mind. Sorry, but that's how it works.""I'm not changing my mind," said Beth. She moved offwithout looking back.For a few moments we all looked around at each other."What was that about?" I asked.Jenna coughed. "Yeah, that was pretty weird.""Don't know" said Cal. A shadow crossed his face. Then heseemed to shrug it off. "But like I said, Wicca isn't foreveryone." He leaned forward. "I thought at our next circle. Icould show you guys some more runes and maybe a smallspell.""All right," Ethan said. "Cool." He leaned across toSharon. "Are you gonna eat that brownie?"She made a pained face, but I could tell she was kidding."Yes.""Halfies?" he asked. Ethan, former pothead, now merelyscruffy underdog, grinned coyly at Sharon. It was like watchinga street mongrel trying to flirt with a well-groomed poodle."I'll give you a tiny bite," Sharon said, breaking off apiece. Her cheeks were slightly pink.
Ethan grinned more broadly and popped the brownie morsel into his mouth.Around us hundreds of students filed to and from tables,eating, talking to each other, busing their trays. We a small,private microcosm of the school. To me it felt like we were theonly ones talking about things that really mattered---things thatwere far more important and interesting than the latest pepsquad rally or prom theme contest. I couldn't wait to befinished with high school, to move on with the rest of my life. Isaw myself devoted to Wicca, still with Cal, living a life full ofmeaning and joy and magick.Robbie's elbow knocking into me jolted me out of mydaydream."Sorry," he said, rubbing his temples. "Do you have anyTylenol?""Nope, sorry. Your doctor's appointment is today, right?"I asked him, then took a bite of hamburger."Yeah.""Here, take this." Jenna rummaged in her purse and tookout two tablets.Robbie squinted at them, then tossed them down with therest of his soda. "What was that?""Cyanide," said Sharon, and we laughed."Actually, it was Midol," Jenna said, turning away to giveanother cough. I wondered if she was getting sick.Matt whooped with laughter as Robbie gaped at her indismay."It'll really help," Jenna insisted. "It's what I take for myheadaches.""Oh, man." Robbie shook his head. I was almost doubledover with laughter."Look at it this way," said Cal brightly. "You won't getthat awful bloated feeling.""You'll feel pretty all day," suggested Matt, laughing sohard, he had to wipe his eyes."Oh, man," said Robbie again as we cackled."Well, this is nice," came Raven's snide voice. "Everyoneall happy and laughing together. Cozy, huh, Bree?""Very cozy," said Bree.I stopped laughing and looked up at them, standing byour lunch table. People streamed by in back of them, makingBree edge closer to me. I still felt profoundly relaxed, thanks toSelene, and as I gazed at my former best friend, I couldn't helpmissing her powerfully. She was so familiar to me---I had
known her before she was beautiful, when she was just a pretty little girl. She'd never gone through an awful awkwardstage, like most kids, but when she was twelve, she'd hadbraces and a bad haircut. I had known her before she likedboys, while her mother and brother still lived at home. So muchhad changed."Hi, Raven, Bree," Cal said, still smiling. "Grab somechairs---we'll make room."Raven took out one of her foul-smelling Gauloises andtapped it against her wrist "No, thanks. Did Beth tell you shewas ditching the coven?" she asked, her voice seeming harshand unfriendly. I glanced at Bree, who was keeping her eyes onRaven."Yes, she did," Cal replied, shrugging. "Why?"Raven and Bree looked at each other. A month ago, Breeand I were making fun of Raven together. Now they acted likebest friends. I tried hard to hold on to my feelings of calm andpeace.Bree gave Raven a tiny nod, and Raven's lips thinned inwhat could pass for a smile.'We're leaving, too," she announced. I know my surpriseshowed on my face, and when I quickly surveyed the table,there was no mistaking that it was shared. Next to me Cal wassuddenly alert, frowning as the looked at them."No," said Robbie. "Come on.""Why?" Jenna asked "I thought you were both so into it""We are into it," Raven said pointedly. "Were Just not intoyou." She tapped her cigarette harder, and I could practicallyfeel how much she wanted to light it up."We've joined a different coven," Bret announced. Theexpression on her face made me think of a kid I had baby-satonce. He had once thrown a live lizard onto the dining-roomtable, during a meal, just to see what would happen."A different coven!" exclaimed Sharon. She twitched hershort suede skirt down, bracelets jangling. "What differentcoven?""A different one," said Raven in a bored tone. She raisedone shoulder and let it drop."Bree, don't be stupid," said Robbie, and his wordsseemed to hurt her."We've started our own group," Bree told Robbie, andRaven glanced at her sharply. I wondered if Bree had beensupposed to keep that secret
"Started your own?" Cal said, rubbing his chin. "What is wrong with Cirrus?""To tell you the truth, Cal," Bree said coldly, "I don't wantto be in a coven with backstabbers and betrayers. I need to beable to trust the people I do magick with."This was aimed at me, and possibly at Cal, and I felt heatrise in my cheeks.Cal raised his eyebrows. "Yes, trust Is really important,"he said slowly. "I agree with you there. Are you sure you amtrust the people in your new coven?""Yes," said Raven, a bit too loudly. "It's not like you're theonly witch in town, you know.""No, no, I'm not," Cal agreed. I heard a hint of annoyancein his voice. He put his arm around my shoulders. "Forexample, there's Morgan here. Does your new coven have anyblood witches?"All eyes turned to me."Blood witch?" asked Bree, derision in her voice."You said that on Samhain," remembered Raven. "Youwere just yanking our chains.""I wasn't," Cal said. I swallowed and looked down, hopingthis conversation would stop before people followed it to itslogical conclusion."If she's a blood witch," Bree all but snarled, "then so areher parents, right? Isn't that what you told us? I mean, am Isupposed to believe that Sean and Mary Grace Rowlands areblood witches?"Cal went silent, as if he just at that moment realized whatthis could lead to "Whatever," he said, and I leaned againsthim, knowing he was trying to protect me."Anyway," said Cal. "Let's not get off the subject. So youreally want out of the coven?""Out and about, baby," said Raven, putting her unlitcigarette in her mouth."Bree, think about what you're doing," Robbie urged her,and I was glad he was trying to talk her out of it since Icouldn't."I have thought," said Bree. "I want out""Well, be careful," said Cal, standing up. I stood up, too,grabbing my purse and my lunch tray. "Remember, mostwitches are good, but not all of them. Make sure you haven'tleft the frying pan for the fire."Raven gave a short bark of a laugh. "How pithy. Thanksfor the advice."
Cal gave them a last considering look, then nodded at me. We walked away from the group. I dumped my tray at the busbin, and we left the lunchroom, heading for the main building.Cal walked with me to my locker. I spun the combinationand opened the door while he waited."If they make a new coven, will it affect us somehow?" Iasked, my voice low.Cal brushed back his dark hair and shrugged. "I don'tthink so," he said. "It's just..." He pinched his lip with twofingers, thinking."What?""Well, I wonder who they're working with," he said."They're obviously not doing this by themselves. I hope they'rebeing careful. Not every witch is... benign."I felt tension weave its way into my short-held peace andlooked at Cal. He kissed me, warmth in his golden eyes."See you later." A flashing grin, and he was gone.11. ConnectedJanuary 3, 1982Old Jowson lost three sheep last night. This is after all theward-evil spells we've been doing for the past month. Nowmost of his flock if gone, and he's not the only one. He saidtoday in the Eagle and Hare that he's wiped out---doesn't haveenough ewes left to start over. There's nothing for him to doexcept sell out.I feel like all I do is go around doing warding spells. We'reall paranoid and living under a dark shadow. For the past weekI've been spelling Ma's leg after she broke it, bicycling to thevillage. But even with my spells she says it's hurting and nothealing properly.I want to get out of here. Being a witch is doing no onegood nowadays and is doing a bushel of harm. It's like a film isover us, lessening our powers. I don't know what to do. Angusdoesn't, either. He's worried, too, but he tries not to show it.Damnation! I thought the evil was behind us! Now it lookslike it was only sleeping amond us, in our beds. Winter hasawoken it. --BradhadairOn Wednesday morning, when I was toasting two PopTarts for breakfast, I heard footsteps overhead."Mary K.!" I said. "Who's upstairs?"Mary K. blinked. "Mom," she said, turning back to thecomics. "She's staying home sick today."
I looked at the top of my sister's head. Mom never stayed home from work. She had been known to show houses in asnowstorm when she had the flu."What's wrong with her?" I asked. "She was fine lastnight, wasn't she?" She and my dad had had dinner out alone,something they almost never did. I had figured they wereavoiding me, and I had waited up for them, but at eleven-thirtyI had given up and gone to bed."I don't know. Maybe she just wanted a day off.""Huh." Maybe this was my chance: I could go upstairsright now and get her to answer all my questions.On the other hand, I would be late for school. And Cal wasat school. Besides, if she wanted to tell me anything, she'dhave told me by now. Right?I sighed. Or maybe the truth was, now that the chancewas staring me in the face, as it were, I was afraid to seize itScared of what I might learn.My Pop-Tarts leaped energetically out of the toaster andbroke on the kitchen counter. I gathered up the pieces in apaper towel and gave my sister a gentle kick."Let's go," I said. "Education awaits us." Mom would behome when I got out of school. I could talk to her then.Mary K. nodded and got into her coatAs it turned out, my big confrontation didn't work out theway I'd planned. When I got home from school, I'd workedmyself up for a real scene. I went up to Mom's room, threwopen the door... and found her sound asleep. Her red hair layacross her pillow, and once again I noticed the silver strands init Was it my imagination, or were there more of them than evena couple of days before?She looked so tired. I didn't have the heart to wake her.I crept out like a mouse. Then Tamara called and asked ifI could come over and study with her for a calc test. So I went.Anything to get out of the house.I had dinner at Tamara's, and when I got home, Mom andDad had both gone to bed.I went into the study and switched on the computer. I Iwanted to go to one of the on-line Wicca sites and see if I Icould find out the meaning of the runes on Selene I Belltower'sdoor frame. I could still picture at least five of I them in mymind. I also wanted to look up Maeve Riordan's family treeagain. Maybe there was some link I hadn't noticed or someother information I'd missed.
While the computer booted up, I sat there, biting my thumbnail and thinking. Part of me was getting more and morewound up, the longer my parents avoided answering myquestions. But I also had to admit that part of me was almosthappy about these delays. I was honestly afraid of how painfuland ugly the whole scene might be.I logged on and entered in the html address that Iremembered from before. But instead of Maeve's family tree amessage popped onto the screen:The page cannot be displayed. The page you ore lookingfor is currently unavailable. The Web site might beexperiencing technical difficulties, or you may need to adjustyour browser settings.I frowned. Had I entered the address wrong? I typed inMaeve Riordan and ran a search. Twenty-six matches poppedup.Last time there had been twenty-seven.I scrolled rapidly down the list. No html. Was thegenealogy site gone?I tried running a search for Ballynigel. That took me to amap site and opened a window with a map of Ireland.Ballynigel was a dot on the west coast. I couldn't zoom in on it.I typed in Belwicket and clicked the search button. I gotno hits.I slapped the keyboard in frustration. The site was gone.Just gone. As if it had never been there.I told myself not to get too worked up. Maybe it was beingupgraded or updated or something. If I just tried it again in acouple of days, it might well be back.Closing my eyes for a moment I tipped back my head andbreathed deeply. Then, feeling calmer, I entered a Web addressI'd gotten from Ethan---an address for a site about rune magick.In a moment the home page opened, and mysterioussymbols glowed before my eyes. I leaned closer, my worriesfading to the back of my mind as I began to read.It was nearly an hour later when I finally logged off andshut down the computer. When I closed my eyes, runes stilldanced across the insides of my lids. I'd learned a lot tonight.I picked up a pen and traced my new favorite rune on ascrap of paper that sat by the keyboard. Ken: It looked like a Vturned on its side. It stood for fire, including inspiration andpassion of spirit It was so simple, yet so strong.Underneath it I traced my other new favorite rune, Ur,strength.
I sighed. I needed a lot of that right now.On Thursday afternoon I was startled when Mom cameinto the family room. I was watching Oprah and doing myAmerican history homework."Hi, Morgan," she said, sounding tentative. Her hair wasbrushed and held back from her face by two combs. She woreno makeup, but she had on a sweat suit embroidered withleaves. "Where's Mary K.?""I dropped her at Jaycee's," I said."Oh, all right" Mom wandered over to the far wall andpicked up a clay pot that I'd made in third grade, then set itback down on its shelf. "Hey, how come I haven't seen Breeround this week?"I swallowed hard, replaying the scene yesterday in diecafeteria, when Bree and Raven had announced they werestarting their own coven. I didn't think Bree would be spendinga whole lot of time with me anymore.But I didn't have the strength to get into it with Mom rightnow. So I just said,"I guess she's been pretty busy.""Mmmm." To my surprise, Mom let it go at that. Sheprowled around the room some more, picking things up andputting them down. Then she said abruptly, "Mary K. says youhave a boyfriend.""Huh? Oh, yeah," I said in surprise, realizing she wasn'tup on the whole Cal thing. Of course. How could she havebeen? Cal and my discovery about my birth happened at almostthe same time."His name is Cal Blaire," I explained, feeling awkward.First of all, we'd never talked about boys before. There hadnever been anything to discuss. Second, why was I obligated totell her anything? She obviously had no problem keepingsecrets from me.But still, I'd had sixteen years of thinking of her as mymom. That habit was hard to break. "He and his mom movedhere in September," I added.Mom leaned against the doorjamb. "What does he think ofwitchcraft?"I blinked and flicked off the TV. "Um, he likes it," I saidstiffly.Mom nodded."Why didn't you ever tell me that I was adopted?" I said,the words rushing out now that I had my chance.
I saw her swallow as she searched for an answer. "There were some very good reasons at the time," she said finally. Thesilence of the house seemed to underscore her words."Everyone says you're supposed to be open about it," Isaid. Already I could feel my throat getting tight, and suddenlymy nerves felt like thorns."I know," Mom said quietly. "I know you want---need---some answers.""I deserve some answers!" I said, raising my voice. "Youand Dad lied to me for sixteen years! You lied to Mary KJ Andeveryone else knew the truth!"She shook her head, an odd look on her face. "No oneknows the whole truth," she said. "Not even your father andme." "What does that mean?" I crossed my arms over my chestI tried to hold on to my anger so I wouldn't cry."Your dad and I have been talking" she said. "We knowyou want to know. And we're going to tell you. Soon.""When?" I snappedMom gave an odd smile, as if at a private joke. She wasbeing so calm and yet looked so fragile that it was hard for meto stay angry. There was nothing here to fight against, and thatpissed me off even more."It's been sixteen years," she said gently. "Give us a fewmore days. I need time to think."I stared at her in disbelief, but with that same odd smileshe brushed her hand lightly against my cheek, then left theroom.For some reason, the memory of my sneaking into myparents' bed at night, when I was little, came into my mind Iused to worm my way in between them and go right to sleep.Nothing had ever felt so secure or so safe. Now it seemedstrange. My childhood memories were being revised every day.The phone rang, and I seized it like a lifeline. I knew itwas Cal."Hi," said Cal, before I could speak, and a warm sense ofcomfort passed over me. "I miss you. Can I come over?"I went from utter despair to pure joy in one second."Actually, could I come over there?" I asked."You don'tmind?""Oh, God, no. I'll be right there, okay?""Great," he said.I flew from the house, rushing toward happiness.
Cal met me at the front door of his house. It was already almost dark, and the air felt heavy and damp, as if it mightsnow early this year."I can only stay a little while," I said, my breath puffingslightly."Thanks for coming," he said, leading me inside. "I couldhave come to your house."I shook my head, taking off my coat. "You have moreprivacy here," I said. "Is your mom home?""No," said Cal as we started up the stairs to his room"She's at the hospital with someone from her coven. I have togo over later and help her." It occurred to me that the two ofus were alone in his house. A little shiver of anticipation wentthrough me."I forgot to ask Robbie today," Cal said, opening the atticdoor to his room. "Is he getting new glasses?""I don't know. They're going to do more tests." I rubbedmy arms as we walked into Cal's room, even though it wastoasty warm. I felt comfortable here, with Cal. The rest of mylife might be in turmoil, but here I knew I had power. And Iknew Cal understood. It gave me a wonderful feeling of relief.Looking around Cal's room, I remembered the night wehad done a circle here and I had seen everyone's auras. It hadbeen so seductive, being touched by magick. How could anyonenot want to pursue it?Behind me Cal touched my arm, and I turned to him. Hesmiled at me. "I like having you here," he said. "And I'm gladyou came. I wanted to give you something."I looked up at him questioningly."Here." Reaching up, he untied the knot in the leatherstring around his neck. Its silver pentacle dangled, catching thelamplight and shining. This necklace had been one of the firstthings I'd noticed about him, and I remembered thinking howmuch I'd liked it I stepped closer, and Cal fastened it aroundmy neck. It fell to a point above my breastbone, and he tracedaround it on my shirt.Thank you," I whispered. "It's beautiful." Reaching up myland, I curled it around his neck and pulled him to me. He metmy kiss halfway."How are things at home?" Cal asked a moment later, stillholding me.I felt like I could tell him anything. "Strange," I said. Ipulled myself out of his arms and walked around his room."I've hardly seen my parents. Today Mom was home, and I
asked her about being adopted, and she said she needed more time." I shook my head, looking at Cal's tall bookcase, its rowsof books on witchcraft, spell making, herbs, runes.... I wantedto sit down and start reading and not get up for a long time."Every time I think about how they lied to me, feelfurious," I told Cal, my hands clenching into fists. I let out abreath. "But today my mom looked---I don't know. Older.Fragile, somehow."I stopped next to Cal's bed. He walked over to me andrubbed my back. I took his hand and brought it to my cheek."Part of me feels like they're not my real family," I said,"And another part of me thinks, of course they're my realramify. They feel like my real family."He nodded, his hand stroking up and down my arm. "It'sstrange when people you think you know really well feelsuddenly different somehow."He sounded like he was speaking from experience, and Ilooked up at him."Like my father," he said. "He was the high priest of mymom's coven when they were married. And he met anotherwoman, another witch, in the coven. Mom and I used to makemean jokes about how she had put a love spell on him, butreally, in the end, I think maybe he just... loved her more."I heard the hurt in his voice and rested my head againsthis chest, my arms going around his waist."They live in northern England now," Cal went on. Hischest vibrated against my ear as he spoke. "She had a son, myage, from her first marriage, and they've had, I think, two morekids together.""That's awful," I said.He breathed in and out slowly. "I don't know. Maybe I'mjust used to it now. But I just think that's how it goes. Nothingis static; things always change. The best you can do is changealong with them and work with what you have."I was silent, thinking about my own situation."I think the important thing is to get through the angerand negative feelings because they get in the way of magick,"Cal said. "It's hard, but sometimes you just have to decide tolet those feelings go."His voice trailed off, and we stood there comfortably for awhile. Finally, reluctantly, I glanced at my watch."Speaking of going, I have to go," I said. ""Already?" Cal said, leaning down to kiss me. Hemurmured something against my lips.
Smiling, I wriggled out of his grasp. "What did you say?" "Nothing." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have saidanything.""What?" I asked again, concerned now. "What's wrong?""Nothing's wrong," he said. "It's just . . . suddenly Ithought of muirn beatha dan. You know."I looked at him. "What? What are you talking about?""You know," he said again, sounding almost shy. "Muirnbeatha dan. You've read about it, right?"I shook my head. "What is it?""Um, soul mate," said Cal. "Life partner. Predestinedmate." My heart almost stopped beating, and my breath frozein my throat. I couldn't speak."In the form of Wicca that I practice," Cal explained, "webelieve that for every witch, there's one true soul mate who'salso a full-blooded witch; male or female, it doesn't matter.They're connected to that person, and belong together, andbasically will only be truly happy with that person." Heshrugged. "It sort of... came into my head just now, when wewere kissing.""I never heard of it,' I whispered. "How do you know If ithappens?"Cal laughed wryly. "That's the tricky part. Sometimes itisn't that easy. And of course, people have strong wills: Theycan choose to be with people, insist on believing that thisperson is their muirn beatha dan when they're wrong and justwon't admit it"I wondered if he was talking about his mother and father."Is there any surefire way to tell?\*' I asked."I've heard of spells you can do: complicated ones. Butmostly witches just rely on their feelings, their dreams, andtheir instincts. They just feel this person is the one, and they gowith it"I felt exhilarated, like I was about to take off and fly."And do you think... maybe we're connected that way?" I askedbreathlessly.He touched my cheek. "I think we might be, yes," he said,his voice husky.My eyes felt huge. "So what now?" I blurted out, and helaughed."We wait we stay together. Finish growing up together."This was such an amazing, wonderful, seductive idea thatI wanted to shout, I love you! And we will always be together!I'm the one for you, and you're the one for me!
"How do you say it again?" I asked. "Muirn beatha dan," he said slowly, the words soundingancient and lovely and mysterious.I repeated them softly. "Yes," I said, and we met again ina kiss. 1Long minutes later I pulled away from him. "Oh, no, I'vereally got to go! I'm going to be late!""Okay," he said, and we headed out of his room. It felt sohard to leave this place where everything felt so rightEspecially when I knew I had to go home.Again I thought about the first time I'd been in Cal'sroom, when the coven had met there. "Are you upset that Bethand Raven and Bree have quit?" I asked as we headed downthe stairs.He thought for a moment "Yes and no." he said. "Nobecause I don't think you should try to keep someone in acoven against their will or even if they're not vary sure. It justmakes negative energy. And yes because they were all kind ofchallenging personalities, and they added something to themix. Which was good for the coven." He shrugged I guess we'llfirst have to wait and see what happens."I put on my coat, wishing I didn't have to go out into thecold. Outside the trees wore almost bare, and the leftoverleaves were a faded brown everywhere I looked."Ugh," I said, glancing out at Das Boot."Fall is trying to turn Into winter," said Cal, breathingsteam in the chilly air.I watched his chest rise and fell, and a bolt of desireripped through me. I wanted so badly to touch him, to run myhands through his hair, down his back, to kiss his throat andchest. I wanted to be close to him. To be his muirn beatha dan.Instead I tore myself away, fumbling in my coat pocketfor my keys, leaving Cal standing in the light from his door. Myheart was full and aching, and I felt heavy with magick.12. Beauty OutImbolc, 1982Oh, Goddess, Goddess, please help me. Please help me.Mathair, her hand rising up black from the smoking ashes. Mylittle Dagda. My own da.Oh, Goddess, I'm going to be ill; my soul is breaking. Icannot bear this pain.--BradhadairThat night my parents tried to act normal at dinner, but Ikept looking at them with questions in my eyes, and by dessert
we were all staring at our plates. Mary K. was obviously upset by the silence, and as soon as dinner was over she went up toher room and started playing loud music Ceiling-shakingthumps told us she was dancing out some of her stress.I couldn't stand being there. If only Cal wasn't helping hismom. Impulsively I called Janice and joined her, Ben Reggio,and Tamara at the dollar movies up In Red Kill We saw somestupid action movie that involved a lot of motorcycle chases.The whole time I sat there in the dark theater, I kept thinking,Muirn beatha dan, over and over.On Saturday morning Dad went outside to rake leaves andcut back the shrubs and trees so they wouldn't be broken in awinter ice storm. Mom took off after breakfast to go to herchurch women's club.I put on my jacket and crunched my way outside to mydad. "When are you guys going to tell me?" I said flatly. "Areyou just going to pretend nothing happened?"He paused and leaned on the rake for a moment "No,Morgan," he said at last. "We couldn't do that, no matter howmuch we wanted to." His voice was mild, and again I felt someof my anger deflate. I was determined not to let it go andkicked at a small pile of leaves."Well?" I demanded. "Where did you get me? Who weremy parents? Did you know them? What happened to them?"Dad flinched as if my words were physically hurting him."I know we have to talk about it," he said, his voice thinand raspy. "But... I need more time.""Why?" I exploded, throwing my arms wide. "What areyou waiting for?""I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said, looking down at theground. "I know we've made a lot of mistakes in the pastsixteen years. We tried to do our best. But Morgan," He lookedat me. "We've buried this for sixteen years. It isn't easy todredge it up. I know you want answers, and I hope we can givethem to you. But it isn't easy. And in the end, it might be thatyou wish you didn't know."I gaped at him, then shook my head in disbelief andstalked back to the house. What was I going to do?On Saturday night I dropped Mary K. off at her friendJaycee's house. They were going to meet Bakker and a bunchof other people at the movies. I was going on to meet with ourcoven at Matt's house.
"Where's Bakker's car?" I asked as I pulled up in front of Jaycee's house.Mary K. made a face. "His folks took it away for a weekafter he flunked a history exam.""Oh, too bad," I said. "Well, have a good time. Don't doanything I wouldn't do."Mary K. rolled her eyes. "Oh, okay," she said dryly. "Noteto self: Try not to dance around naked, doing witchcraft.Thanks for the ride." She got out and slammed the car door,and I watched her go into Jaycee's house.Sighing, I drove on to Matt's house, following hisdirections to the very outskirts of town. Ten minutes later Iparked in front of a low-slung brick modern house, and Jennalet me in."Hey!" she said brightly. "Come on in. We're in the livingroom. I can't remember---have you ever been here before?""No," I said, leaving my coat on a metal hook. "Are Matt'sparents here?"Jenna shook her head. "His dad had a medical conventionin Florida, and his mom went, too. We have the whole place toourselves.""Sweet," I said, following her. We took a right into a largeliving room, a white rectangle with one whole wall made ofglass. I guess it must have looked out onto the beck-yard, butright now it was dark outside, and all I could see was our ownreflections."Hi, Morgan,"said Matt He was wearing an old rugby shirtand jeans. "Welcome to Adler Hall."We both laughed as Sharon came into the room. "Hi,Morgan,"she said. "Matt, what's with all the bizarre furniture?""My mom is into sixties stuff," Matt explained.Ethan poked his head up from a red plush couch. It was sodeep, it looked like it was about to swallow him. A white floorlamp shaped like a globe with one flat side curved over hishead. "I feel like I've gone back in time," he said. "All we needis a conversation pit""There's one in the study," said Matt, grinning. Thedoorbell rang, and I felt a warm thrill of recognition evenbefore Jenna went to answer it Cal, I thought happily, a tinglegoing down my spine. Muirn beatha dan. Moments later I heardhis voice as he greeted Jenna. All my nerve cells came alive atthe sound and at the memory of yesterday, in his room."Does anyone want tea, or water, or a soda"Matt offeredas Cal came into the room, holding a big, beat-up leather
satchel. "We don't keep alcohol in the house 'cause my dad's in AA." This frank admission startled me. "Water sounds great"I crossed to Cal and gave him a quick kiss, marveling atmy own boldness.The doorbell rang again. A moment later Matt came backinto the room, carrying some bottles of seltzer. Robbie wasright behind him. "Hey," he said.I stared. I guess I should have been used to it by now,but I wasn't It was as if Robbie's personality and lame socialskills had been transferred into the body of a teen star. "Whereare your glasses?" I asked.Robbie took a bottle of seltzer from Matt and popped thecap. "That's the funny thing," he said slowly. "I don't needthem anymore.""How could you not need glasses?" I demanded. "Did youhave laser surgery without telling me?""Nope," Robbie said. "That's what all the tests this weekwere about. Apparently my eyesight has just gotten better. Iwas having headaches because I didn't need to wear glassesanymore, and the lenses were straining my eyes."He didn't sound happy, and it took me a few moments torealize that slowly, everyone's attention had turned to me."No!" I said strongly. "I absolutely did not do anotherspell! Honestly---I swear! I promised Robbie, and everyone else,that I wouldn't do another spell, and 1 haven't! I haven't doneany spells at all!"Robbie looked at me with his clear, gray-blue eyes, nolonger hidden by thick, distorting lenses. "Morgan," he said."I swear! I absolutely promise you," I said, holding up myright hand. Robbie looked unconvinced. "Robbie! Believe me."Conflict showed in his face. "What could it be, then?" heasked. "Eyes don't just get better. I mean, the actual shape ofmy eyeballs has changed. They were giving me MRIs to see If Ihad a tumor pressing on my brain.""Jesus," Matt muttered."I don't know," I said helplessly. "But it wasn't me.""This is incredible," said Jenna, sounding short of breath."Could someone else have put a spell on him?""I could have," Cal said thoughtfully. "But I didn't.Morgan, do you remember the actual words of your spell?""Yes," I said. "But I put the spell on the potion I gavehim, not on him."
"That's true," Cal mused. "Though if the potion was supposed to act on him in some way ... what were the words?"I swallowed, thinking back. "Um, 'So beauty in is beautyout," I recited softly. "This potion make your blemish nowt.This healing water makes you pure, and thus your beauty willendure.""That was it?" Sharon asked. "God, why didn't you do itsooner?""Sharon," Robbie said in irritation."Okay, okay," said Cal. "We have a couple of possibilitieshere. One is that Robbie's eyes have spontaneously healedthemselves due to some unfathomable miracle."Ethan snorted, and Sharon shot him a glance."The second possibility," Cal went on, "is that Morgan'sspell wasn't specific enough, wasn't limited only to Robbie'sskin. It was a spell to eliminate blemishes, imperfections. Hiseyes were imperfect; now they're perfect. Like his skin."The enormity of that thought was just sinking in whenEthan said brightly, "Great! I can't wait to see what It does forhis personality!"Jenna couldn't help snickering. I sank weakly Into a chairshaped like a giant cupped hand."The third possibility," said Cal, "is that someone we don'tknow has put a spell on Robbie. That doesn't seem likely---whywould a stranger want to do that? No, I think it's more likelythat Morgan's spell has just continued to fix things.""That's kind of frightening," I said, chilled. Did I reallyhave that kind of power?"It's pretty unusual. That's why you're not supposed to bedoing spells until you know more," Cal said. I felt terrible."When we start learning spells, I'll show you how to limitthem. Limitations are just about the most important things toknow, along with how to channel power. When you work aspell, you need to limit it in time, effect, purpose, duration, andtarget""Oh, no." I dropped my head into my hands. "I didn't doany of that""And actually, now that I think about it you banishedlimitations at the very first circle. Remember?" Cal asked. "Thatmight have something to do with this also.""So what now?" Robbie demanded. "What else is going tochange?"
"Probably not much more," Cal said. "For one thing, even though Morgan's really powerful, she's still just a beginner.She's not in touch with her full powers."I was glad he hadn't referred to me again as a bloodwitch. I wanted people to forget about it for now."Also," Cal said, "this kind of spell is usually self-limiting.I mean, the potion was for your face, and you put it only onyour face, right? You didn't drink it or anything?""God, no," Robbie said.Cal shrugged. "So it's just fixing that general area,including your eyes, it's unusual, but I guess it's notimpossible.""I don't believe this." I moaned, hiding my face. "I'm suchan Idiot I can't believe I did this. I am so, so sorry, Robbie.""What are you sorry about?" Ethan asked. "Now he can bean airline pilot"Sharon giggled, then stifled it."So you don't think it's going to do anything else?" Robbieasked Cal."I don't know," Cal said. He grinned. "Have you beenfeeling especially smart lately? It could be working on yourbrain."I moaned again.Cal nudged me. "I'm only kidding. It's probably over. Stopworrying."He clapped once. "Well. I think it's time to start talkingabout spells and limitations!"I couldn't laugh, though some of the others did."This is our first circle without Bree, Raven, and Beth,"said Cal."I'm going to miss them," said Jenna softly. Her eyesflicked to me, and I wondered if she thought it was my faultthat they had left.Cal nodded. "Yeah. Me too. But maybe without them we'llbe more tightly focused. We'll find out"We sat in a ring on the floor around Cal. "First, let's go overclans," he said. "You know how they all have qualitiesassociated with them. The Brightendales were healers. TheWoodbanes---the 'dark clan'---supposedly fought for power atany cost""Ooh," Robbie said. He gave me a mock-fearful look. But Ijust shivered. The very idea of the Woodbanes made me cold. Ididn't think it was something to laugh at.
"The Burnhides were known for their magick with crystals and gems," Cal went on. "The Leapvaughns were mischiefmakers. The Vikroths were warriors. And so on." He lookedaround the circle. "Well, just as each clan had qualitiesassociated with it so each clan also had certain runes that ittended to use. So---I think it's time we took a look at somerunes."Cal opened his large leather satchel and pulled out a sheafof what looked like index cards. He held them up, and I sawthat each one had a rune drawn on it very large."Rune flash cards!" I said, and Cal nodded."Basically, yes," he said. "Using runes is a quick way toget in touch with a deep, old source of power. Tonight I justwant to show them to you and have you concentrate on eachone. Each symbol has many meanings. They're all there for you,if you open yourself up to them."We all watched, fascinated, as he held up the white cardsone by one, reading the runes' names and telling us what theytraditionally stood for."There are different names for each symbol. The namesdepend on whether you're working within a Norse tradition, orGerman, or Gaelic," Cal explained. "Later on, we'll talk aboutwhich runes are associated with which clans.""This is so beautiful," said Sharon. "I love that peoplehave used these for thousands of years."Ethan turned to her, nodding his agreement I watched astheir eyes met and held.Who would have known that Sharon Goodfine would findWicca beautiful? Or that Ethan would dare to like her?Witchcraft was revealing us not only to ourselves but to eachother."Let's make a circle," said Cal.13. StarlightMarch 17, 1982St. Paddy's Day in New York City. Below, the city iscelebrating a holiday they imported from my home, but Icannot join in. Angus is out looking for work. I sit here by thewindow, crying, though the Goddess knows I have no moretears left.Everything I knew and loved is gone. My village is burnedto the ground. My ma and da are dead, though it's still hard forme to believe it. My little cat Dagda. My friends. Belwicket hasbeen wiped out, our cauldrons broken, out brooms burned, outherbs turned to smoke above our heads.
How did this happen? Why didn't I fall victim as so many others did? Why did Angus and I alone survive?I hate New York, hate everything about it. The noiseblunts my ears. I can't smell any living thing. I can't smell thesea or hear it in the background like a lullaby. There are peopleeverywhere, packed in tight, like sardines. The city is filthy;the people are rude and common. I ache foe my home.There is no magick in this place.And yet if there is no magick, surly there is no true evil,either? --M.R.We purified our circle with salt and then invoked earth,air, water, and fire with a bowl of salt, a stick of incense, abowl of water, and a candle. Cal showed us the rune symbolsfor these elements, and we worked to memorize them."Let's try to raise some energy and focus it," said Cal."We'll try to focus it in ourselves, and we'll limit its effects to agood night's sleep and general well-being. And does anyonehave any particular problem they'd like help with?"He met myeyes, and I could tell we were both thinking of my parents. ButCal left it up to me to ask for help in front of everyone, and Isaid nothing."Like, help my stepsister quit being such a pain?" Sharonasked. I hadn't known she had a stepsister. I was betweenJenna and Sharon, and their hands felt small and smooth inmine.Cal laughed. "You can't ask to change others. But you could askto make it easier for you to get along with her.""My asthma's been acting up since it got colder," Jennasaid. I remembered her coughing but hadn't known she hadasthma. People like Jenna, Sharon, Bree---they ruled our school.I had never really considered that they might have problemsand difficulties. Not until Wicca came into all our lives."Okay, Jenna's asthma,"agreed Cal. "Anything else?"None of us said anything.Cal lowered his head and closed his eyes, and we did thesame. The room was filled with our deep, even breathing, andlittle by little, as the minutes passed. I felt our breathing tunein to each other, becoming aligned so that we inhaled andexhaled together.Then Cal's voice, rich and slightly rough, said:"Blessed be the animals, the plants, and alt living things.Blessed be the earth, the sky, the clouds, the rain.Blessed be all people,
those within Wicca and those without. Blessed be the Goddess and the God,and all the spirits who help us.Blessed be. We raise our hearts,our voices, our spirits to the Goddess and the God."As we began to move deasil, the words rose and fell in apattern so that it became a song. We half skipped, half dancedin our circle, and the chant became a joyous cry that filled theroom, filled all the air around us. I was laughing, breathless,feeling happy and weightless and safe in this circle. Ethan wassmiling but intent his face flushed and his corkscrew curlsbouncing around his head. Sharon's silky black hair was flying,and she looked pretty and carefree. Jenna looked like a blondfairy queen, and Matt was dark and purposeful. Robbie movedwith new grace and coordination as we spun foster and faster.The only thing I missed was Bree's face in the circle.I felt the energy rise. It coiled around us, building andthickening and swirling in our circle. The living-room floor waswarm and smooth beneath my socked feet, and I felt like if I letgo of Jenna's and Sharon's hands, I would fly off through theceiling into the sky. As I looked above me, still chanting thewords, I saw the white ceiling waver and dissolve to show methe deep indigo night and the white and yellow stars poppingout of the sky so brightly. Awestruck, I gazed upward, seeingthe infinite possibilities of the universe where before there hadbeen only a ceiling. I wanted to reach out and touch the stars,and without hesitating, I unclasped my hands and stretched myarms overhead.At the same instant everyone else let go and threw theirarms overhead, and the circle stopped where it was while theswirling energy continued to coil around us, stronger andstronger. I reached for the stars, feeling the energy pressingagainst my backbone."Take the energy into you!" Cal called, and automatically Ipressed my clasped fist against my chest I breathed in warmthand white light and felt my worries melt away. I swayed on myfeet and once again tried to touch the stars. Reachingoverhead, I felt myself brush a tiny, prickly firelight that washot and sharp against my fingers. It felt like a star, and Ibrought down my hand.With the light in my hand I gazed at the others,wondering if they could see it Then Cal was at my side becauseI always channeled too much energy and had to ground myself
afterward. But this time I felt fine---not too dizzy, not too sick, just happy and lighthearted and full of wonder."Whoa," Ethan whispered, his eyes on me."What is that?" asked Sharon."Morgan!" Jenna said in awe. Her breath sounded tight Iand strained, and she was breathing fast and shallowly. Iturned to her. I felt like I could do anything.Reaching out, I pressed the light against her chest Shegasped with a small "Ah!" and I traced a line from one side tothe other beneath her collarbones. Closing my eyes, I flattenedmy hand on her breastbone and felt the starlight dissolve intoher. She gasped again and staggered on her feet and Cal putout his hand but didn't touch me. Under my fingers I feltJenna's lungs swell as she sucked in air. I felt the microscopicalveoli opening to admit oxygen, tiny capillaries absorbing theoxygen; I felt it as, from the smallest veins to the thick, ridgedmuscles of her bronchial tubes, each one expanded in a dominoeffect, loosening, relaxing, absorbing oxygen.Jenna panted.My eyes opened, and I smiled."I can breathe," Jenna said slowly, touching her chest "lwas starting to tighten up. I knew I'd need my inhaler after thecircle, and I didn't want to use it in front of everyone" Jenna'seyes sought Matt, and he came to put his arm around her. "Sheopened up my lungs and put air in with that light" Jenna said,sounding dazed."Okay, stop," Cal said, gently taking my hands. "Quittouching things. Like on Samhain, maybe you should lie downand ground yourself."I shook off his hands. "I don't want to ground myself"saidclearly. "I want to keep it" I flexed my fingers, wanting totouch something else, see what happened.Cal looked at me. Something flickered in his eyes."I just want to keep this feeling."I explained."It can't stay forever,"he said. "Energy doesn't linger---itneeds to go somewhere. You don't want to go around zappingthings."I laughed. "I don't?""No he assured me. Then he led me to a clear place on thepolished wood floor, and I lat down, feeling the strength of theearth beneath my back, feeling the energy cease its whizzingaround inside me, being absorbed by the earth's ancientembrace. In a few minutes I felt much more normal, less light-head and ...I guess, less drunk. Or at least, that's what I
imagined feeling drunk was like. I didn't have much practice with it."Why can she do this?" Matt asked, his arm stillprotectively around Jenna. Jenna was taking deep,experimental breaths. "It's so easy,"she marveled. "I feelso...so unconstrained."Cal gave a wry chuckle. "It freaks me out too, sometimes.Morgan does things that would be amazing for a high priestessto do---someone with years and years of training andexperience. She just has a lot of power, that's all.""You called her a blood witch," Ethan remembered. "She'sa blood witch, like you. But how is that?""I don't want to talk about it" I said, sitting up. "I'm sorryif I did something I shouldn't have---again. But I didn't mean todo anything wrong. I just wanted to fix Jenna's breathing. Idon't want to talk about being a blood witch. Okay?"Six pairs of eyes looked at me. The members of my covennodded or said okay. Only in Cal's face did I read the messagethat we would definitely have to talk about it later."I'm hungry," complained Ethan. "Got any munchies?""Sure," said Matt, heading toward the kitchen. "Too bad wecan't go swimming again," Jenna said regretfully."We can't?" Cal asked with a wicked smile at me. "Whynot? My house isn't that far away."Cringing, I crossed my arms over my chest"No way," Sharon scoffed, to my relief. "Even if the wateris heated, the air's way too cold. I don't want to freeze.""Oh, well," Cal said. Matt came in with a bowl of popcorn,and he helped himself to a big fistful. "Maybe some othertime."When no one could see me, I made a face at him,and he laughed silently.I leaned against him, feeling warm and happy. It had been anamazing, exhilarating circle, even without Bree.My smile faded as I wondered where she and Raven weretonight and who they were with.14. LessonsMay 7, 1982Were leaving this soulless place. I've been working as acashier in a diner, and Angus has been down in the meatdistrict, unloading huge American cows and putting theircarcasses on hooks. I feel my soul dying, and so does Angus.We're saving every penny so we can leave, go anywhere else.
Not much news from home. None of Belwicket is left to tell us what happened, and what little bits and pieces we getaren't enough to figure out anything. I don't even know why Iwrite in this book anymore, except as a diary. It is no longer aBook of Shadows. I hasn't been since my birthday, when myworld was destroyed. I haven't done any magick since beinghere, nor has Angus. No more will I. It has done nothing butwreak destruction.I am only twenty, and yet I feel ready for death'sembrace.--M.R,The next morning during church I suddenly had an idea. Iglanced over at the dark confessionals. After the service wasover, I told my parents that I wanted to make confession. Theylooked a little surprised, but what could they say?"I don't want to go to the diner today," I added. "I'll justsee you at home later."Mom and Dad looked at each other, then Dad nodded.Mom put her hand on my shoulder. "Morgan---" she began,then shook her head. "Nothing. I'll see you later, at home."Mary K. looked at me but didn't say anything. Her facewas troubled as she left with my parents.I waited impatiently in line as parishioners went in toconfess their sins. I realized I could probably tune into whatthey were talking about, but I didn't want to try. It would bewrong. Father Hotchkiss heard some pretty steamy stuffsometimes, I'd guess. And probably some really boring, pettythings, too.Finally it was my turn. I knelt inside the cubicle andwaited for the small grated window to slide open. When it did, icrossed myself and said, "Forgive me, Father, for I havesinned. It's been, urn ..." I thought back quickly. "Four monthssince my last confession.""Go ahead, my child," said Father Hotchkiss, as he had allmy life, every time I had confessed."Um..." I hadn't thought ahead this far and didn't have alist of sins ready. I really didn't want to go into some of thethings I'd been doing, and I didn't consider them sins, anyway."Well, lately I've been feeling very angry at my parents," Istated baldly. "I mean, I love my parents, and I try to honorthem, but I recently ... found out I was adopted."There. I hadsaid it, and on the other side of the screen I saw fatherHotchkiss's head come up a bit as he took in my words. "I'mupset and angry that they didn't tell me before and that they
won't talk to me about it now," I went on. "I want to know more about my birth parents. I want to know where I camefrom."There was a long pause as Father Hotchkiss digestedwhat I had said. "Your parents have done as they thoughtbest," he said at last. He didn't deny that I was adopted, and Istill felt humiliated that practically everyone had known butme. "My birth mother is dead," I said, pushing on. Iswallowed, feeling uncomfortable, even nervous talking aboutthis. "I want to know more about her.""My child," Father Hotchkiss said gently. "I understandyour wishes. I can't say that I would not feel the same, were Iin your place. But I tell you, and I speak with years ofexperience, that sometimes it really is best to leave the pastalone."Tears stung my eyes, but I hadn't realty expectedanything else. "I see," I whispered, trying not to cry."My dear, the Lord works in mysterious ways," said thepriest, and I couldn't believe he was saying something soclichéd. He went on. "For some reason, God brought you toyour parents, and I know they couldn't love you more. Hechose them for you, and He chose you for them. It would bewise to respect His decision."I sat and pondered this, wondering how true it was. ThenI became aware that other people were waiting after me and itwas time to go. "Thank you. Father," I said."Pray for guidance, my dear. And I will pray for you.""Okay." I slipped out of the confessional, put on my coat,and headed out the huge double doors into bright Novembersunshine. I had to think.After so many gray days it was nice to be walking in sun-light, kicking through the damp, brown leaves underfoot Everynow and then a golden leaf floated down around me, and eachone that fell was like another second ticking off on the clockthat turned autumn to winter.I passed through downtown Widows Vale, glancing in theshop windows. Our town is old, with the town hall dating backto 1692. Every once in a while I notice again how charming itis, how picturesque. A cool breeze lifted my hair, and i caught ascent of the Hudson River, bordering the town.By the time I got home, I'd thought about what FatherHotchkiss had said, I could see some wisdom in his words, butthat didn't mean I could accept not knowing the whole truth. I
didn't know what to do. Maybe I would ask for guidance at the next circle.Walking two miles had warmed me up nicely, and I tossedmy jacket over a chair in the kitchen. I glanced at the clock. If Iassumed my family followed their usual routine at the diner,they wouldn't be home for another hour or so. It would be niceto have the house to myself for a while.A thump overhead made me freeze. Weirdly, the firstthought I had was that Bree was in my house, possibly withRaven, and they were casting a spell on my bedroom orsomething. I don't know why I didn't think of burglars or astray squirrel that had somehow gotten in---I just immediatelythought of Bree.I heard scuffling sounds and the loud scraping noise of apiece of furniture being jolted out of place. I quietly opened themudroom door and picked up my baseball bat Then I kicked offmy shoes and headed upstairs in my stocking feet.By the time I reached the top of the landing, I could tellthe sounds were coming from Mary K.'s room. Then I heard hervoice, saying,"Ow! Stop it! Damn it, Bakker!"I stopped, unsure of what to do."Get off me," Mary K. said angrily."Oh, come on, Mary K.," was Bakker s response. "You saidyou loved me! I thought that meant---""I told you I didn't want to do that!" Mary K. cried. I flungopen the door to find Bakker Blackburn entangled with mysister on her single bed. Her legs were kicking."Hey!" I said loudly, making them both jump. Their headsturned to stare at me, and I saw relief in Mary K.'s eyes. "Youheard her," I said loudly. "Get off!""We're just talking," said Bakker. Mary K.'s hands pushedagainst his chest, and he resisted it Fury roiled inside me, and iraised the bat.Whap! I gave Bakker a smart rap on his shoulder to gethis attention. I hadn't been this furious since Bree and I'd hadour last fight."Ow!" Bakker yelled. "What are you doing? Are you nuts?""Bakker, get off!" Mary K. said again, pushing at him.I thrust my face close to Bakker's, and with my teethclenched, I spoke as menacingly as I could. "Get the hell offher!" Bakker's face went stiff, and he quickly moved away fromthe bed. He looked embarrassed and angry, his eyes dark. Thenhe snapped out his hand and knocked the bat out of my grip.
My jaw dropped in surprise as the wood went flying across the room."Stay out of this, Morgan," he said. "You don't knowwhat's going on. Mary K. and I are just talking.""Ha!" said Mary K., jumping up from the bed and yankingdown her shirt "You're being an ass! Now get out!""Not until you tell me what's going on," Bakker said. "Yousaid come over!" He was almost yelling, his voice filling theroom. "You said come up here! What was I supposed to think?We've been going out almost two months!"Mary K. was crying now. "I didn't mean that," she said,holding her pillow to her stomach. "I just wanted to be alonewith you.""What did you think being alone with me was all about?"he asked, his arms wide. He took a step closer to her."Watch it, Bakker," I warned, but he ignored me."I didn't mean that," Mary K. repeated, crying."Jesus!" he said, leaning over her. My teeth clenched, andI started edging over toward the bat "You don't know what youwant""Shut up, Bakker," I snapped. "For God's sake, she'sfourteen."Mary K. cried into her pillow."She's my girlfriend!" Bakker shouted. "I love her, andshe loves me, so stay out of this! It's none of your business!""None of my business?" I couldn't believe what t washearing. "That's my little sister you're talking about!"Without planning it, I snapped out my arm, finger pointedat Bakker. Before my eyes a small ball of spitting, crackly bluelight shot out of my finger and streaked toward him, hittinghim in the side. It was like the light I had given to Jenna lastnight, but different Bakker yelped and stumbled, clutching hisside and clawing at the bedspread. I stared at him, horrified,and he stared back at me as if I had suddenly sprouted wingsand claws."What the hell---," he gasped, clasping his side. I waspraying blood wouldn't start running out through his fingers.When he took his hand away, there were no marks on hit shirtno blood. I breathed out in relief."I'm out of here," he said in a strangled voice, lurching tohis feet He turned back to look at Mary K. one last time. Shehad her face buried in her pillow, and she didn't look up. With alast glare at me Bakker stormed through the bedroom door andpounded down the steps. The front door slammed moments
later, and I peeked out down the stairwell to make sure he was gone. Through the front door sidelight I saw him striding fastdown the street rubbing his side. His lips were moving as if hewas swearing to himself.Back in Mary K.'s room, she was holding a tissue to hereyes and sniffling."Jesus, Mary K.," I said, sitting next to her on the bed."What was that about? Why aren't you at the diner?"She started crying again and leaned forward into me. Iput my arms around her and held her, so thankful she hadn'tbeen hurt, that I had come home when I had for the first timein a week it felt like the two of us again, the way we used to be.Close. Comfortable. Trusting each other. I had missed that somuch."Don't tell Mom and Dad," she said, tears wetting hercheeks. "I just wanted to see Bakker alone, so I told them Ineeded to study, and I had them drop me off here while theywent to lunch. Its just---we're always with other people. Ididn't know he would think---""Oh, Mary K.," I said, trying to soothe her. "It was a hugemisunderstanding, but it wasn't your fault. Just because yousaid you wanted to see him alone doesn't mean that you'reobligated to go to bed with him. You meant one thing; heunderstood another. What's awful is what an ass he was being.I should have called the cops."Mary K. sniffled and drew back. "I don't really think hewas going to... hurt me," she said. "I think it kind of lookedworse than it was.""I can't believe you're defending him!""I'm not," said my sister. "I'm not defending him, and I'mdefinitely breaking up with him.""Good," I said strongly."But I have to say, it really wasn't like him," Mary K. wenton. "He's never pushed me too far, always listened when I saidno. I'm sure he'll be really sorry tomorrow."My eyes narrowed as I looked at her. "Mary KathleenRowlands, that's not good enough. Don't you dare makeexcuses for him. When I walked in here, he was pinning youdown!"Her brows creased. "Yeah," she said."And he knocked the bat out of my hands," I said. "And hewas yelling at us.""I know," said Mary K., looking angry. "I can't believehim."
"That's more like it," I said, standing up. "Tell me you're breaking up with him.""I'm breaking up with him," my sister repeated."Okay. Now I'm going to go change. You better wash yourface and straighten your room before Mom and Dad comehome.""Okay," said Mary K., standing up. She gave me a waterysmile. "Thanks for rescuing me." She reached out to hug me."You're welcome," I said, and turned to go."How did you stop him, anyway? He said.'Ow!' and thenfell against the bed. What did you do?"I thought fast "I kicked his knee and made it buckle," Isaid. "Made him lose his balance."Mary K. laughed. "I bet he was surprised.""I think we both were," I said honestly. Then, feeling alittle shaky, I went downstairs. I had shot a bolt of light atsomeone. Surely that was strange, even for a witch.15. Who I AmSeptember 1, 1982Today we're moving out of this hellhole, to a town aboutthree hours north of here. It's called Meshomah Falls. I thinkMeshomah is an Indian word. They have Indian words all overthe place around here. The town is small and very pretty, kindof like home.We already have jobs---I'm going to waitress at the littlecafe in town, and Angus will be helping a local carpenter. Wesaw people dressed in queer old-fashioned clothes there lastweek. I asked a local man about them, and he said they wereAmish.Last week Angus got back fro Ireland. I didn't want himto go, and I couldn't write about it until now. He went toIreland, and he went to Ballynigel. Not much of the town is left.Every house where a witch lived was burned to the ground andnow has been razed flat for rebuilding. He said none of our kindare left there, none he could find. Over in Much Bencham he gota story that people have been telling about a huge dark wavethat wiped out the town, a wave without water. I don't knowwhat could cause or create something so big, so powerful.Maybe many covens working together.I was terrified for him to go, thought I'd never see himagain. He wanted to get married before he left, and I said no. Ican't marry anyone. Nothing is permanent, and I don't want tofool myself. Anyway, he took the money, went home, and founda bunch of charred, empty fields.
Now he's here, and we're moving, and in this new town, I'm hoping a new life can begin. --M.R.Late that afternoon I decided to hunt down my Wiccabooks. I lay on my bed and cast out my senses, sort of feelingmy way through the whole house. For a long time I gotnothing, and I started to think I was wasting my time. Butthen, after about forty-five minutes, I realized I felt the booksin my mom's closet, inside a suitcase at the very back. I looked,and sure enough, there they were. I took them back to myroom and put them on my desk. If Mom or Dad wanted to makesomething of it, let them. I was through with silence.On Sunday night I was sitting at my desk, working myway through math homework, when my parents knocked on mydoor."Come in," I said.The door opened, and I heard Mary K.'s music playinglouder from inside her room. I winced. Our musical tastes arecompletely different.I saw my parents standing in the doorway. "Yes?" I saidcoolly."May we come in?" Mom asked.I shrugged.Mom and Dad came in and sat down on my bed. I tried notto glance at the Wicca books on my desk.Dad cleared his throat, and Mom took his hand."This past week has been very ... difficult for all of us,"Mom said, looking reluctant and uncomfortable. "You've hadquestions, and we weren't ready to answer them."I waited.She sighed. "If you hadn't found out on your own, Iprobably never would have wanted to tell you about theadoption," she said, her voice ending on a whisper. "I knowthat's not what people recommend. They say everyone shouldbe open, honest" She shook her head "But telling you didn'tseem like a good idea." She raised her eyes to my dad, and henodded at her."Now you know about it," Mom said. Part of it. anywayMaybe it's best for you to know as much as we know, rut notsure. I'm not sure what the best thing is anymore. But we don'tseem to have a choice.""I have a right to know." I said, "it's my life, lea at I canthink about It's there, every day."
Mom nodded "Yes, I see that So." She drew in a long breath and looked down at her lap for a moment "You knowDaddy and I got married when I was twenty-two and he wastwenty-four.""Uh-huh.""We wanted to start a family right away," said my mom."We tried for eight years, with no luck. The doctors found onething wrong with me after another. Hormonal imbalances,endometriosis ... it got to where every month I would get myperiod and cry for three days because I wasn't pregnant"My dad kept his gaze on her. He freed his hand from hersand wrapped his arm around her shoulders instead."I was praying to God to send me a baby," said Mom. "I litcandles, said novenas. Finally we applied at an adoptionagency, and they told us it might be three or four years. But weapplied anyway. Then...""Then an acquaintance of ours, a lawyer, called us onenight," said my dad."It was raining," my mom put in as I thought about theirfriends, trying to remember a lawyer."He said he had a baby," my dad said. He shifted andtucked his hands under his knees. "A baby girl who neededadopting, a private adoption.""We didn't even think about it," Mom said. "We just saidyes! And he came over that night with a baby and handed herto me. And I took one look and knew this was my baby, the oneI'd prayed for for so long." Mom's voice broke, and she rubbedher eyes."That was you," Dad said unnecessarily. He smiled at thememory. "You were seven months old and just so---""So perfect," Mom interrupted, her face lighting up. "Youwere plump and healthy, with curly hair and big eyes, and youlooked up at me ... and I knew you were the one. In thatmoment you became my child, and I would have killed any. onewho tried to take you away from me. The lawyer said that yourbirth parents were too young to raise a baby and had askedhim to find you a good home." She shook her head,remembering. "We didn't even think about it, didn't ask formore information. All I knew was, I had my baby, and frankly, Ididn't care where you had come from or why."I clenched my jaw, feeling my throat start aching. Had mybirth parents given me to someone to keep me safe, knowingthey were in danger somehow? Had the lawyer been telling the
truth? Or had I just been found somewhere, after they were dead?"You were everything we wanted," said Dad. "That nightyou slept between us in our bed, and the next day we went outand bought every kind of baby thing we'd ever heard of. It waslike a thousand Christmases, all of our dreams coming true, inyou.""A week later," Mom said, sniffling, "we read about a firein Meshomah Falls. How two bodies had been found in a barnthat had burned to the ground. When the bodies wereidentified, they matched the names on your birth certificate.""We wanted to know more, but we also didn't want to doanything to hurt the adoption," said my dad. He shook hishead. "I'm ashamed to say, we just wanted to keep you, nomatter what""But months later, after the adoption was final---it wentthrough really fast and finally it was all legal and no one couldtake you away---then we tried to find out more" Momcontinued."How?" I asked."We tried calling the lawyer, but he had taken a job inanother state. We left messages, but he never returned any ofour calls. It was kind of odd," Dad added. "It almost seemedlike he was avoiding us. Finally we gave up on him."I went through the newspapers," Dad went on. "I talkedto the reporter who had covered the fire story, and he put mein touch with the Meshomah police. And after that I didresearch in Ireland, when I was there on a business trip. Thatwas when you were about two years old and your mom wasexpecting Mary K.""What did you find out?" I asked in a small voice. "Areyou sure you want to know?"I nodded, gripping my desk chair. "I do want to know," Isaid, my voice stronger. I knew what Alyce had told me andwhat I had found out at the library. I needed to know more. Ineeded to know it all."Maeve Riordan and Angus Bramson died in that barnfire," my dad said, looking down as if he were reading thewords off his shoes. "It was arson---murder," he clarified. "Thebarn doors had been locked from the outside, and gasoline hadbeen poured around the building."I trembled, my eyes huge and fastened on my dad. Ihadn't read anywhere that it had definitely been murder.
"They found symbols on some of the charred pieces of wood," said Mom. "They were identified as runes, but no oneknew why they were written there or why Maeve and Angushad been killed. They had kept to themselves, had no debts,went to church on Sundays. The crime was never solved.""What about in Ireland?"Dad nodded and shifted his weight "Like I said, I wentthere on business, and I didn't have a lot of time. I didn't evenknow what to look for. But I took a day trip to the town wherethe Meshomah police had said Maeve Riordan was from:Ballynigel. When I got there, there wasn't much of a town tosee. A couple of shops on a main street and one or two uglynew apartment buildings. My guidebook had said it was aquaint old fishing village, but there was hardly any sign of it orwhat it had used to be.""Did you find out what happened?""Not really," Dad said, holding his hands wide. 'There wasa newsstand there, a little shop. When I asked about it, the oldlady kicked me out and slammed the door." "Kicked you out?" Iasked in amazement Dad gave a dry chuckle. "Yes. Finally,after walking around and finding nothing, I went to the nexttown---Ithink its name was Much Bencham---and had lunch in the pub.There were a couple of old guys sitting at the bar, and theystruck up a conversation with me, asking where I was from. Istarted talking, but as soon as I mentioned Ballynigel theywent quiet 'Why do ye want to know?' they asked suspiciously.I said I was investigating a story for my hometown newspaperabout small Irish towns. For the travel section."I stared at my dad, unable to picture him blithely lying tostrangers, going on this quest to find out my heritage. He'dknown all of this, both of them had, almost all of my life. Andthey'd never breathed a word to me."To make a long story short" Dad went on, "it finally cameout that until four years earlier, Ballynigel hod been a small,prosperous town. But in 1982 it had suddenly been destroyed.Destroyed by evil, they said."I could hardly breathe. This was similar to what Alyce hadsaid. My mom was chewing her bottom lip nervously, notlooking at me."They said that Ballynigel had been a town of witches,with most of the people there being descendants of witches forthousands of years. They called them the old clans. They saidevil had risen up and destroyed the witches, and they didn't
know why, but they knew you should never take a chance with a witch." Dad coughed and cleared his throat "I laughed andsaid I didn't believe in witches. And they said, 'More fool you.'They said that witches were real and there had been a powerfulcoven at Ballynigel until the night they had been destroyed,and the whole town with them. Then I had an idea, and Iasked. Did anyone escape? They said a few humans. Humans,they called them, as if there was a difference. I said, Whatabout witches? And they shook their heads and said if anywitches had escaped, they would never be safe, no matterwhere they went That they would be hunted down and killed, ifnot sooner, then later."But two witches had escaped and had come to America.Where they were killed three years later.Mom had quit sniffling and now watched my dad as if shehadn't heard this story for many years."I came home and told your mom about it and to tell youthe truth, we were both pretty frightened. We thought abouthow your birth parents had been killed. Frankly, it scared us.We thought there was a psycho out there, hunting these peopledown, and if he knew about you, you wouldn't be safe. So wedecided to go on with our business, and we never spoke of yourpast again."I sat there, interlacing this story with the one Alyce hadtold me. For the first time I could almost understand why myparents had kept all this to themselves. They had been tryingto protect me. Protect me from what had killed my birthparents."We wanted to change your first name," Mom said. "Butyou were legally Morgan. So we gave you a nickname.""Molly," I said, light dawning. I had been Molly untilfourth grade, when I decided I hated it and wanted to be calledMorgan."Yes. And by then, when you wanted to be Morgan again,well, we felt safe," Mom said. "So much had changed. We'dnever heard anything more about Meshomah Falls or Ballynigelor witches. We thought all of that was behind us.""Then we found your Wicca books," said Dad. "And itbrought everything back, all the memories, the awful stories,the fear. I thought someone had found you, had given youthose books for a reason."I shook my head. "I bought them myself.""Maybe we've been unreasonable," Mom said slowly. "Butyou don't know what it's like to worry that your child might be
taken from you or might be harmed. Maybe what you're doing is innocent and the people you're doing it with don't mean anyharm.""Of course they don't," I said, thinking of Cal, andhis mother, and my friends."But we can't help feeling afraid," said my dad. "I saw a wholetown that had been wiped out I read about the burned barn. Italked to those men in Ireland. If that's what witchcraft entails,we don't want you to have any part of It"We sat there in silence for a few minutes while I tried toabsorb this story. I felt overwhelmed with emotion, but most ofmy anger toward them had melted away."I don't know what to say." I took a deep breath. "I'mglad you told me all this. And maybe I wouldn't haveunderstood it when I was younger. But I still think you shouldhave told me about the adoption part earlier. I should haveknown." My parents nodded, and my mom sighed heavily. "ButI can't help feeling that Wicca is not connected to that---disaster in Ireland. It's just---a weird coincidence. I mean,Wicca is a part of me. And I know I'm a witch. But the kind ofstuff we do couldn't cause anything like what you described."Mom looked like she wanted to ask more but didn't wantto hear the answers. She kept silent"How come you were able to have Mary K.?" I asked."I don't know," Mom said in a low voice. "It justhappened. And after Mary K., I've never gotten pregnant again.God wanted me to have two daughters, and you've bothbrought untold joy into our lives. I care about you both somuch that I can't stand to think of any danger coming to you.Which is why I want you to leave witchcraft alone. I'm beggingyou to leave witchcraft alone."She started crying, so of course I did, too. It was all toomuch to take in."But I can't!" I wailed, blowing my nose. "It's a part ofme. It's natural. It's like having brown hair or big feet It'sjust---me.""You don't have big feet" my dad objected.I couldn't help laughing through my tears."I know you love me and want what's best for me," I said,wiping my eyes. "And I love you and don't want to hurt you ordisappoint you. But it's like you're asking me not to be Morgananymore." I looked up."We want you to be safe!" my mom said strongly, meet\*ing my eyes. "We want you to be happy."
"I'm happy," I said. "And I try to be safe all the time." The music went off across the hall, and we heard Mary K. enter thebathroom that connected her room to mine. The water ran, andwe heard her brushing her teeth. Then the door shut again andit was quiet.I looked at my parents. "Thank you for telling me," I said."I know it was hard, but I'm glad that you did. I needed toknow. And I'll think about what you said, I promise."Mom sighed, and she and my dad looked at each other.They stood, and we all hugged each other for the first time in aweek."We love you," said Mom into my hair."I love you, too," I said.16. HostileDecember 15, 1982We're getting ready to celebrate Christmas for the firsttime ever. We're going to the Catholic church in town. Thepeople are very nice. It's funny, all the Christmas stuff---it's soclose to Yule. The Yule log, the colors red and green, themistletoe. Those things have always been a part of my life. Itfeels strange to be practicing Catholics instead of what wewere.This town is nice, much greener than New York City. I cansee nature here; I can smell rain. It's not a bunch of ugly grayboxes full of unhappy people racing around.Over and over I find myself wanting to say a little spell forthis or that---to get rid of slugs in the garden, to bring moresunshine, to help bread rise. But I don't. My whole life is inblack and white, and that's the way is has to be now. No spells,no magick, no rituals, no rhymes. Not here. Not ever.Anyways, I love our wee house. It's lovely and easy forme to keep clean. We're saving up to buy our own washingmachine. Imagine! Everyone in America has their own.I can't forget the horror this year. It is seared on my soulforever. But I am glad to be in the place, safe, with Angus. --M.R. "Are you going to the game on Friday?" Tamara asked me.I kicked off my clogs and stowed them in the bottom ofmy gym locker. As usual, the air in the girls' locker roomsmelted like a mixture of sweat, baby powder, and shampoo.Tamara pulled on her gym shorts and sat down to put on hersocks.
"I don't know," I answered, pulling my shirt over my head. Quickly I wriggled into my gym clothes and saw Tamara'seyes glance at the small silver pentacle around my neck. Shelooked away, and I wasn't sure if she got the significance: thatit was a symbol of my commitment to Wicca and to Cal. I bentdown to tie my sneakers and didn't say anything about itAcross the room Bree stood next to her own locker,changing. Since Raven was a senior, she was in a differentclass. It was unusual to see Bree alone.Bree's eyes met mine for a moment and their coldnessshocked me. It was hard to believe that I hadn't been able toshare my huge news with her: finding out I was adopted, thestory of my birth parents. We had always promised to tell eachother everything, and until this school year we had. She'd toldme about when she'd lost her virginity and tried pot for thefirst time and how she'd found out about her mom's affair. Myown confidences had been much more banal."Guess who asked me out," said Tamara, pulling her tightcurls into a puffy ponytail."Who?" I asked, quickly braiding my hair in two longbraids so I looked like an Irish Pocahontas.Tamara lowered her voice. "Chris Holly."My eyes got wide. "Get out! What did you soy?" Iwhispered."I said no! Number one, I'm sure he only asked becausehe's flunking trig and needs help, and number two, I saw whata jerk he was with Bree." Her dark brown eyes looked at me."Are you two talking yet?"I shook my head.So did Tamara. I shoved my feet into my sneakers andtied them."So did you go after Cal?" she asked. "No," I saidhonestly. "I mean, I was crazy about him, but I knew Breeliked him. I just assumed they'd end up together. But then ...he picked me." Shrugging, I stuck my braids down the back ofmy T-shirt so they wouldn't whip anyone in the face. Then Ms.Lew, our PE teacher, blew her whistle. Ms. Lew loved thatwhistle."It's raining out, girls!" she called in her clear voice. "Sogive me five laps around the gym!"We all groaned, as expected, then started to jog out of thelocker room. Tamara and I quickly passed Bree, who was goingas slowly as she possibly could.
"Witch," I heard Bree mutter as I jogged past My cheeks burned, and I pretended not to hear her."She called you a bitch," Tamara whispered angrily,jogging next to me. "I can't believe she's being such a badsport about this. I mean, they didn't even go out. Besides, shecan get any other guy she wants. Does she really have to havethem all?"Hooting and whistling assaulted our ears as all the juniorboys ran out of their locker room and started jogging in theopposite direction. I could hear the rain as it hit the smallwindows set high in the gym walls."Hey, baby!""Looking good!"I rolled my eyes as the boys jogged past Robbie made aface at me as he passed, and I laughed."Bree says they did go out once," I said, starting to pant.Actually, she had said that she and Cal had sex. It wasn'texactly the same thing.Tamara shrugged. "Maybe they did, but I never heardabout it It couldn't have meant much, anyway. Oh, guess whoasked Janice out? You've been out of the whole gossip loop.""Who?""Ben Reggio," announced Tamara. "They've had two studydates.""Oh, that's great" I said. "They seem like they'd beperfect together. I hope it works out"I felt so normal, talking about regular high school stuffwith Tamara. As exciting and fantastic and empowering as myWicca experiences were, they made me feel kind of isolated.They were also exhausting. It was nice, not having to thinkabout anything deep or life changing for a few minutes.After our laps we split into teams for volleyball. The girlswere on one side of the gym with Ms. Lew, and the boys wereon the other with Coach.Bree and I ended up on opposite teams."God, look at Robbie," a girl whispered behind me. Iturned around and saw Bettina Kretts talking to Paula Arroyo."He is so hot."I looked at Robbie. With great skin and no glasses, he wasmoving around the volleyball court with new confidence."I heard that senior, Anu Radtha, asked when he hadtransferred here," Paula said in a low voice.
I raised an eyebrow. Anu was the older sister of one of Bree's old boyfriends, Ranjit So Anu actually thought Robbie was anew student and one worthy of a senior's attention."Is he going out with anyone?" Bettina asked."Don't think so," Paula answered. Their conversation wasinterrupted when the ball came into our quarter for a minute.We bounced it around, and I knocked it across the net, anxiousto hear the rest of what they were saying."He hangs out with the witches," Bettina shocked me bysaying. She was several people away and speaking in a lowtone. Only by concentrating could I hear what she was saying.I'd had no idea that people around school thought of our groupas "the witches.""Yeah, I've seen him with Cal and the rest of them," saidPaula. "Hey, if he isn't going out with anyone, why don't youask him to the game?"Bettina giggled. "Maybe I will."Well, well, well, I thought, popping the ball over to SarahFields. She hit it over the net to Janice, and Janice returnedwith a quick, neat pop that went right between Bettina andAlessandra Spotford, costing us a point and giving ouropponents the serve.Bree was in the server's position on the other team, andwhile she was holding the ball, someone gave a wolf whistlefrom the other side of the gym. She looked up, her eyes flittingfrom boy to boy until she found Seth Moore giving her a big,lecherous grin. Seth was good-looking in a punky kind of way.His hair was cut in a buzzed flattop, he wore two silver earringsin his left ear, and he had pretty hazel eyes.Bree grinned back and wiggled her shoulders at him.Automatically I looked for Chris Holly, Bree's most recentex. He was watching it all with a kind of frozen animosity, buthe said nothing and made no move."Come on, Miss Warren," ordered Ms. Lew."You and me, baby!" Seth shouted.Bree laughed, and then our glances met She gave me thissnarky, superior smile, as if to say, See? Boys would never dothat for you. I tried to look bored, but of course it was true. Calwas the only guy who had ever paid me any attention. Bree'sshowing off hurt me, as she intended."Anytime!" Bree called to Seth, getting ready to serve.Several of his teammates made a big show of holding him back.Everyone was laughing now, everyone but me, Chris Holly---andone other person. When I saw the look on Robbie's face, my
jaw almost dropped open. Good old Robbie, my pal Robbie, was watching Bree and Seth with a barely concealed jealousy. Hishands were clenching at his sides, and his whole body wastense.Huh, I thought in wonder. He had never said a word aboutliking Bree.Then I felt a stab of guilt. Of course, I hadn't asked."Come on, Bree," said Ms. Lew, sounding irritated.Bree gave me another superior smile, as if this wholeshow was for my benefit, to show me how hot she was andhow nothing I was. A spark of anger ignited in me. Looking ather, I impulsively hooked my finger in the neck of my T-shirtand tugged it down, revealing the silver pentacle that Cal hadonce worn and that was now mine.Bree paled visibly and drew in a quick breath. Then shepulled back her arm, made a fist and smashed the volleyballright at me with all her strength. Automatically I threw myhand in front of my face a split second before the powerfulserve came right at me. It knocked me down, and the entirejunior class saw me whack my head on the wooden floor. Atangy, coppery smell alerted me one second before my noseand mouth filled with blood. Putting my hands over my face, Itried to sit up before I drowned, and my blood ran out throughmy fingers and down my shirt.Everyone was gasping, talking fast and Ms. Lew's voice,urgent and in control, said, "Let me see, honey." Her handspried my fingers away from my face, and when she did, I sawBree, standing over her, peering at me In alarm, a horrifiedexpression on her face.I looked at her, trying not to swallow blood. Her mouthopened, and silently she said, "I'm sorry." She looked so muchlike her old self for a minute that I almost felt happy. Then allof a sudden the shock subsided, and my face was filled withpain. "Are you all right?" someone asked."Um " I mumbled, putting my hands up to my nose."Hurts.""Okay, Morgan," said Ms. Lew. "Can you stand up? Let'sget you to my office so we can put some ice on it. I think we'dbetter call your mom." She helped me up and called, "Get backto the game, girls. Bettina, get some paper towels and wipethat blood up so someone doesn't slip on it Ms. Warren, see mein my office after class."
I cast a last look at Bree as I left Bree looked back at me, but suddenly every remnant of friendship or emotion was gone,replaced by calculation. It made my heart sink, and tears filledmy eyes.When Mom came to get me, she was still in her workclothes. Clucking with worry, she took me to the emergencyroom, where they x-rayed my face. My nose was broken, andmy lip needed one tiny stitch. Everything was swollen, and Ilooked like a Halloween mask.It had come to this, between me and Bree.17. The New CovenApril 14, 1983My peas are coming up nicely---I thought I might have putthem in too early. They're a symbol of my new life: I can'tbelieve they're growing on their own so strongly, withoutmagickal help. Sometimes the urge to get in tough with theGoddess is so strong, I ache with it---it's like a pain, somethingtrying to get out. But that part of my life is over, and all I havefrom that time is my name. And Angus.We have a new addition to our household: a gray-and-white kitten. I've named her Bridget. She's a funny little thing,with extra toes on each paw and the biggest purr you everheard. I'm glad to have her.--M.R.That afternoon, as I lay in bed with an ice pack on myface, the doorbell rang. I immediately sensed that it was Cal.My heart thumped painfully. I listened as he spoke to my mom.I focused my attention, but I could still barely make out theirwords."Well, I don't know," I heard Mom say."For Pete's sake, Mom. I'll stay the whole time and chaperonthem," said Mary K., much louder. She must have beenstanding right at the bottom of the steps. Then footstepssounded on the stairs. I watched nervously as my door opened.Mom came in first, presumably to make sure I wasproperly dressed and not, say, wearing a sexy, see-throughnegligee. In fact, I was wearing stretched-out graysweatpants, an undershirt of my dad's, and a white sweatshirt.Mom had helped me wash the blood out of my hair, but Ihadn't dried it or anything like that It hung loose in long dampropes. Basically, I looked as awful as I had ever looked in mylife. Cal came into my room, and his presence made it seemsmall and young. Note to self: Redecorate.
He gave me a big smile and said,"Darling!"I couldn't help laughing, though it hurt and I put my handto my face and said,"Ungh---doan make me laugh."As soon as Mom saw I was decent she left, even thoughshe was obviously uncomfortable about my having a boy in myroom."Doesn't she look great?" Mary K. said. "Too badHalloween's over. I bet by Thursday everything will be yellowand green." I noticed she was holding a white teddy bearwearing a heart-shaped bib."For me?" I asked.Mary K. shook her head, looking embarrassed. "It's fromBakker."I nodded. Bakker had been sending flowers and leavingnotes on our porch all day. He'd called several times, and whenI had answered the phone, he had apologized to me. I knewMary K. was weakening.She perched in my desk chair, and I gave her a look."Don't you have homework?""I promised to chaperon," she objected. Then, seeing myexpression, she held up her hands. "Okay, okay, I'm going."As the door closed behind her I looked at Cal. "I didn'twant you to see me like this." Because of the swelling in mynose, my voice sounded clogged and distantHis face grew solemn. "Tamara told me about whathappened. Do you think she did it on purpose?"I thought of Bree's face, of the fright in her eyes whenshe saw what she'd done to me."It was an accident,"I said, and he nodded."I brought you some stuff." He held up a small bag."What?"I asked eagerly."This, for starters,"Cal said, taking out a small pottedplant. It was silverly gray, with cut, feathery leaves."Artemesia,"I said, recognizing it from one of my herbbooks. "It's pretty."Cal nodded. "Mugwort. A useful plant. Also this,"Hehanded me a small vial/I read the label. "Arnica montana.""It's a homeopathic medicine,"Cal explained. "I got it atthe health-food store. It's for when you're had a traumaticinjury. It's good for bruises, stuff like that."He leaned closer."I spelled It to help you heal faster," he whispered. "It'sJust what the doctor ordered."I sank back gratefully on my pillows. "Cool."
"One more thing," Cal said, taking out a bottle of Yoo-Hoo. "I bet you can't eat much, but a Yoo-Hoo can be suckeddown with a straw. And it's got all the major food groups-dairy,fat, chocolate. You could say it's the perfect food."I laughed, trying not to move my face. "Thanks. Youthought of everything."Mom called upstairs: "Dinner will be ready in fiveminutes." I rolled my eyes, and Cal smiled. "I can take a hint,"he said. He sat carefully on the edge of my bed and took myhand in both of his. I swallowed, feeling lost, wanting to holdhim to me. Muirn beatha dan, I thought"Is there anything you want me to do for you?" he askedwith quiet meaning. I knew he meant Do you want me to getback at Bree?I shook my head, feeling my face ache. "I don't think so,"I whispered. "Let it go."He regarded me evenly. "I'll let it go so far and nofarther," he warned. "This sucks."I nodded, feeling very tired."Okay, I'll get going. Call me later if you want totalk."He stood up. Then he very gently put his hands on my face,barely touching me with his fingertips. He closed his eyes andmuttered words I didn't understand. Closing my eyes, I felt theheat from his fingers warm my face. As I breathed in, some ofthe pain dissipated.It took less than a minute, then he opened his eyes andstepped back. I felt much better."Thanks," I said. "Thanks for coming." "I'll talk to youlater," he said. Then he turned and left my room.As I sank back down in bed my face felt lighter, lessswollen. My head hurt less. I opened the arnica and poppedfour of the tiny sugar pills under my tongue. Then I lay quietly,feeling the pain wash out of me.That night before I went to sleep, both my black eyeswere almost gone, the swelling had gone way down, and I feltlike I could breathe through my nose.I stayed home from school the next day, although Ilooked tons better, except for the ugly black stitch on my lip.At two-thirty that afternoon I called Mom at work and toldher I was going over to Tamara's house to pick up somehomework assignments."Are you sure you feel up to it?" she asked.
"Yeah, I feel almost fine," I said. "I'll be back before dinner.""Okay, then. Drive carefully.""I will."I hung up the phone, got my keys and my coat, put on myclogs, and set off toward school. It's pretty much impossible tohide a huge white whale like Das Boot, but I parked on a sidestreet two blocks away, where I thought I could see Bree's carpass as she left school. I could have waited for her at home,but I wasn't sure she'd go straight there.It wasn't like I had a totally fleshed out plan. Basically Iwas hoping to confront Bree, to hash everything out In the bestof all possible worlds, it would have a positive result I felt like Ihad reached a breakthrough with my parents, and Mary K. andI had bonded again after the Bakker incident Now I wanted toget things straight with Bree. The habits of a lifetime aren'teasy to erase, and I still thought of her as my best friend.Hating her was too much to bear. The scene in gym showedhow desperately we needed to work things outBut it wasn't only that I had other reasons for wanting tomend things between us, too. Magick was clarity. According tomy books, to work the best magick was to see the most clearly.If I lived with an ongoing feud in my life, it could seriouslyhamper my ability to do magick.I almost missed Bree's car as it passed the corner at theend of the block Quickly I started up mine and crept slowlybehind her, as far back as I could.Luckily Bree headed straight home. I knew the way wellenough that I could hang back at a great distance, stayingbehind other cars. Once she had pulled into her driveway andparked, I pulled over myself at the very end of her block,behind a big maroon minivan, and shut off my engine.Just as I was about to get out, though, Raven pulled up inher battered black Peugeot Bree ran back out of her house.I waited. The two girls talked for a while on the sidewalk,then headed to Raven's car and got in. Raven roared off,leaving a trail of foul exhaust behind her.I was nonplussed. This hadn't been in my plan. Right nowI was supposed to be talking to Bree, possibly arguing withher. Raven hadn't figured into it Where were they going?A sudden fierce curiosity took hold of me, and I startedmy car again. After four blocks I caught sight of them oncemore.
They headed north, out of town on Westwood. I followed, already suspecting where they were headed.When they reached the cornfields at the north of town,where our coven had had its first meeting, Raven pulled offonto the road's shoulder and parked.Slowing, I waited until they had disappeared into therecently stripped cornfield, then drove to the other side and hidDas Boot under the huge willow oak. Though the brancheswere almost bare, its trunk was thick and the ground dippedslightly so that no one casually glancing over would spot mycar.Then I hurried across the road and began to pick my waythrough the crumpled, messy remains of what had been a tallfield of golden feed corn.I couldn't see Raven and Bree ahead of me, but I knewwhere they were going: to the old Methodist cemetery wherewe had celebrated Samhain just ten days ago. Ten days ago,when Cal had kissed me in front of the coven and Bree and Ihad become true enemies. It felt like much longer ago thanthat I stepped across the trickling stream and headed uphillInto a stand of old hardwood trees. I went more slowly, castingmy senses, listening for their voices. I didn't really know whatI was doing and felt kind of like a stalker. But I had beenwondering about their new coven. I couldn't resist finding outwhat they were up to.When I reached the edge of the graveyard, I saw themahead, standing by the stone sarcophagus that had served asour altar on Samhain. The two of them stood there, not talking,end it came to me: They were waiting for someone.I sank down on the damp, cold earth beside an ancienttombstone. My race ached a little, and the stitch in my lip wasitching. I wished I had remembered to take more arnica orTylenol before I left the house.Bree rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Raven keptpushing back her dyed black hair. They both looked nervousand excited.Then Bree turned and peered into the shadows. Ravengrew very still, and my heart beat loudly in the silence.The person meeting them was a woman, or rather a girl,maybe a couple of years older than Raven. Maybe just a year.The more I looked at her, the younger she became.She was beautiful in an unusual, otherworldly kind ofway. Fine blond hair shone starkly against her black leathermotorcycle jacket, and she had very short, almost white bangs.
Her cheekbones were high and Nordic, her mouth full and too wide for her race. But it was her eyes that seemed socompelling, even from far away. They were large and deep setand so black that they looked like holes, drawing light in andnot letting it out again.She greeted Bree and Raven so quietly, I couldn't hear themurmur of her voice. She seemed to ask them a question, andher dark eyes darted here and there like negative spotlightsraking the area."No, no one followed us," I heard Bree say."No way." Raven laughed. "No one comes out here."Still the girl looked around, her eyes flicking again andagain to the tombstone I hid behind. If she was a witch, shemight pick up on my presence. Quickly I closed my eyes, tryingto shut everything down, focusing on becoming invisible, ontrying to wrinkle the fabric of reality as little as possible. I amnot here, I sent out into the world. I am not here. There Isnothing here. You see nothing, you hear nothing, you feelnothing. I repeated this smoothly again and again, and finallythe three girls started talking again.Moving a centimeter at a time, I turned and faced themagain."Revenge?" the girl said, her voice rich and musical."Yes," said Raven. "You see, there's..."A breeze rustled the trees just then, and her words werelost They were speaking so quietly that it was only by using mystrongest concentration that I could hear them at all."Dark magic," Raven said, and Bree looked at her withtroubled eyes."... to wither love," were the next words to float to me onthe breeze. That was from the girl. I looked at her aura. Next toBree's and Raven's darkness, she was made of pure lightshining like a sword in the increasing shadows of thegraveyard."Their circle ... our new coven... a girl with power... Cal...Saturday nights, at different places..."They talked on, and my frustration grew at not being ableto hear more. The sun went down quickly, as if a lamp hadbeen dimmed, and I started to feel seriously chilly.I leaned against the tombstone. What did this mean? Theyhad mentioned Cal's name. I figured the "girl with power" wasme. What were they planning? I had to tell Cal.
But there was no way to leave without their seeing me, so I was stuck on that damp ground, feeling my butt and legs goto sleep while my bruised face ached more and more.At last, after about forty endless minutes, the girl leftsilently the way she had come, with only her light hair visiblewhen she stepped into the darkness beneath the trees. Breeand Raven walked back through the graveyard, passing withinten feet of me, and headed back out through the cornfield. Aminute later I heard Raven's car belch and peel off, and twominutes after that its exhaust drifted to me on the eveningbreeze.I got up and brushed myself off, anxious to get home totake a hot, hot shower. The cornfields were now totally dark,and I felt weirded out by the creepy scene I had justwitnessed. At one point I was sure I felt someone'sconcentrated stare on the back of my head, but when I whirled,nothing was there. Running back to my car, I jumped in,slamming and locking my door after me.My hands were so cold and stiff, it took me a second toget the key in the ignition, and then I popped on my headlightsand did a fast U-turn on Westwood. I was scared and irritated,and my earlier thoughts of clearing things up with Bree nowseemed naive, laughable.What were they planning? Were they really so angry withCal and me that they would turn to dark magick? They wereputting themselves in danger, making choices that were stupidand shortsighted.I swung into my own driveway, shaken and chilled to thebone. Inside, I hurried up the stairs and stripped off my wetclothes. As the hot water dissolved my chills I thought andthoughtAfter dinner I called Cal and asked him to meet me by thewillow oak the next day after school.18. DesireSeptember 20, 1983Angus and I sat home glumly tonight, thinking about whatwe would be doing if we were at home and everything was as ithad been. I can't believe no one here celebrates the harvest,the richness of the autumn. The closest thing they have isThanksgiving in November but that seems to be more aboutpilgrims and Indians and turkey.The summer was blessed: hot, quiet, full of long slow daysand nights filled with the sound of frogs and crickets. My
garden grew magnificently, and I was so proud. The sun and earth and rain worked their magick without my helping orasking.Bridget if fine and fat. She's a champion mouser and caneven catch crickets.My job is dull but fine. Angus is leaning some beautifulwoodworking. We have little money, but we're safe here.--M.R."I guess you're wondering why I asked you to meet me,"I said as Cal slid into the front seat of my car on Wednesdayafternoon."Because you wanted my body?" he guessed, and then Iwas laughing and holding him tightly and he was trying to finda part of me to kiss that wouldn't hurt. I was ninety percentbetter, but my face was still sensitive."Try here," I said, tapping my lips gently.Slowly, carefully, he lowered his mouth to mine andapplied just the slightest pressure."Mmmm," I said. Cal pulled back and looked at me."Let's get in the backseat," he said.This seemed like a fine idea. The backseat of the Valiantwas huge and roomy, and we felt comfortable and private asthe November wind blew against the windows and whistledbeneath the car."How are you feeling?" he asked, once we were cozilysettled. "Did that arnica help?"I nodded. "I think it did. The bruises seem to have goneaway really fast"He smiled and gently touched my temple. "Almost"I had planned to tell him about what I'd seen yesterday,but now that we were together, the words flew out of my head.Contentedly I lay against him, feeling his hands smooth myskin, and I didn't want to think about following Bree or spyingon her."Does this feel good?" Cal asked, sounding sleepy as hestroked my back. His eyes were closed, his knees were bent hisfeet propped on the side door handle."Uh-huh," I said. I let my hand roam up and down his firmchest After a second I undid the top of his shirt I slid my handinside."Ummm," Cal whispered, and he turned a little so that wewere facing each other, chest to chest He kissed me so gentlyand so softly that it didn't hurt a bit.
Then I felt the shocking, hot sensation of my skin against his and realized our shirts had somehow edged up so that ourstomachs were touching. It felt amazing, and I wrapped my legaround his hips, feeling the tiny ribs of his brown corduroyjeans pressing against my thigh through my leggings.As I pressed myself closer to him I kept thinking, He's theone, the one, the one. My only one. My muirn beatha dan. Theone meant for me. This was all supposed to happen.Cal pulled back a little bit then spoke against my cheek."Am I the first person you've been close to?""Yes," I whispered. I felt his lips smile against my skin,and he held me tighter."I'm not your first person." I stated the obvious."No," he said after a moment "Does that bother you?""Did you sleep with Bree?" I blurted out then winced,wanting to erase the words.Cal looked surprised. "Bree? Why . . ." He shook his head."Where did that come from?""She told me you did," I said, trying to prepare myself forthe answer, to act like it didn't matter. Gazing at my fingersresting against his chest I waited to see what he would say."Bree told you that she slept with me?" he asked. Inodded."Did you believe her?"I shrugged, trying to suppress the panicky feeling thatwas building inside me. "I didn't know. Bree is gorgeous, andshe usually gets what she wants. I guess it wouldn't surpriseme.""I don't kiss and tell," Cal said, considering his words. "Ithink that stuff should be private."My heart threatened to explode."But I'll tell you this much because I don't want it between us.Yes, Bree made it clear she was into the idea. But I wasn'tavailable at the time, so it didn't happen."I frowned. "Why weren't you available?"He laughed, brushing back my hair. "I had already seenyou.""And it was witch at first sight" The words just slippedout I winced, wishing I could take them back.Cal shook his head, bemused. "What do you mean?""Raven and Bree said . . . that you're only with mebecause I'm a witch, a strong witch.""Is that what you believe?" Cal asked, his voice cooler.
"I don't know," I said, starting to feel awful. Why did I ever begin this conversation?Cal was silent for a couple of minutes and very still. "Idon't know what the right answer is. Sure, your powers as awitch are really exciting to me. The idea of us workingtogether, of helping you learn what I know, is... tantalizing.And as for the rest I just... think you're beautiful. You're prettyand sexy, and I'm drawn to you. I don't even understand whywe're having this conversation, after I told you about the muirnbeatha dan." He shook his head.I was silent feeling like I had dug myself into a hole."Could you do me a favor?" he asked."What?" I asked, afraid of what he was about to say."Could you ignore what other people say?""I'll try," I said quietly."Could you do me another favor?"I looked at him."Could you kiss me again? Things were just starting to getinteresting."Laughing, wanting to cry, I leaned down and kissed him.He held me to him strongly, pressing me against his body fromchest to knees. His hands swept over my back, my sides, andexplored my skin underneath my shirt I felt his fingers smoothover the small birthmark I have under my right arm, feeling itsraised edges."I've always had that," I whispered. He hadn't seen it butit was a rose pink mark about an inch and a half long. I hadalways thought it looked like a small dagger. It made me smileto think of it now: I could say it looked like an athame."I love it," Cal murmured, feeling it again. "It's part ofyou." Then he kissed me again, sweeping me away on a tide ofemotion."Think about magick," Cal whispered, and my scatteredthoughts couldn't comprehend his meaning. He continuedtouching me, and he said, "Magick is a strong feeling, and thisis a strong feeling. Put them together."If I had tried talking just then, it would have come out asgibberish. But inside my mind, his words strung together andmade some sort of dim sense. I thought about how I felt whenI made magick or gathered magick: that feeling of power, ofcompletion, of being connected to things, being part of theworld. With Cal's hands on me I felt a similar and yet verydifferent sensation: it, too, was power and a kind of gathering,but it was also like a door leading somewhere else.
And then I got it. It all came together. Our mouths together, our breaths wreathing themselves together, ourminds in tune with each other, my hands on his skin, his handson mine, and it felt almost like we were in a circle, when theenergy is all around, there for the taking.There was energy surrounding us, wrapping us together,and my shirt was pushed up, my breasts against the warm skinof his chest, and we were holding each other tightly andkissing, and magick sparked. Any words I said then would be aspell. Any thought I had would be a magickal directive.Anything I called to me would come.It went way beyond exhilarating.When we stopped and I opened my eyes, it was darkoutside. I had no idea of what time it was and glanced at mywatch to see I was late for dinner.Groaning, I pulled down my shirt"What time is it?" Cal murmured, his fingers alreadyreaching for his buttons."Six-thirty," I said. "I have to go.""Okay."As I reached for the door, he pulled me back against himso I sat in his lap."That was incredible," he whispered, kissing my cheek. Hegave me a big grin. "I mean, that was incredible!"I laughed, still feeling powerful as he opened the cardoor. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said. "And I'll think about youtonight"He headed back to his own car. As I climbed into the frontseat of Das Boot and started the engine, emotion almostoverwhelmed me.It was only late that night, when I was lying in bed, that Iremembered that I'd never told him about the blond witch.On Thursday morning the only parking spot was rightbehind Breezy, Bree's sleek BMW I thought about how easy itwould be for my car to crush hers, then I smiled wryly athaving such a mean, unmagickal thought"You look different," Mary K. said as I carefullymaneuvered my car into the spot She peered into thepassenger-side makeup mirror and reapplied her lip gloss.I glanced at her, startled. Had she seen me in the car withCal yesterday? "What do you mean?""Your bruises are a lot better," said Mary K. She lookedout her car window. "Oh God, there he is."
My eyes narrowed at the sight of Bakker Blackburn skulking around the life sciences building, obviously waiting forMary K."Mary K., he tried to hurt you," I reminded her.She bit her lip, looking at him. "He's so sorry," shemuttered."You can't trust him." I gathered up my backpack, and weopened our doors."I know," my sister said, looking at him. "I know." Shemoved off to see some of her girlfriends, and I headed for thecoven hangout"Morgan." Raven's voice reached me from a few feetaway. I looked over to see her and Bree striding along besideme. I didn't say anything."Your face is looking more normal" said Raven snidely."Did you do a magick spell to fix it? Oh, wait, you're notsupposed to, right?"I just kept on walking. So did they. I realized Raven andBree were going to follow me all the way to the east door.Jenna and Matt saw us first Then Cal met my eyes andgave me an intimate smile, which I returned. His gaze grewcold when he saw Bree and Raven behind me."Hi, guys," said Jenna, with her usual friendliness. "Bree,how's it going?""Peachy keen," Bree said sarcastically. "Everything'sgreat How about you?""Fine," said Jenna. "I haven't had an asthma attack allweek" Her eyes flicked to me, and I looked down."Really?" said Raven."Hey, Bree," called Seth Moore. He loped up to us, hisbaggy pants long around his ankles."Hi," said Bree, making that one word sound like a promise."Why didn't you call me last night?""Didn't know I was supposed to," he said. "Tell youwhat---- I'll call you twice tonight" He looked jubilant at thisclear sign of approval and shifted his feet, looking at Bree."Its a date," she said in a smarmy, come-hither voice thatanyone with two brain cells to rub together would see rightthrough."Knock it off, Bree," Robbie said suddenly. Everyone elseseemed surprised, but I remembered the look I'd seen on hisface that day in the gym.
"Whaaat?" Bree looked at him with wide eyes. "Knock it off," he said, sounding bored and angry. "It's not a date. Seth,take a hike. You won't be calling her."We were all staring at Robbie, whose face was set andstiff with dislike.Seth met his stare. "Who the hell are you?" he askedbelligerently. "Her dad?"Robbie shrugged, and I realized how tall he was, howheavy. He looked pretty formidable and made Seth seem slimand young. "Whatever," he said. "Forget about her.""Robbie!" Bree snapped, her hands on her hips. "Who doyou think you are? I can go out with anyone I want! God,you're worse than Chris!"Robbie looked down at her. "Stop it, Bree," he said morequietly. "You don't want him." He held her gaze for a long time.I glanced at Jenna, and she raised an eyebrow.Bree opened her mouth as if to speak, but no words cameout She seemed almost mesmerized."Hey!" said Seth. "You don't own her! You can't tell herwho she wants!"Slowly Robbie raised his eyes and looked at Seth like he fwas an insect "Whatever," he said again, then he turned andwalked into the school building as the bell rang.For one startled moment Bree watched him leave, thenshe quickly looked at me, and it was like old times when wecould pass a wealth of information in one second. Then sheturned, and Raven snickered, and the two of them walkedaway. Seth stood there, looking dumb, and finally turned andheaded off, muttering under his breath."She sure can pick \*em," Sharon said brightly. Cal tookmy hand."Yeah," I said, wondering exactly what we had justwitnessed. "And they can pick her, too."19. Sky and HunterMarch 11, 1984We have conceived a child. We were not trying to, but ithappened, anyway. For the last two weeks I have been tryingto find the strength to have an abortion so this child will neverknow the pain that we have seem in this life. But I cannot. I amnot strong enough. So the child rests in my womb, an d I willgive birth sometime in November.It will be a girl, and she will be a witch, but I will notteach her the craft. It is no longer a part of my life, nor will it
be a part of my child's. We will name her Morgan, for Angus's mother. It is a strong name.--M.R.On Friday night Cal and I had a date. We were going to amovie with Jenna, Matt, Sharon, and Ethan.Sharon picked me up---we were meeting Cal at his house.At seven o'clock she pulled her Mercedes Into my driveway andhonked the horn."Bye!" I yelled, slamming the door behind me.When I got to the car, I saw that Ethan was in the frontseat, so I climbed into the back. Sharon roared out of mydriveway and hung a fast left onto Riverdale."Do you have to drive like a crazy person?" Ethan said,lighting a cigarette."Don't you dare make my car smell like an ashtray!"Sharon said, spinning the wheel and stepping on the gas.Ethan cracked the window and expertly blew out smoke."Um, Ethan?" I said. "It's freezing back here."Ethan sighed and tossed his cigarette out the window,where it hit the street with a thousand tiny orange sparks."Now you litter," Sharon said. "Very nice.""Morgan's cold," Ethan said, rolling up his window. "Turnon her automatic butt warmer back there.""Morgan?" Sharon asked, looking in the rearview mirror."So you want the seat warmer?""No, thanks," I said, trying not to laugh."How about the vibrator?" Ethan asked. "Hey, watch it!You were two inches away from that truck!""I was fine" Sharon said, rolling her eyes. "And there's novibrator in this car.""You left it at home?" Ethan asked innocently, and Icracked up while Sharon tried to punch Ethan as hard as shecould without having an accident. I wished they would juststart going out, but I wasn't sure Sharon had even realizedhow much she liked Ethan yet.Amazingly, we made It to Cal's in one piece and sawMatt's Jeep already parked in the driveway, along with at leasttwelve other cars."Cat's mom must be having a circle," Sharon said.I hadn't seen Selene Belltower since the night she had helpedcalm my fears, and I wanted to thank her again. Cal let us in,kissing me hello, and took us back to the kitchen, where Mattwas drinking a seltzer and Jenna was on the phone to thetheater.
"What time?" she asked, making notes.Cal leaned against the counter, pulling me against him.Jenna hung up the phone. "Okay. It starts at eight-fifteen,so we should leave here around seven forty-five.""Cool," said Matt"So we've got some time. You guys want something todrink?" asked Cal. He looked apologetic. "We have to keep thenoise down because my mom's having a circle in a while.""What time do they usually start?" I asked."Not till ten or so," he answered. "But people come early,hang out and talk, get caught up on their weeks.""I wanted to tell your mom thanks again," I said."Oh, well, come on, then," he said, taking my hand. "Youcan see her. We'll be right back," he told the others."Did you take the last Coke?" Sharon accused Ethan as weleft the kitchen."I'll split it with you," was his muffled reply.Cal and I shared a grin as we walked through the foyerand then through the formal living room and the more casualgreat room. "There is definitely something happening there,"he said, and I nodded."It'll be fun when they get together. Sparks will fly."Cal gave two quick taps on the tall wooden door that ledto the huge room Selene used for her circles. Then he openedit, and we walked in. It was quite different tonight than it hadbeen the night I'd arrived here alone, shaken and upset. Now itwas aglow with the light of at least a hundred candles. The airwas scented with incense, and there were people, both menand women, standing around chatting."Morgan, dear, how nice to see you." Turning, I sawAlyce, from Practical Magick. She was wearing a long, purple,batik robe, and her silver hair was loose and hanging aroundher shoulders."Hi," I said. I'd forgotten she belonged to StarlocketQuickly I searched for David, the clerk who made me nervous.He saw me and smiled, and I gave a tentative smile back."How are you?" Alyce asked, seeming to mean it as morethan just a polite question.I thought. "Up and down," I said honestly.She nodded as if she understood.Cal had left my side for a moment, and now he returnedwith his mother. She was also wearing a long, loose robe, buthers was a brilliant red and painted with gold moons and starsand suns. It was stunning.
"Hello, Morgan," she said in her rich, beautiful voice. She took both my hands in hers and kissed both of my cheeks,European style. I felt like royalty. She looked into my eyes andthen placed a hand on my cheek. After a few moments shenodded. "It's been difficult" she murmured. "I'm afraid it willbe more difficult still. But you're very strong...""Yes," I surprised myself by saying clearly. "I am verystrong."Selene Belltower gave me an assessing glance, thensmiled at me and at Cal as if in approval. He grinned back at hismother and took my hand.Her eyes swept the room then, and she focused onsomeone."Cal, I want you to meet someone," she said, and therewas an undercurrent of something I didn't understand in hervoice.I followed her gaze and almost jumped a foot in the airwhen I saw the same pale-haired girl that Bree and Raven hadmet with in the cemetery. My mouth opened to say something,but a tension in Cal's hand made me look up at him.He had the most extraordinary look on his face. As best asI can describe it, it was ... predatory. I barely controlled ashiver. Suddenly I felt like I didn't know him at all.I found myself following him as he crossed the room."Sky, this is my son, Cal Blaire," said Selene, introducingthem. "Cal, this is Sky Eventide."Wordlessly Cal pulled his hand free from mine and held itout to her. Sky shook it, her night dark eyes never leaving hisface. I hated her. My stomach clenched as I saw the appraisingway they looked at each other. I wanted to scratch her, tear ather, and I drew in a shuddering breath.Then Cal looked at me. "This is my girlfriend, MorganRowlands," he said. He called me his girlfriend, which wasmildly reassuring. Then her dark eyes were on me, like twopieces of coal, and I shook her hand, feeling its strength."Morgan," said Sky. She was English, and she had anincredibly musical, lilting voice, a voice that made me instantlywant to hear her chanting, spelling, singing rituals. Whichmade me hate her more."Selene has mentioned you to me," said Sky. "I'm lookingforward to getting to know you."Over my dead body, I thought, but forced my mouth tostretch into something resembling a smile. I could feel Cat'stension, feel his body next to mine as he looked at her and
practically drank her in with his eyes. Sky Eventide regarded Cal calmly, as if she saw his challenge and would meet it"I believe you know Hunter," she said, gesturing tosomeone behind her, who had his back to us.The person behind Sky turned, and I almost gasped. IfSky was daytime, Hunter was sunlight His hair was a pale gold,and he had fine, pale skin, with some freckles on his cheeksand nose. His eyes were a wide, clear green, with no traces ofblue or brown or gray in them. He was stunningly good-looking, and he made my stomach turn. Like Sky, I hated himon sight, in a primitive, inexplicable way."Yes. I know Hunter," Cal said flatly, not extending hishand."Cal," said Hunter. He met Cal's gaze, then turned to me. Ididn't smile. "And you are?"I said nothing."Morgan Rowlands," Sky supplied. "Cal's girlfriend. Morgan,this is Hunter Niall."Still I said nothing, and Hunter looked at me hard, as iftrying to see through to my skeleton. It reminded me of theway Selene Belltower had first looked at me, but it caused nopain. Only a strong urge to be away from these people. Myinsides felt hollow and shaky, and I suddenly wanteddesperately to go back to the kitchen, to be just a girl waitingto go to the movies with my friends."Hello, Morgan," Hunter said finally. I noticed that he wasEnglish, too."Cal," I said, trying not to choke, "we have to go. Themovie." It wasn't true---we had nearly half an hour before wehad to go---but I couldn't stand another minute of this."Yes," he said, looking down at me. "Yes." He looked atSky again. "Have a good circle.""We will," she said.I wanted to run out of there. In my mind I wildly picturedSky and Cal kissing, twining together, wrestling on his bed. Ihated the jealousy I felt about him: I knew all too well howdestructive jealousy could be. But I couldn't help it."Cal?" asked Selene as we were almost at the door. "Doyou have a minute?"He nodded, then squeezed my hand. "I'll be back in asec," he said, and walked over to his mom. I kept walking, outthe door, through the great room, through the living room andinto the foyer. Feeling hot and clammy, I couldn't face Jenna,Matt, Sharon, and Ethan just yet. There was a powder room
down the hall from the foyer, and I locked myself in. Again and again I splashed cold water on my face and cupped my handsand drank some.What was the matter with me? Slowly my breathingcalmed, and my face, despite its lingering, faint bruises, lookedpretty normal. In all of my life I had never had such a strongreaction to anyone. Ever since Cal had first come to Widow'sVale, my life had changed with huge, sweeping movements.Finally I felt capable of seeing the others. Opening thedoor, I headed down the hall to the kitchen.But then my skin prickled. In another moment I heardvoices in the hall, low, murmuring. They were unmistakable:Sky and Hunter. And they were coming toward me.I shrank against the wall, trying to fade into thewoodwork, and suddenly I heard a click and fell backward.Catching myself, I didn't tall, but gaped in surprise as I realizedthere was a door hidden in the hallway.Without thinking, hearing the voices grow closer, Islipped farther into the room and closed the door with a tinysnick. I leaned against it, my heart hammering, and listened asthe voices moved past, down the hall. I strained to concentratebut couldn't make out any words. Why were Sky and Hunteraffecting me this way? Why did they fill me with dread?Then they passed, their voices faded, and silence filled myears. I blinked and looked at my surroundings. Although Ihadn't even noticed the door in the hallway, in here it wasclearly outlined, and a small inset clearly showed me I couldget out again.It was a study, Selene's study, I realized quickly. A largelibrary table in front of a window was draped with a tapestryand held a display of various mortars, pestles, and pint-sizecauldrons. There was a sturdy leather couch, an antique deskwith a computer and printer, and tall, oak bookcases filled withthousands of volumes.The desk lamp was on, providing an intimate light, and Ifound myself drifting toward the bookcases. For the moment Iforgot that my friends were waiting for me, that Cal hadprobably returned, that we had to leave for the movie soon. Itall went out of my head as I started reading titles.20. KnowledgeSeptember 9, 1984
The child moves inside me all the time now. It is the most magickal thing. I can feel her quicken and grow, and it is unlikeany other feeling. I sense that her powers will be strong.Angus is after me to get married so the child will bear hisname, but something in me is reluctant. I love Angus, but I feelseparate from him. The people here think we are marriedalready and that is fine with me.--M.R.Angus just came in. He found a sigil on the fence post byour driveway. Goddess, what evil has followed us here?Selene Belltower had the most amazing library, and I feltI would be content to be locked in it tor the rest of my life, justreading, reading everything. The top shelves were so high thatthere were two small ladders on tracks, library ladders, thatran around the room on brass rungs.In the dim light from the desk lamp I peered at the bookspines. Some books had no titles at ail, others were worndown, some were stamped in silver or gold, and some had titlesthat were simply written on the spine with a marker. Once ortwice I saw a book whose title appeared only when I was veryclose: It glowed softly, like a hologram, and then disappearedwhen I looked again.I knew I should go. This was obviously Selene's privateplace; I shouldn't be in here without her permission. Butcouldn't I just sneak a quick peek at a book or two first?Did I even have time? I glanced at my watch, which read 7:20.We weren't leaving for the movies for almost a half hour.Surely no one would miss me in the next five minutes. I couldalways say I'd been in the bathroom....The room was heavy and full with magick. It waseverywhere; I breathed it in as I inhaled, and it vibratedbeneath my feet as I walked.Shaking, I read book titles. One whole bookcase heldwhat appeared to be recipe books: recipes for spells, for foodsthat enhance magick, for foods appropriate for variousholidays. In the next case were books about spell making andrituals. Some of the books looked ancient, with thin,disintegrating covers that I was afraid to touch. Yet I longed toread their yellowed pages.Looking around at the wealth of magick contained in theroom, I thought of the Rowanwands, who were famous forhoarding their knowledge and their secrets. Could SeleneBelltower be a Rowanwand? Cal had said he and his motherdidn't know which clan they were from, but maybe this library
was a clue. I wondered how I could get my hands on these books. Would Selene lend them to me? Could Cal borrow them?The books in the next case were labeled Black Arts, Usesof black Magick, Dark Spells, even one called SummoningSpirits. It seemed dangerous to even have such books in thehouse, and I wondered why Selene had them. I felt a chill, andsuddenly I was even less sure that I should be in the study. Iturned to leave, but then I saw a narrow display case, withglass shelves lit from below. Small marble cups held handfulsof crystals and rocks of all kinds and color. I saw bloodstone,tiger's eyes, lapis lazuli, turquoise. There were gems also,polished and cutIt was incredible to me to have such materials at one'sdisposal: The idea that Selene could walk into this room andhave in front of her everything she would need for almost anykind of spell---it was just amazing.This knowledge was what I hungered for, what I knew Ihad to work for. My parents' dreams of my future, my old, half-formed plans to become a scientist---those thoughts seemedlike smoke screens that would only hamper me in my realwork: becoming as powerful a witch as I could be.I knew I had to leave, but I couldn't tear myself away. I'llstay just five more minutes, I told myself as I moved across theroom to die other bank of bookcases. Oh, the covens were here,I saw. Shelf after shelf of Books of Shadows. I took one downand opened it, feeling like a lightning bolt might strike medown at any second.The book was heavy. I put it on the edge of Selene's desk.Inside, the pages were yellowed and tattered, almostcrumbling at my touch. It was an ancient book---one entry wasdated 1502! But it was either in code or another language, andthere was no way for me to decipher it I put the book back.I knew that I really had to get out of there and head backto the others. I started thinking of what excuse I would use formy disappearance. Would it be realistic if I said I got lost?I moved sideways toward the door and bumped into alibrary ladder. Without knowing why, I climbed it Up high, thescent of dust and old leather and decaying paper was stronger.Holding the ladder, I leaned close to the books, trying to readin the faint light Covens in Ancient Rome. Theories ofStonehenge. Rowanwand and Woodbane: From PrehistoricTimes Till Now.I knew there wasn't enough time to read everything, tolinger and savor and devour as I ached to. I felt tormented by
the knowledge that these books were here and yet weren't mine. A raging hunger had awoken in me, a craving forInformation, for learning, for enlightenment.My fingertips skimmed the book spines, lingering on onesthat were harder to read. On one of the upper shelves I found adark red unmarked book tucked between two taller, thickerbooks on early Scottish history. As I passed its spine myfingers tingled. I brushed them over it again, forward and back.Tingle. Grinning, I pulled it out It was too dark to make out itstitle, so I climbed down the ladder and took the book closer toSelene's desk.Under the desk lamp I carefully opened the book to itstitle page. Belwicket was written there in a beautiful, flowingscript I paused, the blood hammering in my ears. Belwicket.That was my birth mother's coven.Turning the page, I saw on the overleaf an inscription:This book is given to my incandescent one, my fire fairy,Bradhadair, on her fourteenth birthday. Welcome to Belwicket.With love from Mathair.My heart stopped, and my breath turned to ice inside mylungs. Bradhadair. My mother's Wiccan name. Alyce had toldme. This was her Book of Shadows. But how could it be? It hadbeen lost after the fire, hadn't it? Could there be some otherBradhadair, some other Belwicket?Hands shaking I started skimming the entries. Abouttwenty pages in, "The whole town of Ballynigel turned out forBeltane," I read silently. "I was too old to dance around themaypole, but the younger girls did it and looked lovely. I sawthat Angus Bramson lurking by the bicycles, watching me likehe does. I pretended not to see him. I'm only fourteen, andhe's sixteen!"Anyway, we had a lovely Beltane feast, and then Ma ledus in a gorgeous circle, out by the stone cliffs. ---Bradhadair."I tried to swallow but felt I was choking. I flipped throughmore pages toward the end. Instead of being signedBradhadair, these entries were signed M. R.Those were my initials. They also stood for MaeveRiordan. My mother.Stunned, feeling dizzy, I sank down into Selene's desk chair,which squeaked. I had tunnel vision, and my head felt tooheavy for my neck. Remembering long-ago Girl Scout training,I scooted the desk chair back and put my head between myknees, trying to take deep, calming breaths.
While I hung upside down in this graceless position, trying not to taint, my mind whirled with thoughts that bombarded me sofast, I couldn't make sense of them. Maeve Riordan. This wasMaeve Riordan's Book of Shadows. This book before me, theone that had spoken to me even before I touched it, hadbelonged to my birth mother. The birth mother who had beenburned to death only sixteen years ago, in a town two hoursfrom here.Selene Belltower had her Book of Shadows. Why?I straightened up. Rapidly I read passages here and there,reading the entries as my mother changed from being a girlishfourteen-year-old, newly initiated, to a teenager experiencinglove, to a woman who'd lived through hell by the age oftwenty-two, as she found herself pregnant with an unplannedchild. Me.My gaze blurred with hot tears, and I flipped back to thefront of the book, where the entries were light, girlish, full ofwonder and the joy of magick.Of course this book was mine. Of course I would take itwith me tonight There was no doubt about that But how hadSelene Belltower come to have it in her library? And why,knowing what she knew about me, had she never mentioned itor offered it to me? Was it possible that she'd forgotten shehad it?I rubbed the tears out of my eyes and flipped through thepages, watching as my birth mother's spells became moreambitious and far-reaching, her love deeper and morecompassionate.This was my history, my background, my origin. It was allhere in these handwritten pages. In this book I would discovereverything there was to know about who I was and where Ihad come from.I looked at my watch. It was 7:45. Oh, my God. I'd beenin here for more than twenty minutes already. And now it wastime to go. The others were surely looking for me.As hard as it was, I started to close the book. How was Igoing to get it out of the house?Then the secret study door opened. A shaft of light fromthe hall dropped into the room, and I looked up to see Cal andSelene standing there, staring at me sitting at Selene's desk, anopen book before me.And I knew I had trespassed unforgivably.

