
What follows is, to my knowledge, a true story. About two weeks ago, while dumping a load of garbage at a dump near Apple Valley, California, I saw something that caught my eye. Although embarrassing to admit, there are occasionally interesting items to be found in community dumps. On this particular day, I saw a book. What intrigued me was that this book had a homemade metal locking mechanism that surrounded it. It was locked with a standard padlock so I figured I could break that off. Once home, I got a hammer. My curiosity grew with each strike and after five minutes of smashing away, the lock cracked. A quick flip through it showed this to be a diary and I figured I had an interesting read ahead of me. My initial excitement faded as the inside cover listed the owner as James Lyons. I decided to browse it anyway and if it is true, it is quite a story. I thought this was a great story to post on the Internet and after searching around, found this group site. Having browsed some of the other stories, I found them quite disappointing. Although most or all are fantasies, I found them a letdown. Those that started out fine and realistic usually started drifting with great exaggerations. Hopefully you will find the diary as interesting as I did. There were occasional pages that had obviously been ripped out and certain sections that were illegible---I have reprinted word for word what I have.
Well, I do not know how to start this diary, so I will just write. We recently learned about stream of consciousness in English class and so I decided to keep track of my thoughts in a book. I feel like a homo for even doing this, but I think this is a good way to sort out my thoughts. I always hear old farts talking about forgetting what happened in the past and I don't want that to happen to me. It should be fun to read this in 10 to 20 years. We learned stream of consciousness works best when one just spews out whatever is on their mind. I love writing stories so that is how I will write this---maybe this will be my biography when I am rich and famous!! I have been so confused of late and although I normally love vacations, I am ready for spring break to end so I can get back to school. I can't believe I actually want to go to school, but it is not for academic reasons. I spend most of my school day looking and dreaming of girls. Most of my classmates are average or just plain ugly. There are a few hot chicks in my classes, especially in drivers ed. My college prep classes have mostly average chicks and the good looking ones know it and flaunt it. Hell, even the bad looking ones think they are hot. My favorite is Lisa Gibbs---she is medium height, fairly skinny, with a brown hair. Her ass is truly great---the best I have ever seen in a pair of jeans. She doesn't have much for tits, but that can be forgiven. We talk occasionally in class, but she has not shown any interest in me. She had a couple of boyfriends the last few years; those that I know of at least. I wish I had the guts to ask her out, but rejection is not for me. I have the distinct pleasure of knowing I have never been turned down by a girl - then again, I have never asked a girl out. I do not know my problem, but as time goes by, I get set more in my ways. I hate that society promotes sex so much and makes it seem that every teenager is having sex. I would think I am weird for still being a virgin, but most of my friends, at least those willing to admit it, are too. I am not a bad looking guy but then again, I am not on the football team either. The only sport I ever played in school was soccer, and that was coming off the bench. My stupid ass coach keeps his favorite players in the game 90% of the time so the rest of us get no chance. Oh well, I am thinking of quitting anyway. I'm already tired of writing and feel like some computer games.
A thoroughly boring day today---TV and computer all day. My parents suggested I get a gym membership at the new gym. I had a cheapy home set of weights when I was younger, but I used those for about a week before boredom set in. Hopefully tomorrow will be more interesting.
I've been putting off writing in this thing since nothing much has happened the past few days. Two more days off and it's back to Lisa's ass. My father gave me the money today to join the gym. I shall check it out tomorrow.
I had my second workout today and am wiped out. I wasn't too keen on the whole gym thing until I saw some of the girls in there. Most of them should stay home and out of sight, but a few were very hot. Whoever invented leotards should be given a medal, although there should be a law and set weight limit for those allowed to wear them. Back to school tomorrow. Actually, with the great views in the gym, I'm not too interested in school anymore. So go the twists of life!
Well, school is boring. Lisa has not been back yet and seeing the other girls doesn't compare to the sights in the gym. My mother said she was going to check out the aerobics section at my gym. I smiled politely but hope she doesn't join my gym.
Lisa was back today---it looks like she packed on 10 pounds since I saw her a few weeks ago. What a letdown. I guess the only thing I can say for her is her tits got a bit bigger. What a waste. Unfortunately, my mother came in the gym and signed up for a month. I think I'll start working out later - half the fun of the gym is checking out the aerobics room - thank god for the designer who put a glass wall between the workout room and the aerobics room. I don't really care to be checking out the chicks doing aerobics with my mother in there.
I have really been hitting the gym hard lately - I have already gained 5 pounds and am up to 175. I can see some differences in the mirror and that gives me more motivation. My mother came to the late class today. I was actually checking out her ass before I realized it was her. My thoughts went straight to the movie Taboo, which I have not seen in several years. That was actually the first porno I ever saw and it made quite an impression on me. A few years ago, I used to dream about my mother and she was actually my first sexual fantasy. I realized that was all bullshit and luckily the girls in my classes started developing. Actually after today, I cannot get my mother out of my mind. I suppose this isn't the smartest place to put such thoughts, seeing how I'm sure my mother snoops around my room during the day. I should have got a locking book but those things were too expensive. I should be able to fashion a lock for this thing just in case my mom finds my hiding spot.
My book is now secure and I feel excited. I cannot get that movie out of my mind. I actually went to a few video stores today to look for it. I felt so stupid walking into the adult sections, but they only had the sequels to Taboo. I thought about getting one but was too embarrassed. I've been tempted to go to the gym earlier to check out my mom again, but I don't want her to get suspicious. The more I think of her, the more she reminds me of the mother in Taboo. I think my mom's face is nicer and her hair is not quite as dark, but their bodies appear similar. I don't know how my mother stays as thin as she is with large breasts - I assumed she had implants. I have not seen her naked since I was a little kid and that image in my mind is so faded. I thought about trying to see her naked but have not figured out a way yet. Drilling a hole in the wall like in the movies is impossible in our house. I saw my mom in her room in her bra about a year ago, and that image is coming back to haunt me the past few days. I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't do something.
Today was the first day I ever jerked off. I always felt a weird since of pride that I never masturbated before and the longer I went without it, the more determined I was not to do it. I've had plenty of wet dreams, but felt I was the master of myself and did not need to do such things. My thoughts the past few days have been overwhelming and I just had to do it. The first image that came to mind was my mom and it was all over. It was intense but too short. Realizing that not doing it was a waste of time, I jerked off two more times. Actually I'm glad I did, since had I fucked a girl for the first time without knowing how to control myself, I would have died of embarrassment. I can hear it now, 'ah that James only lasted 10 seconds'. My new goal in life is to build up some tolerance. I'm sure my first time with a girl will still be a flash, but I can try.
I'm embarrassed to admit how many times I've jerked off the past few days so I'll leave that out. My problem of going to the gym earlier was solved in an unexpected way. My piece of shit car crapped out yesterday and is in the shop. I feel like a dipshit since I'm back on the school bus but my mother offered to drive me to gym when I got home from school. Needless to say, I did not object. My mother always wears loose clothes so the drive to the gym was uneventful. I had hoped to get an up close view of her in her aerobics outfit but she waited to change at the gym. I tried looking over at her in the car but as soon as she asked what was wrong, I kept my eyes straight ahead. In the gym, I barely got a workout. Every chance I got, I stared at her. I'm still not sure if her tits are real since she wears a sports bra under her outfit. I've just got to see them. I wish it was as easy as in the movies, watching through a cracked door with your girlfriend in the other room. Ahh, if only Taboo was real life. My mother kept her leotards on during the trip home and I did my best to check out her legs without being obvious. I dream that her legs are perfect, but I know most women her age are rocking the cottage cheese thighs and ass. As soon as we got home, she hit the shower while I hit the spank. That was the best one ever. I thought about peeking in the bathroom, but she locked the damn door.
My parents' video store finally got a copy of Taboo back. I contemplated getting it for half an hour before I finally grabbed it. I waited until nobody else was at the counter. The feeling was quite surreal and I felt nauseous as I walked to the counter. Even worse was there was a girl doing the checkout. I was waiting for the ultimate embarrassment if she asked for an ID, but she seemed as embarrassed as I was. I hauled ass home, ran to my room and popped it in. I wanted to fast forward to the good part, but the buildup of watching the whole movie was too much to skip. I actually came halfway through without even masturbating. When the sex scene between the mother and son finally kicked off, I was delirious. What a feeling. I wanted to make a copy of the tape but our other vcr was in the living room and my parents were watching TV.
Last night, I snuck into the living room and got the other vcr to tape my movie. The whole process was exciting but I could not think of any plausible excuse if one of my parents caught me. While it was taping, I plugged in my headphones to listen to it without waking anyone up. Everything worked like a charm.
Unfortunately, without my car, I had to convince my father to take me to the video store. He was busy until after the return time for my video and I wasn't going to risk having my mother bring me. Luckily, my father went into the grocery store while I returned the video and paid the late fee. Nothing quite as embarrassing as paying a late fee on a porno in a crowded store. I grabbed a copy of batman to cover my tracks and all was good.
I got my car back today and it was still a mess. I have been enjoying my trips to the gym with my mom and have gotten used to riding the bus again. So, I told my parents that the car was not reliable and they said they would help me get something else if I got a job this summer. I said sure, but I'm happy enough to have mom drive me around. We have been talking more than ever and I'm in heaven. Each day after the gym, I can't wait to watch my movie. In some ways, I wish my mother would walk in on me someday. I know that would be the ultimate embarrassment, but it is intriguing.
Today was really weird. Lisa asked me if I had been working out and she actually seemed interested in our conversation. I tried to temper my excitement but she actually seemed to be flirting with me. I'm not sure if she is dating anyone now---maybe her boyfriend dumped her for pigging up a bit. She is still quite thin, but those extra few pounds destroyed my perfect image of her former ass.
I'm quite excited again to go back to school. It will be interesting to see how things pick up with Lisa since Friday.
Today was another interesting day with Lisa. She initiated several conversations with me and I almost feel bold enough to ask her to do something. I want to say something so bad, but the words just won't come. Why can't girls make the first moves!
Things with Lisa are still the same---she initiates the conversations and I get the feeling she wants me to ask her out. I'm such a coward. If it wasn't for my feelings for my mom, I might be more bold. Lisa has a great body, but I love tits and hers just don't compare. Sometimes I wish I had a fat, dumpy mother and I'm regretting the feelings that have developed. They are consuming me more and more and I don't know what to do.
I finally got emboldened and asked Lisa if she wanted to see a movie.
She got a strange look on her face and said she was busy this weekend. She said maybe the next weekend, but I was blown away. Now I know why they say you can never know what a woman is thinking. I tried and I'll leave it to her if she wants to do something in the future.
This weekend really blew. I borrowed my mother's car and hit the gym both days to work off some steam. I am really not looking forward to seeing Lisa tomorrow. I'm sure she told all her friends that my loser ass dared to ask her out. Oh well, life sucks.
I skipped school today, claiming sickness, and enjoyed a miserable day with Taboo. Having the whole house to myself was great and the thought that my mother might walk in on me was exhilarating, though that was not going to happen since she works until 3. Oh well, I can fantasize.
Today was the greatest. I ignored Lisa in our first class and was curt with all my responses. I could see her staring at me on occasion and she tried to smile each time our eyes met. I felt like talking to her but I decided anger was a more pleasurable response. She actually sat by me at lunch and asked what was wrong and why I had missed school the day before. I was an ass and said nothing was wrong. She asked if I was pissed about her not going out with me last weekend. It was difficult to keep my emotions in check and I just said it was no big deal. I think she could tell I was lying and asked me if I wanted to do something tonight. I was quite shocked and could not help but smile. We agreed to go to the mall. I am getting ready to go in a bit and have already showered twice. My stomach is in knots and I hope I don't get sick.
Well, my shopping trip with Lisa was uneventful except for one time where she grabbed my hand. I was not expecting it but my heart jumped. We grabbed some fast food and I figured I would try and be a gentleman and pick up the bill. She seemed happy but refused to let me pay her share. This surprised me and am not sure how to interpret it. I felt like a dipshit since she had to drop me off at home but she didn't seem to mind. Sitting in her car in front of my house was the worst part. I have never been in the situation and did not know if she wanted me to do something. I felt I would be a gentleman and asked her for her phone number. I wanted to kiss her but was too shy and did not want to embarrass myself. I guess being shy paid off since she called me later and asked if I wanted to see a movie this weekend. Life isn't too bad after all.
Tonight was the big night with Lisa but I still can't get my mom out of my head. We went to the gym again today and she is looking better every time I see her. I can't decide who I'd rather see naked. Lisa has a nice ass but my mom's tits are just killing me. I feel like an idiot in the car because I often get a boner. I usually have my bag or a magazine to put on top and so far I don't think my mom has noticed. I started bringing my jeans to wear in the car since they hide it much better than my sweats. One of these days, maybe I'll just let it show to see if I can get a reaction from her. I'm not that bold but maybe someday. Well, on to my date. Lisa picked my loser ass up at home again and we went to the cinema. I don't even remember much of the movie since my mind was conflicted between Lisa and mom. Lisa held my hand through the whole movie and I even put my arm around her. I thought about all the date movies I had seen in the past and realized it really is that easy. All my shyness over the past few years was a complete waste of time. I thought about grabbing Lisa's tit but felt my gentleman routine was working just fine. After the movie, we walked and talked a lot, holding hands. It was fun but my mind was often on my mother. Out of nowhere, Lisa pushed me into a wall and kissed me. This was my first kiss and I hope it was not a bad one. Later, she said she could tell I was shy and got tired of waiting for me to make a move on her. We kissed a bit more and I felt I'd take a chance and feel her ass. It felt great and I immediately wanted to feel it naked. I told her my parents were going to an air show tomorrow and asked if she wanted to come over. She was a bit hesitant but agreed. We made out a bit in her car and that was it. I ran in the house, ignored my parents, went in my room and jerked off to my video. What a feeling.
My parents were pissed I skipped out on the annual air show but too bad. I figured if Lisa was willing to come to my house, she might be willing to do more. I had a few condoms I got at the sex ed class earlier this year. My stomach was a complete mess and I hoped it would calm down by the time Lisa came. She showed up an hour late but called and told me she would be. When I opened the door, my fantasies for sex disappeared. She was wearing some worn out sweats and a baggy t-shirt. We hung out for awhile and watched TV. She checked out the rest of the house and quizzed me on my parents. After we had lunch, we started making out. My hopes increased again as I found the sweats easier to feel through than jeans. She didn't pull back as I felt all over her body. I asked her if she wanted to go to my room and she said yes. She was not nervous and I hoped I wasn't showing mine too badly. As soon as we hit my room, she pulled me onto her and onto the bed. I got her shirt off and fumbled with her bra for a while before she took it off for me. She pulled off my shirt and pants. My hard on was beyond belief and actually hurt. I tried to remember all the things I read in magazines about what women liked and the wrong things guys normally did. I slowed down a bit and started giving her mini-massages in the midst of making out. She really seemed to dig it, so I took off her sweats and started kissing her all over her body. I wasn't sure about oral sex and it kind of scared of me. I had heard so many things positive and negative about it but knew the overwhelming amount of women I read about enjoyed it. I figured if I could get her off orally, maybe she wouldn't notice how pitiful at fucking I would be. I got her panties off and took my time kissing her body again. She seemed surprised when I went down on her and I just kept things as slow as I could. I knew I had already cum accidentally from the excitement of the moment and figured oral sex would give me the time to get hard again. The experience was not like I figured. She got pretty excited as I used my tongue and finger on her and even though I got hard again quite quick, I wanted to give her an orgasm. I worked on what I determined was her clit since that got the most response. It was smaller than I figured and did a good job at hiding at times. I eventually got her to cum - at least I think she did. I read that women like hugging and doing nothing for awhile after orgasm so I got on top of her and kissed her for awhile. After a few minutes, she started stroking me and tried to lead me into her pussy. I grabbed a condom and fumbled with it for a second. I actually felt myself losing hardness as I put it on, but it came back quickly as soon as laid between Lisa's legs. Lisa turned us over and sat on top of me. She sat there for a second before finally lowering herself onto me. The initial feeling was hot and felt good, but I must admit I was a bit disappointed. I didn't know if it was because of the condom or what. She started riding me and I was waiting to explode. Surprisingly, an orgasm was not approaching and I started getting into it. After a few minutes, I flipped her back over and started pounding away. Since I was lasting longer than I hoped, I tried changing speeds and depth to see what reaction I got. I lost track of time and actually wondered if I would be able to cum. My thoughts started drifting to my video laying a few feet away and I got a new spark of excitement. I remembered back to the part of the movie where the son was banging his girlfriend while thinking of his mom. This excited me to no end and I came within a few seconds. Lisa seemed happy enough and so I felt confident of my performance. She said it felt great and that she never had anyone go down on her. We showered and watched more TV. She took my pants off and I thought she wanted to screw again. Instead, she started licking around my dick and I couldn't wait until she put it in her mouth. Again, my expectation of a blowjob was beyond my first experience. Granted, it felt wonderful but I had built up a grand vision of the feeling. I think this lasted about five minutes before I decided I wanted to fuck her again. She was happy to oblige and the second time was better than the first. I went from missionary to her on top. As I figured, her tits were small and I felt disappointed there wasn't much to grab a hold of. Again, my mind went to my video and the giant tits on the mother. My own mother flashed in my mind and I about came right then. I pushed her image out of mind and managed to control myself. I tried a few other positions and eventually went to doggy style. Watching her ass from behind was enough for me and I lost it. We cleaned up again, talked awhile, and she left. I aired out my room and cleaned up the house. My parents already suspected I had a girlfriend and my mom was all giddy at the idea that I was finally dating. I'm sure they previously feared I was a fag since I had never brought a girl home and never talked about any. I stayed in my room to avoid them when they returned.
Lisa called yesterday and today and I'm already getting pissed at the amount of time taken away from my laziness. My mom got all excited when she told me there was a girl on the line, but I tried to ignore her. She asked me later at dinner who the girl was and if she was my girlfriend. I said we were friends and that was it. My mother was positively beaming and didn't believe Lisa was just a friend. To keep my mind off of the conversation, I kept staring at my mom's tits, dreaming of holding on to them as she rode me.
Today was a truly awful day. My father came into my room after work
and asked me about a late fee for a video. I'm sure my face went white
as a ghost. He asked me why I rented the movie. He knew what the movie
was about since it was his videotape I had discovered and watched a
few years before. I figured I'd take the chance that he was unaware
I'd ever seen his tape, and told him I rented it for a friend because
they didn't have a video card. He asked if I watched it and I said I
had since I had heard about it from other classmates. My father just
stared at me and left. I am a fool and cannot believe the fuckin video
store didn't credit the late fee I paid. Part of me hopes he tells mom---maybe if she thinks I'm interested in the movie, I'm interested in
her. It's stupid to even think such thoughts but it is fun!!
Lisa picked me up and we drove out into the desert. We found a deserted area and started going at it. Fucking in a car is not nearly as easy and fun as it looks in the movies. The only position that managed to be feasible was me sitting with her straddling me. Luckily, her legs are quite flexible. My interest in Lisa is already waning and it took a fantasy of my mother to cum again. I feel bad about it because Lisa is such a nice girl and she really seems to like me. I'm really beginning to regret ever watching Taboo and think the best thing to do is destroy my copy. Without such thoughts and images, my mind will turn towards Lisa and enjoy our time. Who knows.
Lisa and I have been spending a lot of time together. I enjoy her company, but fucking is getting a bit tedious. Its better than jerking off to a video all the time but I feel myself acting with her more and more. I am getting looks from other girls in school but I don't feel they would be anymore satisfying than Lisa. My workouts are up to 5 days a week and my body has transformed quite a bit in the past months. My body isn't great by any means, but I at least look like a decent athlete now. I can even see my ab muscles and can't wait to start laying out this summer to get a great tan. My mother does aerobics 2 to 3 days a week by now and I love every minute still. I feel like a perv staring at her from the workout room, but with all the other girls in the room, she has no idea I watch her. My mom hasn't asked me about the late video - what a conversation that would be! She has asked me a lot about Lisa and how it's going. Curiously, such conversations give me an instant hard on.
Today was almost the best day ever but nearly turned into a nightmare. After returning from the gym, my mother went to shower as normal. I did not hear the door lock so I decided it was finally time to take a chance. I quietly approached the door and listened for the shower. Once I was sure she was actually showering, I quietly cracked open the door and was getting ready to peek inside. Within a few moments, I heard my mother ask if it was me. My mind flashed, I got nervous, and went quickly to my room. I realized that when I had opened the door, the air pressure had shifted the shower curtain. I just hoped that without saying anything, my mom would assume the door had opened on its own. It was a long shot, but after she was done, she did not ask me about it I've decided that seeing her is not going to happen except accidentally. I tried to figure out an explainable accident to see her naked but nothing reasonable comes to mind.
I think Lisa is sensing my growing dissatisfaction with our relationship. I am hoping to make her dissatisfied enough that she gives up on us without pissing her off. I decided that I would try and see my mom from outside her room. They usually keep their curtains partially open so I think I should be able to sneak out at night, and see them without being seen.
Last night was really fun. As planned, I went outside a bit after my parents closed their door. I found a good spot by their window that let me see part of their room without making me obvious. Unfortunately, my mother was already in her nightgown, in bed, reading a book. I could see her large breasts under the nightgown and their sag appeared to dispel my thoughts that she had implants. I got an instant hard on thinking of such large, real tits. They looked even bigger than I thought, at least a DD from what I've seen in magazines. My father finally came to bed and the lights turned out. Up until now, I never considered that my parents had sex and at that moment, I realized I might actually witness it. The thoughts were oddly exciting although I didn't want to see my out of shape father sticking it to my mom. I wanted that pleasure myself. I soon realized how stupid I was and that my parents had obviously been screwing long before my time. I waited for about twenty minutes with nothing. I finally got tired, went to my room and jerked off to my tape.
After a long week of pushing Lisa away, I look forward to my workouts more than ever. I am getting obsessed with my mother and I know it is wrong. Even though I want to stop it and have a normal life and relationship, I just can't help it. Tonight is another test. I figure if my parents fuck, it would be on my fathers days off. I snuck out the past few nights but saw nothing. I'm beginning to wonder if they'll ever do it. School is up for the summer and thank god. Now I've got time to focus.
Last night was the night. When the lights went out, my father got on top of mom. My eyes adjusted to the dark and the neon light from their clock was just enough to make out what was going on. They made out for a few minutes and went right at it. To my disappointment, my mother left her nightgown on and the sheets were covering the rest of their bodies. The look on my mother's face was more than enough to make up for it. She had a wonderful fuck face, creasing her eyes and apparently making noise on occasion. I heard a faint moan every now and then but the windows were too good to hear more. It seemed to last for awhile and I grew bored. About 10 minutes into it, I saw my father make a slight movement and then collapse on my mother. They hugged and kissed a bit before my father rolled off. My hopes jumped when my mother got up to go in the bathroom, but the light was not enough to see any more than a slight outline of her body under her nightgown. I about came right there, so I ran inside and took care of business.
Later on today was exciting. My father went to the hardware store while I was sitting on my bed watching TV. My mother came into my room and watched my father leave from my window. She laid down on the other end of my bed. Oh, how I wanted to jump on her at the moment and show her a true fuck. She asked me about Lisa and I said things were alright. She asked why Lisa had not been around this weekend, and I said she was busy. My mother had met Lisa twice and thought she was a great girl. If she had my mom's tits, she'd be even better. I thought back to all the corny lines in the Taboo movie and how easy the mom and son got together. Smartly, I made no such stupid comments about how great looking my mom was or any movements toward her. Sleeping with here was the dream of dreams, but my parents seemed happy and I figured women were not so obsessed with their sons that they would screw them at the slightest chance. I had been taking psychology classes and knew if I wanted such a thing to happen, I would have to create the perfect scenario. This is such a fantasy but it is enveloping my whole life. I knew I would have to create a scenario that made such a thing possible in my mother's mind. My mind snapped back and my mother was staring at me while I was staring at her tits. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek, and left. What to do, what to do.
I figure I have the whole summer to woo my mom. I finally broke it off with Lisa yesterday. We had a goodbye screw and said we'd see each other later. All my energies are now to the impossible task of getting my mom in the sack. Since my mother has complemented me on my ever improving physique, I returned the complement, ever so subtle though. She was genuinely happy and I new I had an in. After 20 years of marriage, I'm sure my mother loved to hear approval of her hard work in the gym. She has always been in good shape and has only improved in the recent months. Objectively, she isn't a supermodel, but as a real woman, she is ideal for my tastes. What kind of world is it that the most desirable women I know is my mom. I have decided to show more affection to my mother, which I have always withheld over the years. In the past few days, her hugs or kisses were returned as a good son would. Not that my intentions are good. A few times, I've got an instant hard on, but have never placed it in a position for her to feel it. That will change I hope if I get more bold. The other day, I pretended to sleep in the car while I had a hard on with sweats. Whether she saw it or not, I don't know, but I made it pretty obvious. I will do it again in a few days. Mom has started wearing a bit tighter clothes, apparently feeling more confident in her body. I can't imagine not feeling confident of such a body, but maybe that is what marriage does. My new plan is to leave my Taboo tape away from its normal hiding place and on top of the vcr. Knowing my mom snoops about my stuff, hopefully she'll find it and get curious. I know she must have watched my father's copy but her knowing I have a copy of my own will hopefully get her mind thinking. I placed a small thread on the tape to know if she moves it. Although I know this is fruitless, it is beyond exciting and I am really getting into it. It feels just like a movie and this diary just reinforces that feeling.
I've stayed out and about the past few days and my mother did not disappoint. The thread fell off and the tape was not quite in the exact position I left it. I've caught slightly odd expressions on my mother's face the past few days. Whether it is fear of what is going on with her son or excitement, I pray for excitement. I keep dreaming of that lovely mouth wrapped around my pole and those big tits bouncing in my hands. Why can't fantasies be easier to enact??
Last night at dinner, my parents asked me when I was getting a job. I had not intended on bringing it up since I was completely happy driving around with my mother or using one of their vehicles. My father pushed and said I needed to be more responsible. I kind of blew it off and said I would check the papers. Dad continued to press me to the point I wanted to tell him to screw off. Over time, I got along quite well with my dad, but recently he has turned into the competition. I was waiting for my mother to come to my rescue but no such luck. I realize I am getting carried away with this fantasy. I've always thought of myself as very intellectual, but I need to grow up. From my psychology class, I learned that most sons have an attraction to their mothers - I suppose mine just got carried away. Maybe it's time to move on.
My mother has not gone to the gym with me since my video was moved. I'm beginning to think I may have ruined my entire relationship with her. She is pleasant enough to me but no longer asks anything about my life. I feel lonely and am now regretting breaking up with Lisa. I cannot quite see what went wrong.
Mom went to the gym again with me today and I felt really excited. I kept my bag on my lap the whole trip since I was about to pop. My workout was awesome and I was transfixed on the aerobic room in between sets. At one point, my mother turned around and spotted me staring. I looked away casually, desperate not to ruin this relationship this time. I'm watching my video at least twice a day now and am starting to feel guilty afterwards. I don't know where the guilt is from but it is bothering me. I think my psychological experiment is just about over. I suppose I am not as smart as I thought. I have looked for a job, but not with much excitement. My dad asks every night and I'm getting sick of his shit.
Things have gotten back to normal and I suppose I am content. My thoughts about mom haven't changed but I am back to being realistic. I've thought about calling Lisa but I think I need to start fresh. Tonight was the final straw for the job. My mom actually told my father to leave it alone, and that if I didn't want a job, I wouldn't get a car. Not exactly a rescue, but hopefully the issue is dead.
Today blew all my expectations to hell. Returning from the gym, mom and I did our normal routine. I waited for her to finish showering and timed my exit from my room as she opened the bathroom door. I got a great site as she was wearing a loosely sashed robe. I only got to see the top half of her tits but that was plenty for me. I hit the shower and took care of business in near record time. That sight was enough to convince me to take another look at how to get into my mom's pants. I have to have those tits.
After wracking my brain all night, I came to believe that my former plan was on track. I felt I had overstepped, but looking back at my diary, I realize I got to my mother. I believe her distancing herself was her way of dealing with her feelings. Going back to normal so quickly tells me that she is either not worried about my feelings or she accepts them. I hope to god she accepts them and I can find a way to exploit it. For this to be successful, she must initiate the final act. If I pressure her into it, that lets her off the guilt trip quite a bit - if she initiates it, she has no one to blame but herself. I realize such a thing will ruin my relationship with her forever, but my mind will not let these images go. I do not want to go through life with this constant hunger. Also, I'm realistic enough to know that if I can get her, it won't last long. Realistically, I know her great body won't hold together for many more years and I'm not the kind of guy that wants to fuck an old lady, regardless if she's my mother. This is a one or two shot deal for the sure pleasure and enjoyment. The eternal secret I can take with me and nobody will know. Everyone has secrets but how many guys can say they nailed their mother? I've just got to do this and it's gotta be before I graduate. I can't imagine my father letting me live in the house past that and I won't have the time or means after I move. God damn, how the hell do you get your own mom to sleep with you?
I've been to the library all weekend and their selection of incest books is non-existent. There was nothing to spark my mind and help me out. I'm gonna borrow the car tomorrow and head over to the university library in Riverside---I've been there a few times and the selection is massive. They should have something that can help me out. My mother has asked if there is anything wrong with me so I guess she can see the tension and pure drive in my eyes. A man on a mission like no other. How I would love to say, "Yea mom, I need to find out how to fuck you---any ideas?" Maybe I'll make a porno some day and include that line - brilliant for a movie.
At long last, I've found some inspiration. I poured over dozens of books today. The great thing about the university library is the solitude you can find in certain parts. I read for hours in one corner, never encountering anyone. I suppose incest isn't the hot topic but there was plenty to read on. Mostly real life stories and how people suffered and dealt with it. I wasn't into that crap. Molestation incest gives me the creeps and those folks should be shot. I'm just trying to bang the hottest body within my sight---the fact that she's my mom makes it more exciting and gives me chills down my spine. The more I think it could happen, the more my stomach twists and turns. Realistically, I know my mom still hasn't shown any indication that she is attracted to me, but life is about fantasies and this is the grandest I've had. A few books peaked my interest and a few times, I felt like jerking off. I kept control though, focusing on the mission at hand, looking for any clues to help my impossible task. I found some interesting information and now I need to sort it out in my head.
I've refocused myself at the gym, realizing that my healthy body is the most visible difference between my father and me. He's in typical adult working male shape, which isn't much to speak about. He's been that way as long as I can recall, although I've seen older pictures of him with a thinner face and looking somewhat athletic. I'm hoping beyond hope that my mom's earlier accolades about my body weren't her just being a nice mom, but an admiring woman. It's a long shot, but that's all I've got to work with---all long shots. I've got new desires to improve my body to its limits. I've been sunning as long as I can stand it each day and it's starting to really show. My muscles really seem to be coming out with the tan and it is even starting to excite me. I never thought I would get into good shape and I no longer feel self conscious with the big beasts in my gym. Granted, I'm never going to be mistaken for a bodybuilder, but the occasional look I get from girls is proof enough that the hard work is paying off. If I had lasers, I'd burn right through my mom's ass and tits while she is doing aerobics. Everything seems back to normal between us and she has started asking me about my life and dreams. I've been leaking subtle hints such as wanting to go on adventures, living beyond life's standards, and doing what feels good. I am quite good at putting sentences together and making people understand what I want. I cannot be blatant about this. I've decided I will use up the whole next year if necessary. If I fail, and I only have slight expectations of success, I know I did my best and won't regret the attempt. I'm back to thinking of this as a grand adventure, a great story, with me as the star. Adventures always have a happy ending. I can only imagine the feeling if I succeed.
My psychological games are on target - I've got to stay focused for as long as it takes. One problem I have no solution for is my father. I cannot envision any scenario for my success with dad in the house. Unfortunately, he doesn't have a storybook job that takes him away on business. I can't even remember the last time he left my mothers side for more than a day. That is a potential story killer with few options. A slim hope is that my grandmother is sick. Neither one of my parents get along with her so I'd have to come up with a doozy to get my father out the door. I'll work on him tonight and test the waters.
It seems luck is on my side for once. I casually asked about grandma, which brought about mom's disgust. I don't think they have talked for years even though grandma lives about four hours away. My father is not much fonder but I had to hope that he would have some remaining loyalty to her. I threw it out that grandma must be lonely, being sick with no family around. My mother laughed at that but dad showed little reaction. I took a shot and said we hadn't been to see her in several years. I thought I'd been too bold, but my father took the ball and ran. He said it would be the right thing to do to look in on her for a few days. Mom scoffed at that but I said I would go with him. He seemed genuinely happy. So was I, because he just took care of the most difficult part of my plan. Mom thought we were both crazy and said we could have fun with that old bat. I laughed at that but dad was still feeling the guilt I had opened up. He decided to go this weekend, which doesn't leave much time. In fact, I did not plan on initiating anything so quickly and felt my elation of success start to fade. Things are going to have to go perfect from here on out and my luck isn't that good.
I started in on the complements with mom again and as before, she loved it. I still can't interpret her feelings and maybe this is all a fools' errand. I've got to go for it, because I might not get another shot. A few times now, my mom has come by my room and seen me writing in this book. Once she tried looking over my shoulder and her tits pushed into my back. I didn't want her to leave that position, but she'll never read this diary. I closed the book and asked her what was up. Within a few seconds, I had a nice tent pole in my shorts, but I was sitting at my desk and it offered a convenient cover. Unfortunately, the book was what she wanted to see and she stepped back. She quizzed me on the book and I feigned disinterest. Another psychological tip I learned is that nothing piques curiosity more than someone else being secretive. Mom found my secret video tape that I accidentally left out and I've recently come up with what I hope is my masterstroke. I am off to the stores tonight and hope and pray my luck holds out.
Today was grand. Mom asked me about Lisa and why I haven't been dating. Instead of my normal brush off, I took a shot and said that Lisa wasn't what I was looking for and I haven't been able to find what I want yet. Surprisingly, mom pushed the conversation but I was not bold enough to follow. I read that women are much more curious than men and I did not want to misinterpret her curiosity. I only have one shot this weekend and cannot blow it with slick talk from magazines and movies. Luckily, the gym takes my mind off of all the things that could possibly go wrong this weekend---having my moms ass staring at me through the glass was both a gift and a curse. I've got to stay focused more than ever. Luck was with me the other day and I was able to buy a duplicate diary. I've been busy as hell the last two days filling up that diary with all the tips I learned at the library. I created entries showing my increasing attraction to my mother, how Lisa's body did not compare, how I felt a loneliness emanating from my mom, how little attention my father pays to her and so on. The last two are bullshit but if all works out, these should plant seeds of doubt into my mother's head. To top it all off, I wrote extensively of my perfect dream, the ultimate desire in my life, and that is to sleep with my mother one time. The perfect dream of course is an almost word for word duplication of Taboo where the mother walks into the sons room and gives him a blowjob while he sleeps, wakes up, and they go at it. I put it in better terms than that but that is the jist. The kicker was to add that I don't feel my mom even notices me and that I'm not sure I want to go on in life if I can't experience an ecstasy that feels so right to me. That entry will be post dated for tomorrow to allow me to make a 'sudden' change in moods. Unfortunately I did not think of this in time to let me sink into a truly realistic depressive down spiral. The closeness of this trip is screwing with my long term timeline, but I've gotta go with it. I prettied the new book all up, leaving out my normal male crudeness. Hopefully it is not too sappy but my veiled suicide threat has to be the final blow. If that doesn't do it, I'm doomed.
Tomorrow is our big trip---at least for my father. I'm about to develop a great headache after going to the movies and mall. I am on a short timeline and I've got to hope my mother's curiosity doesn't fail me. The new book is in place in the metal protector, laying upside down on the floor next to my bed, with the lock undone. I told her not to expect me back until after 9, which should give her plenty of time. Hopefully it is not obvious but even if mom suspects I left it on purpose, she may interpret it as a cry for help. I cannot take the chance on leaving a thread or something else obvious on it this time, but if she reads it, I doubt she'll risk taking it out of the room in case I come home early. I figure she'll either read it on my bed or in my chair. I placed the blankets and chair in positions I'd notice if they were sat on or moved. If this doesn't work, I have no way of knowing if she reads it unless she blunders and places the book somewhere else. I don't think she will be so careless with the book.
Tonight was hellacious. I thought of waiting for the headache to kick off tomorrow, but I figured I'd get it over with tonight. I told dad I had a headache and was sick to my stomach. I told him I was in no mood to get up early and drive for 4 hours. He nearly blew a gasket. I didn't take into account he probably didn't want to visit his mother alone. Too bad. My mother thought he was stupid for going anyway so she didn't back him up on this matter. Again, is she helping me or not? I wish I knew her feelings. I inspected my book by the bed and it showed no signs of being read. Unfortunately, my mind could not recall the exact pattern I placed the blanket in. It seemed different but this could have been my mind hoping she read it. I heard my parents arguing a bit, which is quite unusual for them. It wasn't bad, but any cracks help my cause. It was about the trip and I assume my father was complaining about his worthless son. Screw him - I'm trying to go where only he has gone in the last 20 years. I can feel the tide turning in my favor. I hope this is what destiny feels like.
I must have slept peacefully because I was awoken by my mother. She sat next to me on my bed and asked how I was doing while placing the back of her hand against me forehead. God, that hand burned me. I wonder if I could transfer to her the heat I felt. I got an instant boner and my blankets did little to hide it. I quickie pulled my legs up to hide it and wanted to smack myself for being so rash. Her eyes did not leave my face, so I casually lowered my legs back down and pretended to stretch out. I leaned to the side, looked out the window and asked if dad had left. He had but I still could not get her to turn her head down my body. I wanted to grab her hand, shove it under the covers and let her feel my desire. I remained calm and asked her what she was up to. I forgot it was only Friday and that she had to work. I wanted to create a movement to rub against her and let her feel my hard on, but I could not think of anything that would not have been obvious. She asked what I was going to do. I took a chance to gauge her reaction and said I was going to watch a video and write in my book. I hoped she would read into the statement and I got the reaction I was waiting for. Her eyes widened a bit and I could see the wheels spinning, searching for a response. Anytime else, she would have said have a nice day and left. After what seemed an eternity, she said I should get out and about and that she would drop me off at the mall if I wanted. I had nearly forgotten about my depression act and put it on in full force. I tried my best sad face and looked away. I got the concern I wanted and she asked what was going on. I said nothing was wrong, and got my voice to break at the same time. It was near perfect. She pushed as I dreamed she would but I told her that there wasn't anything she could do to help. She sat silent for awhile, reflecting on what to say to comfort me. Her concern was excessive and I was pretty sure she had read my book. She finally leaned over, kissed me on the forehead, and told me that she hoped I felt better and had a good day. I barely heard the last part as my eyes were planted squarely on her giant tits hanging down in their bra. It was the best view I had of them since becoming interested in her. I breathed in deeply and her light perfume was intoxicating. Six more inches and my tongue would be on her nipple. God damn I was on fire. As she turned to leave, I tried to watch her eyes as they swept down and across my body. She had to see my boner but she showed no reaction as she left. No worries though because my plan had gone to near perfection. I wish I had a few more weeks to perfect this routine and having her at work today puts a serious crimp on my plan. I've got this evening, tomorrow and Sunday morning, assuming my father doesn't come back early. It's gotta be tonight or tomorrow night. Please make this happen!
I have decided to try a routine that was not planned. With mom at work, I've got to give something a shot to speed along her emotions. I have been trying to create a sexually compromising position that my mother can catch me at without me knowing about it. It seemed impossible without being obvious about it but I've got one that just might work. How she reacts to me upon her return home is key.
My mother came home from work and asked me how I was doing. I tried my most miserable 'okay', but she didn't bite this time. Perfect. She went out to the living room and started watching TV. I set my vcr up and paused it, turned out my lights and went silently out my door. I went into the hallway and looked around the corner at the back of the living room. Mom was at her usual spot on the couch, which only allowed me to see about one quarter of her face from behind and slightly to the side. I saw her wipe her face and hoped. The second wipe proved she was crying. This was working too good and I tried to temper my excitement. Standing there in the dark brought back childhood memories when I pretended I was a spy in our darkened hallways. My thoughts almost betrayed my reaction time as mom got up from the couch. I darted into my room, closed the door quietly, jumped on my bed, threw on my headphones, and unpaused my tape. Of course, I had on the first son and mom scene from Taboo, watching from the part where the mother is waking up. I had the volume to the headphones set at zero. I was smiling at the brilliance of my plan. I heard a light tap at the door. I said nothing. Another tap and my mom's soft voice calling my name. How I wanted her to call my name while I was deep inside her. I started jerking off and knew I wouldn't last long. Normally my mother would never enter my room without being invited in. I hoped the combination of my apparent depression and lights out at an early hour would be sufficient for her to want to check on me. She didn't disappoint as I barely heard the door open over the carpet. The television provided sufficient light to highlight the headphones on my head and my obvious actions. The angle of my room provided her the view of what I was jerking off to, but unless she came around, not the view of my dick. How I wished she could see it now. Hearing a slight gasp from my mom and a whispered, "oh god", just blew me away. How I wish I could see her face. As a normally shy guy, being an exhibitionist in front of my unknowing mother was getting too much for me. The video scene was almost to the blow job and I wanted that to be the topper. I tried with everything I had to hold back and lasted right until the mother put the son's dick in her mouth. I shot my load and what a feeling it was. I continued pumping to give my mother a chance to leave. I was caught up in the feeling and did not hear if she had. I sat there for a few seconds, dreaming of her walking up behind me, placing her arms around me, those great tits smashed against my back. I didn't want to turn around and break my fantasy, scared that it might be at hand or fearing that she might wreck my dream. I turned off the vcr and TV, waiting a few more seconds. I decided I could not screw up the act I just put on, so I turned around and flipped on the light. No mother in sight and my heart both sank and jumped. The fantasy is still on but there is still so many potential failures. From my readings, I figured mom would be in serious thought at this point and that was proven by her bedroom door being closed. I decided since this is a fantasy, it was time to push the limits. I cleaned up, went back in my room and got dressed. I snuck outside and made my way to my mom's window. If there was any justice, she would be naked and masturbating with me at a ringside seat. Of course, it was not to be. I found my safe perch and watched as my mother was lying in a ball, crying. I got a pang of guilt but instantly shoved it aside. Guilt would destroy my plan and I had come too far to give it up. How could I ever face my mom knowing she read my thoughts, even though most were bullshit, and witnessed me jerking off. The only thing that would put us on an even keel was for us to have sex. If there was to be guilt, it would be on both are shoulders. Maybe I'm too young to see the long-term consequences or I just don't care, but my mind and dick are pointed in one direction and I've got to have it. As mom stretched out, I got another quick hard on. My mind instantly called for her to masturbate, but once again, reality prevailed and she just laid there. I thought it was best to go back inside in case she checked on me again or better yet, wanted to fulfill my fantasy. I went back to my room, left the door open, turned out the lights, stripped down naked, and watched some TV. I felt if she was to fulfill my fantasy, it would go down just like my video. That was the only possibility in my mind. I didn't hear anything and felt the night slipping away. I turned out the light and laid in bed, unable to sleep. If she came to me, I would close my eyes and pretend I was asleep. I had to continue the act. The only part that wouldn't be an act is if she actually went through with it. As the minutes and what seemed like hours, crept by, I realized I had fallen for the same falsehoods that bullshit movies and books produced. How in reality, could a mother have sex with her son. When you think about it seriously and not as a fantasy, it is nearly incomprehensible. I guess that is what makes it such an intriguing and exciting fantasy. To get a normal mother to sleep with her son requires extraordinary circumstance and I realize our life is to ordinary for such circumstances to come about. Since I have been unable to sleep, I have been recounting the night's events in this book to my best ability. I feel my fantasy slipping away even with two nights left. Enough writing for now.
As I was drifting off, I thought I saw a shadow in my door. I kept absolutely still and kept my eyes to the smallest slits, hoping I had not been spotted awake. As my eyes adjusted, I saw the outline of my mother in the doorway, apparently watching me. I felt a boner approaching fast, and made a slight adjustment in body position and a slight grunt, hopefully appearing asleep and restless. I could barely see my mom now but I knew my erection was quite visible under the blankets. Without shorts or sweats, it was even more prominent since it was standing straight. I kept praying and playing the movie in my mind. This had to be it. My dream was so near. I saw mom take a slight step inside the door, making no noise as she moved. She hesitated a few seconds and took another step. I dared not move and found myself actually holding my breath, taking in every movement and the slightest sound. She got within a few feet of my bed and I swear I could smell her light perfume. My erection was almost out of control and had to control myself from groaning from the pain it was causing. The next step was for her to sit down, if she followed the fantasy. At that moment, I realized my reality was splicing from the movie. In the movie, the son was laying on top of the blankets, giving his mother a clear view of his dick. I cursed myself for being careless, but the air conditioning made it a bit too chilly to lay naked on the covers. I had no idea when or if my mom would come but it was too late to worry about it now. If she was going to do it, covers were a minor obstacle. Please god, guide her to me! I was about to burst and wanted to reach up and grab her. I really considered it and felt there was a decent chance we would melt in ecstasy if I did it. I knew I would but mom is a very level-headed person and I couldn't risk it. I laid there forever as she stood there staring at me. I could have sworn her hand reached over the covers. It must be inches from my dick. If she would just grab it, my world would be complete! My thoughts are so jumbled;
I don't know what is going on. My stomach is in so many knots, I think I'm gonna be sick. I've got to control this. I'm so close.
My mind keeps drifting and all these emotions are preventing me from thinking straight. I realize my eyes have been closed. Do I dare to open them and possible ruin what is happening. I can't hear anything except my heavy breathing. I wait several minutes and nothing happens. I open my eyes as slightly as possible and feel the burn from sweat that had been building on my face. I try to focus and can't see a thing. I finally see with help from the feint light from my neon clock. Mom isn't standing there anymore. I finally move around a bit and she is nowhere in sight. I could swear she was there, her hand just inches away from my throbbing dick. Was it all a dream? I began to wonder if I had not fallen asleep and let my mind trick me into believing what I wanted to happen. It just felt too real. If it was a dream, it was the most powerful I had ever experienced. My desire for my mother was growing day by day and I knew I had to do something before I burst. I now realize I don't have until graduation to complete my life goal. I will go insane without her tits and ass in my grasp. If it does not happen later tonight, tomorrow night is my last gasp. I tell myself I must sleep to keep up my energy. I've just realized how draining this day's experience has been. All the planning, the lucky breaks, and what felt like near success has finally taken a toll. I've heard stories about guys who couldn't get it up during extreme stress or with lack of sleep. How traumatic to get to the end of my quest and fail. I can't think that way. I know I could go without sleep for a week and my dick would still leap at the chance to enter its birthplace. It's time to refocus everything on tomorrow.
I slept longer than I wanted but I am refreshed. I get dressed slowly, clearing my mind and preparing for my finest hour. Normally I would workout today, but if mom isn't going, I cannot sacrifice the time better spent working on her. I went out to the kitchen to got some breakfast. There was no sign of my mom. I realized my plan would be all but doomed if she stayed in her room all day. Just as I was getting ready to watch TV, mom walked into the kitchen. She was still wearing her nightgown and god was she gorgeous. Her eyes were puffy and face slightly red, obviously the look of someone who had recently been crying. To me it made her even better looking. She looked at me and gave a half-hearted smile. I beamed my grandest smile and asked her how she slept. I needed her to feel guilty to go through with it, but I couldn't afford to have her so majorly depressed. She perked up the slightest bit and said she slept okay. I knew she was full of shit and probably had not slept the slightest. As my mind worked on the perfect conversation, my eyes slipped to her body. I realized this was the first time in many years she had worn her nightgown in front of me. She was always properly dressed outside of her room. Either she was too tired to care or her normal guard had been broken. In the fresh light of morning, I could see the outline of her breasts. I looked back up to her face and she was staring directly in my eyes. I had only been checking her out for a second, but she knew. She turned to start making coffee and I didn't miss the chance to see the outlines of her body. She really was beautiful. I always thought the next best thing to seeing her in her leotards would be nakedness, but seeing her in her nightgown gave me goose bumps. From my sideview, I saw the slightest hint of her nipple. I wanted to run to my room and relieve myself but I stood firm. I asked her what she was doing today. She didn't say anything so I asked again. She said she was sorry and had things on her mind. She was not sure what she wanted to do today. I could have given her a few tips on what to do. I stayed the course and told her we should have a picnic, just like when I was a kid. She seemed tentative at first but agreed it would be good to get out. This would be perfect. This was as near to a date as I could formulate, and I'd be able to keep her around me. I told her I would prepare everything and she went to her room to get ready. I watched that great ass as she walked away. I couldn't stand this much more.
A few hours later, we went to a local park and laid out a blanket. I brought the smallest one I could find so that we would be closer to each other. She had showered and looked great. I could smell that wonderful perfume and her still damp hair turned me on for some reason. I did the majority of talking and she seemed to loosen up as time went by. Before I knew it, several hours had passed and I could feel the sands of time working against me. I decided the outdoors had loosened her up better than anything I could come up with at home, so I stayed with it. She eventually laid back, absorbing the sun. She was in a t-shirt and shorts and was wearing sunglasses. The glasses prevented me from staring and soaking up every inch of her. I figured this was a game with a short clock and needed to be bold. I laid on my side, several feet from her and just watched her. To my surprise, a tear came out making a perfect line down to her ear. What follows next is my recollection of the conversation I had been waiting for:
'James?', mom's voice so soft, but cracked.
I could feel the tension. 'Yea, what's up?' I responded casually, wanting to lighten the mood a bit.
She turned on her side, her glasses staring right in my eyes. 'What's going on with you?'
'Nothing much', I responded.
'You know what I mean. This is not a conversation I wanted to have and I hoped the past few months were just a teenage phase.... I've seen the way you look at me and although I understand, it is wrong.' The conversation wasn't starting out to well, but I felt I could shape it in time to my needs. She had paused for several seconds, but I wasn't ready yet.
She continued, 'I had hoped your relationship with Lisa would be what you were looking for.'
Again a pause, but I was still biding my time.
'I hate to admit it but you probably already know. I read part of your diary and your thoughts really disturbed me. Your father also told me that you had rented a video about incest.'
I knew she was full of shit. I was positive she had read the whole diary and she had watched my video. I guess she was expecting me to blow up at her for going thru my stuff, but I just put a slightly depressed look on my face. I tried to think sad thoughts in an attempt to redden my eyes and if necessary, start crying.
After a few moments, she went on, 'Why would you write about possibly killing yourself?'
Mom couldn't bring herself to add the fact that I might kill myself if I didn't get to sleep with her. My mind was working overdrive with sad thoughts. Thinking back to the movie scenes that touched me the most, my nose started to run a bit. Bingo. The back of my throat started swelling a bit in tandem with my sinuses. My body had cooperated and I was ready.
With a broken, quiet voice, I started what I hoped would go down as my finest moment. 'I don't want to kill myself mom.' I paused a second to compose myself. 'My feelings for you .. have been growing over the years .... and I just can't control my mind anymore.' I sniffled a few times more and continued, 'I was really happy with Lisa at first but I started to compare her against you ........and.. and, there was no way she could compare with you. It's not just your body. I think you are the perfect woman in every way.'
My mother, for the first time sensing the seriousness of our conversation, looked around to ensure nobody else was within ear shot. We had been talking very low indeed and the next closest people were at least 50 feet away. Seemingly comfortable that we were talking in private, my mother started in again.
'What you are feeling for me might feel natural for you, but it will pass in time. You just need to find the right girl.'
This wasn't going to well, so I needed to be bold. I slowly reached over and grabbed my mom's hand. She pulled back a bit and I pounced. 'Why do you always reject me?', I almost cried, in the softest voice I could muster.
My mother showed shock in her forehead and I wished I could see those eyes. 'How can you say that? I have never rejected you. I've done everything I possibly could and have always loved you.' She seemed genuinely offended.
I had to tread carefully. 'I never ask you for anything.....I can't help my feelings for you. Any more than you can help your opposite feelings.' I hoped to be able to twist her.
'It's not like that honey. What you want is wrong, and even those people that want such things are able to suppress such feelings because they know it is wrong.'
I continued to sniffle, actually feeling sad that my plan might not work. 'What is wrong with sex? If everybody does it.... what's the big deal. Why in the world would it be wrong for family members to have sex if they both want it? In ancient times, it was normal for parents to actually teach their children about sex by way of incest.' 'God James, what have you been reading? I thought we raised you better than this.'
'Dad had an incest tape and I know both of you used to watch it.' This was one of my potential aces and I prayed it would be a winner. Mom took off her glasses and looked positively shocked. She started to speak several times but paused to collect her thoughts. Finally, 'What your father and I do in our spare time is none of your business and is beside the point.'
There it was; a typical parent response that proved she had no legitimate argument. Time to pounce.
'If incest is so wrong, then neither of you would have ever had that tape.' This conversation was getting out of hand and I realized if anyone had overheard it, they would have found it unbelievable. I reached for her hand again, and although she started to pull back, she relented. I decided to go for broke. The tears flowed full force and I was a sniveling mess in a matter of seconds. Mom relaxed so I grabbed her like a child would and hugged her tight. By chance, my face ended up in her chest. I felt her arms wrap around me and I cried as I had a dozen years before. I opened my eyes and saw my mother's jewels. They were getting wet from my tears. Would she notice if I took a lick? No chances this late in the game.
I heard, 'there, there.' I guess mom's never tire of comforting their children.
I blubbered on, 'I just ...... want to experience ... what I know will be the best moment of my ... life.'
Mom had no response for it. I pushed the matter.
'You always .... taught me to go for .... what I wanted. I want you ... more than anything. Why can't you do .. this one thing for me??' I had to pause a few seconds to let her mind work. 'I don't want to go on .... without experiencing you.'
She responded instantly, 'God dammit James, don't say that. You know I can't do what you are asking.'
I went for broke and pulled away from her. I turned away and tried cleaning myself up. She tried helping me but I shrugged her off. I continued a few sniffles to feed her guilt.
'Can we go home now?', I said with a quiet, distant voice. I did not stare at her as I asked.
'We need to resolve this James.'
'It's already been resolved', I said quietly.
'James, don't do this now. We need to go see a specialist and work out our feelings.'
I turned on her harshly, 'You seem to have already worked out your feelings mom. I'll take care of mine my own way.'
'Please James, be reasonable about this. You are not a child.' 'Exactly, so stop treating me like one. I'm ready to leave.' At that, I grabbed a few things and walked ahead towards the car. At the car, I watched my mothers awesome body approach. My present course was a toss up but I had to stay on target. Her face and eyes were red and I knew she wouldn't keep her emotions held up for long. We got in the car and she just sat there for a few moments, trying to keep from crying. Composing herself, we took the short ride back home. Neither of us talked. I took occasional glances at her legs. I made no effort to hide my erection. She looked at me a few times but I don't know if she saw the excitement in my pants.
Once home, she went straight to the bathroom. I went for my video, needing to take the edge off. If something was going to happen tonight, I wanted to be able to last more than a few seconds. Mom was in the bathroom for an eternity. I grabbed a large sports bag and slowly started putting clothes in it. When I was nearly done, I stopped and waited around, expecting to be enlightened with a brilliant plan. Nothing better came to mind. I finally heard the bathroom door open. I slammed my closet door and grabbed the last items of clothes to put in the bag. Mom was standing in the door as I turned around with my bag.
'Where are you going?' she said, a slight fear in her voice. 'Somewhere I can be happy .. somewhere that I am not constantly reminded of you.' I said this as casually and matter of factly as I could, with no hint of anger.
'Jesus James .. This .. This can't be as bad as you think. Let's wait until your father gets home tomorrow and work this out.' I laughed. 'Great .. Hey dad, guess what, I want to sleep with your wife. That should go over great. I guess I wouldn't have to worry about killing myself then.'
'Don't joke about this,' she pleaded. I started feeling bad at how much I was hurting her. Staring at her tits swiftly cured my guilt. She was lost in her own thoughts and paid no attention to my wandering eyes.
'If I stay here any longer, I'm either going to go crazy or lose control of myself.' That last part caught her attention and she straightened up, slightly defensive.
'If you want to go, it's your choice. Where do you plan on going and how do you expect to live?' I could hear the fear in her voice and I hoped she was bluffing.
'Thanks for caring mom,' I said as I strode to hear. I stood in front of her. 'Do I get a goodbye hug or am I that repulsive.' I was going a bit far but what the hell.
Mom was taken aback and started tearing up. She grabbed me tightly and hugged hard enough to cut off my air. I dropped my bag and hugged her back. After a few seconds I realized her huge tits were mashed against me stomach. I got instant wood that struggled to reach out to her. I knew she could feel it against her flat belly but she didn't let up. I rested my cheek against the top of her head and felt her start to shake. She loosened up and stepped back. After what seemed a lifetime, she looked up at me with the saddest face I'd ever seen on her. My heart nearly broke at that moment. She arched up on her feet, kissed me on the cheek, and walked out of my room. After a moments pause, my heartache let up and the power of my erection took over. From my psychology teachings, I realized my mother was probably more vulnerable than she ever would be. Although I always wanted my fantasy to mirror my movie, I now knew that I wanted to be in her any way I could. I shook my head, cracked my neck, loosened up my arms, and felt this must be how the star quarterback feels going into his first big game. Would I be the hero or the goat.
I walked out of my room and towards my mom's room. I seemed to walk for hours and I could hear a deep pounding in my head. Nervousness started to rack my body and I feared I couldn't go through with it. As I entered the room, mom was sitting on the side of her bed. She looked up at me, first with hope, then with resignation as she saw in my face what I wanted. I said nothing as I walked up to her. Just inches in front of her, I kneeled down to my knees. I bent down into her and grabbed her around the waste with both hands, and hugged her. 'Mom ... I'm so sorry.' I got carried away in this moment and my nervousness caused me to shake. I felt her put her hand on the back of my head, rubbing it as she had when I was a child. A few moments passed and I slowly moved my head from her belly to her waist. It was hard for me to move as I loved the weight of one her breasts laying on part of my head. I sacrificed for what I knew was a better prize below. Whether my mom knew my intentions or not, she didn't stop me. My position could still be interpreted as innocent, but not for long. My knees were several feet behind me and started to hurt from the awkward angle. I had no other way to lay against her and do what I intended. Her legs slowly gave way to the pressure from my chest. By the time I had manipulated my head into her lap, with one of my ears over her presumably lovely mound, her legs had opened up a little and my armpits were now resting on her knees. I could feel her body tremble and shake from her soft crying. I continued to shake slightly but kept my tight grip around her waste. I finally felt her bend a bit and she kissed the side of my head. I slowly turned my head and although I could feel her stiffen and she stopped rubbing my head, she didn't prevent my movement. Eventually, my nose was buried against her lower belly while my mouth was just inches and two layers of cloth from my dream. I wanted to stay in my awkward position forever, but the pressure on my knees and neck were getting uncomfortable. I couldn't rush myself as I felt I was on my journeys last lap. I thought I smelt the slightest hint of my mothers sweetness and wondered if she was getting wet. Was she excited or petrified of what she considered impossible? I had to do something. I slowly released my hands and angled them to the side of her hips. Slowly as I could, I knifed my hands along her hips and onto her ass. It was beyond any experience I ever had and I felt I would cum at any moment. She didn't resist so I continued to wedge them between her ass and the bed. As I got them under her, I pulled down as soft and as slow as I could and hoped she appreciated my care. Eventually my middle fingers touched each other and I could have cupped both her ass cheeks---oh how I wanted to. She was letting me go this far; I had to continue on the successful path. As I slid my hands toward me, I pushed slightly with my forehead on her belly. I was in no position to exert pressure but I did the best I could. Eventually, as my hands came up and under the back of her legs I pulled up slightly while still pushing with my head. She slowly sank back at her waist and I inched my knees up to allow better leverage and to continue pressure with my head. Eventually she laid back with a long sigh. 'Ohhh goddd,' were the words I'd been waiting to hear. Near my moment of triumph, a calmness overtook me and everything became crystal clear. All of my sexual readings came back in a flood. I wanted to please her beyond any pleasure she had ever experienced. I prayed my many months of study would pay off with my mom's ultimate orgasm. With mom laying on her back and her ass at the edge of the bed, I worked my way in between her legs. I pushed my stomach into her mound. I flexed my stomach muscles as I pushed in harder, and heard her moan. I couldn't believe I was going to do this. I backed of a bit and pushed back in again, exciting another light moan from her. Her eyes were closed and she looked as if she was asleep. I pulled back again and noticed her shorts were much darker over her pussy. This excited me to a new level and I quickly ejaculated. Oh, how I wished that would have occurred inside her. Soon. I decided slow was good and stood up. Stretching out my muscles was a great relief. I leaned over my mom, looped my hands under her back and struggled to pull/push her farther onto the bed. She pushed off with her legs and arms and I knew she wanted it. Once onto the bed, I slid on top of her, needling myself in between her legs. She let out a few deep sighs and looked like she was trying to catch her breath. She still had not looked into my eyes, but that was a small sacrifice to get to my treasure. I tried centering my weight onto my belly and again rubbed it onto her pussy mound. I had read that this puts pressure on the clit and gets women into the right mood without direct stimulation. It seemed to be working as mom let out several deep, but soft moans. I got another erection but I wanted her primed to perfection. I pushed up with my arms and started moving my whole body in circles, while laying between her legs. She responded even more and I was feeling cocky. All my reading was paying off. I laid back down on her, cupped my hands under her ass and pulled up a bit. 'Umm,' told me the increased pressure was working. I slid my hands down under her supple legs and pulled up a bit, bringing her knees along my sides. God, her skin was on fire. I pulled myself farther up and finally my cock made contact with her wonderful soft flesh. Even between our layers of clothes, I was as hard as a diamond. Mom started moaning more and she started bucking against me. I wanted to give her an orgasm but I never thought it would come so quick. Her breathing started picking up and the moans subsided. She moved her hands to my back and grabbed my hips. She pulled me into her even tighter and then wrapped her long, lovely legs around me. I could feel my own orgasm building again as she started moaning even louder. The sound of her moans were intoxicating and I started shooting my load into my pants. She started bucking harder and my arms could no longer stay extended. I dropped my chest onto hers and wrapped my arms around her back. The feel of her soft, large breasts were beyond anything I ever imagined. I couldn't wait to feel and taste them. There would be time for that later. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and clamped on lightly with her mouth. I was in heaven and already felt my dick stirring again. After a few more intense moments, mom let out the most lovely, soft scream my ears had ever had the pleasure of experiencing. She remained clamped onto my body with her arms and legs and was suckling on my neck. A few seconds later, she bucked one last time and let go, going completely limp under me. Her head turned to the side, her eyes closed. I had never seen her more beautiful and wanted to enter her right then. I heard a soft growling sound and it didn't click in my mind for several seconds. I realized, and mom a second later, the sound was our electric garage opener. She turned towards me with a look of shock I will never forget. My erection died a quick death and I almost pissed my pants. Mom was quicker than me, and she struggled to push me off. The struggle only lasted a second as I got up and darted out of the room, moving faster than at anytime in my life. I couldn't get my footing at the end of the hall and crashed into the wall prior to turning into my room. I felt no pain as my nerves were in complete shock. I was out of breath and felt I might slip into hyperventilation. My wits came back and my shock turned to relief, then regret, and finally anger. What the hell had happened? Why the fuck had he come back early, right when my dream was a reality. I smacked myself to ensure I wasn't dreaming. No such luck. The greatest experience in my life had ended so abruptly. I heard the door from the garage close. That fucker had just ruined all I had worked for. Although I thought of dad as the competition, I never wanted to kill him until now. I started second guessing myself and regretted moving so slowly. How long had I wasted working into her? Ten, twenty minutes? She was ready to go as soon as she laid back. I could have fucker her twice since then. My god, what a disaster. I wondered what mom was up to. I had moved so quickly, my heart pounding so loudly inside my head, I didn't even hear her. I snuck over to my door and saw that the bathroom door was closed. At that second, my father walked up to it and knocked.
'Hey babe, are you in there?' I heard a soft affirmative and he opened the door. I heard the faint sound of a shower and applauded mom's quick thinking. Again my anger returned. That should be me in the bathroom with her. More to the point, that should be me in the shower with her, fucking one more time. Dammit, how could my luck end so badly. The pounding in my head drowned out their brief conversation, but I saw as dad left the bathroom, went towards the living room, and came back towards his bedroom with his bag. His bedroom!! That was my bedroom just five minutes ago. Those were my tits and ass and I didn't even get them! Had there been a gun in the house, I might have blown my father away right then. I should blow myself away for being so stupid. I just had to be the smart guy---had to impress her with my smooth moves and knowledge. I'll never forgive myself. My father walked back out towards the living room and I heard the sounds of the television. Of course he wouldn't see how I am. It'd probably take months for him to forgive me for skipping out on the trip. How long would it take me for getting mom off?? Ha! I realized I'd given her a supreme orgasm. While spying on my parents, I had never witnessed an orgasm from my sweet mother. If she had one, she didn't show it. Definitely not like the one she just got from her son. I wondered if she'd ever experienced such intensity - and I hadn't even fucked her. If there was any justice, I'd be able to show her that what she just experienced was an appetizer. My anger slowly faded as I realized all was not lost. Mom had let me go that far and everything was different now. Her earlier arguments no longer held any water and I knew it was only a matter of time before I took my prize. Yes, time to plan the final act.
Surprisingly, I slept quite well last night. I am hungry as hell thought because I didn't have the balls to go eat dinner and face mom with dad there. I'm sure she was thankful I wasn't there either. Dad was no idiot and he would see something was wrong. Last night, I slipped outside my room and listened to their conversation. Her voice sounded normal and I had to applaud her again for being such a cool customer under these circumstances. From what I gathered, my father got into an argument with his mother and she told him he should just leave. He decided it wasn't worth staying the extra day and came on home. Damn him and damn his mother. Since I was so hungry and knew mom and I couldn't avoid each other forever, I went for some breakfast. Still, I was relieved that she wasn't there. Dad was watching television and actually made a friendly greeting to me. I got some breakfast and made small talk with him. Mom had gone out shopping and would be back in a few hours. Why couldn't dad have gone shopping for a few hours - enough time for me to finish the deed. He lent me his car and I went to the gym to burn off my excess energy and collect my thoughts.
When I got back, mom was making sandwiches. She didn't look at me as I came in but asked if I was hungry. I was hungry for those two wonderful globes of hers but she was wearing an extremely baggy shirt that somehow hid those beauties. We all ate lunch together but mom eyes never met mine for anything more than a split second. This could not last long or I would go crazier than before. I spent the next few hours watching TV and dreaming of all the possibilities.
Mom successfully avoided me for the remainder of yesterday and dinner was a repeat of lunch. I slept awful, hopeful mom would sneak into my room and fulfill what I now felt was a prophecy. Again my hopes were warped by my media-based upbringing - mom was much too sensible to risk such a thing. Maybe she already regretted the whole incident and won't allow anything further to occur. I can't think so negatively. I've got to believe she'll come back for more, desperate for what she too didn't experience.
Today was more of the same and life is getting into a routine. I am putting every bit of myself into the gym.
Mom hasn't been back to the gym yet and I can't say I'm surprised. She has avoided being alone with me in the house, never coming home before my father, and leaving for work the same time he does. For the time being, I am content with the gym. I know the fire in her must be burning as it is in me. Whereas the gym is my release, I think she has none.
Last night, my dad's mom finally passed away. He got pretty broken up that he wasn't there for her but what the hell, he couldn't stand her. Briefly, I thought mom and me would get a chance to finish but she shocked me by suggesting we all go to the funeral. I guess she knew that if she didn't go, I'd find a way to skip out of it too.
Today was the funeral. Not much of the family showed up, proof that grandmother won't be missed much. My father was the only one of us who showed any emotion. I myself was checking out mom in her black dress. I felt some pangs of guilt after realizing we were at a funeral, but remembering the wonderful day just over a week ago cleared away any regrets. Mom had to know I was watching her at every opportunity but she still failed to keep eye contact with me. This was back to a game; one that I fully intended on winning and going home with the head cheerleader.
Last night we stayed at a motel. Since dad was too cheap to spring for a room for me, I got to sleep in a double bed just a few feet from them. I was in bed early so that I could focus all my attention on mom when she came out in her nightie. Dad went in the bathroom as she came out and I made no attempt to avert my eyes. When the bathroom door closed, she finally met my gaze, giving me a half smile of regret and heartache. I thought of something to say but nothing proper came to mind. As I was searching for the right words she said, 'Not here. We'll talk at home.' The sound of her voice was joy to my heart. I nodded acceptance but continued to stare at her as she settled in with a book. As dad entered the room, I turned over and readied for sleep. Once he was settled in, I heard a few kisses. My stomach turned from the thought, wishing I could kiss her whole body.
We got a late start and didn't get home until the afternoon. I wanted to talk to mom as soon as possible but dad's presence was making it impossible. For dinner, mom said we should get some Chinese. My father was watching a baseball game so mom asked if I wanted to go with her. I agreed instantly, knowing I sounded like an eager child. Neither of us said a thing as we got in the car and left. I wanted to touch and feel her so bad but restrained my horny urges. Mom broke the ice and I was regretting what she might say.
'I'm .. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you the past week. What happened was crazy and .. and .. I have been trying to cope with it.' She paused for a few moments, concentrating on the traffic. 'I'm not going to pretend what happened was a terrible mistake. It happened and both of us made it happen. I'm still .. not sure how it happened or why I didn't stop it, but it did and we can't change it.' She paused a few more seconds, seemingly at the end of her prepared speech. 'Mom ..', I started.
'Please James, let me finish first. I won't lie to you and pretend I was not caught up in what happened. We both know it was a very intense experience---one that ... never should have happened. I know you must be frustrated and confused and I can't blame you.'
'Mom, the only frustration I have .. is .. that my dream ....... didn't .. wasn't complete.' I was at a loss for words but that was the best I could come up with. I couldn't let her shut me out after I came so close.
'Honey, you know if you get what you want .. we won't be able to just shut it off and return to normal as if nothing happened. We already can't but what you want will make it even worse.'
We arrived at the Chinese joint and the conversation ended as we went in and ordered the take-out. We went back to the car to continue in private while we waited. I didn't wait for her.
'I want you more than ever', putting every bit of sincerity into my voice. For once, I was completely telling the truth.
She had no response. The words felt foolish and fake but I couldn't think of anything better, 'Just come to me one night and fulfill my fantasy.' I paused to control my breaking voice. 'That is all I ask and I will not ask for anything more if that is what you want .. just please do this one thing for me mom.' Six months ago, I could never have dreamed of saying such a thing to anyone, let alone my own mother. How my life had changed and I had no idea where it was heading.
She found her thoughts, 'What we did has changed everything forever. I have already considered leaving your father---I never cheated on him and I don't think I can stand to live a lie, knowing I betrayed his trust in me.' I couldn't believe my mother would go to such lengths, but it didn't change my resolve.
'If you are going to leave him, what further ... harm ... damage will being with me cause?'
I had the slightest thought that mom meant to leave dad to be with me but she dispelled that quickly, 'honey, if we go beyond what already .. happened, ... I ... I won't be able to live with myself. If we do what you want .. my life as a .. mother and wife, are ....... over ... forever. The only way I know it won't happen again is to leave not just your father, .. but .. you too. I could not stand to see you knowing what we had done.' A long pause. 'I already believe that leaving is my only option to maybe getting my life back to ... some kind of normality. I can't live in such a fantasy world and I don't want to live with the constant guilty that seeing you and your father bring me.'
I felt really bad, never realizing the full extent of damage my plan would and had caused. I thought my parents' life would carry on, albeit with a deep, dark secret. In one fell swoop, I had wrecked our entire family and might never have a family to go back to once I left home.
I think mom saw my concentrated look and I snapped back to reality.
'Mom, I'm so sorry'. I truly was and could not ask for forgiveness for
what I put into motion. I started crying. After a few moments, she
hugged me sideways in the car and I cried into her shoulder. I
recovered in a minute. Mom went back into the restaurant to pickup our
food. Guilt flooded as I watched the sway of her ass. I still wanted
it---I still needed it. Was I willing to give up the only life I knew---give up any future contact with my family for what I hoped would be
the most erotic experience of my lifetime? I knew I could not grasp the vastness of my future and the hurt and loneliness of not having my family, but I wanted her more than anything---wanted her more than life itself. It had to be worth it---otherwise, why would it be so forbidden in society. I watched those great hips sway from the front. The full bounce of her tits under her shirt. Another uncontrollable hard-on. Mom slid a few bags to me as she entered the car. As I placed them in the floor board, she handed the rest to me. Her eyes dropped quickly to my pants, since they were loose enough to make a very obvious tent pole. She looked up at me with no change in expression. I took the remaining bags and we went home. We managed silence for the return trip. At dinner, my father carried the conversation for both of us. Mom stared at me on occasion but neither of us bothered with small talk. Later, while cleaning up, my hand brushed her hip and sent a shock through my whole body. I had to have it. Couldn't she see? That night, I listened from the hallway, hoping to hear if my mom broke the news to dad. I couldn't hear over the noise of the television, but assumed it would get loud, at least on his end, if she told him she was leaving him. He went to their bedroom first as she setup the coffee machine for the next morning. I waited at the corner of the hallway as she came through, turning out the lights. I whispered, 'Mom .... if you are leaving anyway, please do this for me.' I gave her no chance to reply and could not see her expression in the darkened hallway. I turned immediately and went to my room. I prayed and hoped she would visit me tonight. After about ten minutes, I got restless and snuck outside to spy on my parents. Mom was reading her book while was lying in bed, apparently asleep. After a few minutes, he rolled over, apparently deciding it was time for his weekly fuck. The bastard. He started touching mom but she made no attempt to stop reading. They exchanged a few word and he rolled back over. Mom looked up and over towards the window. I ducked, hoping I hadn't been spotted, and quickly made my way back into the house and into my room. Hoping tonight was the night, I went to the bathroom. I dropped my dick in the sink, cleaning it for that beautiful mouth I hoped would soon be wrapped tightly around me.
I laid in bed, unable to sleep. Sticking to the fantasy, I was naked on top of my bed. It was getting a bit chilly, but if I was going through with a once in a lifetime experience, I wanted it perfect down to the last little detail. Time crept by and every time I thought 10 minutes had passed, it was only 5. I don't know when it happened, but it was surreal. I felt something, heard a slurping and popping noise. Fearful I was dreaming again, I waited. Was this real? Was mom fulfilling my fantasy. My mind drifted and curious images warped through my mind. I tried opening my eyes but couldn't. Just then, I started falling. I reached out for my bed but nothing. I kept falling. I turned over and saw the ground approaching. Fearing I would never taste the sweetness of my mother, I started yelling. In an instant, I was awake---and alone. A few moments later the hallway light told me that I hadn't been just yelling in my dream. My father came shuffling into my room. After I assured him it was just a dream, he went back to bed. It seemed like hours before my mind and heart calmed down enough to drift into sleep.
With morning came the realization that my story was still unfinished. I started to wonder what would happen if mom actually left. What would I do---live with my father as if nothing had happened? What would she tell him for the reason she was leaving? I had another year of school and couldn't imagine a home with mom.
I lounged around the remainder of the day, sleeping occasionally, reflecting on the past few months and my life in general. Until recently, I had considered life boring. Even with the current turmoil, I wouldn't trade in my current life for my former existence. Better short and interesting then long and boring. I ate a microwave pizza for dinner, alone in my room. I barely saw either of my parents after they got home from work. I decided I would not plead any more with my mom. She could decide for herself - my feelings were perfectly clear. I watched TV until I passed out. Later I awoke at about midnight and shut off the TV. As I laid there, thoughts of my mother brought me a quick stiffy. I thought I heard the slight sound of a door closing. Me being awake wouldn't follow the fantasy, but at this point I didn't give a fuck. I heard the slightest of sounds and closed my eyes. Two nights before, I had set my alarm clock light on the brightest setting, hoping if mom came to me, it would provide sufficient light to soak up her wonders. I had the sense someone was in my room, and unless my mind was playing tricks on me, I could smell moms perfume. God, please don't fool me again.
'James? James, are you alright?' was the music that hit my ears. My dick twitched nearly uncontrollably. I heard my door pull closed. That was not part of my movie and I feared she had left. I was positive I was conscious and this was no dream. Again, I felt a presence, which was confirmed as I felt the bed move from someone sitting down. A hand touched my leg so delicately that my body shuddered. I felt long nails moving up and down my leg. After a moment, the hand circled up to my lower stomach, and ever so slowly, trailed down to my balls. The hand lightly touched my ball sack, then softly felt the underside of my dick. I wanted to cum all over that hand but managed to control myself. No longer caring to follow the movie, I opened my eyes and saw my prize. Sitting next to me, mom was dressed in a black nightgown I had never seen. She was the most unbelievable beauty I had ever seen and her tits looked bigger than ever in what looked like silk. I resisted feeling them, wondering what she would do next. I didn't wait long as she looked right in my eyes, a pleasant smile playing on her lips. She bent down ever so slowly, while cradling my cock in her hand. She started kissing it, licking up and down my shaft. The feeling was amazing, beyond anything Lisa was ever able to do for me. Her touch was so light that I got goose bumps all over my arms. As she took my rod into her mouth, she swirled her tongue around the head. The back of my neck felt electrified and I would not have been surprised if my hair was standing up from the electric jolt I was feeling. She sucked on me slowly, reminding me of an artist, with my cock as her masterpiece. She never got more than halfway down on me but it was better than I could imagine. Having prevented my orgasm earlier, I felt new confidence in my ability to last awhile. I raised up on an elbow and touched her face. So smooth and gorgeous, the look of my dick in her mouth should be hung up next to the Mona Lisa. Her wavy brown hair was cascaded over my legs and it was ticklish. I couldn't help but wonder how I was noticing all of these sense that were normally hidden. I finally trailed my hand down to her nightie. My hand hesitated as it hovered near her perfect globes. I finally trailed the back of my hand along the silk and felt the dent of her nipple. I circled it with my finger and heard a moan of approval. It grew in hardness. It was not large or long, but it was perfect. I couldn't wait to get it in between my lips. I continued to tease her nipple but was growing inpatient for more fruits. I placed my hand behind her neck and softly pulled her off my dick. She didn't resist and her mouth flowed towards mine. We hesitated before our lips lightly touched. A few more light probes, and I tested her lips with my tongue. My next stab was met with her own tongue, and we opened our mouths fully. I never was a large fan of kissing but this was unbelievable. I knew it was all due to the passion of the moment, but god damn. I felt her twisting her body and moving her leg over my stomach. We continued our tongue twist as she slowly mounted me and sat astride just north of my wanting cock head. I felt the silkiness of panties on my stomach and reached down with both hands. Feeling her ass through the slick silk was once again, amazing. I pushed my fingers under the band and for the first time, felt my mothers bare ass cheeks. While her mouth was on fire, her ass was cool to the touch. I couldn't wait to warm it up. I moved my hands along the upper band until I reached the front. I finally reached my limit and knew I was going to drop a load. I reached down with a hand and pointed my cock downward as I came a heavenly orgasm. I went back to work on her panties, finally massaging her lower belly. My hands trembling, I felt downward until I could feel the curly pubic hairs under the smooth silk. With her sitting on my stomach, her hole was unreachable. I could feel the moistness developing and I wanted to put that lubricant to work. I pushed at her panties a bit, like a pleading toddler. We broke our embrace for the few seconds it took her to stand up and remove her underwear. She was back on top of me in no time, kissing as if she hadn't been kissed in years. I leaned her to the side and rolled on top of her. I felt she was due some payback while I regenerated. I moved her nightgown up above her hips, waiting in anticipation of seeing the first of my prizes. Her pussy hair appeared to be trimmed to a bikini line. I've never been a fan of either the shaved or full-cut look, so I was very pleased. I pushed her legs apart and she moaned in anticipation of something she may well have never experienced. My father did everything by the book in life and I'm sure the missionary was the only position he experienced. After learning on Lisa, I felt confident with my mom. I slowly used the heel of my hand to press against her mound, and make slow circles. Mom let out several moans and my hand was damp in no time. God she was wet! After a minute, I spread her lips and slipped a finger inside. She was tighter than I had anticipated and my dick started twitching. I worked one, and then two fingers into her, building up a steady rhythm. With my other hand, I started working on her clit. My mother started to buck slightly against my fingers but I didn't want her to orgasm too quickly. I wanted a long, slow buildup with an explosion to rival the 4th of July. I pulled back my fingers. She lifted her head to see what I was doing. I backed up on the bed and positioned her legs over my shoulders. I inched forward and put two fingers back in her. She responded strongly and let out a soft scream. I dove in with my tongue and searched out her clit. As my tongue struck gold, mom's body rocked with a jolt. I slowed my fingers down and kept a slow circle with my tongue. Whenever she seemed to get in a rhythm, I changed my own. I didn't want that orgasm coming quite yet. I could have laid there all night, lapping away and fingering that smooth canal, but my cock was straining and starting to hurt. I pulled back and once again she looked up at me. She had been moaning softly for quite some time and looked slightly disappointed I had stopped. As she saw me pulling myself up, she knew what was coming next. Showing her experience, she pushed off from the headboard, giving ample room for our inevitable ride up the bed. Before lying between her legs, I realized I hadn't seen my other two desires. I grabbed the bottom of the nightgown and slid it up. She raised up her smooth, athletic arms and the bottom of the nightgown crept up her body. As the bottom of her tits came into view, I almost came again. Mom pulled the remainder of the nightgown off herself as I stared in wonder. DD or DDD, I didn't know but I was in pure heaven. She laid back down and I followed with her. A hand on the outside of each one, I pushed them together. God, they were softer than anything I ever knew. I bent9 down and started licking. In my excitement, I wanted to gobble them all up. The attention I showed those gorgeous tits was not lost on my mother. She was groaning and moaning as much as before. I tried not to focus too much on her nipples, but they got the better of me eventually. I sucked and pursed my lips around them and lost track of time. Coming back to reality, I pulled my body farther up and rested my manhood against her mound. I started rubbing it all over her and her reaction was spectacular. I made several poking moves at her hole, not trying overly hard. This seemed to drive her wild and I backed off as she seemed close to orgasm. I finally stabbed and split both sets of lips. I caught myself as just the head was poking inside. God I wanted to explode. My earlier orgasm was giving me more control and I was glad for it. I wanted to play this out as long as I was capable. I finally rocked back and forth a bit and little by little, I entered her. Her slickness was delirious and I wanted to ram into her all at once. I kept control as she started breathing heavier and faster. I kept inching into her until my full length was engulfed by her wonder. I started a slow motion, not wanting to pull to far out of her wonderful warmth. Extended on my arms, I was amazed at her beauty. As I knew she would, she had a wonderful fuck face. On each downward thrust, her forehead creased. I wish I had a camera to catch that sight permanently. I dropped to my elbows and worked by arms under her back. Eventually, my hands trailed under that wonderful ass, that I cupped in each hand. I pulled her up and into me and our motion quickened. I had a slow, unusual orgasm building. Mom was showing similar signs to those I had been dreaming about since our last encounter. I wanted this to last forever but I knew we had time. I moved back into a push-up stance and she wrapped her legs around me. 'Oh goddd', came out of her mouth and I almost came right then. Her moans were increasing in intensity and frequency. She picked her head up and I leaned down to kiss her. This was beyond passionate and I kept building. She pulled her legs up higher and pulled my body into hers. Each inward thrust was met with a throaty groan and I knew I was done. I let out my own set up grunts and that put her into overdrive. She started shaking uncontrollably and I felt her pussy tighten around my own spasiming cock. Knowing she was cumming brought me to a new high. My head was suddenly clear and I finally knew the true meaning of ecstasy. Whether I ever got to touch her again, I was satisfied in life. My mother continued to hold on, rubbing her pubic bone against my own. A few light screams escaped her and suddenly she was quiet. She laid back with a distant stare in her eyes. I fell off her to one side, her pussy trying desperately trying to hold onto my cock. I laid against her, not wanting to disturb whatever world she was off in. A few minutes passed before she turned towards me, seeking a kiss. She turned more and I laid behind her, my cock spooning her ass. I slipped an arm under her and was in heaven as I massaged her glorious breasts. She occasionally bent back and we kissed, intertwining our tongues.
Thinking about this wonderful experience got my cock stirring again. She reached between her legs and started stroking me. I didn't spring to life so easily this time but she seemed content to play with me. After a few more minutes, I stiffened up and she led me into her pussy from behind. I had never been in the position and it was awkward. I did what I had seen in movies and scooted down in he bed to be able to move in and out. She could tell I was struggling and arched her ass back as far as she could. What an erotic site and I went completely hard. I raised her upper leg, pulling it towards us. I started pumping in and out and my whole life flashed before my eyes. I would have traded the whole thing in to keep this night running forever. I managed to work my lower hand down to a point that I was able to work her clit. This brought her ass back to what seemed an impossible angle. She started shaking again and I realized she wouldn't last long. This time I didn't mind so I kept the rhythm going. After a few more minutes, she let out a long moan and I felt the wonderful tightness again. I slowed down, to let her enjoy the moment. We laid still for a few minutes and I pulled out. I pushed her butt into the air and she moved with me. I entered her from behind and worked up a slow rhythm. As much fun as I had tonight, nothing compared to watching her ass as I slammed into her. I leaned to the side and watched those lovely melons, pulled down by gravity, and shaking with our rhythm. I wanted to cum again from the sight but held off. I picked up the pace and loved the sound of her ass slapping my thighs. I reached down with both hands and massaged those tits. She started breathing heavily again and I was shocked she was coming to orgasm again so quickly. I wanted to wait for her but the feel and site of her ass and tits was too much. I poured my load into her and kept on pumping. She seemed on the verge as I kept pushing, but eventually I was not pushing with any erection. I pulled out and pulled her back to our spoon position. I started to work on her clit with my hand but she lightly pulled it away. 'I'm fine honey', were the first words spoken to me since we had started. I wanted to please her endlessly but I felt my energy begin to seep out at an increasing rate. She laid in my arms, neither of us saying anything. I didn't want to let her go, fearing she would leave when I fell asleep. My mind started jumbling up and I couldn't focus on specific thoughts. My mother's leg kicked and I knew she was falling asleep. I kept running the nights events through my head and prayed it wasn't another dream. I awoke with a start, and it took me a second to get my bearings. Feeling a massive breast in one hand brought a flood of memories back to me. The smell of her clean hair and light perfume gave me a strong erection. I looked at the clock, seeing it was 4:30 in the morning. It would be light in another hour or so. I didn't want to let her go, but knew we had to be smart. I tried moving my arm from under her and she stretched out. I got up and quietly opened my door, not knowing if a crazy father/husband was waiting on the other side. I realized this was stupid and went to the bathroom. Pissing after a lot of sex is one of those experiences that both hurts and feels good and this time was both worse and better than ever before. I started the shower as the bathroom door quietly opened. Seeing her naked in bright lights for the first time was another wonder. Her light skin was showing goose bumps and I hurried her into the warm water. We stood in the small stall, facing each other, speaking no words. We started hugging and the kissing followed soon after. My dick raised up between her legs. She gradually opened her stance and I slid up into her slit. I pumped along the bottom of her pussy, her juices mixing with the water. I reached behind her, grabbed the back of her legs and lifted up. Not as easy as I expected, she looped her hands behind my head and pulled herself up. She locked her legs around my hips and freed one of her hands to guide me into her. With the water running, the entry wasn't as smooth as before. Once inside, her juices lubricated me. I leaned her against the wall, and after the initial shock of the cold tile, we worked into a very slow fuck. We went at it for about five minutes before we both tired and she got off my cock. We washed each other and shampooed each others hair. It was tremendous. I wished I could find such a woman to share my life with. We got out and dried each other off. Before we exited the bathroom, we had one more long kiss and hug. We said we loved each other, in a different way than ever before. She left first. I waited a second and high-tailed it back to my room. I flopped onto my bed, ecstatic that my story had its final chapter. Unfreakingbelievable. My mind drifted and before I knew it, I was dreaming.
I awoke to the sound of my fathers car with a bad muffler. I laid back and reflected on the extraordinary night. The light smell of sex remaining in the room confirmed last night was no dream, just the completion of a fantasy. As I laid there, my mother entered the doorway I had failed to close the night before.
She pointed at the black nightgown on the ground and said, 'Did you have a visitor last night?' I was shocked at her joking mood, expecting her to be depressed and distant from me.
She walked over, shaking my favorite hips, stood on my bed, straddled me and lowered herself. She peeled away her regular nightgown, showing her naked body underneath. Quickly, she guided my now bouncing cock into her wet pussy. Slowly, she moved up and down. Completing my fantasy from the movie, I reached up and grabbed her wonders. I had forgotten their softness and there was just too much of them to get a hold of. I worked them as she worked my cock. I would give anything to wake up to this every morning. She started speeding up and I pulled her breasts to my mouth. Without fear of being caught, my mother was moaning very loudly. This in turn was turning me on and bringing me quickly to orgasm. I used one hand to work her clit while the other handled her sweet tit with my mouth. She started quickening her pace and let out several sweet-voiced screams. They were not loud, but the effect on my cock was tremendous. I worked her clit faster and to my surprise she climaxed before me. With her pussy clenching my throbbing cock, she let out several deep, loud, throaty moans. That was all I needed as I blasted away, shooting my sperm where I knew it should have never gone. To my shock, my orgasm seemed to build again and I shot a few more loads into her. She kept riding my cock for another minute until I was soft. She slowly raised up and my dick made a slurping sound as it fell out of her. I held onto her tits as she lowered her body onto mine.
'I hope that is everything you wanted because that is all I have to give.'
At a loss for words and with nothing left to give, I smiled my broadest smile and nodded my head.
She stared at me for another minute, finally a tear coming to her eye and rolling down her cheek. I felt the need to do something, so I wiped the tear away. She bent down, kissed me on the forehead, said, 'I love you', and got up. She didn't look back as she walked out the door. I laid back, fingers interlaced behind my head and soaked up the moment. How lucky am I? I just fucked the most wondrous woman in the world. I know I will spend the rest of my life searching out her equivalent, and if I'm lucky again, I'll find her. I fell asleep as my mind drifted.
I woke to extreme hunger pains. After another pleasure/pain trip to the bathroom, I went into the kitchen. As I made some sandwiches, I saw several written pages on the table. The first page had my fathers name on top and was three pages long. I breezed through it and it basically said she has been confused in life for a long time and could no longer lead a false life. She was leaving forever and didn't want anyone to try and find her. It went into much more depth and had a hundred apologies but that was the jist.
I was kind of surprised she went through with it even though she had said she might.
I went back to my room and saw a short letter on top of my TV I had not seen when I woke up. I didn't want to read it but had to:
Dear James,
I know you may always wonder why I have left so suddenly. You should realize this is the best thing for everyone and the only choice I had. I need to start fresh and see if I can rediscover myself. Never blame yourself for what happened. I'm glad we've grown closer over the past few months and I'll never forget the experiences we had. I hope you find what you are looking for in life. I will love you forever.
Although my fantasy had been achieved and was beyond my wildest imagination, my adventure didn't finish with the happy ending I expected. I wonder in the days, weeks, and years ahead if I will regret giving up my mother forever for one night of pleasure. I'm already starting to have doubts.

