
Contents:
© 1998
Camp Pendleton, California
In five days Kyle and Maxie were going to be married.
In six days he was leaving for Desert Storm.
The possibility that he could lose her, his life and the only sense of belonging he'd felt since he was twelve hit Sergeant Kyle Hayden like a barrage of artillery. He tightened his arms around the woman he loved, knowing nothing could soften the news he'd always expected.
"This is so unfair," she cried, her tears wetting his olive drab T-shirt.
"I know, baby, I know," he soothed, brushing his mouth over her hair, her temple, inhaling and memorizing her lush scent. "But orders are orders." He peppered kisses over her cheeks, tasting her tears, wishing he could erase them, yet even as she sobbed, something tugged hard inside him. No one had ever cried for him before. No one had ever cared enough.
She tipped her head; tortured green eyes filled with doubt gazed up at him. "Oh, Kyle. This isn't one of your thrill-seeking games. This isn't racing a car or a dirt bike where you can stop if you want." Her nails dug into his bare arms. "War is real. Real bullets, real danger."
He silenced her with a deep kiss. Yes, it was war, but for five years he'd been training to fight. The need to put himself to the test meshed with nightmarish scenes of battle suddenly flashing in his mind, yet he kept tasting her mouth, kept running his hands familiarly over her plush body, pushing aside the images and focusing on the physical, the tangible ... the woman in his arms.
"I'll be okay." His breath rushed with hers, his insatiable craving to get closer to her, get naked with her, right now, raged along his blood. "I'll keep my head down. I swear it."
"You better keep all of you down," she said.
He met her gaze, grinning. "Any parts you were particularly worried about?" He wiggled his brows.
Suddenly she shoved out of his arms. "Is everything a joke to you?" she said, swiping at her tears. "My God, Kyle, are you itching to get yourself killed?"
"Come on, baby, don't start this now." He tried to coax her back into his arms, but she wasn't buying it, skating out of his reach.
"Then when, Kyle? When you break your back instead of your leg bungee jumping out of a helicopter?" She flung her hand toward the now forgotten crutches propped against his wall locker. "Or when you take a bullet because you want to experience it ripping through your flesh to see if it compares to one of those ridiculous stunts you've already pulled!" Maxie knew she was nearly yelling, but she was so scared, for him, for their future.
Her temper was amazing, he thought as she paced like an anxious colt, his gaze dropping to her short red shirt and her long muscled legs. He wanted to be between them. "You're overreacting. That stuff never bothered you before. You even came along." He looked her over, long and heavy, his mind on the fringes of the conversation. "And I thought you liked that about me."
Maxie remembered first meeting him when he raced stock cars in Long Beach. And the collision he was lucky to walk away from alive. "In a man I was just getting to know, yeah. It was intriguing." She paused, leveling him a look. "But not in a husband." The shift in his features told her he was at least listening this time, and she took a step closer. "I'd like the future father of my children around long enough---"
"Don't," he cut in. "I can't think that far ahead, Max." He jammed his fingers into his short dark hair. "Babies?" The thought terrified him, and his voice pleaded. "Why are you bringing this up now?"
Because we've pushed the wedding ahead three months because of the war, and I feel rushed. Because you're not acting at all like a man ready for a wife. Instead she told him her most recent reservation. "Because I honestly feel you love cheating death more than you love me."
The fraction of hesitation was far too revealing for Maxie.
"That's not true. I love you, but I have orders."
"I know that," she said impatiently. "But this is affecting us already, Kyle, and I want you to see beyond it." Why did she always have to be the levelheaded one in their relationship?
He straightened, folding his arms over his chest. "It's affecting you, not me."
Hurt sprang in her eyes. "Isn't that enough?"
Kyle knew he was being selfish. But he could be gone for months or a year---or he could get killed and never see her again. He didn't want to talk about kids and a home. He and his older brother, Mitch, had been alone since they were abandoned when he was twelve, and the picture she painted was too foreign to him anyway. He loved her, loved everything about her, yet because he was obligated to the Marine Corps and going into a war, he couldn't give her what she wanted with any kind of certainty. Suddenly Kyle was more afraid of losing her over this than he was of an Iraqi bullet.
He lifted his gaze, hoping she didn't see how scared he was. "I love you, Maxie. This is all we have right now." He held out his hand, waiting.
She hesitated, gazing into his hopeful eyes. Then in a heartbeat, she flew to him, clinging to him.
And he clung back, covering her mouth with his. His kiss was fierce and savage, his lips grinding over hers with his need to draw her into himself, to take part of her with him to Saudi. He needed her, and she gave and gave, and then plowing her fingers through his hair and pressing her hips into his, she gave some more.
And Kyle took, grasping, greedy. He couldn't think that in a few days he was going to leave his new bride alone, that he was trading her smile on their honeymoon for a taste of enemy gunfire. He thought only of Maxie Parrish. Sleek and sexy and here for him. His hunger mounted to unfathomable proportions, his hands driving beneath her blouse, riding roughly up her warm skin. So soft, so Maxie. And when she leaned deeper into him, yanking up his T-shirt, sliding her hands over his flesh, he knew her mind was on the pleasure they would share, knew she ached with the same unrelenting hunger that always raged between them. The anticipation of being inside her nearly undid him as he quickly unfastened her bra, his hands sweeping around to envelop her breasts.
Maxie moaned with dark pleasure, helping him strip off her blouse, her nipples already tight and hard for his questing fingers. He has the most incredible mouth, she thought as he bent her back over his arm and dragged it over her naked flesh, lips tugging, drawing heavier and closer to the center of her breasts. Expectation heightened her nerves.
"Kyle, Kyle," she breathed, hesitating against his kiss, struggling with the swamping sensations to see beyond desire. He was leaving for who knew how long, and apart, they would change. It was inevitable. But how drastically would it affect their new marriage? "Maybe---" She gasped for a breath as his mouth drifted closer to her nipple. "Maybe we should postpone the wedding till you come back."
Suddenly she was upright and he was cupping her jaw in his broad palms, his dark eyes intense with quick fear. "Don't even think it. I need you." He closed his eyes, briefly, tightly. "I love you, Max," he murmured against her mouth, then kissed her again and again. "I need to know you're my wife."
Maxie felt the anxiousness in his kiss, his embrace. "Oh, Kyle. I love you, too, but we have to be realistic," she managed to say, hurriedly peeling his T-shirt over his head.
Abruptly he lifted her against him until her breasts were level with his face. "This is the only reality I want." His lips closed over one nipple, drawing it deeply into the hot suck of his mouth, and Maxie threw her head back, dark auburn hair spilling along her naked spine.
He's putting me off, she thought. He had, every time she'd mentioned waiting. But his touch, his sensual power, overwhelmed her and she surrendered to it, wrapping her legs around his hips as he back-stepped toward the bed. He brought her down with him as he sat on the mattress, his hand already beneath her skirt, pushing aside her panties.
Breathless, Maxie held his gaze as he carefully patted her, her body on some tenuous edge until his fingers plunged into her. Her eyes closed, and she rocked against his hand.
"You're always so warm and wet," he growled, and smiled at the blush racing up her body. "You pulse for me." His fingers moved inside her with deep, deliberate strokes, and he watched her desire escalate, was sure of it as she tore at the button fly of his camouflage trousers. With a look of retribution on her face, she reached inside, enfolding him.
He thrust against her touch. "Oh, Maxie," he groaned in a way that she loved.
"Is this enough reality?" she whispered against his lips as they stroked each other to frantic pitch. "Enough when you're---"
He covered her mouth with his. He didn't want to hear her uncertainties, didn't want to admit he would be alone in the desert, without connection, without family. He needed her here for him, waiting for him. Wanting him.
Like he wanted her now.
"Get naked for me," he told her, easing her off his lap. He bent to remove his combat boots, his gaze hungering over her body as she stood inches from him, skimming out of the rest of her clothes, torturing him with a heavy, bone-racking caress, a thick kiss, before she crawled onto the bed. He stood, shoved down his trousers, then kicked them aside.
Maxie watched him come to her, naked, ropy muscles and darkness, and her body reacted with a rush of liquid. He exuded power and raw sensuality, in his eyes, his walk, and Maxie knew she would never in her life be able to resist him. He was her greatest weakness. Yet the misgivings she was experiencing right now, about her feelings, their uncertain future, were a world apart from the blistering heat that constantly crackled between them.
That heat leaped beyond her anxiety when he ripped away the sheet she'd shielded herself with, his gaze scorching her body, his expression growing hotter by the moment. Defiantly she let her gaze tear over him, his shoulders carved broader and thicker from his recent training, the deep contours of his stomach, the nested maleness, thick and proud for her. Between her thighs she tightened, throbbed.
He's leaving, she thought again, yet knew he wanted to go fight for his country. Maxie would never dream of trying to stop him. The scars still pink from his last skydiving jump and the past year of knowing him told her it was useless to even consider keeping him from the scent of danger. He lived for it.
Kyle pressed his knee to the mattress. "Come here."
She lifted her chin, giving him that "make me" look that drove him wild.
Kneeling, he arched a brow, his gaze lowering to her breasts, watching her nipples tighten the longer he lingered there, before dropping to the dark curls between her thighs. She made a sound, half curse, half pleading, and he chuckled knowingly.
"It's pathetic, this command you have over me," she said, tingling for the moment when he would touch her again.
"Your body maybe---" Suddenly he snatched her by the ankles, and she let out a tiny shriek as he dragged her across the bed to him. "But you?" Slowly he shook his head. "Never."
They stared and her lips curved in a sexy smile that robbed Kyle of his next breath. She's so beautiful, he thought, pressing his palms to her chest dragging them over her full breasts, shaping their weight manipulating her nipples. She growled lustily, covering his hands and arching into the pressure. Her gaze followed his fingers as they slid over her ribs, her hips, stroking her soft thighs before hooking her knees and pulling her closer and closer to his heat
She lifted her gaze to his. A moment passed, their breathing labored. A dark hunger lingered in the air, bodies and hearts exposed. She caught her lower lip between her teeth.
Then suddenly she was against him, straddling his bare thighs, her arms locked tightly around his neck. Kyle knew without looking that she was crying. He closed his eyes and held her for a long moment his heart clenching over her soft sobs. The unfairness of their situation increased his frustration and he sank his fingers into her hair, tipping her head and forcing her to look at him. He searched her delicate features, a lump thick in his throat. He was going to miss her. And hoped she'd miss him.
"Make love to me, Kyle. Make it last."
"We have all night. And in a few days, we'll have a lifetime."
Her eyes clouded, and she gripped him back. "No. We won't. Don't you see? You'll be gone. We don't know when you're coming back!" A pause, a whimper of despair and then, "Maybe we should not rush and wait."
In a heartbeat he dropped her onto her back, covering her body with his. "I can't," he said, then filled her in one long, hard thrust. "I can't. I need you too much." He withdrew, then surged, again and again, wild and frantic, his mouth crushing hers, each touch, each stroke driving away her misgivings about their future and leaving only the untamed passion they'd shared for over a year.
He was unrelenting, his reality in the here and now and not days away. Not years away. But he felt her slipping from him. He knew he was reckless sometimes, knew he took chances any sane man would shudder at, but even when he felt the hot rush of fear that came with the risk and danger, he always knew Maxie would be here for him. He wanted to make it permanent. He had to. He couldn't lose her, not even a fraction, refusing to believe their lives would change.
He kept making wild love to her, and when she trembled with her explosion, drenching him with her desire, he made love to her again, listening to her cries of passion and ignoring the words he was too terrified to hear.
Maxie sat on the edge of the bed in the cheap hotel room, her hands clenched on her lap. She toyed with her engagement ring until her finger was raw and red, then yanked it off and shoved it into her purse. Tears rained down her cheeks, splashing onto her fists. She didn't bother to wipe them away. She needed them. She deserved them.
She glanced at the clock, the big hand refusing to move past the time of her wedding. Her gaze shifted to her gown, white satin and hand-embroidered lace tossed carelessly in the chair. Once today she'd put it on, if only for a moment to feel like a bride, and she'd almost weakened in her decision. That dress symbolized all she wanted---husband, home, kids. All she wanted. Kyle wanted only her. And danger.
Was marriage, right now---before he had to leave for Desert Storm---the wisest move for them? Or was it just fear pushing them to rush their wedding, their lives? Was she in love with the idea of marriage and family, or with Kyle?
She tore her gaze from the gown. She'd asked herself the same questions over and over for the past hour, the urge to race to the chapel and marry Kyle staggering her.
Turmoil and fear held her back, kept her rooted to a lumpy bed in the darkened room. How could she do this to the man she loved? But she knew. Weeks of chaotic thoughts, of preparations for a wedding and for the groom to go to war, of Kyle refusing to discuss postponing their wedding, had brought her to this moment. This horrible, telling moment when she should be walking down the aisle on her father's arm. She squeezed her eyes shut and covered her face with her hands, a deep sorrow tormenting her to the breaking point.
She'd felt it while he was away for desert training six weeks ago. That first-time separation had opened her eyes, scared and confused her. For without the physical passion, she realized they were on the same road, traveling in opposite directions. She loved him deeply, yet they wanted different things, and for a while, she let herself believe she could change him, change his wants to hers. He was thrills and chills, wanting only her and the corps in his life. She wanted a home and fat babies---and stability. The only thing they wanted mutually was each other.
Maxie knew blood-jolting desire wasn't enough.
And it was the sole reason she couldn't face him right now.
One look, one touch and she would never do what she had to do. His stare bore too much power, his kisses too much steam, and he knew how to make her forget. Their passion was always so strong, she had trouble seeing beyond it. Until now.
They were afraid and seeking some control in a hopeless situation. He was leaving and wouldn't believe it was best to wait until he came back, that if they really loved, time would be on their side. Marriage in a panic was reckless, and getting unmarried would be much harder.
No, she thought nothing could be harder than this. Yet she was willing to risk everything not to make a huge mistake.
Maxie glanced at the clock again and groaned, listlessly crawling onto the bed and curling into a tight ball. She tried not to imagine her groom, what he was thinking, the hurt he was feeling. If only he had listened ... if only time wasn't so short ... if only there wasn't a war waiting for him...
Clad in his dress blue uniform, Kyle Hayden's spine was straight as a rifle stock, his eyes forward, his gaze on the chapel door. She'll be here, he thought. Any minute. Around him, guests and attendants whispered, the tick of the church clock sounding like a gong in his head. His buddies were lined up alongside him, his older brother, Mitch, offering excuses: traffic, a flat or a woman's incredible need to be late for every major function in her life. Yet the longer Kyle waited, the more he imagined her in an accident, bleeding somewhere where he couldn't get to her. He'd already sent two of his pals off to search for her. If she was okay, she would have let him know, he thought. Maxie wouldn't do this to him. Maxie wouldn't make him wonder.
Maxie loved him.
He believed. And he waited.
Waited past the time of the ceremony.
Waited as their guests left, his humiliation hidden beneath the granite expression he'd perfected over the years. His eyes never leaving the door, Kyle let his hurt and anger escalate and even as his heart leaped when a figure slipped into the chapel, he cursed himself for forgiving her so easily in those few seconds. Until he saw her mother and the look on her face. The sympathy and pity Lacy Parrish sent him was enough to kill Kyle where he stood.
He dropped Maxie's wilting bouquet and with his white barracks cover tucked under his arm, he left the church with the measured cadence of a marine going off to war. Which was exactly what he had to do. Married or not.
Less than twenty-four hours later, dressed in desert beige camouflage utilities, Kyle stood in formation with his platoon, his body weighted down with his pack, bedroll, ammunition and weapons. He didn't speak to anyone, too aware that his buddies knew he wasn't the married man he'd hoped to be today. He tried not to imagine Maxie's face, what she was thinking when she stood him up, what she was doing now. A woman's sob caught him off guard, and his gaze snapped to a fellow marine, his wife in his arms as she cried and told him she would miss him. Kyle's throat tightened, the pain in his chest threatening his breathing. That should be me, he thought tearing his gaze away to scan the crowd of women and children, parents and friends who'd come to see the marines off. He waited for long, dark auburn hair to catch his attention, waited to see her running toward him, begging for his forgiveness and telling him she loved him.
She'll come, he thought. She won't let me get on this plane without saying goodbye. Kyle believed and he waited, lagging behind when his platoon filed toward the plane. Still he stalled, back-stepping, searching the mass of people. She'll come, he told himself. She might have wanted a wait to marry him, but she loved him. She did.
A sharp command pierced his thoughts, and he faced his first sergeant.
"Move it marine! The war won't wait."
Kyle obeyed, the last man aboard the aircraft. Yet even as the hydraulics lifted to seal the huge troop carrier, Kyle still hoped, still looked. But as the hatch closed him in with over a hundred other marines, Kyle faced the truth.
And inside, he died.
Grand Canyon, Arizona Seven years later
Maxie paused, the shovel full of soiled hay halfway to the wheelbarrow when she heard the helicopter. The noise vibrated the walls of her barn, disturbing her animals as the pilot made a low-flying sweep of her place before setting down.
"Relax, Elvis," she said to the horse tethered outside his stall. "You ought to be used to that by now." She flung the putrid pile onto the heap, shaking her head. The independent pilots the park service hired when they were shorthanded in bad weather usually had Top Gun envy and were always a little showy. Apparently the pilot she was supposed to board for the next week or two wasn't beyond hotdogging, either.
Since it was likely one of the pilots she'd boarded before, she didn't immediately run out to greet him, estimating it would take him a few minutes to anchor the chopper and walk the hundred yards from the dirt helipad to the barn. If he thought to look for her there. Either way, she didn't want company. Usually the service put the temps up in hotels or at Mrs. Tippin's Bed and Breakfast, but with half the rescue teams out with the flu and the tourist traffic unusually high now for the lack of snow, the overflow boarded with her. The occasions were too rare for her to regret that part of the deal she'd made with the service three years ago. She just hoped this pilot didn't expect her to wait on him. She had too much work to do.
After maneuvering the heavy wheelbarrow down the long corridor of stalls to the truck parked outside the rear entrance, she forced it up the ramp and quickly dumped its odious contents. Maxie hurriedly backtracked, bringing the wheelbarrow back for another load, then hefting the shovel.
Movement at the far end of the barn caught her attention.
She froze. The color drained from her face. Her gloved fingers tightened on the handle.
Rescue me. Oh, someone please take me away from here.
But Maxie Parrish knew no rescue would be coming.
Her worst nightmare was walking steadily toward her.
She would recognize him anywhere, anytime. Even with the fleece collar of his butternut suede jacket pulled up against the wind and his face shielded beneath a black cowboy hat, she knew him. By his stride, the shift of his shoulders ... his sexy rocking hips.
Seven years' worth of guilt and shame threatened to swallow her whole, and Maxie fought the overpowering urge to run.
Instead, like a sinner anticipating penance, she waited for the moment when he would recognize her.
A duffel slung over his shoulder, his gaze was more on where he was stepping than where he was heading. "This the Wind Dancer Ranch, ma'am?"
"Yes, Kyle. It is."
He stopped short. His head jerked up, his gaze narrow and piercing her straight through to the bone.
He didn't say a word. He just kept staring, whatever he was feeling locked tightly behind an expression harder than ice. His fingers flexed on the duffel strap at his shoulder. His lips tightened. And Maxie felt the hay-strewed floor soften beneath her feet as he moved within a yard of her. His gaze roamed, and she felt heat slowly sketch her face as he searched for changes and absorbed each one. It was hard to believe those eyes still held the same intensity, dark and wicked, making her skin warm in the chilly morning, making her body talk when she wanted it to be silent.
And unfortunately, after all this time, he knew it.
It didn't help that he looked as good as he did when he was a marine, she thought. Oh, he was older, more mature and though there were a few lines around the corners of his eyes and a cynical tightness to his lips that hadn't been there before, he was still essentially the same. Handsome, tanned, sable haired with pebble dark eyes that had always held a glint of mischief. They didn't now, offering nothing. Apparently he didn't think his surprise arrival was any kind of blessing, either.
Kyle was shaking inside. Seven years faded away, and he was a marine, standing on the flight deck, waiting for her, hurting like mad. He couldn't stop the sensations, wishing to God he had never set foot inside the barn, but knew he had to get control, reminding himself that she was his past not his present.
Damn.
Damn, damn, damn.
It shouldn't be this hard to just look at her, Kyle thought, the agony of losing her and never knowing why clutching at his chest. Yet like a masochist searching for more pain, his gaze moved over her face, her petite features, the lush figure even a shapeless flannel shirt and down vest couldn't hide. She's cut her hair, he thought stupidly. Her auburn waves were evenly trimmed, side parted and skimming her jaw, her long drop earrings emphasizing those great bones. One thing he had to say about Maxie---she had a body that evoked wild fantasies and a face that gave a man sleepless nights.
He ought to know. He'd had his share of them. And he didn't want any more.
He brought his gaze back to hers. "Hello, Max."
The sound of his voice, deep as the ocean floor, coated her, sending tremors through her bloodstream. And with it came a flood of unwanted memories, of heartache and guilt. Oh, Lord, the guilt, Maxie thought. It had never eased completely, and as she stared into his eyes now, it magnified. The last time she'd seen him, he was cramming his gear into a marine green seabag, expecting to marry her before he shipped out to Saudi Arabia. Her gaze wavered. Self-preservation steadied it. Don't panic, she thought. He doesn't know about the past seven years.
"Why are you here?" she finally asked, trembling and trying not to show it.
He arched a brow, his dark gaze boring into hers. "Don't have anything else to say, Max? Like 'I see you survived'? 'Any bullet holes to show for nine months in the Iraqi desert?'"
She cringed, his bitter tone reminding her that she didn't know what had happened to him after Desert Storm. Only that he'd never wanted to see her again.
Not that she could blame him.
Yet she refused to rise to his bait and acted as casual as she could with him staring at her so intensely. "Hello, Kyle," she said calmly, bracing her gloved hands on the top of the shovel handle and tipping her head. "You look good. Any bullet holes?" He shook his head. "Now ... why are you here?"
"Me and my chopper are on loan to the park service."
Disappointment shaped her face. "Helicopters. Surprise, surprise," Maxie muttered, then hefted the shovel, scooping and dumping, relieved that her voice was steadier than her hands. "I should have known you couldn't go far from chasing danger."
Resentment burst through Kyle, that she didn't believe he'd changed---and more so that she appeared unaffected while his heart hadn't made it back to his chest, still sitting in the pit of his stomach. "You mean instead of manning a .50-caliber machine gun in an open chopper during low-flying reconnaissance?" His biting tone grabbed her attention, and she met his gaze. "No," he said, as if mulling over how to solve world peace. "I can't say it's the same." His features sharpened, his eyes penetrating. "Hauling tourists lacks some of that killer adrenaline rush you get under live enemy fire."
His sarcasm wasn't hard to miss, yet she paled at the image anyway. "What?" She focused on hitting the wheelbarrow and not his feet. "Not dangerous enough?"
"Forget about my chopper---" he unzipped his jacket and tipped his hat back "---what the hell are you doing here?" He gestured to the rows of stalls.
She scoffed and kept shoveling. "You don't think I wade in this stuff because I like the fragrance, do you?"
Kyle's lips thinned, his impatience gone. "Look, Max, just point me in the direction of the boss, and I'm outta here."
"I am the boss."
"What?"
Maxie glanced up. His disturbed look was almost amusing. If she wasn't doing her level best not to unravel all over the place, she might have smiled. Instead she held on to her frayed nerves, deposited the scoopful in the wheelbarrow, then propped the shovel against the wall. She faced him, brushing her hair off her forehead with the back of her gloved hand and said, "I own this place, Kyle."
Briefly he glanced around, scowling, but her mutinous expression dared him to contradict her.
They stared.
The wind skated along the barn, searching for a spot to enter and chill them to the bone. The dropping temperature outside didn't compare to the atmosphere inside.
"So. You've been here?" His words dripped ice. "All this time?"
"Not all this time," she answered frostily, bending to move the wheelbarrow farther into the corridor. "And it doesn't matter now, does it?" As she spoke, she pulled a pair of wire cutters from her back pocket and snipped open a hay bale lying outside the stall.
With his free hand, he reached out to pat the horse, anything to keep from shaking some feeling into her. Maxie had never been so ... emotionless. "Not that I can see," he said, shrugging.
"Good." She grabbed a pitchfork, quickly spreading hay in the clean stall. "At least we understand each other."
He hitched the duffel higher, shifting his weight to one leg. "Do we?"
Her gaze shot to his, and she shook her head, a warning in her tone. "Don't even go there, Kyle." She told him like it was. Over. "If I'd wanted you in my life, I would have shown up at the church."
He scowled, his gaze raking over her, making her feel as if she'd been scraped raw with a knife. She tried to look away, but couldn't and Maxie told herself it didn't do any good to notice how well the heavy cable-knit sweater clung to him, how well the rich green shade showed off his eyes and dark hair. It would be wiser to notice only one thing about him ... the barely checked hostility in his eyes.
"Still heartless, eh, Max?"
She reared back. "Go to hell, Kyle."
A single brow arched, a dark wing over his penetrating eyes. "You're the one prepared for the trip."
She looked down at the pitchfork in her hand. Damn him. Damn him for coming into her life again, for making her see she couldn't escape her mistakes. She was mortally ashamed of how she'd treated him all those years ago, but Maxie had more at risk now than old feelings. She knew what her decision had cost her. And she'd paid for it in more ways than he could ever imagine. But it would be just like a man to want to hear the gory details of how badly she'd suffered, too. And she wasn't about to give him more fodder to feed on.
She met his gaze. "We haven't seen each other in seven years, so don't assume you know me anymore, because you don't." She pulled off her gloves and jammed them in her hip pocket moving toward the horse.
He rolled the duffel off his shoulder and dumped it on the dirt floor.
Maxie's gaze lowered to his name stenciled on the canvas, and she froze as recognition dawned. It was the same seabag he'd had when she'd last seen him. Her gaze flew to his, and something flickered in his eyes just then. The cold air between them crackled. Her skin flushed. For a moment they were alone in his barracks room, groping at each other, their wild hunger making them impatient enough not to bother taking off all their clothes.
Kyle's heart did a quick slam in his chest at the familiar heat in her green eyes, vivid enough to create an ache in his groin. Damn. He hated and wanted her all in one breath. It wasn't natural. What was, was his need to shake her, to demand why she'd abandoned him so brutally when he'd needed her the most.
Maxie Parrish had been his biggest heartache and his greatest humiliation.
But he was over her now. If he wasn't, he would have looked her up long before now and certainly before this contracted deal with his chopper put him in her life. Regardless, Kyle's gaze unwillingly lowered over the long slim body he remembered in his dreams. Her faded plaid shirt shaped her torso better than silk, loose shirttail over jeans worn nearly white and fitting her like skin. Her boots were scarred and caked with dirt. The Maxie he remembered was always dressed to kill and never without makeup. This woman had muddy knees and chipped nails.
But she was the same woman who'd deserted him without explanation, he thought as she reached out to unsnap the horse's lead.
He caught her wrist as she passed, and their gazes clashed. "You're wrong, Max. I know you better than any man."
She tugged on his grip. "You're dreaming. Again."
With a jerk, he pulled her against him, hemming her in between his body and the wall as his free hand slipped smoothly inside her down vest. The cold air rushed into her lungs at the contact, then staggered as his fingers found their way beneath her shirttails, touching her bare skin.
Lord. It was as soft as he remembered, satiny, warm, making his body throb for her.
"Kyle, don't." She wiggled her wrist but he held tight even as his mind screamed at him to quit torturing himself, that he wasn't prepared for any involvement with her, not again, not after the way she'd humiliated him. Yet without thought he spread his hand over the small of her back, driving his palm upward, caressing, feeling. She was naked beneath the faded shirt.
"Oh, Maxie," he hissed softly, and her eyes softened, drifting closed, her body gravitating toward him and he remembered ... remembered tasting her skin, lying naked with her, being buried deep inside her soft body. His groin thickened painfully, and he pressed her into it. His face neared, his lips a breath from hers. He drank in her startled gasp as his hand swept around to enfold her bare breast, his thumb heavily circling her tight nipple. A moan escaped him, unheeded, like a long-awaited burst of freedom. That this, the passion, the desire neither could fight or understand, hadn't changed, was a complication he hadn't expected. Suddenly it made him feel unreasonably weak. And he resented it.
Feebly Maxie wrestled against him, but the liquid heat blossoming through her body with every tiny movement of his fingers was hard to ignore. She'd hoped if this moment ever came, that her feelings would be faint like an old watercolor, yet they were more like a cattle stampede, coming from all directions with a force that defied nature. Her knees softened, and all at once she was hot and hungry, vulnerable for the caress of a man. This man. No one made her feel like she did when Kyle Hayden touched her. The passing years had done nothing to extinguish it; in fact the ache in her was blistering, just waiting to be uncapped. She gripped his jacket lapel to keep from sinking into the floor and waited for more.
"Some things you just can't forget, eh, baby?"
His mocking tone startled her, awakened her, and she knew in an instant he was throwing their past in her face. She focused on his eyes and found shaded indifference, a callous man without sympathy for how the past seven years had treated her.
She wrenched free and stepped back, furious with herself and him. "Yeah, but what we do about it is another," she snapped, embarrassed she was so spineless when he touched her. "That's all we had, Kyle." She leaned a bit closer, her voice low with hot anger. "A little wild sex. Nothing more." The lie rolled too easily off her lips. "At least I was smart enough to see that passion wasn't enough for a lifetime." She started past him.
He caught her, swiftly pressing her up against the wall and covering her mouth with his. He kissed her and kissed her, his tongue plunging between her lips, his hands diving beneath her shirt and molding her bare breasts. His hat tumbled to the ground as she growled against his mouth, teetering on surrender.
This is so good, she thought. He pushed his knee between her thighs, and she instinctively bore down on him, her fingers sinking into his hair and grabbing fistfuls, holding him as she paid him back touch for touch.
Suddenly he jerked back, staring. His lungs worked violently.
Her breath brushed his lips.
He arched a brow. "Not enough, Max?" The malevolence in his dark eyes was enough to make her see the moment for what it was. A humiliation. A payback.
She shifted past him, ignoring the feel of his eyes on her back as she headed out of the barn.
Kyle remained motionless, grinding his teeth, his gaze on her as she negotiated her way around tack and hay bales. He resented the hell out of it since he couldn't even manage to move without snapping in half. And he was ashamed of himself for what he'd just done. But he'd never had much control around Maxie and knew the instant he'd seen her in the barn, he should have made an about-face and flown right out of there.
He stared at the dirt floor, rubbing the back of his neck.
That was one hell of a reunion, he thought. But ending their relationship years ago was her choice, not his. She'd made the decision for them, excluding him completely and running like a coward. She never gave him the courtesy of having his say in the matter. The humiliation and agony of that day flooded through him again, and he clenched his fist over and over, wishing he'd never laid eyes on her again. He didn't trust her. And the tightness crowding his jeans told him he shouldn't trust himself around her, either. Nor could he board here for the next two weeks. No way. Seeing Maxie for ten minutes was enough to make him consider subcontracting out this flight obligation. That's if he could have afforded it.
He had to make other arrangements. That was all there was to it. Maybe the park service had something else, and he decided he would go check.
Raking his fingers through his hair, he grabbed up his seabag and strode to the entrance, but stopped abruptly when he saw her cross the yard to a horse trailer hitched behind a black Range Rover. She's tucked her shirt in, he thought as she released the trailer door, lowering it to the ground, then disappeared inside, coming out seconds later leading a chestnut mare by the bridle. Her moves were confident as she led the animal into the paddock and out of his sight.
Kyle tried not to crane his neck for a better look and stormed to his chopper. How could he hunger for a glimpse of her and curse the urge at the same time?
Outside, the wind howled around her Range Rover, and Maxie keyed the engine, letting the vehicle warm up. Closing her eyes, she pressed her forehead to the cold steering wheel and warned herself not to cry.
This was the worst, she thought. The absolute worst. That kiss---no---that mauling in the barn warned her not to give Kyle an inch. She smacked the steering wheel, angry with him for taunting her like that and herself for falling for him like a starry-eyed schoolgirl. Being weak-kneed around a man hadn't happened to her ... in seven years.
Oh, why did he have to show up now? Her priorities had been screwed up for years, and now that she'd gotten them in order, she didn't want him coming in and fouling everything up. She was happy, for crying out loud. And for whatever reason Kyle was here, other than being a part of the standby rescue team for the park service, was meaningless. He no longer rated a priority in her life. She told herself that over and over, forcing herself to recall the look in his eyes after he'd kissed her, as if disgusted that the desire they'd once shared was stronger than ever. He was a bitter, angry man, and seeing him again only served to bring back the guilty pain. Just being within five feet of him was proof enough that her decision all those years ago had been the correct one. And she wasn't letting him back into her life.
She threw the truck into gear and drove off.
Maybe he wouldn't be needed. Maybe enough of the crew was well enough to work. Maybe the storm predictions were wrong, and he would just disappear again. Yeah, right, a voice pestered. And maybe everything would fall apart just when you got the glue to stick.
Maxie drove, blinking back the tears she refused to shed for him.
Please go away, she prayed as his helicopter passed overhead. Because it was only going to get worse. Worse when he discovered that not only did she leave him at the altar, but he had a six-year-old daughter with a woman he loathed.
In the rescue station, Kyle stared at the men and women relaxing in the worn leather sofas and chairs arranged around a couple of coffee tables.
"Okay, so what are you guys not telling me?" he said after another crew member refused to trade sleeping arrangements with him. He was willing to sleep anywhere if it meant he didn't have to look at Maxie before coffee. Unfortunately no one was cooperating.
"Parrish is a lousy cook," a man finally admitted, sinking back into the body-molding leather chair.
"You know this for a fact?" The idea that half of these men knew Maxie's cooking soured his mood even further.
A few exchanged knowing glances. "Reputations have a way of escalating."
"So don't eat at her place."
"I could say the same to you, Hayden," his temporary boss, Jackson Temple, said on a laugh as he passed the cluster of personnel.
Kyle made a frustrated sound. "Look, I'll make switching worth it." He reached into his back pocket for his wallet.
Hoots and whistles sounded seconds later. Kyle didn't have the sense to be embarrassed. Seeing Maxie on a regular basis was too unpleasant to even consider.
"Watch out folks, he's desperate," someone said.
A black-haired man frowned curiously. "How much we talking here, Hayden?"
"A hundred?" Good Lord, he sounded pathetic, Kyle thought.
"Food mean that much to you, flyboy?" came from another team member.
"No," he muttered, fisting cash. His sanity did.
"Then why?"
Jackson Temple cleared his throat, then nodded slightly at the doors.
The conversation died a quick, painful death as Kyle looked up, his gaze colliding with a pair of green eyes so aloof he couldn't begin to speculate on what she was thinking. He only knew that she'd heard. Everything.
Then she crossed to the office and murmured smugly, "Bet the back seat of that chopper's looking real good right now," as she passed him.
Kyle closed his eyes briefly, feeling like a heel. He didn't know if it was the smirk on her face she tried to pass off as a smile or the way she brushed aside the discussion he was a jackass for even starting with people he'd just met but these were her friends. He didn't want to embarrass her. What went on between them had nothing to do with the life she'd made for herself here.
Kyle jammed his cash into his pocket and waved off a crewman who looked guilty enough to concede. He looked up as she shut the office door, closing Jackson in with her. Through the glass, she met his gaze, her expression unreadable. It was hard to believe she was the same woman who'd turned to liquid heat in his arms a couple hours ago, and just the memory, the taste of her still on his lips, made his body tighten. Then she closed the blinds, shutting him out. Nothing new there, he thought, moving to a soda machine and dropping change into the slot, nearly knocking the thing over when he punched his selection. He had to get out of this somehow, he thought, pulling the tab and tipping it to his lips. He drained the soda, trying not to look at the office door, to the room where she was hiding from him. Again.
Inside the office, Maxie paced, not even bothering to take off her parka. On the way over, she'd radioed Jackson and without revealing why, she'd told him she didn't want Kyle at her place. Jackson wasn't cooperating.
"I thought you were my friend, Jackson. Move him to a hotel."
The team chief chuckled, his chair creaking as he leaned back and watched her eat the carpet with her strides. "You've had boarders before, Parrish, what's the deal?" She paused and leveled him a dark look, and the older man cringed dramatically, throwing his hands up. "Okay, okay, I won't pry. Not that you'd ever give details."
"You made the assignment." She slapped her hands down on the desk and loomed. "Change it."
"I can't. There was no other choice." He waved to the charts.
"There has to be." Maxie already recognized the danger of being in the same state with Kyle, let alone seeing him every day, all day until his contract with the rescue team was finished.
"Not for a chopper. Fuel is too expensive to have him land anywhere else. Your ranch is the best place to set one down. Close. Low wind, lots of unobstructed area. You know that." Her expression pleaded for a little understanding, and Jackson frowned. "I've never seen you like this, Maxine. He's got you scared."
She blinked, straightening. Scared? Of Kyle? She peeled off her jacket and tossed it aside before she plopped onto the sofa. Bracing her boots on the scarred table, she folded her arms over her middle and stared at nothing. She was not afraid of him. Just of him touching her. Her mind went blank when he did. And she couldn't afford a single incoherent thought for her daughter's sake. Mimi depended on her mom keeping it together.
For the ride over here, for the time it took to feed and water the horses and mules on loan here, she'd done nothing but brood and stomp around, having herself a real nice pity party. She was glad Mimi was at her grandma's for the next couple of days or she would be deflecting questions instead of old feelings. Mimi had a talent for seeing to the center of a problem and pestering till she had the entire truth. Or telling Maxie what she believed to be the truth, whether her mother wanted to hear it or not. It was one of the things Maxie liked best about her daughter, her candidness.
"I like him," Jackson said.
Only her gaze shifted. "You would."
"Apparently you did, too, at one time."
She looked away. Yes, she'd loved him, or thought she had. Her timing was lousy when she'd wised up and realized it was mostly lust. Good lust, but not enough to base a lifetime on. Yet it was the immature way she'd left him that still haunted her.
Jackson's words came back to her. Kyle had her running scared. She wouldn't, not this time. She'd vanished on her wedding day, only to discover three weeks later that she'd jilted the father of her child. By then he was in Saudi with a broken heart and didn't need to hear from her; he needed to think about staying alive. She had refused to run to him just because she was pregnant, yet knew he had a right to know about Mimi. As soon as his unit had returned, she'd called, left a message and got a terse reply via his big brother. "Don't call back, he doesn't want to see you again."
She'd written him anyway, the hardest letter she'd ever had to pen. And it came back to her, unopened. The message was painfully clear.
But now he was here, and her daughter's happiness was in jeopardy. Mimi was her first and only concern. She'd suffered the "almost my dad" attachment once too often, and Maxie would endure anything, even Kyle's cruel remarks and glares, before she would allow her daughter to be hurt by her mistakes again. Suddenly she lurched off the couch and grabbed her jacket, donning it as she headed to the door.
"Maxine?"
"You need him to move the chopper, right?"
"Yeah," Jackson said, eyeing her warily.
Maxie looked at him. "Then tell him to do it. I'll be out at my place, waiting."
"Are you saying he's stuck with you?"
"I don't have much choice, do I? I agreed in writing to let the rescue service use my land for their choppers. Besides---" she shrugged "---it's a big place. A big house." She could go an entire day without running into him if she tried hard enough. And she would.
Maxie threw the door open and smacked into Kyle's chest. It was like hitting a brick wall, and he caught her shoulders, steadying her, yet keeping her close. Her gaze jerked to his, her hands flattened on his chest. For a long moment neither moved---Maxie lost in the familiar feel of his body molding to hers and the memories that came with it, Kyle wanting to touch more than her shoulders.
Someone cleared his throat. Kyle's lips curved ever so slightly. But it was the self-satisfied twist to them that sent Maxie backpedaling ... right into Jackson. From behind, Jackson settled his hands on her shoulders, and Kyle's features tightened.
Even if Temple were in peak physical shape, he was a good dozen years older than Maxine, Kyle thought, then was angry with himself for the need to justify another man touching her.
"Fire up that bird, flyboy," Jackson said. "Time to move it."
Kyle lowered his gaze to Maxie's and he found only resignation in her expression.
"It appears you're staying at my place."
So she could stick pins in a festering wound? "I'll pass."
The old rebellion he remembered in her rose to the surface.
"I think we can be adults about this."
His eyes darkened and he scoffed. "That's a first."
She smirked, folding her arms. "Being your usual witty self, I see."
Kyle knew she was referring to the ugly remarks he'd made this morning. He regretted that his emotions got the best of him and was determined not to let it happen again. He just wished she still didn't turn him on like a tight switch.
Jackson squeezed her shoulders, silencing another dig, and Maxie patted Jackson's fingers, then glanced back at him. "See ya."
Kyle's eyes narrowed as she pushed past walking briskly to the doors. He watched her go, then brought his gaze back to Jackson. He opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. If Maxie could appear casual about the arrangements, then so could he.
"Not a room available anywhere, flyboy, so what will it be? Maxine's---" Jackson's lips curved "---or the back seat of your chopper?"
Still Kyle fought the inevitable. "I could sleep here." He'd seen four cots in a small room at the back of the station. And it was a tremendous waste of fuel to head home each night and get here when, and if, they needed him.
Jackson shook his head. "For the team on call, sorry."
Kyle rubbed the back of his neck and muttered a curse. "Not much of a selection left, then, huh?"
Jackson fought a grin and ever the diplomat, gestured inside the office. "Let's get you some gear."
Kyle followed. Jackson Temple was his boss for the next week or two, and although they'd only met earlier this morning, before seeing Maxie, Kyle liked him.
Kyle stood back as Jackson went to the cabinet and threw open the doors, withdrawing coils of nylon rope, extra rigs for mountain climbing, medical kits, a hand radio, a booklet of rules and regulations, authorization passes and stickers and the standard flame orange jacket the crew wore, fur lined and heavy. He stacked the gear on the sofa. "Check the radio---we've had a couple of duds lately."
Kyle did, then started arranging the equipment in a spare duffel bag while Jackson wrote "Hayden" on a plastic tag and slipped it into the clear window above the chest pocket of the orange jacket
"Thanks for showing up, Hayden," he said, offering the jacket. Kyle looked up, accepting it frowning. Jackson shrugged, then moved to the coffeemaker and poured a cup. "We're badly shorthanded, with the flu going around. I appreciate your loan of the chopper." He handed the steaming mug to Kyle. "I know this cuts into your paying business."
"Just so you know, no one flies her but me."
Jackson grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Possessive, huh?"
Kyle sipped. "Yeah, me and the bank are that way about things that aren't paid for." He set the cup aside to load gear.
Jackson chuckled, dropping into the seat behind the desk. He propped his boots on the edge. "So ... how long have you known Maxine?"
Kyle stilled, frowning, then jammed ropes into the corner of the duffel. Maxine. He hadn't heard anyone call her that since her father was yelling at her to come home, and she was ignoring him, riding away on the back of Kyle's motorcycle.
"Years."
Jackson frowned. "How many exactly?"
"Eight or so." Kyle shrugged, zipping the bag closed. He met Jackson's gaze. "You?"
"'Bout three, ever since she an---ah ... moved up here. And no, we're just friends." He sent Kyle a look that said dating Maxie was robbing the cradle in his eyes. "'Sides. No one gets near Maxine unless she wants it."
Kyle knew that. The woman he'd met today was a shadow of the Maxie he had loved. He insisted he didn't care if she was cold. He just wanted to fulfill his obligation and get out of here. And avoiding her was his preference.
Kyle took up his mug and sank into the sofa, sipping, his gaze on the window. Maxie was climbing behind the wheel of her Range Rover and driving away.
"You two got a serious history, huh?"
Kyle's lips tightened. He wasn't about to let his personal life become the rescue-watch joke of the day. "Just a history. There's got to be a room available somewhere else...?" He was a backup chopper pilot nothing more. And if he didn't have to be here, he for damn sure wouldn't. He looked to Jackson.
"Sorry, no." Kyle didn't care for the twinkle in Jackson's eyes just then. "Now, get your chopper off my triage pad, Hayden. It stays at the Wind Dancer until you're needed."
Kyle didn't like this, yet stood and hefted the duffel full of gear.
"Have fun."
Kyle glared at Jackson. The man grinned back. "You're enjoying this."
"Probably more if I knew what it was all about---" he shrugged "---but yeah. I haven't seen any excitement in months. You know, people being cautious. Obeying the rules. Puts me out of a job."
Kyle couldn't fight the smile working out from beneath his scowl. "Call if you need me," he said, holding out his hand. Jackson shook it and the two men parted.
Kyle took his time and walked outside, shrugging deeper into his jacket and donning his gloves against the cold. The wind whistled softly, but the temperature was dropping. Not any more than when he was near Maxie, he thought tossing the emergency gear next to his seabag in the chopper, then climbing inside. He stared at the control panel, delaying the inevitable and disgusted with the fates that were screwing with his perfectly ordered life. Checking the dials and his watch, he refitted his sunglasses for the third time before turning over the engine, the blades swiping the air, gaining speed with each turn. Adjusting his radio headset, Kyle waited until he had the ground crewman's signal, then lifted off, tipping the chopper to the right and heading toward Maxie's place. He was anxious and if he had to admit it fearful. It was too much like Iraq, flying into a hot landing zone. But Kyle had an idea that living under the same roof with the only woman he'd ever wanted to marry would be like living under enemy gunfire. With him unarmed.
A half hour later, Maxie watched his approach from the steps of her front porch. His helicopter was black with a sunrise painted on the side in bright red, orange and metallic gold. His name was stenciled below the pilot's window. Before he was close enough to set the chopper down, she stepped off the porch, walking toward the flattened ground several hundred yards beyond the main buildings. Dread moved through her with every step, and she tipped her cowboy hat low on her forehead and tried to appear as relaxed as possible. But her insides were twisting in tight knots, nauseating her.
This is for Mimi, she reminded herself. If Maxie avoided Kyle, he would just get curious and ask questions, which would inevitably lead to ones concerning Mimi. For the briefest moment, when she'd first seen Kyle after so long, she'd considered stashing Mimi's things, closing off her room and letting her daughter stay longer at her grandmother's to avoid any contact with him. But the thought had died as quickly as it had formed. She couldn't do it. Mimi was everything to her, and she was proud of her little girl. She had had no reason to hide her six years ago and she wouldn't do it now. Besides, Kyle had made it clear by not answering her letters that he'd no interest in what happened to her after their breakup, and if his present attitude was any indication, he still didn't. Nothing had changed.
Suddenly the image of her daughter---dark red hair in braided pigtails and bright, expressive green eyes---burst in her mind, like Mimi always burst into the house. No, she corrected, everything had changed from the moment she'd met her daughter. I miss her, she thought, then stiffened her spine, determined to get through the next couple weeks without any more emotional scratches.
Dust and dirt kicked up as the chopper neared, and she admitted she was impressed at how he lowered the craft gracefully to the ground. The noise immediately lessened, the blades beating the air in a slow drone. Maxie stopped, shoving her gloved hands into her jacket pockets, and didn't approach as he flipped switches, then removed the radio headset and a baseball cap. Even from here, she could tell the cap had the Marine Corps emblem on it. He pushed open the door and climbed out, opened the rear hatch and removed his seabag. That faded piece of military luggage was a constant reminder of their last night together. She wanted to burn it, but he hitched it over his shoulder, then reached for a black cowboy hat, donning it as he walked toward her. Her heart jumped in her chest, her gaze moving over him. Even hidden behind sunglasses and beneath the hat, he still had the rugged good looks that made women sigh. She couldn't fight the riot suddenly skipping through her as his thigh muscles flexed with each stride. She remembered what his skin felt like beneath her palms, his body wrapped around hers and what an unselfish lover he'd been. A warm coil of heat curled through her, tightening her breasts, tingling up the back of her thighs. Her knees felt papery, and Maxie jerked her gaze away, staring anywhere except at him. It would not help to think this way, she reminded herself, shoving her sunglasses back up her nose. Kyle was the last person she wanted in her life, not to mention in her bed.
Kyle stopped directly in front of her, and she looked at him as he nudged his hat back. He wanted to see what was going on behind those sunglasses and knew she wore them to shield more than just the sun. He tipped his down, peering, and liked that she tensed. His gaze lowered to her lips, and the intensity of their kiss in the barn ripped through him. He was aching for another taste when the husky sound of her voice made his heart skip.
"Welcome to Wind Dancer, Kyle."
His lips quirked. "Am I welcome, Max? Or tolerated?"
"A little of both," she said honestly, not moving a muscle, even when she could feel the heat of his body, see every sinfully long lash surrounding his dark eyes. A brave front, she thought
Kyle glanced briefly at the ranch house beyond her and imagined what it would be like, living with her. Did she still go nuts over chocolate and hate asparagus? he wondered, looking down at her. Did she still have a wild collection of lingerie that had always made him hot just to look at her and wonder what feminine scrap was beneath her clothes? Even as the enticing thought materialized, he knew he was in for torment. With himself. Don't let her get to you. Don't. This is one woman you cannot trust.
The sudden surge of anger made his voice harsh. "Where should I stow my gear?"
She stepped back. "That's all you have?" She nodded to the seabag.
"I travel light."
His tone was clipped and Maxie sighed. Clearly he didn't want to play this beyond the edge of civility. Fine. At least she was making an effort. She spun around, and he followed her to the house, both silent.
But Kyle's gaze was on her back, more so---her backside. And the way it filled those tight jeans enough to fill his mind with nothing but what was beneath and seeing her again without them. Man, oh man, this was tough already, and he forced himself to remember every detail of their wedding day. She was a selfish coward, plain and simple, he thought as he mounted the porch steps behind her. She opened the door, walking briskly inside.
Crossing the threshold, Kyle regained his determination as he removed his sunglasses and hat. His gaze quickly scanned the Southwest decor of beige walls, terra-cotta-hued furniture, the room dotted with blue-and-coral trimmings. The warmth of the decor settled into him instantly, calming the tension he'd felt since he landed on her property. He spotted baskets filled with odd collections of croquet balls, oversize wooden spools of thread and even branding irons. Antique oil cans were tucked here and there, some hidden by plants, others in plain sight like the grouping near a six-foot-wide fireplace dominating the living room. Kyle liked it and thought it suited her. At least this new Maxie.
"Nice place."
"Thank you."
"To hide," he added.
Over the rim of her sunglasses, she slid him a frosty glance as she stripped off her jacket. "I wasn't hiding, Kyle," she defended, removing her shades. "I've been right here."
"But who knew?"
"Anyone who was interested did," she snapped, and was about to add to her defense, then closed her mouth and hung her hat and parka on a peg near the door. She didn't need to provoke questions, she thought, reminding herself to stop responding to his remarks. He had no right to be curious about her life. Crossing the foyer, she turned down a hall. After passing four doors, she stopped near the last on the right throwing it open.
"In here," she said, leaning back against the frame and folding her arms like a warden outside a jail cell.
Kyle moved past her, his big body brushing hers, and he felt a subtle heat stroke up his body. He stilled, searching her gaze and wondering if she felt it. Wondering if he'd imagined those moments in the barn.
"The bath is next door. Dinner is in---" she checked her watch "---about a half an hour." She turned away.
Summarily dismissed, he thought, but then something made her pause, her hand on the door frame. She looked back, meeting his gaze across the wide brass bed. Kyle felt the world, the room, tighten down on him, focusing on her eyes, green and clear. Wavy dark red hair fell over one eye, partially shielding her face. Her stare was confident, even when he let his meander over her wind-chapped cheeks, her tightly tucked shirt molding to her breasts, defining their fullness. Her nipples tightened, pushing against the fabric, and his gaze flew to her face. Her expression didn't alter a fraction. Lord, she was still so beautiful, he thought, ageless, and for a moment he was twenty-three and so hungry for her he couldn't think straight. So in love with her his arms ached.
Something flickered in her eyes, and the corner of her mouth lifted wistfully. "Make yourself at home, Kyle. The fridge is stocked with snacks ... and beer."
He breathed his first normal breath since walking through the door. "Thanks, Max." He dumped the seabag on the bed before he did something stupid like grab her against him.
"Think nothing of it," she said, and by her tone, he knew she meant it. He was immediately on guard again. He was right. This was like waiting for enemy gunfire.
Maxie hastened down the hall, ignoring the heat jumping through her body, ignoring the fact that he could still just look at her and make her crave his arms around her, long for the throb of his kiss again ... and force her to relive when she was young and innocent and Kyle was the dangerous man her father didn't want near. And she ignored the fact that he was in the room directly across from hers.
She paused in the hallway, grabbing the edge of the secretary and closing her eyes against her image in the glass. She was a fool to believe she could handle being this close to him. Not when he could peel away her secrets with a look. Memories pelted her like an acid rain without relief, and she longed for Mimi's little arms around her neck, the warmth of her little body snuggled close where she could protect her daughter from the world. From this kind of heartache.
Pushing away from the secretary, she walked to the living room and built a fire in the hearth, staring as the blaze roared to life. For a brief moment her mind wandered, selecting a scene out of their past when they'd gone to Mexico and woken with one hell of a hangover in the back of a vegetable truck in Encinada. With no idea of how they'd got there. At the time, it was fun and funny, but on her wedding day, it had just sounded stupid. The ache of memory caught in her chest. She'd cried for weeks back then. For the decent trusting man she'd hurt, for leading him to believe she would be there for him when she couldn't and for the innocence she'd left behind.
The pop of burning wood startled her, and she blinked, expecting her eyes to be wet with tears. They weren't yet her heart felt sore. She stared at the ember just on the edge of the hearth, then quickly kicked it back and replaced the fireplace screen. It reminded her that memories were threatening and she couldn't afford to be this melancholy. Not with her daughter's contentment at stake. Moments later, she donned her jacket and hat then left the house, slamming the door closed and wishing she could shut Kyle out of her life as easily.
Kyle flinched when he heard the door shut, the vibration rattling the walls. Closing the dresser drawer, he stared out the window, his gaze following her as she crossed the yard to the huge barn. Her steps were angry and quick. He could see her inside the barn, bundled up against the cold, her beige cowboy hat tipped low as she walked down the center aisle, lugging a bucket of feed, he assumed. Did she do everything around here alone? He watched her for a moment until she vanished into a stall, then turned away from the window.
Kyle looked around the room, the soft Southwestern decor carried over in here, too. It didn't soothe him this time, and he shoved his fingers into his hair. A tension he hadn't felt since Saudi radiated through him, and he tried to shake it. He couldn't and sat down on the bed, cradling his head in his hands. He had to get a handle on his emotions. But part of him said to exercise it, get it out, just keep his hands off her and his desire locked away. But he kept remembering the moments in the barn, the hot feel of her skin in the cold air, her ferocious passion unleashing on him and his desperate need to absorb it. It was as if he'd come alive for the first time in seven years and every cell in his body wanted him to know it.
But he made himself recall their past, and he was tucked deep inside it when he heard his name and looked up. His heart slammed against the wall of his chest.
Made.
"You okay?" she said, frowning. "Dinner is almost ready, if you're hungry."
He looked away, nodding, anger simmering, the pain of his memories stronger and harder than he thought possible. She was a coward, damn her. She'd made the decision to walk away, alone, never giving him the courtesy of talking with him about what she was feeling. She'd stolen their prospect at happiness, his one chance. And as he turned his head to see her disappear from the doorway, he told himself he wasn't falling for her charm again. He was not here to see if her cowardice was a mistake or a godsend.
Kyle held on to his resentment, his only comfort right now, and snapped, "I'm not eating a damn thing you cook. Your reputation precedes you."
"Fine, don't. Starve. See if I care." Pigheaded man, Maxie thought, and didn't spare him a backward glance as she walked briskly down the carpeted hall. Her boot heels clicked on the wood foyer as she crossed it into her tiled kitchen.
Kyle followed, his gaze unwillingly dropping to her behind shifting inside tight jeans. He immediately cursed his preoccupation, even as he noticed that she'd changed into a long-sleeved T-shirt.
"Your compassion astounds me, Max."
"You'll get over it, I'm sure." She moved to the stove, grabbing a mitt to open the oven. Bending to remove a baking tray, she set it on the cutting board, the scent of broiled salmon and Dauphine potatoes making her mouth water. With quick efficiency, she pulled two small salads from the refrigerator, positioning them by the service already set. She served the food onto plates, aware of his gaze following her moves. She didn't have to look to know he was standing near the arched entrance. His eyes had the power of touch, always had, and her frustration mounted as she struggled with opening the soda bottles.
It was only five-thirty, and she wished the day were over. Not that she'd allow his presence in her house to keep her from her routine. She had a living to make. Kyle or no Kyle.
Filling glasses with soda, she placed them precisely ahead of the knife point, and for an instant, Kyle saw the old Maxie, the one who knew which fork to use in a fancy restaurant, who sat beside whom at a banquet, the proper way to greet dignitaries. She would have made a great marine wife, he thought fleetingly. Of course, it wasn't good manners that had attracted him years ago, but the culture and experience he'd hungered for and she had been willing to share without making him feel like the ill-bred kid from the wrong side of town. Then there was the way she kissed. The way she felt in his arms. Naked. Beneath him, over him---he smothered a groan and rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the floor.
Jeez. How could he despise her for abandoning him one minute, then want to hold her so badly the next?
"Earth to Kyle." He jerked a look at her. She was waving in front of his face, and he noticed the faded Pluto oven mitt.
He scowled. "Yeah."
She back-stepped, then gestured to the kitchen table. "Still not interested?"
Briefly his gaze dropped to the elegant supper. "You going to poison me?"
Her lips twisted in a wry smile. "Guess you'll have to take your chances, huh?"
He straightened and moved to the chair, jerking it back. She was already seated and using the remote to turn on the TV.
He sat. "Don't tell me you watch the soaps?"
She scoffed, her lips quirking. "Boy, Hayden, are you out of the loop." He frowned. "Those shows are on at
The Weather Channel was on, and she ate, making notes on a pad of paper and ignoring him completely. Halfway through the meal, he chanced a look at her paper and saw the wind-chill factor, the chances of snow. His brows rose. His gaze dropped to the plate. He'd eaten half of it without realizing how good it was.
"Why do all those guys believe you can't cook?"
She scoffed, glancing around at the table setting. "This isn't cooking. Christmas dinner is cooking. And I'm the one who started that rumor." He frowned, and she shifted toward him a little. "I don't need any of the boarders I take in for the rescue team hitting on me. It's happened once too often." She didn't add that bringing men in her house wasn't in her plans, for Mimi's sake. "I like my privacy."
"You forget I know from firsthand experience," he groused.
She looked at him, her green eyes suddenly hard as glass, her voice tight. "I didn't forget a thing, and I told you, Kyle ... don't assume you know me anymore. We---" she gestured between them "---were years ago. A lifetime. Nothing is the same. The old Maxine Parrish vanished---"
His expression turned thunderous. "You ran away---!"
"And this Maxie is a stranger to you," she finished without missing a beat. She drained the soda and stood, collecting her dishes and carrying them to the sink. Maxie couldn't deal with him just now, even if she inwardly admitted she was actually glad to see him. Kyle had always possessed a zest for life she'd envied, even if his enthusiasm dragged him into a brush or ten with death. She'd spent her life taking the easy way out. Her lips twisted in a wry smile. Her single moment of defiance cost him so much pain and left her pregnant single and forced to grow up. Yes, she was different, stronger than before. Jilting him had little to do with the woman she was now, and everything to do with the child he'd given her.
She was running water over the dishes when his deep voice stole across the wide kitchen.
"You're not a stranger, Max, a little different on the outside maybe, but you're the same. You're ten feet from me and still running."
She whirled on him, outrage in her eyes. She'd stopped running the day Mimi was born. "I have a life here, and just because you happened upon me after all these years does not mean I've been hiding in Arizona. And certainly not from you." Her expression sharpened, her voice a low rasp. "Don't be so arrogant to believe I've been waiting around for you to come riding up on a charger to save me---I haven't!" Her steam lost its pressure, and she stared at the TV, not seeing the weather report, but envisioning life, after the trauma of Kyle, after her ruined marriage to Carl Davis, which left her daughter sobbing into her pillow and her own heart bruised ... because she couldn't be honest with her feelings. Nor could she trust them. They'd failed her once too often. Seconds passed, and she brought her gaze back to his.
"How long are you going to hold a grudge, Kyle?" Her voice fractured and she swallowed. "How long are you going to hang around my ranch and make me pay for a decision I know I was right in making?"
His eyes flared and for a split second, Maxie saw pain there. Dark, aching pain. Then it was replaced with pure rage. "You knew it was right? You knew?" He rose slowly out of his chair. "What about me, Max?"
"What about you?" She didn't want to get into this discussion, not for a million dollars, and she forced a sneer into her voice she didn't feel. "I called, I wrote. You didn't want to hear my explanations. What difference does it make now? What's changed?"
A pause, everything he ever felt ricocheting through his body, and then, "Nothing." His gaze raked her. "You still think of yourself first."
Hurt flashed in her eyes. "Believe what you want, Kyle. You will anyway." She headed toward the entrance, but he grabbed her arm, forcing her to face him.
"Change my mind."
"No." Her chin came up a fraction. Admitting her mistakes was the one thing she wasn't ready for. "I've worked very hard to make myself a future here, and I refuse to go back to the past." Please don't make me.
She'd slammed the door on him again, Kyle thought, but he kicked it open a crack. "I scare you, don't I? The past frightens you." He shifted his stance, bringing his body closer to hers, smothering her. "Why, Max?"
She wrenched her arm free. "The matter is dead, Kyle. Quit trying to revive it," she said, then left, the close of the door a soft click in the big house.
"The discussion is far from over," he said to the kitchen walls. He wasn't going to get a clear explanation from her, and Kyle considered giving up and maintaining a congenial silence. What was the use in dredging up the past? He stared out the kitchen window as she stomped across the yard to the barn, zipping her jacket and adjusting her hat as she went. No, he couldn't let it go, her evasions magnifying his need to know exactly why she'd left him. He had a right to know, didn't he?
Even after you ignored her letters and calls? a voice pestered.
Well, he was here now and he wasn't leaving until he exorcised Maxie from his system. The time was long overdue.
In the barn, Maxie saddled a horse and led it from the stall. She mounted, digging in her heels and letting the impatient beast have its head. Pulling her hat low on her brow, she leaned forward, feeling the power of the animal as it charged across open country, the wind thrashing at her jacket. The thunder of hooves, coupled with her heartbeat, sang hard in her veins. She'd gone two or three miles before the horse tired and she slowed, turning back toward the ranch. And Kyle.
Why did he have to open up this can of worms? He would never understand why she couldn't marry him then. And yet she knew he would keep harping on the subject until he got some answers. She was already weary of his prodding, and he'd only been here a few hours.
As she returned to the barn, the phone extension inside rang. She quickened her pace, riding directly into the barn and leaning out to reach the receiver anchored near the entrance. She heard his voice on the other end.
"Wind Dancer Ranch," Kyle said.
"Who is this?"
Her mom. Great. Now it starts, Maxie thought, listening, then wondered if something was wrong with Mimi. "Who is this?"
"Mrs. Lacy Parrish." The dignity Mom possessed even came through the phone, Maxie thought.
She heard his breath come in a tired sigh. "Hello, Mrs. Parrish," came almost reluctantly. "This is Kyle."
"Hayden?" High-pitched surprise colored her mother's voice.
"Yes, ma'am."
There was a long pause before her mother asked, "What are you doing there, son?" Mom's compassionate tone annoyed her.
"My chopper's on lease to the rescue association."
"Oh."
Did Mom think she'd actually called him? No, she wouldn't, Maxie thought. Not Mom. She knew everything. Well, almost everything.
"And there were no hotel rooms available?"
Go, Momma.
Kyle chuckled softly. "Don't I wish...?"
"Yes, son, I imagine you would," came softly. "She out with the mounts?"
"Yeah, I guess," he said. "I'll tell her you called."
Her mom said goodbye and hung up. Maxie waited until Kyle had, too, before she did. In twenty minutes, her sister would know who was in town, Dad would have checked out his story with Jackson, considering he was her dad's friend, discreetly of course, since no one but her family knew the identity of Mimi's father. Maxie briefly closed her eyes.
Her sisters would call, then her dad and, Maxie didn't doubt, her mom would make an "I was just happening by" visit tomorrow. Mom had adored Kyle, a soft spot for a man in uniform, she supposed. But Mom had stood by her when she'd made her decision to have her baby and raise her daughter alone. Again Maxie thanked God for her parents and their understanding. If they had rejected her, her entire life would have been different. Even though her dad had mixed feelings about Kyle, he'd always felt she should have told Kyle about his daughter, returned letters or not. Mom had sided with her. Kyle's ignorance was her and Mimi's bliss.
Dismounting, she drew the horse into a stall, removing the saddle and hefting it over the separation between the enclosures. She curried the hot animal, then went to the next stall and pulled open the gate. One by one she led the mares and geldings into the corral, leaving the docile mules and letting the horses work off some of the anxiousness punctuating the cold air. After she moved several horses to the corral, she exercised each one in turn.
Kyle stood on the threshold of the front door, the screen shielding little of the wind as he watched her ride away for the eighth time that day. She looked good on a horse, and he realized he'd never seen her ride before. Nor work so hard. Even when her father had owned a couple of horses. Maxie had over twenty now, he estimated. Kyle wanted to lend a hand, but after this morning, knew she didn't want him around. Bored, he turned back into the house, and his attention caught on several pictures, each in a different wood frame. He leaned over the foyer table, examining them. They were family shots: her mother, father, sisters and, Kyle assumed, their husbands and children. He smiled, remembering how thunderous her dad could look. There was one of Maxie, a little redheaded girl standing behind her, tiny arms slung around Maxie's neck, their cheeks pressed together. Must be a niece, he thought, then glanced at the other photos. A favorite niece, he decided when he found more shots of the girl.
Kyle had never been around kids much. He and his brother were alone since they were adolescents, running wild when the orphanage counselors couldn't handle them. Or find them. Little kids made him nervous. Kyle looked down at his broad hand, closing it in a fist. He was a big man and was always afraid he would hold them too tight, raise his voice too loud. And he never knew what to say to them. Just as well he wasn't around them, he supposed, looking back at the shots. He envied the togetherness the photos radiated, the love and trust. Kyle and his brother had that between them, but never a family. Not since his mother had abandoned them and their dad split not long after.
His mood darkening too fast, Kyle forced the memory aside and entered the kitchen, did the dishes, wiping the counters before heading to the living room to stoke the fire. He called the rescue station to check in, and although there were no emergencies, he agreed to fly a search team over the canyon before the sun was completely down, to make certain nothing or no one was overlooked.
He checked his watch, calculating the time out and back. He had to leave now to be out of the canyon by dark. Night flying was no problem but in the blackness of the Grand Canyon, it was dangerous. Kyle thought about leaving Maxie a note, then remembered seeing an intercom by the front door. He walked to it, depressing the Talk button marked Stables and called her name.
She must still be out, he thought when she didn't answer, then grabbed some paper left by the phone, scribbling a note.
He was out the door in less than five minutes, his flight log tucked under his arm and his thoughts wandering over the Disney character toothbrush he'd seen in the bathroom.
Inside the chopper, Kyle traded his cowboy hat for the ball cap and started the engine, flipping on the heat as soon as he could. It was going to snow tonight, he decided, glancing at the low, thick clouds. Lifting off, he veered over the open land, his gaze searching for Maxie, half expecting to find her riding hell-bent for leather. But he found her near the edge of the canyon, the horse gnawing at the grass beside her. She looked up as he passed overhead, and Kyle rocked the craft. She put up her hand, waving. For a moment, he considered flipping on the loudspeaker, then decided against it. The noise would scare the horse and he had nothing to say. He banked on a curve and headed for the horizon.
Still a daredevil, Maxie thought as he maneuvered the chopper to dip and dart through the canyon. Just watching him made her stomach flip. Swinging up onto the saddle, she clicked her tongue and her horse backed away from the rim. She turned toward the ranch. One more mount to exercise before she could call Mimi.
Though she looked forward to talking to her baby, it was her mother's questions she had to answer.
"Grandpa bought me a sled," her daughter said into the phone an hour later.
"Did he?" Maxie tossed her hat aside, ruffling her hair and bracing her back against the kitchen counter.
"Yup, and when it snows we're going to hitch it to Blue Bell and ride behind it."
"Oh, really?" she said in her best "did you ask permission" voice.
"Grandpa says!" came rebelliously, and Maxie could almost see the determination in her daughter, her hand fisted on her skinny hip.
"Hey? Who's the mom here?"
"You are," Mimi said sullenly.
Maxie's heart softened. "We'll see, princess. Let me talk to Grandma."
Mimi shouted for her grandmother yet forgot to hold the phone away from her mouth. "Mimi Anne!"
"Sorry, Momma."
"You're forgiven, sweetie."
"Well, you're not," her mother said, a smile in her voice. "How could you not tell us---?"
"I didn't know until he arrived."
A stretch of silence and then, "How are you with this, honey?"
"Lousy, but I don't have much choice."
"How's he look?" Pure female fascination lit her mother's voice.
"Good, Mom real good." His image blossomed in her mind, the lines at the corners of his eyes that gave his face more character, his broad chest and thick arms that called out to be explored. Yeah, she thought, an exceptional hunk of man.
"Still dangerous?"
Maxie laughed. "Yeah. How's Dad taking it?" She didn't think her father would be at all pleased.
"You know him, ready to protect his little girl from heartache."
Maxie sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I don't think he can this time, Mom. Kyle's different." It saddened her that his quick smiles and sexy teasing were missing, and for a moment, she longed for the old Kyle. "Seeing each other again has only opened up his pain." Maxie pinched the bridge of her nose. "I feel like such a creep." The backs of her eyes stung suddenly, and she wondered how long she could keep her guilt hidden from him. "I never thought it would last this long."
"That's a man for you, not caring when it counts and feeling slighted when it shouldn't." In the background, she heard her father tell his wife she wasn't a man, so how would she know what one should feel. Her mom ignored her dad, wisest tactic when he was on the defensive.
Her mother asked her several more questions, reminded her that Mimi was sleeping over at her friend Dana's house tonight, then said, "You're a grown woman, Maxine, dear, trust your judgment. I do."
Warmth sprang inside Maxie, and her anxiety eased a little. "Thanks, Mom, love you."
She hung up, grabbed a soda from the fridge, then headed to the bathroom for a long hot shower. A good hour later, she was leaving the bathroom in a wake of steam when she heard Kyle curse. Frowning, Maxie made certain her robe was sashed and wrapped to her throat before she opened the door, peering out. Empty.
An instant later, Kyle jerked open the second bathroom door, a towel wrapped around his hips and something clenched in his hand. Water dripped from his hair, trickled down his chest and for a moment, she let her gaze absorb the carved muscle, the clean, bare skin, the center of his chest sprinkled with dark hair. Oh, this was dangerous, she thought, then lowered her gaze to the Grecian doll dwarfing his palm.
"Oh, good." She crossed the hall, holding out her hand. "I've been looking for that."
He didn't give it to her, arching a sable dark brow. "You play with dolls in the shower?"
"Well, actually..." Her sudden smile was wistful, hitting him in the gut and he gave over the doll. "I collect them---" She adjusted the tiny diaphanous toga, watching her movements. "But this one is Mimi's."
Kyle swallowed tightly. "And Mimi is...?" Kyle had a strong feeling he didn't want to hear this.
She lifted her gaze. "My daughter."
"You have a child!" he roared, learning closer.
Maxie roared back, a mother grizzly protecting her cub. "Yeah. Got a problem with that?"
The betraying little witch.
She'd been pregnant, round with life growing inside her. With another man's child. The redheaded child in the pictures. Yet she wouldn't marry him.
"Didn't take you long, huh?" he sneered, his gaze raking over the thick black velour robe, hunting for changes in her body.
Maxie lifted her chin, clutching the garment at her throat. "Long for what?"
"To hop in bed with another man after I left." No wonder she wrote only once, he thought, unquenchable anger racing over his thoughts.
Her gaze thinned, a shaft of pain driving through her chest. He seriously believed she was that shallow? And why the hell did he care now? He never answered her calls or her letters.
"How long were you going to keep the fact that you had a kid from me?" he said before she could respond.
"Mimi is not a kid. She is a child and I wasn't keeping her from you." She leveled him a righteous look, motherhood screaming from every cell and said, "It didn't matter whether you knew or approved. And by your distasteful reaction, I'm glad she wasn't around to hear it!"
She spun away and ducked into her bedroom, shutting the door in his face.
Kyle blinked, staring at the closed door, her barb hitting its target with deadly accuracy. If Mimi had heard him, Maxie would be soothing the hurt feelings of an innocent little girl. God, he felt lower than dirt.
"Max?" he said to the closed door. "I---ah---"
"Go away, Kyle," she warned. "I'm getting dressed."
Kyle looked down at the wet towel around his hips, then darted into the bathroom to grab his jeans. He couldn't let this drop, he thought, hurriedly hopping into his jeans as he returned to the hallway. He had her trapped, and she couldn't ignore him anymore.
"Max, I'm sorry."
No answer. He yanked up his jeans and managed the zipper before pounding on her door. "Open up."
"Or what? You'll kick it in and insult my intelligence and my daughter again?"
He frowned. Her voice sounded funny, strained. "Come on, Maxie. You know I didn't mean it like that. I was caught off guard." That was an understatement! He rapped again, determined to stay here all night if he had to. Yet she was stubborn enough to hold out in there for days. "Maxine Parrish, for once, quit taking the easy way out and talk to me!"
Seconds later, she flung the door wide open. "Damn you, Kyle Hayden," she said, glaring up at him. "You had no right to say those things to me."
Her glassy eyes softened his anger. "We were going to be married. That gives a man---"
She was in his face. "Were. Past." She poked his bare chest with every word. "And an engagement seven years ago does not give you any rights---let alone the right to question my life now!"
He caught her fingers, trapping them against his chest. "I loved you, damn it!"
She inhaled sharply and tried to wrestle free, but he caught her around the waist, slamming her against him, thigh to thigh, hip to hip, their clothing a woefully inadequate barrier between them.
"I loved you," he rasped again, his gaze scouring her features.
Maxie's heart skipped to her throat, her body suddenly aware and blistering with untamed sensations. He still said it with conviction, still had the same possessive look in his eyes and she thought of all the hurt he had a right to feel, then and now. "I know," she said sadly, reaching up to brush back a lock of sable hair. "I thought I loved you, too."
Thought. Never sure. Hearing her say it, look him in the eye and say it, drove a dagger of pain through his chest and for an instant, Kyle doubted the tangled feelings he'd harbored these years. He didn't know which hurt more---the lie she'd lived then or that he might have been in love alone.
His expression was like an open wound, stripped and bleeding. Oh, Kyle, Maxie thought. How much heartache had he wasted on her? His naked emotion made her keenly aware of how easily she could weaken for him again. Don't trust me. She wasn't good for him then, and she wasn't now. And for her daughter's sake, she had to make him see they were finished years ago.
Suddenly she pushed out of his arms. "Have you been celibate since we last shared a bed?"
He scowled and Kyle didn't want to think of the women he'd tried to make into Maxie. Nor how empty he felt right now. "Of course not."
"Then don't expect me to have been, either. It's not your business what I did after we broke up, Kyle. Just like it's not mine to know what you did."
He was eighteen months in a hot desert, not giving a damn if he got shot, he thought, while she was sliding between the sheets with some stranger. "Yeah, that's right." His lips pulled in a tight humorless smile, the look offering a parade of women who didn't exist. "It isn't."
She gazed up at him, her brow furrowing before it stretched taut. "This isn't about my daughter or your broken heart," she said in a voice draped with wonder. "It's about your bruised pride. You're still mad because I left you at the altar."
"You're damn right I'm mad," he growled softly, heartache suspended for years rushing forward in a cold wave. "I stood there in that church, in full dress blues, holding some stupid bouquet with a ring worth two months' pay in my pocket and I waited for you." He loomed over her, his voice gaining steam. "And then I waited some more." He advanced, forcing her to back-step into her bedroom. "But when your parents arrived without you, I knew something was wrong. God," he rasped, "I felt like an idiot, but love-struck marine that I was ... I kept telling myself, no..." He shook his head, still holding her gaze. "Maxie wouldn't do this to me. Maxie wouldn't make me wonder if she was in an accident bleeding somewhere---" His voice fractured with old misery, striking her in the chest pulling tears to the surface. "She loved me. I would have sworn on my soul to it!" Briefly, he looked away, shoving his fingers through his hair, simmering an instant before boiling over. "But you didn't give a damn!"
"That's not true!" she cried.
He gripped her arms, dragging her up against him. "Isn't it?" His glare was savage. "You were a coward, turning tail, too chicken to even show up and face me ... give me the courtesy of a 'nice knowing you, Kyle, don't get shot.' My God, Maxie---" he shook her "---you humiliated me beyond belief! You were self---"
"You're right."
He blinked, choking back his tirade. "What?"
"And I owe you an apology."
He released her, his tone sarcastic. "Say again?"
"I want to apologize." His gaze narrowed, then sharpened with icy calm and Maxie knew it was now or never. "It was cruel and immature, abandoning you like that, especially when you were about to go fight for your country." Mortal shame showered over her, years of repressed guilt unleashing. "I should have done the grown-up thing and come to you." Her vision blurred and she blinked rapidly. "But I wasn't grown-up. I was scared and feeling rushed and I knew if I saw you..." She swallowed back burning tears. "I wouldn't have told you what I needed to say and I would have gone on with the lie."
"It wasn't a lie," came in a soft hiss. "I was in love with you!"
Her gaze locked with his. "If you loved me so much, why didn't you answer my letters? Why didn't you call?"
"I was hurting," he rasped. "You knew I was licking my wounds over there."
"You cut me off. Like that," she said with a snap of her fingers. "You didn't even make an effort when you came back. For all you knew, I could have been dying. Is that how a man treats the woman he claims to love?"
Kyle didn't want to hear the truth of her words, not after all this time. "I was ready to marry you."
"But I wasn't. Not then, not that fast. I'd tried to talk to you days before, Kyle. But every time I mentioned waiting until after you came back, you would kiss me or make love to me or joke, anything but listen." She inhaled a short breath. "Anything but hear me."
Kyle searched his memory and his features tightened. "But we were good together, we could have worked it out."
"We were mismatched and you know it," she said. "I wanted marriage and kids, and all you wanted was to party and to cheat death at every opportunity."
He folded his arms over his chest and stared down at her. "I liked having fun and as I recall, so did you."
"Sure, I did. But you were too irresponsible for a man who insisted he was ready to settle down." His look defied her, and she said, "You lived in a barracks and ate in the mess hall, but you were always penniless come payday with nothing to show for it." His scowl darkened, and she knew he didn't need his failings thrown in his face, but he had to understand why she left and she needed to say it. "You intentionally risked your life. On a regular basis. It was plain dangerous to be with you sometimes. But you could persuade me into anything."
His lips quirked, wild memories in his dark eyes. "You regret all of it?"
"No, no." Her smile was faint and sad. "But you scared me every time you raced, went skydiving or rock climbing, not to mention that bungee jump that nearly took your leg off. That's not the behavior of a man preparing for stability."
Kyle tried to see her fears, her misgivings. He didn't want to admit he'd been lying to himself for a very long time. "I was willing to give up that life-style. It gets old quick. I was ready then, Max, even if you didn't believe me."
"You're right. I didn't believe you." His face was mapped with hurt, and Maxie tried desperately to explain. "But I didn't show up not because I wasn't certain about you, Kyle," she explained, her tone pleading, "but because I wasn't sure about me. I didn't leave you, I left us. I was in love with the idea of marriage, of having what I wanted. I don't know if we were truly in love then, but I know we lusted more. Or if it would have lasted beyond Desert Storm."
His features tightened, and he broke his gaze. How many times had he thought of how it would have been---where they would be if they'd married then? "Maybe it would have lasted if you'd given us the chance."
"Maybe, maybe not. But those weeks before, we were confused and reaching out." She gripped his bare arms, forcing him to look at her. "You were heading into the middle of war within hours and you wanted someone to miss you."
Her voice softened. "You didn't have any family except Mitch. Married, you'd have a wife who had to miss you." A muscle ticked in his jaw.
She searched his gaze, but when he continued to stare at her, almost in a daze, she shook him and said, "You can rant at me some more, if it will make you feel better."
"No." He let out a long heavy breath. "Then I'd look stupid, and it was better when you did."
She smiled weakly and he reached out, his thumb brushing back a tear moving down her cheek. Her gaze bored into his. She felt better for apologizing, but that didn't mean he'd accepted it. "I'm sorry, Kyle."
"I see that."
Her lip trembled pitifully and he groaned, gathering her into his arms. She rested her cheek on his bare chest, her arms around his waist.
"I didn't want to break your heart." She inhaled raggedly, her voice a sorrowful whisper. "You have to know that." She sobbed helplessly.
Kyle closed his eyes, willing back the burn rising behind them. He never once stopped to think how hard that day must have been for her. "I think I do." He cupped her jaw in his palm, tipping her face. He searched her features. "Does this mean you did miss me?" He still didn't believe she never loved him, masochist that he was.
She smiled tearily, sniffling and thinking of the day Mimi was born, of how badly she'd wanted him with her. "Yes."
He didn't speak for a moment, occupied with pushing her hair off her face, touching her features as if reacquainting himself with them for the first time. "Can we start this reunion over?" he asked softly.
Instantly wary, she eyed him, backing out of his arms and swiping at her cheeks. "I'm not sure what you mean."
Boy, if ever a guard went up fast, he thought dismally, yet remained relaxed as he rested his hand on her shoulder with a gentle weight. "Hiya, Max. It's good to see you again."
She smiled, leftover tears spilling. "Hello, Kyle. Good to see you, too."
His gaze skimmed her gold satin pajamas and the black-and-gold vertical-striped robe. It clung in all the right places. "You look great, baby." His voice was low and husky.
A blush colored her cheeks, her gaze slipping over his bare muscular chest, the jeans unbuttoned against his flat stomach, before lifting to collide with his. "So do you."
"I'm cold."
She laughed shakily. "Considering you're half-naked..."
Suddenly his arm swept around her waist, pulling her hips sharply against his. "Wanna get all the way naked?" He wiggled his brows.
Maxie sputtered, pushing at his chest, trying to muster some anger, but she couldn't. His dark eyes were glittering with irresistible mischief.
"Gotcha," he teased, then kissed her quick and hard, a heady stroke of lips and tongue before releasing her so hard she dropped to the bed.
She blinked, expecting him to take the kiss further, but he was already halfway to the door.
"Kyle." Warning, wary.
"Yeah," he said as if talking to the walls. "That was much better." Then he was gone.
Maxie flopped back onto her bed, her heart pounding as much from his kiss as from the emotional upheaval of the past half hour. She closed her eyes and raked her hair back, holding it there. She'd glimpsed the man she'd known, the fun-loving Kyle Hayden who'd made love to her outdoors or gift wrapped silly little gum-machine toys she still secreted in a box in the top of her closet. The man she'd defied her father to keep seeing. Okay, she thought they'd cleared the air. Somewhat. But that didn't mean everything was hunky-dory. As long as he was here, she couldn't let her guard down. She couldn't afford to have her secrets exposed.
He was Mimi's biological father and nothing more. He'd never wanted kids. In fact it was one of the issues they'd argued about when he'd first proposed. She'd no reason to believe he was any more receptive to the idea now. He'd refused contact and, as far as she was concerned, he'd lost his chance seven years ago. She was already both mother and father and damn good at it. Mimi was a happy, healthy hole girl, and her mother would keep her that way.
It didn't matter that her knees quivered every time he touched her, or that she'd enjoyed their kiss more than any other in the past years. Mimi came first. Maxie didn't trust herself around Kyle, didn't trust her judgment, her feelings. And certainly not him. Whether he was an old flame or not, her daughter's happiness wasn't going to suffer because her mother couldn't be the adult here. She had to stick to the routine, keep more than an emotional distance and act like nothing was wrong. She scoffed. Yeah, right. Act like the father of her child wasn't in the same house with them?
Pushing off the bed, she left her room. Kyle was strangely absent, and she was relieved. After she loaded the washer and turned it on, folded a basket full of laundry, ran the vacuum, then emptied the dishwasher, she headed back to the privacy of her rooms. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she checked the time, then flipped open her address book lying on the nightstand and hurriedly dialed her friend Gina's number. Mimi should be about ready for bed by now.
Gina answered, said hello and they chatted for a few moments before the sound of a high-pitched squeal in the background made her cringe.
"Ready for a couple of tranquilizers?"
Gina laughed tiredly. "It gets a little wild just before bedtime---you know how they are together. Playing dress-up, tons of popcorn and a chic cartoon, then the pillow fight."
"I take it they're at the pillow-fight stage?"
"I've got the cordless phone. Let me check." The giggles got louder. "Bryan's already asleep, the little trouper, and Scott's supposed to be keeping an eye on them, but---"
"Dream on, girlfriend, it's basketball season."
"Yeah, and he's asleep in the recliner, the rat. And it's not even halftime." Over a squeal, she heard Gina call to Mimi.
"Hi, Mom!" came an answering shout.
Maxie let out her breath, soothed just by the sound of her daughter's voice. "Hey, sweetie, how's it going?"
"A real blast, Mom. Me and Dana had hamburgers and fries and soda and popcorn."
"And you're going to be sick if you don't settle down. You might wake the baby."
"Okay, sure," she said, but Maxie knew when she was being ignored. "Mrs. Trask said we could stay up till ten if it's okay with you."
She's going to be a crab in the morning, Maxie thought, checking the time. "Nine."
"Mom," she whined softly.
"Nine-thirty."
"Yes!" came excitedly, and Maxie grinned.
"But you have to be quiet in the morning. Mrs. Trask needs some rest. Deal?" Mimi promised she and Dana would watch cartoons until Gina was up. "Good night, baby."
"Mom? What's up? You sound ... funny." Mimi was always too insightful for one so young. An old soul, she liked to think. "Funny ha-ha or funny weird?"
"Funny weird."
"I just miss you. It's lonely here, just me and the horses and mules."
"But Grandma said we had a boarder."
Maxie thought of her boarder and the kiss they'd shared earlier. "Yeah, he's an old friend."
"Then why are you lonely?"
"Good question." She tried to sound relaxed.
"I love you, Mommy," her daughter said, and Maxie closed her eyes, thanking God for giving her this little angel.
"I love you, too, princess. G'night."
Gina got on the line. "They're going down for the count."
Maxie smiled, shaking her head. "Girl, you're a saint."
"Yeah." She laughed lightly. "Only you and God know that, though. Hey, is it all right if she stays tomorrow, too, since there's no school on Monday? We're going to the carnival."
Maxie wanted to say no, that she needed Mimi home, needed to feel her arms around her, tuck her in at night, but she had to think of her daughter and a six-year-old's need for friends. "You sure?"
"Oh, yeah," Gina said comfortably. "She's an angel and it's easier, believe it or not, with the pair of them."
Why did children always behave when they were in other people's houses and were holy terrors in their own? Maxie wondered.
"Sure. But you pick the weekend, and it's a slumber party at my place. Bryan, too, of course." Gina protested about adding the baby to the barrage of kids, but Maxie wouldn't hear of it. "You and Scott can have a real date and go out alone."
"Alone? Out? What's that?"
Maxie laughed, said goodbye and hung up.
She rubbed her face, plowing her fingers through her hair. When she lifted her gaze, she found Kyle standing just outside the bedroom door. He'd covered his incredible chest with a faded black sweatshirt emblazoned with the Marine Corps emblem.
"Eavesdropping?" Maxie felt warm beneath the strength of his stare.
Kyle had heard enough to know she'd been talking to her daughter, and that she loved her, deeply. He felt suddenly like a bothersome ant and wondered if she'd deliberately kept her daughter from him. He didn't like that at all.
Maxie stood. "Answer the question."
"No, not intentionally."
She believed him, though she had no reason to right now and tried to decipher the odd look in his eyes. "Hungry?"
"I can always eat." He was still staring intently.
She advanced, holding his gaze. "What do you say I make us a snack? Hmm?"
He'd like to snack on her, he thought wolfishly as his gaze slipped past her to her room. More specifically the four-poster bed he hadn't noticed before, the rich colors of maroon and pale gray, a complete contrast to the rest of the house. Royal in appearance, yet it was exotic with the majestic draping, the canopy like something out of a harem. He wanted to brush back the fabric, to lie with her on the huge empty bed, stripping those clingy pajamas off slowly and reacquainting himself with every inch of her delectable body. He brought his gaze back to hers as she made to slip past him.
"Nice bed, Max."
She froze at his intimate tone, gazing up at him. "I like it fine," she managed to say with him so close. I should have dressed in something more defensive, she thought, brushing her hair back off her cheek and hating that her hand shook.
Kyle noticed and realized that no matter how much she tried to ignore it, the electricity was still there. Something in him wanted her to acknowledge it.
He braced his palm on the frame, blocking her freedom, unable to resist rattling her cage. "Still sleep in the nude?"
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, for heaven's sake," she said, and ducked beneath his arm and headed to the kitchen.
Kyle spared another look into the lavish bedroom. Now, that's the old Maxie, he thought, then followed her, trying to forget her bed, her daughter and make the best of the remaining evening, at least.
Maxie could feel his eyes on her back and ignored the sensation as she rummaged in the refrigerator for fruit and cheese, the cabinets for crackers. After preparing a pot of coffee, she switched on the CD player, then carried the filled platter to the living room. Chopin in the background, she set the platter on the desk, gesturing for him to help himself as she slid behind the desk and into the leather chair. She pulled a calculator close and opened her ledgers. The music soothed her frayed nerves as she worked, engrossed with tallying the figures. Tossing the pencil on the desk, she worked a kink out of her shoulders and lifted her gaze. He was near the fireplace, finishing off an apple, watching her.
"What?" she said nervously.
"I don't remember you having an appetite like that."
She glanced down at the near empty platter. "I didn't work as hard as I do now."
"What made you decide to board horses?"
"This place came cheap, and working with horses was the only thing I was really good at." She chuckled softly, sinking back into the chair. "Still is the only thing I'm good at."
He scowled. "That's bull." He tossed the core into the fireplace.
"Is it?" she said, arching a brow. "It took me five years to finish college."
"I think I contributed to some of that," he confessed, adding a log to the dying blaze.
She offered a small smile of memory, of her recklessly abandoning her senior classes to be with him. "I suppose. But with sisters who excelled at everything they did, I was mostly a total failure."
Kyle scowled, not liking that she thought of herself that way. "Taking a while to finish college is no crime, Max."
"No, but marrying and divorcing in the space of a year isn't exactly a glowing track record, either."
He tried not to show his shock. Married! Mimi's father, he assumed. "I always knew you were a heartbreaker."
Maxie blanched, wondering what was going on behind his strained smile and wishing she'd delivered that news with a little more tact. "Forget I mentioned it." She hopped up to get coffee.
Kyle watched her go, wisely keeping his mouth shut. They were having a civil conversation, and he wanted the peace to last. Yet he wondered about her marriage, who she'd loved enough to say "I do" and why it had ended.
She returned with a carafe of coffee and two mugs, offering him one, then filling it.
"You were telling me why you board horses..." he prodded, hoping to maintain the easy atmosphere.
She blinked. "Oh. Yeah. Well, Mia and Mariah wouldn't get near Dad's horses, and handling them was something I did better." She took her mug with her as she went back to the desk, curling into the chair. "I have two of Dad's colts, by the way." She watched him as he poked at the fire, stirring it to a crackling blaze. "Anyway, when I had the chance to buy this place, I did. Started out with just a couple of mounts and tack that had seen better days, but---" she shrugged "---now we do all right."
We. She and Mimi, he thought. Alone. "It's a lot of work." He glanced back over his shoulder. "Do you have help?"
Her soft smile caught him square in the chest. "Mimi does sometimes, bless her heart, but as to hiring help---can't afford it. Besides, I'd rather do it alone."
His lips tightened. Running a ranch alone was wearing her down to ten pounds thinner than she ought to be, he thought with a scrutinizing glance, yet didn't comment. It sounded too possessive anyway. Which he was not. He adjusted the screen and faced her.
"I love it. I'm more relaxed working with my hands." She made a pained face. "And my back and legs," she groaned as she shifted in her chair.
"But your daughter can't be that much help."
She shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I just like having her around." I need it.
"While I'm here, can I give you a hand?"
"No," she nearly shouted, stiffening, then added more softly, "No, thank you. I don't need it. I can manage."
Like she didn't need me before, Kyle thought but refrained from saying so. He was tired of fighting with her.
And knew it was his fault for keeping up the tension between them.
Not wanting to discuss Mimi with him, Maxie stood abruptly, gesturing him to follow as she walked into the kitchen. "How's Mitch?" That was a safe enough subject, she thought.
Kyle followed. "Still a marine, still single. Stationed in Camp LeJeune, but he's due for orders soon."
She pulled a covered platter from the fridge, then gathered utensils, plates and napkins on a tray. "Any idea where he's going next?"
His gaze on her satiny behind, it took him a second to answer. "If he told me, he'd have to kill me."
She glanced over her shoulder, a grin spreading slowly across her face. "Ooh, secret stuff, huh?"
"Yeah. He loves it." He nodded to the platter, trying not to salivate over the four layers of cake she was sliding onto a plate. "What's that?"
"Heart failure," she said, bringing the tray into the living room. "Commonly known as chocolate-mocha torte." He followed her heels like an eager puppy, then sat on the sofa, impatient for her to set a plate before him.
Kyle lifted it, fork poised. "Did you make this?"
"Yeah, right. I rarely have time for breathing, let alone playing Julia Childs. Just be thankful for bakeries."
"I am, I am," he said around a huge bite. He never splurged on real desserts, since it was just him alone. It was nice that she remembered his sweet tooth.
Maxie sank onto the sofa and watched him devour the rich cake, offering him more, then grinned when he unabashedly ate another chunk.
"Terrific." He swiped his lips with a napkin and met her gaze. "I needed that."
Her mouth curved slowly. "You always could pack it away."
He grinned back. The fire popped and hissed softly. And the room seemed to close in on them. Maxie avoided acknowledging it by jumping up to gather the dishes, but Kyle stood, catching her hand.
"You cooked dinner. Let me at least do that."
She stared down at his hand on hers and felt the warmth of his fingers, the heat they always generated escalating by the second. For a moment she couldn't pull away and lifted her gaze to his. Maxie instinctively stepped away, but he didn't let go, looming like a circling hawk to a tender prey before he clamped his arm around her waist and pulled her flush to his body.
"Oh, Kyle, don't do this again," she almost cried, pushing at his chest with her fists.
He didn't let her go, his gaze scoring her face. "I know what you're thinking," he murmured, his hand sliding warmly up her satin-clad back.
"Do you?" Maxie closed her eyes, her fingers unfurling over his chest flexing deeply into his muscles. It had been so long since she'd been touched like this.
"You're thinking, is this real or just Memorex?" Her lips quirked. "You're wondering if that kiss in the barn was just old anger or feelings that never died."
Her eyes flashed open. "They did."
"Liar, liar," he growled, his mouth descending on hers in a breathless rush. The contact shot straight through her down to her toes, her heels, then rushed along her body with amazing speed.
Oh, Kyle.
She tried to resist it, remaining still, but his kiss was dark and heavy, his mouth grinding over hers, taking in a desperation she'd felt in him only once before. The night he told her he was going to war. The night he'd given her his child. Old memories flooded through her, the anxiety she'd felt, the sorrow of believing she might lose him---the hurt she never wanted to give him. And she clung to him fiercely, her arms around his neck. She couldn't get enough of him and knew he felt the same primal heat as his hand drove up her back, shaping her contours, pressing her closer, his strong, thick arms tightening and making her dizzy. His tongue lushly outlined her lips, then traced her teeth before pushing deeply inside. And Maxie knew she was in deep, deep trouble.
She whimpered softly, arching into him, and Kyle thought he would come apart right there in the living room. His knees felt weak, his body on fire for her. She couldn't ignore this, he thought, and he wanted more. More of this Maxie, the sexy female, naked, uninhibited and driving him to distraction since he laid eyes on her. More of her touching him.
He trembled with the power of it, loved the feel of her, the push and give of her body against his. He wanted to get closer. Wanted to get naked with her. And his hand moved roughly down her spine, cupping her lush bottom and pushing her tighter to the thickness swelling inside his jeans. Ah, yes.
This is madness, Maxie thought, feeling his hardness thrust against her, and tried to put some distance between them. But he kept kissing her and kissing her, primitive and carnal, driving away objection and rationalization as he nipped and ticked and took again, first her mouth, then raking his teeth along her jaw. His breathing rapid and shaky, she tipped her head to give him better access to her throat.
Kyle groaned at the little shove of her softness to his groin and grasped her hips, rocking her against him. His tongue stroked, his lips savored and he wanted to open his jeans and push into her right now. Right here. He'd lied to himself about not thinking of her over the years. Too many times he'd imagined this moment, her willingly in his arms again, the savage heat bursting to life, the greedy hunger to get closer than humanly possible to each other. Had she thought of him like that since they'd separated? Not likely, he knew, leaning close for another taste. But she was now.
Her robe was open, his hand beneath the satin and covering her bare breast, warm and stroking over her nipple. It's been so long, Maxie thought as his other hand drove beneath the waist of her satin slacks, cupping her bare bottom and pushing. Her body quivered, liquid warmth rushing between her thighs. The ache was unbearable.
"See, Max. It's real, no Memorex," he whispered, then made to kiss her.
Suddenly she jerked back, staring at him for a moment, before pushing out of his arms. "This was wrong, really insane," she said more to herself. She didn't want this---really she didn't.
"Nothing that good could be wrong, Max." Straightening, he reached for her, and she put up her hands as if to ward him off.
She held his gaze, blame in her green eyes, and the passion that had escalated to dangerous levels faded rapidly. She couldn't afford to let him get to her like that again. Mimi's future rested on Maxie maintaining control over her emotions. To let him in would invite a whole new area of heartache she knew she wasn't prepared for.
"I knew this would happen with you in my house."
Barely able to stand upright Kyle folded his arms, aching for another taste of her and knowing she would run screaming. "Want me to leave?"
She blinked, raking her hair back. "Would you?"
He didn't like how excited she was at the possibility. "Yeah, if you can't handle it."
Her gaze sharpened with her posture, a closed look in her eyes. "I can handle anything, Kyle. Including you. Just do me the favor of not touching me. Ever."
Maxie turned and fled, leaving Kyle to stare at the empty room, his body trembling with a fierce urge to either carry her to the nearest bed and make wild jungle love to her until she begged him to stop or pin her against the wall and demand some answers---like why he felt that the only time he was seeing the real Maxie was when she was coming apart in his arms?
Kyle had relived kissing her so many times he'd been in mortal pain till nearly dawn and he was glad she was gone when he entered the kitchen the next morning. Last night, he kept tasting her on his lips, feeling her soft body pressed lushly against his, hearing her moans of pleasure until he was just short of tearing down her door and demanding she ease his agony, since she was the cause. But Kyle still had a few crumbs of good sense left and stayed away. That, however, did nothing for the perpetual crowd in his jeans every time he looked at her, and even the hot shower, the pot of fresh coffee and the massive breakfast Maxie had left him wasn't enough to shake off his lack of sleep.
It galled him to no end that he was falling under her spell again. He couldn't trust her and reminded himself that a promise of love and passion hadn't kept her with him seven years ago, and after last night, he knew it wouldn't again. He wasn't ready for that kind of heartache again, even if she had apologized. Besides, he'd never know if each kiss was just a rebirth of old feelings or something new.
Taking his coffee with him to the phone, Kyle checked in with the rescue team. There was suspicious behavior from a couple of rafters who kept leaving the tour group. Maybe it was better if he was gone, he thought, donning his jacket and hat, then grabbing his flight log. Especially when he could come up with ten reasons not to face her, right off the top of his head. But he wasn't a coward. That was Maxie's forte.
Walking across the yard to the stables, Kyle stepped inside, into the warmth, and found her near a stack of hay bales. It struck him then just how hard she worked. And he wondered if her being up this early on a Sunday was usual or because of him. Undetected, his gaze slipped over her. Like yesterday, she wore a faded flannel shirt, jeans, a sleeveless down vest and heavy work gloves. Her hair hung in her face as she caught a compressed-straw rectangle with a pair of bale hooks and yanked, trying to drag it off the stack.
She would rather die than ask for help, he thought, crossing to her and grabbing the wire. The bale hit the floor and she looked up.
"Thanks," she said, her breath steaming the air. Perspiration trickled at her temples and throat, he couldn't help noticing. She had to have been at this for a good hour to work up such a sweat, he thought. Especially when it looked like snow outside.
"Something you need?"
Kyle ignored the chill in her tone. "Gotta go in. No, it's not an emergency," he added when she looked alarmed. "How many are yours?" He gestured to the row of stalls.
"Exactly half. The horses."
He whistled softly. "Damn, Max, that's great."
Maxie smiled, brushing hair off her forehead with the back of her arm. "Thanks. You're welcome to ride one if you want."
Kyle breathed easier. Okay, this wasn't a bad start. "I might, later. If you'll join me?"
"Afraid you'll get lost?"
He tipped his hat back off his forehead and grinned. "Nah, no one to race."
She rolled her eyes. "Figures." She shook her head. "This need for constant competition must be a man thing."
He laughed softly, and Maxie had almost forgotten how handsome he looked when he did. "But doing all the work yourself is a 'woman thing'?"
"It's an 'I can't afford to hire anyone' thing," she said honestly.
He frowned. "My offer to help still holds."
"No."
"Max---"
She put up her hand to silence him. "Boarders don't work. It's a rule. The park service pays for you to stay here." She peered at him through a curtain of hair, then knocked it back, leaving a smudge of dirt on her cheek. "Can't have you working so hard that you're too tired to fly your chopper when they need you, right?"
"I think you underestimate my stamina."
She barked a short laugh. "Your stamina was never a prob---" Her eyes rounded, her expression mortified. "Oops."
Kyle reddened and laughed, moving closer. She backed away, eyes wary. It was like a territorial line in the sand. He could feel her guarded emotions, as well as see them. In her posture, the way she held the pitchfork across her body. Kyle took the hint, for his own good.
He looked exhausted, Maxie thought. The past twenty-four hours had left her feeling bruised, and if she hadn't been so dog tired last night, she would look as battle weary as he did.
Maxie could never have Kyle again. Not like before, because once he discovered he had a daughter he'd never known, anything they'd start would be destroyed.
"Look, Max. I know it's been rough between us." The sadness in her eyes didn't escape him.
She sighed tiredly. "It has, hasn't it?"
He peered a little. "It was okay there for a while, huh?"
She shrugged. "I suppose. I'll admit up front that you give me a bad case of the hots, Kyle..."
He smiled. "Same here, baby."
She felt the blush warm her cold cheeks. "Yeah, well ... I have a daughter to think about and I don't want her to get any ideas about us. You'll be gone and I'd die before I'd break her heart again."
Again---like with her marriage, Kyle thought, yet nodded, understanding. From personal experience, he knew kids saw what they wanted to see. Even at twelve he kept thinking his parents would come for him, take him away from the orphanages and the blur of foster homes. But they hadn't. An impressionable child would read too much into anything beyond friendship. Kyle just didn't know if he could pull it off after all they'd been through and he wasn't looking forward to meeting her daughter. Kids made him nervous.
It was the perfect way to keep him back. A pact for the kid's sake.
A car horn sounded, and she peered around him out the doorway toward the house. "Oh, great." He arched a brow in her direction. "Mom."
He cringed sheepishly, then hurried toward the entrance. "Chicken," she called, and couldn't help but laugh. "You'll never make it."
"Wanna bet?"
Kyle did double-time to the chopper, waving but not stopping. The last person he wanted to see was a member of her family.
Maxie donned her jacket watching his chopper blades beat the air, lifting the craft as her mother crossed the yard.
"Oh, honey," Lacy Parrish said with feeling. "The years have treated him just fine."
"Mom," she whined. No one needed to tell her how handsome Kyle was, nor how sexy. Especially first thing in the morning, looking a little sleepy and making her think of the passion they'd tested last night.
"Well, I always liked him," her mother was saying, and Maxie knew she'd missed half the conversation with her daydreaming.
"Dad didn't."
"Oh, sure he did. But he was a marine too once and knew where Kyle was coming from. He just wanted to protect his daughter more than he wanted to let him into the family. Besides, you defied him with Kyle, and that hit a sore spot."
More like an open wound, she thought and wasn't going to wake up any more old memories today.
"So, Mom," she said, folding her arms and staring down at the petite gray-haired woman. "Ready to spread some hay, or did you just pop in for a look at Mimi's daddy?"
Max couldn't believe she'd said that until the words left her mouth. She'd never once said that out loud. She paled, and her mom arched a graying brow.
Later that afternoon, Kyle steadied the stick as he brought the chopper out of the canyon and flew over the ground, low, skimming the earth in a rush. Then he saw her, riding fast, almost standing in the stirrups. He got hard just watching her. He followed her, a hundred feet above, his gaze on the woman whose image had distracted him all day. He'd finished his flight a couple hours after he'd left this morning, but offered to check supplies and store gear, giving the other, more experienced team members a break and keeping his mind off Maxie. Hadn't worked much, he thought, then he glanced ahead and swore foully at the telephone wires dangerously close. He yanked back on the stick, bringing the chopper skyward in a violent surge, then tipped to the side, kicking up dirt and nearly shearing off part of her toolshed.
It was an asinine move.
Kyle hovered high in the air and glanced down through the domed glass near his feet. She'd stopped, shaking her head at him before heading back to the stables. Damn. Now that he looked like a total inept jerk, he had to set the chopper down without killing himself. He managed, shutting off the engine, then securing the craft to the ground. With his arms loaded with groceries, he walked toward the house.
Maxie reined up beside him. "Unusual approach technique, Hayden. Marines teach you that?" she teased, but that little stunt told her he hadn't changed. The rash daredevil was still a part of him.
He glared at her, blaming her for his careless flying. "I'm cooking tonight," he growled, then mounted the steps.
Maxie frowned. "Hey."
He glanced back from the porch. "What?" he snapped.
"You all right?"
He faced her. "Yeah, I'm fine," he lied, and could tell she didn't believe him. I damn near crashed my chopper to just look at you, he wanted to tell her. After tasting you again, I want you so bad I can't concentrate, and working myself into exhaustion hasn't worked. But he didn't say anything. "Now," he said as if she'd been privy to his silent ranting, "I'm going to cook. And I'll stay out of your way like you want."
She shrugged, wondering what was really eating at him. "Sure, fine," she said, then rose up in the stirrup to peer into the bags. "What'd you have in mind to feed us?"
"Spinach-stuffed manicotti and Sicilian sauce."
"Really?" Her high-pitched surprise and her smile did him in, and his posture softened.
"Yeah." When had her smile affected him this much? he wanted to know. "It takes about an hour or so, though."
She checked her watch. "How fortunate that I won't be finished for about that long."
Kyle smiled faintly and nodded before he marched up the steps. Great. He just put himself in the line of fire again. Stupid. That was the only explanation. He'd contracted a bad case of the stupids around her.
An hour and a half later, Maxie sank into the sofa, and wished it were her bed. She was stuffed. "Now, that was cooking," she muttered through a yawn, and Kyle settled beside her, half turned, his ankle braced on his knee. "Are you more relaxed now?" she asked.
"I wasn't---" She slid him a measured glance that effectively cut off his lie. "Okay, so I was a little tense."
"I like a man who can admit defeat before the battle even starts." She propped her head in her palm and her elbow on the back of the sofa.
Trying to stay awake, Kyle judged. She was still in her work clothes, smelling like leather and sweat and a gust of fresh air.
"Maybe you need to drag race or something."
He scoffed, sipping his coffee and noticing her droopy eyelids. "Nah, just sleep." He was quiet for a moment, staring off into space before he said, "Too old for risks like that."
When she didn't come back with a sharp retort, Kyle glanced to the side. She was out cold, her face on her arm, and she barely stirred when he lifted her in his arms and carried her to her room. Laying her in the center, he unlaced her boots, slipping them off before he tucked her feet under the spread. She sighed and squished the pillow under her cheek, but didn't waken. Kyle squatted, gazing at her face.
All afternoon, he'd picked apart each moment, all they'd said to each other in the past twenty-four hours. And then Kyle had rehashed youthful memories with the seasoned eye of a thirty-year-old man who'd seen too many of his pals die in Iraq, who'd felt the pain of loneliness so deep it choked, and not a passion-struck marine who was living for the moment. His old perspective had hidden the fact that she had tried to postpone their wedding, and he recognized that he'd been more afraid of being alone than of losing her. Yes, he was reckless, Kyle admitted easily and mentally cringed at some of the risks he used to take. And she was right about his spending money as if it was never ending. Hell, he'd never had much before enlisting, and the only reason he wasn't dead broke now was because his pay went into the bank while he was in Saudi, where he hadn't needed it. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the carpet. If he had loved her so much, why hadn't he come after her? But lasting love was something Kyle had never known. Not even with his own parents. With the exception of his big brother, everyone he'd ever loved had walked out on him.
The phone rang, and he snatched it off the cradle before the chime finished. "What?"
"Is this---is this the Wind Dancer?" came in a tiny voice.
"Yes." Kyle sank to the floor. He knew whom he was talking to without introductions.
"Where's my mom?" The panic in the child's voice drove a lethal dart into Kyle's chest.
"Right here," he assured. "Just a sec."
He covered the receiver and gave Maxie a shake. She blinked blearily.
He pointed to the phone. "Your daughter."
She smiled sleepily, reaching. "Thanks." She tucked the phone close. "Hi, sweetie. How was your day?"
Kyle heard Maxie's half of the conversation, and he couldn't help noticing she perked up a bit. Then suddenly her gaze clashed with his.
"He's big and tall with dark hair and eyes."
Kyle flushed a little, then added in a stage whisper, "You didn't mention an excellent pilot and easy on the eyes." He wiggled his brows.
She rolled her eyes, covering the phone briefly to say, "Excellent pilot? After that stunt today ... aren't you stretching it a bit?" Then into the phone, she said, "Yes, you'll get to meet him in the morning if he's around."
Kyle stood, staring down at Maxie, and she held his gaze as she shifted to her back and spoke to her daughter. "I love you, too, princess. See you in the morning."
Kyle experienced a flash of déjà vu. Maxie in his bed, naked, her hair mussed like it was now, the sheet baring her breasts teasingly while he tried getting dressed for work. And what he did seconds later ... crawling back into bed, making wild love to her and getting reprimanded for being late.
She held the phone to her chest. "She's eaten way too much cotton candy," she said, then leaned out to replace it in the cradle. She tossed back the spread and sat up. Kyle remained close, and Maxie rubbed her hands over her face.
"It's late. I'll clean up. Go back to sleep, Max."
Max. He was the only one who called her that now.
"I reek."
"Not that I could tell."
She lowered her hands and smiled wanely. He shifted his weight nervously, as if about to do or say something monumental, then turned away.
She frowned at his back. "Thanks for cooking, Kyle."
"No sweat."
He was already out the door, but Kyle kept hearing that tiny voice ask over and over, Where's my mom?
It sounded too familiar. Like him, when his mother had walked out.
Just after lunch the following day, Kyle stepped out of the kitchen, then immediately lurched back as a redheaded torpedo shot past him.
"Mom! Mom, I'm home!" She dumped a backpack, pillow and her jacket on the floor.
Maxie flew around the corner, scooping up the little girl and hugging her tightly. She rained wet, smacky kisses over her face, and the little girl repaid in kind, cupping her mother's cheeks in her tiny hands and laying a noisy one on her.
"Miss me?" Maxie said, brushing Mimi's hair from her face.
"Yup." She nodded vigorously, braids bouncing.
"Love me?"
"Forever!" Mimi squealed, locking her arms around her mother's neck and squeezing.
Kyle leaned against the wall, more for support than to relax. The look on Maxie's face tore through him. Pure, unconditional love.
A mom.
The resemblance in the pair was unmistakable. Red hair, green eyes, petite features.
Maxie set Mimi to her feet with a dramatic groan. "Good grief, you're getting heavy!"
"I ate a lot."
"I'll bet," she said, and bent to kiss the top of her red head. She met Kyle's gaze across the foyer. Panic and worry sped through her. What was he thinking? Did he see himself in Mimi? Did he notice she had his mouth, that she smirked just like him?
She didn't have long to think about it when a horn sounded. Maxie strode to the door and waved goodbye to Gina.
Kyle heard the car leave, but his gaze was on the child. Maxie's daughter. Maxie's flesh and blood was a bundle of energy with red hair in braids, one cockeyed, the ribbons dirty and drooping. She had a dusting of freckles across her nose and vivid green eyes that caught him in the gut like a hammer.
She marched up to him, planted her hands on her skinny hips and craned her neck to gaze into his eyes. "Who are you?"
"Mimi Anne! That's rude," her mother scolded as she closed the front door. "You're supposed to introduce yourself first."
Mimi blushed, looked at the toes of her cowboy boots and muttered, "Yes, Momma." She met his gaze. "Hullo. I'm Mimi Parrish." She thrust out her hand.
Kyle grasped her tiny fingers and shook. "A pleasure, Miss Parrish. I'm Kyle Hayden."
Something flickered in the little girl's eyes just then. "Pleased to meet you, sir." She clasped her hands in front of her and glanced at her mother. "You were right, Mom, he is big."
Maxie smiled, fighting the tears threatening to surface. How many times had she imagined this moment and how many times had she wished it would never come?
Kyle squatted. "This better?"
She looked him over. "Nah. You're still big."
"Do I scare you?" He'd always thought he did that to kids.
"Nah. Elvis is bigger than you, and I'm not afraid of him."
Kyle glanced at Maxie, his brow tightening at the odd glow in her eyes. "Elvis?"
"The horse, silly," Mimi said, and Kyle realized that the little girl was ticked that he hadn't asked her directly.
"Oh, beg your pardon, ma'am."
Mimi grinned, showing a missing tooth, and Kyle smiled back. A heartbreaker, he thought, tagging on her braid.
Maxie thought her composure would shatter any second. To see them together was enough to make her knees weak. "Want to ride, Meem?" She had to get out of here.
"All right! Alone?"
"No way, Jose. With me." She grabbed her jacket before gathering up Mimi's discards, then tossed her daughter her coat and a look that said not to leave her staff lying in the hall.
With her hand in her mother's, Mimi was at the door when she paused and glanced back at Kyle. "Aren't you coming?"
Briefly he glanced up at Maxie as she donned her cowboy hat, trying to read her expression. He couldn't. "Maybe later, short stack."
She giggled, and something broke open inside Kyle's chest.
Mimi looked up at her mother. "But if Kyle rides one, that's one you don't have to exercise later, Mom."
The child's logic was frightening, Kyle thought, straightening.
"Sure," Maxie said, not ready to argue about why she didn't want Kyle along just now. She met his gaze. "I'll saddle the mounts. Bring the hand radio---it's on the desk," she told him. "In case the service needs you."
Kyle nodded and the pair left the house. Standing in the doorway, he watched them go, watched Maxie pause to zip Mimi's jacket and adjust her miniature cowboy hat, then take her hand. Together they ran to the barn, laughing. He couldn't help but notice how alive she was around her daughter, how different than the past two days. The reserve melted, the aloofness vaporizing the instant Mimi ran through the door. It was as if Maxie had been waiting impatiently to unleash the love she hid from him. He'd never seen love like that, and it made him want it.
A half hour later, they were racing across the sun-drenched land, Mimi shouting for her mother to go faster.
Kyle could barely catch his breath. Not from the pace, but from watching Max and Mimi. The little girl was tucked protectively against her mother, holding on to the pommel, but Maxie was nearly standing in the stirrups. Kyle rode abreast of her, and she glanced to the side, smiling unabashedly. Then she focused on the post that was their marker. Kyle dug his heels in and the horse lurched, but Maxie was already overtaking the post. He rounded it, but knew it was useless. She was a better rider than he could ever hope to be.
She was walking the horse, gasping for air when he finally rode up.
"We win!" Mimi whooped, socking the air like a prizefighter.
Max laid a hand on her shoulder. "Mimi, be a gracious winner."
"Aw, let her have the win, Max. You guys deserve it. Man, you're fast," he said.
"Practice." She shrugged. Maxie asked her daughter about her weekend, and the child chattered incessantly as they cooled down the mounts. She was still going strong when they rode into the barn and dismounted.
Kyle groaned, stretching his spine and working the tightness from his thigh. One too many bungee jumps, he thought
"Your butt hurt?"
Maxie sputtered, staring down at her daughter as she removed a saddle.
"Yeah, it does," Kyle admitted, smiling. "Does yours?"
"Nah---"
"Mimi---"
"I mean, no sir. I'm used to it." Mimi grabbed a pail and took off to fill it with water. Kyle watched her, then hefted the second saddle and tossed it over the stall wall.
"She's cute, Max."
"Thanks. I like her."
Kyle chuckled, grabbing a rag and wiping down the horse. "Do all kids talk like that?"
Maxie scoffed softly. "You mean constantly?"
"No, so ... adult."
Max shrugged, leading the horse into the stall. She didn't want Kyle to get any ideas about Mimi's age, even though Mimi was little for six. That he'd assumed, through lack of information, that her ex-husband was Mimi's father, was a safety net she needed. He would be gone soon, and she needed to keep Mimi's life normal.
"I haven't been around kids," he was saying, and she heard actual fear in his voice. It more than surprised her.
"You're doing okay. Just don't talk down to her. She's smart and hates being patronized."
He blinked. "Does she even know what it means?"
"Not literally, but verbally she can recognize it. And she has a temper."
"Like mother like daughter, huh?"
"I don't have a temper!"
He arched a brow and she wilted, smiling and shaking her head.
Pail in two hands, Mimi trotted up, splashing water on her boots. "Got the grub, Mom."
Kyle grinned, his hands on his hips. "Need help, short stack?"
"Na---no, thanks, it's my job." She said that with such pride, he thought.
Then, splashing more water, she hauled the pail to the trough inside the stall and poured, her little tongue sticking farther out the more she tipped the pail. Kyle folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the entrance, watching mother and daughter work. Mimi scooped feed into the wood box and kept judging the level, asking her mom's opinion. Maxie answered while cleaning the horse's hooves with practiced ease. It didn't bother him that they completely ignored him. It was a scene he couldn't recall witnessing before. Parent and child---friends.
Inside, he was a little jealous.
The next morning, Kyle woke to the loudest racket he'd ever experienced since living in a barracks. Maxie.
At six in the morning. She was singing at the top of her lungs.
The stereo blared, the scent of frying bacon wafted through the house and Mimi was telling her mom to go away. At the top of her lungs.
He'd barely had his jeans zipped when he burst into the hall. Maxie was there, outside one of the rooms, a lime green water gun in her hands like a marine ready for assault, her foot tapping and behind swaying to the country music.
She didn't see him. And she looked disgustingly chipper for this hour.
At the end of the chorus, she fired into the room, and Mimi's high-pitched squeal punctured the air. "Up, girlie, this is call number three."
"Okay, Mom, okay! I'm gettin' up," Mimi grumbled, and Kyle grinned. Maxie glanced to the side and blinked, then shrugged, sheepish.
"She's hard to get up in the morning."
"I would have never guessed." Kyle walked toward her, keeping just out of sight from a little girl who was likely getting dressed and didn't need a stranger seeing her.
He was wrong. Suddenly a stream of water shot out of the room and hit Maxie in the face. She sputtered, then returned fire, backing away as Mimi advanced out of the room, frilly pink nightgown and bare feet flying after her mother.
"I'm gonna murtelize you, Mom!"
"Oh, yeah! Says who?" Maxie shouted, and hosed her daughter.
Mimi shrieked, returned fire and got soaked again by her loving mother.
Kyle simply stayed out of the battle and watched them, a greediness to be a part of it working under his skin.
Then Mimi saw him and doused him with ice-cold water square in the chest.
Maxie gasped.
Mimi let out a soft "Oops" and reddened.
And Kyle threw his hands up in surrender. "You're not supposed to shoot an unarmed man," he told her.
"We have an extra gun," Mimi offered, grinning, water dripping from her nose.
"You wouldn't last a minute, short stack. I was a marine."
She blinked, awed. "Really?"
"I call for a cease-fire," her mom interrupted, giving Kyle a "don't tempt her" look. "And you, little lady, are going to be late for school. Breakfast will be on the table in fifteen minutes."
Mimi made a face, then glanced at Kyle. She put the water gun to her shoulder like a marine before she spun on her heels and marched back to her bedroom. Just before she slipped around the doorjamb, she turned and shot her mom between the eyes, then vanished.
Kyle roared with laughter as Mimi escaped a counterattack. "She'd make a great recon," he said, still chuckling.
Maxie flung water off her face and at him. "Don't give her ideas." She walked to the kitchen and stored the gun under the sink before snatching up a towel to wipe her face.
"Is it like that every morning?"
"Only after the weekend. She loves to sleep."
"And you like waking her."
She glanced over her shoulder, smiling hugely, and Kyle felt the warmth of it down to his toes. "It's a power thing. Breakfast is almost ready ... though---" Briefly her gaze fell on the tiny rivers of water winding down the contours of his stomach. Nice. "You might want to go dry off first." Kyle arched a brow, giving her a long velvety look that made her insides jingle before he headed back to his room.
After a shave and a quick shower, he was presentable enough and when he returned to the kitchen, Mimi was chomping into her breakfast to the beat of the music. And Maxie ... well, Maxie's sweet behind was swaying back and forth, her snug jeans shaping her bottom, and he wondered at his fascination with that part of her anatomy. She flipped bacon and pancakes, poured juice into a glass, all the while singing off-key and dancing. How could anyone who worked so hard be this cheerful in the morning? And then he knew. Her daughter.
If Max was a grouch, then her daughter would be, too. Kyle couldn't remember his mom ever smiling in the morning and never dancing. Hell, he couldn't remember the last time someone went out of the way to cook for him, for that matter.
This was the old Maxie. This was the side of her he hadn't seen since he'd arrived. The difference stunned him.
Maxie cast a side glance at the clock. "Kyle! Breakfast!" she shouted.
"Gee, Max---"
She spun around, shocked.
"Crank it up another notch, they didn't hear you in California."
Mimi giggled, and Kyle slanted her a quick wink.
Maxie made a face and gestured with the spatula to the vacant chair. "Sit, eat."
He sat, leaning toward Mimi as he said in a stage whisper, "Is she always this bossy?"
"Always," Mimi said, dramatically rolling her eyes.
She did that just like her mom, he thought, smiling.
Maxie plopped a huge plate in front of him.
He looked down, then up at her. "Third Battalion's coming for breakfast, right?"
"Ha-ha," she muttered dryly. "I've seen you pack away twice that much."
"Yeah, but I was twenty-three and trying to impress you."
They exchanged a quick smile. "Were all those wild stunts to impress me, too?"
His gaze slipped over her, quick and thorough, and Maxie felt a warm current follow the path. "Which stunts exactly? Bungee jumping or---" his dark eyes smoldered "---the waterfall in Encinada?"
Maxie inhaled, her cheeks blooming with color at the memory of the two of them---losing all inhibition and making wicked love under a Mexican fall, in broad daylight
"So," he said on a husky laugh, "I did leave an impression."
Boy, did he, she thought and it didn't take much to revive it either. "Must have been the stamina thing," she said, turning back to the counter and heard him nearly choke on his juice.
"When did you know my mom?" Mimi piped up. Maxie glanced and stiffened. Kyle noticed, yet started on his breakfast.
"Way back. She had long hair then."
Mimi looked at her mom, then Kyle. "What else?"
Kyle chewed and swallowed. "Let's see." He sank back into the chair and sipped his coffee, eyeing Maxie from head to toe. She stilled, halfway to the table, then slid into the chair. He recognized the tense set of her shoulders immediately.
"She had great legs and always wore makeup."
Wide-eyed, Mimi looked at her mother, then Kyle. "Makeup? My mom?"
Kyle nodded, watching Maxie squirm and enjoying the hell out of it.
"What else?"
He met Maxie's gaze across the table, his voice intimate. "She liked satin and dark chocolate and lobster dripping in butter." Her eyes softened as he spoke. "And riding on the back of my motorcycle. She has a freckle on her ankle shaped like a tear ... and actually purrs when you rub her feet." Maxie's skin pinkened, and Kyle wondered if she was remembering the last time he'd done that. Then he glanced down at the little wide-eyed redhead, suddenly aware they weren't alone. "And she hates bugs."
Mimi smiled, stabbing her pancakes. "Still does, likes caterpillars, though."
"Why is that, you think?"
Mimi was chewing and munching as she talked. "'Cause they turn into butterflies, and butterflies aren't slimy."
Kyle chuckled softly, then focused on his meal.
"Okay, you two, cut the chatter. Mimi, eat with your mouth closed and finish up. Kyle..." He looked up, arching a brow. She blushed. "Just finish," she said lamely.
"Yes, ma'am," he said, grinning behind each bite, having a hard time keeping his eyes off her. Though her worn jeans and the sweater weren't the least bit provocative, they were wreaking havoc on his senses. There was a casual sensuality about Maxie Kyle had never found in other women. Were you looking for it? his mind countered, and Kyle examined his past conquests, none of which had lasted more than a couple months. No one came to mind, but his thoughts were interrupted when Mimi hopped up to go brash her teeth.
And to Kyle, it felt as if a little of the light left the room. Yet he was alone with Max for the first time since Mimi arrived. A frown creased his brows. Now that he thought about it, she'd made a point of having her daughter close, always between them. Was she really that afraid to be alone with him? He didn't think so, then considered the eruption that occurred whenever they got close enough. A defensive move, he decided.
As much as he liked being with both of them, he couldn't shake the nagging image every time he saw them together---of Maxie leaving him at the altar and sliding between the sheets with another man. The nagging persisted. Had she been leading him on seven years ago? Was she seeing this man when she was seeing him? Did she love him? Had she ever loved him? That hurt the worst, he thought. And the toughest question, the hardest reality kept seeping into his brain to torture him---if I had come after Max, would Mimi have been my child?
Maxie ate, trying to ignore him. It was next to impossible. He smelled great looked so damn rugged in jeans and a sweatshirt and it didn't help that her daughter liked him. But then, Mimi liked everyone. Maxie thought of what he would do and say if he knew he'd had breakfast with his daughter. And she didn't even want to consider how Mimi would feel if she realized her daddy was in the house. In the past Mimi had asked a few times where her father was, and Maxie had been as honest as she could be. Her dad wasn't around when she was born, and he didn't know about her. Mimi knew that Maxie had loved him enough to create her, but not enough to stay together. Even as small as she was, her daughter was content to know she wasn't the reason she didn't have a father in her life---that it was her mother he didn't want. It had always been a delicate subject but with her grandparents, aunts and uncles showering Mimi with love and attention, Maxie didn't think she missed what she'd never had. And her ex-husband, Carl, well, that was three years ago and Mimi's memory of him was fading. She hoped. But a little part of her resented that he hadn't asked if Mimi was his. The silence stretched, him watching her, her finishing breakfast.
Kyle's own thoughts were cut off as he witnessed a parade of emotion skate across Maxie's face and was about to ask her about it when she glanced at the clock.
"Oh, she's going to be late."
Maxie was up and calling to her daughter to get the brush and bands for her hair. Kyle sighed in the seat, munching on bacon. I get close and she runs, he thought. He heard the pair talking softly and smiled, shaking his head. Mimi was trying to come up with an excuse to stay home from school. Maxie had a response for her every suggestion. It was strange to be in the house with two females and even stranger that he liked it. A horn sounded, and Mimi dashed through the house. Maxie stood near the door, holding out her jacket and backpack, telling her that her lunch was already inside and not to forget her homework this time. Mimi was wrestling with the zipper when Kyle stepped into the foyer.
"Are you going to be here when I get home, Mr. Hayden?"
He nodded, not daring a glance at Maxie. "For a couple weeks, it looks like."
"All right!" Mimi smiled hugely, and a knot yanked in his chest. She was a heartbreaker, he thought.
The horn sounded again, closer, and Mimi faced her mom and Max bent to kiss her. "I love you, princess." They rubbed noses.
"I love you, too, Mommy. Bye." She was at the door. "See ya, Mister Hayden."
"See ya, short stack."
She giggled and dashed out the door. Maxie stepped onto the porch as the bus door closed and Mimi waved, then got busy chatting with her friends.
Maxie glanced back to see him a few feet behind her.
He whistled softly. "She is one ball of energy."
"Hey, she toned it down for you," she said, coming back inside. "I usually can't get her to stop asking questions or sit still long enough to eat breakfast."
The phone rang and after a quick hello, she handed it to Kyle. "It's Jackson."
Kyle took the call, answering in one-word responses, then popped into the kitchen.
She looked up, her hands elbow deep in dishwater.
"Got a flight."
"A rescue?"
"Yeah, rafters are stack somewhere upriver." He shrugged into his jacket. "I don't know when I'll be back..."
"No problem."
"I'll try to get word if I'm out there long," he said, taking a few steps closer, almost on instinct to kiss her. He stopped just short of doing it staring into her vivid green eyes, then at her lush mouth. He brought his gaze back to hers and was tempted. But every time he touched her, she shut him out and they were just feeling comfortable around each other again. He wasn't willing to ruin it
He cleared his throat. "Ah, I guess I'll see you later."
Her gaze slipped quickly over his features, her heart pounding in her ears from his nearness. "I'll be here," she murmured softly. He nodded, then left. Maxie sighed, swishing the soapy water, then went back to scrubbing the pan.
She did not want him to kiss her just then, she thought. Really she didn't.
Kyle's chopper was already on the pad when she returned from the grocery store. She hadn't expected him to be done before Mimi came home from school. With Mimi around, the conversation never lulled and the chatter would keep Kyle from starting something neither of them had a right to pursue.
Why? a voice asked. Because I'll ruin it. I did seven years ago, she thought grabbing a sack and heading into the house. She turned back for another sack, then another, muttering to herself, debating whether she wanted something from him or not, or whether it was just old feelings getting her all hot and bothered when she looked at him. Or when he spoke, bringing up some old memories. Or when his gaze seemed to probe and poke. Like he had this morning in the kitchen. She knew what he was doing---weakening her defenses. What she couldn't understand was why. She'd done the absolute worst to that man, and even though he'd forgiven her for leaving him at the altar, she figured he would stay far away from her and not dredge up any of the sweet erotic memories she'd kept tacked away for years.
Reaching for the last grocery bag, Maxie stilled, frowning at the barn. She set the bag back into the Range Rover, slammed the rear door, then marched across her land to the barn.
She stopped inside. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"
Kyle kept shoveling soiled hay into the wheelbarrow. "Gee, Max, didn't think I'd have to explain this part to you, of all people." He grinned and scooped and dumped.
"You're not supposed to work here, Kyle."
He shrugged. "I'm not supposed to get hungry after that obscene breakfast you served me, but I am."
She moved closer. "Stop right now."
He dumped a shovelful, then paused to look at her, his gloved hands propped on the handle. She was like a hen with wet feathers, he thought. "Make me."
She blinked. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me."
She tipped her head to the side and eyed him. "You're doing this just to start a fight, aren't you?"
"You're the one who's scrapping here, kiddo."
"We've already discussed this."
"Come on, Max." His expression pleaded. "I'm bored out of my mind. Besides, if I help, that gives you more time to spend with your daughter when she gets home."
He had her there, the skunk.
Kyle laid the shovel aside, then grasped the wheelbarrow handles, maneuvering it to the rear of the barn, up the ramp he'd seen her use days earlier. Finishing that, he removed his gloves and went to the open sink, washing his hands and face. He reached blindly for the towel, and Maxie walked to his side, shoving one in his hand.
She was irritated. He'd cleaned all the stalls and yes, though she would have more time with Mimi, that didn't give her anything to occupy herself with in the meantime. Not really. And idle hands got her into trouble around Kyle.
She turned away.
"Running?"
"I have groceries to take in."
"Chicken."
She whirled on him, anger in her eyes. "I have groceries."
He simply grinned, swiping his jaw dry. "In this weather? They'll stay cold."
"My vegetables will freeze." He stared, his expression even. "What?" she said nervously.
"I'm waiting for the next excuse you'll give me for not being wherever I am."
"I'm not making excuses."
Like hell. She looked ready to bolt any second, Kyle thought. "You're not a good liar, either, Max." She fumed. "Then come closer." She took a couple steps. He shook his head.
Maxie marched right up to him, staring him down. She felt like a kid confronting a bully, except the two-foot stretch between them did nothing to stop the heat racing through her blood. Or the anticipation of more as he moved nearer.
He stared down at her. "You're trembling."
Her chin lifted. "Am not."
He chuckled softly, his gaze holding hers. Stubborn woman.
"So ... what does this prove?"
"That you're hiding behind chores to avoid me."
Her gaze narrowed dangerously.
"If you're not, then let's go riding."
"You don't like riding."
His warm gaze swept heavily over her, telling her exactly whom he wanted to ride. "That was in the past."
What was he saying? she wondered, feeling flushed under his steamy look. Was he willing to shed everything they'd had before, for something new now? Just as the warm thought blossomed in her brain, it died. Her deception about Mimi was enough to keep Maxie from getting her hopes up. She couldn't take it if she hurt him again.
Suddenly he tipped his head and kissed her, tight and warm. Kyle felt her jolt of surprise, yet kept kissing her, unhurried, coaxing, until she responded to him, pressing her mouth harder and inching closer. Then he drew back enough to look her in the eyes.
He liked that it took her a second to open them.
"Kyle. Please don't start this." The plea in her voice wasn't hard to recognize, and Kyle's brows drew down.
"We never finished, Max. I can't just ignore it. And neither can you."
Yes, she could. But ignoring the pangs of feelings was an hourly struggle, Maxie thought. Her defenses were weak to his smiles and gentleness, but the consequences were too great. Letting him into her heart meant revealing her secrets, and not hurting him was suddenly as important as not hurting her daughter. Frustrated, she rubbed her hands over her face and muttered, "Jeez. Do I have to worry about you, too?"
He scowled. There was a lot more behind that statement than words, Kyle thought. "I'm a big boy, Max. I can handle anything you've got."
She looked at him. He was footing himself, Maxie thought. "I'm not alone anymore, Kyle. When I make a choice, it's not just for me."
His scowl deepened, and he caught her shoulders. "I'm not looking for some casual sex while I'm here, Max. So get that right out of your head." His expression softened, and he slid his hands up the sides of her throat, cupping her jaw and sinking his fingers into her hair. He gazed deeply into her eyes. "Mimi is a great kid, but she has nothing to do with us."
Oh, yes, she does, Maxie thought. Maintaining Mimi's happiness was what had kept her levelheaded and emotionally distant from him since he'd arrived. And it was fast becoming the only thread left.
She looked exhausted, Kyle thought, and wondered what was going on behind those pretty green eyes. "When was the last time you thought of yourself?" he asked in a sympathetic tone.
Her gaze sharpened. "As I recall, your first insult was that I was selfish and only considered my own feelings."
"So I was a jerk," he admitted, and her lips curved. "I'm better now." He tipped her head and pressed his lips to hers, gently. She accepted it for about two seconds, then backed out of his touch.
"What are you so afraid of?" he said. He could almost feel her distance herself.
She glanced away, and he noticed the quick gloss in her eyes. Her expression was suddenly so defeated it caught him in the chest.
"Of making mistakes. Of ruining my life and Mimi's---" she looked at him "---and yours."
She's more than a little gun-shy, he thought, trying to see beneath the wall she'd thrown up around herself. "Is that why you close yourself off from everyone?" She was about to deny the charge when he cut in with, "I've been here a few days, Max. You've isolated yourself out here."
"I like privacy."
He sent her a disgusted look. "You're practically a hermit."
"Fine!" She threw her hands up. "I'm a hermit." She grabbed a broom and entered a stall, sweeping. "If that's what it takes to protect my daughter, then I'll keep it that way."
"She's not here."
She stilled, meeting his gaze. "She's always here, Kyle. She's everything to me." She's part of you, she thought with a jolt of unchecked longing.
Kyle stepped into the stall, holding her gaze. "Is there room in there for me?"
She groaned. That she did not need to hear. "You don't want me, Kyle. You just think you do. That's hormones talking." She swept furiously around her feet.
Then he was suddenly inches from her, advancing, forcing her to let go of the broom as he backed her up against the wall. He braced his hands on the surface on either side of her head, hemming her in.
Maxie flattened her hands on the slats to keep from reaching out to him.
"That's the second time in our history that you've assumed you know what I want, Max," he growled, a hint of anger coloring his tone as he shifted his body closer to hers. "And you're not taking the choice away from me this time."
That sounded too much like a challenge, and she tilted her head back, meeting his gaze head-on. "I'm not giving you one."
"I don't need your permission." He shifted his knee between her thighs, and Maxie's heart shot to her throat. "You can't have me."
His arms stretched above her, he gave her a long appraising look. "Having your body was never a problem, baby. But years ago, I was young and foolishly thought your heart went with it." He ground a sudden kiss to the bend of her throat, then whispered close to her ear, "I'm wiser now."
She closed her eyes, her senses clawing for more. "But I'm not," she murmured, gasping for breath after breath as he kissed her throat, nipped her lobe. "I'm not."
"Risk it," he growled, covering her mouth with his, his kiss strong yet unhurried, dark with promise yet restrained. The pull was unlike any other. He didn't touch her, didn't sweep her into his arms, but simply kissed and kissed her, his body a layer of heat away from hers.
Maxie was losing ground fast. The quiet determination in him scared her, the patient way he kissed her tearing through her resistance like a blade through paper. And still he didn't touch her. She could duck and run, go hide in the house till she regained control, but his mouth was rolling heavily over hers---knocking the fight out of her. Then his tongue came into play. She whimpered, greedy for more, for the feel of him against her, and when he pulled back slightly, her mouth sought to keep contact.
She reached, her hands hovering near his jaw, but not touching. And still, they kissed, only their lips touching. There was a tenuous shield between them, and Kyle waited, his body on fire for hers, his patience stretched thin. But he wanted her to come to him, to touch him and admit that there was more than desire between them.
To risk more than a kiss with him.
A little sound worked in her throat a pain, a plea.
Then Maxie caught his jaw in her hands, pressing him harder to her mouth.
Kyle lost it. He sandwiched her against the wall, wrapping his arms around her. She moaned with pleasure, clamping his thigh between hers.
The well-stoked blaze flared hotly, and she moaned, digging her fingers into his hair and holding him. His hand slid downward, cupping her bottom, squeezing and pushing her to the hardness growing between them. She arched against it.
Kyle felt the smoke of passion curl through his blood, rushing his breath and his heartbeat. He grasped her hips, rocking her. She licked his lips, and his kiss grew stronger.
And stronger. His hands found their way beneath her shirt, then under her bra. He groaned at the delicious warmth of her skin, his fingertips working her nipples into tight peaks, still kissing her, still rubbing against her. And like all the times before, she gave and gave.
And Maxie wanted more. She felt sexy and adored when Kyle touched her---cherished and needed as a woman, not just a rancher or a mom. It drew her tighter to him, sent her hands to the band of his jeans. She wanted to touch him. And her fingers molded familiarly over the tight ridge fighting against the fabric of his jeans.
"Oh, yes," he groaned darkly, driving his body against her.
Then her jacket was open, her shirt seconds after, and his lips were on her bare breast, drawing her nipple into the heat of his mouth. Maxie dropped her head back, holding him there, guiding him from one breast to the other, and Kyle suckled and ticked until she was moaning like a wild creature. Then he captured the sounds with his lips.
Before he peeled open her jeans, his hand slipping inside.
Anticipation made her shift for him. His fingers slid along the skin of her stomach. Her flesh quivered. He hooked the edge of her panties and sank deeper inside.
His fingers found her, and she gasped, answering the push.
Kyle moaned against the curve of her throat. "You're so hot and wet for me."
"I always am," she rasped, and he stroked. Her breathing shuddered, her hips rocking harder and Kyle thrust and withdrew.
But he knew Maxie. Knew her body. He felt her excitement, reveled in the rush of her passion along her skin and drew back enough to look at her. Her face darkened, but she didn't look away, her lips parted, her eyes glazed. He loved her panting, her bold stare and her hurried movements over him.
He pushed and withdrew. "Maxie, baby."
"Kyle ... I---" He could feel it, the clench of feminine muscles, the way she kissed him so frantically, grabbed his hips and pulled.
He stared into her eyes. "Don't fight it, baby, let me see it."
"But---"
"I don't have any protection ... and you can't wait."
"I know!" she cried, and he chuckled darkly.
Kyle watched her passion unfold, felt it strain through her body and onto his fingers wrapped tightly inside her. "I want this to be me, baby. Me," he chanted in her ear, then told her he would, how much pleasure he had feeling her release drench him. Then he told her what else he wanted to do with her. And Maxie dropped over the threshold, clawing him, her body tightly drawn around his. He watched it and got harder.
"Kyle."
"I love it when you say my name like that," he said against the curve of her throat. His thumb swept across the tight bead of her sex, and she flinched, grabbing his hair and kissing him hard, riding the threads of her desire in his arms.
He removed his hand and dragged her to the fresh hay pile with him, wrapping himself around her. "I always enjoyed watching you do that," he said into her mouth.
"Kyle---"
He heard the unease in her tone and tightened his hold. "Shh. Don't." Kyle stared at the wood ceiling, snuggling her close. "Right now, I'm so hard for you I could forget about protection and just take the consequences. So please, baby, not a word." Gallantry was hell, he thought, waiting until she relaxed in his embrace.
Maxie worked her hands inside his jacket feeling sheltered and warm and relaxed for the first time in years. She didn't want to think of the problems this seduction would cause now, and the cocoon of silence kept sour thoughts at bay just a little longer. Maxie reveled in the simple peace of satisfaction.
The wind whistled through the cracks in the barn, cooling them.
A horse nickered and stomped softly.
Then the distinct sound of a school-bus horn shattered their contentment. Maxie sat up sharply, glanced at her watch and hopped to her feet. Kyle just lay there, his hands propped behind his head, watching her finger-comb bits of straw from her hair, then adjust her clothing. She had to shower and she was thankful now that Kyle had done half her work for her. Since she'd wasted the afternoon. She sent him an impatient look.
"Aren't you getting up?"
"Nah." Kyle saw that her lips were swollen, her hair a mess and she had that freshly ravished look he'd always loved giving her.
"I can't let Mimi see me like this."
His brows knitted.
"Or you like that." She nodded to the very prominent bulge still in his jeans.
"Max---" He sat up, groaning, but there was something other than passion making her tremble like that.
"No, don't argue. She's a sharp little girl, Kyle. And she comes first."
Despite his discomfort, Kyle climbed to his feet, catching her before she fled.
Her gaze locked with his.
"I'm not arguing. Of course I don't want her to know what we did in here, either." He pulled a piece of straw from her hair, then flicked it aside. "I just don't want her mother to forget."
She gazed deeply into his dark eyes. "Oh, Kyle." Her voice fractured with a misery he couldn't understand. "I couldn't seven years ago." She cupped his jaw, her fingers trembling. "I can't now." She brushed her mouth over his, then moved quickly away, snatching up her hat before she left.
Kyle had a sinking feeling that he'd just made everything worse.
Maxie walked easily toward the Range Rover to get the last bag of groceries, using the cold blast of air and brisk steps to shrug off the haze of passion. Her daughter hopped off the bus, bolting into her arms. And Maxie's heart twisted in her chest when the first words out of her mouth were, "Hi, Mom, where's Mr. Hayden?"
In the shower, Maxie sighed against the cool tile, hot water sliding luxuriously over her body. She closed her eyes and pushed wet hair from her forehead. Bathing did not wash away the afternoon, and she recalled ... everything---the heat in his eyes, his hardness pressing against her and how much she'd wanted to feel him inside her. Kyle had more than just sexual power over her. He was fast clamping a vise on her heart. She admitted that she wanted to be in his arms, despite what it would do to her control. She was honest with herself that if they'd had protection, the whole situation would have escalated to the inevitable, and the emotional consequences would have been harder to accept. She was thankful now for small favors.
She couldn't finish what they'd started. Her future was already mapped out. If he knew she'd had his child and kept the news from him, any relationship they began now would be destroyed. He was going to jump to conclusions, she thought, letting the hot spray rinse away the last of the soap and shampoo. He was going to think today would change everything. And sadly, it wouldn't.
She didn't know what to expect as she stepped from the shower, but hearing Mimi's and Kyle's laughter was not it. For an instant, she let the pleasurable sound seep through her. Towel-drying her hair, she quickly dressed in fresh clothes, then left her bedroom, heading toward the music and voices. She found Kyle in the kitchen, wearing an apron and standing alongside Mimi, trying to do the tush-push.
Mimi was a pro. Kyle was hopeless.
Just the same, her heart did a fierce jump in her chest as she watched them sidestep, wiggle hips, sidestep.
"Nah, like this," Mimi said, reaching up to grab his hips and give them motion.
"Face it short stack. I don't have any rhythm."
"Duh," she said, rolling her eyes.
Kyle sent her a crestfallen look. She giggled. And a smile burst across his face. He pinched her nose, and she laughed harder.
"Okay, okay. I think I've got it this time," Kyle said when the chorus started again. In synch they danced, Kyle still with the sauté fork in one hand and her best apron flapping at his knees. And Mimi whacking her hair out of her face to watch his feet with an intensity that scrunched her face up so adorably, Maxie's smile widened.
When the song ended, Mimi clapped for him and Kyle curtsied, thanking her with a dainty kiss on her hand. Her daughter giggled and blushed, then Kyle ordered her back to work. Maxie backed out of the kitchen without being noticed, leaning against the outside wall. She sighed, pushing damp curls off her face. Her heart ached so bad it hurt to swallow.
How could she keep them apart? she thought. Was she doing the right thing by keeping Kyle's identity a secret from Mimi? Then in the next breath she knew she was caught in her own trap. What will happen to Mimi when he leaves?
It's you you're worried about. Mimi could spring back from most anything, and Max knew it. It was Maxie who wasn't ready for more heartache than she'd already had.
She lingered out of sight, listening to them chat, Mimi telling him about her pet turtles, Kyle cooking something heavenly while Maxie gathered her courage to face him. When she entered the kitchen, he looked up and a smile lit his features. Her heartbeat tripped. Oh, to see that smile every day, she thought. It was so much like his daughter's.
"Where ya been? Trying to cut out on K.P. duty?"
"That means kitchen police, Mom. But not like cops or detectives," Mimi said while setting the table. "Policing means cleaning up."
Maxie bit the inside of her mouth as Mimi carefully laid out the utensils. "Oh, does it?"
"Yup. Mr. Hayden said he got K.P. duty a couple times when he was a marine. For being late for work."
Because he spent time with me, Maxie thought, her gaze flashing to Kyle's. He sent her a long hungry look that brought this afternoon to the surface with amazing clarity. She felt her skin warm, and her lips curved without thought. He sucked air in through clenched teeth and started toward her. Immediately she stepped back, shaking her head. He stilled, his expression wilting. Maxie glanced meaningfully at Mimi.
His lips tightened, and he turned back to the counter.
Maxie felt rotten, but pushed it aside. She couldn't let Mimi know there was more than just a boarder in her house. If she got a clue, she would seize it and hold it out for inspection with questions. Questions Maxie wasn't prepared to answer. Not that she would know how.
"What's cooking?" she said brightly.
"Lemon chicken, fettucine Alfredo and steamed broccoli."
"Broccoli, yuck," Mimi said sourly, pouring drinks.
"With cheese sauce, short stack."
She glanced at Kyle. "No, thank you, Mr. Hayden," Mimi muttered, trying not to be rude, and the adults exchanged a silent message to get her to at least try it. Kyle ladled food into serving platters, and Maxie took one. Over a steaming pot, he met her gaze, his expression so tender her emotions sank to a dangerous level.
"You okay?" he said softly.
"Shouldn't I be?"
He shrugged, holding up streamers of fettucine, then swirling them onto a platter. "The way you rushed off out there, I was wondering if you'd forgotten about me."
That wounded-little-boy look wasn't cutting it with her, and she jerked the platter from his hands. "Like hell you were wondering." She carried it to the table. He chuckled lowly, and Maxie knew she was in for a tough night.
Mimi was already in a chair and doing what she did best---talking.
Bless her heart, she kept the conversation going through dinner, and Kyle even convinced her to try the broccoli and cheese sauce. She was on her third helping when the phone rang.
Kyle's gaze followed Maxie as she answered it. "The rescue station," she mouthed, then went to the window, peering into the dark. A light snow was failing.
"You sure it can't wait till morning? No, I understand, Jackson. Give me about an hour." She hung up. "I've got to bring in a couple of fresh mounts," she said to Kyle, then looked at Mimi. "Let's get going, princess."
"Max," Kyle ventured as he brought dishes to the counter. He met her gaze. "Let me help take the horses in."
"It's no big deal, Kyle. We've done it before." Maxie winked at Mimi.
"Yeah, I help," Mimi piped up.
"But it's late and dark and snowing." Maxie's look said she was aware of that. "Okay," he conceded. "I tell you what. You get the horses ready while Mimi and I finish up here. Then I'll give you a hand hitching the trailer. That okay with you, short stack?"
Mimi shrugged, oblivious to the tension between the adults. "Sure."
Maxie's lips pulled into a tight line. She walked straight up to Kyle. "I know what you're doing."
"Do you?"
"Ganging up." Her gaze swept briefly to Mimi. Including her in the decision gave him a shot at tagging along.
He'd been found out, Kyle thought, and the corner of his mouth quirked. Just as well. He was enjoying the family atmosphere way too much, anyway. "Okay, fine. I could stay here, see that she does whatever little girls do before bed." He looked apprehensive just then.
"The same thing as boys, except they wash behind their ears." Yet Maxie considered one fact: Mimi might like him, but she wasn't ready to have him as a sitter.
"Come on, Mom, we'll get done faster and I'll get to bed on time." Kyle and Maxie looked down at Mimi, her sweet face tilted up, but Maxie recognized the devious glint in her daughter's eyes. She was hoping she would get to stay up late.
"All right. But you'd better be finished with K.P. duty by the time I get the mounts. And wear your gloves, Meem."
Kyle turned his attention to rinsing and loading the dishes with record speed. Mimi was bundled up and out the door a good ten minutes before him. When he left the house to help Maxie hook up the trader, Mimi was standing by, holding the horses' leads, her tiny cowboy hat tilted against the wind. Maxie lowered the gate, and Mimi led the horses into the mobile stall. Kyle watched the little girl secure the leads and run bracing straps under the mounts without a shred of fear.
"Careful, short stack."
"I'm fine, Mr. Hayden, honest."
Maxie glanced at Kyle and had to smile at the concern on his face. "She's my partner, Kyle. Ease up." Maxie closed the gate as Kyle and Mimi climbed into the already warmed-up Range Rover.
Two hours later, after Jackson filled Mimi with far too many treats and Kyle and Max with hot coffee, they were headed back.
"So much for getting her to bed on time," Kyle said, and Maxie spared him a glance. Her breath caught. Mimi was snuggled trustingly against his side, sound asleep.
"I knew she wouldn't last," she managed to say casually.
Kyle toyed with a bright red curl. "But you weren't ready to leave her alone with me."
"No, Kyle," she said. "She wasn't ready."
His features tightened. "You think she's afraid of me?" He didn't like that, not at all.
"Hardly." In fact she'd never known Mimi to be so trusting of any man who'd been at the ranch. "But getting ready for bed is sometimes a drama for a little girl. They like their privacy and are shy about anyone coming within fifty yards while they bathe." Maxie laughed shortly, shaking her head. "Sometimes ... even their moms."
She looked out of sorts just then, and where Kyle had thought she knew everything about kids, he realized she didn't. It was comforting to know since he was just getting the hang of being a real adult. But then, Max had always wanted children, a house full, she'd told him once. Kyle's gaze slid over her as she drove. Still beautiful, he thought, even without makeup and chic clothes. And she turned him on like no other woman ever had. He just wished she would quit hiding behind parenthood.
When Maxie pulled up in front of the house and shut off the engine, Kyle reached for her, cupping the back of her head and bringing her mouth to his. She resisted for about two seconds, then sank into his kiss with a hungry moan. Kyle had felt her pulling away from him since dinner. He hated that she could do it so easily when he was nothing but confusion and mush inside. And he got to her the only way he knew how just then and kept kissing her, nipping at her lips and drinking her soft shudder.
"I can't stop thinking about this afternoon," he whispered in her ear. "I get hard just remembering how you---"
"Kyle, shh," she said, yet accepted another deep kiss, although she'd spent the past hours convincing herself she didn't want this.
Between them, Mimi stirred and they jerked apart. Maxie's damning look was enough to cool his passion for her, and sighing, Kyle carried Mimi inside, laying her on her bed. She woke immediately, sitting up and folding her arms over her flat chest. Her gaze shot between the adults, ending with a damning look on Kyle.
"You kissed my mom."
Kyle blinked, then glanced briefly at Maxie. "Yes, I did."
Mimi looked at her mother. "Did you like it?"
Maxie sputtered.
"You sounded like you did."
Maxie reddened. "You shouldn't have been eavesdropping, young lady." She stood. "It's way past your bedtime."
Kyle took his cue and headed for the door, but Mimi's words stopped him. "Do you like my mom, Mr. Hayden?"
Kyle's gaze clashed with Maxie's. "Yes, I do." I always have, he thought as he left, stepping into his room. He dropped onto the bed, folding his arms beneath his head, and stared at the ceiling. In those moments in Mimi's room, Kyle realized how much a simple kiss could affect Mimi. He liked Maxie's daughter. She was lively and sweet tempered, and Kyle felt an odd companionship with the little redhead. But Maxie was right. Choices included more than just them. And he debated whether or not he was prepared for what that entailed and if he could handle it. He sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and rubbing the back of his neck.
In her bedroom, Mimi sleepily slipped out of her clothes and into her nightie. Mother and daughter chatted about school, decided what she'd wear tomorrow and how nice it was that Kyle cooked tonight.
"Do you think Mr. Hayden likes me?"
Maxie met her gaze and togged on her ruffles. "Hey, what's not to like, princess?" Mimi shrugged her narrow shoulders. "I'm sure he does. I could never get him to dance."
Mimi smiled, and Maxie crawled into bed with her daughter, sitting behind her and braiding her hair.
"You know he's going to be gone in a week or so, honey." How was she going to deal with this?
Mimi yawned hugely. "Yeah. I know."
Maxie scooted off the bed and tucked Mimi under the covers. She was half-asleep.
"Is he a good kisser, Mom?" she said softly.
"That's none of your business, madame."
Mimi opened one kelly green eye and let it rake over her mother. "He is---I can tell."
Maxie had the irresistible urge to straighten her clothes. "Kissed many boys, have you?"
"Yuck," she said with feeling and a sour face. "But you haven't kissed a man in a loonngg time."
Maxie didn't need to be reminded of that. Especially by a six-year-old. "Go to sleep, child. Before I ground you for playing possum in the truck."
Mimi squeezed her eyes tightly shut, and Maxie turned off the lights, backing out of the room, closing the door. She turned and stopped short.
Kyle was leaning against the frame of his bedroom door, his gaze moving over her with positive intent. He'd discovered a few things about himself in the past few moments. The least of which was that he felt like an outsider and he didn't want to, that he liked being with them both. Yet as much as he wanted to remain unbiased, he wanted to know---no, needed to know---whom she'd betrayed him with, enough to get Mimi and still be single after all these years. That she'd been married was still a bit of a shock, especially since she couldn't manage the feat with him. But why didn't she have her ex's name? Hell. Why didn't Mimi have her father's last name, at least? And neither female mentioned Mimi's dad, so what was the big mystery? He'd rehashed the question so much in the past few minutes, his brain was smoking.
But one thing he needed to prove to both of them right now was that old passion and new were one and the same. Seven years or seven hours and a lot of soul searching wouldn't change it.
Before she could react, he crossed the hall, slipping his arm around her waist with gentle purpose. She didn't back away and the instant she tipped her face up, he covered her mouth with his. His kiss was brief and hard, a liquid slide of lips and tongue, utterly savage.
"Good night, Max." He liked that her breathing quickened and her eyes were still closed. He stepped back and slipped into his room, closing the door.
Maxie sighed against the wall, brushing her hair off her face. Okay, she thought. What were you expecting? For him to lift you in his arms and carry you off to his bed?
As Maxie moved through the house, switching off lights and locking doors, she realized that was exactly what she was hoping. And she was hoping that in the morning everything would be fine, no heartache, no deceptions or recrimination---no secrets that threatened their feeling for each other. Damn, she thought as she walked past his bedroom and into hers. She couldn't get the flicker of hope out of her mind. Don't want, she told herself. It will never work. She'd screwed up---everything---again. And they still had another week to go. Her past, she thought, had definitely come back to haunt her.
Two days later, Maxie held on to the leads of the horse she'd been training, staring across the paddock to the pair just beyond the fence. "A ride in your chopper? I don't know," Maxie said uneasily, eyeing her daughter and the man beside her. Since Mimi met Kyle, she'd been waiting for this moment.
"C'mon, Mom," Mimi said, climbing onto the lower rail, then swinging her leg over to straddle it.
"No daredevil tricks, I swear." Kyle crossed his heart convincingly, aware this was one past flaw she was having trouble getting over. But he was suffering from having his own chaotic thoughts for company and terminal boredom. And since Maxie stopped him from his latest try at ranch work---something he would discuss with her later---he thought he could help out by keeping an eye on Mimi. "A short ride, fifteen minutes' air time tops. Nowhere near the canyon."
"Oh, rats," Mimi said, huffing. "I wanted to see the river from the air."
Kyle leaned toward her and whispered out of the side of his mouth. "Cool it, short stack. Let's not push our luck." Mimi grinned and winked.
Kyle climbed up onto the rail beside Mimi, and they looked at Maxie with innocent expressions. She wasn't fooled. That they were becoming fast friends unnerved her, yet seeing them together, or rather Kyle willingly in her daughter's company again, created a wealth of hope Maxie didn't have a right to feel. She couldn't keep them apart without Kyle becoming suspicious. Although Mimi seemed to accept that Kyle wasn't sticking around, Maxie wasn't satisfied.
But Mimi appeared as if her world depended on this one ride. And if truth be told, she'd been more underfoot than help since she came home from school.
"So what'll it be, Max?"
"Yeah, what'll it be, Mom?" Mimi piped up, her hands on her thighs like Kyle, her head cocked to one side like Kyle's.
Seeing the resemblance drove a hard punch to Maxie's chest and she swallowed. Individually they were hard to resist; together, she was sunk. "All right. One ride, a short one."
Mimi squealed, bouncing up and down on the rail.
Kyle grinned, hopping off the fence and crossing the distance to Maxie. He held her gaze and could tell she was scared. "I won't let anything happen to her, Max," he said softly. "Trust me."
Maxie searched his features, the sincerity in his dark eyes, then glanced past him to her daughter before bringing her gaze back to his. "I already am, Kyle." Her vision blurred a little. "She's all I have."
His eyes softened, and he helped the wind brush her hair off her cheek, his fingers lightly stroking her cool jaw. Immediately he recognized the shuttered look in her eyes, her stiff posture. She'd been giving it to him since that afternoon in the barn. "You're wrong, Max." Before she could respond to that, he spun on his heels toward Mimi. "Let's get in the air, short stack." He vaulted the fence, then helped Mimi down. "We're losing good flying time."
"Yeah, good flying time," Mimi mimicked, and they raced across the field toward the chopper.
Maxie watched them until they lifted off, heading away from the canyon, as promised. It was really hard to see them together, she thought, and though Mimi didn't miss what she never had, Maxie recognized their growing attachment. It didn't surprise her. Father and daughter were more alike than she cared to admit. Maxie dreaded Kyle's inevitable departure.
For who, a voice asked. You or Mimi?
Maxie dismissed the notion. She would be fine. Although every hour was a struggle to be near him, she couldn't give in. It had to be this way, she silently insisted. It had to. She would just hurt him again, and Mimi would get caught in the middle. She glanced at the clock, then went back to work, determined to be finished before they landed.
Inside the chopper, Kyle belted Mimi in, gave her his ball cap and adjusted the headset around her thick braids. "Ready?" he said into the mike.
She gave him a thumbs-up. "You bet!" Her wide eyes scanned the dials and switches before she looked at him.
That smile was going to split her face in half, Kyle thought, turning over the engine. The blade rotated faster, and she crooked her head to watch, then looked downward as they lifted off.
"Cool!"
She wasn't the least bit afraid, and he admired that, but then, kids didn't know what real fear was at that age. Hell, he didn't until he'd felt his first enemy bullet whiz past his ear, miss him and kill the man beside him. Still, Kyle didn't know what to think of Mimi. Yet every time she spoke, every time she grabbed his hand and dragged him along to show him her doll collection or her turtles, Christine and Louise, his heart smiled. He was fascinated by her, the adult way she talked, her uncanny logic and blunt speech. Yet when he looked at this little girl, in the recesses of his mind, he wanted her to be his---even thought about it a half dozen times but Maxie had used birth control and all his mind could muster was seeing her and the faceless man she'd given herself to after abandoning him.
He shook off the thought and let the chopper gain altitude.
Mimi shrieked happily.
"You okay, short stack? Too high?"
"Nah. Go higher!" He did, smiling at her bubbling description of the ground below. "How does it work, Mr. Hayden?"
Kyle glanced at his gauges, checking altitude and airspeed before looking at her. "How does what work?"
She rolled her eyes. "The helicopter, silly. How does it get off the ground, straight up?"
Inwardly Kyle groaned and spent the next twenty minutes fielding questions on aerodynamics so a child could understand.
Twenty minutes later, Maxie was standing in the field when the chopper landed, and she could see Kyle hurrying to unstrap Mimi before she busted out of the chopper. The door opened, and her daughter raced toward her, launching into her arms.
Her excitement was contagious. "That was so cool! You shoulda come along, Mom. Everything looks like toys! People waved to us, and Mr. Hayden rocked the chopper. That's saying hello in chopper talk."
Maxie's lips twitched. "Chopper talk, huh?" Maxie set her down.
"Yeah. And guess what?"
"What?" She tried to sound excited when Kyle was standing a few feet away, his gaze boring into her.
"Mr. Hayden let me fly the chopper! Wait'll I tell Dana!"
Maxie's gaze flew to Kyle's. "You did what!"
"Now, hold on, Max---"
"When can I do it again, Mom? When?"
Maxie looked down at Mimi and didn't want to crush the happiness in her eyes. "We'll talk about it later, okay?" Mimi's lips curled down, and Maxie smoothed her bangs back, touching her under her chin. "Why don't you go call Dana and tell her all about it?"
Mimi nodded and looked back at Kyle. "Thanks, Mr. Hayden."
He winked at her. "You're welcome, short stack. You make a great copilot."
She beamed, then took off toward the house in a dead run.
And Kyle knew he was a dead man. He could tell by the look on Maxie's face. "You let her fly?"
He stopped inches from her, his hands on his hips, his expression sour. "Give me some credit, Max. I had control all the time. I'm not a complete fool, you know." Though why he didn't just grab this woman and kiss the anger right out of her was beyond him. "I let her put her hands on the stick for a couple minutes, that's all."
Her skin colored. "Oh."
"You really think I'd do something that stupid?"
"Wed, no---"
"But you're not convinced."
Her chin lifted, her gaze clashing with his. "I know you. You love danger."
Resentment rose to the surface. "No," he snapped. "You don't know me, Max. Seven years changed you, and it changed me, too. Eighteen months overseas showed me more danger and death than I needed for a lifetime." And the past few days showed him all he'd really lost.
Her features tightened. Maxie couldn't imagine what he'd been through in the desert, but from the look in his eyes, it had scared him. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. I know you'd never do anything to hurt her."
He touched his finger along her jaw, and for an instant, her eyes flared. "Or you, Max."
But you did hurt me, she thought, stepping back. You stopped loving me when all I wanted was to slow down. Instantly she called herself a whining pansy for even thinking that and stiffened her posture. He had to see she wasn't good for him. "Don't make promises you can't keep, Kyle. And what about you? Aren't you afraid of getting hurt? I did it to you once." She shrugged. "Hey, I could do it again."
"Yeah." He rocked back on his heels. "I suppose you could." With this coldhearted Maxie, it was almost expected, Kyle thought.
His blasé attitude annoyed her. "And that fact doesn't bother you? Warn you off?"
He took a step closer. "This isn't a war to see who can hurt the other first, you know." His brows knitted. "I know you're thinking of Mimi all the time, and now so am I, but come on, Max, when are you going to step out from behind her and let your feelings go?"
She wasn't going to deny the truth of his words. "I can't."
"Why?" he asked, his gaze searching hers.
Her shoulders drooped. "Because it's pointless."
His anger flared. "Well, thanks a heap, Max. I can see I still mean nothing to you, except for maybe a little distraction in the back of a barn."
She slapped him, hard.
His gaze darkened.
"How could you believe that?" Her voice broke.
He threw his hands up. "For crying out loud, I can't believe anything else around you. One minute you're so wild in my arms it's as if time stood still, and the next, it's like talking to a wall."
Maxie shored up the crack in her emotions. "Then don't try anymore. Okay?" She headed toward the barn. Kyle met her stride, and she could feel his gaze raking over her. She wasn't going to get into this with him. She couldn't, not after seeing him with Mimi. All afternoon she'd been remembering how much of his daughter's life he'd missed---her birth, her first steps, first words. Maxie never once questioned her decision not to go hunt him down and tell him about their child. In refusing her letters, her calls, he'd told her that she wasn't worth the effort anymore, that his love had quickly died, and she saw no reason to reopen a wound then. Loving her daughter had gotten Maxie through the worst pain of her life. Yet seeing them together made her question her choices. Why was she dredging this up now, she thought, reaching for a bridle. It was too far gone to revive.
From close behind her, she heard his soft whisper. "Mimi is six, I asked her."
Maxie bowed her head, refusing to face him. "Damn you for questioning her!"
"You know what that means to me?" Maxie's heart jerked up to her throat. "For a split second I thought she was mine. But she couldn't be. We'd been making love for over a year, and you were on the Pill then," Kyle said. She heard him inhale a shaky breath. "The hard truth is that while I was knee-deep in sand and dodging bullets, you were giving to a stranger what you promised to only me." His voice wavered and his hoarse whisper revealed every fraction of his pain. "And for the rest of my life, Max, I'll wish it wasn't true."
He brushed past her, out of the barn, and Maxie stared, brushing the tears from her cheeks. Oh, Kyle. What have I done?
Kyle had taken about twenty steps when he stopped, turning and covering the distance to where she stood on the threshold of the barn's open double doors.
Maxie back-stepped, and Kyle drew on sheer will to ignore her tears, her stricken look, and ask, "You married this Davis guy because you were pregnant." It was more of a statement than a question.
Lord, how it stung that he thought she'd turned into a bed-hopping tramp after leaving him. Maxie wanted to wound him back. "My daughter was two when I married Carl."
His eyes rounded. Davis wasn't Mimi's father! Good God, she'd been unmarried until four years ago. Kyle yanked her inside the privacy of the barn. "Why did you let me believe otherwise?"
"Gee, Kyle," came acidly. "I don't know---maybe because you were so receptive to the idea that I even had a child!"
Kyle flushed, ashamed. He'd kept her from telling him the truth with his attitude.
"You were on the Pill," he said.
"I forgot to take one! It happens."
"Why'd the marriage end?" he said softly.
Still steaming, Maxie folded her arms over her middle and glared at him. The chill radiating from her was worse than the one outside. "He cheated on me three weeks after the wedding. I kicked him out. Satisfied?"
His brows tightened. "You think I like that you got hurt?"
"Would be justice, wouldn't it? I hurt you, then I get hurt." She shrugged, bitterness in her tone. "Actually I wasn't that upset for myself, but for Mimi."
Kyle hated to think of sweet Mimi being hurt like that and he wanted to smash something. "Did you love him?"
"No."
His scowl deepened. "You say that so easily." And coldly, he thought.
"It's the truth. He was nonthreatening. I don't even know why I married him." Her gaze thinned on him. "Maybe because I thought it was my last chance at what I wanted. Or he was the first man to accept my daughter without a ton of questions and accusations." Her shoulders moved restlessly, and her voice softened. "I still don't know what he had in mind, keeping me and a mistress, but I think I married more for comfort than emotion."
"You couldn't marry me for love and passion, but this jerk," he exploded, "you married for simple companionship!"
"Don't you dare yell at me, Kyle Hayden," she snapped. "And why do you want to know all this---why are you prying into my past?"
His voice was a dark growl. "Because I still have feelings for you, Max, and I feel betrayed every time I look at you and your daughter together."
Her eyes narrowed. She knew there was nothing left for them if he couldn't accept her past. "Too bad. Get over it."
His expression fell. "God knows I'm trying, but damn, Max." He moved away and paced, rubbing the back of his neck. "It still tears at me to know you got over me so quickly---" he paused and faced her down "---when it took months for me to even think of you without feeling pain."
She went incredibly still. How could he believe that? How could he stare her in the eye and not see that she never got over him? It hurt deeply that he thought her so shallow. But he needed to see her life from her perspective, without revealing her secrets.
"How I got over you isn't the problem, Kyle. It's whose genes Mimi has that upsets you," she said up in his face. "Don't sweat it. She's mine. Her father doesn't know Mimi exists. I tried to tell him, but he wasn't interested in anything to do with me. Ever again. He chose to cut me out. And he cut his child out of his life, too." Her voice wavered, the agony of needing him then, of loving him so much and knowing he'd never come back, rushed through her with a force that threatened her breathing, yet bravely she held his gaze. "So I had my baby alone, and we made it work together. We were better off without him, anyway."
"Are you, Max?" Her gaze narrowed. "Are you better off?" She looked away, and he caught her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. "Have you closed yourself off to everyone, or is it just me?" She stared blandly back, her lips pressed tight, and Kyle felt helpless. So what held her back? What kept her from just telling him what she was even feeling? For one horrible second, he thought that it was him she was talking about. An instant later he dismissed it. She wouldn't lie about a thing like that. "Living like a recluse isn't protecting your little girl, Max---it's protecting you. And this closed-hearted attitude is going to affect her."
She jerked from his grasp. "Don't tell me what's good for my daughter, Kyle." Her eyes flashed with outrage. "You have no idea what it's like to be a parent. Let alone a single one."
His lips thinned, and he felt again like the orphaned kid from the wrong side of the tracks---not good enough to love. "You mean I have no reference to pull from, huh? That's what you're saying."
She poked at his chest. "Don't put words in my mouth. You don't want to hear what I really have to say to you."
He stared down at her, his hands on his hips. "Take your best shot, baby."
She couldn't. It would be like unleashing a dam of emotion she wasn't ready---didn't think she would ever be ready---to face. She tipped her chin up. "It would just be wasted ammunition."
Kyle made a frustrated sound and wanted to shake her. She was so closemouthed about her feelings, had them buried so deep it would take a shovel to dig her out. He knew how to get emotion from her, emotion the old Maxie gave freely, but Kyle didn't believe for a second that wild jungle sex was going to solve any of this. Yet like a sadist he asked the one question that had been ripping through his brain since he discovered she was a mother.
"Just tell me one thing, Max." Her gaze swung up to meet his. "This guy who gave you Mimi, did you love him?"
Maxie stared into his dark eyes. The feelings she had for him, the ones forced into hiding in a private lonely part of herself for the past seven years, suddenly swelled to the surface.
Kyle clenched his fists, waiting.
Her vision blurred. And the truth came easily from her lips. "Yes. Desperately."
Kyle stared at the book and didn't see the words. He kept picturing the look in Maxie's eyes two days ago when she'd told him she'd loved another man. Desperately, she'd said and he knew the truth. It felt like a poison moving through his veins. He didn't think anything could hurt more than hearing her say it.
It was enough to bring him to his knees.
That she'd blithely broken his heart and turned her attention to another, let him love her beautiful body only weeks after, left him raw inside. A knot swelled in his throat as he looked across the living room where she was setting up a game board with Mimi. He tried to imagine the Maxie he once knew, the Maxie he'd adored and how she could coldly turn her back on all they'd meant to each other. He couldn't. There was more to this. And it was the single reason he hadn't taken up residence on Jackson's office couch. Kyle knew if he walked out the door, he would never see Max again. Leaving would be the simplest route. Hell, he thought, rubbing his aching thigh. Nothing with Max was simple.
He watched them, their red heads bowed together, talking softly, and he wished he were a part of the conversation. In the past days he'd been a part of their lives, the family, and he didn't like being the outsider just now. He wanted in. He wasn't ready to give up. But he wasn't sure if he was ready to fight for the right, either. Did he even have one? When his time was up with the rescue team, would Maxie just say goodbye and dismiss him from her mind? Kyle had come here to do a job, and when he'd found Max here, he swore to himself that he wasn't going to repeat the past. And here he was, looking at what she'd offered him in the past and wanting it.
A frown knitted his brows, and he stared at the carpet beyond his outstretched leg. He was jumping between berating himself for his choices, Maxie for hers and cursing life in general when feminine voices brought his gaze up.
His lips curved as Mimi leaped on her mom, pushing Max into the sofa cushions and tickling her wildly. Maxie shrieked, tickling back, and Mimi's laughter staked a claim on his heart.
Maxie staked one on his soul.
What he wouldn't have given for his mom to have shown him attention like that when he was a kid. Even just a little. But she never did, walking straight out of his and Mitch's life forever. And his father right behind her. How different would his life have been if he'd been part of a real family, he thought. Any family. Maxie had everything she'd ever wanted or needed from her parents: love, clothes, food, security. But he and his brother ... they'd had to work just to survive. Kyle wasn't holding that against her and knew she was more likely drawn to him because of his recklessness back then, but Kyle realized he'd wanted to feel that love himself, give it back and know when it got tough, there would be someone to back him up, no matter what he did.
He still wanted it. His sour feelings weren't about what she had, but what he was afraid he might never find. Or didn't know how to keep.
Hell. What did he know about family? Without constant guidance in the foster homes and orphanages, he and Mitch were trouble waiting to happen, and the less restrictions, the more they were willing to risk for a rush of excitement. It was to get attention; he understood that now, but after he'd joined the marines, the wild behavior had magnified, skating along the edge of danger. And he foolishly dragged Maxie into it. Yet it had been like running with a wolf pack---free, untamed fun.
And lonely, a voice reminded, and Kyle closed the book, his gaze on his fingers as he shaped the spine. Half the reason he'd joined the marines was so he wouldn't be alone anymore. And he'd known that in marrying Max, he would never have had to feel that ache again. Or was he trying to grasp something tangible and lasting in an otherwise dismal existence before the war?
Hell, that was then and this was now, he thought rubbing his thigh, his fingers digging into the still-tender scar tissue.
"Your leg hurt, Mr. Hayden?"
His gaze jerked up, and he couldn't help but smile at her gap-tooth grin.
"Yeah, bothers me sometimes when it gets really cold."
She tilted her head. "How come?"
Boy, she's cute, he thought. "I jumped out of a helicopter with a giant rubber band tied to my ankles. And when it sprang up, I got tangled and nearly lost my leg."
Mimi's eyes had widened as he told her the story and now were as big as coins.
"Bungee jumping?" she squeaked, and he nodded. "That was a really stupid thing to do, Mr. Hayden."
Kyle flushed with embarrassment.
Beyond her, Maxie snickered.
With sheer willpower, Kyle kept his gaze on Mimi. "Yeah, I know. But I did a lot of stupid things back then." Like let your momma go, his conscience whispered.
"Wanna play with us?"
Kyle's gaze shifted past her to Maxie and the game board. Being across the room from Max was bad enough, inhaling her scent seeing what he couldn't have would be torturing himself. "I don't think so."
"Please," she said.
"Mimi," Max said, her gaze on the board as she arranged game pieces, "if Mr. Hayden doesn't want to play, then don't bug him."
That sounded too much like a challenge to him. "Afraid you'll lose, Max?"
Her head jerked up. It was the first time he'd spoken to her in two days beyond the essentials of good manners, and across the room, their eyes locked. Maxie thought she would come apart right there. She didn't realize how much she'd missed talking with him, having his attention. It was like being released from the bottom of a cold pool. She could breathe again. She knew she shouldn't have said what she did in the barn the other day. It gave him a distorted and ugly view of her. But she couldn't let him know her feelings, since she wasn't sure herself.
How much deeper a hole could she dig? she wondered. Would she ever escape her feelings for him? Or was she destined to be haunted by her mistakes?
"So ... you're admitting you're chicken?"
Mimi folded her arms over her flat chest. "My mom isn't afraid. Are you, Mom?"
Maxie blinked, realizing she was staring at him. And he was staring back. "Put your money where your mouth is, Hayden." She set a tiny metal race car on the board. Mimi hopped up and down, grabbing his hand, pulling him out of the chair and leading him to the coffee table to play.
An hour later, he was getting smoked. By a six-year-old.
Mimi owned most of the avenues, and the last roll of the dice decided the game.
"Well, I'm busted." He handed Mimi the last of his cash, then looked at her mother. "How about you, Max?"
She could barely look him in the eye all evening, he noticed. She would smile and laugh with Mimi, join in the conversation during dinner and the teasing as they hovered over the game board, yet she hardly spoke directly to him. He didn't really blame her, and if he weren't swimming in emotional sewage, he might have apologized for how he'd treated her in the barn the other day.
"Penniless. Totally wiped out," Max said as she gave over her measly one-hundred-dollar assets to Mimi, who grinned and made a show of stacking it neatly.
"Thank you," Mimi said politely. "Can we play one more game? Please?"
"No way," Maxie said as if she were asking for the moon. Two games was her limit. "You've got Nature Girls in the morning, so git, princess." She cocked her head toward the hallway. "
Mimi rolled her eyes, since her mother said that every night. "Oh, all right," she groused, and wiggled out from her spot at the coffee table. "Night, Momma." They hugged and kissed, and Mimi started toward the hall, then stopped short running back and stopping beside him.
Kyle was still as glass.
"Thanks for the second helicopter ride, Mr. Hayden," she said, even though she'd already said so. The two rides were about the most fun she'd had all year.
"You're welcome. You're the best copilot I've ever had."
Mimi grinned proudly, then leaned out and pecked a quick kiss to his cheek.
Kyle blinked, then smiled gently, tugging on her braid. He was a sucker for redheads, he thought, a wrenching warmth curling through his chest. She looked so cute in her flannel pj's, robe and Tasmanian Devil slippers. Downright squeezable. "G'night, short stack. Sleep well." She took off to bed, and Kyle's gaze followed her.
Maxie felt the tightness in her chest pull harder when Mimi kissed him. The look of pure longing in his eyes drove a bolt of guilt through her and made her feel she was wrong in keeping fatherhood from him. Biology had little to do with being a father, she told herself. Any man could be a father, make a child, but there was only one mother. She knew it was sexist, but he hadn't been willing to take her calls years ago and when she had just managed to get her life together, he was worming his way into it as if he had the right. He didn't. He'd given that up years ago.
"Mimi's a great kid---child." He brought his gaze back to hers.
"Thank you." Maxie gripped the coffee cup resting on her lap and could feel the instant change in the atmosphere. "I had help from my parents." In more ways than he could imagine, she thought.
"Yeah, I don't doubt it."
Deep envy tinted his voice, and Maxie's heart cracked a little as she left the sofa, moving to the fireplace to stir the blaze that didn't need stirring. Leave the room, a voice said. Don't open this wound again or it will never heal.
"You have great parents, Max." Kyle'd known from the first moment he met Lacy and Dan Parrish that they were committed to each other, that they loved, deeply, and loved their children even more. And Mimi knew her mother would die for her. Kyle realized suddenly, that even though he'd known the little redhead only a short time, he would, too.
Kyle watched her, wanting her in his arms, wanting to be inside her life instead of on the edge. He just didn't know how to go about smashing that wall she'd built. Or if he wanted the pain that would come with it. He gazed at her profile as she poked at the fire, then noticed the wet path of tears on her cheeks. The sight tore through him like an unsharpened blade. "Max?"
She looked at him, her eyes burning with emotion he couldn't name. "Please, don't say anything, Kyle." Her voice broke, and the tears she'd been fighting flowed free. "At least until Mimi leaves for her Nature Girls."
She rushed past him and into the hall, but not before she covered her mouth with her hands, smothering a sob as she passed her daughter's room.
Kyle sank deeper into the chair and rubbed the back of his neck.
She looked like a wounded animal just then. It made him realize she was hiding more from him than he imagined, that if she was finished with him, if she was really so ready to have him out of her life---then why wasn't she happy he'd soon be leaving?
The next morning, Mimi stood on the porch, her pack beside her and her little body bundled up to her green eyeballs. She looked like a cowboy elf in Santa's workshop with her red hair, freckled cheeks, boots and hat.
Kyle winked at her, and her red nose grew redder. They were waiting for her bus ride to Nature Girls, a two day outing to look for animal tracks. Kyle didn't think she was old enough to go---guides, group leaders or not. Maxie often went with them, they'd said. But it wasn't her turn on the schedule. And then there was the threat of another snowfall and the rescue teams' need for more fresh mounts. And then, of course, there was the boarder, as Max put it.
Kyle looked at Max, who stood several feet away from him, a regular occurrence since the day in the barn. Yet it was her somber expression, the way she folded her arms over her middle and tipped her hat down, that made him want to shake her. Or hold her.
Mimi Anne Parrish glanced worriedly at her mom.
Kyle looked down at the crimson-haired cherub. She was craning her neck so hard to look up, he stooped. But not before he chanced another look over Mimi's shoulder at Max as she hitched her hip on the porch rail and stared out onto her land. He met Mimi's gaze.
Her little forehead was furrowed tightly.
"What's up, short stack?"
Mimi felt a strange tickle in her tummy when he called her that. She liked Mr. Hayden. He smiled a lot and didn't yell and gave her helicopter rides even when Momma didn't want him to. And Mom liked him. A lot. Mimi could tell by the way she looked at him. Except right now. Right now was different. And Mimi figured it was 'cause of the argument they'd had in the barn. She'd come back to ask if she could have a snack and even though she hadn't heard the words, she understood the sound of their voices and left before they saw her. What she couldn't understand was how they could kiss one day and be so mad later. Adults were strange, she thought quickly.
No one knew it, but she'd heard Grandma and Mom whisper about him a few times, too, when they thought she was asleep. It was a long time ago, when she was just a kid, and she never knew what it was all about. But even after the whispers, Mom was always sad like she was now. And she always cried. Like she had last night. Mom hardly ever cried, even when a horse stepped on her foot last Halloween and turned it purple, so Mimi knew she wasn't feeling good right now. And she knew Mr. Hayden was the one who made her sad.
"Can you do something for me, Mr. Hayden?"
The seriousness in her voice made him uneasy. "Sure."
"Don't make my mommy cry again."
Kyle blinked, a fierce pain catching him in the chest. Oh, God. She'd heard her mother cry after their fight in the barn. He glanced at Maxie, but Mimi cupped his face in her gloved hands and made him look at her. The brim of her cowboy hat touched his.
"Promise?"
"I'll try not to," he said. This child was far too old for her britches, he thought.
"You gotta promise."
"I do." He would die before breaking his word to her, but Kyle didn't think it was possible. The bus horn tooted.
Maxie took a step away from the rail and froze, frowning at the pair. "Mimi, the bus."
Mimi let go of Kyle, and he stood. "Have a good time, short stack."
Mimi tried to wink at him. "You, too, Mr. Hayden."
He smiled to himself as she went to her mother, took her hand and lifted her pack.
Kyle stayed on the porch. The bus was rocking from a good two dozen little girls bouncing in their seats, singing loud enough to make him cringe.
Maxie kissed her daughter, and Mimi was about to step on the bus when she suddenly bolted from her mother's grasp, racing back up the porch. Kyle knelt and she slammed into him, her little arms locking around his neck. "I like you, Mr. Hayden."
Kyle felt his heart shatter and come together in one hard breath. "I like you, too."
She didn't meet his gaze as she tore away and ran to the bus, climbing in and dropping into her seat. She kissed her mom through the glass, and the door closed. Kyle moved beside Max as the bus drove away. "Are you sure she'll be all right? I mean it's snowing."
"Sure, she will. They're going to search for deer tracks in the snow, and they need the white stuff to do it."
Kyle continued to watch the retreating bus. "Yeah, I guess. She's just so little."
His concern touched off a warm spark she'd suppressed for days. "It's only overnight and they stay in cabins." The bus vanished at the turnoff, and she shifted her gaze to his profile. "What did she say to you?"
He arched a brow in her direction, his gaze taking in her eager expression. "Nothing. Copilot stuff." Let her stew, he thought, then almost relented when she stormed into the house. Kyle stared at her retreating back, then her retreating behind, and followed her into the house.
He had the urge to check for land mines before stepping into the war zone.
It was going to be a long two days.
Kyle stilled as he passed Mimi's room, then peered inside. He'd never actually been in here, but the fact that Maxie was on her hands and knees, rooting under the bed with her sweet behind up in the air, had a lot to do with his hanging close. He let his gaze briefly scan the frilly room, pink and white, elaborately dressed dolls lining shelves and assorted toys scattered everywhere. Kyle brought his gaze to Maxie as she muttered to herself about her daughter's habits and that she honestly didn't have time for this. Yet just the same, she sat back on her haunches and dressed a naked doll, even hunted down the lost shoes and hat before setting it on the shelf. She loved her daughter so much, he thought, jealous not of Mimi, but that he'd been denied that kind of devotion.
Kyle watched her for a few more minutes and was about to turn away when she plucked a black ball cap from a spot on the shelf. It was his. He'd given it to Mimi on their last flight together. He never expected it to garner so high a position in her collection. Nor did he expect Maxie to fold to the floor on her knees, bending over to sob into her hands.
Kyle swallowed hard, the sound driving through him and shredding his composure. It was such a helpless sound, strained and muffled, and his arms ached to comfort her. Yet he couldn't move.
His features tightened, and a niggling suspicion darted through his brain.
He moved away from the door unnoticed, but the rest of the morning he was haunted by the sound of her cries. And the questions racing through his brain without answers.
"You don't have to do that."
"I know." Kyle slammed the hammer down on the nail. He could feel her eyes on his back as he lifted a plank and fitted it into place under the porch eaves. Tapping it into position, he scooped a few nails from the pail and secured the wood.
He'd fixed the back windows, the two stall doors coming off their hinges, hauled horse manure to the nearest farmer who wanted it and still they weren't talking. Oh, they made conversation, idle, non threatening, "dancing around their feelings" talk. But the heart of the matter hovered just on the edge of explosion. Kyle wasn't sure he wanted it to ignite. Not after seeing her cry this morning. He only knew he couldn't take much more of this artificial calm.
"Lunch is ready. If you're hungry."
He was, for more than food, he thought, straightening and letting his gaze move over her. She was on the threshold, a dishrag in her hand, a little spot of flour on her cheek. He knew it was old-fashioned to consider the homey picture she presented, but the hard tugging in his chest came anyway.
"Thanks," he managed to say, setting the hammer aside. The radio perched on the rail squawked with his call letters. Kyle frowned, reaching for it, responding. Seconds later, he collapsed the antenna and said, "Chow will have to wait. I have to go." He quickly collected the tools, leaving her on the porch as he stowed them in the shed. She was there when he returned, standing in the frigid cold. Kyle met her gaze, then looked down at her outstretched hand. She held out his log book and Marine Corps ball cap. He took the book.
"That's Mimi's," he said, nodding to the cap.
"No, hers---the one you gave her---is in her room." Maxie swallowed hard and took a step forward. "This is the one you gave me."
Kyle's features went taut and he reached out, taking the ball cap, turning it over in his hands. He'd put it on her head the day before their wedding. It was new then, yet now looked as worn as the one he'd given her daughter. How often had she worn this for it to be so faded and frayed? And mostly, why ... if she was adamant about not letting him into her life? He met her gaze. Her green eyes watered, and he wondered if it was from emotion or the sting of the wind.
"You kept it?"
"I kept everything, Kyle." Her gaze shifted over his features, a wistful smile ghosting across her lips. "Even the gum-machine junk."
A dull red crept up from his neck. "That was so juvenile."
"I thought it was terribly sweet."
Kyle scoffed, then rubbed the back of his neck, staring at his boots. He wanted desperately to say something, to change the way they'd been tiptoeing around each other. But he had to leave, and he didn't want to start what he couldn't finish.
"Be careful," she said, and wanted to touch him.
His head jerked up. "Do you care, Max?"
Her expression was infinitely sad. "Never doubt that, Kyle. Never."
She sounded on the verge of tears, and Kyle stepped closer, reaching, cupping the curve of her jaw and sinking his fingers into her hair. Her entire body trembled, and he realized by the look in her eyes, she was afraid. What had her so worked up that she couldn't come to him?
"Baby, we have to talk. I can't go on like this."
Maxie bit her lower lip. "Me, either."
"But I gotta go."
"I know." Yet he didn't move.
"Can I kiss you?"
Her lips curved softly, and she laid a hand over his heart. "That's the first time you've ever asked."
Trapped in each other's gaze, Kyle bent, Maxie rose and his mouth brushed over hers, a whisper at first, back and forth. He trembled, his need for her making his throat tight, his knees weak. A tiny sound escaped her, almost a sob. And Kyle pressed his mouth harder to hers. Maxie gripped his jacket, hanging on as he kissed her tenderly, slowly, his tongue moistening her lips. Their breath rushed, and when he drew back, she still held him close, staring into his dark eyes.
A tear spilled and Kyle's expression crumbled. "Don't cry, Max. Please. I'm sorry for what I said the other day. I had no right---"
"Shh," she hushed. "No more, not now."
Later, she was saying. How could he leave now? The radio crackled, and she let go, stepping back and taking the decision away from him. Kyle stared at her for a moment, then looked at the snow-dusted porch.
"You'd better get in the air," she said. "They need you."
He looked up, studying her. "All I want to know is do you need me, Max? 'Cause I know I need you."
He was always so up front, Maxie thought, staring into his dark eyes. She reached out to brush the melting snow from his shoulder, touch his jaw. "Yes, Kyle." Her gaze shifted rapidly over his chiseled features, as if memorizing them. "More than I realized."
The next moment felt suspended in wintry air, crisp and sharp with unanswered emotion.
Maxie wanted to change things ... her life ... maybe his ... but she wasn't certain she could risk so much at once.
There is always a price, she thought, then put distance between them. "Go. I'll be waiting."
"I'll hurry." Kyle forced himself to turn away from her and march down the steps. Yet he could feel her watching him and resisted the urge to look over his shoulder. He would never leave on the flight, if he did. Apprehension slithered through him as he climbed into the chopper and turned over the engine. This isn't going to be good, he thought, although clearing the air was what he wanted. Kyle just didn't think he was going to come out the winner.
Maxie watched him lift off, swoop past her, then hover and rock the craft before gaining altitude and veering off toward the morning sun.
Chopper talk, Mimi called it, and the muscles in her chest squeezed down on her heart as she remembered Kyle and Mimi, their heads together, their profiles nearly the same. At first it had bothered her that they'd struck a friendship, then it pleased her. Yet she still had tremendous reservations about it. But their closeness was as natural as loving Kyle was to her.
Loving Kyle. It was a hard fact to admit. In the past years she'd buried it, found ways around it, like seeing herself in her daughter instead of Kyle's features. Like refusing to discuss him with her parents, sisters, even herself. His return brought those feelings to life. Not rekindled them, but released them from hiding. She'd never stopped loving him. Never. But her secret held her back.
She turned back into the house, finishing up the last of her morning chores before heading to the barn. She was tired of always being on guard around Kyle, around her family. Even around Mimi. Yet Mimi was the sole reason she hadn't confronted her emotions, until she'd seen them together. Until she saw the cap he'd given her baby.
She didn't know what she was going to say to him, still wasn't sure if she could admit to being such a fool. But neither did she feel completely to blame.
Kyle lowered the chopper to the pad and cut the engine, then once the blades stopped, he gave the signal for the hikers to leave the craft. They thanked him, dripping melting snow in his chopper, and he resisted the urge to shout at them to get the hell out so he could go home.
Home. He stared out the frosting glass at nothing in particular. Ironic that the one place he hadn't felt welcome at was the one place he wanted to be. The hardest part was admitting that seven years ago, Maxie was ready to give him a home and family and he'd let it go. He had, not her. Years of feeling mostly angry and sorry for himself were his own damn fault. But the past weeks with Max and Mimi showed Kyle just how much he'd lost. Not just the companionship, the togetherness, but that family he'd hungered for as a kid, and still did. And regardless of what had passed between him and Max, Kyle had turned his back on his feelings for her. Regret tore through him, and Kyle removed his sunglasses and pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger.
Everyone he'd ever loved left him, he thought. Yet Maxie---he could have gone after her, could have hunted her down. Hell, he hadn't even read the letters she'd sent him. What he wouldn't give to be able to read them now. His pride was a nasty thing. And he was going to have to swallow some of it today.
Get on with it, then, his conscience prodded. Crank over the engine and go home.
Inside his gloves, his palms sweated. What he would find at the ranch was anyone's guess. He accepted that he was scared to see her. As much as he wanted to talk, he didn't want her to greet him at the door with his bags and tell him to take a hike, either. Kyle only had days left with the team---maybe even less. In fact one of the regular pilots was in the offices earlier, still looking pale and drawn, but available. His time was over.
He jolted when something smacked his door, and glared at Jackson. Jackson grinned back and pulled open the hatch.
"Man, who are you sore at?"
Myself, he thought, for not seeing what an idiot I've been lately.
"Got another ran?" Kyle asked.
Jackson frowned softly. "No. All's quiet, so far." He glanced at the gray sky. "Be on alert though. We're trying to discourage as many people as we can from going into the canyon today. But you know tourists."
"Yeah, I do. They keep me in business."
Jackson scoffed. "It's a wonder with the fees you charge, Hayden. You'll be raking in the bucks in a few more days and won't feel the dent this meagerly state-funded contract made to your pocket." Jackson smiled. "Did I say thanks for that yet?"
"So much it's getting pathetic."
"Good, I like being pathetic." He grinned. "Attracts the women." He eyed Kyle. "Speaking of women ... how's life at the Wind Dancer?"
"Fine." Tense, he thought. And so fragile.
"What do you think of Mimi?"
Kyle smiled for the first time in hours. It almost hurt. "She's great. Smart as a whip."
"Those eyes will steal your heart, huh?"
Kyle scoffed, thinking of what a marshmallow he was around the little redhead. "Already have."
The crew chief laughed. "How many rides did she talk you into so far?"
"Two or so. She declared that being a chopper pilot was her life's ambition."
"Bet that went over with Maxine real well."
Kyle's lips quirked. "Mimi promised not to tell her until she was at least sixteen."
"Wise move. Don't imagine you got her mother up in this, did you?" Jackson said, with a nod to the chopper.
"She never asked."
"Figures. She's afraid of heights."
Kyle arched a brow. This was news to him.
"Don't tell her I told you," Jackson said, backing away from the craft. "I'll radio if I need you. Phones have a tendency to go out sometimes. Now get this crate off my triage pad, flyboy." He shut the door and ran back to the warmth of the offices as Kyle turned over the engine.
He lifted off, taking a sweep of the canyon to see if he could spot Mimi's group before heading to the Wind Dancer. To fight for his life.
Maxie stood at the edge of the canyon and managed to look down for a brief instant before moving back several yards and sitting on a boulder. It was a feeble attempt to get over her fears and it rarely worked. She did it almost daily and never got used to the rushing vertigo. Bracing her elbows on her knees, she bowed her head. At a distance behind her, her horse pawed the ground for something to nibble. The wind kicked out of the canyon, biting through her jacket. She didn't care. The cold numbed her body.
Over and over in her mind, she played out what she would say to Kyle. Nothing worked to where either of them didn't come out wounded. She knew she couldn't tell him about Mimi. Not yet. It wasn't a decision she came by lightly. And she wasn't looking for a way to ease her guilt. It was just too much to dump on him just yet. She wanted to come clean with him---and herself.
I'm getting too old for this, she thought and imagined herself in a few years, alone, Mimi gone off with boyfriends or on to college. She didn't want to be this way, more mentally alone. But she'd buried her feelings for so long, she didn't think she had it in her to admit them to another living soul.
She squeezed her eyes shut, oblivious to the cold and wind or the nickering horse, her thoughts in the past. On the moment she sat in the hotel room and waited past her wedding ceremony, the awful crushing sensation working through her blood. Maxie swallowed hard, biting back old tears. Whom was she fooling then? What purpose did it serve to leave him like that? Neither of them had been happy since. I've ruined more than my life.
Then she remembered his face the first moment she saw him again, the anger and distaste. But the memory was overshadowed by his smile, his kisses, the incredible way he looked at her, the heat they shared in the barn. The tightness in her throat increased, and Maxie huddled on the rock, snow sprinkling her hat and back. She tried to think of how this would affect Mimi. But his words came back to her.
When are you going to step out from behind her and let your feelings go?
With her head bowed and arms huddled against the wind, Maxie didn't hear the noise until it was too late. Her head jerked up and her eyes widened as the helicopter rose out of the canyon right in front of her like a black specter from hell. Her horse bolted as she scrambled off the rock and back-stepped, glaring at the man at the controls. She turned and ran after the horse, but it was too late. The chestnut mare was already a mile away. Slowing to a walk, she headed toward the barn, her breath steaming the air. Anger spread through her with every step, and she ignored the chopper hovering overhead and kicking up fresh powder. Damn it she was miles from the barn, on foot. Cold feet. She would have to take the main roads instead of the forest. It was good that Mimi was on her field trip, because Maxie knew she wouldn't have made it back in time.
"Want a lift?" came over the loudspeaker, startling her. She glared up at him. He smiled down through the bubble of glass.
Kyle lowered the chopper to the ground, cut off the engine and before the blades slowed, he left the craft. Maxie glanced over her shoulder and ran. He chased, catching her arm. Immediately she spun around, punching his shoulder, then punching again.
"Don't do that again. You scared the life out of me!"
"You seem pretty alive right now. Ow," he said when she caught him on the chin.
But she wasn't letting up and shoved at his chest with both hands, making him stumble back. "Damn you, Kyle Hayden! You always do stupid things like that! You like scaring me. You liked being scared more than you loved me!"
He took a step forward. "That's not true and you know it."
"Isn't it? You never cared what happened to me, never bothered to see that when you took all those risks, you were risking our future!"
"I wasn't thinking of the future then. I was gung-ho. Young. Stupid."
"And ready to die. God, how I hated that about you sometimes," she hissed, and the frost of her breath hazed the air. "I hated that you were a marine and a war rushed us." She advanced, in his face with each word. "I hated that I wasn't worth it to you to let me know you were alive! And I hated you when you sent back my letters and told your brother to talk to me instead of doing it yourself!" With her last word, she shoved him again.
He caught her against him, and she tried wiggling free. He wouldn't let her go. "What else did you hate, baby?"
She tipped her head and stared into his eyes. Hers were filled with unshed tears. "That I put faith in my love for you and I lost."
His expression crumbled. "You left me, Max, not the other way around."
"What do you call turning your back on me? I wanted to slow down, not stop completely. Never that. But you never came back, never called. You couldn't be bothered..." Her voice fractured. Her lip trembled.
Kyle steeled himself against the heart-wrenching sight of it. "Damn it, Max. Don't dump this all on me. You ran, you took the easy way out. You always do."
"You said you loved me, and I trusted it!"
"I did love you." I still do, he thought, yet wasn't sure she was ready to hear it.
"Not enough to come to me!" She broke free.
"Because I was sure you didn't want me. I didn't want to admit that I had any part in it. It was better to blame you." He threw his arms wide. "Hell, I even told a few guys that I dumped you. My pride was in ruins, Max. I couldn't face what I'd done to bring it on. I was alone before." He shrugged. "I could do it again."
He was quiet for a long moment looking anywhere but at her. When he finally did, her knees turned to water at the desolation in his eyes.
"But I couldn't understand what made me so incapable of keeping anyone from walking out on me. What was so repulsive about me that no one wanted to love me?"
She moaned in sympathy, and his expression grew more miserable.
"I know it's pathetic and childish. But God, Max, until we met I didn't belong anywhere ... except with you."
Maxie's expression crumbled, and she took a step. "Oh, Kyle---"
"Don't. I don't deserve it. I've had to face a lot in the last few days, and recognizing that my selfishness cost me a future isn't something I could easily admit so let me get this out."
She nodded, silent tears falling.
"I ignored what you were feeling, didn't want to listen, because I was terrified that you didn't love me, that I wasn't good enough to be your husband."
She shook her head wildly, brushing at her tears.
"Chasing danger wasn't for the rush of excitement but for the look on your face when I did it. The way you ran to me and held me so damn tight." He clenched his fists in front of him, shaking them. "Like you never wanted to let go. And I needed that Max. Danger tested us. But you kept loving me, even when I was in the hospital and knew you were mad about the bungee jump, even then I needed to know you'd keep loving me, no matter what stupid risk I took." He wet his lips and swallowed. "So you see ... I tried so hard to hold on, but I couldn't do it right." His shoulders moved. "I didn't know how."
"It's all right," she said.
"No. It's not!" He yanked off his hat and raked his hair back. "I could have taken a chance. I could have dined on my pride and grown some guts to come after you. But the truth is ... I let you go." His features tightened. "You don't know how much I regret that," he said, closing his eyes briefly. "And I didn't come after you because ... I was terrified if I opened that door again---" he looked at her "---you'd just slam it in my face." He shook his head, holding her gaze. "I couldn't take that. Not when I loved you so damn much."
"I would have opened the door."
He groaned, regret sluicing through him. "Aw, baby, I'm sorry. You don't know how much."
"Yes, I do." She took two steps and stopped, glancing to the side, and Kyle recognized the apprehension in her.
"I love you, baby."
Her gaze dew to his.
"I love you and I'm not leaving." He bore down on her, snow crunching beneath his boots. She stepped away. "I want you and Mimi and the family we can be and---" He stopped inches from her.
"And?" she said on a breathless gasp.
"And you close me off because it's easier than facing me and what you're feeling. You hide out here in the damn wilderness---" he waved to the open terrain "---because you think it protects your daughter, but it's you you're smothering. You're scared to love me."
"Yes!" she cried, hugging herself. "Yes. I'm afraid I'll hurt you again. You have no idea what it cost me to go on, Kyle. You don't know what I've done---"
"And I don't want to," he cut in, a hand up. "No." He shook his head when she tried to speak. "One step at a time."
Numbly she nodded, willing to push her secrets aside for the moment.
"But what about you, Max? Aren't you afraid I'll turn my back again?"
"No," came small and weary as she stared at his chest. Not yet.
"Why?"
She toyed with her jacket snap. "Because I've been a royal pain in the butt and you're still here."
"Look at me, Max." She did, and he let his gaze roam her wind-chapped features, the tears dried on her cheeks, the fresh ones still filling her eyes. Lord, how he loved this woman, he thought, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat like cut glass. "Then take a little risk." He yanked off his glove and held out his hand. "Come to me, baby. Give me another chance to love you right."
Maxie stared at his bare, callused palm, then his face---his handsome, vulnerable face. And her heart opened wide.
"I love you, Kyle Hayden," she said, and his features tightened. "I always have."
Kyle's insides melted. His gaze sketched her. His voice was a trembling rasp when he said, "Then trust me---I'll keep it safe this time."
Maxie flew to him, slamming against him, and Kyle clamped his arms around her, squeezing and squeezing. She buried her face in the curve of his throat and sobbed. Kyle closed his eyes tightly shut and held her, breathing in her scent, feeling all he'd wanted to feel for years.
Thank you, God, he thought. Thank you.
"Say it again," he whispered close to her ear.
And she gripped him tighter and whispered, "I love you. I love you."
Kyle's eyes burned, and he rocked her in his arms, content to hold her.
A light snow dusted them, coating their shoulders, pillowing on their hats. Icy wind skated gently over the white powder. The horse trotted close and stopped, pawing the ground, almost in shame for deserting her.
Kyle brushed his mouth over her throat, then whispered in her ear.
Maxie leaned back, blinking. "Kyle!" Her cheeks reddened. "Is that all you can think about right now?"
"Well, we do have twenty-four hours alone. We're real good at it---" he wiggled his brows "---and I can't think of anything, in the past seven years---" his expression softened "---that I've wanted to do more."
"Doesn't hurt that you're all---already prepared, huh?" She pressed her hips to his, feeling his hardness between them.
"That should tell you something, since it's damn freezing out here."
She smiled, loving that he wanted her so bad. "I'll race you." She nodded to the horse, clicking her tongue to call the skittish mount closer, and he glanced briefly, then grinned at her.
"I'll win."
She touched his jaw with a tenderness that bordered on reverence. "Fat chance, flyboy." She patted his cheek, hard. "And the first one home gets naked." She tore out of his arms. Kyle simply stood there, watching as she caught the horse's leads and swung onto the saddle. She bolted in a quick gallop.
She loved him, he thought, and his smile widened. She'd always loved him.
Kyle's brows drew down slightly as he turned toward the chopper. Conflicting thoughts stirred in the back of his mind, just out of reach. For about two seconds, he tried to remember their recent conversations, then quit, his thoughts on beating her home so he could strip her naked---himself.
The door jolted on its hinges as Kyle backed her up against it. Urgency cloaked his movements as his tongue pushed between her lips, his big body mashing her to the door. And she urged him on, plowing her fingers into his hair, knocking his hat to the floor somewhere near hers. She didn't care. She didn't care about anything except Kyle and showing him how much she loved him, how much she wanted him. She didn't waste a second, unleashing on him like a rainstorm, yanking at the snaps of his jacket shoving it down off his shoulders. He did the same to her, but it wasn't enough.
There were still too many clothes between him and the skin he'd been aching to taste so badly that he had dreams about it. He urged her away from the door, peeling off layers of thermal clothing as they moved toward the hall, leaving a trail with their heat.
Maxie yanked his shirt from his trousers, driving her hands beneath the fabric and feeling the warmth of his skin. "Kyle," she chanted over and over, tasting his mouth, his throat. They toed off boots and socks, Maxie yanking his shirt off over his head, groping, kissing anything exposed. He hurriedly unbuttoned her shirt, opening it, pausing in the middle of the hall to push her bra up and take one nipple deeply into his mouth. She moaned, sinking her fingers into his hair, bending back, then urging his mouth to hers. Her breasts brushed his naked chest, his hands fumbling with the bra clasp.
Suddenly Kyle pushed her up against the wall again, opening her jeans with frantic moves. "I need to touch you," he said on a rush, shoving her zipper down. She gasped as his hand found its way inside her panties, stroking her, pushing a finger between the damp folds. Maxie closed her eyes and tipped her head back, and Kyle watched the play of desire on her face. It made him harder.
"Kyle..." She rocked and inhaled, looking into his eyes. "We---I don't have protection."
He smiled, slow and deliberate. "I do."
"Get it. Now."
He kissed her deeply, then pulled away and darted into his room. Seconds later, he came back, his trousers open to relieve some of the strain, a fistful of foil squares in his hand. She took them, grabbed him by the waistband and pulled him into her bedroom.
Immediately she was on him, kissing him, unzipping his jeans. He stripped off her shirt, her bra, covering her breasts with his palms, his mouth rolling frantically over hers. His hands rode lower, shoving her jeans and panties downward, and Maxie slipped her hand inside his trousers, wrapping her fingers around his hardness.
Kyle groaned darkly. "Don't, baby," he murmured against the curve of her throat, even as he thrust into her touch. "I won't make it."
"Losing stamina in your old age?" Her fingertips glided over the tip of him as her tongue slicked his lips.
"If you keep that up, yeah."
With her teeth, Maxie tore open a foil square, rolled the condom into place. She took immense pleasure in his stillness, his short, rapid breaths.
His eyes opened. "I'm going to explode." His fingers flexed on her waist.
"I know."
"I want to do it inside you."
Maxie's legs wobbled, and she licked her lips. "When?"
His gaze darkened with promise. "Now."
He shucked his jeans in one motion, then attacked hers, leaving them in a heap before gathering her in his arms. Naked flesh to naked flesh, they kissed and groped, staggering toward the bed. Maxie held him in her hand, pushing him down to tease him against her softness.
With a growl, he drove her back onto the bed, pushing open her thighs. He met her gaze. She guided him to her.
Kyle stilled, his chest heaving, his body trembling. He could feel the heat of her surround him. Then he shoved, filling her at once, pressing her deeper into the mattress. Maxie cried out his name, a breathless rush on her lips.
Kyle rose up, lacing his fingers with her, braced above her, her body exposed. For an instant they stared, bodies shuddering, hearts open. His gaze slicked over her to where they joined before meeting her gaze. His face lined with strain, he withdrew and pressed home. She arched, her feet digging into the mattress, her body like a sleek, pulsing cat. Meeting him, matching him, faster, harder.
"Oh, baby, you're so hot." He felt her feminine muscles clench and flex around him.
She thrust her hips, meeting his tempo. "Give me more," she breathed. "Hurry."
Suddenly he lowered onto her, his hips rocking, his gaze locked tight with hers. He watched her passion fracture, felt the wet heat of her ripple through him and just the feel of her delicate body flexing around him sent him over the edge. He lost a part of his soul, the eruption a hard grind through his body, and Kyle succumbed, stiffening, thrusting.
"I love you," she whispered against his mouth, gasping and gasping as he pushed deeper, harder. And still they strained for more, to linger and cling to the rapture. The fade of passion was slow, the trembling linking them like an unbreakable chain.
His lungs still working hard, Kyle gazed into her eyes, smoothing her hair from her cheek. "I love you, baby." It was intense and frightening, how hard they climaxed, how deep it drove into his blood. He was marked as well as if she'd carved her name on his chest. He tried easing his weight off her, but she wouldn't let him go, keeping him close, bodies still joined, hearts still pounding erratically.
"Don't leave," she said sleepily, burying her face in the warmth of his throat.
"Never," he whispered against her temple. "I'm home." Kyle sank into the pillows, smoothing his hands over her bare back until he fell asleep, well loved.
They slept hard, and it was after
"Years of frustration is hell on the body, huh?" Kyle said, and her lips curved. He was kneeling between her legs, stroking her thighs and the fire, barely touched, flamed. "I knew we were good together, but to pass out?"
She smiled. "Call it years of sexual frustration coming to an end."
"Nah," he said, leaning forward and sliding his hands along her legs. "We're just getting started." He caressed the flare of her hips, let his thumbs meet and press into the sweet bud of her need. She made a little sound, spreading her knees a little, and his fingers slicked over the sensitive bud, loving the way she caught her lip in her teeth to keep from moaning. He was going to make her scream tonight, he thought, enfolding her breasts in his palms. He brushed his thumbs over her nipples, circled them, watching them peak as his tongue snaked out to tick one pink tip.
He smiled against her flesh as she arched and breathed deeply, and he met her gaze, hands prowling over her skin, pushing her arms above her head. He hooked her hands over the edge of the carved headboard.
"Stay just like that," he said, nose to nose, his body a breath over hers.
Her expression questioned, her breathing quick. "What do you have in mind, Kyle?"
He laughed, a sinister sound laced with mischief. He kissed her, a long drugging play of lips and tongue. "Promise me you won't touch me."
"But I want to do more than touch you."
He smiled as his hands grazed down her arms, over her breasts. "But I want this to last, and if you touch me..."
She smiled, stretching languidly, aware of his gaze raking over her. "So. Old age has taken its toll, huh?"
He knelt between her feet, hands caressing again. "We'll see." He lifted her leg, his mouth on her calf as he propped her heel on his shoulder. He tasted her flesh, his free hand smoothing upward in slow deliberation, coming nearer and nearer to the source of her need. He nibbled at the inside of her knee, her thigh, smoothed her flesh. His breath was hot and moist on her skin, and she squirmed, whimpering, thrusting her hips.
"Kyle. This isn't fair."
He chuckled lowly, dipping his hands beneath her and squeezing her buttocks. His fingers rubbed near, but not near enough, his mouth toyed and taunted, yet denied her his kiss.
She couldn't stand it. "Touch me, please."
"Ah, that's what I like, Max begging for me." He splayed his hands high on her thighs, thumbs rubbing lightly over the join of her leg, hovering on the edge of the dark curls.
Maxie felt a rush of liquid drench her, and he met her gaze across the length of her body.
His dark eyes raked hungrily over her nakedness. "You look exceptionally lickable right now." He bent to drag his velvety tongue across her stomach, dipping into the contours, over the curve of her hip.
The headboard creaked, her arm muscles straining to bring him closer to her aching softness.
Suddenly he spread her thighs wide and ducked his head, laving her with his tongue. She shrieked and choked, lifting her hips as he ground his mouth against the slick wet heat. Cupping her buttocks in his palms, he held her to him when she squirmed, his tongue probing. She chanted his name, nearly snapped the headboard from its posts and Kyle parted her, thrusting two fingers inside.
Maxie came apart at the seams, shuddering, begging for him to stop and join her. But he refused and pushed her knee up, exposing her more.
"Stop, oh, please." He lifted his head, easing her leg off his shoulder, and she leaped on him, shoving him back onto the bed and straddling his legs.
"I ought to tie you up and do the same to you," she said.
"Oh?" he chuckled smugly, then grew still and silent as she bent and took him into her mouth. He growled, flexing on the bed and watched her.
The torture had its effect and he reached for her, dragging her over him. Maxie spread her thighs, her body open for his touch. She held his arousal against her dewy softness, letting him feel the heat of her.
"Baby, oh jeez." He was reaching for the foil packets, and Maxie didn't care. She felt wild and reckless, and the thought of having his baby, another of his babies, wouldn't stop her. But he did, quickly donning protection. Yet she was already inching up, then she was sliding down over him. Kyle sat up sharply and they stared, his body buried to the hilt inside her. He could feel her heart beating there.
"You still have power over me," she said.
"And I still love you, Max." He brushed her hair from her cheek. "This is how it should have been." He gripped her hips, giving them motion. She rose and fell with sweet cadence, tucking her hips to feel every inch of him. His body shuddered.
"Maxie---baby. I---"
She felt him flex and throb and she leaned back. Instantly Kyle pushed her into the mattress and withdrew, then thrust into her, once, twice. She laughed at his eagerness, his wild, frantic pushing. Then he left her, turning her sharply on her stomach, sliding an arm beneath her hips and lifting her. She glanced back over her shoulder, gripping the headboard. He entered her smoothly from behind. She moaned, wiggling against him.
Kyle stroked her, his arousal thick and heavy between her soft thighs. Reaching around, he touched the heart of her. She slammed back into him and called his name, telling him to hold nothing back. He didn't, taking their lovemaking to new and inventive levels. And Maxie met him and matched him at each one.
Hours later she was limp in his arms when they fell to the jumble of sheets.
"Remind me to tease you like that more often."
He gazed into her eyes. "Just looking at you is enough."
A warm tingling spread over her.
Her body draping his, she folded her arms on his chest. "I love you, Kyle." She sighed. "And as much as I want to make love with you again, I'm hungry and we're out of condoms."
His grin was slow. "No. We're not."
Food was a priority with Maxie---an all-out grazing. He sat across from her at the kitchen table, watching her eat leftovers, which constituted desserts, fettucine and chicken. In that order.
"Where do you put it?" he said, propping his feet on the extra chair. "'Cause I know every inch of that delectable body."
"I know you do," she said, swiping her finger in a mound of chocolate. "But I think you missed a spot." She opened her robe and smeared the fudge frosting over the swell of her breast. Kyle grinned, then pulled her from the chair and onto his lap, laving at her breast, sliding his hand between her thighs. He found her, warm and wet, and she spread her legs a touch wider.
"I love it when you get hot for me."
"I always am."
"You hid it well."
"Years of practice." Maxie couldn't think of the reasons why they'd been apart, of the pain that would come when she fully exposed her secrets. She just wanted to indulge in Kyle.
"Not anymore. Give me everything, Max." His grip around her waist tightened, his face buried in the bend of her throat. "We've wasted so much time."
His fingers manipulated her, and she clung to him, cupping his face and kissing him as he brought her again and again to a shattering climax. She sagged in his arms, and he lifted her, carrying her to the living room.
"I'll get you more food later." He laid her on the carpet, dragging a blanket from a nearby chair. He made love to her, again. Yet no matter how much she gave to him, how uninhibited she was with him, Kyle felt she was holding something back.
Maxie stepped from the shower, drying quickly and slipping into a terry-cloth robe. She left the bathroom and stilled. Kyle was asleep in her bed. He looked so big and ferocious in the draped four-poster bed. Settling in a chair, she watched him sleep, tempted to touch him, to run her fingers delicately over his muscles. He was on his stomach, his arm dangling off the bed, his body bare and languid in repose. Her gaze strayed to the scar marking him from ankle to midthigh, the redness long since gone, but she knew it caused him pain. It reminded her of watching him jump from the helicopter, springing up, then the horror as he got tangled.
That was the old Kyle, she reminded herself again. The danger-loving Kyle. The man who wanted her back but was afraid to ask.
But was he ready to hear what she had to say? Was he ready to know what loving her, really loving her meant? Maxie closed her eyes and sank into the chair. She couldn't spend another moment with him without telling him. She was sure of her love for him, just as she knew she would have to risk it to be happy. "Baby?"
His whiskey-rough voice curled through her before she opened her eyes. She smiled. "Hey, flyboy." Her gaze slid briefly over his bare body. "Nice butt."
His arm still dangling over the edge of the bed, he togged on the hem of her robe. "Wanna get naked with me?"
"Not satisfied yet?"
"Never."
"Never say never, Kyle."
His gaze moved over her with undisguised possession. "Marry me, Max." She inhaled sharply, her eyes wide. "Marry me, tonight."
"Kyle. Let's not rush things."
He propped his torso on one elbow. "Rush things? Jeez, Max, don't you think we're long overdue?"
"Yeah, we are," she said shakily. She glanced at the closet, and Kyle's frown deepened. He sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
"Max. Don't do this. I can feel you leaving me. You married the wrong man for the wrong reasons. Marry me for the right ones. The same ones we had years ago."
She met his gaze. "I'm not running, Kyle. I'm facing us, head-on. This time, the choice will be yours." He frowned, opening his mouth to speak, but she leaned close to press two fingers to his lips. "Why don't you shower and I'll get you some coffee. Then we'll talk."
He nodded, impatient to make her his wife, to start living like the family they all should be. He sure as hell didn't think they had anything left to discuss. He loved her. She loved him. The past didn't matter.
Kyle stood, recognizing the worry on her face. He gathered her close and kissed her deeply, loving that she drove her fingers into his hair and held him tighter to her mouth. He moaned, growing hard, then stepped back and headed into the bathroom.
Maxie moved to the closet, drawing down a large box before leaving the room.
He was sitting on the edge of the bed, toweling his hair dry when she returned, a cup of steaming coffee in one hand, an envelope in the other. She handed him the coffee.
He took a sip, sighing with pleasure as the warmth simmered down to his stomach.
"What's that?" He nodded to the letter clutched in her hands.
"My---our future."
Kyle frowned, carefully setting aside his coffee. An uneasy feeling swept through him as she held out the crumpled, yellowed envelope. Her hand trembled. "We'll talk after you've read it."
He took it, turning it over to read the address.
A painful chill raced over his spine, his blood going cold.
It was addressed to him, from her, seven years ago.
It was marked "Return to sender, delivery refused."
And it was unopened.
Be careful what you wish for, he thought.
Dear Kyle,
Well, now, at least, I know that you did as you promised and kept your head down during Desert Storm, since your name didn't show up on the KIA or wounded lists. I wished you'd let me know, but I understand why you didn't. I know I've hurt you and I'm so sorry. I didn't want to. Though I guess it means nothing to you now, huh? Your heartache won't heal with words. And neither will mine, but I do love you. I always have and unfortunately for me, I think I always will.
Oh, for weeks I'd lay awake wishing you would call, wishing you could find the love we'd shared, enough to let me know you survived. I let it go for a while, and when your unit returned, I tried calling, but I got your brother. His attitude tells me he's taken sides. A shame, I liked him. Rather than become an annoyance to you, I've decided to try one last time in this letter.
I'm not begging you to come back when it's obvious you don't want to. You've already proved that you didn't love me as I imagined. But I feel you have the right to know that you're a father.
Kyle's eyes widened, and he reread the line over and over. Mimi.
I guess I forgot to take one of those pills, call it prewedding stress. It doesn't matter now.
He swallowed, his suspicions unfolding, memories rising. The moments in the barn... Mimi's father turned his back on us. He chose to cut us out.
This guy who gave you Mimi, did you love him?
Yes. Desperately.
You don't know what I've had to do to go on...
Kyle felt a barrage of emotions, regret, sadness, joy---utter joy. Then came anger. He stood, leaving the room, calling her name. It didn't take him long to discover he was alone. He strode to the door, flinging it open and shouting for her just as horse and rider bolted from the barn. Kyle clenched his fists, ignorant of the icy wind and falling snow as she rode away in a hard gallop. He stayed there, on the porch, barefoot and shirtless until the figures were a dark slash against the white snow.
Damn her for not trying harder. Damn her for not coming to him and demanding he listen. Kyle groaned miserably, returning to the house, to the bedroom. He'd turned his back on her and couldn't blame her. It was a choice he'd made with a broken heart. He chose not to answer her letters, her calls.
God. He'd been a complete and total pigheaded fool. And he'd missed everything. She'd carried his child, alone. She'd suffered ailments and labor, questions and likely some gossip---alone.
He sank to the floor, moaning. Tears burned the back of his eyes. And he forced himself to finish reading the letter.
I know you don't want to have anything to do with me, but your child deserves to know her father, at least in some small way. Our daughter is eight months old, by the way. I would never have kept you from her, Kyle, if you wanted to be with her. If you do not call or write in a few days, I will know your answer and although it will be difficult, I will accept it.
It's okay, my parents are handling this great. They're supportive and happy over their grandchild. Your child will know I loved you and at the time we created her, we loved.
Kyle felt a tear roll down his cheek. He smeared it across his face, then pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger. "Oh, God."
The anger was gone, replaced with regret so deep it was hard to breathe. His chest clenched down on his heart, squeezing and squeezing. He dug the heels of his palms into his eyes and thought of Maxie---pregnant and alone. Of her going through labor knowing he'd abandoned her---of holding their child for the first time, seeing Mimi walk and talk and sharing it with her parents, her sisters. But not him.
No wonder she was so cold to him, not forthcoming with her past, making him pry it out of her. She didn't want him in her life, because she'd let him in before and he'd turned tail. Anger at himself spirited through him. He should have recognized his suspicions for what they were: a thinly disguised truth. He was afraid to see it. Afraid to confront it. And he was ashamed that he'd even thought Maxie could have jumped into bed with anyone. It was never in her. My God, how could she forgive him for being so cruel and selfish? How had she gotten past her pain to love him again? He didn't have half the strength she did.
He dropped his head back on the edge of the mattress, flinging his arm out. His knuckles hit a box and he sat up.
The note read
You've missed a lot, baby. And I'm sorry. Start with the video.
Kyle grabbed it and scrambled across the room to the TV, jamming it in the VCR and pushing Play. His heart pounded violently as the picture came into view, jiggled, then focused.
Maxie.
She was on a hospital bed, her knees bent. She was breathing through her mouth. Rapidly. She was in the throes of labor, he realized and watched, enthralled as she bore down, forcing the child, his child, from her body. Her mother and sisters were there, encouraging her, giving her water and drying her face between contractions. Then he heard the doctor tell her this was it. Maxie groaned and bore down, and Kyle clenched his fists, his body sweating with her, his face contorted with hers. "It's a girl," he heard, and felt dizzy, sinking back onto his haunches. He touched the screen, his gaze scanning every detail as the doctor placed the blood-cloaked child in her arms. Everyone laughed and applauded, cooed and smiled.
Maxie sobbed and sobbed, and faintly he heard her say, "Oh, Kyle, look what we did." She looked at her father, who was holding the camera. "I wish he was here to see this, Dad."
"I know you do, poppet. I know."
Kyle's heart shattered, for the sadness in her voice, for the moment he'd missed, for the time he'd wasted. Then he noticed she wore the ball cap he'd given her years ago. The faded, worn one she'd offered him this morning. She'd loved him then. She'd loved him when she should have hated him, cursed him.
The video stopped, and he punched the button, rewinding it, watching it again and again and each time catching something new. Then he looked at the box, carefully lifting out a smaller one, opening it to find tiny shoes, white and a little worn. He brought them to his nose, smelling musty leather and baby powder. He put them carefully aside, reaching for a rattle, then the tiniest bonnet he'd ever seen. He tried to imagine Mimi wearing it, her red curls sticking out, her green eyes staring trustingly up at him. My baby, he thought. My daughter. His hands shook as he reached for the albums. There were photos of him and Maxie, at the Marine Corps ball, in Encinada, the marketplace in Coronado. Then there was a photo of Maxie, a wedding photo taken for the newspapers.
Kyle had never seen her wedding gown, and she looked incredible, sexy and innocent a sparkle in her eyes the photographer caught so clearly. It hurt to see it. And in the next photo, it was gone. It was a picture of Maxie, round with his child. He ran his fingertip over her belly. Her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, although everyone around her was beaming. It looked like a family barbecue or something, he thought flipping the page. Maxie at about six months, Maxie at eight. He frowned and noticed she was rarely smiling in any photo and in most of them, she was wearing that old black ball cap.
Other than gum-machine junk and an engagement ring, it was the only thing he'd ever given her. Except a child. He found articles about Desert Storm, his unit and the KIA list. Oh, Lord.
"Kyle?"
His head jerked up, and the desolation in his eyes was palatable.
"I didn't give you much of a choice, did I?" he said softly.
"Oh, honey, don't," she moaned, stepping into the room. "Don't beat yourself up."
"What you went through. God, I was stupid and selfish."
He climbed to his feet, letting the photos and memorabilia fall to the floor. He moved to her. And she looked away.
"Max?"
When she looked back, her eyes were glossy with tears. Her lip trembled. "I missed you so much, Kyle." Her voice broke and wavered pitifully.
"Aw, baby, me too." He clenched his fists.
"I wanted to hate you."
"You had the right."
"I couldn't and it hurt so bad to keep loving you when you didn't want me." Her expression grew more miserable. "I didn't want you back if you were coming just for the baby."
"So when my letter came back, you just quit trying."
She nodded, fighting tears. "Mimi gave me the strength I needed. Mom and Dad were great, still are, but it was you I needed."
"I wish I was. How I wish I'd swallowed my pride and come after you. The time I wasted."
"Don't. It's useless."
He nodded shakily, holding her gaze. "Need me now?"
"Yes," she whispered quickly. "Yes."
"You gonna let me hold you again?"
She nodded, looking small and forlorn. They stepped, bodies impacting, arms around each other, tight and warm.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. God, I keep saying that."
She sobbed in his arms, clinging to him. "Don't, not anymore."
Kyle closed his eyes tightly, rocking her in his arms. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. "I need you, Kyle."
"I need you, too."
"No, I need you," she said against his lips. Her teeth scraped over his jaw, his throat. She rubbed his chest, then flipped the button of his jeans.
Kyle could feel it. The energy. The rush. She wanted to master and take. Start again and relive. Kyle hurriedly peeled off her clothes, taking her to the bed, covering her body with his.
"Now, Kyle. Now." She spread for him, guiding him.
Kyle grappled for the nightstand, tearing open the foil packet. "Max, hold on. Hold on."
"I've waited long enough."
He barely got it on before she caught his hips and pulled him down onto her. He filled her completely and he groaned, loud and harsh.
Maxie couldn't get enough of him, her mouth anywhere she could reach, her hands roaming roughly over his big body. The back of her throat burned. She needed to feel him, deeper, needed to make a permanent link with him. All the secrets were out, and they were still together. They were loving and Maxie let herself go, inhibition set free.
"I love you. I love you," she cried, and he kept making love to her. Wild jungle love. They tasted and nibbled, suckled and kissed and Maxie cried for years lost and Kyle held her, loving her until she rejoiced in the new feeling of peace.
Then she ate hordes of chocolate.
"I need more than a sugar rush," he said, sliding from the bed and pulling on his jeans.
Maxie watched him; she couldn't help it. He looked so sexy all sleep tousled and bare-chested. And when he yanked up the zipper and left the button unfastened, she thought she'd come apart again and drag him back into the bed. And her expression said as much.
Kyle took a slow, steady breath, calming himself. "Food. Food," he chanted as if to keep his mind off his body's reaction as he turned away and headed to the kitchen. He slapped together an obscenely large sandwich, added fruit and cheese to the plate, in case Max somehow lost her appetite for chocolate and returned to the bedroom. He stopped short when he saw her reclined on the mound of pillows, her legs curled to the side as she sucked chocolate from her fingertips, empty candy wrappers scattered on the spread.
She'd slipped on a skimpy nightgown that gave him immediate fantasies of taking it off her, and Kyle didn't think he'd seen anything as erotic and beautiful as Maxie waiting for him. His gaze shifted to the box on the floor, the baby things and photos sticking out, then back to her.
"Sustenance," he said, hefting the plate a little higher as he moved to the side of the bed.
She balled up a wrapper and aimed for the trash can. "You're going to need more than that before the night's over," she said, innuendo in her tone as she tossed and missed.
His gaze slid over her like liquid silk. "So are you, baby."
Maxie couldn't respond, her insides gone to jelly under his heated look.
Smiling, Kyle set the plate on the nightstand and bent for the wrapper, his hand straying to the baby shoes, the photos, his fingers lightly touching. Look at all he'd missed, he thought, all he'd nearly lost. He sat on the bed and pulled the box to his lap.
"These," he said, dangling the tiny shoes from his fingertip, "go in my chopper."
Maxie smiled tenderly, watching him poke and pluck through her past. Then suddenly, he stilled, digging deep, and she didn't see what he took out. She frowned curiously as he laid the box on the floor and turned to her.
"You look strange." Her gaze dropped to his fist. "What is it?"
Kyle shifted closer, his thigh pressing along hers, his gaze slamming her features over and over, as if memorizing each one. The intensity of it trapped her, held her heart in mid-beat. Then she heard a soft creak and looked down. Her breath caught, memories flooding back at the sight of her engagement ring nestled in the tiny black velvet box. Images flickered in her mind---Kyle in his uniform, on one knee, proposing with so much doubt in his eyes and hesitation in his voice she'd almost said no then. Her gaze flew to his.
And she saw only his faith and their love mirrored in his eyes, his expression, his determination, his surety growing as he took her hand, the ring poised at the tip of her finger.
He stared at it for a moment marveling at his own calm and he lifted his gaze. "We love each other."
"Yes," she said in a fractured voice. "We do."
"This time, it's forever, baby."
Her smile sent a tear down her cheek. "Forever, Kyle."
He slid the ring onto her finger, then brought her hand to his lips. He kissed her knuckles, holding her gaze, and her hand unfurled, sliding to his nape. She brought him down to her on a soft kiss. He slipped his arms around her, shifting over her, molding her to him, and made slow, delicate love to her, with her, supple movement and soft breaths, binding their new love in time's oldest dance.
When they stirred again, they ate a decent meal. They rode horses and she soothed his aching leg. Kyle listened to her "I told you that bungee jump was stupid" speech as he lay back on the couch, loving her for still feeling afraid for him, for her tender touch on an old injury.
That afternoon, Kyle called his brother and told him he was going to finally marry Max and he was already a father, a funny smile on his face. They talked for a good hour, and Mitch apologized for his part in screwing up Kyle's life.
"I'm a dad," he said, hanging up the phone, sinking into the sofa cushions.
"Yeah, you are." She patted his full stomach.
"Let's go get her."
She shifted, meeting his gaze. "No."
"Max," he warned, frowning.
"She doesn't know. Though I know she likes you---" Kyle beamed "---we have to ease into this."
Kyle mulled that over for a few minutes. Mimi would be more than traumatized if she discovered he was her father.
But that couldn't stop him from wanting to hold her in his arms, look at her with new eyes.
"Is marrying me the first step?"
She smiled, spinning the ring on her finger. "Yeah, it is."
A little frown marred his brow. "I don't have to adopt my daughter, do I?"
"No. Your name is on her birth certificate."
She never hid it. He just didn't want to see. She'd dropped crumbs for him to follow, but Kyle was too caught in his own misery and need to see what was there. He questioned her for hours, found out her prewedding jitters made her forget to take a couple of her birth-control pills, then told her he loved her and would do his best to make up for the past years.
"Don't bother. I hate it when you're trying to suck up to me."
He laughed, kissing her, pushing her into the cushions. She was just getting started on stripping off her clothes when the radio crackled. They listened, frozen. Then Kyle realized they were his call letters. Maxie sighed and thrust him off. He crossed the room to answer.
Jackson's voice barked over the radio.
"Got a problem, an individual wandered off the path. Now she's stuck on a shelf, too scared to move."
"She must be freezing!" Maxie glanced at the windows. The snow was falling in a light dust, but she knew how different it would be in the canyon.
"On my way," Kyle said.
"Roger. Tell Maxine to come, too."
Kyle frowned, glancing at her and her brow furrowed. "Why? Need horses?"
"Possible."
Kyle frowned, rubbing his knuckles over beard stubble.
Jackson clicked on. "Kyle. It's Mimi."
Kyle's eyes flared, and he snapped a look at Maxie. She was already grabbing their coats and cold-weather gear. "On our way."
"Hurry!" Maxie shouted. "Maxie---baby, don't panic."
She whirled on him. "Don't panic? She's in the canyon, caught somewhere, cold, freezing---"
He grabbed her arms, giving her a quick shake. "And we don't need to scare her."
"This is our daughter, Kyle."
Hard emotion played across his face. "We'll find her, Max. I swear it."
Or die trying, he thought. His little girl needed him to be calm, and Kyle focused on gathering his equipment. He knew if the wind was high and the snow was falling, he would have trouble with the chopper. The blades could freeze. He warmed Maxie's truck engine, and helped her load two mules into the trailer.
"I'll follow overhead," he told her, kissing her hard, then pushing her into the driver's seat. "Drive carefully," he warned. She nodded, grasping his hand and squeezing. "I'll get her out I swear."
"I know you will."
When they entered the rescue station, the Nature Girls were being picked up by their parents. But most lingered, wanting to help. Maxie was in a state of absolute panic when she confronted the guide.
"Why did you leave her?"
"Max---"
She shrugged off his touch, bearing down on the guide like a cougar protecting her cub.
"I had to get the other girls out first. They were all panicking. The team spotted her, but she wouldn't let them help her."
"I'll get her."
Kyle nodded to Jackson and Maxie grabbed his arm. "Not without me."
"Let me take the chopper up first. She'll recognize it. Know that we're here. I can lower a rope."
He was off the ground in minutes, circling to spot her. The wind was high and hard, and Kyle fought to steady the chopper. He'd done a lot of stupid, dangerous things in his life, he thought, but never one with good enough reason as saving his baby. Then he saw her. He rocked the craft and she tried lifting her hand to wave. It was worse than he thought. She was on the edge of a shelf. How she got there, he couldn't wonder. But when she tried to wave, she slipped. He couldn't lower a rope. Damn. Kyle couldn't leave without talking to her, easing the fear on her tiny face. He flipped on the loudspeaker.
"Hey, short stack. I'm coming down for you, okay?"
She nodded, her cowboy hat gone, her hair whipping in the wind. He rose out of the canyon and landed quickly. Maxie was on the pad and ducked, racing to the craft. He told her the situation. She already had the mules saddled. Horses were too skittish for the narrow trails.
Jackson was ready to mount up.
"No, I'm going," she insisted.
"Max, you're not trained."
"Yes, I am. She's my daughter, and I know the trails and ruts better than anyone. I'm going in!"
Kyle grabbed her against him, holding her tight. "It's okay, it's okay." He met Jackson's gaze over the top of her head, a plea in his eyes. Jackson looked ready to deny them, then nodded sharply. "Come on."
She moved the mules to the trail entrance, loaded with extra thermal blankets and a jacket. They put on bright orange parkas. Kyle had to crush the urge to race to Mimi. His features were mapped with worry, and when he met Maxie's gaze, he offered her a reassuring smile.
He would succeed. He wasn't ready to lose when he just got his life back.
Kyle found her first and quickly slipped from the saddle, his gaze darting to where his daughter sat twenty yards above him. "It's amazing that she got up there in the first place."
"The guide said she was a little sad during the outing," Maxie said guiltily.
"She heard us arguing the other day, heard you cry. In fact she made me promise not to make you cry again." His face creased deeper. "One I quickly broke."
"Oh, Kyle---"
"Now, what I want to know is," he interrupted, "if you're going to wear white when you marry me."
She blinked, taken aback.
"Well, after the past two days---" he wiggled his brows suggestively "---I'd say you were on your way to scarlet."
She smiled, nudging him, loving him more for recognizing her fear. He'd been talking casually to her the whole way down, forcing her to make plans for their future rather than linger on the terror both of them were feeling.
As he stood beside the mules, Maxie watched his quick, practiced moves as he stepped into the climbing harness, checked waist straps, his boots, his supply of pitons, the coil of nylon rope. Then he turned to her.
"Let's get her." He helped Maxie into her equipment, though he doubted she would need it. Mimi wasn't that far up, but Kyle wanted the assurance of pitons locked into the canyon wall and Maxie nearer to the ground to steady ropes.
He hoped Mimi wasn't injured.
Kyle started climbing, his razor-point boot tips sticking into the softer granite, his gloved fingers grappling for purchase. He ascended quickly, getting closer and closer to her, yet forced himself to set pitons in the wall, run cord through the metal loops. Then he climbed higher and saw the fear in his daughter's face.
"Hi, short stack."
"Hullo, Mr. Hayden."
He longed for the moment when she'd call him Daddy. "Ready to go to Mom?"
She nodded shakily.
"You'll have to come to me, Mimi." The ground was too delicate around her, and he was afraid his added weight would disrupt her already precarious position. "Jump into my arms."
She shook her head wildly.
He tried once more and she refused. Kyle plucked the radio from inside his jacket and spoke to Maxie. "She won't come to me."
Maxie stared up at them and spoke into the handset. "Mimi, baby. Do what Mr. Hayden says. He loves you sweetie---he won't let anything happen to you."
Kyle met Mimi's gaze, praying his love for her, the love that had come without thought or reason, showed enough for her to see. He held out his arms. "Come on, short stack, come to me. I promise you won't fall."
Mimi bit her lower lip, indecisive, then nodded, leaning out, teetering for balance. Then she leaped into his arms. The impact made him slip a little, and Kyle clutched her, the locked piton jerking them to a stop.
Kyle closed his eyes and thanked God. He held her a moment longer, then smoothed her hair back. She tipped her head, staring trustingly into his eyes.
"Thank you," she whispered, and clutched her arms around his neck.
Kyle felt like a king.
He radioed Maxie, and she tightened the rope, hooking it on the mule's pommel. They started down. Kyle worked slowly, speaking gently, yet Mimi kept apologizing for causing trouble, for getting stock up here and telling him she was really, really cold.
Maxie was there, reaching for her, grabbing her tight, raining kisses over her chilled face. She reached for Kyle, bringing him close, and his arms surrounded his family.
"Can we go home now?" Mimi asked, glancing between the two and ending on Kyle.
"Yeah, short stack. We have to. I'm hungry."
She giggled and fell into Kyle's arms. Maxie smiled, letting him put her on the mule and talking to them both while he removed the equipment and stored it. Then he swung up into the saddle and led them out.
Kyle glanced over his shoulder at Maxie and Mimi. They were nuzzled tight and he wanted to hold them, wanted to ease the worry in Maxie's eyes that Mimi might get sick now.
They were out of the canyon in a couple of hours, the paramedics checking Mimi, then letting her mother take her home. Kyle rode with them, leaving the chopper, not willing to spare a moment apart from them.
Once inside the house, they rushed to get Mimi warm, her mother forcing her into a bath, drying her hair and dressing her in tons of flannel. Mimi ate a quick sandwich, but Kyle made her a mug of hot chocolate laced with vanilla. His daughter grinned up at him, thanking him sleepily from a mountain of comforters, and he could see she was sleepy.
He stood in the doorway, the empty mug in his hand, and Kyle felt a little left out when Maxie tucked Mimi in, then sat to read her a story.
"G'night, Mr. Hayden."
"Night, short stack." I love you.
Maxie glanced over her shoulder and smiled at Kyle, then turned back to the book. Mimi stared between the two, ending on her mom.
"You're different."
Maxie looked up from the book. Her daughter was a sharp cookie, and it didn't surprise her that she recognized the change between her and Kyle.
"Why do you say that?"
Mimi grinned hugely. "You look at each other different. Smilin' a lot." She tilted her head. "You love him, don't you, Mom?"
Maxie inhaled and tried to hide it. "Yes, I do."
Something in Mimi burst and she looked down thoughtfully at her hands. After a moment she looked up and her eyes bored into Maxie's, as if she knew her mom was hiding something from her. Suddenly, with a yawn, Mimi sank into the soft comforter and closed her eyes.
"That's nice, Momma."
Maxie smiled tenderly, tucking the covers around her before leaving the bed. Kyle stood at the door, his arms folded over his chest his back braced against the jamb. She came to him, sliding her arms around his waist and laying her head on his chest. His arms enfolded her.
"I'm so glad you're here."
He rubbed her back. "So am I."
She tilted her head to look at him. "I think she knows."
"I want her to."
"Come on." She jerked on him. "Let's get something to eat, and we'll talk about our strategy."
Kyle smiled down at her, straightening, his hands lowering to the sweet curve of her buttocks. "Don't I get a reward for rescuing her?"
Maxie brushed her mouth over his, lightly, hungrily. "Oh, yes, a big one."
He pulled her from the doorway, gently closing it after them, then returning to leave it open a crack.
They talked and ate and played with each other, and Kyle made warm, slow love to her in the living room, before a roaring fire, giving her more and more of his heart and she held it gently. She'd been waiting years to hold it this gently.
In the morning, Kyle stood in the kitchen, staring at the drawings, the school papers tacked to the fridge with magnets shaped like vegetables. He wanted to be around when she presented them proudly, be there to pick her up when she fell, to protect her from under-the-bed monsters and too fresh boys. But he wouldn't be, not yet at least. He wished Maxie would trust him more, to believe what he felt, that delaying would be worse.
Half the night they'd talked about how to handle telling Mimi he was her father. Kyle wanted to do it right away and get on with any problems they might encounter. He knew one thing---the news had to come from him. But Kyle was the new guy, and Maxie knew their daughter better than him, a point that gnawed on his guilt. It was his fault he hadn't been there, and he was trying to get over it. Not telling Mimi the truth was stopping him.
But he was out of time, for the next day or two at least. He had a business to run. A business he'd let stand still for almost two weeks while he discovered what it was like to really live again.
Maxie entered the kitchen, sliding smoothly into his arms.
"She still sleeping?"
"Like a rock."
His lips curved. The only time his daughter was still, he thought.
He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, then her mouth, "I know you want to take it slow---"
"Please, Kyle, give it just a couple of days."
"A couple days, Max, that's it."
She smiled gently. His determination was heartwarming. He wanted them both and quickly. "What I'd really like is for you to move in so I could wake up to you every morning." But they couldn't. It wouldn't set a good example for Mimi.
His hands smoothed over her behind, his fascination with that part of her body making him hard with just touching it. "I love you, baby."
"I know. I live for it."
Maxie kissed him, her heart aching a little. He moved with her toward the door, his arm wrapped around her waist. It was going to be dull without him for the next couple of days or so.
Kyle kissed her once more, then stepped away, striding quickly down the steps to his chopper. The rescue team had kindly brought it to him. So much for my rule that no one flies her but me, he thought, forcing himself not to look back. He was in the air before he chanced a look at her. She was on the porch, leaning again the post, watching him leave her again.
Later, Maxie was working in the barn when Mimi burst in.
"Where is he?" she demanded, hands on her hips.
Maxie ignored her daughter's sharp tone, sensing she was still overtired and needed more sleep. "Good morning, sweetie, you shouldn't be outside."
"Where did he go? What did you say to him to make him leave?"
Frowning, Maxie faced her daughter, the currycomb in her hand. She'd had tantrums before, like any kid, but never so vicious. "What are you talking about?"
"He's my daddy!"
Maxie's eyes widened. Oh, God.
"I heard Grandma and you talk about my daddy. I heard you call his name when you cried. He's my daddy, and you made him go away again!"
"Mimi, honey, calm down. You don't understand." This was too much, too soon.
"I hate you!" Mimi shouted, tears in her eyes.
"Wait a minute, young lady," her mother warned. "That attitude is going to get you grounded big-time."
"I don't care. You made him go. I hate you!" She stomped her foot, then whirled about, racing back to the house. Maxie started to follow, then stopped. She needed to cool down, she thought, plopping down onto a hay bale and covering her face with her hands.
A half hour later, Maxie returned to the house, bracing herself for another fight with a six-year-old. What she found was an empty house.
Kyle entered his offices, a clipboard in his hand as he scanned the next week's appointments. Too few, he thought. "Randy?" Kyle called to his assistant and bookkeeper. "Is this all?"
"Yeah. But I got six calls this morning. Two coming just to see what your choppers look like. Oh, you have a guest."
Kyle's gaze jerked up and pinned Randy. The younger man nodded to the closed office door.
"A female. Real looker, too."
Maxie. He strode to the office, shoving open the door. He froze at the sight of Mimi behind his desk. How did she get all the way here? He glanced around. Alone apparently. This was not good, he thought and tried for calm. He popped back out of the office, scribbling Maxie's number on a pad and telling Randy to call and let her know where her daughter was.
"Hey, short stack."
Mimi looked up, and Kyle felt as if hit by a sledgehammer at her teary eyes.
"Hullo," came sullenly.
"What are you doing here?" He tossed the clipboard on the sofa and came to sit on the edge of the desk. "Where's your mom?"
"I don't care." Mimi pouted, folding her arms over her chest. "I hate her."
His brows shot up and he straightened a bit. "Whoa, little lady. Is that a nice thing to say about your mom?"
"I don't care. She made you go."
"What makes you say that?"
"You left," she said plainly.
"I had to go to work."
Her lower lip curled down.
It was clear she wasn't seeing the logic. "Mimi," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "How did you get here?"
"I walked."
Good God, that wasn't possible, and the alternative made his gut clench. "All the way?"
"No." She looked at her hands, then glanced up. "A lady gave me a ride."
Kyle came off the desk, looming like a taunted bear. "And you took it!"
Mimi cringed. "Yes," she said in a small voice.
"Sweet mother of God, Mimi. You could have been kidnapped, or worse! Do you realize that?"
"But I wanted to see you!"
"That's no excuse. You have to think before you risk things like that." He mashed his hand over his face, at a total loss as to how to handle this.
"You left."
His next words died on his lips. "Huh?" he said stupidly.
"You left us."
"I have a business to run---"
She shook her head wildly, crawling out of the big leather chair and standing before him. He stared down. She stared up.
"You're my daddy, aren't you?"
Kyle felt his legs give out and he sagged onto the desk. "Did your mom tell you that?"
"No." She told him about overhearing her grandmother and mom talk about him. "You're that Kyle." He nodded and half expected a smile. What he got was the blackest little-girl scowl he'd ever seen. "Why did you leave my mommy?"
Boy, this was hard. "Aw, Mimi, baby..." He reached for her, and his heart leaped when she went to him. He lifted her in his arms and sat her on his lap. "I was stupid, I didn't think of anything, except what I was feeling. I wanted to hurt your mom, 'cause she hurt me."
"Like me when I ran away and when I took that ride?"
"Yeah. It was a big mistake." He sighed heavily, then eyed her. "But I didn't risk my life."
Fat tears welled in her eyes and she sniffled. "I'm in big trouble, huh?"
"Oh, I'd say that was definite."
"You're mad at me, aren't you?"
"No, I'm just a little disappointed." Her expression crumbled, and Kyle knew he'd hit a nerve. "I know your mom taught you better," he said softly. "Did you think about what she's feeling right now, looking for you, worried that you're hurt and she can't help you?"
Mimi looked ashamed and remorseful, and Kyle figured that her mother would have a few things to say to her and that was about as much as a kid could take right now. He set her down, pointing to the chair. "Get your butt there and stay put. Understood?"
She nodded, flipping her braids over her shoulder as she scrambled into the chair.
Her eyes watery, her mouth turned down, she about broke his heart right there. Kyle stiffened against going soft on her. She'd risked more than he wanted to consider by running to him. But she had run to him.
"Do you love my mom?"
"Yes, very much."
Mimi grinned. "Are you going to get married?"
"Is that okay with you?"
"Yes."
"Good. 'Cause she said yes."
He was about to leave his office to call Maxie in private, when she burst in.
She looked to Kyle, then to the child curled in the chair. She opened her mouth.
"Max." Kyle caught her arm before she unleashed on her daughter. "Let's get you two home, and we can discuss this."
Maxie nodded, and Kyle gestured to Mimi. She left the chair, following her parents outside. "Where's your truck?" he said after a glance around.
"Jackson dropped me off. I couldn't drive. I was too scared to concentrate." She looked down at her daughter, and Mimi fairly hid behind Kyle.
He rubbed the top of her head, his lips curving gently before he nudged her forward to face her mother's angry stare. "I'll give you a lift."
"In the chopper?" Max squeaked.
She was afraid of heights, he recalled. "Got to trust me sometime, Max."
"I trust you."
"Yeah, sure." He opened the chopper door, and Mimi climbed in the back, glancing between her parents like a squirrel perched in a tree.
"Who didn't bother to tell me he lived on the other side of the canyon?" Max said, waving the business card he'd left her.
He arched a brow. "Who didn't bother to ask?"
She flushed red. True enough, she thought. "I do trust you, Kyle." Still Maxie didn't move.
"Then let me in, Max." He stepped closer. "All the way in," he said in a dark voice. "You have to let me be a part of everything. Not just what you pick and choose until she gets used to the idea that I'm her dad. Neither of us can help what happened in the past. But this---" he nodded to Mimi, her face tucked between the two seat backs "---this could have been avoided."
Maxie's eyes lit with green fire. "That was a chance---"
"She knows who I am," he interrupted. "And there's no getting around it this time."
"I know," Maxie muttered.
"She just wants us to be honest with her," he said. "And you need to get used to the idea that you are not alone anymore." He pressed his lips to her forehead. "Trust me on this." Kyle took a step back, then came around the front of the chopper to his side and climbed in. "Aren't you coming?" he said through the open passenger's side.
A chopper. High up, too high.
He put the headset on, one on Mimi and leaned out extending his hand to her. "Come on, Max."
"Yeah, come on, Mom. It's fun."
She was still as a rock, her hands clenched, her gaze darting all around the chopper. He knew she was terrified to get in and worse, lift off.
"Hey, I'm willing to bend, but you have to start first."
She would, she knew it and trusting him to put her safely back on the ground was something she'd easily give. It was the trip in between she was scared about. "I'm bending, I'm bending," she said, climbing in before she lost her nerve. "I've been in love with you for years and I'm trusting it now. And your skill as a pilot." He lifted off quickly.
"I'm proud of you, Max."
"Me too, Mom."
"Okay. I'm taking the risk." She couldn't look at the ground and looked at him instead. "Now, get on the ground and marry me, Kyle. Please."
"Yeah. Marry us ... Dad."
Kyle's eyes watered, and he twisted in the seat, brushing his fingers along Mimi's jaw, then looking at Maxie. These women were his life, he thought. His hands on the control stick faltered, and the helicopter wobbled as they hovered over flight-legal canyon airspace.
Maxie inhaled, gripping the seat edge till her knuckles turned white. "You'd better hurry," she said. "Before I decorate the windshield!"
"Go ahead, if you feel the need."
"Kyle!"
He didn't want to laugh at what was obviously a horrifying experience and instead bit the inside of his mouth to keep from smiling. She wouldn't appreciate that right now. It was a long enough ride back now as it was. "I have to get you to a preacher before you change your mind." He swooped quickly, lowering the craft to the ground.
"Not this time." She let out a lungful of air and sighed back into the seat. Then she looked at him, her heart in her eyes. "My mind hasn't changed in seven years. I just wasn't listening very well."
He pried her fingers from the seat cushion and pulled her across the seat and into his arms. He kissed her, deeply, powerfully.
"You guys," came from the rear seat, followed by a soft giggle.
They pulled back and looked at their daughter. Kyle reached around Maxie and twisted the lock, then shoved open the door. "Get into the house and into your room, short stack. You're grounded."
Mimi looked wide-eyed at him, then at her mother, and Maxie knew she was weighing her options, the little devil. But Maxie wasn't about to let her daughter start their new life with playing them against each other---now that she had big-gun backup.
"You heard your dad." God, it felt good to say that aloud. "Beat it."
Mimi climbed out, sulking as she walked toward the house, a tiny smile working at her lips. Maxie and Kyle watched her go. "Kyle?"
"Hmm?" He dragged his gaze from Mimi's hunched form to her.
Her gaze sketched his features as she brushed a lock of hair off his forehead, letting it sift through her fingers. Oh, how she loved this man. He'd given her more than his love, his child---he'd given her freedom. She'd been trapped for so long.
"Thanks."
His forehead knitted slightly. "For loving you?"
"That---" she rubbed her thumb over the pad of her lips "---and for rescuing me from my own loneliness."
"Aw, baby," he said, the back of his eyes burning. "I'm the one who needed rescuing. You and Mimi, you brought me back from my own prison."
She leaned closer, brushing her mouth over his, teasing him, making him squirm in the seat. "Think about that when we're stuck in the house all day, with a child who's grounded. Talk about a prison sentence."
Kyle chuckled softy and covered her mouth with his, not thinking about disciplining a spirited little redheaded daughter, but of thanking God for the chance to love them both. Ah, he thought, sinking into her kiss. Life was suddenly very, very good.
Ten years later
Kyle came around the side of the barn and stopped short at the sight of his oldest daughter talking with a young man who looked far too dangerous to be even in the same state with her.
"Kyle, honey, will you put it into gear?"
He looked at his wife and his three other daughters impatiently waiting for their mounts.
"Yeah, Dad, get it into gear," Christa repeated, bouncing on the fence rail.
"What's zat mean?" came from his youngest, Brianne, as she climbed onto the fence beside her sister.
"Means Dad's being too slow." Kate, nine, folded her arms over her flat chest and wondered if her parents were going to kiss in public again. Gross.
Brianne looked at her dad, then her sister. "But he's not even moving."
"I know, silly." Christa rolled her eyes, and Maxie told them to behave as she crossed the paddock, hopped the fence and came to stand beside her husband.
"Hey, what fog has you captive?"
He looked down at her, smiling and inching closer. Every time he was near her, touched her, slept his nights away in her arms, he loved her more. Each day he realized a man didn't get this lucky and live to enjoy it. So he wasn't wasting a moment.
"Who's the guy?" He nodded to Mimi and the kid clad in way too much leather, his hair dangling over one eye and his butt hitched on the motorcycle seat.
"That's Jackson's nephew."
Kyle cast another look at the kid. "Well, I don't like him."
She laughed softly. "You don't even know him."
"I know how he's looking at my daughter, and that's all I need."
"Ooh---judgmental and a tyrant."
"Well, look at him, Max." He snapped his hand in the kid's direction. "He's got trouble written all over him."
"Careful, honey, that's exactly what my father said about you."
He met her gaze, the protectiveness of a father melting into soft memories. He hadn't thought about the years they'd spent apart much and saw only the new ones mesh together and erase the wasted pain.
"Your dad likes me now."
A devilish glint brightened her eyes. "Yeah, but that's a marine thing, you know, old corps, buddies forever. You're still on probation."
"Gonna send me packing?"
"We could work out a deal." Out of anyone's view her hand slipped between them, shaping the hardness straining his jeans. Kyle groaned and swept his arm around her waist, pulling her tightly to his body. Four children, and she was still slim and sexy as hell. Ten years of marriage, and he still got hot for her on a regular basis and was continuously fascinated with the shape of her bottom in tight jeans. He cupped the spot, squeezing gently and pushing her to him. "Oh, Kyle," she whispered.
"God, I love it when you say my name like that."
"It won't come out any other way when you touch me like that."
Christa and Brianne giggled. Kate rolled her eyes and stomped off, muttering something about her parents and how weird they were.
Kyle bent and kissed Maxie, his mouth riding lustily over the warm curves, his tongue pushing deep inside.
"I love you, baby."
Her heart skipped every time he said it. "I love you, too, Kyle."
"Way to go, Dad!" Mimi hollered, and Kyle looked up, winking at her. The boyfriend of the week snickered, and Mimi socked him in the arm for it. His short stack was a dead ringer for her mother, tall and leggy, and Kyle knew she could take care of herself. Especially since he'd trained her in marine hand-to-hand combat.
But that didn't mean he wouldn't be there for all the women in his life if they ever needed rescuing. Because their mother, he thought, staring down at Max and kissing her again and again---had rescued him.
And he was still loving every minute of being saved.
\*

