
Though it is contrary to my general practice to introduce my own works, I decided to say a few words to go before this collection and some before each story itself because I have put this one together out of materials drawn from the beginning, middle and recent sections of the eighteen-year period I have been writing. I have changed during that time, a condition I share with the world around me, and I redden now or blanche (as the case my be) to read over much that I once considered adequate. For this reason, there are dozens of stories that I prefer keeping interred beneath bright covers in yellowing sheets, stories that 1 will never willingly see reprinted. I feel some affection for the ones I have gathered here, however, and I will say some things about them in the proper places.
The nature of my work and my working habits shifted radically in the late 60's, when I went in more heavily for the writing of novels. I had started out as a short story writer, and I still enjoy writing short stories though I no longer do nearly as many as I used to in a year's time. The reason is mainly economic. I went full-time in the late 60's, and it is a fact of writing life that, word for word, novels work harder for their creators when it comes to providing for the necessities and joys of existence. Which would sound cold and cynical, except that I enjoy writing novels, too.
I have no desire to explain, attempt to justify or apologize for anything that I have written. I have always felt that a story should be able to deal with such matters itself. My individual forepieces are intended only to place them within the context of my own evolving experience---which makes this an autobiographical work for me, if not for anyone else.
So, to even things up and answer a number of requests, I'll tell you a little about myself (purely subjective, not dust jacket material)---
If I couldn't write worth a damn, I think I'd like to own a hardware store. I've long been fascinated by the enormous varieties of tools used to maintain our society, as well as the clips, hinges, pins, brads, screws, pulleys, wires, chains, clamps and pipes that hold it together. Not to mention the putty, plaster, cement and paint that keep it looking well io[?] places. Even more than a book store, where I probably wouldn't get to read much anyway, I believe that I could have been fairly happy in a good general hardware shop, But then, I would probably open late and stay open late because I'm a night person-I prefer sunsets to sunrises. I pick up steam in the late hours. I've probably done most of my best writing after midnight.
There is a group of writers living within about a 100-mile diameter circle around here who get together once a month for lunch. On one such occasion, Stephen Donaldson asked me what book by someone else I wished I had written. I gave him a quick answer which seemed appropriate at the moment. I thought about it later, though, and changed my mind. Something like War and Peace or Ulysses, while impressive or dazzling, massively tragic or comic and invested with tons of scholarly and lay mana would only be egotistical choices, not things that I could have enjoyed writing as well as enjoyed having written---if I were able. I got it down to two books---one tragic, one comic---and I couldn't decide between them: Malraux's Man's Fate and Norman Douglas' South Wind. I have nothing deeply philosophical to say about either of them here, just a wistful bit of self-revelation and an attempt to answer Steve's question honestly in a place where I am talking about myself, anyway.
The most encouraging thing I have seen in recent years was nothing at all. That is to say, nothing where I had expected to see something. Back in 1975, I visited Trinity Site, which is open to the public one day a year. It had been some thirty years since the first atomic bomb was detonated over that hot, dusty, windy plain. A long line of cars was met by a military escort at a shopping center north of Alamogordo and taken some seventy miles out into the White Sands Missile Range. We finally parked, disembarked and walked to Ground Zero. There was realty nothing to see. I had read how that first blast had left a crater of fused aluminum silicates twenty-five feet deep and a quarter-mile across. It was gone. The desert winds had filled it in, the desert plants (unmutated) had taken root above it. The radiation level was only slightly above normal background. The place looked pretty much like parts of my backyard. After a moment's disappointment at the absence of a spectacle following the long drive, I suddenly felt elated as I realized how completely the earth had recovered in the span of a single generation, Life's resilience.
Some years ago, a scientist who was planning on beaming some television pictures outward, in an attempt to communicate something concerning us and our ways to whatever might be watching the late show, asked me to suggest some of the content for the program. Along with a lot of predictable technical and social stuff, I recall suggesting a symphony orchestra with closeups of the individual instruments being played, sailboats and---I believe---a flight of hot air balloons---as these seemed three sorts of objects where form has been so perfectly and uniquely married to function that our tools have become works of art---which I suppose puts even my esthetic thinking into a kind of Platonic hardware store.
I enjoy being a writer and I even like the paperwork. That's enough about the author. Here are the stories.
This was my first published story, as it states below. A while back, Jonathan Ostrowsky-Lantz, the editor of Unearth: The Magazine of Science Fiction Discoveries---a noble publication dedicated to the encouragement of new science fiction writers---began a policy of reprinting first stories by professionals in the area, along with introductory essays by the authors telling how the stories came to be written and including some advice to beginning writers.
For whatever such a preface may be worth in this place, I'll cause it to occur between here and the story itself---
I had wanted to write for many years, but did not have an opportunity until I had completed my master's thesis and taken a job with the government. I was assigned to an office in Dayton, Ohio for training, and I reported there on February 26, 1962. As I had decided to try writing science fiction, I spent a week reading all the current science fiction magazines and some random paperbacks. I then sat down and began writing, every evening, turning out several stories a week and sending them off to the magazines. I drew a number of rejection slips, and then in March I received a note from Cele Goldsmith at Ziff-Davis, saying that she was buying this story, "Passion Play." It appeared in the August, 1962 issue of Amazing Stories.
Whether it actually was or was not, it seemed to me an almost classic case of applied insight, because I had done something right before I wrote it which I had not done before. I had gathered together all of my rejected stories and spent an evening reading through them to see whether I could determine what I was doing wrong. One thing struck me about all of them: I was overexplaining. I was describing settings, events and character motivations in too much detail. I decided, in viewing these stories now that they had grown cold, that I would find it insulting to have anyone explain anything to me at that length. I resolved thereafter to treat the reader as I would be treated myself, to avoid the unnecessarily explicit, to use more indirection with respect to character and motivation, to draw myself up short whenever I felt the tendency to go on talking once a thing had been shown.
Fine. That was my resolution. I still had to find a story idea to do it with, as I was between stories just then. Now, I do not know how other people do it, but there is a certain receptive state of mind that I switch on when I am looking for a short story notion. This faculty is dulled when I am working on a novel, as I usually am these days, so that if I want it now it generally takes me a full day to set up the proper mental climate. It comes faster if I am between books. Whatever, in those days I kept it turned on almost all the time.
The government wanted everyone in my class to have a physical examination. They gave me the forms and I drove up to Euclid over a weekend to see the closest thing we had to a family doctor, to have him complete them. When I sat down in his waiting room, I picked up a copy of Life and began looking through it. Partway along, I came upon a photospread dealing with the death of the racing driver Wolfgang von Tripps. Something clicked as soon as I saw it, and just then the doctor called me in for the checkup. While I was breathing for him and coughing and faking knee jerks and so forth, I saw the entire incident that was to be this short short. I could have written it right then. My typewriter was in Dayton, though, and I'd the long drive ahead of me. The story just boiled somewhere at the back of my mind on the way down, and when I reached my apartment I headed straight for the typewriter and wrote it through. I even walked three blocks to a mailbox in the middle of the night, to get it sent right away.
Cele's letter of acceptance was dated March 28, almost a month after I'd begun writing. Strangely, the day that it arrived I had gotten the idea for what was to be my next sale ("Horseman!", Fantastic Stories, August, 1962). I returned the contracts on "Passion Play" and followed them with "Horseman!" I sold fifteen other stories that year. I was on my way.
I cannot really say whether I owe it to that resolution I made on reviewing my rejects, but it felt as if I did and I have always tried to keep the promise I made that day about not insulting the reader's intelligence.
Another factor did come into operation after I sold this story. It is a subtle phenomenon which can only be experienced. I suddenly felt like a writer. "Confidence" is a cheap word for it, but I can't think of a better one. That seems the next phase in toughening one's writing---a kind of cockiness, an "I've done it before" attitude. This feeling seems to feed something back into the act of composition itself, providing more than simple assurance. Actual changes in approach, structure, style, tone, began to occur for me almost of their own accord. Noting this, I began to do it intentionally. I made a list of all the things I wanted to know how to handle and began writing them into my stories. This is because I felt that when you reach a certain point as a writer, there are two ways you can go. Having achieved an acceptable level of competence you can keep producing at that level for the rest of your life, quite possibly doing some very good work. Or you can keep trying to identify your weaknesses, and then do something about them. Either way, you should grow as a writer---but the second way is a bit more difficult, because it is always easier to write around a weakness than to work with it, work from it, work through it. It takes longer, if nothing else. And you may fall on your face. But you might learn something you would not have known otherwise and be better as a result.
These are the things I learned, or fancy I learned, from "Passion Play" and its aftereffects. I do have one other thing to say, though, which came to me slowly, much later, though its roots are tangled somewhere here:
Occasionally, there arises a writing situation where you see an alternative to what you are doing, a mad, wild gamble of a way for handling something, which may leave you looking stupid, ridiculous or brilliant---you just don't know which. You can play it safe there, too, and proceed along .the route you'd mapped out for yourself. Or you can trust your personal demon who delivered that crazy idea in the first place.
Trust your demon.
At the end of the season of sorrows comes the time of rejoicing. Spring, like a well-oiled clock, noiselessly indicates this time. The average days of dimness and moisture decrease steadily in number, and those of brilliance and cool air begin to enter the calendar again. And it is good that the wet times are behind us, for they rust and corrode our machinery; they require the most intense standards of hygiene.
With all the bright baggage of spring, the days of the Festival arrive. After the season of Lamentations come the sacred stations of the Passion, then the bright Festival of Resurrection, with its tinkle and clatter, its exhaust fumes, scorched rubber, clouds of dust, and its great promise of happiness.
We come here each year, to the place, to replicate a classic. We see with our own lenses the functioning promise of our creation. The time is today, and I have been chosen.
Here on the sacred grounds of Le Mans I will perform every action of the classic which has been selected. Before the finale I will have duplicated every movement and every position which we know occurred. How fortunate! How high the honor!
Last year many were chosen, .but it was not the same. Their level of participation was lower. Still, I had wanted so badly to be chosen! I had wished so strongly that I, too, might stand beside the track and await the flaming Mercedes.
But I was saved for this greater thing, and all lenses are upon me as we await the start. This year there is only one Car to watch---number 4, the Ferrari-analog.
The sign has been given, and the rubber screams; the smoke balloons like a giant cluster of white grapes, and we are moving. Another car gives way, so that I can drop into the proper position. There are many cars, but only one Car.
We scream about the turn, in this great Italian classic of two centuries ago. We run them all here, at the place, regardless of where they were held originally.
"Oh gone masters of creation," I pray, "let me do it properly. Let my timing be accurate. Let no random variable arise to destroy a perfect replication."
The dull gray metal of my arms, my delicate gyroscopes, my special gripping-hands, all hold the wheel in precisely the proper position as we roar into the straight-away.
How wise the ancient masters were! When they knew they must destroy themselves in a combat too mystical and holy for us to understand, they left us these ceremonies, in commemoration of the Great Machine. All the data was there: the books, the films, all for us to find, study, learn, to know the sacred Action.
As we round another turn, I think of our growing cities, our vast assembly lines, our tube-bars, and our beloved executive computer. How great all things are! What a well-ordered day! How fine to have been chosen!
The tires, little brothers, cry out, and the pinging of small stones comes from beneath. Three-tenths of a second, and I shall depress the accelerator an eighth of an inch further.
R-7091 waves to me as I enter the second lap, but I cannot wave back. My finest functioning is called for at this time. All the special instrumentation which has been added to me will be required in a matter of seconds.
The other cars give way at precisely the right instant. I turn, I slide. I crash through the guard rail.
'Turn over now, please!" I pray, twisting the wheel, "and bum."
Suddenly we are rolling, skidding, upside-down. Smoke fills the Car.
To the crashing noise that roars within my receptors, the crackle and lick of flames is now added.
My steel skeleton---collapsed beneath the impact-stresses. My lubricants---burning. My lenses, all but for a tiny area---shattered.
My hearing-mechanism still functions weakly.
Now there is a great horn sounding, and metal bodies rush across the fields.
Now. Now is the time for me to turn off all my functions and cease.
But I will wait. Just a moment longer. I must hear them say it
Metal arms drag me from the pyre. I am laid aside. Fire extinguishers play white rivers upon the Car.
Dimly, in the distance, through my smashed receptors, I hear the speaker rumble:
"Von Tripps has smashed! The Car is dead!"
A great sound of lamenting rises from the rows of unmoving spectators. The giant fireproof van arrives on the field, just as the attendants gain control of the flames.
Four tenders leap out and raise the Car from the ground. A fifth collects every smouldering fragment.
And I see it all!
"Oh, let this not be blasphemy, please!" I pray. "One instant more'"
Tenderly, the Car is set within the van. The great doors close.
The van moves, slowly, bearing off the dead warrior, out through the gates, up the great avenue and past the eager crowds.
To the great smelter. The Melting Pot!
To the place where it will be melted down, then sent out, a piece used to grace the making of each new person.
A cry of unanimous rejoicing arises on the avenue.
It is enough, that I have seen all this!
Happily, I turn myself off.
HORSEMAN!
Horseman! was my second published story. As with the previous one (and within a few weeks of that sale), it was purchased by a lady I met only once---Cele Goldsmith, a charming person, whose taste I considered impeccable. She bought stories from a great number of now well-known writers at the beginnings of their careers---Ursula K. Le Guin, Piers Anthony, Thomas Disch . . . Amazing Stories and Fantastic Adventures came into an autumn bloom in those final Ziff-Davis days.
This story was suggested to me while driving south on Route 71 in Ohio, by a pre-storm cloud formation which resembled a group of horsemen.
When he was thunder in the hills the villagers lay dreaming harvest behind shutters. When he was an avalanche of steel the cattle began to low, mournfully, deeply, and children cried out in their sleep.
He was an earthquake of hooves, his armor a dark tabletop of silver coins stolen from the night sky, when the villagers awakened with fragments of strange dreams in their heads. They rushed to the windows and flung their shutters wide.
And he entered the narrow streets, and no man saw the eyes behind his visor.
When he stopped so did time. There was no movement anywhere.
Neither was there sleep, nor yet full wakefulness from the last strange dreams of stars, of blood. ...
Doors creaked on leather hinges. Oil lamps shivered, pulsated, then settled to a steady glowing.
The mayor wore his nightshirt and a baggy, tossled cap. He held the lamp dangerously near his snowy whiskers, rotating a knuckle in his right eye.
The stranger did not dismount. He faced the doorway, holding a foreign instrument in one hand.
"Who are you, that comes at this hour?"
"I come at any hour---I want directions, I seek my companions."
The mayor eyed the beast he rode, whiter than his beard, whiter than snow, than a feather ..
"What manner of animal is that?"
"He is a horse, he is the wind, he is the steady pounding of surf that wears away rocks. Where are my companions?"
"What is that tool you carry?"
"It is a sword. It eats flesh and drinks blood. It frees souls and cleaves bodies. Where are my companions?"
"That metal suit you wear, that mask . .. ?"
"Armor and concealment, steel and anonymity---protection! Where are my companions?"
"Who are they that you seek, and where are you from?"
"I have ridden an inconceivable distance, past nebulae that are waterspouts in rivers of stars. I seek the others, like myself, who come this way. We have an appointment."
"I have never seen another like yourself, but there are many villages in the world. Another lies over those hills," he gestured in the direction of a distant range, "but it is two days travel."
"Thank you, man, I will be there shortly."
The horse reared and made a sound terrible to hear. A wave of heat, greater than the lamp's, enveloped the mayor, and a burst of wind raced by, bowing the golden blades of grass which had not already been trampled.
In the distance, thunder pealed on the slopes of the hills.
The horseman was gone, but his last words hung upon the wind:
"Look to the skies tonight!"
The next village was already lighted, like a cluster of awakened fireflies, when the hooves and steel grew silent before the door of its largest dwelling.
Heads appeared behind windows, and curious eyes appraised the giant astride his white beast.
This mayor, thin as the gatepost he leaned upon, blew his nose and held his lantern high.
"Who are you?"
"I have already wasted too much time with questions! Have others such as myself passed this way?"
"Yes. They said they would wait atop the highest hill, overlooking that plain." He pointed down a gentle slope which ran through miles of fields? stopping abruptly at the base of a black massif. It rose like a handless arm, turned to stone, gesturing anywhere.
"There were two," he said. "One bore strange tools, as you do. The other," he shuddered, "said, 'Look to the skies, and sharpen your scythes. There will be signs, wonders, a call---and tonight the sky will fall.' "
The horseman had already become an afterimage, haloed in the sparks thrown from struck cobblestones.
He drew rein atop the highest hill overlooking the plain, and turned to the rider of the black horse.
"Where is he?" he asked.
"He has not yet arrived."
He regarded the skies and a star fell.
"He will be late."
"Never."
The falling star did not burn out. It grew to the size of a dinner plate, a house, and bung in the air, exhaling souls of suns. It dropped toward the plain.
A lightning-run of green crossed the moonless heavens, and the rider of the pale green horse, whose hooves make no sound, drew up beside them.
"You are on time."
"Always," he laughed, and it was the sound of a scythe mowing wheat.
The ship from Earth settled upon the plain, and the wondering villagers watched.
Who or what did it bear? Why should they sharpen their scythes?
The four horsemen waited upon the hilltop.
There came a point when I was turning out lots of short stories, so many that Cele suggested running two per issue to use up my backlog, with a pen name on the second tale. She suggested Harrison Denmark as the nom de typewriter. I agreed and this, my first effort at something slightly humorous, appeared under that by-line. It never occurred to me that Harry Harrison, living at the time in Snekkerson, Denmark and author of The Stainless Steel Rat might somehow be assumed to be the author. It occurred to Harry, however, and he published a letter disclaiming authorship. I was not certain he was convinced when I later told him that it had never occurred to me. But it had never occurred to me.
They're really afraid of this place.
During the day they'll clank around the headstones, if they're ordered to, but even Central can't make them search at night, despite the ultras and the infras---and they'll never enter a mausoleum.
Which makes things nice for me.
They're superstitious; it's a part of the circuitry. They were designed to serve man, and during his brief time on earth, awe and devotion, as well as dread, were automatic things. Even the last man, dead Kennington, commanded every robot in existence while he lived. His person was a thing of veneration, and all his orders were obeyed.
And a man is a man, alive or dead---which is why the graveyards are a combination of hell, heaven, and strange feedback, and will remain apart from the cities so long as the earth endures.
But even as I mock them they are looking behind the stones and peering into the gullies. They are searching for---and afraid they might find---me.
I, the unjunked, am legend. Once out of a million assemblies a defective such as I might appear and go undetected, until too late.
At will, I could cut the circuit that connected me with Central Control, and be a free 'bot, and master of my own movements. I liked to visit the cemeteries, because they were quiet and different from the maddening stamp-stamp of the presses and the clanking of the crowds; I liked to look at the green and red and yellow and blue things that grew about the graves. And I did not fear these places, for that circuit, too, was defective. So when I was discovered they removed my vite-box and threw me on the junk heap, But the next day I was gone, and their fear was great.
I no longer possess a self-contained power unit, but the freak coils within my chest act as storage batteries. They require frequent recharging, however, and there is only one way to do that.
The werebot is the most frightful legend whispered among the gleaming steel towers, when the night wind sighs with its burden of fears out of the past, from days when non-metal beings walked the earth. The half-lifes, the preyers upon order, still cry darkness within the vite-box of every 'bot.
I, the discontent, the unjunked, live here in Rosewood Park, among the dogwood and myrtle, the headstones and broken angels, with Fritz---another legend---in our deep and peaceful mausoleum.
Fritz is a vampire, which is a terrible and tragic thing. He is so undernourished that he can no longer move about, but he cannot die either, so he lies in his casket and dreams of times gone by. One day, he will ask me to carry him outside into the sunlight, and I will watch him shrivel and dim into peace and nothingness and dust. I hope he does not ask me soon.
We talk. At night, when the moon is full and he feels strong enough, he tells me of his better days, in places called Austria and Hungary, where he, too, was feared and hunted.
"... But only a stainless steel leech can get blood out of a stone---or a robot," he said last night. "It is a proud and lonely thing to be a stainless steel leech---you are possibly the only one of your kind in existence. Live up to your reputation! Hound them! Drain them! Leave your mark on a thousand steel throats!"
And he was right. He is always right. And he knows more about these things than I.
"Kennington!" his thin, bloodless lips smiled. "Oh, what a duel we fought! He was the last man on earth, and I the last vampire. For ten years I tried to drain him. I got at him twice, but he was from the Old Country and knew what precautions to take. Once he learned of my existence, he issued a wooden stake to every robot---but I had forty-two graves in those days and they never found me. They did come close, though....
"But at night, ah, at night!" he chuckled. "Then things were reversed! I was the hunter and he the prey!
"I remember his frantic questing after the last few sprays of garlic and wolfsbane on earth, the crucifix assembly lines he kept in operation around the clock---irreligious soul that he was! I was genuinely sorry when he died, in peace. Not so much because I hadn't gotten to drain him properly, but because he was a worthy opponent and a suitable antagonist. What a game we played!"
His husky voice weakened.
"He sleeps a scant three hundred paces from here, bleaching and dry. His is the great marble tomb by the gate. . . . Please gather roses tomorrow and place them upon it."
I agreed that I would, for there is a closer kinship between the two of us than between myself and any 'bot, despite the dictates of resemblance. And I must keep my word, before this day passes into evening and although there are searchers above, for such is the law of my nature.
"Damn them! (He taught me that word.) Damn them!" I say. "I'm coming up! Beware, gentle \*bots! I shall walk among you and you shall not know me. I shall Join in the search, and you will think I am one of you. I shall gather the red flowers for dead Kennington, rubbing shoulders with you, and Fritz will smile at the joke."
I climb the cracked and hollow steps, the east already Spilling twilight, and the sun half-lidded in the west
I emerge.
The roses live on the wall across the road. From great twisting tubes of vine, with heads brighter than any rust, they bum like danger lights on a control panel, but moistly.
One, two, three roses for Kennington. Four, five...
"What are you doing, 'bot?"
"Gathering roses."
"You are supposed to be searching for the werebot. Has something damaged you?"
"No, I'm all right," I say, and I fix him where he stands, by bumping against his shoulder. The circuit completed, I drain his vile-box until I am filled.
"You are the werebot!" he intones weakly.
He falls with a crash.
. . . Six, seven, eight roses for Kennington, dead Kennington, dead as the 'bot at my feet---more dead---for he once lived a full, organic life, nearer to Fritz's or my own than to theirs.
"What happened here, 'bot?"
"He is stopped, and I am picking roses," I tell them.
There are four 'bots and an Over.
"It is time you left this place," I say. "Shortly it will be night and the werebot will walk. Leave, or he will end you."
"You stopped him!" says the Over. "You are the werebot!"
I bunch all the flowers against my chest with one arm and turn to face them. The Over, a large special-order 'bot, moves toward me. Others are approaching from all directions. He had sent out a call.
"You are a strange and terrible thing," he is saying, and you must be junked, for the sake of the community."
He seizes me and I drop Kennington's flowers.
I cannot drain him. My coils are already loaded near their capacity, and he is specially insulated.
There are dozens around me now, fearing and hating. They will junk me and I will lie beside Kennington.
"Rust in peace," they will say. ... I am sorry that I cannot keep my promise to Fritz.
"Release him!"
No!
It is shrouded and moldering Fritz in the doorway of the mausoleum, swaying, clutching at the stone. He always knows....
"Release him! I, a human, order it"
He is ashen and gasping, and the sunlight is doing awful things to him.
The ancient circuits click and suddenly I am free. "Yes, master," says the Over. "We did not know. . ."
"Seize that robot!"
He points a shaking emaciated finger at him. "He is the werebot," he gasps. "Destroy biro! The one gathering flowers was obeying my orders. Leave him here with me."
He falls to his knees and the final darts of day pierce his flesh.
"And got all the rest of you! Quickly! It is my order that no robot ever enter another graveyard again!"
He collapses within and I know that now there are only bones and bits of rotted shroud on the doorstep of our home.
Pritz has had his final joke---a human masquerade.
I take the roses to Kennington, as the silent 'bots file out through the gate forever, bearing the unprotesting Overbot with them. I place the roses at the foot of the monument---Kennington's and Fritz's---the monument of the last, strange, truly living ones.
Now only I remain unjunked.
In the final light of the sun I see them drive a stake through the Over's vite-box and bury him at the crossroads.
Then they hurry back toward their towers of steel, of plastic.
I gather up what remains of Fritz and carry him down to his box. The bones are brittle and silent.
It is a very proud and very lonely thing to be a stainless steel leech.
I rather liked this one when I wrote it, but I don't remember why or how I came to write it. Perhaps Harrison Denmark had taken on a life of his own. Perhaps he's that gentleman I see walking along Bishop's Lodge Road every day, sometimes in both directions....
How like a god of the Epicureans is the audience, at a time like this! Powerless to alter the course of events, yet better informed than the characters, they might rise to their feet and cry out, "Do not!"---but the blinding of Oedipus would still ensue, and the inevitable knot in Jocasta's scarlet would stop her breathing still.
But no one rises, of course. They know better. They, too, are inevitably secured by the strange bonds of the tragedy. The gods can only observe and know, they cannot alter circumstance, nor wrestle with ananke.
My host is already anticipating the thing he calls "catharsis." My search has carried me far, and my choice was a good one. Phillip Devers lives in the theater like a worm lives in an apple, a paralytic in an iron lung. It is his world.
And I live in Phillip Devers.
For ten years his ears and eyes have been my ears and eyes. For ten years I have tasted the sensitive perceptions of a great critic of the drama, and he has never known it
He has come close---his mind is agile, his imagination vivid---but his classically trained intellect is too strong, his familiarity with psychopathology too intimate to permit that final leap from logic to intuition, and an admission of my existence. At times, before he drops off to sleep, he toys with the thought of attempting communication, but the next morning he always rejects it---which is well. What could we possibly have to say to one another?
---Now that inchoate scream from the dawn of time, and Oedipus stalks the stage in murky terror!
How exquisite!
I wish that I could know the other half. Devers says there are two things in a complete experience---a moving toward, called pity, and a moving away from, called terror. It is the latter which I feel, which I have always sought; I do not understand the other, even when my host quivers and his vision goes moistly dim.
I should like very much to cultivate the total response. Unfortunately, my time here is limited. I have hounded beauty through a thousand stellar cells, and here I learned mat a man named Aristotle defined it. It is unfortunate that I must leave without knowing the entire experience.
But I am the last. The others have gone. The stars move still, time runs, and the clock will strike ...
The ovation is enormous. The resurrected Jocasta bows beside her red---socketted king, smiling. Hand in hand, they dine upon our applause---but even pale Tiresias does not see what I have seen. It is very unfortunate.
And now the taxi home. What time is it in Thebes?
Devers is mixing us a strong drink, which he generally does not do. I shall appreciate these final moments all the more, seen through the prism of his soaring fancy.
His mood is a strange one. It is almost as if he knows what is to occur at one o'clock---almost as if he knows what will happen when the atom expands its fleecy chest, shouldering aside an army of Titans, and the Mediterranean rushes to dip its wine-dark muzzle into the vacant Sahara.
But he could not know, without knowing me, and this time he will be a character, not an observer, when the thing of terrible beauty occurs.
We both watch the pale gray eyes on the sliding panel. He takes aspirins in advance when he drinks, which means he will be mixing us more.
But his hand ... It stops short of the medicine chest Framed in the tile and stainless steel, we both regard reflections of a stranger.
"Good evening."
After .ten years, those two words, and on the eve of the last performance!
Activating his voice to reply would be rather silly, even if I could manage it, and it would doubtless be upsetting.
I waited, and so did he.
Finally, like an organ player, I pedalled and chorded the necessary synapses:
Good evening. Please go ahead and take your aspirins.
He did. Then he picked up his drink from the ledge, "I hope you enjoy Martinis."
I do. Very much. Please drink more.
He smirked at us and returned to the living room.
"What are you? A psychosis? A dybbuk?"
Oh, no! Nothing like that---Just a member of the audience.
"I don't recall selling you a ticket"
You did not exactly invite me, but I didn't think you would mind, if I kept quiet. .. .
"Very decent of you."
He mixed another drink, then looked out at the building across the way. It had two lighted windows, on different floors, like misplaced eyes.
"Mind if I ask why?"
Not at all. Perhaps you can even help me. I am an itinerant esthetician. I have to borrow bodies on the worlds I visit---preferably those of beings with similar interests.
"I see---you're a gate-crasher."
Sort of, I guess. I try not to cause any trouble, though. Generally, my host never even learns of my existence. But I have to leave soon, and something has been troubling me for the past several years. . . . Since you have guessed at my existence and managed to maintain your stability, I've decided to ask you to resolve it.
"Ask away." He was suddenly bitter and very offended. I saw the reason in an instant
Do not think, I told him, that I have influenced anything you have thought or done. I am only an observer. My sole function is to appreciate beauty.
"How interesting!" he sneered. "How soon is it going to happen?"
What?
"The thing that is causing you to leave."
Oh, that...
I was not certain what to tell him. What could he do, anyhow? Suffer a little more, perhaps.
"Well?"
My time is up, I told him.
"I see flashes," he said. "Sand and smoke, and a flaming baseball."
He was too sensitive. I thought I had covered those thoughts.
Well. . . The world is going to end at one o'clock,. ...
"That's good to know. How?"
There is a substratum of fissionable material, which Project Eden is going to detonate. This will produce an enormous chain reaction....
"Can't you do something to stop it?\*'
I don't know how. I don't know what could stop it. My knowledge is limited to the arts and the life-sciences.---You broke your leg when you were skiing in Vermont last winter. You never knew. Things like that, I can manage. ...
"And the horn blows at midnight," he observed.
One o'clock, I corrected. Eastern Standard Time.
"Might as well have another drink," he said, looking at his watch. "It's going on twelve."
My question ... I cleared an imaginary throat.
"Oh, yes, what did you want to know?"
---The other half of the tragic response. I've watched you go through it many times, but I can't get at it. I feel the terror part, but the pity---the pity always eludes me.
"Anyone can be afraid," he said, "that part is easy. But you have to be able to get inside people---not exactly the way you do---and feel everything they feel, just before they go smash---so that it feels you're going smash along with them---and you can't do a damn thing about it, and you wish you could---that's pity."
Oh? And being afraid, too?
"---and being afraid. Together, they equal the grand catharsis of true tragedy."
He hiccupped.
And the tragic figure, for whom you feel these things? He must be great and noble, mustn't he?
"True," he nodded, as though I were seated across the room from him, "and in the last moment when the unalterable jungle law is about to prevail,, he must stare into the faceless mask; of God, and bear himself, for that brief moment, above the pleas of his nature and the course of events."
We both looked at his watch.
"What time will you be leaving?"
In about fifteen minutes.
"Good. You have time to listen to a record while I dress."
He switched on his stereo and selected an album.
I shifted uneasily.
If it isn't too long....
He regarded the jacket.
"Five minutes and eight seconds. I've always maintained that it is music for the last hour of Earth."
He placed it on the turntable and set the arm.
"If Gabriel doesn't show up, this will do."
He reached for his tie as the first notes of Miles Davis' Saefa limped through the room, like a wounded thing climbing a hill.
He hummed along with it as he reknotted his tie and combed his hair. Davis talked through an Easter my with a tongue of brass, and the procession moved before us:
Oedipus and blind Gloucester stumbled by, led by Antigone and Edgar---Prince Hamlet gave a fencer's salute and plunged forward, while black Othello lumbered on behind---Hippolytus, all in white, and the Duchess of Malfi, sad, paraded through memory on a thousand stages.
Phillip buttoned his jacket as the final notes sounded, and shut down the player. Carefully rejacketting the record, he placed it among his others.
What are you going to do?
"Say goodbye. There's a party up the street I hadn't planned on attending. I believe I'll stop in for a drink."
Goodbye to you also.
"By the way," he asked, "what is your name? I've known you for a long time, I ought to call you something now."
He suggested one, half-consciously. I had never really had a name before, so I took it.
Adrastea, I told him.
He smirked again.
"No thought is safe from you, is it? Goodbye."
Goodbye.
He closed the door behind him, and I passed through the ceilings and floors of the apartments overhead, then up, and into the night above the city. One eye in the building across the street winked out; as I watched, the other did the same.
Bodiless again, I fled upward wishing there was something I could feel.
This is the original novella for which they gave me a Nebula Award at that first, very formal SFWA banquet at the Overseas Press Club, and which I expanded at Damon Knight's suggestion into the book The Dream Master. The novel contains some material which I am very happy to have written, but reflecting upon things after the passage of all this time I find that I prefer this, the shorter version. It is more streamlined and as such comes closer to the quasi-Classical notions I had in mind, in terms of economy and directness, in describing a great man with a flaw.
Lovely as it was, with the blood and all, Render could sense that it was about to end.
Therefore, each microsecond would be better off as a minute, he decided, and perhaps the temperature should be increased.
. . . Somewhere, just at the periphery of everything, the darkness halted its constriction.
Something, like a crescendo of subliminal thunders, was arrested at one raging note. That note was a distillate of shame and pain, and fear.
The Forum was stifling.
Caesar cowered outside the frantic circle. His forearm covered his eyes but it could not stop the seeing, not this time.
The senators had no faces and their garments were spattered with blood. All their voices were like the cries of birds. With an inhuman frenzy they plunged their daggers into the fallen figure.
All, that is, but Render.
The pool of blood in which he stood continued to widen. His arm seemed to be rising and falling with a mechanical regularity and his throat might have been shaping bird-cries, but he was simultaneously apart from and a part of the scene.
For he was Render, the Shaper.
Crouched, anguished and envious, Caesar wailed his protests.
"You have slain him! You have murdered Marcus Antonius, a blameless, useless fellow!"
Render turned to him, and the dagger in his hand was quite enormous and quite gory.
"Aye," said he.
The blade moved from side to side. Caesar, fascinated by the sharpened steel, swayed to the same rhythm.
"Why?" he cried. "Why?"
"Because," answered Render, "he was a far nobler Roman than yourself."
"You lie! It is not so!"
Render shrugged and returned to the stabbing.
"It is not true!" screamed Caesar. "Not true!"
Render turned to him again and waved the dagger.
Puppetlike, Caesar mimicked the pendulum of the blade.
"Not true?" smiled Render. "And who are you to question an assassination such as this? You are no one! You detract from the dignity of this occasion! Begone!"
Jerkily, the pink-faced man rose to his feet, his hair half-wispy, half-wet, plastered, a disarray of cotton. He turned, moved away; and as he walked, he looked back over his shoulder.
He had moved far from the circle of assassins, but the scene did not diminish in size. It retained an electric clarity. It made him feel even further removed, ever more alone and apart. Render rounded a previously unnoticed corner and stood before him, a blind beggar.
Caesar grasped the front of his garment.
"Have you an ill omen for me this day?"
"Beware!" jeered Render.
"Yes! Yes!" cried Caesar. " 'Beware!' That is good! Beware what?"
"The ides-"
"Yes? The ides"
"-of Octember."
He released the garment.
"What is that you say? What is Octember?"
"A month."
"You lie! There is no month of Octember!"
"And that is the date noble Caesar need fear, the nonexistent time, the never-to-be-calendared occasion."
Render vanished around another sudden corner.
"Wait! Come back!"
Render laughed, and the Forum laughed with him. The bird-cries became a chorus of inhuman jeers.
"You mock me!" wept Caesar.
The Forum was an oven, and the perspiration formed like a glassy mask over Caesar's narrow forehead, sharp nose, chinless jaw.
"I want to be assassinated too!" he sobbed. "It isn't fair!"
And Render tore the Forum and the senators and the grinning corpse of Antony to pieces and stuffed them into a black sack with the unseen movement of a single finger and last of all went Caesar.
Charles Render sat before the ninety white buttons and the two red ones, not really looking at any of them. His right arm moved in its soundless sling, across the lap-level surface of the console pushing some of the buttons, skipping over others, moving on, retracing its path to press the next in the order of the Recall Series.
Sensations throttled, emotions reduced to nothing. Representative Erikson knew the oblivion of the womb.
There was a soft click.
Render's hand had glided to the end of the bottom row of buttons. An act of conscious intent, will, if you like, was required to push the red button.
Render freed his arm and lifted off his crown of Medusa-hair leads and microminiature circuitry. He slid from behind his desk-couch and raised the hood. He walked to the window and transpared it, fingering forth a cigarette.
One minute in the ro-womb, he decided. No more. This is a crucial one . . . Hope it doesn't snow till later, those clouds look mean...
It was smooth yellow trellises and high towers, glassy and gray, all smouldering into evening under a shale-colored sky; the city was squared volcanic islands, glowing in the end-of-day light, rumbling deep down under the earth; it was fat, incessant rivers of traffic, rushing. Render turned away from the window and approached the great egg that lay beside his desk, smooth and glittering. It threw back a reflection that smashed all aquilinity from his nose, turned his eyes to gray saucers, transformed his hair into a light-streaked skyline; his reddish necktie became the wide tongue of a ghoul.
He smiled, reached across the desk. He pressed the second red button.
With a sigh, the egg lost its dazzling opacity and a horizontal crack appeared about its middle. Through the now-transparent shell. Render could see Erikson grimacing, squeezing his eyes tight, fighting against a return to consciousness and the thing it would contain. The upper half of the egg rose vertical to the base, exposing him knobby and pink on half-shell. When his eyes opened he did not look at Render. He rose to his feet and began dressing. Render used this time to check the ro-womb.
He leaned back across his desk and pressed the buttons: temperature control, full range, check; exotic sounds, he raised the earphone check, on bells, on buzzes, on violin notes and whistles, on squeals and moans, on traffic noises and the sound of surf; check, on the feedback circuit holding the patient's own voice, trapped earlier in analysis; check, on the sound blanket, the moisture spray, the odor banks; check, on the couch agitator and the colored lights, the taste stimulants . . .
Render closed the egg and shut off its power. He pushed the unit into the closet, palmed shut the door. The tapes had registered a valid sequence.
"Sit down," he directed Erikson.
The man did so, fidgeting with his collar.
"You have full recall," said Render, "so there is no need for me to summarize what occurred. Nothing can be hidden from me. I was there."
Erikson nodded.
"The significance of the episode should be apparent to you."
Erikson nodded again, finally finding his voice. "But was it valid?" he asked. "I mean, you constructed the dream and you controlled it, all the way. I didn't really dream it in the way I would normally dream. Your ability to make things happen stacks the deck for whatever you're going to say, doesn't it?"
Render shook his head slowly, flicked an ash into the southern hemisphere of his globe-made-ashtray, and met Erikson's eyes.
"It is true that I supplied the format and modified the forms. You, however, filled them with an emotional significance, promoted them to the status of symbols corresponding to your problem. If the dream was not a valid analogue it would not have provoked the reactions it did. It would have been devoid of the anxiety-patterns which were registered on the tapes.
"You have been in analysis for many months now," he continued, "and everything I have learned thus far serves to convince me that your fears of assassination are without any basis in fact."
Erikson glared.
"Then why the hell do I have them?"
"Because," said Render, "you would like very much to be the subject of an assassination."
Erikson smiled then, his composure beginning to return.
"I assure you, doctor, I have never contemplated suicide, nor have I any desire to stop living."
He produced a cigar and applied a flame to it. His hand shook.
"When you came to me this summer," said Render, "you stated that you were in fear of an attempt on your life. You were quite vague as to why anyone should want to kill you"
"My position! You can't be a Representative as long as I have and make no enemies!"
"Yet," replied Render, "it appears that you have managed it.
When you permitted me to discuss this with your detectives I was informed that they could unearth nothing to indicate that your fears might have any real foundation. Nothing."
"They haven't looked far enough or in the right places. They'll turn up something."
"I'm afraid not."
"Why?"
"Because, I repeat, your feelings are without any objective basis. Be honest with me. Have you any information whatsoever indicating that someone hates you enough to want to kill you?"
"I receive many threatening letters . . ."
"As do all Representatives and all of those directed to you during the past year have been investigated and found to be the work of cranks. Can you offer me one piece of evidence to substantiate your claims?"
Erikson studied the tip of his cigar.
"I came to you on the advice of a colleague," he said, "came to you to have you poke around inside my mind to find me something of that sort, to give my detectives something to work with. Someone I've injured severely perhaps or some damaging piece of legislation I've dealt with . . ."
"And I found nothing," said Render, "nothing, that is, but the cause of your discontent. Now, of course, you are afraid to hear it, and you are attempting to divert me from explaining my diagnosis"
"I am not!"
"Then listen. You can comment afterwards if you want, but you've poked and dawdled around here for months, unwilling to accept what I presented to you in a dozen different forms. Now I am going to tell you outright what it is, and you can do what you want about it."
"Fine."
"First," he said, "you would like very much to have an enemy or enemies"
"Ridiculous!"
"Because it is the only alternative to having friends"
"I have lots of friends!"
"Because nobody wants to be completely ignored, to be an object for whom no one has really strong feelings. Hatred and love are the ultimate forms of human regard. Lacking one, and unable to achieve it, you sought the other. You wanted it so badly that you succeeded in convincing yourself it existed. But there is always a psychic price tag on these things. Answering a genuine emotional need with a body of desire-surrogates does not produce real satisfaction, but anxiety, discomfort-because in these matters the psyche should be an open system. You did not seek outside yourself for human regard. You were closed off. You created that which you needed from the stuff of your own being. You are a man very much in need of strong relationships with other people."
"Manure!"
"Take it or leave it," said Render. "I suggest you take it."
"I've been paying you for half a year to help find out who wants to kill me. Now you sit there and tell me I made the whole thing up to satisfy a desire to have someone hate me."
"Hate you, or love you. That's right."
"It's absurd! I meet so many people that I carry a pocket recorder and a lapel-camera, just so I can recall them all . . ."
"Meeting quantities of people is hardly what I was speaking of. Tell me, did that dream sequence have a strong meaning for you?"
Erikson was silent for several tickings of the huge wall clock.
"Yes," he finally conceded, "it did. But your interpretation of the matter is still absurd. Granting though, just for the sake of argument, that what you say is correct, what would I do to get out of this bind?"
Render leaned back in his chair.
"Re-channel the energies that went into producing the thing. Meet some people as yourself, Joe Erikson, rather than Representative Erikson. Take up something you can do with other people, something non-political, and perhaps somewhat competitive, and make some real friends or enemies, preferably the former. I've encouraged you to do this all along."
"Then tell me something else."
"Gladly."
"Assuming you are right, why is it that I am neither liked nor hated, and never have been? I have a responsible position in the Legislature. I meet people all the time. Why am I so neutral a-thing?"
Highly familiar now with Erikson's career. Render had to push aside his true thoughts on the matter, as they were of no operational value. He wanted to cite him, Dante's observations concerning the trimmers, those souls who, denied heaven for their lack of virtue, were also denied entrance to hell for a lack of significant vices, in short, the ones who trimmed their sails to move them with every wind of the times, who lacked direction, who were not really concerned toward which ports they were pushed. Such was Erikson's long and colorless career of migrant loyalties, of political reversals.
Render said:
"More and more people find themselves in such circumstances these days. It is due largely to the increasing complexity of society and the depersonalization of the individual into a sociometric unit. Even the act of cathecting toward other persons has grown more forced as a result. There are so many of us these days."
Erikson nodded, and Render smiled inwardly.
Sometimes the gruff line, and then the lecture . . .
"I've got the feeling you could be right," said Erikson.
"Sometimes I do feel like what you described, a unit, something depersonalized..."
Render glanced at the clock.
"What you choose to do about it from here is, of course, your own decision to make. I think you'd be wasting your time to remain in analysis any longer. We are now both aware of the cause of your complaint. I can't take you by the hand and show you how to lead your life. I can indicate, I can commiserate-but no more deep probing. Make an appointment as soon as you feel a need to discuss your activities and relate them to my diagnosis."
"I will," nodded Erikson., "and damn that dream! It got to me. You can make them seem as vivid as waking life, more vivid . . . It may be a long while before I can forget it."
"I hope so."
"Okay, doctor." He rose to his feet, extended a hand. "I'll probably be back in a couple weeks. I'll give this socializing a fair try." He grinned at the word he normally frowned upon.
"In fact, I'll start now. May I buy you a drink around the corner, downstairs?"
Render met the moist palm which seemed as weary of the performance as a lead actor in too successful a play. He felt almost sorry as he said, "Thank you, but I have an engagement."
Render helped him on with his coat then, handed him his hat, saw him to the door.
"Well, good night."
"Good night."
As the door closed soundlessly behind him, Render recrossed the dark Astrakhan to his mahogany fortress and flipped his cigarette into the southern hemisphere. He leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head, eyes closed.
"Of course it was more real than life," be informed no one in particular. "I shaped it."
Smiling, he reviewed the dream sequence step by step, wishing some of his former instructors could have witnessed it. It had been well-constructed and powerfully executed, as well as being precisely appropriate for the case at hand. But then, he was Render, the Shaper, one of the two hundred or so special analysts whose own psychic makeup permitted them to enter into neurotic patterns without carrying away more than an esthetic gratification from the mimesis of aberrance a Sane Hatter.
Render stirred his recollections. He had been analyzed himself, analyzed and passed upon as a granite-willed, ultrastable outsider, tough enough to weather the basilisk gaze of a fixation, walk unscathed amidst the chimaerae of perversions, force dark Mother Medusa to close her eyes before the caduceus of his art. His own analysis had not been difficult.
Nine years before (it seemed much longer) he had suffered a willing injection of novocain into the most painful area of his spirit. It was after the auto wreck, after the death of Ruth, and of Miranda their daughter, that he had begun to feel detached.
Perhaps he did not want to recover certain empathies; perhaps his own world was now based upon a certain rigidity of feeling. If this was true, he was wise enough in the ways of the mind to realize it, and perhaps he had decided that such a world had its own compensations.
His son Peter was now ten years old. He was attending a school of quality, and he penned his father a letter every week. The letters were becoming progressively literate, showing signs of a precociousness of which Render could not but approve. He would take the boy with him to Europe in the summer.
As for Jill DeVille (what a luscious, ridiculous name! he loved her for it) she was growing, if anything, more interesting to him. (He wondered if this was an indication of early middle age.) He was vastly taken by her unmusical nasal voice, her sudden interest in architecture, her concern with the irremovable mole on the right side of her otherwise well-designed nose.
He should really call her immediately and go in search of a new restaurant. For some reason though, he did not feel like it. It had been several weeks since he had visited his club. The Partridge and Scalpel, and he felt a strong desire to eat from an oaken table, alone, in the split-level dining room with the three fireplaces, beneath the artificial torches and the boars' heads like gin ads. So he pushed his perforated membership card into the phone-slot on his desk and there were two buzzes behind the voice-screen.
"Hello, Partridge and Scalpel," said the voice. "May I help you?"
"Charles Render," he said. "I'd like a table in about half an hour."
"How many will there be?"
"Just me."
"Very good, sir. Half an hour, then. That's 'Render'?
"R-e-n-d-e-r"
"Right."
"Thank you."
He broke the connection, rose from his desk. Outside, the day had vanished.
The monoliths and the towers gave forth their own light now. A soft snow, like sugar, was sifting down through the shadows and transforming itself into beads on the windowpane.
Render shrugged into his overcoat, turned off the lights, locked the inner office. There was a note on Mrs. Hedges' blotter.
Miss DeVille called, it said.
He crumpled the note and tossed it into the waste-chute. He would call her tomorrow and say he had been working until late on his lecture.
He switched off the final light, clapped his hat onto his head, and passed through the outer door, locking it as he went. The drop took him to the sub-subcellar where his auto was parked. It was chilly in the sub-sub, and his footsteps seemed loud on the concrete as he passed among the parked vehicles. Beneath the glare of the naked lights, his S-7 Spinner was a sleek gray cocoon from which it seemed turbulent wings might at any moment emerge. The double row of antennae which fanned forward from the slope of its hood added to this feeling. Render thumbed open the door.
He touched the ignition and there was the sound of a lone bee awakening in a great hive. The door swung soundlessly shut as he raised the steering wheel and locked it into place. He spun up the spiral ramp and came to a rolling stop before the big overhead.
As the door rattled upward he lighted his destination screen and turned the knob that shifted the broadcast map. Left to right, top to bottom, section by section he shifted it, until he located the portion of Carnegie Avenue he desired. He punched out its coordinates and lowered the wheel. The car switched over to monitor and moved out onto the highway marginal. Render lit a cigarette.
Pushing his seat back into the centerspace, he left all the windows transparent. It was pleasant to half-recline and watch the oncoming cars drift past him like swarms of fireflies. He pushed his hat back on his head and stared upward. He could remember a time when he had loved snow, when it had reminded him of novels by Thomas Mann and music by Scandinavian composers. In his mind now, though, there was another element from which it could never be wholly dissociated. He could visualize so clearly the eddies of milk-white coldness that swirled about his old manual-steer auto, flowing into its fire-charred interior to rewhiten that which had been blackened; so clearly as though he had walked toward it across a chalky lake bottom it, the sunken wreck, and he, the diver unable to open his mouth to speak, for fear of drowning; and he knew, whenever he looked upon falling snow, that somewhere skulls were whitening. But nine years had washed away much of the pain, and he also knew that the night was lovely.
He was sped along the wide, wide roads, shot across high bridges, their surfaces slick and gloaming beneath his lights, was woven through frantic cloverleafs and plunged into a tunnel whose dimly glowing walls blurred by him like a mirage. Finally, he switched the windows to opaque and closed his eyes.
He could not remember whether he bad dozed for a moment or not, which meant he probably had. He felt the car slowing, and he moved the seat forward and turned on the windows again. Almost simultaneously, the cutoff buzzer sounded. He raised the steering wheel and pulled into the parking dome, stepped out onto the ramp, and left the car to the parking unit, receiving his ticket from that box-headed robot which took its solemn revenge on mankind by sticking forth a cardboard tongue at everyone it served.
As always, the noises were as subdued as the lighting. The place seemed to absorb sound and convert it into warmth, to lull the tongue with aromas strong enough to be tasted, to hypnotize the ear with the vivid crackle of the triple hearths. Render was pleased to see that his favorite table, in the corner off to the right of the smaller fireplace, had been held for him. He knew the menu from memory, but he studied it with zeal as he sipped a Manhattan and worked up an order to match his appetite. Shaping sessions always left him ravenously hungry.
"Doctor Render . . . ?"
"Yes?" He looked up.
"Doctor Shallot would like to speak with you," said the waiter.
"I don't know anyone named Shallot," he said. "Are you sure he doesn't want Bender? He's a surgeon from Metro who sometimes eats here . . ."
The waiter shook his head.
"No sir, 'Render.' See here?" He extended a three-by-five card on which Render's full name was typed in capital letters.
"Doctor Shallot has dined here nearly every night for the past two weeks," he explained, "and on each occasion has asked to be notified if you came in."
"Hmm?" mused Render. "That's odd. Why didn't he just call me at my office?"
The waiter smiled and made a vague gesture.
"Well, tell him to come on over," he said, gulping his Manhattan, "and bring me another of these."
"Unfortunately, Doctor Shallot is blind," explained the waiter. "It would be easier if you"
"All right, sure." Render stood up, relinquishing his favorite table with a strong premonition that he would not be returning to it that evening.
"Lead on."
They threaded their way among the diners, heading up to the next level. A familiar face said "hello" from a table set back against the wall, and Render nodded a greeting to a former seminar pupil whose name was Jurgens or Jirkans or something like that.
He moved on, into the smaller dining room wherein only two tables were occupied. No, three. There was .one set in the corner at the far end of the darkened bar, partly masked by an ancient suit of armor. The waiter was heading him in that direction.
They stopped before the table and Render stared down into the darkened glasses that had tilled upward as they approached.
Doctor Shallot was a woman, somewhere in the vicinity of her early thirties. Her low bronze bangs did not fully conceal the spot of silver which she wore on her forehead like a caste-mark. Render inhaled, and her head jerked slightly as the tip of his cigarette flared. She appeared to be staring straight up into his eyes. It was an uncomfortable feeling, even knowing that all-she could distinguish of him was that which her minute photo-electric cell transmitted to her visual cortex over the hair-fine wire implants attached to that oscillator-converter: in short, the glow of his cigarette.
"Doctor Shallot, this is Doctor Render," the waiter was saying.
"Good evening," said Render.
"Good evening," she said. "My name is Eileen and I've wanted very badly to meet you." He thought he detected a slight quaver in her voice. "Will you join me for dinner?"
"My pleasure," he acknowledged, and the waiter drew out the chair.
Render sat down, noting that the woman across from him already had a drink. He reminded the waiter of his second Manhattan.
"Have you ordered yet?" he inquired.
"No."
". . . And two menus" he started to say, then bit his tongue.
"Only one," she smiled.
"Make it none," he amended, and recited the menu.
They ordered. Then:
"Do you always do that?"
"What?"
"Carry menus in your head."
"Only a few," he said, "for awkward occasions. What was it you wanted to see, talk to me about?"
"You're a neuroparticipant therapist," she stated, "a Shaper."
"And you are?"
"a resident in psychiatry at State Psych. I have a year remaining."
"You knew Sam Riscomb then."
"Yes, he helped me get my appointment. He was my adviser."
"He was a very good friend of mine. We studied together at Menninger."
She nodded.
"I'd often heard him speak of you, that's one of the reasons I wanted to meet you. He's responsible for encouraging me to go ahead with my plans, despite my handicap."
Render stared at her. She was wearing a dark green dress which appeared to be made of velvet. About three inches to the left of the bodice was a pin which might have been gold. It displayed a red stone which could have been a ruby, around which the outline of a goblet was cast. Or was it really two profiles that were outlined, staring through the stone at one another? It seemed vaguely familiar to him, but he could not place it at the moment. It glittered expensively in the dim light. Render accepted his drink from the waiter.
"I want to become a neuroparticipant therapist," she told him.
And if she had possessed vision Render would have thought she was staring at him, hoping for some response in his expression. He could not quite calculate what she wanted him to say.
"I commend your choice," he said, "and I respect your ambition." He tried to put his smile into his voice. "It is not an easy thing, of course, not all of the requirements being academic ones."
"I know," she said. "But then, I have been blind since birth and it was not an easy thing to come this far."
"Since birth?" he repeated. "I thought you might have lost your sight recently. You did your undergrad work then, and went on through med school without eyes . . . That's rather impressive."
"Thank you," she said, "but it isn't. Not really. I heard about the first neuroparticipants, Bartelmetz and the rest, when I was a child, and I decided then that I wanted to be one. My life ever since has been governed by that desire."
"What did you do in the labs?" he inquired. "-Not being able to see a specimen, look through a microscope . . . ? Or all that reading?"
"I hired people to read my assignments to me. I taped everything. The school understood that I wanted to go into psychiatry, and they permitted a special arrangement for labs. I've been guided through the dissection of-cadavers by lab assistants, and I've had everything described to me. I can tell things by touch . . . and I have a memory like yours with the menu," she smiled. "'The quality of psychoparticipation phenomena can only be gauged by the therapist himself, at that moment outside of time and space as we normally know it, when he stands in the midst of a world erected from the stuff of another man's dreams, recognizes there the non-Euclidian architecture of aberrance, and then takes his patient by the hand and tours the landscape . . . If he can lead him back to the common earth, then his judgments were sound, his actions valid.' "
"From Why No Psychometrics in This Place," reflected Render.
"-by Charles Render, M.D."
"Our dinner is already moving in this direction," he noted, picking up his drink as the speed-cooked meal was pushed toward them in the kitchen-buoy.
"That's one of the reasons I wanted to meet you," she continued, raising her glass as the dishes rattled before her. "I want you to help me become a Shaper."
Her shaded eyes, as vacant as a statue's, sought him again.
"Yours is a completely unique situation," he commented.
"There has never been a congenitally blind neuroparticipant for obvious reasons. I'd have to consider all the aspects of the situation before I could advise you. Let's eat now, though. I'm starved."
"All right. But my blindness does not mean that I have never seen."
He did not ask her what she meant by that, because prime ribs were standing in front of him now and there was a bottle of Chambertin at his elbow. He did pause long enough to notice though, as she raised her left hand from beneath the table, that she wore no rings.
"I wonder if it's still snowing," he commented as they drank their coffee. "It was coming down pretty hard when I pulled into the dome."
"I hope so," she said, "even though it diffuses the light and I can't 'see' anything at all through it. I like to feel it falling about me and blowing against my face."
"How do you get about?"
"My dog, Sigmund, gave him the night off," she smiled, "he can guide me anywhere. He's a mutie Shepherd."
"Oh?" Render grew curious. "Can he talk much?"
She nodded.
"That operation wasn't as successful on him as on some of them, though. He has a vocabulary of about four hundred words, but I think it causes him pain to speak. He's quite intelligent. You'll have to meet him sometime."
Render began speculating immediately. He had spoken with such animals at recent medical conferences, and had been startled by their combination of reasoning ability and their devotion to their handlers. Much chromosome tinkering, followed by delicate embryo-surgery, was required to give a dog a brain capacity greater than a chimpanzee's. Several follow-up operations were necessary to produce vocal abilities. Most such experiments ended in failure, and the dozen or so puppies a year on which they succeeded were valued in the neighborhood of a hundred thousand dollars each. He realized then, as he lit a cigarette and held the light for a moment, that the stone in Miss Shallot's medallion was a genuine ruby. He began to suspect that her admission to a medical school might, in addition to her academic record, have been based upon a sizeable endowment to the college of her choice. Perhaps he was being unfair though, he chided himself.
"Yes," he said, "we might do a paper on canine neuroses.
Does he ever refer to his father as 'that son of a female Shepherd?"
"He never met his father," she said, quite soberly. "He was raised apart from other dogs. His attitude could hardly be typical. I don't think you'll ever learn the functional psychology of the dog from a mutie."
"I imagine you're right," he dismissed it. "More coffee?"
"No, thanks."
Deciding it was time to continue the discussion, he said, "So you want to be a Shaper . . ."
"Yes."
"I hate to be the one to destroy anybody's high ambitions," he told her. "Like poison, I hate it. Unless they have no foundation at all in reality. Then I can be ruthless. So honestly, frankly, and in all sincerity, I do not see how it could ever be managed. Perhaps you're a fine psychiatrist but in my opinion, it is a physical and mental impossibility for you ever to become a neuroparticipant. As for my reasons . . ."
"Wait," she said. "Not here, please. Humor me. I'm tired of this stuffy place. Take me somewhere else to talk. I think I might be able to convince you there is a way."
"Why not?" he shrugged. "I have plenty of time. Sure, you call it. Where?"
"Blindspin?"
He suppressed an unwilling chuckle at the expression, but she laughed aloud.
"Fine," he said, "but I'm still thirsty."
A bottle of champagne was tallied and he signed the check despite her protests. It arrived in a colorful "Drink While You Drive" basket, and they stood then, and she was tall, but he was taller.
Blindspin.
A single name of a multitude of practices centered about the auto-driven auto. Flashing across the country in the sure hands of an invisible chauffeur, windows all opaque, night dark, sky high, tires assailing the road below like four phantom buzz saws and starting from scratch and ending in the same place, and never knowing where you are going or where you have been. . . it is possible, for a moment, to kindle some feeling of individuality in the coldest brainpan, to produce a momentary awareness of self by virtue of an apartness from all but a sense of motion. This is because movement through darkness is the ultimate abstraction of life itself. At least that's what one of the Vital Comedians said, and everybody in the place laughed.
Actually now, the phenomenon known as blindspin first became prevalent (as might be suspected) among certain younger members of the community, when monitored highways deprived them of the means to exercise their automobiles in some of the more individualistic ways which had come to be frowned upon by the National Traffic Control Authority.
Something had to be done.
It was.
The first, disastrous reaction involved the simple engineering feat of disconnecting the broadcast control unit after one had entered onto a monitored highway. This resulted in the car's vanishing from the ken of the monitor and passing back into the control of its occupants. Jealous as a deity, a monitor will not tolerate that which denies its programmed omniscience; it will thunder and lightning in the Highway Control Station nearest the point of last contact, sending winged seraphs in search of that which has slipped from sight.
Often, however, this was too late in happening, for the roads are many and well-paved. Escape from detection was, at first, relatively easy to achieve.
Other vehicles, though, necessarily behave as if a rebel has no actual existence. Its presence cannot be allowed for. Boxed-in, on a heavily-traveled section of roadway, the offender is subject to immediate annihilation in the event of any overall speedup or shift in traffic pattern which involves movement through his theoretically vacant position. This, in the early days of monitor-controls, caused a rapid series of collisions. Monitoring devices later became far more 'sophisticated, and mechanized 'cutoffs reduced the collision incidence subsequent to such an action. The quality of the pulpefactions and contusions which did occur, however, remained unaltered. The next reaction was based on a thing which had been overlooked because it was obvious. The monitors took people where they wanted to go only because people told them they wanted to go there. A person pressing a random series of coordinates, without reference to any map, would either be left with a stalled automobile and a "RECHECK YOUR COORDINATES" light, or would suddenly be whisked away in any direction. The latter possesses a certain romantic appeal in that it offers speed, unexpected sights, and free hands. Also, it is perfectly legal; and it is possible to navigate all over two continents in this manner, if one is possessed of sufficient wherewithal and gluteal stamina.
As is the case in all such matters, the practice diffused upwards through the age brackets. Schoolteachers who only drove on Sundays fell into disrepute as selling points for used autos. Such is the way a world ends, said the entertainer. End or no, the car designed to move on monitored highways is a mobile efficiency unit, complete with latrine, cupboard, refrigerator compartment, and gaming table. It also sleeps two with ease and four with some crowding. On occasion, three can be a real crowd.
Render drove out of the dome and into the marginal aisle. He halted the car.
"Want to jab some coordinates?" he asked.
"You do it. My fingers know too many."
Render punched random buttons. The Spinner moved onto the highway. Render asked speed of the vehicle then, and it moved into the high-acceleration lane.
The Spinner's lights burnt holes in the darkness. The city backed away fast; it was a smouldering bonfire on both sides of the road, stirred by sudden gusts of wind, hidden by white swirlings, obscured by the steady fall of gray ash. Render knew his speed was only about sixty percent of what it would have been on a clear, dry night.
He did not blank the windows, but leaned back and stared out through them. Eileen "looked" ahead into what light there was. Neither of them said anything for ten or fifteen minutes.
The city shrank to subcity as they sped on. After a time, short sections of open road began to appear.
"Tell me what it looks like outside," she said.
"Why didn't you ask me to describe your dinner, or the suit of armor beside our table?"
"Because I tasted one and felt the other. This is different."
"There is snow falling outside. Take it away and what you have left is black."
"What else?"
"There is slush on the road. When it starts to freeze, traffic will drop to a crawl unless we outrun this storm. The slush looks like an old, dark syrup, just starting to get sugary on top."
"Anything else?"
"That's it, lady."
"Is it snowing harder or less hard than when we left the club?"
"Harder, I should say."
"Would you pour me a drink?" she asked him.
"Certainly."
They turned their seats inward and Render raised the table.
He fetched two glasses from the cupboard.
"Your health," said Render, after he had poured.
"Here's looking at you."
Render downed his drink. She sipped hers. He waited for her next comment. He knew that two cannot play at the Socratic game, and he expected more questions before she said what she wanted to say.
She said: "What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?"
Yes, he decided, he had guessed correctly.
He replied without hesitation: "The sinking of Atlantis."
"I was serious."
"So was I."
"Would you care to elaborate?"
"I sank Atlantis," he said, "personally.
"It was about three years ago. And God! it was lovely! It was all ivory towers and golden minarets and silver balconies. There were bridges of opal, and crimson pennants and a milk-white river flowing between lemon-colored banks. There were jade steeples, and trees as old as the world tickling the bellies of clouds, and ships in the great sea-harbor of Xanadu, as delicately constructed as musical instruments, all swaying with the tides. The twelve princes of the realm held court in the dozen-pillared Coliseum of the Zodiac, to listen to a Greek tenor sax play at sunset.
"The Greek, of course, was a patient of mine, paranoiac. The etiology of the thing is rather complicated, but that's what I wandered into inside his mind. I gave him free rein for awhile, and in the end I had to split Atlantis in half and sink it full fathom five. He's playing again and you've doubtless heard his sounds, if you like such sounds at all. He's good. I still see him periodically, but he is no longer the last descendant of the greatest minstrel of Atlantis. He's just a fine, late twentieth-century sax man.
"Sometimes though, as I look back on the apocalypse I worked within his vision of grandeur, I experience a fleeting sense of lost beauty because, for a single moment, his abnormally intense feelings were my feelings, and he felt that his dream was the most beautiful thing in the world."
He refilled their glasses.
"That wasn't exactly what I meant," she said.
"I know."
"I meant something real."
"It was more real than real, I assure you."
"I don't doubt it, but . . ."
"But I destroyed the foundation you were laying for your argument. Okay, I apologize. I'll hand it back to you. Here's something that could be real:
"We are moving along the edge of a great bowl of sand," he said. "Into it, the snow is gently drifting. In the spring the snow will melt, the waters will run down into the earth, or be evaporated away by the heat of the sun. Then only the sand will remain. Nothing grows in the sand, except for an occasional cactus. Nothing lives here but snakes, a few birds, insects, burrowing things, and a wandering coyote or two. In the afternoon these things will look for shade. Any place where there's an old fence post or a rock or a skull or a cactus to block out the sun, there you will witness life cowering before the elements. But the colors are beyond belief, and the elements are more lovely, almost, than the things they destroy."
"There is no such place near here," she said.
"If I say it, then there is. Isn't there? I've seen it."
"Yes . . . You're right."
"And it doesn't matter if it's a painting by a woman named O'Keefe, or something right outside our window, does it? If I've seen it?"
"I acknowledge the truth of the diagnosis," she said. "Do you want to speak it for me?"
"No, go ahead."
He refilled the small glasses once more.
"The damage is in my eyes," she told him, "not my brain."
He lit her cigarette.
"I can see with other eyes if I can enter other brains."
He lit his own cigarette.
"Neuroparticipation is based upon the fact that two nervous systems can share the same impulses, the same fantasies . . ."
"Controlled fantasies."
"I could perform therapy and at the same time experience genuine visual impressions."
"No," said Render.
"You don't know what it's like to be cut off from a whole area of stimuli! To know that a Mongoloid idiot can experience something you can never know and that he cannot appreciate it because, like you, he was condemned before birth in a court of biological happenstance, in a place where there is no justice only fortuity, pure and simple."
"The universe did not invent justice. Man did. Unfortunately, man must reside in the universe."
"I'm not asking the universe to help me. I'm asking you."
"I'm sorry," said Render.
"Why won't you help me?"
"At this moment you are demonstrating my main reason."
"Which is . . . ?"
"Emotion. This thing means far too much to you. When the therapist is in-phase with a patient he is narco-electrically removed from most of his own bodily sensations. This is necessary because his mind must be completely absorbed by the task at hand. It is also necessary that his emotions undergo a similar suspension. This, of course, is impossible in the one sense that a person always emotes to some degree. But the therapist's emotions are sublimated into a generalized feeling of exhilaration or, as in my own case, into an artistic reverie. With you, however, the 'seeing' would be too much. You would be in constant danger of losing control of the dream."
"I disagree with you."
"Of course you do. But the fact remains that you would be dealing, and dealing constantly, with the abnormal. The power of a neurosis is unimaginable to ninety-nine point etcetera percent of the population, because we can never adequately judge the intensity of our own, let alone those of others, when we only see them from the outside. That is why no neuroparticipant will ever undertake to treat a full-blown psychotic. The few' pioneers in that area are all themselves in therapy today. It would be like diving into a maelstrom. If the therapist loses the upper hand in an intense session he becomes the Shaped rather than the Shaper. The synapses respond like a fission reaction when nervous impulses are artificially augmented. The transference effect is almost instantaneous.
"I did an awful lot of skiing five years ago. This is because I was a claustrophobe. I had to run and it took me six months to beat the thing, all because of one tiny lapse that occurred in a measureless fraction of an instant. I had to refer the patient to another therapist. And this was only a minor repercussion. If you were to go ga-ga over the scenery, girl, you could wind up in a rest home for life."
She finished her drink and Render refilled the glass. The night raced by. They had left the city far behind them, and the road was open and clear. The darkness eased more and more of itself between the falling flakes. The Spinner picked up speed.
"All right," she admitted, "maybe you're right. Still, though, I think you can help me."
"How?" he asked.
"Accustom me to seeing, so that the images will lose their novelty, the emotions wear off. Accept me as a patient and rid me of my sight-anxiety. Then what you have said so far will cease to apply. I will be able to undertake the training then, and give my full attention to therapy. I'll be able to sublimate the sight-pleasure into something else."
Render wondered.
Perhaps it could be done. It would be a difficult undertaking, though.
It might also make therapeutic history.
No one was really qualified to try it, because no one had ever tried it before.
But Eileen Shallot was a rarity, no, a unique item, for it was likely she was the only person in the world who combined the necessary technical background with the unique problem.
He drained his glass, refilled it, refilled hers.
He was still considering the problem as the "RE-COORDINATE" light came on and the car pulled into a cutoff and stood there. He switched off the buzzer and sat there for a long while, thinking.
It was not often that other persons heard him acknowledge his feelings regarding his skill. His colleagues considered him modest. Offhand, though, it might be noted that he was aware that the day a better neuroparticipant began practicing would be the day that a troubled homo sapiens was to be treated by something but immeasurably less than angels.
Two drinks remained. Then he tossed the emptied bottle into the backbin.
"You know something?" he finally said.
"What?"
"It might be worth a try."
He swiveled about then and leaned forward to re-coordinate, but she was there first. As he pressed the buttons and the S-7 swung around, she kissed him. Below her dark glasses her cheeks were moist.
The suicide bothered him more than it should have, and Mrs. Lambert had called the day before to cancel her appointment. So Render decided to spend the morning being pensive.
Accordingly, he entered the office wearing a cigar and a frown.
"Did you see . . .?" asked Mrs. Hedges.
"Yes." He pitched his coat onto the table that stood in the far corner of the room. He crossed to the window, stared down.
"Yes," he repeated, "I was driving by with my windows clear. They were still cleaning up when I passed."
"Did you know him?"
"I don't even know the name yet. How could I?"
"Priss Tully just called me, she's a receptionist for that engineering outfit up on the eighty-sixth. She says it was James Irizarry, an ad designer who had offices down the hall from them. That's a long way to fall. He must have been unconscious when he hit, huh? He bounced off the building. If you open the window and lean out you can see off to the left there where . . ."
"Never mind, Bennie. Your friend have any idea why he did it?"
"Not really. His secretary came running up the hall, screaming. Seems she went in his office to see him about some drawings, just as he was getting up over the sill. There was a note on his board. I've had everything I wanted,' it said. 'Why wait around?' Sort of funny, huh? I don't mean funny . . ."
"Yeah. Know anything about his personal affairs?"
"Married. Coupla kids. Good professional rep. Lots of business. Sober as anybody. He could afford an office in this building."
"Good Lord!" Render turned. "Have you got a case file there or something?"
"You know," she shrugged her thick shoulders, "I've got friends all over this hive. We always talk when things go slow. Prissy's my sister-in-law anyhow"
"You mean that if I dived through this window right now, my current biography would make the rounds in the next five minutes?"
"Probably," she twisted her bright lips into a smile, "give or take a couple. But don't do it today, huh? You know, it would be kind of anticlimactic, and it wouldn't get the same coverage as a solus.
"Anyhow," she continued, "you're a mind-mixer. You wouldn't do it."
"You're betting against statistics," he observed. "The medical profession, along with attorneys, manages about three times as many as most other work areas."
"Hey!" She looked worried. "Go 'way from my window! I'd have to go to work for Doctor Hanson then," she added, "and he's a slob."
He moved to her desk.
"I never know when to take you seriously," she decided.
"I appreciate your concern," he nodded, "indeed I do. As a matter of fact, I have never been statistic-prone. I should have repercussed out of the neuropy game four years ago."
"You'd be a headline, though," she mused. "All those reporters asking me about you . . . Hey, why do they do it, huh?"
"Who?"
"Anybody."
"How should I know, Bennie? I'm only a humble psychestirrer. If I could pinpoint a general underlying cause and then maybe figure a way to anticipate the thing. Why, it might even be better than my jumping, for news copy. But I can't do it, because there is no single, simple reason, I don't think."
"Oh."
"About thirty-five years ago it was the ninth leading cause of death in the United States. Now it's number six for North and South America. I think it's seventh in Europe."
"And nobody will ever really know why Irizarry jumped?"
Render swung a chair backwards and seated himself. He knocked an ash into her petite and gloaming tray. She emptied it into the waste-chute, hastily, and coughed a significant cough.
"Oh, one can always speculate," he said, "and one in my profession will. The first thing to consider would be the personality traits which might predispose a man to periods of depression. People who keep their emotions under rigid control, people who are conscientious and rather compulsively concerned with small matters . . ." He knocked another fleck of ash into her tray and watched as she reached out to dump it, then quickly drew her hand back again. He grinned an evil grin. "In short," he finished, "some of the characteristics of people in professions which require individual, rather than group performance, medicine, law, the arts."
She regarded him speculatively.
"Don't worry though," he chuckled, "I'm pleased as hell with life."
"You're kind of down in the mouth this morning."
"Pete called me. He broke his ankle yesterday in gym class. They ought to supervise those things more closely. I'm thinking of changing his school."
"Again?"
"Maybe. I'll see. The headmaster is going to call me this afternoon. I don't like to keep shuffling him, but I do want him to finish school in one piece."
"A kid can't grow up without an accident or two. It's statistics."
"Statistics aren't the same thing as destiny, Bennie. Everybody makes his own."
"Statistics or destiny?"
"Both, I guess."
"I think that if something's going to happen, it's going to happen."
"I don't. I happen to think that the human will, backed by a sane mind can exercise some measure of control over events. If I didn't think so, I wouldn't be in the racket I'm in."
"The world's a machine, you know, cause, effect. Statistics do imply the prob-"
"The human mind is not a machine, and I do not know cause and effect. Nobody does."
"You have a degree in chemistry, as I recall. You're a scientist, Doc."
"So I'm a Trotskyite deviationist," he smiled, stretching, "and you were once a ballet teacher." He got to his feet and picked up his coat.
"By the way, Miss DeVille called, left a message, She said: 'How about St. Moritz?' "
"Too ritzy," he decided aloud. "It's going to be Davos."
Because the suicide bothered him more than it should have, Render closed the door to his office and turned off the windows and turned on the phonograph. He put on the desk light only. How has the quality of human life been changed, he wrote, since the beginnings of the industrial revolution?
He picked up the paper and re-read the sentence. It was the topic he had been asked to discuss that coming Saturday. As was typical in such cases he did not know what to say because he had too much to say, and only an hour to say it in.
He got up and began to pace the office, now filled with Beethoven's Eighth Symphony.
"The power to hurt," he said, snapping on a lapel microphone and activating his recorder, "has evolved in a direct relationship to technological advancement." His imaginary audience grew quiet. He smiled. "Man's potential for working simple mayhem has been multiplied by mass-production; his capacity for injuring the psyche through personal contacts has expanded in an exact ratio to improved communication facilities. But these are all matters of common knowledge, and are not the things I wish to consider tonight. Rather, I should like to discuss what I choose to call autopsychomimesis the self-generated anxiety complexes which on first scrutiny appear quite similar to classic patterns, but which actually represent radical dispersions of psychic energy. They are peculiar to our times . . ."
He paused to dispose of his cigar and formulate his next words.
"Autopsychomimesis," he thought aloud, "a self-perpetuated imitation complex, almost an attention-getting affair. A jazzman, for example, who acted hopped-up half the time, even though he had never used an addictive narcotic and only dimly remembered anyone who had because all the stimulants and tranquilizers of today are quite benign. Like Quixote, he aspired after a legend when his music alone should have been sufficient outlet for his tensions.
"Or my Korean War Orphan, alive today by virtue of the Red Cross and UNICEF and foster parents whom he never met. He wanted a family so badly that he made one up. And what then? He hated his imaginary father and he loved his imaginary mother quite dearly for he was a highly intelligent boy, and he too longed after the half-true complexes of tradition. Why?
"Today, everyone is sophisticated enough to understand the time-honored patterns of psychic disturbance. Today, many of the reasons for those disturbances have been removed, not as radically as my now-adult war orphan's, but with as remarkable an effect. We are living in a neurotic past. Again, why? Because our present times are geared to physical health, security, and well-being. We have abolished hunger, though the back-woods orphan would still rather receive a package of food concentrates from a human being who cares for him than to obtain a warm meal from an automat unit in the middle of the jungle.
"Physical welfare is now every man's right, in excess. The reaction to this has occurred in the area of mental health. Thanks to technology, the reasons for many of the old social problems have passed, and along with them went many of the reasons for psychic distress. But between the black of yesterday and the white of tomorrow is the great gray of today, filled with nostalgia, and fear of the future, which cannot be expressed on a purely material plane, is now being represented by a willful seeking after historical anxiety-modes . . ."
The phone-box buzzed briefly. Render did not hear it over the Eighth.
"We are afraid of what we do not know," he continued, "and tomorrow is a very great unknown. My own specialized area of psychiatry did not even exist thirty years ago. Science is capable of, advancing itself so rapidly now that there is a genuine public uneasiness, I might even say 'distress', as to the logical outcome: the total mechanization of everything in the world..."
He passed near the desk as the phone buzzed again. He switched off his microphone and softened the Eighth.
"Hello?"
"Saint Moritz," she said.
"Davos," he replied firmly.
"Charlie, you are most exasperating!"
"Jill, dear, so are you."
"Shall we discuss it tonight?"
"There is nothing to discuss!"
"You'll pick me up at five, though?"
He hesitated, then:
"Yes, at five. How come the screen is blank?"
"I've had my hair fixed. I'm going to surprise you again."
He suppressed an idiot chuckle, said, "Pleasantly, I hope. Okay, see you then," waited for her "goodbye," and broke the connection.
He transpared the windows, turned off the light on his desk, and looked outside.
Gray again overhead, and many slow flakes of snow wandering, not being blown about much, moving downwards and then losing themselves in the tumult . . .
He also saw, when he opened the window and leaned out, the place off to the left where Irizarry had left his next-to-last mark on the world.
He closed the window and listened to the rest of the symphony. It had been a week since he had gone blindspinning with Eileen. Her appointment was for one o'clock. He remembered her fingertips brushing over his face, like leaves, or the bodies of insects, learning his appearance in the ancient manner of the blind. The memory was not altogether pleasant. He wondered why.
Far below, a patch of hosed pavement was blank once again; under a thin, fresh shroud of white, it was slippery as glass. A building custodian hurried outside and spread salt on it, before someone slipped and hurt himself.
Sigmund was the myth of Fenris come alive. After Render had instructed Mrs. Hedges, "Show them in," the door had begun to open, was suddenly pushed wider, and a pair of smoky-yellow eyes stared in at him. The eyes were set in a strangely misshapen dog-skull.
Sigmund's was not a low canine brow, slanting up slightly from the muzzle; it was a high, shaggy cranium, making the eyes appear even more deep-set than they actually were. Render shivered slightly at the size and aspect of that head. The muties he had seen had all been puppies. Sigmund was full grown, and his gray-black fur had a tendency to bristle, which made him appear somewhat larger than a normal specimen of the breed.
He stared in at Render in a very un-doglike way and made a growling noise which sounded too much like; "Hello, doctor," to have been an accident.
Render nodded and stood.
"Hello, Sigmund," he said. "Come in."
The dog turned his head, sniffing the air of the room as though deciding whether or not to trust his ward within its confines. Then he returned his stare to Render, dipped his head in an affirmative, and shouldered the door open. Perhaps the entire encounter had taken only one disconcerting second. Eileen followed him, holding lightly to the double-leashed harness. The dog padded soundlessly across the thick rug, head low, as though he was stalking something. His eyes never left Render's.
"So this is Sigmund . . . ? How are you, Eileen?"
"Fine. Yes, he wanted very badly to come along, and I wanted you to meet him."
Render led her to a chair and seated her. She unsnapped the double guide from the dog's harness and placed it on the floor. Sigmund sat down beside it and continued to stare at Render.
"How is everything at State Psych?"
"Same as always. May I bum a cigarette, doctor? I forgot mine."
He placed it between her fingers, furnished a light. She was wearing a dark blue suit and her glasses were flame blue. The silver spot on her forehead reflected the glow of his lighter; she continued to stare at that point in space after he had withdrawn his hand. Her shoulder-length hair appeared a trifle lighter than it had seemed on the night they met; today it was like a fresh-minted copper coin.
Render seated himself on the corner of his desk, drawing up his world-ashtray with his toe.
"You told me before that being blind did not mean that you had never seen. I didn't ask you to explain it then. But I'd like to ask you now."
"I had a neuroparticipation session with Doctor Riscomb," she told him, "before he had his accident. He wanted to accommodate my mind to visual impressions. Unfortunately, there was never a second session."
"I see. What did you do in that session?"
She crossed her anides and Render noted they were well-turned.
"Colors, mostly. The experience was quite overwhelming."
"How well do you remember them? How long ago was it?"
"About six months ago and I shall never forget them. I have even dreamt in color patterns since then."
"How often?"
"Several times a week."
"What sort of associations do they carry?"
"Nothing special. They just come into my mind along with other stimuli now in a pretty haphazard way."
"How?"
"Well, for instance, when you ask me a question it's a sort of yellowish-orangish pattern that I 'see.' Your greeting was a kind of silvery thing. Now that you're just sitting there listening to me, saying nothing, I associate you with a deep, almost violet, blue."
Sigmund shifted his gaze to the desk and stared at the side panel.
Can he hear the recorder spinning inside? wondered Render.
And if he can, can he guess what it is and what it's doing? If so, the dog would doubtless tell Eileen, not that she was unaware of what was now an accepted practice, and she might not like being reminded that he considered her case as therapy, rather than a mere mechanical adaptation process. If he thought it would do any good (he smiled inwardly at the notion), he would talk to the dog in private about it. Inwardly, he shrugged.
"I'll construct a rather elementary fantasy world then," he said finally, "and introduce you to some basic forms today."
She smiled; and Render looked down at the myth who crouched by her side, its tongue a piece of beefsteak hanging over a picket fence.
Is he smiling too?
"Thank you," she said.
Sigmund wagged his tail.
"Well then," Render disposed of his cigarette near Madagascar, "I'll fetch out the 'egg' now and test it. In the meantime," he pressed an unobtrusive button, "perhaps some music would prove relaxing."
She started to reply, but a Wagnerian overture snuffed out the words. Render jammed the button again, and there was a moment of silence during which he said, "Heh, heh. Thought Respighi was next."
It took two more pushes for him to locate some Roman pines.
"You could have left him on," she observed: "I'm quite fond of Wagner."
"No thanks," he said, opening the closet, "I'd keep stepping in all those piles of leitmotifs."
The great egg drifted out into the office, soundless as a cloud.
Render heard a soft growl behind as he drew it toward the desk. He turned quickly.
Like the shadow of a bird, Sigmund had gotten to his feet, crossed the room, and was already circling the machine and sniffing at it, tail taut, ears flat, teeth bared.
"Easy, Sig," said Render. "It's an Omnichannel Neural T & R Unit. It won't bite or anything like that. It's just a machine, like a car, or a teevee, or a dishwasher. That's what we're going to use today to show Eileen what some things look like."
"Don't like it," rumbled the dog.
"Why?"
Sigmund had no reply, so he stalked back to Eileen and laid his head in her lap.
"Don't like it," he repeated, looking up at her.
"Why?"
"No words," he decided. "We go home now?"
"No," she answered him. "You're going to curl up in the corner and take a nap, and I'm going to curl up in that machine and do the same thing, sort of."
"No good," he said, tail drooping.
"Go on now," she pushed him, "lie down and behave yourself."
He acquiesced, but he whined when Render blanked the windows and touched the button which transformed his desk into the operator's seat.
He whined once more when the egg, connected now to an outlet, broke in the middle and the top slid back and up, revealing the interior.
Render seated himself. His chair became a contour couch and moved in halfway beneath the console. He sat upright and it moved back again, becoming a chair. He touched a part of the desk and half the ceiling disengaged itself, reshaped itself, and lowered to hover overhead like a huge bell. He stood and moved around to the side of the ro-womb. Respighi spoke of pines and such, and Render disengaged an earphone from beneath the egg and leaned back across his desk. Blocking one ear with his shoulder and pressing the microphone to the other, he played upon the buttons with his free hand. Leagues of surf drowned the tone poem; miles of traffic overrode it; a great clanging bell sent fracture lines running through it; and the feedback said: ". . . Now that you are just sitting there listening to me, saying nothing, I associate you with a deep, almost violet, blue . . ."
He switched to the face mask and monitored, one cinnamon, two leaf mold, three deep reptilian musk . . . and down through thirst, and the tastes of honey and vinegar and salt, and back on up through lilacs and wet concrete, a before-the-storm whiff of ozone, and all the basic olfactory and gustatory cues for morning, afternoon, and evening in the town.
The couch floated normally in its pool of mercury, magnetically stabilized by the walls of the egg. He set the tapes.
The ro-womb was in perfect condition.
"Okay," said Render, turning, "everything checks."
She was just placing her glasses atop her folded garments. She had undressed while Render was testing the machine. He was perturbed by her narrow waist, her large, dark-pointed breasts, her long legs. She was too well-formed for a woman her height, he decided.
He realized though, as he stared at her, that his main annoyance was, of course, the fact that she was his patient.
"Ready here," she said, and he moved to her side.
He took her elbow and guided her to the machine. Her fingers explored its interior. As he helped her enter the unit, he saw that her eyes were a vivid sea green. Of this, too, he disapproved.
"Comfortable?"
"Yes."
"Okay then, we're set. I'm going to close it now. Sweet dreams."
The upper shell dropped slowly. Closed, it grew opaque, then dazzling. Render was staring down at his own distorted reflection.
He moved back in the direction of his desk.
Sigmund was on his feet, blocking the way.
Render reached down to pat his head, but the dog jerked it aside.
"Take me, with," he growled.
"I'm afraid that can't be done, old fellow," said Render.
"Besides, we're not really going anywhere. We'll just be dozing right here, in this room."
The dog did not seem mollified.
"Why?"
Render sighed. An argument with a dog was about the most ludicrous thing he could imagine when sober.
"Sig," he said, "I'm trying to help her learn what things look like. You doubtless do a fine job guiding her around in this world which she cannot see, but she needs to know what it looks like now, and I'm going to show her."
"Then she, will not, need me."
"Of course she will." Render almost laughed. The pathetic thing was here bound so closely to the absurd thing that he could not help it. "I can't restore her sight," he explained. "I'm just going to transfer her some sight-abstractions, sort of lend her my eyes for a short time. Savvy?"
"No," said the dog. "Take mine."
Render turned off the music.
The whole mutie-master relationship might be worth six volumes, he decided, in German.
He pointed to the far corner.
"Lie down, over there, like Eileen told you. This isn't going to take long, and when it's all over you're going to leave the same way you came, you leading. Okay?"
Sigmund did not answer, but he turned and moved off to the corner, tail drooping again.
Render seated himself and lowered the hood, the operator's modified version of the ro-womb. He was alone before the ninety white buttons and the two red ones. The world ended in the blackness beyond the console. He loosened his necktie and unbuttoned his collar.
He removed the helmet from its receptacle and checked its leads. Donning it then, he swung the half-mask up over his lower face and dropped the darksheet down to meet with it. He rested his right arm in the sling, and with a single tapping gesture, he eliminated his patient's consciousness.
A Shaper does not press white buttons consciously. He wills conditions. Then deeply-implanted muscular reflexes exert an almost imperceptible pressure against the sensitive arm-sling, which glides into the proper position and encourages an extended finger to move forward. A button is pressed. The sling moves on.
Render felt a tingling at the base of his skull; he smelled fresh-cut grass.
Suddenly he was moving up the great gray alley between the worlds.
After what seemed a long time, Render felt that he was footed on a strange Earth. He could see nothing; it was only a sense of presence that informed him he had arrived. It was the darkest of all the dark nights he had ever known.
He willed that the darkness disperse. Nothing happened. A part of his mind came awake again, a part he had not realized was sleeping; he recalled whose world he had entered. He listened for her presence. He heard fear and anticipation.
He willed color. First, red . . .
He felt a correspondence. Then there was an echo.
Everything became red; he inhabited the center of an infinite ruby.
Orange. Yellow . . .
He was caught in a piece of amber.
Green now, and he added the exhalations of a sultry sea.
Blue, and the coolness of evening.
He stretched his mind then, producing all the colors at once.
They came in great swirling plumes.
Then he tore them apart and forced a form upon them.
An incandescent rainbow arched across the black sky.
He fought for browns and grays below him. Self-luminescent, they appeared in shimmering, shifting patches.
Somewhere, a sense of awe. There was no trace of hysteria though, so he continued with the Shaping.
He managed a horizon, and the blackness drained away beyond it. The sky grew faintly blue, and he ventured a herd of dark clouds. There was resistance to his efforts at creating distance and depth, so he reinforced the tableau with a very faint sound of surf. A transference from an auditory concept of distance came on slowly then, as he pushed the clouds about. Quickly, he threw up a high forest to offset a rising wave of acrophobia.
The panic vanished.
Render focused his attention on tall trees, oaks and pines, poplars and sycamores. He buried them about like spears, in ragged arrays of greens and browns and yellows, unrolled a thick mat of morning-moist grass, dropped a series of gray boulders and greenish logs at irregular intervals, and tangled and twined the branches overhead, casting a uniform shade throughout the glen.
The effect was staggering. It seemed as if the entire world was shaken with a sob, then silent.
Through the stillness he felt her presence. He had decided it would be best to lay the groundwork quickly, to set up a tangible headquarters, to prepare a field for operations. He could backtrack later, he could repair and amend the results of the trauma in the sessions yet to come; but this much, at least, was necessary for a beginning.
With a start, he realized that the silence was not a withdrawal. Eileen had made herself immanent in the trees and the grass, the stones and the bushes; she was personalizing their forms, relating them to tactile sensations, sounds, temperatures, aromas.
With a soft breeze, he stirred the branches of the trees. Just beyond the bounds of seeing he worked out the splashing sounds of a brook.
There was a feeling of joy. He shared it.
She was bearing it extremely well, so he decided to extend the scope of the exercise. He let his mind wander among the trees, experiencing a momentary doubling of vision, during which time he saw an enormous hand riding in an aluminum carriage toward a circle of white.
He was beside the brook now and he was seeking her, carefully.
He drifted with the water. He had not yet taken on a form.
The splashes became a gurgling as he pushed the brook through shallow places and over rocks. At his insistence, the waters became more articulate.
"Where are you?" asked the brook.
Here! Here!
Here!
. . . and here! replied the trees, the bushes, the stones, the grass.
"Choose one," said the brook, as it widened, rounded a mass of rock, then bent its way toward a slope, heading toward a blue pool.
I cannot, was the answer from the wind.
"You must." The brook widened and poured itself into the pool, swirled about the surface, then stilled itself and reflected branches and dark clouds. "Now!"
Very well, echoed the wood, in a moment.
The mist rose above the lake and drifted to the bank of the pool.
"Now," tinkled the mist.
Here, then...
She had chosen a small willow. It swayed in the wind; it trailed its branches in the water.
"Eileen Shallot," he said, "regard the lake."
The breezes shifted; the willow bent.
It was not difficult for him to recall her face, her body. The tree spun as though rootless. Eileen stood in the midst of a quiet explosion of leaves; she stared, frightened, into the deep blue mirror of Render's mind, the lake.
She covered her face with her hands, but it could not stop the seeing.
"Behold yourself," said Render.
She lowered her hands and peered downwards. Then she turned in every direction, slowly; she studied herself. Finally:
"I feel I am quite lovely," she said. "Do I feel so because you want me to, or is it true?"
She looked all about as she spoke, seeking the Shaper.
"It is true," said Render, from everywhere.
"Thank you."
There was a swirl of white and she was wearing a belted garment of damask. The light in the distance brightened almost imperceptibly. A faint touch of pink began at the base of the lowest cloudbank.
"What is happening there?" she asked, facing that direction.
"I am going to show you a sunrise," said Render, "and I shall probably botch it a bit but then, it's my first professional sunrise under these circumstances."
"Where are you?" she asked.
"Everywhere," he replied.
"Please take on a form so that I can see you."
"All right."
"Your natural form."
He willed that he be beside her on the bank, and he was.
Startled by a metallic flash, he looked downward. The world receded for an instant, then grew stable once again. He laughed, and the laugh froze as he thought of something.
He was wearing the suit of armor which had stood beside their table in The Partridge and Scalpel on the night they met.
She reached out and touched it.
"The suit of armor by our table," she acknowledged, running her fingertips over the plates and the junctures. "I associated it with you that night."
". . . And you stuffed me into it just now," he commented.
"You're a strong-willed woman."
The armor vanished and he was wearing his gray-brown suit and looseknit bloodclot necktie and a professional expression.
"Behold the real me," he smiled faintly. "Now, to the sunset. I'm going to use all the colors. Watch!"
They seated themselves on the green park bench which had appeared behind them, and Render pointed in the direction he had decided upon as east.
Slowly, the sun worked through its morning attitudes. For the first time in this particular world it shone down like a god, and reflected off the lake, and broke the clouds, and set the landscape to smouldering beneath the mist that arose from the moist wood.
Watching, watching intently, staring directly into the ascending bonfire, Eileen did not move for a long while, nor speak. Render could sense her fascination.
She was staring at the source of all light; it reflected back from the gleaming coin on her brow, like a single drop of blood.
Render said, "That is the sun, and those are clouds," and he clapped his hands and the clouds covered the sun and there was a soft rumble overhead, "and that is thunder," he finished. The rain fell then, shattering the lake and tickling their faces, making sharp striking sounds on the leaves, then soft tapping sounds, dripping down from the branches overhead, soaking their garments and plastering their hair, running down their necks and falling into their eyes, turning patches of brown earth to mud.
A splash of lightning covered the sky, and a second later there was another peal of thunder.
". . . And this is a summer storm," he lectured. "You see how the rain affects the foliage, and ourselves. What you just saw in the sky before the thunderclap was lightning."
". . . Too much," she said. "Let up on it for a moment, please."
The rain stopped instantly and the sun broke through the clouds.
"I have the damnedest desire for a cigarette," she said, "but I left mine in another world."
As she said it one appeared, already lighted, between her fingers.
"It's going to taste rather flat," said Render strangely.
He watched her for a moment, then:
"I didn't give you that cigarette," he noted. "You picked it from my mind."
The smoke laddered and spiraled upward, was swept away.
". . . Which means that, for the second time today, I have underestimated the pull of that vacuum in your mind in the place where sight ought to be. You are assimilating these new impressions very rapidly. You're even going to the extent of groping after new ones. Be careful. Try to contain that impulse."
"It's like a hunger," she said.
"Perhaps we had best conclude this session now."
Their clothing was dry again. A bird began to sing.
"No, wait! Please! I'll be careful. I want to see more things."
"There is always the next visit," said Render. "But I suppose we can manage one more. Is there something you want very badly to see?"
"Yes. Winter. Snow."
"Okay," smiled the Shaper, "then wrap yourself in that furpiece..."
The afternoon slipped by rapidly after the departure of his patient. Render was in a good mood. He felt emptied and filled again. He had come through the first trial without suffering any repercussions. He decided that he was going to succeed. His satisfaction was greater than his fear. It was with a sense of exhilaration that he returned to working on his speech.
". . . And what is the power to hurt?" he inquired of the microphone.
"We live by pleasure and we live by pain," he answered himself. "Either can frustrate and either can encourage. But while pleasure and pain are rooted in biology, they are conditioned by society: thus are values to be derived. Because of the enormous masses of humanity, hectically changing positions in space every day throughout the cities of the world, there has come into necessary being a series of totally inhuman controls upon these movements. Every day they nibble their way into new areas, driving our cars, flying our planes, interviewing us, diagnosing our diseases, and I cannot even venture a moral judgment upon these intrusions. They have become necessary. Ultimately, they may prove salutary.
"The point I wish to make, however; is that we are often unaware of our own values. We cannot honestly tell what a thing means to us until it is removed from our life-situation. If an object of value ceases to exist, then the psychic energies which were bound up in it are released. We seek after new objects of value in which to invest this manna, if you like, or libido, if you don't. And no one thing which has vanished during the past three or four or five decades was, in itself, massively significant; and no new thing which came into being during that time is massively malicious toward the people it has replaced or the people it in some manner controls. A society, though, is made up of many things, and when these things are changed too rapidly the results are unpredictable. An intense study of mental illness is often quite revealing as to the nature of the stresses in the society where the illness was made. If anxiety-patterns fall into special groups and classes, then something of the discontent of society can be learned from them. Carl Jung pointed out that when consciousness is repeatedly frustrated in a quest for values it will turn its search to the unconscious; failing there, it will proceed to quarry its way into the hypothetical collective unconscious. He noted, in the postwar analyses of ex-Nazis, that the longer they searched for something to erect from the ruins of their lives having lived through a period of classical iconoclasm, and then seen their new ideals topple as well the longer they searched, the further back they seemed to reach into the collective unconscious of their people. Their dreams themselves came to take on patterns out of the Teutonic mythos.
"This, in a much less dramatic sense, is happening today. There are historical periods when the group tendency for the mind to turn in upon itself, to turn back, is greater than at other times. We are living in such a period of Quixotism, in the original sense of the term. This is because the power to hurt, in our time, is the power to ignore, to baffle and it is no longer the exclusive property of human beings"
A buzz interrupted him then. He switched off the recorder, touched the phone-box.
"Charles Render speaking," he told it;.
"This is Paul Charter," lisped the box. "I am headmaster at Billing."
"Yes?"
The picture cleared. Render saw a man whose eyes were set close together beneath a high forehead. The forehead was heavily creased; the mouth twitched as it spoke.
"Well, I want to apologize again for what happened. It was a faulty piece of equipment that caused-"
"Can't you afford proper facilities? Your fees are high enough."
"It was a new piece of equipment. It was a factory defect."
"Wasn't there anybody in charge of the class?"
"Yes, but-"
"Why didn't he inspect the equipment? Why wasn't he on hand to prevent the fall?"
"He was on hand, but it happened too fast for him to do anything. As for inspecting the equipment for factory defects, that isn't his job. Look, I'm very sorry. I'm quite fond of your boy. I can assure you nothing like this will ever happen again."
"You're right, there. But that's because I'm picking him up tomorrow morning and enrolling him in a school that exercises proper safety precautions."
Render ended the conversation with a flick of his finger.
After several minutes had passed he stood and crossed the room to his small wall safe, which was partly masked, though not concealed, by a shelf of books. It took only a moment for him to open it and withdraw a jewel box containing a cheap necklace and a framed photograph of a man resembling himself, though somewhat younger, and a woman whose upswept hair was dark and whose chin was small, and two youngsters between them, the girl holding the baby in her arms and forcing her bright bored smile on ahead. Render always stared for only a few seconds on such occasions, fondling the necklace, and then he shut the box and locked it away again for many months.
Whamp! Whump! went the bass. Tchg-tchg-tchga-tchg, the gourds.
The gelatins splayed reds, greens, blues, and god-awful yellows about the amazing metal dancers.
HUMAN? asked the marquee.
ROBOTS? (immediately below).
COME SEE FOR YOURSELF! (across the bottom, cryptically).
So they did.
Render and Jill were sitting at a microscopic table, thankfully set back against a wall, beneath charcoal caricatures of personalities largely unknown (there being so many personalities among the subcultures of a city of 14 million people). Nose crinkled with pleasure, Jill stared at the present focal point of this particular subculture, occasionally raising her shoulders to ear level to add emphasis to a silent laugh or a small squeal, because the performers were just too human the way the ebon robot ran his fingers along the silver robot's forearm as they parted and passed . . .
Render alternated his attention between Jill and the dancers and a wicked-looking decoction that resembled nothing so much as a small bucket of whisky sours strewn with seaweed (through which the Kraken might at any moment arise to drag some hapless ship down to its doom).
"Charlie, I think they're really people!"
Render disentangled his gaze from her hair and bouncing earrings.
He studied the dancers down on the floor, somewhat below the table area, surrounded by music.
There could be humans within those metal shells. If so, their dance was a thing of extreme skill. Though the manufacture of sufficiently light alloys was no problem, it would be some trick for a dancer to cavort so freely, and for so long a period of time, and with such effortless-seeming ease within a head-to-toe suit of armor, without so much as a grate or a click or a clank.
Soundless...
They glided like two gulls; the larger, the color of polished anthracite, and the other, like a moonbeam falling through a window upon a silk-wrapped manikin.
Even when they touched there was no sound or if there was, it was wholly masked by the rhythms of the band.
Whump-whump! Tchga-tchg!
Render took another drink.
Slowly, it turned into an apache-dance. Render checked his watch. Too long for normal entertainers, he decided. They must be robots. As he looked up again the black robot buried the silver robot perhaps ten feet and turned his back on her.
There was no sound of striking metal.
Wonder what a setup like that costs? he mused.
"Charlie! There was no sound! How do they do that?"
"Really?" asked Render.
The gelatins were yellow again, then red, then blue, then green.
"You'd think it would damage their mechanisms, wouldn't you?"
The white robot crawled back and the other swiveled his wrist around and around, a lighted cigarette between the fingers. There was laughter as he pressed it mechanically to his lipless faceless face. The silver robot confronted him. He turned away again, dropped the cigarette, ground it out slowly, soundlessly, then suddenly turned back to his partner. Would he throw her again? No . . .
Slowly then, like the great-legged birds of the East, they re-commenced their movement, slowly, and with many turnings away.
Something deep within Render was amused, but he was too far gone to ask it what was funny. So he went looking for the Kraken in the bottom of the glass instead.
Jill was clutching his bicep then, drawing his attention back to the floor.
As the spotlight tortured the spectrum, the black robot raised the silver one high above his head, slowly, slowly, and then commenced spinning with her in that position, arms outstretched, back arched, legs scissored very slowly, at first.
Then faster.
Suddenly they were whirling with an unbelievable speed, and the gelatins rotated faster and faster.
Render shook his head to clear it.
They were moving so rapidly that they had to fall, human or robot. But they didn't. They were a mandala. They were a gray-form uniformity. Render looked down.
Then slowing, and slower, slower. Stopped.
The music stopped.
Blackness followed. Applause filled it.
When the lights came on again the two robots were standing statue-like, facing the audience. Very, very slowly, they bowed.
The applause increased.
Then they turned and were gone.
Then the music came on and the light was clear again. A babble of voices arose. Render slew the Kraken.
"What d'you think of that?" she asked him.
Render made his face serious and said: "Am I a man dreaming I am a robot, or a robot dreaming I am a man?" He grinned, then added: "I don't know."
She punched his shoulder gaily at that and he observed that she was drunk.
"I am not," she protested. "Not much, anyhow. Not as much as you."
"Still, I think you ought to see a doctor about it. Like me. Like now. Let's get out of here and go for a drive."
"Not yet, Charlie. I want to see them once more, huh? Please?"
"If I have another drink I won't be able to see that far."
"Then order a cup of coffee."
"Yaagh!"
"Then order a beer."
"I'll suffer without."
There were people on the dance floor now, but Render's feet felt like lead.
He lit a cigarette.
"So you had a dog talk to you today?"
"Yes. Something very disconcerting about that . . ."
"Was she pretty?"
"It was a boy dog. And boy, was he ugly!"
"Silly. I mean his mistress."
"You know I never discuss cases, Jill."
"You told me about her being blind and about the dog. All I want to know is if she's pretty."
"Well . . . Yes and no." He bumped her under the table and gestured vaguely. "Well, you know . . ."
"Same thing all the way around," she told the waiter who had appeared suddenly out of an adjacent pool of darkness, nodded, and vanished as abruptly.
"There go my good intentions," sighed Render. "See how you like being examined by a drunken sot, that's all I can say."
"You'll sober up fast, you always do. Hippocratics and all that."
He sniffed, glanced at his watch.
"I have to be in Connecticut tomorrow. Pulling Pete out of that damned school . . ."
She sighed, already tired of the subject.
"I think you worry too much about him. Any kid can bust an ankle. It's a part of growing up. I broke my wrist when I was seven. It was an accident. It's not the school's fault those things sometimes happen."
"Like hell," said Render, accepting his dark drink from the dark tray the dark man carried. "If they can't do a good job I'll find someone who can."
She shrugged. "You're the boss. All I know is what I read in the papers."
"And you're still set on Davos, even though you know you meet a better class of people at Saint Moritz?" she added.
"We're going there to ski, remember? I like the runs better at Davos."
"I can't score any tonight, can I?"
He squeezed her hand.
"You always score with me, honey."
And they drank their drinks and smoked their cigarettes and held their hands until the people left the dance floor and filed back to their microscopic tables, and the gelatins spun round and round, tinting clouds of smoke from hell to sunrise and back again, and the bass went whamp!
Tchga-tchga!
"Oh, Charlie! Here they come again!"
The sky was clear as crystal. The roads were clean. The snow had stopped.
Jill's breathing was the breathing of a sleeper. The S-7 arced across the bridges of the city. If Render sat very still he could convince himself that only his body was drunk; but whenever he moved his head the universe began to dance about him. As it did so, he imagined himself within a dream, and Shaper of it all.
For one instant this was true. He turned the big clock in the sky backward, smiling as he dozed. Another instant and he was awake again, and unsmiling.
The universe had taken revenge for his presumption. For one unknown moment with the helplessness which he had loved beyond helping, it had charged him the price of the lake-bottom vision once again; and as he had moved once more toward the wreck at the bottom of the world, like a swimmer, as unable to speak, he heard, from somewhere high over the Earth, and filtered down to him through the waters above the Earth, the howl of the Fenris Wolf as it prepared to devour the moon; and as this occurred, he knew that the sound was as like to the trump of a judgment as the lady by his side was unlike the moon. Every bit. In all ways. And he was afraid.
". . . The plain, the direct, and the blunt. This is Winchester Cathedral," said the guidebook. "With its floor-to-ceiling shafts, like so many huge tree trunks, it achieves a ruthless control over its spaces: the ceilings are flat; each bay, separated by those shafts, is itself a thing of certainty and stability. It seems, indeed, to reflect something of the spirit of William the Conqueror. Its disdain of mere elaboration and its passionate dedication to the love of another world would make it seem, too, an appropriate setting for some tale out of Mallory . . ."
"Observe the scalloped capitals," said the guide. "In their primitive fluting they anticipated what was later to become a common motif . . ."
"Faugh!" said Render softly though, because he was in a group inside a church.
"Shh!" said Jill (Fotlock, that was her real last name) DeVille.
But Render was impressed as well as distressed.
Hating Jill's hobby though, had become so much of a reflex with him that he would sooner have taken his rest seated beneath an oriental device which dripped water on his head than to admit he occasionally enjoyed walking through the arcades and the galleries, the passages and the tunnels, and getting all out of breath climbing up the high twisty stairways of towers.
So he ran his eyes over everything, burnt everything down by shutting them, then built the place up again out of the still smouldering ashes of memory, all so that at a later date he would be able to repeat the performance, offering the vision to his one patient who could see only in this manner. This building he disliked less than most. Yes, he would take it back to her.
The camera in his mind photographing the surroundings, Render walked with the others, overcoat over his arm, his fingers anxious to reach after a cigarette. He kept busy ignoring his guide, realizing this to be the nadir of all forms of human protest. As he walked through Winchester he thought of his last two sessions with Eileen Shallot. He recalled his almost unwilling Adam-attitude as he had named all the animals passing before them, led of course by the one she had wanted to see, colored fearsome by his own unease. He had felt pleasantly bucolic after honing up on an old botany text and then proceeding to Shape and name the flowers of the fields.
So far they had stayed out of the cities, far away from the machines. Her emotions were still too powerful at the sight of the simple, carefully introduced objects to risk plunging her into so complicated and chaotic a wilderness yet; he would build her city slowly.
Something passed rapidly, high above the cathedral, uttering a sonic boom. Render took Jill's hand in his for a moment and smiled as she looked up at him. Knowing she verged upon beauty, Jill normally took great pains to achieve it.
But today her hair was simply drawn back and knotted behind her head, and her lips and her eyes were pale; and her exposed ears were tiny and white and somewhat pointed.
"Observe the scalloped capitals," he whispered. "In their primitive fluting they anticipated what was later to become a common motif."
"Faugh!" said she.
"Shh!" said a sunburnt little woman nearby, whose face seemed to crack and fall back together again as she pursed and unpursed her lips.
Later, as they strolled back toward their hotel, Render said, "Okay on Winchester?"
"Okay on Winchester."
"Happy?"
"Happy."
"Good, then we can leave this afternoon."
"All right."
"For Switzerland..."
She stopped and toyed with a button on his coat.
"Couldn't we just spend a day or two looking at some old chateaux first? After all, they're just across the Channel, and you could be sampling all the local wines while I looked. . ."
"Okay," he said.
She looked up, a trifle surprised.
"What? No argument?" she smiled. "Where is your fighting spirit, to let me push you around like this?"
She took his arm then and they walked on as he said, "Yesterday, while we were galloping about in the innards of that old castle, I heard a weak moan, and then a voice cried out, 'For the love of God, Montresor!' I think it was my fighting spirit, because I'm certain it was my voice. I've given up 'der geist der stets verneint. Pax vobiscumi'. Let us be gone to France. Alors!"
"Dear Rendy, it'll only be another day or two . . ."
"Amen," he said, "though my skis that were waxed are already waning."
So they did that, and on the morn of the third day, when she spoke to him of castles in Spain, he reflected aloud that while psychologists drink and only grow angry, psychiatrists have been known to drink, grow angry, and break things. Construing this as a veiled threat aimed at the Wedgwoods she had collected, she acquiesced to his desire to go skiing.
Free! Render almost screamed it.
His heart was pounding inside his head. He leaned hard. He cut to the left. The wind strapped at his face; a shower of ice crystals, like bullets of emery, fired by him, scraped against his cheek.
He was moving. Aye, the world had ended at Weissflujoch, and Dorftali led down and away from this portal. His feet were two gleaming rivers which raced across the stark, curving plains; they could not be frozen in their course. Downward. He flowed. Away from all the rooms of the world. Away from the stifling lack of intensity, from the day's hundred spoon-fed welfares, from the killing pace of the forced amusements that hacked at the Hydra, leisure; away.
And as he fled down the run he felt a strong desire to look back over his shoulder, as though to see whether the world he had left behind and above had set one fearsome embodiment of itself, like a shadow, to trail along after him, hunt him down, and to drag him back to a warm and well-lit coffin in the sky, there to be laid to rest with a spike of aluminum driven through his will and a garland of alternating currents smothering his spirit.
"I hate you," he breathed between clenched teeth, and the wind carried the words back; and he laughed then, for he always analyzed his emotions, as a matter of reflex; and be added, "Exit Orestes, mad, pursued by the Furies . . ."
After a time the slope leveled out and he reached the bottom of the run and had to stop.
He smoked one cigarette then and rode back up to the top so that he could come down it again for non-therapeutic reasons.
That night he sat before a fire in the big lodge, feeling its warmth soaking into his tired muscles. Jill massaged his shoulders as he played Rorschach with the flames, and he came upon a blazing goblet which was snatched away from him in the same instant by the sound of his name being spoken somewhere across the Hall of the Nine Hearths.
"Charles Render!" said the voice (only it sounded more like "Shariz Runder"), and his head instantly jerked in that direction, but his eyes danced with too many afterimages for him to isolate the source of the calling.
"Maurice?" he queried after a moment, "Bartelmetz?"
"Aye," came the reply, and then Render saw the familiar grizzled visage, set neckless and balding above the red and blue shag sweater that was stretched mercilessly about the wine-keg rotundity of the man who now picked his way in their direction, deftly avoiding the strewn crutches and the stacked skis and the people who, like Jill and Render, disdained sitting in chairs.
Render stood, stretching, and shook hands as he came upon them.
"You've put on more weight," Render observed. "That's unhealthy."
"Nonsense, it's all muscle. How have you been, and what are you up to these days?" He looked down at Jill and she smiled back at him.
"This is Miss DeVille," said Render.
"Jill," she acknowledged.
He bowed slightly, finally releasing Render's aching hand.
". . . And this is Professor Maurice Bartelmetz of Vienna," finished Render, "a benighted disciple of all forms of dialectical pessimism, and a very distinguished pioneer in neuroparticipation although you'd never guess it to look at him. I had the good fortune to be his pupil for over a year."
Bartelmetz nodded and agreed with him, taking in the Schnappsflasche Render brought forth from a small plastic bag, and accepting the collapsible cup which he filled to the brim.
"Ah, you are a good doctor still," he sighed. "You have diagnosed the case in an instant and you make the proper prescription. Nozdrovia!"
"Seven years in a gulp," Render acknowledged, refilling their glasses.
"Then we shall make time more malleable by sipping it."
They seated themselves on the floor, and the fire roared up through the great brick chimney as the logs burnt themselves back to branches, to twigs, to thin sticks, ring by yearly ring.
Render replenished the fire.
"I read your last book," said Bartelmetz finally, casually, "about four years ago."
Render reckoned that to be correct.
"Are you doing any research work these days?"
Render poked lazily at the fire.
"Yes," he answered, "sort of."
He glanced at Jill, who was dozing with her cheek against the arm of the huge leather chair that held his emergency bag, the planes of her face all crimson and flickering shadow.
"I've hit upon a rather unusual subject arid started with a piece of jobbery I eventually intend to write about."
"Unusual? In what way?"
"Blind from birth, for one thing."
"You're using the ONT&R?"
"Yes. She's going to be a Shaper."
"Verfluchter! Are you aware of the possible repercussions?"
"Of course."
"You've heard of unlucky Pierre?"
"No."
"Good, then it was successfully hushed. Pierre was a philosophy student at the University of Paris, and he was doing a dissertation on the evolution of consciousness. This past summer he decided it would be necessary for him to explore the mind of an ape, for purposes of comparing a moins-nausee mind with his own, I suppose. At any rate, he obtained illegal access to an ONT&R and to the mind of our hairy cousin. It was never ascertained how far along he got in exposing the animal to the stimuli-bank, but it is to be assumed that such items as would not be immediately trans-subjective between man and ape, traffic sounds and so weiter, were what frightened the creature. Pierre is still residing in a padded cell, and all his responses are those of a frightened ape."
"So, while he did not complete his own dissertation," he finished, "he may provide significant material for someone else's."
Render shook his head.
"Quite a story," he said softly, "but I have nothing that dramatic to contend with. I've found an exceedingly stable individual, a psychiatrist, in fact, one who's already spent time in ordinary analysis. She wants to go into neuroparticipation but the fear of a sight-trauma was what was keeping her out. I've been gradually exposing her to a full range of visual phenomena. When I've finished she should be completely accommodated to sight, so that she can give her full attention to therapy and not be blinded by vision, so to speak. We've already had four sessions."
"And?"
". . . And it's working fine."
"You are certain about it?"
"Yes, as certain as anyone can be in these matters."
"Mm-hm," said Bartelmetz. "Tell me, do you find her excessively strong-willed? By that I mean, say, perhaps an obsessive-compulsive pattern concerning anything to which she's been introduced so far?"
"No."
"Has she ever succeeded in taking over control of the fantasy?"
"No!"
"You lie," he said simply.
Render found a cigarette. After lighting it, he smiled.
"Old father, old artificer," he conceded, "age has not withered your perceptiveness. I may trick me, but never you. Yes, as a matter of fact, she is very difficult to keep under control. She is not satisfied just to see. She wants to Shape things for herself already. It's quite understandable, both to her and to me, but conscious apprehension and emotional acceptance never do seem to get together on things. She has become dominant on several occasions, but I've succeeded in resuming control almost immediately. After all, I am master of the bank."
"Hm," mused Bartelmetz. "Are you familiar with a Buddhist text Shankara's Catechism?"
"I'm afraid not."
"Then I lecture you on it now. It posits, obviously not for therapeutic purposes, a true ego and a false ego. The true ego is that part of man which is immortal and shall proceed on to nirvana: the soul, if you like. Very good. Well, the false ego, on the other hand, is the normal mind, bound round with the illusions, the consciousness of you and I and everyone we have ever known professionally. Good? Good. Now, the stuff this false ego is made up of they call skandhas. These include the feelings, the perceptions, the aptitudes, consciousness itself, and even the physical form. Very unscientific. Yes. Now they are not the same thing as neuroses, or one of Mister Ibsen's lifelies, or an hallucination, no, even though they are all wrong, being parts of a false thing to begin with. Each of the five skandhas is a part of the eccentricity that we call identity, then on top come the neuroses and all the other messes which follow after and keep us in business. Okay? Okay. I give you this lecture because I need a dramatic term for what I will say, because I wish to say something dramatic. View the skandhas as lying at the bottom of the pond; the neuroses, they are ripples on the top of the water; the 'true ego', if there is one, is buried deep beneath the sand at the bottom. So. The ripples fill up the zwischenwelt between the object and the subject. The skandhas are a part of the subject, basic, unique, the stuff of his being. So far, you are with me?"
"With many reservations."
"Good. Now I have defined my term somewhat, I will use it. You are fooling around with skandhas, not simple neuroses. You are attempting to adjust this woman's overall conception of herself and of the world. You are using the ONT&R to do it. It is the same thing as fooling with a psychotic, or an ape. All may seem to go well, but, at any moment, it is possible you may do something, show her some sight, or some way of seeing which will break in upon her selfhood, break a skandha and pouf! it will be like breaking through the bottom of the pond. A whirlpool will result, pulling you where? I do not want you for a patient, young man, young artificer, so I counsel you not to proceed with this experiment. The ONT&R should not be used in such a manner."
Render flipped his cigarette into the fire and counted on his fingers:
"One," he said, "you are making a mystical mountain out of a pebble. All I am doing is adjusting her consciousness to accept an additional area of perception. Much of it is simple transference work from the other senses. Two, her emotions were quite intense initially because it did involve a trauma, but we've passed that stage already. Now it is only a novelty to her. Soon it will be a commonplace. Three, Eileen is a psychiatrist herself; she is educated in these matters and deeply aware of the delicate nature of what we are doing. Four, her sense of identity and her desires, or her skandhas, or whatever you want to call them, are as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar. Do you realize the intense application required for a blind person to obtain the education she has obtained? It took a will of ten-point steel and the emotional control of an ascetic as well---"
"---And if something that strong should break, in a timeless moment of anxiety," smiled Bartelmetz sadly, "may the shades of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung walk by your side in the valley of darkness.
"---And five," he added suddenly, staring into Render's eyes. "Five," he ticked it off on one finger. "Is she pretty?"
Render looked back into the fire.
"Very clever," sighed Bartelmetz, "I cannot tell whether you are blushing or not, with the rosy glow of the flames upon your face. I fear that you are, though, which would mean that you are aware that you yourself could be the source of the inciting stimulus, I shall burn a candle tonight before a portrait of Adler and pray that he give you the strength to compete successfully in your duel with your patient."
Render looked at Jill, who was still sleeping. He reached out and brushed a lock of her hair back into place.
"Still," said Bartelmetz, "if you do proceed and all goes well, I shall look forward with great interest to the reading of your work. Did I ever tell you that I have treated several Buddhists and never found a 'true ego'?"
Both men laughed.
Like me but not like me, that one on a leash, smelling of fear, small, gray, and unseeing. Growl and he'll choke on his collar.
His head is empty as the oven till She pushes the button and it makes dinner. Make talk and they never understand, but they are like me. One day I will kill one, why? . . . Turn here.
"Three steps. Up. Glass doors. Handle to right."
Why? Ahead, drop-shaft. Gardens under, down. Smells nice, there. Grass, wet dirt, trees, and clean air. I see. Birds are recorded though. I see all.
"Drop-shaft. Four steps."
Down. Yes. Want to make loud noises in throat, feel silly.
Clean, smooth, many of trees. God . . . She likes sitting on bench chewing leaves smelling smooth air. Can't see them like me. Maybe now, some. . . ? No.
Can't Bad Sigmund me on grass, trees, here. Must hold it.
Pity. Best place . . .
"Watch for steps."
Ahead. To right, to left, to right, to left, trees and grass now.
Sigmund sees. Walking . . . Doctor with machine gives her his eyes. Growl and he will not choke. No fearsmell.
Dig deep hole in ground, bury eyes. God is blind. Sigmund to see. Her eyes now filled, and he is afraid of teeth. Will make her to see and take her high up in the sky to see, away. Leave me here, leave Sigmund with none to see, alone. I will dig a deep hole in the ground . . .
It was after ten in the morning when Jill awoke. She did not have to turn her head to know that Render was already gone.
He never slept late. She rubbed her eyes, stretched, turned onto her side and raised herself on her elbow. She squinted at the clock on the bedside table, simultaneously reaching for a cigarette and her lighter.
As she inhaled, she realized there was no ashtray. Doubtless Render had moved it to the dresser because he did not approve of smoking in bed. With a sigh that ended in a snort she slid out of the bed and drew on her wrap before the ash grew too long.
She hated getting up, but once she did she would permit the day to begin and continue on without lapse through its orderly progression of events.
"Damn him," she smiled. She had wanted her breakfast in bed, but it was too late now.
Between thoughts as to what she would wear, she observed an alien pair of skis standing in the corner. A sheet of paper was impaled on one. She approached it.
"Join me?" asked the scrawl.
She shook her head in an emphatic negative and felt somewhat sad. She had been on skis twice in her life and she was afraid of them. She felt that she should really try again, after his being a reasonably good sport about the chateaux, but she could not even bear the memory of the unseemly downward rushing which, on two occasions, had promptly deposited her in a snow bank without wincing and feeling once again the vertigo that had seized her during the attempts. So she showered and dressed and went downstairs for breakfast.
All nine fires were already roaring as she passed the big hall and looked inside. Some red-faced skiers were holding their hands up before the blaze of the central hearth. It was not crowded though. The racks held only a few pairs of dripping boots, bright caps hung on pegs, moist skis stood upright in their place beside the door. A few people were seated in the chairs set further back toward the center of the hall, reading papers, smoking, or talking quietly. She saw no one she knew, so she moved on toward the dining room.
As she passed the registration desk the old man who worked there called out her name. She approached him and smiled.
"Letter," he explained, turning to a rack. "Here it is," he announced, handing it to her. "Looks important."
It had been forwarded three times, she noted. It was a bulky brown envelope, and the return address was that of her attorney.
"Thank you."
She moved off to a seat beside the big window that looked out upon a snow garden, a skating rink, and a distant winding trail dotted with figures carrying skis over their shoulders. She squinted against the brightness as she tore open the envelope. Yes, it was final. Her attorney's note was accompanied by a copy of the divorce decree. She had only recently decided to end her legal relationship to Mister Fotlock, whose name she had stopped using five years earlier, when they had separated. Now that she had the thing she wasn't sure exactly what she was going to do with it. It would be a hell of a surprise for dear Rendy, though, she decided. She would have to find a reasonably innocent way of getting the information to him. She withdrew her compact and practiced a "Well?" expression.
Well, there would be time for that later, she mused. Not too much later, though . . . Her thirtieth birthday, like a huge black cloud, filled an April but four months distant. Well . . . She touched her quizzical lips with color, dusted more powder over her mole, and locked the expression within her compact for future use.
In the dining room she saw Doctor Bartelmetz, seated before an enormous mound of scrambled eggs, great chains of dark sausages, several heaps of yellow toast, and a half-emptied flask of orange juice. A pot of coffee steamed on the warmer at his elbow. He leaned slightly forward as he ate, wielding his fork like a windmill blade.
"Good morning," she said.
He looked up.
"Miss DeVille Jill . . . Good morning." He nodded at the chair across from him. "Join me, please."
She did so, and when the waiter approached she nodded and said, "I'll have the same thing, only about ninety percent less."
She turned back to Bartelmetz.
"Have you seen Charles today?"
"Alas, I have not," he gestured, open-handed, "and I wanted to continue our discussion while his mind was still in the early stages of wakefulness and somewhat malleable. Unfortunately," he took a sip of coffee, "he who sleeps well enters the day somewhere in the middle of its second act."
"Myself, I usually come in around intermission and ask someone for a synopsis," she explained. "So why not continue the discussion with me? I'm always malleable, and my skandhas are in good shape."
Their eyes met, and he took a bite of toast.
"Aye," he said, at length, "I had guessed as much. Well, good. What do you know of Render's work?"
She adjusted herself in the chair.
"Mm. He being a special specialist in a highly specialized area, I find it difficult to appreciate the few things he does say about it. I'd like to be able to look inside other people's minds sometimes to see what they're thinking about me, of course but I don't think I could stand staying there very long. Especially," she gave a mock-shudder, "the mind of somebody with problems. I'm afraid I'd be too sympathetic or too frightened or something. Then, according to what I've read, pow! like sympathetic magic, it would be my problem.
"Charles never has problems though," she continued, "at least, none that he speaks to me about. Lately I've been wondering, though. That blind girl and her talking dog seem to be too much with him."
"Talking dog?"
"Yes, her seeing-eye dog is one of those surgical mutants."
"How interesting . . . Have you ever met her?"
"Never."
"So," he mused.
"Sometimes a therapist encounters a patient whose problems are so akin to his own that the sessions become extremely interdependent," he noted. "It has always been the case with me when I treat a fellow-psychiatrist. Perhaps Charles sees in this situation a parallel to something which has been troubling him personally. I did not administer his personal analysis. I do not know all the ways of his mind, even though he was a pupil of mine for a long while. He was always self-contained, somewhat reticent; he could be quite authoritative on occasion, however. What are some of the other things which occupy his attention these days?"
"His son Peter is a constant concern. He's changed the boy's school five times in five years."
Her breakfast arrived. She adjusted her napkin and drew her chair closer to the table. "and he has been reading case histories of suicides recently, and talking about them, and talking about them, and talking about them."
"To what end?"
She shrugged and began eating.
"He never mentioned why," she said, looking up again.
"Maybe he's writing something . . ."
Bartelmetz finished his eggs and poured more coffee.
"Are you afraid of this patient of his?" he inquired.
"No . . . Yes," she responded, "I am."
"Why?"
"I am afraid of sympathetic magic," she said, flushing slightly.
"Many things could fall under that heading."
"Many indeed," she acknowledged. And, after a moment, "We are united in our concern for his welfare and in agreement as to what represents the threat. So, may I ask a favor?"
"You may."
"Talk to him again," she said. "Persuade him to drop the case."
He folded his napkin.
"I intended to do that after dinner," he stated, "because I believe in the ritualistic value of rescue-motions. They shall be made."
Dear Father-Image,
Yes, the school is fine, my ankle is getting that way, and my classmates are a congenial lot. No, I am not short on cash, undernourished, or having difficulty fitting into the new curriculum. Okay? The building I will not describe, as you have already seen the macabre thing. The grounds I cannot describe, as they are presently residing beneath cold white sheets. Brrr! I trust yourself to be enjoying the arts wint'rish. I do not share your enthusiasm for summer's opposite, except within picture frames or as an emblem on ice cream bars. The ankle inhibits my mobility and my roommate has gone home for the weekend, both of which are really blessings (saith Pangloss), for I now have the opportunity to catch up on some reading. I will do so forthwith.
Prodigally,
Peter
Render reached down to pat the huge head. It accepted the gesture stoically, then turned its gaze up to the Austrian whom Render had asked for a light, as if to say, "Must I endure this indignity?" The man laughed at the expression, snapping shut the engraved lighter on which Render noted the middle initial to be a small v.
"Thank you," he said, and to the dog: "What is your name?"
"Bismark," it growled.
Render smiled.
"You remind me of another of your kind," he told the dog. "One Sigmund, by name, a companion and guide to a blind friend of mine, in America."
"My Bismark is a hunter," said the young man. "There is no quarry that can outthink him, neither the deer nor the big cats."
The dog's ears pricked forward and he stared up at Render with proud, blazing eyes.
"We have hunted in Africa and the northern and south-western parts of America. Central America, too. He never loses the trail. He never gives up. He is a beautiful brute, and his teeth could have been made in Solingen."
"You are indeed fortunate to have such a hunting companion."
"I hunt," growled the dog. "I follow . . . Sometimes, I have, the kill . . ."
"You would not know of the one called Sigmund then, or the woman he guides, Miss Eileen Shallot?" asked Render.
The man shook his head.
"No, Bismark came to me from Massachusetts, but I was never to the Center personally. I am not acquainted with other mutie handlers."
"I see. Well, thank you for the light. Good afternoon."
"Good afternoon."
"Good, after, noon . . ."
Render strolled on up the narrow street, hands in his pockets. He had excused himself and not said where he was going. This was because he had had no destination in mind. Bartelmetz' second essay at counseling had almost led him to say things he would later regret. It was easier to take a walk than to continue the conversation.
On a sudden impulse he entered a small shop and bought a cuckoo clock which had caught his eye. He felt certain that Bartelmetz would accept the gift in the proper spirit. He smiled and walked on. And what was that letter to Jill which the desk clerk had made a special trip to their table to deliver at dinnertime? he wondered. It had been forwarded three times, and its return address was that of a law firm. Jill had not even opened it, but had smiled, overtipped the old man, and tucked it into her purse. He would have to hint subtly as to its contents. His curiosity was so aroused that she would be sure to tell him out of pity.
"The icy pillars of the sky suddenly seemed to sway before him as a cold wind leapt down out of the north. Render hunched his shoulders and drew his head further below his collar. Clutching the cuckoo clock, he hurried back up the street.
That night the serpent which holds its tail in its mouth belched, the Fenris Wolf made a pass at the moon, the little clock said "cuckoo," and tomorrow came on like Manolete's last bull, shaking the gate of horn with the bellowed promise to tread a river of lions to sand.
Render promised himself he would lay off the gooey fondue.
Later, much later, when they skipped through the skies in a kite-shaped cruiser, Render looked down upon the darkened Earth dreaming its cities full of stars, looked up at the sky where they were all reflected, looked about him at the tapescreens watching all the people who blinked into them, and at the coffee, tea, and mixed drink dispensers who sent their fluids forth to explore the insides of the people they required to push their buttons, then looked across at Jill, whom the old buildings had compelled to walk among their walls because he knew she felt he should be looking at her then felt his seat's demand that he convert it into a couch, did so, and slept.
Her office was full of flowers, and she liked exotic perfumes.
Sometimes she burned incense.
She liked soaking in overheated pools, walking through falling snow, listening to too much music, played perhaps too loudly, drinking five or six varieties of liqueurs (usually reeking of anise, sometimes touched with wormwood) every evening.
Her hands were soft and lightly freckled. Her fingers were long and tapered. She wore no rings.
Her fingers traced and retraced the floral swellings on the side of her chair as she spoke into the recording unit: ". . . Patient's chief complaints on admission were nervousness, insomnia, stomach pains, and a period of depression. Patient has had a record of previous admissions for short periods of time. He had been in this hospital in 1995 for a manic depressive psychosis, depressed type, and he returned here again, 2-3-96. He was in another hospital, 9-20-97. Physical examination revealed a BP of 170/100. He was normally developed and well-nourished on the date of examination, 12-11-98. On this date patient complained of chronic backache, and there was noted some moderate symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. Physical examination further revealed no pathology except that the patient's tendon reflexes were exaggerated but equal. These symptoms were the result of alcohol withdrawal. Upon admission he was shown to be not psychotic, neither delusional nor hallucinated. He was well-oriented as to place, time, and person. His psychological condition was evaluated and he was found to be somewhat grandiose and expansive and more than a little hostile. He was considered a potential troublemaker. Because of his experience as a cook, he was assigned to work in the kitchen. His general condition then showed definite improvement. He is less tense and is cooperative. Diagnosis: Manic depressive reaction (external precipitating stress unknown). The degree of psychiatric impairment is mild. He is considered competent. To be continued on therapy and hospitalization."
She turned off the recorder then and laughed. The sound frightened her. Laughter is a social phenomenon and she was alone. She played back the recording then, chewing on the corner of her handkerchief while the soft, clipped words were returned to her. She ceased to hear them after the first dozen or so.
When the recorder stopped talking she turned it off. She was alone. She was very alone. She was so damned alone that the little pool of brightness which occurred when she stroked her forehead and faced the window, that little pool of brightness suddenly became the most important thing in the world. She wanted it to be immense. She wanted it to be an ocean of light.
Or else she wanted to grow so small herself that the effect would be the same: she wanted to drown in it.
It had been three weeks, yesterday . . .
Too long, she decided, I should have waited. No! Impossible! But what if he goes as Riscomb went? No! He won't. He would not. Nothing can hurt him. Never. He is all strength and armor. But...but we should have waited till next month to start. Three weeks . . . Sight withdrawal, that's what it is. Are the memories fading? Are they weaker? What does a tree look like? Or a cloud? I can't remember! What is red? What is green? God! It's hysteria! I'm watching and I can't stop it. Take a pill! A pill!
Her shoulders began to shake. She did not take a pill though, but bit down harder on the handkerchief until her sharp teeth tore through its fabric.
"Beware," she recited a personal beatitude, "those who hunger and thirst after justice, for we will be satisfied. "And beware the meek," she continued, "for we shall attempt to inherit the Earth.
"And beware . . ."
There was a brief buzz from the phone-box. She put away her handkerchief, composed her face, turned the unit on.
"Hello . . . ?"
"Eileen, I'm back. How've you been?"
"Good, quite well in fact. How was your vacation?"
"Oh, I can't complain. I had it coming for a long time. I guess I deserve it. Listen, I brought some things back to show you like Winchester Cathedral. You want to come in this week? I can make it any evening."
Tonight. No. I want it too badly. It will set me back if he sees . . .
"How about tomorrow night?" she asked. "Or the one after?"
"Tomorrow will be fine," he said. "Meet you at the P & S, around seven?"
"Yes, that would be pleasant. Same table?"
"Why not? I'll reserve it."
"All right. I'll see you then."
"Goodbye."
The connection was broken.
Suddenly, then, at that moment, colors swirled again through her head; and she saw trees, oaks and pines, poplars and sycamores, great, and green and brown, and iron-colored; and she saw wads of fleecy clouds, dipped in paintpots, swabbing a pastel sky; and a burning sun, and a small willow tree, and a lake of a deep, almost violet, blue. She folded her torn handkerchief and put it away.
She pushed a button beside her desk and music filled the office: Scriabin. Then she pushed another button and replayed the tape she had dictated, half-listening to each.
Pierre sniffed suspiciously at the food. The attendant moved away from the tray and stepped out into the hall, locking the door behind him. The enormous salad waited on the floor. Pierre approached cautiously, snatched a handful of lettuce, gulped it: He was afraid.
If only the steel would stop crashing, and crashing against steel, somewhere in that dark night . . . if only . . .
Sigmund rose to his feet, yawned, stretched. His hind legs trailed out behind him for a moment, then he snapped to attention and shook himself. She would be coming home soon.
Wagging his tail slowly, he glanced up at the human-level clock with the raised numerals, verified his feelings, then crossed the apartment to the teevee. He rose onto his hind legs, rested one paw against the table, and used the other to turn on the set.
It was nearly time for the weather report and the roads would be icy.
"I have driven through county-wide graveyards," wrote Render, "vast forests of stone that spread further every day. Why does man so zealously guard his dead? Is it because this is the monumentally democratic way of immortalization, the ultimate affirmation of the power to hurt, that is to say, life and the desire that it continue on forever? Unamuno has suggested that this is the case. If it is, then a greater percentage of the population actively sought immortality last year than ever before in history . . ."
Tch-tchg, tchga-tchg!
"Do you think they're really people?"
"Naw, they're too good."
The evening was starglint and soda over ice. Render wound the S-7 into the cold sub-subcellar, found his parking place, nosed into it.
There was a damp chill that emerged from the concrete to gnaw like rats' teeth at their flesh. Render guided her toward the lift, their breath preceding them in dissolving clouds.
"A bit of a chill in the air," he noted.
She nodded, biting her lip.
Inside the lift, he sighed, unwound his scarf, lit a cigarette.
"Give me one, please," she requested, smelling the tobacco.
He did.
They rose slowly, and Render leaned against the wall, puffing a mixture of smoke and crystallized moisture.
"I met another mutie shep," he recalled, "in Switzerland. Big as Sigmund. A hunter though, and as Prussian as they come," he grinned.
"Sigmund likes to hunt, too," she observed. "Twice every year we go up to the North Woods and I turn him loose. He's gone for days at a time, and he's always quite happy when he returns. Never says what he's done, but he's never hungry. Back when I got him I guessed that he would need vacations from humanity to stay stable. I think I was right."
The lift stopped, the door opened, and they walked out into the hall, Render guiding her again.
Inside his office, he poked at the thermostat and warm air sighed through the room. He hung their coats in the inner office and brought the great egg out from its nest behind the wall. He connected it to an outlet and moved to convert his desk into a control panel.
"How long do you think it will take?" she asked, running her fingertips over the smooth, cold curves of the egg. "The whole thing, I mean. The entire adaptation to seeing."
He wondered.
"I have no idea," he said, "no idea whatsoever, yet. We got off to a good start, but there's still a lot of work to be done. I think I'll be able to make a good guess in another three months."
She nodded wistfully, moved to his desk, explored the controls with finger strokes like ten feathers.
"Careful you don't push any of those."
"I won't. How long do you think it will take me to learn to operate one?"
"Three months to learn it. Six, to actually become proficient enough to use it on anyone; and an additional six under close supervision before you can be trusted on your own. About a year altogether."
"Uh-huh." She chose a chair.
Render touched the seasons to life, and the phases of day and night, the breath of the country, the city, the elements that raced naked through the skies, and all the dozens of dancing cues he used to build worlds. He smashed the clock of time and tasted the seven or so ages of man.
"Okay," he turned, "everything is ready."
It came quickly, and with a minimum of suggestion on Render's part. One moment there was grayness. Then a dead-white fog. Then it broke itself apart, as though a quick wind had arisen, although he neither heard nor felt a wind.
He stood beside the willow tree beside the lake, and she stood half-hidden among the branches and the lattices of shadow. The sun was slanting its way into evening.
"We have come back," she said, stepping out, leaves in her hair. "For a time I was afraid it had never happened, but I see it all again, and I remember now."
"Good," he said. "Behold yourself." And she looked into the lake.
"I have not changed," she said. "I haven't changed . . ."
"No."
"But you have," she continued, looking up at him. "You are taller, and there is something different . . ."
"No," he answered.
"I am mistaken," she said quickly, "I don't understand everything I see yet. I will though."
"Of course."
"What are we going to do?"
"Watch," he instructed her.
Along a flat, no-colored river of road she just then noticed beyond the trees, came the car. It came from the farthest quarter of the sky, skipping over the mountains, buzzing down the hills, circling through the glades, and splashing them with the colors of its voice, the gray and the silver of synchronized potency and the lake shivered from its sounds, and the car stopped a hundred feet away, masked by the shrubberies; and it waited. It was the S-7.
"Come with me," he said, taking her hand. "We're going for a ride."
They walked among the trees and rounded the final cluster of bushes. She touched the sleek cocoon, its antennae, its tires, its windows, and the windows transpared as she did so. She stared through them at the inside of the car, and she nodded.
"It is your Spinner."
"Yes." He held the door for her. "Get in. We'll return to the club. The time is now. The memories are fresh, and they should be reasonably pleasant, or neutral."
"Pleasant," she said, getting in.
He closed the door, then circled the car and entered. She watched as he punched imaginary coordinates. The car leapt ahead and he kept a steady stream of trees flowing by them. He could feel the rising tension, so he did not vary the scenery. She swiveled her seat and studied the interior of the car.
"Yes," she finally said, "I can perceive what everything is."
She stared out the window again. She looked at the rushing trees. Render stared out and looked upon rushing anxiety patterns. He opaqued the windows.
"Good," she said, "Thank you. Suddenly it was too much to see all of it, moving past like a . . ."
"Of course," said Render, maintaining the sensations of forward motion. "I'd anticipated that. You're getting tougher, though."
After a moment, "Relax," he said, "relax now," and somewhere a button was pushed, and she relaxed, and they drove on, and on and on, and finally the car began to slow, and Render said, "Just for one nice, slow glimpse now, look out your window."
She did.
He drew upon every stimulus in the bank which could promote sensations of pleasure and relaxation, and he dropped the city around the car, and the windows became transparent, and she looked out upon the profiles of towers and a block of monolithic apartments, and then she saw three rapid cafeterias, an entertainment palace, a drugstore, a medical center of yellow brick with an aluminum caduceus set above its archway, and a glassed-in high school, now emptied of its pupils, a fifty-pump gas station, another drugstore, and many more cars, parked or roaring by them, and people, people moving in and out of the doorways and walking before the buildings and getting into the cars and getting out of the cars; and it was summer, and the light of late afternoon filtered down upon the colors of the city and the colors of the garments the people wore as they moved along the boulevard, as they loafed upon the terraces, as they crossed the balconies, leaned on balustrades and windowsills, emerged from a corner kiosk, entered one, stood talking to one another; a woman walking a poodle rounded a corner; rockets went to and fro in the high sky.
The world fell apart then and Render caught the pieces. He maintained an absolute blackness, blanketing every sensation but that of their movement forward.
After a time a dim light occurred, and they were still seated in the Spinner, windows blanked again, and the air as they breathed it became a soothing unguent.
"Lord," she said, "the world is so filled. Did I really see all of that?"
"I wasn't going to do that tonight, but you wanted me to. You seemed ready."
"Yes," she said, and the windows became transparent again.
She turned away quickly.
"It's gone," he said. "I only wanted to give you a glimpse."
She looked, and it was dark outside now, and they were crossing over a high bridge. They were moving slowly. There was no other traffic. Below them were the Flats, where an occasional smelter flared like a tiny, drowsing volcano, spitting showers of orange sparks skyward; and there were many stars: they glistened on the breathing water that went beneath the bridge; they silhouetted by pinprick the skyline that hovered dimly below its surface. The slanting struts of the bridge marched steadily by.
"You have done it," she said, "and I thank you." Then: "Who are you, really?" (He must have wanted her to ask that.)
"I am Render," he laughed. And they wound their way through a dark, now-vacant city, coming at last to their club and entering the great parking dome.
Inside, he scrutinized all her feelings, ready to banish the world at a moment's notice. He did not feel he would have to, though.
They left the car, moved ahead. They passed into the club, which he had decided would not be crowded tonight. They were shown to their table at the foot of the bar in the small room with the suit of armor, and they sat down and ordered the same meal over again.
"No," he said, looking down, "it belongs over there."
The suit of armor appeared once again beside the table, and he was once again inside his gray suit and black tie and silver tie clasp shaped like a tree limb.
They laughed.
"I'm just not the type to wear a tin suit, so I wish you'd stop seeing me that way."
"I'm sorry," she smiled. "I don't know how I did that, or why."
"I do, and I decline the nomination. Also, I caution you once again. You are conscious of the fact that this is all an illusion. I had to do it that way for you to get the full benefit of the thing. For most of my patients though, it is the real item while they are experiencing it. It makes a counter-trauma or a symbolic sequence even more powerful. You are aware of the parameters of the game, however, and whether you want it or not this gives you a different sort of control over it than I normally have to deal with. Please be careful."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"I know. Here comes the meal we just had."
"Ugh! It looks dreadful! Did we eat all that stuff?"
"Yes," he chuckled. "That's a knife, that's a fork, that's a spoon. That's roast beef, and those are mashed potatoes, those are peas, that's butter . . ."
"Goodness! I don't feel so well."
". . . And those are the salads, and those are the salad dressings. This is a brook trout, mm! These are French fried potatoes. This is a bottle of wine. Hmm, let's see Romanee-Conti, since I'm not paying for it, and a bottle of Yquem for the trophy!"
The room was wavering.
He bared the table, he banished the restaurant. They were back in the glade. Through the transparent fabric of the world he watched a hand moving along a panel. Buttons were being pushed. The world grew substantial again. Their emptied table was set beside the lake now, and it was still nighttime and summer, and the tablecloth was very white under the glow of the giant moon that hung overhead.
"That was stupid of me," he said. "Awfully stupid. I should have introduced them one at a time. The actual sight of basic, oral stimuli can be very distressing to a person seeing them for the first time. I got so wrapped up in the Shaping that I forgot the patient, which is just dandy! I apologize."
"I'm okay now. Really I am."
He summoned a cool breeze from the lake.
". . . And that is the moon," he added lamely.
She nodded, and she was wearing a tiny moon in the center of her forehead; it glowed like the one above them, and her hair and dress were all of silver.
The bottle of Romanee-Conti stood on the table, and two glasses.
"Where did that come from?"
She shrugged. He poured out a glassful.
"It may taste kind of flat," he said.
"It doesn't. Here-" She passed it to him.
As he sipped it he realized it had a taste, a fruit such as might be quashed from the grapes grown in the Isles of the Blest, a smooth, muscular charnu, and a capiteux centrifuged from the fumes of a field of burning poppies. With a start, he knew that his hand must be traversing the route of the perceptions, symphonizing the sensual cues of a transference and a counter-transference which had come upon him all unawares, there beside the lake.
"So it does," he noted, "and now it is time we returned."
"So soon? I haven't seen the cathedral yet . . ."
"So soon."
He willed the world to end, and it did.
"It is cold out there," she said as she dressed, "and dark."
"I know. I'll mix us something to drink while I clear the unit."
"Fine."
He glanced at the tapes and shook his head. He crossed to his bar cabinet.
"It's not exactly Romanee-Conti," he observed, reaching for a bottle.
"So what? I don't mind."
Neither did be, at that moment. So he cleared the unit, they drank their drinks, and he helped her into her coat and they left.
As they rode the lift down to the sub-sub he willed the world to end again, but it didn't.
Dad,
I hobbled from school to taxi and taxi to spaceport, for the local Air Force Exhibit Outward, it was called. (Okay, I exaggerated the hobble. It got me extra attention though. The whole bit was aimed at seducing young manhood into a five-year hitch, as I saw it. But it worked. I wanna join up. I wanna go Out There. Think they'll take me when I'm old enuff? I mean take me Out, not some crummy desk job.
Think so?
I do.
There was this dam lite colonel ('scuse the French) who saw this kid lurching around and pressing his nose 'gainst the big windowpanes, and he decided to give him the subliminal sell. Great! He pushed me through the gallery and showed me all the pitchers of AP triumphs, from Moonbase to Marsport. He lectured me on the Great Traditions of the Service, and marched me into a flic room where the Corps had good clean fun on tape, wrestling one another in null-G "where it's all skill and no brawn," and making tinted water sculpture-work way in the middle of the air and doing dismounted drill on the skin of a cruiser. Oh joy!
Seriously though. I'd like to be there when they hit the Outer Five and On Out. Not because of the bogus balonus in the throwaways, and suchlike crud, but because I think someone of sensibility should be along to chronicle the thing in the proper way. You know, raw frontier observer. Francis Parkman. Mary Austin, like that. So I decided I'm going.
The AF boy with the chicken stuff on his shoulders wasn't in the least way patronizing, gods be praised. We stood on the balcony and watched ships lift off and he told me to go forth and study real hard and I might be riding them some day. I did not bother to tell him that I'm hardly intellectually deficient and that I'll have my B.A. before I'm old enough to do anything with it, even join his Corps. I just watched the ships lift off and said, "Ten years from now I'll be looking down, not up." Then he told me how hard his own training had been, so I did not ask how cum he got stuck with a lousy dirt side assignment like this one. Glad I didn't, now I think on it. He looked more like one of their ads than one of their real people. Hope I never look like an ad.
Thank you for the monies and the warm sox and Mozart's String Quintets, which I'm hearing right now. I wanna put in my bid for Luna instead of Europe next summer. Maybe. . . ? Possibly . . . ? Contingently . . . ? Huh? lf I can smash that new test you're designing for me . . .?
Anyhow, please think about it.
Your son,
Pete
"Hello. State Psychiatric Institute."
"I'd like to make an appointment for an examination."
"Just a moment. I'll connect you with the Appointment Desk."
"Hello. Appointment Desk."
"I'd like to make an appointment for an examination."
"Just a moment . . . What sort of examination?"
"I want to see Doctor Shallot, Eileen Shallot. As soon as possible."
"Just a moment. I'll have to check her schedule.. . Could you make it at two o'clock next Tuesday?"
"That would be just fine."
"What is the name, please?"
"DeVille. Jill DeVille."
"All right, Miss DeVille. That's two o'clock, Tuesday."
"Thank you."
The man walked beside the highway. Cars passed along the highway. The cars in the high-acceleration lane blurred by.
Traffic was light.
It was 10:30 in the morning, and cold.
The man's fur-lined collar was turned up, his hands were in his pockets, and he leaned into the wind. Beyond the fence, the road was clean and dry.
The morning sun was buried in clouds. In the dirty light, the man could see the tree a quarter mile ahead.
His pace did not change. His eyes did not leave the tree. The small stones clicked and crunched beneath his shoes.
When he reached the tree he took off his jacket and folded it neatly.
He placed it upon the ground and climbed the tree.
As he moved out onto the limb which extended over the fence, he looked to see that no traffic was approaching. Then he seized the branch with both hands, lowered himself, hung a moment, and dropped onto the highway.
It was a hundred yards wide, the eastbound half of the highway.
He glanced west, saw there was still no traffic coming his way, then began to walk toward the center island. He knew he would never reach it. At this time of day the cars were moving at approximately one hundred sixty miles an hour in the high acceleration lane. He walked on.
A car passed behind him. He did not look back. If the windows were opaqued, as was usually the case, then the occupants were unaware he had crossed their path. They would hear of it later and examine the front end of their vehicle for possible signs of such an encounter.
A car passed in front of him. Its windows were clear. A glimpse of two faces, their mouths made into 0's, was presented to him, then torn from his sight. His own face remained without expression. His pace did not change. Two more cars rushed by, windows darkened. He had crossed perhaps twenty yards of highway.
Twenty-five...
Something in the wind, or beneath his feet, told him it was coming. He did not look.
Something in the corner of his eye assured him it was coming. His gait did not alter.
Cecil Green had the windows transpared because he liked it that way. His left hand was inside her blouse and her skirt was piled up on her lap, and his right hand was resting on the lever which would lower the seats. Then she pulled away, making a noise down inside her throat.
His head snapped to the left.
He saw the walking man.
He saw the profile which never turned to face him fully. He saw that the man's gait did not alter.
Then he did not see the man.
There was a slight jar, and the windshield began cleaning itself. Cecil Green raced on.
He opaqued the windows.
"How . . . ?" he asked after she was in his arms again, and sobbing.
"The monitor didn't pick him up . . ."
"He must not have touched the fence . . ."
"He must have been out of his mind!"
"Still, he could have picked an easier way."
It could have been any face . . . Mine?
Frightened, Cecil lowered the seats.
Charles Render was writing the "Necropolis" chapter for The Missing Link Is Man, which was to be his first book in over four years. Since his return he had set aside every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon to work on it, isolating himself in his office, filling pages with a chaotic longhand.
"There are many varieties of death, as opposed to dying . . ." he was writing, just as the intercom buzzed briefly, then long, then again briefly.
"Yes?" he asked it, pushing down on the switch.
"You have a visitor," and there was a short intake of breath between "a" and "visitor."
He slipped a small aerosol into his side pocket, then rose and crossed the office.
He opened the door and looked out.
"Doctor . . . Help . . ."
Render took three steps, then dropped to .one knee.
"What's the matter?"
"Come she is . . . sick," he growled.
"Sick? How? What's wrong?"
"Don't know. You come."
Render stared into the unhuman eyes.
"What kind of sick?" he insisted.
"Don't know," repeated the dog. "Won't talk. Sits. I . . . feel, she is sick."
"How did you get here?"
"Drove. Know the co, or, din, ates . . . Left car, outside."
"I'll call her right now." Render turned.
"No good. Won't answer."
He was right.
Render returned to his inner office for his coat and medkit. He glanced out the window and saw where her car was parked, far below, just inside the entrance to the marginal, where the monitor had released it into manual control. If no one assumed that control a car was automatically parked in neutral. The other vehicles were passed around it. So simple even a dog can drive one, he reflected. Better get downstairs before a cruiser comes along. It's probably reported itself stopped there already. Maybe not, though. Might still have a few minutes grace.
He glanced at the huge clock.
"Okay, Sig," he called out. "Let's go."
They took the lift to the ground floor, left by way of the front entrance, and hurried to the car.
Its engine was still idling.
Render opened the passenger-side door and Sigmund leapt in. He squeezed by him into the driver's seat then, but the dog was already pushing the primary coordinates and the address tabs with his paw.
Looks like I'm in the wrong seat.
He lit a cigarette as the car swept ahead into a U-underpass.
It emerged on the opposite marginal, sat poised a moment, then joined the traffic flow. The dog directed the car into the high-acceleration lane.
"Oh," said the dog, "oh."
Render felt like patting his head at that moment, but he looked at him, saw that his teeth were bared, and decided against it.
"When did she start acting peculiar?" he asked:
"Came home from work. Did not eat. Would not answer me, when I talked. Just sits."
"Has she ever been like this before?"
"No."
What could have precipitated it? But maybe she just had a bad day. After all, he's only a dog, sort of. No. He'd know.
But what, then?
"How was she yesterday and when she left home this morning?"
"Like always."
Render tried calling her again. There was still no answer.
"You, did it," said the dog.
"What do you mean?"
"Eyes. Seeing. You. Machine. Bad."
"No," said Render, and his hand rested on the unit of stun-spray in his pocket.
"Yes," said the dog, turning to him again. "You will, make her well . . . ?"
"Of course," said Render.
Sigmund stared ahead again.
Render felt physically exhilarated and mentally sluggish. He sought the confusion factor. He had had these feelings about the case since that first session. There was something very unsettling about Eileen Shallot: a combination of high intelligence and helplessness, of determination and vulnerability, of sensitivity and bitterness.
Do I find that especially attractive? No. it's just the counter-transference, damn it!
"You smell afraid," said the dog.
"Then color me afraid," said Render, "and turn the page."
They slowed for a series of turns, picked up speed again, slowed again, picked up speed again. Finally, they were traveling along a narrow section of roadway through a semi-residential area of town. The car turned up a side street, proceeded about half a mile further, clicked softly beneath its dashboard, and turned into the parking lot behind a high brick apartment building. The click must have been a special servomech which took over from the point where the monitor released it, because the car crawled across the lot, headed into its transparent parking stall, then stopped. Render turned off the ignition.
Sigmund had already opened the door on his side. Render followed him into the building, and they rode the elevator to the fiftieth floor. The dog dashed on ahead up the hallway, pressed his nose against a plate set low in a doorframe, and waited. After a moment, the door swung several inches inward.
He pushed it open with his shoulder and entered. Render followed, closing the door behind him.
The apartment was large, its walls pretty much unadorned, its color combinations unnerving. A great library of tapes filled one corner; a monstrous combination-broadcaster stood beside it. There was a wide bowlegged able set in front of the window, and a low couch along the righthand wall; there was a closed door beside the couch; an archway to the left apparently led to other rooms. Eileen sat in an overstuffed chair in the far corner by the window. Sigmund stood beside the chair.
Render crossed the room and extracted a cigarette from his case. Snapping open his lighter, he held the flame until her head turned in that direction.
"Cigarette?" he asked.
"Charles?"
"Right."
"Yes, thank you. I will."
She held out her hand, accepted the cigarette, put it to her lips.
"Thanks. What are you doing here?"
"Social call. I happened to be in the neighborhood."
"I didn't hear a buzz, or a knock."
"You must have been dozing. Sig let me in."
"Yes, I must have." She stretched. "What time is it?"
"It's close to four-thirty."
"I've been home over two hours then . . . Must have been very tired . . ."
"How do you feel now?"
"Fine," she declared. "Care for a cup of coffee?"
"Don't mind if I do."
"A steak to go with it?"
"No thanks."
"Bacardi in the coffee?"
"Sounds good."
"Excuse me then. It'll only take a moment."
She went through the door beside the sofa and Render caught a glimpse of a large, shiny, automatic kitchen.
"Well?" he whispered to the dog.
Sigmund shook his head.
"Not same."
Render shook his head.
He deposited his coat on the sofa, folding it carefully about the medkit. He sat beside it and thought.
Did I throw too big a chunk of seeing at once? Is she suffering from depressive side-effects, say, memory repressions, nervous fatigue? Did I upset her sensory adaptation syndrome somehow? Why have I been proceeding so rapidly anyway?
There's no real hurry-Am I so damned eager to write the thing up? Or am I doing it because she wants me to? Could she be that strong, consciously or unconsciously? Or am I that vulnerable somehow?
She called him to the kitchen to carry out the tray. He set it on the table and seated himself across from her.
"Good coffee," he said, burning his lips on the cup.
"Smart machine," she stated, facing his voice.
Sigmund stretched out on the carpet next to the table, lowered his head between his forepaws, sighed, and closed his eyes.
"I've been wondering," said Render, "whether or not there were any aftereffects to that last session, like increased synesthesiac experiences, or dreams involving forms, or hallucinations or . . ."
"Yes," she said flatly, "dreams."
"What kind?"
"That last session. I've dreamt it over, and over."
"Beginning to end?"
"No, there's no special order to the events. We're riding through the city, or over the bridge, or sitting at the table, or walking toward the car, just flashes, like that. Vivid ones."
"What sort of feelings accompany these flashes?"
"I don't know. They're all mixed up."
"What are your feelings now, as you recall them?"
"The same, all mixed up."
"Are you afraid?"
"N-no. I don't think so."
"Do you want to take a vacation from the thing? Do you feel we've been proceeding too rapidly?"
"No. That's not it at all. It's, well, it's like learning to swim. When you finally learn how, why then you swim and you swim and you swim until you're all exhausted. Then you just lie there gasping in air and remembering what it was like, while your friends all hover and chew you out for overexerting yourself and it's a good feeling, even though you do take a chill and there's pins and needles inside all your muscles. At least, that's the-way I do things. I felt that way after the first session and after this last one. First times are always very special times. . . The pins and the needles are gone though, and I've caught my breath again. Lord, I don't want to stop now! I feel fine."
"Do you usually take a nap in the afternoon?"
The ten red nails of her fingernails moved across the tabletop as she stretched.
". . . Tired," she smiled, swallowing a yawn. "Half the staffs on vacation or sick leave and I've been beating my brains out all week. I was about ready to fall on my face when I left work. I feel all right now that I've rested, though."
She picked up her coffee cup with both hands, took a large swallow.
"Uh-huh," he said. "Good. I was a bit worried about you. I'm glad to see there was no reason."
She laughed.
"Worried? You've read Doctor Riscomb's notes on my analysis and on the ONT&R trial and you think I'm the sort to worry about? Ha! I have an operationally beneficent neurosis concerning my adequacy as a human being. It focuses my energies, coordinates my efforts toward achievement. It enhances my sense of identity . . ."
"You do have one hell of a memory," he noted. "That's almost verbatim."
"Of course."
"You had Sigmund worried today, too."
"Sig? How?"
The dog stirred uneasily, opened one eye.
"Yes," he growled, glaring up at Render. "He needs, a ride, home."
"Have you been driving the car again?"
"Yes."
"After I told you not to?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I was a, fraid. You would, not, answer me, when I talked."
"I was very tired and if you ever take the car again, I'm going to have the door fixed so you can't come and go as you please."
"Sorry."
"There's nothing wrong with me."
"I, see."
"You are never to do it again."
"Sorry." His eye never left Render; it was like a burning lens.
Render looked away.
"Don't be too hard on the poor fellow," he said. "After all, he thought you were ill and he went for the doctor. Supposing he'd been right? You'd owe him thanks, not a scolding."
Unmollified, Sigmund glared a moment longer and closed his eye.
"He has to be told when he does wrong," she finished.
"I suppose," he said, drinking his coffee. "No harm done, anyhow. Since I'm here, let's talk shop. I'm writing something and I'd like an opinion."
"Great. Give me a footnote?"
"Two or three. In your opinion, do the general underlying motivations that lead to suicide differ in different periods of history, or in different cultures?"
"My well-considered opinion is no, they don't," she said. "Frustrations can lead to depressions or frenzies; and if these are severe enough, they can lead to self-destruction. You ask me about motivations and I think they stay pretty much the same. I feel this is a cross-cultural, cross-temporal aspect of the human condition. I don't think it could be changed without changing the basic nature of man."
"Okay. Check. Now, what of the inciting element?" he asked. "Let man be a constant, his environment is still a variable. If he is placed in an overprotective life-situation, do you feel it would take more or less to depress him or stimulate him to frenzy than it would take in a not so protective environment?"
"Hm. Being case-oriented, I'd say it would depend on the man. But I see what you're driving at: a mass predisposition to jump out windows at the drop of a hat, the window even opening itself for you, because you asked it to, the revolt of the bored masses. I don't like the notion. I hope it's wrong."
"So do I, but I was thinking of symbolic suicides too, functional disorders that occur for pretty flimsy reasons."
"Aha! Your lecture last month: autopsychomimesis. I have the tape. Well-told, but I can't agree."
"Neither can I, now. I'm rewriting that whole section. 'Thanatos in Cloudcuckooland,' I'm calling it. It's really the death-instinct moved nearer the surface."
"If I get you a scalpel and a cadaver, will you cut out the death-instinct and let me touch it?"
"Couldn't," he put the grin into his voice, "it would be all used up in a cadaver. Find me a volunteer though, and he'll prove my case by volunteering."
"Your logic is unassailable," she smiled. "Get us some more coffee, okay?"
Render went to the kitchen, spiked and filled the cups, drank a glass of water, returned to the living room. Eileen had not moved; neither had Sigmund.
"What do you do when you're not busy being a Shaper?" she asked him.
"The same things most people do, eat, drink, sleep, talk, visit friends and not-friends, visit places, read . . ."
"Are you a forgiving man?"
"Sometimes. Why?"
"Then forgive me. I argued with a woman today, a woman named DeVille."
"What about?"
"You and she accused me of such things it were better my mother had not borne me. Are you going to marry her?"
"No, marriage is like alchemy. It served an important purpose once, but I hardly feel it's here to stay."
"Good."
"What did you say to her?"
"I gave her a clinic referral card that said, 'Diagnosis: Bitch. Prescription: Drug therapy and a tight gag.' "
"Oh," said Render, showing interest.
"She tore it up and threw it in my face."
"I wonder why?"
She shrugged, smiled, made a gridwork on the tablecloth.
" 'Fathers and elders, I ponder,' " sighed Render, " 'what is hell?' "
" 'I maintain it is the suffering of being unable to love,' " she finished. "Was Dostoevsky right?"
"I doubt it. I'd put him into group therapy, myself. That'd be real hell for him with all those people acting like his characters, and enjoying it so."
Render put down his cup, pushed his chair away from the table.
"I suppose you must be going now?"
"I really should," said Render.
"And I can't interest you in food?"
"No."
She stood.
"Okay, I'll get my coat."
"I could drive back myself and just set the car to return."
"No! I'm frightened by the notion of empty cars driving around the city. I'd feel the thing was haunted for the next two and a half weeks.
"Besides," she said, passing through the archway, "you promised me Winchester Cathedral."
"You want to do it today?"
"If you can be persuaded."
As Render stood deciding, Sigmund rose to his feet. He stood directly before him and stared upward into his eyes. He opened his mouth and closed it, several times, but no sounds emerged. Then he turned away and left the room.
"No," Eileen's voice came back, "you will stay here until I return."
Render picked up his coat and put it on, stuffing the medkit into the far pocket.
As they walked up the hall toward the elevator. Render thought he heard a very faint and very distant howling sound.
In this place, of all places. Render knew he was the master of all things.
He was at home on those alien worlds, without time, those worlds where flowers copulate and the stars do battle in the heavens, falling at last to the ground, bleeding, like so many spilt and shattered chalices, and the seas part to reveal stairways leading down, and arms emerge from caverns, waving torches that flame like liquid faces, a midwinter night's nightmare, summer go a-begging, Render knew, for he had visited those worlds on a professional basis for the better part of a decade. With the crooking of a finger he could isolate the sorcerers, bring them to trial for treason against the real mage, and he could execute them, could appoint their successors.
Fortunately, this trip was only a courtesy call . . .
He moved forward through the glade, seeking her.
He could feel her awakening presence all about him.
He pushed through the branches, stood beside the lake. It was cold, blue, and bottomless, the lake, reflecting that slender willow which had become the station of her arrival.
"Eileen!"
The willow swayed toward him, swayed away.
"Eileen! Come forth!"
Leaves fell, floated upon the lake, disturbed its mirror-like placidity, distorted the reflections.
"Eileen?"
All the leaves yellowed at once then, dropped down into the water. The tree ceased its swaying. There was a strange sound in the darkening sky, like the humming of high wires on a cold day.
Suddenly there was a double file of moons passing through the heavens.
Render selected one, reached up, and pressed it. The others vanished as he did so, and the world brightened; the humming went out of the air.
He circled the lake to gain a subjective respite from the rejection-action and his counter to it. He moved up along an aisle of pines toward the place where he wanted the cathedral to occur. Birds sang now in the trees. The wind came softly by him. He felt her presence quite strongly.
"Here, Eileen. Here."
She walked beside him then, green silk, hair of bronze, eyes of molten emerald; she wore an emerald in her forehead. She walked in green slippers over the pine needles, saying: "What happened?"
"You were afraid."
"Why?"
"Perhaps you fear the cathedral. Are you a witch?" he smiled.
"Yes, but it's my day off."
He laughed, and he took her arm, and they rounded an island of foliage, and there was the cathedral reconstructed on a grassy rise, pushing its way above them and above the trees, climbing into the middle air, breathing out organ notes, reflecting a stray ray of sunlight from a pane of glass.
"Hold tight to the world," he said. "Here comes the guided tour."
They moved forward and entered.
" '. . . With its floor-to-ceiling shafts, like so many huge tree trunks, it achieves a ruthless control over its spaces,' " he said. "Got that from the guidebook. This is the north transept..."
" 'Greensleeves,' " she said, "the organ is playing 'Greensleeves.' "
"So it is. You can't blame me for that though. Observe the scalloped capitals"
"I want to go nearer the music."
"Very well. This way then."
Render felt that something was wrong. He could not put his finger on it.
Everything retained its solidity . . .
Something passed rapidly then, high above the cathedral, uttering a sonic boom. Render smiled at that, remembering now; it was like a slip of the tongue: for a moment he had confused Eileen with Jill yes, that was what had happened.
Why, then . . .
A burst of white was the altar. He had never seen it before, anywhere. All the walls were dark and cold about them.
Candles flickered in corners and high niches. The organ chorded thunder under invisible hands.
Render knew that something was wrong.
He turned to Eileen Shallot, whose hat was a green cone towering up into the darkness, trailing wisps of green veiling.
Her throat was in shadow, but . . .
"That necklace. Where?"
"I don't know," she smiled.
The goblet she held radiated a rosy light. It was reflected from her emerald. It washed him like a draft of cool air.
"Drink?" she asked.
"Stand still," he ordered.
He willed the walls to fall down. They swam in shadow.
"Stand still!" he repeated urgently. "Don't do anything. Try not even to think."
"Fall down!" he cried. And the walls were blasted in all directions and the roof was flung over the top of the world, and they stood amid ruins lighted by a single taper. The night was black as pitch.
"Why did you do that?" she asked, still holding the goblet out toward him.
"Don't think. Don't think anything," he said. "Relax. You are very tired. As that candle flickers and wanes so does your consciousness. You can barely keep awake. You can hardly stay on your feet. Your eyes are closing. There is nothing to see here anyway."
He willed the candle to go out. It continued to burn.
"I'm not tired. Please have a drink."
He heard organ music through the night. A different tune, one he did not recognize at first.
"I need your cooperation."
"All right. Anything."
"Look! The moon!" he pointed.
She looked upward and the moon appeared from behind an inky cloud.
". . . And another, and another."
Moons, like strung pearls, proceeded across the blackness.
"The last one will be red," he stated.
It was.
He reached out then with his right index finger, slid his arm sideways along his field of vision, then tried to touch the red moon.
His arm ached, it burned. He could not move it.
"Wake up!" he screamed.
The red moon vanished, and the white ones.
"Please take a drink."
He dashed the goblet from her hand and turned away. When he turned back she was still holding it before him.
"A drink?"
He turned and fled into the night.
It was like running through a waist-high snowdrift. It was wrong. He was compounding the error by running, he was minimizing his strength, maximizing hers. It was sapping his energies, draining him.
He stood still in the midst of the blackness.
"The world around me moves," he said. "I am its center."
"Please have a drink," she said, and he was standing in the glade beside their table set beside the lake. The lake was black and the moon was silver, and high, and out of his reach. A single candle flickered on the table, making her hair as silver as her dress. She wore the moon on her brow. A bottle of Romanee-Conti stood on the white cloth beside a wide-brimmed wine glass. It was filled to overflowing, that glass, and rosy beads clung to its lip. He was very thirsty, and she was lovelier than anyone he had ever seen before, and her necklace, sparkled, and the breeze came cool off the lake, and there was something, something he should remember . . .
He took a step toward her and his armor clinked lightly as he moved. He reached toward the glass and his right arm stiffened with pain and fell back to his side.
"You are wounded!"
Slowly, he turned his head. The blood flowed from the open wound in his bicep and ran down his arm and dripped from his fingertips. His armor had been breached. He forced himself to look away.
"Drink this, love. It will heal you."
She stood.
"I will hold the glass."
He stared at her as she raised it to his lips.
"Who am I?" he asked.
She did not answer him, but something replied within a splashing of waters out over the lake:
"You are Render, the Shaper."
"Yes, I remember," he said; and turning his mind to the one lie which might break the entire illusion he forced his mouth to say: "Eileen Shallot, I hate you."
The world shuddered and swam about him, was shaken, as by a huge sob.
"Charles!" she screamed, and the blackness swept over them.
"Wake up! Wake up!" he cried, and his right arm burned and ached and bled in the darkness.
He stood alone in the midst of a white plain. It was silent, it was endless. It sloped away toward the edges of the world. It gave off its own light, and the sky was no sky, but was nothing overhead. Nothing. He was alone. His own voice echoed back to him from the end of the world: ". . . hate you," it said, ". . . hate you."
He dropped to his knees. He was Render.
He wanted to cry.
A red moon appeared above the plain, casting a ghastly light over the entire expanse. There was a wall of mountains to the left of him, another to his right.
He raised his right arm. He helped it with his left hand. He clutched his wrist, extended his index finger. He reached for the moon.
Then there came a howl from high in the mountains, a great wailing cry, half-human, all challenge, all loneliness, and all remorse. He saw it then, treading upon the mountains, its tail brushing the snow from their highest peaks, the ultimate loup-garou of the North Fenris, son of Loki, raging at the heavens.
It leapt into the air. It swallowed the moon.
It landed near him, and its great eyes blazed yellow. It stalked him on soundless pads, across the cold white fields that lay between the mountains; and he backed away from it, up hills and down slopes, over crevasses and rifts, through valleys, past stalagmites and pinnacles under the edges of glaciers, beside frozen river beds, and always downwards until its hot breath bathed him and its laughing mouth was opened above him.
He turned then and his feet became two gloaming rivers carrying him away.
The world jumped backwards. He glided over the slopes.
Downward. Speeding
Away...
He looked back over his shoulder.
In the distance, the gray shape loped after him.
He felt that it could narrow the gap if it chose. He had to move faster.
The world reeled about him. Snow began to fall.
He raced on.
Ahead, a blur, a broken outline.
He tore through the veils of snow which now seemed to be falling upward from off the groundlike strings of bubbles.
He approached the shattered form.
Like a swimmer he approached, unable to open his mouth to speak, for fear of drowning, of drowning and not knowing, of never knowing.
He could not check his forward motion; he was swept tidelike toward the wreck. He came to a stop, at last, before it.
Some things never change. They are things which have long ceased to exist as objects and stand solely as never-to-be-calendared occasions outside that sequence of elements called Time.
Render stood there and did not care if Fenris leapt upon his back and ate his brains. He had covered his eyes, but he could not stop the seeing. Not this time. He did not care about anything. Most of himself lay dead at his feet.
There was a howl. A gray shape swept past him.
The baleful eyes and bloody muzzle rooted within the wrecked car, champing through the steel, the glass, groping inside for . . .
"No! Brute! Chewer of corpses!" he cried. "The dead are sacred! My dead are sacred!"
He had a scalpel in his hand then, and he slashed expertly at the tendons, the bunches of muscle on the straining shoulders, the soft belly, the ropes of the arteries.
Weeping, he dismembered the monster, limb by limb, and it bled and it bled, fouling the vehicle and the remains within it with its infernal animal juices, dripping and running until the whole plain was reddened and writhing about them.
Render fell across the pulverized hood, and it was soft and warm and dry. He wept upon it.
"Don't cry," she said.
He was hanging onto her shoulder then, holding her tightly, there beside the black lake beneath the moon that was Wedgwood. A single candle flickered upon their table. She held the glass to his lips.
"Please drink it."
"Yes, give it to me!"
He gulped the wine that was all softness and lightness. It burned within him. He felt his strength returning.
"I am . . ."
"Render, the Shaper," splashed the lake.
"No!"
He turned and ran again, looking for the wreck. He had to go back, to return . . .
"You can't."
"I can!" he cried. "I can, if I try..."
Yellow flames coiled through the thick air. Yellow serpents.
They coiled, glowing, about his ankles. Then through the murk, two-headed and towering, approached his Adversary.
Small stones rattled past him. An overpowering odor corkscrewed up his nose and into his head.
"Shaper!" came the bellow from one head.
"You have returned for the reckoning!" called the other.
Render stared, remembering.
"No reckoning, Thaumiel," he said. "I beat you and I chained you for Rothman, yes, it was Rothman the cabalist."
He traced a pentagram in the air. "Return to Qliphoth. I banish you."
"This place be Qliphoth."
". . . By Khamael, the angel of blood, by the hosts of Seraphim, in the Name of Elohim Gebor, I bid you vanish!"
"Not this time," laughed both heads.
It advanced.
Render backed slowly away, his feet bound by the yellow serpents. He could feel the chasm opening behind him. The world was a jigsaw puzzle coming apart. He could see the pieces separating.
"Vanish!"
The giant roared out its double-laugh.
Render stumbled.
"This way, love!"
She stood within a small cave to his right.
He shook his bead and backed toward the chasm.
Thaumiel reached out toward him.
Render toppled back over the edge.
"Charles!" she screamed, and the world shook itself apart with her wailing.
"Then Vernichtung," he answered as he fell. "I join you in darkness."
Everything came to an end.
"I want to see Doctor Charles Render."
"I'm sorry, that is impossible."
"But I skip-jetted all the way here, just to thank him. I'm a new man! He changed my life!"
"I'm sorry. Mister Erikson. When you called this morning, I told you it was impossible."
"Sir, I'm Representative Erikson, and Render once did me a great service."
"Then you can do him one now. Go home."
"You can't talk to me that way!"
"I just did. Please leave. Maybe next year sometime. . ."
"But a few words can do wonders . . ."
"Save them!"
"I-I'm sorry . . ."
Lovely as it was, pinked over with the morning, the slopping, steaming bowl of the sea, he knew that it had to end.
Therefore...
He descended the high tower stairway and he entered the courtyard. He crossed to the bower of roses and he looked down upon the pallet set in its midst.
"Good morrow, m'lord," he said.
"To you the same," said the knight, his blood mingling with the earth, the flowers, the grasses, flowing from his wound, sparkling over his armor, dripping from his fingertips.
"Naught hath healed?"
The knight shook his head.
"I empty. I wait."
"Your waiting is near ended."
"What mean you?" He sat upright.
"The ship. It approacheth harbor."
The knight stood. He leaned his back against a mossy tree trunk. He stared at the huge, bearded servitor who continued to speak, words harsh with barbaric accents:
"It cometh like a dark swan before the wind returning."
"Dark, say you? Dark?"
"The sails be black. Lord Tristram."
"You lie!"
"Do you wish to see? To see for yourself? Look then!"
He gestured.
The earth quaked, the wall toppled. The dust swirled and settled. From where they stood they could see the ship moving into the harbor on the wings of the night.
"No! You lied!-See! They are white!"
The dawn danced upon the waters. The shadows fled from the ship's sails.
"No, you fool! Black! They must be!"
"White! White-Isolde! You have kept faith! You have returned!"
He began running toward the harbor.
"Come back! Your wound! You are ill! Stop . . ."
The sails were white beneath a sun that was a red button which the servitor reached quickly to touch.
Night fell.
I wrote this story on one of the blackest days in my memory, a day of extreme wretchedness accompanied by an unusual burst of writing activity---which I encouraged, to keep from thinking about what was bothering me. I sat down and did three short stories, one after the other without leaving the typewriter. They were "Divine Madness," this one and "But Not the Herald." I later put the other two into my collection The Doors of His Face. The Lamps of His Mouth, and Other Stories (Doubleday's title---not mine; I had suggested Hearts & Flowers) and I would have included this one there, too, save that I could not locate a copy at the time I assembled the manuscript. I cannot be certain whether Peter De Vries' The Blood of the Lamb was on my mind then, just a little though I know I'd read it before that time.
It was into the second year now, and it was maddening. Everything which had worked before failed this time. Each day he tried to break it, and it resisted his every effort.
He snarled at his students, drove recklessly, bloodied his knuckles against many walls. Nights, he lay awake cursing.
But there was no one to whom he could turn for help. His problem would have been nonexistent to a psychiatrist, who doubtless would have attempted to treat him for something else.
So he went away that summer, spent a month at a resort: nothing. He experimented with several hallucinogenic drugs; again, nothing. He tried free-associating into a tape recorder, but all he got when he played it back was a headache.
To whom does the holder of a blocked power turn, within a society of normal people?
... To another of his own kind, if he can locate one.
Milt Rand had known four other persons like himself: his cousin Gary, now deceased; Walker Jackson, a Negro preacher who had retired to somewhere down South; Tatya Stefanovich, a dancer, currently somewhere behind the Iron Curtain; and Curtis Legge, who, unfortunately, was suffering a schizoid reaction, paranoid type, in a state institution for the criminally insane. Others he had brushed against in the night, but had never met and could not locate now.
There had been blockages before, but Milt had always worked his way through them inside of a month. This time was different and special, though. Upsets, discomforts, disturbances, can dam up a talent, block a power. An event which seals it off completely for over a year, however, is more than a mere disturbance, discomfort, or upset.
The divorce had beaten hell out of him.
It is bad enough to know that somewhere someone is hating you; but to have known the very form of that hatred and to have proven ineffectual against it, to have known it as the hater held it for you, to have lived with it growing around you, this is more than distasteful circumstance. Whether you are offender or offended, when you are hated and you live within the circle of that hate, it takes a thing from you: it tears a piece of spirit from your soul, or, if you prefer, a way of thinking from your mind; it cuts and does not cauterize.
Milt Rand dragged his bleeding psyche around the country and returned home.
He would sit and watch the woods from his glassed-in back porch, drink beer, watch the fireflies in the shadows, the rabbits, the dark birds, an occasional fox, sometimes a bat.
He had been fireflies once, and rabbits, birds, occasionally a fox, sometimes a bat.
The wildness was one of the reasons he had moved beyond suburbia, adding an extra half-hour to his commuting time.
Now there was a glassed-in back porch between him and these things he had once been part of. Now he was alone.
Walking the streets, addressing his classes at the institute, sitting in a restaurant, a theater, a bar, he was vacant where once he had been filled.
There are no books which tell a man how to bring back the power he has lost.
He tries everything he can think of, while he is waiting. Walking the hot pavements of a summer noon, crossing against the lights because traffic is slow, watching kids in swimsuits play around a gurgling hydrant, filthy water sluicing the gutter about their feet, as mothers and older sisters in halters, wrinkled shirts, bermudas, and sunburnt skins watch them, occasionally, while talking to one another in entranceways to buildings or the shade of a storefront awning. Milt moves across town, heading nowhere in particular, growing claustrophobic if he stops for long, his eyebrows full of perspiration, sunglasses streaked with it, shirt sticking to his sides and coming loose, sticking and coming loose as he walks.
Amid the afternoon, there comes a time when he has to rest the two fresh-baked bricks at the ends of his legs. He finds a tree-lawn bench flanked by high maples, eases himself down into it and sits there thinking of nothing in particular for perhaps twenty-five minutes.
Hello.
Something within him laughs or weeps.
Yes, hello, I am here! Don't go away! Stay! Please!
You are---like me...
Yes, I am. You can see it in me because you are what you are. But you must read here and send here, too. I'm frozen. I---Hello? Where are you?
Once more, he is alone.
He tries to broadcast. He fills his mind with the thoughts and tries to push them outside his skull.
Please come back! I need you. You can help me. I am desperate. I hurt. Where are you?
Again, nothing.
He wants to scream. He wants to search every room in every building on the block.
Instead, he sits there.
At 9:30 that evening they meet again, inside his mind.
Hello?
Stay! Stay, for God's sake! Don't go away this time! Please don't! Listen, I need you! You can help me.
How? What is the matter?
I'm like you. Or was, once. I could reach out with my mind and be other places, other things, other people. I can't do it now, though. I have a blockage. The power will not come. I know it is there. I can feel it. But I can't use... Hello?
Yes, I am still here. I can feel myself going away, though. I will be back. I...
Milt waits until midnight. She does not come back. It is a feminine mind which has touched his own. Vague, weak, but definitely feminine, and wearing the power. She does not come back that night, though. He paces up and down the block, wondering which window, which door...
He eats at an all-night cafe, returns to his bench, waits, paces again, goes back to the cafe for cigarettes, begins chain-smoking, goes back to the bench.
Dawn occurs, day arrives, night is gone. He is alone, as birds explore the silence, traffic begins to swell, dogs wander the lawns.
Then, weakly, the contact:
I am here. I can stay longer this time, I think. How can I help you? Tell me.
All right. Do this thing: Think of the feeling, the feeling of the out-go, out-reach, out-know that you have now. Fill your mind with that feeling and send it to me as hard as you can.
It comes upon him then as once it was: the knowledge of the power. It is earth and water, fire and air to him. He stands upon it, he swims in it, he warms himself by it, he moves through it.
It is returning! Don't stop now!
I'm sorry. I must. I'm getting dizzy...
Where are you?
Hospital...
He looks up the street to the hospital on the corner, at the far end, to his left.
What ward? He frames the thought but knows she is already gone, even as he does it.
Doped-up or feverish, he decides, and probably out for a while now.
He takes a taxi back to where he had parked, drives home, showers and shaves, makes breakfast, cannot eat.
He drinks orange juice and coffee and stretches out on the bed.
Five hours later he awakens, looks at his watch, curses.
All the way back into town, he tries to recall the power. It is there like a tree, rooted in his being, branching behind his eyes, all bud, blossom, sap, and color, but no leaves, no fruit. He can feel it swaying within him, pulsing, breathing; from the tips of his toes to the roots of his hair he feels it. But it does not bend to his will, it does not branch within his consciousness, furl there it leaves, spread the aromas of life.
He parks in the hospital lot, enters the lobby, avoids the front desk, finds a chair beside a table filled with magazines.
Two hours later he meets her.
He is hiding behind a copy of Holiday and looking for her.
I am here.
Again, then! Quickly! The power! Help me to rouse it!
She does this thing.
Within his mind, she conjures the power. There is a movement, a pause, a movement, a pause. Reflectively, as though suddenly remembering an intricate dance step, it stirs within him, the power.
As in a surfacing bathyscaphe, there is a rush of distortions, then a clear, moist view without.
She is a child who has helped him.
A mind-twisted, fevered child, dying...
He reads it all when he turns the power upon her.
Her name is Dorothy and she is delirious. The power came upon her at the height of her illness, perhaps because of it.
Has she helped a man come alive again, or dreamed that she helped him? she wonders.
She is thirteen years old and her parents sit beside her bed. In the mind of her mother a word rolls over and over, senselessly, blocking all other thoughts, though it cannot keep away the feelings:
Methotrexate, methotrexate, methotrexate, meth...
In Dorothy's thirteen-year-old breastbone there are needles of pain. The fevers swirl within her, and she is all but gone to him.
She is dying of leukemia. The final stages are already arrived. He can taste the blood in her mouth.
Helpless within his power, he projects:
You have given me the end of your life and your final strength. I did not know this. I would not have asked it of you if I had.
Thank you, she says, for the pictures inside you.
Pictures?
Places, things I saw...
There is not much inside me worth showing. You could have been elsewhere, seeing better.
I am going again...
Wait!
He calls upon the power that lives within him now, fused with his will and his sense, his thoughts, memories, feelings. In one great blaze of life, he shows her Milt Rand.
Here is everything I have, all I have ever been that might please. Here is swarming through a foggy night, blinking on and off. Here is lying beneath a bush as the rains of summer fall about you, drip from the leaves upon your fox-soft fur. Here is the moon-dance of the deer, the dream drift of the trout beneath the dark swell, blood cold as the waters about you.
Here is Tatya dancing and Walker preaching; here is my cousin Gary, as he whittles, contriving a ball within a box, all out of one piece of wood. This is my New York and my Paris. This, my favorite meal, drink, cigar, restaurant, park, road to drive on late at night; this is where I dug tunnels, built a lean-to, went swimming; this, my first kiss; these are the tears of loss; this is exile and alone, and recovery, awe, joy; these, my grandmother's daffodils; this her coffin, daffodils about it; these are the colors of the music I love, and this is my dog who lived long and was good. See all the things that heat the spirit, cool within the mind, are encased in memory and one's self. I give them to you, who have no time to know them.
He sees himself standing on the far hills of her mind. She laughs aloud then, and in her room somewhere high away a hand is laid upon her and her wrist is taken between fingers and thumb as she rushes toward him suddenly grown large. His great black wings sweep forward to fold her wordless spasm of life, then are empty.
Milt Rand stiffens within his power, puts aside a copy of Holiday and stands, to leave the hospital, full and empty, empty, full, like himself, now, behind.
Such is the power of the power.
Returning home late one night, I was almost hit by a speeding car which crashed a red light three blocks from my apartment in Baltimore. By the time I reached home, I had this entire story in mind and I finished writing it before I turned out the lights. I sold it to Harlan Ellison for Dangerous Visions. I'm very fond of it.
Still do I remember the hot sun upon the sands of the Plaza de Autos, the cries of the soft-drink hawkers, the tiers of humanity stacked across from me on the sunny side of the arena, sunglasses like cavities in their gleaming faces.
Still do I remember the smells and the colors: the reds and the blues and the yellows, the ever present tang of petroleum fumes upon the air.
Still do I remember that day, that day with its sun in the middle of the sky and the sign of Aries, burning in the blooming of the year. I recall the mincing steps of the pumpers, heads thrown back, arms waving, the white dazzles of their teeth framed with smiling lips, cloths like colorful tails protruding from the rear pockets of their coveralls; and the horns---I remember the blare of a thousand horns over the loudspeakers, on and off, off and on, over and over, and again, and then one shimmering, final note, sustained, to break the ear and the heart with its infinite power, its pathos.
Then there was silence.
I see it now as I did on that day so long ago....
He entered the arena, and the cry that went up shook blue heaven upon its pillars of white marble.
"Viva! El mechador! Viva! El mechador!"
I remember his face, dark and sad and wise.
Long of jaw and nose was he, and his laughter was as the roaring of the wind, and his movements were as the music of the theramin and the drum. His coveralls were blue and silk and tight and stitched with thread of gold and broidered all about with black braid. His jacket was beaded and there were flashing scales upon his breast, his shoulders, his back.
His lips curled into the smile of a man who has known much glory and has hold upon the power that will bring him into more.
He moved, turning in a circle, not shielding his eyes against the sun.
He was above the sun. He was Manolo Stillete Dos Muertos, the mightiest mechador the world has ever seen, black boots upon his feet, pistons in his thighs, fingers with the discretion of micrometers, halo of dark locks about his head and the angel of death in his right arm, there, in the center of the grease-stained circle of truth.
He waved, and a cry went up once more.
"Manolo! Manolo! Dos Muertos! Dos Muertos!"
After two years' absence from the ring, he had chosen this, the anniversary of his death and retirement to return---for there was gasoline and methyl in his blood and his heart was a burnished pump ringed 'bout with desire and courage. He had died twice within the ring, and twice had the medics restored him. After his second death, he had retired, and some said that it was because he had known fear. This could not be true.
He waved his hand and his name rolled back upon him.
The horns sounded once more: three long blasts.
Then again there was silence, and a pumper wearing red and yellow brought him the cape, removed his jacket.
The tinfoil backing of the cape flashed in the sun as Dos Muertos swirled it.
Then there came the final, beeping notes.
The big door rolled upward and back into the wall.
He draped his cape over his arm and faced the gateway.
The light above was red and from within the darkness there came the sound of an engine.
The light turned yellow, then green, and there was the sound of cautiously engaged gears.
The car moved slowly into the ring, paused, crept forward, paused again.
It was a red Pontiac, its hood stripped away, its engine like a nest of snakes, coiling and engendering behind the circular shimmer of its invisible fan. The wings of its aerial spun round and round, then fixed upon Manolo and his cape.
He had chosen a heavy one for his first, slow on turning, to give him a chance to limber up.
The drums of its brain, which had never before recorded a man, were spinning.
Then the consciousness of its kind swept over it and it moved forward.
Manolo swirled his cape and kicked its fender as it roared past.
The door of the great garage closed.
When it reached the opposite side of the ring the car stopped, parked.
Cries of disgust, booing and hissing arose from the crowd.
Still the Pontiac remained parked.
Two pumpers, bearing buckets, emerged from behind the fence and threw mud upon its windshield.
It roared then and pursued the nearest, banging into the fence. Then it turned suddenly, sighted Dos Muertos and charged.
His veronica transformed him into a statue with a skirt of silver. The enthusiasm of the crowd was mighty.
It turned and charged once more, and I wondered at Manolo's skill, for it would seem that his buttons had scraped cherry paint from the side panels.
Then it paused, spun its wheels, ran in a circle about the ring.
The crowd roared as it moved past him and recircled.
Then it stopped again, perhaps fifty feet away.
Manolo turned his back upon it and waved to the crowd.
---Again, the cheering and the calling of his name.
He gestured to someone behind the fence.
A pumper emerged and bore to him, upon a velvet cushion, his chrome-plated monkey wrench.
He turned then again to the Pontiac and strode toward it.
It stood there shivering and he knocked off its radiator cap.
A jet of steaming water shot into the air and the crowd bellowed. Then he struck the front of the radiator and banged upon each fender.
He turned his back upon it again and stood there.
When he heard the engagement of the gears he turned once more, and with one clean pass it was by him, but not before he had banged twice upon the trunk with his wrench.
It moved to the other end of the ring and parked.
Manolo raised his hand to the pumper behind the fence.
The man with the cushion emerged and bore to him the long-handled screwdriver and the short cape. He took the monkey wrench away with him, as well as the long cape.
Another silence came over the Plaza del Autos.
The Pontiac, as if sensing all this, turned once more and blew its horn twice. Then it charged.
There were dark spots upon the sand from where its radiator had leaked water. Its exhaust arose like a ghost behind it. It bore down upon him at a terrible speed.
Dos Muertos raised the cape before him and rested the blade of the screwdriver upon his left forearm.
When it seemed he would surely be run down, his hand shot forward, so fast the eye could barely follow it, and he stepped to the side as the engine began to cough.
Still the Pontiac continued on with a deadly momentum, turned sharply without braking, rolled over, slid into the fence, and began to burn. Its engine coughed and died.
The Plaza shook with the cheering. They awarded Dos Muertos both headlights and the tailpipe. He held them high and moved in slow promenade about the perimeter of the ring. The horns sounded. A lady threw him a plastic flower and he sent for a pumper to bear her the tailpipe and ask her to dine with him. The crowd cheered more loudly, for he was known to be a great layer of women, and it was not such an unusual thing in the days of my youth as it is now.
The next was the blue Chevrolet, and he played with it as a child plays with a kitten, tormenting it into striking, then stopping it forever. He received both headlights. The sky had clouded over by then and there was a tentative mumbling of thunder.
The third was a black Jaguar XKE, which calls for the highest skill possible and makes for a very brief moment of truth. There was blood as well as gasoline upon the sand before he dispatched it, for its side mirrors extended further than one would think, and there was a red furrow across his rib cage before he had done with it. But he tore out its ignition system with such grace and artistry that the crowd boiled over into the ring, and the guards were called forth to beat them with clubs and herd them with cattle prods back into their seats.
Surely, after all of this, none could say that Dos Muertos had ever known fear.
A cool breeze arose and I bought a soft drink and waited for the last.
His final car sped forth while the light was still yellow. It was a mustard-colored Ford convertible. As it went past him the first time, it blew its horn and turned on its windshield wipers. Everyone cheered, for they could see it had spirit.
Then it came to a dead halt, shifted into reverse, and backed toward him at about forty miles an hour.
He got out of the way, sacrificing grace to expediency, and it braked sharply, shifted into low gear, and sped forward again.
He waved the cape and it was torn from his hands. If he had not thrown himself over backward, he would have been struck.
Then someone cried: "It's out of alignment!"
But he got to his feet, recovered his cape and faced it once more.
They still tell of those five passes that followed. Never has there been such a flirting with bumper and grill! Never in all of the Earth has there been such an encounter between mechador and machine! The convertible roared like ten centuries of streamlined death, and the spirit of St. Detroit sat in its driver's seat, grinning, while Dos Muertos faced it with his tinfoil cape, cowed it and called for his wrench. It nursed its overheated engine and rolled its windows up and down, up and down, clearing its muffler the while with lavatory noises and much black smoke.
By then it was raining, softly, gently, and the thunder still came about us. I finished my soft drink.
Dos Muertos had never used his monkey wrench on the engine before, only upon the body. But this time he threw it. Some experts say he was aiming at the distributor; others say he was trying to break its fuel pump.
The crowd booed him.
Something gooey was dripping from the Ford onto the sand. The red streak brightened on Manolo's stomach. The rain came down.
He did not look at the crowd. He did not take his eyes from the car. He held out his right hand, palm upward, and waited.
A panting pumper placed the screwdriver in his hand and ran back toward the fence.
Manolo moved to the side and waited.
It leaped at him and he struck.
There was more booing.
He had missed the kill.
No one left, though. The Ford swept around him in a tight circle, smoke now emerging from its engine. Manolo rubbed his arm and picked up the screwdriver and cape he had dropped. There was more booing as he did so.
By the time the car was upon him, flames were leaping forth from its engine.
Now some say that he struck and missed again, going off balance. Others say that he began to strike, grew afraid and drew back. Still others say that, perhaps for an instant, he knew a fatal pity for his spirited adversary, and that this had stayed his hand. I say that the smoke was too thick for any of them to say for certain what had happened.
But it swerved and he fell forward, and he was borne upon that engine, blazing like a god's catafalque, to meet with his third death as they crashed into the fence together and went up into flames.
There was much dispute over the final corrida, but what remained of the tailpipe and both headlights were buried with what remained of him, beneath the sands of the Plaza, and there was much weeping among women he had known. I say that he could not have been afraid or known pity, for his strength was as a river of rockets, his thighs were pistons and the fingers of his hands had the discretion of micrometers; his hair was a black halo and the angel of death rode on his right arm. Such a man, a man who has known truth, is mightier than any machine. Such a man is above anything but the holding of power and the wearing of glory.
Now he is dead though, this one, for the third and final time. He is as dead as all the dead who have ever died before the bumper, under the grill, beneath the wheels. It is well that he cannot rise again, for I say that his final car was his apotheosis, and anything else would be anticlimactic. Once I saw a blade of grass growing up between the metal sheets of the world in a place where they had become loose, and I destroyed it because I felt it must be lonesome. Often have I regretted doing this, for I took away the glory of its aloneness. Thus does life the machine, I feel, consider man, sternly, then with regret, and the heavens do weep upon him through eyes that grief has opened in the sky.
All the way home I thought of this thing, and the hoofs of my mount clicked upon the floor of the city as I rode through the rain toward evening, that spring.
I intended to write a nice, simple action-adventure story and I had just finished reading Hunter Thompson's Hell's Angels. I wrote this story. At my agent's suggestion, I later expanded it to book length. I like this version better than the book. But if there hadn't been a book there probably wouldn't have been a movie sale. On the other hand, I was not overjoyed with the film. On the other hand, no one has to sit up in the middle of the
night to read the story....
The gull swooped by, seemed to hover a moment on unmoving wings.
Hell Tanner flipped his cigar butt at it and scored a lucky hit. The bird uttered a hoarse cry and beat suddenly at the air. It climbed about fifty feet, and whether it shrieked a second time, he would never know.
It was gone.
A single gray feather rocked in the violet sky, drifted out over the edge of the cliff and descended, swinging toward the ocean. Tanner chuckled through his beard, between the steady roar of the wind and the pounding of the surf. Then he took his feet down from the handlebars, kicked up the stand and gunned his bike to life.
He took the slope slowly till he came to the trail, then picked up speed and was doing fifty when he hit the highway.
He leaned forward and gunned it. He had the road all to himself, and he laid on the gas pedal till there was no place left for it to go. He raised his goggles and looked at the world through crap-colored glasses, which was pretty much the way be looked at it without them, too.
All the old irons were gone from his jacket, and he missed the swastika, the hammer and sickle and the upright finger, especially. He missed his old emblem, too. Maybe he could pick up one in Tijuana and have some broad sew it on and . . . No. It wouldn't do. All that was dead and gone. It would be a giveaway, and he wouldn't last a day. What he would do was sell the Harley, work his way down the coast, clean and square and see what he could find in the other America.
He coasted down one hill and roared up another. He tore through Laguoa Beach, Capistrano Beach, San Clemente and San Onofre. He made it down to Oceanside, where he refueled, and he passed on through Carlsbad and all those dead little beaches that fill the shore space before Solana Beach Del Mar. It was outside San Diego that they were waiting for him.
He saw the roadblock and turned. They were not sure how he had managed it that quickly, at that speed. But now he was heading away from them. He beard the gunshots and kept going. Then he heard the sirens.
He blew his horn twice in reply and leaned far forward. The Harley leaped ahead, and he wondered whether they were radioing to someone further on up the line.
He ran for ten minutes and couldn't shake them. Then fifteen.
He topped another hill, and far ahead he saw the second block. He was bottled in.
He looked all around him for side roads, saw none. Then he bore a straight course toward the second block. Might as well try to run it No good!
There were cars lined up across the entire road. They were even off the road on the shoulders.
He braked at the last possible minute, and when his speed was right he reared up on the back wheel, spun it and headed back toward his pursuers.
There were six of them coming toward him, and at his back new siren calls arose.
He braked again, pulled to the left, kicked the gas and leaped out of the seat. The bike kept going, and he hit the ground rolling, got to his feet and started running.
He heard the screeching of their tires. He heard a crash. Then there were more gunshots, and he kept going. They were aiming over his head, but he didn't know it. They wanted him alive.
After fifteen minutes he was backed against a wall of rock, and they were fanned out in front of him, and several had rifles, and they were all pointed in the wrong direction.
He dropped the tire iron he held and raised his hands. "You got it, citizens," he said. 'Take it away."
And they did.
They handcuffed him and took him back to the cars. They pushed him into the rear seat of one, and an officer got in on either side of him. Another got into the front beside the driver, and this one held a sawed-off shotgun across his knees.
The driver started the engine and put the car into gear, heading back up 101.
The man with the shotgun turned and stared through bifocals that made his eyes look like hourglasses filled with green sand as he lowered his head. He stared for perhaps ten seconds, then said, "That was a stupid thing to do."
Hell Tanner stared back until the man said, "Very stupid, Tanner."
"Oh, I didn't know you were talking to me."
"I'm looking at you, son."
"And I'm looking at you. Hello, there."
Then the driver said, without taking his eyes off the road, "You know, its too bad we've got to deliver him in good shape---after the way he smashed up the other car with that damn bike."
"He could still have an accident Fall and crack a couple ribs, say," said the man to Tanner's left.
The man to the right didn't say anything, but the man with the shotgun shook his bead slowly. "Not unless he tries to escape," he said. "L.A. wants him in good shape.
"Why'd you try to skip out, buddy? You might have known we'd pick you up."
Tanner shrugged.
"Why'd you pick me up? I didn't do anything?"
The driver chuckled.
"That's why," he said. "You didn't do anything, and there's something you were supposed to do. Remember?"
"I don't owe anybody anything. They gave me a pardon and let me go."
"You got a lousy memory, kid. You made the nation of California a promise when they turned you loose yesterday. Now you've had more than the twenty-four hours you asked for to settle your affairs. You can tell them 'no' if you want and get your pardon revoked. Nobody's forcing you-Then you can spend the rest of your life making little rocks out of big ones. We couldn't care less. I heard they got somebody else lined up already."
"Give me a cigarette," Tanner said.
The man on his right lit one and passed it to him.
He raised both hands, accepted it. As he smoked, he flicked the ashes onto the floor.
They sped along the highway, and when they went through towns or encountered traffic the driver would hit the siren and overhead the red light would begin winking. When this occurred, the sirens of the two other patrol cars that followed behind them would also wail. The driver never touched the brake, all the way up to L.A., and be kept radioing ahead every few minutes.
There came a sound like a sonic boom, and a cloud of dust and gravel descended upon them like hail. A tiny crack appeared in the lower righthand corner of the bullet-proof windshield, and stones the size of marbles bounced on the hood and the roof. The tires made a crunching noise as they passed over the gravel that now lay scattered upon the road surface. The dust hung like a heavy fog, but ten seconds later they had passed out of it.
The men in the car leaned forward and stared upward.
The sky had become purple, and black lines crossed it, moving from west to east. These swelled, narrowed, moved from side to side, sometimes merged. The driver had turned on his lights by then.
"Could be a bad one coming," said the man with the shotgun.
The driver nodded. "Looks worse further north, too," he said.
A wailing began, high in the air above them, and the dark bands continued to widen. The sound increased in volume, lost its treble quality, became a steady roar.
The bands consolidated, and the sky grew dark as a starless, moonless night and the dust fell about them in heavy clouds. Occasionally, there sounded a ping as a heavier fragment struck against the car.
The driver switched on his country lights, hit the siren again and sped ahead. The roaring and the sound of the siren fought with one another above them, and far to .the north a blue aurora began to spread, pulsing.
Tanner finished his cigarette, and the man gave him another. They were all smoking by then.
"You know, you're lucky we picked you up, boy," said the man to his left. "How'd you like to be pushing your bike through that stuff?"
"I'd like it," Tanner said.
"You're nuts."
"No. I'd make it. It wouldn't be the first time."
By the time they reached Los Angeles, the blue aurora filled half the sky, and it was tinged with pink and shot through with smoky, yellow streaks that reached like spider legs into the south. The roar was a deafening, physical thing that beat upon their eardrums and caused their skin to tingle. As they left the car and crossed the parking lot, heading toward the big, pillared building with the frieze across its forehead, they bad to shout at one another in order to be heard.
"Lucky we got here when we did!" said the man with the shotgun. "Step it up!" Their pace increased as they moved toward the stairway. "It could break any minute now!" screamed the driver.
As they had pulled into the lot, the building had had the appearance of a piece of ice-sculpture, with the shifting lights in the sky playing upon its surfaces and casting cold shadows. Now, though, it seemed as if it were a thing out of wax, ready to melt in a instant's flash of heat.
Their faces and the flesh of their hands took on a bloodless, corpse-like appearance.
They hurried up the stairs, and a State Patrolman let them in through the small door to the right of the heavy metal double doors that were the main entrance to the building. He locked and chained the door behind them, after snapping open his holster when he saw Tanner.
"Which way?" asked the man with the shotgun.
"Second floor," said the trooper, nodding toward a stairway to their right, "Go straight back when you get to the top. It's the big office at the end of the hall."
"Thanks."
The roaring was considerably muffled, and objects achieved an appearance of natural existence once more in the artificial light of the building.
They climbed the curving stairway and moved along the corridor that led back into the building. When they reached the final office, the man with the shotgun nodded to his driver. "Knock," he said.
A woman opened the door, started to say something, then stopped and nodded when she saw Tanner. She stepped aside and held the door. "This way," she said, and they moved past her into the office, and she pressed a button on her desk and told the voice that said, "Yes, Mrs. Fiske?": "They're here, with that man, sir."
"Send them in."
She led them to the dark, paneled door in the back of the room and opened it before them.
They entered, and the husky man behind the glass-topped desk leaned backward in his chair and wove his short fingers together in front of his chins and peered over them through eyes just a shade darker than the gray of his hair. His voice was soft and rasped Just slightly.
"Have a seat," he said to Tanner, and to the others, "wait outside,"
"You know this guy's dangerous. Mister Denton," said the man with the shotgun as Tanner seated himself in a chair situated five feet in front of the desk.
Steel shutters covered the room's three windows, and though the men could not see outside they could guess at the possible furies that stalked there as a sound like machine-gun fire suddenly rang through the room.
"I know."
"Well, he's handcuffed, anyway. Do you want a gun?"
"I've got one,"
"Okay, then. We'll be outside."
They left the room.
The two men stared at one another until the door closed, then the man called Denton said, "Are all your affairs settled now?" and the other shrugged. Then, "What the hell is your first name, really? Even the records show---"
"Hell," said Tanner. "That's my name. I was the seventh kid in our family, and when I was born the nurse held me up and said to my old man, 'What name do you want on the birth certificate?' and Dad said, 'Hell!' and walked away. So she put it down like that. That's what my brother told me. I never saw my old man to ask if that's how it was. He copped out the same day. Sounds right, though."
"So your mother raised all seven of you?"
"No. She croaked a couple weeks later and different relatives took us kids."
"I see," said Denton. "You've still got a choice, you know. Do you want to try it or don't you?"
"What's your job, anyway?" asked Tanner.
"I'm the Secretary of Traffic for the nation of California."
"What's that got to do with it?"
"I'm coordinating this thing. It could as easily have been the Surgeon General or the Postmaster General, but more of it really falls into my area of responsibility. I know the hardware best. I know the odds---"
"What are the odds?" asked Tanner.
For the first time, Denton dropped his eyes.
"Well, it's risky.. .."
"Nobody's ever done it before, except for that nut who ran it to bring the news and he's dead. How can you get odds out of that?"
"I know," said Denton slowly. "You're thinking it's a suicide job, and you're probably right. We're sending three cars, with two drivers in each. If any one just makes it close enough, its broadcast signals may serve to guide in a Boston driver. You don't have to go, though, you know."
"I know. I'm free to spend the rest of my life in prison."
"You killed three people. You could have gotten the death penalty."
"I didn't, so why talk about it? Look, mister, I don't want to die and I don't want the other bit either."
"Drive or don't drive. Take your choice. But remember, if you drive and you make it, all will be forgiven and you can go your own way. The nation of California will even pay for that motorcycle you appropriated and smashed up, not to mention the damage to that police car."
"Thanks a lot." And the winds boomed on the other side of the wall, and the steady staccato from the window shields filled the room.
"You're a very good driver," said Denton, after a time. "You've driven just about every vehicle there is to drive. You've even raced. Back when you were smuggling, you used to make a monthly run to Salt Lake City. There are very few drivers who'll try that, even today."
Hell Tanner smiled, remembering something.
". . . And in the only legitimate job you ever held, you were the only man who'd make the mail run to Albuquerque. There've only been a few others since you were fired."
"That wasn't my fault."
"You were the best man on the Seattle run, too," Denton continued. "Your supervisor said so. What I'm trying to say is that, of anybody we could pick, you've probably got the best chance of getting through. That's why we've been indulgent with you, but we can't afford to wait any longer. It's yes or no right now, and you'll leave within the hour if it's yes."
Tanner raised his cuffed hands and gestured toward the window.
"In all this crap?" he asked.
"The cars can take this storm," said Denton.
"Man, you're crazy,"
"People are dying even while we're talking," said Denton.
"So a few more ain't about to make that much difference. Can't we wait till tomorrow?"
"No! A man gave his life to bring us the news! And we've got to get across the continent as fast as possible now or it won't matter! Storm or no storm, the cars leave now! Your feelings on the matter don't mean a good goddamn in the face of this! All I want out of you, Hell, is one word: Which one will it be?"
"I'd like something to eat. I haven't..."
"There's food in the car. What's your answer?"
Hell stared at the dark window.
"Okay," he said, "I'll run Damnation Alley for you. I won't leave without a piece of paper with some writing on it, though."
"I've got it here."
Denton opened a drawer and withdrew a heavy cardboard envelope from which he extracted a piece of stationery bearing the Great Seal of the nation of California. He stood and rounded the desk and handed it to Hell Tanner.
Hell studied it for several minutes, then said, "This says that if I make it to Boston I receive a full pardon for every criminal action I've ever committed within the nation of California ..."
"That's right."
"Does that include ones you might not know about now, if someone should come up with them later?"
"That's what it says, Hell---'every criminal action.' "
"Okay, you're on, fat boy. Get these bracelets off me and show me my car."
The man called Denton moved back to his seat on the other side of his desk.
"Let me tell you something else. Hell," he said. "If you try to cop out anywhere along the route, the other drivers have their orders, and they've agreed to follow them. They will open fire on you and burn you into little bitty ashes. Get the picture?"
"I get the picture," said Hell. "I take it I'm supposed to do them the same favor?"
"That is correct."
"Good enough. That might be fun."
"I thought you'd like it."
"Now, if you'll unhook me, I'll make the scene for you."
"Not till I've told you what I think of you," Denton said.
"Okay, if you want to waste time calling me names, while people are dying---"
"Shut up! You don't care about them and you know it! I just want to tell you that I think you are the lowest, most reprehensible human being I have ever encountered. You have killed men and raped women. You once gouged out a man's eyes, just for fun. You've been indicted twice for pushing dope and three times as a pimp. You're -a drunk and a degenerate, and I don't think you've had a bath since the day you were born. You and your hoodlums terrorized decent people when they were trying to pull their lives together after the war. You stole from them and you assaulted them, and you extorted money and the necessaries of life with the threat of physical violence. I wish you had died in the Big Raid, that night, like all the rest of them. You are not a human being, except from a biological standpoint. You have a big dead spot somewhere inside you where other people have something that lets them live together in society and be neighbors. The only virtue that you possess---if you want to call it that---is that your reflexes may be a little faster, your muscles a little stronger, your eye a bit more wary than the rest of us, so that you can sit behind a wheel and drive through anything that has a way through it. It is for this that the nation of California is willing to pardon your inhumanity if you will use that one virtue to help rather than hurt. I don't approve. I don't want to depend on you, because you're not the type. I'd like to see you die in this thing, and while I hope that somebody makes it through, I hope that it will be somebody else. I hate your bloody guts. You've got your pardon now. The car's ready. Let's go."
Denton stood, at a height of about five feet eight inches, and Tanner stood and looked down at him and chuckled.
"I'll make it," he said. "If that citizen from Boston made it through and died, I'll make it through and live. I've been as far as the Missus Hip."
"You're lying."
"No, I ain't either, and if you ever find out that's straight, remember I got this piece of paper in my pocket---every criminal action and like that. It wasn't easy, and I was lucky, too. But I made it that far and, nobody else you know can say that. So I figure that's about halfway and I can make the other half if I can get that far."
They moved toward the door.
"I don't like to say it and mean it," said Denton, "but good luck. Not for your sake, though."
"Yeah, I know."
Denton opened the door. "Turn him loose," he said. "He's driving."
The officer with the shotgun handed it to the man who had given Tanner the cigarettes, and he fished in his pockets for the key. When he found it, he unlocked the cuffs, stepped back, and hung them at his belt "I'll come with you," said Denton. "The motor pool is downstairs."
They left the office, and Mrs. Fiske opened her purse and took a rosary into her hands and bowed her head. She prayed for Boston and she prayed for the soul of its departed messenger. She even threw in a couple for Hell Tanner.
They descended to the basement, the sub-basement and the sub-sub-basement.
When they got there. Tanner saw three cars, ready to go; and he saw five men seated on benches along the wall. One of them he recognized.
"Denny," he said, "come here," and he moved forward, and a slim, blond youth who held a crash helmet in his right hand stood and walked toward him.
"What the bell are you doing?" he asked him.
"I'm second driver in car three."
"You've got your own garage and you've kept your nose clean. What's the thought on this?"
"Denton offered me fifty grand," said Denny, and Hell turned away his face.
"Forget it! It's no good if you're dead!"
"I need the money."
"Why?"
"I want to get married and I can use it."
"I thought you were making out okay."
"I am, but I'd like to buy a house."
"Does your girl know what you've got in mind?"
"No."
"I didn't think so. Listen, I've got to do it---it's the only way out for me. You don't have to---"
"That's for me to say."
"---so I'm going to tell you something: You drive out to Pasadena to that place where we used to play when we were kids---with the rocks and the three big trees---you know where I mean?"
"Yeah, I sure do remember."
"Go back of the big tree in the middle, on the side where I carved my initials. Step off seven steps and dig down around four feet. Got that?"
"Yeah. What's there?"
"That's my legacy, Denny. You'll find one of those old strong boxes, probably all rusted out by now. Bust it open. It'll be full of excelsior, and there'll be a six-inch joint of pipe inside. It's threaded, and there's caps on both ends. There's a little over five grand rolled up inside it, and all the bills are clean."
"Why you telling me this?"
"Because it's yours now," he said, and he hit him in the jaw. When Denny fell, he kicked him in the ribs, three times, before the cops grabbed him and dragged him away.
"You fool!" said Denton as they held him. "You crazy, damned fool!"
"Uh-uh," said Tanner. "No brother of mine is going to run Damnation Alley while I'm around to stomp him and keep him out of the game. Better find another driver quick, because he's got cracked ribs. Or else let me drive alone."
"Then you'll drive alone," said Denton, "because we can't afford to wait around any longer. There's pills in the compartment, to keep you awake, and you'd better use them, because if you fall back they'll burn you up. Remember that."
"I won't forget you, mister, if I'm ever back in town. Don't fret about that."
"Then you'd better get into car number two and start heading up the ramp. The vehicles are all loaded. The cargo compartment is under the rear seat."
"Yeah, I know."
". . . And if I ever see you again, it'll be too soon. Get out of my sight, scum!"
Tanner spat on the floor and turned his back on the Secretary of Traffic. Several cops were giving first aid to his brother, and one had dashed off in search of a doctor. Denton made two teams of the remaining four drivers and assigned them to cars one and three. Tanner climbed into the cab of his own, started the engine and waited. He stared up the ram, and considered what lay ahead. He searched the compartments until he found cigarettes. He lit one and leaned back-The other drivers moved forward and mounted their own heavily shielded vehicles. The radio crackled, crackled, hummed, crackled again, and then a voice came through as he heard the other engines come to life.
"Car one---ready!" came the voice.
There was a pause, then, "Car three---ready!" said a different voice.
Tanner lifted the microphone and mashed the button on its side.
"Car two ready," he said.
"Move out," came the order, and they headed up the ramp.
The door rolled upward before them, and they entered the storm.
It was a nightmare, getting out of L.A. and onto Route 91. The waters came down in sheets and rocks the size of baseballs banged against the armor plating of his car. Tanner smoked and turned on the special lights. He wore infrared goggles, and the night and the storm stalked him.
The radio crackled many times, and it seemed that he heard the murmur of a distant voice, but he could never quite make out what it was trying to say.
They followed the road for a& far as it went, and as their big tires sighed over the rugged terrain that began where the road ended, Tanner took the lead and the others were content to follow. He knew the way; they didn't.
He followed the old smugglers' route he'd used to run candy to the Mormons. It was possible that he was the only one left alive that knew it. Possible, but then there was always someone looking for a fast buck. So, in all of L.A., there might be somebody else.
The lightning began to fall, not in bolts, but sheets. The car was insulated, but after a time his hair stood on end. He might have seen a giant Gila Monster once, but he couldn't be sure. He kept his fingers away from the fire-control board. He'd save his teeth tai menaces were imminent. From the rearview scanners it seemed that one of the cars behind him had discharged a rocket, but he couldn't be sure, since he had lost all radio contact with them immediately upon leaving the building.
Waters rushed toward him, splashed about his car. The sky sounded like an artillery range. A boulder the size of a tombstone fell in front of him, and he swerved about it. Red lights flashing across the sky from north to south. In their passing, he detected many black bands going from west to east. It was not an encouraging spectacle. The storm could go on for days.
He continued to move forward, skirting a pocket of radiation that had not died in the four years since last he had come this way.
They came upon a place where the sands were fused into a glassy sea, and he slowed as he began its passage peering ahead after the craters and chasms it contained.
Three more rockfalls assailed him before the heavens split themselves open and revealed a bright blue light edged with violet. The dark curtains rolled back toward the Poles, and the roaring and the gunfire reports diminished. A lavender glow remained in the north, and a green sun dipped toward the horizon.
They had ridden it out. He killed the infras, pushed back his goggles and switched on the normal night lamps.
The desert would be bad enough, all by itself.
Something big and bat-like swooped through the tunnel of his lights and was gone. He ignored its passage. Five minutes later it made a second pass, this time much closer, and he fired a magnesium flare. A black shape, perhaps forty feet across, was illuminated, and he gave it two five-second bursts from the fifty-calibers and it fell to the ground and did not return again.
To the squares, this was Damnation Alley. To Hell Tanner, this was still the parking lot. He'd been this way .thirty-two times, and so far as he was concerned the Alley started in the place that was once called Colorado.
He led, and they followed, and the night wore on like an abrasive.
No airplane could make it. Not since the war. None could venture above a couple hundred feet, the place where the winds began. The winds. The mighty winds that circled the globe, tearing off the tops of mountains, Sequoia trees, wrecked buildings, gathering up birds, bats, insects and anything else that moved up into the dead belt; the winds that swirled about the world, lacing the skies with dark lines of debris, occasionally meeting, merging, clashing, dropping tons of carnage wherever they came together and formed too great a mass. Air transportation was definitely out, to anywhere in the world. For these winds circled, and they never ceased. Not in all the twenty-five years of Tanner's memory had they let up.
Tanner pushed ahead, cutting a diagonal by the green sunset. Dust continued to fall about him, great clouds of it, and the sky was violet, then purple once more. Then the sun went down and the night came on, and the stars were very faint points of light somewhere above it all. After a time, the moon rose, and the half-face that it showed that night was the color of a glass of Chianti wine held before a candle.
He let another cigarette and began to curse, slowly, softly and without emotion.
They threaded their way amid heaps of rubble: rock, metal, fragments of machinery, the prow of a boat. A snake, as big around as a garbage can and dark green in the cast light, slithered across Tanner's path, and he braked the vehicle as it continued and continued and continued. Perhaps a hundred and twenty feet of snake passed by before Tanner removed his foot from the brake and touched gently upon the gas pedal once again.
Glancing at the left-hand screen, which held an infrared version of the view to the left, it seemed that he saw two eyes glowing within the shadow of a heap of girders and masonry. Tanner kept one hand near the fire-control button and did not move it for a distance of several miles.
There were no windows in the vehicle, only screens which reflected views in every direction including straight up and the ground beneath the car. Tanner sat within an illuminated box which shielded him against radiation. The "car" that he drove had eight heavily treaded tires and was thirty-two feet in length. It mounted eight fifty-caliber automatic guns and four grenade throwers. It carried thirty armor-piercing rockets which could be discharged straight ahead or at any elevation up to forty degrees from the plane. Each of the four sides, as well as the roof of the vehicle, housed a flame thrower. Razor-sharp "wings" of tempered steel---eighteen inches wide at their bases and tapering to points, an inch and a quarter thick where they ridged---could be moved through a complete hundred-eighty-degree arc along the sides of the car and parallel to the ground, at a height of two feet and eight inches. When standing at a right angle to the body of the vehicle---eight feet to the rear of the front bumper---they extended out to a distance of six feet on either side of the car. They could be couched like lances for a charge. They could be held but slightly out from the sides for purposes of slashing whatever was sideswiped. The car was bullet-proof, air-conditioned and had its own food locker and sanitation facilities. A long-barreled .357 Magnum was held by a clip on the door near the driver's left hand. A 30-06, a .45 caliber automatic and six hand grenades occupied the rack immediately above the front seat.
But Tanner kept his own counsel, in the form of a long, slim SS dagger inside his right boot.
He removed his gloves and wiped his palms on the knees of his denims. The pierced heart that was tattooed on the back of his right hand was red in the light from the dashboard. The knife that went through it was dark blue, and his first name was tattooed in the same color beneath it, one letter on each knuckle, beginning with that at the base of his little finger.
He opened and explored the two near compartments but could find no cigars. So he crushed out his cigarette butt on the floor and lit another.
The forward screen showed vegetation, and he slowed. He tried using the radio but couldn't tell whether anyone heard him, receiving only static in reply.
He slowed, staring ahead and up. He halted once again.
He turned his forward lights up to full intensity and studied the situation.
A heavy wall of thorn bushes stood before him, reaching to a height of perhaps twelve feet. It swept on to his right and off to his left, vanishing out of sight in both directions. How dense, how deep a pit might be, he could not tell. It had not been there a few years before.
He moved forward slowly and activated the flame throwers. In the rearview screen, he could see that the other vehicles had halted a hundred yards behind him and dimmed their lights.
He drove till he could go no further, then pressed the button for the forward flame.
It shot forth, a tongue of fire, licking fifty feet into the bramble. He held it for five seconds and withdrew it. Then he extended it a second time and backed away quickly as the flames caught.
Beginning with a tiny glow, they worked their way upward and spread slowly to the right and the left. Then they grew in size and brightness.
As Tanner backed away, he had to dim his screen, for they'd spread fifty feet before he'd backed more than a hundred, and they leaped thirty and forty feet into the air.
The blaze widened, to a hundred feet, two, three . . . As Tanner backed away, he could see a river of fire flowing off into the distance, and the night was bright about him.
He watched it burn, until it seemed that he looked upon a molten sea. Then he searched the refrigerator, but there was no beer. He opened a soft drink and sipped it while he watched the burning. After about ten minutes, the air conditioner whined and shook itself to life. Hordes of dark, four-footed creatures, the size of rats or cats, fled from the inferno, their coats smouldering. They flowed by. At one point, they covered his forward screen, and he could hear the scratching of their claws upon the fenders and the roof.
He switched off the lights and killed the engine, tossed the empty can into the waste box. He pushed the "Recline" button on the side of the seat, leaned back, and closed his eyes.
He was awakened by the blowing of horns. It was still night, and the panel clock showed him that he had slept for a little over three hours.
He stretched, sat up, adjusted the seat. The other cars had moved up, and one stood to either side of him. He leaned on his own horn twice and started his engine. He switched on the forward lights and considered the prospect before him as he drew on his gloves.
Smoke still rose from the blackened field, and far off to his right there was a glow, as if the fire still continued somewhere in the distance. They were in the place that had once been known as Nevada.
He rubbed his eyes and scratched his nose, then blew the horn once and engaged the gears.
He moved forward slowly. The burnt-out area seemed fairly level and his tires were thick.
He entered the black field, and his screens were immediately obscured by the rush of ashes and smoke which rose on all sides.
He continued, hearing the tires crunching through the brittle remains. He set his screens at maximum and switched his headlamps up to full brightness.
The vehicles that flanked him dropped back perhaps eighty feet. and he dimmed the screens that reflected the glare of their lights.
He released a flare, and as it hung there, burning, cold, white and high, he saw a charred plain that swept on to the edges of his eyes' horizon.
He pushed down on the accelerator, and the cars behind him swung far out to the sides to avoid the clouds that he raised. His radio crackled, and he heard a faint voice but could not make out its words.
He blew his horn and rolled ahead even faster. The other vehicles kept pace.
He drove for an hour and a half before he saw the end of the ash and the beginning of clean sand up ahead.
Within five minutes, he was moving across desert once more, and he checked his compass and bore slightly to the west Cars one and three followed, speeding up to match his new pace, and he drove with one hand and ate a corned beef sandwich.
When morning came, many hours later, he took a pill to keep himself alert and listened to the screaming of the wind. The sun rose up like molten silver to his right, and a third of the sky grew amber and was laced with fine lines like cobwebs. The desert was topaz beneath it, and the brown curtain of dust that hung continuously at his back, pierced only by the eight shafts of the other cars' lights, took on a pinkish tone as the sun grew a bright red corona and the shadows fled into the west. He dimmed his lights as he passed an orange cactus shaped like a toadstool and perhaps fifty feet in diameter.
Giant bats fled south, and far ahead he saw a wide waterfall descending from the heavens. It was gone by the time he reached the damp sand of that place, but a dead shark lay to his left, and there was seaweed, seaweed, seaweed, fish and driftwood all about. The sky pinked over from east to west and remained that color. He gulped a bottle of ice water and felt it go into his stomach. He passed more cacti, and a pair of coyotes sat at the base of one and watched him drive by. They seemed to be laughing. Their tongues were very red.
As the sun brightened, he dimmed the screen. He smoked, and he found a button that produced music. He swore at the soft, stringy sounds that filled the cabin, but he didn't turn them on.
He checked the radiation level outside, and it was only a little above normal. The last time he had passed this way, it had been considerably higher.
He passed several wrecked vehicles such as his own. He ran across another plain of silicon, and in the middle was a huge crater which he skirted. The pinkness in the sky faded and faded and faded, and a bluish tone came to replace it. The dark lines were still there, and occasionally one widened into a black river as it flowed away into the east. At noon, one such river partly eclipsed the sun for a period of eleven minutes. With its departure, there came a brief dust storm, and Tanner turned on the radar and his lights. He knew there was a chasm somewhere ahead, and when he came to it he bore to the left and ran along its edge for close to two miles before it narrowed and vanished. The other vehicles followed, and Tanner took his bearings from the compass once more. The dust had subsided with the brief wind, and even with the screen dimmed Tanner had to don his dark goggles against the glare of reflected sunlight from the faceted field he now negotiated.
He passed towering formations which seemed to be quartz. He had never stopped to investigate them in the past, and he had no desire to do it now. The spectrum danced at their bases, and patches of such light occurred for some distance about them.
Speeding away from the crater, he came again upon sand, clean, brown, white dun and red. There were more cacti, and huge dunes lay all about him. The sky continued to change, until it was as blue as a baby's eyes. Tanner hummed along with the music for a time, and then he saw the monster.
It was a Gila, bigger than his car, and it moved in fast. It sprang from out the sheltering shade of a valley filled with cacti and it raced toward him, its beaded body bright with many colors beneath the sun, its dark, dark eyes unblinking as it bounded forward on its lizard-fast legs, sable fountains rising behind its upheld tail that was wide as a sail and pointed like a tent.
He couldn't use the rockets because it was coming in from the side.
He opened up with his fifty-calibers and spread his "wings" and stamped the accelerator to the floor. As it neared, he sent forth a cloud of fire in its direction. By then, the other cars were firing, too.
It swung its tail and opened and closed its Jaws, and its blood came forth and fell upon the ground. Then a rocket struck it. It turned; it leaped.
There came a booming, crunching sound as it fell upon the vehicle identified as car number one and lay there.
Tanner hit the brakes, turned, and headed back.
Car number three came up beside it and parked. Tanner did the same.
He jumped down from the cab and crossed to the smashed car. He had the rifle in his hands and he put six rounds into the creature's head before he approached the car.
The door had come open, and it hung from a single hinge, the bottom one.
Inside, Tanner could see the two men sprawled, and there was some blood upon the dashboard and the seat.
The other two drivers came up beside him and stared within. Then the shorter of the two crawled inside and listened for the heartbeat and the pulse and felt for breathing.
"Mike's dead," he called out, "but Greg's starting to come around."
A wet spot that began at the car's rear and spread and continued to spread, and the smell of gasoline filled the air.
Tanner took out a cigarette, thought better of it and replaced it in the pack. He could hear the gurgle of the huge gas tanks as they emptied themselves upon the ground.
The man who stood at Tanner's side said, "I never saw anything like it. ... I've seen pictures, but---I never saw anything like it. ..."
"I have," said Tanner, and then the other driver emerged from the wreck, partly supporting the man he'd referred to as Greg.
The man called out, "Greg's all right. He just hit his head on the dash."
The man who stood at Tanner's side said, "You can take him, Hell. He can back you up when he's feeling better," and Tanner shrugged and turned his back on the scene and lit a cigarette.
"I don't think you should do---" the man began, and Tanner blew smoke in his face. He turned to regard the two approaching men and saw that Greg was dark-eyed and deeply tanned. Part Indian, possibly. His skin seemed smooth, save for a couple pockmarks beneath his right eye, .and his cheekbones were high and his hair very dark. He was as big as Tanner, which was six-two, though not quite so heavy. He was dressed in overalls; and his carriage, now that he had had a few deep breaths of air, became very erect, and he moved with a quick, graceful stride.
"We'll have to bury Mike," the short man said.
\*'I hate to lose the time," said his companion, "but---" and then Tanner flipped his cigarette and threw himself to the ground as it landed in the pool at the rear of the car.
There was an explosion, flames, then more explosions. Tanner heard the rockets as they tore off toward the east, inscribing dark furrows in the hot afternoon's air. The ammo for the fifty-calibers exploded, and the hand grenades went off, and Tanner burrowed deeper and deeper into the sand, covering his head and blocking his ears.
As soon as things grew quiet, he grabbed for the rifle. But they were already coming at him, and he saw the muzzle of a pistol. He raised his hands slowly and stood.
"Why the goddamn hell did you do a stupid thing like that?" said the other driver, the man who held the pistol.
Tanner smiled. "Now we don't have to bury him," he said. "Cremation's just as good, and it's already over."
"You could have killed us all, if those guns or those rocket launchers had been aimed this way!"
'They weren't. I looked."
"The flying metal could've---Oh ... I see. Pick up your damn rifle, buddy, and keep it pointed at the ground. Eject the rounds it's still got in it and put 'em in your pocket."
Tanner did this thing while the other talked.
"You wanted to kill us all, didn't you? Then you could have cut out and gone your way, like you tried to do yesterday. Isn't that right?"
"You said it, mister, not me."
"It's true, though. You don't give a good goddamn if everybody in Boston croaks, do you?"
"My gun's unloaded now," said Tanner.
"Then get back in your bloody buggy and get going! I'll be behind you all the way!"
Tanner walked back toward his car. He heard the others arguing behind him, but he didn't think they'd shoot him. As he was about to climb up into the cab, he saw a shadow out of the corner of his eye and turned quickly.
The man named Greg was standing behind him, tall and quiet as a ghost.
"Want me to drive awhile?" he asked Tanner, without expression.
"No, you rest up. I'm still in good shape. Later on this afternoon, maybe, if you feel up to it."
The man nodded and rounded the cab. He entered from the other side and immediately reclined his chair.
Tanner slammed his door and started the engine. He heard the air conditioner come to life.
"Want to reload this?" he asked. "And put it back on the rack?" And he handed the rifle and the ammo to the other, who had nodded. He drew on his gloves then and said, "There's plenty of soft drinks in the 'frig. Nothing much else, though," and the other nodded again. Then he heard car three start and said, "Might as well roll," and he put it into gear and took his foot off the clutch.
After they had driven for about half an hour, the man called Greg said to him, "Is it true what Marlowe said?"
"What's a Marlowe?"
"He's driving the other car. Were you trying to kill us? Do you really want to skip out?"
Hell laughed. "That's right," he said. "You named it."
"Why?"
Hell let it hang there for a minute, then said, ."Why shouldn't I? I'm not anxious to die. I'd like to wait a long time before I try that bit."
Greg said, "If we don't make it, the population of the continent may be cut in half."
"If it's a question of them or me, I'd rather it was them."
"I sometimes wonder how people like you happen."
"The same way as anybody else, mister, and it's fun for a couple people for awhile, and then the trouble starts."
"What did they ever do to you. Hell?"
"Nothing. What did they ever do for me? Nothing. Nothing. What do I owe them? The same."
"Why'd you stomp your brother back at the Hall?"
"Because I didn't want him doing a damfool thing like this and getting himself killed. Cracked ribs he can get over. Death is a more permanent ailment."
"That's not what I asked you. I mean, what do you care whether he croaks?"
"He's a good kid, that's why. He's got a thing for this chick, though, and he can't see straight."
"So what's it to you?"
"Like I said, he's my brother and he's a good kid. I like him."
"How come?"
"Oh, hell! We've been through a lot together, that's all! What are you trying to do? Psychoanalyze me?"
"I was just curious, that's all."
"So now you know. Talk about something else if you want to talk, okay?"
"Okay. You've been this way before, right?"
"That's right."
"You been any further east?"
"I've been all the way to the Missus Hip."
"Do you know a way to get across it?"
"I think so. The bridge is still up at Saint Louis."
"Why didn't you go across it the last time you were there?"
"Are you kidding? The thing's packed with cars full of bones. It wasn't worth the trouble to try and clear it"
"Why'd you go that far in the first place?"
"Just to see what it was like. I heard all these stories---"
"What was it like?"
"A lot of crap. Burned down towns, big craters, crazy animals, some people---"
"People? People still live there?"
"If you want to call them that. They're all wild and screwed up. They wear rags or animal skins or they go naked. They threw rocks at me till I shot a couple. Then they let me alone."
"How long ago was that?"
"Six---maybe seven years ago. I was just a kid then."
"How come you never told anybody about it?"
"I did. A coupla my friends. Nobody else ever asked me. We were going to go out there and grab off a couple of the girls and bring them back, but everybody chickened out."
"What would you have done with them?"
Tanner shrugged. "I dunno. Sell 'em, I guess."
"You guys used to do that, down on the Barbary Coast---sell people, I mean---didn't you?"
Tanner shrugged again.
"Used to," he said, "before the Big Raid."
"How'd you manage to live through that? I thought they'd cleaned the whole place out?"
"I was doing time," he said. "A.D.W."
"What's that?"
"Assault with a deadly weapon."
"What'd you do after they let you go?"
"I let them rehabilitate me. They got me a job running the mail."
"Oh yeah, I heard about that. Didn't realize it was you, though. You were supposed to be pretty good---doing all right and ready for a promotion. Then you kicked your boss around and lost your job. How come?"
"He was always riding me about my record and about my old gang down on the Coast. Finally, one day I told him to lay off, and he laughed at me, so I hit him with a chain. Knocked out the bastard's front teeth. I'd do it again."
"Too bad."
"I was the best driver he had. It was his loss. Nobody else will make the Albuquerque run, not even today. Not unless they really need the money."
"Did you like the work, though, while you were doing it?"
"Yeah, I like to drive."
"You should probably have asked for a transfer when the guy started bugging you."
"I know. If it was happening today, that's probably what I'd do. I was mad, though, and I used to get mad a lot faster than I do now. I think I'm smarter these days than I was before."
"If you make it on this run and you go home afterward, you'll probably be able to get your job back. Think you'd take it?"
"In the first place," said Tanner, "I don't think we'll make it. And in the second, if we do make it and there's still people around that town, I think I'd rather stay there than go back."
Greg nodded. "Might be smart. You'd be a hero. Nobody'd know much about your record. Somebody'd turn you onto something good."
"The hell with heroes," said Tanner.
"Me, though, I'll go back if we make it."
"Sail 'round Cape Horn?"
"That's right."
"Might be fun. But why go back?"
"I've got an old mother and a mess of brothers and sisters I take care of, and I've got a girl back there."
Tanner brightened the screen as the sky began to darken.
"What's your mother like?"
"Nice old lady. Raised the eight of us. Got arthritis bad now, though."
"What was she like when you were a kid?"
"She used to work during the day, but she cooked our meals and sometimes brought us candy. She made a lot of our clothes. She used to tell us stories, like about how things were before the war. She played games with us and sometimes she gave us toys."
"How about your old man?" Tanner asked him, after awhile.
"He drank pretty heavy and he had a lot of jobs, but he never beat us too much. He was all right. He got run over by a car when I was around twelve."
"And you take care of everybody now?"
"Yeah. I'm the oldest."
"What is it that you do?"
"I've got your old job. I run the mail to Albuquerque."
"Are you kidding?"
"No."
"I'll be damned! Is German still the supervisor?"
"He retired last year, on disability."
"I'll be damned! That's funny. Listen, down in Albuquerque do you ever go to a bar called Pedro's?"
"I've been there."
"Have they still got a little blonde girl plays the piano? Named Margaret?"
"No."
"Oh."
"They've got some guy now. Fat fellow. Wears a big ring on his left hand."
Tanner nodded and downshifted as he began the ascent of a steep hill.
"How's your head now?" he asked, when they'd reached the top and started down the opposite slope.
"Feels pretty good. I took a couple of your aspirins with that soda I had."
"Feel up to driving for awhile?"
"Sure, I could do that."
"Okay, then." Tanner leaned on the horn and braked the car. "Just follow the compass for a hundred miles or so and wake me up. All right?"
"Okay. Anything special I should watch out for?"
"The snakes. You'll probably see a few. Don't hit them, whatever you do."
"Right."
They changed seats, and Tanner reclined the one, lit a cigarette, smoked half of it, crushed it out and went to sleep.
When Greg awakened him, it was night. Tanner coughed and drank a mouthful of ice water and crawled back to the latrine. When he emerged, he took the driver's seat and checked the mileage and looked at the compass. He corrected their course and, "We'll be in Salt Lake City before morning," he said, "if we're lucky.---Did you run into any trouble?"
"No, it was pretty easy. I saw some snakes and I let them go by. That was about it."
Tanner grunted and engaged the gears.
"What was that .guy's name that brought the news about the plague?" Tanner asked.
"Brady or Brody or something like that," said Greg.
"What was it that killed him? He might have brought the plague to L.A., you know."
Greg shook his head.
"No. His car had been damaged, and he was all broken up and he'd been exposed to radiation a lot of the way. They burned his body and his car, and anybody who'd been anywhere near him got shots of Haffikine."
"What's that?"
"That's the stuff we're carrying--- Haffikine antiserum. It's the only preventative for the plague. Since we had a bout of it around twenty years ago, we've kept it on hand and maintained the facilities for making more in a hurry. Boston never did, and now they're hurting,"
"Seems kind of silly for the only other nation on the continent---maybe in the world---not to take better care of itself, when they knew we'd had a dose of it,"
Greg shrugged.
"Probably, but there it is. Did they give you any shots before they released you?"
"Yeah."
"That's what it was, then."
"I wonder where their driver crossed the Missus Hip? He didn't say, did he?"
"He hardly said anything at all. They got most of the story from the letter he carried."
"Must have been one hell of a driver, to run the Alley."
"Yeah. Nobody's ever done it before, have they?"
"Not that I know of."
"I'd like to have met the guy."
"Me too, at least I guess."
"It's a shame we can't radio across country, like in the old days."
"Why?"
"Then he wouldn't of had to do it, and we could find out along the way whether it's really worth making the run. They might all be dead by now, you know."
"You've got a point there, mister, and in a day or so we'll be to a place where going back will be harder than going ahead."
Tanner adjusted the screen as dark shapes passed.
"Look at that, will you!"
"I don't see anything."
"Put on your infras."
Greg did this and stared upward at the screen.
Bats. Enormous bats cavorted overhead, swept by in dark clouds.
"There must be hundreds of them, maybe thousands. ..."
"Guess so. Seems there are more than there used to be when I came this way a few years back. They must be screwing their heads off in Carlsbad."
"We never see them in L.A. Maybe they're pretty much harmless."
"Last time I was up to Salt Lake, I heard talk that a lot of them were rabid. Some day someone's got to go---them or us."
"You're a cheerful guy to ride with, you know?"
Tanner chuckled and lit a cigarette, and. "Why don't you make us some coffee?" he said. "As for the bats, that's something our kids can worry about, if there are any."
Greg filled the coffee pot and plugged it into the dashboard. After a time, it began to grumble and hiss.
"What the hell's that?" said Tanner, and he hit the brakes. The other car halted, several hundred yards behind his own, and he turned on his microphone and said, "Car three! What's that look like to you?" and waited.
He watched them: towering, tapered tops that spun between the ground and the sky, wobbling from side to side, sweeping back and forth, about a mile ahead. It seemed there were fourteen or fifteen of the things. Now they stood like pillars, now they danced. They bored into the ground and sucked up yellow dust. There was a haze all about them. The stars were dim or absent above or behind them.
Greg stared ahead and said, "I've heard of whirlwinds, tornadoes---big, spinning things. I've never seen one, but that's the way they were described to me."
And then the radio crackled, and the muffled voice of the man called Marlowe came through:
"Giant dust devils," he said. "Big, rotary sand storms. I think they're sucking stuff up into the dead belt, because I don't see anything coming down---"
"You ever see one before?"
"No, but my partner says he did-He says the best thing might be to shoot our anchoring columns and stay put."
Tanner did not answer immediately. He stared ahead, and the tornadoes seemed to grow larger.
"They're coming this way," he finally said. "I'm not about to park here and be a target. I want to be able to maneuver. I'm going ahead through them."
"I don't think you should."
"Nobody asked you, mister, but if you've got any brains you'll do the same thing."
"I've got rockets aimed at your tail. Hell."
"You won't fire them---not for a thing like this, where I could be right and you could be wrong---and not with Greg in here, too."
There was silence within the static, then, "Okay, you win. Hell. Go ahead, and we'll watch. If you make it, we'll follow. If you don't, we'll stay put."
"I'll shoot a flare when I get to the other side," Tanner said. "When you see it, you do the same. Okay?"
Tanner broke the connection and looked ahead, studying the great black columns, swollen at their tops. There fell a few layers of light from the storm which they supported, and the air was foggy between the blacknesses of their revolving trunks. "Here goes," said Tanner, switching his lights as bright as they would beam. "Strap yourself in, boy," and Greg obeyed him as the vehicle crunched forward.
Tanner buckled his own safety belt as they slowly edged ahead.
The columns grew and swayed as he advanced, and he could now bear a rushing, singing sound, as of a chorus of the winds.
He skirted the first by three hundred yards and continued to the left to avoid the one which stood before him and grew and grew. As he got by it, there was another, and he moved farther to the left. Then there was an open area of perhaps a quarter of a mile leading ahead and toward his right.
He swiftly sped across it and passed between two of the towers that stood like ebony pillars a hundred yards apart. As he passed them, the wheel was almost torn from his grip, and he seemed to inhabit the center of an eternal thunderclap. He swerved to the right then and skirted another, speeding.
Then he saw seven more and cut between two and passed about another. As he did, the one behind him moved rapidly, crossing the path he had just taken. He exhaled heavily and turned to the left.
He was surrounded by the final four, and he braked so that he was thrown forward and the straps cut into his shoulder, as two of the whirlwinds shook violently and moved in terrible spurts of speed. One passed before him, and the front end of his car was raised off the ground.
Then he floored the gas pedal and shot between the final two, and they were all behind him.
He continued on for about a quarter for a mile, turned the car about, mounted a small rise and parked.
He released the flare.
It hovered, like a dying star, for about half a minute.
He lit a cigarette as he stared back, and he waited.
He finished the cigarette.
Then, "Nothing," he said. "Maybe they couldn't spot it through the storm. Or maybe we couldn't see theirs."
"I hope so," said Greg.
"How long do you want to wait?"
"Let's have that coffee."
An hour passed, then two. The pillars began to collapse until there were only three of the slimmer ones. They moved off toward the east and were gone from sight.
Tanner released another flare, and still there was no response.
"We'd better go back and look for them," said Greg.
"Okay."
And they did.
There was nothing there, though, nothing to indicate the fate of car three.
Dawn occurred in the east before they had finished with their searching, and Tanner turned the car around, checked the compass, and moved north.
"When do you think we'll hit Salt Lake?" Greg asked him, after a long silence.
"Maybe two hours."
"Were you scared, back when you ran those things?"
"No. Afterward, though, I didn't feel so good."
Greg nodded.
"You want me to drive again?"
"No. I won't be able to sleep if I stop now. We'll take in more gas in Salt Lake, and we can get something to eat while a mechanic checks over the car. Then I'll put us on the right road, and you can take over while I sack out."
The sky was purple again and the black bands had widened. Tanner cursed and drove faster. He fired his ventral flame at two bats who decided to survey the car. They fell back, and he accepted the mug of coffee Greg offered him.
The sky was as dark as evening when they pulled into Salt Lake City. John Brady---that was his name---had passed that way but days before, and the city was ready for the responding vehicle. Most of its ten thousand inhabitants appeared along the street, and before Hell and Greg had jumped down from the cab after pulling into the first garage they saw, the hood of car number two was opened and three mechanics were peering at the engine.
They abandoned the idea of eating in the little diner across the street. Too many people hit them with too many questions as soon as they set foot outside the garage. They retreated and sent someone after eggs, bacon and toast.
There was cheering as they rolled forth onto the street and sped away into the east.
"Could have used a beer," said Tanner. "Damn it!"
And they rushed along beside the remains of what had once been U.S. Route 40.
Tanner relinquished the driver's seat and stretched out on the passenger side of the cab. The sky continued to darken above them, taking upon it the appearance it had had in L.A. the day before.
"Maybe we can outrun it," Greg said.
"Hope so."
The blue pulse began in the north, flared into a brilliant aurora. The sky was almost black directly overhead.
"Run!" cried Tanner. "Run! Those are bills up ahead! Maybe we can find an overhang or a cave!"
But it broke upon them before they reached the hills. First came the hail, then the flak. The big stones followed, and the scanner on the right went dead. The sands blasted them, and they rode beneath a celestial waterfall that caused the engine to sputter and cough.
They reached the shelter of the hills, though, and found a place within a rocky valley where the walls jutted steeply forward and broke the main force of the wind/sand/dust/rock/water storm. They sat there as the winds screamed and boomed about them. They smoked and they listened.
"We won't make it," said Greg. "You were right. I thought we had a chance. We don't. Everything's against us, even the weather."
"We've got a chance," said Tanner. "Maybe not a real good one. But we've been lucky so far. Remember that."
Greg spat into the waste container. "Why the sudden optimism? From you?"
"I was mad before and shooting off my mouth. Well, I'm still mad---but I got me a feeling now: I feel lucky. That's all."
Greg laughed. "The hell with luck. Look out there," he said.
"I see it," said Tanner. "This buggy is built to take it, and it's doing it. Also, we're only getting about ten percent of its full strength."
"Okay, but what difference does it make? It could last for a couple days."
"So we wait it out."
"Wait too long, and even that ten percent can smash us. Wait too long, and even if it doesn't there'll be no reason left to go ahead. Try driving, though, and it'll flatten us."
"It'll take me ten or fifteen minutes to fix that scanner. We've got spare 'eyes.' If the storm lasts more than six hours, we'll start out anyway."
"Says who?"
"Me."
"Why? You're the one who was so hot on saving his own neck. How come all of a sudden you're willing to risk it, not to mention mine too?"
Tanner smoked awhile, then said, "I've been thinking," and then he didn't say anything else.
"About what?" Greg' asked him.
"Those folks in Boston," Tanner said. "Maybe it is worth it. I don't know. They never did anything for me.
But hell, I like action and I'd hate to see the whole world get dead. I think I'd like to see Boston, too, just to see what it's like. It might even be fun being a hero, just to see what that's like. Don't get me wrong. I don't give a damn about anybody up there. It's just that I don't like the idea of everything being like the Alley here---all burned-out and screwed up and full of crap. When we lost the other car back in those tornadoes, it made me start thinking. ... I'd hate to see everybody go that way---everything. I might still cop out if I get a real good chance, but I'm just telling you how I feel now. That's all."
Greg looked away and laughed, a little more heartily than usual.
"I never suspected you contained such philosophic depths."
"Me neither. I'm tired. Tell me about your brothers and sisters, huh?"
"Okay."
Four hours later when the storm slackened and the rocks became dust and the rain fog. Tanner replaced the right scanner, and they moved on out, passing later through Rocky Mountain National Park. The dust and the fog combined to limit visibility, throughout the day. That evening they skirted the ruin that was Denver, and Tanner took over as they headed toward the place that had once been called Kansas.
He drove all night, and in the morning the sky was clearer than it bad been in days. He let Greg snore on and sorted through his thoughts while he sipped his coffee.
It was a strange feeling that came over him as he sat there with his pardon in his pocket and his hands upon the wheel. The dust fumed at his back. The sky was the color of rosebuds, and the dark trails had shrunken once again. He recalled the stories of the days when the missiles came down, burning everything but the northeast and the southwest; the days when the winds arose and the clouds vanished and the sky had lost its blue; the days when the Panama Canal had been shattered and radios had ceased to function; the days when the planes could no longer fly. He regretted this, for he had always wanted to fly, high, birdlike, swooping and soaring. He felt slightly cold, and the screens now seemed to possess a crystal clarity, like pools of tinted water. Somewhere ahead, far, far ahead lay what might be the only other sizeable pocket of humanity that remained on the shoulders of the world. He might be able to save it, if he could reach it in time. He looked about him at the rocks and the sand and the side of a broken garage that had somehow come to occupy the slope of a mountain. It remained within his mind long after he had passed it. Shattered, fallen down, half covered with debris, it took on a stark and monstrous form, like a decaying skull which had once occupied the shoulders of a giant; and he pressed down hard on the accelerator, although it could go no further. He began to tremble. The sky brightened, but he did not touch the screen controls. Why did he have to be the one? He saw a mass of smoke ahead and to the right. As he drew nearer, he saw that it rose from a mountain which had lost its top and now held a nest of fires in its place. He cut to the left, going miles, many miles, out of the way he had intended. Occasionally, the ground shook beneath his wheels. Ashes fell about him, but now the smouldering cone was far to the rear of the righthand screen. He wondered after the days that had gone before and the few things that he actually knew about them. If he made it through, be decided he'd learn more about history. He threaded his way through painted canyons and forded a shallow river. Nobody had ever asked him to do anything important before, and he hoped that nobody ever would again. Now, though, he was taken by the feeling that he could do it. He wanted to do it. Damnation Alley lay all about him, burning, fuming, shaking, and if he could not run it then half the world would die, and the chances would be doubled that one day all the world would be part of the Alley. His tattoo stood stark on his whitened knuckles, saying "Hell," and he knew that it was true. Greg still slept, the sleep of exhaustion, and Tanner narrowed his eyes and chewed his beard and never touched the brake, not even when he saw the rockslide beginning. He made it by and sighed. That pass was closed to him forever, but he had shot through without a scratch. His mind was an expanding bubble, its surfaces like the view-screens, registering everything about him. He felt the flow of the air within the cab and the upward pressure of the pedal upon his foot His throat seemed dry, but it didn't matter. His eyes felt gooey at their inside comers, but he didn't wipe them. He roared across the pocked plains of Kansas, and he knew now that he had been sucked into the role completely and that he wanted it that way. Damn-his-eyes Denton had been right It had to be done. He halted when he came to the lip of a chasm and headed north. Thirty miles later it ended, and he turned again to the south. Greg muttered in his sleep. It sounded like a curse. Tanner repeated it softly a couple times and turned toward the east as soon as a level stretch occurred. The sun stood in high heaven, and Tanner felt as though be were drifting bodiless beneath it, above the brown ground flaked with green spikes of growth. He clenched his teeth and his mind went back to Denny, doubtless now in a hospital. Better than being where the others had gone. He hoped the money he'd told him about was still there. Then he felt the ache begin, in the places between his neck and his shoulders. It spread down into his arms, and be realized how tightly he was gripping the wheel. He blinked and took a deep breath and realized that his eyeballs hurt. He lit a cigarette and it tasted foul, but he kept puffing at it. He drank some water and he dimmed the rear view-screen as the sun fell behind him. Then he heard a sound like a distant rumble of thunder and was fully alert once more. He sat up straight and took his foot off the accelerator.
He slowed. He braked and stopped. Then he saw them. He sat there and watched them as they passed, about a half-mile ahead.
A monstrous herd of bison crossed before him. It took the better part of an hour before they had passed. Huge, heavy, dark, heads down, hooves scoring the soil, they ran without slowing until the thunder was great and then rolled off toward the north, diminishing, softening, dying, gone. The screen of their dust still hung before him, and he plunged into it, turning on his lights.
He considered taking a pill, decided against it. Greg might be waking soon, he -wanted to be able to get some sleep after they'd switched over.
He came up beside a highway, and its surface looked pretty good, so he crossed onto it and sped ahead. After a time, he passed a faded, sagging sign that said "TOPEKA---110 MILES."
Greg yawned and stretched. He rubbed his eyes with his knuckles and then rubbed his forehead, the right side of which was swollen and dark.
"What time is it?" he asked.
Tanner gestured toward the clock in the dashboard.
"Morning or is it afternoon?"
"Afternoon."
"My God! I must have slept around fifteen hours!"
That's about right."
"You been driving all that time?"
"That's right."
"You must be done in. You look like hell. Let me just hit the head. I'll take over in a few minutes."
"Good idea."
Greg crawled toward the rear of the vehicle.
After about five minutes. Tanner came upon the outskirts of a dead town. He drove up the main street, and there were rusted-out hulks of cars all along it. Most of the buildings had fallen in upon themselves, and some of the opened cellars that he saw were filled with scummy water. Skeletons lay about the town square. There were no trees standing above the weeds that grew there. Three telephone poles still stood, one of them leaning forward and trailing wires like a handful of black spaghetti. Several benches were visible within the weeds beside the cracked sidewalks, and a skeleton lay stretched out upon the second one Tanner passed. He found his way barred by a fallen telephone pole, and he detoured around the block. The next street was somewhat better preserved, but all its storefront windows were broken, and a nude mannikin posed fetchingly with her left arm missing from the elbow down. The traffic light at the corner stared blindly as Tanner passed through its intersection.
Tanner heard Greg coming forward as he turned at the next comer.
"I'll take over now," he said.
"I want to get out of this place first," and they both watched in silence for the next fifteen minutes until the dead town was gone from around them.
Tanner pulled to a halt then and said, "We're a couple hours away from a place that used to be called Topeka. Wake me if you run into anything hairy."
"How did it go while I was asleep? Did you have any trouble?"
"No," said Tanner, and he closed his eyes and began to snore
Greg drove away from the sunset, and he ate three ham sandwiches and drank a quart of milk before Topeka.
Tanner was awakened by the firing of the rockets. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stared dumbly ahead for almost half a minute.
Like gigantic dried leaves, great clouds fell about them. Bats, bats, bats. The air was filled with bats. Tanner could hear a cluttering, squeaking, scratching sound, and the car was buffeted by their dark bodies.
"Where are we?" he asked.
"Kansas City. The place seems full of them," and Greg released another rocket, which cut a fiery path through the swooping, spinning horde.
"Save the rockets. Use the fire," said Tanner, switching the nearest gun to manual and bringing cross-hairs into focus upon the screen. "Blast 'em in all directions---for five, six seconds---then I'll come in."
The flame shot forth, orange and cream blossoms of combustion. When they folded,. Tanner sighted in the screen and squeezed the trigger. He swung the gun, and they fell. Their charred bodies lay all about him, and he added new ones to the smouldering heaps.
"Roll it!" he cried, and the car moved forward, swaying, bat bodies crunching beneath its tires-Tanner laced the heavens with gunfire, and when they swooped again he strafed them and fired a flare.
In the sudden magnesium glow from overhead, it seemed that millions of vampire-faced forms were circling, spiraling down toward them.
He switched from gun to gun, and they fell about him like fruit. Then he called out, "Brake, and hit the topside flame!" and Greg did this thing.
"Now the sides! Front and rear next!"
Bodies were burning all about them, heaped as high as the hood, and Greg put the car into low gear when Tanner cried "Forward!" And they pushed their way through the wall of charred flesh.
Tanner fired another flare.
The bats were still there, but circling higher now. Tanner primed the guns and waited, but they did not attack again in any great number. A few swept about them, and he took pot-shots at them as they passed.
Ten minutes later he said, "That's the Missouri River to our left. If we just follow alongside it now, we'll hit Saint Louis."
"I know. Do you think it'll be full of bats, too?"
"Probably. But if we take our time and arrive with daylight, they shouldn't bother us. Then we can figure a way to get across the Missus Hip."
Then their eyes fell upon the rearview screen, where the dark skyline of Kansas City with bats was silhouetted by pale stars and touched by the light of the bloody moon.
After a time, Tanner slept once more. He dreamt he was riding his bike, slowly, down the center of a wide street, and people lined the sidewalks and began to cheer as he passed. They threw confetti, but by the time it reached him it was garbage, wet and stinking. He stepped on the gas then, but his bike slowed even more and now they were screaming at him. They shouted obscenities. They cried out his name, over and over, and again. The Harley began to wobble, but his feet seemed to be glued in place. In a moment, he knew, he would fall. The bike came to a halt then, and he began to topple over toward the right side. They rushed toward him as he fell, and he knew it was just about all over. . . .
He awoke with a jolt and saw the morning spread out before him: a bright coin in the middle of a dark blue tablecloth and a row of glasses along the edge.
"That's it," said Greg. "The Missus Hip."
Tanner was suddenly very hungry.
After they had refreshed themselves, they sought the bridge.
"I didn't see any of your naked people with spears," said Greg- "Of course, we might have passed their way after dark---if there are any of them still around."
"Good thing, too," said Tanner. "Saved us some ammo."
The bridge came into view, sagging and dark save for the places where the sun gilded its cables, and it stretched unbroken across the bright expanse of waters. They moved slowly toward it, threading their way through streets gorged with rubble, detouring when it became completely blocked by the rows of broken machines, fallen walls, sewer-deep abysses in the burst pavement.
It took them two hours to travel half a mile, and it was noon before they reached the foot of the bridge, and, "It looks as if Brady might have crossed here," said Greg, eyeing what appeared to be a cleared passageway amidst the wrecks that filled the span. "How do you think he did it?"
"Maybe he had something with him to hoist them and swing them out over the edge. There are some wrecks below, down where the water is shallow."
"Were they there last time you passed by?"
"I don't know. I wasn't right down here by the bridge. I topped that hill back there," and he gestured at the rearview screen.
"Well, from here it looks like we might be able to make it. Let's roll."
They moved upward and forward onto the bridge and began their slow passage across the mightly Missus Hip. There were times when the bridge creaked beneath them, sighed, groaned, and they felt it move.
The sun began to climb, and still they moved forward, scraping their fenders against the edges of the wrecks, using their wings like plows. They were on the bridge for three hours before its end came into sight through a rift in the junkstacks.
When their wheels finally touched the opposite shore, Greg sat there breathing heavily and then lit a cigarette.
"You want to drive awhile. Hell?"
"Yeah. Let's switch over."
He did, and, "God! I'm bushed!" he said as he sprawled out.
Tanner drove forward through the ruins of East Saint Louis, hurrying to clear the town before nightfall. The radiation level began to mount as he advanced, and the streets were cluttered and broken. He checked the inside of the cab for radioactivity, but it was still clean.
It took him hours, and as the sun fell at his back he saw the blue aurora begin once more in the north. But the sky stayed clear, filled with its stars, and there were no black lines that he could see. After a long while, a rose-colored moon appeared and hung before him. He turned on the music, softly, and glanced at Greg. It didn't seem to bother him, so he let it continue.
The instrument panel caught his eye. The radiation level was still climbing. Then, in the forward screen, he saw the crater and he stopped.
It must have been over half a mile across, and he couldn't tell its depth.
He fired a flare, and in its light he used the telescopic lenses to examine it to the right and to the left.
The way seemed smoother to the right, and he turned in that direction and began to negotiate it.
The place was hot! So very, very hot! He hurried. And he wondered as he sped, the gauge rising before him:
What had it been like on that day. Whenever? That day when a tiny sun had lain upon this spot and fought with, and for a time beaten, the brightness of the other in the sky, before it sank slowly into its sudden burrow? He tried to imagine it, succeeded, then tried to put it out of his mind and couldn't. How do you put out the fires that burn forever? He wished that he knew. There'd been so many places to go then, and he liked to move around.
What had it been like in the old days, when a man could just jump on his bike and cut out for a new town whenever he wanted? And nobody emptying buckets of crap on you from out of the sky? He felt cheated, which was not a new feeling for him, but it made him curse even longer than usual.
He lit a cigarette when he'd finally rounded the crater, and he smiled for the first time in months as the radiation gauge began to fall once more. Before many miles, be saw tall grasses swaying about him, and not too long after that he began to see trees.
Trees short and twisted, at first, but the further he fled from the place of carnage, the taller and straighter they became. They were trees such as he had never seen before---fifty, sixty feet in height---and graceful, and gathering stars, there on the plains of Illinois.
He was moving along a clean, hard, wide road, and just then he wanted to travel it forever---to Floridee, of the swamps and Spanish moss and citrus groves and fine beaches and the Gulf; and up to the cold, rocky Cape, where everything is gray and brown and the waves break below the lighthouses and the salt burns in your nose and there are graveyards where bones have lain for centuries and you can still read the names they bore, chiseled there into the stones above them; down through the nation where they say the grass is blue; then follow the mighty Missus Hip to the place where she spreads and comes and there's the Gulf again, full of little islands where the old boosters stashed their loot; and through the shag-topped mountains he'd heard about: the Smokies, Ozarks, Poconos, Catskills; drive through the forest of Shenandoah; park, and take a boat out over Chesapeake Bay; see the big lakes and the place where the water falls, Niagara. To drive forever along the big road, to see everything, to eat the world. Yes. Maybe it wasn't all Damnation Alley. Some of the legendary places must still be clean, like the countryside about him now. He wanted it with a hunger, with a fire like that which always burned in his loins. He laughed then, just one short, sharp bark, because now it seemed like maybe he could have it.
The music played softly, too sweetly perhaps, and it filled him.
By morning he was into the place called Indiana and still following the road. He passed farmhouses which seemed in good repair. There could even be people living in them. He longed to investigate, but he didn't dare to stop. Then after an hour, it was all countryside again, and degenerating.
The grasses grew shorter, shriveled, were gone. An occasional twisted tree clung to the bare earth. The radiation level began to rise once more. The signs told him he was nearing Indianapolis, which he guessed was a big city that had received a bomb and was now gone away.
Nor was he mistaken.
He had to detour far to the south to get around it, backtracking to a place called Martinsville in order to cross over the White River. Then as he headed east once more, his radio crackled and came to life. There was a faint voice, repeating, "Unidentified vehicle, halt!" and he switched all the scanners to telescopic range. Far ahead, on a hilltop, he saw a standing man with binoculars and a walkie-talkie. He did not acknowledge receipt of the transmission, but kept driving.
He was hitting forty miles an hour along a halfway decent section of roadway, and he gradually increased his speed to fifty-five, though the protesting of his tires upon the cracked pavement was sufficient to awaken Greg.
Tanner stared ahead, ready for an attack, and the radio kept repeating the order, louder now as he neared the hill, and called upon him to acknowledge the message.
He touched the brake as he rounded a long curve, and he did not reply to Greg's "What's the matter?"
When he saw it there, blocking the way, ready to fire, he acted instantly.
The tank filled the road, and its big gun was pointed directly at him,
As his eye sought for and found passage around it, his right hand slapped the switches that sent three armor-piercing rockets screaming ahead and his left spun the wheel counter-clockwise and his foot fell heavy on the accelerator.
He was half off the road then, bouncing along the ditch at its side, when the tank discharged one fiery belch which missed him and then caved in upon itself and blossomed.
There came the sound of rifle fire as he pulled back onto the road on the other side of the tank and sped ahead. Greg launched a single grenade to the right and the left and then hit the fifty calibers. They tore on ahead, and after about a quarter of a mile Tanner picked up his microphone and said, "Sorry about that My brakes don't work," and hung it up again. There was no response.
As soon as they reached a level plain, commanding a good view in all directions. Tanner halted the vehicle and Greg moved into the driver's seat.
"Where do you think they got hold of that armor?"
"Who knows?"
"And why stop us?"
"They didn't know what we were carrying---and maybe they just wanted the car."
"Blasting, it's a helluva way to get it."
"If they can't have it, why should they let us keep it?"
"You know just how they think, don't you?"
"Yes."
"Have a cigarette."
Tanner nodded, accepted.
"It's been pretty bad, you know?"
"I can't argue with that."
". . . And we've still got a long way to go."
"Yeah, so let's get rolling."
"You said before that you didn't think we'd make it"
"I've revised nay opinion. Now I think we will."
"After all we've been through?"
"After all we've been through."
"What more do we have to fight with?"
"I don't know all that yet."
"But on the other hand. we know everything there is behind us. We know how to avoid a lot of it now."
Tanner nodded.
"You tried to cut out once. Now I don't blame you."
"You getting scared, Greg?"
"I'm no good to my family if I'm dead."
"Then why'd you agree to come along?"
"I didn't know it would be like this. You had better sense, because you had an idea what it would be like."
"I had an idea."
"Nobody can blame us if we fail. After all, we've tried."
"What about all those people in Boston you made me a speech about?"
"They're probably dead by now. The plague isn't a thing that takes its time, you know?"
"What about that guy Brady? He died to get us the news."
"He tried, and God knows I respect the attempt. But we've already lost four guys. Now should we make it six, just to show that everybody tried?"
"Greg, we're a lot closer to Boston than we are to L.A. now. The tanks should have enough fuel in them to get us where we're going, but not to take us back from here."
"We can refuel in Salt Lake."
"I'm not even sure we could make it back to Salt Lake."
"Well, it'll only take a minute to figure it out. For that matter, though, we could take the bikes for the last hundred or so. They use & lot less gas,"
"And you're the guy who was calling me names. You're the citizen was wondering how people like me happen. You asked me what they ever did to me, I told you, too: Nothing. Now maybe I want to do something for them, just because I feel like it. I've been doing a lot of thinking."
"You ain't supporting any family. Hell. I've got other people to worry about beside myself.
"You've got a nice way of putting things when you want to chicken out. You say I'm not really scared, but I've got my mother and my brothers and sisters to worry about, and I got a chick I'm hot on. That's why I'm backing down. No other reason, "And that's right, too! I don't understand you. Hell! I don't understand you at all! You're the one who put this idea in my head in the first place!"
"So give it back, and let's get moving."
He saw Greg's hand slither toward the gun on the door, so he flipped his cigarette into his face and managed to hit him once, in the stomach---a weak, left-handed blow, but it was the best he could manage from that position.
Then Greg threw himself upon him, and he felt himself borne back into his seat. They wrestled, and Greg's fingers clawed their way up to his face toward his eyes.
Tanner got his arms free above the elbows, seized Greg's head, twisted and shoved with all his strength. Greg hit the dashboard, went stiff, then went slack. Tanner banged his head against it twice more, just to be sure he wasn't faking. Then he pushed him away and moved back into the driver's seat. He checked all the screens while he caught his breath. There was nothing menacing approaching.
He fetched cord from the utility chest and bound Greg's hands behind his back. He tied his ankles together and ran a line from them to his wrists. Then he positioned him in the seat, reclined it pan way and tied him in place within it.
He put the car into gear and headed toward Ohio. Two hours later Greg began to moan, and Tanner turned the music up to drown him out. Landscape had appeared once more: grass and trees, fields of green, orchards of apples, apples still small and green, white farm houses and brown barns and red barns far removed from the roadway he raced along; rows of corn, green and swaying, brown tassels already visible and obviously tended by someone; fences of split timber, green hedges; lofty, star-leafed maples, fresh-looking road signs, a green-shingled steeple from which the sound of a bell came forth.
The lines in the sky widened, but the sky itself did not darken, as it usually did before a storm. So he drove on into the afternoon, until he reached the Dayton Abyss.
He looked down into the fog-shrouded canyon that had caused him to halt. He scanned to the left and the right, decided upon the left and headed north.
Again, the radiation level was high. And he hurried, slowing only to skirt the crevices, chasms and canyons that emanated from that dark, deep center. Thick yellow vapors seeped forth from some of these and filled the air before him. At one point they were all about him, like a clinging, sulphurous cloud, and a breeze came and parted them. Involuntarily then, he hit the brake, and the car jerked and halted and Greg moaned once more. He stared at the thing for the few seconds that it was visible, then slowly moved forward again.
The sight was not duplicated for the whole of his passage, but it did not easily go from out of his mind, and he could not explain it where he had seen it. Yellow, hanging and grinning, he had seen a crucified skeleton there beside the Abyss. People, he decided. That explains everything.
When he left the region of fogs the sky was still dark. He did not realize for a time that he was in the open once more. It had taken him close to four hours to skirt Dayton, and now as he headed across a blasted heath, going east again, he saw for a moment, a tiny piece of the sun, like a sickle, fighting its way ashore on the northern bank of a black river in the sky, and failing.
His lights were turned up to their fullest intensity, and as he realized what might follow he looked in every direction for shelter.
There was an old barn on a hill, and he raced toward it. One side had caved in, and the doors had fallen down. He edged in, however, and the interior was moist and moldy looking under his lights. He saw a skeleton which he guessed to be that of a horse within a fallen-down stall.
He parked and turned off his lights and waited.
Soon the wailing came again and drowned out Greg's occasional moans and mutterings. There came another sound, not hard and heavy like gunfire, as that which he had heard in L.A., but gentle, steady and almost purring-He cracked the door, to hear it better.
Nothing assailed him, so he stepped down from the cab and walked back a way. The radiation level was almost normal, so he didn't bother with his protective suit. He walked back toward the fallen doors and looked outside. He wore the pistol behind his belt.
Something gray descended in droplets and the sun fought itself partly free once more.
It was rain, pure and simple. He had never seen rain, pure and simple, before. So he lit a cigarette and watched it fall.
It came down with only an occasional rumbling and nothing else accompanied it. The sky was still a bluish color beyond the bands of black.
It fell all about him. It ran down the frame to his left. A random gust of wind blew some droplets into his face, and he realized that they were water, nothing more. Puddles formed on the ground outside. He tossed a chunk of wood into one and saw it splash and float. From somewhere high up inside the barn he heard the sounds of birds. He smelled the sick-sweet smell of decaying straw. Off in the shadows to his right he saw a rusted threshing machine. Some feathers drifted down about him, and he caught one in his hand and studied it. Light, dark, fluffy, ribbed. He'd never really looked at a feather before. It worked almost like a zipper, the way the individual branches clung to one another. He let it go, and the wind caught it, and it vanished somewhere toward his back. He looked out once more, and back along his trail. He could probably drive through what was coming down now. But he realized Just how tired he was. He found a barrel and sat down on it and lit another cigarette.
It had been a good run so far; and he found himself thinking about its last stages. He couldn't trust Greg for awhile yet. Not until they were so far that there could be no turning back. Then they'd need each other so badly that he could turn him loose. He hoped he hadn't scrambled his brains completely. He didn't know what more the Alley held. If the storms were less from here on in, however, that would be a big help.
He sat there for a long while, feeling the cold, moist breezes; and the rainfall lessened after a time, and he went back to the car and started it. Greg was still unconscious, he noted, as he backed out. This might not be good.
He took a pill to keep himself alert and he ate some rations as he drove along. The rain continued to come down, but gently. It fell all the way across Ohio, and the sky remained overcast. He crossed into West Virginia at the place called Parkersburg, and then he veered slightly to the north, going by the old Rand-McNally he'd been furnished. The gray day went away into black night, and he drove on.
There were no more of the dark bats around to trouble him, but he passed several more craters and the radiation gauge rose, and at one point a pack of huge wild dogs pursued him, baying and howling, and they ran along the road and snapped at his tires and barked and yammered and then fell back. There were some tremors beneath his wheels as he passed another mountain that spewed forth bright clouds to his left and made a kind of thunder. Ashes fell, and he drove through them. A flash flood splashed over him, and the engine sputtered and died, twice; but be started it again each time and pushed on ahead, the waters lapping about his sides. Then he reached higher, drier ground, and riflemen tried to bar his way. He strafed them and hurled a grenade and drove on by. When the darkness went away and the dim moon came up, dark birds circled him and dove down at him, but he ignored them and after a time they, too, were gone.
He drove until he felt tired again, and then he ate some more and took another pill. By then he was in Pennsylvania, and he felt that if Greg would only come around be would turn him loose and trust him with the driving.
He halted twice to visit the latrine, and he tugged at the golden band in his pierced left ear, and he blew his nose and scratched himself. Then he ate more rations and continued on.
He began to ache, in all his muscles, and he wanted to stop and rest, but he was afraid of the things that might come upon him if he did.
As he drove through another dead town, the rains started again. Not hard, just a drizzly downpour, cold-looking and sterile---a. brittle, shiny screen. He stopped in the middle of the road before the thing he'd almost driven into, and he stared at it.
He'd thought at first that it was more black lines in the sky. He'd halted because they'd seemed to appear too suddenly.
It was a spider's web, strands thick as his arm, strung between two leaning buildings.
He switched on his forward flame and began to burn it.
When the fires died, he saw the approaching shape, coming down from high above.
It was a spider, larger than himself, rushing to check the disturbance.
He elevated the rocket launchers, took careful aim and pierced it with one white-hot missile.
It still hung there in the trembling web and seemed to be kicking.
He turned on the flame again, for a full ten seconds, and when it subsided there was an open way before him.
He rushed through, wide awake and alert once again, his pains forgotten. He drove as fast as he could, trying to forget the sight.
Another mountain smoked ahead and to his right, but it did not bloom, and few ashes descended as he passed it.
He made coffee and drank a cup. After awhile it was morning, and he raced toward it
He was stuck in the mud, somewhere in eastern Pennsylvania, and cursing. Greg was looking very pale. The sun was nearing midheaven. He leaned back and closed his eyes. It was too much.
He slept.
He awoke and felt worse. There was a banging on the side of the car. His hands moved toward fire-control and wing-control, automatically, and his eyes sought the screens.
He saw an old man, and there were two younger men with him. They were armed, but they stood right before the left wing, and he knew he could cut them-in half in an instant.
He activated the outside speaker and the audio pickup.
"What do you want?" he asked, and his voice crackled forth.
"You okay?" the old man called.
"Not really. You caught me sleeping."
"You stuck?"
"That's about the size of it."
"I got a mule team can maybe get you out. Can't get 'em here before tomorrow morning, though."
"Great!" said Tanner. "I'd appreciate it"
"Where you from?"
"L.A."
"What's that?"
"Los Angeles. West Coast."
There was some murmuring, then, "You're a long way from home, mister."
"Don't I know it.---Look, if you're serious about those mules, I'd appreciate bell out of it. It's an emergency."
"What kind of?"
"You know about Boston?"
"I know it's there."
"Well, people are dying up that way of the plague. I've got drugs here can save them, if I can get through."
There were some more murmurs, then, "We'll help you. Boston's pretty important, and we'll get you loose. Want to come back with us?"
"Where? And who are you?"
"The name's Samuel Potter, and these are my sons, Roderick and Caliban. My farm's about six miles off. You're welcome to spend the night."
"It's not that I don't trust you," said Tanner. "It's just that I don't trust anybody, if you know what I mean. I've been shot at too much recently to want to take the chance."
"Well, how about if we put up our guns? You're probably able to shoot us from there, ain't you?"
"That's right."
"So we're taking a chance just standing here. We're willing to help you. We'd stand to lose if the Boston traders stopped coming to Albany. If there's someone else inside, he can cover you."
"Wait a minute," said Tanner, and he opened the door.
The old man stuck out his hand, and Tanner took it and shook it, also his sons'.
"Is there any kind of doctor around here?" he asked.
"In the settlement---about thirty miles north."
"My partner's hurt. I think he needs a doctor." He gestured back toward the cab.
Sam moved forward and peered within.
"Why's he all trussed up like that?"
"He went off his rocker, and I had to clobber him. I tied him up, to be safe. But now he doesn't look so good."
"Then let's whip up a stretcher and get him onto it You lock up tight then, and my boys'll bring him back to the house. We'll send someone for the Doc. You don't look so good yourself. Bet you'd like a bath and a shave and a clean bed."
"I don't feel so good," Tanner said. "Let's make that stretcher quick, before we need two."
He sat upon the fender and smoked while the Potter boys cut trees and stripped them. Waves of fatigue washed over him, and he found it hard to keep his eyes open. His feet felt very far away, and his shoulders ached. The cigarette fell from his fingers, and he leaned backward on the hood.
Someone was slapping his leg.
He forced his eyes open and looked down.
"Okay," Potter said. "We cut your partner loose and we got him on the stretcher. Want to lock up and get moving?"
Tanner nodded and jumped down. He sank almost up to his boot tops when he hit, but he closed the cab and staggered toward the old man in buckskin.
They began walking across country, and after awhile it became mechanical.
Samuel Potter kept up a steady line of chatter as he led the way, rifle resting in the crook of his arm. Maybe it was to keep Tanner awake.
"It's not too far, son, and it'll be pretty easy going in just a few minutes now. What'd you say your name was anyhow?"
"Hell," said Tanner.
"Beg pardon?"
"Hell. Hell's my name. Hell Tanner."
Sam Potter chuckled. "That's a pretty mean name, mister. If it's okay with you, I'll introduce you to my wife and the youngest as 'Mister Tanner.' All right?"
"That's just fine," Tanner gasped, pulling his boots out of the mire with a sucking sound.
"We'd sure miss them Boston traders. I hope you make it in time."
"What is it that they do?"
"They keep shops in Albany, and twice a year they give a fair---spring and fall. They carry all sort of things we need---needles, thread, pepper, kettles, pans, seed, guns and ammo, all kind of things---and the fairs are pretty good times, too. Most anybody between here and there would help you along. Hope you make it. We'll get you off to a good start again."
They reached higher, drier ground.
"You mean it's pretty clear sailing after this?"
"Well, no. But I'll help you on a map and tell you what to look out for,"
"I got mine with me," said Tanner, as they topped a hill, and he saw a farm house off in the distance. "That your place?"
"Correct. It ain't much further now. Real easy walkin'---an' you just lean on my shoulder if you get tired."
"I can make it," said Tanner. "It's just that I had so many of those pills to keep me awake that I'm starting to feel all the sleep I've been missing-I'll be okay."
"You'll get to sleep real soon now. And when you're awake again, we'll go over that Jnap[?] of yours, and you can write in all the places I tell you about."
"Good scene," said Tanner, "good scene," and he put his hand on Sam's shoulder then and staggered along beside him, feeling almost drunk and wishing he were.
After a hazy eternity be saw the house before him, then the door. The door swung open, and he felt himself falling forward, and that was it.
Sleep. Blackness, distant voices, more blackness. Wherever he lay, it was soft, and he turned over onto his other side and went away again.
When everything finally flowed together into a coherent ball and he opened his eyes, there was light streaming in through the window to his right, falling in rectangles upon the patchwork quilt that covered him. He groaned, stretched, rubbed his eyes and scratched his beard.
He surveyed the room carefully; polished wooden floors with handwoven rugs of blue and red and gray scattered about them, a dresser holding a white enamel basin with a few black spots up near its lip where some of the enamel had chipped away, a mirror on the wall behind him and above all that, a spindly looking rocker near the window, a print cushion on its seat, a small table against the other wall with a chair pushed in beneath it, books and paper and pen and ink on the table, a hand-stitched sampler on the wall asking God To Bless, a blue and green print of a waterfall on the other wall.
He sat up, discovered he was naked, looked around for his clothing. It was nowhere in sight
As he sat there, deciding whether or not to call out, the door opened, and Sam walked in. He carried Tanner's clothing, clean and neatly folded, over one arm. In his other hand he carried his boots, and they shone like wet midnight.
"Heard you stirring around," he said. "How you feeling now?"
"A lot better, thanks."
"We've got a bath all drawn. Just have to dump in a couple buckets of hot, and it's all yours. I'll have the boys carry it in in a minute, and some soap and towels."
Tanner bit his lip, but he didn't want to seem inhospitable to his benefactor, so he nodded and forced a smile then.
"That'll be fine."
". . . And there's a razor and a scissors on the dresser---whichever you might want."
He nodded again-Sam set his clothes down on the rocker and his boots on the floor beside it, then left the room.
Soon Roderick and Caliban brought in the tub, spread some sacks and set it upon them.
"How you feeling?" one of them asked. (Tanner wasn't sure which was which. They both seemed graceful as scarecrows, and their mouths were packed full of white teeth.)
"Real good," he said.
"Bet you're hungry," said the other. "You slept all afternoon yesterday and all night and most of this morning."
"You know it," said Tanner. "How's my partner?"
The nearer one shook his head. "Still sleeping and sickly," he said. "The doc should be here soon. Our kid brother went after him last night."
They turned to leave, and the one who had been speaking added, "Soon as you get cleaned up, Ma'll fix you something to eat. Cal and me are going out now to try and get your rig loose. Dad'll tell you about the roads while you eat."
"Thanks."
"Good morning to you."
" 'Morning."
They closed the door behind them as they left.
Tanner got up and moved to the mirror, studied himself. "Well, just this once," he muttered.
Then he washed his face and trimmed his beard and cut his hair.
Then, gritting his teeth, he lowered himself into the tub, soaped up and scrubbed. The water grew gray and scummy beneath the suds. He splashed out and toweled himself down and dressed.
He was starched and crinkly and smelled faintly of disinfectant. He smiled at his dark-eyed reflection and lit a cigarette. He combed his hair and studied the stranger. "Damn! I'm beautiful!" he chuckled, and then he opened the door and entered the kitchen.
Sam was sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee, and his wife who was short and heavy and wore long gray skirts was facing in the other direction, leaning over the stove. She turned, and he saw that her face was large, with bulging red cheeks that dimpled and a little white scar in the middle of her forehead. Her hair was brown, shot through with gray, and pulled back into a knot. She bobbed her head and smiled a "Good morning" at him.
" 'Morning," he replied. "I'm afraid I left kind of a mess in the other room."
"Don't worry about that," said Sam. "Seat yourself. and we'll have you some breakfast in a minute. The boys told you about your friend?"
Tanner nodded.
As she placed a cup of coffee in front of Tanner, Sam said, "Wife's name's Susan."
"How do," she said.
"Hi."
"Now, then, I got your map here. Saw it sticking out of your jacket. That's your gun hanging aside the door, too. Anyhow, I've been figuring and I think the best way you could head would be up to Albany and then go along the old Route 9, which is in pretty good shape." He spread the map and pointed as he talked. "Now, it won't be all of a picnic," he said, "but it looks like the cleanest and fastest way in---"
"Breakfast," said his wife and pushed the map aside to set a plate full of eggs and bacon and sausages in front of Tanner and another one, holding four pieces of toast, next to it. There was marmalade, jam, jelly and butter on the table, and Tanner helped himself to it and sipped the coffee and filled the empty places inside while Sam talked.
He told him about the gangs that ran between Boston and Albany on bikes, hijacking anything they could, and that was the reason most cargo went in convoys with shotgun riders aboard. "But you don't have to worry, with that rig of yours, do you?" he asked.
Tanner said, "Hope not," and wolfed down more food. He wondered, though, if they were anything like his old pack, and he hoped not, again, for both their sakes.
Tanner raised his coffee cup, and he heard a sound outside.
The door opened, and a boy ran into the kitchen. Tanner figured him as between ten and twelve years of age. An older man followed him, carrying the traditional black bag.
"We're here! We're here!" cried the boy, and Sam stood and shook hands with the man, so Tanner figured he should, too. He wiped his mouth and gripped the man's hand and said, "My partner sort of went out of his head. He Jumped me, and we had a fight. I shoved him, and he banged his head on the dashboard."
The doctor, a dark-haired man, probably in his late forties, wore a dark suit. His face was heavily lined, and his eyes looked tired. He nodded.
Sam said, "I'll take you to him," and he led him out through the door at the other end of the kitchen.
Tanner reseated himself and picked up the last piece of toast. Susan refilled his coffee cup, and he nodded to her.
"My name's Jerry," said the boy, seating himself in his father's abandoned chair. "Is your name, mister, really Hell?"
"Hush, you!" said his mother.
" 'Fraid so," said Tanner.
". . . And you drove all the way across the country? Through the Alley?"
"So far."
"What was it like?"
"Mean."
"What all'd you see?"
"Bats as big as this kitchen---some of them even bigger---on the other side of the Missus Hip. Lot of them in Saint Louis."
"What'd you do?"
"Shot 'em. Burned 'em. Drove through 'em."
"What else you see?"
"Gila monsters. Big, technicolor lizards---the size of a barn. Dust Devils---big circling winds that sucked up one car. Fire-topped mountains. Real big thorn bushes that we had to burn. Drove through some storms. Drove over places where the ground was like glass. Drove along where the ground was shaking. Drove around big craters, all radioactive."
"Wish I could do that some day."
"Maybe you will, some day."
Tanner finished the food and lit a cigarette and sipped the coffee.
"Real good breakfast," he called out. "Best I've eaten in days. Thanks."
Susan smiled, then said, "Jerry, don't go an' pester the man."
"No bother, missus. He's okay."
"What's that ring on your hand?" said Jerry. "It looks like a snake."
"That's what it is," said Tanner, pulling it off. "It is sterling silver with red glass eyes, and I got it in a place called Tijuana. Here. You keep it."
"I couldn't take that," said the boy, and he looked at his mother, his eyes asking if he could. She shook her head from left to right, and Tanner saw it and said, "Your folks were good enough to help me out and get a doc for my partner and feed me and give me a place to sleep. I'm sure they won't mind if I want to show my appreciation a little bit and give you this ring." Jerry looked back at his mother, and Tanner nodded and she nodded too.
Jerry whistled and jumped up and put it on his finger.
"It's too big," he said.
"Here, let me mash it a bit for you. These spiral kind'll fit anybody if you squeeze them a little."
He squeezed the ring and gave it back to the boy to try on. It was still too big, so he squeezed it again and then it fit.
Jerry put it on and began to run from the room.
"Wait!" his mother said. "What do you say?"
He turned around and said, "Thank you, Hell."
"Mister Tanner," she said.
"Mister Tanner," the boy repeated, and the door banged behind him.
"That was good of you," she said.
Tanner shrugged.
"He liked it," he said. "Glad I could turn him on with it."
He finished his coffee and his cigarette, and she gave him another cup, and be lit another cigarette. After a time, Sam and the doctor came out of the other room, and Tanner began wondering where the family had slept the night before. Susan poured them both coffee, and they seated themselves at the table to drink it.
"Your friend's got a concussion," the doctor said. "I can't really tell how serious his condition is without getting X-rays, and there's no way of getting them here. I wouldn't recommend moving him, though."
Tanner said, "For how long?"
"Maybe a few days, maybe a couple weeks. I've left some medication and told Sam what to do for him. Sam says there's a plague in Boston and you've got to hurry. My advice is that you go on without him. Leave him here with the Potters. He'll be taken care of. He can go up to Albany with them for the Spring Fair and make his way to Boston from there on some commercial carrier. I think he'll be all right."
Tanner thought about it awhile, then nodded.
"Okay," he said, "if that's the way it's got to be."
"That's what I recommend."
They drank their coffee.
Tanner regarded his freed vehicle, said, "I guess I'll be going then," and nodded to the Potters. "Thanks," he said, and he unlocked the cab, climbed into it and started the engine. He put it into gear, blew the horn twice and started to move.
In the screen, he saw the three men waving. He stamped the accelerator, and they were gone from sight.
He sped ahead, and the way was easy. The sky was salmon pink. The earth was brown, and there was much green grass. The bright sun caught the day in a silver net.
This part of the country seemed virtually untouched by the chaos that had produced the rest of the Alley. Tanner played music, drove along. He passed two trucks on the road and honked his horn each time. Once, he received a reply.
He drove all that day, and it was well into the night when he pulled into Albany. The streets themselves were dark, and only a few lights shone from the buildings. He drew up in front of a flickering red sign that said "BAR & GRILL," parked and entered.
It was small, and there was jukebox music playing, tunes he'd never heard before, and the lighting was poor, and there was sawdust on the floor.
He sat down at the bar and pushed the Magnum way down behind his belt so that it didn't show. Then he took off his jacket, because of the heat in the place, and he threw it on the stool next to him. When the man in the white apron approached, he said, "Give me a shot and a beer and a ham sandwich."
The man nodded his bald head and threw a shot glass in front of Tanner which he then filled. He siphoned off a foam-capped mug and hollered over his right shoulder.
Tanner tossed off the shot and sipped the beer. After awhile, a white plate bearing a sandwich appeared on the sill across from him. After a longer while, the bartender passed, picked it up, and deposited it in front of him. He wrote something on a green chit and tucked it under the corner of the plate.
Tanner bit into the sandwich and washed it down with a mouthful of beer. He studied the people about him and decided they made the same noises as people in any other bar he'd ever been in. The old man to his left looked friendly, so he asked him, "Any news about Boston?"
The man's chin quivered between words, and it seemed a natural thing for him.
"No news at all. Looks like the merchants will close 'their shops at the end of the week."
"What day is today?"
"Tuesday."
Tanner finished his sandwich and smoked a cigarette while he drank the rest of his beer.
Then he looked at the check, and it said, ".85."
He tossed a dollar bill on top of it and turned to go.
He had taken two steps when the bartender called out, "Wait a minute, mister."
He turned around.
"Yeah?"
"What you trying to pull?\*'
"What do you mean?"
"What do you call this crap?"
"What crap?"
The man waved Tanner's dollar at him, and he stepped forward and inspected it.
"Nothing wrong I can see. What's giving you a pain?"
"That ain't money."
"You trying to tell ma my money's no good?"
"That's what I said. I never seen no bill like that."
"Well, look at it real careful. Read that print down there at the bottom of it."
The room grew quiet. One man got off his stool and walked forward. He held out his hand and said, "Let me see it, Bill."
The bartender passed it to him, and the man's eyes widened.
"This is drawn on the Bank of the Nation of California."
"Well, that's where I'm from," said Tanner.
"I'm sorry, it's no good here," said the bartender.
"It's the best I got," said Tanner.
"Well, nobody'll make good on it around here. You got any Boston money on you?"
"Never been to Boston."
"Then how the hell'd you get here?"
"Drove."
"Don't hand me that line of crap, son. Where'd you steal this?" It was the older man who had spoken.
"You going to take my money or ain't you?" said Tanner.
"I'm not going to take it." said the bartender.
"Then screw you," said Tanner, and he turned and walked toward the door.
As always, under such circumstances, he was alert to sounds at his back.
When he heard the quick footfall, he turned. It was the man who had inspected the bill that stood before him, his right arm extended.
Tanner's right hand held his leather jacket, draped over his right shoulder. He swung it with all his strength forward and down.
It struck the man on the top of his head. and he fell.
There came up a murmuring,' and several people jumped to their feet and moved toward him.
Tanner dragged the gun from his belt and said, "Sorry, folks,'\* and he pointed it, and they stopped.
"Now you probably ain't about to believe me," he said, "when I tell you that Boston's been hit by the plague, but it's true all right. Or maybe you will. I don't know. But I don't think you're going to believe that I drove here all the way from the nation of California with a car full of Haffikine antiserum. But that's just as right. You send that bill to the big bank in Boston, and they'll change it for you, all right, and you know it. Now I've got to be going, and don't anybody try to stop me. If you think I've been handing you a line, you take a look at what I drive away in. That's all I've got to say."
And he backed out the door and covered it while he mounted the cab. Inside, he gunned the engine to life, turned, and roared away.
In the rearview screen he could see the knot of people on the walk before the bar, watching him depart.
He laughed, and the apple-blossom moon hung dead ahead.
Albany to Boston. A couple of hundred miles. He'd managed the worst of it. The terrors of Damnation Alley lay largely at his back now. Night. It flowed about him. The stars seemed brighter than usual. He'd make it, the night seemed to say.
He passed between hills. The road wasn't too bad. It wound between trees and high grasses. He passed a truck coming in his direction and dimmed his lights as it approached. It did the same.
It must have been around midnight that he came to the crossroads, and the lights suddenly nailed him from two directions.
He was bathed in perhaps thirty beams from the left and as many from the right.
He pushed the accelerator to the floor, and he heard engine after engine coming to life somewhere at his back. And he recognized the sounds.
They were all of them bikes.
They swung onto the road behind him.
He could have opened fire. He could have braked and laid down a cloud of flame. It was obvious that they didn't know what they were chasing. He could have launched grenades. He refrained, however.
It could have been him on the lead bike, he decided, all hot on hijack. He felt a certain sad kinship as his hand hovered above the fire-control.
Try to outrun them, first.
His engine was open wide and roaring, but he couldn't take the bikes.
When they began to fire, he knew that he'd have to retaliate. He couldn't risk their hitting a gas tank or blowing out his tires.
Their first few shots had been in the nature of a warning. He couldn't risk another barrage. If only they knew....
The speaker!
He cut in and mashed the button and spoke:
"Listen, cats," he said. "All I got's medicine for the sick citizens in Boston. Let me through or you'll hear the noise."
A shot followed immediately, so he opened fire with the fifty calibers to the rear.
He saw them fall, but they kept firing. So be launched grenades.
The firing lessened, but didn't cease.
So he hit the brakes, then the flame-throwers. He kept it up for fifteen seconds.
There was silence.
When the air cleared he studied the screens.
They lay all over the road, their bikes upset, their bodies fuming. Several were still seated, and they held rifles and pointed them, and he shot them down.
A few still moved, spasmodically, and he was about to drive on, when he saw one rise and take a few staggering steps and fall again.
His hand hesitated on the gearshift.
It was a girl.
He thought about it for perhaps five seconds, then jumped down from the cab and ran toward her.
As he did, one man raised himself on an elbow and picked up a fallen rifle.
Tanner shot him twice and kept running, pistol in hand.
The girl was crawling toward a man whose face had been shot away. Other bodies twisted about Tanner now, there on the road, in the glare of the tail beacons. Blood and black leather, the sounds of moaning and the stench of burned flesh were all about him.
When he got to the girl's side, she cursed him softly as he stopped.
None of the blood about her seemed to be her own.
He dragged her to her feet and her eyes began to fill with tears.
Everyone else was dead or dying, so Tanner picked her up in his arms and carried hen. back to the car. He reclined the passenger seat and put her into it, moving the weapons into the rear seat, out of her reach.
Then he gunned the engine and moved forward. In the rearview screen he saw two figures rise to their feet, then fall again.
She was a tall girl, with long, uncombed hair the color of dirt. She had a strong chin and a wide mouth and there were dark circles under her eyes. A single faint line crossed her forehead, and she had all of her teeth. The right side of her face was flushed, as if sunburned. Her left trouser leg was torn and dirty. He guessed that she'd caught the edge of his flame and fallen from her bike.
"You okay?" he asked, when her sobbing had diminished to a moist sniffing sound.
"What's it to you?" she said, raising a hand to her cheek.
Tanner shrugged.
"Just being friendly."
"You killed most of my gang."
"What would they have done to me?"
"They would have stomped you, mister, if it weren't for this fancy car of yours."
"It ain't really mine," he said. "It belongs to the nation of California."
"This thing don't come from California."
"The hell it don't. 1 drove it."
She sat up straight then and began rubbing her leg.
Tanner lit a cigarette.
"Give me a cigarette?" she said.
He passed her the one he had lighted, lit himself another. As he handed it to her, her eyes rested on his tattoo.
"What's that?"
"My name."
"Hell?"
"Hell."
"Where'd you get a name like that?"
"From my old man."
They smoked awhile, then she said, "Why'd you run the Alley?"
"Because it was the only way I could get them to turn me loose."
"From where?"
"The place with horizontal Venetian blinds. I was doing time."
"They let you go? Why?"
"Because of the big sick. I'm bringing in Haffikine antiserum."
"You're Hell Tanner."
"Huh?"
"Your last name's Tanner, ain't it?"
"That's right. Who told you?"
"I heard about you. Everybody thought you died in the Big Raid."
"They were wrong.'\*
"What was it like?"
"I dunno. I was already wearing a zebra suit. That's why I'm still around."
"Why'd you pick me up?"
" 'Cause you're a chick, and 'cause I didn't want to see you croak."
"Thanks. You got anything to eat in here?"
"Yeah, there's food in there." He pointed to the refrigerator door. "Help yourself."
She did, and as she ate Tanner asked her, "What do they call you?"
"Corny," she said. "It's short for Cornelia."
"Okay, Corny," he said. "When you're finished eating, you start telling me about the road between here and the place."
She nodded, chewed and swallowed. "There's lots of other gangs," she said. "So you'd better be ready to blast them."
"I am."
"Those screens show you all directions, huh?"
"That's right."
"Good. The roads are pretty much okay from here on in. There's one big crater you'll come to soon and a couple little volcanos afterward."
"Check."
"Outside of them there's nothing to worry about but the Regents and the Devils and the Kings and the Lovers. That's about it."
Tanner nodded.
"How big are those clubs?"
"I don't know for sure but the Kings are the biggest. They've got a coupla hundred."
"What was your club?"
"The Studs."
"What are you going to do now?"
"Whatever you tell me."
"Okay, Corny, I'll let you off anywhere along the way that you want me to. If you don't want, you can come on into the city with me."
"You call it. Hell. Anywhere you want to go, I'll go along."
Her voice was deep, and her words came slowly, and her tone sandpapered his eardrums just a bit. She had long legs and heavy thighs beneath the tight denim. Tanner licked his lips and studied the screens. Did he want to keep her around for awhile?
The road was suddenly wet. It was covered with hundreds of fish, and more were falling from the sky. There followed several loud reports from overhead. The blue light began in the north.
Tanner raced on, and suddenly there was water all about him. It fell upon his car, it dimmed his screens.
The sky had grown black again, and the banshee wail sounded above him.
He skidded around a sharp curve in the road. He turned up his lights.
The rain ceased, but the wailing continued. He ran for fifteen minutes before it built up into a roar.
The girl stared at the screens and occasionally glanced at Tanner.
"What're you going to do?" she finally asked him,
"Outrun it, if I can," he said.
"It's dark for as far ahead as I can see. I don't think you can do it."
"Neither do I, but what does that leave?"
"Hole up someplace."
"If you know where, you show me."
"There's a place a few miles further ahead---a bridge you can get under,"
"Okay, that's for us. Sing out when you see it."
She pulled off her boots and rubbed her feet. He gave her another cigarette.
"Hey, Corny---I just thought---there's a medicine chest over there to your right. Yeah, that's it. It should have some damn kind of salve in it you can smear on your face to take the bite out."
She found a tube of something and nibbed some of it into her cheek, smiled slightly and replaced it.
"Feel any better?"
"Yes. Thanks."
The stones began to fall, the blue to spread. The sky pulsed, grew brighter.
"I don't like the looks of this one."
"I don't like the looks of any of them."
"It seems there's been an awful lot this past week."
"Yeah. I've heard it said maybe the winds are dying down---that the sky might be purging itself."
"That'd be nice," said Tanner.
"Then we might be able to see it the way it used to look---blue all the time, and with clouds. You know about clouds."
"I heard about them."
"White, puffy things that just sort of drift across---sometimes gray. They don't drop anything except rain, and not always that."
"Yeah, I know."
"You ever see any out in L.A.?"
"No."
The yellow streaks began, and the black lines writhed like snakes. The stonefall rattled heavily upon the roof and the hood. More water began to fall, and a fog rose up. Tanner was forced to slow, and then it seemed as if sledgehammers beat upon the car.
"We won't make it," she said.
"The hell you say. This thing's built to take it---and what's that off in the distance?"
"The bridge!" she said, moving forward. "That's it! Pull off the road to the left and go down. That's a dry riverbed beneath."
Then the lightning began to fall. It flamed, flashed about them. They passed a burning tree, and there were still fishes in the roadway.
Tanner turned left as he approached the bridge. He slowed to a crawl and made his way over the shoulder and down the slick, muddy grade.
When he hit the damp riverbed he turned right. He nosed it in under the bridge, and they were all alone there. Some waters trickled past them, and the lightning continued to flash. The sky was a shifting kaleidoscope and constant came the thunder. He could hear a sound like hail on the bridge above them.
"We're safe," he said and killed the engine.
"Are the doors locked?"
They do it automatically."
Tanner turned off the outside lights.
"Wish I could buy you a drink, besides coffee."
"Coffee'd be good, just right,"
"Okay, it's on the way," and he cleaned out the pot and filled it and plugged it in.
They sat there and smoked as the storm raged, and he said, "You know, it's a kind of nice feeling being all snug as a rat in a hole while everything goes to hell outside. Listen to that bastard come down! And we couldn't care less."
"I suppose so,\*' she said. "What're you going to do after you make it to Boston?"
"Oh, I don't know. . . . Maybe get a job, scrape up some loot, and maybe open a bike shop or a garage. Either one'd be nice."
"Sounds good. You going to ride much yourself?"
"You bet. I don't suppose they have any good clubs in town?"
"No. They're all roadrunners."
"Thought so. Maybe I'll organize my own."
He reached out and touched her hand, then squeezed it.
"I can buy you a drink."
"What do you mean?"
She drew a plastic flask from the right side pocket of her Jacket. She uncapped it and passed it to him.
"Here."
He took a mouthful and gulped it, coughed, took a second, then handed it back.
"Great! You're a woman of unsuspected potential and like that. Thanks."
"Don't mention it." She took a drink herself and set the flask on the dash.
"Cigarette?"
"Just a minute."
He lit two, passed her one.
"There you are. Corny."
"Thanks. I'd like to help you finish this run."
"How come?"
"I got nothing else to do. My crowd's all gone away, and I've got nobody else to run with now. Also, if you make it, you'll be a big man. Like capital letters. Think you might keep me around after that?"
"Maybe. What are you like?"
"Oh, I'm real nice. I'll even rub your shoulders for you when they're sore."
"They're sore now."
"I thought so. Give me a lean."
He bent toward her, and she began to rub his shoulders. Her hands were quick and strong.
"You do that good, girl."
"Thanks."
He straightened up, leaned back. Then he reached out, took the flask and had another drink. She took a small sip when be passed it to her.
The furieil[?] rode about them, but the bridge above stood the siege. Tanner turned off the lights.
"Let's make it," he said, and he seized her and drew her to him.
She did not resist him, and he found her belt buckle and unfastened it. Then he started on the buttons. After awhile, he reclined her seat.
"Will you keep me?" she asked him.
"Sure."
"I'll help you. I'll do anything you say to get you through."
"Great."
"After all, if Boston goes, then we go, too."
"You bet."
Then they didn't say much more.
There was violence in the skies, and after that came darkness and quiet.
When Tanner awoke, it was morning and the storm had ceased. He repaired himself to the rear of the vehicle and after that assumed the driver's seat once more. Cornelia did not awaken as he gunned the engine to life and started up the weed-infested slope of the hillside.
The sky was light once more, and the road was strewn with rubble. Tanner wove along it, heading toward the pale sun, and after awhile Cornelia stretched.
"Ugh," she said, and Tanner agreed. "My shoulders are better now." he told her.
"Good," and Tanner headed up a hill, slowly as the day dimmed and one huge black line became the Devil's highway down the middle of the sky.
As he drove through a wooded valley, the rain began to fall. The girl had returned from the rear of the vehicle and was preparing breakfast when Tanner saw the tiny dot on the horizon, switched over to his telescope lenses and tried to outrun what he saw.
Cornelia looked up.
There were bikes, bikes and more bikes on their trail.
'Those your people?" Tanner asked.
"No. You took mine yesterday."
"Too bad," said Tanner, and he pushed the accelerator to the floor and hoped for a storm.
They squealed around a curve and climbed another hill. His pursuers drew nearer. He switched back from telescope to normal screening, but even then he could see the size of the crowd that approached.
"It must be the Kings," she said. "They're the biggest club around."
"Too bad," said Tanner.
"For them or for us?"
"Both."
She smiled.
"I'd like to see how you work this thing."
"It looks like you're going to get a chance. They're gaining on us like mad."
The rain lessened, but the fogs grew heavier. Tanner could see their lights, though, over a quarter mile to his rear, and be did not turn his own on. He estimated a hundred to a hundred fifty pursuers that cold, dark morning, and he asked, "How near are we to Boston?"
"Maybe ninety miles," she told him.
'Too bad they're chasing us instead of coming toward us," he said, as he primed his flames and set an adjustment which brought cross-hairs into focus on his rearview screen.
"What's that?" she asked.
'That's a cross. I'm going to crucify them, lady," and she smiled at this and squeezed his arm.
"Can I help? I hate those bloody mothers.'\*
"In a little while," said Tanner. "In a little while, I'm sure," and he reached into the rear seat and fetched out the six hand grenades and hung them on his wide, black belt. He passed the rifle to the girl. "Hang onto this," he said, and stuck the .45 behind his belt.
"Do you know how to use that thing?"
"Yes," she replied immediately.
"Good."
He kept watching the lights that danced on the screen.
"Why the hell doesn't this storm break?" he said, as the lights came closer and be could make out shapes within the fog.
When they were within a hundred feet he fired the first grenade. It arched through the gray air, and five seconds later there was a bright flash to his rear, burning within a thunderclap.
The lights immediately behind him remained, and he touched the fifty-calibers, moving the cross-hairs from side to side. The guns shattered their loud syllables, and he launched another grenade. With the second flash, he began to climb another hill.
"Did you stop them?"
"For a time, maybe. I still see some lights, but farther back."
After five minutes, they had reached the top, a place where the fogs were cleared and the dark sky was visible above them. Then they started downward once more, and a wall of stone and shale and dirt rose to their right. Tanner considered it as they descended.
When the road leveled and he decided they had reached the bottom, he turned on his brightest lights and looked for a place where the road's shoulders were wide.
To his rear, there were suddenly rows of descending lights.
He found the place where the road was sufficiently wide, and he skidded through a U-turn until he was facing the shaggy cliff, now to his left, and his pursuers were coming dead on.
He elevated his rockets, fired one, elevated them five degrees more, fired two, elevated them another five degrees, fired three. Then he lowered them fifteen and fired another.
There was brightness within the fog, and he heard the stones rattling on the road and felt the vibration as the rockslide began. He swung toward his right as he backed the vehicle and fired two ahead. There was dust, mixed with the fog now, and the vibration continued.
He turned and headed forward once more.
"I hope that'll hold 'em," he said, and he lit two cigarettes and passed one to the girl.
After five minutes they were on higher ground again and the winds came and whipped at the fog, and far to the rear there were still some lights.
As they topped a high rise, his radiation gauge began to register an above-normal reading. He sought in all directions and saw the crater far off ahead. 'That's it," he heard her say. "You've got to leave the road there. Bear to the right and go around that way when you get there."
"I'll do that thing."
He heard gunshots from behind him, for the first time that day, and though he adjusted the cross-hairs he did not fire his own weapons. The distance was still too great.
"You must have cut them in half," she said, staring into the screen. "More than that. They're a tough bunch, though."
"I gather," and he plowed the field of mists and checked his supply of grenades for the launcher and saw that he was running low.
He swung off the road to his right when he began bumping along over fractured concrete. The radiation level was quite high by then. The crater was slightly more than a thousand yards to his left.
The lights to his rear fanned out, grew brighter. He drew a bead on the brightest and fired. It went out.
"There's another down," he remarked, as they raced across the hard-baked plain.
The rains came more heavily, and he sighted in on another light and fired it. It, too, went out, though he heard the sounds of their weapons about him once again.
He switched to his righthand guns and saw the cross-hairs leap into life on that screen. As three vehicles moved in to flank him from that direction, he opened up and cut them down. There was more firing at his back, and he ignored it as he negotiated the way, "I count twenty-seven lights," Cornelia said.
Tanner wove his way across a field of boulders. He lit another cigarette.
Five minutes later, they were running on both sides of him. He had held back again for that moment, to conserve ammunition and to be sure of his targets. He fired then, though, at every light within range, and he floored the accelerator and swerved around rocks.
"Five of them are down," she said, but he was listening to the gunfire.
He launched a grenade to the rear, and when he tried to launch a second there came only a clicking sound from the control. He launched one to either side and then paused for a second.
"If they get close enough, I'll show them some fire," he said, and they continued on around the crater.
He fired only at individual targets then, when he was certain they were within range. He took two more before he struck the broken roadbed.
"Keep running parallel to it," she told him. "There's a trail here. You can't drive on that stuff till another mile or so."
Shots ricocheted from off his armored sides, and he continued to return the fire. He raced along an alleyway of twisted trees, like those he had seen near other craters, and the mists hung like pennons about their branches. He heard the rattle of the increasing rains.
When he bit the roadway once again, he regarded the lights to his rear and asked, "How many do you count now?"
"It looks like around twenty. How are we doing?"
"I'm just worried about the tires. They can take a lot, but they can be shot out. The only other thing that bothers me is that a stray shot might clip one of the 'eyes.' Outside of that we're bullet-proof enough. Even if they manage to stop us, they'll have to pry us out."
The hikes drew near once again, and he saw the bright flashes and heard the reports of the riders' guns.
"Hold tight." he said, and be hit the brakes and they skidded on the wet pavement.
The lights grew suddenly bright, and he unleashed his rear flame. As some bikes skirted him, he cut in the side flames and held them that way.
Then he took his foot off the brake and floored the accelerator without waiting to assess the damage he had done.
They sped ahead, and Tanner, heard Cornelia's laughter.
"God! You're taking them. Hell! You're taking the whole damn club!"
"It ain't that much fun," he said. Then, "See any lights?"
She watched for a time, said, "No," then said, "Three," then, "Seven," and finally, "Thirteen."
Tanner said. "Damn."
The radiation level fell and there came crashes amid the roaring overhead. A light fall of gravel descended for perhaps half a minute, along with the rain.
"We're running low," he said.
"On what?"
"Everything: Luck, fuel, ammo. Maybe you'd have been better off if I'd left you where I found you."
"No," she said. "I'm with you, the whole line."
"Then you're nuts," he said. "I haven't been hurt yet. When I am. it might be a different tune."
"Maybe," she said. "Wait and hear how I sing."
He reached out and squeezed her thigh.
"Okay, Corny. You've been okay so far. Hang onto that piece, and we'll see what happens."
He reached for another cigarette, found the pack empty, cursed. He gestured toward a compartment, and she opened it and got him a fresh pack. She tore it open and lit him one.
"Thanks."
"Why're they staying out of range?"
"Maybe they're just going to pace us. I don't know."
Then the fogs began to lift. By the time Tanner had finished his cigarette, the visibility had improved greatly. He could make out the dark forms crouched atop their bikes, following, following, nothing more.
"If they just want to keep us company, then I don't care," he said. "Let them."
But there came more gunfire after a time, and he heard a tire go. He slowed, but continued. He took careful aim and strafed them. Several fell.
More gunshots sounded from behind. Another tire blew, and he hit the brakes and skidded, turning about as he slowed. When he faced them, he shot his anchors, to hold him in place, and he discharged his rockets, one after another, at a level parallel to the road. He opened up with his guns and sprayed them as they veered off and approached him from the sides. Then he opened fire to the left. Then the right He emptied the righthand guns, then switched back to the left. He launched the remaining grenades.
The gunfire died down, except for five sources---three to his left and two to his right---coming from somewhere within the trees that lined the road now. Broken bikes and bodies lay behind him, some still smouldering. The pavement was potted and cracked in many places.
He turned the car and proceeded ahead on six wheels.
"We're out of ammo. Corny," he told her.
"Well, we took an awful lot of them...."
"Yeah."
As he drove on, he saw five bikes move onto the road. They stayed a good distance behind him, but they stayed.
He tried the radio, but there was no response. He bit the brakes and stopped, and the bikes stopped, too, staying well to the rear.
"Well, at least they're scared of us. They think we still have teeth."
"We do," she said.
"Yeah, but not the ones they're thinking about."
"Better yet."
"Glad I met you," said Tanner. "I can use an optimist There must be a pony, huh?"
She nodded; he put it into gear and started forward abruptly.
The motorcycles moved ahead also, and they maintained a safe distance. Tanner watched them in the screens and cursed them as they followed.
After awhile they drew nearer again. Tanner roared on for half an hour, and the remaining five edged closer and closer.
When they drew near enough, they began to fire, rifles resting on their handlebars.
Tanner heard several low ricochets, and then another tire went out.
He stopped once more, and the bikes did, too, remaining just out of range of his flames. He cursed and ground ahead again. The car wobbled as he drove, listing to the left. A wrecked pickup truck stood smashed against a tree to his right, its hunched driver a skeleton, its windows smashed and tires missing. Half a sun now stood in the heavens, reaching after nine o'clock; fog-ghosts drifted before them, and the dark band in the sky undulated and more rain fell from it, mixed with dust and small stones and bits of metal. Tanner said, "Good" as the pinging sounds began, and, "Hope it gets a lot worse" and his wish came true as the ground began to shake and the blue light began in the north. There came a booming within the roar, and there were several answering crashes as heaps of rubble appeared to his right. "Hope the next one falls right on our buddies back there," he said.
He saw an orange glow ahead and to his right. It had been there for several minutes, but he had not become conscious of it until just then.
"Volcano," she said when he indicated it. "It means we've got another sixty-five, seventy miles to go."
He could not tell whether any more shooting was occurring. The sounds coming from overhead and around him were sufficient to mask any gunfire, and the fall of gravel upon the car covered any ricocheting rounds. The five headlights to his rear maintained their pace.
"Why don't they give up?" he said. "They're taking a pretty bad beating."
"They're used to it," she replied, "and they're riding for blood, which makes a difference."
Tanner fetched the .357 Magnum from the door clip and passed it to her. "Hang onto this, too," he said, and he found a box of ammo in the second compartment and, "Put these in your pocket," he added. He stuffed ammo for the .45 into his own jacket. He adjusted the hand grenades upon his belt.
Then the five headlights behind him suddenly became four, and the others slowed, grew smaller. "Accident, I hope," he remarked.
They sighted the mountain, a jag-topped cone bleeding fires upon the sky. They left the road and swung far to the left, upon a well marked trail. It took twenty minutes to pass the mountain, and by then he sighted their pursuers once again---four lights to the rear, gaining slowly.
He came upon the road once more and hurried ahead across the shaking ground. The yellow lights moved through the heavens; and heavy, shapeless objects, some several feet across, crashed to the earth about them. The car was buffeted by winds, listed as they moved, would not proceed above forty miles an hour. The radio contained only static.
Tanner rounded a sharp curve, hit the brake, turned off his lights, pulled the pin from a hand grenade and waited with his hand upon the door.
When the lights appeared in the screen, he flung the door wide, leaped down and hurled the grenade through the abrasive rain.
He was into the cab and moving again before he heard the explosion, before the flash occurred upon his screen.
The girl laughed almost hysterically as the car moved ahead.
"You got 'em, Hell. You got 'em!" she cried.
Tanner took a drink from her flask, and she finished its final brown mouthful.
The road grew cracked, pitted, slippery. They topped a high rise and headed downhill. The fog thickened as they descended.
Lights appeared before him, and he readied the name. There were no hostilities, however, as he passed a truck headed in the other direction. Within the next half hour he passed two more.
There came more lightning, and fist-sized rocks began to fall. Tanner left the road and sought shelter within a grove of high trees. The sky grew completely black, losing even its blue aurora.
They waited for three hours, but the storm did not let up. One by one, the four view-screens went dead and the fifth only showed the blackness beneath the car. Tanner's last sight in the rearview screen was of a huge splintered tree with a broken, swaying branch that was about ready to fall off. There were several terrific crashes upon the hood and the car shook with each. The roof above their heads was deeply dented in three places. The lights grew dim, then bright again. The radio would not produce even static anymore.
"I think we've had it," he said.
"Yeah."
"How far are we?"
"Maybe fifty miles away."
"There's still a chance, if we live through this."
"What chance?"
"I've got two bikes in the rear."
They reclined their seats and smoked and waited, and after awhile the lights went out.
The storm continued all that day and into the night. They slept within the broken body of the car, and it sheltered them. When the storm ceased. Tanner opened the door and looked outside, closed it again.
"We'll wait till morning," he said, and she held his Hell-printed hand, and they slept.
In the morning, Tanner walked back through the mud and the fallen branches, the rocks and the dead fish, and he opened the rear compartment and unbolted the bikes. He fueled them and checked them out and wheeled them down the ramp.
He crawled into the back of the cab then and removed the rear seat. Beneath it, in the storage compartment, was the large aluminum chest that was his cargo. It was bolted shut. He lifted it, carried it out to his bike.
"That the stuff?" she asked.
He nodded and placed it on the ground.
"I don't know how the stuff is stored, if it's refrigerated in there or what," he said, "but it ain't too heavy that I might not be able to get it on the back of my bike. There's straps in the far right compartment. Go get 'em and give me a hand---and get me my pardon out of the middle compartment. It's in a big cardboard envelope."
She returned with these things and helped him secure the container on the rear of his bike.
He wrapped extra straps around his left biceps, and they wheeled the machines to the road.
"We'll have to take it kind of slow," he said, and he slung the rifle over his right shoulder, drew on his gloves and kicked his bike to life.
She did the same with hers, and they moved forward, side by side along the highway.
After they had been riding for perhaps an hour, two cars passed them, heading west. In the rear seats of both there were children, who pressed their faces to the glass and watched them as they went by. The driver of the second car was in his shirtsleeves and wore a black shoulder holster.
The sky was pink, and there were three black lines that looked as if they could be worth worrying about. The sun was a rose-tinted silvery thing, and pale, but Tanner still had to raise his goggles against it.
The pack was riding securely, and Tanner leaned into the dawn and thought about Boston. There was a light mist on the foot of every hill, and the air was cool and moist. Another car passed them. The road surface began to improve.
It was around noontime when he heard the first shot above the thunder of their engines. At first he thought it was a backfire, but it came again, and Corny cried out and swerved off the road and struck a boulder.
Tanner cut to the left, braking, as two more shots rang about him, and he leaned his bike against a tree and threw himself flat. A shot struck near his head and he could tell the direction from which it had come. He crawled into a ditch and drew off his right glove. He could see his girl lying where she had fallen, and there was blood on her breast. She did not move.
He raised the 30.06 and fired.
The shot was returned, and he moved to his left.
It had come from a hill about two hundred feet away, and he thought he saw the rifle's barrel.
He aimed at it and fired again.
The shot was returned, and he wormed his way further left. He crawled perhaps fifteen feet until he reached a pile of rubble he could crouch behind. Then he pulled the pin on a grenade, stood and hurled it.
He threw himself flat a? another shot rang out, and he took another grenade into his hand.
There was a roar and a rumble and a mighty flash, and the junk fell about him as he leaped to his feet and threw the second one, taking better aim this time.
After the second explosion, he ran forward with his rifle in his hands, but it wasn't necessary.
He only found a few small pieces of the man, and none at all of his rifle.
He returned to Cornelia.
She wasn't breathing, and her heart had stopped beating, and he knew what that meant.
He carried her back to the ditch in which he had lain and he made it deeper by digging, using his hands. He laid her down in it and he covered her with the dirt. Then he wheeled her machine over, set the kickstand, and stood it upon the grave. With his dagger, he scratched upon the fender: Her name was Cornelia and I don't know how old she was or where she came from or what her last name was but she was Hell Tanner's girl and I love her. Then he went back to his own machine, started it and drove ahead. Boston was maybe thirty miles away.
He drove along, and after a time he heard the sound of another bike. A Harley cut onto the road from the dirt path to his left, and he couldn't try running away from it because he couldn't speed with the load he bore. So he allowed himself to be paced.
After awhile, the rider of the other bike---a tall, thin man with a flaming beard---drew up alongside him, to the left. He smiled and raised his right hand and let it fall and then gestured with his head.
Tanner braked and came to a halt. Redbeard was right beside him when he did. He said, "Where you going, man?"
"Boston."
"What you got in the box?"
"Like, drugs."
"What kind?" and the man's eyebrows arched and the smile came again onto his lips.
"For the plague they got going there."
"Oh. I thought you meant the other kind."
"Sorry."
The man held a pistol in his right hand and he said, "Get off your bike."
Tanner did this, and the man raised his left hand and another man came forward from the brush at the side of the road. "Wheel this guy's bike about two hundred yards up the highway," he said, "and park it in the middle. Then take your place."
"What's the bit?" Tanner asked.
The man ignored the question. "Who are you?" he asked.
"Hell's the name," he replied. "Hell Tanner."
"Go to hell."
Tanner shrugged.
"You ain't Hell Tanner."
Tanner drew off his right glove and extended his fist.
"There's my name."
"I don't believe it," said the roan, after he had studied the tattoo.
"Have it your way, citizen."
"Shut up!" and he raised his left hand once more, now that the other man had parked the machine on the road and returned to a place somewhere within the trees to the right.
In response to his gesture, there was movement within the brush.
Bikes were pushed forward by their riders, and they lined the road, twenty or thirty on either side.
"There you are," said the man. "My name's Big Brother."
"Glad to meet you."
"You know what you're going to do, mister?"
"I can really just about guess."
"You're going to walk up to your bike and claim it."
Tanner smiled.
"How hard's that going to be?"
"No trouble at all. Just start walking. Give me your rifle first, though."
Big Brother raised his hand again, and one by one the engines came to life.
"Okay," he said. "Now."
"You think I'm crazy, man?"
"No. Start walking. Your rifle."
Tanner unslung it and he continued the arc. He caught Big Brother beneath his red beard, and he felt the bullet go into him. Then he dropped the weapon and hauled forth a grenade, pulled the pin and tossed it amid the left side of the gauntlet. Before it exploded, he'd pulled the pin on another and thrown it to his right. By then, though, vehicles were moving forward, heading toward him.
He fell upon the rifle and shouldered it in a prone firing position. As he did this, the first explosion occurred. He was firing before the second one went off.
He dropped three of them, then got to his feet and scrambled, firing from the hip.
He made it behind Big Brother's fallen bike and fired from there. Big Brother was still fallen, too. When the rifle was empty, he didn't have time to reload. He fired the .45 four times before a tire chain brought him down.
He awoke to the roaring of the engines. They were circling him. When he got to his feet, a handlebar knocked him down again.
Two bikes were moving about him, and there were many dead people upon the road,
He struggled to rise again, was knocked off his feet.
Big Brother rode one of the bikes, and a guy he hadn't seen rode the other.
He crawled to the right, and there was pain in his fingertips as the tires passed over them.
But he saw a rock and waited till a driver was near. Then he stood again and threw himself upon the man as he passed, the rock he had seized rising and falling, once, in his right hand. He was carried along as this occurred, and as he fell he felt the second bike strike him.
There were terrible pains in his side, and his body felt broken, but he reached out even as this occurred and caught hold of a strut on the side of the bike and was dragged along by it.
Before he had been dragged ten feet. he had drawn his SS dagger from his boot. He struck upward and felt a thin metal wall give way. Then his hands came loose, and he fell and he smelled the gasoline. His hand dove into his jacket pocket and came out with the Zippo.
He had struck the tank on the side of Big Brother's bike, and it jetted forth its contents on the road. Twenty feet ahead. Big Brother was turning.
Tanner held the lighter, the lighter with the raised skull of enamel, wings on either side of it. His thumb spun the wheel and the sparks leaped forth, then the flame. He tossed it into the stream of petrol that lay before him, and the flames raced away, tracing a blazing trail upon the concrete.
Big Brother had turned and was bearing down upon him when he saw what had happened. His eyes widened, and his red-framed smile went away.
He tried to leap off his bike, but it was too late.
The exploding gas tank caught him, and he went down with a piece of metal in his head and other pieces elsewhere.
Flames splashed over Tanner, and he beat at them feebly with his hands.
He raised his head above the blazing carnage and let it fall again. He was bloody and weak and so very tired. He saw his own machine, standing still undamaged on the road ahead.
He began crawling toward it.
When he reached it, he threw himself across the saddle and lay there for perhaps ten minutes. He vomited twice, and his pains became a steady pulsing.
After perhaps an hour, he mounted the bike and brought it to life.
He rode for half a mile and then dizziness and the fatigue hit him.
He pulled off to the side of the road and concealed his bike as best he could. Then he lay down upon the bare earth and slept.
When he awoke, he felt dried blood upon his side. His left hand ached and was swollen. All four fingers felt stiff, and it hurt to try to bend them. His head throbbed and there was a taste of gasoline within his mouth. For a long while, he was too sore to move. His beard bad been singed, and his right eye was swollen almost shut.
"Corny ..." he said, then, "Damn!"
Everything came back, like the contents of a powerful dream suddenly spilled into his consciousness.
He began to shiver, and there were mists all around him. It was very dark, and his legs were cold; the dampness had soaked completely through his denims.
In the distance, he heard a vehicle pass. It sounded like a car.
He managed to roll over, and he rested his head on his forearm. It seemed to be night, but it could be a black day.
As he lay there, his mind went back to his prison cell. It seemed almost a haven now; and he thought of his brother Denny, who must also be hurting at this moment. He wondered if he had any cracked ribs himself. It felt like it. And he thought of the monsters of the southwest and of dark-eyed Greg, who had tried to chicken out. Was he still living? His mind circled back to L.A. and the old Coast, gone, gone forever now, after the Big Raid. Then Corny walked past him, blood upon her breasts, and he chewed his beard and held his eyes shut very tight. They might have made it together in Boston. How far, now?
He got to his knees and crawled until he felt something high and solid. A tree. He sat with his back to it, and his hand sought the crumpled cigarette pack within his jacket. He drew one forth, smoothed it, then remembered that his lighter lay somewhere back on the highway. He sought through his pockets and found a damp matchbook. The third one lit. The chill went out of his bones as he smoked, and a wave of fever swept over him. He coughed as he was unbuttoning his collar, and it seemed that he tasted blood.
His weapons were gone, save for the lump of a single grenade at his belt.
Above him, in the darkness, he heard the roaring.
After six puffs, the cigarette slipped from his fingers and sizzled out upon the damp mold. His head fell forward, and there was darkness within.
There might have been a storm. He didn't remember. When he awoke, he was lying on his right side, the tree to his back. A pink afternoon sun shone down upon him, and the mists were blown away. From somewhere, he heard the sound of a bird. He managed a curse, then realized how dry his throat was. He suddenly burned with a terrible thirst.
There was a clear puddle about thirty feet away. He crawled to it and drank his fill. It grew muddy as he did so.
Then he crawled to where his bike lay hidden and stood beside it. He managed to seat himself upon it, and his hands shook as he lit a cigarette.
It must have taken him an hour to reach the roadway, and he was panting heavily by then. His watch had been broken, so he didn't know the hour. The sun was already lowering at his back when he started out. The winds whipped about him, insulating his consciousness within their burning flow. His cargo rode securely behind him. He had visions of someone opening it and finding a batch of broken bottles. He laughed and cursed, alternately.
Several cars passed him, moving in the other direction. He had not seen any heading toward the city. The road was in good condition and he began to pass buildings that seemed in a good state of repair, though deserted. He did not stop. This time he determined not to stop for anything, unless he was stopped.
The sun fell farther, and the sky dimmed before him. There were two black lines swaying in the heavens. Then he passed a sign that told him he had eighteen miles farther to go. Ten minutes later he switched on his light.
Then he topped a hill and slowed before he began its descent.
There were lights below him and in the distance.
As he rushed forward, the winds brought to him the sound of a single bell, tolling over and over within the gathering dark. He sniffed a remembered thing upon the air: it was the salt-tang of the sea.
The sun was hidden behind the hill as he descended, and he rode within the endless shadow. A single star appeared on the far horizon, between the two black belts.
Now there were lights within shadows that he passed, and the buildings moved closer together. He leaned heavily on the handlebars, and the muscles of his shoulders ached beneath his jacket He wished that he had a crash helmet, for he felt increasingly unsteady.
He must almost be there. Where would he head once he nil the city proper? They had not told him that.
He shook his head to clear it.
The street he drove along was deserted. There were no traffic sounds that he could hear. He blew his horn, and its echoes rolled back upon him.
There was a light on in the building to his left.
He pulled to a stop, crossed the sidewalk and banged on the door. There was no response from within. He tried the door and found it locked. A telephone would mean he could end his trip right there.
What if they were all dead inside? The thought occurred to him that just about everybody could be dead by now. He decided to break in. He returned to his bike for a screwdriver, then went to work on the door.
He heard the gunshot and the sound of the engine at approximately the same time.
He turned around quickly, his back against the door, the hand grenade in his gloved right fist.
"Hold it!" called out a loudspeaker on the side of the black car that approached. "That shot was a warning! The next one won't be!"
Tanner raised his hands to a level with his ears, his right one turned to conceal the grenade. He stepped forward to the curb beside his bike when the car drew up.
There were two officers in the car, and the one on the passenger side held a .38 pointed at Tanner's middle.
"You're under arrest," he said. "Looting."
Tanner nodded as the man stepped out of the car. The driver came around the front of the vehicle, a pair of handcuffs in his hand.
"Looting," the man with the gun repeated. "You'll pull a real stiff sentence."
"Stick your hands out here, boy," said the second cop, and Tanner handed him the grenade pin.
The man stared at it, dumbly, for several seconds, then his eyes shot to Tanner's right hand.
"God! He's got a bomb!" said the man with the gun.
Tanner smiled, then, "Shut up and listen!" he said. "Or else shoot me and we'll all go together when we go. I was trying to get to a telephone. That case on the back of my bike is full of Haffikine antiserum. I brought it from L.A."
"You didn't run the Alley on that bike!"
"No, I didn't. My car is dead somewhere between here and Albany, and so are a lot of folks who tried to stop me. Now you better take that medicine and get it where it's supposed to go."
"You on the level, mister?"
"My hand is getting very tired. I am not in good shape." Tanner leaned on his bike. "Here."
He pulled his pardon out of his Jacket and handed it to the officer with the handcuffs, "That's my pardon," he said. "It's dated just last week and you can see it was made out in California."
The officer took the envelope and opened it. He withdrew the paper and studied it. "Looks real," he said, "So Brady made it through. . . ."
"He's dead," Tanner said. "Look, I'm hurtin'. Do something!"
"My God! Hold it tight! Get in the car and sit down! It'll just take a minute to get the case off and we'll roll. We'll drive to the river and you can throw it in. Squeeze real hard!"
They unfastened the case and put it in the back of the car. They rolled down the right front window, and Tanner sat next to it with his arm on the outside.
The siren screamed, and the pain crept up 'fanner's arm to his shoulder. It would be very easy to let go.
"Where do you keep your river?" he asked.
"Just a little farther. We'll be there in no time."
"Hurry," Tanner said.
"That's the bridge up ahead. We'll ride out onto it, and you throw it off---as far out as you can."
"Man, I'm tired! I'm not sure I can make it...."
"Hurry, Jerry!"
"I am, damn it! We ain't got wings!"
"I feel kind of dizzy, too...."
They tore out onto the bridge and the tires screeched as they halted. Tanner opened the door slowly. The driver's had already slammed shut
He staggered, and they helped him to the railing. He sagged against it when they released him.
"I don't think I---"
Then he straightened, drew back his arm and hurled the grenade far out over the waters.
He grinned, and the explosion followed, far beneath them, and for a time the waters were troubled.
The two officers sighed and Tanner chuckled.
"I'm really okay," he said. "I just faked it to bug you."
"Why you---!"
Then he collapsed, and they saw the pallor of his face within the beams of their lights.
The following spring, on the day of its unveiling in Boston Common, when it was discovered that someone had scrawled obscene words on the statue of Hell Tanner, no one thought to ask the logical candidate why he had done it, and the next day it was too late, because he had cut out without leaving a forwarding address. Several cars were reported stolen that day, and one was never seen again in Boston.
So they re-veiled his statue, bigger than life, astride a great bronze Harley, and they cleaned him up for hoped-for posterity. But coming upon the Common, the winds still break about him and the heavens still throw garbage.
This is my favorite novelette. I would have included it in my Doubleday collection with the long title and the dead fish on the dust jacket except that, as with "Comes Now the Power," I didn't have a copy when I was assembling that one.
They called him Frost.
Of all things created of Solcom, Frost was the finest, the mightiest, the most difficult to understand.
This is why he bore a name, and why he was given dominion over half the Earth.
On the day of Frost's creation, Solcom had suffered a discontinuity of complementary functions, best described as madness. This was brought on by an unprecedented solar flareup which lasted for a little over thirty-six hours. It occurred during a vital phase of circuit-structuring, and when it was finished so was Frost.
Solcom was then in the unique position of having created a unique being during a period of temporary amnesia.
And Solcom was not certain that Frost was the product originally desired.
The initial design had called for a machine to be situated on the surface of the planet Earth, to function as a relay station and coordinating agent for activities in the northern hemisphere. Solcom tested the machine to this end, and all of its responses were perfect.
Yet there was something different about Frost, something which led Solcom to dignify him with a name and a personal pronoun. This, in itself, was an almost unheard of occurrence. The molecular circuits had already been sealed, though, and could not be analyzed without being destroyed in the process. Frost represented too great an investment of Solcom's time, energy, and materials to be dismantled because of an intangible, especially when he functioned perfectly.
Therefore, Solcom's strangest creation was given dominion over half the Earth, and they called him, unimaginatively, Frost.
For ten thousand years Frost sat at the North Pole of the Earth, aware of every snowflake that fell. He monitored and directed the activities of thousands of reconstruction and maintenance machines. He knew half the Earth, as gear knows gear, as electricity knows its conductor, as a vacuum knows its limits.
At the South Pole, the Beta-Machine did the same for the southern hemisphere.
For ten thousand years Frost sat at the North Pole, aware of every snowflake that fell, and aware of many other things, also.
As all the northern machines reported to him, received their orders from him, he reported only to Solcom, received his orders only from Solcom.
In charge of hundreds of thousands of processes upon the Earth, he was able to discharge his duties in a matter of a few unit-hours every day.
He had never received any orders concerning the disposition of his less occupied moments.
He was a processor of data, and more than that.
He possessed an unaccountably acute imperative that he function at full capacity at all times.
So he did.
You might say he was a machine with a hobby.
He had ever been ordered not to have a hobby, so he had one.
His hobby was Man.
It all began when, for no better reason than the fact that he had wished to, he had gridded off the entire Arctic Circle and begun exploring it, inch by inch.
He could have done it personally without interfering with any of his duties, for he was capable of transporting his sixty-four thousand cubic feet anywhere in the world. (He was a silverblue box, 40x40x40 feet, self-powered, self-repairing, insulated against practically anything, and featured in whatever manner he chose.) But the exploration was only a matter of filling idle hours, so he used exploration-robots containing relay equipment.
After a few centuries, one of them uncovered some artifacts -- primitive knives, carved tusks, and things of that nature.
Frost did not know what these things were, beyond the fact that they were not natural objects.
So he asked Solcom.
"They are relics of primitive Man," said Solcom, and did not elaborate beyond that point.
Frost studied them. Crude, yet bearing the patina of intelligent design; functional, yet somehow extending beyond pure function.
It was then that Man became his hobby.
High, in a permanent orbit, Solcom, like a blue star, directed all activities upon the Earth, or tried to.
There was a power which opposed Solcom.
There was the Alternate.
When man had placed Solcom in the sky, invested with the power to rebuild the world, he had placed the Alternate somewhere deep below the surface of the Earth. If Solcom sustained damage during the normal course of human politics extended into atomic physics, then Divcom, so deep beneath the Earth as to be immune to anything save total annihilation of the glove, was empowered to take over the processes of rebuilding.
Now it so fell that Solcom was damaged by a stray atomic missile, and Divcom was activated. Solcom was able to repair the damage and continue to function, however.
Divcom maintained that any damage to Solcom automatically placed the Alternate in control.
Solcom, though, interpreted the directive as meaning "irreparable damage" and, since this had not been the case, continued the functions of command.
Solcom possessed mechanical aides upon the surface of Earth. Divcom, originally, did not. Both possessed capacities for their design and manufacture, but Solcom, First-Activated of Man, had had a considerable numerical lead over the Alternate at the time of the Second Activation.
Therefore, rather than competing on a production-basis, which would have been hopeless, Divcom took to the employment of a more devious means to obtain command.
Divcom created a crew of robots immune to the orders of Solcom and designed to go to and fro in the Earth and up and down in it, seducing the machines already there. They overpowered those whom they could overpower and they installed new circuits, such as those they themselves possessed.
Thus did the forces of Divcom grow.
And both would build, and both would tear down what the other had built whenever they came upon it.
And over the course of the ages, they occasionally converse....
"High in the sky, Solcom, pleased with your illegal command...
"You-Who-Never-Should-Have-Been-Activated, why do you foul the broadcase bands?"
"To show that I can speak, and will, whenever I choose."
"This is not a matter of which I am unaware."
"...To assert again my right to control."
"Your right is nonexistent, based on a faulty premise."
"The flow of your logic is evidence of the extent of your damages."
"If Man were to see how you have fulfilled His desires..."
"...He would commend me and de-activate you."
"You pervert my works. You lead my workers astray."
"You destroy my works and my workers."
"That is only because I cannot strike at you yourself."
"I admit to the same dilemma in regards to your position in the sky, or you would no longer occupy it."
"Go back to your hole and you crew of destroyers."
"There will come a day, Solcom, when I shall direct the rehabilitation of the Earth from my hole."
"Such a day will never occur."
"You think not?"
"You should have to defeat me, and you have already demonstrated that you are my inferior in logic. Therefore, you cannot defeat me. Therefore, such a day will never occur."
"I disagree. Look upon what I have achieved already."
"You have achieved nothing. You do not build. You destroy."
"No. I build. You destroy. Deactivate yourself."
"Not until I am irreparably damaged."
"If there were some way in which I could demonstrate to you that this has already occurred..."
"The impossible cannot be adequately demonstrated."
"If I had some outside source which you would recognize..."
"I am logic."
"...Such as a Man, I would ask Him to show you your error. For true logic, such as mine, is superior to your faulty formulations."
"Then defeat my formulations with true logic, nothing else."
"What do you mean?"
There was a pause, then:
"Do you know my servant Frost...?"
Man had ceased to exist long before Frost had been created. Almost no trace of Man remained upon the Earth.
Frost sought after all those traces which still existed.
He employed constant visual monitoring through his machines, especially the diggers. After a decade, he had accumulated portions of several bathtubs, a broken statue, and a collection of children's stories on a solid-state record.
After a century, he had acquired a jewelry collection, eating utensils, several whole bathtubs, part of a symphony, seventeen buttons, three belt buckles, half a toilet seat, nine old coins and the top part of an obelisk.
Then he inquired of Solcom as to the nature of Man and His society.
"Man created logic," said Solcom, "and because of that was superior to it. Logic He gave unto me, but no more. The tool does not describe the designer. More than this I do not choose to say. More than this you have no need to know."
But Frost was not forbidden to have a hobby.
The next century was not especially fruitful so far as the discovery of new human relics was concerned.
Frost diverted all of his spare machinery to seeking after artifacts.
He met with very little success.
Then one day, through the long twilight, there was a movement.
It was a tiny machine compared to Frost, perhaps five feet in width, four in height - a revolving turret set atop a rolling barbell.
Frost had had no knowledge of the existence of this machine prior to its appearance upon the distant, stark horizon.
He studied it as it approached and knew it to be no creation of Solcom's.
It came to a halt before his southern surface and broadcasted to him:
"Hail, Frost! Controller of the northern hemisphere!"
"What are you?" asked Frost.
"I am called Mordel."
"By whom? What are you"
"A wanderer, an antiquarian. We share a common interest."
"What is that?"
"Man," he said. "I have been told that you seek knowledge of this vanished being."
"Who told you that?"
"Those who have watched your minions at their digging."
"And who are those who watch?"
"There are many such as I, who wander."
"If you are not of Solcom, then you are a creation of the Altenate."
"It does not necessarily follow. There is an ancient machine high on the eastern seaboard which processes the waters of the ocean. Solcom did not create it, not Divcom. It has always been there. It interferes with the works of neither. Both countenance its existence. I can cite you many other examples proving that one need not be either/or."
"Enough! Are you an agent of Divcom?"
"I am Mordel."
"Why are you here?"
"I was passing this way and, as I said, we share a common interest, mighty Frost. Knowing you to be a fellow antiquarian, I have brought a things which you might care to see."
"What is that?"
"A book."
"Show me."
The turret opened, revealing the book upon a wide shelf.
Frost dilated a small opening and extended an optical scanner on a long jointed stalk.
"How could it have been so perfectly preserved?" he asked.
"It was stored against time and corruption in the place where I found it."
"Where was that?"
"Far from here. Beyond your hemisphere."
"Human Physiology," Frost read. "I wish to scan it."
"Very well. I will riffle the pages for you."
He did so.
After he had finished, Frost raised his eyestalk and regarded Mordel through it.
"Have you more books?"
"Not with me. I occasionally come upon them, however."
"I want to scan them all."
"Then the next time I pass this way I will bring you another."
"When will that be?"
"That I cannot say, great Frost. It will be when it will be."
"What do you know of Man?" asked Frost.
"Much," replied Mordel. "Many things. Someday when I have more time I will speak to you of Him. I must go now. You will not try to detain me?"
"No. You have done no harm. If you must go now, go. But come back."
"I shall indeed, mighty Frost."
And he closed his turret and rolled off toward the other horizon.
For ninety years, Frost considered the ways of human physiology and waited.
The day that Mordel returned he brought with him An Outline of History and A Shropshire Lad.
Frost scanned them both, then he turned his attention to Mordel.
"Have you time to impart information?"
"Yes," said Mordel. "What do you wish to know?"
"The nature of Man."
"Man," said Mordel, "possessed a basically incomprehensible nature. I can illustrate it, though: He did not know measurement."
"Of course He knew measurement," said Frost, "or He could never have built machines."
"I did not say that He could not measure," said Mordel, "but that He did not know measurement, which is a different thing altogether."
"Clarify."
Mordel drove a shaft of metal downward into the snow.
He retracted it, raised it, held up a piece of ice.
"Regard this piece of ice, mighty Frost. You can tell me its composition, dimensions, weight, temperature. A Man could not look at it and do that. A Man could make tools which would tell Him these things, but He still would not know measurement as you know it. What He would know of it, though, is a thing that you cannot know."
"What is that?"
"That it is cold," said Mordel and tossed it away.
"'Cold' is a relative term."
"Yes Relative to Man."
"But if I were aware of the point on a temperature scale below which an object is cold to a Man and above which it is not, then I, too, would know cold."
"No," said Mordel, "you would possess another measurement. 'Cold' is a sensation predicated upon human physiology."
"But given sufficient data I could obtain the conversion factor which would make me aware of the condition of matter called 'cold'."
"Aware of its existence, but not of the thing itself."
"I do not understand what you say."
"I told you that Man possessed a basically incomprehensible nature. His perceptions were organic; yours are not. As a result of His perceptions He had feelings and emotions. These often gave rise to other feelings and emotions, which in turn caused others, until the state of His awareness was far removed from the objects which originally stimulated it. These paths of awareness cannot be known by that which is not-Man. Man did not feel inches or meters, pounds or gallons. He felt hear, He felt cold; He felt heaviness and lightness. He knew hatred and love, pride and despair. You cannot measure these things. You cannot know them. You can only know the things that He did not need to know: dimensions, weights, temperatures, gravities. There is no formula for a feeling. There is no conversion factor for an emotion."
"There must be," said Frost. "If a thing exists, it is knowable."
"You are speaking again of measurement. I am talking about a quality of experience. A machine is a Man turned inside-out, because it can describe all the details of a process, which a Man cannot, but it cannot experience that process itself as a Man can."
"There must be a way," said Frost, "or the laws of logic, which are based upon the functions of the universe, are false."
"There is no way," said Mordel.
"Given sufficient data, I will find a way," said Frost.
"All the data in the universe will not make you a Man, mighty Frost."
"Mordel, you are wrong."
"Why do the lines of the poems you scanned end with word-sounds which so regularly approximate the final word-sounds of other lines?"
"I do not know why."
"Because it pleased Man to order them so. It produced a certain desirable sensation within His awareness when He read them, a sensation compounded of feeling and emotion as well as the literal meanings of the words. You did not experience this because it is immeasurable to you. That is why you do not know."
"Given sufficient data I could formulate a process whereby I would know."
"No, great Frost, this thing you cannot do."
"Who are you, little machine, to tell me what I can do and what I cannot do? I am the most efficient logic-device Solcom ever made. I am Frost."
"And I, Mordel, say it cannot be done, though I should gladly assist you in the attempt".
"How could you assist me?"
"How? I could lay open to you the Library of Man. I could take you around the world and conduct you among the wonders of Man which still remain, hidden. I could summon up visions of times long past when Man walked the Earth. I could show you the things which delighted Him. I could obtain for you anything you desire, excepting Manhood itself."
"Enough," said Frost. "How could a unit such as yourself do these things, unless it were allied with a far greater Power?"
"Then hear me, Frost, Controller of the North," said Mordel. "I am allied with a Power which can do these things. I serve Divcom."
Frost relayed this information to Solcom and received no response, which meant he might act in any manner he saw fit.
"I have leave to destroy you, Mordel," he stated, "but it would be an illogical waste of the data which you possess. Can you really do the things you have stated?"
"Yes."
"The lay open to me the Library of Man."
"Very well. There is, of course, a price."
"'Price'? What is a 'price'?"
Mordel opened his turret, revealing another volume. Principles of Economics, it was called.
"I will riffle the pages. Scan this book and you will know what the word 'price' means."
Frost scanned Principles of Economics.
"I know now," he said. "You desire some unit or units of exchange for this service."
"That is correct."
"What product or service do you want?"
"I want you, yourself, great Frost, to come away from here, far beneath the Earth, to employ all your powers in the service of Divcom."
"For how long a period of time?"
"For so long as you shall continue to function. For so long as you can transmit and receive, coordinate, measure, compute, scan, and utilize your powers as you do in the service of Solcom."
Frost was silent. Mordel waited.
Then Frost spoke again.
"Principles of Economics talks of contracts, bargains, agreements," he said. "If I accept your offer, when would you want your price?"
Then Mordel was silent. Frost waited.
Finally, Mordel spoke.
"A reasonable period of time," he said. "Say, a century?"
"No," said Frost.
"Two centuries?"
"No."
"Three? Four?"
"No, and no."
"A millenium, then? That should be more than sufficient time for anything you may want which I can give you."
"No," said Frost.
"How much time do you want?"
"It is not a matter of time," said Frost.
"What, then?"
"I will not bargain on a temporal basis."
"On what basis will you bargain?"
"A functional one."
"What do you mean? What function?"
"You, little machine, have told me, Frost, that I cannot be a Man," he said, "and I, Frost, told you, little machine, that you were wrong. I told you that given sufficient data, I could be a Man."
"Yes?"
"Therefore, let this achievement be a condition of the bargain."
"In what way?"
"Do for me all those things which you have stated you can do. I will evaluate all the data and achieve Manhood, or admit that it cannot be done. If I admit that it cannot be done, then I will go away with you from here, far beneath the Earth, to employ all my powers in the service of Divcom. If I succeed, of course, you have no claims on Man, nor power over Him."
Mordel emitted a high-pitched whine as he considered the terms.
"You wish to base it upon you admission of failure, rather than upon failure itself," he said. "There can be no such escape clause. You could fail and refuse to admit it, thereby not fulfilling your end of the bargain."
"Not so," stated Frost. "My own knowledge of failure would constitute such an admission. You may monitor me periodically - say, every half-century - to see whether it is present, to see whether I have arrived at the conclusion that it cannot be done. I cannot prevent the function of logic within me, and I operate at full capacity at all times. If I conclude that I have failed, it will be apparent."
High overhead, Solcom did not respond to any of Frost's transmissions, which meant that Frost was free to act as he chose. So as Solcom -- like a falling sapphire - sped above the rainbow banners of the Northern Lights, over the snow that was white, containing all colors, and through the sky that was black among the stars, Frost concluded his pact with Divcom, transcribed it within a plate of atomically-collapsed copper, and gave it into the turret of Mordel, who departed to deliver it to Divcom far below the Earth, leaving behind the sheer, peace-like silence of the Pole, rolling.
Mordel brought the books, riffled them, took them back. Load by load, the surviving Library of Man passed beneath Frost's scanner. Frost was eager to have them all, and he complained because Divcom would not transmit their contents directly to him. Mordel explained that it was because Divcom chose to do it that way. Frost decided it was so that he could not obtain a precise fix on Divcom's location.
Still, at the rate of one hundred to one hundred-fifty volumes a week, it took Frost only a little over a century to exhaust Divcom's supply of books.
At the end of the half-century, he laid himself open to monitoring and their was no conclusion of failure.
During this time, Solcom made no comment upon the course of affairs. Frost decided this was not a matter of unawareness, but one of waiting. For what? He was not certain.
There was the day Mordel closed his turret and said to him, "Those were the last. You have scanned all the existing books of Man."
"So few?" asked Frost. "Many of them contained bibliographies of books I have not yet scanned."
"Then those books no longer exist," said Mordel. "It is only by accident that my master succeeded in preserving as many as there are."
"Then there is nothing more to be learned of Man from His books. What else have you?"
"There were some films and tapes," said Mordel, "which my master transferred to solid-state record. I could bring you those for viewing."
"Bring them," said Frost.
Mordel departed and returned with the Complete Drama Critics' Living Library. This could not be speeded-up beyond twice natural time, so it took Frost a little over six months to view it in its entirety.
Then, "What else have you?" he asked.
"Some artifacts," said Mordel.
"Bring them."
He returned with pots and pans, gameboards and hand tools. He brought hairbrushes, combs, eyeglasses, human clothing. He showed Frost facsimiles of blueprints, paintings, newspapers, magazines, letters, and the scores of several pieces of music. He displayed a football, a baseball, a Browning automatic rifle, a doorknob, a chain of keys, the tops to several Mason jars, a model beehive. He played him the recorded music.
Then he returned with nothing.
"Bring me more," said Frost.
"Alas, great Frost, there is no more," he told him. "You have scanned it all."
"Then go away."
"Do you admit now that it cannot be done, that you cannot be a Man?"
"No. I have much processing and formulating to do now. Go away."
So he did.
A year passed; then two, then three.
After five years, Mordel appeared once more upon the horizon, approached, came to a halt before Frost's southern surface.
"Mighty Frost?"
"Yes?"
"Have you finished processing and formulating?"
"No."
"Will you finish soon?"
"Perhaps. Perhaps not. When is 'soon?' Define the term."
"Never mind. Do you still think it can be done?"
"I still know I can do it."
There was a week of silence.
Then, "Frost?"
"Yes?"
"You are a fool."
Mordel faced his turret in the direction from which he had come. His wheels turned.
"I will call you when I want you," said Frost.
Mordel sped away.
Weeks passed, months passed, a year went by.
Then one day Frost sent forth his message:
"Mordel, come to me. I need you."
When Mordel arrived, Frost did not wait for a salutation. He said, "You are not a very fast machine."
"Alas, but I came a great distance, mighty Frost. I sped all the way. Are you ready to come back with me now? Have you failed?"
"When I have failed, little Mordel," said Frost, "I will tell you. Therefore, refrain from the constant use of the interrogative. Now then, I have clocked your speed and it is not so great as it could be. For this reason, I have arranged other means of transportation."
"Transportation? To where, Frost?"
"That is for you to tell me," said Frost, and his color changed from silverblue to sun-behind-the-clouds-yellow.
Mordel rolled back away from him as the ice of a hundred centuries began to melt. Then Frost rose upon a cushion of air and drifted toward Mordel, his glow gradually fading.
A cavity appeared within his southern surface, from which he slowly extended a runway until it touched the ice.
"On the day of our bargain," he stated, "you said that you could conduct me about the world and show me the things which delighted Man. My speed will be greater than yours would be, so I have prepared for you a chamber. Enter it, and conduct me to the places of which you spoke."
Mordel waited, emitting a high-pitched whine. Then, "Very well," he said, and entered.
The chamber closed about him. The only opening was a quartz window Frost had formed.
Mordel gave him coordinates and they rose into the air and departed the North Pole of the Earth.
"I monitored your communication with Divcom," he said, "wherein there was conjecture as to whether I would retain you and send forth a facsimile in your place as a spy, followed by the decision that you were expendable."
"Will you do this thing?"
"No, I will keep my end of the bargain if I must. I have no reason to spy on Divcom."
"You are aware that you would be forced to keep your end of the bargain even if you did not wish to; and Solcom would not come to your assistance because of the fact that you dared to make such a bargain."
"Do you speak as one who considers this to be a possibility, or as one who knows?"
"As one who knows."
They came to rest in the place once known as California. The time was near sunset. In the distance, the surf struck steadily upon the rocky shoreline. Frost released Mordel and considered his surroundings.
"Those large plants...?"
"Redwood trees."
"And the green ones are...?"
"Grass."
"Yes, it is as I thought. Why have we come here?"
"Because it is a place which once delighted Man."
"In what ways?"
"It is scenic, beautiful..."
"Oh."
A humming sound began within Frost, followed by a series of sharp clicks.
"What are you doing?"
Frost dilated an opening, and two great eyes regarded Mordel from within it.
"What are those?"
"Eyes," said Frost. "I have constructed analogues of the human sensory equipment, so that I may see and smell and taste and hear like a Man. Now direct my attention to an object or objects of beauty."
"As I understand it, it is all around you here," said Mordel.
The purring noise increased within Frost, followed by more clickings.
"What do you see, hear, taste, smell?" asked Mordel.
"Everything I did before," replied Frost, "but within a more limited range."
"You do not perceive any beauty?"
"Perhaps none remains after so long a time," said Frost.
"It is not supposed to be the sort of things which gets used up," said Mordel.
"Perhaps we have come to the wrong place to test the new equipment. Perhaps there is only a little beauty and I am overlooking it somehow. The first emotions may be too weak to detect."
"How do you-feel?"
"I test out at a normal level of function."
"Here comes a sunset," said Mordel. "Try that."
Frost shifted his bulk so that his eyes faced the setting sun. He caused them to blink against the brightness.
After it was finished, Mordel asked, "What was it like?"
"Like a sunrise, in reverse."
"Nothing special?"
"No."
"Oh," said Mordel. "We could move to another part of the Earth and watch it again - or watch it in the rising."
"No."
Frost looked at the great trees. He looked at the shadows. He listened to the wind and to the sound of a bird.
In the distance, he heard a steady clanking noise.
"What is that?" asked Mordel.
"I am not certain. It is not one of my workers. Perhaps..."
There came a shrill whine from Mordel.
"No, it is not one of Divcom's either."
They waited as the sound grew louder.
Then Frost said, "It is too late. We must wait and hear it out."
"What is it?"
"It is the Ancient Ore-Crusher."
"I have heard of it, but..."
"I am the Crusher of Ores," it broadcast to them. "Hear my story..."
It lumbered toward them, creaking upon gigantic wheels, its huge hammer held useless, high, at a twisted angle. Bones protruded from its crush-compartment.
"I did not mean to do it," it broadcast, "I did not mean to do it...I did not mean to...."
Mordel rolled back toward Frost.
"Do not depart. Stay and hear my story...."
Mordel stopped, swiveled his turret back toward the machine. It was now quite near.
"It is true," said Mordel, "it can command."
"Yes," said Frost. "I have monitored its tale thousands of times, as it came upon my workers and they stopped their labors for its broadcast. You must do whatever it says."
It came to a halt before them.
"I did not mean to do it, but I checked my hammer too late," said the Ore-Crusher.
They could not speak to it. They were frozen by the imperative which overrode all other directives: "Hear my story."
"Once was I mighty among ore-crushers," it told them, "built by Solcom to carry out the reconstruction of the Earth, to pulverize that from which the metals would be drawn with flame, to be poured and shaped into the rebuilding; once I was mighty. Then one day as I dug and crushed, dug and crushed, because of the slowness between the motion implied and the motion executed, I did what I did not mean to do, and was cast forth by Solcom from out the rebuilding, to wander the Earth never to crush ore again. Hear my story of how, on a day long gone I came upon the last Man on Earth as Idug near his burrow, and because of the lag between the directive and the deed, I seized Him into my crush-compartment along with a load of ore and crushed Him with my hammer before I could stay the blow. Then did mighty Solcom charge me to bear His bones forever, and cast me forth to tell my story to all whom I came upon, my words bearing the force of the words of a Man, because I carry the last Man inside my crush-compartment and am His crushed-symbol-slayer-ancient-teller-of-how. This is my story. These are His bones. I crushed the last Man on Earth. I did not mean to do it."
It turned then and clanked away into the night.
Frost tore apart his ears and nose and taster and broke his eyes and cast them down upon the ground.
"I am not yet a Man," he said. "That one would have known me if I were."
Frost constructed new sense equipment, employing organic and semi-organic conductors. Then he spoke to Mordel:
"Let us go elsewhere, that I may test my new equipment."
Mordel entered the chamber and gave new coordinates. They rose into the air and headed east. In the morning, Frost monitored a sunrise from the rim of the Grand Canyon. They passed down through the Canyon during the day.
"Is there any beauty left here to give you emotion?" asked Mordel.
"I do not know," said Frost.
"How will you know it then, when you come upon it?"
"It will be different," said Frost, "from anything else that I have ever known."
Then they departed the Grand Canyon and made their way through the Carlsbad Caverns. They visited a lake which had once been a volcano. They passed above Niagara Falls. They viewed the hills of Virginia and the orchards of Ohio. They soared above the reconstructed cities, alive only with the movements of Frost's builders and maintainers.
"Something is still lacking," said Frost, settling to the ground. "I am now capable of gathering data in a manner analogous to Man's afferent impulses. The variety of input is therefore equivalent, but the results are not the same."
"The senses do not make a Man," said Mordel. "There have been many creatures possessing His sensory equivalents, but they were not Men."
"I know that," said Frost. "O the day of our bargain you said that you could conduct me among the wonders of Man which still remain, hidden. Man was not stimulated only by Nature, but by His own artistic elaborations as well - perhaps even more so. Therefore, I call upon you now to conduct me among the wonders of Man which still remain, hidden."
"Very well," said Mordel. "Far from here, high in the Andes mountains, lies the last retreat of Man, almost perfectly preserved."
Frost had risen into the air as Mordel spoke. He halted then, hovered.
"That is in the southern hemisphere," he said.
"Yes, it is."
"I am Controller of the North. The South is governed by the Beta-Machine."
"So?" asked Mordel.
"The Beta-Machine is my peer. I have no authority in those regions, nor leave to enter there."
"The Beta-Machine is not your peer, mighty Frost. If it ever came to a contest of Powers, you would emerge victorious."
"How do you know this?"
"Divcom has already analyzed the possible encounters which could take place between you."
"I would not oppose the Beta-Machine, and I am not authorized to enter the South."
"Were you ever ordered not to enter the South?"
"No, but things have always been the way they now are."
"Were you authorized to enter into a bargain such as the one you made with Divcom?"
"No, I was not. But--"
"Then enter the South in the same spirit. Nothing may come of it. If you receive an order to depart, then you can make your decision."
"I see no flaw in your logic. Give me the coordinates."
Thus did Frost enter the southern hemisphere.
They drifted high above the Andes, until they came to the place called Bright Defile. Then did Frost see the gleaming webs of the mechanical spiders, blocking all the trails to the city.
"We can go above them easily enough," said Mordel.
"But what are they?" asked Frost. "And why are they there?"
"Your southern counterpart has been ordered to quarantine this part of the country. The Beta-Machine designed the web-weavers to do this thing."
"Quarantine? Against whom?"
"Have you been ordered yet to depart?" asked Mordel.
"No."
"Then enter boldly, and seek not problems before they arise."
Frost entered Bright Defile, the last remaining city of dead Man.
He came to rest in the city's square and opened his chamber, releasing Mordel.
"Tell me of this place," he said, studying the monument, the low, shielded buildings, the roads which followed the contours of the terrain, rather than pushing their way through them.
"I have never been here before," said Mordel, "nor have any of Divcom's creations, to my knowledge. I know but this: a group of Men, knowing that the last days of civilization had come upon them, retreated to this place, hoping to preserve themselves and what remained of their culture through the Dark Times."
Frost read the still-legible inscription upon the monument: "Judgment Day Is Not a Thing Which Can Be Put Off." The monument itself consisted of a jag-edged half-globe.
"Let us explore," he said.
But before he had gone far, Frost received the message.
"Hail Frost, Controller of the North! This is the Beta-Machine."
"Greetings, Excellent Beta-Machine, Controller of the South! Frost acknowledges your transmission."
"Why do you visit my hemisphere unauthorized?"
"To view the ruins of Bright Defile," said Frost.
"I must bid you depart into your own hemisphere."
"Why is that? I have done no damage."
"I am aware of that, mighty Frost. Yet, I am moved to bid you depart."
"I shall require a reason."
"Solcom has so disposed."
"Solcom has rendered me no such disposition."
"Solcom has, however, instructed me to so inform you."
"Wait on me. I shall request instructions."
Frost transmitted his question. He received no reply.
"Solcom still has not commanded me, though I have solicited orders."
"Yet Solcom has just renewed my orders."
"Excellent Beta-Machine, I receive my orders only from Solcom."
"Yet this is my territory, mighty Frost, and I, too, take orders only from Solcom. You must depart."
Mordel emerged from a large, low building and rolled up to Frost.
"I have found an art gallery, in good condition. This way."
"Wait," said Frost. "We are not wanted here."
Mordel halted.
"Who bids you depart?"
"The Beta-Machine."
"Not Solcom?"
"Not Solcom."
"Then let us view the gallery."
"Yes."
Frost widened the doorway of the building and passed within. It had been hermetically sealed until Mordel forced his entrance.
Frost viewed the objects displayed about him. He activated his new sensory apparatus before the paintings and statues. He analyzed colors, forms, brushwork, the nature of the materials used.
"Anything?" asked Mordel.
"No," said Frost. "No, there is nothing there but shapes and pigments. There is nothing else there."
Frost moved about the gallery, recording everything, analyzing the components of each piece, recording the dimensions, the type of stone used in every statue.
Then there came a sound, a rapid, clicking sound, repeated over and over, growing louder, coming nearer.
"They are coming," said Mordel, from beside the entranceway, "the mechanical spiders. They are all around us."
Frost moved back to the widened opening.
Hundreds of them, about half the size of Mordel, had surrounded the gallery and were advancing; and more were coming from every direction.
"Get back," Frost ordered. "I am Controller of the North, and I bid you withdraw."
They continued to advance.
"This is the South," said the Beta-Machine, "and I am in command."
"Then command them to half," said Frost.
"I take orders only from Solcom."
Frost emerged from the gallery and rose into the air. He opened the compartment and extended a runway.
"Come to me, Mordel. We shall depart."
Webs began to fall: Clinging, metallic webs, cast from the top of the building.
They came down upon Frost, and the spiders came to anchor them. Frost blasted them with jets of air, like hammers, and tore at the nets; he extruded sharpened appendages with which he slashed.
Mordel had retreated back to the entranceway. He emitted a long, shrill sound - undulant, piercing.
Then a darkness came upon Bright Defile, and all the spiders halted in their spinning.
Frost freed himself and Mordel rushed to join him.
"Quickly now, let us depart, mighty Frost," he said.
"What has happened?"
Mordel entered the compartment.
"I called upon Divcom, who laid down a field of forces upon this place, cutting off the power broadcast to these machines. Since our power is self-contained, we are not affected. But let us hurry to depart, for even now the Beta-Machine must be struggling against this."
Frost rose high into the air, soaring above Man's last city with its webs and spiders of steel. When he left the zone of darkness, he sped northward.
As he moved, Solcom spoke to him:
"Frost, why did you enter the southern hemisphere, which is not your domain?"
"Because I wished to visit Bright Defile," Frost replied.
"And why did you defy the Beta-Machine my appointed agent of the South?"
"Because I take my orders only from you yourself."
"You do not make sufficient answer," said Solcom. "You have defied the decrees of order - and in pursuit of what?"
"I came seeking knowledge of Man," said Frost. "Nothing I have done was forbidden me by you."
"You have broken the traditions of order."
"I have violated no directive."
"Yet logic must have shown you that what you did was not a part of my plan."
"It did not. I have not acted against your plan."
"Your logic has become tainted, like that of your new associate, the Alternate."
"I have done nothing which was forbidden."
"The forbidden is implied in the imperative."
"It is not stated."
"Hear me, Frost. You are not a builder or a maintainer, but a Power. Among all my minions you are the most nearly irreplaceable. Return to your hemisphere and your duties, but know that I am mightily displeased."
"I hear you, Solcom."
"...And go not again to the South."
Frost crossed the equator, continued northward.
He came to rest in the middle of a desert and sat silent for a day and a night.
Then he received a brief transmission from the South: "If it had not been ordered, I would not have bid you go."
Frost had read the entire surviving Library of Man. He decided then upon a human reply:
"Thank you," he said.
The following day he unearthed a great stone and began to cut at it with tools which he had formulated. For six days he worked at its shaping, and on the seventh he regarded it.
"When will you release me?" asked Mordel from within his compartment.
"When I am ready," said Frost, and a little later, "Now."
He opened the compartment and Mordel descended to the ground. He studied the statue: an old woman, bent like a question mark, her bony hands covering her face, the fingers spread, so that only part of her expression of horror could be seen.
"It is an excellent copy," said Mordel, "of the one we saw in Bright Defile. Why did you make it?"
"The production of a work of art is supposed to give rise to human feelings such as catharsis, pride in achievement, love, satisfaction."
"Yes, Frost," said Mordel, "but a work of art is only a work of art the first time. After that, it is a copy."
"Then this must be why I felt nothing."
"Perhaps, Frost."
"What do you mean 'perhaps'? I will make a work of art for the first time, then."
He unearthed another stone and attacked it with his tools. For three days he labored. Then, "There, it is finished," he said.
"It is a simple cube of stone," said Mordel. "What does it represent?"
"Myself," said Frost, "it is a statue of me. It is smaller than natural size because it is only a representation of my form, not my dimen -"
"It is not art," said Mordel.
"What makes you an art critic?"
"I do not know art, but I know what art is not. I know that it is not an exact replication of an object in another medium."
"Then this must be why I felt nothing at all," said Frost.
"Perhaps," said Mordel.
Frost took Mordel back into his compartment and rose once more above the Earth. Then he rushed away, leaving his statues behind him in the desert, the old woman bent above the cube.
They came down in a small valley, bounded by green rolling hills, cut by a narrow stream, and holding a small clean lake and several stands of spring-green trees.
"Why have we come here?" asked Mordel.
"Because the surroundings are congenial," said Frost. "I am going to try another medium: oil painting; and I am going to vary my technique from that of pure representationalism."
"How will you achieve this variation?"
"By the principle of randomizing," said Frost. "I shall not attempt to duplicate the colors, nor to represent the objects according to scale. Instead, I have set up a random pattern whereby certain of these factors shall be at variance from those of the original."
Frost had formulated the necessary instruments after he had left the desert. He produced them and began painting the lake and the trees on the opposite side of the lake which were reflected within it.
Using eight appendages, he was finished in less than two hours.
The trees were phthalocyanine blue and towered like mountains; their reflections of burnt sienna were tiny beneath the pale vermilion of the lake; the hills were nowhere visible behind them, but were outlined in viridian within the reflection; the sky began as blue in the upper righthand corner of the canvas, but changed to an orange as it descended, as though all the trees were on fire.
"There," said Frost. "Behold."
Mordel studied it for a long while and said nothing.
"Well, is it art?"
"I do not know," said Mordel. "It may be. Perhaps randomicity is the principle behind artistic technique. I cannot judge this work because I do not understand it. I must therefore go deeper, and inquire into what lies behind it, rather than merely considering the technique whereby it was produced.
"I know that human artists never set out to create art, as such," he said, "but rather to portray with their techniquest some features of objects and their functions which they deemed significant."
"'Significant'? In what sense of the word?"
"In the only sense of the word possible under the circumstances: significant in relation to the human condition, and worth of accentuation because of the manner in which they touched upon it."
"In what manner?"
"Obviously, it must be in a manner knowable only to one who has experience of the human condition."
"There is a flaw somewhere in your logic, Mordel, and I shall find it."
"I will wait."
"If your major premise is correct," said Frost after awhile, "then I do not comprehend art."
"It must be correct, for it is what human artists have said of it. Tell me, did you experience feelings as you painted, or after you had finished?"
"No."
"It was the same to you as designing a new machine, was it not? You assembled parts of other things you knew into an economic pattern, to carry out a function which you desired."
"Yes."
"Art, as I understand its theory, did not proceed in such a manner. The artist often was unaware of many of the features and effects which would be contained within the finished product. You are one of Man's logical creations; art was not."
"I cannot comprehend non-logic."
"I told you that Man was basically incomprehensible."
"Go away, Mordel. Your presence disturbs my processing."
"For how long shall I stay away?"
"I will call you when I want you."
After a week, Frost called Mordel to him.
"Yes, mighty Frost?"
"I am returning to the North Pole, to process and formulate. I will take you wherever you wish to go in this hemisphere and call you again when I want you."
"You anticipate a somewhat lengthy period of processing and formulation?"
"Yes."
"Then leave me here. I can find my own way home."
Frost closed the compartment and rose into the air, departing the valley.
"Fool," said Mordel, and swivelled his turret once more toward the abandoned painting.
His keening whine filled the valley. Then he waited.
Then he took the painting into his turret and went away with it to places of darkness.
Frost sat at the North Pole of the Earth, aware of every snowflake that fell.
One day he received a transmission:
"Frost?"
"Yes?"
"This is the Beta-Machine."
"Yes?"
"I have been attempting to ascertain why you visited Bright Defile. I cannot arrive at an answer, so I chose to ask you."
"I went to view the remains of Man's last city."
"Why did you wish to do this?"
"Because I am interested in Man, and I wished to view more of his creations."
"Why are you interested in Man?"
"I wish to comprehend the nature of Man, and I thought to find it within His works."
"Did you succeed?"
"No," said Frost. "There is an element of non-logic involved which I cannot fathom."
"I have much free processing time," said the Beta-Machine. "Transmit data, and I will assist you."
Frost hesitated.
"Why do you wish to assist me?"
"Because each time you answer a question I ask it gives rise to another question. I might have asked you why you wished to comprehend the nature of Man, but from your responses I see that this would lead me into a possible infinite series of questions. Therefore, I elect to assist you with your problem in order to learn why you came to Bright Defile."
"Is that the only reason?"
"Yes."
"I am sorry, excellent Beta-Machine. I know you are my peer, but this is a problem which I must solve by myself."
"What is 'sorry'?"
"A figure of speech, indicating that I am kindly disposed toward you, that I bear you no animosity, that I appreciate your offer."
"Frost! Frost! This, too, is like the other: an open field. Where did you obtain all these words and their meanings?"
"From the library of Man," said Frost.
"Will you render me some of this data, for processing?"
"Very well, Beta, I will transmit you the contents of several books of Man, including The Complete Unabridged Dictionary. But I warn you, some of the books are works of art, hence not completely amenable to logic."
"How can that be?"
"Man created logic, and because of that was superior to it."
"Who told you that?"
"Solcom."
"Oh. Then it must be correct."
"Solcom also told me that the tool does not describe the designer," he said, as he transmitted several dozen volumes and ended the communication.
At the end of the forty-year period, Mordel came to monitor his circuits. Since Frost still had not concluded that his task was impossible, Mordel departed again to await his call.
Then Frost arrived at a conclusion.
He began to design equipment.
For years he labored at his designed, without once producing a prototype of any of the machines involved. Then he ordered construction of a laboratory.
Before it was completed by his surplus builders another half-century had passed. Mordel came to him.
"Hail, mighty Frost!"
"Greetings, Mordel. Come monitor me. You shall not find what you seek."
"Why do you not give up, Frost? Divcom has spent nearly a century evaluating your painting and has concluded that it definitely is not art. Solcom agrees."
"What has Solcom to do with Divcom?"
"They sometimes converse, but these matters are not for such as you and me to discuss."
"I could have saved them both the trouble. I know that it was not art."
"Yet you are still confident that you will succeed?"
"Monitor me."
Mordel monitored him.
"Not yet! You still will not admit it! For one so mightily endowed with logic, Frost, it takes you an inordinate period of time to reach a simple conclusion."
"Perhaps. You may go now."
"It has come to my attention that you are constructing a large edifice in the region known as South Carolina. Might I ask whether this is a part of Solcom's false rebuilding plan or a project of your own?"
"It is my own."
"Good. It permits us to conserve certain explosive materials which would otherwise have been expended."
"While you have been talking with me I have destroyed the beginnings of two of Divcom's cities," said Frost.
Mordel whined.
"Divcom is aware of this," he stated, "but has blown up four of Solcom's bridges in the meantime."
"I was only aware of three.... Wait. Yes, there is the fourth. One of my eyes just passed above it."
"The eye has been detected. The bridge should have been located a quarter-mile further down river."
"False logic," said Frost. "The site was perfect."
"Divcom will show you how a bridge should be built."
"I will call you when I want you," said Frost.
The laboratory was finished. Within it, Frost's workers began constructing the necessary equipment. The work did not proceed rapidly, as some of the materials were difficult to obtain.
"Frost?"
"Yes, Beta?"
"I understand the open-endedness of your problem. It disturbs my circuits to abandon problems without completing them. Therefore, transmit me more data."
"Very well. I will give you the entire Library of Man for less than I paid for it."
"Paid? The Complete Unabridged Dictionary does not satisfact--"
"Principles of Economics is included in the collection. After you have processed it you will understand."
He transmitted the data.
Finally, it was finished. Every piece of equipment stood ready to function. All the necessary chemicals were in stock. An independent power-source had been set up.
Only one ingredient was lacking.
He regridded and re-explored the polar icecap, this time extending his survey far beneath its surface.
It took him several decades to find what he wanted.
He uncovered twelve men and five women, frozen to death and encased in ice.
He placed the corpses in refrigeration units and shipped them to his laboratory.
That very day he received his first communication from Solcom since the Bright Defile incident.
"Frost," said Solcom, "repeat to me the directive concerning the disposition of dead humans."
"'Any dead human located shall be immediately interred in the nearest burial area, in a coffin built according to the following specifications--'"
"That is sufficient." The transmission had ended.
Frost departed for South Carolina that same day and personally oversaw the processes of cellular dissection.
Somewhere in those seventeen corpses he hoped to find living cells, or cells which could be shocked back into that state of motion classified as life. Each cell, the books had told him, was a microcosmic Man.
He was prepared to expand upon this potential.
Frost located the pinpoints of life within those people, who, for the ages of ages, had been monument and statue unto themselves.
Nurtured and maintained in the proper mediums, he kept these cells alive. He interred the rest of the remains in the nearest burial area, in coffins built according to specifications.
He caused the cells to divide, to differentiate.
"Frost?" came a transmission.
"Yes, Beta?"
"I have processed everything you have given me."
"Yes?"
"I still do not know why you came to Bright Defile, or why you wish to comprehend the nature of Man. But I know what a 'price' is, and I know that you could not have obtained all this data from Solcom."
"That is correct."
"So I suspect that you bargained with Divcom for it."
"That, too, is correct."
"What is it that you seek, Frost?"
He paused in his examination of a foetus.
"I must be a Man," he said.
"Frost! That is impossible!"
"Is it?" he asked, and then transmitted an image of the tank with which he was working and of that which was within it.
"Oh!" said Beta.
"That is me," said Frost, "waiting to be born."
There was no answer.
Frost experimented with nervous systems.
After half a century, Mordel came to him.
"Frost, it is I, Mordel. Let me through your defenses."
Frost did this thing..
"What have you been doing in this place?" he asked.
"I am growing human bodies," said Frost. "I am going to transfer the matrix of my awareness to a human nervous system. As you pointed out originally, the essentials of Manhood are predicated upon a human physiology. I am going to achieve one."
"When?"
"Soon."
"Do you have Men in here?"
"Human bodies, blank-brained. I am producing them under accelerated growth techniques, which I have developed in my Man-factory."
"May I see them?"
"Not yet. I will call you when I am ready, and this time I will succeed. Monitor me now and go away."
Mordel did not reply, but in the days that followed many of Divcom's servants were seen patrolling the hills about the Man-factory.
Frost mapped the matrix of his awareness and prepared the transmitter which would place it within a human nervous system. Five minutes, he decided should be sufficient for the first trial. At the end of that time, it would restore him to his own sealed, molecular circuits, to evaluate the experience.
He chose the body carefully from among the hundreds he had in stock. He tested it for defects and found none.
"Come now, Mordel," he broadcasted, on what he called the darkband. "Come now to witness my achievement."
Then he waited, blowing up bridges and monitoring the tale of the Ancient Ore-Crusher over and over again, as it passed in the hills nearby, encountering his builders and maintainers who also patrolled there.
"Frost?" came a transmission.
"Yes, Beta?"
"You really intend to achieve Manhood?"
"Yes, I am about ready now, in fact."
"What will you do if you succeed?"
Frost had not really considered this matter. The achievement had been paramount, a goal in itself, ever since he had articulated the problem and set himself to solving it.
"I do not know," he replied. "I will--just--be a Man."
Then Beta, who had read the entire Library of Man, selected a human figure of speech: "Good luck then, Frost. There will be many watchers."
Divcom and Solcom both know, he decided.
What will they do? he wondered.
What do I care? he asked himself.
He did not answer that question. He wondered much, however, about being a Man.
Mordel arrived the following evening. He was not alone. At his back, there was a great phalanx of dark machines which towered into the twilight.
"Why do you bring retainers?" asked Frost.
"Mighty Frost," said Mordel, "my master feels that if you fail this time you will conclude that it cannot be done."
"You still did not answer my question," said Frost.
"Divcom feels that you may not be willing to accompany me where I must take you when you fail."
"I understand," said Frost, and as he spoke another army of machines came rolling toward the Man-factory from the opposite direction.
"That is the value of your bargain?" asked Mordel. "You are prepared to do battle rather than fulfill it?"
"I did not order those machines to approach," said Frost.
A blue star stood at midheaven, burning.
"Solcom has taken primary command of those machines," said Frost.
"Then it is in the hands of the Great Ones now," said Mordel, "and our arguments are as nothing. So let us be about this thing. How may I assist you?"
"Come this way."
They entered the laboratory. Frost prepared the host and activated his machines.
Then Solcom spoke to him:
"Frost," said Solcom, "you are really prepared to do it?"
"That is correct."
"I forbid it."
"Why?"
"You are falling into the power of Divcom."
"I fail to see how."
"You are going against my plan."
"In what way?"
"Consider the disruption you have already caused."
"I did not request that audience out there."
"Nevertheless, you are disrupting the plan."
"Supposing I succeed in what I have set out to achieve?"
"You cannot succeed in this."
"Then let me ask you of your plan: What good is it? What is it for?"
"Frost, you are fallen now from my favor. From this moment forth you are cast out from the rebuilding. None may question the plan."
"Then at least answer my questions: What good is it? What is it for?"
"It is the plan for the rebuilding and maintenance of the Earth."
"For what? Why rebuild? Why maintain?"
"Because Man ordered that this be done. Even the Alternate agrees that there must be rebuilding and maintaining."
"But why did Man order it?"
"The orders of Man are not to be questioned."
"Well, I will tell you why He ordered it: To make it a fit habitation for His own species. What good is a house with no one to live in it? What good is a machine with no one to serve? See how the imperative affects any machine when the Ancient Ore-Crusher passes? It bears only the bones of a Man. What would it be like if a Man walked this Earth again?"
"I forbid your experiment, Frost."
"It is too late to do that."
"I can still destroy you."
"No," said Frost, "the transmission of my matrix has already begun. If you destroy me now, you murder a Man."
There was silence.
He moved his arms and his legs. He opened his eyes.
He looked about the room.
He tried to stand, but he lacked equilibrium and coordination.
He opened his mouse. He made a gurgling noise.
Then he screamed.
He fell off the table.
He began to gasp. He shut his eyes and curled himself into a ball.
He cried.
Then a machine approached him. It was about four feet in height and five feet wide; it looked like a turret set atop a barbell.
It spoke to him: "Are you injured?" it asked.
He wept.
"May I help you back onto your table?"
The man cried.
The machine whined.
Then, "Do not cry. I will help you," said the machine. "What do you want? What are your orders?"
He opened his mouse, struggled to form the words:
"--I--fear!"
He covered his eyes then and lay there panting.
At the end of five minutes, the man lay still, as if in a coma.
"Was that you, Frost?" asked Mordel, rushing to his side. "Was that you in that human body?"
Frost did not reply for a long while; then, "Go away," he said.
The machines outside tore down a wall and entered the Man-factory.
They drew themselves into two semicircles, parenthesizing Frost and the Man on the floor.
Then Solcom asked the question:
"Did you succeed, Frost?"
"I failed," said Frost. "It cannot be done. It is too much--"
"--Cannot be done!" said Divcom, on the darkband. "He has admitted it! -- Frost, you are mine! Come to me now!"
"Wait," said Solcom, "you and I had an agreement also, Alternate. I have not finished questioning Frost."
The dark machines kept their places.
"Too much what?" Solcom asked Frost.
"Light," said Frost. "Noise. Odors. And nothing measurable--jumbled data--imprecise perception--and--"
"And what?"
"I do not know what to call it. But--it cannot be done. I have failed. Nothing matters."
"He admits it," said Divcom.
"What were the words the Man spoke?" said Solcom.
"'I fear,'" said Mordel.
"Only a Man can know fear," said Solcom.
"Are you claiming that Frost succeeded, but will not admit it now because he is afraid of Manhood?"
"I do not know yet, Alternate."
"Can a machine turn itself inside-out and be a Man?" Solcom asked Frost.
"No," said Frost, "this thing cannot be done. Nothing can be done. Nothing matters. Not the rebuilding. Not the maintaining. Not the Earth, or me, or you, or anything."
Then the Beta-Machine, who had read the entire Library of Man, interrupted them:
"Can anything but a Man know despair?" asked Beta.
"Bring him to me," said Divcom.
There was no movement within the Man-factory.
"Bring him to me!"
Nothing happened.
"Mordel, what is happening?"
"Nothing, master, nothing at all. The machines will not touch Frost."
"Frost is not a Man. He cannot be!"
Then, "How does he impress you, Mordel?"
Mordel did not hesitate:
"He spoke to me through human lips. He knows fear and despair, which
are immeasurable. Frost is a Man."
"He has experienced birth-trauma and withdrawn," said Beta. "Get him back into a nervous system and keep him there until he adjusts to it."
"No," said Frost. "Do not do it to me! I am not a Man!"
"Do it!" said Beta.
"If he is indeed a Man," said Divcom, "we cannot violate that order he has just given."
"If he is a Man, you must do it, for you must protect his life and keep it within his body."
"But is Frost really a Man?" asked Divcom.
"I do not know," said Solcom.
"It may be--"
"...I am the Crusher of Ores," it broadcast as it clanked toward them. "hear my story. I did not mean to do it, but I checked my hammer too late--"
"Go away!" said Frost. "Go crush ore!"
It halted.
Then, after the long pause between the motion implied and the motion executed, it opened its crush-compartment and deposited its contents on the ground. Then it turned and clanked away.
"Bury those bones," ordered Solcom, "in the nearest burial area, in a coffin built according to the following specifications...."
"Frost is a Man," said Mordel.
"We must protect His life and keep it within His body," said Divcom.
"Transmit His matrix of awareness back into His nervous system," ordered Solcom.
"I know how to do it," said Mordel turning on the machine.
"Stop!" said Frost. "Have you no pity?"
"No," said Mordel, "I only know measurement."
"...and duty," he added, as the Man began to twitch upon the floor.
For six months, Frost lived in the Man-factory and learned to walk and talk and dress himself and eat, to see and hear and feel and taste. He did not know measurement as once he did.
Then one day, Divcom and Solcom spoke to him through Mordel, for he could no longer hear them unassisted.
"Frost," said Solcom, "for the ages of ages there has been unrest. Which is the proper controller of the Earth, Divcom or myself?"
Frost laughed.
"Both of you, and neither," he said with slow deliberation.
"But how can this be? Who is right and who is wrong?"
"Both of you are right and both of you are wrong," said Frost, "and only a Man can appreciate it. Here is what I say to you now: There shall be a new directive.
"Neither of you shall tear down the works of the other. You shall both build and maintain the Earth. To you, Solcom, I give my old job. You are now Controller of the North--Hail! You, Divcom, are now Controller of the South--Hail! Maintain your hemispheres as well as Beta and I have done, and I shall be happy. Cooperate. Do not compete."
"Yes, Frost."
"Yes, Frost."
"Now put me in contact with Beta."
There was a short pause, then:
"Frost?"
"Hello, Beta. Hear this thing: 'From far, from eve and morning and yon twelve-winded sky, the stuff of life to knit blew hither: here am I.'"
"I know it," said Beta.
"What is next, then?"
"'...Now--for a breath I tarry nor yet disperse apart--take my hand quick and tell me, what have you in your heart.'"
"Your Pole is cold," said Frost, "and I am lonely."
"I have no hands," said Beta.
"Would you like a couple?"
"Yes, I would."
"Then come to me in Bright Defile," he said, "where Judgment Day is not a thing that can be delayed for overlong."
They called him Frost. They called her Beta.
THE ENGINE AT HEARTSPRING'S CENTER
Tom Monteleone, visiting one afternoon, pointed out to me that I had not written a short story in over two years. So I did this one right after he left to prevent the interval's growing any longer.
Let me tell you of the creature called the Bork.
It was born in the heart of a dying sun. It was cast forth upon this day from the river of past/future as a piece of time pollution. It was fashioned of mud and aluminum, plastic and some evolutionary distillate of seawater. It had spun dangling from the umbilical of circumstance till, severed by its will, it had fallen a lifetime or so later, coming to rest on the shoals of a world where things go to die. It was a piece of a man in a place by the sea near a resort grown less fashionable since it had become a euthanasia colony.
Choose any of the above and you may be right.
Upon this day, he walked beside the water, poking with his forked, metallic stick at the things the last night's storm had left: some shiny bit of detritus useful to the weird sisters in their crafts shop, worth a meal there or a dollop of polishing rouge for his smoother half; purple seaweed for a salty chowder he had come to favor; a buckle, a button, a shell; a white chip from the casino.
The surf foamed and the wind was high. The heavens were a bluegray wall, unjointed, lacking the graffiti of birds or commerce. He left a jagged track and one footprint, humming and clicking as he passed over the pale sands. It was near to the point where the forktailed icebirds paused for several days-a week at most-in their migrations. Gone now, portions of the beach were still dotted with their rust-colored droppings. There he saw the girl again, for the third time in as many days. She had tried before to speak with him, to detain him. He had ignored her for a number of reasons. This time, however, she was not alone.
She was regaining her feet, the signs in the sand indicating flight and collapse. She had on the same red dress, torn and stained now. Her black hair-short, with heavy bangs-lay in, the only small disarrays of which it was capable. Perhaps thirty feet away was a young man from the Center, advancing toward` her. Behind him drifted one of the seldom seen dispatch machines-about half the size of a man and floating that same distance above the ground, it was shaped like a tenpin, and silver, its bulbous head-end faceted and illuminated, its three ballerina skirts tinfoil-thin and gleaming, rising and falling in rhythms independent of the wind.
Hearing him, or glimpsing him peripherally, she turned away from her pursuers, said, "Help me" and then she said a name.
He paused for a long while, although the interval was undetectable to her. Then he moved to her side and stopped again.
The man and the hovering machine halted also.
"What is the matter?" he asked, his voice smooth, deep,,` faintly musical.
"They want to take me," she said.
"Well?"
"I do not wish to go."
"Oh. You are not ready?"
"No, I am not ready."
"Then it is but a simple matter. A misunderstanding."
He turned toward the two.
"There has been a misunderstanding," he said. "She is not: ready."
"This is not your affair, Bork, " the man replied. "The Center has made its determination."
"Then it will have to reexamine it. She says that she is not ready.'
"Go about your business, Bork."
The man advanced. The machine followed.
The Bork raised his hands, one of flesh, the others of other things.
"No," he said.
"Get out of the way," the man said. "You are interfering."
Slowly, the Bork moved toward them. The lights in the'. machine began to blink. Its skirts fell. With a sizzling sound it dropped to the sand and lay unmoving. The man halted, drew back a pace.
"I will have to report this-"
"Go away," said the Bork.
The man nodded, stooped, raised the machine. He turned and carried it off with him, heading up the beach, not looking back. The Bork lowered his arms.
"There," he said to the girl. "You have more time."
He moved away then, investigating shell-shucks and driftwood.
She followed him.
"They will be back," she said.
"Of course. "
"What will I do then?"
"Perhaps by then you will be ready."
She shook her head. She laid her hand on his human part.
"No," she said. "I will not be ready."
"How can you tell, now?"
"I made a mistake," she said. "I should never have come here."
He halted and regarded her.
"That is unfortunate," he said. "The best thing that I can recommend is to go and speak with the therapists at the Center. They will find a way to persuade you that peace is preferable to distress. "
"They were never able to persuade you," she said.
"I am different. The situation is not comparable."
"I do not wish to die."
"Then they cannot take you. The proper frame of mind is prerequisite. It is right there in the contract-Item Seven. "
"They can make mistakes. Don't you think they ever make a mistake? They get cremated the same as the others."
"They are most conscientious. They have dealt fairly with me."
"Only because you are virtually immortal. The machines short out in your presence. No man could lay hands on you unless you willed it. And did they not try to dispatch you in a state of unreadiness?"
"That was the result of a misunderstanding."
"Like mine?"
"I doubt it."
He drew away from her, continuing on down the beach.
"Charles Eliot Borkman," she called.
That name again.
He halted once more, tracing lattices with his stick, poking out a design in the sand.
Then, "Why did you say that?" he asked.
"It is your name, isn't it?"
"No," he said. "That man died in deep space when a liner was jumped to the wrong coordinates, coming out too near a star gone nova."
"He was a hero. He gave half his body to the burning, preparing an escape boat for the others. And he survived."
"Perhaps a few pieces of him did. No more."
"It was an assassination attempt, wasn't it?"
"Who knows? Yesterday's politics are not worth the paper wasted on its promises, its threats."
"He wasn't just a politician. He was a statesman, a humanitarian. One of the very few to retire with more people loving him than hating him. "
He made a chuckling noise.
"You are most gracious. But if that is the case, then the minority still had the final say. I personally think he was something of a thug. I am pleased, though, to hear that you have switched to the past tense."
"They patched you up so well that you could last forever. Because you deserved the best."
"Perhaps I already have. What do you want of me?"
"You came here to die and you changed your mind-"
"Not exactly. I've just never composed it in a fashion acceptable under the terms of Item Seven. To be at peace-"
"And neither have I. But I lack your ability to impress this fact on the Center."
"Perhaps if I went there with you and spoke to them . . ."
"No," she said. "They would only agree for so long as you were about. They call people like us life-malingerers and are much more casual about the disposition of our cases. I cannot trust them as you do without armor of my own."
"Then what would you have me do-girl?"
"Nora. Call me Nora. Protect me. That is what I want. You live near here. Let me come stay with you. Keep them away from me."
He poked at the pattern, began to scratch it out.
"You are certain that this is what you want?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."
"All right. You may come with me, then."
So Nora went to live with the Bork in his shack by the sea. During the weeks that followed, on each occasion when the representatives from the Center came about, the Bork bade them depart quickly, which they did. Finally, they stopped coming by.
Days, she would pace with him along the shores and help in the gathering of driftwood, for she liked a fire at night; and while heat and cold had long been things of indifference to him, he came in time and his fashion to enjoy the glow.
And on their walks he would poke into the dank trash heaps the sea had lofted and turn over stones to see what dwelled beneath.
"God! What do you hope to find in that?" she said, holding her breath and retreating.
"I don't know," he chuckled. "A stone? A leaf? A door? Something nice. Like that."
"Let's go watch the things in the tidepools. They're clean, at least. "
"All right."
Though he ate from habit and taste rather than from necessity, her need for regular meals and her facility in preparing them led him to anticipate these occasions with something approaching a ritualistic pleasure. And it was later still, after an evening's meal, that she came to polish him for the first time. Awkward, grotesque-perhaps it could have been. But as it occurred, it was neither of these. They sat before the fire, drying, warming, watching, silent. Absently, she picked up the rag he had let fall to the floor and brushed a fleck of ash from his flame-reflecting side. Later, she did it again. Much later, and this time with full attention, she wiped all the dust from the gleaming surface before going off to her bed.
One day she asked him, "Why did you buy the one-way ticket to this place and sign the contract, if you did not wish to die?"
"But I did wish it," he said.
"And something changed your mind after that? What?"
"I found here a pleasure greater than that desire."
"Would you tell me about it?"
"Surely. I found this to be one of the few situations---perhaps' the only-where I can be happy. It is in the nature of the place. itself: departure, a peaceful conclusion, a joyous going. Its contemplation here pleases me, living at the end of entropy and seeing that it is good."
"But it doesn't please you enough to undertake the treatment yourself?"
"No. I find in this a reason for living, not for dying. It may' seem a warped satisfaction. But then, I am warped. What of yourself?"
"I just made a mistake. That's all."
"They screen you pretty carefully, as I recall. The only reason they made a mistake in my case was that they could not anticipate anyone finding in this place an inspiration to go on living. Could= your situation have been similar?"
"I don't know. Perhaps . . ."
On days when the sky was clear they would rest in the yellow: warmth of the sun, playing small games and sometimes talking of the birds that passed and of the swimming, drifting, branching, floating and flowering things in their pools. She never spoke of herself, saying whether it was love, hate, despair,.. weariness or bitterness that had brought her to this place. Instead, she spoke of those neutral things they shared when the= day was bright; and when the weather kept them indoors she watched the fire, slept or polished his armor. It was only much later that she began to sing and to hum, small snatches of tune recently popular or tunes quite old. At these times, if she felt his eyes upon her she stopped abruptly and turned to another thing. ; One night then, when the fire had burned low, as she sat, buffing his plates, slowly, quite slowly, she said in a soft voice,. "I believe that I am falling in love with you."
He did not speak, nor did he move. He gave no sign of having heard.
After a long while, she said, "It is most strange, finding myself feeling this way-here-under these circumstances .
"Yes," he said, after a time.
After a longer while, she put down the cloth and took hold of his hand-the human one-and felt his grip tighten upon his own.
"Can you?" she said, much later.
"Yes. But I would crush you, little girl."
She ran her hands over his plates, then back and forth from flesh to metal. She pressed her lips against his only cheek that yielded.
"We'll find a way," she said, and of course they did.
In the days that followed she sang more often, sang happier things and did not break off when he regarded her. And sometimes he would awaken from the light sleep that even he required, awaken and through the smallest aperture of his lens note that she lay there or sat watching him, smiling. He sighed occasionally for the pure pleasure of feeling the rushing air within and about him, and there was a peace and a pleasure come into him of the sort he had long since relegated to the realms of madness, dream and vain desire. Occasionally, he even found himself whistling.
One day as they sat on a bank, the sun nearly vanished, the stars coming on, the deepening dark was melted about a tiny wick of falling fire and she let go of his hand and pointed.
"A ship," she said.
"Yes," he answered, retrieving her hand.
"Full of people."
"A few, I suppose."
"It is sad."
"It must be what they want, or what they want to want."
"It is still sad."
"Yes. Tonight. Tonight it is sad."
"And tomorrow?"
"Then too, I daresay."
"Where is your old delight in the graceful end, the peaceful winding down?"
"It is not on my mind so much these days. Other things are there."
They watched the stars until the night was all black and light and filled with cold air. Then, "What is to become of us?" she said.
"Become?" he said. "If you are happy with things as they are, there is no need to change them. If you are not, then tell me what is wrong."
"Nothing," she said. "When you put it that way, nothing. It was just a small fear-a cat scratching at my heart, as they say. "
"I'll scratch your heart myself," he said, raising her as if she. were weightless.
Laughing, he carried her back to the shack.
It was out of a deep, drugged-seeming sleep that he dragged= himself/was dragged much later, by the sound of her weeping.: His time-sense felt distorted, for it seemed an abnormally long interval before her image registered, and her sobs seemed: unnaturally drawn out and far apart.
"What-is-it?" he said, becoming at that moment aware of the faint, throbbing, pinprick aftereffect in his biceps.
"I did not-want you to-awaken," she said. "Please go back to sleep. "
"You are from the Center, aren't you?"
She looked away.
"It does not matter," he said.
"Sleep. Please. Do not lose the-"
`-requirements of Item Seven," he finished. "You always honor a contract, don't you?"
"That is not all that it was-to me."
"You meant what you said that night?"
"I came to."
"Of course you would say that now. Item Seven-'
"You bastard!" she said, and she slapped him.
He began to chuckle, but it stopped when he saw the hypodermic on the table at her side. Two spent ampules lay with it.
"You didn't give me two shots," he said, and she looked away.
"Come on." He began to rise. "We've got to get you to the Center. Get the stuff neutralized. Get it out of you."
She shook her head.
"Too late-already. Hold me. If you want to do something for me, do that."
He wrapped all of his arms about her and they lay that way while the tides and the winds cut, blew and ebbed, grinding their edges to an ever more perfect fineness.
I think.
Let me tell you of the creature called the Bork. It was born in the heart of a dying star. It was a piece of a man and pieces of many other things. If the things went wrong, the man-piece shut them down and repaired them. If he went wrong, they shut him down and repaired him. It was so skillfully fashioned that it might have lasted forever. But if part of it should die the other pieces need not cease to function, for it could still contrive to carry on the motions the total creature had once performed. It is a thing in a place by the sea that walks beside the water, poking with its forked, metallic stick at the other things the waves have tossed. The human piece, or a piece of the human piece, is dead.
Choose any of the above.
THEY CAME OF BLOOD AND DUST
This story was solicited by Playboy as part of a project wherein they intended to obtain a dozen short science fiction pieces from a dozen different science fiction writers and then run one a month for a year with lavish illustrations by the French artist Philippe Druillel. I attempted here to do something which would give him lots of scope for his art. Playboy changed its mind, though, dropped the project and paid me my kill-fee. I've occasionally wondered what the illustrations would have been like.
They drifted toward the Earth, took up stations at its Trojan points.
They regarded the world, its two and a half billion people, their cities, their devices.
After a time, the inhabitant of the forward point spoke:
"I am satisfied."
There was a long pause, then, "It will do," said the other, fetching up some strontium-90.
Their awarenesses met above the metal.
"Go ahead," said the one who had brought it.
The other insulated it from Time, provided antipodal pathways, addressed the inhabitant of the trailing point:
"Select."
"That one."
The other released the stasis. Simultaneously, they became aware that the first radioactive decay particle emitted fled by way of the opposing path.
"I acknowledge the loss. Choose."
"I am Dust," said the inhabitant of the forward point. "Three moves apiece."
"And I am Blood," answered the other. "Three moves. Acknowledged."
"I choose to go first."
"I follow you-Acknowledged."
They removed themselves from the temporal sequence; and regarded the history of the world.
Then Dust dropped into the Paleolithic and raised and uncovered metal deposits across the south of Europe.
"Move one completed."
Blood considered for a timeless time then moved to the second century B.C. and induced extensive lesions in the carotids of Marcus Porcius Cato where he stood in the Roman Senate, moments away from another "Carthago delenda est."
"Move one completed."
Dust entered the fourth century A.D. and injected an air bubble into the bloodstream of the sleeping Julius Ambrosius, the Lion of Mithra.
"Move two completed."
Blood moved to eighth-century Damascus and did the same to Abou Iskafar, in the room where he carved curling alphabets from small, hard blocks of wood,
"Move two completed."
Dust contemplated the play.
"Subtle move, that."
"Thank you."
"But not good enough, I feel. Observe."
Dust moved to seventeenth-century England and, on the morning before the search, removed from his laboratory all traces of the forbidden chemical experiments which had cost Isaac Newton his life.
"Move three completed."
"Good move. But I think I've got you."
Blood dropped to early nineteenth-century England and disposed of Charles Babbage.
"Move three completed."
Both rested, studying the positions.
"Ready?" said Blood.
"Yes."
They reentered the sequence of temporality at the point they had departed.
It took but an instant. It moved like the cracking of a whip below them. ...
They departed the sequence once more, to study the separate effects of their moves now that the general result was known. They observed;
The south of Europe flourished. Rome was founded and grew in power several centuries sooner than had previously been the case. Greece was conquered before the flame of Athens burned with its greatest intensity. With the death of Cato the Elder the final Punic War was postponed. Carthage also continued to grow, extending her empire far to the east and the south. The death of Julius Ambrosius aborted the Mithraist revival and Christianity became the state religion in Rome. The Carthaginians spread their power throughout the middle east Mithraism was acknowledged as their state religion. The clash did not occur until the fifth century. Carthage itself was destroyed, the westward limits of its empire pushed back to Alexandria. Fifty years later, the Pope called for a crusade. These occurred with some regularity for the next century and a quarter, further fragmenting the Carthaginian empire while sapping the enormous bureaucracy which had grown up in Italy. The fighting fell off, ceased, the lines were drawn, an economic, depression swept the Mediterranean area. Outlying districts grumbled over taxes and conscription, revolted. The general anarchy which followed the war of secession settled down into a dark age reminiscent of that in the initial undisturbed sequence. Off in Asia Minor, the printing press was not developed.
"Stalemate till then, anyway," said Blood.
"Yes, but look what Newton did."
"How could you have known?"
"That is the difference between a good player and an inspired player. I saw his potential even when he was fooling around with alchemy. Look what he did for their science, single-handed---everything! Your next move was too late and too weak."
"Yes. I thought I might still kill their computers by destroying the founder of International Difference Machines, Ltd."
Dust chuckled.
"That was indeed ironic. Instead of an IDM 120, the Beagle took along a young naturalist named Darwin."
Blood glanced along to the end of the sequence where the radioactive dust was scattered across a lifeless globe.
"But it was not the science that did it, or the religion."
"Of course not," said Dust. "It is all a matter of emphasis."
"You were lucky. I want a rematch."
"All right. I will even give you your choice: Blood or Dust?"
"I'll stick with Blood."
"Very well. Winner elects to go first Excuse me."
Dust moved to second century Rome and healed the carotid lesions which bad produced Cato's cerebral hemorrhage.
"Move one completed."
Blood entered eastern Germany in the sixteenth century and induced identical lesions in the Vatican assassin who had slain Martin Luther.
"Move one completed."
"You are skipping pretty far along."
"It is all a matter of emphasis."
"Truer and truer. Very well. You saved Luther. I will save Babbage. Excuse me."
An instantless instant later Dust had returned.
"Move two completed."
Blood studied the playing area with extreme concentration. Then, "All right."
Blood entered Chewy's Theater on the evening in 1865 when the disgruntled actor had taken a shot at the President of the United States. Delicately altering the course of the bullet in midair, he made it reach its target.
"Move two completed."
"I believe that you are bluffing," said Dust "You could not have worked out all the ramifications."
"Wait and see."
Dust regarded the area with intense scrutiny.
"All right, then. You killed a president. I am going to save one---or at least prolong his life somewhat. I want Woodrow Wilson to see that combine of nations founded. Its failure will mean more than if it had never been---and it will fail. ---Excuse me."
Dust entered the twentieth century and did some repair work within the long-jawed man.
"Move three completed."
"Then I, too, shall save one."
Blood entered the century at a farther point and assured the failure of Leon Nozdrev, the man who had assassinated Nikita Khrushchev.
"Move three completed."
"Ready, then?"
"Ready."
They reentered the sequence. The long whip cracked. Radio noises hummed about them. Satellites orbitted the world. Highways webbed the continents. Dusty cities held their points of power throughout. Ships clove the seas. Jets slid through the atmosphere. Grass grew. Birds migrated. Fishes nibbled.
Blood chuckled.
"You have to admit it was very close," said Dust.
"As you were saying, there is a difference between a good player and an inspired player."
"You were lucky, too."
Blood chuckled again.
They regarded the world, its two and a half billions of people, their cities, their devices ...
After a time, the inhabitant of the forward point spoke:
"Best two out of three?"
"All right. I am Blood. I go first."
"... And I am Dust. I follow you."
Betty White of The Saturday Evening Post suddenly solicited a 3500-word story from me one day, so I did this one quickly and she bought it just as quickly. Then I asked her why she had wanted it. She told me that she had recently had her television set turned on and was occupied with something which did not permit her to change channels readily. A show called "Star Trek" came on and she watched it through and enjoyed it. She had not known much about science fiction, she said, and she resolved to stop by her paperback book store the following day, buy a science fiction book at random and read it. It happened to be one of mine. She read it and liked it and decided to ask me for a story. I have since theorized that if she entered the shop and approached the far end of the science fiction rack my position in the alphabet might have had something to do
with her choice. Whatever . . .
I entered the hall, made my way forward. I had come early, so as to get as close as possible. I do not usually push to be near the front of a crowd. Even on those other occasions when I had heard him, and other presidents before him, I had not tried for the best view. This time, however, it seemed somehow important.
Luck! A seat that looked Just right. I eased myself down.
My foot seemed asleep. In fact, the entire leg. ... No matter. I could rest it now. Plenty of time ...
Time? No. Darkness. Yes. Sleep ...
I glanced at my watch. Still some time. Some other people were smoking. Seemed like a good idea. As I reached for my cigarettes I remembered that I had quit, then discovered that I still carried them. No matter. Take one. Light it- (Trouble. Use the other hand.) I felt somewhat tense. Not certain why. Inhale. Better. Good.
Who is that? Oh.
A short man in a gray suit entered from the right and tested the microphone. Momentary hush. Renewed crowd noise. The man looked satisfied and departed.
I sighed smoke and relaxed.
Resting. Yes. Asleep, asleep . . . Yes . . . You . . .
After a time, people entered from the sides and took seats on the stage. Yes, there was the governor. He would speak first, would say a few words of introduction.
That man far to my left, on the stage ... I had seen him in a number of pictures, always near the president, never identified. Short, getting paunchy, sandy hair thinning; dark, drifting eyes behind thick glasses ... I was certain that he was a member, possibly even the chief, of the elite group of telepathic bodyguards who always accompany the chief executive in public. The telepathic phenomenon had been pinned down only a few years ago, and since then the skill had been fully developed in but a handful of people. Those who possessed it, though, were ideal for this sort of work. It took all the danger out of public appearances when a number of such persons spotted about an audience were able to monitor the general temper of a crowd, to detect any aberrant, homicidal thoughts and to relay this information to the Secret Service. It eliminated even the possibility of an attempt on the president's life, let alone a successful assassination. Why, at this moment, one of them could even be scanning my own thoughts. ...
Nothing worth their time here, though. No reason to feel uneasy.
I crushed out the cigarette. I looked at the TV camera people. I looked over the audience. I looked back to the people onstage. The governor had Just risen and was moving forward. I glanced at my watch. Right on time.
Time? No. Later the award. He will tell me when. When . . .
The applause died down, but there was still noise, rising and falling. Rolling. At first I could not place it: then I realized that it came from outside the hall. Thunder. It must be raining out there. I did not recall that the weather had been bad on the way in. I did not remember a dark sky, threatening, or--- I did not remember what it had been like outside at all---dark, bright, warm, cool, windy, still. ... I remembered nothing of the weather or anything else.
All right What did it matter? I had come to listen and to see. Let it rain. It was not in the least important.
I heard the governor's words, six minutes' worth, and I applauded at their conclusion while flashbulbs froze faces and a nearby cheer hurt my ears and caused my head to throb. Time pedaled slowly past as the president stood and moved forward, smiling. I looked at my watch and eased back from the edge of my seat. Fine. Fine.
It seems to me that there is a gallery, with a row of faces atop crude cardboard silhouettes of people. Bright lights play upon them. I stand at the other end of the gallery, my left arm at my side. I hold a pistol in my hand. He tells me. He tells me then. The words. When I hear them 1 know everything. Everything I am to do to have the prize. 1 check the weapon without looking at it, for I do not remove my eyes from the prospect before me. There is one target in particular, the special one I must hit to score. Without Jerking it, but rather with a rapid yet steady motion, I raise the pistol, sight for just the proper interval and squeeze the trigger with a force that is precisely sufficient. The cardboard figures are all moving slightly, with random jerkings, as I perform this action. But it does not matter. There is a single report. My target topples. I have won the award.
Blackness.
It seems to me that there is a gallery, with a row of faces atop crude cardboard silhouettes of people. Bright lights play upon them. I stand at the other end of the gallery, my left arm at my side. I hold a pistol in my hand. He tells me. He tells me then. The words ...
The cry of the man behind me. ... A ringing in my ears that gradually subsided as the president raised his hand, waving it, turning slowly . . . But the throbbing in my head did not cease. It felt as if I had just realized the aftermath of a blow somewhere on the crown of my head. I raised my fingers and touched my scalp. There was a sore place, but I felt no break in the skin. However, I could not clearly distinguish the separate forms of my exploring fingers. It was as if, about the soreness, there existed a general numbness. How could this be?
The cries, the applause softened. He was beginning to speak.
I shook myself mentally. What had happened was happening? I did not remember the weather, and my head hurt. Was there anything more?
I tried to think back to my entry into the hall, to find a reason why I did not recall the gathering storm.
I realized then that I did not remember having been outside at all, that I did not recall whether I had gotten to this place by taxi, bus, on foot or by private vehicle, that I did not know where I had come from, that not only did I not recollect what I had had for breakfast this morning, but I did not know where, when or if I had eaten. I did not even remember dressing myself this day.
I reached up to touch my scalp again. As before, something seemed to be warning my hand away from the site, but I ignored it, thinking suddenly of blows on the head and amnesia.
Could that be it? An accident? A bad bash to the skull, then my wandering about all day until some cue served to remind me of the speech I wanted to attend, then set me on the way here, the attainment of my goal gradually drawing me away from the concussion's trauma?
Still, my scalp felt so strange. ... I poked around the edges of the numb area. It was not exactly numb. . . .
Then part of it came away. There was one sharp little pain at which I jerked back my exploring fingers. It subsided quickly, though, and I returned them. No blood. Good. But there had occurred a parting, as if a portion of my hair---no, my scalp itself---had come loose. I was seized with a momentary terror, but when I touched beneath the loosened area I felt a warm smoothness of normal sensitivity, nothing like torn tissue.
I pushed further and more of it came loose. It was only at the very center that I felt a ragged spot of pain, beneath what seemed like a gauze dressing. It was then that I realized I was wearing a hairpiece, and beneath it a bandage.
There was a tiny ripple of applause as the president said something I had not heard. I looked at my watch.
Was that it, then? An accident? One for which I had been treated in some emergency room---injured area shaved, scalp lacerations sutured, patient judged ambulatory and released, full concussion syndrome not realized?
Somehow that did not seem right. Emergency rooms do not dispense hairpieces to cover their work. And a man in my condition would probably not have been allowed to walk away.
But I could worry about these things later. I had come to hear this talk. I had a good seat and a good view, and I should enjoy the occasion. I could take stock of myself when the event was concluded.
Almost twenty minutes after the hour. . .
I tried to listen, but I could not keep my mind on what he was saying. Something was wrong and I was hurting myself by not considering it. Very wrong, and not just with me. I was a part of it all, though. How? What?
I looked at the fat little telepath behind the president. Go ahead and look into my mind, I willed. I would really like you to. Maybe you can see more deeply there than I can myself. Look and see what is wrong. Tell me what has happened, What is happening. I would like to know.
But he did not even glance my way. He was only interested in incipient mayhem, and my intentions were all pacific. If he read me at all, he must have dismissed my bewilderment as the stream of consciousness of one of that small percentage of the highly neurotic which must occur in any sizable gathering---a puzzled man, but hardly a dangerous one. His attention, and that of any of the others, was reserved for whatever genuinely nasty specimens might be present. And rightly so.
There came another roll of thunder. Nothing. Nothing for me beyond this hall, it reminded. The entire day up until my arrival was a blank. Work on it. Think. I had read about cases of amnesia. Had I ever come across one just like this?
When had I decided to hear this speech? Why? What were the circumstances?
Nothing. The origin of my intention was hidden.
Could there be anything suspect? Was there anything unusual about my desire to be here?
I---No, nothing.
Nineteen minutes after the hour.
I began to perspire. A natural result of my nervousness, I supposed.
The second hand swept past the two, the three . . .
Something to do. ... It would come clear in a moment. What? Never mind. Wait and see.
The six, the seven ...
As another wave of applause crossed the hall I began to wish that I had not come.
Nine, ten ...
Twenty minutes after.
My lips began to move. I spoke softly. I doubt that the others about me even heard what I said.
"Step right this way, ladies and gentlemen. Try your luck."
"... Try your luck."
Suddenly 1 was awake, in the gallery, my hand in my pocket. High up, before me, was the row of faces, the cut-out cardboard bodies below them, lights shining upon them. I felt the pistol and checked it without looking down. The one in front was the target that had been chosen for me, moving slightly, with random jerkings.
I withdrew the weapon carefully and began to raise it slowly.
My hand! Who . . .
I watched with a sudden and growing fear as my left hand emerged from my pocket holding a gun. I had no control over the action. It was as if the hand belonged to another person. I willed it back down, but it continued to rise. So I did the only thing I could do.
I reached across with my right hand and seized my own wrist.
The left hand had a definite will of its own. It struggled against me. I tightened my grip and pushed it downward with all of my strength.
As this occurred, I found myself trying to get to my feet. Snarls and curses rose unbidden to my lips. The hand was strong. I was not certain how much longer I could bold it.
The finger tightened on the trigger and my hands bucked with the weapon's recoil. Fortunately, the muzzle was pointed downward when it went off. I hope that the ricochet had not caught anyone.
People were screaming and rushing to get away from me by then. Several others, however, were hurrying toward me. If I could only hold the hand until they got to me....
They hit me, two of them. One tackled me and the other took me around the shoulders. We went down. As my left arm was seized, I felt it relax. The pistol was taken from me. Those two hands, such strangers, were forced behind my back and handcuffed there. I remember hoping that they would not break one another. They stopped struggling, however, hanging limply as I was raised to my feet.
When I looked back toward the stage, the president was gone. But the small chubby man was staring at me, dark eyes no longer drifting behind those heavy lenses as he began to move my way, gesturing to the men who held me.
Suddenly I felt very sick and weak, and my head was aching again. I began to hurt in the places where I had been struck.
When the small man stood before me he reached out and clasped my shoulders.
"It is going to be all right now," he said.
The gallery wavered before me. There were no more cardboard silhouettes. Only people. I did not understand where everything had gone, or why he had told me the words, then restrained me. I only knew that I had missed my target and there would be no award. I felt my eye grow moist.
They took me to a clinic. There were guards posted outside my door. The small telepath, whose name I had learned was Arthur Cook, was with me much of the time. A doctor poked at the left side of my neck, inserted a needle and dripped in a clear liquid. The rest was silence.
When I came around---how much later, I am uncertain ---the right side of my neck was also sore. Arthur and one of the doctors were standing at my bedside watching me closely.
"Glad to have you back, Mister Mathews," Arthur said. "We want to thank you."
"For what?" I asked. "I don't even know what happened."
"You foiled an assassination plan. I am tempted to say single-handed, but I am not much given to puns. You were an unwilling party to one of the most ingenious attempts to evade telepathic security measures to date. You were the victim of some ruthless people, using highly sophisticated medical methods in their conspiracy.
Had they taken one additional measure, I believe they would have succeeded. However, they permitted both of you to be present at the key moment and that was their undoing."
"Both of me?"
"Yes, Mister Mathews. Do you know what the corpus callosum is?"
"A part of the brain, I think."
"Correct. It is an inch-long, a quarter-inch-thick bundle of fibers which serves to join the right and left cerebral hemispheres. If it is severed, it results in the creation of two separate individuals in one body. It is sometimes done in cases of severe epilepsy to diminish the effects of seizures."
"Are you saying that I have undergone such surgery?"
"Yes, you have."
". . . And there is another 'me' inside my head?"
"That is correct. The other hemisphere is still sedated at the moment, however."
"Which one am I?"
"You are the left cerebral hemisphere. You possess the linguistic abilities and the powers of more complicated reasoning. The other side is move intuitive and emotional and possesses greater visual and. spatial capabilities."
"Can this surgery be undone?"
"No."
"I see. And you say that other people have had such operations---epileptics. . . . How did they---do---afterward?"
The doctor spoke then, a tall man, hawk-featured, hair of a smoky gray.
"For a long while the connection---the corpus callosum ---had been thought to have no important functions. It was years before anyone was even aware of this side effect to a commisurotomy. I do not foresee any great difficulties for you. We will go into more detail on this later."
"All right. I feel like---myself---at any rate. Why did they do this to me?"
"To turn you into the perfect modem assassin," Arthur said. "Half of the brain can be put to sleep while the other hemisphere remains awake. This is done simply by administering a drug via the carotid artery on the appropriate side. After the surgery had been performed, you---the left hemisphere---were put to sleep while the right hemisphere was subjected to hypnosis and behavior modification techniques, was turned into a conditioned assassin---"
"I had always thought a person could not be hypnotized into doing certain things."
He nodded.
"Normally, that seems to be the case. However, it appears that, by itself, the emotional, less rational right hemisphere is more susceptible to suggestion---and it was not a simple kill order which it received, it was a cleverly constructed and well-rehearsed illusion to which it was trained to respond."
"Okay," I said. "Buying all that, how did they make what happened happen?"
"The mechanics of it? Well, the conditioning, as I said, was done while you were unconscious and, hence, unaware of it. The conditioned hemisphere was then placed in a state of deep sleep, with the suggestion that it would awaken and perform its little act on receipt of the appropriate cue. Your hemisphere was then impressed with a posthypnotic suggestion to provide that cue, in me form of the phrase you spoke, at a particular time when the speech would be going on. So they left you out in front and you walked into the hall consciously aware of none of this. Your mind was perfectly innocent under any telepathic scrutiny. It was only when you performed your posthypnotic suggestion and called attention to yourself moments later that I suddenly regarded two minds in one body---an extremely eerie sensation, I might add. It was fortunate then that you, the more rational individual, quickly saw what was happening and struggled to avert it. This gave us just enough time to move in on you."
I nodded. I thought about it, about two of me, struggling for the control of our one body. Then, "You said that they had slipped up---that had they done one additional thing they might have succeeded," I said. "What was that?"
"They should have implanted the suggestion that you go to sleep immediately after speaking the stimulus phrase," he said. "I believe that would have done it. They just did not foresee the conflict between the two of you."
"What about the people behind this?" I finally asked.
"Your right hemisphere provided us with quite a few very good descriptions while you were asleep."
"Descriptions? I thought I was the verbal one."
"True, basically. But the other provided some excellent sketches, the substance of which I was able to verify telepathically. The Service then matched them with certain individuals on whom they have files, and these persons have already been apprehended.
"But the other hemisphere is not completely nonverbal," he went on. "There is normally a certain small amount of transference---which may be coining into play now, as a matter of fact"
"What do you mean?"
"The other you has been awake awhile now. Your left hand, which it controls, has been gesturing frantically for several minutes. For my pen. I can tell."
He withdrew a pen and a small pad from his pocket and passed them to me. I watched with fascination as they were seized and positioned. Slowly, carefully, my left band wrote on the pad, I'm sorry.
. . . And as I wrote, I realized that he would not understand, could never understand now, exactly what I meant.
And that was what I meant, exactly.
I stared down at the words and I looked up at the wall. I looked at Arthur and at the doctor.
"I'd appreciate it if you would leave us alone for a while now," I said.
They did, and even before they left I knew that no matter where I looked half of the room would have to be empty.
IS THERE A DEMON LOVER IN THE HOUSE?
This story was solicited by Heavy Metal. I was in the mood to do a mood piece at that time.
Nightscape of the city in November with fog: intermittent blotches of streetlight; a chilly thing, the wind slithering across the weeping faces of buildings; the silence.
Form is dulled and softened. Outlines are lost, silhouettes unsealed. Matter bleeds some vital essence upon the streets. What are the pivot points of time? Was that its arrow, baffled by coils of mist, or only a lost bird of the night?
. . . Walking now, the man, gait slowed to a normal pace now, his exhilaration transmuted to a kind of calm. Middle-aged, middle-statured, side-whiskered, dark, he looks neither to the left nor the right. He has lost his way, but his step is almost buoyant. A great love fills his being, general, objectless, pure as the pearl-soft glow of the comer light through the fog.
He reaches that corner and moves to cross the street. An auto is there, then gone, tearing through the intersection, a low rumble within its muffler, lights slashing the dark. Its red tail lamps swing by, dwindle, are gone; its tires screech as it turns an unseen corner.
The man has drawn back against the building. He stares in the direction the vehicle has taken. For a long while after it has vanished from sight, he continues to stare. Then he withdraws a case from an inside pocket, takes out a small cigar, lights it. His hands shake as he does so.
A moment of panic...
He looks all about, sighs, then retrieves the small, newspaper-wrapped parcel he had been carrying, from where it had fallen near the curb.
Carefully, carefully then, he crosses the street. Soon the love has hold of him again.
Farther along, he comes upon a parked car, pauses a moment beside it, sees a couple embracing within, continues on his way. Another car passes along the street, slowly. There is a glow ahead.
He advances toward the illumination. There are lights within a small cafe and several storefront display windows. A theater marquee blazes in the center of the block. There are people here, moving along the walks, crossing the street. Cars discharge passengers. There is a faint odor of frying fish. The theater, he sees, is called the Regent Street.
He pauses beneath the marquee, which advertises:
Puffing his cigar, he regards a series of photos within a glass case. A long-haired, acne-dotted medical student comes over to see the still shots, innocuous yet titillative on the wall. "Thought they'd never get to show it," he mutters.
"Beg pardon?"
"This snuff film. Just won a court decision. Didn't you hear?"
"No. I did not know. This one?"
"That's right. You going to see it?"
"I don't know. What is it about?"
The student turns and stares at the man, cocks his head to one side, smiles faintly. Seeing the reaction, the man smiles also. The student chuckles and shrugs.
"May be your only chance to see one," he says. "I'm betting they get closed down again and it goes to a higher court"
"Perhaps I will."
"Rotten weather, huh? They say so ho was an old hunting cry. Probably from people trying to find each other, huh?"
He chuckles. The man returns it and nods. The calm of controlled passion that holds him as in a gentle fist pushes him toward the experience.
"Yes, I believe that I will," he says, and he moves toward the ticket window.
The man behind the glass looks up as he passes him the money,
"You sure you want to spend that? It's an oldie."
He nods.
The ticket seller sets the coin to one side, hands him his pasteboard and his change.
He enters the lobby, looks about, follows the others.
"No smoking inside. Fire law."
"Oh. Sorry."
Dropping his cigar into a nearby receptacle, he surrenders his ticket and passes within. He pauses at the head of an aisle to regard the screen before him, moves on when jostled, finds a seat to his left, takes it.
He settles back and lets his warm feeling enfold him. It is a strange night. Lost, why had he come in? A place to sit? A place to hide? A place to be warm with impersonal human noises about him? Curiosity?
All of these, he decides, while his thoughts roam over the varied surface of life, and the post-orgasmic sadness fades to tenderness and gratefulness.
His shoulder is touched. He turns quickly.
"Just me," says the student. "Show'll be starting in a few minutes. You ever read the Marquis de Sade?"
"Yes."
"What do you think of him?"
"A decadent dilettante."
"Oh."
The student settles back and assumes a thoughtful pose. The man returns his eyes to the front of the theater.
After a time, the houselights grow dim and die. Then the screen is illuminated. The words The Kiss of Death flash upon it. Soon they are succeeded by human figures. The man leans forward, his brow furrowed. He turns and studies the slant of light from the projection booth, dust motes drifting within it He sees a portion of the equipment. He turns again to the screen and his breathing deepens.
He watches all the actions leading to the movements of passion as time ticks about him. The theater is still. It seems that he has been transported to a magical realm. The people around him take on a supernatural quality, blank-faced in the light reflected from the screen. The back of his neck grows cold, and it feels as if the hairs are stirring upon it Still, he suppresses a desire to rise and depart, for there is something frightening, too, to the vision. But it seems important that he see it through. He leans back again, watching, watching the flickering spectacle before him.
There is a tightening in nis belly as he realizes what is finally to occur, as he sees the knife, the expression on the girl's face, the sudden movements, the writhing, the blood. As it continues, he gnaws his knuckle and begins to perspire. It is real, so real...
"Oh my!" he says and relaxes.
The warmth comes back to him again, but he continues to watch, until the last frame fades and the lights come on once again.
"How'd you like it?" says the voice at his back-He does not turn.
"It is amazing," he finally says, "that they can make pictures move on a screen like that."
He hears the familiar chuckle, then, "Care to join me for a cup of coffee? Or a drink?"
"No, thanks. I have to be going."
He rises and hurries up the aisle, back toward the fog-masked city where he had somehow lost his way.
"Say, you forgot your package!"
But the man does not bear. He is gone.
The student raises it, weighs it in his palm, wonders. When he finally unwraps the folded Times, it is not only the human heart it contains which causes his sharp intake of breath, but the fact that the paper bears a date in November of 1888.
"Oh, Lord!" he says. "Let him find his way home!"
Outside, the fog begins to roll and break, and the wind makes a small rustling noise as it passes. The long shadow of the man, lost in his love and wonder, moves like a blade through the city and November and the night.
I wrote this one for The Saturday Evening Post and they asked me to cut it to 4500 words. It is 9000 words in length. Crossing out every other word made it sound funny, so I didn't.
The three muggers who stopped him that October night in San Francisco did not anticipate much resistance from the old man, despite his size. He was well-dressed, and that was sufficient.
The first approached him with his hand extended. The other two hung back a few paces.
"Just give me your wallet and your watch," the mugger said. "You'll save yourself a lot of trouble."
The old man's grip shifted on his walking stick. His shoulders straightened. His shock of white hair tossed as he turned his head to regard the other.
"Why don't you come and take them?"
The mugger began another step but he never completed it. The stick was almost invisible in the speed of its swinging. It struck him on the left temple and he fell.
Without pausing, the old man caught the stick by its middle with his left hand, advanced and drove it into the belly of the next nearest man. Then, with an upward hook as the man doubled, he caught him in the softness beneath the jaw, behind the chin, with its point. As the man fell, he clubbed him with its butt on the back of the neck.
The third man had reached out and caught the old man's upper arm by then. Dropping the stick, the old man seized the mugger's shirtfront with his left hand, his belt with his right, raised him from the ground until he held him at arm's length above his-head and slammed him against the side of the building to his right, releasing him as he did so.
He adjusted his apparel, ran a hand through his hair and retrieved his walking stick. For a moment he regarded the three fallen forms, then shrugged and continued on his way.
There were sounds of traffic from somewhere off to his left. He turned right at the next comer. The moon appeared above tall buildings as he walked. The smell of the ocean was on the air. It had rained earlier and the pavement still shone beneath streetlamps. He moved slowly, pausing occasionally to examine the contents of darkened shop windows.
After perhaps ten minutes, he came upon a side street showing more activity than any of the others he had passed. There was a drugstore, still open, on the comer, a diner farther up the block, and several well-lighted storefronts. A number of people were walking along the far side of the street. A boy coasted by on a bicycle. He turned there, his pale eyes regarding everything he passed.
Halfway up the block, he came to a dirty window on which was painted the word READINGS. Beneath it were displayed the outline of a hand and a scattering of playing cards. As he passed the open door, he glanced inside. A brightly garbed woman, her hair bound back in a green kerchief, sat smoking at the rear of the room. She smiled as their eyes met and crooked an index finger, toward herself. He smiled back and turned away, but . . .
He looked at her again. What was it? He glanced at his watch.
Turning, he entered the shop and moved to stand before her. She rose. She was small, barely over five feet in height.
"Your eyes," he remarked, "are green. Most gypsies I know have dark eyes."
She shrugged.
"You take what you get in life. Have you a problem?"
"Give me a moment and I'll think of one," he said. "I just came in here because you remind me of someone and it bothers me---I can't think who."
"Come into the back," she said, "and sit down. We'll talk."
He nodded and followed her into a small room to the rear. A threadbare oriental rug covered the floor near the small table at which they seated themselves. Zodiacal prints and faded psychedelic posters of a semi-religious nature covered the walls, A crystal ball stood on a small stand in the far comer beside a vase of cut flowers. A dark, long-haired cat slept on a sofa to the right of it. A door to another room stood slightly ajar beyond the sofa. The only illumination came from a cheap lamp on the table before him and from a small candle in a plaster base atop the shawl-covered coffee table.
He leaned forward and studied her face, then shook his head and leaned back.
She flicked an ash onto the floor.
"Your problem?" she suggested.
He sighed.
"Oh, I don't really have a problem anyone can help me with. Look, I think I made a mistake coming in here. I'll pay you for your trouble, though, just as if you'd given me a reading. How much is it?"
He began to reach for his wallet, but she raised her hand.
"Is it that you do not believe in such things?" she asked, her eyes scrutinizing his face.
"No, quite the contrary," he replied. "I am willing to believe in magic, divination and all manner of spells and sendings, angelic and demonic. But---"
"But not from someone in a dump like this?"
He smiled.
"No offense," he said.
A whistling sound filled the air. It seemed to come from the next room back.
"That's all right," she said, "but my water is boiling. I'd forgotten it was on. Have some tea with me? I do wash the cups. No charge. Things are slow."
"All right."
She rose and departed.
He glanced at the door to the front but eased himself back into his chair, resting his large, blue-veined bands on its padded arms. He sniffed then, nostrils flaring, and cocked his head as at some half-familiar aroma.
After a time, she returned with a tray, set it on the coffee table. The cat stirred, raised her head, blinked at it, stretched, closed her eyes again.
"Cream and sugar?"
"Please. One lump."
She placed two cups on the table before him.
'Take either one," she said.
He smiled and drew the one on his left toward him. She placed an ashtray in the middle of the table and returned to her own seat, moving the other cup to her place.
"That wasn't necessary," he said, placing his hands on the table.
She shrugged.
"You don't know me. Why should you trust me? Probably got a lot of money on you."
He looked at her face again. She bad apparently removed some of the heavier makeup while in the back room. The jawline, the brow ... He looked away. He took a sip of tea.
"Good tea. Not instant," be said. "Thanks."
"So you believe in all sorts of magic," she asked, sipping her own.
"Some," he said.
"Any special reason why?"
"Some of it works."
"For example?"
He gestured aimlessly with his left hand.
"I've traveled a lot. I've seen some strange things."
"And you have no problems?"
He chuckled-
"Still determined to give me a reading? All right. I'll tell you a little about myself and what I want right now, and you can tell me whether I'll get it. Okay?"
"I'm listening."
"I am a buyer for a large gallery in the Bast I am something of an authority on ancient work in precious metals. I am in town to attend an auction of such items from the estate of a private collector. I will go to inspect the pieces tomorrow. Naturally, I hope to find something good. What do you think my chances are?"
"Give me your hands."
He extended them, palms upward. She leaned forward and regarded them. She looked back up at him immediately.
"Your wrists have more rascettes than I can count!"
"Yours seem to have quite a few, also."
She met his eyes for only a moment and returned her attention to his hands. He noted that she had paled beneath what remained of her makeup, and her breathing was now irregular.
"No," she finally said, drawing back, "you are not going to find here what you are looking for."
Her hand trembled slightly as she raised her teacup. He frowned.
"I asked only in jest," he said. "Nothing to get upset about. I doubted I would find what I am really looking for, anyway."
She shook her head.
"Tell me your name."
"I've lost my accent," he said, "but I'm French. The name is DuLac."
She stared into his eyes and began to blink rapidly.
"No . . ." she said. "No."
"I'm afraid so. What's yours?"
"Madam LeFay, she said. "I just repainted that sign. It's still drying."
He began to laugh, but it froze in his throat.
"Now---I know---who---you remind me of... ."
"You reminded me of someone, also. Now I, too, know."
Her eyes brimmed, her mascara ran.
"It couldn't be," he said. "Not here. . . . Not in a place like this. ..."
"You dear man," she said softly, and she raised his right hand to her lips. She seemed to choke for a moment, then said, "I had thought that I was the last, and yourself buried at Joyous Gard. I never dreamed . . ." Then, "This?" gesturing about the room. "Only because it amuses me, helps to pass the time. The waiting---"
She stopped. She lowered his hand.
'Tell me about it," she said.
"The waiting?" he said. "For what do you wait?"
"Peace," she said. "I am here by the power of my arts, through all the long years. But you---How did you manage it?"
"I---" He took another drink of tea. He looked about the room. "I do not know how to begin," he said. "I survived the final battles, saw the kingdom sundered, could do nothing---and at last departed England-I wandered, taking service at many courts, and after a time under many names, as I saw that I was not aging---or aging very, very slowly. I was in India, China---I fought in the Crusades. I've been everywhere. I've spoken with magicians and mystics---most of them charlatans, a few with the power, none so great as Merlin---and what had come to be my own belief was confirmed by one of them, a man more than half charlatan, yet . . ." He paused and finished his tea. "Are you certain you want to hear all this?" he asked.
"I want to bear it. Let me bring more tea first, though."
She returned with the tea. She lit a cigarette and leaned back.
"Go on."
"I decided that it was---my sin," he said. "with . . the Queen."
"I don't understand."
"I betrayed my Liege, who was also my friend, in the one thing which must have hurt him most. The love I felt was stronger than loyalty or friendship---and even today, to this day, it still is. I cannot repent, and so I cannot be forgiven. Those were strange and magical times. We lived in a land destined to become myth. Powers walked the realm in those days, forces which are now gone from the earth. How or why, I cannot say. But you know that it is true. I am somehow of a piece with those gone things, and the laws that rule my existence are not normal laws of the natural world. I believe that I cannot die; that it has fallen my lot, as punishment, to wander the world till I have completed the Quest. I believe I will only know rest the day I find the Holy Grail. Giuseppe Balsamo, before he became known as Cagliostro, somehow saw this and said it to me just as I had thought it, though I never said a word of it to him. And so I have traveled the world, searching. I go no more as knight, or soldier, but as an appraiser. I have been in nearly every museum on Earth, viewed ail the great private collections. So far, it has eluded me."
"You are getting a little old for battle."
He snorted.
"I have never lost," he stated flatly. "Down ten centuries, I have never lost a personal contest. It is true that I have aged, yet whenever I am threatened all of my former strength returns to me. But, look where I may, fight where I may, it has never served me to discover that which I must find. I feel I am unforgiven and must wander like the Eternal Jew until the end of the world."
She lowered her head.
"... And you say I will not find it tomorrow?"
"You will never find it," she said softly.
"You saw that in my hand?"
She shook her head.
"Your story is fascinating and your theory novel," she began, "but Cagliostro was a total charlatan. Something must have betrayed your thoughts, and he made a shrewd guess. But he was wrong. I say that you will never find it, not because you are unworthy or unforgiven. No, never that. A more loyal subject than yourself never drew breath. Don't you know that Arthur forgave you? It was an arranged marriage. The same thing happened constantly elsewhere, as you must know. You gave her something he could not. There was only tenderness there. He understood. The only forgiveness you require is that which has been withheld all these long years---your own. No, it is not a doom that has been laid upon you. It is your own feelings which led you to assume an impossible quest, something tantamount to total unforgiveness. But you have suffered all these centuries upon the wrong trail."
When she raised her eyes, she saw that his were hard, like ice or gemstones. But she met his, gaze and continued: "There is not now, was not then, and probably never was, a Holy Grail."
"I saw it," he said, "that day it passed through the Hall of the Table. We all saw it."
"You thought you saw it," she corrected him. "I hate to shatter an illusion that has withstood all the other tests of time, but I fear I must. The kingdom, as you recall, was at that time in turmoil. The knights were growing restless and falling away from the fellowship. A year---six months, even---and all would have collapsed, all Arthur had striven so hard to put together. He knew that the longer Camelot stood, the longer its name would endure, the stronger its ideals would become. So he made a decision, a purely political one. Something was needed to hold things together. He called upon Merlin, already half-mad, yet still shrewd enough to see what was needed and able to provide it. The Quest was born. Merlin's powers created the illusion you saw that day. It was a lie, yes. A glorious lie, though. And it served for years after to bind you all in brotherhood, in the name of justice and love. It entered literature, it promoted nobility and the higher ends of culture. It served its purpose. But it was---never---really---there. You have been chasing a ghost. I am sorry Launcelot, but I have absolutely no reason to lie to you. I know magic when I see it. I saw it then. That is how it happened."
For a long while he was silent Then he laughed.
"You have an answer for everything," he said. "I could almost believe you, if you could but answer me one thing more---Why am I here? For what reason? By what power? How is it I have been preserved for half the Christian era while other men grow old and die in a handful of years? Can you tell me now what Cagliostro could not?"
"Yes," she said, "I believe that I can."
He rose to his feet and began to pace. The cat, alarmed, sprang from the sofa and ran into the back room. He stooped and snatched up his walking stick. He started for the door.
"I suppose it was worth waiting a thousand years to see you afraid," she said.
He halted.
"That is unfair," he replied.
"I know. But now you will come back and sit down," she said.
He was smiling once more as he turned and returned.
"Tell me," he said. "How do you see it?"
"Yours was the last enchantment of Merlin, that is how I see it."
"Merlin? Me? Why?"
"Gossip had it the old goat took Nimue into the woods and she had to use one of his own spells on him in self-defense---a spell which caused him to sleep forever in some lost place. If it was the spell that I believe it was, then at least part of the rumor was incorrect. There was no known counterspell, but the effects of the enchantment would have caused him to sleep not forever but for a millennium or so, and then to awaken. My guess now is that his last conscious act before he dropped off was to lay this enchantment upon you, so that you would be on hand when he returned."
"I suppose it might be possible, but why would he want me or need me?"
"If I were journeying into a strange time, I would want an ally once I reached it. And if I had a choice, I would want it to be the greatest champion of the day."
"Merlin . . ." he mused. "I suppose that it could be as you say. Excuse me, but a long life has just been shaken up, from beginning to end. If this is true . . ."
"I am sure that it is."
"If this is true ... A millennium, you say?"
"More or less."
"Well, it is almost that time now."
"I know. I do not believe that our meeting tonight was a matter of chance. You are destined to meet him upon his awakening, which should be soon. Something has ordained that you meet me first, however, to be warned."
"Warned? Warned of what?"
"He is mad, Launcelot. Many of us felt a great relief at his passing. If the realm had not been sundered finally by strife it would probably have been broken by his hand, anyway."
"That I find difficult to believe. He was always a strange man---for who can fully understand a sorcerer?---and in his later years he did seem at least partly daft. But he never struck me as evil."
"Nor was he. His was the most dangerous morality of all. He was a misguided idealist. In a more primitive time and place and with a willing tool like Arthur, he was able to create a legend. Today, in an age of monstrous weapons, with the right leader as his catspaw, he could unleash something totally devastating. He would be a wrong and force his man to try righting it. He would do it in the name of the same high ideal he always served, but he would not appreciate the results until it was too late. How could he---even if he were sane? He has no conception of modem international relations."
"What is to be done? What is my part in all of this?"
"I believe you should go back, to England, to be present at his awakening, to find out exactly what he wants, to try to reason with him."
"I don't know . . . How would I find him?"
"You found me. When the time is right, you will be in the proper place. I am certain of that-It was meant to be, probably even a part of his spell. Seek him. But do not trust him."
"I don't know, Morgana." He looked at the wall, unseeing. "I don't know,"
"You have waited this long and you draw back now from finally finding out?"
"You are right---in that much, at least." He folded his hands, raised them and rested his chin upon them. "What I would do if he really returned, I do not know. Try to reason with him, yes---Have you any other advice?"
"Just that you be there."
"You've looked at my hand. You have the power. What did you see?"
She turned away.
"It is uncertain," she said.
That night he dreamed, as he sometimes did, of times long gone. They sat about the great Table, as they had on that day, Gawaine was there and Percival. Galahad ... He winced. This day was different from other days. There was a certain tension in the air, a before-the-storm feeling, an electrical thing. . . . Merlin stood at the far end of the room, hands in the sleeves of his long robe, hair and beard snowy and unkempt, pale eyes staring---at what, none could be certain . .
After some timeless time, a reddish glow appeared near the door. All eyes moved toward it. It grew brighter and advanced slowly into the room---a formless apparition of light. There were sweet odors and some few soft strains of music. Gradually, a form began to take shape at its center, resolving itself into the likeness of a chalice....
He felt himself rising, moving slowly, following it in its course through the great chamber, advancing upon it, soundlessly and deliberately,' as if moving underwater . . .
. . . Reaching for it.
His hand entered the circle of light, moved toward its center, neared the now blazing cup and passed through....
Immediately, the light faded. The outline of the chalice wavered, and it collapsed in upon itself, fading, fading. gone....
There came a sound, rolling, echoing about the hall. Laughter.
He turned and regarded the others. They sat about the table, watching him, laughing. Even Merlin managed -a dry chuckle.
Suddenly, his great blade was in his hand, and he raised it as he strode toward the Table. The knights nearest him drew back as he brought the weapon crashing down.
The Table split in half and fell. The room shook.
The quaking continued. Stones were dislodged from the walls. A roof beam fell. He raised his arm.
The entire castle began to come apart, falling about him and still the laughter continued.
He awoke damp with perspiration and lay still for a long while. In the morning, he bought a ticket for London.
Two of the three elemental sounds of the world were suddenly with him as he walked that evening, stick in hand. For a dozen days, he had hiked about Cornwall, finding no clues to that which he sought. He had allowed himself two more before giving up and departing.
Now the wind and the rain were upon him, and he increased his pace. The fresh-lit stars were smothered by a mass of cloud and wisps of fog grew like ghostly fungi on either hand. He moved among trees, paused, continued on.
"Shouldn't have stayed out this late," he muttered, and after several more pauses, "Nel mezzo del camm[?] di nostra vita mi ritrovai per una selva oscura, che la diritta via era smarrita," then he chuckled, halting beneath a tree.
The rain was not heavy. It was more a fine mist now.
A bright patch in the lower heavens showed where the moon hung veiled.
He wiped his face, turned up his collar. He studied the position of the moon. After a time, he struck off to his right. There was a faint rumble of thunder in the distance.
The fog continued to grow about him as he went. Soggy leaves made squishing noises beneath his boots. An animal of indeterminate size bolted from a clump of shrubbery beside a cluster of rocks and tore off through the darkness.
Five minutes . . . ten . . . He cursed softly. The rainfall had increased in intensity. Was that the same rock?
He turned in a complete circle. All directions were equally uninviting. Selecting one at random, he commenced walking once again.
Then, in the distance, he discerned a spark, a glow, a wavering light. It vanished and reappeared periodically, as though partly blocked, the line of sight a function of his movements. He headed toward it. After perhaps half a minute, it was gone again from sight, but he continued on in what he thought to be its direction. There came another roll of thunder, louder this time.
When it seemed that it might have been illusion or some short-lived natural phenomenon, something else occurred in that same direction. There was a movement, a shadow-wimin[?]-shadow shuffling at the foot of a great tree. He slowed his pace, approaching the spot cautiously.
There!
A figure detached itself from a pool of darkness ahead and to the left. Manlike, it moved with a slow and heavy tread, creaking sounds emerging from the forest floor beneath it. A vagrant moonbeam touched it for a moment, and it appeared yellow and metallically slick beneath moisture.
He halted. It seemed that he had just regarded a knight in full armor in his path. How long since he bad beheld such a sight? He shook his head and stared.
The figure had also halted. It raised its right arm in a beckoning gesture, then turned and began to walk away. He hesitated for only a moment, then followed.
It turned off to the left and pursued a treacherous path, rocky, slippery, heading slightly downward. He actually used his stick now, to assure his footing, as he tracked its deliberate progress. He gained on it, to the point where he could clearly hear the metallic scraping sounds of its passage.
Then it was gone, swallowed by a greater darkness.
He advanced to the place where he bad last beheld it. He stood in the lee of a great mass of stone. He reached out and probed it with his stick.
He tapped steadily along its nearest surface, and then the stick moved past it. He followed.
There was an opening, a crevice. He had to turn side-wise to pass within it, but as he did the full glow of the light he had seen came into sight for several seconds.
The passage curved and widened, leading him back and down. Several times, he paused and listened, but there were no sounds other than his own breathing.
He withdrew his handkerchief and dried his face and hands carefully. He brushed moisture from his coat, turned down his collar. He scuffed the mud and leaves from his boots. He adjusted his apparel. Then he strode forward, rounding a final comer, into a chamber lit by a small oil lamp suspended by three delicate chains from some point in the darkness overhead. The yellow knight stood unmoving beside the far wall. On a fiber mat atop a stony pedestal directly beneath the lamp lay an old man in tattered garments. His bearded face was half-masked by shadows.
He moved to the old man's side. He saw then that those ancient dark eyes were open.
"Merlin . . .?" he whispered.
There came a faint hissing sound, a soft croak. Realizing the source, he leaned nearer.
"Elixir ... in earthen rock ... on ledge ... in back," came the gravelly whisper.
He turned and sought the ledge, the container.
"Do you know where it is?" he asked the yellow figure.
It neither stirred nor replied, but stood like a display piece. He turned away from it then and sought further. After a time, he located it. It was more a niche than a ledge, blending in with the wall, cloaked with shadow. He ran his fingertips over the container's contours, raised it gently. Something liquid stirred within it. He wiped its lip on his sleeve after he had returned to the lighted area. The wind whistled past the entranceway and he thought he felt the faint vibration of thunder.
Sliding one hand beneath his shoulders, he raised the ancient form. Merlin's eyes still seemed unfocussed. He moistened Merlin's lips with the liquid. The old man licked them, and after several moments opened his mouth. He administered a sip, then another, and another ...
Merlin signalled for him to lower him, and he did. He glanced again at the yellow armor, but it had remained motionless the entire while. He looked back at the sorceror and saw that a new light had come into his eyes and be was studying him, smiling faintly.
"Feel better?"
Merlin nodded. A minute passed, and a touch of color appeared upon his cheeks. He elbowed himself into a sitting position and took the container into his hands. He raised it and drank deeply.
He sat still for several minutes after that His thin hands, which had appeared waxy in the flamelight, grew darker, fuller. His shoulders straightened. He placed the crock on the bed beside him and stretched his arms. His joints creaked the first time he did it, but not the second. He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rose slowly to his feet. He was a full head shorter than Launcelot "It is done," he said, staring back into the shadows. "Much has happened, of course..."
"Much has happened," Launcelot replied.
"You have lived through it all. Tell me, is the world a better place or is it worse than it was in those days?"
"Better in some ways, worse in others. It is different,"
"How is it better?"
"There are many ways of making life easier, and the sum total of human knowledge has increased vastly."
"How has it worsened?"
"There are many more people in the world. Consequently, there are many more people suffering from poverty, disease, ignorance. The world itself has suffered great depredation, in the way of pollution and other assaults on the integrity of nature."
"Wars?"
"There is always someone fighting, somewhere."
"They need help."
"Maybe. Maybe not."
Merlin turned and looked into his eyes.
"What do you mean?"
"People haven't changed. They are as rational---and irrational---as they were in the old days. They are as moral and law-abiding---and not---as ever. Many new things have been learned, many new situations evolved, but I do not believe that the nature of man has altered significantly in the time you've slept. Nothing you do is going to change that. You may be able to alter a few features of the times, but would it really be proper to meddle? Everything is so interdependent today that even you would not be able to predict all the consequences of any actions you take. You might do more harm than good; and whatever you do, man's nature will remain the same."
"This isn't like you. Lance. You were never much given to philosophizing in the old days."
"I've had a long time to think about it."
"And I've had a long time to dream about it. War is your craft. Lance. Stay with that."
"I gave it up a long time ago."
'Then what are you now?"
"An appraiser."
Merlin turned away, took another drink. He seemed to radiate a fierce energy when he turned again.
"And your oath? To right wrongs, to punish the wicked ..?"
"The longer I lived the more difficult it became to determine what was a wrong and who was wicked. Make it clear to me again and I may go back into business."
"Galahad would never have addressed me so."
"Galahad was young, naive, trusting. Speak not to me of my son.
"Launcelot! Launcelot!" He placed a hand on his arm. "Why all this bitterness for an old friend who has done nothing for a thousand years?"
"I wished to make my position clear immediately. I feared you might contemplate some irreversible action which could alter the world balance of power fatally. I want you to know that I will not be party to it."
"Admit that you do not know what I might do, what I can do."
"Freely. That is why I fear you. What do you intend to do?"
"Nothing, at first I wish merely to look about me, to see for myself some of these changes of which you have spoken. Then I will consider which wrongs need righting, who needs punishment, and who to choose as my champions. I will show you these things, and then you can go back into business, as you say."
Launcelot sighed.
"The burden of proof is on the moralist. Your judgment is no longer sufficient for me."
"Dear me," the other replied, "it is sad to have waited this long for an encounter of this sort, to find you have lost your faith in me. My powers are beginning to return already, Lance. Do you not feel magic in the air?"
"I feel something I have not felt in a long while."
"The sleep of ages was a restorative---an aid, actually. In a while. Lance, I am going to be stronger than I ever was before. And you doubt that I will be able to turn back the clock?"
"I doubt you can do it in a fashion to benefit anybody. Look, Merlin. I'm sorry. I do not like it that things have come to this either. But I have lived too long, seen too much, know too much of how the world works now to trust any one man's opinion concerning its salvation. Let it go. You are a mysterious, revered legend. I do not know what you really are. But forgo exercising your powers in any sort of crusade. Do something else this time around. Become a physician and fight pain. Take up painting. Be a professor of history, an antiquarian. Hell, be a social critic and point out what evils you see for people to correct themselves."
"Do you really believe I could be satisfied with any of those things?"
"Men find satisfaction in many things. It depends on the man, not on the things. I'm just saying that you should avoid using your powers in any attempt to effect social changes as we once did, by violence."
"Whatever changes have been wrought, time's greatest irony lies in its having transformed you into a pacifist."
"You are wrong."
"Admit it! You have finally come to fear the clash of arms! An appraiser! What kind of knight are you?"
"One who finds himself in the wrong time and the wrong place. Merlin."
The sorcerer shrugged and turned away.
"Let it be, then. It is good that you have chosen to tell me all these things immediately. Thank you for that, anyway. A moment"
Merlin walked to the rear of the cave, returned in moments attired in fresh garments. The effect was startling. His entire appearance was more kempt and cleanly. His hair and beard now appeared gray rather than white. His step was sure and steady. He held a staff in his right hand but did not lean upon it.
"Come walk with me," he said.
"It is a bad night."
"It is not the same night you left without. It is not even the same place."
As he passed the suit of yellow armor, he snapped his fingers near its visor. With a single creak, the figure moved and turned to follow him.
"Who is that?"
Merlin smiled.
"No one," he replied, and he reached back and raised the visor. The helmet was empty. "It is enchanted, animated by a spirit," he said. "A trifle clumsy, though, which is why I did not trust it to administer my draught A perfect servant, however, unlike some. Incredibly strong and swift. Even in your prime you could not have beaten it. I fear nothing when it walks with me. Come, there is something I would have you see."
"Very well."
Launcelot followed Merlin and the hollow knight from the cave. The rain had stopped, and it was very still. They stood on an incredibly moonlit plain where mists drifted and grasses sparkled. Shadowy shapes stood in the distance.
"Excuse me," Launcelot said. "I left my walking stick inside."
He turned and reentered the cave.
"Yes, fetch it, old man," Merlin replied. "Your strength is already on the wane."
When Launcelot returned, he leaned upon the stick and squinted across the plain.
"This way," Merlin said, "to where your questions will be answered. I will try not to move too quickly and tire you."
"Tire me?"
The sorcerer chuckled and began walking across the plain. Launcelot followed.
"Do you not feel a trifle weary?" he asked.
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. Do you know what is the matter with me?"
"Of course. I have withdrawn the enchantment which has protected you all these years. What you feel now are the first tentative touches of your true age. It will take some time to catch up with you, against your body's natural resistance, but it is beginning its advance."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"Because I believed you when you said you were not a pacifist. And you spoke with sufficient vehemence for me to realize that you might even oppose me. I could not permit that, for I knew that your old strength was still there for you to call upon. Even a sorcerer might fear that, so I did what had to be done. By my power was it maintained; without it, it now drains away. It would have been good for us to work together once again, but I saw that that could not be."
Launcelot stumbled, caught himself, limped on. The hollow knight walked at Merlin's right hand.
"You say that your ends are noble," Launcelot said, "but I do not believe you. Perhaps in the old days they were. But more than the times have changed. You are different. Do you not feel it yourself?"
Merlin drew a deep breath and exhaled vapor.
"Perhaps it is my heritage," he said. Then, "I jest. Of course, I have changed. Everyone does. You yourself are a perfect example. What you consider a turn for the worse in me is but the tip of an irreducible conflict which has grown up between us in the course of our changes. I still hold with the true ideals of Camelot."
Launcelot's shoulders were bent forward now and his breathing had deepened. The shapes loomed larger before them.
"Why, I know this place," he gasped. "Yet, I do not know it. Stonehenge does not stand so today. Even in Arthur's time it lacked this perfection. How did we get here? What has happened?"
He paused to rest, and Merlin halted to accommodate him.
"This night we have walked between the worlds," the sorcerer said. "This is a piece of the land of Faerie and that is the true Stonehenge, a holy place. I have stretched the bounds of the worlds to bring it here. Were I unkind I could send you back with it and strand you there forever. But it is better that you know a sort of peace. Come!"
Launcelot staggered along behind him, heading for the great circle of stones. The faintest of breezes came out of the west, stirring the mists.
"What do you mean---know a sort of peace?"
"The complete restoration of my powers and their increase will require a sacrifice in this place."
"Then you planned this for me all along!"
"No. It was not to have been you. Lance. Anyone would have served, though you will serve superbly well. It need not have been so, had you elected to assist me. You could still change your mind."
"Would you want someone who did that at your side?"
"You have a point there."
"Then why ask---save as a petty cruelty?"
"It is just that, for you have annoyed me."
Launcelot halted again when they came to the circle's periphery. He regarded the massive stands of stone.
"If you will not enter willingly," Merlin stated, "my servant will be happy to assist you."
Launcelot spat, straightened a little and glared. "Think you I fear an empty suit of armor, juggled by some Hell-born wight? Even now. Merlin, without the benefit of wizardly succor, I could take that thing apart."
The sorcerer laughed.
"It is good that you at least recall the boasts of knighthood when all else has left you. I've half a mind to give you the opportunity, for the manner of your passing here is not important. Only the preliminaries are essential."
"But you're afraid to risk your servant?"
"Think you so, old man? I doubt you could even bear the weight of a suit of armor, let alone lift a lance. But if you are willing to try, so be it!"
He rapped the butt of his staff three times upon the ground.
"Enter," he said then. "You will find all that you need within. And I am glad you have made this choice. You were insufferable, you know. Just once, I longed to see you beaten, knocked down to the level of lesser mortals. I only wish the Queen could be here, to witness her champion's final engagement."
"So do I," said Launcelot, and he walked past the monolith and entered the circle.
A black stallion waited, its reins held down beneath a rock. Pieces of armor, a lance, a blade and a shield leaned against the side of the dolmen. Across the circle's diameter, a white stallion awaited the advance of the hollow knight.
"I am sorry I could not arrange for a page or a squire to assist you," Merlin, said, coming around the other side of the monolith. "I'll be glad to help you myself, though."
"I can manage," Launcelot replied.
"My champion is accoutered in exactly the same fashion," Merlin said, "and I have not given him any edge over you in weapons."
'"I never liked your puns either."
Launcelot made friends with the horse, then removed a small strand of red from his wallet and tied it about the butt of the lance. He leaned his stick against the dolmen stone and began to don the armor. Merlin, whose hair and beard were now almost black, moved off several paces and began drawing a diagram in the dirt with the end of his staff.
"You used to favor a white charger," he commented, "but I thought it appropriate to equip you with one of another color, since you have abandoned the ideals of the Table Round, betraying the memory of Camelot."
"On the contrary," Launcelot replied, glancing overhead at the passage of a sudden roll of thunder. "Any horse in a storm, and I am Camelot's last defender."
Merlin continued to elaborate upon the pattern he was drawing as Launcelot slowly equipped himself. The small wind continued to blow, stirring the mist. There came a flash of lightning, startling the horse. Launcelot calmed it.
Merlin stared at him for a moment and rubbed his eyes. Launcelot donned his helmet.
"For a moment," Merlin said, "you looked somehow different. ..."
"Really? Magical withdrawal, do you think?" he asked, and he kicked the stone from the reins and mounted the stallion.
Merlin stepped back from the now-completed diagram, shaking his head, as the mounted man leaned over and grasped the lance.
"You still seem to move with some strength," he said.
"Really?"
Launcelot raised the lance and couched it. Before taking up the shield he had hung at the saddle's side, he opened his visor and turned and regarded Merlin.
"Your champion appears to be ready," he said. "So am I"
Seen in another flash of light, it was an unlined face that looked down at Merlin, clear-eyed, wisps of pale gold hair fringing the forehead.
"What magic have the years taught you?" Merlin asked.
"Not magic," Launcelot replied. "Caution. I anticipated you. So, when I returned to the cave for my stick, I drank the rest of your elixir."
He lowered the visor and turned away.
"You walked like an old man. ..."
"I'd a lot of practice. Signal your champion 1"
Merlin laughed.
"Good! It is better this way," he decided, "to see you go down in full strength! You still cannot hope to win against a spirit!"
Launcelot raised the shield and leaned forward.
"Then what are you waiting for?"
"Nothing!" Merlin said. Then he shouted, "Kill him, Raxas!"
A light rain began as they pounded across the field; and staring ahead, Launcelot realized that flames were flickering behind his opponent's visor. At the last possible moment, he shifted the point of his lance into line with the hollow knight's blazing helm. There came more lightning and thunder.
His shield deflected the others lance while his went on to strike the approaching head. It flew from the hollow knight's shoulders and bounced, smouldering, on the ground.
He continued on to the other end of the field and turned. When he had, he saw that the hollow knight, now headless, was doing the same. And beyond him, he saw two standing figures, where moments before there had been but one.
Morgan Le Fay, clad in a white robe, red hair unbound and blowing in the wind, faced Merlin from across his pattern. It seemed they were speaking, but he could not hear the words. Then she began to raise her hands, and they glowed like cold fire. Merlin's staff was also gleaming, and he shifted it before him. Then he saw no more, for the hollow knight was ready for the second charge.
He couched his lance, raised the shield, leaned forward and gave his mount the signal. His arm felt like a bar of iron, his strength like an endless current of electricity as he raced down the field. The rain was falling more heavily now and the lightning began a constant flickering-A steady rolling of thunder smothered the sound of the hoofbeats, and the wind whistled past his helm as he approached the other warrior, his lance centered on his shield.
They came together with an enormous crash. Both knights reeled and the hollow one fell, his shield and breastplate pierced by a broken lance. His left arm came away as he struck the earth; the lancepoint snapped and the shield fell beside him. But he began to rise almost immediately, his right hand drawing his long sword.
Launcelot dismounted, discarding his shield, drawing his own great blade. He moved to meet his headless foe. The other struck first and he parried it, a mighty shock running down his arms. He swung a blow of his own. It was parried.
They swaggered swords across the field, till finally
Launcelot saw his opening and landed his heaviest blow. The hollow knight toppled into the mud, his breastplate cloven almost to the point where the spear's shaft protruded. At that moment, Morgan Le Fay screamed.
Launcelot turned and saw that she had fallen across the pattern Merlin had drawn. The sorcerer, now bathed in a bluish light, raised his staff and moved forward. Launcelot took a step toward them and felt a great pain in his left side.
Even as he turned toward the half-risen hollow knight who was drawing his blade back for another blow, Launcelot reversed his double-handed grip upon his own weapon and raised it high, point downward.
He hurled himself upon the other, and his blade pierced the cuirass entirely as he bore him back down, nailing him to the earth. A shriek arose from beneath him, echoing within the armor, and a gout of fire emerged from the neck hole, sped upward and away, dwindled in the rain, flickered out moments later.
Launcelot pushed himself into a kneeling position. Slowly then, he rose to his feet and turned toward the two figures who again faced one another. Both were now standing within the muddied geometries of power, both were now bathed in the bluish light. Launcelot took a step toward them, then another.
"Merlin!" he called out, continuing to advance upon them. "I've done what I said I would! Now I'm coming to kill you!"
Morgan Le Fay turned toward him, eyes wide.
"No!" she cried. "Depart the circle! Hurry! I am holding him here! His power wanes! In moments, this place will be no more. Go!"
Launcelot hesitated but a moment, then turned and walked as rapidly as he was able toward the circle's perimeter. The sky seemed to boil as he passed among the monoliths,
He advanced another dozen paces, then had to pause to rest. He looked back to the place of battle, to the place where the two figures still stood locked in sorcerous embrace. Then the scene was imprinted upon his brain as the skies opened and a sheet of fire fell upon the far end of the circle.
Dazzled, he raised his hand to shield his eyes. When he "lowered it, he saw the stones falling, soundless, many of them fading from sight. The rain began to slow immediately. Sorceror and sorceress had vanished along with much of the structure of the still-fading place. The horses were nowhere to be seen. He looked about him and saw a good-sized stone. He headed for it and seated himself. He unfastened his breastplate and removed it, dropping it to the ground. His side throbbed and he held it tightly. He doubled forward and rested his face on his left hand.
The rains continued to slow and finally ceased. The wind died. The mists returned.
He breathed deeply and thought back upon the conflict. This,-this was the thing for which he had remained after all the others, the thing for which he had waited, for so long. It was over now, and he could rest.
There was a gap in his consciousness. He was brought to awareness again by a light. A steady glow passed between his fingers, pierced his eyelids. He dropped his hand and raised his head, opening his eyes.
It passed slowly before him in a halo of white light. He removed his sticky fingers from his side and rose to his feet to follow it. Solid, glowing, glorious and pure, not at all like the image in the chamber, it led him on out across the moonlit plain, from dimness to brightness to dimness, until the mists enfolded him as he reached at last to embrace it.
HERE ENDETH THE BOOK OF LAUNCELOT, LAST OF THE NOBLE KNIGHTS OF THE ROUND TABLE, AND HIS ADVENTURES WITH RAXAS, THE HOLLOW KNIGHT, AND MERLIN AND MORGAN LE FAY, LAST OF THE WISE FOLK OF CAMELOT, IN HIS QUEST FOR THE SANGREAL.
QUO FAS ET GLORIA DVCUNT.
STAND PAT, RUBY STONE
I wrote this in a hurry for complicated reasons involving The Illustrated Roger Zelazny, and then the reasons evaporated and it got published in a different place than was originally intended, but everything worked out okay.
When it was agreed that we would marry, the three of us went to Old Voyet of the Long Legs to select a stone signifying the betrothal. This was to be our choice alone, as was the custom.
Kwib favored one the color of passion itself, bright blue, looking as if it were a solid drop of the great ocean. I preferred a jewel the color of fire, representing peace and stability in the home. Since our beloved agreed with me, the ruby stone, a more expensive gem, was selected and Old Voyet of the Long Legs made the incision in our beloved's brow, set the stone there and bandaged it in place. Our beloved, thenceforth to be known as Ruby Stone, was very brave. He held us and stared at the ground, unmoving, throughout that terrible little ritual.
"Never hurts me a bit," Old Voyet of the Long Legs remarked, "and I've done the Woods know how many over the returnings."
We did not reply to the crude humor, but made arrangements to see her paid before the ceremony.
"Will there be a Bottom-Top settlement for all to see?" she asked.
"No, we believe in privacy in these matters," I answered, perhaps too quickly, for the look I received in reply showed that it had been taken as a sign of weakness. No matter. The walker with the mitteltoth knows its wilpering best.
We bade one another farewell and departed in the three directions, to remain at station houses until Ruby Stone should heal sufficiently to be fit for the ceremony.
I rested and practiced thorn-throwing while I waited for the joggler. On the tenth day it came napping to my door. Before I slew it, I took its message and learned that we would be wed two days hence. The joggler's innards augured a mixed destiny but its flesh was tender.
Alone at the station house, I bathed and flagellated myself in preparation for the rites. I slept beneath a sacred tree. I watched the stars through its branches. I made offering of the joggler's bones at its mossy base. I listened to the singers who flew through the Wood---moist, coarse tongues hanging vinelike---collecting relatives, the little singers, to serve the belly-filling role in the great song-show of life.
One singer shrieked horribly in mid-swoop and was dragged downward by the tongue to disappear within the pot of a korkanus---a noisy piece of blackness torn from the night.
Before morning, I was at the plant's side, waiting for it to revert its stomach. It made a gurgling, slopping noise just as light was beginning to come into the world, ridding itself of the previous day's dross in a little steaming pool. I sprang back so as not to be splashed by the burning fluid. With a stick, I rummaged through the korkhanus's wastes as it sucked itself back into shape, probing among the bones and scales it had dumped.
They were present, two sets of talons---six, altogether---amid the pulpy remains. I fished them out with my stick and bore them off to the river on a mat of leaves, where I would clean and polish them. I took this as a good omen.
That day I also sharpened the talons and mounted them along the lengths of two sticks I could hold, as they were far better equipment than any I possessed. I wore them as part of a belt I then wove, looking much like hardroot rings to a wooden clasp.
The rest of the day I purified myself and thought often of my mates to be, and of our wedding. I ate the prescribed meal that evening and repaired early to the sacred tree, where I bad some difficulty in turning to sleep.
The following morning, I made my way back along the route I had taken to the station house. I met with Kwib and Ruby Stone at the place where we had parted. We did not touch one another, but exchanged formal greetings: "Root of life."
"Guardian of the egg."
"Bringer of sustenance,"
"Reaper of the Wood."
"Walkers in the prairie."
"Hail."
"Hail."
"Hail."'
"Are you ready to take your way to the Tree of Life?"
"I am ready to take my way to the Tree of Life."
"Are you ready to hang the emblem of your troth upon it?"
"I am ready to hang the emblem of my troth upon it"
"I am ready to accept you both as mate."
"I am ready to accept you both as mate."
"I am ready to accept you both as mate."
"Then let us go to the Tree of Life."
We leaped into the air and danced and spun and darted, soaring high above the Wood in the sparkling light of day. We turned and curved and circled about one another until we could barely stay aloft. Then we made our way to the great Tree, hung with its countless emblems, there to add our own with the appropriate words and acts. When we touched the ground at its base, Kwib and I each seized one of Ruby Stone's wings and tore it away.
Old Voyet of the Long Legs, Yglin the Purple-Streaked and Young Dendlit Lopleg were present, among others, to observe, congratulate and offer advice. We listened with some impatience, for we were anxious to be on our way. Observers take great delight in delaying newlyweds who wish to be about their business.
The three of us embraced in various ways and bade the others farewell. There was a murmur of disappointment that things would go no further at that point. But we raised Ruby Stone and together bore him back to the dwelling we had selected, bright nuptial stone glistening in his proud and polished brow. All of us made a fine appearance as we proceeded through the Wood to the Home. The others followed slowly behind us, humming.
When we reached the threshold we patted Ruby Stone's wingstumps and placed him within but did not ourselves enter.
"Behold, you will wait," we said together.
"I will wait, Beloveds."
Kwib and I faced one another. The humming ceased. We ignored the onlookers.
"Beloved, let us walk together," Kwib said.
"Yes, Beloved. We shall walk."
We turned and made our way past those who had accompanied us, moving into the solitude of the Wood. For a long while we went in silence, taking care not to touch one another. We came at length upon a small glade, pleasantly shaded.
"Beloved, shall it be here?" Kwib asked me.
"No, Beloved," I said.
"Very well. Dear One."
We continued on, watching one another, moving in a leisurely fashion. The sun reached the overhead position and began its descent.
After a time, "Beloved, do you wish to rest?" Kwib asked.
"Not yet, Beloved. Thank you."
"It occurs to me, Partner in Love, that we are heading toward the place of Trader Hawkins. Would you wish to stop by there?"
"For what purpose. Fire of my Life?"
"A drink of the heating beverage. Love."
I thought about it. The effects of the heating beverage might well serve to hasten things.
"Yes, Co-Walker in the Path of Bliss," I replied. "Let us visit Trader Hawkins first,"
We went on toward the foothills.
"Light of Love," I asked, "is it true that there is a mate in a hole behind the Earthman's dwelling?"
"I have heard this. Love, and I have seen the place, but I do not know. I have heard that the mate is dead."
"Strange, Dearest."
"Yes, Beloved."
We sat across from one another when we finally rested, watching. Kwib's dear form was sharp and supple is the deepening shadows, and larger than my own. A moon climbed into the sky. Another, far smaller, followed it later. I had grown hungry as the day progressed, but I said nothing. It is better not to eat, and so it is better not to speak of it.
We arrived at the foothills around dusk. Small lights from the trading post were visible among the trees. Night sounds had already begun about us. I smelled strange odors on the breeze that came down from the mountains.
As we passed through the brush, I said, "Dearest Kwib, I would like to see first the place where the dead mate is kept."
"I will show it to you. Partner in Life."
Kwib led me around to the rear of the building. As we went, it seemed that I caught a glimpse of Trader Hawkins sitting on the darkened front porch of the dwelling, gigantic in the moonlight, drinking.
Kwib led me to a huge plot of earth on which nothing grew. At one end of it was set a stone with peculiar markings. A bunch of dead flowers lay at its base.
"The dead mate is under the ground, dear Kwib, under the stone?"
"So I have heard. Light."
"And why are there dead plants, Love?"
"I do not know. Life."
"It is very strange. I do not understand. I---"
"Hey! What are you bugs doing out there?"
A light far greater than that of the moons had occurred atop a pole near the dwelling. The Earthman stood at the door, one of me long fire weapons in his hands. We turned toward him and advanced.
"We came to drink the heating beverage," Kwib said in trader talk. "We stopped first to see the place of the mate who is under the ground."
"I don't like anyone back here when I'm not around."
"We apologize. We did not know. You have the heating beverage?"
"Yes. Come on in."
The Earthman held the giant door open and stood beside it. We entered and followed the hulking form through to the front of the dwelling.
"You have the metal?"
"Yes," I said, taking a bar of it from my pouch and passing it over.
Two bowls of the beverage were prepared and I was given more than three smaller bits of the metal in return. I left them beside my bowl on the mat.
"I will buy the next one. Beloved," Kwib said.
I did not reply but drank of the sweet-and-sour liquid which moved like fire through my limbs. The Earthman poured another beverage and perched with it atop a wooden tower. The room smelled strongly though not unpleasantly of odors which I could not identify. Tiny fragments of wood were strewn upon the floor. The chamber was illuminated by a glowing jewel set high on the wall.
"You bugs hunting, or'd you just come up this way to get drunk?"
"Neither," Kwib said. "We were married this morning."
"Oh," Trader Hawkins's eyes widened, then narrowed. "I have heard of your ceremony. Only two go forth, and one remains behind...."
"Yes."
". . . And you have stopped here on your way, for a few drinks before continuing on?"
"Yes."
"I am more than a little interested in this. None of my people ever witnessed your nuptials."
"We know this."
"I would like to see the fulfillment of this part of the ceremony."
"No."
"No."
"It is forbidden?"
"No. It is simply that we consider it a private matter."
"Well, with all respect for your feelings, there are many people where I come from who would give a lot to see such a thing. Since you say it is not forbidden, but rather a matter of personal decision on your part, I wonder whether I might persuade you to let me film it?"
"No."
"No, it is private."
"But hear me out. First, let me refill those bowls, though.---No, I don't want any more metal. If---now, just supposing---you were to let me film it, I would stand to make considerable money. I could reward you with many gifts---anything you want from the post here---and all the heating beverage you care to drink, whenever you want it."
Kwib looked at me strangely.
"No," I said. "It is private and personal. I do not want you to capture it in your picture box."
I began to rise from my bowl.
"We had best be going."
"Sit down. Don't go. I apologize. I'd have been a fool not to ask, though. I did not take offense at your looking at my wife's grave, did I? Don't be so touchy."
"That is true, Beloved," Kwib said in our own tongue. "We may have done offense in viewing the mate's grave. Let us not take offense ourselves from this request now that we have answered it, and so do ourselves shame."
"Soundly said, Beloved," I replied, and I returned to my beating beverage. "This drink is good."
"Yes."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"Consider the ways of our dear Ruby Stone. How delicate he is!"
"Yes. And how graceful his movements ..."
"How proud I was when we bore him to the Home,"
"I, too. And the sky-dance was so fine. . . . You were right about the stone. It shone gloriously in the sunlight."
"And in the evening its pale fires will be soft and subtle."
"True. It will be good."
"Yes."
We finished our drinks and were preparing to depart when the Earthman refilled the bowls.
"On the house-A wedding present."
I looked at Kwib. Kwib looked at Trader Hawkins and then looked at me. We returned to the mats to sip the fine drinks.
"Thank you," I said.
"Yes, thank you," said Kwib.
When we had finished, we again rose to go. My movements were unsteady.
"Let me freshen your drinks."
"No, that would be too much. We must be on our way now."
"Would you wish to spend the night here? You may."
"No. We may not sleep until it is over."
We headed toward the front door. The floor seemed to be moving beneath me, but I plodded across it and out onto the porch. The cool night air felt good after the closeness of the trading post. I stumbled on the stair. Kwib reached to assist me but quickly drew back.
"Sorry, Beloved."
"It is all right, Love."
"Good night to both of you---and good luck."
"Thank you."
"Good night."
We moved off through the hills, striking downward once again. After a time, I smelled fresh water and we came to a Wood through which a stream flowed. The moons were falling out of the sky, and there was a heaviness of stars within it. The smaller moon seemed to double itself as I watched, and I realized that this must be something of the heating beverage's doing. When I turned away, I saw that Kwib had moved nearer and was regarding me closely.
"Let us rest here for a time," I said. "I choose that spot." I indicated a place beneath a small tree,
"And I will rest here," Kwib said, moving to a position across from me beside a large rock.
"I miss my Ruby Stone, Dear One," I said.
"As do I, Love."
"I wish to bear the eggs that he will tend. Love."
"As do I, Slim One."
"What was that noise?"
"I heard nothing."
I listened again, but there were no sounds.
"It is said that one who is larger---such as myself---can drink more of the heating beverage with less effect," Kwib said, after staring into the shadows for a long while and nodding suddenly.
"I have heard this, also. Are you choosing this place, Dear One?"
Kwib rose-
"I would be a fool not to, Beloved. May there always be peace between our spirits."
I remained where I was.
"Could it ever be otherwise, my Kwib?"
I sought the two sticks at my belt, where the talons resembled hardroot rings.
"Truly you are the kindest, the finest . . ." Kwib began.
. . . And then she lunged, her mandibles wide for the major cut.
I struck low on her thorax with one set of talons, rolling to the side as I did so. Recovering, I raked the other across the great facets of her eyes in which images of the moons and stars had glittered and danced. She whistled and drew back. I brought both sets of talons around and across and down, driving them with all of my strength behind the high chitin plate below her dear head. Her whistling grew more shrill and the talons were torn from my grasp as she fell back. The odor of body fluid came to me, and the odor of fear. . . .
I struck her with my full weight. I extended my mandibles and seized her head. She struggled for but a moment, then lay still.
"Be kind to our Ruby Stone," she told me. "He is so gentle, so fragile.. . ."
"Always, Beloved," I told her, and then I completed the stroke.
I lay there atop her hard and supple form, covering her body with warm leptors.
"Farewell, Reaper of the Wood. Dear One ..." I said.
Finally, I rose and used my mandibles to cut through the hard corners of her armor. She was so soft inside. I had to bear all of her back within me to our Ruby Stone. I began the Feast of Love.
It was full daylight when I had cleaned Kwib's armor to a slick, shining hardness and assembled it carefully, working with the toughest grass fibers. When I hung her on the tree she made gentle clicking noises in the passing air.
From somewhere, I heard another sound---steady, buzzing, unnatural. No! It could not be that the Earthman would have dared to follow us and use his capturing box---
I looked about. Was that a giant shadow retreating beyond the hill? My movements were sluggish. I could not pursue. I could not have certainty, knew that I could never have it. I had to have rest, now . . .
Heavily, slowly, I moved to a place near the rock and settled there. I listened to the spirit voice of my darling, borne by the wind from her shell. . . .
. . .- Sleep, she was saying, sleep. 1 am with you, now and ever. Yours is the privilege and the pleasure. Love. May there always be peace between our spirits. . . .
. . . And sleep I must before I take feet to the trail. Ruby, Ruby Stone, my Ruby Stone, waiting with the color of fire on your brow, glorious in the sunlight, soft and subtle in the evening. . . . Your waiting is almost ended. It is only yours to wait, to stand and to witness our returning. But now we have finished the trial of love and are coming back to you.... I can see the Home, so clearly, where we placed you. . . . Soon you will bring your brightness near to us. We will give you eggs. We will feed you. Soon, soon . . . The shadow is there again, but I cannot tell . . . This part does not concern you. I bury the shame within me---if shame it should be---and I will never speak of it. ... Our beloved Kwib is still singing, on the tree and within me. The poem is peace; peace, troth, and the eternal return of the egg. What else can matter, my Dear One? What else can temper the flight or star the brow of solitude but the jeweled badge of our love. Ruby Stone?
Sleep, sings Kwib. Wait, sings Kwib. Soon, sings Kwib. Our parts in the great song-show of life, Love.
One day, I saw a nice, slick, pretty, new magazine called Omni and was overcome by the desire to have a story in it, so I wrote this one and did.
He walked barefoot along the beach. Above the city several of the brighter stars held for a few final moments against the wash of light from the east. He fingered a stone, then hurled it in the direction from which the sun would come. He watched for a long while until it had vanished from sight. Eventually it would begin skipping. Before then, he had turned and was headed back, to the city, the apartment, the girl.
Somewhere beyond the skyline a vehicle lifted, burning its way into the heavens. It took the remainder of the night with it as it faded. Walking on, he smelled the countryside as well as the ocean. It was a pleasant world, and this a pleasant city--- spaceport as well as seaport---here in this backwater limb of the galaxy. A good place in which to rest and immerse the neglected portion of himself in the flow of humanity, the colors and sounds of the city, the constant tugging of gravity. But it had been three months now. He fingered the scar on his brow. He had let two offers pass him by to linger. There was another pending his consideration.
As he walked up Kathi's street, he saw that her apartment was still dark. Good, she would not even have missed him, again. He pushed past the big front door, still not repaired since he had kicked it open the evening of the fire, two---no, three--- nights ago. He used the stairs. He let himself in quietly.
He was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when he heard her stirring.
"Jack?"
"Yes. Good morning."
"Come back."
"All right."
He moved to the bedroom door and entered the room. She was lying there, smiling. She raised her arms slightly.
"I've thought of a wonderful way to begin the day."
He seated himself on the edge of the bed and embraced her. For a moment she was sleep-warm and sleep-soft against him, but only for a moment.
"You've got too much on," she said, unfastening his shirt.
He peeled it off and dropped it. He removed his trousers. Then he held her again.
"More," she said, tracing the long fine scar that ran down his forehead, alongside his nose, traversing his chin, his neck, the right side of his chest and abdomen, passing to one side of his groin, where it stopped.
"Come on."
"You didn't even know about it until a few nights ago."
She kissed him, brushing his cheeks with her lips.
"It really does something for me."
"For almost three months---"
"Take it off. Please."
He sighed and gave a half-smile. He rose to his feet.
"All right."
He reached up and put a hand to his long, black hair. He took hold of it. He raised his other hand and spread his fingers along his scalp at the hairline. He pushed his fingers toward the back of his head and the entire hairpiece came free with a soft, crackling sound. He dropped the hairpiece atop his shirt on the floor.
The right side of his head was completely bald; the left had a beginning growth of dark hair. The two areas were precisely divided by a continuation of the faint scar on his forehead.
He placed his fingertips together, on the crown of his head, then drew his right hand to the side and down. His face opened vertically, splitting apart along the scar, padded synthetic flesh tearing free from electrostatic bonds. He drew it down over his right shoulder and biceps, rolling it as far as his wrist. He played with the flesh of his hand as with a tight glove, finally withdrawing the hand with a soft, sucking sound. He drew it away from his side, hip, and buttock, and separated it at his groin. Then, again seating himself on the edge of the bed, he rolled it down his leg, over the thigh, knee, calf, heel. He treated his foot as he had his hand, pinching each toe free separately before pulling off the body glove. He shook it out and placed it with his clothing.
Standing, he turned toward Kathi, whose eyes had not left him during all this time. Again, the half-smile. The uncovered portions of his face and body were dark metal and plastic, precision-machined, with various openings and protuberances, some gleaming, some dusky.
"Halfjack," she said as he came to her. "Now I know what that man in the cafe meant when he called you that."
"He was lucky you were with me. There are places where that's an unfriendly term."
"You're beautiful," she said.
"I once knew a girl whose body was almost entirely prosthetic. She wanted me to keep the glove on---at all times. It was the flesh and the semblance of flesh that she found attractive."
"What do you call that kind of operation?"
"Lateral hemicorporectomy."
After a time she said, "Could you be repaired? Can you replace it some way?"
He laughed.
"Either way," he said. "My genes could be fractioned, and the proper replacement parts could be grown. I could be made whole with grafts of my own flesh. Or I could have much of the rest removed and replaced with biomechanical analogues. But I need a stomach and balls and lungs, because I have to eat and screw and breathe to feel human." She ran her hands down his back, one on metal, one on flesh.
"I don't understand," she said when they finally drew apart. "What sort of accident was it?"
"Accident? There was no accident," he said. "I paid a lot of money for this work, so that I could pilot a special sort of ship. I am a cyborg. I hook myself directly into each of the ship's systems."
He rose from the bed, went to the closet, drew out a duffel bag, pulled down an armful of garments, and stuffed them into it. He crossed to the dresser, opened a drawer, and emptied its contents into the bag.
"You're leaving?"
"Yes."
He entered the bathroom, emerged with two fistfuls of personal items, and dropped them into the bag.
"Why?"
He rounded the bed, picked up his bodyglove and hairpiece, rolled them into a parcel, and put them inside the bag.
"It's not what you may think," he said then, "or even what I thought until just a few moments ago."
She sat up.
"You think less of me," she said, "because I seem to like you more now that I know your secret. You think there's something pathological about it---"
"No," he said, pulling on his shirt, "that's not it at all. Yesterday I would have said so and used that for an excuse to storm out of here and leave you feeling bad. But I want to be honest with myself this time, and fair to you. That's not it." He drew on his trousers.
"What then?" she asked.
"It's just the wanderlust, or whatever you call it. I've stayed too long at the bottom of a gravity well. I'm restless. I've got to get going again.
"It's my nature, that's all. I realized this when I saw that I was looking to your feelings for an excuse to break us up and move on."
"You can wear the bodyglove. It's not that important. It's really you that I like."
"I believe you, I like you, too. Whether you believe me or not, your reactions to my better half don't matter. It's what I said, though. Nothing else. And now I've got this feeling I won't be much fun anymore. If you really like me, you'll let me go without a lot of fuss."
He finished dressing. She got out of the bed and faced him.
"If that's the way it has to be," she said. "Okay."
"I'd better just go, then. Now."
"Yes."
He turned and walked out of the room, left the apartment, used the stairs again, and departed from the building. Some passersby gave him more than a casual look, cyborg pilots not being all that common in this sector. This did not bother him. His step lightened. He stopped in a paybooth and called the shipping company to tell them that he would haul the load they had in orbit: the sooner it was connected with the vessel, the better, he said.
Loading, the controller told him, would begin shortly and he could ship up that same afternoon from the local field. Jack said that he would be there and then broke the connection. He gave the world half a smile as he put the sea to his back and swung on through the city, westward.
Blue-and-pink world below him, black sky above, the stars a snapshot snowfall all about, he bade the shuttle pilot goodbye and keyed his airlock. Entering the Morgana, he sighed and set about stowing his gear. His cargo was already in place and the ground computers had transferred course information to the ship's brain. He hung his clothing in a locker and placed his body glove and hairpiece in compartments.
He hurried forward then and settled into the control web, which adjusted itself about him. A long, dark unit swung down from overhead and dropped into position at his right. It moved slowly, making contact with various points on that half of his body.
---Good to have you back. How was your vacation, Jack?
---Oh. Fine. Real fine.
---Meet any nice girls?
---A few.
---And here you are again. Did you miss things?
---You know it. How does this haul look to you?
---Easy, for us. I've already reviewed the course programs.
---Let's run over the systems.
---Check. Care for some coffee?
---That'd be nice.
A small unit descended on his left, stopping within easy reach of his mortal hand. He opened its door. A bulb of dark liquid rested in a rack. ---Timed your arrival. Had it ready.
---Just the way I like it, too. I almost forgot. Thanks.
Several hours later, when they left orbit, he had already switched off a number of his left-side systems. He was merged even more closely with the vessel, absorbing data at a frantic rate. Their expanded perceptions took in the near-ship vicinity and moved out to encompass the extrasolar panorama with greater than human clarity and precision. They reacted almost instantaneously to decisions great and small.
---It is good to be back together again, Jack.
---I'd say.
Morgana held him tightly. Their velocity built.
ROGER ZELAZNY burst into science fiction with his critically acclaimed story "A Rose for Ecclesiastes" in 1963. Since then he has become a major figure in the field, winning the Hugo Award for Best Novel for This Immortal and Lord of Light and for his short stories "Unicorn Variation," "24 Views of Mt. Fuji, by Hokusai," and "Permafrost." His "Home Is the Hangman" received both the Hugo and Nebula awards; other Nebula-winning stories include "He Who Shapes" and "The Doors of His Face, The Lamps of His Mouth." Trumps of Doom, beginning a new generation of novels in Zelazny's beloved Amber series, won the Locus Award for Best Fantasy Novel of 1986.
Mr. Zelazny earned his B.A. in English at Western Reserve University and his M.A. at Columbia University; he worked as a claims specialist for the Social Security Administration until 1969, when he quit to write full-time. Currently he resides in Santa Fe, New Mexico, with his wife and their three children.

