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SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How wrong was it for me[26 m] to tell my crush[21 f] I'm leaving my GF for her?
POST: Throwaway because I'm dumb
I have hinted at breaking up with my GF but yesterday I finally said that it was my intention. My crush told me "Not to" and hasn't said anything to me since.
I'm not sure what is going through her mind and I am sort of confused. I was thinking that it is what she would have wanted given how much we have talked about it the last few weeks. Now that I made it real instead of fantasy she has stopped talking to me.
I hope she doesn't think she is to blame for ending my relationship because really, she wasn't. It was over long ago. I didn't mean to put a burden on her, if that's what I did. I really thought I was doing the right thing :/
Help me out, is she mad that I some how put a pressure on her? Or hurt? I would hate to think that she didn't mean what she has said to me lately and is now backing away when I am trying to prove that I have been serious.
TL;DR: | Told a crush I have been talking to that I want to leave my GF for her. She's stopped talking to me since and I'm not sure what she's thinking. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [NON-ROMANTIC] 19M clueless on what to do with 16F
POST: A little context is needed so before I start, here's a little back story:
During my senior year in high school, I was part of a program where seniors helped incoming freshman adjust to high school life and help them with any problems they may have and to just give advice in general. I bonded with several of them and we all generally became quite close friends through them telling me about their problems in school and sometimes outside of school. I helped as best I could according to each situation, but for this one girl, let's call her Maggie, we got exceptionally close. Throughout the past year, we sort of became "big brother" and "little sister" and this is how I want our relationship to stay like. I must admit that I love her with all my heart, but for me, it's as a sister, not as a romantic interest. And then I moved away for college and I haven't seen her in a while, but now I'm back for Spring Break and we decided to go hang out together during the week...
And so, here's my problem, I've never once in my life hung out with a girl one on one in a non-romantic setting. She doesn't know what she want's to do, and neither do I. All of my ideas for us hanging out are too romantic and so I come to you, the wonderful people of reddit for advice on where to go, what activity to do, etc. with Maggie. Thanks!
TL;DR: | What's a non romantic date idea for two people who have no romantic interests in each other? If it helps, we're in NYC. Thanks! |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Need some advice on what to do next
POST: I've been together with this girl for about three months now and it has actually been going really well. We met at work, went out partying and it went pretty straight forward since then.
One problem is that she lives 30 kms from my place and since we both have started studying again we don't meet as often, I'm either too tired to go back to the city in the evenings or I'm broke to go out in the weekends since I don't really get a lot of money when studying.
Anyway, today she told me that she was out last night at a club with some of her friends, and that she had to confess something to me about what happened when I wasn't there. She had started making out with an old friend/girlfriend (she was a bit bi-curious two years ago and had a relationship with a girl for a couple of months). She tells me that she knows that she isn't bisexual anymore and that she noticed that yesterday too, but that she really missed me last night and when she saw her old friend she got a bit excited etc...
I am kind of disappointed she did it though since she tells me that she really likes me a lot and wants us to stick together and keeps telling me that "it's not that bad she is a girl", but seeing as she has done stuff with that girl a couple of years back I don't really know how to take it.
I keep thinking, will she do this again? How bad is it really that she made out with another girl and did other various things. I think I believe her that she isn't that much interested in girls anymore since she has made it really clear, although sometimes I'm not too sure, she keeps bringing up the threesome idea and what I would think about trying it some day, probably with that girl she used to be with.
Anyway, what do you think Reddit?
Sorry if my english was too annoying, it's my third language.
TL;DR: | My gf made out with her ex-gf last night and begs for forgiveness and says she isn't really interested in girls anymore but that she really missed me and wants our relationship to work. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Should I file for unemployment even if I don't need it right now? (In California)
POST: I'm unemployed, but it's not through any fault of my own. I was working as a temp, and my boss let me go because he mismanaged his budget and didn't have enough money to keep me on.
Anyway, about me...I'm a 22 female and I have enough money for 4-5 months of rent and food for where I'm currently living. I'm a recent graduate, which makes it hard to find a job because everyone seems to want 3-5 years of experience in my field. I'm applying to office jobs too - I'd be fine being someone's assistant - but no responses so far and I'm a month in.
My boyfriend has urged me to file for unemployment though. At first I thought it'd be great because who doesn't like free money? But one of my friends pointed out that I shouldn't file for unemployment until I need it - because there are other people who need it more badly than me.
What should I do? I am torn because I feel bad if I take money from these people who work so hard if I don't need it. At the same time, what if something goes wrong in 4-5 months? I don't know if gas prices will go up, if food prices will go up because of drought, or if rent will randomly increase.
TL;DR: | I have 4-5 months money for food/gas/rent. Is it wrong for me to start getting unemployment benefits now? Will it be taking away from other people who need it more? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: College relationships and distance.
POST: I [20M] am considering asking out a girl [30F] from my hometown soon. The problem is that I will. Be returning to school in about a month, and I will have to remain there for a pretty long time. The distance is drivable (it's about 60 miles, so just over an hour's drive), but I have no experience with relationships that are even semi distanced.
I really like this girl, and I think I am willing to drive back every week or so to see her, but I would hate to go into this not fully understanding what I am getting myself into. I haven't asked her yet, but we've been friends for a while. That's a different problem though, and one that I will be dealing with soon.
And yes, I know our ages are little mismatched, but that's not the point here. I'll worry about that later. For now I am purely concerned about geographic displacement.
TL;DR: | I want to start dating someone from my hometown, but I will be going back to school about an hour away. I don't really know what it's like to date someone I am not living near. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: What are some of the worst weeks you've experienced in your life? (I'll start)
POST: Two weeks ago, my Grandma died. Being Jewish, I went home from college to be with my family for the full mourning session (which is a week after the funeral in which we sit Shiva). The grief and depression are hitting me now, when I'm away from all my family and all alone.
As a result, I missed a week and a half of classes. The week I got back, was the week of my midterms. Not only did I have to catch up with all my work, but I had to study for my midterms and write two research papers. Meanwhile, I'm going to all my classes and I've been completely lost because of how much I've missed. I've been back for a week. I bombed one of my midterms and think I did decently on my others. I still have to write one of my research papers and continue to catch up on reading for other classes.
I'm also moving. My roommate and I have had issues for awhile now (we hate each other) and I'm now switching rooms. There's so much to prepare for the move. And I'm nervous about getting along with my new roommate and getting acclimated with a new environment.
Everything seems to be building up and I keep breaking down. It's so draining, both emotionally and mentally. I haven't slept in three days. The stress is just too much.
TL;DR: | My Grandma died. I missed school and am insanely stressed with all the work I have to catch up on. I'm also moving. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [18m] started working where my middle school crush [18f] works, I think I just got feelings for her again.
POST: We both had crushes on each other but nothing ever really happened from it. Even this entire summer at work I never did anything but that was because I just didn't really feel that way about her anymore. That changed I think over the weekend where we were at a party together we spent hours near each other talking to one another. I thought she had a boyfriend so I wanted to respect that, but later that night I had heard from some people she had broken ip with him.
We are both going to college next year, both of us equally distant from our hometown but in completely opposite directions. Basically I want to know how to find out how to ask if she has a boyfriend still, and how I would make something work under the circumstances.
I figured I could just tell her how great it was talking with her, and suggest we do it again sometime. I wouldn't expect her to get in to a committed relationship really, although we are only an hour and a bit apart.
TL;DR: | I'm working with my middle school crush, got some feelings back for her, she may or may not have a boyfriend and we are going to college very soon. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: Why do women have a neediness for a first love??
POST: I was curious if there was any content/articles and wanted opinions on what seems to me like a female need to be with the first guy they're intimate with..Ive personally seen and been on both sides of this before and it seems apparent that this is commonplace in almost every situation, so basically I want to know what's up with that
I admit I've always wondered this but especially lately based on my own situation..My ex of many many years ago seems to continuously bash me on social media and alludes to the "misery" that was our relationship, so much so she needs to let everyone know this all the time..Funny enough, she has a boyfriend and has been with him for a few years as well
With that it brings me to my confusion on this subject in a few ways, like why is it after so long does she seem to spend her entire day quite frequently hating me, it seems a bit excessive..Most young relationships are very high tension and i moved on long ago, but I have to say it's really weird when she still has to have this odd resentment (or secret wanting) of me after so long, I don't mention her or discuss her in any way, but lately the content has ramped up so much that it's actually starting to become agitating..Essentially I want to know if s this a common thing that women do
Even worse it confuses the shit out of me why her boyfriend doesn't seem to care..I was laughing about this the other day but in a way it's almost awkward when I think about it, they've been together for so long and her primary focus is on hating me instead of him, so on the same point why would a guy not find that weird at all..If the girl I'm dating is doing that after a few months I'd be concerned, but after a few years I wouldn't be involved anymore because it's pretty fucking weird to me..I mean if I want to tell her to get over the shit how does he not feel that way when it's his girlfriend
TL;DR: | Why do women always have a thing for the first love they have..My ex has spent years hating on me on social media, despite having a boyfriend, what I did years ago seems to be her biggest issue |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [31 M] still have feelings for ex-gf [30 F] after being broken up for 9 months, but she has basically let herself go.
POST: Basically gf and I tried to do long distance and had been dating for 1.5 years, but I broke it off due to a variety of reasons in January. One of those reasons (not the main) was the lack of sexual attraction. She was putting on weight and didn't feel the need to exercise. She said I should love her no matter her size.
Fast forward to last month, we have chatted and started talking and I see her back in the city where both of us moved from and she has added another 15-20 pounds. I was seriously so mad. I still really love this girl and have feelings, but the attraction is basically gone. I tried to be nice about it and she did the usual workout for a week then quit that she did when we were dating. I wasn't rude, but I was very up front in saying that in a long distance relationship there has to be a desire for sex with that person, otherwise it's just a friendship.
I honestly don't know what to do. Like I said, I do love this girl. We've been through a lot together but if I can't look at you with sexual desire then i just don't know how a relationship could work. Especially a LD one.
TL;DR: | Began talking to ex-gf again, saw her, she put on more weight and isn't near a physically attractive. Completely killed my desire for her but still love her. Need advice!! |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: what drives you to create?
POST: It should be noted I have been diagnosed with ADHD but I have no insurance for medication.
In the last 4 years I've felt so uncreative and the desire to create has been overshadowed by an overwhelming sense of just trying to get by and live life. It kills me because whatever drive I had from childhood through college is gone. Now I just avoid anything that has anything to do with creating for more than a week. I burn out easily and lose interest in the "brilliant" idea I was working on.
Yet, I have very successful friends and family that just have this magical drive to keep at what they are working on. Is there a secret I don't know about or is my biology and brain just screwing with me?
TL;DR: | I lost my drive to be creative and am wondering if the drive to be creative is a natural thing or if others who succeed in staying motivated are plagued with the same struggles I have. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: My Job is Not a Priority in my Department
POST: I work in user experience in a department that designs software.
As some background, they lack people with design/implementation skills, so I either have to do all of that too or heavily criticize the attempts of others (neither are good feels). It also seems like I'm the only person in this organization who knows how to "do agile" correctly.
This Year: There were so many usability flaws, code quality issues, and problems with the company's development methodology. I was working on a plan to improve user-experience, and made sure to point out other problems I had noticed along the way. Move things to be more lean and user-centred; get onto more modern web technologies; redesign the interface; etc. People generally acknowledged these things over the last year, but weren't so on board to help me make changes.
Recently: Finally something broke and went horribly wrong. I shouldn't have been, but I was so excited, because *finally* the management eyes were opening to the problems I'd been describing all along. And their solution was to get a few of the best devs and myself into a room and give us a blank slate to prototype new frameworks and start fresh.
More Recently: Big bosses come to visit and basically tell us we have a short period of time to deliver x-list of features *and* have "quality" (buzz-word) on our new framework (to me quality means something different than it would for someone doing system tests). Now management is telling me to forget user-centred design, *like it's some nice-to-have feature instead of my actual job*.
TL;DR: | This department is so bent on delivering that they deliver badly. Now they're terrified of losing their jobs, so they're all trying to push out another garbage piece of software to replace our old garbage piece of software. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [28, M] don't know how to tell my friend [32, M] that he has a body odor problem
POST: M and I have been mates for at least 15 years. He plays a lot of indoor sport and comes off the court smelling pretty nasty. However he's always just been a sweaty guy.
My other friends and I (who are all good friends with him) noticed it ages ago. That he has a certain pong to him. Because none of us directly and maturely dealt with is straight up when we first noticed it, we're somewhat stuck with it.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I bring my friend over to another friend (D)'s place to watch sport. M 32 and I are sitting on one couch, the others are on another couch. M is wearing jeans and a singlet.
My friend D who was hosting us, tells me later that M has a body odor problem and was stinking out the house. He and his other mates were overwhelmed with the stench. He also had to text to warn the next people coming over (so as to not offend my friend by asking "what's that smell?" when they arrived).
D brings all this up a couple weeks afterwards when we're hanging again. He had to wash his couch cushions and air out the house for the next day as it was so bad. He asked if I knew about the issue. I told him I did. He is a friend who calls a spade a spade, and is direct with all his friends. He told me I need to say something (which I agree with).
My question is not, do I say something? It is, how to I delicately but in an adult way tell my friend M (lovingly) that he has a BO problem and it affects those people we all hang out with. I know that there are medical options to treat such a problem, but right now doing nothing affects me and the people I hang with!
TL;DR: | Friend has had BO problems for years and no-one has directly confronted him about it. Now it's affecting me and those I hang with. How do I tell him in a way that isn't offensive but is supportive and constructive? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: If we delete a Reddit username... What happens?
POST: I'm very curious how this is handled.
Are the [deleted] names indexed by search still? As an example, if _deleted was a username that went through Reddit's deletion process, and I googled that, would the post that got 5,000 karma under that handle be plastered at the top of the search results? Would the old user's upvote/downvote history be available on any other part of the server? Are the archives actively updated when a user is deleted?
As an Information Technology major, it also interests me as to the sort of Database Management System Reddit's using to store such up-to-date numbers and responses at high volume. If Reddit's database is doing deletions that are simultaneous in archives and have a ton of references, I would be impressed to hear how Reddit's architects concentrated code to preserve bandwidth while maintaining data concurrency.
TL;DR: | I really just want to know what happened to the account i subscribed in /r/gonewild to and if my OAXG can find it with the power of google. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: She [F22] is cheating on her boyfriend of three years with me [M21], but is procrastinating ending their dying relationship.
POST: I began working with "Jessica" several months ago. I learned of her three year boyfriend and was surprised when she asked for my number. The first few times we hung out we clicked immediately and she was not shy about how unhappy she was with her boyfriend. As we got more serious I finally began to ask about when she planned on ending it. She told me it was inevitable, but she was having trouble with how much she would hurt him. Her parents love him and he is kind and thoughtful but she is done with him because he is over sensitive, boring and inadequate sexually. After a few months of seeing each other, she came up with the idea that if we limit how much time we spend with each other, she won't be able to have her cake and eat it too. It's at this point that we start to have sex, and very frequently. After a month of this, she still has not broken up with him. Am I stupid for waiting? And if she does pull the trigger, is there any hope for us?
TL;DR: | She is cheating but has still not broken up with him after almost five months of seeing each other. Is there any hope? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girl [20/F] I've [22/M] been talking to is backing off cause her ex [20?/M] started talking to her
POST: I've met this girl through online and I've chat with her for about 10 days or so. We really hit it off and she seems to enjoy everything I like. We made plans to hang out once she comes back to college, which is in about a week. I've been eager to meet her and do things together. But recently, she slowed down on texting and stopped texting me completely yesterday. Today, she sent me a text saying her ex started texting her and her feelings are slowly coming back... Although I'm "perfect" she says she needs some time to herself...
I know I can just leave and save myself some trouble but I've never had any girl share so much interest with me. I don't want to lose this opportunity, I want to at least show her what it'd be like to hang out with me and win her over. But she's says she wants to be free of feelings for any other men before she gives me a chance. I understand where she's coming from, but I don't think I'll ever hang out with her if she's gonna text her ex and not me. What can I say to her to let her give me a chance or at least continue our conversation?
As of now, I've told her to take her space and let me know when she decides on it
TL;DR: | Girl's ex started texting her a couple days ago, now she wants to stop talking to me and think about how she feels. What can I do to get one chance with her? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Just pick up and leave.
POST: To be clear this is not coming from some depressive phase or gloomy short term mood. I have had my fits of depression and fought through them, I am far beyond my days of hating myself. Over the past year or so I have taken a step back and evaluated myself and my environment and always had the feeling that I am a lone wolf. I am perfectly okay with this. I've never been the person to be especially extroverted. I have always been more content sitting by myself than being around a number of less than consistent acquaintances. I've had only one other individual whom I can relate with and open up to, he is my only true "friend". During this evaluation of self I have always had a burning desire to just pack up and leave my home town. I've always wanted to travel and experience the world around me. My best friend has always referred to us as the two people everyone is going to sit around and ask "hey do you remember so and so, I wonder what ever happened to them?" and always felt a sense of reassurance from that. I want to be the person who makes something of their lives, not in a financial aspect as money has never been an appealing goal in my life, but in experience. I love to meet interesting people and just sit and listen to them. My motto over the past couple years has been that there are several billion people in this world, why not meet a few? Which leads me to wanting to just pack up one night and drive into the sunset without saying a word to anyone, only keeping in touch with family and my best friend. The only thing compelling me to stay here is that I have one year before I graduate college. I know education is essential in the current world, and have no desire to leave during my last year of college. This is more of an after graduation plan...or rather non-plan. I want to move around from city to city, town to town just experiencing life. Thoughts?
TL;DR: | I want to pack up and leave one night without telling anyone. Just moving around from area to area meeting people and experiencing everything the world has to offer. |
SUBREDDIT: r/dating_advice
TITLE: We live far away and i feel like shit [M19]
POST: so I [19M] met a girl[19] last semester at a large university I attend. We hit it off and exchanged numbers, but did not do anything the night we met. We have been constantly texting for the last few months, and even the occasional facetime chat. Both sides are interested and we have said that we would most likely be dating IF we didnt live 3 hours apart. She lives in a large US City while I live 3 hours away when I am home and 4 when I am at school (We go to different schools).
What I could use any help on is how to lose the feelings I have for this girl. Its not like the normal "oh only time will heal" BS because the thing is, we still are constantly talking. I love talking with her and don't really want to stop, but it absolutely kills me inside knowing that we can't be together and that she is constantly hanging out with guy friends and hooking up with other guys. We have met up twice since we met and it has been an absolute lovely time. I really just do not know what to do. It kills me to see snapchats or instagram posts of her hanging out with her hookups, but at the same time I really do have feelings for her and while its not possible now, I think it could be possible later on to have a real relationship.
What do I do reddit? Do I cut off communication and move on entirely, while sacrificing an important friendship (& possible relationship)? Do i keep doing what I have been and hope for the best? any help is much appreciated
TL;DR: | met a girl who is interested me, been talking over text for months, have developed feelings, relationship is not plausible at the moment, don't know what to do |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Follow-up to my bank hitting us with $300 in overdraft fees.
POST: Follow-up to [this post](
Brief overview: Student loan payment was double posted in error (the FASFA loan site's fault), my bank capitalized on it by reordering our transactions to maximize overdraft fees.
My wife talked to the FASFA people who were completely shitty and unhelpful, so I went to the bank today to try to talk them out of the overdraft fees. The manager didn't care too terribly much either when I tried talking to her as one human to another, she also didn't respond to me threatening to close the account (she offered to refund only one of the nine overdraft fees).
She denied reordering the fees, she repeated "these are the order that they arrived here." Even though all of our < $5 transactions from the days prior to the loan payment were posted after we went into the red.
At the peak of my frustration I told her that it really felt like we were being robbed, and if I'd taken the bank for $300 I'd be in jail. She told me that wasn't true, that the overdraft fees were there for my protection. I replied, "You just told me to my face that charging me $35 per transaction after conveniently processing them in the order that maximizes these fees that you're doing it for my protection... and you can sleep at night?"
As soon as she realized I was accusing her of being the villain she changed her tune up and said if I filled out a form for an overdraft line of credit she could forgive $105 of the fees. I filled out the form, but as soon as the money posts back to my account I'm closing it.
TL;DR: | Being nice to the manager got me nowhere, being borderline abusive got me 1/3 of my fees back. It felt really good to call her on her bullshit. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [23F] struggling to keep in touch with my partner [25M] while I am 3000 miles away, what can I do?
POST: I've been dating an otherwise great guy over the past few months, so the relationship is still relatively new, but I feel like there are some stumbling blocks.
I have travelled over 3000 miles away over the festive period to spend time with family. I don't get to see them often, so it's a welcome treat. However, I'm struggling to stay in touch with my boyfriend over this period. Or rather, he appears to be fairly distant with me.
I arrived, and over a period of 24 hours barely heard anything from him. He had friends visiting over that weekend, so they seemed to take priority. I explained that it would have been nice to hear from him (a text or two doesn't take that long to send) but he 'assumed' that I wanted space and he also had other things to do. I feel like I'm putting pressure on him to communicate when maybe he has other priorities that he may have been lax on since we started dating.
The past few days have been ok as I guess he is trying to make an effort, but I still feel the distance of me being so far away and for so long. I try to initiate conversation but it often feels stilted. Admittedly, I feel a bit down about this even though I should be making the most of my holiday. I'm worried that because it's a relatively new relationship, he is a bit frustrated at me going away for so long. The only time his interest was piqued was when I said I was going for a beer with a friend, and he tried to discreetly ask about the identity of said friend.
I understand that he has his own life, and I guess my nervousness is because I have a lot of spare time right now. However, I feel like it's almost a one way street, and having spoken to him about it already, I don't feel like I can bring it up again without seeming needy. Is there anything I can do? Or should I take a step back and allow him to get in touch in his own time?
TL;DR: | Travelled 3000 miles away for 3 weeks to spend the festive period, and it feels like boyfriend isn't really interested anymore. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me(24/f) 9 months post break-up, wondering when I'll quit feeling so apathetic towards dating
POST: I'm a frequent lurker and poster here, so I'm hoping you guys can help me out. I went through a really shitty breakup about 9 months back, there were some semi-traumatizing aspects to it and I felt pretty fucked up for a few months, got into therapy, etc. I'm in a much better place, I'm having a really good time being single and I have great friends, hobbies and overall everything is good.
Objectively, I really want to find a relationship again. I was a good partner, I liked the companionship and the fun of being with someone, I eventually want a family, all that stuff. However, I feel completely indifferent towards pretty much every guy. I've been on some first dates, and so far all of them have asked for second dates, a few of which happened but I just couldn't feel interested enough to put in the effort after that. And these are guys who i did find attractive, fun to talk to, potentially good partners. I feel bad for being so apathetic about it, because it is something I want- the motivation just isn't there.
I suppose I'm just curious to hear others experiences. I FEEL superduper over my ex, i know moving on can look different for different people but its frustrating that I WANT to date and find someone but my emotions are just like meh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
TL;DR: | Want to date, am good at dating, but also feel completely apathetic and disinterested in guys and dating. Getting irritated with myself. |
SUBREDDIT: r/loseit
TITLE: Lets give this one final go...
POST: Hey Loseit!
I am a long time lurker. Your stories have been a big inspiration over the past year to try to make myself a better me. Unfortunately I have a terrible habit of giving up before seeing any results. I feel this is due to the lack of support and accountability in my life.
I am female, 5'5, and 201 lbs. At my peak weight during my sophomore year of college I was about 230 lbs, I have only kept that weight off because I no longer drink everyday and I do not live with terrible roommates anymore. I have not always been so big, the only job I could find during high school was at McDonald's and it caused me to balloon from a size 5 to an 18.
I am sick of being overweight. I am sick of sleeping on my side being uncomfortable. I am so so very sick of being shocked at how big I am when I see pictures of myself. I am an ambitious and driven person in every aspect of my life except for taking control of my weight.
Even though I am overweight, I have always been very athletic. My stamina is obviously not what it used to be and I do breather heavily from working out, but I am very strong for not maintaining anything. So I have decided to join my neighbor's crossfit gym. I know there is a lot of hate for crossfit because it seems cultish, but I think I almost need that intense group aspect to motivate me to get out of the house.
TL;DR: | I want to enjoy life again. I am posting here in front of all of you to make me feel more accountable to return to you in a year as a whole new person. Thanks for the community, r/loseit! |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [23 F] with my [25 F] sister told me she was pregnant today and wants to keep the baby.
POST: My sister is an ex-heroin addict and has multiple warrants for her arrest, she has never taken care of herself before, unless you count stealing stuff for drug money or prostituting herself for drug money. She told me today she was pregnant and wants to keep the baby.
I am legitimately worried about her becoming a mother, I just don't think she is ready for it and I don't think she should bring a child into this world with how she lives. During our conversation today she never asked a single thing about how to raise a baby (I have 2 kids, you'd think she would ask for advice) All she said was that her "boobs were finally getting bigger" so she wanted to stay pregnant, and she also asked how soon she would be able to collect a Child Tax benefit every month. These were red flags for me.
How do I tell her that she shouldn't be a mom right now, without sounding like a bitch?
TL;DR: | Completely irresponsible sister wants to have a baby, need advice on how to persuade her not to become a mother right now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with [19 F] hook-up. Said I would call but don't want to. What is the right thing to do?
POST: Basically had a fun drunken night which led to making-out and her sleeping over with girl I met that night, no sex but "stuff". I got her number and told her "I have your number" suggestively in the morning. She's too young and other in a different stage of life. Have had very few hook-ups.
No real interest in seeing her again but feel stupid for saying I would. Should I call/txt saying it was nice but no thank-you? Or just not do nothing?
I know I shouldn't have lied and I feel pretty stupid about it. I know this isn't really a "relationship question". Not a random hook-up guy. And it was definitely a moment of weakness/stupidity in my currently unconfident self to try and be a player. Only ever really tried for girls I am serious on.
TL;DR: | Hook-up with much younger girl. Said I'd follow-up but don't want to. No interest in anything more. What's the right thing to do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My (23 M) so of 2 years (20 F) that I have sacrificed everything for started sleeping with another man. I can't eat or sleep. I need help sleeping. What do I do.
POST: I really don't want to tell our whole story... But lets just say I took care of this girl and made her life significantly better after being with her for 2 years. We were long distance for a good part of it, including the final few months, and 2 days after she told me she wanted to move in with me she admitted to fucking a guy that I was suspicious of for months. And now they are continuing to do it.
I can't sleep because I know that as I sleep she is fucking him and the image has kept me awake for days. I lie in bed awake trying to think about anything but her but I can't, and the image of her and him just plagues me. It is killing my performance at work and my sanity. I need help on sleeping. Melatonin doesn't work and alcohol makes it so I can't work in the morning.
TL;DR: | Girl that I love and sacrificed everything for started fucking another guy. Can't sleep. Need to sleep. Help me sleep. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [18M] Confused by signals from friend [18F]
POST: Sorry if I've asked this in the wrong place, I didn't really know where it belonged.
Ok, so the problem is that I [18M] am friends with this girl [18F] and have wanted her to be my girlfriend for a fair while and now I'm torn between staying friends or asking if she would like to date.
The problem is that we have tried dating a few years ago but due to my habit of sabotaging most good things that happen to me we only lasted about a week. She did however say we should still be friends.
Now she has said before that nothing's going to happen between us and I accepted that. She comes over fairly often and we usually watch a movie and cuddle. To begin with it didn't bother me, I just figured she was lonely and wanted a hug, I feel like that myself from time to time so I thought nothing of it. But then things escalated, mainly I get to play with her breasts.
Now, I would take this as she's still interested. But every time I think about bringing up starting a relationship I remember when she said it wasn't going to happen and I think about the fact she's always facing away from me. That might just be because that's the direction of the tv but I can't escape the thought that it's a hint that it means she's not interested.
I'm not interested in anything else happening with this girl unless we're going out. So my questions are:
Are these behaviours normal things that platonic friends do?
Is it worth risking our friendship pursuing a relationship when all the green lights might just be in my head?
How would I go about bringing this up?
TL;DR: | Do platonic friends cuddle and boob play? and is it worth risking the friendship in pursuit of a relationship?. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Reddit a friend needs your help: Her professor lost her final paper and gave her an F, refuses to listen...
POST: Friend of mine at UCLA submitted her final, it was a paper/essay. Her professor lost it and refuses to listen to reason or accept that he lost the paper and gave her an F.
She also submitted an electronic copy a day before the due date, so there is a record of that. The professor refuses to use the electronic copy to give her a grade because he "doesn't have the time and is too busy." what kind of person does this shit?
Furthermore her councelor told her there is nothing to do but submit a petition for a late-drop. I told her to email the head of the deparment, but other than that what else can she do?
I humbly ask the hive mind for help, this girl is one of the hardest working people I know, takes care of bills, works and goes to school, while getting straight A's. I love this girl like my little sister and I would go all out Dexter on this professor if he doesn't change her grade.
TL;DR: | professor lost my friend's final paper, refuses to accept it or grade her electronically submitted copy and gave her an F, what can we do. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20M] with my GF [20F] of 3 years, what she did while we were broken up is now messing with me and I don't know if we are handling it right...
POST: My girlfriend and I broke up about 6 months ago and during the 2 months we were apart she slept with two guys, one twice, then wanted me back after realizing that leaving me was a mistake.
She is the love of my life...So I decided to forgive her and take her back, but I didn't realize how what she did while we were apart would affect me. I didn't touch another woman because I was still healing. After telling me the details I'm upset almost daily about spontaneous thoughts of her with the other guys. It's almost obsessive but I don't choose to have these thoughts.
Since we both never really got our promiscuousness out of our systems before our beginning of our relationship 3 years ago, and she took the opportunity to while she had the chance and I didn't, **my GF decided she would let me sleep around a couple of times** if that meant that we were on a level playing field sexually, and she thinks that it would make me feel less betrayed.
My GF has ideas on how this arrangement will work, like her sleeping in the spare bedroom while I go out on the town and try to pick up, take her back to our house, and fuck her in the bed me and my partner usually sleep in. I just think this is a really silly and not very thought out arrangement. But at the same time she seems really willing to support this idea and help it become a reality. She and I don't want to separate while I do this, so while the girl is over, she will just be my 'housemate'.
I'm just so sure this will backfire, and I'll regret taking the opportunity, but I'm also afraid I will grow resentment over time about what happened, and also regret NOT taking the opportunity while given the chance to level the playing field!
Does anyone have any experience with this sort of thing? Any past experiences? How did it go? And other ideas to help me than this? I'm extremely open to ideas!!!!
TL;DR: | Girlfirend slept around while we were apart, and now wants me to while we are together. I think this is going to end bad. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23M] want to break up with my girlfriend [20F] of almost a year.
POST: I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year now and I feel like I should have ended things within the first month.
There were always certain things that bugged me about her, but since I am not a confrontational person at all, I just put up with it thinking "the sex is good and she will probably break up with me soon anyway." I was very wrong.
To be clear, I do care about her immensely and when I tell her I love her a big part of me means it. I just don't think we are right for each other at all and the relationship is sickeningly codependent, which I am not ok with.
She moved in with me pretty early on, which seemed like a good idea at the time. Over the past few months I've been realizing I just want space more than anything, but I can't kick her out without breaking up with her. Our relationship would quickly deteriorate if I did that and I think that may cause more emotional turmoil than if I just broke up with her outright.
The issue lies in the fact that she has nowhere to go if I break up with her. I would of course give her time to find a place and move out, but I don't want to be around her at all right after we break up. A good friend of mine offered me a place to stay while she is finding a place and moving out, but I am not entirely sure I trust her at my apartment alone while she is in the heartbroken state she will undoubtedly be in. She is insanely clingy and emotionally unstable. I am a paranoid person and I don't really think she would do anything, but I don't want to take the risk of her breaking or stealing anything because I don't know for a fact that she wouldn't.
Another issue is that she doesn't have a job. She has no way to pay for an apartment of her own and will probably be unable to find an alternative in the timeframe I would give her.
TL;DR: | I want to break up with my girlfriend of almost a year. I don't want her alone in my apartment after we break up, but I also don't want to be there with her. Read the post. |
SUBREDDIT: r/needadvice
TITLE: My Boss Is Breaking The Law
POST: My boss has me selling a bunch of copyrighted materiel on his website he has asked me to create, and it goes against my code to be working on something like this, and is using other artist's actual work to base his designs off of. What would I have to do to get it reported, so it could ultimately get taken down, so he would be forced into actually putting up legitimate content. What should I do? I have tried telling him it is wrong, and he didn't care, so I am thinking about giving anonymous tips to all the people his is infringing upon. I do not want any repercussions to come my way. I am just trying to do the right thing.
TL;DR: | My boss is breaking copyright laws selling other peoples designs as his own. I told him it's wrong; he doesn't care, so what should I do without getting in trouble. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: How can I soothe my anxiety towards the future?
POST: I want to get a bachelor's degree in Digital Art, I love to draw and have done it off and on for a little over 10 years. My fears have been going through my head all month, I'm afraid that I won't be good enough to get a job in that field of work. I am good at drawing but I am overwhelmed with the thought that I could be not good enough to get a job. I'm 18 and have just started community college so luckily I have some time but I am just terrified of doing all of the work to get the degree just for it to be waisted. So, I would like to know how I can get over this fear and go full speed ahead to achieve my dream. Please avoid telling me to not get a job in Digital Art because it'll be "unsuccessful". My fears may be big but they are not strong enough to cause me to give up this goal.
TL;DR: | I need advice on how to get over the fear of not getting a job with a bachelor's degree in Digital Art, even though I am dead set on achieving this dream |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [F26] housemate of 1 year [F25] wants to sublet for a month while she is on holiday. I am uncomfortable.
POST: Posting from mobile so bear with me! No throwaway because they don't reddit to my knowledge.
I've lived with Bree and Bianca for just over a year now. We were originally month to month, and signed a minimum 12mth lease officially in January. We all get along great.
Bree, out of the blue, booked a trip to Europe a few weeks ago. She floated the idea of getting someone to stay in her room while she was gone. I was initially ok with the idea if the person was someone she knew (not a stranger) and preferably female. I also said that I'd see if anyone was interested.
It's been a couple of weeks now, and the trip is coming up. As she hasn't been able to find anyone, Bree has put an ad up on Airbnb to try get someone to pay her rent for that time.
I expressed that I wasn't really comfortable with it, given that we don't have locks on our doors, and I own a lot of expensive electronics, not to mention most of the living room is my furniture. (Plus I frankly don't see any benefit to myself or Bianca- monetary or sanity-wise with this arrangement. I obviously didn't add this part out loud.)
She agreed to keep looking for someone we knew, but a few hours later texted me saying that she has a girl who is keen on seeing the room, and as a last resort can she have her see the place.
I haven't replied yet. I don't want to be the bad guy here, saying that she should have to pay a month's rent even though she isn't here, but it's what I would do in that situation ( in fact I have two trips coming up which I will be doing that).
My other housemate seems to be ambivalent, but I believe this is because she also wants to have someone stay on her room for 3 months while she is away December-February(
TL;DR: | housemate of 1 year wants to sublet to strangers for a month while she is on holiday. I am uncomfortable. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: The girl [22f] I [24m] am talking to is mad as we have not been on a date.
POST: I met a girl Kate in March; she's funny, smart, and cute. We have been in contact everyday. After a month of talking she hinted we should go on a date and invited me to a local beer festival. I said I was busy and she said she understood.
Last night while talking Kate asked if we were even going to go on a date. I said we were but I wanted to handle my internship first. At that point she said, so you're saying I have to wait at least another month and asked if I was serious. I mentioned I was, it wouldn't take that long we'd go on a date soon and I admitted I should have asked for one a long time ago.
> Then she mentioned, I've been talking to you since March, I've asked you out on dates and concerts as well, dude this is a waste of my time. Actually can you delete me from everything? I'm over it. Thanks for wasting my time and making me feel like an idiot.
That bit stung, she hung up on me. I sent her messages, called her phone, saw she went out with her friends via snapchat. She definitely saw and read everything I sent her.
I definitely messed up, I should have asked her out on a date and accepted her invitations. Seems like I lost the girl I've been interested for the first time in a long time.
Is there anyway to get back from this?
TL;DR: | girl I am talking to felt I was stringing her along when I wouldn't go on a date. She has been ignoring me since last night. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How do you make a "professional" looking website? How do I start this project?
POST: Hey Reddit, I have recently started a project, and I need to create my own website. While I have some knowledge on programming (Python) and basic HTML I just don't know how to start. What programs should I use, and what are some things that I keep in mind? Also what features do you HATE/LOVE to see on website? Would you guys have any good tutorials that would help me? I cannot give a lot of information about the site yet, but I will probably have to learn java script and/or Flash eventually too. Oh I also have the domain name I want but don't want to buy it until I am a good ways into my project.
TL;DR: | noob at programming wants to know how to make a good website. Need a place to start and some awesome tips. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: (OK, USA) Girlfriend may have broken hand. HR told her if she cannot work without restrictions, she must stay home. Is there any potential ADA violation occuring?
POST: The gist of it is that my girlfriend may have a broken hand. After informing her supervisor that she may need to work slower, HR called her and told her that she either needed a letter from the doctor stating that she could work "without restrictions", otherwise she needed to stay home.
She works an office job, so there is no lifting etc. It is primarily using a computer, so the only thing her injury is affects is speed of typing and (possibly) using the mouse with her right hand; a trackball would completely alleviate the mouse issue.
Her doctor said it may take several weeks before there are no restrictions, i.e. she make be in a cast or splint, meaning HR may stand by their "work without restrictions" statement.
My primary questions is whether this is potentially an issue of ADA compliance. I know that there was a ruling at least in 2014 regarding temporary disability involving a broken bone as well, but it may not apply in this situation. HR made no attempts at accommodating via left handed mouse, altered expectations of workflow, or even speech to text input if typing speed is somehow the issue.
Is temporary disability applicable here? She has all qualifications, professional experience, and has been at this job for over a year; can she really be forced to use all of her vacation time, leave without pay etc. because of a hand injury? Should ADA compliance even be mentioned to HR, or is there any reason to move further and consult an attorney?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend breaks hand. HR tells her to stay home unless a doctor provides a letter that she can "work without restrictions", which could be several days to weeks. Is temporary disability relevant in this instance? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: 20M (OP) and 20F; insight on cheaters.
POST: Hello Reddit,
I am 20 studying abroad in a foreign country and met a girl while here. She had a bf (I knew) but we started hanging out casually, just as friends. I explained after about a week or two of this, I had feelings and was definitely physically attracted (I could tell she was as well from the signs she gave). She basically said yeah I like you a lot but I have a boyfriend. We kept hanging out (not sure why she would) and she would lie to her boyfriend about who she was with/where she was. We ended up hooking up after things progressed and went on dates etc. Then her time abroad was over, she left and went home and never left her boyfriend. She never said she was going to; however, her behavior indicated she was and she openly expressed doubts about being in her relationship. Also, something along the lines of "the more he says he loves me, the less I feel like I am into the relationship." She also said she had feelings for me. What do all of you think? After a while it seems like I've dodged a bullet. A. she can't be open and honest with someone she "loves" B. if she did care about me it seems now like she's basically a coward C. not good to pursue relationships (sex is fine) with those already involved in one.
TL;DR: | Fell for chick who was in a relationship, feelings seemed to be reciprocated but in the end got left holding the bag. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: I'm moving out of state with my SO, ~10 hour drive with a cat. What's our best approach?
POST: Hey, /r/Advice, this is my first time posting here. My significant other and I are in our mid 20s and we're moving out of state by the end of June. It's the first time we'll be moving out together with a pet and we've accumulated some things since living together so I've come to you for advice.
The basic scenario:
* We both own our own cars, 4 door compact sedans
* We live in a one bedroom apartment with no real furniture except a mattress and box spring
* We own a cat
* The drive is approximately 10 hours
* Neither of us have any experience operating or driving a truck
* Cat doesn't do so well in the car, she meows and yowls but we have let her out of the carrier and that does help some. We have only taken her on ~30 minute trips at a time.
I've looked up some options like using PODS and uShip containers, but those seem much pricier than renting a truck or a van. The cheapest option seems to be towing my car with the truck to our destination, but we're uncomfortable with that idea since none of us have experience driving a truck, let alone pulling a car with it.
The most common advice we've seen online is to purge, purge, purge. If we squished everything into two cars, I think we could make it work, but the problem is we own a cat and that complicates things. We'd want to make the ride as comfortable as we can for her.
So... the question is: what's the best approach for us to move out of state with the cat? Frugally would be ideal, but if we have to spend a little more to make the process easier for us and for our cat, that'd be great!
TL;DR: | Look at bullet point list above. Moving out of state with a cat. What's the cheapest and/or most convenient way for us to make this happen? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I have terrible troubles comprehending things I read the first time I read them. Help me?
POST: So, reddit, here is the deal. I'm a highschool student about to take the ACT. In other tests, I score great.I have a 4.0 with many AP credits under my belt. My state's standardized test I got in the top 95^th percentile in everything, my highest being 99^th in math. I do good on those test because I have damn time to read the passage and the question.
Here is the trouble though, my state allows for MUCH more time to do each section than the ACT does. When I take the ACT practice tests and stuff, I run out of time because I'm so slow at reading. I can do the reading itself just fine, as in I am able to comprehend higher level books and stuff, but more times than often, I need to re read a paragraph or even a sentence multiple times for the idea to sink in. I just do not have time to do that on this test.
This is relevant in my english classes too, because when we do "read alouds" (Fucking fuck those) I just cannot do it. I can read it, but the way I read it doesn't get the point across that it is supposed to because *I* dont understand the sentence that first time around.
On some other practice standardize tests I have taken, every section is the same trend. Almost flawless for about the first 3/4 of the test, but near the end, I get nearly every question wrong because I am forced to guess because I didnt have time to read anything.
Basically, what I'm asking, is does anyone on Reddit know any tips or tricks to help me prepare for this test? Does anyone know a way that I can understand something the first time I read it, and not have to go back and dissect the damn line over and over again?
TL;DR: | I SUCK at comprehending sentences and paragraphs my first go around. Can someone help me to understand things my first time reading something? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: A guy [20M] I've been seeing unintentionally makes me [20F] self conscious about my body
POST: Hey there,
Around 3 months ago I met a really nice guy, we'll call him Richard, at the gym at my uni. Richard and I hit it off immediately. We have a bunch of common interests and just sort of clicked. After 2 months of friendship, he asked me out on a proper date. We've been casually dating ever since.
I've recently noticed, after Richard suggested we spend an afternoon at the beach, that he, unintentionally, makes me really self conscious about my body. He's only ever said positive things about how I look and thinks I'm beautiful. He's never given me any reason to think he's unhappy or critical of how I look.
However, Richard is a fitness junkie. He plays varsity football and goes to the gym on average twice a day, seven days a week. He's hanging out in the ~10% body fat range. Now, I, am a relatively fit individual. I enjoy fitness, go to the gym on average 4 days a week, but I have gained ~20lbs in the past 2 years.
Due to this weight gain, and a tendency to be hyper analytical, my self confidence is shake sometimes. I find sometimes I can be quite critical of my body, I notice flaws no one else ever sees.
I've realized that being around Richard can increase how critical I am of myself. I'm extremely proud of all the work he puts into his body and how he looks, and I respect him like crazy for it. But his looks, and his drive towards improving himself sort of just bring to the forefront all the insecurities I have about my own body.
I know none of this has absolutely nothing to do with him. It's all about how I feel about myself. But I find that now I'm projecting those insecurities. I worry that he sees all the little flaws I do, or thinks I could stand to lose a few pounds. How do I learn to trust that he really does think I'm beautiful and reassure myself that this is all just me being overly critical of myself?
TL;DR: | The guy I'm dating is cut like a Greek god and it makes me self conscious about my own body. I know he thinks I'm beautiful, how do I convince myself I'm the only one who sees the "flaws"? |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Oh, sorry, did I drop your drinks?
POST: I work in a village shop which is usually frequented by lovely, friendly people who really appreciate me being there to help them...But occasionally I get some little assholes in who think they can make me their bitch.
I work the final shift, 6-9, by myself; I work the till, I help customers with problems and then I finally shut up shop. I, like every other employee, have a set of rules to follow. Last night I was at work and these two kids, probably about 17 years old, dressed in the whole "SWAG" outfit with thick-brimmed hats came in and gathered up some stuff. I told them about some deals that would let them get more for their money, blah blah blah, and they come up to the till with something like £3.40 worth of stuff. I scanned it all through, bagged it up for them and told the person paying the total and he handed me his card.
Me: "Sorry, mate, it's got to be over five pounds to pay by card. Your's is at £3.40...You can either pay by cash or maybe go grab some more stuff" Now I'm aware to some people that might seem like I'm trying to scam more money out of them but it's a rule that's been in use for years at my work and there's even a sign that displays this rule.
Him: - thrusts the card at me- "Go on den."
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, it has to be over £5 to pay by card. I'd accept card for this amount if I could but I can't."
Him: He walks off to go get some more stuff and mutters "F-ckin' f-ggot" assuming I couldn't hear him. I heard. As he brings his stuff up to pay, now with an extra 4 pack of energy drinks, I let him pay for it all and then as I handed him the bag I "accidentally" dropped it. Woopsie. I apologised for dropping it (trying my best to seem sincere) and he grumbled, picked it up, left the shop and opened a drink...to have it fizz up all over him.
TL;DR: | kid at work called me a f-ggot so I purposely dropped his energy drinks on the floor, shaking them up. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [15F] get through to my family so they could stop taking my stuff?
POST: I will be very brief. I [15F] am not a huge spender and prefer to save my money for something nice and valuable. However, I never get the chance to do so because it's always taken from me.
In short, my siblings [20-23 MF] go into my wallet for cash. Sometimes I'd have up to fifty dollars in my wallet after saving for months, and I'd come home from school and find it completely empty.
I can't bring it up with my mother [50F] because she is usually the one that asks them to take it from my room when they come up to her for money. My siblings have jobs, but for some reason they never have cash on them. I have my theories as to why this is the case, but I can't bring it up without punishment.
With my father [52M], he ends up getting mad at me for "giving" the money to them. We aren't very well off, and I don't have a job at the moment, so he gets pissed that I'm seemingly giving away cash to my siblings.
I can't help it. I literally hide my wallet and I'd come home to find my drawers open and my room a complete mess. It's gotten to the point where I'd take some of the money with me and hide the rest in my little sister's room. Before you ask, no, I'm not allowed a bank account. Even if I had one, I'm pretty sure they'd keep insisting for them to use it.
It isn't just money. My mother specifically takes jewelry, perfume, clothing, etc. and anytime I protest it, I get in trouble. My siblings also take clothes, headphones, etc. without asking me beforehand. They usually wait until I'm out to take anything from me, so I wouldn't have a chance to confront them.
I would be completely fine with this of it went both ways. But it doesn't; I always get in trouble asking for just bus change from my siblings. If I bring up the fact that they take money from me, I get punished.
My question is this: How do I get through to my family to stay away from my things successfully?
TL;DR: | Family frequently takes money and items from me without asking. How do I get through to my family to stay away from my things successfully? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I'm bad at staying friends with exes. Help. (23F)
POST: Summer fling with this guy ended, on his request. I'm still really attracted to him and fantasize about being with him.
We haven't seen each other in person since ending it, just some light texting and calling, but after every two weeks or so I always find myself stepping over the line when it comes to friendly flirting. I'm a flirty person in general, but he's an ex and I occasionally come off wayyyy too strong.
Obviously I apologize and feel really bad about it, but I'm really frustrated that I can't seem to control myself. I know I'm in the wrong here and I seem stuck in this cycle. It's happened three times and I feel like I'm ruining our friendship.
Is there any way to maintain this friendship? I don't want to go completely NC because I really like his energy (I know that sounds lame but he is someone I want in my life).
Is one-sided NC effective, ever? Like, I only text him when he texts me? Any ideas how I can just do that?
Or am I being selfish keeping him around and hurting his feelings, and need to just leave him alone. I don't want to be that person that plays with people's hearts. Advice on how I can stop doing this?
TL;DR: | Really want to be friends w ex from summer fling, but is there a way I can stop sabotaging the friendship? And how can I stop doing this in the future? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] don't know if I should tell my boyfriend [37M] of 6 weeks about my abuse when I was younger
POST: So as the title says, I don't really know if I should tell my boyfriend about my abuse (sexual and mental). The topic was broached a tiny bit, but I didn't go into full detail because I wasn't ready and I don't know if he should really know.
It has caused issues in my sex life, such as I am uncomfortable with passionate sex. I want to be able to have passionate, loving sex instead of having just rough sex all the time. I'm not saying that rough sex can't be loving, it's just that in my mind, rough sex doesn't constitute "love".
I also would like for him to about this because I'm afraid if I don't, the relationship won't last long. I trust this guy and I do love him. I want to give him the respect of knowing what happened to me....since I haven't gotten into full detail with any of my past boyfriends.
TL;DR: | I was sexually abused when younger and it still effects me to this day. I do not know if I should tell my boyfriend or even how to tell him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [19 M] don't know how to react to my ex[20 F] after she went and had sex with a friend of mine.
POST: We were together for 3 years. We ended things around the end of October of this year. We decided it was best to spend some time apart from each other because we still want to be together. I plan on marrying this woman and having a family with her, but not anytime soon.
We chose to end things mutually to give ourselves time to see each other from a different perspective, while we weren't tied down with each other. I was okay with her seeing other guys at the time and so was she.
Fast forward to now, I find out yesterday that she had sex with one of my friends. What was interesting was that I had seen her Christmas Eve to exchange gifts, and we had sex because we missed each other. And she had sex with my friend the Monday before.
I know I have no say in her life right now, and she can go ahead and do what she wants, but how am I supposed to react to this? I obviously still love this woman, and she still loves me. We wanted this to happen, but I guess I wasn't fully prepared to handle the situation. She told me that she had no feeling while she was with him. He didn't matter to her. But that still doesn't defeat the fact that she had sex with him.
The kicker: She plans to see him again tomorrow to hang out because he is leaving for school on Thursday. I know for a fact that they will end up having sex and I honestly don't know how I'm going to feel after that.
Right now, I tend to think that everything is okay, and I'll be fine. But once in a while, I remember what she did and it gets me really depressed. I can't even look at porn the same way anymore because I think about them doing it.
TL;DR: | My ex of 3 years recently had sex with one of my friends. How do I deal with the fact that my she's having sexual relationships with someone other than me? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [25m] get on the same page as her [21f]?
POST: We are both in school (at the same school) and have been seeing each other for around 7 months. I'm quite crazy about this girl, but the relationship we have now feels emotionally and physically lacking for me. When we spend time together, its fantastic, but I only see her around once a week and we only spend a night together like once a month. Too many times I will suggest an things for us to do and she'll seem super excited about it, but when it comes down to actually putting time aside to do it, she'll be too busy, and it won't happen. Now, the nature of her program is busier, she has other jobs/volunteering obligations and she has a much larger set of friends in the area that she keeps up with, though, too. I do my best to give her space when she's super busy, but still be persistent about finding times when she is free. I feel like I am a much more marginal figure in her life compared to how I feel about her. Neither of us are particularly good communicators about relationship stuff, but it's gotten to the point where I need to say something. I am dreading putting an ultimatum on minimum physically/emotionally intimate time, but given that we've been seeing each other for seven months, maybe I just need to stick up for myself.
TL;DR: | There is a mismatch between the apparent amount of relationship time/effort that the girl I'm crazy about has for me and the amount of time I feel I need. I want to talk to her about it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/legaladvice
TITLE: Property Manager is dragging feet on allowing me an emotional support animal
POST: So I recently got a letter from a therapist stating my need for an emotional support animal (ESA). I kindly asked my landlord (who referred me to the property manager who owns the business) what I should do to get the ball rolling with this.
I contacted the property manager and scanned her a copy of the therapist letter I received. I waited for five days to hear back from her and she only responded because I prompted her to. She told me she is contacting her legal team in regards to this matter.
She later emails me that the therapist who wrote the letter is located in California while I live in Illinois and have for some time now (which is true). The way the ESA process works is you fill out your symptoms online then it goes it nto a pool of applications. The therapist that accepted mine just so happened to be in California. I asked if providing her additional documentation from my local therapist and psychiatrist would help speed the process along just in case that was the issue (which it legally cant be, but whatever). I got the letter to her that stated I had been going to my local therapist for some time now and it is not a recently developed condition (which I think the manager thinks I just want to get an animal into an animal free complex ).
The lady above me has a service dog (I think for epilepsy) and from what I read I think ESAs have about the same rights as srrvice animals.
I looked up the Federal Fair Housing Amendments Act of 1988 and Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973 and I should be in the clear here.
I have grounds to take her to court for dragging her feet and not allowing me one, right?
TL;DR: | Property Manager is dragging feet on approving my emotional support animal even though I have proper documentation stating that I am entitled to have one. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Infidelity- I (24M) think my girlfriend (23F) of three years is cheating on me with her new boss
POST: Throwaway because she has checked my reddit account in the past.
My girlfriend and I have been together for the majority of three years, minus a few months last year 6 months after our daughter was born. That couple of months was extremely difficult because of both of our actions during that time. We got back together though and a few months ago moved into a new place.
Everything was good until she started working a new job. She is a newspaper carrier so she works graveyard. Her best friend is also working there with her. Her new boss is 22 and apparently does quite well for himself. They have been spending a lot of time together for "work-related" things, but it's never just work stuff. They hang at his house all the time. She sleeps all day when she does come home after working, but can manage to stay up and watch movies or go shopping. He bought her 130$ Chanel perfume. She told me "he's just like that, he buys stuff for his friends." I feel like it was really inappropriate even if nothing IS going, but it also doesn't feel right as her SO.
I looked at one of those "Signs they're cheating" articles (I know they are full of bullshit and are poorly written) but a lot of the signs seemed to match up. She's got a new job, she dolls herself up to go throw newspapers at 1AM, she's extremely distant. The only thing is that I can't prove any of it concretely. I just have speculation.
I haven't brought any of this up to her because I don't want to be painted as a jealous asshole if I'm wrong. What should I do? There's a 20 month old in the mix too, I have to think about how all of this could affect her too. I just have a really bad feeling, and I'm usually pretty intuitive I think.
TL;DR: | I think my girlfriend is cheating on me with her boss but I can't prove anything. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25 M] with my _Live in GF/Baby's mom_ [20 F] Need to break up.
POST: I've been seeing my Daughter's mother for a little more than a year now. We got a pretty good apartment closer to my college. it's 2 hours from home so no big loss on either end. Everything was fine and dandy for the longest time, but for the last 4 months I realized that (and I didn't think this was possible) I am not 'in-love' with her anymore... Don't get me wrong, there's no ill-will here. There hasn't been any huge fights, in fact I don't think there's ever been any real fights; I've never cheated on her, and I know she's not that type. Though I kinda wish she was cause this would be easier. I don't know how to tell her, I don't know what to tell her.. She's a delight to be around, I love her to death. But anything close to physical interaction and I'm completely repelled. If we didn't have the baby that would be easier, I've tried to carry on like nothing was different, I've pretended the feelings were there in hopes that they atrophied, somehow they're just laying dormant; all for our baby's sake. It doesn't help
What would you do?
TL;DR: | My Daughter's Mother is an Angel to me, and I don't want to be any more than friends with her, what would you do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Should I (M,22) leave my girlfriend (F,20) of 3 years before moving together?
POST: So, I have been dating a girl for 3 years now, and before we dated we were friends for 2 years. I know everything about her, and I really do love her - in the sense that I am still completely empathetic of her emotions and the idea of hurting her in any way is heartbreaking. She really is a perfect girlfriend, not jealous ever, never argues, never complains when I work late or decide to go out with friends. What I'm getting at is that if I were to write down pros and cons, it would seem silly to ever dream of splitting up.
But despite this, I feel a push to start emotionally distancing myself from her. I don't know what the root of this push is but it could be due to either loss of sexual attraction (she's put on some weight) or lack of maturation - I have very defined interests and goals and am very motivated, whereas she doesn't really have any interests yet, and her life really hasn't taken any clear focus. In conjunction with this, she is not intellectually stimulating at all, something that I find very important.
Soon, we are both planning to move to Europe for school, but then I have these qualms. I was the one that initiated the move, so I feel somewhat responsible for what happens to her over there. All in all, I don't think I want to marry her, but I do love her. So I wonder - should I break up with her now - before we move - since is is probable it won't last forever, or should I take her with me for now since I do still love her?
TL;DR: | About to move to Europe with a girl - love her but don't want to marry her - break it off now or later? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19 M] jealous of my GF[20 F] sexual past.
POST: My girlfriend and I started dating when we were 16 and went out for around a year and lost our virginities to each other. We broke up and recently got back together last month.
The topic of sex came up and she was telling me that she has slept with 8 other guys since we broke up. I played it off because she always tells me I am the best (don't they all?).
It's really been bothering me though, I just feel kind of left out. I want to experience different partners and see how different sex is but I also feel so guilty for these thoughts. I just feel like if I had slept with a few girls in that time then we would be.... even? I don't know it's really messing with my head.
I know it shouldn't but it really does. This obsession has made me develop deep trust issues and now I see any guy as competition that might steal my girl away from me.
How do I get over this?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend has had multiple sexual partners and she's been my one and only. It's bothering me, how do I get over this? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How do I [20F] know if it's time to move on, or if I'll always regret leaving him [24M]?
POST: I love my boyfriend of approximately 9 months but, as in all relationships, ours isn't perfect. I have severe depression that comes and goes and I've had it since I was a young child, and I'll probably always have it. He's not very supportive- he never acknowledges it, and if I try to talk about it, I feel like I'm talking to a wall. I know he wants to be there for me, but I've given up on trying to get any comfort from him because it just leaves me frustrated.
He's also much more conservative than me. He complains about me wearing dresses that hit midthigh, or talking to my roommates about their sex lives, and watching stupid corny sex shows. Last night I told him my roommates and I were watching a documentary about sex toy factories, and he went on a rant about how me doing that was nasty, disgusting, and that I should just keep stuff like that to myself. I was upset, and he got mad at me, saying that he should be able to express his opinion. I agree, but his opinion sometimes leaves me feeling like crap. I feel judged a lot, and part of that is my own insecurities, but his comments don't help.
Despite this, he's a great guy and I really love him. He's very tolerant of when I get emotionally unstable (my depression has been creeping back up and I just started medication a few days ago). He's never gotten angry or yelled at me, it's just not something he'd do. He treats me pretty well. I love his family. He's got a good job and he's invested in his future.
I would hate to break up with him because I think there's someone else I would be better with, and regret it years later. But I'm not getting what I need... So r/relationships, what do I do?
TL;DR: | Love my boyfriend, but sometimes I feel like crap because of his opinions and lack of emotional support. Not sure if they're worth breaking up over, especially because he's really great otherwise. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: How can I [23/M] meet people between work and introversion?
POST: So I work about 50 hours a week. I work with a relatively small group of people and don't have to deal with customers or anything like that, but I find that being around people 10 hours a day really drains me. Furthermore, I'm relatively new to my town so I don't know anyone really except my coworkers who are all older than me, most with families and such. So my coworkers are pretty much all caught up in their own business, and I don't have anyone to do fun things with.
I want to meet a girl. Preferably to make some kind of connection with, but honestly, a quick bang with no strings attached would be just fine too. In the past, I've met all my girlfriends and flings through school. Well, now I'm out of school with a job and no future schooling in sight. I've been on one date in the whole year that I've lived in this town working, and it was with someone from work. We weren't really compatible, though. I knew that going into it, but she's hot and I wanted to get in her pants. It went well, but I'm not gonna get in her pants.
Anyhow, I don't know how to go about meeting people. After work, I'm fucking exhausted. It takes a very serious effort to not just go to sleep until I go to work the next day. Going to a bar or some shit, especially alone, is WAY beyond the amount of social interaction I can deal with in one day. On most weekends, I go out of town to hang out with friends, so, for the most part, I don't have an opportunity to meet people.
TL;DR: | I work too much, and I'm typically busy on the weekends visiting friends out of town. Also, social interaction really drains me so putting myself in social situations after work is unappealing. How do I meet people? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is it mean not to pick up the guy I've been seeing from the airport?
POST: I'm 25f, he's 23m. I've been seeing this guy for a few months and he's very hot and cold. Sometimes he's all about me and very sweet, but other times it just seems like he's just using me for sex.
He's stood me up on dates before, cancelled plans, etc. and I am turning into the dumb girl who waits around for him to call or changes my plans to be with him. Today he was supposed to fly back in at 2 and I told him I could pick him and drop him off. Now he's telling me he's too hungover for that flight and instead I need to pick him up at 6.
The thing is, I already made plans with my friends. I'm not sure how he will get home, but I'm also not sure if it's my responsibility. He told me a time and he flaked. Should I feel bad about this? Will this damage whatever we have?
TL;DR: | The guy I'm seeing changed his flight time because he was hungover and I already made plans. Should I cancel them or leave him stranded? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: How much child support are my kids entitled to?
POST: My ex-husband receives SSDI and my children receive separate checks from that. The courts have ordered him to pay $300 a month in child support in addition to the children's checks which do not count toward that amount. He draws $750 a month from SSDI and is taking me back to court because he claims I am not entitled to 40% of his income. Keep in mind he hasn't paid me a dime of support in years. Through my research I am told my children can receive between 50%-65% of his check. Is this correct? I'm not interested in raising the amount of support because he has to have something to live on too. He has no bills and lives with his mother so it's not like I am throwing him in the cold. I figured the $300 was very fair. The judge also ordered him to make arrangements with me to pay me back my lawyer fees amounting to $1,800. He says I cannot do this and refuses to pay anything towards child support or lawyer fees.
TL;DR: | Ex-husband gets $750 from SSDI. Child support is $300. Too much or too little? What is the legal percentage in Alabama? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I'm [21/m] about to have my first gf [18/f]. How do I ask her to split dutch on dates?
POST: Hello Readers of Reddit,
This Reddit has been really helpful to me, and so here is another problem to be solved (don't think it's a major one).
So I love this freaking girl a lot. She's funny, smart, and caring. But, I only have one issue with her. I probably should just talk to her about it, but I am not sure how to do so tactfully.
So, we often go on dates, and we have enjoyed every single of our dates. However, I have been paying for every single date so far. Initially, I sort of wanted to impress her, and while she did offer, I just had to pay for her, because something in my head told me to. However, given more time, I realized that I was spending quite a bit on her. Each date was costing me around $80-90. Keep in mind that I just finished graduation, and I am only a simple Engineering in Training (E.I.T.) I have had 4 dates with her, and I have realized that these costs will keep climbing if I don't cap it now. She offered the first few times, but later on just seemed to not offer at all, which is sort of exactly the opposite of what I had hoped for lol (and I might be at fault here). I didn't want to talk to her about this, as I don't want to come off as cheap, but this sort of spending is not sustainable for me.
I aim to start my business soon, and as a result I want to be saving money. This also means that I may not at all be able to afford her part of the dates at all as I would want to save as much money as possible. As such, I want to go dutch on all the dates from now on.
Of course, once she becomes my wife, things will be different. But, we are not at that point yet. So ladies and gents, what is a tactful way of approaching this topic? Oh, keep in mind she's my first gf, and I have no experience with this sort of stuff.
TL;DR: | Spent a lot of money on first few dates. Realized it's not sustainable. Need her to pay her share now. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [20 M] with my GF [18 F] of 2.5yrs. Her guy friend confessed his feelings for her and kissed her.
POST: Hello /r/relationships
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years. She has a good guy friend that I don't really care for, but he makes her happy so I deal with it. They text all the time, and smoke weed all the time. They hang out about every other day.
For some more background; my girlfriend has been kissed by 2 guys in the past. She does not text these guys anymore, but occasionally she does see them. Not often enough for it to matter.
Saturday my girlfriend told me that her good guy friend (Lets call him Jake) confessed his liking for her. After a lot of questioning she said he tried to kiss her. Then after more questioning, she told me he did kiss her.
I was willing to have her just not text Jake and hang out with him all the time, but after knowing he kissed her, I don't like this. The thing is that Jake knew she is dating me. I have met him before, but he crossed a line.
She said she is not going to cut him out of her life, but I love her and still want to date her, but I don't know if i'll be able to handle her always texting him and hanging out with him like nothing happened.
Also it should be noted that she does not want to cut off contact with him because he is a great friend AND it will mean she loses the friend circle. This guy is always with some of her other friends, and they will not be able to hang out without Jake in her life.
What do I do?
TL;DR: | Girlfriends good friend kissed my girlfriend. Girlfriend does not want to cut off contact because that means she will lose the friend circle, not just him. What do I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24 M] and my SO [22 F] have been seeing each other on/off for 6 years, our disagreements are a too large.
POST: Background:
Her and I have had contact since our teenage years. We just sort of existed, coming back to one another for romance, not regular relationships or even sex. Just comfort really. A little over year ago we had sex for the first time. We have only just recently (the past 2 months) started communicating regularly. Talking, not sex.
My Issue:
We don't agree on anything I consider important. We disagree on religion; her family is very religious and I am not. We disagree on politics; she is pro gun control, a pacifist and so on, I am not. We disagree on spending; She likes spending things on friends and gifts, I prefer vacations and experiences.
I feel like these are some important issues we disagree on. We don't fight, we just disagree. We are pretty good actually. If she gets upset she just walks away until she is ready to talk and I let her go. We aren't dating but I'm not sure her and I should even consider it. I feel like we disagree so heavily we would just be wasting our time. It seems a shame because we are very good at tending to each others emotional needs, and we have a lot of history at this point. Are our values too different?
TL;DR: | I disagree with my SO on hot-button issues. Should I kill this relationship now because it has no future of success due to a difference in values? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My gf [31/F] keeps assuming the worst in me [32/M]
POST: My gf (of a year) keeps telling me that she thinks i'm going to do something awful to her, even though I've been a pretty decent boyfriend. She gets the feeling that i'm going to cheat on her, not take care of her in the future, or our potential future family.
It all started when I told her that it'd be nice if she would drive and pay for our activities more often. Since I pay for (80%) and drive to (90%) of our activities, I thought it'd be nice if I could catch a break more often, especially since I don't earn that much more than her.
Any suggestions on what I should do? We regularly have arguments about this because she thinks that it's my job to take care of her because it's part of being a man.
TL;DR: | My gf thinks i'm going to do something awful to her even though I've been a good bf. What should I do? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I (18/m) want to get out of the "acquaintance" zone with a classmate (18/f)
POST: So, I'm currently a freshman in college, and am, in general, a pretty severe introvert. Anyway, I met an amazing girl here that I want to become better friends with. Unfortunately, it seems like she's a cut above me in just about every way - she's utterly brilliant, athletic, adventurous, and a really nice person to boot. This wouldn't be a problem if it weren't for the fact that I'm a distinctly uninteresting person, and often find myself at a loss for things to talk to her about. As it stands, we're friendly acquaintances - we live in the same building, see each other occasionally, and so on. I'd really like to be on friendlier terms with her, to the point where we can hang out together and consider one another good friends. How should I go about this? I suppose I should reiterate the fact that I'm an introvert, and decidedly bad at smalltalk, particularly when it has to go beyond the rather boring basics of where one is from, what they're studying, etc.
TL;DR: | I'm an introvert and bad conversationalist who wants to become friends with this amazing girl I met at college. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I am [19 F] in an open relationship with [21 M] and not sure where it will go from here
POST: I'm a sophomore at Cornell (in NY) and he runs a company in silicon valley - we agreed to an open relationship before I left for school this year (previously dated on/off for two years). We are very serious, and he refers to me as the love of his life. I love him a lot too - sometimes I wonder how I landed such an amazing guy.
We skyped last night and it came up that he hadn't hooked up with anyone and I had been hooking up with a guy at my school and he didn't take it well. He didn't guilt trip me or anything even though I know for a fact that he's been avoiding very attractive girls that have been asking him out (he's very charismatic and good-looking, also helps that he's 21 and has already made millions on his own). He just suggested a break, we are still on good terms and plan to see each other over break.
I feel terrible. I'm not sure what's going to happen in the next three years before I graduate. Was doing an open relationship silly in the first place? He did it for my sake (because college) he would've had no trouble not hooking up with other girls while I'm gone. If I have trouble staying loyal does it mean I don't really love him? Or am I just not mature enough yet? Maybe it had something to do with how I was hooking up with the same guy here? Is there any chance it'll work out?
TL;DR: | Open serious long distance college relationship with incredible guy. He hasn't hooked up with anyone, I have. He suggested a break after I told him. Not sure where to go from here.. |
SUBREDDIT: r/BreakUps
TITLE: How to mend a broken heart in 43 days?
POST: Met an amazing guy while volunteering in Asia last January 2011. I'm a 22 y/o American and he is a 21 y/o Aussie. After leaving Asia, we both went to our respective countries but kept in touch and grew so close together and eventually fell in love. I graduated in May and came here (Melbourne AUS) for an internship but more to be with him.
I am one of those girls that will do anything for the people I care about - friends, family, boyfriend. I love people carefully, but when I do, I love them unconditionally. He is one of those guys that every girl wants to date but no one believes exists. Not a jealous bone in his body, incapable of being mean or selfish, and the most gentle and loving soul you will encounter.
He just broke up with me meh 10 hours ago. He was meant to come home (USA) with me in December for Christmas to meet my family. When I asked him about it again just two days ago, he really freaked at the thought of meeting my family (though I lived with his for 2 months), thought it was too much to invest emotionally and decided that he can't 'give me what I deserve'. So yep, its over and I am now residing in a country where the number of people I know I can count on half of one hand.
Reddit, I'm searching for 43 ways to mend my broken heart over the next 43 days - until I go home (alone) for Christmas and am back with my family and closest friends. I have never felt so alone or scared in my life, and it doesn't help being away from everyone I know. I just want each day to have a purpose, to help me get through the next 6 weeks without him.
Anything, Reddit. Really, anything helps.
TL;DR: | Moved to Australia in May to be with my Aussie boyfriend, and he broke up with me once plans were being made for him to come home (USA) with me to meet my family. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: [22, F] Friends are all moving away or growing apart. Having trouble moving on and making new friends. (X-post from TwoX)
POST: I'm a 22 year old college student. When I first started at my current school, I was pretty lonely. I had just had a major falling out with my best friend from high school, who was pretty much the only friend I had at the time. After a deeply depressing and lonely year and a half, I met a very close girlfriend and through her, met the most amazing group of friends I've ever had. It was the first time I had a group of friends that all hung out with each other. I think it was one of the happiest times I've ever had.
Then, about 6 months ago, everyone started graduating and/or moving away. I still have a year left of school, and I've been left mostly by myself. I still have a few friends here, but it's almost like they've decided to move on from the group now that some members are gone. They're flaky and hard to make plans with. Some don't even answer calls/texts half the time anymore.
I just moved in with my boyfriend of 4 years, and honestly if I was still living by myself, I feel like I would be just as depressed as I was before. Right now, he makes up the majority of my social outlet. I love hanging out with him, but I miss having girlfriends to hang out with.
I'm having a lot of trouble 'moving on' and making a new group of friends. I don't know if I'm scared, or putting way too much thought into making friends. I've always been very worried about having/making friends and I have no idea why. I don't have any classes right now that I would feel comfortable making friends- they're all huge lecture halls, and no one really talks to each other.
I feel so awkward and pathetic and lonely. Every time this happens (which it has several times- college is a time for lots of change, I guess), I feel as though I'll never, ever make any friends again. I know this isn't true, but I get so wrapped up in this thought.
TL;DR: | my group of college girlfriends are all drifting apart and moving away, and I'm having trouble trying to deal. How do I keep my spirits up, move on and make new friends? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I love my girlfriend [18F] but she's very emotional, cries over little things. How can I help her better herself?
POST: Some background:
I, [19m] have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past year and two months. She's smart, cute, funny, and just as weird as me. She's someone I can talk about anything to. She's also the cheesy type. She used to be in a emotionally abusive relationship with her ex in the past. She'll get upset over small things, to the point where she'll cry and or not eat the whole day. I try to comfort her and it usually works until something else upsets her and it happens again. When things are fine our relationship is amazing. This girl is my best friend, we've known each other literally our whole lives and I don't want to end things because of this. How do I help her? Is this something that can be changed?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend and I have an amazing relationship, aside from the fact that she'll get extremely emotional over little things and cry which is problem. How do I help? |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: Need advice on whether to omit some previous work for a background check.
POST: Hey everyone, first time poster on this subreddit.
I've been called for a second interview for a Fortune 500 banking company (Mortgage Banker position). From the accounts i've read on glassdoor it seems that at this stage the job is all but guaranteed as long as I have the right personality/disposition at the interview.
The problem I'm facing right now is that before tomorrows interview I have to provide an extensive work history with dates, contact numbers, etc. During high school I worked two jobs, as a dishwasher (under the table so i'll leave this out), and as a team member at a hardees restaraunt.
I quit the hardees job because I had to take several weeks off on basically zero notice (dad had custody for a vacation, he changed his mind about letting me skip about 24 hours prior). The manager at the time may remember things differently, and im concerned what he might say if contacted. Also, I have no hard records concerning my dates of employment, I just know it was for a few months in 2006-2008.
I haven't listed the Hardees job on my resume or cover letter that I submitted, but i'm told that this company is absolutely thorough with their background check and that they will go and call every reference and past employer (going back 10 years). So, long story short: If I leave out the Hardees experience is there any possibility that they could find it in the background check?
I don't want the failure to mention a fast food job from my high-school days be the reason I don't get hired.
TL;DR: | Is it possible that a company could find out that I didn't list a fast-food job I had in 2007 in my application when they conduct a background check/screen? |
SUBREDDIT: r/dogs
TITLE: [Help] Recently moved: how long is normal for her to be stressed?
POST: Lola is a 2yo Jack Russell who isn't a big fan of change. If we move chairs to vacuum, she gets uncomfortable. So, when we moved to a new apartment last weekend, we were careful to keep her out of it as much as possible by sending her to the groomers or doggy day care.
Unfortunately, she still saw a lot of the packing and boxes, and she's been noticeably stressed ever since. She spent almost 12 hours at doggy daycare while we moved, and she spent most of it sitting by the gate waiting for us to come back. She LOVES playing with other dogs, so this was a pretty good sign for us.
Now that she's in the new place, she still seems on edge. She's eating and drinking normally, and there's no lapses in potty training. She doesn't cry in her kennel or have any qualms about going into it. But, she doesn't have as much energy as normal, and she's constantly watching the window and barking at sounds. In the old apartment, she would sit by the window and watch everything, but she would never bark. Now, she's barking whenever she hears or sees people or dogs. We're trying to correct it, but we have not caught her in the act, so I don't think she's making the connection.
It's only been a few days in the new place, so I assume this is a normal transition. Does anybody know how long it normally takes for them to adapt? Any tips to help her?
TL;DR: | Dog is slow to adapt to new place. Looking for general advice/timeline on how long it will take her to adapt. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [21 F] with my SO [22 M] of 1.5 years - not sure if bored, or just comfortable?
POST: Some background: this is mine and his first serious relationship. We both have been with other people before our relationship, but only for a few months. He is a recent college graduate, and I graduate in December. He is currently training in the military in another state, so we have been long distance since August and plan to move in together when I graduate. I have some depression/anxiety problems and so I wonder if these thoughts are caused by them.
Hi all, I've been feeling a bit restless for the past couple of months regarding my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much, and honestly I can't picture me or him being with anyone else. Since I've been with him, I don't even look at other guys. We have talked about marriage a few years down the road and both have similar life goals. In the most cliche way, you could say we are perfect together - he's respectful, caring, honest, and attractive, and I don't think it's possible for me to find a better guy for me. We've grown so close and comfortable this past year and a half and I really enjoy his company.
However, I've been feeling weird since about August. I love him, but something feels off with me and I'm not sure what it is. I went to see him last weekend and everything was great, I enjoyed spending time with him and realized how much I missed him. These weird feelings have really been eating away at me, and I have told him about them when they first came up.
I know now that it's normal for the "butterflies" to ebb and flow later on, so I *really* want to figure out how I feel and solve this problem. I don't want to ignore it because I know that it's a personal problem that would come up even in later relationships. I have also had a fear of commitment in the past and used to be a bit of a heartbreaker (which I feel awful about now), so I also wonder if I'm freaking out a little bit because we have become so serious? How can I figure out how I feel?
TL;DR: | Freaking out about my relationship. How can I figure out if I'm bored with my SO, or just comfortable? |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: Apology for a past incident
POST: So a few months ago when i dropped out of my year abroad, i met up with the ex i had broken up with when i left. Long story short, we hooked up for one night and i stole his facebook password, hacked into his facebook and his best friend found out after i drunkenly told her.
I foudn things that hurt, things that angered me. Its been almost a year since this happened. Ive been travelling, had jobs abroad and ive started back at uni (where he also is). Essentially, Ive moved on, from him, from the situation i was in, i made my own therapy by travelling and meeting new people and seeing new things. Even with this, i still feel guilty about what i did and unfair that i haven't made the effort to clear the air.
I have a new bf who im happy with but i just feel like apolgising to my ex for my actions would be closure. When he found out, i was abroad so could only apologise by message and i was quite a mess. Part of me just wants to release the guilt and another part in genuinely sorry and i just want to clear the air, no continued contact, just a sorry and goodbye.
Im not sure what to do, i continue to think about it and other times i just think, 'well it happened, move on, theres nothing you can do'.
I understand shit happens, but i feel like its going to nag me for the rest of my time here (espeecially since were at the same institution), if i at least don't make an effort and try to redeem some of my morality and atone my actions. I know it was wrong, but at the time i was depressed, confused, shocked and in love after a lot of shitty events.
Any suggestions?
TL;DR: | i did something shit to my ex after we broke up that was genuinely wrong and im trying to decide whether to apologise to clear the air. No continued contact wanted after. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: My [20 M] girlfriend [18 F] of three years drinks and smokes way too much
POST: So my girlfriend recently went to college, and is actually closer to me now that has been in the past. It's been wonderful insofar as we actually get to see each other pretty regularly now rather than with months in between.
However, my girlfriend has also started drinking and smoking a lot since she got here. This doesn't make me uncomfortable because I'm against the actions (I do them too) but rather I think she's just doing them too often. She's started drinking on weekdays when she has classes the next day, and will essentially take any opportunity she can to get high or drunk.
I think this has a lot to do with her new friends that she's hanging out with. However, I don't want to be the bad guy and tell her to stop hanging out with them, since she never really had friends in high school. I do, however, think that these friends aren't the right crowd to hang out with. She keeps blowing off other groups of people because she's not "feeling well" to go hang out with this other group and get cross-faded.
I don't want to tell her to stop because she's new to college and I understand that she has to do some dumb things. I just did this stuff a couple years ago when I came to college and I don't want her to repeat my mistakes.
TL;DR: | My girlfriend is drinking and smoking a lot, almost every day, and its interfering with her life. I don't know if I should tell her to stop, or just ride out the wave. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Got pulled over with a suspended DL
POST: Hello Reddit, I don't really know what to expect...
I have a suspended DL and I got pulled over. They released the car to my sister but I got a ticket and don't know what else to expect. I got it suspended due to a DUI (which I'm actually not sure about because I didn't have to go to AA or take any kind of classes or pay any fee). I live in California and I'm 20.
Will it affect me getting back my DL?
What kind of fine am I looking at?
Reason why my DL was suspended: So this happened in October of 2011. Three co-workers and I went to a club and stopped by a 711 across the street to buy some 4 Lokos. So I parked a couple blocks away from the the club and i turned off my car and my co-worker
handed me a 4 loko and i drank some but then I saw a light down the street and said, "oh i think its a cop" so my co worker put the 4 loko next to my tire and we walked away. Well my co-worker kept going in and out of my car and the cop made three stops before stopping us (walking). He asked who's 4 Loko that was and my co-worker denied it being ours. He took my alcohol blood level and it was .02 but I was 19 at that time. He gave me a paper which said I had to call and have a hearing. Cop changed the story and I got my DL suspended for a year.
Reason why I'm driving: I have to get to school and work and every once in a while go pick up my sister and her son. My mom recentlyleft my dad, my dad is always drinking, my sister doesn't live with us and my brother is never home.
Reason why I got pulled over: My sister wasn't wearing a seat belt and my nephew didn't have a booster seat. Apparently they now have to be 8 years old or 4'9'' in order to ride without one.
TL;DR: | I got pulled over while my DL is suspended and I don't know what to expect. I live in CA and I'm 20. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [25F] dating [34M] and feel zero physical attraction but personality wise we click. Am I too picky?
POST: Hello,
short backstory: I was in a rather abusive relationship 5 years ago for 2 years, he left me a bit "damaged" (slightly scared of physical contact due to several times "sex" without consent).
I haven't been dating due to that and using university as an excuse for not dating.
Now this guy messaged me on a plattform and it instantly clicked, we can talk for hours on the phone and in person.
But I just can't imagine anything else, there is really no attraction what so ever from my side. He keeps mentioning that I am his type and how good I look (which makes me really uncomfortable). But I instinctivly rather not get too near to him.
And now I worry if I am really slightly "broken" after my ex-boyfriend or too picky. He is not ugly, fat or unhygenic. I don't know what I find wrong about him.
I have this deep fear of never finding anyone, I am not totally unattractive but I have really low self-esteem which makes me unattractive.
The problem is, I have a deep struggle between the feeling that I don't find him attractive at all and that I should give it a try and stop being so picky.
I haven't "clicked" with a person so instantly ever before, there is just the issue of physical attraction. I am hating myself a bit for being so picky when I shouldn't.
Is there anything I can do to fix the issue with the attraction?
I thought about getting drunk and sleeping with him to see if that fixes it. But I assume that might be insulting for him and will damage my pride.
And it feels like unfair to him if I keep him hanging like this. I dodged two kisses last date (second date) and declined the invitation to his place. I was surprised when he messaged me the next day, I thought I ruined everything but seems like he is really focused...
But what now, should I keep trying and see if my brain starts behaving or should I end it before I hurt him (more)?
TL;DR: | Dating a guy I have no physical attraction to, but we can talk for hours. Anything I can do to fix my attraction issue? Or is it just not meant to be a relationship? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22/M] in a long distance relationship with her [19/F] for [4 months] - afraid of being left ?
POST: So in short: I met a girl via Facebook and we have been chatting for like five or six months. Like I mean we talk a lot. She is back home in my country, Italia, whereas I am in Canada.
Anyway. My question is: how can I avoid feeling this insecurity about being left suddenly ? What I fear is waking up one day and not having her there. Well, digitally. I know, it sounds weird, but her personality is what I love about her to be honest. She is beautiful and of course that is a pretty good thing, but being distant from her geographically, it was kind of irrelevant.
I guess the distance makes it easier to be left. She could just block me on WhatsApp and that would be it. If we lived close, in contrast, I could reasonably 'chase' after her in the sense that I would probably go up to her and ask why, try to deal with stuff, etc.
I mean, she has no reason to leave me. In the sense that this is not a fear that I have for any specific reason other than general paranoia.
TL;DR: | Met a girl via Facebook who I love talking to: how can I let go of my insecurity and just a relationship ? Am I crazy for wanting more ? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I accidentally threw away an heirloom belong to my roommate's girlfriend and I am unsure how to respond.
POST: Last week while cleaning the kitchen I came across a dirty kitchen knife that was rusted and charred beyond all practical use. It was in a drawer with a bunch of other knives and I asked my other roommate (not the one with the girlfriend) if he wanted to throw it away. He didn't care and apparently had been using it to smash wasps' nests, so I threw it out.
This morning I got a text from my roommate saying that his girlfriend was looking for that knife and she NEEDS (caps were his emphasis) it asap. He explained it was her last heirloom from her father. I immediately knew I had thrown it out and actually went to the trash can outside to fish out an old bag and dig through it. After dismantling the contents and not finding the knife, I called her and told her what happened in the most solemn and apologetic way possible. She sounded crushed, and I feel like I owe some kind of gesture to her, but I'm not sure what. A card sounds pretty cheesy and I think it would cheapen the heirloom to buy her something else. Does reddit have any advice?
_Edit (from my comment below): Our house has had pretty much a revolving door of roommates for the past 8 years. When I first moved in, I did a lot of cleaning but always asked before throwing anything away, no matter how crappy looking it was. The response was always complete apathy and sometimes gratitude for caring enough to clean up. After a while it felt too repetitive and almost nagging to ask about every little piece of "junk."_
__
TL;DR: | I accidentally threw away an heirloom that I thought was junk, and am unsure how to respond other than my apologetic phone call.__ |
SUBREDDIT: r/jobs
TITLE: I have a job interview tomorrow for Home Depot...But I know next to nothing about repair & it's a traveling team job.
POST: I've wanted to work at home depot for a while. It may seem strange since I know little about repair- however I hope to some day be able to work with my hands. I'm currently out of school and unemployeed- desperate for a job. So I finally got my first call back in a while. I have an interview tomorrow...for the stock team. They travel to different Home Depot stores all over.
I do not have a reliable ride. I figured Home Depot would be perfect since it's right down the street from me. I feel like I should cancel the interview, but then I also would like to at least get my foot in the door. What happens if I'm hired and my first job is somewhere miles away?
Should I simply say thank you for the offer, but I am unable to take it? Or is there anything I can say in the interview that may get me another position without seeming ungrateful/like I don't want the job.
Thank you for any help,
-Heather
TL;DR: | Interview tomorrow at home depot. Traveling stock team. I don't have a reliable car. I really need a job. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Cooking
TITLE: My Indian housemate has asked me to teach him how to cook "pasta". No specific dish, just the "little tube pasta". What should I teach him?
POST: I thought about doing a carbonara because it's easy and good, but it doesn't seem like that would go with anything tube-shaped. I can make a mean bechamel but that's kind of advanced for someone that's never actually cooked pasta.
He said he's had the "little tube shaped pasta" in Italian restaurants a couple times, wants to make that and has no idea what sort of accompaniment or sauce to put with it. When he first mentioned it, I thought he meant stuffed cannelloni, which is the most obvious tube pasta dish I could think, but he said he's thinking of very small tubes and not a red sauce.
So, what should I have him cook? He thinks I'm good at it because I actually cook and he just heats up frozen fish sticks and the like (he does not know how to cook Indian food either). But I never do anything more advanced than roast or saute some vegetables, add seafood or meat and cook until done. And since I'm trying to reduce my carbs, I don't really eat pasta anymore (I don't mind making an exception to teach him though).
TL;DR: | Indian roommate wants me to teach him to cook pasta because he's had little tube-shaped pasta in restaurants. No other info available. Any suggestions? |
SUBREDDIT: r/pettyrevenge
TITLE: Nothing new, I'm sure, but now that I'm driving, I can identify
POST: Mum was driving back from her grandparent's vacation home on the lake. She got stuck behind a long caravan of Cadillacs on the highway, all going a few miles under the speed limit. She pulled into the passing lane to get beyond them, going a few miles over but not extraneous speeds.
All of a sudden, out of nowhere, this little geometro races up behind her, bobbing back and forth in the same lane, laying on the horn, waving his arms, and acting more agitated than a man at the end of the loo line after a pilsner chugging contest. Evidently, she was passing too slow for his taste.
Now, Mum's nice - if you're polite, she'll do everything she can to help you out and get you to where you need to go. Piss her off, and...
She said, "All right, then," and took her foot off the gas. With agonizing deliberation, her car ever so slowly surrendered to the forces of friction, the Cadillacs to the right continuing their slow move forward but none of them making room for the now freaking out geometro. All of the drivers gave mum a thumbs up as they meander past her and the stuck geo, vindication, sympathy, and appreciation on their faces.
At long last, Mum was, ahem, "able" to make a lane change to the right. Which she did. Slowly. With care. The geo's horn let out one last irritated squawk, its driver raising both hands from the wheel to tell her his IQ score, and the next moment it was a speck on the horizon.
From the line of cadillacs in front, windows rolled down, hands reached out and waved her onward, their drivers again cheering her as she passed them and went on her way, their amusement unabashed and admiration well rendered.
TL;DR: | Typical rude driver gets caught in a pack who doesn't let him go anywhere until he's well and truly pissed. Mum, you rock. |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: next week i[20m] am going on my first date ever with this girl[18f] i've been texting to for 2 months
POST: In around 3 weeks i'm going to go on my first date of my life,it's stressing me so much,i've always had low confidence with my body and such,but in the last weeks i've been so stressed about everything,i've been thinking what to do,say,how to behave and everything..i'm scared she'll be dissapointed with my body too..she told me that she expects ''Cuddling,hugs and kisses''
which stress me to no end,i've never done that before,i don't know how to hold someone in my arms or cuddle with them or let alone kiss someone..so i need help
i don't even know how i'll greet her,some people told me to hug her some told me to not some even told me to straight up go for the kiss/french kiss
TL;DR: | going on first date with crush,she wants hugs,cuddling and kisses,never done that before so i'm pretty scared about everything |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Could anyone help suggest a thoughtful gift for the guy that spared me $AU20,000
POST: Heres the story:
About three years ago, I was involved in a lawsuit against my University in an attempt to appeal an exclusion from the Uni with a 2 year period. I had a lawyer over a full year which cost me about $20,000, and finally a barrister who represented me in court, pro bono.
This barrister ultimately won my case, saving me up to $20,000 in legal fees and court fees (as this was held in the supreme court).
Three years down, I've never properly thanked this man. Now however, I've graduated from the degree which he helped me get back in, and am currently working in that profession.
I feel its now time to show him my thanks in doing something that will BLOW HIS MIND
TL;DR: | Barrister represented me pro bono. Saved me $20,000 in legal fees. I want to find a way to show my thanks and possibly blow his mind. |
SUBREDDIT: r/Advice
TITLE: Afraid of liking anybody?
POST: Throughout high school I dated two girls from before freshman year to the beginning of senior year. The last relationship ended badly and I was crushed for months. I was not happy by myself and quickly figured out I was relying on the relationships for happiness.
Coming to college, I started with PUA material (I've now dropped that and only go for girls I know) and, as a result I didn't even intend, became 1000% more confident. I'm happy by myself for the first time in my life.
I've since had a *lot* more success with girls and have gone on dates with a number of them. I have recently ran into girls that I actually *want to want*, if that makes sense, to possibly go farther with but I feel like I might be afraid of leaving the "by myself" happiness it took forever for me to get to. I feel like I like a girl but I'm telling myself "No" simply because of a change that might go awry.
I don't know. Any advice or experience with this?
TL;DR: | After being happy by myself for the first time ever, I think I'm talking myself out of going farther than dating with any girl. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: I [18/m] have been hanging out with her (17/f) for a few months and am really confused about feelings/intentions
POST: I've hung out with this girl a few times in the past couple months, and am really confused about her feelings/intentions towards me. We're not in a relationship, but I hope I am still welcome to post here.
So, I've been getting some signals that tell me she likes me and is interested in me... but I've also felt, at times, that she isn't. She's been kind of touchy-feely with me, she's quite flirty with me at times and has made some sly comments involving us dating.
However, there is something about it that makes me think that I'm wrong. Assumptions were made when we first started hanging out, that were quickly solved and never really discussed again. She's hung out with other guys, besides me... just stuff like that.
Anyway, I could bring it up and talk to her... but I feel like *friendship* isn't one of the options she's feeling. I've convinced myself that this girl is either really into me or is simply using me for attention/whatever... I mean, I've thought about asking her on a real date (instead of just "hanging out") but am not really sure if that's the best course of action.
TL;DR: | mixed signals from flirty girl makes me think a) she likes me back or b) is using me for attention... unsure how to find out the difference. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [22M] with my ex-gf [17F] 4 months. She broke up with me because of age, but we want to wait until she is 18 to continue.
POST: I was dating this awesome girl for about 4 months before things went sour, I love her and she was the best girl that I have been with in my life so far, the first date felt like it was someone I had already known for years, I felt so comfortable around her and could be myself all the time. Her mom knew about our age difference and was okay with it. Her entire family knew and they all loved me, except the uncle. We went to a party for her cousins birthday, and he blew up on me about our age difference, so I left and all of his family berated him into leaving.
Fast forward a week and she breaks up with me and cites her uncle as the main culprit because he pointed out we could get in legal trouble and she hadn't realized before that we could get into trouble. We are still really good friends towards each other, we text each other and talk on the phone for hours at a time still. She will get jealous and start blowing my phone up if I post snapchats of me out at the hookah bar with my friends because she thinks I'm with another girl and she wants me to go to her family reunion with her in July. It still feels like we are together minus the physical aspect. I'm just worried about waiting for her to be 18 and by that time, having her find another guy and me be left out in the cold and heartbroken, she has expressed the same fears I have about waiting. My feelings for her are as strong as ever and will remain that way as long as we keep talking. I just fear she will move on from our relationship and I'll be left wondering what the hell happened.
I hate this because I have this sinking feeling in my chest all the time, I barely sleep or eat, I go to the gym for 3 hours a day just to keep my mind away from all this shit.
TL;DR: | She still wants to be with me and I love her, but she wants to wait for it to be legal, do I wait or move on? I want wait, opinions/thoughts? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: She (21F) confessed some really strong feelings to me (21M) that I don't reciprocate.
POST: I've known her since we were 13. I moved away at 17 and haven't seen her since, but we were super close. Recently, she took a trip to my state and made a stop in my city and stayed with me. Last night she just laid her heart out for me, saying that she hasn't cared for anybody like she's cared for me and the couple relationships she's had didn't even feel real to her.
I feel terrible, because we are definitely two very compatible people and she's an amazing girl. Im just scared of long distance (especially in college) and hopping into something so serious. So last night I was just super blunt and told her simply how I felt about her (she's great, etc) but that I just didn't want to be that guy to her because atm, I don't want to be with her. I told her I want her to be happy, just not with me.
How do I make this easier for her? How can I help her move on? I feel terrible, but was honest and firm in how I feel about our situation. She's really hurt.
TL;DR: | long time friends, really close for how far apart we are. She wants to date me, I don't. How can I help her to move on while staying friends? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [ 21 M] with my ___ [20 F] of 2.5 years, left me because she wants to figure herself out, is there anyway for me to save this?
POST: So my girlfriend, I guess ex-girlfriend now, came back from a 5 month trip abroad a couple weeks ago.
During the trip we had been fighting because I felt as though she didn't give me enough time while she was gone, and that she didn't call me as much as I would have liked.
I realize now that that was a mistake, and I should have let her enjoy her time more abroad, but I really missed her and of course hindsight is 20/20.
However, now when she's returned she says that things don't feel the same between us and she feels as though being abroad has opened her eyes to a lot of things and that she feels that she needs time to figure herself out.
We talked about it and she said she loved our relationship before, but that she's not sure that it is what she "needs" right now.
We agreed to break up and are currently holding no contact until an unforseen time in the future. She says she's not against getting back together in the future, but for me not to hold on to that idea.
I honestly really miss her and would like to have her back in my life as soon as possible.
Is there anything I can do? Other than wait and bide my time?
I was hoping to message her soon telling her that I miss her and ask if she wants to go on a small date. You know, hopefully start things up again slowly.
In my mind I feel as though being gone for so long has just made her confused about everything that's happening in her life. I'm hoping that as things settle maybe she'll realize that our relationship is worth coming back too.
Is that high hopes? Any advice for me?
TL;DR: | Girlfriend came back from abroad and has left me to "find herself." Is there anything I can do to win her back? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Girl [18-20 F] singing to me in Chemistry Lab? [20 M]
POST: I feel silly asking this, but I am not sure what was happening / if this means anything...
I was in lab last week, and it was our last lab for the semester because this week is finals week. Anyways, I was waiting for class to begin and the rest of my group to show up and this girl, from another group, who I've talked to maybe 3 or 4 times started singing to me in a cute sort of way about it being the last lab. Writing it out, this sounds stranger than what actually happened. It was actually very endearing and kind of adorable. I laughed and had a little conversation before class began.
Now I am not sure if this was a sign that she was interested in me, or her just being silly. To be honest, I don't really date and I haven't since I was a sophomore year in high school. I haven't really been interested in dating anyone since then, and I haven't really met anyone that has changed my mind about dating someone... So, maybe that explains my ignorance in this situation. Who knows, I could be a socially awkward guy who can't take hints. I personally don't think that I am socially awkward, but it is difficult to judge oneself.
Some extra details: It wasn't loud, and it was clearly directed towards me and only me. I'm a sophomore at my University.
I found this behavior strange, and I would like to know what to make of it, if anything.
Thank you.
TL;DR: | Girl in my chemistry lab was singing to me and I am not sure what to make of it. Any guidance?. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [20F] My dad [47M] Cheated on my mom [39F] and is leaving her. I reached out to my brother [15M] and he said is angry at me because he feels like I left him like dad did.
POST: So my brother just broke my heart. I know that I and most sisters, hell siblings are not perfect. But you still care deeply about your siblings. I have not been perfect.
Dad cheated on mom and is not only leaving her, but he is leaving the state as well. He is leaving California to move to fucking Mexico with this woman. Mom is devastated and my brother is equally upset.
I reached out to him and he is equally as pissed as me, I mean what he said to me was totally uncalled for.
He said " Fuck you Chloe, now all of a sudden you care. Where the fuck where you when everything was happening. Oh that's right at your fancy college while I am here. Your so busy drooling over college girls (lesbian) that you turned you back on me. You left me just like dad is leaving me. I was the only dumb fuck that had your back when you came out, where were you to have mine"
The last thing I want is for my brother to hate me. I mean shit losing a sibling is a hard thing to even think about. I am going home in a couple of weeks, I mean I don't even know what to say to my brother.
My roommate said he is just upset but I don't know. I mean my family is falling apart and here I am in a dorm room. My girlfriend wants to meet my family, but I don't think that's a good idea.
Please help me I am so confused. I don't understand why he feels like I left him. I don't even know how to approach this situation
TL;DR: | My dad cheated on mom and is leaving her. I tried talking to my brother but he feels like I left him like dad did. |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: Are people really as excitable as they seem in game shows?
POST: I keep the TV on in the background and I forgot to change the channel. Let's Make a Deal comes on, and I swear to $Deity, these people are having near orgasms for *everything*.
Wheel spinning to select a contestant? Most exciting thing ever!
Get to actually *be* the next contestant? Undulate wildly as if having a seizure.
Pick a case? Jump up and down like it contains an actual genie.
Someone pick your case to open? That person is a closer friend to you than your entire family, scream encouragement at them!
I just don't get it. They clearly tart it up for syndication, but I keep thinking I'm missing something here. Surely, people don't get this keyed-up over such trivialities.
TL;DR: | Let's Make a Deal and its ilk portrey human beings as crack-embued gerbils. Is this normal, or am I just an emotionless husk? |
SUBREDDIT: r/AskReddit
TITLE: I am currently a junior designer working my way to up to be an architect and have an opportunity to switch to a fiber engineering job that will boost my salary 150%. What should I do???
POST: I spent 4 years at a UC studying architecture and have been working full time at an architecture firm since graduating in 2010. I love some aspects of the field and hate others, which I feel is typical of any career. The main reason why I am seriously considering this job change (I don't want to call it a career change just yet) is purely monetary. Looking at the situation in a financial point of view, I see that if I am lucky I will make what I can potentially make at this new job in at least 5 years. This is because, as most people know, architects do not make a lot of money. Now I know that most of you will say that it's not about the money, it's about doing what you love, and that is another thing that has me confused at the moment. I can't honestly say that I am in love with this career field, but I do love what it represents if that makes any sense. I love design and creativity, which is abundant in this field and would not mind spending the rest of my life doing it. I also love the thought of being financially secure and being able to help out my parents because they have done so much for me.
I guess what I am looking for here is whether or not chasing the money is ever a good thing. I came to reddit because I know that my friends and family will only tell me to do what makes me happy, which is of no use at all. Please let me know your thoughts, thanks.
TL;DR: | Should I change jobs, and potentially throw away the past 5 years of my life and education, to make more money? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [24F] really want to be friends/hang out with my coworker [27M], how can I make sure it doesn't come across as flirting?
POST: I recently moved for my new job, and I'm still trying to get established (find a dentist, all that jazz) and find new activities in the area (social, sports, etc.). I work in a small department with a nice but very distant group that are all international hires except for myself and my coworker "Bill." Bill is very friendly and is serving as a sort of mentor for me, and we get along well. He is pretty much my only "friend" (we're not that close) in the city and he is involved in several activities I want to join (mainly a basketball group).
The only thing is that Bill is a single guy and I really don't want to come across as pursuing him (I am in a great relationship, and even if I wasn't, Bill's picture is in the dictionary under "not my type"). He is a friendly/jokey guy and I can't tell if how he treats me is normal, but I want to head anything like that off. He has met my boyfriend and I try to mentioned him occasionally, but we talk mostly about work. What are some tips for trying to get to know him/get involved in his groups while making it clear I'm not interested? I currently feel uncomfortable asking for his number/asking about his groups, but I also really want to get out of the house and have fun stuff to do (and I'm having trouble finding it on my own--it's a pretty antisocial area).
TL;DR: | Want to get involved in social activities with my new coworker but concerned that asking for a single guy's number so we can hang out on the weekend *really* sounds like flirting. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [19M] unable to get over a relationship that ended over a year ago
POST: Not sure of this is the right place but basically ive never really gotten over a relationship i had over a year ago. She was my first girlfriend and i was 17 at the time (she was 16) we were together for just under a year.
The reason we broke up was mostly my fault, i was starting to become exhausted of all the arguing we started to do so i stopped replying to her texts, i avoided her and her messages for 2 weeks. It got to the point where she messaged me that she couldnt do it anymore and broke up with me. I read the text and got on with my life like nothing had happened.
But as time went on the break up affected me more and more. Well about a year later i havent really been with anyone since, ive kissed two girls that i didnt really want to but i was drunk, and i got close to one girl and it seemed we were going to get together but i just felt indifferent to the whole thing. I feel like i couldnt handle another relationship and that im not good enough for anyone, so ive stayed away from girls in a romantic way. Basically i dont know why its taken me so long to get over this relationship and why its affected me so badly with other girls
TL;DR: | havent gotten over a breakup that happened just over a year ago and havent felt any desire to start a new relationship with someone else. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: [16/m] I'm in a long-distance online relationship with a girl in another state(13/f) and I want to end it, but don't know how
POST: Using a throwaway because I'm worried she'll see this. As the title states, I've been in this relationship for about a 6 months now. By now, I realize what I thought was love was actually just crazy teenage hormones. I want to end the relationship for a number of reasons(age gap, long-distance relationships don't really work for me, she's very clingy and demands to talk all the time), but I can't figure out how for one reason: This girl is OBSESSED with me. She thinks the world of me, has told me sometimes that I'm the only one who can cheer her up, and I fear for her mental state if I leave her. I already know she isn't emotionally stable and blames herself for almost everything and beats herself up over it, and I feel like me leaving would make her blame herself and go into depression. It's also an awkward situation because I promised I'd never lie to her, and yet, I've been lying for months telling her I loved her. How do I end this without ruining her mentally?
TL;DR: | long-distance girlfriend's obsessed with me, I want to break up, don't know how without sending her into depression |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Bf treats me like an obligation. Not sure what to do.
POST: My bf (28m) and I (25f) have been together for 5.5 years. We have lived together for about 4 years. I'm currently in school, but don't have a job, so he's supporting me. Previously, while he was searching for a job, I postponed my schooling to support him, so I kind of feel this is a fair trade. However, more and more he treats me like an obligation. He doesn't want to spend time with me, even when I suggest doing something he likes or having sex. He groans or complains that he never gets time to himself. I try to give him his space. I spend a good portion of my times studying or doing assignments, so it's not like I'm breathing down his neck all the time. I've been trying to do little things for him, as I know working can be stressful, but it doesn't seem to matter what I do/say, he just gets upset that I would like to spend some time with him. He spends most of his time on the computer or his phone. If I try to talk to him, he ignores me, sometimes to the point where someone else has to intervene. What do I do? I'd really like some honest opinions. I really don't know what to think or do. I love him, but this is really hurting me.
TL;DR: | bf ignore me for computers and gets upset if I want to do something with him (even playing games or having sex). |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [25/M] think I've just discovered that my SO [23/M] began our relationship when he was still in his previous one. Help?
POST: So I have recently (~4 months ago) started a really brilliant relationship with a new man and up until last weekend I really thought that I couldn't be happier. I knew that my SO had just got out of a long term relationship with someone he broke up with because of extreme mental health pressure, so I've never pried too far because I understood it was a difficult time for him.
However, a casual comment recently by one of his friends led to me doubting exactly how long before our relationship started, he broke up with his previous partner (full disclosure: my SO is bi, previous partner was female, I've got gay man's guilt from dating a bi man where I'm scared he'll leave me for the societally-easier heterosexual alternative - I know it's bullshit, but it's still a worry in my head).
So the other day I looked through his phone (yes, I know, bad, ok) and found the thread of their texts. IMO it's almost definite that they were still dating at least a few days into our "official" relationship - even a couple weeks after we'd got together officially, there are text exchanges about picking possessions up from each others' houses, and language used to refer to each other in the first week or so that we were dating is pretty clearly not platonic.
I struggle with anxiety and am terrified that I've misinterpreted it all and am going to ruin this relationship if I confront my partner about it, but at the same time whilst I still love him I can't bear the thought that he lied about cheating on somebody, even if I wasn't actually the victim in the situation.
Advice would be appreciated!!
TL;DR: | SO may very well have not ended his previous relationship before starting this one, and lied about it. Don't know how to confront him. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (20F) mentally ill boyfriend (37M) don't know if I should be sacrificing so much
POST: My boyfriend is a paranoid schizophrenic which causes him to be hostile, nitpicky and I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells with him. He also made me promise to not think or talk about certain views I have that are very important to me because they're too radical for him and doesn't respect my views at all.
His illness also makes him seem disinterested a lot of the time, making it even more difficult to connect. I've been extremely patient because I love him but mentally ill or not, I don't know if I can tolerate the consistent disrespect and disinterest.
I know ultimately this is for me to decide (on whether to leave) but input and thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I don't know if his condition excuses him fully for how he acts. Thanks
TL;DR: | my boyfriend is a paranoid schizophrenic which causes him to be disrespectful including about things that are important to me, and I don't know if I can or should put up with it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Is my girlfriend (24) trying to draw a jealous reaction out of me (26)
POST: I have been seeing my girlfriend, who is 24, for about 7 months now. We have only had a few fights and they have resulted from me making a stupid, irrational comment that expressed some kind of jealousy when i was really drunk (i.e. she talked to another guy for longer than me so i commented on it). she tends to overreact to these statements. things have been totally fantastic when we're together the vast majority of the time.
however, after one of our fights, i resolved that the next time we were together i wouldn't comment on anything she did, no matter how much it aggravated me. that night, she spent a LOT of time speaking with a mutual friend of ours and approached me several times with comments like (i really like XXX, he and i have a lot in common). i didn't see any reason for her to be making these comments. at the end of the night she was saying goodbye before we left and she leaned on him and spoke in his ear while he had his arms around her waist - i could clearly see this, and she knew i could, as i was only ten feet away and i was waiting for her so we could leave. on the walk home she said she wished she had made out with him back when she was still single.
i am just wondering if these things were intended to get me to react. i let it all roll off my shoulders like i promised myself i would but the more i think about it the more it bothers me. since that night things have been totally normal between us, no indication that she loves me any less.
WTF?
TL;DR: | i make unreasonable jealous comments when i am drunk, i suspect my girlfriend might have been trying to draw one out of me |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Abusive ex boyfriend wants my little sister. He wants revenge, she loves the attention. What do I do?
POST: Hey Reddit. I am an 18 year old female, and my ex boyfriend is also 18. My little sister is 15.
I broke up with him, let's call him Mike, in April because he was an abusive asshole who cheated on me. He stalked me and otherwise ruined my life for the better part of 3 months. Now he is after my little sister. She of course, loves the attention he's giving her. She thinks it's genuine, and that he likes her. Mike is known to go after young girls, and cheated on me with several of them.
My little sister will sneak out to party with him, and I heard that they kissed. This has me extremely upset because she does not consider my feelings about the situation at all. My parents are aware of this situation, and she is forbidden to see him. But she still manages to.
Reddit, I'm at a loss what to do. I am completely heartbroken that she would do this to me. What should I do?
TL;DR: | me [18f] and ex [18m] broke up and he wants to get revenge by targeting my [15f] sister and she loves it. |
SUBREDDIT: r/offmychest
TITLE: I kissed my mentally unstable same-sex friend
POST: So, she was staying over at my house along with my boyfriend. All three of us, along with my brother, were going to have a little party, mostly because she's been trying to be noticed by my sibling. During the 'party', our parents came home, and we had to cut it short. They made us seperate by gender to different bedrooms.
Since we didn't want the party to end, she and I started trying on dresses for fun. She began undressing, and, caught up in the fun, I started watching her openly.
For some background information, she doesn't come from a very good home, no mom and an alcoholic dad who might be abusing her, she doesn't like to talk about it. She didn't really have any friends before us, so she's always been a bit clingly, and when she has a crush on a boy, she really falls hard for him.
Anyways, she caught me looking and just smiled, letting me continue. I was embarrassed and cut it out, but after a few minutes, I was doing it again. Still naked and getting shy, she tried to get dressed into her pajamas, and I looked away to give her some privacy. I slept in the bed, she slept on the floor.
I don't know when, but at one point, I woke up to her crawling into my bed. She told me she was having nightmares. She cuddled up next to me, and we tried to fall back asleep, but we couldn't. So, she and I talked about the boys, her, and eventually we stumbled into the topic of me staring, and I tried to change the subject. She persisted, and I started complimenting her, because she really doesn't know how beautiful she is. She kind of took it the wrong way, and we ended up kissing too many times to count and I got a quick chance to get my hands up her shirt.
TL;DR: | I started fantasizing about one of my best friends, she and I made out, I felt her up real quick, I'm not interested in a relationship, but I don't want to hurt her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [23F] with my bf [25M] of 2 months/1year (it's complicated), i think i have immediately fallen out of love and am freaking out
POST: I have been officially dating my boyfriend for two months. We have a complicated history, we dated before and took a long break from each other.
When we started dating again, we were both in much better places in our lives and things have been fantastic. We are able to communicate well and he is my best friend. We told each other we love each other (I knew that I loved him when we were dating before but now we were both able to express it in a much healthier way).
I just got back from the holidays this past Saturday 1/3, after traveling a lot. I was very excited to see him. When we went to bed that night, I woke up feeling weird. I felt like I had no emotions or desires sexually or mentally, towards him or anything else. We will hang out and I feel nothing emotionally.
I need to know if this is normal and I will get over it. It is freaking me out that I am experiencing this, especially when things have been going so well. We have even been able to talk about this and I was hoping after a good night's sleep this anxiety would go away.
TL;DR: | I think I have fallen immediately out of love with my bf and i have no idea how this could have happened when things have been so great! |
SUBREDDIT: r/askwomenadvice
TITLE: A [22/F] friend hasn't responded to a text I [25/M] sent last weekend. Do I maintain silence or try to talk things out?
POST: Backstory (I feel weird about doing this, but there really isn't anyone I can talk about this with in my life and context might help):
Basically, there was an issue with this friend, an ex-roommate, two weeks ago when I made plans to hang out with her and she invited friends over. She intended to meet up at her current place with one of my roommates before coming over here, but due to poorly worded texts and not responding to anything the day of, my roommate thought the get together she organized was at her place instead of ours. This led to a conflict and got her kicked out that night. The next day she texted me to apologize and say that hopefully we could hang out again soon. The day after that I asked about it again and she said that she would try, but it had been a difficult week for her.
So, I waited until that following friday (a week ago from yesterday) and texted asking how her week/weekend looked because I wanted to make up for the previous weekend. I believe she was out with a couple of mutual friends at the time and probably didn't want to respond right away necessarily, so I didn't take it too personally until it was already sunday with no response whatsoever. Stupidly, I decided to send a second text asking if she got the last one. No response again.
I'm a bit perplexed by this. I've never pestered her about anything, and the last time we spoke she was the first to want to hang out again. Is there a part of this I'm missing? I want to talk about this with her, but with two texts hanging in the air like this I feel it would be too much or maybe just useless to try texting again.
TL;DR: | Waited a week after a failed hangout to try texting about seeing each other again, but it's been a week without a word from her. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationship_advice
TITLE: Is she (24/f) bored or nervous around me (25/m). Or am I reading too much into this?
POST: Here's the story:
I (25) met this girl (24) a few weekends ago while out on the town and we immediately hit it off. We talk and find out that we have a lot of common interests and I figured I'd ask her out on a date (not something I normally do with somebody I just met). Anyhow, as the night progresses we become a bit more intimate and we end up making out. I decided to put the brakes on it a bit since I'm past the point of meaningless sex in my life and decided to call it a night. We swapped information and set a time and day for our date and went our separate ways.
Anyways, we've been out on two dates already and one of them ended up just short of sex and spending the night. We both went down on one another but decided to keep the P out of the V until we're actually committed or at least exclusive with one another.
Well last night I went on the 3rd date and we go to dinner and back to my place for a movie. Dinner went great, our dates typically go very well, no breaks or pauses in our conversations and they're always pleasant. When we watched the movie we begin cuddling but I notice that she's really fidgety. Always rearranging how she's sitting, always throwing her legs in different spots (resting hers on top of mine). She's also peeling her label off her beer bottle. There was some very like kissing/making out but I can't help but think her body language was telling me something different. A woman's perspective on this would be great because I'm pretty dense when it comes to these things.
TL;DR: | Met a girl recently and have been out on a few dates. Been pretty intimate but both decided to pull back. She fidgets and peels her beer labels when we cuddle? Whats the deal? |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: I [22F] am worried about my fiancé [23M] because he sleeps for 12 hours after every 9 hour work shift
POST: Recently my fiancé got a new job as a manager working 3rd shift (10PM-7AM). Every single morning when he gets home from his shift he goes immediately asleep and doesn't wake up until about a half an hour before his next shift starts.
At first I wasn't concerned because I understand that the schedule change from his last job (8AM-5PM) would take some getting used to, but it's been a few months and he still keeps this schedule every day that he works. He's lost almost 10 pounds because he's no longer eating regular meals, I pretty much never see him because he's always asleep or at work, and I'm left to take care of our animals and other responsibilities by myself.
I'm really starting to worry about him because I know there's no way this is healthy and normal, but every time I try to bring it up he gets upset and tells me he's just really tired from work and needs to sleep this much. How do I talk to him about this, and convince him that this is not normal?
TL;DR: | My fiancé sleeps for 12 hours after every 9 hour night shift he has and literally does nothing else but sleep and work |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: (18M) Friendzoned by my best friend (17F), what am I doing wrong?
POST: I have been best friends with a girl for five years now. I asked her out a few years ago, but I was turned down because she wanted to wait. Last year I asked her out and found out that she was interested in another guy. Two months ago she broke up with the guy, so last night I asked her out again; this time she told me she just wanted to be friends.
This is our last year of high school, after which we will be going to separate colleges. She thinks that all guys just want to have sex and that she is waiting until after college to start looking for another boyfriend. I tried telling her that I don't care about sex and that I only want her to know how much I love her, but she keeps telling me that I'm lying. What can I do to change her mind and make her realize that I'm not lying?
TL;DR: | My best friend friendzoned me because she thinks all guys want sex, I need advice on how to convince her otherwise. |
SUBREDDIT: r/relationships
TITLE: Me [24F] with my ex 23GF should i stay or should I go?
POST: Me and my ex were together for 6 years I really believe she is the
one, she is a great girl over all and beautiful. Due to infidelity on
my part(which I regret extremely) she is no longer able to trust
me. About 7 months ago she called the quits. Since she had
nowhere to go she continued living with me and my family. During
this time she began talking to her ex bf and feelings began to rise
between them. I also began going out and having fun, once she
noticed a special girl was very interested in me she decided to stop
talking to her ex and try working on us again. I agreed but still
continued talking to the other girl. Once my ex found out she
called the quits once again. Now I have nowhere to go cus my
family is now homeless so I am now living with my ex and her
family and she is starting to talk to the ex bf again. I am not sure
if I should stay or leave and be homeless.
TL;DR: | Ex gf and I are drifting apart but I am still in love with her, she is talking to her ex bf and not sure if I should stay or go. |
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