"1 am. A faint knock on the downstairs door. Or was it? Then the unmistakable thump of a heavy boot against the door and the crack of the door jamb as it shattered. Had his sordid past caught up with him? The interrogation would be swift and on the spot. Where did that wooden chair come from? And the bare light bulb slowly swaying above it? Whose face was that, almost invisible behind the glare? Inquisitor: Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Xalpha party? Mild-mannered respectable density-functional-theory practitioner (MMRDFTP): What? (Where had he heard that voice before?) Inquisitor: Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Xalpha party? MMRDFTP: I'm a Mild-mannered respectable density-functionaltheory practitioner (MMRDFTP). What do you mean by breaking into my house in the middle of the night and hauling me out of bed like that? I was just in the middle of a great dream about an exchange-correlation functional that had the right asymptotic form and took care of dispersion seamlessly. Could have done excited states too, and eminently parallelizable. And now I've forgotten what it looked like. . . "