borderline personality disorde
"I don't know what to say yet.  I realized I may have been borderline when they informed it was possible during being hospitalized when I was 14, I believe it has lead to me be entirely miserable and out of control since I was 10.  I'm 30 now, I've wasted 20 years of my life wishing for either salvation or death always.  I would give anything to be in control of myself and to stop hurting those I love.  I want more than anything to save my 10 year long relationship.  I'm so good to him.  I'm so bad to him.  I'm four days in and feel nothing yet.  I feel hopeless and do not think anything will ever work.  I will rate a 7 so it doesn't unfairly throw off the ratings, but if Latuda does not work for me I wonder if my only option is to give up."