BronxPearl v2.0

Confessions, ramblings, musings, and opinions from a BBW as she embraces 30 31 Years and Life
(or at least tries to).

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Ride or Die Chick vs. The Good Black Woman

I know a lot of my posts relate back to something that Belle in Brooklyn has written. But isn't that what a good blog does? Create conversation? She is a relationship writer. I'm not in one right now, and even though she is a couple of years younger than me, I still take note on what she says.

Today's blog was about Ride or Die Chicks. Specifically, how she did not see herself as a ride or die chick that would be there for her man when he called her from the police station at 2am after doing something dumb.

"As an adult (21+), I’ve managed to keep myself out of dumb situations that will get me locked up or detained. I’m good for being the chick that’s like “um, I’m going home” or simply staying home when I think trouble might be coming. I don’t roll with people too long that consistently participate in reckless behavior. I expect other adults in my world to be moderately responsible and law-abiding too. I don’t think I am asking too much." said Belle.

She then told the story about how one of her male friends was so pleased that he had found himself a "ride-or-die chick" due to her angry and physical reaction to his partying in the club, a dead cell phone on his hip, while she called him repeatedly, trying to find out if he was inside of said club that she could not make her way into (they were supposed to be meeting) and not knowing exactly where he was.

So, I decided to leave a comment:

If "Ride or Die Chicks" are the ones who are at the precinct at 2am, then I'd rather be just a plain ol' good black woman any day of the week.

A question about your friend and Gold Dresses Tai: is there a reason he didn't think to maybe check outside to see if she had shown up as opposed to just partying the night away? Or did he do that and you just didn't mention that? Because I'm thinking that yeah, maybe he is in love with his "ride or die chick", but if I was Tai, I don't know if I would be too crazy in love with someone who would leave me out on the curb wondering if I was okay or not while he got his party on in the club.

One of Belle's male friends left the following comments:

Just out of curiosity and with all due respect - how many of you non-ride or die chicks have a man (a good man)? (This query applies to you as well Belle)… You don’t have to be honest with us, but be honest with yourselves.

P.S. Being a ride or die chick does not simply apply to being the chick we call when we are locked up. That is not all our realities nor was it the reality for the man mentioned in this story when he realized he had one. It's knowing you have a woman with you no matter what for whatever, whenever, wherever. We live in a remote control society, the minute we see something we do not like (commercials), we change the channel, and walk away.

Dude, please.

There is nothing okay with someone partying the night away, knowing full well that your woman is looking for you. Especially when she was right OUTSIDE. Did it occur to you to maybe check for her? (No one has answered that yet). That is just straight up rude. She flipped on you because she cared about your inconsiderate self and you had her worried to death. That's not being a ride or die chick. It's checking you for your rude behavior and letting you know that if you even think to do it again, she most likely WILL "change the channel" on your behind.

So you know I had to write back:

I can be honest and say no, I don't have a man right now. Why? It's because I've been down that road of the 2am phone calls at the police station (and, sadly, far worse situations). And, quite frankly, now at age 30? I don't want to deal with it anymore.I think Belle broke it down perfectly:

"Standard shit? Fine, I’ll deal.

Just human shit? Fine, I’ll deal.

Life shit? No problem. I got you.

But utterly dumb (or disrespectful or embarrassing) shit?

No."

What is so wrong with that?

I still say there is a difference between being a "ride or die chick" and being just a "plain ol' Good Black Woman".

Back in my ride or die chick days, dealing with Knuckleheads was completely me. I was also between the ages of 18 and 25 and didn't have a clue what a real man was. No--correction: I knew what a real man was. My dad was a prime example of what a good man was. At that age, I was a dreamer and felt that the Knuckleheads would grow out of their immaturity and their tendency to being inconsiderate more than kind. I learned the hard way that this is not the case for some of them.

I'm not arrogant enough to call myself the epitome of a Good Black Woman. LOL! I fully recognize that I am working on it. But I have no desire to be a ride or die chick anymore. There is always a line that can be crossed. There will always be a non-negotiable that will cause the channel to be turned. Good Black Women recognize that, and for the preservation of themselves, and their sanity, they will cut their losses and keep it moving.

I think dude has a Good Black Woman on his hands. Period. He is blessed to have her. And, that episode aside, dude seems like a Good Black Man. I hope to be a Good Black Woman to a Good Black Man one day.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Same Stuff...Different Day...

I have no words. Not Today. It would just be a curse-ladden tirade that would begin with the words: "This is some straight up bullsh*t!" And I like to believe that my parents paid for my education so I can express myself more eloquently than that. Still....*sighs*....

Update: I posted this in the comments section of A Belle In Brooklyn's page in response to her post. She summed up what I was feeeling. What I am STILL feeling.

*sighs*

I really tried to blog about this. But I couldn't without it being just this tirade of "f*cking bullsh*t" and "sorry a$$ muthaf*cking cops", etc.

I was hoping for the best, but already knew what was coming down the pipeline. As I stated on my page: Same Stuff. Different Day.

We've now gone past the "racist" cop arguement. Now, this is a perceived class and economic status issue. Did you hear the way the PBA head talked about how they'd "had their eye on that Club Kalua" as if to say that well, they must have known what a slummy club it was, so they shouldn't have been there. But since they were, we assumed they were part of the slum.

Ugh. I can't. I really just can't...being a native New Yorker? I'm really just sick and tired of the bullsh*t that the some members of the NYPD get away with every.damn.day. From cold-blooded murder all the way down to pulling folks over for Driving While Black.

I wonder what kind of tragedy has to happen between cops and a civilian in NYC for someone to say "what a damn minute! enough is enough!" Because as much as I was hoping this was it?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Three-Oh (Part One)

Original Post Date: Saturday June 23, 2007 - 06:11pm

Sometimes you read something that kinda slaps you in the face. And you can't help but stop and reflect on it.

I ran across a blog post from a former friend today. Even though she and I have long since stopped talking--because of my stupidity--I still have checked in on her blog. Nosiness, yes, but also to watch her growth. Now, she doesn't post often, but she did post something on her blog on my birthday. Only people who know the situation would know that the post is about what happened to end our newly budding friendship and the significance of posting it on that day.

It ripped at me like nothing I could really describe because it so eloquently versed what I have known about myself and my "relationships" with others in my life...the whole very ugly, very dark side of me that came out during that time. And over someone who was and is COMPLETELY NOT WORTH IT! My other female friends at the time, doing what friends do, told me that it was her, not me, that was the crazy one. But I have always known that I handled that situation in such a high school manner. The same behavior that I have been known to criticize in others, I exemplified to the thousandth degree during that time.

I wanted to post a comment on her blog, telling her that she was so right to have walked away from that girl she had talked about in her poem at that time. Because that girl in the poem that had hurt her trust so was just that--a girl trying to walk in woman shoes, and failing miserably.

I can say that now, a few years later, I have gotten better. No more a sucka 4 love. Learning more & more everyday how to put on my big girl panties and get over certain things that life throws my way. But I still have a long way to go. Maybe this will be the year. The age of "young and dumb" had passed now.

Thank you, for posting that poem. It reminds me that for as far as I have come from that moment, I still have a long way to go