<prompt> Human: So I had posted a comment in one of these threads a little over a week ago and it ended up blowing up a bit more than expected. With a little prodding from a few members, I have decided to detail my story out as much as reasonably possible in the hopes that someone wondering why should I budgetsave etc will understand the consequences of not. Now please bear in mind this is not a pity me post, just a simple statement of what happened and why. At the end of the day i blame no one except myself for the predicament that I and my family are in. As a further note, this will be a fairly long read. The only gain I seek from posting this is the hope that my mistakes give someone the proof or reasoning they need to set them down the path of being financially smart. If I can prevent one person from walking the same road I have, then me putting all of this out there will be worth it.What I am about to delve into is how I worked my way up from the bottom of the ladder, to a 6 figure job and have fallen to a position where I nearly ended up on the street and am currently trying to dig out of an absolutely massive hole. There was a time not too long ago where dropping a grand in a day on something i wanted, seemed like nothing. My current predicament is I am months behind on bills still paying, just behind, barely can scrape up enough cash for fuel to go to work and subsist on a fairly poor diet to ensure my kids eat well. I will ultimately overcome all of this, but I can honestly state that my beliefs years ago that anyone in this position just needed to work harder were misguided at best. I now understand just how vicious of a cycle it is to get into over drafting your account to pay necessary bills, which costs you more and more each month. It is far more difficult to break out of that cycle than I ever imagined.So lets start some years ago. I first started my career in the military. It wasnt all I thought it would be, but I dont regret a day of it either. I was however at this stage of my life young and stupid although I was convinced I was smarter than everyone. The concept of saving money except for that next neat gadget was absolutely foreign to me. The further concept of having insurance was likewise foreign to me and I doubt anyone could of talked sense into me. I basically lived day to day, week to week. I doubt I ever had more than about 20 in my account at any given point past payday. Fast forward some years, I got out of the military, got married and started my career. My first real job was as a technical support center call rep. I obviously had to start out at the base, but got moved up into the higher levels within months because IT was my lifeblood and I pretty much ate and slept PCs at that time. All of my skills I taught myself, it wasnt until much later that I started earning certifications. After about a year with this company I got promoted to being in charge of the team that handled all the claims. This was a young company and largely had no established ways of doing things. So I had to not only learn the position, but I essentially defined how everything was done. The team got built around me as it didnt exist before they offered me the position. During the course of the next couple of years I established policies and methods of handling claims from phone call to resolution that ended up saving the company millions every year. I mention this because I feel it is important in establishing that Im not ignorant in the value of money, Im just stupid with it.Over the years my career evolved and I progressed through this one company for about 5 years. Around this time it got bought by a larger company and they laid everyone off as all they wanted were our client contracts. It was sudden, it was shocking but fortunately for me I had spent years networking in the region I was in. As such I was out of a job for a grand total of 3 days. This however did manage to spoil my notion of company loyalty a bit and the following years saw me not stay with any single company for more than a few years. Again, due to my network and reputation I never had trouble relocating to a new position. I at this time couldnt understand how anyone could be unemployed for any length of time because I didnt have a realistic notion of what job searching was really like.When I hit my 30s, I obviously started to change. I was growing disenchanted with changing jobs every few years even though my salary went up every time I did it. I was also growing disgruntled with constantly working with foreign development groups because the company wanted to save money. My view was that it didnt save money because it took me 5 times longer to communicate our needs, stuff was still lost in translation and project deadlines got missed constantly due to software being delivered that didnt do what it was supposed to do. I wanted out. Through family I got introduced into the medical IT field and more specifically Patient monitoring. This involved networking certifications which I had and was basically installing everything from the bedside monitor to the servers and switches. I was instantly interested because I loved working in the field, I just hated the usually lower pay. Now bear in mind that financially speaking Ive gone from making sub 30k a year at this point to 60k a year. Ive not even so much as started a 401k at this point even though I knew I should. Somehow in doubling my pay, we were still living paycheck to paycheck.So I finally landed a job with a major company in this field after two years of trying. I was elated to say the least. I was further excited because it was to be my first 6 figure job. The only drawback is they wanted to relocate me to another state on the other side of the country. If I did this, I was committed because I was leaving my entire business network behind. That said, I didnt worry too much about that because I figured in a worst case I could still find a job in a week or two with my skill set. This idea would later be proven to be delusional. So I packed up my entire family which was my wife, two kids and myself at this point and we moved. I expected to continue renting like we always did, but found rental properties and apartments in this area to be...terrible. I was used to the south and high growth areas where very nice apartments and town homes were plentiful a cheap. Up here they were old, rundown and expensive. So I decided, if Im going to spend that kind of money every single month I should just buy a house. So we searched and found a house that we liked and bought it. Here are where the mistakes of the past started to come and haunt me.I just straight up bought it on credit. I didnt put any kind of a down payment despite my company paying me 10k for relocation. I instead used that money to upgrade furniture and such which really was completely unnecessary. This made my mortgage high. Now it wasnt terrible, really it was in line with rent in the area and it included taxes and everything so it wasnt awful. However as you have seen in many threads around here, your monthly mortgage rate isnt really why you put that down payment down. However I was making a ton of money, so I didnt fret over it. I also chose to hire lawn care services instead of just buying a lawn mower and pretty much all the conveniences that come with making 6 figures. Now the one smart decision that I did make, was I finally started my 401k and maxed it out. This company had a great one where if you maxed it they would give an additional 1, so I was paying 3 and they were paying 4 for a total of 7. A company vehicle was also provided among the perks and as such we opted to sell our paid off and perfectly serviceable extra vehicle and keep the one we just bought that was also...financed with no down payment. So this went on for a couple of years and the bad spending habits really never quit. Despite the massive increase in pay, I was at most carrying over a few hundred between paydays. Part of that is due to some health issues that cropped up with my wife, but most of it was just atrocious spending habits on my part. I didnt save, I didnt coupon, I didnt have insurance on anything that I wasnt required too. We ate out constantly despite both being excellent cooks and we were just constantly being consumers. We honestly werent even thinking about the future I had the 401k after all, we were just purely living in the moment. Then the hammer dropped.There was a fear of layoffs coming in the area due to the fact that business in this state had been incredibly slow. I knew I was the newest member of the team, but I convinced myself that I was immune. I did this because I was the only person on the team with the certifications I had, I was the guy who actually did the work, not all the planning and other stuff I could of easily handled myself anyhow. I also was regularly called in by other states to assist in particularly difficult problem installs. I thought at worst, I might be spending more time on the road. I found out a couple months later that I was very...VERY wrong when the entire team got laid off. This came as an absolute shock because i had been in denial about it the entire time. In retrospect, it wasnt shocking at all if you werent me. So now Im in a position where I have zero family anywhere close for support, I have a house with a high mortgage, a newly financed car, now only 1 car due to earlier decisions and oh right my entire business network is in another state.So what to do? Dont worry about it of course! I assumed that due to my experience in the past with job searches it would take me a week..two tops to land another position. Sure it was slightly inconvenient with only a few hundred in the bank, but we would be fine. Those weeks quickly turned into a month, then two months. At this point I was starting to panic a little and made quite possibly one of the single dumbest mistakes Ive ever made. I had a choice of approach my mortgage company and apply for a hardship which would of suspended my payments or reduced them for a period of time or tap into my 401k and all the penalties associated with that. While I was contemplating this, the spring on my garage door broke and so I opted for the cash. I lost an absolute TON of money doing this. I fixed my door, caught the mortgage up and convinced myself a job offer was coming in any day. So we celebrated our new windfall by..going to out eat to a really nice restaurant for steaks and wine when quite frankly we had no business going to McDonalds.Sometime around the 6th month of being unemployed not zero income as my wife got a job, she just never finished college so her options are limited. I became depressed. Now I say this as something I recognize now, not as something I recognized then. In my mind depression was something that happened to weak willed people, not to me. I was just Frustrated at the terrible job market. Looking back it was yet another in the long list of things I was deeply in denial about and possibly could of had a better outcome had I actually sought help. But I was a man and a Smart one! I dont need anyones charity or help. I was also apparently an arrogant, conceited bastard who was too proud for his own good. Which again I convinced myself I wasnt because I was always giving to charities and trying to help others out. I was quite possibly the worst kind of person in that I felt those token things I did, justified everything else. I look back on that period of my life with incredible shame as that was not how my parents raised me and not how I ever wanted to be. It is shocking how one step down a certain road quickly turns into miles. So right around the 30th month of unemployment, yes..30. I was in unbelievable debt. We had sold nearly everything of value except the few things we absolutely must keep. My yard is a wreck because I cant afford to pay someone to cut it and I cant afford to buy a lawn mower. It isnt laziness, if I knew anyone I could of borrowed a push mower from I would of dealt with it. I just didnt know anyone as I was never a get out into the neighborhood type of guy. So Ive lived in this small town for nearly 5 years and know no one. So even if I could ask for help, I wouldnt even know who to go too. The one car situation is making it incredibly difficult to let my wife work which is paying most of the bills and me work anything really. Im doing odd jobs here and there, but it is challenging as she is making basically minimum wage and working 40 hours a week. 2 jobs, 2 kids and 1 car when you live in the middle of nowhere is brutal. This combined with the fact that we are over drafting our account and incurring fees constantly is just digging deeper and deeper into what little we make. So a little over a year ago a salesman knocks on my door. I think he is insane because the yard that was once gorgeous is overgrown and looks like the house is abandoned. I rarely was outside the house because it was just humiliating to be outside with people driving by, honking their horns, yelling at me to mow my lawn and not understanding that I couldnt if I wanted too. Anyhow he talks to me for a minute and asks if Im looking for a job. I of course say yes and he mentions he is a recruiter and to come with him. Now despite my situation I ABHOR sales. There is nothing I hate more in this world than sales and commission. I still agree because quite frankly I have really no choice. So it turns out what he does isnt terrible and certainly isnt my nightmare scenario of a door to door salesman. There was a reason he knocked on my door specifically, but that isnt important. So I hire on with the company more from desperation than anything and they send me to chicago for a week for training. Turns out I needed this company more than the job itself. I thought I was just going to learn about selling their product, but it turns out their sales school is more about ingraining you with the company culture. They operate on the Positive mental attitude philosophy and base everything around this. This was the first time I came face to face with the reality of how negative and toxic I had become when I was absolutely convinced I was happy, but just Frustrated. This started the journey Ive been on for the past year of dealing with my demons and trying to get back to being who I was. Now Im still walking this road and it isnt going to be easy by any stretch. I still live paycheck to paycheck, but that is due to being behind nearly 3 years on everything. We over draft our account less now, but not quite there yet. Again I didnt dig this hole over night, not gonna fill it overnight. However for the first time in years I can see positive momentum and it is just going to take time and hard work to overcome it. We obviously budget for the first time in our lives, we clip coupons and we dont get anything we dont need. Despite being in the position of really needing every penny I earn, I instantly took this companies 401k and maxed it and it will not be touched for anything. Ill be 38 in dec and honestly this is really my last chance to not be working until the day I die. I can honestly say Ive learned more in the past year than I did in my entire career leading up to it. I cannot stress how important it is that you follow the advice in this subreddit and start doing it ASAP. Trust me when I say you can in fact save more than you realize because you are spending more on eating at McDonalds and sodas every week and other crap you just dont need than you realize. i assure you there is no worse feeling in the world than to have to tell your kids sorry, I dont have any extra money for food this week sandwiches will have to do. I cant begin to count how many meals Ive skipped just to put gas in my car to go to work. I cannot express how shitty of a person you feel like when you cant buy little things like halloween costumes for the kids, or really more than 1 or 2 presents at christmas. Again I say these things not to make you feel sorry for me, I say them to hopefully give someone the reality check they need to stop them from walking down this road. Yes you can in fact go from making 6 figures to poverty nearly over night. And yes, the climb back up is hard...Very hard. So please dont automatically assume the person in a bad position is a deadbeat. Sure they probably made bad decisions I did, but that doesnt mean they are lazy. Like the thing I mentioned with my yard. I had people constantly blowing their horns and shouting at my kids and throwing crap in my yard. It hurt all the more because Im not lazy, I simply had no means of doing anything about it. I think Im getting a bit off topic here, but I hope this story helps someone. Please share this and I dont even care if you mention me or link to this thread. Just share the lessons here with someone you know walking this road of self destruction. Hopefully it will show at least one of them that yes it can happen to anyone and it can happen faster than you think. As I mentioned before, I blame no one for my position and accept full responsibility for my actions. I am 100 to blame for the position Im in and I feel a mixture of relief and sadness every single day I wake up and my wife and kids havent abandoned me. The relief from obviously not wanting to lose my family and the sadness in seeing my kids suffer due to my own stupidity. Dont Make The Same Mistakes as Me.  <response>: If you havent showed this to your wife family yet, I would. It could help express your feelings and what you have been through. Just a thought. Also, one day when all is right again in your world and your kids are grown. Show this to them. It could be a big lesson for them in life. 