<prompt> Human: This is going to be a bit of a long, rambling post, and I apologize in advance. Its a complicated situation and I want to make sure that I fairly represent as many of the factors involved as possible.Some background info about me: 22 yo male, graduating from undergrad in May and moving to Chicago for work.The Story:I grew up in a lower-middle-class suburb of a big city not Chicago, Ive bounced around the country a bit throughout my life, where my father worked in consulting for most of my childhood. We had a very comfortable lifestyle, and my parents became accustomed to living like money grew on trees. They built a huge house and with a sizable mortgage, emptied out their life savings finishing the basement, bought new cars, etc.My father lost his job, was unemployed for two years, and then took a position in education at half his previous salary, but my parents continued to live as though they were still very well-off. The two of them went to significant lengths to hide their financial troubles from my sister and me I think they were embarrassed to admit that they had nearly bankrupted themselves, and had always assured us that they would pay for our college tuitionexpensesetc. We were kids, and never though too much about our parents finances because everything seemed ok. However, over the time that I was in high school, my sister is two years older than I they burned through all of their retirement funds, as well as the money that they had saved up to pay for college for my sister and myself.We both went to state schools, and though I went out-of-state, I passed up on an opportunity to go to my dream school 1 in the country for my field of study at the tune of 55kyr in favor of a well-reputed state school. I did this because I was awarded scholarshipsgrants for about 100k out of the 180k total cost of attendance for an OOS student over 4 years. My sister got a scholarship to an in-state school and then went to law school shes amazingly talented and has been fortunate enough to earn a position at a huge firm that will enable her to pay back her law-school loans D. While I was in the middle of college, my dad went through another period of unemployment, and parents split up in a very nasty divorce. The process took over 2 years, and they were so angry at each other that they preferred to see their money go to attorneys than potentially to the other party. In total, they spent about 150k on attorneys Money that they did not have; both of them took out loans to pay for the process, and now are saddled with the remainder of the mortgage on their house, car payments, and huge loans from the divorce. They will no longer speak to each other, which makes coordination between the three of us complicated.The Current Situation:About 40k worth of debt is in my name; these loans are pretty low-interest 3.5-6. Although Id love for my parents to follow through with their commitments to pay everything, Im going to take care of these loans myself. The remaining 45k after interest accumulation over the past several years is all in Parent PLUS loans at 7.9 interest. It is in their names, so I cant directly make payments on it. One parent has steadfastly maintained that I should not be contributing toward this debt, that it is their responsibility and I shouldnt worry about it. The other, has repeatedly told me that I --have-- to pay these loans. They are ruining hisher credit score and there is no way that she can pay them on herhis own. This parent makes 75kyear in a very very low cost-of-living area, but still lives alone in the 600k house that my parents built. This parent personally spent over 90k on the divorce, and refuses to adjust hisher standard of living to live within hisher means, student loan payments or not. Bottom Line:I chose my safety school over my dream school to save my parents money. Even so, I would have chosen a cheaper option if I had known that I was going to have to pay for it myself. I made lifestyle decisions during college spending time on schoolfun rather than working based upon the premise that I would graduate without a huge amount of debt. If I dont pay back the loans that one parent took out, I dont think that parent will ever speak with me again. If I do pay those loans back:A.It will that leave me with almost 500month less to save for my own financial future 401k, IRA, etcB.The other parent will be furious about it, and has stated explicitly that she will go after half of anything I put towards the other parents debt because that should be hershis as part of the divorce settlement. I know full well that that isnt a valid legal argument, but that wont stop himher from spending even more money trying to make the other one miserable.Im already worried about that both parents being able to afford to support themselves further down the road anyway because of how irresponsible they both are with money one of them bought a 55,000 car WHILE UNEMPLOYED. Then wrecked it. Then bought another one to replace it.The Question:wat do?Assistant: This is more a relationship question. Here are some ways to think about it:1. Is it worth it to you to pay 45k for speaking privileges with this parent?2. If you had a child would you make them pay 45k in exchange for speaking privileges?3. How do you feel about the fact that your parents love for you is worth approximately 45k to them?This parent sounds toxic and miserable. The divorce and their terrible relationship with money clearly spilled out to the rest of their life. They need therapy to get their shit straight. Do you even want a relationship with them contingent on this parameter? Human: I think the saddest part, for me, is that my relationships with my parents right now are the best theyve ever been. Ours was not a particularly happy home growing up, and I wound up caught in the middle of most of their fights for years as a kidadolescent. They have both made much more of an effort to have a relationship with me since I moved several states away to go to college.I hate to think that Id be screwing one of them over by not paying the loans that they took out. On the other hand, I almost feel like my newfound relationship is being held hostage over debt that wouldnt exist if they had shown some sort of restraint or maturity with their live choices.  <response>: Please understand you are not screwing your parents over, whatever choice you make. It sounds like theyve both already done a damn good job of that themselves.ParentPLUS loans are not your responsibility. Your parent is the one who chose to take on that debt. You already have 40k of debt that is yours. Deal with paying off your own debts first. Then, IF you yourself choose to, you can consider helping your parent. The bonus here is that it will take time for this to happen, which also gives a lot of time for this animosity to settle down. 