<prompt> Human: My husband and I have been married for 10 years, together since college graduation. I graduated with college debt and compounded it with law school debt. His parents paid for his college and he got a high-paying job right off. We lived together for 8 years before getting married, dividing things equally, even though I was going to law school. I used credit cards more than I should have, thinking Id be making lots of money in no time.When we eventually got married, we stuck to the same 5050 arrangement, both out of inertia and due to the fact that my husband would never have agreed to anything different. We had moved, and my first law jobs were WAY less money than Id planned for. For too long, I paid 100 of what he did, made 60 of what he did, and made up the rest with debt.Today: He has no debt except a car loan and makes 85k. I have...wait for it...175k in debt and make 100k. We are still splitting our joint bills 5050. The relationship is great otherwise and we have a little kid to worry about. Both of us have managed great credit, though he is the only one on our mortgage due to my debt.In some respects, I like that one of us is totally financially secure, but I am totally drowning and dont see a way out. Where do I start here? I think its well past time for me to request that we divide things up according to ability to pay, but it feels wrong that so much of this is premarital debt on my part. Id appreciate any advice.Assistant: Your combined income is 185k and your total debt is 175k. That means that if you lived on a modest 100k between the 2 of you and when I say modest, I actually mean that thats still a very good combined income, you could have your debt paid off in just over 2 years.Or you could live on a combined 150k and still pay off your debt in 5 years.You could also ask him to invest in your debt. If its at 7 interest, ask him to pay for some of it, and you pay him back at a lower rate maybe 3.5, for example. That way he gets a safe investment, and you significantly lower your interest rate, which lowers the overall amount of money you owe. This could also make feel like your debt is split a little more equally, since he cant immediately spend that money.I think your best bet is to sit down and discuss where your money is really going, set a budget, and talk about whats fair in terms of splitting up your spending money. I dont think its fair that he should have to take on your debt just because he married you, but maybe Im biased since Ive been the higher earner in relationships before.You say that youre drowning in debt, but with a debt load thats double your salary, thats really not too crazy. There are plenty of people that make 50k and have 100k of debt and make it work without a problem. So more than anything, what you really need is to start figuring out why youre spending so much which is whats causing you the problem in the first place, not really just the debt itself, and then determine how you can improve your financial situation.Human: Good post. It would help a lot if OP shed some light on the size of their mortgage and what their expenses associated with general cost of living are like.Assistant: OP: We live in a high COL low income area. 370k on our mortgage 450k house, mortgage payment of 1800 a month. High property taxes 4500 a year. Two car payments his is 400, mine is 200. Too much money on groceries and entertainment because he can afford it and I havent been able to discourage it.Edit: Not sure how I forgot the 800mo in childcare.  <response>: I think the real problem is that he still sees your finances as separate entities, and thats something you should discuss. Maybe he sees it as his right to spend more now, since his previous situation and decisions have led him to a better financial situation. On the other hand, you see the two of you as a team working together, where between you, you have a combined income and combined debts, and the rest you get to spend how you see fit.Also, you need to talk about how his expenses are increasing your expenses past the level youre comfortable with. If he wants to eat surf n turf every night but you cant afford it, then tell him. Maybe you can come to a compromise, or he can pay for dinner if he wants to take you somewhere out of your price range.I can understand both sides of the argument, but if youre both working equally hard and equally long hours and feel about the same about your jobs, then I think splitting everything equally makes sense.However, I currently am bored of my job and have been saving like crazy to retire early, so I dont think its fair for someone else like a wife, if thats in my future to force me to take on her debt. Id gladly help her try to find a better paying job and work out her finances, but since Ive already been scrimping on things to save for retirement and working a job I dont particularly like, then until she puts in the time and effort to do the same, I dont think I should have to give up my early retirement plans. Hope that helps : 