<prompt> Human: So, I 28m come home from work yesterday and the wife 28f of 18 months seems upset after spending the day with her family. The wife is Japanese, we and her family live nearby on the far outskirts of Tokyo. Let me back up a little.In Japan its normal to change clothes during a wedding reception, something I wasnt bothered about, and that my then fiance would have liked but not for the 2,000 rentaldressingmake up fee yes, rental.The in laws really wanted us to and offered to pay; we said no, they insisted, we said no, and when they insisted some more, we accepted. Id still only met them a couple of times, so it felt awkward, but I was happy that everyone seemed happy, and Im glad we had that chance. So, back to yesterday.I already knew her parents had had money trouble in the past, and that this means the eldest brother has their house in his name, but apparently its loans as well, and it seems like her other older brother is helping them. Theyre trying to send the youngest son to university now.So, the wife wants to pay back that money bit by bit.I made it clear that I wouldnt consider this as paying back 2,000 dollars, but as giving simply giving it to them, and told her that I didnt want to, but without actually saying no.We didnt come close to a fight, but she was very upset at the situation.A few notes; my wife has a few small debts, but nothing major. In the last 6 months Ive moved to a lower paying job which meant moving apartments and having to completely furnish it from scratch, and weve had a few really expensive emergencies.Basically, with the wedding and all of that, the savings have ran dry, weve struggled for a few months, but by next payday we should finally be in a position to start saving again. Weve both said that we want kids, but that we want to wait until were more financially secure.The parents and brothers are really, really nice, and while I believe that no one has directly asked us to hand over money, yesterday the wife learned enough about the finances that there is a hint in there from the parents, older brothers, or younger brother, Im not sure.The wife feels like shes being a bad daughter as the other sons are helping I see it more as they both single and earn more than she does, and also that they got much more financial support growing up than she did as they had all the trouble when she was 16-20 and wants to help. I earn about 30k and her about 16k - I know that this is bad on my part, but I cant shake the feeling that its not really her that would be giving her parents money, it would be me. And again bad on my part, but my parents, with a lower income than hers, flew from the states for the wedding and gave us a present - if were throwing wedding money around, that seems like a less bad place to start.I think Im probably going to just give them the money, after I check a few things, and with a few conditions.It seems like that loan is probably in her brothers name, and even though the wife wasnt told, she knew enough that she should have guessed, so I figure we as a team are at least as responsible as the brother, but that we got more benefits out of it. Basically, its better that the parents bad choices screw my wife and I over than her brother. The condition I want to set is that the money we pay goes directly to repaying that loan - not paying for university or her graduation trip or anything else. Basically, if two years down the line theyre still in trouble, which Im 99 sure will be the case, I dont want anyone to be able to say that part of the problem is that the clothes loan is still there.So, what do you think? Am I being too nice in paying or a self righteous ass for thinking about it in the way that I do?  <response>: I think this is more rrelationships. How many people does it really take to support two able bodied adults? They will mention the loan they gave you 100 times over the course of your marriage. If you want to pay it back I would save up and give it as a lump sum when you both are more financially sound. Set it as a budget goal. But it sounds to me like they have some sort of boundary issues there. 