<prompt> Human: Ok so im not sure if this is the proper subreddit but rrelationships isnt my favorite place... so last nice the girlfriend and I had a talk about finances. A little background first, I grew up with what a very middle family income parents each make 45-50k and she grew up quite a bit less well off. We both went to college nurse and engineer.So when we talk about future goals, she wants a family very soon and is her top priority. I also have my family as a top priority but I also feel like I didnt go to college so I can live paycheck to paycheck and I would like to be rich one day. My top priority is paying off our 60k combined in student loans in the next 2 years she says its not doable and I continue to show her a budget that allows our current lifestyle with 3 less trips to the bar per month.She is insistent that she never wants to be rich because it makes people rotten, and I just dont agree. I think thats the Hollywood view, not the truth if you actually learn about inspiring people who became wealthy. Am I being to aggressive here? Does anybody have any tips for how we can try to get on the same page? I dont see this ending well if we cant sort this out as it is dealing with our major short term and long term goals. Any help is appreciated.  <response>: The top priority of both of you, way before kids, should be getting on the same financial page. Not being on the same financial page destroys everything else. Its the number one cause of divorce. Even if thats not the reported cause of divorce the strain from being on different financial pages can push one person to do something else which IS reported as the cause of divorce. That often means that finances are a root cause of marriages with other reported causes of divorce infidelity or something.You absolutely must put a stop to that stuff now. Do not pretend like there is some higher priority than that. Find time to get on the same financial page within the next 30 days and under no circumstances get her pregnant before that happens.You will need to have a meeting to discuss this and you want to go into that meeting with knowledge of what her concerns are and you will want to take those concerns seriously. Feel free to argue that the middle ground here lean more toward your side of things but DO NOT dismiss her concerns out of hand. You want her to feel like there is compromise going on and its not just all on her end.You may think her position on everything is dumb, but do not betray that position. If you think that, keep it to yourself.Something you may not understand fully is that you learn some stuff growing up that gets deeply ingrained in you, right or wrong, and the lessons you get in a poor household are quite often different than those of people who grew up in a well off household. Very often those lessons differ on financial matters. Indeed, quite often poor people paint rich people as the enemy and the cause of their decades of suffering, even if an outside observer may place the cause elsewhere.You cannot just downplay this. She needs to willingly unlearn things because she thinks she will be better off if she does and that can take A LONG TIME.Using myself as an example, my whole extended family is dirt poor. For much of my life my father lived in a house that was worth 8000 according to his local taxing authority. Consequently, at 18 I was thrown out onto the street with either no financial knowledge or actively harmful financial knowledge. Sometime in my early 20s I realized just how much my extended family screwed me in this area and I started a painful process of unlearning and relearning. I am now more than double that age and at best you can say I overcompensated and I am still screwed up just in some other ways.An example of that is that our savings rate is insane as a portion of income, largely because I dont want my kids to ever ever go through what I went through. There is a huge gap between where we are now and being dirt poor and we are still being super financially conservative. Every month we buy ourselves another whole month of gap between ourselves and poverty. That requires us to have a near 50 savings out of take home.Not going to complain I am not still screwed up by my upbringing, at least its in a better way now, though.Your fiancee, however, hasnt had a chance to unlearn and adjust yet, so her fears and stuff are still going to be exceedingly real to her. Even many years from now they very likely still will be.At the very least, though, you need to get her started on that track. Until she understands the harm her thoughts cause her to endure, she wont just flip on this because you want her to.I suggest trying to find articles and get her to read them that relate to these rich vs poor mentality concepts. I would suggest they have a side of humor as well. Cracked did a really good one of those. I would strongly suggest hunting that down. 