<prompt> Human: Hi all. Im 28 and getting married in about a month. My wife-to-be and I are in I think solid-but-not-great financial shape. Id like some general advice from some of the folks on PF.I make:--43,000 salary-- Approx. 3,000-5,000 in freelancecontractor income-- Approx. 8,000 in the bank.-- 12,000 in 401k pay 4 with employer match-- 23,000 student debt Began at 33,000, have paid standard repayment plan since 2010-- No credit card-- No car payment Own a 12-year old CivicFiancee makes--38,000-- 6,000 between Roth IRA and 401K hasnt been working as long-- Approx. 7,000 in the bank most of it wedding savings that will be used-- Owes approx. 6,000 on a car loan that ends in Jan. 2016.-- We rent a condo for 700 month-- Cable 120-- Utilities 100-- Car insurance is about 150-- Phones about 200We both use Mint to monitor our admittedly loose budget.My measuring stick for Mint is to check the cash flow section and as long as Im bringing in more than Im spending, I feel OK. And when Im not i.e., planned wedding expenditures, then it better be for something that I accounted for.So my question is kind of general, but, upon marriage, what should our goals be?Options seem to be:-- Pay off our debts-- Buy a house -- Plan for retirement-- Go hogwild and party all the timeBasically, if you were young-ish, on the verge of marriage and financially stable but not wealthy, what would you do? What would you have done differently?There are a few details worth knowing:-- Im not supremely confident in my future employment where I am now Could potentially run out in 6-18 months, maybe more. Im reasonably sure that I could get another job at or near my current salary, but you never know.-- My fiancees job is very secure-- Im happy to not have a car payment, but my Civic is currently in need of approx. 2,000 worth of repairs. KBB for it accounting for mileage and condition is about 1,500-2,000. So I have a decision to make there. Tempting to buy a new or newer vehicle and be done with it. But so hard not to overspend.---I know this is all vague, but Im hoping to get an idea of what financial direction we should pursue. My parents werent very responsible with money didnt set a very good example and I dont want to make the same mistakes they did.Thanks so much!  <response>: Hi,Nice to see that youre thinking of this before marriage. I would recommend the following steps:- Both of you need to have an honest financial discussion with accounts laid bare. An honest discussion means that you not only discuss facts and figures, but personal tendencies and proclivities. If you have a tendency to splurg on Steam sales, for instance, that needs to be known up front. The last thing you want for both of you is some financial habit or enjoyment to end up causing a big fight because you were shy. If youre sharing a life together, then part of sharing a life is sharing these little financial tendencies.- Understand each others financial motivations. Does she view money as a means to an end? How do you view money? This sounds lame to do, but I guarantee you will have these discussions in other formats at times not of your choosing in the future unless you do it now. How do you view money? How does she? How do you manage your tendencies towards management AND mismanagement?- Remember, people need to have their splurges and their wastes of money let them have what they enjoy and manage around it so that you can reach your goals. That may mean tamping down some of these splurges but not eliminating them if either party really likesneeds them. Personal finance is less about managing dollars and cents and more about managing feelings and emotions which manifest themselves as dollars and cents.- What inheritances or windfalls are potentially coming to both of you in the future? Are both of your familiesparents wills and final wishes in order? If either of you is planning to get a major inheritance, have you discussed that with the person who you will be getting it from? Do they want the inheritance split with the partner or do they want it 100 for you? If so, you may need a pre-nup to honor their wishes. Inheritance can rip a marriage apart, so get this out of the way up front. If either one of your families has not really started to think about death, this is the time because a huge change in the family is coming very soon.- Get your wills and medical directives in order ASAP. Establish a good relationship with an attorney. Get your will in order and have a death plan prepared. You are sharing a life, not hoarding yours for yourself now - so please do this so each other has peace of mind. Again, if you dont do it now you WILL do it later, either when youre older or when something unexpected happens. Youre in a planning mindset now around marriage and wedding, so knock this out while you have the motivation to get shit done.- With regards to your plans, you need to sit and have a good think on your own. See what feels right. Maybe you need to splurge a bit and get some partying out of your system. Better to do it now while youre young and then move on. Maybe youve done that and are really sick of debt, etc. Focus on what you intuitively KNOW you NEED right now and do that. As a sidenote, retirement planning need not be separate from the others. You can set a small amount into an IRA each month automatically and both of you can get that portion out of the way with minimal effort now.- A final reminder: These sorts of conversations about money seem really lame or forced. But they WILL come up later, often in the form of arguments, resentment, confusion, etc. unless addressed proactively. If you can do it now and spend a good chunk of a day on this you can get things straight so neither of you has any surprises. There needs to be a non-judgmental environment so both people can just lay it out on the table with no worries if what you or she spends money on is considered stupid or a waste by the other.As I said earlier, personal finance is less about managing dollars and cents and more about managing feelings and emotions which manifest themselves as dollars and cents. Handle this and youll be good to go.I send to both of you my wishes for a bright and happy future. 