<prompt> Human: I have been with my husband for nearly 12 years. He has always made substantially more than me hes in IT, Im in academia but also carried a higher debt burden student loans and is more of a spender than a saver. Hes slowly gotten on board with saving for retirement, investing, etc. and a few years ago got a much higher paying job which facilitated us becoming much more financially healthy around 100k in liquid assets. He was then laid off from that job shortly before we undertook a costly cross-country move so that I could pursue my career. At the time we had a pretty low cost of living so his unemployment was enough to cover basic expenses. I had sent him a copy of the budget I was following at the time based on what I could afford on my graduate student stipend which would have had him contributing 400 month out of his savings to supplement the unemployment so we could maintain our lifestyle. I figured that even if he was out of work for a full year hed only run through less than 5000 which given our assets didnt seem too bad.During the time he was unemployed I was finishing my dissertation and we didnt discuss his personal finances, just our joint finances. So I found out after we spent 8000 moving, and his unemployment was about to run out, that he had managed to spend 10,000 of his savings during about 9 months on unemployment. He was able to find a job in our new state, albeit one that pays a few grand less than before. He isnt thrilled with it both the job itself and the money and in an ideal world would quit to look for something else or start his own business. However, he feels like he cant afford to because he hasnt yet replenished the 10K he spent while unemployed - he feels backed into a corner financially. This has led to some tension because we have enough money in our emergency fund 6 months income that he could quit if need be, like if it was affecting his health negatively. But Im not currently willing to allocate joint emergency savings because of a situation created by his spending choices.I have asked him where the additional 6500 went I was concerned about something like a gambling or drug problem to be honest and he said he basically maintained the lifestyle he had when hed been working - lunches out, shopping, etc. - and showed me credit card statements that corroborated this. He does not recall that we agreed on the more conservative budget and didnt even remember me sending it to him, allegedly, although the document sharing settings indicated I did.So I realize this may be more of a relationship issue but I could use some feedback on how to balance our interests as a joint household with our individual financial interests. I am already contributing to my retirement at a much more aggressive rate than my husband even though I make half what he does currently. I also have more in my personal emergency and slush funds than he does. Some of this, to be fair, is because my parents paid for my college and I have no other debt, so Im not criticizing his overall situation, just this most recent choice to spend 10K in 9 months. Am I being too much of a hard ass to basically tell him that its his responsibility to recoup that money by working, even if his job is unsatisfying? I feel like its a good life lesson that having a healthy financial cushion can give you flexibility to get out of shitty jobs on your own terms, whereas spending your cushion getting lunch out every day for 9 months and buying shoes may preclude that option. But on days where his job is really stressful I feel bad telling him to basically suck it up when in theory he could quit and wed probably be ok.  <response>: If it was me, Id be more concerned that there could be 9 months of spending you were not aware of, than the amount of spending that occurred. I think you both need to come up with a plan that allows you to share your spending day to day and week to week, so there are no more 9 month surprises. I mean, did you never once ask what he had for lunch when he ate out? If he needs to replace this 10k to feel whole again, he should be sharing every penny spent with you. Not because your a hard ass - because he is your spouse. 