<prompt> Human: Long-time redditor, but Im using a throwaway here to not give away too many personal details. Theres a tl;dr at the bottom.Im married, 40 years old with two kids, midway through a pretty solid career where I make about 100k right now. I contribute a total of 9 to a 401k my contribution employer match.All of that said, my cash flow sucks. My wife has been home with the kids since they were born, so my income is our only income, and weve been overspending essentially since they were born.Here, Ill just post the numbers, and you can tell me what Im doing wrong and how to fix it.Income: 100k grossMortgage: 2,600mo including taxes, insurance I owe 380k and house is worth 800kCar payment: 250month, 4 years remaining.Other debt: None, student loans are paid off and we use credit cards but pay them in full every month.Savings: 20k cashRandom stocks: 6,500401k balance: 70kSo, when I bought my current house a few years ago, I had more like 55k in liquid savings after putting 25 down, and weve spent that down to 20k.Other than food, clothes, utilities, etc... I dont know where the money is going. Weve had a few small house projects that have cost a few thousand, but probably less than 5k total. Weve had a few extra medical expenses, lets say 5k as well. That still leaves like 25k weve spent over our income for the past few years! Honestly, we arent living an extravagant lifestyle. We dont go out to restaurants much. My kids have never flown on an airplane or gone on a vacation that isnt a local road trip.At the rate were going, Ill be down to less than 10k in a year or so. My wife wants to work, but shes been out of the workforce for 8 years and hasnt found anything suitable thats part-time enough to not have to pay for childcare - shes a social worker so not highly paid enough to cover child care.I know I have a lot of house equity, so I have options. I could borrow against the house or refinance although I have a 4 fixed loan so I dont want to do that, probably, but I just dont want to keep spending that wealth down.I live in a very expensive city, so another option would be just cashing out of everything and moving somewhere cheap. But that has its own costs - Id be gutting my own career which also comes with a pension, actually and moving away from friends, family, and community.My wife is literally in tears when we discuss finances... because she feels shes being frugal already, and I have to constantly tell her not to buy anything thats not necessary. Ive looked through her credit card statements and there isnt anything outrageous on there. She buys most of the groceries and kids clothes and things. She doesnt buy a lot of expensive clothes or shoes or anything for herself, and neither do I.Other than her getting a job - which were working on - what can I do?tl;dr - gross income 100k, decent wealth with little debt, but going broke. Not sure where the money is going.Edit2: Some more budget numbers more nicely formatted.Take home is roughly 5,850mo.Mortgage 2,650.00 Cell Phones 110.00 All insurances 90.00 Groceries 1,000.00 Gas 220.00 Internet 90.00 Life Insurance 35.00 Gym 15.00 Utilities water, gas, garbage, electricity 275.00 NetflixAmazon 25.00 Hair 35.00 ClothesWork Lunch 200.00 Auto Repair etc...I dont have numbers for a few of these.Assistant: So 100k before-tax, say 10kyear for 401k and healthcare premiums, maybe 18kyear in taxes. That leaves you with 72kyear.You then are paying 31kyear on the mortgage, and 3kyear on the car.That leaves you with 38k to support a family of 4 for the year in what sounds like a HCOL area, not to mention additional savings goals.Youre spending 50 of your after-tax income on your mortgage and car payment. Thats probably not sustainable, as youve noticed.Any chance of downsizing the house? That mortgage is a killer. The general rule of thumb is to not to buy a house for more than 3x your income. Youre at 8x your income.You should also create a budget. Track all the credit cards, figure out where all the money is going each month. You should know what amount typically goes to each category of expense each month, and then you can figure out where you can cut back.Human: I replied to someone else about the same thing, but I didnt buy the house for 8x income. I bought it for 5.5x income and I put 25 down. Its average for the area.x200B;I definitely agree that I need to get a real budget going.  <response>: Its average for the area.Average for the area doesnt necessarily mean affordable for you specifically. 