<prompt> Human: I make what would be considered decent money in most parts of the country but expenses are very high... Im 29 with 2 kids and a stay at home wife.Income:115k base10-20k bonus30-50k consulting feesmiscellaneous 1099 type incomeExpecting a 20-30k raise in the next year due to lateraling internally to a much more senior position, basically if they dont give it to me Id easily qualify getting it from a competitor.Retirement Account:70k in 401kCompany contributes 10k a year to the accountIve been only contributing 25 of my bonus because finances are tight.Debts:580k mortgage at 4.0 30 year fixed, with property tax etc. comes out to around 3750 a month.Student Loans - paid off last month.Furniture loans: 7k at 0 for 24 months, paying 450 a month.Hospital bills: 1.2k at 50 a month no interest.On top of that fixed monthly expenses are pretty much 250-300 in gaselectric, 150 cableinternet, 220 for 4 cell phone lines with Verizon, 50-100 for trashwatersewer etc, 150 for gas, 200 car insurance I never owned a car before moving to the burbs.On top of that, food and incidentals around the house usually amount to 1k-1.5k. We also have my older kid in part time day care because she was getting a bit anti-social for 750.All of that added together and basically right now Im living paycheck to paycheck with all of my spending outside of the stuff listed above coming out of whats left of my bonus and my consulting income.I have 155k of equity on my house and a 60k emergency fund right now, probably another 10k in checking. Investments were pretty much cleaned out to buy the house.At this rate I feel like Im way behind on the 401k and Im at an age where I dont think I can count of social security. Also I havent really saved for the kids college funds but the older one is only 2 12. Were also considering a third child.Im pretty freaked out these days by month end seeing my bank accounts usually flat maybe a bit negative after each month because Im used to being a saver, but I just put in 10k from bonus etc. to finish off my student loans since they were at 7.5.I really dont feel like working until Im 75-80 so is there an end in sight? If I actually work to that age Id probably be able to retire regardless from my parents life insurance because they are fairly well off.Edit: Additional info from belowGrocery budget is 500 and we do most of our own cooking one of my side jobs is catering, Alcohol probably 200, Eating out 300, and the rest is generally my wife shopping for clothes etc. Food sometimes gets supplemented somewhat from left overs for catering gigs.I am also going to get 150k from the sale of my old apartment after transaction fees etc. soon.Also I dont drive a super expensive car, just that I cant get cheap insurance because the insurance companies all say that I never insured a car before. My car is 8 years old and probably worth 10-15k.Assistant: Ill lay it out simply: just because you earn a metric fuck-ton of money doesnt mean you can spend a metric fuck-ton of money. Youve gotten yourself into this mess by buying a home that costs more than you can reasonably afford and you are not frugal with any other aspects of your life. If you want to retire at a reasonable time, youve got to start saving 20 of your income. Im guessing you live on one of the coasts NYC, DC, SF, LA. You shouldnt need more than a 3 bedroom for your family, even with 3 kids. Consider realistic housing needs, a realistic number of cell phones, dropping cable, dropping car insurance to something lower, buying unprepared food and making things yourself, etc.Your problem isnt a problem of income, its a problem of spending. You want real help? Youll need to give us your actual spending habits and a full budget. The incidentals kill you as much as your house does.Human: Grocery budget is 500 and we do most of our own cooking one of my side jobs is catering, Alcohol probably 200, Eating out 300, and the rest is generally my wife shopping for clothes etc. Food sometimes gets supplemented somewhat from left overs for catering gigs.I am also going to get 150k from the sale of my old apartment after transaction fees etc. soon.One problem is that with my family etc. I end up with expectations that Ill attend some destination weddings, family gatherings etc. every year which pretty much kills my savings that Id have otherwise. Without those types of expenses that come up that I feel socially compelled to live up to, Id probably be able to actually save a decent amount of money.Assistant: Well you could easily reduce or cut out the alcohol, eating out, and clothes.Human: Yep, thats a question of how much I want the saving to impact the marital harmony, but definitely an area to look into.  <response>: Maybe laying out the numbers, focusing on retirement and savings, with the kicker being The only way this works is we both sacrifice together, or were going to need a second income source...That probably would make me stand up and take notice with less of a fuss. 