<prompt> Human: My 50 wife 55 and I are the guardians for my sisters child 14F, who well call KM. My sister adopted KM from Russia at two years old. She met married a husband about 8 years ago. My BIL was diagnosed in the fall with ALS. Two weeks later, my sister was diagnosed with Leukemia and has been undergoing chemo and a stem cell transplant. Because he is a former military, there was benefit to KM if my BIL adopted her, so he did that recently, knowing that his disease was fatal. A couple of days ago, my sister was told, unexpectedly, that the Leukemia is back and that she likely has only two weeks to live. My BIL is in serious decline. He can walk and mostly use his hands, but he cannot communicate verbally and he has a feeding tube in. No one knows how long he will be here.My wife and I are taking in my niece. I am the executor of both my sisters estate, which goes to my BIL, as long as he lasts, and then I am also the executor of his estate. He has two grown children from a previous marriage. His estate will be split amongst the three kids.My niece is the beneficiary of:My sisters life insurance 240kMy sisters retirement fund 190kMy sisters state pension - 200k, i thinkAs I understand it, she can go to state school for college at no cost, but we would have to pay room and board. Im also told that she can also get a 1,200 per month stipend from Social Security until she is 18. It seems that there will be enough money to take care of her. Financially, at least. Im not going to get into all the non-financial issues every participant in this drama is facing, because Ill just cry and then we wont accomplish anything.A lot of what Im concerned about is the mechanics of all of this. I think she is well-situated financially. My wife and I have three kids in their early to mid twenties. The boy is getting married next year and the girls are actively in conversations with their boyfriends. Were not well off and my niece, realistically will have money surpassing our current savings. How do I manage it?I can and will talk to an advisor about how to invest it for her, although Id welcome any advice here. What concerns me is, the mechanics if it all. How do I figure out what her costs are for us? I mean, I can buy her things she needs from her own account, like clothes, etc. But what about groceries? Do I just estimate and document? I want her to have absolutely everything she needs. If possible, though, I dont want this situation to effect my ability to pay for weddings and build for retirement. If she was coming to us without anything, I wouldnt even think about any of this, I guess. I would just roll her into our lives lie she was our fourth kid. Except, she is coming with some assets and I want to use them on her behalf while being totally scrupulous in how I go about it.Im not sure this is a clearly formed question. As you might imagine, Im a little rocked. I welcome any input Reddit cares to provide.tl;dr: sister and BIL both dying. Our about-to-be empty nest is about to be restocked. Wondering about the financial mechanics of being a guardian and an executor.Assistant: People are mentioning estate lawyers and financial planners and accountants.. I want to mention a therapist. This is probably extremely distressing for her, and a therapist may be able to help her learn the skills to deal with such immense grief at an already difficult time in many girls lives. This is one excellent use of the SS money shell receive.Something you should also try to get from your sister and brother in law, while theyre still alive, is a record of all online accounts, and all physicalmonetary assetsliabilities, etc. and their corresponding passwords. Computer passwords, email passwords, PIN numbers, social media passwords, any online bill-paying passwords, etc. Anything theyre comfortable with you having access to after their deaths. Many people dont get the chance to get this information before their loved one dies, and they can be difficult to get access using death certs.Human: We are all over the therapist. Im honestly not thrilled with my sister that shes never had my niece in real counseling. I feel that my niece sits somewhere along the spectrum. She is barely acknowledging that her parents are dying and we all know that either she is incapable of feeling it or suppressing it. If shes suppressing it, then it will come out in a big way at some point. If shes incapable of feeling it, then that is actually scarier for me. Either way, therapy for all!  <response>: Its not uncommon for institutionalized children e.g., kids who spend time in orphanages to develop Reactive Attachment Disorder. Since your niece wasnt adopted until age two, this is a possibility. Googling Reactive attachment disorder in Russian orphans brings up a slew of results. The symptoms arent so different from what a child on the spectrum might manifest: Withdrawal, fear, sadness or irritability that is not readily explained Sad and listless appearance Not seeking comfort or showing no response when comfort is given Failure to smile Watching others closely but not engaging in social interaction Failing to ask for support or assistance Failure to reach out when picked up No interest in playing peekaboo or other interactive gamesWorth looking into! 