<prompt> Human: Somewhat hypothetical: We know that if we give money to family members, it is a gift, and will not be repaid, because we dont want helping our family members to actually cause relationship stress if they cantdont repay. If you love the people you are helping, but dont want to encourage or condone irresponsible spending, what would you ask before providing money to help them out?Would you ask them to curtail unnecessary expenses: cable tv? private school? high speed internet? cell phones? data plans? family vacations? restaurants? expensive clothes? Or might you give them money the first time with no conditions and then decline after that?Im trying to figure out a framework of expectations with my spouse regarding our extended familys needs. In general, the people who are likeliest to need help are the ones who live more lavishly than we do.  <response>: My spouse and I wouldnt give money to friends or family who havent helped themselves... except in an extreme emergency. Our family members must know this without our ever having said anything, because they never ask us for money. 