<prompt> Human: Im sitting in my living room in a daze. I dont know what to do anymore.Im trapped.I have always been responsible. My mother is an emotionally abusive narcissist, but lucky, one of the things she did for me was instill a sense of finances. I had a 740 credit score and only about 4000 of credit card debt with limits in the range of 50,000 total when I financed my car two years ago. I had some debt on and off, but I always managed it responsibly. I managed to move myself across the country in 2015. I have or I guess, had a 100 payment record.Just in the short time since then, everything has changed. I met a guy, who I thought would be a great match. He makes his money in social media I know, not always sustainable long term, and we moved in. Things were going great...so I thought. My roommate situation was changing anyway, so moving in seemed right at the time.I was working as a server back then, and would notice 20 here or there from my tips would go missing. I wasnt that great about meticulously taking note of how much I had since I always had extra and could always make extra, so I thought that I was just misplacing it.Then I noticed credit cards missing from my wallet.Then I noticed mysterious charges.My boyfriend always straight up denied it...but I knew. I knew something was wrong. I noticed alcohol would also go missing much faster than I could recall anyone drinking.He uses alcohol to feel better, detaches from reality and blacks out, and spends my well, not really mine, but the banks money. He steals my cards, he lies about what theyre being used for.Its been him...this whole time. This has been going on for a solid 8 months.He lied to me about paying rent and deliberately discouraged me from speaking with the renting office he lived there before I moved in, so he always said hed just go take care of it. I never questioned it because I didnt know how deep this went back then. There is SIX MONTHS of rent on my cards 2200 a month...so. a lot..He got us almost evicted from both apartments we have lived in.Our last apartment actually sent 5000 of unpaid rentmove out fees to collections.Guess who was also on the lease?Me.So now thats on my credit, too.He is suffering from PTSD and ADHD and has only recently gotten on medication within the last three months. He does have slips sometimes now, too, which is what prompted me to write this post. It had been getting better...it really was. Hes on a business trip right now. Hed been paying our rent and all of the bills. I had been feeling better about everything. When hes medicated, hes a completely different person. We align on a lot of different values I dont want to have children, I wanted a financially free life where we could travel. Seemed like a perfect match to note though, I am 27 and he is 23...so there is a bit of an age gap when it comes to responsibility. Again, everything had been getting better. I was finally starting to look ahead to the future instead of feeling trapped in this cycle of debt.Then I noticed a payment had been declined today on something that should absolutely not have been declined. I finally looked at my bank account for the first time in a month. Negative. My VISA for that institution was maxed out too...and not only that, 400 OVER the limit.What did I see?Uber charges.ATM charges the two that he and I go to, so not random ones.Amazon.Since the last week of September the 22nd, to be exact, that card alone has increased 2500.My total CC debt is now up to somewhere 50,000 too afraid to do the real math. ALL BECAUSE OF HIM. Im astounded. Im overwhelmed. Again, I only make like 30,000 a year. This is literally impossible for me to pay off by myself.I have a 22,000 car loan and about 105,000 student debt on IBR because I will never have a high paying job, so that payment is less than 150, as well.I only make about 2500 a month. He makes about 4000-8000 when he decides to actually work and not drink his life away into detachment. I am a music teacher. Not a lot of high income potential there. I always knew I wouldnt make a lot of money, but I didnt care. My plan was to responsibly manage my debt, live within my means, and maintain a high credit score with plenty of room on my cards for emergencies, and I was doing it. I was fine. I had money to splurge once in a while, always responsibly paid my debts, and always have a backup career plan I have tons of customer service management experience, too.I dont even know what my score is now. Im too afraid to look.All my hard work...gone. All that time being responsible...wasted. I feel trapped because I just cant just make a bunch of money, as I stated. My payment minimums have far exceeded my income. I keep giving him second and third and fourth chances because his income potential is so much higher than mine and he promises me that hes going to fix it...but he keeps putting us OR MAYBE JUST ME further into the hole every time he gets sad and decides to have a beer.I cant just move out...how would I afford an apartment?What do I do?Where do I go?Im just another trapped woman. Again. How could I be so stupid?Sorry if this is jumbled...I just dont know where to turn. Please dont emphasize how irresponsible Ive been. I tried. I was lied to for 8 months, I know I dont make a lot of money. Where can I even go from here?Assistant: Step 1 is to figure out what other debt he may have put you in. Get all three credit reports at annualcreditreport.com and see what is listed. Anything you dont recognize you will need to dispute.Step 2 is to stop the bleeding. This means cutting off his access to your money and forms of credit. Change banks and dont inform him. Report all credit cards compromised, get new ones, make sure he is not an authorized user on any. If he is, take him off as an authorized user.The next step will really depend on timelines. Generally, if people use your card without your permission - even if they are your boyfriend - you can report the fraudulent charges if you do it as soon as you notice. Now in your case it seems this has been going on for a long while and that you never actually removed his ability to use your money. That means the bank will probably see the charges as authorized. This portion may be a question for rlegaladvice to see if you can still dispute, given the circumstances.All of the discovery process and answers to whether you can dispute his charges still may mean that you have an exorbitant amount of debt and may need to consider bankruptcy. Bankruptcy lawyers will give you a free consultation - I suggest going to a few to ask if your situation warrants it.Now as soon as he realizes that the gravy train has stopped, it will most likely be bad news. So in parallel with cutting him off, you need an exit plan. That may be a friends couch, calling up a distant cousin and asking to stay a while, or getting really far away to regroup. Things like teaching abroad in Japan or China, so that you have room and board covered, along with a wage, and can start to heal away from a very stressful place.Human: Thank you. Hes never been an authorized user officially, he just steals my cards when Im not looking. I actually did try to dispute the charges once, but I basically caved and I said well I guess it could have been my boyfriend...so its okay. I dont know how Id prove which charges were authorized and which were not because it was all made with my card, which have specialized chips. This is just so overwhelming. :Assistant: If you are the only authorized user on the card and you did not make the purchase it is fraud. It doesnt matter if the fraud was perpetrated by someone close to you or a total stranger. Report all fraudulent transactions immediately. This might get you some of your money back. Cut him off from your finances immediately. Hes been doing this to you for a long time and will continue to do so until you make it so he cant. Switch banks, get a different credit card number, check your credit history, refute any charges you did not make and talk to your boyfriend. Personally Id just dump him, but if you want to save the relationship you need to have a long talk with him. He should know that you wont tolerate this crap. Have this conversation after youve shut off all access to your money just in case. Human: We have had long talk after long talk. His claim is that he never remembers doing any of this. Sober him is very different than not sober him. It had been getting better sine hes been medicated for his disorders, but every time he drinks he detaches again. We have tried no alcohol in the house, but I have found many a stash. He needs serious mental help and I feel badly. Whenever I say enough is enough, he guilts me by pointing out that hes doing better lately and but all of our bills are paid!. He accuses me of living in the past, as if wracking up 30-50,000 of cc debt is no big fucking deal. Im clearly co-dependent, and I know it. Assistant: Sober him is still responsible for drunk him...hes the one that chose to get drunk.Human: I agree, but its not stereotypical alcoholism. He only has a beer or two, but that can trigger him into detachment due to his PTSD. He was on whiskey for a while too, but I havent found any bottles recently. Assistant: If a beer or two is what hes telling you, hes lying. A couple of beers doesnt rack up 50k. Ive lived and worked with several different alcoholics. Its very easy to hide drinks from someone who doesnt want to see them.Human: True.Also, why do I keep getting downvoted?I am asking for advice and people are just making me feel worse. I am just trying to give background to the situation. :Ive been crying all day and reaching out to as many people as I can, and of course reddit has to come and downvote me for being honest.  <response>: I expect its because you keep on trying to minimize and excuse his behavior. His drinking is not an excuse. His PTSD is not an excuse. You also seem to think that he is going to try to fix this. He is not. There is zero evidence that he is going to change, let alone pay you back. When you give him leeway rather than going to the police, you are giving up your agency. 