<prompt> Human: Edit agaun: you also made me realize I cant give up and have to keep fighting. Somehow I need to find the strength. Thank you all so much.Edit: I am amazed and overwhelmed by the support. Thank you. To answer some questions, Ive been in counseling for years. Ive made progress because Ive been non functioning in the past, but its been slow. Im also on psychiatric medication: Lamictal mood stabilizer, Fetzima antidepressant, klonopin anti anxiety, propranolol also for anxiety, and saprhis because dopamine? Idk i presented five years ago with psychosis as well. Ive been to my school counselor. The morning that my dad splashed beer all over me when I was still living at home, i called her crying and she said to take a shower and go to school. She knew about the abuse but almost acted like it was normal. I tried registering with the disability office, but theyve never accommodated a psychiatric disability before and the aforementioned counselor said i couldnt get any accommodations despite my psychiatrists reccomendation. I just feel at the end of my rope and out of op tions. I would tell my ex last semester on a daily basis that I wanted to kill myself. I was hospitalized last January for it. I really have been at the point that death seems like a valid option. I dont know, my mom says everyone feels that way so maybe Im just needing to suck it up. All your posts though have given me the strength to make it through the day. Thank you. I dont even want to think about the breakdown of my each of my loans at this moment, but I have about 12 taken out counting separate subsidized and unsubsidized federal loans, including 5 private loans. Interest rates vary from 4 to 8.Two of the private loans that total about 450 a month are currently deferred only while Im in school.The debt comes mostly from two years in art school, for which I took out ALL loans for. I was 18, had little guidance, and made a horrible decision; I know this now. I wish I could go back and re-do it, so badly. My aunt stopped cosigning my loan halfway through my spring semester of my sophomore year there, so I was left with money that was due and couldnt return to school because they wouldnt release my transcripts until I paid back some money.I worked, but only on and off, because I was struggling badly with depression and anxiety that left me paralyzed at times, not able to leave the house. My parents took all my money from my first job before I set up my own bank account, and then all my money I saved from my second full time job is now gone. My parents took out a 3k loan for me to get my transcript to return to school for nursing, and Ive been in school for that since fall of 2012.My parents are abusive. My brother as well. I took out a 14,500 loan to live in the dorms this year because it got worse than its ever been. My dad has gotten on top of me and choked me threatening to kill me, ran down the hallway with a steak knife to his neck threatening to kill himself, and I was constantly demeaned with profanity and things such as fucking asshole cunt, I wish I could see the cops splatter your brains all over the pavement. I had to get out. But now Im dealing with the aftermath of that. Im sure theyre responsible for most of my issues. Additionally, my biggest support, my ex boyfriend of four years, broke up with me in the end of May. Im suffering thinking about that.I currently work as a nurses aide at a hospital and make 16-18.50 by working nights and weekend nights, but am only working once a week while in school. Its too much to do more and Im struggling as it is trying to do that. I only have 800 saved from that, even though it couldve been much more, because my parents have stopped paying for my basic necessities. I worked a lot over the summer but paying for things on my own quickly dwindled the money I made. I owe a lot each month for copays, cell phone of which I have the cheapest phone plan I can, and food, among other things, and they have just stopped helping. I gave them around 2,000. Really, maybe more, I lost count. They have made TERRIBLE financial decisions, including taking out a loan for a 16,000 car they cant afford, and are constantly late on bills and ruining their credit. They cant be much of a help to me right now. Yes, they paid my loans on time every month when I was out of school for three years, but they would not be able to do that this time because they dont support me withdrawing from school. The abuse would get so much worse if I moved back home.If I withdraw from school right now, Id owe 40k I think to my current school immediately. I feel like its almost a necessity for my mental health because Ive been having breakdowns constantly and have spent the last two days suicidal. Really, I should probably be in a hospital right now. Maybe not because Im thinking of all of this? Not sure, but Im at the end of my rope. However, the ramifications of paying that money back and moving back into the abusive environment is so much to think about and a huge burden. Id love to get an apartment, but even if I could get full time hours at my job, I wouldnt make enough to move out. The payments for all my loans would be over 1000 a month. Im at a loss as to what to do.Is there any way for me to work out a plan with my school so that I dont have to pay back the 40k? Im struggling with depression and anxiety so badly. SO badly. Its terrible. I cant constantly break down and become suicidal. I cant afford to not finish school but I cant go on like this. Death seems like a much better option at this point. No guy will ever love me with all my issues, never mind if I have all these money problems on top of it. No matter what I do, my life is a complete and utter mess. I dont know what to do. Can I make it through with all my issues and not have to withdraw? Does anyone have any advice at all? I feel like this is such a jumbled mess. Im sorry.  <response>: First, breathe.Now, dont drop out of school, but do take a leave of absence, due to medical issues. Do what others said and find a therapist or clinic you can go to. If your school needs verification for a leave of absence, they can give you the necessary documents.Next, find all the assistance you can apply for. If you are in the US, go and apply for medicaid and snap benefits. See if you qualify. This will allow you some breathing room and with food costs and cover therapy and any antidepressants you may have to take.See if you can consolidate any or all of your loans, and then apply for a deferment or forbearance for the time being. This will help take the pressure off for a while and keep your credit in some order.Make your leave of absence from school no more than a year. In that time, work as much as you can. Try to get any job that is related to your field of study, even if its in the mailroom. This will all count as valuable work experience once you graduate.Find a roommate situation you can deal with. No, you cant afford an apartment by yourself, but you CAN probably find a 2 or 3 person living situation that will be tolerable. You dont have to be best buds with them, just make sure they arent crazy.Disengage from your family. You can love them, but you dont have to be with them. Accept the fact that since they cant change, you must.Stop beating yourself up over the past. What is done is done, and punishing yourself for any of it doesnt help you or your situation one iota and clouds your judgement. Be kind to yourself.Keep breathing. You can do this. I believe in you. 