<prompt> Human: TL,DR Life crisis is keeping me unfocused I am 32 years old, a veteran, a relatively recent graduate, and I feel like my life is a mess.I currently live in the SF Bay Area I guess its capitalized like that, so the the cost of living practically goes up by the day. I am unemployed, my last three jobs were all as an ESL teacher for private schools for international students I can elaborate, if asked, why ESL in the Bay Area is a such a big deal. Two of those jobs were both part time and held at the same point for about 3 months. My last job was about 5 to 6 hours a day of teaching from Monday to Thursday with weekly meetings, tutoring assignments, club meetings, and one-off workshops on Fridays. Due to my lack of experience 2 years of actual teaching, which most employers look at while ignoring my experiences in grad school I am usually the first to get cut from the teaching pool when enrollment shrinks. At my last job interview, I was complimented by experienced teachers on my classroom performance, but I wasnt offered a job because I lack the certification required to teach Adult Education Im working on doing that now, but I dont have any guarantee of getting into a program this fall. I think that Im unpopular with students because I have poor social skills; I really dont know how to deal with other people and I think I come off as an A-hole. I have taught ESL in the Bay because Im in a holding pattern for a job teaching in Japan. Im only teaching because I want to live in Japan. I dont care what work I do, if I can live in Japan, I will be content Id like to keep playing my video games if I can, but I can give that up if Im in Japan. I drove across the US from my home state to attend grad school in the Bay so I could get an MA in teaching ESL so I could go to Japan and work there. It seemed to be something that theres a demand for, but Id be open to other possibilities if I could interact with Japanese. I studied Japanese for 4 years in college but I never spoke it as well as I did when I came back from Iraq. Its its own story, but I basically studied unintentionally on my own for 4 or 5 months and was able to communicate competently for the 32 days I was in Japan for my post-deployment yay me. Now, understanding is ok, replying in kind is a struggle. I had the opportunity to interview for a Japanese recruiting firm I apply through them for other jobs with other companies and it was truly embarrassing. I still want to go to Japan, but Im worried that Ill be too old and fat to be even considered for a job when the opportunity to be able to go abroad presents itself.I am married with a 9 month old baby and Im a stay-at-home dad for the time being. My wife is an undocumented immigrant, she has a parole in place the time to renew is coming up, and I feel limited with what I can do for work. I gained 50 pounds in the 5 years after I returned to America, went to grad school, and supported my wifes pregnancy. I got married because I felt it was my responsibility to be a part of my sons life, but I continue to regret not being in Japan right now. Thats a thought that grinds on me every day, it makes me sick of myself.Im an American college graduate which means Ive got debt. Yeah...Thats currently the dilemma I find myself in: over educated, underemployed, and just all around crappy.I have many interests outside of Japanese culture and language learning. I enjoy electronic entertainment with no specific interest in any genre Im the same with movies, books, and other entertainment. I dont play much now, I cant make the time for it during the day. Not wanting to sound naive, I have an idea for a game Id like to make and Ive worked with another person on a game they wanted to make. However, the communication between us broke down he stopped returning my emails after I supplied some writing samples based on the scenario he came up with. He was pleased with my writing and I have the story running around in my head, but I havent written much more of it down because its his idea and I dont have much contact with him he claimed to be going to boot camp in June, so I assume hes a Marine at the moment. I have written notes on another story that I came up with recently and Ive written about 3 paragraphs of the first chapter. I have some cursory notes on two other stories, but I havent developed them in any way. I was interested in acting when I was a theater major in college, but that desire waned when I joined ROTC. Id want to get back into acting, but my weight, personality, and general appearance dissuades me from taking it on seriously. The military impressed upon me an appreciation for exploring the world, shooting guns, and leadership. Im not exploring anymore I go to interesting places once or twice a month, but I want to do more, I dont shoot anymore few salient opportunities and expensive, and Im not in a position that I could transition into any kind of leadership opportunity again, that I know of. I am interested in learning to code and I try to stay aware of current technology Im interested in using other OSs than Windows and I want to get into tinkering with my old laptop or a Raspberry Pi and similar devices but I feel mentally blocked by the idea that I lack the maths competence to create algorithms or some other requirement that would make me successful knowing how to code and have a job. Outside of Japanese, video games, writing, and technology, I apply for other work and still get no calls back. I could finish writing my book as quickly as possible. I could do one of the courses I found in coding. I could keep looking for work. I could find a way to support my family and just keep my nose to the grindstone until I can attempt to get a job in Japan. Im just not sure whats the best thing to do. Im terribly indecisive right now, I dont know which way is right.Im open to any thoughts.This isnt my main account.  <response>: To be honest and Im not trying to be a dick here I think you need to go to a therapists office, not to Japan. You seem to have an unhealthy obsession with Japan to the point that you are making questionable life decisions and neglecting your own development and even your family. 