<prompt> Human: Hi everyone. This is a continuation from the MIL dying thread, for those who asked for my expenses so see if they could help. I am going to throw myself on my sword before I get started. My husband smokes and he eats at least two, sometimes three meals out every work day. There is nothing I can do to change this behavior. In spite of the fact that he is a wonderful, caring, attentive and considerate husband, who cooks, cleans and cares for our kid in equal measure, he flat-out refuses to quit smoking or carry his lunchdinner. I carry my breakfast lunch and if necessary dinner and my daughters breakfast and lunch and only get to go out to eat when someone else is paying the bills. He also refuses to find another job because he wants to keep doing what hes doing, in spite of the fact it costs us about a thousand dollars a month for him to keep a job that pays him 800. I have tried everything to get him to quit, from calm conversation to threats and screaming. The same goes for the eating out. We just had a major fight about it two weekends ago. Honestly, Im out of options. If youve got better suggestions, Im all ears. Details below.Me: Business professional, 36, 55Kyr 1428 take home every two weeks includes deductions for healthdentaleye insurance I cover all of us and my maxed 401K contributionHim: Newspaper photographer, 44, 28Kyr 800 every two weeks his healthdentaleye insurance is taken out, but we will be dropping it this year and just keeping my planWe have one home we bought four years ago for 189K with 20 percent down. We have two paid-for cars five years old and eight years old and 20,000 in my 401K. His work stopped offering a 401k three years ago and his subequently has about 2,000 in it. We have 25,000 in emergency fund savings 15,000 for home-related emergencies, 10,000 for general emergency, a liquid account that has about 3,000-3,500 in it earmarked for mortage and CC bill. This month, at the end of the month, we had 900 in there after paying both, plus my account usually end up with a few dollars left over at the end of the month and his taking anywhere from 60 to 100 out of the joint to go into his accountMortgage, home owners and taxes all one payment: 1,075mo we refied about 18 mo ago and have a 3.5 percent interest rateCar insurance both vehicles: 118 he has shitty Safe Auto, I have a pretty decent policyDaycare: 972month it is a literal two minute walk from my office. At 243 a week, this is the midpoint of childcare costs in my area. Any lower, and youre talking shoddy facilities in low-income areas with low state ratings. The two other acceptable facilities with slightly cheaper rates 200week have a two-year-long wait list. We are on both and have still not been called. Higher costs are places like KinderKare, Goddard, etc. Private care is equivalent cost.Heating oil: 266month budget payment plan with price cap, no option to switch to natural gas, the lines dont run out to our part of the countyCable two TVs, downstairs and our bedroom and high-speed internet: 145 just threatenednegotiated with comcast for a locked in one-year rate with free DVR and all-free movie channels. This is our main source of entertainment. Internet is essential because both of us have to be able to work from home at a moments noticeCell phones two smart phones, requirements for both of our jobs. Not an option to downgrade phones or data plan. My husbands job requires him to shoot videoupload from the field to all SM sites the paper owns, etc. and my job requires constant ability to be in contact and mobile. They used to give him 25 for the cell phone, but they stopped that about a year ago: 185 on Verizon discounted 18 percent through my employer.Electric: varies between 143 to 220 a month, depending on usage. We just switched to a cheaper electric providers as our rates hiked here in PA. These are the new rates.Food: 400 per month including diapers and stuff for the kid I have been shopping at the local bend and dent and recently got this number down to about 300Garbage: 13month, billed quarterlyGasoline my car: 192 filling up four times a month, 16 gallons at current 3gal rateCredit Card paid in full every month: 900-1500 includes my husbands gas for his car and all his meals out. His job requires him to drive at a moments notice anywhere in a five county area, with occassional trips farther based on stories. He gets a whopping 28 cents a mile for his trouble. It also includes the 50month perscription he has for his chronic blood condition. There are still copays at the doctors, out-of-pocket co-insurace my ins for the coming year has a cap of 4800 max out of pocket for a family prescriptions for the kid and myself when we get sick, various fees associated with daycare, getting our taxes done each year, oil changes for both cars, etc. My parents give us 900 a month. I cannot tell you how sick this makes me. Until we had the kid and the daycare costs started killing us, we were banking 500 a month by saving what we would have paid in car payments. I didnt ask. My parents just gave it to me. They are very, very well off financially and are not hurting by giving me this money. And I know they dont want me to feel bad about it, but I do. I feel so frustrated that I cannot make my husband see that his stupid job, which he is absolutely, 100 percent wonderful at, is going to end up putting us in the poor house. I got out of journalism for exactly this reason. I realized that I could never have the life we both wanted if I stayed. And I love my husband dearly, so please, no one suggest divorce. This is not one of those situations. He is a great guy. Its just these things. I am certain there is a way through this, I just cant see it. I am just absolutely befuddled why he needs to stay at the paper and take the abuse I could start a whole other thread on the abusive working conditions he endures, including mandatory unpaid overtime he left early today because his mom is dying after working 13, 8-to- 10-hour days straight and boss who refuses to let him take sick days or set a schedule that isnt dictated by the mans whims and side-business committments. My husband has virtually no gear of his own and everything he owns is either broken or held together with gaffers tape. Six years ago, we had to actually buy him a camera or he wouldnt have had a job come Monday. Thank god it lasted as long as it did because the paper finally sprang for a new one a year and a half ago. My husband was named the states top photographer two years ago, but the market in our region is flooded with photogs and momographers who think a fancy camera set to autofocus and a website makes them a photographer. Everyone wants free andor cheap sessions or thinks their PR team with a camera is good enough. The major metro daily laid off about four photogs last year. He also doesnt believe he has any other option beyond being a photographer because he has no college degree. Its either that or Walmart, or being a truck driver. I really dont believe that, but he does. Im drowning here, PF. Help?  <response>: This seems like more of an rrelationships topic, but the biggest thing that I can see is that youre paying 972 a month in daycare, but hes only pulling in 1600 a month.You could solve a lot of your problems if he stayed home to take care of your child. No daycare, no eating out or at least not as much, you said he cooks, get to cut off half the phone bill at least whats stopping you from swapping to T-Mobile or something like that?, saves on gas and a lot of stress that you two seem to be under. 