<prompt> Human: I was raised in a risk averse Asian household where we saved every penny possible, built up significant emergency funds, invested wisely, werent afraid of positive debt like student loans and housing loans, as they meant an increased capacity to make more money. my parents retired with enough savings and passive income to have a comfortable retirement. My SOs family however does not save. They put every penny they earn into property and then borrow on it for retirement. his parents continue to work well past retirement age. he doesnt care for broadening his skill set or to make more income. we are both talking about getting engaged, and recently started talking about financial aims and career plans. both of us want passive income in terms of a house we can rent out. but Im for working hard till Im 35 to save, so that my later decisions can be based on what i like to do, instead of financial need. he is more for living in the moment as he is more financially successful than people from back home. I dont know how to have these conversations in a language we both understand, and in a manner where Im not condescending to him. How do we talk about money when we have been raised in very different families?Assistant: Money can cause some of the biggest problems in a marriage, and is one of the leading causes of divorce. If youre truly ready to marry this person, then you can certainly have difficult conversations with him. Just sit down, lay out your thoughtsfeeling on the subject, and try to find some sort of middle ground. Worst case scenario, you keep separate finances. You get 1 joint checking account that you each contribute 50 of the amount of your monthly bills to, and use this account only to pay for shared expenses rent, utilities, groceries, etc.. You each keep whatever else money you have in separate accounts, and do whatever you wish with it. Human: I never like this suggestion. The issue is the accounts are not really separate. She will probably save a ton of money for retirement, whereas he will blow everything he has. If they dont get divorced, eventually they will both end up living off HER retirement fund. He had all the fun, she was responsible but has to support him anyway. I think it is better to map out a plan early on that everyone can agree on. I know a few people who do the separate finances thing. They have very shitty marriages. Assistant: i think of his hers ours accounts as being the things that prevent couples from having petty fights about money. they are not a licence to do as you please with money. lets say i want to pay for my brothers education or lend to my cousin. Id rather that come clearly from me than from our combined finances. big goals like retirement and housing need to be joint decisions.  <response>: Youre confusing communication, expectations, and healthy boundaries with separate accounts. Read this subreddit for a while or speak honestly with people and youll see a really sad theme of people who are astonished that their spouse racked up huge credit card bills, robbed their retirement to pay off boats or fund an in laws retirement, and generally derailed their financial position. The common theme is that the affected spouse maintains that 1 the other spouse was in charge of the money or 2 they had totally separate accounts. Id rather have healthy discussions with my partner than a divorce. There is a reason why were able to retire in our early 40s and it isnt because we had separate accounts... 