<prompt> Human: Hi guys, its my first post on PF but Ive lurked awhile.So I got a new job and I will now be making 43000 a year which was a huge increase from my last job, 34000 a year.My SO makes 34000 a year and we were ok. We werent struggling, but werent able to save much either. Our plan is to pay off our CCs in full 3-6 month short term goal, then our student loans 6-12 month goal, and then do our emergency fund 12 month to 2 year goal.After our emergency goal is done, we really want to save up for the honeymoon we never got to take.But we were doing our budget last night and although we decided to just go half on all our bills, he did want me to completely take over childcare costs. Its 600-800 for childcare, depending on which one I pick.I just...dont think its fair that I take the whole 600 bill of childcare just because I make more. We have two girls together, one son is his from a previous relationship but hes in primary school and my in laws take care of him after school, and the other child is mine from a previous relationship but also in primary and my parents will watch him after school I compensate my parents already for this but I included that in MY bills, not the shared bills we have.Childcare is for my daughters since theyre 3 yers old and under and do not attend preschool. I also forgot to mention: SO doesnt pitch in for groceries, that usually falls on me. Hes paid for groceries a handful of times since weve been together and Im usually the one who pays the housekeeper.I guess Id just like to have some room to put money into some new clothes Ive been thrifting since I was waaay young; cant remember the last time I bought myself something new. SO has hobbies he invests to because he has that extra money from not having to pay childcare. It kinda makes me resent him for it and makes me feel selfish for feeling this way.TL;DRGot a new job with pay increase and we split bills down the middle but I have to do all of childcare costs because I make more. I feel jilted. HELP. Assistant: Unless youre planning on a divorce, all funds go into the same account. Bills are paid, savings are removed and placed in its own account, and splurge money is all taken from here.My wife and I both work. She makes significantly less than I do something like 20k vs 70k. Do I feel fucked over? No, because my wife and I are a team. Its not my money or her money, my share of the bills and her share of the bills; its our money, our bills. I buy things for myself if we have the funds to blow for my hobbies. She does the same, for both clothes or her rabbit hobby. Sometimes, what I want has to take a back seat to what she wants or needs and same goes for the kids and their wants and needs. Daddy stuff is usually dropped down in priority in favor of what the family needs or wants. Thats just the way it is.As I said, unless its a marriage that neither of you feel is going to be a long term thing any more, then there is virtually zero reason to not have a shared account that all funds go directly into and all costs removed from. Marriage is a team effort thing, not a single person thing where you pay your share and nothing else.You may feel resentful and while it may be valid, those types of feelings are ones you need to immediately get out of your head. Resent is one thing that will fester and grow quietly in the background and by the time you notice how bad youre relationship is because of it, its already taken deep roots and will almost entirely unable to be removed.Edited to add that you may not be married, but with a kids and shared housing, youre basically married. The kid thing should be shared, imo, because step parents are still parents, but I guess thats a personal thing for you to decide.Human: We have our own bills we pay, like he has a car payment as do I. Its not something Id want him to pay because thats my responsibility. Thats why we cut things down the middle. Someone made a point earlier on just pooling everything together and will ask him about that.Assistant: This definitely feels like more of an rrelationship post that rpersonalfinance. I understand where you are coming from, but from personal experience since you guys are married you need to start seeing things as one. You both are a team. Its NOT he has a car payment, its WE have a car payment. Dividing everything just divides yourselves. There are hobbies I have, that are expensive, but we made a budget and every paycheck we each give each other a certain amount of money we could spend if we want or save it for something later. Its our paycheck, not just my paycheck. I definitely feel like your kindness is being taken advantage of, but I encourage you to discuss this further with him. Ive seen people in your situation and it either works out or it doesnt. I wish you the best and hope you guys are able to find something that works for you.Human: We BOTH have our own car payments and since weve been together, we paid our own car payments. Its just something weve always done. I dont really understand how thats such a big deal here on PF; we bought these cars literally a month we even started dating 3 years ago, so yeah, we pay for our own car payments.Since the day we moved in with each other, weve just always split it down the middle, its never been issue, but now its just daycare thats an issue.I feel like people are nitpicking the parts that literally have nothing to do with the budget issues, on a budget we had already set.Assistant: PF likes to assume the best thing for anybody is to manage a single shared pool of resources. This is a good way to look at finances, but not the best way to look at relationships. Like a few other people mentioned, youll get a more nuanced response on rrelationship.As a counterexample to what others have said, my parents didnt split their expenses 5050 or have a shared account. My parents have never had a joint anything and thats a perfectly valid way of managing your marriage. They each managed predetermined bills; my mom would pay for my medical bills, my childcareeducation costs, and my clothes, while my dad would pay for the mortgage, utility bills, etc. They each paid for their own cars, and they manage their own credit card bills for their own personal expenses. In fact, the way they managed their finances, sometimes one of them would have to write the other a check to reimburse the other for an expense the other one had temporarily covered. That was just the way they agreed to split things.The point is, you dont need to split things 5050 or pool your resources. All that matters is that you figure out and agree to how you will divide out costs.Human: Yeah, if my SO is short on cash, hell send me cash. Or if I lost my debit cardcredit card which has happened way too many times... hell spot me and Ill pay him back or he just outright refuses it.I like how we were doing things, I just like for him to pitch in for childcare, even its 100 a month. 50 even. Just SOMETHING, lol.  <response>: So odd that your husband and father of your children wont help pay for childcare. 