<prompt> Human: Im 23, soon to be 24. Ive saved up roughly 25,000 in the past two years, and am considering buying a home. Ive been in a relationship with my SO for over 5 years now, and weve now lived together just over 1 year of that. Weve talked about the idea of buying a home casually we rent right now.She mentioned our ideas to her mother a lawyer, who offered to write up a purchase agreement between the two of us, in regards to what happens to the property if one of us dies, we split up, or something else.When my SO told me this, I was against the idea. I told her that if I purchased a house, I would want to purchase it in my name only. I care deeply about my SO, but were not married, and while the idea of marriage has come up, we both dont feel comfortable getting married so young, regardless of how long weve been together.She understandably was somewhat offended that I wouldnt want to purchase a home in both our names, and her feelings are that she wouldnt want to pay a mortgage towards a home she doesnt own. Which of course makes sense! But I explained that if I were to buy a home, assuming she would want to live with me, as we do now, that I would charge her a very reasonable rent no more than half the mortgage payment, along with splitting the bills, as we do now.We would be able to move out of our small apartment, and into a private home, with a fenced yard, garage, etc. So in my eyes, shes getting a great deal, as we couldnt feasibly afford the cost of renting an equivalent home right now, and I would charge her no more than half of the mortgage roughly 300-400month.While I definitely sympathize with her, in that she doesnt want to pay towards a home she doesnt own, I cant help but feel a little frustrated. She couldnt purchase a home on her own to begin with, so for her, its a free upgrade. She would be paying the same rent, but would get an awesome home and yard!And just for fun, lets say I purchased a home, and she didnt want to live with me. I have plenty of friends who would jump on the chance to rent a room in a nice home for a few hundred dollars a month.It comes down to the fact that Im only almost 24 years old. While I am committed and happy in our relationship, marriage is a far-and-away concept. I dont mean to be pessimistic about our relationship, but Im trying to make the best long-term decision for me right now. I do not want to have deal with divvying up the property if we were to break up.I feel terrible, because I know she thinks Im questioning the strength of our relationship, along with all the other thoughts that would come along with your SO not wanting to purchase a home with you... But I want to protect myself and my investment. And this isnt to say we wont get married later in life, because we just might! But for right now, I dont think its a good idea to purchase a home together.So, should I forgo the idea of purchasing a home until I am committed enough that I would purchase it with my SO? Am I being an asshole for thinking this way? Did you purchase your first home with your SO, or alone? What advise do you have for me us.Thanks for your time and insight!Edit: Four hours later, and this has generated more replies than I have time to read right now! Thank you to everyone who provided an opinion or suggestion, it is very appreciated! Many of you made very good points that have made me reconsider certain things. I have also shared this thread with my SO! So your thoughts are being read and discussed between both of us! Thanks again.Assistant: You are living with someone. You are buying a house. But I dont think its a good idea to purchase a home together. Seems a bit contradictory, right? Living together without being married or having marriage immanent sure does cause confusion, Id say. She may think that your relationship is really strong, really close to marriage, but it is okay without marriage for now. You may think your relationship isnt at that point, and you arent close to marriage because your relationship isnt at that point yet. The house has simply revealed the difference in your thinking.That is just one scenario; there are others, of course. I dont know which one you may be in. But five years is a long time. She wants the next step, and maybe the house would have been a great opportunity for it, and you just told her it aint coming anytime soon, because you just proposed this to her:Will you be my tenant?Human: As mentioned, we both dont desire to be married anytime soon. At a minimum, its another 5 years away.Living with your SO, and purchasing a home with your SO, to me, are two very separate ideas. Buying a home with your SO is a huge commitment 15 to 30 years, while renting an apartment with your SO isnt for some.But ultimately yes, that is essentially what Im asking her... And I do feel guilty in many ways. But Im trying to look at the positive side of this scenario. A nice, private home, in which she pays a rent that would be far less than of renting an equivalent home. But I definitely understand her feelings on this... Thanks for your time and answer!Assistant: I can see why shes upset. Although it might be practical to buy the house and have her pay you rent, it adds a very sour and uncomfortable power play as you transition from renters to landlordtenant. You seem to not care how she feels about the situation either way- numruk is right, this is an incredibly callous and selfish way to deal with things. Shes your girlfriend! You love her! You are supposed to care about how she feels, not just say well itd be a better deal for you and if you dont take it Im gonna have someone else move in anyways. You dont seem to be opening the door for discussion, she probably sees it as just giving her an ultimatum- either move in with me under terms you arent comfortable with, or Ill make this decision anyways regardless and have someone else move in. Im sure her feelings are very hurt and shes probably taking this MUCH MUCH more personally than you realize. I think you two need to sit down and talk about exactly why you want to do this, and explain that you dont want her to have hard feelings about anything. YOU may be looking at this from the bright side but all she can see is you being cold and uncaring towards your relationship. Human: I absolutely care about her feelings! Thats a huge part of the reason I posted here, because I empathize with her. I did not give her an ultimatum, and have hardly begun the search for a home to purchase. I attempted to use the friends staying with me as an example to prove my point that it would be more than fair, in terms of the value she would be getting for her monthly rent cost.We will absolutely talk about this. I posted here so I could walk away with a better understanding of the consequences that purchasing a home as an individual or a couple would have, so we could have an even more meaningful discussion.  <response>: And just for fun, lets say I purchased a home, and she didnt want to live with me. I have plenty of friends who would jump on the chance to rent a room in a nice home for a few hundred dollars a month. It comes down to the fact that Im only almost 24 years old. While I am committed and happy in our relationship, marriage is a far-and-away concept. I dont mean to be pessimistic about our relationship, but Im trying to make the best long-term decision for me right now. I do not want to have deal with divvying up the property if we were to break up. I feel terrible, because I know she thinks Im questioning the strength of our relationship, along with all the other thoughts that would come along with your SO not wanting to purchase a home with you... But I want to protect myself and my investment. And this isnt to say we wont get married later in life, because we just might! But for right now, I dont think its a good idea to purchase a home together.The first half of your posts empathizes with your SO definitely. But, the second half is a little... different. Marriage isnt some magic were-gonna-be-together-forever life changer. Relationships decided that. You seem to, in the end figuratively and literally, be mostly concerned for yourself on your own and leave holes for if things were to go sour. I definitely think this is more of a relationship issue than a financial issue, and it might be worth more of your time to ask yourself some tough questions on that before moving onto this stage of your life. For instance, why do you not want to sign an agreement if youll be charging her half, or why is it so important to have a back up if the idea of marriage has come up before. See where you stand first and then where you both stand in the relationship. This situation will be a lot less stressful. 