<prompt> Human: The facts are:1 I only recently found out that my husband has been secretly building up 90k in credit card debt. He was paying just the minimum until he could no longer do that and I found out when a card was declined. It includes medical debt for our kids. He was helping his mother out without my knowedge. Some of it was just wasteful spending. Hes always paid the bills, and in 24 years we have never carried any debt before other than a mortgage, not even a car loan. Our credit rating is fantastic. So believe me when I say I had no idea. 2 I recently went back to school after being a stay at home mom and got a degree but lost my first job within 3 months. Ive been applying like crazy for 6 months now with no luck. It doesnt help that Im older and havent really worked in 15 years. I am now working 55-60 hrs a week in retail while Im looking, but even with those hours, the pay is not close to what I need to make a dent in that debt. 3 Our kid starts college in a month and we were counting on my income to help. We dont have the down payment for her tuition.4 Husband refuses to declare bankruptcy because he is proud and says its only money and that I will find a better paying job and we can pay it off if I put all my income to it in the next few years. Apparently, he thought our income would double when I graduated and so he just started spending it ahead of time.Im very depressed, very angry and at a loss on what to do. A bankruptcy attorney said that if he wont file, my only option is divorce. Ive even considered it because our marriage hasnt been great for a while, but even if I did, I dont have enough to live on and support the kids. I have no family to live with. Im overwhelmed, depressed and feel myself sinking into this dark pit and have no idea how to get out. The job loss was hard at middle age and not finding work was harder, but now with this debt and my marriage crumbling, I have no idea where to begin. I know I should have been aware of our finances but after 24 years of penny pinching, I never thought to be suspicious. I would appreciate any advice. EDIT: Thank you all for the kind advice. Your comments and PMs have been really supportive and helpful and have given me some ideas on where to proceed. This is a great group of people!For those of you who have asked for more detail: We paid 210k for our home. We owe 110k. The equity took a dive during the recession and our home is now only valued at 175k. I will look into selling or a home equity loan. The 401 is in his name and is worth 180k. We are in our mid50s. We dont have any stocks or other liquid assets beyond about 1k in our savings. My kid has already gone to community college for a year. Shes pursuing a STEM major and should be employable. She would not be eligible for military service due to her health. Most of the medical debt is already on the credit cards. We have 6.5k remaining that is not on the cards. Ive contacted the hospital but they say we are over the financial cutoff to be eligible for bill reduction. I am going to call the credit card companies and see if we can negotiate a lower interest rate. And, yes, I should have been more aware. The cards are cut and I am in charge of the finances. I have set a strict budget. I will look into everyones suggestions. I appreciate the advice. Assistant: I cant discusses relationship advice worth a damn, but 90k in debt with retail wages is impossible to overcome reasonably. Does he make decent money at least? Human: He makes 57k. Its been tight with a family of four. I didnt plan to stay home but our youngest had severe health problems. If I can get a job making 40-50k, we could pay it off in 3-4 years if every penny goes to it but there wont be any money left for college.  <response>: Your kids will be eligible for some scholarships simply based on what your family makes. Thats by no means going to make college cheap, but it will make things a little more reasonable.Depending on her situation, the choice is going to be between community college now, and a different school later, or a cheaper, state university for the full degree. A private school or an out of state school are just not in the picture. Which one she chooses will be based on her personality and what she wants to get a degree in.I personally dont recommend the year off suggestion, as that will make it much harder for her to actually go to school in the long run. People do it, of course, but its not making her life any easier and I know of more kids who set out to do just that and ended up either taking such a long time to get their degree that they were nearly 30 before they got it, or have yet to actually start school years later. You also wont be able to pay for all of their school, but if they can get scholarships, live at home, and you really try to pay what you can towards it, plus they work a part time job, it definitely can happen.Also, not related to this bit here but Id be looking into a divorce. 90k in debt is a lot to hide, and a lot to overcome with someone as stubborn as him. He has screwed up not only your future but the future of your children, and thats not something I would tolerate in a marriage. 