but im just scared the songs i write will never be good enough and that its not bruteforcable
it definitely is not bruteforceable. but if you really want it, it probably is meant to be. although, ironically, "really wanting it" is not the condition that will produce it. if you find yourself stuck in this 'determined' state, then it might be useful to try writing bad songs on purpose, for now. it can be surprisingly thrilling, and it is a way to access the reverse psychology you need, on demand, instead of having to wait until you "don't" want it