I've been teaching myself how to play piano but it feels like instead of actually learning it, I've just been committing songs to muscle memory. Whenever I try to improvise something beyond two notes/one hand at a time it just sounds awful
that makes sense. you haven't taught yourself to actually 'play', in the made-up way. it's actually super easy to start learning how to do this. you just have to start doing it. it's completely ridiculous at first, and it actually stays ridiculous