so okay please hear me out;  my go-to songwriting method is finding the inspiration at some point of my jam sessions, playing it for a couple of minutes while growing it, the whole deal, giving it the correct amount of water, moonlight, sunlight, etc... then i do the same thing for more and more jam sessions, different days, months, maybe years, and let the song finish itself without any haste. this has been going on for a couple of years. i use a guitar for that. after this pseudo procedural progress finally settles in the place where i know the progression and melodies by-heart, i start to think of other things while playing it over and over, the bass, the other melodies, the cool stuff that goes around, the transitions, etc.. after a while, something liminally similar to what the song is going to be like is recorded down in my head, naturally.  i can't write any kind of music down if saying "da-da dummm d'dree da! da-da dumm d'dree da
  da-da-dumm dp ts dm dpdp ts dm dpdpdpdpdpdp" will not resemble the intro of "i wanna hold your hand" by beatles to you, which i doubt......... (this is supposed to be a joke that has been written after the whole text is finished since i feel guilty about asking a SERIOUS!!!!question that is 2362 sentences long.)  i may write the lyrics down depending on my knowledge of their music and that's all. and i dont give a damn about not being able to do this since i am not going to "show" my music instead of playing it somehow anyways. so the closest thing to keeping them down that i have, is recording that sessions with my cellphone, which now has 4236426427624 unnamed voice recordings which seems impossible to quarry now........  anyways, now that i have many songs that feel complete by-heart, i want to have some better demos. not "sonudingbetter" demos but demos that show more about the work. which needs a daw for more layers, which i have.  the problem i
 s, whenever i open it and have my connections ready, my hand just does not go to my songs to play. its some kind of fear that is not actually fear? maybe a fear of redundance i dont know. i just want to add the layers that are in my head but never heard since i am only one person and have only recorded them live. how can i get over this things? whenever i open the daw i just play a song from my streaming services and play things over them, find some silly guitar effects and experiment on them, but my hands never want to press the record button and play the whole progression just once and then play some other things on them which is the only thing i need. whenever i start thinking about that, my mind goes crazy about what-ifs, and i see myself getting lost in the muddiness of my ears understanding why the recordings suck but my hands have no idea how to try and fix it with my unwhole knowledge about the frequencies... i dont even want them to be ready-to-go songs right now, thats one
  of the next couple of steps. i just want them to represent what i have in my heart and head in a better manner. i have been trying to start this for a long time...  how can i start doing this? should i learn to how to write music down someway? will it be a good tool to have in my pocket, depending on my problems? it just seems like i just got to start somehow, but i just cant... you seem like a person who can understand me about this, any and every kind of insight from you is appreciated.  i love every single thing you had ever done. at least the things that were somehow presented to me, and a great source of inspiration.  please help................
ah, i think i see what's happening here. the reason you are so afraid, is because of how much you care. you care about it so much so it sometimes makes you so afraid so everything becomes almost impossible, for one reason or another. also the volume/velocity of your thinking seems to be very high. all of this is just how you are. this can be a great advantage in music, but the downside is exactly what you've described: the constant feeling of drowning in confusion over how to find a procedure that works, given seemingly infinite possibilities. and also enough fear to shut down the whole operation at any moment. but you have the answers. you may feel like you may need to write 10,000 more pages discussing it (actually more like 2 million pages, probably)..... and you may do this. and you will probably try things a lot of different possible ways, trying to figure out what makes sense for you. actually i can see you've already done a lot of it. and you'll do more of it. and sometimes you'll be afraid and confused enough to think there's no possible way. but of course, there's plenty of ways, the problem being perhaps that there's way way too many ways. but you're eventually going to get around to finding all the answers you'll ever need, and more, because, no matter how bad or confused you get on this, i'm pretty sure you're not gonna stop trying to figure it out