you should be rich. not saying you are in my assumptions, but like you deserve to be rich. not so you can live in luxury. i dont even think youd be comfortable in luxury. No, you should have wealth in order to achieve full potetnial in anything you want to do. For example, the fact you dont live in a secluded decent size house that allows you to play your drums as loud and often as you want is absurd. you're a genius and deserve your own studio or anything you need to create. why haven't you tried heavier to progress in the game of capitalism?
sometimes it can be bad luck. i think i had some experiences at an early age where i had access to tools that were well beyond my experience level. as a result i felt completely frozen and confused, and stayed that way until whatever such equipment fell out of availability to me. after that, seeing other people actually making good progress using professional equipment only made me feel sad and got me stressed out. it made me feel like i would never win the race to get ready. i'm very sensitive to any kind of 'gear hustle.' that dark scary feeling that somewhere in a slightly nicer neighborhood, there's people who have better access to better equipment who will always be a 'step above' somehow. always been very scared and sensitive to this because being with the 'in crowd' was never something i was capable of. what i was capable of was completely the opposite, and so i am terrified of the gear hustle because it makes me feel like i'm living in a world opposite to one i am meant to succeed in. but then when i discovered that creativity lives everywhere and in everything, that was what unlocked the secret to being able to think comfortably, without the stress of the gear hustle. everything i've ever accomplished was built around that. the upgrades have come very gradually and steadily, nearly unprovoked. and when they do occur, they are fully welcome and strong. kind of like an ice age