because so far I kinda have a theory as to why it's happening for me. that was around the time I made some very bad choices, and they rewarded me at that time. as a result, I continued with it, a habit I have only recently been able to foresee the consequences of and have begun undoing (no it's not robbery or anything like that. more like self-deception). maybe I just don't want to be reminded of the time where everything took a turn for the awful?
yes, i think that makes sense