Sometimes I feel as if I am but a trespasser. One who observes and tries to watch and understand, but does not contribute. The universe placates me into complacency and boredom through shallow joys and entertainments. My friends placate each other to avoid negative emotions. Best to do nothing at all than to risk doing something bad. But a deep part of my soul stirs itself and yearns for more. I'm thinking of running away from this toxic environment and learning to play an instrument or some sort of art or something-anything- to contribute to the beauty around me. But I'm scared to take the first step. Beaten into being afraid of making even the smallest misstep. Afraid of the unknown. I want to dive into the universe rather than stay as a passive observer, but I still don't understand it well enough to find a path on my own. And I don't want to follow the footsteps of another, or I will be constantly comparing myself to 
them and
 replacing my old rules and rigidity with a new set. How do I be myself or know what I like if I have no idea what either of those things mean?
you'll just have to guess