i have a question (so weird right) i was wondering if you have any advice for my "problem". you see, im actually pretty happy with my life at the moment. not because i get above-average grades, lots of money, or have a super cool skill, cuz i dont really (i mean,i would say im pretty good at drawing, but i hang around a lot of art kids so its more common) i dont mind my life at the moment, i think i have the knowledge and skillset i need to get through life ok right now... except one thing. you see, i love music, always have. my favorite types of music right now are 80s and 90s rock, early 2010s edm party stuff, mid 2010s pop, and random, not as well known, sometimes dumb or meaningless songs/jingles i find on youtube(such as Elise ecklund, daniel thrasher, tom mcgovern, you, etc) music is such a huge part of me, im actually named after a song by The Cure (kinda) and i would love to write some music, but at the moment, i cant. i cant read sheet music, never
  even had piano lessons as a kid, not too interested in my schools music classes, ive tryed to learn guitar, but couldnt really be bothered to memorize anything, the only instrument im currently interested in (other than still maybe guitar) is drums, but im not even to sure about that. even if  could play something, i cant come up with original melodies easily AT ALL, its incredibly hard for me. idk why this particular thing is so hard for me, or why im so bothered by it. i really want to learn something, but i can almost never find the motivation to do so, which is weird, because ive found motivation for other things, ive learned to rollerskate and knit, etc. im sure if i did, i could be patient and improve my skills, like with my drawing or singing, or the above skills, but i cant find the motivation. what should i do? where do i find motivation? why cant i let this one thing go? im sorry for the long, kinda personal question, but idk, thought i might ask, you seem to kn
 ow music pretty well, and youre pretty good at what you do. also, if you answer this, feel free to cut out useless bits of question, including the apology, and thanks
it sounds like you want to 'write music', but you don't want to 'write music'. i think the key here is figuring out the difference between the thing you want to do, and the thing you don't actually want to do. for some reason you're thinking of them as the same thing right now, but they must be different somehow, based on the fact that you know you want to do 1, but you don't seem to want to do the other. so the whole key here is to try to understand in more detail what each thing is, until you realize how they are different