oh, now i get it. i come here and start talking to myself. forgetting to communicate. just thinking to self. forget to cut the thread until i realize how long it's gone. first i thought it needed to keep going because i hadn't made my 'point' yet. there's not a special point. it's just that if you keep thinking what you mean more meaning will be there and at the end there will be a wide horizon of truth and you look out at it and see something at some point that feels like 'it'. it can be cut off at any point. you realized that. but then you figured, well, if it can stop now, it can also continue. then i'll Really have some points!.. nah. it's just a window of insanity. insanity can carry meaning. wait, what's insanity? you think of it as disjointed from reality. rambling, sprawling, the focus tumbling forward and out and everywhere. it's inevitable that it catches on something important if you can still see that through the mess.   &n
bsp;&nbs
p;   messy. messy? it's messy without focus. no filler allowed. what is the filler? how do i know which words are the fluff? the fluff diverts the focus. what is the focus? how do you know? you don't know when you do this. you're just thinking. you're just thinking. you're just thinking. you're just thinking. oh no. i didn't come here to do this. i came here to be focused. focus. use your 10. not your 2. this is the lab. yes. it's the lab. you can do anything in the lab. but you have to have a plan. the plan can be to have no plan. but that needs to be a choice. not your always. what you need is to distill the meaning. add fun, stir, enjoy. but don't waste time.   [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] []  [ PAST THIS NOTICE, THERE WILL BE FOCUS. SCRATCH THE TANGENTs. EVERYTHING HAS A TANGENT. TUG ON EACH VINE, SURE. BUT YOU KEEP THE STURDIEST AND CLIP THE REST*. ]  [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] [] []  () () (
) () () 
() ()  ( *bonus points : weave them around the main vine in a way that makes it sturdier. )  () () () () () () ()   if you want to communicate, and you do, you need to have a point and it needs to be understood, and the process of the end-consumer understanding it needs to feel easy and good. that can be difficult to gauge when it's your own thoughts. you may confuse articulating your thoughts as they appeared as making them understandable to others and the contact high from having just recently handled the spicy crazy fun with having made something that is fun to experience as a separate person. what you need is to learn how to see the end product as a separate person. that's a different suit. you gotta be you when you're doing it, or what the hell is it gonna be?  what i'm doing right now is tricking my brain into going into communication mode while in a mostly-safe environment. i feel i'm gaining a better understanding of what'
s going 
on here. most of that information comes from doing it wrong. the next step is to become comfortable doing this in a completely independent environment, learn to accurately evaluate performance, and plan the appropriate next steps + the upcoming destinations + the long-term journey.  the obvious next step is to try some fiction. stories. deliberate things that don't have your immediate thoughts tied up into it. that's great practice for fun, clear, purpose-driven communication. extra bonus, if you come up for air and feel ready to express yourself in a straightforward way, you'll be even better at communicating and you'll have new things to say.            ew. what happened here? diplomat mode has no heart. passion mode has no feet on the ground. that's not even passion on the top. that's a beaten bastard hybrid child. or maybe it's fine. ish. it's nothing new. the lessons are settling in.    i 
don't know if i'll ever figure this out.
sounds like you are getting the hang of it