i feel like... i'm on a similar journey. but i'm several to many years of nonstop full capacity work behind you and man. do i wanna catch up. and it's like "how are you gonna catch up" and the only thing i could think of was just run fucking faster. i'm 20 and i feel like i am just now in the first groggy stages of waking up to the reality of who i am and what i'm capable of and what i really want. and i could just go back to sleep but why the hell would i do that? and no actually: i can't go back to sleep. and yet i still feel held back by the fear that i've wasted too much time already and haven't developed my skills enough. and it's like i'm afraid of eating this snake. and i know it's gonna bite me on the way down but that's gonna happen whether i eat it tonight or tomorrow or next year or in 40 years, but if i want to be a snake eater i have to eat that first snake. and it's gotta be now or else it'll be soon, which really means later, which re
 ally mea
 ns never.
sounds like you are on the right track