well somebody does but it's in a oh that poor sweet thing they will change soon i can see it in their heart they have that little flame of courage  but what if i stayed the same and they could see into that future would they lose the respect and see me like everyone else   it's interesting to be someone who's nothing like what the typical person has met and seeing that in everyone's face every time you meet them the absolute shock that someone could ever be like you   should i be telling you this  why am i so afraid  i just want to be understood and i don't want to force that understanding onto anyone because that doesn't work, that ju
 st cause
 s a violent chemical reaction  there's so many i's because i am afraid to refer to you because of the fear that that's where it might get dicey why would it   because i don't wanna be such an intense weirdo  that don't answer the fuckin question   it's because because  when i go out of the monologue mode and then really think of who i'm speaking to, you, reading this, i then think of how i'm coming off. and how much it would hurt if it were in a bad way.  which is why i'm so afraid to say a single thing to anyone. or do a single thing in anyone's view. i'm embarrassed to exist.  there must be some reason i'm alone, right? i don't feel that it's because i'm the benign kind of outcast. a little too spazzy for that.  maybe it's just that extra nervous energy. when i do communicate how i really mean to, it's years and years and years of untapped me-ness all co
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 ed and bottled into one moment in time, when you feel it all at once. of course that's going to seem crazy to someone who doesn't know what's going on  and no one does. not like they know me. not like i know me. i never talk anyway. how am i supposed to know  i should says everyone and i do but don't  but i do   but i don't?   i don't know what i'm really on to at the moment. so we'll figure it out some other time   i hope this message finds you well  as in not in a scary fashion         the answers must be inside my heart or whatever bye  
you are doing fine. you are blessed with a mind capable of fire. this may seem too hot to handle sometimes, and you are problably the one who is normally feeling most of the heat. if you can remember to stay calm, focused, and somewhat organized, i'm sure there is literally no limit to the amount of wonderful wild strange and important things you can do for this world