i hate the idea of treating yourself or deserving a break and i dont know why. i aim to treat myself and have a break all the time if i can and i dont do anything to deserve living like that unless i get a job and thats strange because i cant commit to that kind of work and i quit my last job after a week cause i can't stand doing anything when im tired  and i hate the word treat because i used to assume it had to be food related so if it came in a form of a surprise i expected it to be tasty and sometimes it wasn't even edible and i'd be disappointed so think that ties back to not being able to enjoy anything that lasts a long time. recently i stopped going to my classes and i write a to do list for myself every day and in the last few days i wrote a dozen songs and it makes me a lot happier than acting like i care about school but i don't think music is going to work out for me once i run out of money because by that time still no one has
  listene
 d to my music. and i want people to pay attention me so badly but admitting that discourages them from giving any recognition which i feel like i need in order to survive
get another job. spend the remaining time songwriting. see how good you can get, without telling anyone. will be a good prank, one of the more epic pranks. especially if it's one of those jobs where no one expects you to songwrite. that way you can hide in plain site, for as long as it takes