How do you cope with how random everything is. So many the good things and bad things in my life would not have happened had a few tiny things gone differently. I guess this seems like an obvious non-problematic fact when I say it like this, but it's so painful when you miss an opportunity and you think of how much better things could be if only a few things changed.  I guess this might just be one of those problems that you only think about when things aren't going super well, and the only thing to really do is wait for things to get better. At least in my situation, I haven't yet given up, so that's good, but it's still a frightening thing to think about.
some of the exact details may be random, but i think if you had the opportunity to live 1000 parallel lives, you'd find that the same core themes play out in all of them, with re-arranged details