So I'm going to tell you something. I have this problem that I experience sometimes where I don't want to do something like art. But all the people I look up to are artists and I want to be like them. So then I don't want to do it. But I try to pressure myself to do it and here's why. Im in high school and I don't want to go to college because school has depressed me and made me go insane and I feel like I have to prove to my parents that I have a special skill or something so that they'd be okay with me not going to college. Because I see you- and it looks to me that you've had your awesome music skills since you were like a kid (I know I could be wrong just correct me or something) and you seem to be pretty successful for not going to college.
it took a long time. i turned down most of the normal routes and insisted on doing everything from the inside out, in my own way, while also getting deeply lost in the jungle on purpose