i've been on a devastatingly long break from creating music (6 months at least), and it's absolutely killing me. i just lost it at the height of my career because of an insane amount of pressure (self-inflicted, mostly) to sound good and be an amazing pianist. also, i've been traveling this week and i'm staying in a house with a few other musicians. tonight i heard someone basically hitting the keys and playing with some cute chords, no recording or end goal or anything, just spending time with the instrument. and it filled me with relief and determination. because i guess ive been waaay too much of a perfectionist- and i've been too afraid to make mistakes while playing, to the point of deleting my confidence to even play. but, if this person can just hit some keys at 2 am and still manage to get some enjoyment and meaning from it, fuck what the hell am i holding back for? i forgot why i even fell in love with music: what the fuck is music and how can i make it myself
just put the same amount of energy into the music that you put into writing this. but on the other hand don't forget about writing too, because it seems clear that you already have a lot of energy for that too