i hate the designation of autism, because it is a name given to a series of traits that present culture does not understand, and does not fit in with the ridiculousness that has been deemed 'normal'. it is treated as if it were a disease, to be diagnosed, rather than as one way that a person can exist as. the world feels like a narrow obstacle course and i didn't get the instruction pamphlet for the obstacle course that was handed out to everyone else. i sometimes feel like understanding communication is deciphering code and making dangerous assumptions. but i like to be touched and i love eating. i never get 'hyperfixated' (hate the term), i wish i did because that would mean something could interest me for a prolonged period of time, i can't think of anything that has interested me over the course of my life other than maybe videogames, but i spend a lot of my free time laying down and trying to escape the world, which is stressful and scary and overwhelmi
 ng. and i am socially awkward and i need to sometimes move to calm down and sometimes i just cant remember names and when im with others its like i become them and assume their personalities and have wondered often if i have a personality, seems like i am a blank slate. worst of all, the things that i think are interesting are shameful, when i try to share with others they mock me and call it cringe or weird, i don't know what i am but whatever i am it seems like i came to the wrong party. if i do the things i really wanna do i don't think there is any way i could get money from it, unless i am like amazing at it, even then not much. given the information above, what are some ways i can improve my situation?
first of all, i think i have a good diagnosis for you, and it's "person". next, i think you should start a library