and i started to cry it was like i was drowning in these feelings the waters were rising over my head and at first i felt like i was suffocating i breathed so hard like in a dream when you falling into the water and are swamped with fear that you cant breathe and then a lightness came to my head like i was floating and i realized i could breathe i was breathing underwater such a feeling of lightness and freedom and being in touch with myself , my body , him and the whole world .