it was close work on account of the pills being so tiny and my mama rumbling away on the bed like a saw mill , and im standing there , not really knowing what im going to do with these things , not having a clear idea of what im planning to do , though somewhere in the back of my mind , i mustve seen clear through the trees to where i was headed , maybe just dint want to admit it to myself , wouldnt have come and out and said it , and would have denied it if you had said it , but there i was , in any event , standing in front of the dresser my mama inherited from her granma , digging through its drawers that was so crammed full of stuff you couldnt get the drawers open -- my mama had her clothes and pictures of us when we were little and papers , just bills and receipts from years gone by , all jammed in there together -- and i was laying out the little pills on top of the dresser one little teeny-weenie pill for my pile , one teeny-weeny aspirin into the wheel .