perhaps the reason why i had forgotten the earlier memory for so long , was because it required the emergence of a liberator for me , to feel confident enough to confront the feelings that he had foisted upon me ; it was only through a liberator such as lexanna that i could overcome the experience from that initial moment of sickness that enabled him to take such great advantage of my kind nature , to seduce me with a hypnotic game succumbing to the menace of his pilots cabin .