the nameless loudly awaited for him day and night , clinging to their pandemonium as though their inspired fervor were a discipline ritualizing the extension of his sanctity , while the rest of us held onto our small , miniscule , and named lives , with such productive methods of occupying ourselves that we benefited from the diversions that we had set up for ourselves , in the absence of the consciousness of our own biologically rooted anticipation for the progenitor .